The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 31

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Hello and welcome.

That's Adam's Classic Line.

Everybody, how you doing?

It is November 30th,

2023.

Sorry, I'm sure that sounds bad.

I thought I was...

If you're a Patreon subscriber, you saw me on Monday.

I seemed like I was on the mend.

and now I've taken a turn for the worse with this cold.

It's resurged.

But let's go to camera one real quick.

You'll notice Adam is

not here.

But we got to get this one going because he has to do it.

Was his Q ⁇ A is tonight?

7.30.

He's got an engagement.

So,

all right.

Let me see if I can get this going here, the stopwatch.

Stopwatch, start.

There we go.

okay

get this uh

this thing going here on my own um

welcome everybody the adam friedland show regular podcast the adam friedland show podcast the regular podcast this comes out wednesdays or this week thursday because i was i was sick in bed yesterday so we pushed it till thursday and uh if you enjoy the adam friedland show podcast which is not the adam friedland show which is a talk show that i am not on even though i i play a character with my name that's a fictional version of myself.

Very similar to what I do on this show when Adam is here.

But now, right now, this is the real me.

And so I was thinking about like

the first time you come when you're like 12 or 13 or some people 17 years old.

That's also normal if it takes that long before you

but the first time you put the cum under your pillow and and then your dad and mom come in the room and they eat the cum and they leave money.

I was thinking about that.

So that's how you know it's me

here, not playing a character.

But I'm kind of glad Adam's out of the room because I'd like to have a sincere and earnest moment with the audience.

I know that many of you dislike it when I do that.

But,

you know,

it's been a wild ride the last seven years being pulled out of

comedy obscurity by probably the most low effort thing that I've ever done, I guess, creatively, which was the Come Town podcast.

To be,

you know, then find myself now in middle age trying to piece together a career with this talk show, whatever it is that we're doing, but then also Stand Up, which is now blown up.

Stand-up is in this bizarre, and there are a lot of, you know, people are very talented, but I don't know if it's because of the pandemic or what.

There's all of this

money in stand-up right now, so it'd be dumb not to be doing it.

And so I have a special coming out that I've decided that it will just come out this Sunday.

We're going to put it out this Sunday.

We're probably going to do some sort of like live.

I'm going to put effort into making sure that I promote the thing and do it the right way.

So I don't lose the $60,000 I spent bringing my friends to Denver to get drunk and shoot the thing with.

So it will come out this Sunday.

We'll probably do some like kind of, I figure out the YouTube live stream leading up to it.

And I don't feel like we've ever asked the audience much.

You may think it that way.

Some of the more hardcore

older Cometown guys might think that we've demanded of you that you listen to the show or that we've taken something from you.

But the reality is, is we've provided a lot of of content over the years, some of which you might have hated, but it was free for the most part.

And

now it's my turn to ask a favor of

some of the more dedicated people that have been around for a long time who

might be sort of antisocial, might be sort of angrier people.

But they're obsessed with the show and

they've paid attention to it for years and they probably know where me and Adam live and have threatened us in the DMs and

those things.

But I want to speak to those guys in particular.

And

I shouldn't name names, but I mean, fuck, Hassan Piker,

now it is your turn to help us.

And if you can help get the word out about the special and the live stream that we'll have, we'll do leading up to its launch on Sunday.

It's up.

It's passed all the monetization checks,

which I'm told by our YouTube guy, who himself was a member of the Come Town community prior to us

bringing him on board to help us figure out how to post videos.

He's going to help us figure out how to do the live stream, and we'll be doing that.

But this is

a sincere appeal to the Come Town guys that, like, the.

I have both of them, them so I've been speaking into it

I've been

if you could well I'll be doing Tim's podcast with Lewis on Friday and then that's that's I'm pretty much tapped out as far as favors go

in terms of who I can ask to help promote but

yeah I don't know it would be

probably a

a huge disappointment and embarrassment if if

if this

if this just ends up being a shitty video we post to the channel and then um

you know i'm like barely selling out a a hundred seat comedy club in six months and now i've just burned this material because very honestly what if i didn't do this i could have just kept doing this shitty hour forever

until no one comes to the shows anymore

Well, everybody, Adam.

Folks.

Nick is a very humble person.

I think you guys have known him for years, but he is offering you an invitation, an RSVP, to an event.

Are you alright?

Your hand's shaking.

I'm a little bit...

I'm fine.

There's been a detective.

I probably have early Parkinson's, but yeah.

There's a detective that's been calling Adam and harassing him.

Yes, detective.

It's a gum shoe.

It's a child gum shoe, kind of like a a Cam Jansen.

He keeps showing up with a manila envelope and it's got pictures of his girlfriend's breasts in it, black and white photos.

Yes.

Still wet from his dark room.

Yes, yes.

Why is it, what's with the red light?

Why is a red light make a picture?

Ginsburg's feeling.

No, no, I mean, is this a dark room right now?

Could we develop photographs here?

I don't know.

It's not technically dark, you know.

Ginsberg was like, dude, what if I was so random right now?

And then he was like,

Ginsberg came in today.

You weren't here, but he was like, I've been getting really into Invader Zim.

And I thought, what if I did something just so random with the lights?

He did just get a septum piercing, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's fucking random.

He is random.

He's quantum.

You think that, like,

whatever it was, like 3,000 years ago, there was like a Jewish guy that was so random, and he was like, dude, what if we did circumcisions?

Jesus Christ was coming.

What if that was random?

What if we, how random would that be?

I don't know when they started that trend but it started with abraham i guess yes that we had to do it at at 400 years old that is the first thing god

the circumcision is the first thing that established these freaks killing each other over this i don't know but that's it's like marvel cinematic universe from like

but it's not even good no in the bible like god goes to abraham and he's like all right go here go here yeah kill your son go here not not even the kill your son comes later says go here go here go here now Now the penis.

Yeah, and he's like, all right, now cut off your penis and your son's penis and your slave's penises.

And then

me and you, we're fucking boys forever.

That's, oh, you just got me picking my nose on the fucking Ginsburg.

Can we get...

We're not live.

Are we live right now?

No, we're live streaming.

Okay, folks.

All right.

Nick

has been my friend.

Nick is live streaming.

It would be green if we were live streaming.

Okay, good.

Nick has been been my friend for, I think, maybe 12 years now, 13 years.

Yeah.

And I've known him to be the most salt of the earth, most humble guy in the world.

He's probably telling you, please watch the special.

It's crummy.

I didn't say it's special.

Folks, we are offering you an invitation to the Kennedy assassination, to the Moonland assassination.

What I would like,

just if you could please help me sincerely

not embarrass myself with this special.

That is very sharing.

Even if your family hates it, show it to your family.

What do you have to lose?

Yes.

If your family sees it.

And do it on different phones

so we can get a higher view count, right?

So have like six phones going at once.

And I'll tell you what, the first...

The first million views,

everybody gets a Hezbollah t-shirt.

No, you're putting yourself in a...

No, Nick,

no,

it's a satirical, very,

okay, folks, we're not pro-terrorism.

Okay, fine.

The first million get a, how can you even accomplish that?

What do you mean?

How could you, how could you track everyone's addresses down?

I printed them on Gildens, so.

Gilden heavies.

Yeah.

That's always funny when I was making t-shirts.

Like,

these are the cheapest shirts, but they're like thick.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, they don't form fit your body at all.

Yeah, yeah.

And so when I was printing shirts, I got like nice athletic shirts to print shirts.

I don't know how people would appreciate that more.

But because it's a cometown audience, I got nothing but like angry fat guys that are like,

use Gilden Heavies.

You have to use the use the...

Why are you selling any shirts in 4X?

Yeah.

Can you just write your name on a burlap sack?

You are ridiculous, Nick.

I need a snuggie that I can wear at a Walmart.

Folks, as a shirt.

Folks, we're offering you an invitation to a world event, okay?

And Sunday evening at what, 7 p.m.

Nicholas?

Huh?

Do you have that picture on your watch?

Which one?

No,

show them on your watch the picture.

This is a background.

This is the background of my watch.

It's like, what?

It's a nice picture of me.

Punch in on that right here.

The three.

It's on my phone also.

I'm going to use this as the poster for the tour.

The tour is branded.

Ginsburg, what do you do?

You're being so random.

Just get back in there.

Just show the picture.

This guy is so fucking random.

I mean, it's a picture of me right now.

It's a funny picture.

All right.

It's a really funny picture.

It's a really good.

So this is going to be the, this is a little,

as they say in the comedy world, a little inside base.

You told them the name of the special?

Year of the dragon.

Year of the dragon.

It's actually, the name of the special is actually Year of the Dragon.

There was miscommunication between me and Stephen, and he titled it the Year of the Dragon.

That's bullshit.

But it's,

so I guess we're just going to call it, you'll see the title.

The title is wrong.

You can't get the word the out of it.

At this point, it's not even out.

At this point, no.

No, it's already been uploaded.

And guys, I think my friend Steven has a drinking problem, okay?

What the heck is that?

I don't know, but these guys don't know Steven.

He's a private citizen.

He's a civilian.

He's not a dancer of the skies like ourselves.

I've been reimagining myself as a...

I've been reimagining myself as a World War I fighter ace.

Yes.

That's the thing.

You can just decide in your head to be whoever you want.

It's true.

Yeah.

If you use your imagination.

That's really kind of what this Israel-Palestine war has taught me more than anything.

Right.

Well, you see people argue all the time about like, well, actually, they were here first, but they had a different name and these people were here first, but you got to look at the genetic testing and the twenty-three and me.

If if that if if really getting into the weeds with all of this doesn't just completely destroy the idea of essentialism in your head, then you're not applicable.

That's essentialism.

Like that there are essential qualities in something that are innate within them.

Okay.

You know?

Sure.

There is no such thing as an Israeli or a Palestinian or a Jew even for that matter.

I don't know.

No, it doesn't exist.

It's like these are, they're constructs.

Everything is a construct.

Okay, sure.

So in the same way that you're Jewish, I am a World War I fighter pilot, ace.

Sure.

A dancer of the sky, if you will.

And you're laughing because you know it's true.

Humor is

the matter.

Laughter is the naturist

polygraph.

That's how you know something's true.

If you get somebody laugh at it.

Yeah, they laughing because they know.

Yes.

My man laughing because he knows.

My man laughing because he knows.

Right.

It is the Deaf Comedy Jam maxim that they teach in universities all over the world.

Yes, okay, so I accept that

you could identify as a dancer of the sky.

I mean,

identity is a social construct and it's fluid.

Did you see this Mark Maron shitting all over this Matt Reif guy?

He's coming for our boy.

I don't know.

I feel bad for him.

Matt Reif?

At this point, now.

He's doing great.

I know.

He's making a lot of money.

My sister was telling me that TikTok is mad at him right now because his opening joke was misogynistic.

Well, I hope TikTok does not see my special.

Well, I've looked in my follow metrics on Instagram.

89% male.

But Zoe said that Matt Reif is

the opposite.

It's all girls.

And he opened with

a woman beating joke.

What's the joke?

I don't know.

You already told her twice, that classic?

It was kind of a you already told her twice.

Let me ask you something.

If your wife's Indian and you're slapping her around, how do you know when you hit it too much?

Because

you can't see the bruises?

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, all right.

Is that his joke?

That verbatim, that is what Matt Reif said.

And I'm like, Matt Rife, you don't talk that way.

Why are you doing this old-time member?

We were talking about the Chinese insurance company, Matt Reif.

Matt Reif.

Yeah, yeah, I have a Matt Rife insurance.

Yeah, we work at, we have Snoopy.

So that's why people are mad at him.

I just saw some daily.

He's a lot of female fans because he's a real haughty, and I guess they're, and they're,

he's a little bit of a, like our boy Maddie, you know.

And they, they have the same name, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, I asked Tim, I sent it to Tim, final check.

I said to Tim, I said, look, if you tell me this is dog shit, I'll delete it right now.

What did he say?

He said, I think it's great.

I watched part of it.

So.

He thinks it's bad.

Yeah.

I watched part of it.

What part did he watch?

I don't know.

I don't care.

Fuck it.

If it does bad, it's everyone's fault but mine.

Can I try your gloves?

They're leather?

Yeah.

Do you feel like a Renthal James Simpson?

Well, I feel like a World War I fighter, Race.

You have the hat.

Why don't you put the hat on?

I am wearing the hat.

No, but you have the pilot's hat.

Well, it goes with the goggles.

Yeah, but that's at least he's honest.

Tim?

Yeah.

So just text him back.

Say, so it's bad.

No, I mean, that's, it means that's a, Tim isn't honest.

Tim wouldn't bullshit.

No, Tim wouldn't be a bad one.

That's why he said I only watched part of it.

He's not going to be like a lie and say I watched the whole thing.

Yes, that's true.

Tim will be like, I watched enough of it that I think this is fine.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's good.

It's all right.

It's a good special.

It's all right.

Most stand-up specials are bad.

And this is one of the few good ones.

First of all, that doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

It literally doesn't matter.

What matters is that it does well enough that I don't embarrass myself.

Yeah, but you have to have an ambition.

I'm tired of looking like a fucking idiot.

You want to put out a Pimp Chronicles of your own at one point, right?

A Pimp Chronicles?

I'm just saying

one of the finest comedy specials of all time.

You want to make your Opus at one point, you know?

I just want to make retarded movies with Patreon money.

I want to live a life where I get a lot of money.

Is that where it's a stupid movie or the entire cast and crew are mentally?

Where I have, yes,

everyone involved in the creative decisions is severely mentally ill.

What if you did like a reverse ringer where it's...

This is my idea that I pitched to Stevo.

You did?

Yeah.

A reverse ringer.

Yes.

Which is what?

Which is a guy with Down syndrome, pretends to be a Chinese national so that he can go to the...

Oh, that wasn't my idea.

My idea was that they just have regular jobs and stuff.

They make no mention of the fact that they have Down Down syndrome or something.

They're just going to the office.

Buy, buy, sell.

That was also my idea.

The office.

When did you say that?

The office, but there's a guy.

I added that video.

I found there was like a British documentary about

some guy with Down syndrome that has a job in an office.

Oh, really?

And then I just cut in shots of Jim from the office.

When was that?

It was like 10 years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My favorite one of you.

Like, this is where I put the mail.

Your Tony Soprano video from like 12 years ago was one of my faves.

the bad parenting

yeah the one where he's kissing a job well we've certainly gone too far into the episode ginsberg what's up first

beam

okay beam

did you know that poor sleep can cause weight gain i would hate that my fear in life is to be fat i've been getting fatter and i'm also haven't been sleeping well well that's this is this is uh this is for you nick it can cause weight gain mood issues poor mental health you have all that and lower productivity

You're one of the most productive men I know, so this is not you.

You're not player.

The only thing I produce is spur.

I'm right now, playboy.

You want to talk about productivity?

The only thing I'll be producing is semen.

And that sleeping less than six to seven hours per night is linked with reduced white blood cell count.

White blood cells.

I don't want them.

I don't want them.

Yeah.

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We back?

We're back.

And we are...

Oh, fuck.

No, don't worry about it, dude.

I'm trying to whiteball this dandriff off my shirt here.

Okay, so yeah, we're back.

It's almost December.

Fuck.

And there's reason to believe.

Maybe this year will be better than the last, but the line isn't.

It's almost December.

It's been an almost December.

And there's a reason to believe.

Did you just vape?

What's coming out of your mouth?

Oh, I didn't even see that there.

It's an NEX.

This one looks pretty cool.

Nintendo NEX.

Yeah.

Yes, the Counting Crows.

What if we got white dreads for the new year, 2024, the two of us, as friends?

Yeah, my hair is long enough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, maybe that could be a good idea.

You could do like a little Coolio braid thing.

I would do box braids, kind of.

Yeah.

Like a little bit of a Travis.

Could we get shells, dude?

I would love to do like kind of a Rasta style.

I would love, what if we just became blurreds?

2002 era blurreds.

Mark Echo.

The best.

Shell braids.

That would be the fucking best, bro.

Yeah.

And just make no mention of it to anybody.

Yeah, never bring it up.

Just get into arguments on the phone, on the street with someone just shouting.

Talking about who you main in Street Fighter 2.

Yeah, I mean, we need a change, folks.

You know, Nick and I are desperate for a change.

Just blurreds that think the Matrix is real.

Yeah.

A lot of people think that change comes from the inside out.

We happen to think it comes from the outside in.

You know?

Sometimes you can judge a book by its blood.

But that's what I mean.

There's no difference between the outside and the inside.

Right.

That's how you can be a World War I

fire.

Who says I'm not?

A fucking history book?

Who wrote that?

I would never say you're not.

I would never say that.

Some asshole?

Yeah.

No one's alive from that.

Well, you don't even know World War I happened.

Yeah.

Is there

can't be a problem.

I'm going to be a World War I denier.

what what year do you think the last guy from World War I died let's do a little guessing um

1997 sounds good yeah I'll say 1996

there has to still be one of them because there was like Civil War veterans dying in like the 70s there's a grandchild of president john john tyler is alive who was the president before lincoln it's crazy yeah so they like they would go see grandpa a fucking fucking president in 18 fucking 20

They and they're like going around they have like an iPhone.

Yeah, they had an iPhone back then.

Yeah.

No, I mean now they're living and they have an iPhone.

Now they're iPhones.

Yeah.

And when they were a kid they would go see the they've said they've been alive for 200 years.

I think it was a he had 16 kids or maybe I'm making this up.

I don't have my phone even.

Look it up.

I can't.

I'm wearing gloves.

Well give me your phone then.

Let me see the gun with the gloves.

Give me your phone then.

No.

No, because you have your own phone.

No, with the gloves, I don't feel comfortable with you holding a gun.

Why?

Because then no one could trace the murder back to you.

Alright, alright, don't be ridiculous.

You could wipe.

No, whatever.

You could wipe these.

What is this?

Fucking wait, wait, don't tell me?

You could wipe the data.

But there could be.

What do you want?

What is the wait?

What is the fucking wait wait, don't tell me?

Did you find the copy, by the way,

for that thing?

Yes.

You sent it to Gins?

I can send it to Gins now send it to him first

tell me who sucked the president's dick Monica Lewinsky yeah

but first you're gonna I'm Bob Woodward okay first you fucking slut tell me how did Bill Clinton's penis taste I'm in a I'm in a parking garage in 1998 I'm Bob Woodward and the other guy I wonder

deep throat Bob Woodward and Rain Man what was the other guy's name deep throat no

that was That was the girl who told the story.

But Bob Woodward and it's fucking

Bernstein.

Woodward and Bernstein, yeah.

And they were getting gucked off.

And they're in the parking garage.

They were getting gucked off.

In the parking garage, and they're meeting with Deep Throat.

And they say, Tell me who

fucking sucked.

Bill Clinton's dick, or I'll kill you.

On behalf of the news, I will fucking end your life.

And they broke that goddamn story.

I'll send it to you now, Ginsburg.

Same soon.

And look up up President John Tyler's grandkid.

Do you know that there are giant tortoises

that were alive during the Civil War that are still alive?

Ginsburg, can I text it to you?

I have to forward you the email.

I thought that was.

That was a

yes, that was either.

Why the fuck are you not on this email?

Anti-Semitism.

Yeah, it's anti-Semitism.

I'm going to accuse them of that.

To

Ginsburg.

Alright, I sent it to you.

Yeah.

You said there's anti-Semitic tortoises?

There are...

Yeah, I think they're...

The Jews kind of copied the hat from turtles.

Do turtles have hats?

Yeah, that they go inside.

Oh, you're saying that's a giant kippa?

Kind of looks like it.

They're like, oh,

oh, no, it's too sunny out.

Oh, no.

I don't want any part of this.

Do they even need those for protection?

I mean, it's so funny because it's like...

No one's

no land, no animal is like, mmm, a turtle.

They probably have predators.

No, they don't.

What are you talking about?

And it's not because of the shell.

They look like a little old man's penis.

If you had the option, if

science told you.

Yeah,

I'm a condor, and what I want to eat is the men's locker room from the Chinatown YMCA.

That's what I want to eat.

If you could get a shell and just have it installed and then just slip inside, you come home, your wife's telling a boring ass story about the bitch at work, and then you just go into your shell.

That would be awesome.

I would opt for a shell.

Yeah.

You went giant animals.

You say shit like that, and it's like, I don't think you've ever thought a woman's told a boring story to you.

Anytime, like any girlfriend you've ever had, they're like, oh my god.

So, my, you know, my friend, you, my friend Becky, you're like, yes, the one that's friends with Claire and Olivia.

And then, no, this is.

I'm not like 100% you.

And they're like, yes, of course I know Becky.

And they're like, anyway, so Olivia told me that Jamie, it's like, oh, Jamie from fucking, you like, know all these women that you're, whoever you're dating, has this network of friends.

It's not true.

No, it is true.

I literally got yelled at the other day because I forgot this girl that was mean to her.

And

what happened with

Olivia's cousin's abortion?

Didn't you say that the guy was only offering half the money?

That's so, that's so fucked up.

That's, oh my God.

To hear about Olivia's cousin being treated like that in 2023.

Yeah.

That's so fucked up.

Oh my god.

I don't know.

Is Olivia still shoplifting?

No, he's lying.

I don't know girl stuff.

I don't know girl stuff.

I don't know all that shit.

I don't know girl stuff.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know girl stuff.

Whereas a woman talks to me, I just start letting out a stream of urine in my pants until she knows exactly who owns this territory.

You're a dog?

Pretty much.

No.

Why not?

I could be if I wanted to.

I would be a dog.

You would be a cat.

No.

Of course you would.

You'd be a homosexual that's plotting

your master's death.

No, no, no.

You'd be like, leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

You're only saying that because I expose the truth about you.

No, I'm a dog.

You're like your girl news that you know about.

I don't know girl news.

First of all, girl news is not about their friends.

Girl news is about when you wake up and they're like, a baby committed suicide today.

And I'm like, what is the news that you're reading?

Just morbid crap that they read constantly.

I've had to tell her to stop telling me girl news.

She starts her day by, oh, a baby committed suicide.

A baby got a gun and killed itself.

Be like, why?

That's not the news.

He didn't get a gun.

He jumped out of a building.

You know the baby?

Yes, so you're more a girl than me.

The Eric Clapton story?

Everybody knows that.

That baby,

he'd had enough.

Yeah, fuck it.

My dad was Eric Clapton.

Really?

And I said, if my dad was Eric Clapton, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah, my dad could shred?

My dad couldn't shred.

That baby didn't know how lucky he was.

If my dad could shred the blues and was suspicious of immigrants polluting British society,

I would be honored.

You know, he hates immigrants, does he?

Yeah, apparently, in the 70s, there was like a he was on stage, he went on a racist rant.

He's like, if you're fucking Jamaican, get the fuck out of the crowd.

Can you imagine then we just cut to the crowd, and there's a guy with like the biggest like Jamaica hat, it's that banana they have in six flags?

And he's like,

oh,

I was about to watch Eric Captain, my favorite guitar man.

He hates immigrants, yeah.

How am I gonna enjoy Eric Clapton now?

It's funny also because he plays like

Delta blues, like guitar.

Yeah.

You know, not to say that he's, yeah, I mean, it is black style, you know, but he's like gone on rants about preserving British culture whilst drunk.

So take that, Eric Clapton.

Yeah.

You You fucking bastard.

Anyways, guys, we got this special coming out on Sunday.

We're going to do a live stream.

It'll be, we'll bring some friends in.

I'm going to get some pizzas.

We'll get another camera set up in the office.

Maybe we'll have Adam out here doing something, and then I'll be in there.

I'm going to be in the office camming.

We can go back and forth.

We can set up a camera also.

I can put another camera.

We have this set up now.

I can put a camera

in the equipment room also.

We can put cameras all over this place and just have like a sort of like

big brother.

Real world.

Yeah, like a reality TV.

And your character on Real World is going to be like, I'm the one that's fucking talking shit about all the other girls

during the confessionals.

What are you talking about?

I'm not even friends with girls.

Yeah.

You're friends with every single friend of yours.

My character will just be jacking off on night vision camera the entire time.

I'm asleep all day long, and then all night long I'm just beating off on night vision camera.

Just my eyes like a cat.

Just staring.

I can't see anything.

I'm just jacking off.

Dude, we got actually, this is fun making plans for our big live stream extravaganza.

Yeah.

We're going to get some balloons.

Yeah.

We'll get some helium, some balloons.

We should have like a little, like some MMA like fight, like influencer fights.

Yeah, that's cool.

Lewis style.

We'll get like KSI to fight

Destiny or something.

Those are some guys that are

KSI.

KSI is the black guy, right?

He's from England.

Yeah.

And he's the most popular YouTuber.

He's really popular.

Yeah.

Number one.

That's nice to see.

That's sort of like the Barack Obama of the internet world.

I would like to see Eric Clapton, what he thinks about that, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Eric Crackerton.

Yeah, from freaking honky ass

clap clap

claps.

Eric and Morty.

Yeah, Eric and freaking freaking Morty.

You freaking

clap

more like Eric Don't Clapton.

Yeah, don't Eric, please Clapton, because you're Mitt Romney.

You're mid-Romney.

You're mid-Romne.

Or Jeb Bush.

It was Jeb Bush.

Please clap.

You're Jeb.

You're the fucking Jeb Bushido.

Yeah.

More like Eric fucking

clap

Like a clap clap light

Eric clap

clap up

all right, yeah, whatever

Sorry, what's wrong?

What's going on?

I thought when I was a kid that as an adult I would definitely have a clap light

I was like, when I'm a grown-up, I'm definitely gonna have one of those in my house.

I mean, yeah, I have the Siri lights.

It's even better.

Yeah, I just warrantied one of them this is so pimp i just warrantied one of them yeah and that's got to be the fun because you know it's like anything else they got a call center a light bulb yeah so i have to like call the philippines to get them to send me a new light bulb what is it forty dollars they're fifty dollars yeah those like colored lights but it broke after like two years which you know i mean that's unacceptable it is unacceptable for a 50 light but then charge normal light bulb prices if you expect me to replace them

you're a man of principle yeah

well whatever i don't expect i keep getting like recommended all of these youtube videos that are like watch cops try to arrest a fucking

uh like an undercover fbi agent or like you know watch like lady cop gets owned for not understanding the fucking law and i'm like just i sit and i'm like addicted to them you've been watching them yeah i'll just watch it's like

It's like a 45 minute body cam video.

Yeah, and it's always the same.

There's only like a couple ways cops can like fuck up a traffic stop which is what

their gun out yeah they'll ask for id before they fucking you know like tell you what the thing is they'll knock on the glass with the gun that's a pre-pim move i would do that if i was yeah that one yeah

yeah

they do they put it to their dick and they're like i swear to god if you don't give me your registration i'm gonna shoot my cock off

That'd be a psycho move, huh?

I want to get an airbrushed shirt of Michael Brown and George Floyd in heaven in the clouds looking down like Mufasa, but they're watching Kramer perform at the comedy store.

That's very good.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Yeah.

And then it says dream achieved.

Yeah, like they were saying with Obama.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty funny.

It's just like the message that is so, it doesn't make any sense.

Dream achieved.

Yeah, yeah.

Their dream was that.

They wanted to see Kramer do stand-up.

Who was...

They were alive

during the comedy store incident.

Michael Brown might have not have been.

No, I think they were both alive.

Michael Brown would have been a baby.

Oh, yeah.

He wouldn't have been allowed in the comedy store.

I feel like popular media that we consumed as kids was that like...

James Bond style guys had those

things.

The claplight.

No, I remember it just being a joke on sitcoms.

No, it was like if you're like

You're about to get some pussy you're like wowing her with your claplight who had a claplight I don't know.

I assume that was the impression that it left this guy.

I so rarely see you without your glasses.

It's like is it ugly?

Should I get contact?

Yeah, it's like looking at the bottom of a horseshoe crab.

I'm like, what the fuck?

This like

weird nightmare creature.

It's not that bad.

It's pretty fucked up.

I don't have my phone.

Can you put it on selfie mode?

I want to see what I look like.

You know what you look like.

It's your own face.

No, but I can't see clearly because it's like, I need glasses.

Say one nice thing about me without glasses.

Huh?

We all wear masks, Nick.

That's what Ben Stein says in The Mask.

Really?

Yeah.

I didn't know he was in that.

Yeah, he plays the therapist.

Really?

Or he plays the mask expert.

He was also remembering those eyedrop commercials.

He plays the mask expert that Jim Carrey has to go see when the...

Ginsburg, are you bringing that copy or what?

Oh.

Wait, so you just...

What the fuck is that?

I forwarded the email to you.

Okay, so you have to read this off of your text.

Why would you have me send you the copy to just text it back to me?

He's being so random today, guys.

Ginsburg, you're freaking out of your mind, brother.

This guy, dude, he's overdosing on Invader Zim.

Dude, he's wearing an ugly Christmas sweater right now.

Yeah.

He's wearing a Bill Cosby Christmas sweater.

You think Coz is in jail and they're telling him that ugly Christmas sweaters are popping now?

And he's like, God damn it, if I could have only held on,

that could have gotten me a ton.

Do you remember being like 16 17 yeah and um

like guys in their 20s were being like ironic about the 80s

and they were like like yeah i love the 80s on vh1 yeah but that kind of shit but like yeah cosby shit there was 80s nostalgia there was 80s nostalgia but it was like that was those people are losers no no but they were older they were older than us so no offense ginsberg i was like you know i don't give a fuck about like yeah corky van halen yeah right this dumb shit oh david lee roth and sammy Hay, the transition to Sammy Hagar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Grow up, you freaks.

Anchorman kind of nipped that in the bud.

Guess what?

There's only one part of the 80s I care about, and that's the goddamn Gipper.

Yeah.

The fucking, the president.

President Gipper.

You know, Nancy Reagan had a, I'm being like a snapple cap today.

Nancy Reagan had what?

She had a psychic.

Who when he was like full dementia at the end of his term, the psychic was like making state decisions.

Yeah.

Like about like when they would have like a like a state dinner with a foreign dignitary, the psychic was like making those calls.

Yeah.

Oh, we forgot to mention this.

Henry Kissinger finally died.

Yeah, this is a big win for socialism.

Well, for being a Twitter guy, this has got to be.

This is huge.

There's so many people that have been waiting for this on Twitter.

We did it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That have had their Kissinger tweets ready to go.

I saw he died and I wasn't happy.

I don't think it's good when anyone dies, Especially with all the anti-Semitism.

He died from anti-Semitism.

Probably, yeah.

I just read that and I was just like, pod damn America.

I don't know why I said that.

A hundred years old.

That's crazy.

Dude,

he was a Lothario, apparently, in his day.

Nixon, it drove Nixon nuts that he was like.

Well, there is a theory that that's what keeps people alive.

That's why all the elites have sex with children is because of for their life force yeah for their literally yeah really is that true yeah

well i guess that's what they think is that that when you rape a child it releases uh adrenochrome i guess which is like a fear hormone yeah but that's some bullshit anthony fauci has been saying oh really yeah i think so i don't know what happened to fauci he's just retired now um that guy was a big deal for a bit yeah i don't know it was the first time i think ever where there was was a doctor that was popping off that was clouded up.

It's funny, people are just going to forget about the pandemic.

And like in 30 years, people will be like, oh, do you know they just locked everything down?

Yeah.

It'll be like the Spanish flu or something.

Like, oh, that sucks.

Or Jurassic Park.

Yeah.

No one's going to forget about that.

All right.

Guys.

Guys,

Nick, could you tell me about a time where you felt like your online privacy was invaded?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, somebody hacked my MacBook webcam, and I didn't have a mirror in my apartment at the time, so that's how I would

remove your makeup on.

Yeah, well, my anus makeup.

It was before anal bleaching.

You had to

light.

People don't remember that.

Remember that?

You put foundation and

put the blush on your

I was rouging my anus in my MacBook camera, and French

hackers broke in and they're like, ah,

ho, ho, ho, tu, einous.

And I was like, no, no, ho, ha.

I don't want to be a now because we were making fun of those, do you remember the 80s guys?

But at a certain point in the 90s, when we were coming up as young bugs, a girl really liked a bright red butthole

on a man.

I told you, I was saying this on the show.

I was thinking about getting my ass tattooed red.

That would be so cool.

It would be awesome.

And you wore assless chaps.

Or get my entire nutsack red and my penis blue.

Like 2K and Sam.

I don't know.

I think they get different colors and stuff.

Folks, you got to check out private internet access.

Would you ever hand over your laptop or your phone to a stranger and ask them to take a look at your browsing history?

I certainly wouldn't.

There's a lot of just Google image search Nick Mullen on my now.

I'm saying it to you guys.

This is fucking embarrassing.

I just fucking doxed myself.

There is a privacy invasion happening right now.

An invasion.

You know what?

That reminds me of, not to be random.

Iran?

Invader Zim.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Pretty good.

Ginsberg's favorite show.

Now, what is Invader Zim?

He was from Iran, right?

What is Invader Zim?

What show about a Iranian guy that comes to America and he's so random?

He's like, I'm Zim.

He's like, I'm green.

I'm green.

What if I was so green?

What if I was so random?

What if I was so green and everyone is like, why is he so green?

And it's because I just feel crazy sometimes.

What if the girls, the

kind of fat gothic girls, wear t-shirts of me from a hot topic?

Oh my god, I can't wait.

I can't wait to be on their body.

Until the day she wears my clothes.

And her breast touch my t-shirt.

Guys, here's the problem.

There is this privacy invasion happening right now.

And I know we're making these jokes about invaders, but this is a serious thing.

And someone out there probably knows everything about you and what you do online.

And that's really scary.

And whether you like it or not, your internet service provider is at least one of those people.

So if you want to stop internet service providers from always looking over your shoulder and profiting over your data, you need a private internet access, the world's most transparent VPN.

A VPN is an app that hides your IP and safeguards your internet connection through an encrypted tunnel.

Tunnel, you know what that reminds me of.

My anus.

Yes.

This way, it shields your digital life from the eyes of those that are looking to exploit it and exploit your private information.

Do you ever feel like you've watched everything out there and are out of options?

Why did they ask that question?

Oh, okay.

Here's the deal.

Lots of titles are only available in certain regions.

You're not making the most of your

streaming subscriptions, right?

So I can watch Swedish Netflix on this crap.

Private internet access works with all major streaming services.

You ask me if you have one of those services, like

you know, you

can watch all the games, but then they black out your

local local ones, like NFL Red Zone.

Yeah, you do a VPN, and then you go, well, I'm just a Chinese guy.

I don't, I don't want to.

I'm just a Chinese guy trying to watch Yankees games.

I had to get my dad a VPN so he could watch Dodgers games because they don't have

a deal with the cable provider that he has in Vegas.

Yeah, so this is perfect for him.

So this is perfect for my father.

TIV, which stands for private internet.

No, a VPN?

Yeah, VPN is what?

Verified public network.

No, come on, dude.

The fucking private internet access.

The company is called Private Internet Access.

Yes.

And it is a VPN.

Yes.

All right.

So private internet access is really easy to use.

There are are apps available for all operating systems, and one subscription can be used to protect an unlimited amount of devices at the same time.

Can I get a tissue, Ginsburg?

I have boogers on my face.

I'm sorry to.

Did you guys know that over 30 million people have signed up for private internet access?

That's freaking so many.

I literally have boogers all over my face.

I can't have the audience.

They respect me.

Yeah, see, if he had a VPN right now, he wouldn't have to worry about this.

Thanks, dude.

Oh, paper towel.

Oh, great.

Very harsh on my skin, you know?

Oh,

God.

You're not even sick?

You're just disgusting.

I've been sick for a week also.

We've both been sick.

It's like when your girlfriend gets a period and then you get a sympathy period,

which I get every month.

Oh my god.

Personal endorsement.

Please talk about your experience.

Okay, so I've had great, I said it with my dad.

I used this service to get him to watch Dodgers games, and there's nothing you can do about a major league baseball.

So if you want to enjoy the benefits of private internet access, now's the time to subscribe.

Head to piavpn.com/slash t-a-f-s, I would assume, and get an 83% discount.

That's a fucking huge one.

That might be the biggest discount we've ever offered.

Seriously, 83%.

That's $2.03 a month.

And you can also get four extra months completely for free.

But you must go to piavpn.com slash T-A-F-S for a truly private digital life.

One last time, that's piavpn.com slash TAFS.

Folks, that's a smart money move.

That's a smart money move.

Clean that up.

Throw that away, too, by the way, at the end of this.

Don't just leave Booger.

Fucking mess all over the floor.

I'm doing it because I want to do it, not because you were telling me to do it.

Oh, God.

And then good.

Then we'll get into this Matt Reif controversy.

We got to get deep in this because we got to.

People are going to want our take.

Michael, if we could make a note, please, and we will begin the social media clip entitled for the Shorts channel,

The Adam Friedland Show.

They get down to business on the Matt Rife scandal.

I like that name.

Michael, it's verbatim that name.

From now on, all of the clips should be titled in such as a way.

Adam and Nick get down to the brass tax.

Yeah.

And also, I've been trying out a new hand motion.

This?

I think, no, when I make a point, I'm going to start doing this.

Like a quick...

And that's the brass tax.

I like that.

I like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do it again?

No, but save the line.

And that's the brass tax on that.

You should say it after tax.

And that's the brass tax.

I like it.

Yeah.

Yeah, good.

It's good.

So we got this big Matt Reif controversy, and everyone's asking for our take on it.

You know, it's kind of annoying that, like, every time.

We have to see the joke.

What is the joke that he says that's a domestic?

It's something about,

you know, I don't know, something about domestic abuse.

I don't know.

Let's watch this joke.

Matt Reif domestic abuse joke.

All right.

Nick hasn't heard it.

My sister

paraphrased it for me, but I won't trust her to you.

No, no, it's going to hear the paraphrasation first.

I don't remember what it was.

It was like my it's a it's like I you already told her twice kind of style

You know

I think I

it's literally

Yeah, it's literally that what is the joke?

Play it.

Let's hear it.

Their female server has a black eye.

They wonder why the restaurant wouldn't have the server work solely in the kitchen so the customers wouldn't see her black eye.

And then he says, Yeah, but I feel like if she could cook, she wouldn't have that black eye.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah.

So her husband beat her for just testing the water, seeing if y'all are going to be fun or not.

I figure if we start the show with domestic violence, the rest of the show should be smooth sailing.

Oh, so he went edgy.

Okay.

That is a tactic that's been used plenty of times in stand-up comedy.

You know?

You know,

he's a craftsman, this man.

Yeah.

So what's your take on that joke, Nick?

I don't really fucking care.

I don't really care at all.

I don't care what people

like it or not.

All right, so that's the end of the clip.

That's the brass tags on

that one.

And that's the brass tag.

What other controversies that we got to get out of the way?

Right now.

All right.

okay, so Michael, this next clip what's this called?

Um, this is gonna play big on socials.

This one's going to be called This Week in Aviation History, okay?

So, on this week in, let's pick a year, 1920.

This week, what happened?

Historical events in 1920, and then we'll look for anything airplane-related.

Um,

okay, all right, this is this isn't uh

no, what read it.

What?

This is not airplane-related, but in music history, on January 3rd,

on this day,

January 3rd, 1920, Arthur Hoeniger's Champ des Nigamon.

Come on.

How do you just...

What is your computer?

I don't know.

You can use the computer and then it just come.

It's just there.

It's the first thing you see.

I don't know.

Well, we have to hear it.

I don't know.

Okay, let's play January 3rd, 1920.

First of all,

my take is bad name.

Yes, and that's

the brass tax.

That's the brass tax.

But on January 3rd, Arthur Hoeniger's chant de nigamond.

Oh, my God, Nick.

French for chant of the Nigamon, which I don't know what that is.

It obviously doesn't mean the horrible thing it means in English.

It's obviously a French word that probably means something nice, chant of the children or something.

No, it's it's probably just as bad as you think it is.

Oh my god.

Why does it change?

You use the computer or the internet and it just that's what I don't know.

There's only a French Wikipedia.

You wanted to look up aviation history in 1920.

I know, but this is somehow this is what it like.

Play the song.

I don't have the song.

I found the Wikipedia page for the song, which is only in French.

They don't have an English version, but this is the picture.

They're Native Americans.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

They're Iroquois.

Okay.

Les champs de nigamond et un poèmes symphonique composé.

You can translate it.

There's like a translate option, I'm sure.

No, there's not for this article.

There's no English version.

Can we play the song?

Arguent, la musique des negerre.

Okay, thankfully we speak French.

Yeah.

Sinspiré de Romant en Vogue.

Okay.

So Vogue.

Gustave Emer.

Okay.

Let's pause for a a second.

Vogue is a homosexual style of dance.

The Iroquois were doing.

Yeah.

Right?

So they were doing like a little bit of a.

Yeah,

Nigamon, I guess, was

an Iroquois chief.

Okay, so that's just a name.

Say a name?

Oriental is Eastern.

He scalped and

command

What is that?

It's the STD.

It's a sexual transition.

The flamme de Boucher is a sexually transmitted disease.

Son people entent unchante fun.

These freaking idiots are just walking around talking to each other like this.

How the fuck is your name gonna be Arthur Hoeniger?

Stop it.

I mean, because his father was

George Hoeniger.

He didn't choose that.

It's a family name.

Yeah.

Oh my god, dude.

Let's just hear the song.

Okay, okay.

What is it called?

Le Chant

de.

What is it?

And guys, if this is your first time watching the show, we don't typically get into such

blue topics, but this is journalism.

We want to learn about history right now.

This is something that happened in January 3rd, 1920.

And we're just, this is just history.

History has a painful past.

We'd have to buy it.

You can't.

This is not.

It's not on YouTube.

How the fuck?

Why is this in the this week in history?

This is not

in this.

First of all, it's not January 3rd also.

It's not November.

I said this week in history on Google, and what I got is this article.

Just try YouTube, dude.

It's not on there, dude.

It's probably not on there because it's disgusting content.

Yeah, I don't know.

You gotta be kidding.

Let's read the reviews on Amazon, though.

Yeah, it just is not like...

Oh, wait, here we go.

You got a track?

Let's bump it.

Alright.

I have an open mind right now.

Put it to the mic.

I mean, it's like a symphony.

It's pretty epic.

Let's hear it.

But they played it and it was just like, pop, pop, pop, pop.

I think it's pretty good.

Well, this isn't, A, it's not going to be funny.

And B, it's just going to get us copyright strict destructed.

So played six seconds of the middle of the screen.

No, we're just, don't worry about it.

Oh, my God.

So all you care about intellectual property law more than freaking anything, brother.

You just, it's not going to be funny.

You're thinking is play the song, that'll eat up another two minutes.

Well, we could just go right back to what we were trying to do, which is finding this week.

In history.

In history.

What year?

1920.

Okay.

So you're going to find some aviation history.

How do you know there's going to be plane stuff?

Because there's always plane stuff, dude.

It's true, there is.

So what we got?

Curse of the Bambino begins.

The curse of the Bambino, all right, New York history.

No, no, that's still January.

I don't know why it's not just giving me.

Your phone thinks it's January?

No, it just gives you everything that happened that year.

So, what are we?

November 25th.

In Philadelphia, the first Thanksgiving Day parade takes place.

The Sino Taft was unveiled.

What's that?

It's a statue that commemorates the

fallen soldiers

in

China?

No, in London.

It was for World War I, and they added World War II.

Turkey and Armenia agree to sign a peace treaty.

Let's give it up for that.

Big shout out to Hassan Picare.

Turkey and Armenia.

Oh, and by the way, Hassan will also be part of the live stream for Nick's special.

And we just want to thank him.

I said that at the beginning while you're outside the room.

You did say it.

Yeah.

You're getting him a flight first class

over to New York City one week.

A whole row in first class.

You can bring all his gay toys.

Yeah, yeah.

He's going to bring all pops, his whole stuff.

His Funkos.

18 pairs of sunglasses.

Happy New Year.

We only bought it one way because we think he's going to have so much fun that he's going to want to hang out with us for the rest of his life.

So, yeah.

I guess we can go back to the Matt Reif thing.

No, we, I mean, I don't.

Listen.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Comedians are under fire these days.

And, like, I don't know.

I don't want to be part of the pylon.

You know?

Like, they hate us.

The Democrats, they hate us.

What Matt Rice's baffling Netflix special tells us about comedy.

Let's read that.

Matt Reif's one comedy rule, be funny.

The problem is he isn't.

See, this is like...

Who wrote that?

I don't know, but this is like, there's...

People want to hate this guy.

Because

he's making $60 million.

Nobody's saying he's the best comedian.

I mean, he's just making $60 million.

What's that tour?

Yeah.

It's probably $40 million.

He's gorgeous.

And he's gorgeous.

I mean, he's fine.

He's stunning.

He's stunning.

I don't know.

You're saying that because he's just the...

This is just the fucking just Fagoy version of you.

Thank you.

You guys have the same phenotype.

He's just the non-Jew version.

Thank you.

It's one of the nicest things you've ever said.

No, you're just complimenting yourself.

What do I say Matt Rap?

I don't see myself.

I didn't say he was handsome.

You think that I'm basically Matrif?

I said you're the same type of like.

I don't know.

Thanks, dude.

The same type of, like.

You do look like, to me, you know who you look like?

Mm-hmm.

You look like

Rock Hudson.

A homosexual.

A closet of homosexual.

So I pay you something that you think is a compliment, and then you tell me I look like

the gayest rock.

There's only two rocks, and you picked a gay one.

You could have said I look like Dwayne Johnson.

I confuse them all the time.

And they're both gay.

First of all, they're both gay.

Okay, you look like you should go by Dwayne the straight rock Johnson so you don't confuse him with Rock Hudson

That has to be so annoying for him.

Yeah, yeah.

People are like he's like

sorry, friend.

I think you're confusing me with that homosexual from the 50s.

I think that, yeah, that beefcake homosexual.

I think you're confusing me with that beefcake homo.

Beefcake homo is a great term.

i'm just god blessed to be out here not the in winston salem north carolina i love i've there i've never seen a more beautiful city than shreveport louisiana

and no i am not that beefcake homosexual well i'm here in gross point

and i could not be more ecstatic to be the other rock

not to be confused with rock hudson

that's

yeah

no but I mean, it's like now that there's, like, it's one thing when it's just comics being like, ah, this guy sucks.

You know.

But now that there's like articles, like now that the Daily Beast and Vox is like, actually, he sucks.

I think that that's kind of a, that's kind of old school, though.

Well, I mean, I think that so much traumatic stuff has happened in society that they're not writing

those articles anymore.

That's kind of like a return to normal.

Well, this is what I mean.

It's like, this is kind of like the

in 10 years, people are going to be like, oh why were we so hard on Matt Reif and it's like well you like you know

this is this it doesn't matter how much money you make right you know what I mean it's like he's he's probably already made tens of millions of dollars touring yeah so another 60 is not gonna really make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things but now that the they're writing articles about how it's so heavy Matt Rife's one comedy rule be funny the problem is he isn't who wrote that I don't know it's in Vox who's the writer

Asia Romano Ooh, that's a tough one.

That's a tough one.

Why is that a tough one?

Do you know who that is?

No, but I.

You're named after a Steely Dan album.

Can you imagine how much fucking blow her parents did?

A-S-A?

A-J-A.

A-J-A.

I mean, yeah.

You don't even know how to fucking spell.

I can't spell, dude.

You know that about me.

Yeah.

That's the one thing about my private life I ask you not to talk about.

Let's see.

Is this a girl or N-I-Q?

M-U-N.

I think it's a girl.

I have no idea.

U-N?

But, yeah.

Okay, named after a Steely Dan album.

And Romano.

But you know your dad's penis was like barely hard when he cammed into your mind to make you.

Oh my God.

Just fucking like.

So yip.

Oh, let's listen to

you.

You know, Michael McDonald's is doing the background.

I'll just fucking cram it in there.

I'll get hard in your pussy.

Yeah, yeah.

Just just let me push it in.

Put it in there and put it in.

And it's like, yeah, we'll set the bead by inflating the tire.

Oh, I fucking nutted soft, but damn, this is a fucking, this album rules.

But Romano, she could be related, of course.

Yeah, why'd you come in my pussy without getting hard?

Yes.

Your mom's, right?

And they took your mom's last name and your dad's favorite album as her first name.

I mean, it could be a personal beef that Ray has with Matt.

Yeah.

And

he sends his daughter out to do his bidding, which I think is cowardly, to be honest with you.

I mean, they're two of the finest comedians that I can think of.

I've actually never heard his stand-up Ray.

Was it about families?

It's pretty good.

It's good.

I'm sure.

Yeah, I mean, if you compare comedy now to what it was 25...

They were much better.

Oh, they're much better.

Yeah, yeah.

They all wrote jokes.

It wasn't just like getting by on fucking personality buffoonery.

Yeah.

You know,

you barely have to write jokes.

Yeah, you don't have to anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Matt Reif has been trying to be famous for over a decade.

That's such a like a shitty.

So mean.

This is just a shitty way to put it.

So gossipy.

Oh, they've been trying to be so.

Even though the guy's making $30 million to $60 million,

you're still going to find a way to call him a failure by saying

he used to not be famous.

He's been trying to be famous.

How else do you have to try?

What's wrong with trying?

Ray Romano's daughter?

What if she got the voice from the brother, though?

Matt Reif has been trying to...

You know?

Oh, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.

What's his name?

Gilbert Sullivan?

Sullivan.

Gilbert N.

Sullivan.

Gilbert N.

Sullivan.

What's that guy's name, Gilbert Sullivan?

I think, no, his name is Rogers Hammerstein.

I am the very model of a model major general.

I have information.

I have information categorical, historical, and mineral.

He has a club in Vegas.

Yeah.

Brad Garrett.

Yeah, Brad Garrett.

Not Gilbert Sullivan.

Not Gilbert Sullivan.

Yeah.

We're kind of like a Gilbert and Sullivan.

We are kind of, yeah.

A little bit.

We're in love.

Yeah.

I was saying, I was pitching this to Steven.

I was like, do you want to do

a stage production of The Odd Couple?

Where you play The Odd Couple, but we're gay with each other that's the twist and it's called the gay couple

but i'm still like a kind of not you and me me and steven oh yeah it was an idea for me and steven not you sounds fun yeah hey guys i'm gonna come out we're doing a show called the gay couple

with our friend private life yeah

no we're doing a show

as a private life yeah we're doing a uh a two-act play called the gay couple honestly it would really hurt my feelings if you did that with Steven.

Why?

Because it would look like you guys are having a lot of people.

You do stuff with our friends all the time.

You're like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't.

We have to do the podcast early because tonight

I'm doing a performance for Brace.

Brace asked me to help him.

Oh, yeah, okay, sure.

The man went to Afghanistan.

Yeah, he did go after to fight with the Taliban?

That's crazy.

No, he was in the Northern Alliance, the Pennophile.

He was in Al-Qaeda?

He was in the pedophile one.

It's crazy that Brace was just in Al-Qaeda and no one seems to have a problem with that.

Everyone's like, that guy's so epic.

That guy's awesome.

He joined Al-Qaeda.

Yeah, he joined Al-Qaeda.

Yeah.

No, I mean, like,

whatever.

Self-hatred, self-hating Jew.

We'll do anything to impress you people.

Impress me?

The Jews.

I'm basically like that Shania Twain song that don't impress me much.

Yeah.

You are a lot like that song.

And that song is, it's Shania Twain, but it's from the perspective of an Italian man who has seen everything.

It's so funny.

You did say to me earlier, you're like, you have the moves, but you don't have the touch.

Yeah, you got the moves, but that don't impress me much.

That don't impress me much.

All right.

Ginsburg, we good on this?

I have to finish up an annoying phone call that I was talking about.

What are you doing?

You're fucking, what's going on with with your phone call?

Guys, please, please, please.

The live stream we'll do Sunday.

We'll have fun.

We'll have a little party in the office.

We'll get the camera set up.

You can watch.

It'll be like you're hanging out at the party.

There are going to be chicks here, too.

Lewis does stuff like this.

Sometimes it works.

I think it worked like 10 years ago.

Remember when he would do the

New Year's Countdown with the skanks?

But you have to play it.

It was pre-recorded.

It was pre-recorded so that he could go.

Yeah, everybody, the people involved could go be with their friends.

He could have a fun night.

The losers.

All right.

So Sunday countdown with the Skanks.

Yeah.

We're rocking.

We're going to be rocking and rolling.

And guys, it's a very exciting time.

I think you guys are going to love the special.

Thanks for watching.

Bye, guys.

Bye, guys.

That's cool.

Green?

Go green, dude.

What's with that green tint?

I am legit sick, dude.

I'm sick.

I was sick first.

I was sick, dude.

I'm just the first one that was sick.

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