The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 21 Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 02

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Welcome to

Los Adam Friedland Show.

They don't really have in Chinese, there's not like

they can say it.

They can't say Jordan.

No, no, but they don't have like a the

Adam Friedland show would just be Adam Friedland Show.

Yeah.

I think.

Maybe the at the end.

Adam Friedland show that.

I'm assuming.

No, it would have to be the, like, you would have to say Adam Friedland Show,

like, spiritual original

dragon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Question.

That's how their language is constructed.

Good afternoon, folks.

It is

September.

It is Wednesday, September 13th.

This week we got to do this one a week in advance because

I will be out of town and Adam is out of town as well.

Adam is in Greece, which I, where the fuck is the goddamn fucking timer on this fucking thing?

I swear to God.

Just go to open your alarm and then you'll accidentally open the timer every time.

Yeah, I know.

That's what I do.

It's always, I always go to the stopwatch is what I need, but I go to the countdown timer by accident.

Every time.

I do it on stage every time, too.

I've handed my phone to audiences and be able to clock.

One says S, one says T.

I don't understand the fucking,

oh, oh, yeah, I'm supposed to know the different types of clocks.

What do you got?

That was not a burp.

That's not a burp.

Yeah, I know.

My gastric system is.

Are you still vegan?

She'd do it.

No, I quit that.

Really?

Yeah, because I was like.

Dying?

Yes.

You were perishing.

Yeah.

Anyways, yeah, no, I'll do it.

I'll switch back to that when I get cancer.

Yeah.

And then I'm going to be one of the guys that's like, no, there's a fruit in Vietnam.

Yeah.

And I'm just going to eat that.

You're going to climb to the diet.

I'm going to beat this thing by eating bugs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we should be eating more bugs.

I've been jamming fucking incense into my nose and eating bugs.

That's how I'm going to beat cancer by pretending to be in.

That was like the move in the 70s.

It was like, you got cancer you went to the doctor in the 70s it was like well we can cut i'll cut you open and just rip shit out or you can eat rocks yeah

or you can do cultural appropriation yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

and that might work Speaking of cultural appropriation, Mexico doing a little bit of their own cultural appropriation this week.

They're tired of being called aliens.

By getting into UFO stuff.

I heard a Mexican guy on the train just now.

And last night I heard like an African guy.

Like he was like,

and he was talking so loud.

And I kept looking up from my book and just being like, why is your, and he would look at me kind of like, what are you looking at?

And I was like, is that just what, like, if English just sounds like this, like a normal vocal cord range, is African, and Mexican, he was like, eh, bada.

And I was like, do you just have to.

Like, if he was speaking in a whisper, would it just become a different language?

I would imagine Africa is very loud.

So

the guy he's talking to, like, has his like ears are going back with the frequency of this man's voice.

He's like, oh, they were talking to each other.

Yeah, but one guy was quiet and he wasn't after.

Yeah, one guy was like, yeah, I hear what you're saying.

The other guy was like,

and it was like crazy.

I mean, it was so.

And Mexicans, too.

Yeah.

I've had them on job sites and I'm like, the homework is here.

If you could just, and they're like, okay.

Oh, they're loud.

Really loud.

Are Guatemalans quiet?

I've never talked to them.

I'm not allowed.

Not allowed, you say.

Anyways, so yeah, I mean,

you've already, you've done not necessarily a deep dive, but you've looked into this

little alien, this Mexican alien.

This little fucker.

I said that, well, that's what I love about it is that it's a Mexican version of an alien.

That they have an alien.

And it's like, if you imagine light years away, that there's

alien America and there's a Mexico, alien Mexico.

Like they somehow found Mexico.

It's a little guy.

He's little.

Harry texted it to me this morning.

You've met Harry.

He's got a Spider-Man backpack from Kmart.

Filled with Milwaukee little.

He has a kid that's as tall as him.

Yeah.

Yeah, Harry texted me and said they uncovered, they uncovered two little fuckers.

And I was like, what?

And then I saw the picture.

It has to be fake.

They look like little sculptures, but.

Yeah, well, I mean.

I would do that if I was Mexico, if everybody was like, you're aliens, you're aliens.

It's a kind of fossilized thing, but like

i don't think i think they made it recently and they gave it a shroud because all of the stuff i've read there's nobody being like we dated the skin i i briefly read that they did do radiocarbon dating on it and it went back a thousand but what if it's that's just what little mexicans look like i don't think i was saying it was a baby and then somebody's like it's pregnant well i would assume that it's just a doll or a sculpture or something that was made out of some kind of old stuff yeah material that like,

I don't know.

I mean, I would imagine when things are fossilized, it loses some of its, everything kind of turns to like ash or dirt anyways.

Yeah.

How do you know?

Like, it was probably just a doll.

And then like, I think Occam's razor here.

Okay.

It's definitely not a fucking alien from 1700 years ago.

Who looks like every alien we've always

and has obvious little like sculpture.

Like anybody who plays with Sculpey for five minutes makes that thing yeah yeah i mean that would be fucked up it would be weird if in our time

our lifetime that like uh all like there's just aliens and they are like they were in the movies and that's all that's why they yeah and uh

and then also like like science does the things that are supposed to be impossible because it must have been crazy if you like grew up if you were like 40 years old in like 1905 or whenever the wright brothers made that stupid fucking plane,

you know, if you were like 40 and you're like, what do you mean we can fly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally.

Well, that's how I feel about the watch.

When I was little, I had a pretend, an imaginary computer watch that I would hit and be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, boop.

Yeah.

And now it just is something that we have.

Right.

I remember as a kid, they would say that.

They're like, eventually a computer is going to be so small you can wear one as a watch.

Yeah.

Just imagine like a little desktop computer

with like a tiny

use with like a toothpick.

Yeah.

And I'm like, that doesn't really seem very convenient and now this thing just pisses me off all the time because i i can't wear those things

what about when it tells you to breathe i couldn't get mine to stop doing that oh yeah no i uh when it's like calm down like mine doesn't do that i think because i do i do like yoga and stuff really so it logs the like mindfulness minutes or something it can feel your yoga no you just said i said hey hey i'm doing oh you're using it how they should be

you're you're a tech guy yeah where i use i use the the down dog app.

I'm old now, my joints hurt, so I need to do, I have, I have to do some kind of like do you do it at your house?

Yeah, I have a yoga mat.

I have to, I have a stretch, or I'm gonna like, I'm just gonna be hurt.

My back, I fuck my back up like three times a year.

I have to do butt exercises basically every day, or my butt becomes like labia, and then I just lose all strength in the rest of my body.

What do you mean it becomes like labia?

Just withers into

just nothing,

just concave

so when you say you do butt like a pigeon chest pigeon butt you mean like squats you're doing so many squats yeah

just to give you know i need a solid you know how like i hate doing squats yeah they suck they're the worst worst exercise they hurt yeah you know women with like diabetic women who are like big fat hogs on bottom and then they have this like tiny little torso yeah if you like doing squats you're either fat or european yes yeah

people yeah i'm trying to get european you're either selectively bred by a former Soviet state.

Yeah.

Well, every name of a squat is like a

Russian dead baby.

That's the names of it.

What's that?

Like Romanian deadlift or Bulgarian split squats.

Yeah, none of them are like American boy, but, you know.

Texas style squats.

Yeah, more like that.

But yeah, I got kettlebells, and then I just look up women that are hot and just tell them, they just tell them how to do it.

Kettlebells, you do what, goblet squats goblet and you do the thing where you like go down and then back up feels good what's down and back up like you're standing like this and you're holding it and you bend and then lift it back up and it pulls the back of your oh okay oh yeah so just like uh like rdls

with a kettlebell does that what are yells oh yes yes yes yes yes yes

you start at the top and you go down to your hamstring stretch and you come back up yeah yeah i've been doing my wrists are fucked up because i've been getting back into handstand push-ups.

Oh, it's like everyone does those.

It's crazy.

Do you do it against a wall?

Yeah, you try to you can if the eventual goal is to do them freestanding, you got to like try to get off the wall as soon as possible.

Um, can you do them?

How many are you doing?

Uh, freestanding.

I don't know.

It's hit and miss.

I can do like one or two, but it's it's the trick with doing them free, because if you do them against the wall, like the way they do them in CrossFit People put their hands real wide and they flare their elbows and if you practice them that way You're never gonna be able to do like a regular you have to keep your you have to keep your your

Shoulder blades like just like

like this almost like so here's your shoulder blades you got to keep them out like that So you you use your serratus to pull your shoulder blades forward and then you have to bring your elbows in and if you do them I mean you can do it against the wall this way, but to do them like that it will have carryover to free standing you got to keep keep your elbows locked way in and then the motion is you you move like your head forward so you end up kind of at angle you read about squinching if you hit your if you squinch your head if you squinch well you just you sort of touch your your you come but if you fall

i ain't gonna fall also i weigh like i weigh 90 pounds yeah it's not like a big deal but i mean it is like just hard on my wrists at this point yeah yeah i think you have to do these they say yeah i don't really but that's the thing, you do yoga and it just covers all that shit, yeah.

Yoga rules.

I used to do beakram yoga, which I like because every time it was the same thing, so there wasn't some bitch in there being like, and you know what I thought of the harvest, everybody like you know what I mean, and you're like, I hate it.

That's why I use apps because I can't

deal with their daily affirmations and shit.

It's so fucked up.

I'm like, I want to kill myself.

That's why I'm here.

And you're being like,

My mom told me something, and I'm like, Your mom's addicted to drugs.

Yeah, your mom's your mom's already three bottles of wine deeper your mom made a yoga instructor who lives in Bedstai I absolutely I had one did I tell you about this there's one this black lady big black goddessy lady super hot who now now they're the best at yoga yes it five years ten years ago it was like would you believe they can do yoga too yeah and now it's now that

that's where you go that's Mrs.

Yoga yes yeah they're the they're the is Israel Israelites they're the original Pharaohs.

Every single one of them has cancer.

They're like, I got to try something.

This woman smashed her car.

She's teaching the class every day.

I smashed her car into the yoga.

No, no, no.

I go to her class all the time.

I'm listening to her.

Yeah.

And then they go in, and she's like, after the class, we talk after.

And she, you know, when you're a comedian, people will just, for some reason, just tell you things they should never tell you?

Does that happen to you?

People will say things to me that I'm like...

You mean like audience?

Like after anybody.

They just, there's like an open bookish about comedians, like a curiosity.

People really don't talk to me.

Okay, okay, I see that.

That's because of the shape of your face, I think.

What does that mean?

Well, the way you hold your face is really like...

Well, it's bright here.

It's the same way.

My mom is always like...

Dude, I've been wearing sunglasses on the show.

It's a lot nicer.

It is nice.

I'm going to do it.

Do you want yours?

Will this alienate you?

What's that?

Will this alienate you?

Uh-uh.

Sometimes I feel alienated.

The theme today is aliens and alienation.

What was I talking about?

Oh, she hit a Hasidic Jew.

No, she ran into a Hasidic Jew's car.

He gets out and he's like, hey, can we?

He was like, you hit my car.

And she was like, I'm so sorry.

And he goes, we can deal with this at my house.

And she was like, what?

And then they went to his house.

He was like, you can suck my dick and we'll call it even.

And she told me that.

And then I could never again.

I mean, I would go to her class and she'd be like, get down into Down Dog.

And I'd be like, I don't trust you.

Don't trust anything else.

She blew a Hasidic.

That's the worst person to blow.

Okay, another story.

And then it's your turn.

Tyler Fisher.

You know Tyler Fisher?

Yes.

He does a good Trump impression, Owen Wilson, and is like the anti-vaxxer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I've met him once or twice.

At the cellar last night or two nights ago, a homeless man ran at him.

And then he dropped his phone.

And then the guy we call Wheels, which is a man who has never stood up in his life, he has dreads that are becoming whole ecosystems of terror.

Okay.

He's disgusting.

And we're always just like, like, when you give him a dollar, you're like, you know?

And Tyler was like, where's my phone?

Where's my phone?

He chased the other guy.

And then Wheels like came up to him out of the darkness and was like, I know where your phone is.

And he was like, where is it?

And he goes, and he pulls it out of his penis.

Out of his, like, reaches into his pants,

a snake.

And Tyler was like, do you want to hear this?

And I was like, yes, tell me what shape the phone was in.

And he was like, slippery, wet, gunky.

Yeah.

And I was like, immediately like,

I could.

And then he's like, I'll finally get the vaccine now.

Yes, now he needs it.

At least he'll get the vaccine.

Yeah, now he needs it.

And then he was like, and then Wheels was like, give me money.

And he was like, give him a dollar.

And he was like, more money.

And he gave him $20.

And he was like, okay, gave him the phone.

And then Tyler took a video of the guy the next day being like, hey, remember yesterday?

You stole my phone, you put it in your pants, da-da.

And Wheels was just going like this.

He's like, Yes, yes,

yes, I do.

And then Tyler's like, Tyler's like, pretty fucked up.

And he goes, I was looking out for you.

And I was like, I think he might believe that in his heart.

You know what I mean?

In the Wheels economy.

Yeah.

Okay.

We'll get back to that in a second.

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Speaking of fat cows at the fair, I mean Ian are going, horseback riding tomorrow.

Yeah.

I don't understand how you spend so much time with him.

Not, not, I mean, like, day-to-day stuff, I get, but like, anything that I could only, I have a limit.

I don't think I could go with Ian to anything where I could see more enthusiasm that he's already bringing to any situation.

Okay, I'll tell you how.

Because if I said to you, get away from me, like, oh my God, wow.

An ashtray, wow.

And I'm like, just take it down a a notch

if i say take it down a notch he has to

isn't this the best thing you've ever fucking seen in vegas with him it was crazy he's like we're smoking insides i'm like rapidly deteriorating down to my soul because also you can say to him you can be like i hate you and i need you to be quiet and he's like fair fair fair and he'll put himself in a cage

also he's depressed right now which is when we get along really well

yeah how you doing man I've been doing really fucking bad.

Next time you see him.

Dude, I got a Rubik's Cube.

I've got not, I just bought 15 fucking Rubik cubes.

You saw me just point to my lip and you're like, heard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got it.

No, definitely.

It's a team effort.

Dude.

Dude, I was thinking about getting it.

I'm just, I've been getting into classic Tiger electronic handheld games.

I just spent $18,000 on eBay.

I got a whole fucking box of them.

We're going to turn them into a podcast studio.

What do you mean?

What does that mean?

No, I don't think it's going to help if you have the only Lego-based podcast studio.

Also, you're going to get sued.

You can't have the Lego podcast where you're talking about sucking the entire cast of Orange City Black Cox.

I guess Luke Moniz was telling a story last night about Jolis' AirPods getting stolen.

And then Ian was like, yawn.

And Luke was like, sorry, it's not a story about you getting like raped by a thimble of camera.

It is every time you talk to Ian, he's like, oh, yeah, I had sex with a lady last night who had a dick so big it ripped the back of my throat open.

I like that he like kind of, and it's very tempting for comedians to like brand themselves as like mental health people like the mental health sphere is such a like annoying thing and then i get it's like annoying because like i'll get like people be like dude it's cool that you've like talked about i'm like i just because it's a podcast i have nothing else to talk about i certainly don't want to brand myself as like somebody with mental illness

do you get the retards at your show just fully yeah to me it's the thing to being like i have wrist pain and then you're like I've struggled with carpal tunnel and see that represented.

I don't want to represent anything.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to to get through the fucking hour and talk about these Mexican aliens.

That's it.

I have a lot of borderline girls coming out to my shows.

But Ian gets into the branding himself as like a, or not branding himself.

I don't mean that seems unfair, but you know, he does talk about mental health stuff.

More of the bisexuality.

Yeah, but it's the mental health, like,

you should be fucked up.

You know what I mean?

Like on drugs?

No, no.

I don't mean

fucked up on drugs, but like the catalyst for this mental illness is entirely balanced.

You know, it's like

the mental health internet influencer ecosphere, it's meant because it derives from like, you know, like the economy of white women inventing problems that don't exist to solve them.

Oh, I see.

You're having somebody who got raped.

Basically, like, it's like if a methed got raped by his father, it was like, I have mental illness and you could too.

Kristen Bell being like, make sure you're drinking enough water.

Yes, yes.

We both have that.

People will be like, I'm just so glad that you have come together to make a podcast where you're sick people.

And I'm like, yeah, we both had like the most horrendous, you know what I mean?

Like, we're not, we're not meditating to get through this.

We're literally locking ourselves in a basement and losing oxygen.

Yeah.

Anyways, sorry, Ian.

Hopefully, that wasn't too critical.

He doesn't build himself as that, but he gets billed as that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think he's very like, hey, man, he is.

Nobody actually brands themselves as anything, really.

There's a little bit of the in the women's sphere of being like,

I have this.

It's okay to have this.

It's fine.

You know what I mean?

I've seen women be like, I have,

you know, fiber mindset.

There's OCD.

I say that I have OCD.

And there's a lot of comics who are like, I have OCD.

But yeah, it's rare that somebody becomes the comic of...

Yeah, that's an except for Latino, which is a mental illness.

I just be like, I have that.

That's me.

I have that.

I have OCD.

I have autism.

You you can just say that the autism one how many comics say they have autism and there's just zero that dan lamar guy i'm like start saying i have alzheimer's yeah that would be good for you

that you could get out of so much yeah

watch that

really good there's too many blacks in here and then people have to be like he has alzheimer

that's great he's 34 years old what do you mean he has alzheimer's he got every he got the johnson and johnson i've been told a lot recently i have autism like the ian on the podcast was like I'm hanging out with Toby, and I'm like, Toby, with the dead girlfriend.

And he's like, no, stop.

Yeah, that's the thing.

It's because people, people do that to me.

They're like, oh, you're like,

I'm an autistic comedian.

And it's like, I didn't say that.

Like, fucking, people just accuse me of it, and they say it to me to insult me.

And then the insult is repeated to me by everyone.

They say you're autistic?

Yeah, people do.

They assume I'm not autistic at all.

No, not autistic.

No.

He's a scary guy.

I'm just kind of rude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, Mexican aliens.

Let's talk about these old fuckers.

Let's get into it.

It's so funny, Dev's going to be like, you're autistic.

No, I'm just a bad guy.

I'm just, I'm just a

bad guy.

I don't think I'm a bad guy.

No, I don't resent that.

But rude is good.

I'm a rude man.

I don't even think I'm particularly rude.

I think I just have kind of maybe like a reserved affect, and it's from maybe just staring at screens too much.

You think?

No, I think there is a lack of, I have it too, where people are like, I'll say something and people are like, that's so mean.

And I'm like, oh, I'm just saying, I'm just saying exactly.

You know what I think it is?

I'll be like, I'm just saying exactly what it is because I'm a little too depressed and dissociated to like filter for anybody.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I don't think I, I don't think I even, I think mainly the problem is my face.

Really?

Yeah, people tell me stuff and then I'm like, right, yeah.

Oh.

I should just wear sunglasses all the time.

But isn't that because you're thinking about something else instead of what they're thinking?

No, I'm listening to them, but it is easy for me to go off on like tangents, but I am listening.

Huh.

I guess it's like,

yeah, because I mean, I do fall under the problem where like, you know, someone is just venting and then you're like trying to find a solution.

And it happened to me where I'll vent and like somebody will offer like, why don't you just do this?

And she's like, shut the fuck up and just let me complain.

Yeah.

I don't want like, you know, an answer to this problem.

I just want to bitch about it.

I already know what the answer is.

When you're talking to women, that's when you, that's when you zoom out, right?

That's when you fall asleep in your brain.

No, I don't think so.

It might be.

When I talk to women, sometimes I will take a brain nap on accident.

No, I think I am relatively engaged when I'm talking to you.

Unless I'm tired.

That's the thing, is I'm not good.

If I'm tired, then it's like it's nap time.

Yeah.

No matter who it is or what it is.

Can you perform tired?

Yeah, I kind of just black out when I go on stage, anyways.

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah.

Anyways, today's episode is also brought to you by Fume.

We discussed this last week.

We're discussing it again.

Actually, let me

take it.

Take it again.

We'll do a reset.

Because it reminds you of the thing that you really want.

No.

No.

Don't say that.

Today's episode is also brought to you by Fume.

Fume is pronounced

this is gonna fuck me up every time I look at it.

Fume.

That's the thing.

If I was just reading the word fume, I wouldn't have a problem.

But when you say it's pronounced fume and then put it, then I read it like a fucking print, like a pronunciation.

How do they spell how you pronounce it?

F-U-M-E?

U-M-E.

So I think Fume.

Right, Fume Hobby.

Yeah.

Anyways,

here's Fume, right?

And that's F

umlaut over the UM, pronounced fume.

And what fume is, is a

it creates positive habits.

So a lot of people have bad habits, right?

And

sucking air into a tube.

Yeah.

Good habit.

Suck flavored air through a tube is a good habit.

Look, let's say fuck you to the copy today.

Let's go.

They have a description of every part in here.

So we'll go one by one.

An easy to clean steel body.

I wish I had one of those.

On my me, I mean.

But this is good.

Upright position line indicator.

I didn't even see this, but that's the upright position.

What's upright about it?

Well, then the sloth is here.

Oh, gotcha.

In case, you know, it's not going to fall out anyways.

But maybe you're like, where the hell is the fucking

the line?

Now you can see the lines right there.

You got an easy snapping core.

I really do like the action on this

this little spring.

I'm like,

you know, just putting that in there that way.

Being like, all right, motherfucker.

It's time to fume.

Does it feel like a syringe style or a gun style?

Gun style.

Let me try.

Feels like putting a little

bullet in the...

Oh, yeah, it pops in nice.

Yeah, it's made with real wood.

I don't know what

well now this just smells like the fume stuff.

I don't know what kind of wood this is.

What do you you think?

Pine?

Does that look like pine to you?

It's a little hard.

Can't be pine, right?

That's got to be hard.

It might be treated pine.

Oh, okay.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, and then

it looks like it's laser etched.

Definitely laser etched.

Yeah.

Fume.

Pretty cool stuff.

The barrel clicks to indicate position, right?

So you got this little

choke on the end.

I don't think you put this in here, right?

There you go.

Now that would have been misfire.

It would have.

That would have Alec bumped up.

If this had been your gun, you'd have pulled this out and pulled the trigger, fucking

it at my producer.

And then you would have been just brutally raped.

Just beaten to death while being raped for having the audacity to pull that gun out.

Yeah.

Not even load it properly.

Maybe it would scare them.

Oh, I'd be like,

next time you load this wrong, think about your demise in an alley somewhere.

What are you looking for?

I'm going to show you my big knife.

Oh, gay, nice.

Bring the knife.

We have a K-bar in the office.

A gay bar?

Yeah, Gay bar.

Yeah, so you twist the barrel here and that adjusts the flow rate.

And then Jordan pointed this out last week.

I was pulling it into my mouth

and then inhaling afterwards.

And that doesn't really seem to be the move with this thing.

You want to open it up and then

just breathe normally.

Oh, that's cool.

I know.

That's probably super illegal here, huh?

Yeah, there's got some gunk on it.

Motorcycle oil on it.

Does it have a spring release or is it just like gravity?

Spring.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't that nice?

Don't get caught with this.

I know.

We're going camping, though.

Joel Wachowski's dad, I forget his first name, brought that for me out.

Knife Walkowski.

Knife Walkowski, yeah.

He is a Native American horse.

Joel's dad.

It's me!

Joel's dad!

Yeah, this thing's cool.

Isn't that neat?

That's cool.

It's heavy.

So, and you can combine these two.

That's the thing that's great about Fume is there's a lot of accessories here, like the knife, the official

Fume knife.

Look at that.

You want to look like

the fucking...

the coolest motherfucker on the train.

The way your hand is.

Yeah.

Yeah, just

coming up to you and saying you're under arrest.

And you're like, for what?

I'm not smoking.

Send me to jail for what?

Being the toughest guy

on the train.

I don't know about that.

Hot nut.

I don't know about that.

I'm fuming, boss.

I ain't got time to go to jail.

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You're so good at reading it in the NPR voice, in the podcast.

You know, I used to do VO for commercials.

Really?

Yeah.

I had fun doing that.

Like what?

Well, I really only ever got cast in a Geico ad.

And then one other that I think did never air.

I can't remember what it was, but I used to go audition all the time.

Wow.

It was way more fun than doing the on-camera auditions.

Yeah.

But real quick.

Yeah.

So, and it's got this thing too, this fidget spinner kind of action on it.

That's a lot of fun.

Airflow dial, the same function.

It makes it so that, you know, choke the choke on there.

Anyways, yeah, I like this thing.

Now that Jordan showed me how to actually use it, and I'm not trying to, you know, pull it into my mouth and then, you know, fucking do the thing.

It's, it's, uh, okay, so stopping something is something, stopping is something we all put off because it's hard, but switching to foom is easy, enjoyable, and even fun.

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They got the little tubes in there that go in this thing, and then it just, yeah, it adds like some kind of oil or something that the air passes through.

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and we are back now let's get into these

these little fuckers okay the little fuckers that could did you look up stuff um no i guess i could i seem to have lost i i looked it up and they found two i found a lost my damn phone here

one of the aliens is pregnant

Not his was.

No, they found eggs inside of it.

Eggs?

Yeah.

They found...

They found a fetus inside the alien.

Isn't it weird that chickens, periods, is just an egg?

Like crazy?

Yeah.

What?

Hold on.

They'll sit on them to try and make them babies, but it's just themselves

chicken

alien.

This is nice.

Yeah.

I feel like the reason this story came out is just to fuck up the Google results when conservatives are looking for illegal aliens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Totally.

They were sick of being called aliens.

I mean, this thing is, this looks like a shitty Halloween decoration.

This has to be like

just some like retarded congressman.

And sorry, not, never mind.

Cut, bleep that Ginsburg.

You can't say retard?

I don't want to.

Retard is basically, it's like colloquial now.

It's like retards are saying retard.

Yeah.

Anyways, I don't want to.

This has got to be just a moron.

This is a guy from like a congressional district with nine people in it.

Yeah.

You know, he's like,

he's like this beloved member of the community that probably owns like a shaved ice truck.

And they're like, we're sending Pablo to Congress.

Yeah.

And then he's there and he's like, look, I found an alien.

But he talks way louder.

And then everybody in Congress, in Mexican Congress is like, yeah,

this is basically our Major E.

Taylor Greene.

He's like our dumbest Congress

man.

You know, like, this can't be.

Well, and they had somebody look at it from the, like, if you look it up, it's like the alien investigations.

It's like some guy with like.

It's very racist to assume that Mexican Congress is taking this seriously.

You know what I mean?

There's no way that.

It looks like they really are.

It looks like they're being like, we have this thing, okay?

because it's their their congress probably like our congress and it's like great we don't have to work for the next hour we'll just let this fucking dumbass talk about aliens oh yeah yeah is he talk he talked about it in congress he went in and set it up on a little table yeah

they've been displayed the mexican politicians oh i'm sorry i was under the impression that a congressional representative brought the alien in and was like you know, for show and tell.

So they have show and tell there.

I think they did.

No, it was, it was two small letters.

all right from cusco peru represented it wasn't even their alien it was from peru

yeah but they had them because they spoke spanish yes yeah ufo was spearheaded by journalist and ufo ufologist afologist they need to make that a better word they do it's bad definitely not webmaster though also you can't combine o and ologist you know what i mean that's that's like a weird yeah branding thing i'm an afologist yeah yeah

I would like to offer my sincerest apology.

I'm not trying to be an alien ophologist.

I think what they're doing is wrong.

But

Jamie Masson, who testified under oath that the mummified specimens are not part of our terrestrial evolution, with almost a third of their DNA remaining unknown.

Okay, so they have a way to extract DNA from these things.

But the DNA is unknown.

It looks like it's, well, I get, I don't know.

Can't you extract DNA from a t-shirt?

Can you?

I think so.

All right.

Couldn't you be like, what is this?

And you extract.

I don't know.

I mean, if you honestly, if you go to Reddit, I'm sure someone can explain why this is like the dumbest thing in the world.

Ginsburg, you look like a Reddit guy.

But it's also like, how are they, these new?

You know what I mean?

All right, anyways.

Ooh

I just got a hankering for a big old slice of pepperoni pizza.

I know I've been craving pizza all the time.

But pepperoni specifically, I don't know.

Like

we live in New York, folks.

We live in New York.

Reddit.

We can get pizza whenever we want.

And, you know, occasionally I'm like, oh, I'll just get a slice of pizza.

But something about a craving for pepperoni pizza in particular.

When you're like, I need a slice of pepperoni.

Yeah.

It's, that's a really really good feeling.

You follow that feeling.

Yeah.

I mean, I often don't get the pepperoni pizza because right now I'm dealing with two canker sores.

I was laughing today about a guy walking by me and being like, I was thinking about your canker sores.

Like a guy was like, hey, smile.

And then if I was like, oh, I can't.

I actually have two herpes sores that are gaping and oozing.

And if I smile, I'll crack them open.

I don't want to do that.

And that might deter him.

Yeah.

I try that stuff all the time.

A guy followed me home and I picked up,

Harry called me and I picked up and was like, hey, I just smeared shit into my pussy yeah yeah to get the guy away hello

is oh it's the aids doctor yeah yes thank you for calling yeah they always say

ah it's the pussy knives doctor i still have knives in my pussy huh ah that's a shame

When people tell stories about people, they always go like this.

They're like, they're like, oh, anyway, so I went into, I was talking to Nick Mullen and I went in and I was like, hey, nobody.

Somebody told this story.

Huh?

Somebody told you this story?

No, this is just what everybody says.

He was not talking to anyone to make that clear.

It was just like, anytime somebody does a pretend story or they're reenacting a story, they're always like, yeah.

And I was talking to him and I was like, hey, just notice it now.

You'll see it everywhere.

And you'll be like, you didn't.

sing hey to that person before you said something yeah every time hey it's jordan it's not real well i told you and i don't maybe it's rude to out him on the show, but I don't care.

But Adam sent me his like research notes for the last day

to print out for him

prepare.

And it was very cute.

But he wrote, hey, good afternoon.

Thanks for joining us into his cue cards.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Nice.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello, everyone.

Yeah.

Yeah, written down.

Yikes.

He's a baby.

I remember before I even did stand-up,

that's how I would write material.

I would write out a standard.

No way, really?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, thanks for having me.

Wow.

I'd write out a long form piece of paper.

Like imagining what it would be like.

No, yeah, I'll memorize this.

And then never again.

Oh, yeah, the memorizing thing.

Once you start doing stand-up, it's like, oh, yeah,

there's no actual writing that happens.

There's no physical act of writing.

No, there's bullets that you write in your phone that are chaotic.

Yeah, I've never written out anything.

Yeah, it was always like thing you would just have the whole joke in your head.

You're like, here's a roadmap, and then I figured out how to say it, and then that'll exist as one word, regardless of the length of the bit.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you have cues.

I have one on my phone I just opened.

I don't know what it means, but it just said, I love bus.

I love bus.

And I was like, thanks, Jordan.

That's great.

Sometimes I could write it out a little bit more than that.

I love bus.

And I just think that that's going to open like a knowledge hole and I'll unravel.

It's surprising that more people don't try to write children's books.

I think people do.

Have you seen it?

Have you been to a children's bookstore?

It's like millions of books.

No, but the children's books now are like,

I'll kill myself if it goes.

This is why Donald Trump ain't YOLO.

You know, it's like,

what the fuck is this?

It's a political content for...

like somebody that's still shits in their pants.

Yeah.

They don't need to have opinions yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

That's the thing.

That's what drives me crazy.

Like,

people get mad about

children's gender identities or whatever.

They're like, oh,

you can't let a child make those decisions at five years old.

And it's like, yeah, but that whole issue is fraud.

So I'm just not going to have an opinion on that.

Let the chips fall where they may.

But like turning your fucking toddler into a resistance baby.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like, that's fucking.

And I guess they already do that with baby shit.

Honestly, that's kind of embarrassing.

To put

a baby two-year-old and be like, oh, well, he loves Minnie Mouse.

He loves Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

It's like, what about when they just pierce their ears?

That's the same as a trans baby to me.

What?

When they pierce their ears.

Oh.

Is that bad?

I think it's bad.

Why?

You're puncturing a tiny little baby's fresh.

I think circumcision is not great.

Yeah.

Puncturing, giving, decorating your baby?

You might as well tattoo it.

If I had a son, I would get them circumcised.

I would get them tattooed.

I would get them circumcised because I feel like at this point, then that would be kind of punk rock.

To circumcise?

I don't know.

I think you leave the...

That's punk rock.

I'm just trying to stay ahead of the curve.

Ahead of the.

Yeah,

I don't want to be like every other parent.

I think everybody circumcises.

I think it comes down, every woman goes.

I think they're not doing it anymore.

Like doctors?

No, I mean, like parents, young parents.

I think it's rude to assume that a person won't be able to clean their dick skin.

That seems insane.

You know?

Yeah.

Well, why not just get their asshole removed?

Yeah, yeah, please.

Yeah, can you just bring it to the outside?

I did just get my asshole waxed for the first time in my life.

Really?

On, you know what she said?

She goes, time for the bus.

Was that on the menu at the spa?

Yeah, it's a Brazilian.

I thought Brazilian meant triangle.

I don't know why.

I think Bermuda.

I don't know what I was thinking.

And then she goes, time for the butt strip.

And I was like, please don't do this.

And she was like, oh, you want to just leave that?

And I was like, you're right.

And then I got on my hands and knees.

And she was like, what are you doing?

And I was like, I'm giving you my butthole.

And she was like, no.

And she was like pulling me.

And she was like, and I was like, please don't make me do this.

And she was like, on your back with your knees to your ears.

And I was like, this is a baby getting his dipee changed.

I can't do this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But she did do it.

It was crazy.

I was really sweaty.

Like, it's like scary and clammy.

I also thought the lights would be dim, but they were like, they were like elementary school.

Who's going to be like, wow, your asshole looks amazing.

Okay, because if you get your, because all my friends were like, you need to, you should wax, it's better.

So I was like, I'll try it.

And then once you wax everything, you're like, I can't just leave like a little detective mustache in the back.

You're right.

Why not?

It's why.

But also, when you're, when you're doing doggy, it is nice to know that it's just clear and smooth back there.

I want it bleached.

I think everybody starting at the age of five should get their asshole bleached annually, anally, annually and anally.

Yeah.

Because think about it, it just bleaches all the poop that you've ever accumulated all the stain i was reading today about um like that's the kind of shit is like it was a good article about uh

like uh uh research into not i really know anything about this shit but the

epid epigenomes

epigenetics

why epigenetic i maybe it is epigenetics or like epigomes or something i don't know it's some shit on the outside of the cell that like contains some kind of information and it's not like basically the thrust of the thing was about how they had like research into like anti-aging stuff and they can take mice and they can

do fucking something and edit this part of the cell that actually reverses their aging process makes them like age in reverse and they can Benjamin Button yeah no way yeah restore youthfulness in mice and then but do they go back to be babies and they can all no you can they can stop it at a specific point and then they could also speed it up so they take the the mice and make them age rapidly and their hair goes gray and get fucked up, but they can like go back and forth in this research and then like the next step is figuring out you know, can you do it to primates and then eventually humans or whatever

and then I get I forget how this started or why I was looking this up and then I started just sort of fantasizing about myself being an immortal yeah and then just being you know castle

piano you seem like a guy who could be but that's the thing it's the long hair i still wouldn't have a castle from the 1400s you know what i mean it's like you fantasize about like what if we had medicine where i could be immortal and then it's like and then what i just eat checks mix for a thousand years yeah do yoga in your apartment right exactly it's like nobody you know and that's it's funny because you think about like

what if you could make your pet immortal you could have an immortal pet and you're immortal that would that might might be.

Yeah, maybe.

My cat's getting old now.

She was already kind of old.

She was old when I met her.

Yeah, yeah.

And she's starting to slow down a little bit.

It makes me sad all the time.

She's the best.

I go sit down by her and I'm like, are you, do you need anything?

I think they leave to die, which I think is really cool.

Like, they hide and you can find them in crawl spaces.

Dead.

Yeah.

We should do that.

I don't know.

No, I'm sad.

Yeah, I would get that.

I would get the surgery, the pill.

I have no idea.

I read about this stuff.

They tell you all the stuff that doctors are doing.

And then I'm like, but how?

Like, what is like, what is a gene?

Like, what do you mean you're editing the gene?

Yes, like this.

Like Ginnisburg back there.

Hooked up to a microwave and then you put the mouse in it.

Yeah.

And there's a beep, beep, beep.

I'm literally imagining you cutting him open, grabbing a gene, which is a kidney bead.

Yeah, right, yeah.

Taking its skin off and putting it into like a scanner and then rechanging the skin and putting it on.

I have no idea like what the actual process is.

I guess it's got to be like a some kind of chemical that they eat a telescope definitely telescopes yeah petri dish things split yeah i know that yeah

uh

but damn why did i bring that up what was i thinking about there was something funny that that that tangent went on when i was like oh yeah that's

that's funny but what were we talking about before gene editing but then but but what was i saying that led you to talk about the gene editing oh you know what i'm just saying how they present those those you know like articles as if

this is right down the pipeline, but it's like, yeah, I mean, you can't get rid of wrinkles, really.

It's like, fucking, there's whole industry.

There's still literal, like, snake oil industries that are

balding.

That's like a atrocious thing.

Sephora is basically a guy on the back of like a horse car.

Yes.

And 1880.

Like, a magic elixir that will take your vitality back to what it was in your younger days.

And it's just like women spending like $500 a month

bringing a 14 year old out

to look slightly less Armenian that's

what about this thing the lip thing is out of control they got it they gotta do they not know what it looks like that it looks insane when they do this thing I have no idea they get addicted to it I think yeah I just found out all my friends are doing Botox except for me every one of them yeah it's crazy yeah and then it makes you feel like you have to that's the other thing with trans women is they get so much surgery that you start being like if you're a woman you know, you made yourself into a woman and I'm a woman.

Do I have to keep up with you and get those big fat titties?

You don't have to keep up with anybody.

That's the best part about getting older is like, you just stop.

Are we the same age?

You 34?

32.

32.

You just stop giving a shit.

It's kind of nice.

Right around there, you're just like, I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, just wearing the most comfortable thing.

It is nice.

But that asshole waxing, I will say, I think you should do it.

It feels great when you're in the shower and you're, you know, when you have to scratch your butthairs to get them all clean?

There's not, you don't really have to do that.

No, no.

You never get in there with your.

No, I just sit on the

edge of the tub.

And I kind of just, like a slot car, just do laps.

Oh, squeaking.

Yeah.

Around, squeaking around.

I just do laps around the edge of the tub.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With your cat while it's being disappointed.

It's like a little roller coaster.

And I put on, I have a, I have a hat that looks like Thomas the Tank Engine on the top.

I have Thomas the Tank Engine's body and my face inserts in the front, and the rest of the train kind of hangs off the back.

Oh, I got you.

And the whole thing, that moves with you.

And then once I'm finished, then I turn the shower on.

I let it clean up the tub.

I don't actually touch the watermelon.

Your tub is made of soap.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

The water itself would be bad for my fresh coat of paint that Mr.

Topham had provided to me for getting the freight deliveries to their destinations on time.

Right, right right

i see

that's good yeah well i scratch my little butthole here

but not anymore yeah

yeah i remember like when i was a kid and i'd use my dad's shower there'd always be hair on the soap oh it's because he would shove the he would put the soap in his ass

like just at least wash the soap i don't know no and you can get it good you can get it so it has like if this is the soap it has like almost like a point so you can really fuck yourself with it to really get in there.

That's the move.

I'm not, I used to be that person, but now I'm a Dr.

Browner scratchy.

Oh, you use Dr.

Brown?

Yeah, just the burn

really hurts.

It feels bad for a while.

I use that shit for a while just because I liked reading them, but gave me something to do in the shower.

But then, you know, now you can bring your phone in there.

So I just do that.

Do you bring your phone in the shower?

I have brought every phone in the shower since the iPhone 6.

And

You read it while you're bathing?

Yeah, just for a shower.

Showering.

But I don't shower very long.

And I take cold showers, too.

So I'm just like...

Those are good.

Yeah, I'm just in and out.

I want them to get colder.

Now I've gotten used to them and it feels...

In the wintertime, it's nice.

When we used to pre-record Cometown, and we would be, we would go to the Berkshires.

I'll miss those days.

Those were nice.

Cabin week.

Yeah, we'd step in the Berkshire's and be frigid.

And, you know, like an old cabin with like frozen pipes and just uh just doing blow all night till like 4 a.m.

Sleeping for two hours and then getting up and hitting an ice cold fucking shower.

Yeah.

Jumping rope for an hour.

You would jump rope for an hour after Coke with your little mouse heart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's that's really what did the damage.

All these girls were doing Coke with not I wasn't doing it, but they were doing it and women do this thing where they like

they lock you into a conversation and first they do the like come in come into the bathroom come into the bathroom come into the bathroom and you have to go in there and then they talk to you in a way that you can't stop them you can't stop what they're saying and you can never get out of the conversation and it's like a it's like if a snake was going into your mouth coming out your ass and going back in your mouth and you can't get the end of it forever and ever that's how it feels Yeah, no, I'm glad I don't.

With men, it'd be fun.

I'm glad I don't do drugs anymore.

I know the feeling of the burden.

It's depressing when you finally get sober and you think about all the time that you were having fun, you're like,

that's just suck.

I'm just like sad.

I feel bad for myself and my friends.

Totally.

Yeah.

The 10 a.m., the looking and realizing it's 10 a.m.

Yeah.

I mean, I only once or twice let it get that bad.

Because I mean, I really didn't do drugs outside of like the second year of COVID.

And that's because it was just like.

It was everywhere here.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Bars were still closed.

And it was just, yeah, you'd go to, there'd be 15 people in a studio apartment, and so much, so many drugs on COVID.

I had to drive my friend just near the ambulance just because he was freaking out.

And I was like, if COVID wasn't going on, we would just go to a place where loud music would play and you'd feel fine.

But us just sitting here looking into our fucked up pupils is like obviously giving you a panic attack.

I don't know why Coke was so big.

I did it too during COVID.

Yeah.

That's when I quit.

It was just everywhere.

I don't know who did that, but yeah, no, I had a year, 2021, I guess.

But yeah, that year it got

not suited, you know, it wasn't like I was smoking crack or anything, but more than

more than twice a week, I think, is a problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was doing it.

I was getting really into bowling.

I was doing Coke, and then I'd go bowling for hours.

That's weird.

Yeah, I know.

And I would be so good at bowling on Coke.

And then the second...

The second I wasn't on Coke, I would suck immediately.

So I was like, it was the most, because everybody else would be drinking and partying.

And I was like, I don't drink, but I do Coke all night.

And that that was the thing.

Yeah, well, that was my problem.

That's why, you know, I couldn't drink either.

It's like, I mean, I also can't, it's the same.

I just have a problem with consumption.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I will do it with literally like any, I'll do it with baker's chocolate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking something that's disgusting.

And I'm like,

yeah.

You know?

So, yeah, I mean, I could just sit there and just keep doing drugs.

I get the dips between the dip bumps.

I would be, I would fall into a pit of despair and need to, I'll call people and be like, we need to to get as many bags here as possible because the idea of coming down ever is a nightmare.

Some people don't have that, have that bag.

No, I would get to the end of the night and be like, okay, I'm done.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

I would be like, I'll have to kill myself.

Yeah.

No, that's all depressing, but whatever.

Life goes on.

You know, I've got my yoga now.

And people our age are doing it all the time, but we're not pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's just depressing because it's like I try to take care of myself.

I've tried to take care of myself for a long time.

And I've I've like had periods where like, you know, I'd stop drinking and like, you know, get into exercise and clean up my diet and I feel better and like I'm mentally like, you know, doing better because I have some kind of like structure.

And it's like, wow, I'll just hold on to this.

This feels good.

I guess the depressing thing is I think about that and knowing these like cycles, it's like, well, what's good?

You know what's funny?

When I first met Ian, I hadn't drank for 18 months.

or something like that.

And we met at stand up.

What was the one that was in Long Island City that was like the other

standing room?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We met at the standing room, or maybe we met a couple times.

It was the first time I like hung with Ian.

And

yeah, I was like, Yeah, I know, I don't drink, I've been sober for X amount of time.

He was like, He's like, Oh, yeah, that's really good.

He's like, I'm sober again recently, too.

And I was like, Oh, like again, like you quit.

He's like, Yeah, and he told me that story where he fell off the wagon at the airport and was drinking hand sanitizer and then went to a club trying to buy crack.

And um, but crack, not crack.

Yeah, and I was like, how long were you sober?

And he was like,

about 18 months.

And like, it just shocked me because I had felt like at that time,

having 18 months, I was like, oh, I'm free.

I'm like, no, I don't have to worry about this anymore.

But then I was like shocked last year.

I didn't drink for nine years.

Oh, really?

And then I started drinking again.

And luckily, it like ended before anything really bad happened.

It was just I got drunk three nights in a row and I had like a two-day hangover.

And

what was the catalyst for drinking again?

Yeah, like a lot of things.

Yeah.

I remember I was around for it, but it is weird how it just works.

How it's like you can just slip it back in slowly and people just adjust around you.

You know what I mean?

What, drinking again?

Well, it just feels like if I started drinking again, it feels like every day of my life would be like, my God, Jordan, are you already?

You know what I mean?

And they would take me into a psych ward.

But it's not true.

Like my buddies all the time are like, do you want to?

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

I'm like, wow, I could just

drink again.

Did you start drink did you quit drinking recently or what?

I quit drinking.

I haven't drank the whole time when you were out of it and back into it.

So it's been

like a

maybe almost two years since I got into the cellar.

Because I had quit drinking.

Then I got into the cellar and I like had a glass of wine to be like, and I didn't like it.

So I just stopped forever.

Well, I say I was like sober for nine years, but I was doing drugs that entire time.

Yes.

Just not frequently.

Yeah.

Initially, not frequently.

Because I was, you know, it's funny, it was Adam.

Because when me and him hung a lot in DC, but then we came up here,

I would hang out with him a lot more because he was like, you know, one of my only friends.

And

yeah, I was never like a Coke guy prior to that.

I didn't know any Coke guys.

And then Adam was always like, where's the back?

Dude, let's get my house.

She's called a guy.

He would be wet man, wet man with dry bag.

He's like, let's get, you should we call a guy.

You know?

Yeah.

And

then, yeah, and then it would be like i i remember thinking like if you did coke more than i might think it was if you did it more than once in a three-month period you had a problem yeah that was like my thinking yeah and then it becomes more than three times a week you have a problem yeah right yeah yeah yeah i know i remember telling my mom i remember slipping it out and being like i have a coke problem yeah she was like oh really and i was like yeah it was like a six-year thing you know you like it's crazy yeah because it was like the only thing that i would do i mean six years in terms of like how long it took to build up until it was more than just you know once or twice a year.

Also, it's like an oval teen for relationships.

Like if you're dating somebody and you both are doing Coke together, you just like love bond over being so fucked up.

And then anytime you're not on Coke, you're like, I think I hate this person.

So just do Coke again.

Yeah, that's dangerous.

I've never been in one of those situations where things have been like just drug-based.

Yes, I've done it once.

And it stayed in it for a while.

And then when I quit, he was like, we never do anything together like bowl.

And I'm like, yeah, I think I hate bowling.

I think I was just on drugs and didn't want to talk to anybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just in life.

Damn.

I wish we hadn't switched to this topic.

But whatever.

I got a new lease on life now.

I've been actually sober for

four months.

That's great.

Yeah.

And that is great.

The show's a lot of fun.

You look better and healthy and are way more present.

No, thanks.

Huge difference.

Yeah,

the shows, we're having a lot of fun with it.

Me and Ginzi had fun this weekend shooting stuff.

That's all wrapped up.

Ginsburg will, I think we'll have the next episode of the Adam Friedland talks, the Adam Friedland show, the actual product out.

I don't want to be

over-promised, but Ginsberg, what do you think we'll have like a rough assembly done by probably the end of the week, huh?

And then just, it's just cleaning up that

opening?

Yeah, all right.

So realistically, the middle of next week.

And then,

yeah, and then we have like, we have now, what do we have?

How many interviews do we have just in the bag now?

Four, five?

Yeah, so we can just like now we can just focus on shooting like the other stuff.

So what is this?

What?

What is this?

This is just a podcast.

This is audio.

This is the Adam.

No, this goes on YouTube, but this is the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

And then the talk show will be Neil deGrasse Tyson type people.

Yeah, those types of things.

The talk show is, ideally what the talk show is, is there's, I mean, if we can get to the point where we have, I mean, we've sort of like approximated it like some kind of like little like narrative thing that weaves in and out of the talk show.

But ideal, I mean, I had to sum it up.

It's like sort of like, you know, not Larry Sanders, but you have a like a scripted thing about a talk show

that's, but then there's also actually a talk show.

Okay, dracula is scripted thing about talk show and then neil degrasse tyson is talk show but it's all one episode it's all one episode okay yeah yeah and then ideally the scripted things would get bigger and bigger and that that's what's fun for us because it's like you know this you know we did like we even in six years of podcasting we still didn't really know what all the buttons on the recorder did so this is like a huge

you know and we're very lucky and spoiled almost to be in a position where we can like figure out how to like shoot things and you know like make them come together by asking Ginsberg to help us yeah uh you know well Ginsberg what is your what is your background Swedish just kidding I mean it your background background obviously you're he's a Jew he's a filmmaker I know you're a Jew you're a filmmaker yeah nice yeah he's our editor but you know he can do a bunch he can do anything that's great yeah yeah yeah where'd you get him

well honestly probably you can thank cocaine for that nice yeah with all the drug use it's it's like that's how I guess getting ingratiated into the

full circle.

Yeah, the film scene here, I guess, whatever you would call it.

Where you meet and you're like, we need a guy like you.

No, literally.

Yeah.

Because it's really, it's funny.

It's like New York is such a big city.

And then there are like certain aspects of it, like cultural exports of it.

They get represented like, you know, I mean, like the easiest example is all the like Dime Square stuff, right?

Like, so, and you can.

But you are the one who told me

you see stuff on online and it makes it seem like there's this like kind of like cohere you're like cohesive like uh like uh uh deliberate aesthetic that's being created you know like this is a project when in reality it's like

the things that are made here and in in like media or on the internet or for culture just have a leg up because it is New York

and

that's not necessarily meaning that it's better.

It's just there's more people doing like certain things that have overlap here.

So they build up steam and then it's distributed, you know, kind of like globally or through the internet or whatever.

And then externally, yeah, it looks like there's more happening than there actually is.

When in reality, like whatever you do with it, I don't know about music in New York, but...

Certainly, you know, it's like comedy.

It's like, it's just a bunch of people doing something.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

That's why I wondered why they don't make something with all.

Articulating the point I'm trying to make.

I think it's cool to call things projects.

Yeah.

Like just one, like just me in a room with a podcast, the Jordan Jensen Project, and it does, it does give an entire aura of something.

Right, like you're doing something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I went to a fashion show last night.

What?

I don't know.

I just got an email for this fashion show.

What'd you wear?

Well, you don't wear, I just wore this.

Oh, yeah.

You're sitting in your clothes.

Yeah.

Did people take pictures of you?

No, I wasn't in the fashion.

I know.

When people sitting and they're like, Nick Mulland.

No.

Oh, okay.

No, I just went there and I didn't know.

And I ran into Eli, who's Anna Kachin's boyfriend.

Okay.

And I don't know.

I don't think they're married.

I think it's just her boyfriend.

I saw him there.

I was like, oh, hey, it's nice to see a familiar face.

I'm like, what are you doing here?

He's like, I don't know.

I just got an email.

And then I watched this fashion show, and it's like, it's like there's like a fashion world, presumably.

But then it's just people doing something.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

Like, I just, I sound like a schizophrenic.

No, I know what you mean.

Now I know what you mean by it.

Yes.

Like, it looks like it looks like there's an entire, yeah, when I think of fashion week, I'm like, oh, the world, the Epcot of fashion is coming to New York.

But that's not what it is.

Nobody pulled up on their like carnival trolleys and like, everybody get out.

Yeah.

You know, we had to pack up fashion world.

Yeah, well, it's the same thing.

It's like, you know, the best example is like you think about Hollywood and LA.

Yes.

That's what Hollywood means.

And as a kid, you're like, well, there's spotlights all the time and there's like, you know, palm trees and limousines.

And then actual Hollywood itself is like a slum.

It's a slum.

It's a slum.

Yeah.

It's a slum filled with Brandon Wardell's.

Yeah.

That's all it is.

And homeless guys with no shirts on but feather boas.

Right.

And then there's a big concrete five-block by five block wall.

Yeah.

And inside that wall, there's an airplane hangar.

And inside that airplane hangar, they make

like these massive movies that like seem real and have this like big.

And in those movies, it makes it, they make it look like Hollywood is a big thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I don't even know what I'm saying.

Sorry, I have Alzheimer's.

I know what you're saying.

They know what you're saying.

Yeah.

But I know what you mean where you meet somebody.

It is the whole synchronicity thing that we've talked about before, where you're like, oh, yeah, this is not, it isn't like a stumbling upon something that is like a, there isn't like an infinite amount of things.

And if I see these three things, that's an insane it's like oh no everything is like barely there's barely anything out there so you're going to see these three things because everything is exactly that's what growing old is like i was watching a movie and i was like i've been to that place and then it panned past the comedy store and i was like i'm literally performing there tonight and then the guy was like i'm from riverdale and i was like my feature who's here with me is from riverdale and i was like oh that's what aging is you just are accumulating that's why old people want to like bird watch because they're just like show me something that i haven't seen because there's just not that much yeah you know what I mean especially in New York and LA where it looks like there's like exponential worlds I know yeah and I get it and it's like I mean Louis had that bit about

you know seeing somebody that's like recast in your life or whatever oh that's a good bit I forgot about that he just texted me I have I have I have a I have a thing now where I'll I'll just stare at people in public because I'm like, I know who that is.

And I'll stare at them.

And it's just somebody with like a fae.

I've seen.

Yeah, but then if you ask their name sometimes it's the same name but I can't I can't uh you can't be like what's your name I can't just stare at people you know what I mean no I saw a girl the other day and she looked so much like this girl Emily that I grew up with and then the person was like Emily and I was like

is that just because people see that little baby face and like that's an Emily you know what I mean like maybe

I don't know.

I guess it all comes back to the aliens thing.

Put a bow on it.

Yeah.

It's like, what if we guessed what aliens look like?

Because

like there is just limited possibilities yeah that the universe is not actually infinite that it's infinitely small it's actually much smaller than

than even a gene yeah but then somebody shows me a picture of like arches utah and i'm like what is this place is huge this place is unfathomable

what a waste yeah what a waste utah crazy it's like some of the most beautiful stuff in the world and same with nevada same with every guy there is like yeah my name's Fuxton Strawberry I'm the CEO of Coffee X yeah it's a coffee shop but we also do fair trade

backpacks yeah exactly just screen print the shittiest screen printed heather yeah sunset orange yes yes yes yes

geometric there's a geometric letters that make up his name a vector of a bear

you know uh and then yeah we sell snowboards and coffee and all the women have botanical tattoos of like...

Right, craft brews inspired by 2014 Instagram filters.

Yeah.

And they all taste like soap.

Yeah.

And I have, and they have pictures of the golden ratio just like printed out and put in frames.

And that's the entire culture of Utah.

Do they have Native Americans there?

Yeah.

In Utah?

They have casinos.

Yeah.

With run by Native Americans.

Navajos?

Apache?

I have no idea.

I don't know.

Well, thanks for joining us this week, folks, on the Jordan Jensen Show.

We will be back

to our regular scheduled programming next week.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, and I don't know.

I guess the only other thing to plug is the New York Comedy Fest.

Me and Adam will be there.

I'll be there at the stand headlining.

I'm plugging the half hour.

If you don't watch it, it's going to be bad for you.

Things are going to happen really bad for you.

Half hour on my

desperate crunch to release our comedy specials so we can.

Mine's only a half hour, so you don't even have to commit that long to it, like some people.

i'm sure it's very good

i haven't watched it jordan's very good comedian thank you yeah all right thanks guys

i should have sent it to you i should send you half hour yeah do it

that felt good the lights went off i'm gonna kill myself why

no i'm just kidding

just thinking about all that drug shit

Hey, it's Brian Christopher.

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