The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 27

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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

What do you think of that one?

Yeah, good.

It is better?

Yeah, sorry, I'm trying to deal with it.

What are you kind of looking for in like a better introduction?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't care anymore.

What do you mean you don't care anymore?

I don't care.

It's fine.

You're being so gothic about this.

No, no, no, no.

You can't give me a note and be like, I don't care.

Timer's going?

Yeah.

Amazing.

What is the first read today, Ginsburg?

I think it's Usie and then my bookie.

Okay.

I got an invite to the Good Burger 2 World Premiere.

What?

I don't know.

Really?

You and I guess you're invited to join us in New York on Tuesday, November 14th, for the world premiere of Good Burger 2, the highly anticipated film sequel to the occult classic 90s film and Paramount original movie.

Are they getting, what's his name back for it?

The fat pedophile guy?

Who?

The Nickelodeon pedophile fat guy.

The one that...

Dan Schneider?

Yeah, wasn't he in Goodberger?

He's like the frog guy or something.

Oh, yeah, he wrote the movie, too.

Or he wrote it, yeah.

And then, yeah, dealing with Black Magic.

We have to get that camera sent off.

Wait, let's get back to this Goodberger thing, though.

Uh-huh.

What do you think?

They said you had a guest.

Yeah.

Who are you thinking for a guest?

I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out why I got sent this email.

I think they just send this email to anybody with a certain amount of Instagram followers.

I didn't get the email.

Hoping that

somebody would reply.

Like an influencer.

I think I ate rotten roast beef this morning, too.

From like the deli?

From the deli, but it had been in my fridge for like three weeks.

No, you can't eat it.

Why'd you eat it, Dick?

Because it's like three weeks of cure meat.

I don't know.

I figured it would last.

No, it's not three weeks.

How long?

I think you get a good week out of a boar's head deli.

I don't know.

I'm at my wit's end.

I'm fucking burnt out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's talk about it.

What do you want to talk about?

I don't know.

Life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What to do when one is burnt out.

Maybe you should go and look at an Eat Pre-Love type.

I'm going to, I'm going to like, I'm like tired of

these cameras don't work either.

So this is going to be like a new issue.

Everything just doesn't work.

Nothing works.

I got the new iPhone.

It deleted all my message history.

I pay for that shit.

I pay for the fucking iCloud.

They fuck you in the ass on the cost of the iCloud.

And like, it's okay because the phone doesn't has limited storage.

So you get the iCloud one, and there's like chat history on there.

I'm getting text messages from people.

They're like, just following up on this.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about because it's all gone.

And then when you say that, I lost

messages.

They were like, oh, he's lying to me.

He thinks that I suck.

Yeah, right.

No.

I got the new phone.

That was like the issue.

Titanium.

I called them.

You have to do like nine conversations with phone support.

And then they tell you, oh, well, you just have to wait until we update the iOS.

So I waited a month, updated.

Guess what?

It's still fucking missing.

Guess what the new answer is?

What's the answer?

Take a guess.

You're going to have to wait for a new iOS update.

Oh.

So they just kicked the can down the road.

Okay.

Now that's all gone.

But you spend all this money on it.

Probably not ever.

It's the biggest company in the world, so you're just fucked in the ass.

But maybe it's good.

Maybe you like

set free your past.

No, it's not when I'm like completely disorganized and we have like advertisers

mad and I have to like know somehow We got into a position where we can do the things that we want and I have zero fucking time for it.

I have zero time for it because it's it's just just business and paperwork shit constantly.

And then you hire somebody else to do it, and then you have to just talk to them all fucking day long about what needs to be done.

And then you have to like

check their work.

I mean, it's like.

Well, I'll give you some good news to make you feel better

because of massive public pressure, kind of a people's revolution.

The Delta Sky Lounge

will be granting 20 visits.

They're going to get rid of the.

The Mossad is going to do a domestic terrorist attack and be put on ISIS.

Because

of your

attention that you brought to this cause, there will be no, I guarantee you.

You are the change.

After the impending Mossad false flag terrorist attack in the United States, coming soon.

It'll happen soon.

Satire.

Satire.

Yeah.

I'm not.

I'm bet.

I'm playing.

Satirical.

In Warcraft, or what's it called?

Yeah.

With the blocks?

What are the kids playing?

Look,

the most evil people in Washington right now are freaking out.

They're like, look.

Who are those people?

Cruella division.

We've fucked up.

Now, like, the voting base is all just far-right people or far-left people.

Right.

And neither of them.

I don't think there are actually far-left people.

I think there are beaten-down people and far-right people.

Okay.

What's the far left?

I don't know.

Good point.

Wait,

I wasn't saying that to no and you.

No, that's a good point.

You think it's a good point or not?

Yeah, no, that's a good point.

No, you're being sarcastic.

No, I'm not being sarcastic.

No.

I think people are just mainly beaten down.

They're beaten down, yeah.

Why are you doing this, Ryan?

Why am I doing what?

No, you're doing.

What do you think's going to happen?

People just do more opioids, Mandalorian.

Mandalorian opioids.

Yeah.

And shit'll get worse steadily.

Probably.

I mean, it's usually the most boring answer.

That's the correct answer, right?

Okay.

What?

Why am I...

What's the response?

If you think I'm wrong, say I'm wrong.

No, that's...

Does that sound right?

Sure, it sounds right, yeah.

What do you think?

I don't know.

I was saying what I thought, and then you kept saying, no, no, no, no, no.

Everything I said, you said no to.

No, just one thing.

No, you said literally everything I said.

You said the impending Mossad attack.

I did a little bit.

No, you said no.

I did a bit about how it was in video.

You said the most evil people, and you said, yeah, who is that?

And then you don't, you just like, yeah, you're not.

That was a question.

Yeah, you'll, you'll.

That's not a no, that's a question.

No, it's a no, yeah.

It's all right, it's fine.

We don't have to talk about it.

No, no, we don't have to talk about it.

It's fine.

Talk about what?

What do you want to talk about?

What's going on with you?

You're going to a wedding this weekend?

What do you mean?

No.

Talk about what?

If I'm asking you a question about about something you're saying, that's annoying.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

I don't know shit.

We just have to fill an hour.

We just have to talk for an hour.

Come on, brother.

And I have to spend a bunch of time trying to figure out why this shit doesn't work and figure out how much more money that we don't have we're going to have to spend on stuff that was just supposed to work.

Come on, brother.

Come on, what?

What do you want to talk about?

You're with your friend right now.

And now you're going to do this like weird.

It's not weird.

Like, yeah.

Why?

The camera sucks.

Things.

Life sucks.

Yeah, you're right, dude.

But I get to go to the sky lounge 20 times next week.

That's awesome.

Okay, so some nice things happen sometimes.

That's true.

You know?

Yeah.

What other nice things are happening?

Let's think about nice things in the world.

I don't know.

I'll probably replace that deli meat when I go home.

Yeah, you'll get more deli meat from the store.

But I don't know.

It all kind of sucks.

I've had all the different types of boar's head meats, and none of them are good.

I mean, they're better than like the old.

Do you like honey turkey or pepper turkey?

I've gone through, I'm like sick of like deli meats at this point.

I'm just sick of them.

I've had them all.

And I mean, it's still better than, you know, you go to, I guess, like the only good ones are boarshead.

And what's the one in Philadelphia?

Like, Diet's, is that it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

That's their regional meat.

Because you go to some places in the country, like the Midwest, and they have, you know, it's like, it's like attached to like grocery store.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chains.

Whatever their meat brand is.

And some of them are fucking rancid.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

When I was growing up, I remember boar's head was like special.

That was like the nice meat.

Like you had to go to, there was only one supermarket that had boars head, and it was more expensive.

But like, yeah, the Vons version was like nowhere near as good.

But here we are in New York City.

We get as much boars head as we want, and we're still not happy.

And isn't that a metaphor for life?

Yeah, I guess so.

So yeah, that's going on.

What other nice things?

Nice things?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I got a carpet cleaner trying to clean my rug.

You got a steam cleaner?

You've been talking about this for a while.

It's not a steam cleaner.

It's just a regular carpet cleaner.

A vacuum cleaner.

No, a carpet cleaner.

What's the difference?

It has like water.

It's not steam.

It's just got a water tank in it.

Oh, water.

Yeah, it's like it'll shampoo the carpet.

Is it Bissell?

No, it's just the Hoover one.

That seemed to make the most sense for the price.

But I got that, and

you cleaned the results.

Cleaned the rug, and then I guess in getting wet, it released some kind of fucking, there was an old stain, like, I don't know, maybe like a bowl of cereal spilled on it.

Okay.

So there was this rancid smell, and then there's no way to clean that, so the rug's destroyed.

I'm sorry to laugh.

I'm sorry to laugh.

Yeah.

No, when you're feeling bad, sometimes life just will kick you in the balls with like a little extra.

Oh, now your

rug smells like spoiled milk.

Yeah, I guess

we're closing in on

trying to get like the final edit of this special.

Yeah.

So I can drop that.

And the new episode of the Adam Freelance Show will be out in the next couple of days.

It's done.

We're very happy with it.

Excited.

I know you don't like one of those.

Yeah, whatever.

Whatever.

I saw Killers of the Flower whatever moon.

That's nice.

You want to talk about it?

Yeah,

it really was too long.

Like this time it was too long.

Yeah.

What's it about?

I watched the trailer.

I can't tell what that was.

It's about the Osage nation in Oklahoma.

who they find black gold and they become the richest people on earth.

Apparently Apparently, it's true.

And then a bunch of like

white fellers are intermarrying into it to

get in on a little bit of that cache, you know.

And

then

they start getting killed, basically.

White people?

Or the Native Americans?

It's a white genocide.

No, the Native Americans.

Yeah.

And Robert De Niro plays

Leo's uncle, who's

kind of orchestrating the killings of all of the sisters of his wife.

Kind of poor timing that that came out right there in the Israel-Palestine.

I mean, it's bizarre.

Yeah, it is bizarre.

Well, that's the argument that the Zionists are making, which is that we live on stolen indigenous land, so why can't they do that?

Which is bizarre to me, because I keep seeing

Israel made that

apparently privately with

the U.S.

State Department when talking about what's going to happen in Gaza, because they have to have meetings about this, that Israel said to them, they're like, well, you're going to have to watch the civilian casualties.

And they said, yeah, but if you look in history, there's a lot of examples of

just needing to just drive forward, like Dresden or Hiroshima.

It's like, well, yeah, but these are universally recognized as bad things that happened in history.

Yes.

Like,

if you're using Hiroshima, I mean, what's the difference between...

It is the worst thing ever.

It is the worst thing ever.

It's insane.

It's like, it's this far away from just being like, yeah, but look at Auschwitz.

i mean that's something that happened you're just sometimes you got to do what you got you're just describing a bad thing that happened and saying yeah well we might do that yeah i mean it's not

they had to kill 3 000 people are they under the impression that people were like yeah hiroshimu was good

i mean it's like

it's not a good argument oh yeah yeah yeah but um

Also, yeah, with the stolen land thing here, if there was a way, like if we were currently living in it,

if

let's say what, like a third of the United States was Indian reservations that were literally walled off with barbed wire, and we controlled all their resources and every couple of years they broke out and fucking blew themselves up and I had dual citizenship with a European country that I could just go to,

I would absolutely just fucking leave.

Right.

I would leave.

Also a third of the country being reservations, that's nice.

Yeah.

We just gave them Oklahoma.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, also, I didn't know that there were like five, there was a word for the tribe, like noble tribes.

And the Osage were not considered one of them.

There were like the Cherokee, the Seminole, there were like other ones.

There were like five that were like, we respect you, even though we sent you on the Trail of Tears.

But like what you see in the movie is so horrific, and like De Niro's character is so fucking evil, but it's just portrayed like the tone is off.

It's not like, it should be scary or you know, it's very like matter of fact almost really, yeah.

I mean, maybe I'm wrong.

People seem to like the movie.

The trailer had a scary tonality.

The trailer was awesome.

The trailer was really cool.

But yeah, De Niro kind of sucks nowadays.

Yeah, I mean, you can make any movie look scary if you just put add like clock sounds to the trailer.

Clock sounds are scary.

I mean, that's it.

You just play any trailer and add like

right now right exactly yeah and it's scary

halloween's over yeah um

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That's pretty good.

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Legos?

It's a video game.

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Y.

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C.

No, what's Y in the Yalta in the NATO alphabet?

Yalta.

Is it Yalta?

It's one of my favorite treaties.

Yalta was?

Summit.

Potsdam?

I love the summit.

You love Yalta or Potsdam?

Yalta was cool because Churchill was wasted.

Weren't they being mean to Roosevelt?

Who was Stalin and Stalin and Churchill?

They were like punking him a bit.

In what way?

Putting broomsticks in his wheelchair.

I'm going to read Churchill next.

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Now that I'm done with Roosevelt.

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Book one.

I got the idea.

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Teddy Roosevelt.

I like that

he's really smart.

He was annoying, too.

He had ADD.

I like that he invited a black guy to the White House.

That's kind of cool.

Yeah.

Michael Winslow.

Yeah, he was like this man's side of it.

Sound effect.

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under a love of sound effects.

Just like all the excursions,

that kind of shit was cool.

All the excursions.

Like when he went up the Rio, when he like, yeah, when he would go to the West, when he went to Spain,

yeah, he was just, his body sucked, right?

And they were like, that boy is going to be a,

he has a bad body.

And his dad told him, he's like, you have a bad body and you need to make yourself into a man.

And so he had that whole thing about a vigorous life.

And so he like had to build himself up and he was just, he was insane.

He would like swim like five miles.

He'd do literally like a triathlon every day.

And then he'd, yeah, and then do like a parliamentary style insult.

When he took over, the cops was cool, too.

He was head of the police in New York City.

Do you know about this?

Are you asleep now?

Well, I'll tell them about it.

So he took over the cops and he was like,

you guys have to be in shape if you want to be cops.

So he instituted fitness standards.

He got those.

He only got pussy twice, two girls.

He loved animals.

There were a bunch of animals in the White House.

That's pretty cool.

Teddy bears are named after him.

Teddy bears are named after him.

He got shot famously and kept giving that speech.

He was kind of the first progressive in American history.

Although if you ask the Filipinos.

Wasn't Taft the first progressive?

Taft, I think

all anyone knows about him is that he was fat as shit, no?

He got stuck in the bathtub or some shit?

Taft was a Republican, I thought, no?

Yeah, but the Republicans were progressive.

Yeah, but he left and he started...

Well, Bull Moose and the Progressive Party

also.

But he was,

yeah, he was sick.

sick he was awesome he read a book a day and then periodicals and every time he was done with a page in a magazine he'd tear it out and throw it dramatically

yeah I think he's sick not like his cripple do you think he did that all the time or that's the thing he did once and then it became like

no I think he was

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The breakers are cool.

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The breakers are cool because it makes me feel like I'm kidding out.

Yeah.

Kitted out and ready to carry.

Well, it's like breaker, breaker, like you're doing radio communication.

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yeah they got fucking items that they bring with them

um you go you wake up you make your black rifle coffee well i can't wait until the world burns well before that i have to verbatim i have to read um and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified Warning, this product contains nicotine.

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Don't I know it, brother?

Okay.

So, yeah, Lucy.

Hit them up, lucy.co slash check.

And we like these guys because they like us.

I like it also because it's a girl named.

It's nice because we have new sponsors on the show.

Yeah.

And you don't really know what you're going to get.

I was a little bit worried with them because it's like, it looks clean.

You know, when the sponsors are like, yeah, we're operating out of the Philippines.

Basically, I got busted in PA for having sex with kids.

So I moved to Southeast Asia and now I own a company that sells weed swastikas.

And then I'm like, oh, well, we can say whatever we want on it.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, but like they're bringing us these newer companies.

You rejected that law firm in Miami, right?

Yeah.

I wish we did that.

Tim works with them.

That would have been awesome.

I don't know.

It just seems like it would.

If we were doing Salino and Barnes on this show, it'd be awesome.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean,

all the money's leaving advertising.

It's leaving podcasting.

Yeah, the business is failing, guys.

That's mainly we're really stressed out.

But the new episode of the Adam Freelance Show will be up.

Yeah, look, we'll do our best.

It's a good episode, dude.

The next one is good.

We'll do our best to get these out before the,

you know, all the cameras finish breaking and we run out of money.

False vibe.

And then I think I might just get a regular job.

Wait, what?

I don't know, but I definitely don't want to be touring.

You're going to be like...

Anyways, and your fucking boss telling you what to do,

you're going to be so pissed off at your regular job.

Yeah, that was fine, but then I'd get off and I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

Where are you going to work?

Duncan?

No, no, I don't think I could work anymore.

I think Duncan's Dunkin' Donuts?

You love those boys.

No,

I work every Duncan in New York City.

Yeah, it's Bangladeshi guys.

Yeah.

No, I'll find a fun job.

Like what?

I don't know.

I'm trying to, like, maybe the guy that drives the hayride.

Haunted hayride guy?

No, no, just regular hayride.

Oh, I only know about it from Halloween.

Yeah, tractor.

tractor, drive around the hayride.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean,

yeah, maybe I'll move to just, yeah, the Hudson Valley and just do.

It's expensive.

I know.

But then just get a job at one of those general stores.

You know those places?

It's just an empty building.

No, it's nothing.

You go in, they have like a...

Williamsburg, yeah.

Yeah, well, they have like a box of salt, like artisan saltines on a shelf.

And then that's like 15 feet away, there's a single rhubarb.

You know?

Yeah.

And then you go in, you're like, do you have batteries?

And they're like, We sure do.

You're like, All right, do you have uh cheese?

They're like, No,

like, where can I get like milk and cheese?

They're like,

No idea, pal.

We got a rhubarb, we got a rhubarb, and we got the fucking batteries that look like coins.

Yeah, maybe you go over down Poughkeepsie, 40 minutes down the road, and they have that accent for no reason.

Yeah, they're upstate, and you're like, I thought you were in New York.

Well, this is just a regular Stuart shop.

We ain't got nothing fancy

like you city folks.

Yeah, I lived here 18 months.

Yeah,

I speak New York Cajun.

Forget a booty.

Get a booty.

That'd be a good style of guy to be is a guy

with just an untrackable accent.

Yeah, who gets mad when you ask where he's from?

Je sui italien.

What would they say?

I don't know, New York Cajun's.

I don't know if I've ever met anyone.

Yeah.

Do you know a Cajun?

Have you ever met one?

Yeah.

When?

In Texas?

No, in Louisiana.

When we were there?

I mean, I've been there aside from...

I have a life outside of the Adam Friedlow.

You know that, right?

I've been to Louisiana plenty.

What else do you do?

Huh?

That festival that you did, I did that festival every year for years.

Hell Yes Fest.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

That was fun.

It was, yeah.

Yeah.

I guess you could say that.

It was fun.

It was before you had a cell phone.

I mean, I had a cell phone.

I just didn't have like a smartphone.

Like text messaging.

I remember we were sitting in a room with Sarah and you were like, can I use your iPad?

And you were just dropping, you're just like silently just dropping.

You dropped like 20 tweets.

Just fire.

And I'd be like, Nick, how you doing?

I'm just borrowing an iPad.

Yeah, on Sarah's iPad.

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, I do.

Maybe I'll become like a graffiti artist.

How do you get paid from that, though?

I don't know.

Banksy does it.

Yeah, but he's like the best.

I mean, he's the best one I've ever seen.

The man is an institution.

It sucks, man.

You really get locked into being a thing, and nobody enjoys being the thing that they are.

I just have to be this.

There's no aunt.

There is literally no aunt.

Look at fucking.

What's his name?

Prince What's His Face with the Black Wife?

Oh, Prince, yeah.

Which one I was saying?

The red, red hair.

Yeah.

And he's like, oh, I want to be a king.

Yeah.

It's like, that's like the best job.

That's the top spot.

But he has to get a job now, right?

Because he's not in the...

And he won't.

I think he's podcasting.

No,

they got a deal and they didn't.

They like blew it.

Oh, that was their version of what I'm doing.

It's like, oh, I'm not going to be a king.

I'm going to be a podcast.

You know

how he found out about also I found very funny video online yeah some Australian guy that found out about Palestine and he just went

to me yeah he just went to Israel and it's just this big Australian retard just

just going up to people you're all right he's like he's like you should be fucking ashamed of yourself Look at you.

You can't even fucking look at the camera, can you?

You fucking dickhead.

He's just not afraid of anything.

We need Australians to go go there and yell at them.

Yeah.

Cut it out.

Look at this fucking dickhead.

Yeah, he's like, how long you lived here?

He's like, you can't.

You can't even fucking, they just can't.

He's a Brooklyn accent.

No, no, a bunch of Americans were there.

They're like, sure, but I mean, he's Australian, so it's just like the absurdity.

Where was it?

Hebron?

Hebron.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was a terrorist attack there.

Well, can't the fucking Palestinians go across the street?

Do you know about Baruch Goldstein?

Yeah, he's a guy that shot up those like 26 Palestinians.

The cave of the cave of, what do you call it?

The cave of

Adam's household.

It's not a cave, dude.

Yeah.

You've seen my asshole madness.

Baruch Goldstein.

That was the American, right?

He went in and he murdered like 26 Palestinians.

Yeah, he just fucking opened up.

Yeah.

Psycho.

Goldstein.

Yeah, he was American.

Yeah.

Obviously.

Obviously.

And what do you think that's cool?

What?

Who are the worst in Hollywood right now for defending Israel?

It's got to be Amy Schumer, Adam Friedland,

Brett Gelman.

Why are you putting me on that?

You guys are the top three.

No, I'm just going to see how this plays out.

I'm going to see how it plays out.

Some people are really not playing their cards right right now.

You got to see how it plays out.

Some people are being very dumb.

Listen,

I'm made for this, guys.

I'm no different.

I got that dog in me.

And if I've learned anything in life, you got to see how things play out.

Look, there's two options.

You can actually speak truth truth to power, or you can pursue a job in the entertainment industry.

Those are the two options.

If you try to do both, you could be a razzle-dazzled man.

Yeah, at some point, you're going to have to sell your soul to work in the business that famously harbors pedophiles.

Well, we got rid of all of them.

Thank God.

They're all gone now.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely no more sexual assault in the entertainment industry.

I haven't heard of one since

the Babe.com as EZ article.

That happened to him.

What's that?

I forgot that happened to him.

Yeah, that poor guy.

Yeah.

I felt really bad for him.

Yeah.

Can you imagine if that article comes out about you?

I wouldn't care.

What would they say?

I don't know.

What would they say about you?

It'd be like...

People already hate me.

I don't understand what.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Nobody's going to be like, what?

That's a bad girl.

guy.

I'm not good to women.

I'm good to women.

I don't listen to them.

I'm good to women in the same way that I'm good to cats.

It's like they're not like that guy.

We're both occupying the same space, you know.

No, but you're not like a prison.

And I'll look over at them occasionally and be like, I wonder what this piece of shit is thinking.

What could possibly be on their mind?

Chopping, chopping, chopping.

Yeah, maybe something like that.

It's like, do they think I'm a cat?

Amy Schumer is really just, apparently, they said it's been 50 Instagram posts.

She's done 50?

That's heavy posting.

Yeah.

Well, she's just straight up.

It's hard posting.

She's just being just racist now.

Yeah.

Like, did you see she posted that thing that was like, she posted some article demonstrating that these top donations at these schools were

from Arabs.

Yeah.

Which is like,

yeah, they're from fucking Saudis.

Does she understand that Arabs have killed so many Palestinians?

That's right.

Well, beyond that.

It's not just Team Arab.

But beyond that, half of the Arabs are allied with Israel anyways.

Yeah, they have diplomatic relations.

Unofficial, I guess, still diplomatic relations with Israel.

I guess they're all the same.

Yeah, the Arabs from Arabs.

And then Megan McCain posting that, like, she's like, she posted it.

Would you hide me?

Yeah, yes, I would.

Would you hide me?

I think Megan McCain's already hiding a bunch of people simply by standing there.

There's got to be, at any given moment, there has to be 500 to 600 people behind Megan McCain that you can't see.

You wouldn't need a secret annex.

It could just put Anne Frank behind her giant fucking ass.

She'd be like, she'd just have to be like one of those birds that lives on top of a rhino.

But I mean, I don't know.

This behavior is fucking just, it's like egregious.

I mean, it's wild.

It's crazy that it goes.

It's fucking wild.

Yeah.

And it's like, say one thing and then lose everything and then you could say what she's doing and then she's fine yeah well even then it's like but that's i i i don't even want to get because it's that's that that's not justice oh we live in a world where they like you know you can call if you like if you if you do cheerlead the genocide i'm not saying lose your job i'm not saying about people in the west losing their jobs or keeping their jobs also it doesn't matter what comedians think about and you think yeah yeah yeah we're not like like uh it's a they should i'm not saying she should lose her job.

I'm just saying that everyone else that's saying anything mildly

from the other side

is getting blackballed.

Yeah, it's it's it's especially when it's like protect you from what the fucking like eight-year-old Palestinian boy that was fucking stabbed to death three years three weeks ago?

Like that seems to be the only hate crime I've seen thus far related to what's going on right now.

I mean you can argue that the Hamas attack could have you know people were shot at the bus stops and stuff.

I mean, that's technically.

No, I mean, here.

Oh, in America?

Yeah, in the United States.

Oh, the kid in Chicago, yeah.

Yeah, the kid that was in Chicago or Detroit?

I thought Chicago.

I can't remember.

The fact that it was a lot of people.

No, you know, it was in Detroit is that that

was like a canter or something.

It was ahead of like the Jewish community.

And then that was like pitched as, like, oh, see?

And then it's hard to do.

But it was like Rashida Tlaib got shit from it from

some people.

And

you'll figure out why I said that.

Why?

No, nothing.

Cut that.

Why?

Because

he was like, where's your statement on this?

Rashida Tlaib.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she posted about it on her Facebook.

Anyway, we'll mark that.

But, yeah, I mean, like, and it turned out Rashida Tlaib and her were friends.

They, like, worked together

on, like, interfaith shit.

But, like, beyond that, what is what is like,

I think maybe the the funniest is that Schumer is just now going into black women's DMs to yell at them that is that was insane

who is that lady that she was just like uh just losing her mind at do you see that yeah it's just some acts I'm like 22 year old girl

yeah she's like I'm sorry you have a problem with me posting about my people being hunted down and killed

She's like I've worked for everything I'm a self-made millionaire and the most successful female comedian.

Self-made is funny because of the joke theft thing, too.

Yeah.

Self-made.

She got a couple of assists over the years, from what I understand.

Well, I mean, she's self-made in the sense that she did eat all that food.

I mean, it wasn't other people eating that food to gain the hundreds and hundreds of pounds that are required to

work to make an Amy Shoe.

I mean, you have to be at the fucking.

Yeah, you got to be talking about 30,000 calories a day, probably.

Some days you wake up you're like I don't want to fucking do this and you're like right I gotta put myself in that golden corral

I gotta go to that sizzler yeah it's also yeah like she would be safe if there were another

like god forbid another like holocaust situation which isn't gonna happen but if there

there was I mean she would be safe yeah I mean the kind of environmental like catastrophe it would create to

just to move her body Well, even just to move that would punch a hole in the ozone that would never be repaired.

They would have to get one of those.

It would be like setting off of

a million nuclear weapons.

Well, they probably have to use those buildings where they build airplanes, those buildings that are like the biggest buildings in the world.

Oh, like a hangar.

Yeah,

they could maybe incarcerate her in a hangar, but they definitely couldn't transport her across

state lines or like, you know, yeah for anything more than you know maybe a couple hundred feet

you know yeah you know what kind of what kind of train could possibly

what kind of boxcar could possibly house such a

there's like

such a massive beast

like a holocaust revisionist being like uh

the bitch too big it's impossible yeah they're lying funny it's like they it the holocaust happens again you see the camps being liberated.

And then it's all these skinny people behind the bars.

And they're like, oh my God, they were starving all of them.

They're like, no, Amy.

We just ate all the food.

She was worse than the Nazis.

Amy was worse than the Nazis.

She kept bossing us around and making us open for her and stealing all of our jokes.

And I was like,

Train Wreck was kind of funny.

But yet again, it's called Train Wreck.

And what kind of train?

Yeah, what possible.

How could you possibly transport?

Yeah.

Train wreck.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

And that's the thing.

It's like...

I kind of forgot about her.

And then she's like, yeah, she's like telling this other lady, she's like, I'm getting death threats and all this stuff.

It's like, nobody's going to act on it.

You're like a protected celebrity.

The only celebrities that actually get attacked by people are like Bjork.

John Lennon.

Yeah, John Lennon.

It's like cult of personality musician.

Right.

it's like psycho.

It's not some like fucking privileged fatso that does like, you know,

how would you even describe her comedy?

Lunch break comedy, I guess?

Yeah, it used to be like, um,

like I went there kind of thing.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know.

Inside Amy Schumer is funny.

Yeah, it's funny because Kurt.

Well, Kurt and then also was Jesse Klein, funny comedy writer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, there were funny people that wrote for that show.

Yeah.

But yeah.

Yeah.

But how could once again, how could you possibly even attempt to get inside of her?

Well, through her mouth.

She would eat you.

The mouth, yeah.

The mouth, I guess.

But any of the other ports of entry.

Yeah.

Next to impossible.

Also, she was like, and by the way, I'm second cousins with Chuck Schumer.

Yeah.

Now, is there any way we could even tell if it was Amy saying all of these horribly genocidal things?

Because it could have been that she just ate a Nazi in self-defense and he's speaking from inside of her cavernous stomach.

That's a good point.

She could be a good point.

She could just be taking one of her like her seasonal post-feast naps.

She could be asleep right now.

She's been hibernating.

Well, yeah, it's October, right?

The attack happened on October 7th, right?

Correct.

You have to imagine October 1st.

You're going to get ready for winter.

October 1st rolled around.

Amy had her usual 8 million calorie feast.

Well, you got to

sleep.

A feast of the season.

Yeah, yeah.

And then she fell asleep.

She had a nice one, too.

Surf, turf.

She had it all.

She's hibernating somewhere with her mouth open, and she accidentally ate a racist.

Yeah.

Well, people swallow how many spiders in a lifetime?

Yeah.

You know, at her size, she can get a whole man.

Right.

There's one of them living inside of her stomach.

And he's like, he's like, we need to kill all the Arabs.

and people are like Amy how could you right and maybe you guys are just fat phobic and haven't considered what she what she goes through every day yeah right that she's just asleep and there's a Nazi in her stomach speaking yeah and that's that totally possible

I mean she could have also just been like

you know there could be compromot on her you know she could have seen the wrong things and now they took her Instagram away

She could have been on the island, you know.

We maybe need to save her.

Well, don't you think that

either the plane would have crashed or the island would have sunk into the ocean?

What plane?

What plane?

Yeah, right.

Maybe like a troop transporter kind of vessel?

Not even big enough.

Perhaps.

What aircraft could support that much power?

She could have swam there.

How?

With a flock of other whales.

They would have helped her.

She would have communicated with them and they would have given her directions.

A vlog of women, they would have all swam there together.

It's true.

Yeah.

It's true.

I don't think she, I think the density is so like,

I think she goes to the bottom quick.

Prainmecker was pretty good.

She's fat, too.

I don't know.

She is.

She's quite fat.

And we love her, and we'd love to have her on the show.

Anytime.

Yeah, anytime.

Anytime, Amy.

We could have Amy showing.

We invite a diversity of voices.

The most important, the most successful female comic of all time.

Yeah, it's true.

If you'd like to come on the show, please.

Who is the most successful female comic?

I don't know.

Joan Rivers?

Our good friend Hassan, who's been going hard this entire time, still making it.

Solidarity.

Solidarity.

Yeah, I'm doing it.

You're a hero.

Hassan's doing it.

Say what you want about Hassan.

I've said I appreciate

he does have integrity.

He does.

Yeah.

What's his name?

Ethan Klein is mad at him or some shit, right?

Yeah.

But I mean, Ethan's like,

isn't Ethan Israeli?

And his wife, too.

His wife's Israeli.

There's more of a pass for that.

Yeah, if you, yeah, your family's there.

Right.

Amy Schumer's just some fucking, just like...

celebrity pig from Long Island.

Sorry, I know that that's

that may be a little hard, but it's like she doesn't what like, you know, I don't know.

That might be a little hard as opposed to the thing we were saying before.

Saying she's from Long Island,

that's a trope, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a trope.

It's an anti-

She's making it about herself, I guess.

I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know really.

It is what the American.

I really don't know anything about it.

In general, the American Jewish community,

that's what we do when it comes to Israel.

We make it about ourselves.

Yeah.

And like, people die because of that.

Right.

It is a bloody conflict that we like,

we're like,

we are facing the eradication of

our species.

Yeah, it's like, I think the Iraq war was bad, right?

I think it was a mistake.

I waited for that to play out before I took

it.

And we killed a lot of people we shouldn't have.

If I was speaking to somebody that was in Iraq, like was in Fallujah and was shot at and fucking like,

then probably I wouldn't be like you're a fucking baby killer you know it's like this person probably already has PT they did that in Vietnam I thought I thought that part was pretty rude it is pretty fucked up and also

there's also the aspect of you know like at what point do you not have like a choice because I mean in Israel everybody's conscripted they all fucking have to in the U.S.

we send poor people yeah yeah yeah who like basically need a job um and then they get cheated on

by fat women.

Right.

And then they default on their,

what do you call it?

Their charger payments.

The rascal scooter?

No, don't they get chargers?

They all get chargers.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

I had a string of

car rentals where I was being given those.

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I have a couple of public requests because,

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I just said

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People have been going a little too hard.

Let's get to the read because I'd like to talk about that for a second.

Okay, yeah, let's get to this.

I feel like

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I guess it's just football right now, huh?

Just football right now.

They just had the big Tyson Curie fight.

I thought Nganu got fucking robbed.

Nganu.

Nganu.

This guy's an Nganer.

Yeah,

I thought that was bullshit.

It was obviously...

He lost by decision?

It was by decision, but he rocked Tyson.

And I'm a Tyson guy.

I'm a Tyson.

I'm a Gypsy King fan.

Yeah.

That's the Fetterman style man.

He's kind of Fetterman style.

Yeah.

A little bit Fetterman style.

Yeah.

But he's awesome.

He's like, I'm a gypsy.

I can't read.

I'm fat.

Yeah.

I can't read.

Fetterman's going hard for Israel, and it's like...

He's Jewish.

But do you think they would let him in there?

Israel?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like, to visit?

I mean, he's kind of like a freak.

They let him in Congress.

Yeah, I know, but they have no choice.

America is like pro-freak now.

I think they have some freaks over there.

I don't think, I don't think.

I think them boys got a little bit of freaks.

I don't know.

That guy like Fetterman?

I don't know.

That monster?

Just him showing up at the airport being like, I'm one of you.

They'd be like, this is fucking...

It's a little bad for business.

Yeah,

why are people particularly mad at him and not the rest of the government?

Because he was

like one of these perversive guys.

Did he present himself as pro-Pels?

There's this thing going on with like

because a lot of, I guess, our time, I mean, we checked out.

We didn't care.

And I was never even.

I liked Bernie, but I was only voting for Bernie Sanders because of

the healthcare.

You were in love with him.

I was in love with him.

No, because of the, like,

all I really give a fuck about is healthcare.

We're not getting it.

It's not gonna happen.

Yeah, so

whatever.

So I'm checked out, right?

But

you know, I don't like

the squad came around.

Yeah.

And then there was all of these like,

I don't know, I guess they call them post-left.

You know, I really don't know too much about what these terms mean.

These people that hate AOC or

cheated Telangana.

Post-left is right?

No, I don't know what.

They're just mad at everybody.

It's like the Jimmy Dore thing, but

they don't like the squad because the squad didn't do like force the vote.

That was one thing they

had an opportunity to force a vote on health care that would have made it so that Nancy Pelosi had to call a vote for universal health care.

No, they didn't do it.

They didn't do it or something.

I don't know why.

I'm talking about that.

But the Fetterman thing, what's that?

They're on their period.

Yeah, maybe they were.

Ha ha ha.

Can you not just not be a misogynist for like five minutes?

I'm sorry to the girls.

Yeah.

I apologize to women.

Any woman that was listening to that, it was vile.

Anyways, as far as I've seen,

which would throw kind of like,

there is a theory that AOC at least is just like a CIA plant because she, you know,

did that, was it USAID?

Is that what that is?

I don't know.

It's like a

front for the CIA in college.

She did something like that.

You could say that, you know, I don't know.

There's people, but she, I don't know, she seems to be criticizing this.

Yeah, the squad is being chill.

They're being chill about it.

Rashida Tlaib's awesome, I think.

Yeah.

I don't know if that has anything to do with the Fetterman hate, but

I guess definitely a lot of the.

It wasn't that he presented himself as pro, like

Palestine or whatever, and that he

didn't go back on anything he said he was, right?

No.

No, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so why him?

Why not everyone in the government?

Because they're not, like, I mean, most of them are, like, even like, Nikki Haley is the only like neocon that's really getting shit.

And even that, I don't even know.

Yeah, she wants to make like citizenship.

I mean, her, she's crazy.

She wants to have a counseling.

But that's what Nikki Haley is, is she's just a fucking like...

I miss that.

She's just a Republican goon that's like,

vote for me so that I can give as much money to Wall Street and the military-industrial complex as possible.

Cheney style.

Yeah, I mean she goes on the news and she's like

she's like we should be fully supporting Israel's genocide in Palestine and not questioning them at all and writing them a blank check to do it.

And we should hire a private mercenary force.

And they're right.

We should hire Blackwater.

Yeah, you'll like ask her, you know, it's like, well, do you think this is bad, what they're doing?

And she'll just be like, well, I think that bad things are good.

That's cool.

Cheney style.

Right.

Yeah.

And I mean, she goes pretty far.

And from what I see, that seems to be the only person that's even getting any kind of criticism.

Yeah.

Unless you're Jewish, in which case then the right will be like, oh,

well, I see where your loyalties actually lie, you know, and then they turn it into an anti-Semitic thing.

Yeah.

Like they did with Ben Shapiro.

And it's like, you know, Ben Shapiro doesn't, I mean, maybe a little bit because he's Jewish, he's like hard for Israel, but it's really, it's just because he's a newspaper.

Well, yeah, he's a piece of shit, you know, weasel with the worst politics you can possibly have.

Yeah.

He's kind of cooking right now.

Is he?

Yeah, every one of those videos.

He's talking faster and faster.

That's what.

Anytime I see him, I'm like, do they fucking speed up?

He's going to explode at some point.

Yeah, yeah.

At some point, he's going to go supersonic.

He's going to go full band.

Yeah.

Anyway, what did you want to say during the read, though?

Oh, yeah.

Well, a couple things with the show failing.

I guess we're going to have to go back to being guys that appreciate their audience more, right?

We've been trying to get away from that for a while to insulate ourselves from the audience.

But

with the show failing, we're gonna have to be like, we're so grateful for you guys.

Oh, yeah, we're so we're gonna have to open the DMs back up and just pitch ourselves as a couple of regular fellas

that are just so grateful for how lucky we are that we get the fucking

we'll do a fuck a fan challenge that we get the podcast.

And but I do I do have if any of you are like

computer guys, like

developers,

I guess Apple has this workout kit now.

And what I'm looking to do is, because there's no way to just do it on the phone, but I guess there's some indicator.

I don't want to get into the weeds, because I did learn how to write that iPad app to make the stav soundboard.

Oh, that's cool, yeah.

Yeah.

But I want something,

I want to have like a custom workout on the watch specifically for like zone

for zone training.

This is the request.

You really got to just use your listening skills more.

That was the last thing you said.

I thought it was connected to like, oh, we're going to make an app where you can work out with Nick because we're nice to the family.

I'm not saying it all.

I'm saying, if there is somebody, let me know if this is possible and if so, how I would go about doing it.

Yep.

So get at Nick.

Get at Ginsburg.

Please send yourself away.

Get at Ginsburg.

Get at Ginsburg.

Or Adam Friedland.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I will filter the responses to make sure that I only get what I want.

But what I want

is

to begin just a custom workout on the watch that allows me to do specifically zone training.

Is it an app just for you, or you think you're going to make like maybe a million, two million dollars?

It's just for me.

I will not be released.

No, this is not, it's not an app.

You just want your phone to work for you in the way you want it to work.

Yes, I want the watch to do.

God damn it.

What's wrong?

Because

you ask questions that are fucking wrong.

You ask the wrong questions.

I'm not doing it on purpose.

I'm not a smart person.

I'm not a very smart person.

If you were like, this is the equivalent of that.

Let's say you were like, hey, everybody, I'm making breakfast tomorrow and I'm going to try and make French toast.

So I want to know, I'm like, you're going to France?

You want the audience to go to France?

We'll let the audience decide.

What do you mean?

You're making your own bread?

Let the audience decide if my question is.

Wait, hold on.

French people don't make their own bread.

You want to make French bread?

They make pundit chocolate.

You want to make French bread?

They make French shit.

And so what?

You're sending French bread to the audience?

You can't even get through fucking with this fucking guy.

I just asked, you said you want to make an app.

I said, is it an app?

I don't even want to make an app.

I didn't say I want to make an app.

I said in the new iOS that destroyed my message history, and I checked.

I thought it was just the phone.

I took the iPad because I use iMessage and iCloud on that.

And I said, they said, oh, well, you can try resetting.

So I reset that.

Guess where all the fucking, now the messages are gone from the iPad as well.

Oh, my God.

And there's shit in there that's important.

I have six years of, hey, happy birthday, happy birthday to you too, and that's it with my stepsister.

It goes back

a decade of that being the only

chat history.

It's just once a year checking in.

And that's gone.

But no, I don't know.

That poor guy, Gabe,

Gabe, who invited us to the David Blaine party.

Yeah.

We met David Blaine.

We met David Blaine.

I keep it by my

life.

I keep it by my

nightstand.

He's real magic.

He's also real magic, guys.

I swear to God.

I keep it by my nightstand the playing card that David Blaine gave me.

Wow.

It was so cool.

Anyway, let's finish our day's work.

I have to go to the airport.

All right, well, I got to fucking think about like what

yeah, if there's a way to

do a

shut

up.

All right, I'm

if there is a way to make a workout where so basically zone zone.

Oh my god, dude.

Oh my fucking God.

All right, dude.

Just you say it.

I'm not in the middle of the day.

Thanks for

it.

Thanks for watching

the Friedland show this week, guys.

If you like the show, you want to help us continue our

dream, maybe get like a new cable for

whatever needs to be fixed, please check out patreon.com slash TAFS.

Say the new episode is coming out.

You're still on mic, they can hear you.

Oh, okay, bye.

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