Ep. P11 – Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson

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Welcome to the Adam Freedland Show, the podcast.

We got a double XL edition today.

Oh, boy.

We got the host of the new Brandon Jamel show.

Come on.

Our oldest friends, two of our oldest friends of comedy, Brandon and Jamel.

I'll clap for that.

I clap for that.

The hottest new podcast on Patreon, Brandon and Jamel.

Patreon.com slash Brandon Jamel.

Feels good.

Is there an answer?

Hold on.

The Brandon Jamel show?

That you just called on?

Yeah.

I thought you were just continuing on the old podcast.

No, I mean, I suggested, yeah, but still, too.

And then he was like, nah.

Why not just call it on?

Yeah, but still.

I mean, still, but old IP.

Just

illegal.

Nah, but

you know.

You should call it the Adam Friedland show, too.

I pissed it off.

Yeah, honestly, you should call it Come Town.

Just call it Come Town.

I'll give you permission.

Come Village.

Honestly, that would sound good.

You should just call it Comtown.

Same brand name, we'll give you the IP.

Y'all go with it?

I can.

I don't don't give a fuck.

Yeah, just call a content.

You can trick everyone.

We'll discuss it internally, but just change the name to come.

Yeah, just change the name to Comtown.

People would be so excited, and then they'd get so mad when they heard this

brand name.

I don't think they will.

I think a lot of them will be like, they sound different.

What?

These guys don't come.

They sound different than they used to.

Time to...

Time to fucking threaten Adam.

Time to find out.

I'll have to send pictures of my guns to Adam because

the podcast makes a different sound than it is.

It would end with death threats for you.

Yeah, don't.

Anything bad that happens,

the shit rolls back to me.

Do we throw up your address in the lower third?

Yeah, we will.

It's going up there.

It's 29 Cunt Rose Avenue, Apartment 5.

Brooklyn, New York.

Oh, what's happening?

Oh, is it like, I just got a light?

Yeah.

I'm just holding it.

It It should be right in the middle of your chest.

Yeah, we're going to be able to do it.

I'm going to be talking to Adam.

Just clip it to your t-shirt, like the middle of your t-shirt.

Also, Dave, you said we do have a read this week?

We do.

Yeah.

I know you have a nice.

Did you always send any copy?

That should work.

All right.

I'm going to put the mic on my phone.

Mr.

Rugi.

Oh, Mr.

Rugi.

He speaks for me.

All right.

So, boys, how you doing?

Welcome to New York, guys.

Miss you.

Love it.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Wish we could chill more, but Nick and I have some important, you know.

A Marty.

You have to say it on the show, but I mean, it's all good.

Me and Brandon.

Me and Brandon got stuff too.

We got to go to NYU after this.

Ooh.

Brandon's signing up.

I was just going to do laps around Washington Square Park until

Jonah Hill style.

Good.

Jonah Hill vibes.

I'm just selling paintings.

On the other side.

You're selling panties at NYU.

Panties, paintings, paintings and panties.

Panties and panties.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm surprised Brandon's allowed back at the campus.

Trying to get like Jonah Hill?

You said it first.

What?

Oh, no.

No.

Doing something else.

Saab posted him with his surfboard.

Trying to get like Jonah Hill.

Trying to get like at Jonah Hill.

Yeah, and they tagged Jonah Hill.

Yeah.

Brandon was taking shots.

He thought the war was active.

No, I'm, you know, we're

making the rounds.

We got our sister podcast,

Stavi's World and Brandon.

Stavby's World.

Check out Stavi's World 20 Comettown.

Yeah, Brandon Wardell and yeah, you guys call yourselves that.

It's not bad.

It's Stavi's World.

We should call it Stobby's Land.

You know?

Like there's Disney World and Disney Land.

Yeah, one's in Florida, one's in California.

Stavby's Dominion.

You know, Stavi's World's in Florida.

He goes into Florida.

It's crazy.

He's flying down.

We're territory of Stavby's World.

Yeah.

You're like a Roy Roy Rogers franchise.

I was saying we should.

Stoppies World Express.

We should have franchised Cometown.

We should have allowed people to fucking start their own.

Any fucking group of three white people.

Yeah, they have to give us $100,000.

Yeah, right.

You pay us a $30,000 franchise.

We'll put your shit on the RSS.

You got to find someone who is terrible.

Yeah, you get all the fucking...

Yeah, exactly.

It goes into RSS, but it's like geo-locked.

So you can be the Cometown of Central Florida.

And then anybody who lives there, you only get those episodes to the RSS.

No, I I mean we can do wide distribution.

You just have to be ready for the boom

because here comes the boom, you know?

Here comes the boom.

Ready or not.

That's the movie.

The Kevin James MMA movie, Here Comes the Boom.

Have you seen it?

Joe Rogan is.

Adam's Movie Corner, very good movie.

You guys should see it.

You love Here Comes the Boom.

I love Here Comes the Boom.

I love the Paul Blart franchise.

I'm a big fan of Kevin James.

I'm a big fan of the Kevin James Adam Sandler comedy duo.

How about Paul Blart Mall Top?

And he's just getting

stabbed in the segue.

He's just riding around.

He's riding around getting his dick sucked while riding the segue.

There's a woman.

He's like just apologizing to families.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Just getting my dick sucked here.

Sorry.

That's the whole movie.

How you doing, ma'am?

Sorry, just

getting my dick sucked.

I'm just saying that's

trying to be casual.

Yeah.

Little kid drops a pretzel.

I can see it.

Yeah.

He's at pretzel time.

They're like, yeah, you said the pretzel buds.

I'm sorry, are you getting your dick sucked right now?

Yeltsi has charge.

Yelte has charge.

Yelti has charge.

Big fan.

Yeah, he's going to be on the show.

Oh, yeah.

Kevin James coming on.

Kevin James comes riding a segue on the show.

You're going to bring the Paul Blart.

They should have that in the American History Museum as the Paul Blart Segway.

They should.

Wait, what was it?

The premise of, I now pronounce you, Choke and Larry.

Why did they have to pretend to be gay?

Because he needed health, because he needed health care.

Yeah, health care for his little kids.

It wasn't to

honk on Jessica Beal's.

He's like pretending to be gay, and he like honks on

called Three to Tango and then she takes her clothes off.

Have you seen Three to Tango?

No, I think it's like it's like Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney.

It's one of those

same guys.

It's one of the Dermots.

Dermot and Greg.

Yeah, they're dating a bitch, and they go out of town, so they ask Matthew Perry to keep an eye on their girl or something.

They're dating one girl?

Because they think he's gay or something.

Yeah, okay.

And then he's like, what?

You think I'm gay?

And then he uses being gay to get pussy.

I just found out about

that short-lived John Goodman sitcom.

No.

Normal Ohio.

I've never heard of it.

You gotta...

I wish we could just pull up the trailer right now, but it's like,

it's him being a regular guy.

And then it's like...

Dave's texting you, Adam, you have to fix your mic.

True.

Well, you keep doing that, and then you let it fall back over the wrong way.

So make sure its face is on the side of your face.

I had to put it on his head.

Dave, is this better?

Yes, that's good.

Thank you.

So

yeah,

this John Goodman sitcom, Normal Ohio.

It's like

Dave is like a normal, is like a normal guy with one little twist, and then it shows him walking into a room and being like, hey, guys.

He's in charge.

That's the twist.

The twist is that he's gay.

And it's John Goodman.

That's the entire twist.

John Goodman's gay.

One season.

One season on Fox.

Well, I'm trying to suck your dick, friend.

I'm trying to suck your dick, friend.

Honestly, you're making me want to watch that pretty much.

How's John Goodman sounds like that?

Oh, yeah.

I'll run it if it's on two.

Jamel's a big, two-bee guy.

I'm trying to suck your dick, friend.

Adam, if that's not right, we got to figure.

Come on.

We're still doing our job here.

I go look it up.

No, don't look it up.

We all know what John Goodman sounds like.

You're saying he's not.

You can't tell me I don't sound like John Goodman and you don't know what he sounds like.

I know, I can't, I can't place it, dude.

I don't know.

All right, what is he?

Roseanne, what does he tell Roseanne?

What's the one thing?

What's his catchphrase from that show?

I don't think he has a catchphrase.

Yeah, damn it, Roseanne?

Damn it, Roseanne.

He doesn't have a catchphrase on Roseanne.

Yeah, come over here, suck my dick, Darcy.

You're thinking of Tim the Tool Man Taylor.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he should have been married to Roseanne.

He should have, yeah.

There should have been a fun crossover.

He's cheating on Jill Roseanne.

Yeah.

She's so funny.

Where the hell have you been, Tim?

Getting the worst pussy of all time.

Ah!

Fucking, he's fucking Roseanne's sister.

Jackie?

Yeah.

Jackie, yeah.

I love Jackie.

Yeah, she was great.

She was a mess.

She was a mess.

She was the only real character on the show.

She was the best character on the show by far.

Yeah, and everyone was mean to her.

They'd be like, Jackie.

Who was jackie jackie's the mom from ladybird yeah she's like the lesbian sister that's just a fucking train wreck she's like she has a boyfriend on the show and he's just beating the shit out of her you remember that yeah yeah yeah yeah she was in an abusive relationship

and everyone tells her that she's like ugly too that was like a big joke it's like she's shit no one would fuck you jackie yeah yeah she's just a skinny woman everyone else is fat

yeah i would love just a subplot where where tim the tool man tailor who's made millions of dollars off tool time, is just secretly fucking and spoiling Roseanne.

Just like taking her,

just taking her out to her.

Buy her expensive gifts.

Just like $1,500 dinners.

Just buying her jewelry.

She's like, well, Dan can't see the jewelry, or he's going to know I'm fucking the guy from the tool.

I love when the shows cross over.

There's nothing quite like it.

And then Jonathan Taylor Tharmas finds out, because he's the smart one.

Yeah, yeah, he is.

So he gets the credit card statements.

He's like,

Dad, what are you doing with with Roseanne?

Yeah.

Also, information

Urgo showed up to the Fool House.

The Fool House house.

Yeah, he fucked all of them.

He was acting weird.

He fucked up all of them.

He fucked all of them.

He fucked Kimmy Gibbler.

He fucked DJ.

What's up?

He fucked DJ, Kimmy Gibbler.

He fucked Danny Tanner.

Yeah.

He fucked.

Michelle's in the hospital getting asshole surgery.

Did I do that?

Is it Mandelo's search?

Was a lot of Bob Sagitt's material like, oh, yeah, I fucked Kimberly.

Yeah, no, it was.

It was, it was, right?

It was a lot of.

In fact, what always bothered me is, like, when the,

what is it called, the fucking aristocrats came out.

Oh, yeah.

There's this whole section on Bob Sagitt where they say, you know, oh, Bob Saget, he's actually filthy.

People know him as Danny Tanner, but he's like a filthy comic.

He's actually dirty.

He was bullied this guy.

And, you know, all these comics that know him would be like, you know, like, I don't know, they have like Sandra Bernhardt.

She's like, one time I came home and there was a box of tampons in the floor.

Bob Sagan has sent tampons to my house or something.

I don't know.

That's dirty.

There are stories about him.

That's real dirty.

Dirty.

But what I want to know,

I remember being a teenager,

that movie came out, and I was like, well, was Bob Sagitt dirty before Full House?

Or is he doing this because he doesn't want to be the Full House guy?

Yeah.

Like, he's created this idea of him being like, actually, he was a filthy comic, or is it just a reaction to Full House?

Or a reaction to America's Funniest Home Video.

Either way, I cannot, there's no evidence of him being a dirty comic before full house there might be now but at least when i looked into it as a teenager i could never figure that out wow so that's the mandelo so i always thought yeah that maybe it was like yeah they kind of retconned him as being this dirty comic before yeah i could see that full house but maybe he wasn't after married i don't i i don't know i mean i guess we'll never know thanks pfizer so yeah you get the vaccine you forget there was foul there was foul play yeah fauci play foul

play there you go

absolutely it was fouch play.

Where's that fool at?

He's still watching baseball.

Are we watching baseball?

Well, Fauci.

All I remember about him was that he liked baseball.

Oh, I heard that he likes basic

crisis for him in

men's locker rooms.

Cross that fool over.

I'm going into the bathroom, drinking.

I'm squeezing out the towels into a cup and drinking it.

To study how AIDS is.

To create a new vaccine.

I'm just, this is just me trying to do guys this whole podcast.

I'm just trying to do this.

It's the trying to produce.

It's a break guys podcast.

No, he was a good pouch.

Nick's got the best impressions of anybody, I know.

No, that's not true.

No, that's not true.

I don't have an impressionist at all.

That's not true.

You got like 30.

What about that guy that was from Mad TV?

I just scattershot.

Was that?

What was the guy from Mad TV?

Frank Caliendo.

Frank Caliendo.

Yeah.

That's a man of a millionaire.

The best contemporary comic.

It's either Evan or Mateo.

He's got a great one.

I don't know if they still live together, but those motherfuckers, I would imagine they just sit in that apartment doing guys all day long.

Those of them are fucking dialed in on every one of them.

Yeah.

Evan's amazing.

Mateo's like insane.

Really?

Yeah.

Have you ever heard of him?

Mateo doesn't often do impressions.

He doesn't incorporate it.

But when he does, it's...

Frank Caliendo did do Charles Barkley, I remember.

And really committed.

Yeah.

He did Brownface.

Jimmy style.

Yeah.

Oh, and Kimmel did Carl Malone.

Yeah, all of the Jimmies, I mean.

Do you think,

as a black American, do you think that the Carl Malone impression was funny enough to justify the blackface?

Honestly, yeah, but that's only because Carl Malone also was fucking kids.

If Carl Malone wasn't fucking kids, if he wasn't fucking kids independent, I'd be like, I like that, but I like that.

Because he was.

That's very solomonic of

that.

I'll let y'all have Carl Malone.

I like that.

I like the funerals that Carl Malone.

Like King Solomon splitting the baby.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, there was only one on record.

Scaramucci.

Scaramuccio.

James Bond guy?

The Golden Gun guy.

Scaramuccio.

No, Scaramucci is the guy who worked for

Scaramanga.

Scaramanga, yeah, yeah.

How many 13-year-olds did Carmelo and just one?

Only the one.

But then the kid, he had the kid.

The child had the kid.

He never said it was his kid.

And then that kid made the NFL.

And was still like, please, please say I'm your son.

Tell me.

He worked his way up to the fucking NFL is the XFL

yeah the XFL is back but it's not the same it's not like they're trying to make it like legit

originally it was Vince McMahon yeah is it still that nah no it's the rock Vince is not involved no it reminds me like when they tried to bring surge back and it just wasn't it wasn't it wasn't good it's not quite cracking the same yeah because they make they came out surge went away and then they came out with vault yeah and vault was like vault was crazy good and i remember thinking like oh, like, but oh, I remember Surge being, but Surge was just the first one.

It's like, the beta.

And Vault was better.

And then they came out with the new Surge.

And now it's like, well, where the fuck did Vault go?

Yeah.

You're an American soda enthusiast

before this.

We were talking about like Japanese soda guys.

I was saying, yeah, being a Japanese.

What a bunch of losers.

Being a guy that's into Japanese soda,

that's beyond.

Like, you watch so much anime, you got to drink, you got to fucking get diabetes from Japan.

Like, oh, well, you know, I think the worst kind of guy to be is Japanese soda guy.

But

I'm not even, I don't drink soda regularly.

Yeah.

I've tried it.

I remember the hits.

Yeah, you've tried it.

I've tried soda.

Yeah,

I've tried soda in my life.

Squirt.

I've tried.

I've tried soda.

I've tried pop.

Squirt's come back now.

And it's weird because it's like, I feel like it's

coming back.

I press it.

I wonder why it's coming back.

Well, I was saying the other thing.

Because the popularity of certain crowdware comedians.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I was saying it's weird that we used to just call kids squirt.

Hey, what's up, squirt?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Damn, I forgot about the squirt air.

What's up, Squats?

Yeah, you just call kids squirt.

You're like, what's going on, squirt?

What's up, bust?

No, literally.

What's up, little bust?

Little nut nut.

What's up, my little...

There's another thing we used to call kids.

There's another thing we used to call kids that was kind of fucked up

outside of Squirt.

I was trying to remember.

There was two of them.

Squirts, Twerps.

Like Trooper, Tiger, Sport, Squirt.

Sexy.

Tykes.

Little Tykes.

Yeah, Nutter, Buster.

None of that.

Buster.

What's that, Buster?

Buster.

Buster and Squirt.

Buster and Squirt.

Buster and Squirt are the two.

Oh, yeah, we're having a Buster Brown.

Buster Brown was big time.

Yeah.

That guy was around in DC.

Buster Douglas?

Buster Douglas.

Still alive, I assume?

Yeah, what happened to Busters?

That was nice having Ernie.

If you guys haven't checked out, we have Ernie Hudson on the talk show this week.

It was really fun.

Did you ask him?

It was good.

He's really holding it down for Ernie's.

The only Ernie.

You don't really care about Ernie.

I always wanted my name to be Ernie.

Yeah, Nick's

Deplume was Ernie.

In fact, there's been multiple times where I've just gone around introducing myself to people.

What was the name?

Ernie.

Ernie what?

Ernie what?

what was the last name you had I remember

I've used different last I've used my own last name yeah

NDC the

Sean I was hosting

yeah I was like bring me up as Ernie James yeah yeah yeah I'm Ernie James for a while

there was like a good month where you were

in fact Sean and Patton didn't realize I was two different guys

I remember that now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was like telling you about Ernie James.

He was like, oh, have you seen this Ernie James?

No, he was like, he's like, that's you?

He was like, I was like, who the fuck is this guy?

Who's Ernie?

Yeah, Ernie's a great name.

Ernie's very neutral.

Ernie can never get in trouble for anything.

You can't dislike it.

Ernesto.

You see, there's going to be a TMZ headline, Ernie accused of rape.

You can't put him on death row.

A guy named Ernie.

That's why that guy literally got away with it.

The fucking guy who plays Elmo got away with raping people because the character he plays is named Elmo.

No one knows his real name.

Yeah.

You know, but like, who's going to get mad at an Elmo?

I don't think he raped people.

I think it was a false.

That's why, look, I think it was like, okay, you want to know why?

Nick rounds up.

Nick always rounds up on it.

He was raping.

He raped a little boy or something.

No, I think it was just a guy.

You think about it.

If Adolf Hitler had been named like Bernie Hitler.

Like Danny, you know.

Danny Hillary.

Like a guy.

Oh, Danny.

Yeah.

Denny Snickers.

Denny Snickers.

If Adolf Hitler's name was Denny Snickers.

You've did a thousand years third right.

100%.

Like the fucking Chamberlain.

Everyone's France.

Everyone's like, come on.

No, Chamberlain would have been

everybody would have been fucking.

Denny Snickers.

He'd be like, yeah, we're not going to go to Christmas.

This guy.

We're not going to go to war with a guy named Denny Snickers.

Denny, yeah.

Yeah, Denny.

And if he had, instead of the Charlie Chaplin, he just had a little wispy blonde mustache.

Yeah, he's just a cool guy.

No, not a cool guy.

Just like a fucking, like a just sort of a snake, like a backdoor guy.

You know?

Like a Matt Dillon type.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, like a Matt Dylan type of guy.

I don't think, I don't think, you know, like, who would believe they're like, yeah, Denny Snickers is putting people in camp?

Is everybody else still have the same names?

Or is he changing the name?

Everybody else has the same name.

Yeah.

Iron Himmler.

Everybody else.

Herman Goering.

Didn't Snickers is running the show.

It's Denny Snickers.

They're like, you know what?

He's a good boss.

He's coming to the office.

He's going like this to everyone.

They're like, bringing coffees in.

Casual Friday.

He's wearing sweatpants.

Nobody.

Yeah.

He's hard during a meeting.

He's like, oh, forgot to go 12 o'clock on this one.

I have no problem.

Denny Snickers.

Denny Snickers pulling out the

fan of the Jews.

Not a fan of the Jews.

No.

No fan of the Jews, that Denny Snickers, but you know what?

He's a pretty chill otherwise.

He's a pretty good hang otherwise.

Doesn't really like me, but I kind of like him.

Is Sting still alive?

The rapper?

Not the rapper.

Yeah, the rapper.

The singer or the wrestler?

I got

tantric sexist.

Yale, Yale.

Yeah, he's alive.

He's still doing his thing.

Well, he hasn't met it yet.

Well, he hasn't had it.

What is staying?

You never hear about Sting anymore.

That's when he'll pass.

Yeah, one up.

That's when he can be free.

Yeah, yeah.

He's going to just do it.

It'll be like a geysers.

That's all it takes?

Yeah, that song is hilarious.

It's like the laziest song of all time.

Fucking, it's deserable,

yabit and bow.

It does sound like a guy who's never...

Like a guy who's never fucked writing a song about what he thinks fucking is like, this is what it would be like.

It's the I've tried pot of songs.

I've tried pot.

Desert rain, yeah.

I dream of rain.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I do.

Desert rose.

We'll just get some India India guy to sing over the rest of it.

Shabang, shaboom.

That's the number one track.

That's kind of.

After, I mean, before like John Lennon was murdered.

Yeah.

Was it him or is it more Paul McCartney that got really into just like world music, but specifically Indian shit that weird the guitar?

No, it was George Futar.

It was George, yeah.

Dude, George, he didn't die from it.

He got cancer after this happened, but he was stabbed like 50 times in his house.

By who?

Some guy came into his house and stabbed him like 50 times.

Some guy, some crazy guy.

Danny's mad about

Danny Snickers.

This guy.

He was mad about

John Lennon being murdered.

I don't know.

Some guy, like, yeah, he was stabbed mad times and then he lived.

Not a robbery.

Kind of a Heidecker.

He was stabbed.

Bit of a Heidecker.

Heidecker was stabbed 50 times?

Heidecker was stabbed and then he lived.

He told him

he went into Ackbar.

It was like, there's a whole story.

Yeah, he ran into a bar.

He got...

Akbar was his place of refuge.

What was Akbar called before it was Akbar?

It's right there on Fountain and

the famous.

Because

it's right across the street from the last blockbuster I ever saw.

Damn.

Yeah, it's definitely.

That blockbuster is gone now.

I mean, it's been gone for 10 years.

Didn't Akbar have a different name?

I only knew it was Yakbar.

Yeah.

No, the high

stabbing sword is crazy.

Was it someone targeting him or just a crazy guy?

It was like a crazy guy, like a crazy.

Just a crazy guy with a knife.

Yeah.

Crazy neighbor.

Yeah.

Sounds like a good sitcom.

Oh, crazy neighbor.

The crazy neighbor.

Okay.

Danny Snickers.

Okay.

It's family matters.

With Brandon as Urkel.

No, yeah.

George got really into World War II family bladders.

And it's like fucking

Steve, let me drink your piss.

Okay, good.

Carl says he's upset because he drinks everybody's piss.

Keeps Carl happy.

Hey, why?

Yeah, yeah.

He's got to get his fill.

Steve, I'd love to hang out with you, but I'm pissing at my father's body.

Okay, see you tomorrow, Laura.

Steve.

Not while I'm drinking my pee pee Steve

Steve Laura just drank a big gulp he was he's on uh Reginald Bel Johnson's in some commercial he's in like a commercial it's a geico yeah he's in that geiko Brit I thought he was dead Uncle Phil's dead it's wild too because you look at him and it's like confused yeah I'd be crazy he's got he's just never gonna try another look yeah no Reginald why would he

his entire life just well got a little mustache and the same haircut Yeah, crazy.

For 89 years.

He's a cop in both of the famous roles, right?

Yeah, he's a cop in Die Hard.

Yeah.

And Die Hard's in Chicago, right?

L.A.

L.A.

Oh, okay.

L.A.

Don't talk shit about LA really than LA.

Richard Bellson just died.

He played the same character in every show.

Yeah, Detective Munch Pussy.

I seen y'all with the helmicide DVDs.

I might have borrowed those.

Yes, yes, yes.

Hell yeah.

I knew you would like those.

Thank you, dude.

Nick found those on the street, correct?

I found a different box set on the street, and then I purchased that one because it came in a filing cabinet.

That little fucking drawer they put in that bitch.

Because I found them on the street.

Homicide's a great shop.

But I

think.

We're talking about a homicide life on the street box set that comes in a filing cabinet.

It comes in a filing cabinet.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

Janelle is up to date on all of the procedurals.

Did you ask Ernie about Law and Order?

What's going on, Adam?

Who's calling you, Maya?

Yes.

Yep.

Yeah.

Damn, she just stays calling at the wrong time.

She called during the show last week.

She loves calling at the wrong time.

Hey, I wonder if something's wrong.

Hey.

All right, we're back.

What are the big things?

What do directors wear?

Well, I want a

scarf.

And the payments

are cone that I got.

The 1920s

fucking Hepburn pants.

Yeah, the

wide on this part.

Oh, yeah, like that.

Make it look like you got big ass thighs.

Yeah.

You look like Foghorn Leghorn with the piece of the piece of the.

Yeah, kind of like a pilot.

Yeah, like an old, like a Red Baron kind of pilot.

I could see it.

Damn, I've been having a Red Baron pizza since.

Since probably I was 19 years old.

That's literally where my mind went to.

Red Baron.

God damn.

They're really good.

So much better than Toastago.

It's the best.

Make your own bullshit pizza in your shitty eyes.

I like Bobolis.

Oh, the babolis with the sauce.

You feel like a chef.

You're in control.

If you go to the movies, they leave you with the boboli.

What do you do?

The babolis, you have to put the sauce on.

You put the sauce, you put the cheese in it.

I've never done that.

It's like, oh, look at me.

My parents went out to Fardi.

Redberry pizza.

There was one, when I lived in Austin, I don't come home, I would make a redberry pizza.

There was one that was just all salt.

It was like a salt flavor.

And yeah, I drink a pack and eat a red berry

god damn yeah and then i go hit go ahead and open mic hell yeah

then be back oh this is pre-open that's called pre-workout and then be back at work 6 a.m

hell yeah yeah so much better so if you want to if you're a young comedian wondering how you know you look at me you look up to me you look up to me you look up to me yeah as a guy i got the i got the whole world wrapped around my finger i got it i got my own i'm the executive producer on tv show yeah how to get here is uh you got to move to Austin.

You should definitely do that.

You should just move.

And then, yeah, Red Bear and Pizza, and then do open mics.

And make sure you stay drunk.

Stay drunk.

Yeah, just stay drunk and alienate everybody.

Pick fights with people.

That's how you know.

That's my favorite.

That counts as the fight.

Well, can we talk about that guy that.

Why do they call it alienating?

It's like, oh, he alienated all of his friends by being like a racist pedophile.

Go off.

Go off.

Aliens are cool.

Yeah, yeah.

There we go.

I'm not like, oh, this guy probably has a UFO.

This guy's probably capable of interblacking.

They should call it being a faggot.

It's so much more activist.

I was with it.

Oh, jeez.

Jenny Snickers over here.

I want to rap.

Jenny Snickers over here.

Call it alienating.

I love observational.

If I found out one of my friends was an alien, I'd be like, buddy,

let's go to space.

Let's go on a fantastic voyage into space.

Yeah.

What were you saying, Brandon?

Oh, that guy that

you were like in the comments, and there was some guy that was like,

gave him shine.

Yeah.

But we were just talking about guys who like drink to the shit.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of people say that they drink to listen to the show.

Yeah.

And that seems insane to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If I'm drinking.

Unless you're on a drink.

If I'm listening to anything,

I'm listening to Frank Sinatra.

Yeah.

Classed up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the best.

Listening to Frank Sinatra when home doing the shittiest cooking of all time.

I love that, dude.

I love having two glasses of wine, putting on Frank Sinatra, and then just fucking up the rest of it.

Just getting it completely fucking.

I don't even measure anything.

I'm eating raw chicken.

I'm like, yeah, I wanted it rare.

I've wanted it rare.

I'm a fucking man, alright?

I made rare.

Let me get a premium rare fried chicken.

The breading is fucking three inches thick.

When I was 17, I'm just fucking rolling up all over the place.

I'm like, yeah, I'm cooking.

Love it.

How lucky can one guy be?

I suck you and you suck me.

I suck you and you suck me.

Frank Siddhatra.

Frank Siddhartha.

Suddhartha.

Sudoku.

Yeah.

When I was 17.

I get no pussy.

But then when I was 21,

I still do not get any pussy.

It's like clipping and blowing out.

I still don't know.

There is no pussy.

I still don't get a pussy.

That's life.

And if it sucks, you come back again and it's still bad.

You have to come back and there's no pussy again.

Oh, here we go.

What are you doing?

Franks and Darth was way better.

Songs about puzzles ain't going to be.

You knew Frank Sudartha.

21.

I tried to use the numbers one through nine and put them in the green.

Whoa, okay.

Yeah, but I like that.

I like Nick's better.

I'm Frank Sinbad.

Talk to me.

He's like, God, it's like this.

In the 70s,

used to be a little bit of a call.

What was Sinbad's act?

I remember I watched Simon.

Sinbad's bad funny because he wasn't.

I had to watch Sinbad when I was a kid, but I can't remember a single joke.

He's no

gym.

But he still does comics for all of the premises.

He's still funny.

We got to get Sinbad a Hollywood

handbook with Sinbad.

Fucking amazing episode.

I love it.

He says a bunch of stuff.

He's like Derrick Aines, where it's like.

It doesn't connect.

Well, it doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, yeah, but he's crushing.

Derek Aines is funny, but you watch him and it's like, what?

that's not true

You're like laughing at it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, it's like you know when you're on an airplane they start flying upside down for no reason Yeah, yeah, and then and for some reason you're doing

like an amazing physical act out

this is the funniest shit I've ever seen right, but then you're like what is that true?

Yeah, no, he is I remember he has a whole string in one of those specials talking about the 70s how things were different in the 70s that was his whole thing and then everything

he looks yeah it's just not like the big one is that yeah you used to be able to get hit by a car and get right back up.

Yeah,

no, cars are cars were way more dangerous back then.

Yeah, they weighed like literally five tons, right?

Like they were just like boats, like 10,000-pound boats.

Right, yeah.

No, you'd like get into a fender benner in a parking lot, and then they wouldn't be able to identify the box.

No one's wearing seatbelts.

Yeah, right.

The car would just go.

Anyways, Adam, once you open your phone, this episode is brought to you by My Bookie.

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prospect yes so that's for the nca march madness we got a big we got a lot of stuff and we're we're going state this year we're going state virginia state virginia state let's go titans let's go titans

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really bout it yeah let's go brandon um

was he went diary on his favorite favorite hat?

I guess I pooped my pants from.

I'll tell you about the hat.

It said

Coal Miner's Wife.

Oh, it's a movie.

And I bought, no, it was a hat.

I was not there for when you shit your pants.

I remember going to Westview Goes.

I bought that in West River.

You stayed maybe?

In coal mining country.

We went with my ex-girlfriend.

You were there.

I was there for part of it, but I was not there when he shit his pants.

Yeah.

No, that was in the car ride home, and I was like, please open the window, please.

You were like, looking around the apartment.

I got sick from a

Hardee's.

Sub-leasing.

You were like, oh, maybe I'll remove somebody.

Maybe I'll like, because I was about to

drop out and move out, and you were like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, maybe I was serious.

I think that would be fun.

No, I think you would fucking win.

It's such a horrible idea.

Your roommate was so fucking funny, dude.

Cole Hickey.

Dude, that guy just being like, fucking, got the Xbox set.

Just like,

he's like, I took the room without windows because I was going to invest in a next-gen concert.

So Brandon has the parking spot and the windows.

And I got the Xbox 360.

I thought it was so funny.

Just like,

just like,

just being away from your parents.

Yeah.

And then that's like.

Great.

That's it.

The world is your oyster.

You're in

the most depressing apartment complex I've ever seen in my fucking life in Richmond, Virginia.

And then you have to like do homework.

You know, he was plums, man.

He was excited.

He was so happy.

Yeah.

Yeah, Cole Hickey, I think, hates me.

Why?

Why?

Because I was just stuck with those fucking symbols.

I moved out.

I say full name.

He was mad at me.

I love full name.

I'm not taking shots.

No, no, no, no.

I'm rocking with Cole Hickey.

We love Cole Hickey.

Yeah, no, he's out of his head.

We love Cole Hickey.

I wish I wasn't.

Cole Hickey lived in there.

I was just wanting to bleed off his energy about how excited he is.

But he, like, yeah, and he's a gamer to his core.

But I dropped out and then I was like, don't worry, I'll find somebody to sublease the apartment.

And then there's this

youth pastor that moved in.

Oh, a molested.

He got molested

as an adult man.

He got adult molested.

We're in here after that.

I guess you get braces.

I guess that's a move.

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember when Brandon tried to go to college.

Should I get braces?

Yeah,

cool.

That'd be good to go see a gum surgeon.

That might complete the look.

What happened?

Why do you have to see your gun?

I don't know.

One of my teeth, it's just the gums have been receding for like a decade, and now it's like just all the way down to like fucking

gum.

I got a little bone.

Yeah, I've got a gum problem.

We all need to get veneers.

Yeah, like the rappers.

Big veneers.

Big old joints.

Yeah.

We got to go.

They have dental tourism.

You can go to Venezuela, get your dicks up, get new teeth, get big chompers.

Like Rick Ross.

Rick Ross is huge chompers.

Yeah.

They should call it dental Zoela now that I'm hearing about this.

Yeah.

They do it in Colombia, too.

We get tit jobs, too.

We get multiple surgeries.

We get Brazilian buttons.

We're about to get BBLs.

Yeah.

We're doing BBLs for the show.

Well, you had to send the time codes and you were like, we got to cut the BBL stuff.

Why?

I said that.

Or was that you wanted to clip it?

Let me ask you something.

This Pedro Pascal guy, he's been in the news.

He's on that show Narcos.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

I'm asking, is that correct information?

I think he is.

I think he's on

Mandalorian and The Last of Us.

Narcos.

And Narcos.

Is Narcos still on TV?

I don't think so.

I think it's, they rebooted it with like a new cast, a different story.

Yeah.

Like they did Narcos Mexico.

Okay, so he's on other stuff.

It's not that Narcos is

no, he's huge, this guy.

Yeah.

And every girl was a fuck this guy.

But isn't he gay?

That's why he's in the news.

Is he gay?

Yeah.

No, I think he's just a handsome actor.

Well, I think he posted a picture of a rainbow flag and he was like, guess what?

I'm gay.

Guess what this means?

He got an earring on his right ear.

He posted that.

And he's typing in the four page of the New York Times.

Guess what?

That's my understanding in the news.

Do you guys know what this is?

Pedro Pascal who's from Narco.

That's what I thought.

I don't know.

I mean, you know me,

I have no media literacy.

That's the other thing people are saying now.

It's media literacy.

What is that?

Like being, like, like treating, watching TV as reading?

Who knows?

It's the latest dumb.

It's the latest thing to say if you're a moron that wants to sound like

the fucking.

if you watch the last of us it means you're literate yeah well someone that knows how to read you have to you have to deconstruct what's late capitalism from the

if that's oh this part of the show is late capitalism that's media literacy yeah

you're media literacy

like i watch barney and i the part where he says everybody do your share i know that that's

that's actually it seems like communism but it's actually it's not it's capitalism it's capitalism yeah yeah why because everybody do your share rather than everybody receive your share.

There's not an equal distribution of.

I don't know if Barney was that deep.

Yeah, well, that's because you're not media literate like me.

You're not doing a deep read of Barney like I am.

Jamel loves Barney.

I mean, have y'all ever seen that dude's Instagram?

He's a little freak.

Barney?

Barney, he's like teaching tantric sex classes and shit.

No, really?

Yeah, yeah.

No, he's not.

No, yes, he is.

Swear to God.

He's like not busting.

He's on the whole thing, dog.

He's not busting.

He's hanging out with the ABL Awards.

He posted a picture.

He's a hard life.

Barney posts a picture of the rainbow flag in his account and says, bad news for the hose.

I believe everything Nick says.

This shit also

believe everything Nick says.

And it's made the world a worse place.

Yeah, well,

I don't really lie, but I do make shit up constantly.

Yeah, yeah.

Which is different.

It's different.

No, it's different.

Lying is like fucking like

oh, I didn't fuck that girl.

Yeah, that's lying.

Being like, oh, did you know Henry Ford?

His dick was 19 inches.

That's making stuff up.

That's good.

Yeah.

I've got to make me a lot.

It's a thin line, dog.

Yeah.

It's a thin orange line.

Do you see these classes?

I send them to you, those classes, the dick writing classes?

Where you tape a pencil to your dick and make your dick on them?

What are you talking about?

These seminars?

These seminars where they like.

Oh, dick Ryder, yeah.

You send your girl to these seminars.

Oh, yo,

it's like a show called Dick Rider.

Wait, it's like a Lama's.

It's like Guest Rider, but

Dick Rider, yeah.

Dick Lewis Rider.

Nicholas Cage's Dick Rider.

That guy's fucking awesome.

I don't care if he raped.

That guy's awesome.

Just showing up in front of Andrew Callahan's house on a motorcycle.

Nick Lewis Cage's head's on fire.

He's like, Andrew Callahan didn't do anything wrong.

He's the greatest journalist of our generation.

Andrew Callahan's like, I just want to say mad leftist thank you to Nicholas Cage, Dick Ridey, aka Dick Ride or something like that.

Dude, this is.

I know that guy's your friend.

I don't, you know.

I'm just going to send.

Oh, yeah, Riding is not my best friend.

I'm sending my girlfriend to this.

Look.

He's a kid.

Is there like a seminar where you teach your girls?

Whoa.

And then you're just supposed to just sit there.

Yeah, with other guys while your girl not.

You know what that is?

Lake Capitol.

That's media literature.

What's it like?

Everyone, if you want to see what it is, it's

called...

Yeah, riding for rookies date night.

And you go with your girl and she just practices bopping up and down.

It's like a Lamar's class, the one for dick riding.

You get a green belt at the end?

Yeah, you get your squirt belt.

Yeah, I don't know what's next.

We got to get Cole Hickey on.

That guy's dead.

That guy's killed himself.

That guy's killed himself.

I love Cole Hickey.

I love Cole Hickey.

When was the last friend of Taco?

It's been years.

We could do an episode.

We're on a Discord.

Brandon's high school friends, like, the casting that you did on your friends from high school was incredible.

It was like...

Oh,

this is a good opportunity from Central Casting.

Yes.

That one time that you, back when you lived in a place

that was like

a DIY venue.

But it wasn't even there.

They were having a rave

at a warehouse.

People forget about Punk Rock Adams, sub-A, 1432 R Street, Subterranean A.

There you go.

It was his

job.

That was the address.

Yeah, because I was like buying, I was buying weed from your

ex-girlfriend.

Yeah.

And driving.

She was a criminal.

Yeah.

She was a criminal arrester.

Yeah, no, that was.

Yeah, do you

believe what was this night?

Jamel was bouncing.

They had a warehouse party, and Jamel was the bouncer for it.

Yeah, like a techno warehouse right now.

Warehouse party, that sounds dangerous.

Yeah, and he brought his two friends, his two

little boys.

Rolling Cunningham and Alex Hillary.

And they, yeah,

he showed up in the rain and says it starts at eight.

Ranica's there alone.

And it's like like

a warehouse, and you and your two boys.

And then I think they turned to each other.

They were like, if other people walk in, they're going to think it's a real lame party if they see us.

Yeah, it was setting a bad precedent because people would walk in.

Like, we're ruining this.

Just like three, like, 19-year-old virgins.

Yeah.

And,

yeah, no, it was.

It was a bad look.

No, the cop showed up, and I was the only one who was about to get arrested.

Oh, yeah, because you're the only black person.

Yeah, I'm the only black guy there.

So they're like, we got to arrest him.

I'm like, there's children.

He's like, yeah.

The dude pinned me on the hood.

Johnson.

I said the N-word to this black cop, and he tried to suplex me.

I'm like, there's children inside.

Arrest them niggas, man.

No, we weren't.

We were actually

angry.

We weren't, like, literally, we were scaring the host.

It was bad.

And I'm just,

I'm feeling responsible for you too.

It was very children.

When you guys did that, though, I really loved it.

It's very uncomfortable in this director's show.

No, that's.

I love those.

I love those guys.

Alex Hillard, I've talked to him recently.

I got to get back in touch with Cole Hickey.

Maybe he's going to be a good one.

Who's your boy?

Brian, your boy, Brian, your boy Overlord.

I remember all your boys.

Get him online, man.

We could do like a basketball.

David.

That's Congo.

No.

No, we got it.

We can't say that one.

You said it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

I'm the one saying that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yo, he's the only one.

I'm fucking worst, dog.

He's the only one.

Yeah, that's what I got.

Heck, you kind of like.

There was two albums of just like female body filters.

Jesus.

And just be like, wow, she is so beautiful.

She's beautiful.

She is beautiful.

Yeah, he was a beast.

Yeah, Matthew Gilbert was a beast.

Which one was that?

I think I showed you Matthew Gilbert.

That name sounds familiar.

I think you would show this one.

Yeah, I showed you Matthew Gilbert.

That's who I think I was talking about.

Blake had the best guy.

Blake had the best guy he went to high school with that he was still Facebook friends with who was like always buying swords and shotguns.

Yeah.

But like a red, like a sword redneck.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah.

I've definitely been to a party.

His name was like like Gilbert Wormley or something like that.

Uh-oh.

Like a hilarious name.

Oh man.

But he was doomed.

He had a Facebook post one time that Blake showed me that was like best part about going on vacation, coming back with more swords than you left with.

I've been to multiple parties in Virginia where a dude was like, hey,

y'all want to see a demo?

Yeah.

It sounds like a lot to do.

The funniest was that guy in L.A.

that had the sword and he was like, you know, anybody breaks in, and then literally that night, the guy broke in and he just hid in the road.

That's the funniest.

That is the funniest story of all time.

Yeah.

Because imagine, you think, you can have that bravado thing and you're never going to get checked on that.

You're living in an apartment behind the gate and the front desk.

Like, and then you can say, yeah, if anybody breaks into the apartment, I got my fucking katana.

And then in front of that same same audience, there's a break-in in your apartment.

And he waited for the guy to leave before he came out of his room with the katana.

Imagine getting checked like that.

Like within the

moment, imagine how much the younger people

hate that.

Stop and I came to LA to record the podcast with Nick.

Yeah.

Because Nick was riding a motion show.

And we stayed with my friend Danny from college.

And I was on the couch, Scott was on the floor.

Danny's the one that's like kind of...

No, no, that's the other Danny.

I'm talking about the Danny.

This is the other Danny.

Yeah.

And he'd moved to LA and he went on like a trip.

He had like a fake job and he's like, yeah, we do business in China.

He comes back from China with the katana, which is Japanese also.

It's not even Chinese.

He's like, yeah, you know, samurai, like Chinese style.

I got to head out.

There's another 12 minutes on the show.

Come on.

What do you mean?

I got to head out.

Where do you have to go?

I got stuff I got to do before we have this thing.

Yeah.

We can take it from here.

I'll see you.

Yeah, you guys are good.

It's 12 minutes.

Can I go to chair?

Yeah, sure.

Well, no, because the cameras are

already there.

We don't know who's in charge.

All right, see you guys.

My butt is sore from this camera.

Bye, Nick.

Have a nice time.

He's going to go to the sauna.

You had a steamer.

He's really gay.

He's literally out of steam.

Come on.

Dude, fucking fame has changed him.

What time is it right now?

I got some shit too, boy.

4.12.

Okay, anyway, anyway, so

yeah, we're staying in the apartment.

Then, like, I wake up at like 4 a.m.

I see this guy sitting on the chair.

He had like a sofa and then a chair.

He's just like looking at Tinder and swiping right, right, right, right, right.

Big rights.

And then I like turn to him, and I know my friend had work the next day.

I was like, are you Danny's friend?

And he's like, I don't fucking know, man.

And then I was like, what?

And then I checked the time and then stopped just burst out laughing.

And I was like, wait, do you know Danny?

And he's like, he's like, I'm fucking just out here, challenge.

And I realized that we just left the door open and some drunk guy came back from a club.

Like, because this building was like above, like,

fucking, what do you call it?

What's the supermarket?

The really expensive one in LA?

Erewhon.

Erewhon, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Above Erewhon by the grove.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so then.

Get out of here.

And then, so yeah, this clever guy was like, you know, Prada loafers and stuff and just sitting there on fucking tingers, swiping right.

And so, I was like, bro, you need to go.

And Stop starts laughing.

Like, dying of laughing.

I was like, get the fuck out of here.

And he's like, you fuck your dude.

It was your mom.

You fuck yourself, dude.

And then he like leaves.

And I lock the door.

And Danny busts out of his room the second the door closes.

Busts out of his room with the katani.

He's like, dude, I was about to fucking slice that guy in two.

I was like, you were clearly waiting for the door to use.

He had a cue.

He had a cue, shit.

He like came out with that.

Dude, it killed me.

That was the funniest shit ever, man.

What's your guys' favorite alternative weapons?

I don't like weapons, dude.

I like psychological warfare.

And that's what I've always engaged in my entire life.

You know?

Yeah.

You trick people with words.

The intellectual dojo.

Oh, yeah.

Sun Tzu.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Art of War.

What it do?

Yeah, Sun Tzu, what it do.

Karate.

Yeah,

brain karate?

Chess boxing.

Yeah.

Brandon was chasing me around with a fucking scythe last night, man.

Why?

This nigga's crazy.

I wasn't chasing you around.

He was chasing me around.

I was just like, check this out.

Brandon's trying to get into wet playing.

It was like Jeffrey Dahmer, dog.

No, I was just playing with

gay styles.

I'm fucking running around this building.

The cops pulled up and he was like, this is my boyfriend.

This is my boyfriend.

And they're like, you two fellas have fun.

That's the saddest shit in the world.

That Vietnamese boy escaped and then he ran to the police and Jeffrey Dahmer's like, I'm just gay with this guy.

They're like, all right, go back with your boyfriend, Shirley.

Nancy.

All right, Nancy, you two have fun.

He gets chopped up.

I'm going to save him.

So what kind of plans do you guys have for the Brandon Jamel show?

Let's see what we have on deck.

Well, you know, we're getting some branding.

We're doing some promotional stuff.

You're doing a podcast tour here in New York?

We're doing a podcast tour.

Yeah, doing a massive press run.

You guys are going on Gas Digital, man.

We're doing Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Oh, okay.

You're playing both sides.

We're doing

this American Spice.

You know what I'm saying?

This American Spice.

It's about K2.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm trying to make my lungs bleed.

What's happening with fake weeds?

They made Blue Weed legal and

that was the end of it.

Yeah, they did it.

Yeah, people stopped smoking.

Spraying roach spray on potpourri.

Dude,

that shit was fucked up.

It was a good time.

Was that a fake news?

Was that a fake news?

No, was that like a scare thing?

No, dudes and whippers were smoking K2.

k2 no that virginia is like that was a big fake weed it was a lot a lot of kids would be like oh i'm going to the military i can't smoke real weed yeah we're smoking like i have to go to this to the war i have to go to the war no i gotta start the war early yeah yeah no like no bullshits i'm trying to get ptsd before i leave so i'm ready so i'm ready to go

out of out of duty active duty maybe they need that for a job k2 psychosis yeah yeah

you know you know a little something about duty

They were smoking

poo-poo ass.

They were smoking poo-poo.

You smoked poo-boo.

Were people smoking poo-poo in your high school?

Boo-boo.

Boo-boo-boo, yeah.

People were smoking poo-boo.

Oh, Jankum.

Jankum.

Jankum.

That was fake.

Jankum was a big, that was a big

crocodile.

Elementary urban legend.

Do you remember that?

The other great urban legend was like, there are always parent scare tactic articles.

Rainbow parties.

Oh, where it would be like, oh,

colors of lipsticks.

Your kids are having rainbow parties.

Yeah, girls have different, yeah, they make rings around your neck, but that's not even sucking your dick.

That's just giving an oligarch

kiss.

You're not even getting sucked.

You're just getting rings of a girl kissing on it.

The real act out is crazy there.

I remember thinking at the time.

We missed it on the B camera.

Yeah, I think we missed it on the B cam.

Let's get it on my camera.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Just a one, and then that's it, like a stamp.

Yeah, whatever.

But

yeah, no, there was that, and then there was the rubber band thing, where if you tore a rubber band, then a girl had to fuck you.

It was the rule.

It was the law.

Some shit that happened at one private school.

Yeah, one private school, one time.

But the thing is, like, we weren't really doing drugs other than weed.

There were some kids senior year that started that did meth.

Some of like the white trash girls did meth.

It's because you was in Vegas, bro.

Because it was in Vegas.

Yeah, there was like one kid

in my school that was doing anything harder than pot, and his name was Kyle Sackett.

Damn job, I'm doing it.

What was he doing?

First of all,

he said that.

Those are you fucking feds, dude.

I know.

I'm a cop.

He's like the kid.

He's a cop.

Do you want to be a bad person?

I want to bleep one name from earlier.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know which one.

Yeah.

The retarded guy you made fun of.

Let's bleep that.

Yeah, bleep that, too.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Neuro.

Neurodivergent.

Divergent guy that is posting.

Posting Facebook albums of female bodybuilders.

Exactly.

So, yeah, no.

What was I going to say?

I forgot now.

We were saying something before that, but I don't know.

It's lost.

Kids were doing meth.

Oh, some girls were doing meth, but then at the private school, all those kids were like doing Coke and like

mad pills and stuff.

The rich kids were like the ones that were like, oh, yeah, I do heroin and stuff.

And I was like,

where do you get that?

I learned it from you, Dad.

I thought we were kids.

I remember I found out two kids had sex the summer between sixth and seventh grade.

And I went home.

I remember their full names.

I cried over them still.

I came home and I cried.

What are their names?

Savin and Alicia.

Their first names are Elden and Alicia.

I still remember that.

The last

kid is interesting.

I will say it after.

But I went home and I cried, and I was like, I thought we were just kids.

I thought we've lost our innocence.

It's over, son.

You knew it was over then.

It's so pathetic.

I just wanted pubes, dude.

I wasn't ready for the game.

I just had a sprinkling of pubes.

Yeah.

I don't have shit.

I think I damn no pubes till like

I feel like I didn't even have pubes.

19 or 20.

Yeah.

Now you have some of the most pubes in the biz.

I'm known in comedy as having the biggest.

Top 10 pubes?

Yeah.

It's me,

Vultures Publishing.

Fortune Fumster.

Okay.

I don't know.

That was the first comedian I heard.

That's a good one.

I mean, that's not a bad guess.

Fortune

That's not a bad guess.

I'm rocking with it.

Yeah, yeah.

We're the original Bush boys of Bush Twins?

Yeah, Bush Twins of comedy.

The Bush Twins?

Yeah, we do like a blue-collar style comedy tour about you might have a big bush.

If you open your pants and it looks like an afro,

you might have a big bush.

Sarah used to do that bit, right?

Oh, yeah.

Your bush looks looks like Lily Kravitz.

I don't remember that one.

Earlier when we were talking about comics doing a premise that doesn't actually make sense,

I was thinking about

our old friend who does a very...

He was doing a very good Chappelle impression, but the way he would set it up is he would be like, yeah, I started comedy in DC, and I remember the host of this open mic.

Oh, this microphone is coming.

The host of this open mic looked like Dave Chappelle, and I thought thought he was going to go up there and be like, man, DC's different, man.

Well, yeah, it was.

Wait, so you thought that this guy was going to go up and do Dave Chappelle's?

It was like the host had the same voice as set it ups.

Set-ups by any means necessary.

What?

But there was another guy, Alex Starr, used to do that with, he had three impressions.

Obama, Denzel, and Michael J.

Fox.

And every bit was just those three examples.

Yeah, you remember that.

And then the Michael J.

Fox one was just like, why are you doing this?

Did you hear they got they're getting Obama to play the Batman in the new in the new Batman?

He's like, let me be clear, Gotham City needs a dark night, it needs a hero.

And then he's like, Aunt, I just read the news, they got Denzel Washington to play the new Batman.

And then, and then he did Michael J.

Fox, and then he's like, and Batman comes in and he's got a right shoe on the left foot and the left shoe on the right foot.

Because I think he has part because he has Parkinson's.

Yeah.

Oh, I know.

But it was just like, and then I remember Michael Footie went up after him at a show and he's like, it doesn't mean that he's missing reception.

Oh, yeah.

He's up in New York.

I love Foodie so much.

Who star?

Yeah.

Really?

Well, y'all weren't there with me when he got when Rob Gordon fucking power tossed him on the road.

There was after Nick and I left DC, all of the comics were just fighting with each other on Facebook.

Say, you're not welcome at my room anymore.

I was like literally just reading local.

On what?

On Facebook.

Wait, who were they mad at?

Alex Starr.

There was all this beef of local comedians.

There was mid-level comedy.

Don't come to my room anymore.

There are a lot of places.

You're not welcome.

People calling each other out, tagging them, which is what the internet is supposed to be about.

It's not about group beef.

It's not about late capitalism.

It's not about yelling at someone you don't know.

It's about telling people in your actual life that you don't want to know them anymore and they're fake.

I think that's that's what that's what they're saying.

That's what the internet's about: it's about calling out people in your real life and doing it.

Doing friends on black, doing it in front of all of your other friends, and people being like, Oh, you're being embarrassed, they're embarrassing themselves right now.

It's about you, you know, now the world is like, Oh, I'm mad at fucking, I don't know, Maddie Healy for going on the Adam Free Lash or something.

You know, but that's not what the internet was meant for, guys.

Anyway,

Dave, what's the runtime we are at?

104.

Okay,

that'll do her, guys.

That'll do her.

Thank you for watching the Adam Freeland Show on the podcast.

Go ahead and subscribe to

the Brandon Jamel show.

Brandon Jamel Show on Patreon.

Go and subscribe to the Adam Friedland Show on Patreon.

Oh, also, Washington, D.C., while we're talking about D.C., 930 Club, June 2nd.

Gonna do the 930 Club June 2nd.

I will be this weekend at, in Raleigh, North Carolina at Good Nights Comedy.

And then in two weeks, the beginning of April, I will be in Salt Lake City at

the fucking, what's it called, the Italians.

What's it called?

Goodfellas.

What's it called?

Good.

Good Nights.

No, Good Nights is North Carolina.

What's it called?

Good Mobsters?

No, what's the Mobster?

What do you mean?

Seattle.

Wise guys, wise guys.

Sorry.

Seattle.

This weekend.

Laughs.

Helium.

No plug that.

Helium in Portland in May.

If you're in North Carolina, I will see you Raleigh, North Carolina this weekend.

Thanks for listening, guys.

Bye.

All right.

Woo!

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