The Adam Friedland Show Podcast – Episode 10

It's time to head back to school and forward to your future with Carrington College.

For over 55 years, we've helped train the next generation of healthcare professionals.

Apply now to get hands-on training from teachers with real-world experience.

In as few as nine months, you could start making a difference in healthcare.

Classes start soon in Pleasant Hills, San Leandro, and San Jose.

Visit Carrington.edu to see what's next for you.

Visit Carrington.edu slash SCI for information on program outcomes.

This is Bethany Frankel from Just Be with Bethany Frankl.

Here's my summer tip: don't overthink your dogs' meals.

My pups love just fresh from just food for dogs, complete, balanced, fresh, shelf-staple meals that go everywhere from New York City to weekends in the Hamptons.

I mean, you can have real food ready to go for your pup anywhere.

No cooler, no hassle, just grab and go.

I've seen the difference.

Healthier coats, more energy, tails wagging at mealtime.

Biggie and smalls love it, and I'm all about stuff that just makes sense when life is busy.

Go to justfoodfordogs.com and get 50% off your first order right now.

No code needed.

Hello and welcome back to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

I hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to the 4th of July long weekend celebrating our country, the greatest country in the world.

Big things over here at the studio.

We had our third interview that is yet to be released.

It's pretty exciting news, folks.

So look forward to that.

And you can subscribe to the Adam Friedland Show on YouTube where all of that excellent content.

Youtube.com slash the Adam Friedland Show.

Yep.

And so we have three episodes that are right.

simultaneously in the works right now we're pretty excited about so you can look forward to those

um nicholas how are you if you you want to support the show, you know, plug Patreon.

If you want to support the show, you can go to patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S or the Adam Friedland Show.

I think they both work.

This is like PBS.

It's brought to you by viewers.

Viewers like you.

So you can consider, maybe we should only plug the Patreon once every quarter and we'll do a telethon.

Oh, that'd be a great idea.

Like PBS.

But we'll do the reverse of PBS where we'll have a bunch of kids with muscular dystrophy raising money for us.

Manning the line.

Manning the line.

Volunteers with muscular districts.

Raising money for the Adam Friedland Show.

The Adams Kids.

I have nothing left to live for but this shitty podcast.

Which is not a podcast.

It's actually a talk show.

This is the podcast of the Adam Friedland Show.

Just to clarify, if you're a member of the news media watching because of the very recent hot off-the-presses Matty Healy controversy and you've found yourself here, this is the Adam Friedland Show podcast and not the Adam Friedland Show.

You say, what do you get if you subscribe to the Patreon?

You get another one of these dog shit podcasts.

No, they're not dog shit.

They're pretty good.

Once a week, we get another podcast.

If you subscribe at the associate or

producer level, you get your name and the credits.

Yes.

And we've cleaned those up.

Now they're beautiful.

We got columns.

We use ChatGPT to sort the names in the search.

Yes, Nick wrote a script for ChatGPT.

I didn't do anything.

ChatGPT.

Chat GPT wrote it.

Chat GPT.

Take this list of names and put it in three columns for the editor.

And

otherwise, it was a tedious tedious process.

We're really excited with Nick when he got it right or when they got it right for us.

Yeah yeah yeah.

But

there's that and a lot of people say well you know

I think people would say well why isn't you know the Patreon subscribers should get access to the talk show.

Unfortunately the way that this works is we're building something.

We need to have as many people as possible have access to the Adam Friedland show itself.

So that will have to be public.

I don't think it's unfortunate.

I think that explicitly we want as many people to like the show as possible.

We work really well.

It's going back to what it should be: it's patronage.

Yes.

You're helping your Domedici.

You're helping make this show possible.

So these are donations.

You get your name in the credits.

And you get...

Like you would if you had a bench or something.

Or you sponsored a kid with muscular dystrophy.

Yes, and you get another, as Nick said, dog shit podcast a week.

I think this last one, pretty breakthrough episode,

we found out what was inside of an elf bar.

I think it was pretty good.

Oh, yeah, I forgot that we did that.

Yeah, so it's not that bad.

I mean, we were kind of making some breakthroughs.

But yeah, folks, we're tired.

We've been working hard.

Enjoy the 4th of July weekend.

I'll be in Austin, Texas at Cap City Comedy Club next weekend, July 13th, 14th, something like that.

Yes, and that weekend I will be in Nashville, Tennessee at Zane's, and then I think

I will never do stand-up again after that weekend.

I've decided.

My last four performances are in Nashville, Tennessee, the 13th and 14th, America's greatest city, Nashville, Tennessee.

America's hottest city.

Some of the fattest.

Where some of the hottest women in the world go to celebrate one of them closing her legs for good.

Yeah.

Really, it's

they call it Cowtown USA.

What is Cowtown?

That's in Texas.

No, no.

Cowtown USA is a rodeo in New Jersey.

Oh, it is?

Yeah, I think in Elmer, New Jersey.

I've told this story.

Like on the shore?

My grandparents live right down the street from Cowtown USA.

No, it's not on the shore.

It's like fucking 30 minutes

southeast of Philly.

Cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got to go this year.

Maybe we'll do a remote

at Cowtown USA, see what we can find the fattest women.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm feeling pretty good about shit right now.

How are you feeling?

About, what do you mean?

We had a really good day yesterday.

We don't have to tell them why, but we had a great day.

Yeah, you do this a lot.

There's a lot of...

Appreciating what you have?

Well, we should know.

I mean, like saying things like, oh, well, you know, that's good, but we can't talk about it.

Well, yeah, I mean.

I'm sure it's frustrating for people.

Listen, they will know soon enough, and they're going to love it.

Yeah, but you should do this after it comes out.

But after it comes out, I'm not going to say you will know what it is.

But that's what I mean.

You should stop doing that.

The assumption on the part of the audience is that we are doing it.

When it's finished, when it's finished.

So we

strike for the record.

I see where you're saying.

When it's finished, you can say

here's how I felt doing it.

It's a little bit braggy.

I'm happy with the product that we put out.

Yeah.

We finished it.

And we could do a director's commentary.

That's exactly what I would like to do.

We should release a DVD

once a year for the show Twivo Goes West signed signed DVD director's commentary Nick and I can take you through

the different steps in the dance sequence that we do sign language DVD what the hell is sign language sign language yeah there's like a guy that's like oh hey I'm I'm a stop sign what are you a yield sign how's it going pal

we're speaking the same language over here oh I'm a I'm a

oh I'm a yield sign

across I'm a yield sign.

I'm sort of the Canadian version of a stop sign.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, do what you like, but

be careful.

Hey, just, you know.

Look, I'm not here to boss anybody around.

I'm not a red light.

I remember as a kid, they would have red yield signs and yellow yield signs.

Did that stress you out?

I thought there was a difference between the two.

It was just different municipal rules or something?

I don't know.

I think maybe one of them was just faded.

It was a red sign at one point and it had faded

sun damage, yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Sun damage.

Sun damage would be a cool name for like an Indian rapper.

Yeah, like a SoundCloud guy?

Yeah, my name is Sun Damage.

Sun Damage.

Yeah.

Sun Damage.

The Battis MC.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I used to get really, I was really into when street signs were green versus blue for the names of the streets.

When I remember we go to LA as a family, we'd see blue ones.

And then in Brooklyn, we got brown ones.

And the brown ones are nice.

Chocolate.

It's a chocolate town.

I think the brown ones are only in historic districts.

Historic streets.

I think where you can't change the Stuyvesant Heights is brown.

Prospect Lefford's Gardens is brown.

There's brown stuff.

There's a couple brown ones in Fort Green.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Pretty nice.

Where do you live in Fort Greene?

Why?

Yeah.

It's lovely.

I love it.

Yeah, but you pay like maybe $1,000 to $1,500 more a month than you would have.

I think that you got locked in at a price that even in your neighborhood, it would be closer to my price.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess I'm on good terms with my camera.

Post-COVID, I got a COVID deal, too.

I'm a great tenant.

The roof caved in on the bottom.

And you fix it yourself?

I just, I left.

I said, don't worry about it, bro.

I'm having...

There's a room in the apartment where there's just no ceiling.

It's just lathe and dirt.

We, I'm having, I've had a leak for two years in my kitchen, and it just came back.

Yeah.

So annoying.

Well, you're a bad tenant.

You call the landlord every week.

Well, I mean, I just want to check in.

You leave food rotting on the floor, and then you're like, there's mice.

That's not how there was mice.

There was construction downstairs, and the mice got

up.

But the mice haven't been there in weeks.

I can't tell you, dude.

It was.

It's really hard to get rid of them.

You call your landlord, and you're like, I have herpes.

Yeah, she says it's inappropriate.

I need you to do something about this.

Yeah, she said it was inappropriate.

We need to talk.

I have

anal HPV warts.

I am happy with my landlords.

I want to put that on the record.

This better not come out of the security deposit.

I was really afraid.

I have anal warts, and this better not come out of the security deposit.

Yeah, it's true.

I was afraid I was going to get my rent raised because we got a COVID deal.

It was like massively discounted.

And a lot of people got smacked with like, it's $2,000 more a month.

They just got get a letter.

And they forgot for a year to raise it.

And then finally, we got a letter.

It was like $150 more a month very reasonable so you didn't get a COVID deal so yeah we did it was originally listed for

$1,000 one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn you pay $60 bedrooms $2670 a month he's lying right now that's not how much I pay yeah

have you had a rate increase he raised he's raised it $50 once every like two years yeah I got it just raised $100 or $150.

Yeah I mean like I said

I'm on like good terms with him and there's never been a reason.

He

I think he lives in originally lived in Long Island, now he lives in North Carolina.

Yeah, yeah.

I think um he's a he's a Port Authority cop.

I think they live in Texas, my people.

Yeah, yeah.

No, my landlord's a nice guy.

Yeah, yeah.

I like my landlords.

Yeah.

I think um you can tell from what we're saying what kind of landlords they're not.

And I can make that observation.

Genies.

They're not genies.

They're not genies.

Yeah.

They're not

Hebraic style genies.

What else is in the news?

Did you hear

big news?

The Supreme Court overturned

you can't put

they can't ask for your race on college submissions anymore.

Yeah.

So what I mean, does that mean that they're canceling the a different world to reboot?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean I think this is my chance to apply to a historically black college in UK.

It would be funny if this happens and then like next year Howard is all white students.

It's all Asians.

Yeah.

HBCUs become Asian.

Howard Asians.

Yeah yeah hip-hop style.

Now I don't really I didn't go to college so I don't like I don't really have the student loan thing I don't Yeah.

I don't really have any

what's it called salt in the game?

Yeah.

I don't have any sweat in the towel.

You don't have any, yeah.

Skin in the skin in the flute.

Skin in the flute.

Skin in the flute.

Yeah.

So.

A skin in the flute is worth two in the shoot, I believe.

Yeah, I guess that's all to say that

it's Asians' fault.

I believe it's Asians' fault.

I think the Asians sued.

I think it's the Chinese Communist Party that sued.

Well, that's what's going on, right?

It's like it's the affirmative action thing.

That was a thing that, like, did did did white people complain about that?

Well, I didn't complain because I put African American through technicality.

Yeah.

And I was admitted to all the top universities.

Because the white people that would complain about like affirmative action, they're also like...

You know, I feel like they would be like, oh, you mean I can't go to Harvard with my 800 SAT score?

Their career aspirations are to make Facebook memes.

You're saying those kind of people are doing it?

Yeah, it's not.

I feel like the...

Because I feel like rich people can still be stupid.

A white person that would be complaining about being edged out due to racial reasons would be more likely to be liberal.

Yeah, well, yeah, just like a rich person.

Yeah, I guess.

I think the lawsuit has tiger mom

all over it.

Yeah.

I'm just speculating.

I do not know what it is, but I feel like.

That always sounded so hot to me.

Yeah, tiger mom?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like a cougar.

I thought it was a sex thing forever.

Yeah.

I had no idea.

It was like a mean.

Go pick up some tigers.

A lady that beats her kids for not being good at violin.

Yeah, for not doing the Suzuki classes.

Yeah, I thought it meant like MILF.

I thought Tiger Mom just meant.

I can't wait to get me a Tiger Mom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It sounds like something Tommy Pope would say while pointing at women on the street.

Look at that fucking tiger mom.

Look at this fucking tiger mom.

I want to stick my bird in the tiger mom.

Look at this fucking tiger.

I'd love to grab her by the tail.

Wouldn't you love to pull her into a fucking cave?

Hey, yeah.

Pull that tiger.

Eeny, meety, mighty mo, bitch.

Just sinking her claws into your fucking the back of your fucking neck.

Dude, when he is on a run,

after he's had a couple in him, they are the best soliloquies I've ever heard.

Yeah.

What a guy.

Shout out to Tommy Pope, our friend.

I think I'm on their podcast.

Just fucking just wrangling a tiger mom.

She's going, she's destroying your apartment, tearing up your rent checks.

She's a beast.

And it just starts getting like super surrealist.

Yeah, right.

And then a fucking clown walks in here.

And a clock starts melting.

Well, she sucks your dick so hard, time stops.

Yeah.

You're in a fucking Dolly.

Walls start melting.

What the fuck is even time?

The fourth dimension?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tiger mom.

Tiger mom.

Yeah.

I think it just means an Asian woman who beats her children.

Helicopter parent.

Asian helicopter parent.

Yeah, yeah.

Saigon, the shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Helicopter parents sent us cool.

I would love it if my dad was a helicopter.

Yeah.

That'd be cool.

That'd be badass if he was like a transformer.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, what's up, dad?

He's like,

yeah I would love it if my dad was marine one yeah that'd be badass flying the president around

be pretty cool yeah

we've talked about it on the show before but that well let's say on the college thing you brought it up oh yeah I mean that's just a news thing I saw so I think maybe you know it's a hot topic we can so they got rid of affirmative action I think the the conservative Supreme Court has gotten rid of affirmative action and now I guess as a Native American it upsets upsets me.

I guess I don't really understand how the law works.

It's affirmative action is like a federal rule that says colleges have to admit certain percentages?

I don't know.

Okay, so I don't know if it's federally mandated.

Well, I guess it's just if it's like if it's a thing where they just say like, oh, you know, you can't like,

not saying you can't or you don't have to, I guess is my question.

If the Supreme Court is they're changing a law where it says that you don't have to do that, you know, wouldn't the colleges continue doing it anyways?

From the headline I read, you can't ask.

You can't ask race.

I think you can't ask.

But a lot of that, I mean, with the Asian stuff, it's pretty easy to figure out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you look at the application, the girl's name is Linda Tiger Mom.

Yeah.

So like

Dutch lady.

You're going to see those people change their names to like Jamal,

you know, Jefferson Jackson.

Jamal Jefferson Jackson Washington and they're gonna be a Korean girl yeah Jefferson Jackson Washington yeah there's gotta be a black guy whose full name is every founding father that'd be badass my name's Benjamin Franklin Thomas Jefferson Quincy Adams Benjamin Franklin Hancock

And I have the longest car in the world.

Samuel Adams.

Samuel Adams, yeah.

Who else?

Paul Revere.

Paul Revere.

Uh-huh.

Johnny Appleseed.

Johnny Appleseed.

Paul Bunyan.

Paul Bunyan, the ox.

John Henry.

John Henry.

Yeah.

John Henry was cool.

That's my full name.

Yeah.

What was I going to say?

Oh, yeah, there was that movie.

Was it The Postman?

It was like a really bad movie with Kevin Costner.

It's like a

near-future post-apocalypse movie where he is like, still has to deliver.

He's like, I'm still going to deliver the mail, I think.

I think it's in this movie.

But there's a black guy named Ford Lincoln Mercury, I believe, in the movie.

That's just racist.

Well, I think he just, you know,

he looked at a sign.

They said, yeah.

I think it's pretty racist.

Yeah, it's pretty racist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's okay when I say it, because I'm already a bad guy.

No, but it's in a movie.

I'm lazy.

But it's in a movie.

That's the only thing that protects me.

Yeah.

Is that I am one of the laziest people of all time.

Yeah.

What was Mercury?

It was between Ford and Lincoln.

That's why these right-wing guys don't get away with racism, because they're also wearing a suit.

You know what I mean?

What do you mean?

Like, my scalp is bleeding.

So if I say something racist, it's like, oh, that guy's just a fucking bum.

He's being lazy.

If you

put a suit on.

If you're combing your hair, you brush your teeth.

Yeah.

And you're like, all right, time to talk about the blacks.

It's like, all right, well, this guy's putting effort into it.

Right.

It's kind of,

I believe it's called the Farrakhan rule.

I can't even keep my eyes open.

Right.

The Nation of Islam, they started dressing like

bow tie kind of guys.

How can I see the value in people when I can't even keep my eyes open?

Yeah.

Speaking of dandruff, my dandruff, Vinny's girlfriend wrote me a prescription.

And I went to the pharmacy, I filled it,

and then I brought it home, and my girlfriend told me I wasn't allowed to use it.

Why?

Because she knows better than a doctor.

Vervina's wife.

She is one of those girls.

She's one of those.

Her mother is like that too.

Yeah.

They're one of those like put yogurt in your vagina.

She's going to be so annoying when she's like

45 years old.

I'm just constantly been.

Yesterday I threw tantrum.

Yeah.

Yesterday after the interview and everything, I came home and I literally said, you're not the boss of me.

You did the whole Malcolm in the middle theme song, sir?

I did the Malcolm in the Middle theme song.

I was like, like, we all remember Dewey, Reese, Walzer White.

Those are the characters on the show.

Malcolm

in the Middle.

The black kid that was in the wheelchair.

The Subway Jared friend that works at the grocery store with the mom.

Yeah, who's that guy?

That's someone's brother.

That's uh Buzz Lightyear or something.

No, it's like the announcer.

I think that's the announcer on Fallon and the guy that's at

SNL, that guy?

This is brother.

Whose son is in SNL now?

I think that's his brother.

Really?

The Malcolm in the Middle

guy, I think.

I'm speculating.

John likes the show.

Ginsburg, are you dry heaving?

Yeah, what's that noise?

Is that a pipe?

It sounds like a clock.

It's a pipe?

Really?

Well, I'll tell you, I cannot get enough

of the new Zelda game.

Are you enjoying it?

I've been doing

a lot of gluing.

The game's, there's a lot of cutting and pasting that happens.

Sorry.

Ian Finance left his bike

in my hallway because it was raining.

I saw him for the first time in six months.

And he was asking if there's a key in the lockbox, so I just gave him the code.

Good man, Ian.

I hadn't seen him in six months.

I told you what he said.

What?

He's like, yeah, they sold like Barstool Sports for like $8 million.

You've told me this story three or four times.

Yeah, well now I'm telling our friends to exploit

our moronic drug addict friend.

Did he misspoke and said eight million dollars?

No, he thought it was actually eight million dollars.

It was not misspeaking.

It was a childlike concept of the world.

That's what makes it

that's what makes it

endearing, I would say.

Yeah.

Like saying, one day I'm going to

one day I'm going to buy the Empire State Building.

He seems to be doing well, Ian.

He's good.

He's on the road constantly, you told me.

Their podcast is blowing up.

Yeah.

They're doing well.

But he told me on Patreon,

it's not really tracking.

I think that that, you know, I say it's like, you talk to a lot of comics and people worry about stuff like, you know, obviously the quality of this show declines maybe you see like the new

ebbs and flows ebbs and flows

and like the quality of the show has some bearing on it but i think like it has a lot to do with just like macroeconomic stuff that has nothing to do with podcasting the economy yeah because if you look at the way like every podcast kind of tracks roughly well even andy was telling us outside yesterday well i don't know if you heard what he was saying but he was like yeah like ad budgets have completely dried up.

Yeah.

And he's like has 10 million subscribers on YouTube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, there's a lot of belt tightening.

You know, I was thinking about it because it's like, you know.

And he said that we got more views.

We were getting consistent, like on our last two episodes, we were getting more views than he's been consistent with.

I have no idea.

I mean, I can't really think about it.

We're lucky to be in a position where we have a, we have...

Hopefully we at least have a window right now where we can do the things that we want to do.

Yeah.

But,

you know, man, I can't worry about it too much.

But the

you know, I was thinking about it like in, you know, it's like September, December, money started to like, you know, sort of dry up.

And I experienced the the same thing with renewing ad contracts with this year.

It's like people are just not looking

to buy ads across the board.

And I thought maybe, oh, well, it's because we switched formats.

It's a different show.

Or you think there's a recession coming?

Well, I try to, I mean, I'm too stupid.

I don't understand.

I'm too stupid.

But what I can do is like, you know, I am a consumer.

So you can just observe yourself.

Observe yourself.

And you canceled all your streaming.

I did, yeah, around the same time.

I was like, why the fuck am I paying for Hulu?

I never watch it.

And it was like right around the same time.

I was like, Okay, yeah, I got to get rid of these things.

And I said, Work time subscription that I like that I had for the crossword puzzle like three years ago.

This might sound really dumb.

Yeah.

Okay, like I don't understand the economy, but there are economists, right?

Yeah.

So, why are there recessions?

Like, wouldn't they just know what to do with the economy?

That's genuine.

I mean, that's a very stupid question.

I understand that sounds stupid.

Yeah.

But

I'm sure there's a simple answer.

I think, well, when I was in college, like, economics departments...

Oh, so you do know.

No.

But economics departments are in the liberal arts

building.

Part of

universities.

Above the cafeteria.

So it's like English or something.

It's like, I don't think they really even know.

I think they just guess.

I did macro and micro in college.

My understanding of the the economy is that everything's based on

getting people, like tricking people into putting their money into something, investing into something, whether it's their actual money or credit or going into debt to do so.

And then there's market makers that convince everybody to do that.

The money goes up, and then they take their money out before everybody else can.

And if you're lucky, you get a little bit of like a...

profit.

Well, that's just a that's just being ripped off by rich people.

Yeah, but that's how everything works.

But I think economics itself, in terms of like what you learn, is like it assumes that every

actor in an economy is a rational actor, and that just doesn't exist.

It doesn't have application.

I mean, I don't understand how it applies.

Yeah, there's one guy that's Robin Williams.

Yes.

An irrational actor.

An irrational actor.

And he's saying.

There's one guy, oh, what if we put all our money in Enron?

Why don't we try that?

Everyone's saying this is a bad bad deal.

Blood in the water.

I'm buying up all of the distressed banks.

I'm trying to convince people on Reddit to do the same.

I kind of get how

interest rates work.

I kind of get that, right?

So they want to counteract inflation?

Because that's really the only tool they have, right?

That's the only thing they...

They can't claw.

That's the only thing they do.

If the Fed had a way to just...

I mean, do they?

Can the Fed just burn a bunch of money?

They can take money out of circulation, right?

What do they do?

They put it on fire?

They burn it.

Yeah, just say oh this is punk.

This is joker.

So we've eliminated that's joker style.

Yeah, I mean if they had a way to do that maybe that could help but I don't know if they can do that or if they do it or they might already but I think they do it by raising interest rates.

Yeah you raise interest rates so people stop spending money.

And then the banks don't have money and then there's a credit crunch and then people can't

and then people can't spend money because they, you know, credit card rates go up or something.

You just force a recession, basically, right?

Yeah, you force a recession that lowers demand, which lowers prices.

Yeah.

I think.

We got it.

Yeah.

It's pretty easy.

You're basically Ben Bernanke.

Yeah.

You're basically Janet yelling.

What's her vibe like?

She's like, ha!

I don't know.

Basically, he's like, ah!

You just get fucked in your ass in different ways.

just that's everything.

Yeah.

Unless you have like $50 million.

Dude, I read this thread on the bank.

And if you ever get close to having $50 million in your life, if you're a guy right now,

because the number to establish generational wealth is probably like what, 30 to 50 million?

Yeah.

Right?

If you're a guy right now and you think, I want that, I want that amount of money, and you have like a middle-class background or less, and

you think you're going to get close to that, by the time you get to 30 million, now the number's a hundred million.

So thirty million isn't shit.

It won't be.

By the time however.

College education is gonna be two million

by that point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Weird as fuck.

You know what's I think it's like it's some insane number, the amount of people that are millionaires now in the United States.

It's a lot of people.

It's a lot.

Yeah, it used to be a big deal to have a million dollars and now it's like how many people are you?

I think I saw twenty-seven million.

Twenty-seven million.

Yeah, what is that, like eight percent of the population?

It's 400 million Americans.

360, I thought.

I don't know, but I don't know the current number.

It's yeah, and then it's 49% of Americans can't get $1,000 in cash together.

Yeah.

Which is insane.

Yeah, no, that's...

They don't have $1,000 in liquid cash.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's and it's like, you know, I mean, it's a privileged complaint, but to finally be in a position where we can make the things that we want, you know?

And

whatever.

Very lucky to be there.

But then to think, like, okay, well, how long?

It's almost 22 million.

22 million?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then it's, that's 40% of the world's

56 million millionaires.

Yeah.

22 million.

Wow.

I guess that's the thing.

I complain about all that, and I could just move to fucking Vietnam and just make karate movies.

Yeah.

I could just have a, I could just go, I could take the money I have here and go be the Bill Gates of Vietnam, but start,

you know.

Yeah.

Apparently there's mad sheep there.

Viet Ollywood.

That'd be sick.

Viollywood.

Viollywood.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do they have a style of

I have no fucking idea.

They don't have a fighting style?

Oh, a fighting style?

Yeah.

I don't know that either.

I thought you meant like.

I know Indonesia has Muay Thai.

Yeah.

Right?

Or is that Thailand has Muay Thai?

I would imagine it's Thailand because the name is the same.

Which means like

Muay Indo.

Give me a lot.

I want like mucho.

Mucho.

What does Mui mean in Spanish?

Many.

Many.

Yeah.

Very, very.

Oh, so it's so waiting.

Many Thai.

Yeah, very Thai.

It means very Thai.

It means extra Thai.

Yeah.

I think what we could do also is we could cozy up to some sort of corrupt dictator or monarch.

Like MBS?

Yeah, maybe MBS or

even the lesser one of a country you don't even care about.

Bhutan or some shit.

Yeah.

Oh, no, Bhutan is the only one where that's a good guy.

Yeah.

The king of Bhutan.

Where did Andrew Tate get all of his money?

I think he was selling hoes.

Should we start watching his videos?

I've watched.

I've watched.

I've seen clips.

I don't understand.

It's very, I agree.

If we just got, if If we just lifted weights for six months, could we just put on sunglasses?

Could we have one of those channels?

It'd be so easy.

We were like, here's what you got to do, fellas.

Listen up.

Disrespect women.

I'll explain how that works.

Please send me millions of dollars.

I think he says, like, also, don't be lazy, which is true.

Yeah, but I don't know.

I'm trying to.

I'm not.

Well, I'm trying to not.

I just don't want to get tattoos.

I don't want to finish sentences.

Yeah.

I don't want to do anything, dude.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

Just give me the money now.

Just give me the money.

Yeah.

Because he got D platforms.

I don't even want communism.

Just give me all the money.

Yeah.

Just give me the money.

Just give me the money.

And then I'll be a good guy to everyone.

I will.

I swear.

Just let me have the money.

And I'll be nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll be good.

I promise I'll be nice.

I already have everything I need.

Just let me keep it.

That's all I'm asking.

Yeah.

Let me keep.

I don't need anything.

I don't need to own my apartment.

I could rent.

You know, I don't care.

There's a hole in the ceiling.

I got PS5.

I don't even need the PS5.

I'm fine with the Switch.

I don't even have the OLED model.

Of Switch?

I have the regular Switch.

You can get an OLED switch?

They got an OLED switch now?

Yeah.

I got a cat.

I have fucking, you know, I know how to cut my own hair.

I don't need anything.

You really don't?

Yeah, nothing.

There are no purchases left for me to make.

There's nothing you want.

Nothing.

You got a fast car?

My car's not fast.

It's fun.

It's fun.

You have a fun car.

Yeah.

Got my little Toyota.

You have a little Toyota?

Yeah.

You go from third to fifth.

I got my hot pink Barbie Miata.

Yeah, he does.

A spider.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are those actually cool, good cars?

The Miatas?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's supposed to be fun.

I mean, it's like one of the last affordable kind of sports cars.

Who was running...

Depending on what affordable means anymore.

Who was running the smear campaign that it was gay?

Mad TV.

Mad TV.

Yeah.

Will Sasso.

Fucking bigot.

That's what they should call the LGBT community.

Mad

GTB.

They should have their own network.

Yeah.

How about a guy hears about Chat GPT and he's like, that sounds fun.

And he's like,

what are you up to?

They're like, you know, I'm just hanging out.

And he's like, what are you wearing right?

And he thinks it's a...

he thinks it's Grindr because of the name.

Yeah.

And he's sexting with a robot.

Yeah.

He's a very low IQ gay guy.

Yeah.

I wanted to do a thing

for the show, like a shoot commercial breaks.

Yeah.

I want to do like a quick commercial where it's like it's like guys with

gimbals and like night vision or whatever.

And they're in like an old house.

And one of the guys is like, oh my god, what is this?

I hate this.

It's like, ooh, Jeremy, I don't want to look or whatever.

And then it's just ghost gaze, discovery, 10 p.m.

Oh, that's cool.

Because those shows are always, there's always a gay guy.

The shows aren't fun, the ghost hunting shows, unless there's a

scared gay guy.

A scared gay guy.

No, let's go.

Jeremy, I'm not happy.

Let's leave.

I don't feel safe.

Yeah, ghost gaze would be good.

So

you're saying instead of selling ads to make fake commercials.

And then there's a straight guy in the other room, there's a

hiccup in the other room that sees the gay guys.

He's like, let's get the hell out of here.

I don't feel so

scared

oh no

you said there were ghosts in here not homos

I could live with the ghosts

not these goddamn queers yeah

is it like You can say that you are queer or someone is queer, but it's still mean to say, to call them queers.

or but that but the queer is now not a bad word

I think I have no idea it's like if the black community claimed that as their

queer just mean like it's not it's like non-committal non-binary I think queer means like non-normative yeah so just non-heteronormative it just means anything yes whatever the fuck there's a lot of people that sneak into the

LGBT community.

Asexual is weird to me.

See, that's the one there.

No, but I feel like that's the one that's probably the

it is queer, though.

Well, whatever it is,

the classical term, the definition of queer.

I feel like that's queer.

I feel like the asexual community, those are the ones probably most discriminated against.

Because people don't trust them.

They're like, well, you got to want to fuck something.

Well, they're discriminated against all pussy, so

they're the most discriminatory or penis.

Yeah, they're seen as non-human.

Yeah.

I feel like,

I don't, yeah.

It doesn't.

I guess there are.

Like in Japan, they say, right?

What?

Those are incels.

Those are just incels.

Yeah.

I don't think, so it's a I don't think it's a real thing.

What, asexual?

To be like.

That's what I mean.

This is what I mean.

People don't comprehend it.

You can understand a pedophile more than you can understand

an asexual person.

Because it's based on desire, not the absence of desire.

Right, exactly.

Yeah.

So if somebody just doesn't want to fuck, that's people are like...

They don't trust it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't trust them and I don't want them in my neighborhood.

I don't want them around my kids.

In Fort Greene.

In Fort Green.

Keep the asexual community out of Fort Greene.

No.

I want the Fast Casual Pasta Company.

I want them to stay.

Is that what that's called?

Fast Casual Pasta Company?

It's called Forma Pasta Factory.

Oh.

Shout out to them are they good

very consistent yeah yeah why is your mouth clicking so much i don't know like saliva bubbles

maybe because i didn't have enough water today looks like we got some commotion out in the hallway should we go check it out no

you should run for like um

floor president of our floor of our office building.

So what else is in the news?

You want to talk about

mustard in Columbia.

In Columbia.

Yeah.

Oh.

Why?

I don't know.

Something that my girlfriend said to me this morning.

Yeah, but she probably made that up.

No, she looked it up and it was true.

I said you probably made that up.

What Google alerts does she have said?

Girls.

The girl stuff they see

is

entirely unnecessary.

I've finally gotten her to stop looking at just girlfriend news, as I would call it, which is the most morbid, saddest shit you'd ever hear.

Right.

Adam, there's a dog in Tennessee, and they tried to raise money for its brain tumor surgery, but they missed the mark.

That kind of shit constantly.

She's like, a four-year-old committed suicide.

Yeah.

And like first thing in the morning.

And I'm like,

that's not the news.

Right.

And I don't want to hear it.

Yeah.

Somebody found a baby.

The gas tank of a grand marquee.

I don't understand why girls are just obsessed with this crap.

Just the saddest, worst stuff in the world.

Yeah.

And what is it that they want to feel like they're better than this?

I have no idea.

I think, well, they like the true crime and rape stuff because maybe they feel like they're constantly under the threat of rape because they're women.

I mean, maybe that's, it plays into that.

I think, honestly.

The true crime genre wouldn't exist if it weren't for the music and the

pacing.

You think that's what it is?

Yeah, true crime works because

it is an explicitly female thing,

from my understanding.

Yeah.

Well, because murders were fictionalized for so long.

There was always like, you know, mystery is like a thing you can consume.

And when the actual murders are...

There's a thing, there's like pushback against true crime on social media that I see.

And to be fair, it's mostly directed at the creators of true crime media.

They're like, oh, you're exploiting these deaths.

you know, for content or whatever.

And it's like, all right, well, there's a fine line in between that and just reporting on the fucking death.

You know what I mean?

No got really mad at

the Jeffrey Dahmer documentary.

Yeah.

A little boosie.

Oh, really?

Because he ate black kids.

Yeah, he's like, black people should not be watching this.

Yeah.

He ate the damn kids.

But that's not even like.

Is that a threat to the black community?

Because when we talk about racism, we talk about...

No, it's a serial killer.

We talk about systemic racism.

You know, the problem is like the police or a lack of access to housing or employment.

It's not that black people are in danger of being eaten.

Yeah,

by a gay guy in

Milwaukee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's a little boosty just

thought it was gay and nasty.

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, no, people get mad at true crime for that reason, that it's like exploitative or something.

But

the point is, is that, I mean, while the murders themselves may be real, and, you know, it's like the victim's family might hear it or something, even though most of the time they're not, like, laughing at these deaths or whatever.

But in terms of, like, a consumer, you're so far removed from it, and it's so mediated that it's like there's, on an emotional level, not much difference than if you were just reading a fictional story about a murder.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's entertainment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

are you saying it desensitizes people?

I don't think it desensitizes people.

I think you can listen to all the true crime in the world.

If you saw someone get raped and murdered in front of you, you'd still fucking react this early.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's that's true.

Unless

unless you were the bad guy.

What do you mean?

You were the guy doing it?

The guy doing it.

But those guys probably don't listen to true crime.

They're obsessed.

John Wayne Gacy wasn't like reading about murders.

He was painting people as clowns.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

There hasn't been a serial killer in a while, I feel like.

I feel like there were...

Yeah, it was a CIA thing.

You think so?

Yeah, they weren't real.

It's not a real thing.

The CI the CIA created serial killers in the mafia.

The mafia wasn't real?

No, the mafia's definitely not real.

It's just movies?

Yeah, it's all they they just created it.

They just made it up, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

I mean, there's serial killers in other countries too, right?

Was that the CIA also?

Or are there?

Who?

Jack the Ripper?

I don't know, there was like like a Korean guy in Tokyo that killed a bunch of people, but they didn't know.

The police didn't really know.

They just never had murders.

They just all arrested each other?

Like, I think this is the guy.

No, it was like the police just didn't really know.

Like,

it was like a very unfamiliar thing.

I remember reading a story about a parrot that some Japanese people owned that flew away out of the apartment and got lost in Tokyo.

And then somebody found it.

And because it's a parrot, it was like, my name is Yoshi Takamoto.

I live at...

And it's like, it knew its address.

Really?

Yeah, they told the parrot it's...

It was like a dog collar?

Well, no, the parrot's speaking.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, it was like speaking.

Yeah, it worked the same.

Ichi Roku, Naguchi.

Yoshi Nakamoto.

That's such a heartwarming story.

Why can't girlfriends read stuff like that?

Yeah, I don't know.

That's lovely.

I'm sure they do, though.

That's part of it.

No, they just.

Adam, there's a Japanese parrot.

This child has this strange degenerative disease, but he's posting stuff on social media.

And then what happens?

They get the parrot back, and they're like, yeah, okay.

And then they just stare at it.

Yeah, it's good to see you again.

What are they doing with that parrot?

I don't know.

What is anyone doing with a bird?

Well, I think like swarthier races, like Portuguese people probably have a great time with their parrots.

What do they do?

Put jewelry on it.

It's got it on its shoulder.

They're wearing different types of,

you know, like colorful silk scarves.

Yeah, if you have an exotic animal and you're not doing it to

walk up to chicks and have like a unique thing about you, then it's pretty much a waste of time.

If you're not like a snake guy in a bar,

then you're just a weird guy.

How about like a pirate ship and there's a guy that's like new to being a pirate and he's like insecure and he's trying to fit in.

He's got like his hands in his pockets.

He just started.

Yeah, he's like on the ship and he just has the parrot on his head

instead of his shoulder.

He's like, oh, hey, what's up?

And everyone's like, what a loser.

Yeah.

What a fucking loser.

Yeah, it's my first day as a pirate.

I just thought of joining up.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, guys.

Yeah, I'm here.

I like, you know.

It's just shitting on his face.

Here to rape.

Yeah.

So

when are we getting the jewels?

Yeah, I thought we were going to go steal some jewels and do some rapes.

Yeah.

Get some venereal diseases in port cities.

What was the premise of the Goonies?

They find some...

There was a pirate who lived in Portland.

I don't know if I've ever seen it.

I know that there was a weird...

Hey, you guys.

I don't know if I've ever seen it in its entirety.

The guy that wrote it came to Phony Mobs.

Yes, he did.

Yeah.

Yes, he did.

Really nice guy.

Really nice guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was like, it wasn't Spielberg he directed?

He produced it or something?

He produced it.

I don't know if Columbus directed it also, but I think that was his first big credit, was writing that.

And then

he did Harry Potter.

Yeah,

that was his big ones.

Those were big ones.

Yeah.

That's cool.

I bet you you can make some money like making up a like a Harry Potter

and going on a press tour and saying

trans people are human and stuff.

And they're like this fantasy.

Restart the thought from the beginning so that it makes sense.

I bet you you can make up a new children's fantasy series and then uh

market it as

that you like trans people.

And then people would want to rally around you.

Mm-hmm.

And uh you can make a good chunk of change.

Yeah, I don't don't understand what J.K.

Rowling's doing.

I think she's rich as fuck.

I think she's a billionaire.

She doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, but even, but like,

why would you, like, like, this is the thing I don't understand.

If you have a hot take like that, like, because she does it on Twitter, you know?

And it's like, you have to know that that's not...

You're not going to, like, what do you, like, she wakes up and she's like, today's the day I'm going to convince everyone on Twitter that trans people are fake.

Yeah.

This needs to be said.

But on there, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think that if...

Even if you have that opinion, just say it to one of your friends at the British Library.

A bitchy

dinner party.

Yeah, say it to George R.R.

Martin or Frodo or whoever the fuck she hangs out with.

Her friends, who I imagine.

Her friends, yeah.

Yeah.

Gandalf.

I think that, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

She probably hangs out with us.

She hangs out with Gandalf.

Agrid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it's bizarre.

But I don't think it really.

I wonder what compels a woman to be like that.

Because it makes sense to me that a gay guy, like a fucking, like, boring gay guy, would be like that.

Because he'd be like,

he just got rights.

And if they come in and get rights, then they're going to fuck it up for us.

That was kind of the nicest thing about the pandemic for me.

Yeah.

Because you remember, I was like,

whatever, I'm not to get back into it, but

I obviously had opinions about the pandemic, and then it was like, I realized, I was like really frustrated about it, you know.

And

then I hit a point where it was like, oh, I can just shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

I can just stop talking.

I don't have to say what I feel about it.

Because it really was making people upset, not because they were like believing in it, but because they had to fucking sit at home, right?

Yeah, I guess.

right and if like they heard someone presenting a contrary opinion they'd be like which this is by the way I'm describing a life lesson people learn at usually nine years old yeah just

shut the fuck up

if it's something that's going to be upsetting yeah you can just shut up I don't have to say anything

and then everything's fine yeah yeah you know people you know like people are like oh you know you gotta wear you gotta wear two masks and nobody should leave and I have to be like totally cool so what do you think about the new James Bond movie?

Yeah.

I think it was just like, it was nice that

I just saw my friends.

You know.

Like, my mom passed away, and then I decided I didn't want to.

I got a lot of strong opinions about that, and I just keep my mouth shut.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Nice.

Because you don't want to hear what I have to say.

So I know.

I totally hear it to you.

I just tell everybody, I tell all our friends.

Alright.

Behind your back, I tell all of our friends.

I know.

It's fucking hot in the CB already.

It is, yeah.

But that's the other thing, this fucking AI stuff,

which is not cool to be.

I'm not pro-AI necessarily, but

like, if you don't, I don't, we don't have a job.

You know what I mean?

Yep.

So it's like...

We can't necessarily be replaced.

Yeah, I think people with actual jobs can't be replaced.

They can.

People that have to go to work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, so I guess it's it's sort of rude to be excited about it.

But after, you know, figuring out those columns, I was like, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But no, I that's that's only said we we've had the ACs off'cause they fuck up the podcast.

I know.

But Ginsburg, don't don't you have isn't like Resolve has some kind of AI thing now where you can strip out like a noise floor with AI?

Yeah.

Yeah, so we could probably just have the ACs on and fucking the goddamn robot will

try it out next week.

Yeah.

Goddamn, I'm fucking dying right now.

I'm schwitzed.

Are you?

Yeah.

But you ate rotten oatmeal this morning.

No, I poured

I poured what do you call it maple syrup and then I saw that there was mold in the maple syrup and I finished my oatmeal.

So I'm probably gonna shit my ass later today.

Maple syrup gets mold in it?

I didn't know that.

I thought that's something you could just have forever.

Yeah.

That's kind of a condiment.

You know, I'm a plain oatmeal guy.

You are?

Yeah.

It tastes like glue.

Not to me.

Really?

Yeah.

I think steel-cut oats in the Zoji Rushi?

Oh, in the rice cooker.

Yeah.

It's nice.

Magnafic.

No, I like put a little couple berries, put bananas, peanut butter.

Well, berries I'll do.

Yeah.

No sugar or milk or anything like that.

I'll put a little bit of milk.

You know what I haven't had in forever that's really good?

What was that?

Cream of wheat.

I haven't had that.

Cream of wheat is really fucking good.

Yeah, a little butter and brown sugar.

Yeah,

that's a good breakfast.

I'm getting back into breakfast.

I think the last time I had cream of wheat, I've told this story before.

Probably the best week of my life.

I had my wisdom teeth removed.

Yeah.

And I ate nothing but soup and cream of wheat, and I got fucked up off Vicoden and played Tony Hawk's American Wasteland.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They don't give you it for Wisdom Teeth or more.

Yeah.

Sucks.

Yeah.

American Wasteland was a good one.

It's such a shame that that frame.

Which one was that four?

I think four, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What was the premise of it?

They're like a teenage runaway.

It's like there's cool.

Yeah.

It's like GTA.

Which it's funny now because if that game came out now, there would be like a Twitter war about people be like,

you're gay.

You're a gay runaway.

Yeah, he has to be gay.

And then, yeah, and then like Pepe accounts would be like, you're not fucking gay.

Do you see people get mad about that?

About Zelda?

No.

Yeah, there's a bunch of people.

There's a culture where Zelda.

People would be like, well, Link is trans and he's in a relationship with Zelda and she's trans.

Zelda's a guy.

I don't know.

You know what I mean?

And Link's a girl.

People are doing that, right?

But it's a video, any piece of media.

Make it whatever the fuck you want.

That's the point, you know?

But then there was like a Twitter war where then I guess guess other people were saying like no.

And then in the game, if you go to Link's house, Zelda's diary is there.

What did she say?

Nothing.

She's like, I fucking, I left some apples.

I wish I was a girl.

It says none of that.

There's not, like, no one at the same time.

But they think that.

The asexual 50-year-old man at Nintendo that wrote the game was not thinking about any of this stuff before.

He's like,

any of this fucking stuff.

And it's very funny because this happens to like Nintendo.

That whole like, I got it not really an argument.

I was just kind of making fun of him, but the guy Christian, I'm trying to remember what his last name was.

Very funny guy.

It was him and this other guy, Jared.

God damn it.

Now I feel like a fucking asshole.

Two guys that opened for me in Tampa.

Both very funny comics.

Finnegan?

No, it wasn't Christian Finnegan.

They're like younger.

Christian Walker?

That feature was hilarious.

Real strong joke right there.

Where, in Tampa?

Tampa.

Unfortunately, his name escapes me.

It's probably not even Jordan.

What did I say Jordan the first time?

Jared.

Jared.

Jared.

Jarrett Moore,

I think, was the feature.

Very funny guy.

Christian something

was the host.

But

he's one of those guys that's really in the Smash Brothers.

Mm-hmm.

And

at the competitive level or whatever.

Oh, yeah.

But I always thought that community was funny because it's a, first of all, it's a fighting game for babies.

Yes.

And the whole competitive world is based around

glitches in the game that weren't designed to be in there.

The things that people found that you can do in the game.

And so they exploit them.

They exploit them, and that's part of

compensation.

Yeah, and I think early on, didn't we already do this, go into this on the show?

No.

Maybe we did.

Maybe I was just sitting doing it with somebody else, but yeah, all the sexual assault allegations in the competitive Super Smash Brothers.

They're abusers.

It's like abusers.

Um but anyways, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, yeah, people complaining that uh

are saying that, you know, that uh Link is is trans.

And this oldest diary is in Link's house, which implies that they're fucking, which proves that he's not a a a trans homosexual.

Just imagining some little old Japanese guy with his recently returned parent.

Like someone trying to explain that to him.

He's not computing.

He's like, no, he has a sword.

He has a little guy who has a sword.

Kill monster.

Like, no, he got a single.

He ride horse.

He got his penis cut off.

Yes.

Yeah.

He got his penis cut off and he's been living in pain and he felt like he was in a different body his whole life.

Yeah.

And the princess is not a princess.

The princess is what little boys that want to be girls all will imagine to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird to think like it's really annoying.

You know, how much of this stuff would have happened anyways.

And like, like the culture war stuff and how much of it is.

Not even, I don't even want to blame social media as a whole, but specifically Tumblr.

Like I think Tumblr created the current cultural climate on the internet.

Like, didn't they have like emo boys kissing and stuff on Tumblr?

Yeah, but there was a lot of like it was a very angry place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was like you could girls would post there were progressive spaces on the internet, you know, but like Tumblr was like particularly like angry, I feel.

Well, I never I never really got into it unless I heard that you could see it move on.

Like canceling started on Tumblr.

Did it?

Yeah, Tumblr got what.

Like a white person would post a black meme and then there would be like a foot call-outs on different Tumblrs.

And they'd like re but you reposted the meme to your Tumblr?

It was progressive politics but used in a way to make people's lives worse.

That seemed like largely what the goal was, was to use it as a way to like condemn and harass people on Tumblr specifically.

And then that kind of spread elsewhere.

It spread out to the rest of the world.

I don't know if it's so organic.

I do think that there are people that are kind of driving

I don't know.

Fox News is talking about it all the time, isn't it?

You know, like they're constantly talking about trans people.

Yeah, but old Fox, like Fox News 15 years ago, was just like neocon bullshit.

Yeah, and then, like, I think it's just, like, the news.

It wasn't a fucking, we need to, like,

like, regime change fucking everywhere, you know, austerity.

It wasn't like, you know.

It was Muslims, and then it was Hispanics, and then it was trans.

I don't know, that's my moron brain, but that's kind of how I saw it.

Yeah.

Remember, people thought MS-13 was like gonna kill them and stuff.

Yeah, there was Kill a Cop Day.

Yeah, the MS-13 is having Kill a Cop Day, yeah, yeah,

and they're like they're in Guatemala, they're not even like the

it's not even like a thing here.

Yeah, I remember there was like they have them on Long Island now, MS-13, yeah, that's what that was like a thing.

They're like,

they're here, they're

and

if they're on Long Island,

that's scary,

the worst place in the world.

It's about to be Cheech and Chong Island.

A lawless place filled with

long-haired drug users.

I'm fucking dying of sweat right now.

Yeah, you said.

I hate this.

Yeah.

I mean, the lights aren't, they're like LEDs.

They're not even like.

They're still hot, though.

They're fucking hot.

Yeah, if you touch those,

they're hot.

Especially these.

Kins, how long are we?

We've done 20 minutes.

22 minutes.

Fifty-seven minutes.

Twenty-two minutes.

Twenty-two minutes.

Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah.

My concept of time is...

Twenty-two minutes.

Twenty-two minutes.

Got it.

Simpsons episode.

Probably on par with one of them, so.

I hear it's back.

Did you tell me it's back?

I read that also.

I saw an infographic that showed like average like uh viewer ratings of of long running T V shows and The Simpsons had like a peak.

I've been going back'cause you know know I got

my version of A Midlife Crisis, I guess, you know, we started making money.

I got the first 10 seasons.

Remember the DVD box sets they used to have?

So I bought all those off eBay.

So I have that on my shelf.

And then,

yeah, I just did all of season six.

But they have better writers right now?

What is it like?

Is the show better or just the ratings are better?

The ratings are better.

I mean, I think it's like, honestly, the show was like, the show severely damaged its own reputation so badly in how dramatic the fall-off was quality-wise.

Yeah.

So there's probably, I mean, if I'm sure you could talk to like some kind of Simpsons head that has been watching it the entire time that'll tell you that like, oh yeah, season 16 is actually pretty good, or 17 maybe.

I don't think it required an additional like 20 years to find its footing again.

Was it in the 30s, something in the 30s right now?

It's got to be in the 30s, yeah.

The show premiered in 1989.

That is insane.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

It's wild too because you watch.

I mean, I can't, like, it sort of even makes me sad to watch it because you can hear in the actors' voices how older, like, Homer sounds like a senior citizen.

Oh, it's the same voice.

Marge, I need to go to the creaky march.

That's really sad.

Yeah, Dan Castlanella has got to be 75 years old at this point.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Just hire me.

I'll hire a noise.

He could do everyone.

I'll do all.

Only one guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do Mo.

Hey, Homer.

Do Barney.

Yeah, geez.

Wait, how's how's Barney sound?

I don't know.

Yeah,

do Carl.

Hey.

He's me, Carl.

Do Lisa.

Lisa's the only har Lisa's hard.

Lisa's hard.

I'm I'm gay.

I don't know.

I'm a bitch.

I'm a bitch.

I love homework.

I love homework.

I'm a bitch.

That's saxophone.

That's close enough.

Just let me riff out every episode.

Let's see.

Do

Homer, one of your balls feels bigger than the other ones.

Do the sisters.

Wow.

Do Marge and Sisters.

Well, I guess I've been...

My ball exercises have been paying off.

Do Reverend Lovejoy?

The, no, I can't.

Do the Black Doctor guy.

I can't do him either.

He's good.

Yeah.

Well, Homer, it appears

it seems one of your balls.

I don't know.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't do the voices.

I'm sorry.

I thought it was I'm Cleveland from the Cleveland show.

That's Cleveland from the Cleveland show.

Fuck.

I thought that was the doctor.

That's not Dr.

Everett.

I thought it was I'm Cleveland from the Cleveland show.

He does that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do do Santa's a little helper.

Woof, woof.

Woof, woof,

do Maggie.

Yeah.

You got that one.

I got it.

I'll bring you in for the suck.

The suck.

Do Marge's Sisters.

How much more of this show do we have to do?

Do

Smithers.

How much longer are we going to keep doing this podcast?

I have no idea.

Until the talk show really takes it off.

Mr.

Burns.

Oh, what is he?

Smithers?

Yeah, that's good.

Have you seen my balls?

Yeah, I don't know.

Do Martin.

Huh?

Yeah, I can't.

I can't, dude.

I can't.

I would have to take it.

I can't rapidly.

Do Officer with the Marketing.

No, no, no, no.

It's like too much.

You're making me run around the room.

Do Michael Jackson

guest episodes.

Are you not hearing what I'm saying?

I'm ignoring it.

Why would you do that to me?

Do the Mexican beat.

If I had more time to really like focus on each one.

Do the comic book guy.

Listen to what I'm saying.

Do the Mexican beat.

Listen to what I'm saying.

You're making me do low-tier.

This is my pitch.

There's going to be 8 million people that watch this.

Yeah.

And this is my pitch.

Just hire me to do all the voice.

All right.

So.

And you're making me.

He can do it.

He can do it.

You're making me do it in rapid succession.

Well, I bet you there's a fucking autistic guy out there that can just do everyone.

Yeah, but is he trustworthy?

No.

He's not reliable.

Exactly.

He's not reliable.

I'm a trustworthy person.

And does he have a love?

Does he have a concept of love and a love for the product itself equal to yours?

It's impossible.

It's impossible.

Oh, now I have balls too.

Wow, that's good.

Wow, so we both have...

No, No, obviously it's just, I can't...

You make me bounce around too much.

I'm sorry, John.

You're playing with me, Player Boy.

I'm sorry, I played too much.

You're playing too much.

I played you.

I'm playing with you.

I played you too much.

Yeah.

When you want to get in the game, you got to get ready to play.

Play.

You play.

You're bullying me is what you're doing.

We got to stop bullying you.

You're bullying me.

I'm being bullied because of my belly.

I'm starting a campaign to stop bullying you.

Everyone's bullying me because of my belly.

My belly's too big so they bully me.

I got bullied for my big belly.

Alright, anyway guys,

have a fantastic long weekend with your families.

We will be back next week.

New episodes of the Adam Free Les Show Talk Show should be out in the next couple of weeks.

We are very excited about them.

We're working very hard.

Thanks for listening.

We'll see you soon.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

I can do Martin.

No, I can't do Martin.

I can do

Ralph Wiggum.

Ralph.

Yeah.

I'm so.

What's the episode where they crash on an island?

Where Auto crashes

auto crashes and they go on an island.

And Martin says, I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.

Yeah.

That's funny.

I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.

Ready to buy a car, a home, or just want to take control of your money?

Your FICO score matters, and 90% of top lenders use it to make decisions.

Check your FICO score for free today without hurting your credit score.

Visit myfico.com/slash free or download the MyFICO app today.

My FICO gives you the score lenders use most, plus credit reports and real-time alerts to help keep you on top of your credit.

Visit myfico.com/slash free and take the mystery out of your FICO score.

You're juggling a lot.

Full-time job, side hustle, maybe a family.

And now you're thinking about grad school?

That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

At American Public University, we respect the hustle and we're built for it.

Our flexible online master's programs are made for real life because big dreams deserve a real path.

Learn more about APU's 40-plus career-relevant master's degrees and certificates at apu.apus.edu.

APU built for the the hustle.