The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 20 Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01

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Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show week of 9-11, September 11th.

I'm sure there's a lot of funny stuff to say about that.

Adam is away in Greece, and so replacing him as the host of the Adam Friedland Show will be Jordan Jensen this week.

We should get some, these cameras should have some way to do like we could do like fireworks

on the cameras yeah with the switcher you can hit the button on there and be like bow or whatever like a noise like bow bow yeah you could add the noise you could add I also want the lower like the you know when you when somebody's saying something their name kind of comes up again I always love that on the news when there's some when there's somebody talking and they're like well you know the the situation is is more complex than it appears you know at the outset and then their name kind of comes up.

Like Steve Dickhead.

Yeah.

The analyst for the Washington Post.

Yeah.

Chiron.

That's what they call it.

Analyst.

Yeah.

Analyst.

I've always wanted to, I don't know how you would do it, but you get like a heavyset Chinese lady, and you interview her for something.

Rare, hard to find.

Yeah, exactly.

Find the heavyset Chinese lady that does anything.

Yeah.

And then you set up a news program and you interview her and ask her to talk about whatever, whatever the thing is.

You shoot the interview.

Afterwards, you add the thing that just, while she's talking, it just pops up and we'll give her a name and it's it's uh her first name will be M-U

and her last name will be C-A-O

C A O.

Yeah, so it's like Moo Cow.

Oh my god.

Oh my God.

The author, you know, whatever, whatever the thing is, you know.

And then and when she gets mad, you'd be like,

I thought that was your name.

Yeah.

I had no idea.

And she's like, it's Anna.

My name's Anna.

I thought it was Moo Cow.

I'm terribly sorry.

You know, with all this new equipment, it's, you know, there's just a lot of...

Why Chin oh, Chinese?

Because you could do Himalayan.

You could find a big fat Himalayan lady.

Yeah, certainly.

I just, well, it's because Mu Cow is.

I just don't know if they exist.

It looks like anglicized Chinese.

But we're moving away from stuff like that on the Adam Freeblink.

What are we moving towards?

I don't know.

I don't really...

I destroyed my personality with six years of podcasting.

So I don't

know if I used to have things to talk about, and now it's always like...

You were prompted.

I was like,

who's the stinkiest type of people?

I don't have real thoughts anymore.

You can have you asked chat GPT any of these questions?

I think the chat GPT phase is over.

I went deep into it to try and find racial things.

I think comedians, you're like me.

I mean, comedians get into things way too late and then they get excited about them.

Yeah.

It's like they're in like cultural jail for some reason.

Oh, are they really?

Well, comedians.

Oh, we are.

Yeah, totally.

And then they get out and they're like, oh, my God, have you heard about AOL or Sebastian?

Yeah.

Or like, you know, yeah, ChatGPT.

Well, I knew about ChatGPT and I've been using it to like,

because everything I write to my managers to pitch for things is like a manic 4 a.m.

like

and none of of the punctuate and I give it to ChatGPT and I write

make this a normal person yeah yeah yeah and then they do but then I started being like which race is the smartest yeah which race is the fastest it won't tell you it won't tell you yeah not nothing so it's basically useless completely useless as a writing tool yes yeah it's the only thing I want yeah I want the truth no I'm way behind on everything I still now go around and I tell people like enthusiastically about electric toothbrushes yeah do you like them I think I back out on them I got one, even though right now I got a toothache on this side and a giant fucking canker sore in my tongue on the other side.

You could probably do Japanese voice for the rest of the show and get away with it with that.

Yeah, I don't know.

The whole thing just all feels kind of weird and wishy.

Yeah, you have a Jeff Bridges thing going on in Heller Highwater.

He does that for some reason.

I don't know why he does that.

No, we have, he does it in, he does it in Old Dog too.

Yeah,

what is it?

Yes.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah,

maybe that's the only way we can do a

Texas accent or something.

I don't know why he does it.

It is like there's a little bit of cud that he's not, that he's currently chewing in here.

There's a little cud.

Yeah, no, he's like doing myth.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

If you just bite the tip of your tongue, but with an underbite, it's what he's doing.

Yeah,

I don't know why he doesn't.

And you're right, it is very distracting.

Anytime I think about that movie, I'm like, what the fuck was he doing with his mouth?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe that was something that, like, you know, they gave him the script and he's sitting in Malibu wearing

like linen shorts and then seven scarves.

Yeah.

And he's like, he's meeting with the director and he's like,

he's like, I was thinking my character maybe has.

A tiny little,

yeah,

he was abducted by aliens and they put a...

A little grain of sand here.

He's going to hold on to it.

Well, they put a tooth that records all of his thoughts.

No, he does it in the Big Lebowski.

He does it.

Sends it up into space.

And

I was thinking maybe that's part of the movie.

And they're like.

You aren't doing it.

He's like, what?

They're like,

maybe.

He's like, let me tell you this.

Either that's part of the movie or I'm not doing it.

And then

they're like, okay, sure, that's part of the movie.

And in Heller Highwater, he has an alien receiver to his.

You think it's especially worse than

he showed up on set and he's like, Well, I hope the aliens don't read my thoughts too much today.

And they're like, You're killing, you're killing it, Jeff.

In Old Dog, they have the young actor who plays him.

They obviously were like, you need on.

It's really rough.

Yeah.

There's a little revolving thing.

It's like going around and it's like a goat.

Yeah,

well, it's what it looks like when you're like fishing out a canker.

How fuck are you good?

Yeah.

great movie though, Hell or Highwater.

Everyone's mad at him now, Taylor Sheridan.

Why?

But I don't know if everyone's mad at him, but he, do you know who that is?

No.

He's the guy that wrote Hell or Highwater.

He may have directed it.

I don't know.

He also wrote Sicario.

Yeah.

And he wrote that show, created that show,

Yellowstone.

He's been watching a lot of that.

Yeah.

So he created and he writes every episode.

And Tulsa.

he must have made Tulsa.

Did he make Tulsa?

I don't know.

I think 1886.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1912.

1912 or one of the year.

I just made this point recently.

I'd say avoid numbers

because it sounds racist no matter what.

100%.

Any collection of numbers is racist.

Jewish.

Yeah, so, well, I don't know about Jewish.

I feel like it's, whenever I hear numbers, I'm like, Nazis.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Right.

I thought you were saying it sounds Jewish to you.

No, it sounds like death to Jews.

Maybe if there's a dollar sign in the front.

Right, right.

Yeah.

Maybe it was $18.

Yeah.

Maybe it was that, then, yeah.

I don't know if I'm allowed to make those jokes while Adam's not here.

I don't feel like it doesn't have a.

How are you not supposed to make those jokes?

I don't know, man.

Like I said, I'm trying to clean up my act.

I'm middle-aged now, which you disagree with.

You're not middle-aged.

45 is middle-aged.

Don't show me that.

What do you mean I'm not middle-aged?

I just did Ashley Gavin's podcast.

She got canceled for telling somebody in the audience to kill themselves.

I heard about that.

You should have her on.

It was.

Which, why?

Is she going to say the N-word?

Well, that's the thing is that she has the wokest constituents.

And I was having, I kept wanting to say the N-word and I could not stop.

I probably said the most horrendous things on that podcast because her entire group of watchers are the most woke people.

So, I mean, I was like sly, I was like, I don't think that black people should date white people.

It should be like, I'm telling you about my traumatic event that just happened in my life.

No, you should have her on.

Telling that person to kill themselves?

Yeah, but that's like a.

My favorite response to a heckler is

I get paid no matter what, so go ahead and ruin the show.

I'll just get off and

I had a heckler attack.

He had a trans girlfriend with him, and he was like, you piece of shit.

I was like, this is what I said.

I said,

I was like thinking about porn and I was like, it's funny, like, you guys watch so many men come, like a lot, way more than I've ever seen in my life, which is a little gay.

It's okay, but it's a little gay.

And he flipped out and was like, so what if it's gay?

I was like, it's not gay.

I just think it's funny.

What the hell is it gay?

Even

that movement.

When his friend dies, and the mother's like,

he starts making these weird like remember that part when the Latino guy's like ah hell don't worry about it I'll fuck I'll get the shooter myself

about it I'll go I'll get him myself

bam headshot and then Jet broke

This is where I can find that scene.

I'm like, what is he doing?

It is true.

Sometimes when he talks, he's doing that.

Yeah.

Any romantic scene he's ever been in?

He's like, dude, I'm so retarded.

I'm just typing in guy dies.

Hello, I wonder

this is like everyone dies in the movie.

I'm like, what's guy dies?

Of course, first result, because the internet is made for guys like me.

I want to see Jeff Bridges crying.

No, I don't need

three fucking three minutes and

Let me see

I just watch

one

There's just one two of them there's two of them

this old boy's out of his mind Why don't you slip up this canyon and tombox

That's it.

It's it's it I distinctly remember.

It's very dramatic.

Okay, whatever.

Fuck me then.

I shouldn't have looked it up.

Two, it's plenty.

Two

of him hovering over you.

oh

i've had sex with men who've whimpered like that that's awful it's really bad i left immediately i remember specifically the time

he was like

and i was like and i called an uber from the bed

it was like still inside me and i was like i have to go oh it's here

bad he was also a licker a face licker across the face crazy you ever face licked no this is all insane to me that's why i don't ever it sounds disgusting to me.

And I'm not a prude.

It is crazy.

I'm not a prude.

I just don't,

the whole process, it seems like when you accidentally put too much jelly on a PB and J.

Yeah, I like too much jelly.

I don't know.

Sometimes there's too much jelly and I'm like, this is disgusting.

I feel that way about cream cheese, but jelly, you really can load it up.

I'm eating a dog's menstrual cycle.

This is what this tastes like to me.

I think it's in person's menstrual cycle, too.

Okay, so today's episode, God damn it, I'm not supposed to be doing that.

Today's episode, let me get it.

Today's episode of the Adam Friedland Show podcast is brought to you by

fume.

Fume.

Note, fume is pronounced.

No, it's not fume.

It's fume.

We got in a lot of trouble.

A couple weeks ago because...

It has an ascot above it?

What's an ascot?

It's got a little,

it's like a little sweater.

It has an umlaut.

Umlaut.

Fumlaut.

It's fume.

Yeah.

Well, an umlaut, I guess, is would not, is not pronounced.

If an umlaut had an umlaut, it would be um laut.

Oh, but umlaut doesn't have an umlaut.

According to that, actually, I think it's, it's, they put the um laut on there, and that's not, I don't know, maybe a Norwegian person could could give us, maybe if there's a Viking listening, they could give us some advices.

But fume, sorry, fume is pronounced fume.

It's this.

It's this.

You can just look.

It's a video podcast here.

There it is.

Ginsburg, what do you think about getting, just ditching these vintage lenses and

getting stuff with just like servo zooms and we can do camera controls from in there?

Hey, if you want to change a look at the show.

Yeah, I mean,

fuck the show.

That'd be safe, you know, we'd save $1,500 an interview.

Why?

Well, because we wouldn't have to hire camera operators

well what we are doing this is this is a fun update uh

Ginsburg broke the second camera Ginsburg

that might be true okay so we had to replace it with

we were using sorry today's episode is brought to you by fume

and fume is pronounced pronounced fume

the intro cold turkey may be great on sandwiches that's actually not true and that's

disgusting but there's a better way to break your bad habits we're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor

or use your own sarcastic example and that I don't understand what that note means but

honestly I don't yeah cold turkey I think

does work in some situations I think it's actually the best way.

Certainly there's certain situations where it's absolutely warranted.

Like child pornography for example.

100%.

I don't think that's something you should wean yourself off of.

Yeah.

Eating your kids.

I don't think maybe you should have just the pictures.

I'm still looking at the same amount, but the pictures are getting smaller.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm reducing the crop size.

So you just, I'm just looking at a kid's left labias.

Scaling them down.

So I'm still looking at the same volume.

Yeah.

But I'm turning the lights down in my house.

I have them locked up.

The lower amplitudes.

Now I have a telescope that every day I look.

I have an electron telescope that I look at 800 pictures of missing and exploited children through.

That's not the way you want to do it with that.

You just quit.

You just stop.

But with this, you could.

But there's a lot of stuff.

There's something, and we have to allude to it.

There's a certain hand-to-mouth habit.

That a lot of people have right.

That's what that's where everyone's mind goes immediately when you use those words.

But

according to the laws of, I guess, Norway or

whatever Nazi country uses the umlaut,

you have to refer to this as a

device for building better habits, I guess.

And I'll just show you what it is because that's the easiest way to take a look at this thing.

Jordan, you can try this out.

Keep in mind, Adam has had his mouth on this.

So I'll get sick immediately.

I'm sick already just being in a room.

Sluggers and bandruff all over the man.

It's just thick.

Yeah,

what it is, is

it's this little metal tube.

It's got some half to it.

Feel it.

It feels nice in your hands.

Yeah, it's a good weight.

This is a good feeling, too.

It's almost a

spinner.

That's part of the design.

Really?

Because it addresses both an oral and finger fixation.

No, it opens and clicks.

It does, but it's designed with that kind of click to it.

They specifically said that because we pointed that out.

Nothing's in there?

Nothing's in there.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe it's supposed to put something in there.

You put these things in there, these little

put a new one.

Which one is this?

I don't know.

They gave us a

couple of these flavors.

We only tried it.

I don't like fruit.

Maple?

Yeah, I want one that's like.

Maple pepper.

Yeah, I was looking for more of like a woodland kind of.

How could you get more with them the maple pepper?

Because that was what was in there.

You know what?

I'm going to try.

I'm going to try the raspberry lemon because that's different.

Anyways,

you take this fume thing, you pull it out, it's like a little, you know, like, and this 007

is fucking,

you put this fucking shit in here.

I mean, it's quite obvious, you fucking asshole.

You'd come down here once a week, you're like, what's all this shit?

Get alive!

I'm working!

Why isn't he ever, he's just nice?

Whoever?

he in the Q?

Who's Q?

Q's the guy down in the lab that makes all the shit.

James Bond comes down there.

He's like, what the fuck is this garbage?

And he's like, my job?

What do you mean, what is this?

You come down here.

Just bust my balls.

He doesn't have any windows.

Go fuck like a 20-year-old.

20-year-old and pan him up.

Yeah, you piece of shit.

You misogynist piece of shit.

One day the world's going to catch up to you, James Bond.

And you're going to me.

by a black man.

And I will, in a roundabout way, become the hero, the no-pussy getting guy, the coward.

Who's the guy?

Who gets to retroactively

define himself as a feminist?

Is Q the.

Huh?

Is Q ever played by Sean of the Dead guy?

Is that a real thing?

Maybe, yeah.

Like Regina.

That sounds right.

Anyways, Fume,

as designed by James Bond's Q.

Look, it's got this little spring in here.

It's kind of nice.

You ever load

a magazine?

No.

You ever shoot a gun?

I'm scared of guns that I'm going to turn it on my own face.

It kind of has that same kind of feeling to it.

Remember, we were trying to shoot your gun into our mouths and we knew it was loaded, but it was still hard to do.

Where is that thing?

I had no problem doing it.

I disassembled it.

The trigger got loose, and then I wanted to just

replace the spring.

And then Dave moved the parts.

It's always somebody else doing something.

Well, it's not me.

Is it possible?

I fully admit when I fuck up.

There's a lot of things I've broken around here.

But not the camera.

Not the camera.

Certainly wasn't me.

I was busy acting.

Yeah, anyway, so yeah,

fume.

Yeah, so, but the point of this, so it is like a fidget spinner, this clicky thing, but it also changes that hole.

It makes it tighter.

So you get a tighter pull because when we first opened this thing and it was wide open and you pull on it and it's like, oh, that's fucking weird.

And I guess that's for people that like just sucking air directly into their mouth, which is weird.

I don't know who that is.

It might be that maybe if you're like French or something, I guess.

But

yeah, you choke it down and then it has like some drag to it.

And then you can.

But there's nothing harmful in it.

There's nothing addictive.

No, there's nothing in it.

It's just for the oral fixation.

Yeah.

But no smoke just came out of your mouth.

Nothing.

It's just flavored air.

Yeah, do it.

But there's no swing.

There's nothing.

Yeah, it's just flavored.

It just adds flavor to the air.

Like if I was chewing a piece of gum and also breathing.

Yeah.

Mint in my mouth breathing.

Through a tube.

If you chewed up a piece of gum and put it in a tube and then breathe through it.

There's nothing coming out.

It feels silly to even exhale in an irregular way.

Yeah, well, it's a good product, and I

would not suggest otherwise.

This is really satisfying.

We got fucking James Bond over here.

Yeah.

Ooh, this is satisfied.

Then just click the pen and fuck off.

Anyways, you get it.

Instead of bad, fume is good.

Instead of electronics, it's completely natural.

Instead of vapor, it uses flavored air.

And instead of harmful chemicals, it uses all-natural, delicious flavors.

You're just watching James Bond be like, it's pretty disrespectful to this guy.

No, he's an asshole across the board.

That's why the Sean Connery ones are the best because Sean Connery is also kind of an idiot.

Yeah.

So he's like, it's that era is more like, it's like, this guy only has his job because he's tall.

It's not like he's smart.

Is he tall?

Yeah, he's like 6'4.

I thought he only had his job because he was.

And people like that about him.

He had a Scottish accent.

And a speech impediment.

Yeah.

That's just what Scottish people sound like.

I mean, you take

you listen to some of the Scottish people.

Every word he says, every syllable is with an R.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Oh, my God.

Everyone can do ShotCon.

Okay, but your face transforms micro in micro ways into a different person.

That's what acting is.

Can you do it quickly?

Can you do it quickly?

Go back to Jeff Bridges.

I think Jeff Bridges can move into

what's his name?

What's the other guy?

Robert Daniel.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, it is quite different.

It's pretty different.

You know, I don't know.

Anyways,

talk personally how you weren't sure what to expect.

I feel like I already did that.

You expected smoke.

You didn't get any.

What's that?

You can't say any of that stuff.

Can't say the word smoke?

I don't really know what I was expecting, to be quite honest with you.

I just trusted you that it was what it was, and

Did they describe it as an air flavor?

Yeah, I got to reset this setting here because

I like a tough pull.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's flavored air.

Yeah, it's nice.

So anyways, look, and this is what's important.

Stopping something is we all put off because it's hard.

But switching to fume is easy, enjoyable, and even fun.

Fume has served over six million, oh, sorry, a hundred thousand customers and has thousands of success stories, and there's no reason that can't be you.

That's a little confusing.

That makes it sound like you could have a hundred thousand customers and thousands of success stories.

There's no reason it can't be you.

Which let's make it clear, you can't do that.

You also can't become one of those devices.

Exactly.

If you're a person who's a bad person.

You can use this

to stop bad habits

or switch to a new habit that's all natural and

might help you.

Or at the very least, you got something to do this with.

Certainly, while waiting in the

reception area at the urologist.

Where people are really stressed out and waiting to find out.

I had to go to a Chinese urologist once, and it was a room full of elderly Chinese people holding their piss.

Like a tea ceremony, like a little piss tea ceremony.

Really?

They were just holding their little hot cups.

I had to pee in a hot cup the other day for and stuff it full of pregnancy tests because my friend was on Coke and and I said I was dizzy and she was like, you're pregnant, pee in this cup.

Nurses do a lot of Coke.

Really?

Yeah, they're party girls, little sluts.

I'm Coke-free.

Anyways, join Fume in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the journey pack today, which you see here scattered across the floor.

You get one of these and

a handful of flavors.

And

yeah, I don't know.

Oh, cleaning kit.

That comes in there also.

But, anyways, yeah, I like it.

See, how are you going to exhale now?

Regular?

See, you did just breathe out a bit.

Try just doing it and now just going back to waking life without it.

No, I didn't breathe out anything.

I mean,

but you did.

You did by, you did on by habit.

Huh?

I think the way to do it, pull it, and then just like start talking to me.

Don't breathe out weird.

Oh, you know what?

That is the way to do it.

That is the way to do it.

Because when you exhale, you feel silly when you go like this.

But that's part of it.

Actually, yeah, that.

Okay.

Yeah, I didn't.

Wow, that's exactly how to do it.

Yeah, that feels a lot better.

You know what actually would be really good?

Because I think a lot of, for this in particular, I think a lot of like, you know, the fidget spinner, half the appeal, they think it's like people with like some kind of fixation.

I think it's mostly just people that like being annoying.

Yeah, totally.

So if this had like

you could breathe in

and then like a really annoying whistle.

Yeah.

Like, woo!

Yeah.

Like just, you know,

that would be perfect.

Maybe there's a way I could modify this to add like

a whistle or something.

Blow in it.

I bet if you make that hole tight enough, it'll be a little bit more.

It looks like a little duck call.

I had one of those.

Those are cool.

Yeah, so anyways, join Fume

and picking up the journey pack today, head to tryfume.com.

That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com.

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Try Fume.com slash T-A-F-S and use code T-A-F-S.

And these are all things not to say.

I think I...

It does feel nice.

Yeah.

yep okay i think i nailed it all okay great little magnet pole oh oh that's cool yeah yeah

pretty good it does make me want to go get a um

like a duck call or a crow whistle it makes me want to get something to fix an instrument I'd like to fix an organ.

The older I get, which is old now, I just the more, I mean, I guess my entire adult life is just I've had this fantasy of just working at like a some kind of radio shack.

shack no like a nature preserve yeah where you know they bring field trips and then you're like yeah look see these plants you know everything about the plants and you take them out in the woods and then you make them play capture the flag in the woods and then you take it seriously yeah but then it's also about the flora and fauna and then we have like you know like uh there's wildlife like injured wildlife that lesbians take care of yeah i'm on speaking terms with the wildlife and i'd be like oh and the lesbians and well yeah

but uh it's sort of like um they each have names like that's david and it's like a raccoon is like it's like a wicker man sort of situation between me and the have you seen the original wicker man no it is midsummer midsummer just ripped that entire movie off oh really yeah crazy but you could do that you could have kids there's a thing called kyuga nature camp that i went to growing up where it was like a ropes course animals

you know you can eat this can't eat that really good you could do that a zip line zip line we zip lined a zip line that goes in goes through the birds cages yeah so you can kick them you can pet them real quick but only for a second because you have the hour it makes the birds yeah it makes the birds uncomfortable i figure i don't think a happy medium is just two seconds of a child swinging through at 60 miles per hour through the cage that's fine yeah you know but a prolonged you know it's not a zoo yeah right exactly

a petting zoo

i think you could make that happen.

I think you could also just have kids in a big backyard and make them go through.

I don't actually want to do any of that shit.

I don't even clean my apartment.

Yeah, but that's not, that's different.

Yeah, I don't.

There's a lot of things I could do.

Sometimes I, I've got, because I've had like a decent amount of success, and I have a lot of things that were like,

at one point in my life, even six years ago, were like, oh man, if I could have that, like, you know, which is just like a nice TV and PlayStation 5

and like

a squat rack in my apartment.

Squat rack would be good.

I think about that.

I have that.

I have a squat rack in my apartment.

That's what I want.

And then I during COVID I was using it and now it's like, now that's just, I think, destroying the building.

Like, I don't know what.

Like you're pushing.

It's just the weight of it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, because it has all the weights that you can add to it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's, there's probably about,

I kind of over, I overestimated how strong I would get during COVID.

So there's about 4,200 pounds of.

Oh my God.

What?

Oh.

No, I'm fucking kidding.

I don't know.

What would that be a car?

Yeah, I mean, more than a car, yeah.

How much is a car?

It's like a car and a half.

Yeah.

If I thought I was good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You want a horse and then it should have a lot of stuff.

You squat about 3,000 pounds raw in depth.

Well, I just didn't know if accumulatively all the weights together would be easier.

Yeah,

I'll probably be able to.

I'm going to be able to lift a lot of weight by the end of this.

We're going to be inside.

Man, I just heard these piece of shit kids walking today, and they were talking about, they were like, I can't believe we ever trusted Johnson ⁇ Johnson to give us the vaccine.

I don't even buy their products anymore.

And I was so mad.

Well, Zoomers aren't using band-aids.

Who?

Zoomers.

Who's a Zoomer?

Like the generation after us?

Z?

Gen Z?

Gen Z.

Yeah, Zoomers.

Why don't they use band-aids?

I don't know.

It's like a Zoomer thing.

Oh, because they're white?

Band-aids are white?

And they're...

Maybe it has something to do with that.

I guess you would want to ask Hassan next time you ask him why he hasn't done the show, why all these Zoomers aren't using band-aids, but that's like a whole Zoomer thing.

It's like a TikTok trend.

It's like...

They're just bleeding.

Yeah, exactly.

They're like, the show off, they do like TikTok videos.

They're like...

Like the first frame, got cut.

Second frame, band-aids, third frame, I don't think so.

And then it's just them like in school with blood all over their fucking like paperwork what yeah

all their homeworks got blood because they just don't use bands it's like cool to not use band-aids i guess I mean, growing up, it was cool to not use band-aids.

I remember that.

Yeah.

No, they had cool band-aids.

They had like oh, yeah, when you were really little.

But I remember being older.

You had to be using a skull band-aid.

Like a Batman band-aid.

I think that was a lamb, dude.

I said,

give me the fucking paper cut of the office band-aid.

I wanted the first aid kit from CVS.

The white bandaid.

Remember the nice rubber band-aids that were like a little puffy?

They weren't rubber, but they were like, they weren't, there was like the fabric ones.

Yeah, the padded ones were nice.

I don't know.

Honestly, I'm thinking back and I don't remember band-aids ever working very well at all.

I guess I just got a lot of paper cuts, so they're always on the tip of my finger and they just fall off.

I remember being in the pool and like making the decision, being like, I am a bad person.

Yeah, right.

And just being like, this is the kind of person I am.

Yeah.

I remember being at a pool when I was a a kid and somebody, it was like an outdoor neighborhood pool and a child had shit in the pool.

Yeah.

And it must have been one of the dog days of summer because there was like, I mean, this pool couldn't have been more packed.

And there were so many people around

the pool while the lifeguard just had that like long pole.

Yeah, that big, like that giant net with an 18-foot pole.

With a net?

Would you, and you, there's got to, in my, you know, I'm a child, so in my mind, there's 000 people here yeah well this guy's like can you can you imagine having to watch this guy fish your turd that's ruined the summer i think that would make my summer i in the lake once and it i thought it would sink no why would it floated

everywhere remember i saw jackass and they were jerking off those sea cucumbers and i was like those are at the bottom so we'll go to the bottom and i shit i had to shit you were an adult

Like 13.

And my dad was banging this woman in a tent.

And I really needed to shit, but I had to get him in order to shit.

Wow.

So then I shit in the lake.

I don't know.

So then I shit in the lake and it floated right up by my head.

I was shocked.

I must have been like eight, not 13.

Yeah.

But Jackass was out when we were eight.

Maybe not you.

You're really, really.

Yeah, I was 27 when Jackass came out.

Speaking of jackasses.

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Never done wrong by us here at the Adam Friedland Show, but we have done wrong by them, and we'd like to apologize.

We tried to read way too short a couple weeks ago.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and didn't have the copy.

I felt terrible about it.

Were they upset with you?

Tell them about building relationships with people that I've spoken to over email three times over my life.

I don't do the ads.

I leave and I hear Ian downstairs being like, hey, are you a little man who needs help being a big man?

He actually loves it.

He loves it.

He doesn't even tell me.

He doesn't even say, do you want to do the ads with me?

Yeah.

I go upstairs and I hear him downstairs clapping his little bare feet together with joy.

Right.

He puts on big Mickey Mouse gloves.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

It's stamps.com.

Oh my god.

Wow.

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I don't know why you're saying at all.

Somebody was saying numbers.

DeStefano was using numbers to tell me what to tell my agents about getting deals, and it was crazy how quickly I lost him.

And then I realized I was losing Chris DeStefano, DiStefano and I was like I think I might be retarded yeah it's rough yeah

yeah ask me something about numbers well it's funny because comedians make no money for so long no money and then the business now is this thing where you go from making no money for 20 years and then suddenly you can make a million dollars in a year doing stand-up like off

one internet success.

And then what do people do?

They just buy like light, light wash, tight jeans.

That's what a lot of comedians are doing.

Yeah, I think they're pre-torn jeans yeah

like working out in a way that just sort of makes you like just red you're not even bigger yeah just only working out the neck it seems

yeah not me if I do you go to Equinox no you quit yeah a long time ago so what do you do now and I didn't even want to go to Equinox Adam tricked me into signing up for you I know I almost got tricked today they call you if you even sniff the equinox page they call you Well, real quick.

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I want to say, I would see if, are we going to get more information on Larry Sinclair soon?

Who's Larry Sinclair?

I'm sorry.

It's funny.

He was like the first kind of like

fox where like conservative media was like, let's just run any story, any accusation.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

And that's what's funny is because they kind of started it and then like Me Too happened.

They're like, what happened to a court of law?

And it's like a year ago

you were put on the TV that Barack Obama got his dick sucked by a limousine for a crack.

Yeah.

What do you mean what happened

that we don't need to air things out in the court of Pennsylvania?

Like, okay, so we're supposed to believe 50 actresses that said that Harvey Weinstein raped them without the police being involved.

Yeah, but meanwhile, there's a kid who's also bred with a bat.

Yeah, Hillary Clinton took a dump in an eight-year-old's pussy.

And

we have a schizophrenic man I met at McDonald's on to elaborate the accusation.

But yeah, Larry Sinclair was, Larry Sinclair was the

sort of like the first guy.

He was like back in, I think it was 2008.

He was like, yeah, I sucked Barack Obama's dick in a limousine.

Wait,

he's found somebody who did.

No, Larry Sinclair claims that he blew Barack Obama in a limousine.

Just a guy?

Oh, this is the guy recently.

Well, this all happened in 2008, and then he was recently on Tucker Carlson's show, and I don't know why.

Obama got blown.

Doesn't that make it more like that?

My favorite.

Oh, he said Obama blew him.

No, no.

He said he sucked Obama's dick.

Oh, that's fine.

And while Obama was high on cocaine.

But the funniest part of the story to me always was that it was in a limousine.

Because it's like, okay, where was Obama going?

To prom?

Yeah.

It was in a limousine.

Yeah.

And also, nobody's dick can get hurt on Coke.

That's just, we all know that.

Well, you can if you're the senator from Illinois, I guess.

Yeah.

Bluechew.com.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the way to test.

I mean, if Barack Obama really wants to prove his innocence in the Larry Sinclair case, he needs to probably.

Right, exactly.

We'll do Coke.

We'll give him Coke publicly and pull his pants down and tickle his balls with a feather and if he develops an interaction.

Well, guess who's reopening the Benghazi fucking?

You notice that those muscle builder ladies all are in blackface?

Well, the spray tanning, you mean?

But it gets dark.

Yeah, yeah.

No, they get super dark for the contest.

But that's okay?

Oh, because it shows their definition?

It's black.

They look black.

They do.

I thought they were all black.

No, no, no, no.

They look golden to me.

I was happy when I found out some white girls could get that big.

I was like, whoa.

Yeah.

Well, they're all on like steroids.

Yeah, I saw an old lady on the train, on the tram at the airport, and she had like the hair pulled back, and it was like she had like three strands left.

She was like 60 and just jacked.

And everybody was staring at her to the point where I was like, leave it alone.

The kid is in whatever she was.

It was crazy.

Never seen anything like it.

An old jack, just fake boobs under just a thin rawhide flesh.

Like you could just puncture it with your nail and some

wizard marble would fall out.

This sounds identical to you just describing a successful comedian.

It's like, wow, I hear you're doing theaters.

I see you got the look.

I did go to LA recently and it felt insane.

It felt insane not having plastic surgery.

It felt like I was.

Did you just go for like a

general trip.

I was doing the we'd run that new joke show in LA every other month and then at the store.

And then I was doing, I was trying to get all these new bits, so I did headline the improv.

Oh, also, real quick, I will be at the Wilbur Theater on Saturday.

I think Friday sold out.

Saturday, I will be there.

Then I gotta find, I just got the advanced today.

I guess there's no opener book, so I gotta book that.

Where is it?

Boston.

When is it?

This weekend.

Is it what day?

Friday and Saturday.

Fuck.

One show each.

You can do it if you want.

I took off Saturday, but I have four shows on Friday.

Where?

Here.

Oh, yeah.

Boston.

You should get that guy.

Who's that little wormy guy?

Dan?

Dan, come on.

Saint Germain?

No.

He's like really funny.

Really funny.

He's got like glasses.

He's kind of you would love him.

Yeah.

Dan Bulger?

I have no idea.

Honestly, I mean, I don't hang out.

Like,

I got to get back.

This is the last weekend.

I'll do these shows and then I'm off the road indefinitely until I can write a new hour.

I just got to sit with Steven and edit this fucking special.

Stephen's finally seen the footage.

If you want to do new jokes at the cellar, you should do that.

It's the most fun.

Is it the same show I'm doing tomorrow?

No, that's our show at the stand, but the seller has a new joke show on Mondays.

Yeah.

It's really nice.

Yeah, I got to start ramping that back up.

There's other stuff.

Just do your come on, everybody.

Yeah, I get.

I mean, stand-ups are really not a priority right now.

It's like there's, we have four interviews recorded, now five as of yesterday for the show.

And then there's all this other stuff we have to shoot that's like

has been tricky with

strike considerations as far as like casting people goes.

And then,

yeah, just like, you know, being on the road basically non-stop until last month and then I should take time off.

I didn't even think about doing that.

i have a half hour coming out well the 19th problem was is like they they had me like going to return markets like i've been in orange county twice in the last year and is it good

yeah the first time but i mean it's like people are going to come out to watch me do the same material you know so it's like i don't want to just like oh you want to wait and then yeah yeah you wait because if if people come out and see you twice and they see you do like relatively the same act then if you come out a third time they're going to be like oh he's just going to do that again yeah so it's like i just need to get get off.

But yeah, they had me going back to Portland.

And I mean, really,

I didn't want to do a special for a long time because it's like, this is just an hour I'm doing on stage.

You know, there's nothing like unique about it, you know.

But it's like solely as a motivating factor to write a new hour.

It's like, that's like good enough of a reason to do it.

It is fun to get rid of all that shit.

I mean, I thought when I was recording it, I was like, I'm not ever going to want to let go of this stuff.

It's my favorite.

And now I'm like, I never wanted to let go go of it.

Oh, no, I hated all the material.

I hated doing it the weekend.

I did this.

Really?

I was already tired of it.

I should have done it a year ago.

I mean, it's only gotten worse.

Yeah.

It hasn't gotten better.

It wasn't new stuff?

Topical stuff?

I don't know.

A mix and match of like, it was basically just what I put together when I started touring again because the podcast was ending.

Yeah.

And then I tried to trim out as much of the topical stuff as possible and like make it as evergreen as I possibly could.

Because when I started touring in March of last year, it was like the Oscars

slap thing and the you know like January 6th stuff and like you can't put that in a special people are putting COVID shit in their specials it's crazy yeah I mean I did I

had to mention that a little bit what'd you say

well

I don't know I mean I really want to go like vaccine stuff or like COVID yeah sort of yeah I guess just like the angle being like

there was no

there's no kind of like a space culturally to just be somebody that was too lazy to get the vaccine it was such a divisive thing that you either were like oh fuck no or yeah you know you can't just be like i just don't want to go to walreads yeah that's a good political take there were people who are doing it where i mean i just saw a special that came out recently and it was like all about the they were like talking about what it was like to be at home and stuff and i was like i never i never want to hear about this again yeah people don't want to hear about it yeah that's half the reason to do the specials so i don't have to talk about any of that shit anymore yeah it's nice yeah Anyways, we'll see.

It'll come out.

Stephen's editing it.

I'll get my eyes on it over the next month.

And

either it'll, I mean, who knows?

I don't really give a fuck.

I'm trying to do like a scary hour next where I talk about when you're growing up and you're afraid you're going to be a kid fucker and stuff like that.

Like I'm trying to do an hour that's not like shocker.

Like right now I'm like, Muslim.

I had sex with a Muslim.

You know what I mean?

And I'm like doing a Muslim impression.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I'm trying to do an hour next that's like shocking because it's

the mental terrors.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But this one was very like...

I think I did a lot of stuff about Down syndrome, trans,

all the trans stuff when it did.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the thing.

It's like comedy, you talk about culture, war, bullshit, which used to be fine because it wasn't everywhere.

Yeah.

You know, it's like there was the news and then there was comedy.

And then everything else, like any other art form, those ideas could be expressed, but through like some degree of like sublimation or like interpretation.

And now, just every piece of media is like, It's fucking bad to have bad opinions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, it's like, all right, and then I don't want to hear it.

Like, I don't, I don't want to, like, I just not that I did, it's again, it's like, not even I disagree with anything.

Well, I went to Austin, and every comic was doing this thing where they'd get up on stage and they'd be like, I wish that I could, I was a woman so I could beat the shit out of gay people.

It was like so edgelordy.

The whole all of Austin was like,

was like,

I'll say the n-word

right now.

And then people would like die laughing or they would be like, Jeff Bridges?

It wasn't Jeff Bridges.

I wish I was

beat up gay people.

I swear to God, that was a direct quote.

That's a direct quote.

I wish I was a woman so I could beat the shit out of gay people.

And people were like,

it's really.

Are they under the impression that that's not a crime?

It's just, it's like...

Do they think that

the police would be like, can't help you, pal?

It's a a woman.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Yeah, like 1800s.

Well, you said a woman hit you, did you?

Yeah, yeah.

A woman shot you in the face for being a fag.

I can't help you there, buddy.

There's nothing in the legal books here.

I'm afraid a chimpanzee is allowed to commit a hate crime.

As long as he's got that gorilla costume on, there's nothing we can do to prosecute.

That woman got three quarters of brain, which makes her legally an amoeba.

She allowed to kill you.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what the whole, the whole thing, it's like Tony Hinchcliffe-Rogan style humor, and it's like, like the whole comedy mothership is like, it's like a laser tag place that's being run by toddlers.

It's crazy.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I'd like to just do like just the bullshit fucking, like the type of comedy you start doing when you start doing comedy, which is just like...

really

banal observational stuff.

Yeah.

Really fun.

But people don't.

I tried to do a joke yesterday about how I was like, when you go to the doctor, you get surgery and the anesthesiologist comes in and he's like, Hi, and he's not dressed in scrubs at all, he's just like a guy named Derek, and he's just a billionaire.

And he's like, I'm gonna give you a tiny thing and then leave and take all your money.

But then you go to the dentist, and they're like, We're gonna put you under the dentist, and you're like, Bring in the guy,

yeah, right.

And he's like, It's just me, you know what I mean?

I'm also the lawyer,

character from five seconds ago.

I'm both a shitty prosecutor and a dentist,

Yeah, and people just like, as soon as you say, if I, what I said last night that worked is I said I went on a date with an anesthesiologist, and then people would listen.

But if I just was like, what's with the Hannah Steve?

Yeah, you know, people were just like, observation.

No go.

You know who I always liked.

And

I'm going to forget his name.

Yeah.

Remember

the Ryan like O'Flan O'Flannerty?

Ryan, he's an LA comic.

He was part of that Dead Kevin sketch group.

Ryan, God damn it.

I don't know anybody's name.

Yeah, I forget people's.

Do you know what's crazy?

You know how fucking bad my brain's gotten?

I couldn't remember Michael Caine's name for like 30 minutes, but I can remember his birth name, which is Maurice Mickelwhite.

And I had to Google,

I had to Google what is Maurice Mickelwhite's name.

But sometimes that happens to me with like words.

Like I'm like, I'm like, is meet,

do you say I'm going to meet this?

I meet or I met.

You know what I mean?

Like sometimes it's that simple where it's like soul retardation.

Ryan O'Flanagan is an LA comic, but I mean, I was just seeing him at Mike's in LA, but he's like a very funny joke writer, and then it's all just, it's all just like clever.

Observations about things around you.

Yeah, observations and stuff.

I'm not going to do his bad.

Well, what about the comedian that sounds like this?

You've seen him leather jacket, had cancer.

He's like, you're ever,

his cadence is like, have you been?

Bro, you have to have cancer?

It is like that.

Have you been?

You've had cancer once and hopefully not again.

That's his cadence.

That is what he sounds like.

You know the New Yorker?

Eric something?

Oh, Eric, what's his name?

Eric Cancer.

Eric Cancer.

My name is Eric Cancer.

There it is.

That's what it sounds like.

Eric Cancerberg.

Yes.

Now, I used to know him because he would put, when I first moved to New York, I was friends with him and I would do his show at Cobra Club all the time.

Yeah.

But then he got cancer and I saw him at a bar and he looked like he was going to die.

Everybody got ready for him to die.

Yeah, we did.

And then he just got like hot.

Big charity show.

And then, yeah, he went to the gym four times.

He beat cancer somehow.

Yeah, I remember that.

He was like, I saw him and he looked like fucking Uncle Fester dude.

He's like, probably in the team.

He's like, completely.

And he's like just drinking in the basement of the creek in the cave, which I'm like, there's no way this place is making your cancer beats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it did.

It cured it.

No, this whole thing trended.

It was filled with diarrhea and radon.

I don't know what you like.

Get out of here.

Have you done the one in the...

And then he went to Blink and fucking

did incline sit-ups on Instagram one time.

He went to Hot Topic and Blink back and forth.

Yeah, he's like, turns out I didn't have cancer at all.

It was just...

It turns out I didn't have cancer at all.

It was just open mics that were knowing it to me.

Yeah, well, he's like a one-liner comic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he has good observation.

I guess it's like, it's hard to describe what

Flanagan did, but like every single joke he...

I would watch him and I'd be like, I wish I could do comedy like that.

Really?

Yeah.

Trying to think of somebody like that.

There are people who you're like,

you see the world in a way that has zero filter of your self.

You know what I mean?

Like they'll see something and be like, that doesn't make any sense here.

Right.

And it's things that make perfect perfect sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's like people that have like

true comedian brain.

I guess Kurt's like that.

Kurt is like that.

Yeah, one of my favorite Kurt stories is, and then people are going to fact-check me on this.

I'm not sure, but

I don't know, it was on Race Wars one time, and there was a conversation.

I don't know how it got there, but it was about like lobsters.

And whether or not lobsters feel pain.

And there's like a famous David Foster Wallace essay about going to Maine for the lobster fest.

And this like,

you know, he belabors this like metaphysical question about the what pain is and whether lobsters feel it because you know they can they say oh they scream but it's actually just air being released from the thing and it's like is it just like we understand what pain is and we know that if we were the lobster this would cause pain so it's not good to inflict anything that we would perceive as pain because it damages us you know and then I'm not sure it's ever addressed in the essay by this like fucking snooty, you know, like

intellect bro.

But Kurt one time was just like, he's like, of course officers feel pain.

All they do is pinch for a living.

You're not going to tell me something that pinches for a living doesn't know what pain is.

For a living.

Yeah, right.

For a living.

That's how they make their

job is to pinch things.

I mean, because it's like, that's not the pincher is to crack open hermit crab shells or something.

That Kurt would see a lobster and think that the lobster is like, well, I'm just here to pinch people.

Yeah, I just want to make people have microscopic amounts of pain.

Yeah, just pinch people on the beach.

I just want to lightly kick it on the bottom.

Right, like on a baby's sand bucket.

That's what's in his mind.

This is a cartoon lobster pinching things.

But yeah, the fact that there was that like essay and that it doesn't really address that.

But I guess that's just sort of like, you know, what I always liked about kurt and the way his mind works his half hour he recorded the same night

it's like amazing it's so good his whole thing about ukrainian war caring solving can't solving covid yeah he's like

there's one part where he yells he's like you see somebody wearing a mask and you're like we're not doing that anymore and he just lets loose it's so good he's really good but when we were in the green room he would be right here telling me like an insane conspiracy about ukraine about the government about all these things and somebody would come in and be like hey just making sure you guys need makeup.

And he would like,

just ice them out, never stop looking at me.

And then when I was done, he'd be like, anyway, what I was telling, like, he'd be climbing up into my eardrum being like, and I just feel like the Ukrainian war is only a wait a minute.

And he could not, there was no turning it off at any point.

They'd be like, hey, you're going on in three minutes.

And he'd be like, and Putin, it was good.

Yeah, he gets fired up.

I mean, I haven't seen him, you know, me and him used to be pretty good friends, but after he moved to LA, I just, I never thought it's crazy that he lives in LA.

I talk to him like once a year.

Yeah.

Well that seems to be the move is like people move to LA when their career in New York is done one way or the other.

Either you've maxed out what you can do in New York or the bottom fell out.

Yeah.

And he had that, you know, I mean Amy threw him under the fucking bus on Charlie Rose.

What happened?

Well,

you know, it was like, what was that, 2014, 2015?

It was when all this culture war stuff started infecting comedy, I guess.

and

Kurt would just get into arguments on Facebook and then he started picking fights with it was actually Sadie Doyle originally Sadie Doyle went to a Sam Morrill show and Sam Morrill was like you know who's Sadie Doyle

but she wrote for like what Tiger Beat or something

I don't know she's like an online

online like you know like a feminist writer yeah I guess

with like distinctly liberal politics and

she yeah I guess went to a Sam Morrill show and wrote something about Sam Morrill and like took his jokes out of context like paint them in the worst light possible and it's like

like

relaying stuff as if they weren't jokes yeah

and

like comics hadn't really dealt with that yet like this was like the for one of the first instances of people going after comedians on the internet for things that they say and do so certainly for somebody like Kurt, who's spent so much time in the world of comedy or whatever, it's like around that same time as the first time they had Lindy West on that W.

Kamal Bell show, and they had her debate like Jim Norton.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah.

This is when they started making comedians into journalist type people.

They started making them into...

Well, not really.

It's like they got into this weird thing where it was like it was such a bizarre showing because Jim's just sort of presenting the point that seems to make sense in a comedian's mind.

and then Lindy's just hitting him with the same array of you know like complaints that anyways point is Sadie Doyle wrote this thing about Sam Morrill and then Kurt started telling Peter he's like posting online that he is Sadie Doyle that he made up the character Sadie Doyle or whatever and that she's not real yeah and then I guess that had some kind of backlash and then Sadie was very angry about that so she was on the warpath against Kurt crazy to be angry about it I have no idea I mean you know did he make a fake account with a face on it?

I don't know how far he went.

I mean, this is also, this is almost 10 years ago now, so it's like kind of like pressing my memory.

Yeah.

But that's where it started with him and them.

And then he would get into it with Lindy online.

And

at one point, I think the final straw for him, because his, he was like, you know, the same thing as Ari.

It's like, just don't apologize.

And then he's like, well, I didn't really do anything.

You know, it's like, I'm allowed to argue with people.

And it never really blew up into anything.

It was just like just arguments on Facebook.

And then, yeah, the real thing was when Aaron Glazer, the Aaron Glazer accusations,

was it UCB?

Yeah.

That whole thing, because the way that started with the Aaron Glazer thing was...

Like, that was a Facebook post that was like, hey, everyone, I heard that UCB, somebody at UCB told me that Aaron Glazer is a rapist.

Yeah.

And even I was like, what do you mean somebody, it like blew up this whole thing?

It's like, there's not even an accusation here.

This is a rumor about somebody.

Right.

I mean, like, this is like, there needs to be more information.

Wasn't it this girl?

Wasn't the person like, hey, the victim doesn't want to say anything, so I'll say it.

He's a rapist.

It was another level further than that.

Oh, really?

It was like my buddy's buddy's.

The victim said something to somebody at UCB, and then there was a screenshot of a message from a person at UCB who was like also anonymous.

And then that was like relayed to, I mean, there was like all of these levels to it where it wasn't just like, there's no

like,

it's not clear what you're even canceling for, just like the, the, the, this, this association with this idea that some kind of like sex crime was committed.

My friend went into a Apple store where he was working and was like, I walked in and he was working there.

So I immediately walked out and I'll never go to Apple again.

And I'm like, I think it's punishment.

And I mean, he's working at an Apple store.

he's not doing comedy that do you think that was a diversity hire for them because Apple's like look we kind of really tapped out with like I went to an Apple store one time and because you know they they were like the first company that were like we want our fucking store to look like a fucking like an advertisement for you know like alien approach digital bank yeah like it's just fucking every guy we got a Chinese guy we got wheelchair oh the UN yeah yeah totally

and

I went into one one time and there was like a white lady there just a regular white lady.

And I was like, oh, that's interesting.

And you're like, did I switch into the ATM?

And then I look over and she's like, oh, my God.

That's too good.

But yeah, I mean, that's been, you think that they were like, look, we got everything.

I thought they figured out that if they hire a lot of Indian and Chinese people, they're just going to do a better job.

I think that's what they did.

How about there's one black guy in there and he's like stock man.

We get not only a white guy, but one that's been multiple ag rape accusations.

It's a diverse.

Oh, yeah maybe yeah but anyway so that happened and then kurt would like really get into it like he'd be was like mad that the you know he would like get into with people on facebook like he's like you can't just like fucking cancel somebody making that same argument it's like maybe a step further saying oh the police like if there's an act like either tell the police or shut up which you know i don't really agree with but yeah um you know the like just like four levels of hearsay is like is where the thing started and then that was it that did it that blew up an article got written about him that finally got some traction and then Amy Schumer had to go on Charlie Rose

that week for whatever reason there was people calling because the headlines were Amy Schumer's writer for Inside Amy Schumer defends rapists you know it's like stuff like that and so Amy goes on Charlie Rose and Charlie Charlie Rose is like what's the deal with you endorsing rape culture on your show you know and she's like well she's like Kurt's my friend and I love him, but he needs to shut up.

Like, she's like, yeah, basically just fucking, she's like, I just want to make it clear that Kurt is not a writer on the show.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

It was like,

you know, after too, he defended her because, you know,

all the compound media guys, like the sort of, they would always go after her for stealing jokes.

And Kurt would like very aggressively defend, you know, Amy for not being a joke thief.

So that was kind of fucked up.

Is she a joke thief?

I don't think so.

I don't think people actually...

Anybody is a joke thief.

I've seen so many people be like, that's my joke.

And I'm like, I just said, who came up to me?

Oh, yeah, I have a joke where I'm like.

Especially with the internet now.

The internet proved that it's like that's nothing has ever been anything more than like.

Although Rafi Bastos,

every joke he puts on the internet, this is crazy.

Like a million insulins.

I've checked out.

I'm from comedy that used to like, if you're like, make up a fake comedian.

Yeah.

Oh, all the rafi bastos he's new he's not newish but he's a brazil famous guy who moved here and this guy it's actually hilarious i made him show me the other day he'll post a clip of him being like how come when you say he you know he she or i dance you dance but he dances is he dancing more than me like and he puts these like adorable little like i don't understand english clips up and then just like every

immigrant influencer rips it off like verbatim verbatim and gets like a billion views.

That's awesome.

It's really funny.

I'd like to see more Indian people, TikTok, stealing N-word heavy material from black comedians and posting it on TikTok.

I saw somebody who's in Blackface in another country.

They did a whole, and he was just pretending to be Kendrick and saying the N-word over in a book.

Pretty good.

That's really good stuff.

It's really hard for me to align with the black.

How can I like stand-up comedy ever again when I can go online and I can find people in Singapore?

Even that baby smoking a cigarette does it for me.

Doing country music karaoke.

Yeah.

I mean, that's nothing, nothing has made me laugh harder in the six months, in the last six months, more than the fucking, the Asian guy doing, uh,

you know, have you seen this?

What did he do?

Um

Asian.

Remember that toddler that would just smoke rip sigs?

Yeah.

I go back to that guy every time I do.

Turner, karaoke, Asian guy.

You see, the problem is there's so many of them.

Baby lock them doors and turn them lies on.

It's such a good video.

Anyways, I'm not going to be able to find it.

Because it's on TikTok.

I don't have TikTok.

Well, folks,

that'll do it.

Do you want to plug anything?

Just subscribe to my YouTube because my half hour is coming out on the 19th.

Awesome.

Yeah, guys, Saturday.

I'll be in Boston.

Otherwise, I'll hopefully Ginsburg, do we have an episode for Monday?

Maybe.

Okay, maybe.

I'll see you Monday.

And otherwise, see you next week, folks.

Thanks.

Good night.

Whoa.

Oh, you haven't seen that before?

I haven't seen it.

The lights go down.

Yeah.

Maybe lock them doors and turn them highest all around.

I've been listening to this.

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