Ep. P09 – International Women’s Day

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Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast.

I'm joined with Nick.

Slava Ukraini.

Oh, hi.

Slava Ukraini, everybody.

We just got the two boys today.

It's International Women's Day.

We want to talk about the women who are alive.

Slava women.

Slava.

Which women do you think of when you think of International Women's Day?

Who comes to mind?

It's weird.

I guess the Michelin man was the first thing that popped into my head.

Who's a man, but fat.

So

that's like a woman.

He's got like a fat ass.

I feel like fat belongs to women now.

It belongs to women.

Yeah.

I think they killed all of we had all the fat guys.

Uh-huh.

They were off.

That was our very male thing to be fat.

They killed Belushi.

They killed John Candy.

They killed Chris Farlow.

There is kind of a government conspiracy.

All those guys died, and then suddenly that's like what you have seven, eight, eight, maybe fifteen years later after that.

It's nothing but women taking being fat and making it something that's not fun.

You don't hear that enough, I guess.

Yeah,

the real, the only hero of that whole, Melissa McCarthy did good work, but she was cast aside by her

some of her contemporaries.

So is it kind of like the same people that got her kind of got

Belushi in them, but they just couldn't kill the C the deep state couldn't kill.

no I think there was there was probably some kind of like

Whether it was explicit or not like an aesthetic argument as to what being a big fat bitch was gonna be in in in between the years 20 2005 and 2012 I'd say where that those were the years yeah, and you had the Melissa McCarthy's and the

Well, Melissa is really the only one I can think of.

That seems to have been more.

There's the Melissa McCarthy's and then there's like the view usually has a big a big old girl.

I'm not including including the view.

The view is sort of its own thing.

Yeah.

I know that you do organize the world in that way in your mind.

What?

You've said that a number of times to me that the view doesn't kind of correspond with...

The view is its own discrete universe, right, in your mind.

What do you mean?

They are kind of like the aliens playing marbles at the end of

the men in black.

The view is necessarily a reaction to culture.

They don't.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Nobody's getting their ideas from the view.

I get plenty of ideas from the view.

Yeah, I wouldn't say so.

Whoopi had a couple of ideas about the holidays.

Anyways, they were trying to figure out what being a big bitch was going to be.

And I didn't even think we were going to get into this conversation.

I was ready to talk about Ukraine.

But

I guess, you know,

they couldn't decide what they wanted.

And there was people doing good work, carrying on, you know, they weren't seeing it in terms of gender, like Melissa McCarthy.

And then sort of, you know, Lindy West was kind of in the middle because she used to be funny back when she wrote for The Stranger, but then she was really, she was sort of the Benedict Arnold of the whole thing.

And then she, she decided, let's make being a big bitch not fun.

Uh-huh.

You know?

And then that's when it became about like being in ice cream commercials and,

you know,

getting angry.

Yeah.

saying that you should be the president of the United States.

I don't think any of them said that.

That's the funniest thing about it is none of the fat activists has ever been like, and we need a fat woman president.

They know that that would be too far.

I think you're absolutely right.

They know they'll be like, ah, come on.

All right, come on.

We're not crazy here.

That's totally true.

We just want to be in the...

And honestly, a lot of, they are pretty reasonable.

Like, yeah, it should be fat women in the ice cream commercials.

They're the ones buying the fucking ice cream.

Yeah.

That is kind of insulting.

Yeah.

You know?

But then, like, when it comes to, like, I don't know, something a fat woman wouldn't do, that seems like those are the ones that are in, that have the fat ladies in the commercials.

Like, what?

I don't know, like a Nike commercial.

Yeah, but that's who's doing exercises, fat people trying to.

That's who's doing exercise and also buying the most expensive clothes.

The people that, like, if I, if you see a commercial and it's like some fat lady doing yoga, wearing like $900 worth of yoga clothes, it's like, that's exactly who's doing exercise.

Can you imagine if they

by the like amount of textile in an item of clothing?

They do.

They do?

Yeah, large sizes are.

If you get a 2x, it's the same price as a small, no?

Yeah, but 3x, and usually they scale up.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

You do that.

You sell shirts.

Speaking of which.

I don't sell 3x.

I'm selling shirts again.

I heard you sold out.

I did.

Yeah.

Sammy told me you sold out.

And

we are going to be getting some stuff for the show out as well.

We haven't had that conversation, and that's sort of an internal disagreement.

We've kind of had that conversation multiple times and you've kind of sounded like a lot of people.

I don't think t-shirts are the move.

I don't think t-shirts are the move.

Yeah.

No.

Hats.

I mean I said a

letterman jacket.

Letterman jacket tie clip.

Yeah.

Something for like a kind of listen, like something to reflect the maturity of the show.

Right, yeah.

You know?

An exploding cigar perhaps.

Yes.

A flower that squirts.

Maybe a spot you could throw on the wall and it turns into a hole that you can reach through.

That would be kind of like an acme corner.

Like a Looney Tunes hole.

We'll be selling a Looney Tunes hole.

We'll be selling holes.

Yeah, eventually we'll be getting some stuff out of it.

Also,

patients.

They should really work on inventing that.

They should.

Yeah.

Of course.

I mean, it would take kind of quantum physics.

That's probably the biggest L of science fiction.

Because science fiction,

they pride themselves on like, oh, every bit of technology we have now.

I love when like fucking the science fiction nerds do that.

They're like, yeah, well, if it weren't for Star Trek, we wouldn't.

It was all from Star Trek.

It's like, what?

Because some guy fucking did no work for the thing.

Some guy didn't get work.

Some guy didn't invent anything at all.

He was like, yeah, what if there was a machine that sucked your dick and it was also a race car that went 800 million miles an hour?

How would it work?

I have no idea.

That would be cool, though, if that existed.

What do they say?

Then 80 years from now, you're like, well, it looks like we all owe a big thank you to Bob getting your dick sucked in a race car for coming up with that idea.

If it weren't for Gene Roddenberry,

they would have fucking electric cars.

That was predicted by Star Trek?

No, but there's other bullets like

the thing where you can zoom in your body.

Boop boop.

Yeah, the boop boop.

Everybody has like a, you can just contact anybody, the communicator.

Yeah, but that's just a phone.

Yeah.

I mean, Alexander Graham Bell predicted that.

Yeah, they had Netflix two-ways.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The two-way pager.

Yeah.

Anyways, this is, we're doing two things on this episode.

We're talking about Ukraine, which I finally got into.

You're into it now?

I finally took the time to.

Well, now they got good.

You want to start at the conclusion first?

They got good videos now.

So you can watch.

Yeah.

What did you see?

I don't know.

Just like, you know, it's like watching Modern Warfare.

Yeah, it is very Modern Warfare.

Yeah, it's cool.

It is cool.

Yeah.

It's really cool stuff to watch.

It's white-owned white violence.

And then celebrating the life and work of Brittany Murphy.

Because we're coming up on

on the probably thirteenth anniversary of her death, which I think was um sometime in late August.

She wanted to get fat or something.

Was that?

She wanted to get fat?

Yeah, I think her husband ate her.

And her husband ate her.

Yeah, I think she was eaten by

I think she was eaten by mice in her apartment, if I remember correctly.

Brittany.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, not a day goes by where I don't think about her.

Yeah.

Um,

and getting fucked on the on those shelves by Eminem.

In the factory, that's right.

In the factory.

Yeah.

That was a seminal sex scene in our in our childhood.

Yeah.

Us as boys.

Yeah.

What were they making in that factory?

Something with cars, I think.

Yeah.

It was Detroit.

I w I really wanna I'll go back and

edit that scene and put in the Looney Tunes factory music while he's fucking around.

What they should have been making was

those damn holes.

Detroit fell apart'cause they stopped playing that song in the factories

In the 60s they said well it's just why do we keep we're wasting all this money licensing this song to play it every day Yeah, and then people got lazy and then they did race riots.

No, that's not what happened dude.

They weakened unions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that was in the collective bargaining agreement because the factory guys wanted that song.

Yeah.

But then the bosses, if they fucking make a dollar,

the guys make a dime.

I'll tell you that movie Horrible Bosses should be about those fucking guys.

Fucking the auto.

Who's in that movie?

Horrible Bosses.

I have no idea.

I don't remember it at all.

Yeah.

Well.

Sounds like a good movie.

Anyway,

what did you learn about the Ukraine?

Let's talk about it.

Nothing.

Nothing.

You just watch it.

It's very funny if you look at

an interactive map of the front line of the war.

It's like, like uh you know it'd be like all the shit that happened in the beginning and then it's just like it's just a static image basically for the last fucking year and a half and you're like is the video still playing just nothing it's just people fucking they're just all like just dying they're just standing at the same time it's like trench warfare yeah nothing's fucking happening you think it's it's uh that's the plan so we could keep selling weapons what that's what people say I don't think there's a plan no the plan is that because we're out of Iraq and Afghanistan now we gotta we gotta flip weapons to old Selensky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what they should be selling?

What?

Them damn holes that go through the,

go right into Putin's bedroom.

Oh, yeah, the loony tool.

The looney tool.

Yeah.

Do those go anywhere?

I think it's just a void.

Oh, really?

It's like a black hole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

I haven't thought about it.

What's on the other side?

Yeah.

I don't think there is another side.

I think there's just like a gravity well.

Yeah.

That you can put, and it just destroys all matter.

Yeah.

But time is part of that.

So you can pull your hand out and your hand is being destroyed as you put it in.

But then when you pull it out, it's reversing time.

Yeah.

So it's being recreated.

Would you do that?

Would you, if it was at a glory hole height, right?

Would you put your penis into it to know what it's like to be a lady on International Women's Day?

Well then you would just put the you would put the hole

You would put the hole around your dick.

You put the hole around your dick then your penis wouldn't exist.

And then maybe you'd have clarity for the future.

No, no, but I'm saying you wouldn't put the hole on a wall and then put your dick in it and then feel like a lady.

You'd cover your dick with the...

You'd put it the other way.

You could do it either way.

I don't think so.

You would put the hole here,

and then your insides would be this sort of just

destructive void.

And then that's what it would feel like to be a woman.

Oh, because their bodies are killing them at all times.

Yeah, I guess if you think if you got like endometriosis or something.

I always love the name of that.

What is it?

I I think it's the guy that invented Ferraris.

I think that's...

I thought it was like Indo.

I thought Indometriosis.

They don't call weed Indo anymore.

I know.

That was a 90s hip-hop phrase.

Yeah.

You remember the damn 90s?

You remember that damn decade?

I feel bad for these kids.

Yeah, they're growing up with fucking just immediate access to fucking hardcore pornography of all their classmates.

We had to work hard for it.

Yeah, just their fucking, all the other girls in fourth grade that you got on OnlyFans already.

Yeah, they can just see their dicks.

They're like asses and pussies.

Yeah, they don't have the luxury of things like skip it or fucking fruit by the foot.

Yeah, or imagining the girls pussies and assholes.

Yeah.

To be really

disgusting.

And then you find out that then you get married to her because she's one of the only girls in the town.

Do people still live that way?

What?

Where it's like a town.

Small towns?

Yeah, yeah.

Where they have like six girls they could get married to?

Like, yeah, I mean, people still live in small towns.

They're not moving here, going to NYU, being fucking whores?

No, no, no.

I guess so.

I guess so.

Maybe they are, I don't know.

Really?

Yeah.

I kind of wish I grew up that way.

In a small town?

Yeah.

Why?

What would you be doing?

You know everyone.

You go to the bootmaker.

Yeah.

You go to the bakery.

You go to the bakery, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, small town, I don't think I could handle, but like a medieval like, like village.

Yeah.

I would love that.

If you were a serf?

Yeah, just no, I don't know how to read.

All the signs have to be cartoons.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I can't, I don't even know.

Like if you wrote church, I wouldn't know that that's a church.

It's got to be a pic, it's got to have the cross on there.

Yeah.

Or the baker.

It's got to be bread.

It's got to be a picture.

You have to draw the bread.

Yeah, right.

I don't know why they're fucking inventing letters.

It's a simple, very simple system.

There's one homeless guy, and he's also the one mentally handicapped guy.

Yeah.

My name would be Scissors.

Everyone's like, that's the idiot.

My name would be Scissors.

My father's name was Scissors.

And what I do is

I cut things.

You cut.

Yeah.

I got a giant pair of scissors.

So if you need something cut, I can do that.

You want to open a mall?

I'm your guy.

Don't ask me what a maul is.

I have no idea.

But if there's a big ribbon.

You're fucking that shit up.

Yeah.

You're slicing it.

Because I'm scissors.

Yeah.

And I constantly have infections.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't wipe your breath.

My breath smells worse than my ass.

Can you imagine how bad it smells?

What?

Back in the Middle Ages.

Yeah, you probably get used to it, though.

You think so?

Yeah, absolutely.

Oh,

disgusting.

Yeah, you acclimated to it.

Like, I mean, do you think people are going around India being like, well, whatever.

I'm not going to make that point.

But, you know, I would imagine that in the Middle Ages they didn't.

Like, I mean, there had to have been a smelly guy.

You know,

village idiot.

But he's got to be so much further away than the rest of them.

It kind of is.

They got a baseline.

It's kind of the same same system, right?

Where we make our mentally like insane people live outside.

But back in the day, there was only one guy.

There's one guy that had a house, the king, you mean?

No, no, there was one guy who was the village idiot.

And everyone's like, oh, that's the schizophrenic guy.

We all love him.

His name's Larry.

He's like a mascot for the town, right?

But nowadays, there's a...

There's a...

Yeah, I don't understand.

Do you ever notice that you're in New York City?

There's so many things.

I think it would have been a feeling about it.

Would having Down syndrome even be a detriment in the year 1470?

I think everyone had it.

Yeah, it's like,

everyone had it.

Oh, well, he's never going to learn how to read.

No problem.

That's true.

That's fine.

Yeah.

He's strong.

Yeah.

Oh, he's stronger than the other people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He loves candy.

Well, that doesn't even exist.

Yeah, you can't even conceive the concept of that.

Yeah, right, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just like

there's nothing to worry about.

Really?

You're chilling.

Yeah, there's no books.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In fact, you're like probably better at dealing with having a miserable life as a serf.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You probably see on the bright side of things much better than

to be the village idiot, I guess you just had to be.

That was probably just the gay guy, honestly.

I don't think it was the Down syndrome guy.

That guy is an idiot.

Yeah.

He was like, that guy's right.

I'm also retarded.

And they were like, well, we're all retarded.

There's something different about you for whatever.

I guess he must be an idiot.

Yeah.

He must be stupid.

He must be stupid.

He must be stupid.

And then they put everyone the village idiot.

That guy was probably the smartest guy in town.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Prancing around,

having sex with the king.

Hopefully, this episode doesn't get us in trouble.

Oh, God.

We really got to change our tune.

Yeah.

If we want to recruit top celebrities to the show, we can't be doing this kind of crap.

Yeah, I got to just stick on the things I know that I can play it safe on.

Sesame Street, Looney Tunes.

Ukraine.

What's safe comedy?

I don't know.

Yeah, definitely not everything I've been saying.

I'll tell you what.

I am

trying to hold it together.

I am super irritable.

This is day two.

No vaping.

Not vaping.

You can hit Dave if you want.

Yeah.

No, I just want to.

I want to fucking...

Just

burn this building to the ground.

The entire thing.

Yeah.

It's a nice building.

It It was built 1920 something, I think.

That's not true.

I think it was.

You're just guessing.

I'll look it up right now.

Yeah.

You have no idea.

You have never looked it up.

You don't know when it's...

No, it's Art Deco.

What do you mean it's Art?

It's just a straightforward.

It's just a white building.

The outfront is Art Deco.

I'm going to look it up.

You think this building is 1920?

I'm going to say 1924.

1924.

But you're guessing.

You don't know.

You presented it as if you had this information.

You do this all the time.

I was wrong.

Yeah, of course you were wrong.

What year?

What year was this built?

Up or down.

Down, of course.

Like down, meaning earlier.

Okay.

What do you mean up or down?

It's time.

Yeah, so next year I'm going up to.

No.

We're going up to 2024.

It's built earlier.

It was built earlier.

Earlier.

Yeah, much earlier.

1907.

Yeah.

Much earlier.

That's fucking, it's 20 years.

That's ballpark.

That's pre-depression.

What do you mean?

You were wrong.

Wait, so you were trying to.

I didn't even want to play this game, and you were wrong.

You know what style the building is?

What style?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't, we're in a just a

Wikipedia.

Our building has a Wikipedia pitch.

I've never looked at the outside of the building.

You walk up on the street.

What are you vaping on?

I'm not going to hit it.

Stop it.

I'm not going to hit it.

I just want to see the thing.

It looks new to me.

It is

clear.

No flavor.

Clear?

Can I see it?

I just want to look at it.

I'm not going to fucking hit it.

Lava Plus.

Yeah, it's from China.

That's how you know it's clear.

Does this unscrew?

No, don't break it.

I'm not breaking it.

I just screw it.

It looks like it unscrews.

Did you have play dates when you were a kid?

No.

No, you didn't.

No.

Because you would have done that.

Done what?

Unscrewed.

No, someone's playing.

No, no.

Someone's playing like N64 and you would have been like...

Let's see if we can get it.

Oh, my soda shit.

My soda spilled on it.

No.

Why would I do that?

This destroys somebody's stuff.

This looks like it unscrews.

Stop it.

It's delicate.

No, it's not.

It's very well built.

It is.

Certainly passes the unscrewing test.

Stop hitting it.

I'm just, well, I'm...

It's nice.

Brought to you by Lava Plus.

Lava Plus, an Art Nouveau style, our building.

Okay.

Oh.

Well, I mean, it's like, it's just, it's a white box we're in.

Well, the front of it, the the facade.

I have no i I have literally no idea what this building looks like on the outside.

They got rid of the scaffolding.

Is that our building, though?

That's our building.

I know where the door is.

I can't tell where the fucking...

It's the part that's white.

Yeah.

Alright, well,

what's going on with you this week?

Maybe you can pitch a topic out.

A topic?

I went to the top of the Freedom Tower for the first time this week.

That's pretty cool.

Spectacular.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And there were no clouds that day, great visibility.

We saw, you could see all the way to Connecticut.

Yeah.

Just being on top of the Freedom Tower and walking up to a Muslim family up there and just being like, I gotta tell you, at first, I didn't know what you guys were thinking, but this is fucking

nice.

Yeah.

They wanted a little remodel.

This is way better.

I was a little bit afraid of,

you know.

What falling?

Oh, another

terrorism.

Another terrorist attack?

It would be pretty funny if they hit that tower again.

Well, they hit it twice the first time.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

That's a fool me twice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They should have just gotten rid of one of them.

Yeah, why do they have to do two?

Honestly, look,

if you only blew up one of the towers,

then you have this other tower there.

And it's like, well, what do we do?

Rebuild the fucking other one?

Because then it's just the same towers.

Nobody's going to fucking occupy it.

Now that they already blew up one of them, you know they're coming for the other one.

Right.

It would be,

you ought to think, that's what I would do.

If I was Osama bin Laden, I say, no, we're going to blow up one of them.

And you know what his family was in in Saudi Arabia?

Construction.

Construction.

Yeah.

Inside job.

Yeah, they were like,

yeah, we got a fucking, we got an idea for a job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dual insurance scheme.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'll come back to work in a minute.

I got to pray.

Yeah, I pray like five times a day.

I don't do too much work around here.

It's mostly praying.

Yeah.

In a way, they're very similar.

Wahabas and La Cosa Nostra.

And Italians.

You just replaced lasagna with Mohamed.

Dude, if you said that.

If you said that 20 years ago, people would have legitimately gotten mad.

Yeah.

There would have been an Italian 9-11.

have done it.

They would have done their own 9-11.

Oh my god.

How can you fucking say that?

How dare you?

What happened to

the 9-11 mosque?

The Ground Zero mosque?

Yeah.

I didn't understand because it's like

for the longest time, Ground Zero was still just a hole filled with trash.

Right.

You know, and they're like, oh, they're building a mosque down there.

And it's like, so I've just always imagined like a mosque in like a junkyard, basically.

Like there's like a dog and a stack of tires and then it's just a mosque.

Like, I mean, you know.

Yeah, it's a crappy place.

Yeah, right.

I don't understand like what, I couldn't conceive of what was going on.

There is like a brand new Greek Orthodox church down there.

Have you seen it?

No.

And I think they just thought that was the 9-11 mosque.

Because it has a dome and stuff.

Oh, like an onion dome?

Yeah, but they put a fucking, they put a cross on top, which is a classic trick.

What's with the greeks and the are they i guess it's all eastern orthodox churches they use those those onion domes yeah yeah what is that what is disney they're really into disney is it i don't know does disney have a lot of onion domes isn't that what the fucking

i don't know when i was a kid and i saw pictures of the kremlin i used to always think like that was

a kremlin that's st.

Basil say whatever I used to always think they had their own Disneyland yeah You didn't think that?

No, I thought it was like I thought it was just how they liked buildings.

Oh, I thought it looked like Disneyland.

Disney Moscow.

It was like all slightly off-brand.

So what's up?

We should probably we should probably hate Putin, right?

Or is that your conclusion on the getting into the Ukraine stuff?

Well, I think it's important.

Center left.

I think it's important for this show that you know we identify

loudly as center left.

We're we're a liberal, progressive show, and naturally we're very pro-war.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

We're gonna We're going to remove the

not even historical context, just

everything from 2014 on that happened before this war.

I mean that Putin's doing it because he's a fascist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I hate war.

Yeah.

But

you have to support war.

You have to, no matter what, you have to.

But I hate it.

Our job, being anti-war means doing wars to prevent wars.

Right, that's the point.

Is that it's you're not going to go to war if

there's a war.

Right, exactly.

Right.

It's sort of like

it's sort of like

bug chasing.

Right.

If you fucking, if you get HIV, then you're not going to fucking get HIV.

You can't get it as much.

You can't get it.

Yeah, exactly.

If I didn't get HIV, I got HIV.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And that's sort of the, that's the difference, I guess.

I don't know.

I didn't really look into the Ukraine thing at all.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, but they haven't moved.

The lines haven't moved.

Yeah.

I was laughing at people saying Slava Ukraini on the internet, which is very fair.

I'm making videos saying that.

What does Slava mean?

I have no idea.

I don't give a fuck.

It's some dumb thing you say.

Slav on my own.

It's like fucking, it's just, it's another one of these like fucking, I say Daesh, or like one of these, like, oh, yeah.

This word activism people do.

Yeah, right.

Kiev.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

The Ukraine.

Yeah.

The Ukraine.

Yeah.

The Ohio State University.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's...

Fuck them, dude.

Fuck Ukraine?

Racists.

Oh, okay.

Racist.

Yeah.

Racist.

Just fuck them.

Fuck them all.

Are there

any

either of the sides, do they have like a

queer unit?

Yeah, there is a trans person that's like um doing like a a brace beld in for Ukraine, sort of.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Which way?

Uh what do you mean which way?

To F or to M?

Oh, uh it's a MTF trans woman that is um acting as a mercenary in Ukraine and fighting.

Fighting Russians.

Yeah.

But

and she's caching bodies.

I have no idea.

I mean, you know, I mean, I just look at Twitter like everything else.

I don't actually even search for anything.

The only thing I really look at is just what are the fun vaccine conspiracy theories going on.

Those are dead now.

There's been nothing new.

The shit that I like,

the stuff that I like,

there's been no new developments in

just wildly just hip shooting, fucking, just

saying whatever you want and then getting a bunch of people to believe it.

People are tired.

They're tired.

People are tired.

Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, when you and Will were talking about that

non-binary

administration person that was stealing the super.

Sam Brinton.

That was a great one.

I feel like if people were so tired, they'd be having a lot more fun with that.

Well, that happened a while ago.

Was that the case?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The pictures are very funny.

The pictures are hilarious.

The pictures are very funny.

Well, it's such a weird face for anyone to have.

Yeah, a weird skull shape.

Yeah, Yeah.

Kind of like a mega mind kind of thing.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like a villain.

Yeah, yeah.

A villain that wears dresses and steals luggage.

That's like the type, that's not even the type of thing like another mammal would do.

It's like a crustaceans crime.

Well, it is kind of like a, it's very old world in terms of a crime.

Yeah, it's like what a gypsy would do.

I was going to say a gypsy, yeah.

Oh, the Roma are going to come steal our luggage.

Yeah, yeah.

I told you my friend Brian was in France once,

and he was like

He was like waiting for

a train at like a train station and a guy like walks up to him.

He's like hey, do you have the time?

And he was like um

no

or he like gave him the time and then he was like are you alright dude?

And he's like no, I'm actually not all right.

And he's like what's wrong and he's like

some some gypsies

like knocked on my door

and now it's their house.

the gypsies stole his house they basically stole his house how

they just came inside and then there's like i don't know squatting rights or something

that's crazy they can just i guess it's like it's just

nobody nobody really thinks about that yeah you could just if you're you could just steal this house yeah people steal cars all the time right yeah you could steal a house house in 60 seconds dude that's crazy just nick cage and angelina jolie walking in and fucking on your couch yeah all right i'll see you.

We live here now.

You do?

This is our house.

That's really sad, though.

That would really bum me up.

What if Gypsy stole your house?

If anyone stole my house.

Damn, I can't wait to eat breakfast.

You didn't have breakfast today?

I thought we were starting at 10, so

I got here and I missed it.

I got here at 10.10.

You did not.

You got here at 10.17.

No, it was not.

Yes, it was.

No, it wasn't.

Yes, it was.

No, it was 10.10.

Nope.

Nope.

No.

No, that's not true.

Adam, our editor, the other Adam, he got here at 10.13.

You were not here.

He was the first person.

When I got out of the car, I saw

through the door Adam at the elevator.

He got in.

Liar.

It's not true.

You're lying.

You know, it's also he walked through that door.

Why would I lie to you?

At 10.13.

What kind of guy would I be if I would lie to you?

I've already accepted that you're a liar.

You perpetually...

What's the last lie?

What is the difference between?

What's the last lie I told you?

Just the one right now.

it's a lie you did not get here at 1010

I wasn't paying attention, but but if you said the exact time

if you said the exact time then that just means that you're

you're not painting yourself in a very good light.

I don't care.

You're like

Mrs.

Time.

I'm being honest.

You're like, oh my, and now 10.12,

10.13.

You said the time.

You said be here at 10.

I said let's get there.

I didn't get there at 10.

10.

I didn't say we're going to be here at 10.

I just said I said.

So it was a test.

It wasn't a test.

What do you mean it's a test?

You said you set the time and you were like,

I'm going to be having, I'm going to get here.

I'm going to hold it.

I'm doing what you asked me to do, and then you don't do it.

You're still testing me.

No, it's not a test.

There's no reason for tests.

13 years in a friendship, you're still testing me.

Exactly.

That's what I mean.

There's no reason for tests.

I just know how I should know better at this point.

It's not even a test.

So you played yourself, you're saying.

I did not play myself.

You should know better.

I said, you know what,

what difference does it make?

Because then it's up to me.

I'm going to spend more energy guessing when you're going to be here than if I just show up knowing you're going to be late.

If I say, okay, well, I have to include an Adam factor.

What if I thought Adam's going to be 20 minutes late?

Then I'm three minutes late because you're here at 10.17.

So instead of like wasting like, oh, well, if I get there at 10.15,

that's mental energy.

I'm saying I'm consistently late.

You are consistently alive.

You've been consistently lying.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you're late, but there's always something you're lying about.

If you got here on time, if you got here at 10 and no one was here, you would tell us I've been here since 9.30.

It has nothing to do with

being late or being on time.

You're just a liar.

So there are security cameras.

What do you mean?

So how would you know if I haven't been there since 9.30?

Because I know you to be a liar.

So there are, you have set up ring cameras all over the office.

No, I wouldn't use ring.

What would you use?

CCTV.

Yeah, I would go old school.

I would go to old like tape, say the giant ones.

Analog.

Yeah.

Giant tape.

Like whole film cameras that have those in banks back in the 70s.

We should do more hidden camera stuff for the show.

Yeah.

And it should always be in a giant turbine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where you're like, we're sultans or something.

Just going in the chase bank with a giant turban with the camera on it and being like, I'd like to talk to the CEO of the company, please.

I have just some off-the-record questions to ask him.

Yeah, like Project Veritas.

Yeah.

Yes, I just will go into the Pfizer headquarters.

I'm a gay man looking for a boyfriend, and I was wondering if I could talk to the CEO off the record about

a potential relationship.

We should be doing

your response?

We should be doing more Project Veritas.

Yeah.

We honestly should.

And just by that, I mean getting on Grinder and having a good time.

See what I have.

See what kind of thing.

That's what they did with the Pfizer guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I catch up on all that stuff when I'm in the hotel watching Tucker.

Yeah.

That video is crazy.

What is that guy doing right now?

Did he lose his job?

He's fucking just gone from the fed.

Nobody knows where he is.

That video is crazy.

Like, at the end, when he's freaking out and he was like, I was on a date.

I was on a date.

I was trying to impress my date.

I was lying to impress

my date, yeah.

I understood him.

I understood him truly.

Yeah, you are one of those guys, kind of.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Pfizer employee Adam Friedland says he was at the lab at 9.30 a.m.

on the day that the virus leaked.

Yeah, of course.

No, I've claimed.

I've claimed, I mean, that way more on first dates.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That you were responsible for the COVID-19?

Yeah.

I said, my grandfather has a pangolin farm

in Wuhan.

What is a pangolin again?

It's like a little, it's like a turtle that got pulled out of its shell.

Yeah, I think it's a little scaly.

It looks like knuckles.

Oh, really?

I thought it was like

who's like the platypusy looking one on Pokemon?

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

His name's like Ant Farm or something.

Alien Ant.

Yeah, alien

ant to Ant Vark.

Dave?

Yeah.

Who's on Pokemon?

No, no, no.

We'll figure it out.

This is good.

This will get a few.

Um.

Ant.

No, it's like a little Ardvark guy.

I know what you're talking about.

He's yellow?

No, but he's got a bill.

Oh, a bill.

Then I have no idea who you're talking about.

Psyduck?

Psyduck.

I thought that's what a pangolin was.

No, I was imagining Knuckles from Sonic.

Yeah, but there's an orange guy in Pokemon that.

Alright, let's figure out who that is.

Let's not.

Let's let's uh change gears.

Let's talk about Chinese food.

Mm-hmm.

Have you had any good Chinese food lately?

I had uh my my girlfriend's birthday on Monday.

Yeah.

I tell you, I'd like to take a I'd like to see the Chinese take on a bagel.

Oh.

It'd be interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What would they do with it?

I don't know.

I imagine it'd be good.

Yeah.

Like a round, like, steamed bun with pork.

Oh.

Yeah.

Like a pork bagel.

It would be difficult to manipulate with a

chopstick.

Yeah, well you eat those with your hands.

You got a lot of...

That's a good point.

Yeah.

I guess you would use two sets of chopsticks to eat a bagel.

You do, kind of like this.

Yeah.

You know what I like?

Uh-huh.

When

When your mom would make corn on the cob,

our moms, and they'd have the mini corns.

You ever learn how to make corn on the cob as an adult and you were like blown away at how fucking easy it is?

You boil it for four to eleven minutes, yeah.

A little bit of milk in the boiling water, or you put it on the grill.

I do not like grilled corn.

I do not like grilled corn, I think it's bullshit.

Why is it bullshit?

Boiled corn is way better.

I liked that same thing, steamed dumplings way better than fried dumplings.

Ste no, fried dumplings are good, Depends.

Depends.

Depends.

No?

Us I again, it's like, I mean, I know we'll go out to dinner, and then we'll be there with somebody, and it'll be, let's say, you know, it'll be a famous person.

And those are steamed dumplings, and you, right in front of me, you won't make eye contact with me, you'll tell them, I've always thought steamed dumplings are better.

After that, we'll have this conversation, you'll do it.

I'll set it up.

A test, if you will.

You're still testing me.

I had a feeling you were still testing me.

That's my job.

As a producer of this show, it's going to be nothing but tests from here on out.

You gave me the psychopath test, didn't you?

What is that?

Do they have a test?

That seems weird that they can just have a test for that.

Yeah, I think it is.

And then what happens after that?

Why would you take that test?

I think that you're a psychopath.

I think that the

psychiatrist does it to you when you're at Arkham.

But being a psychopath and not turning into like fucking Jeffrey Dahmer, that's like, you know, it's like being over seven feet tall, but you're not in the NBA.

Yeah, you're a great guy.

We just got a big response to a DM.

What do you mean we got a big response to a DM?

The guy that we want for the show.

Are we going to fuck Dua Lipa?

Is that what's going to happen?

Should I say it on the show so he has to do it?

Here, just wait, we got live mics on.

Let me just show it to me.

Let's see.

Oh, yes.

Amazing.

Should we say it to the audience so it has to happen?

Yes, yeah.

So you say it.

It's your show.

Folks,

our hero, Hassan Piker.

Hassan Piker

will be on the show.

He's agreed to it.

Our hero.

Walk it back now.

He can't walk it back.

He literally didn't even say he's going to be on the show.

He said, sorry, I was in Japan when you sent me this.

And now he's about to be in

Japan.

Japanese,

Should I just say we just announced?

Japan the Express.

I'm going to say we just announced on the show.

Japan comes from Japan.

Is that where they got the name for the bear?

It's Chinese, dude.

I'm just going to say, we just announced on the show.

Yeah.

We announced on the show that he's coming on.

You are coming on.

So now he has no gate.

Yeah.

And if he's got the money to fly to Japan, he can certainly come to New York City.

Should I say that to him as well?

Yeah, you certainly.

Where does he live again?

Billings, Montana?

No, no, no.

He lives in Hollywood.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't know why I thought he lived in Montana.

Why?

I don't know.

I just thought that.

A lot of influencers moved there.

Yeah, yeah.

I would.

Ranches.

I would.

If I was making fucking $18 million a month on Twitch, I would live at the top of a fucking mountain in a castle.

They don't have castles in Japan.

You know I live in New York.

I live in that castle from the movie Entrapment.

Oh.

You remember?

One with the lasers, where she goes in her ass.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What the fuck are you doing?

It's when Catherine's going to go.

Why are you doing it?

You don't.

I know the scene.

You don't have to.

First of all, she's not even doing that.

Stop.

She's why?

Do you think it's sus?

It's beyond sus.

I just don't like it.

Oh, my God.

Let's see what Hassan says.

He said, ha ha ha.

That means you got to come.

You got to come on.

That means you have to come on.

Yeah.

And you're our hero.

Yeah.

We love you.

We're gonna have a little chat with Hassan and figure out this whole

fucking somehow being in your mid-30s and making content for 12-year-olds because we can't figure it out.

We're trying so hard to get it.

We need the Hassan bump.

I want to be you.

A cynical, dumb person would say it's just the politics, but it can't be that.

Because if it was just the politics, then I can show you a million guys that are just the politics guys, but they're in their 30s, and children hate them.

They come off like pedophiles, basically.

You know what I mean?

Yeah,'cause

he's cute.

Yeah, I think there's more than that.

He's selling sex.

How do we get the kids in the Adam Friedland show van?

Yeah.

That's what we need to understand.

Yeah, what kind of candy you working with?

I don't even think kids like candy anymore.

What is he giving out?

Hummus and baby carrots?

I don't know.

I think that the children are watching like fucking like hentai now.

They're doing like Hentai SoundCloud app or something.

But we got to get on that.

Whatever it is, we've got to figure it out.

I tell you, you know what I would say?

He says my fan base is more aggro than Matt Healy.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

He's taking shots at Matty Healy now.

No, he did a response video.

Hassan is now publicly claiming via these Instagram DMs that he will kill Maddie Healy given the opportunity, if I'm understanding that correctly.

No, let's not make accusations.

I'm not making accusations.

I am simply a vessel for what's being DM'd.

Breaking news, folks.

Hassan Piker has threatened to kill Maddie Healy.

Has issued a fatwa against Maddie Healy and demanded that his audience kill Maddie Healy given the opportunity.

If Shallet should come up.

Man, it's just, can you imagine, like, their are siblings?

Is Gene Shallad still alive?

Imagine that guy eating pussy.

Imagine that guy just switching between the asshole and the pussy.

Just his mustache dripping.

Just fucking going back and forth, his hair bobbing up and down, being like, do you like this?

Just the fucking, just the big mustache.

I don't remember.

Was he, he likes every movie?

He was one of those guys.

I don't know.

He was like the guy in the taxicab that likes every movie?

I don't know.

I don't fucking care, dude.

I just really want some like a pesto

side salad, a side salad of pesto pasta salad side.

I literally had that for breakfast.

Maybe it's I know dude.

I'm a mind reader.

It's crazy.

I'm a fucking mind reader.

I have a good recipe for you that's vegan that would be very easy to make at home.

What is it?

It's like...

Is it a recipe or is it just three different ingredients?

No, it's like a pot.

It's a sauce you can make from pasta with kale.

Okay, what is it?

You basically blitz kale.

What do you mean, mean blitz kale?

You put it in the blender.

That's called a blitz?

Is it a blend something?

Process?

You know, the blitz.

No, stop trying to be cute.

Is that a real like...

I'll tell you what's in it.

But what do you mean you blitz kale?

Is that a thing?

Is that like a food network thing?

Do they say that?

I think I've been watching a lot of chefs on Instagram that are British and they say blitz.

Yeah, it's wild to me.

We got to ask Hassan about this when he comes on the show next week.

I can't wait to see.

Do you know what this fucking...

I just can't.

What are you going to wear?

I don't know what I'm going to wear.

Me?

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Oh, I'm going to go down to the costume shop and I'm going to get something fun.

We got to wear something that he thinks is cool.

Yeah.

What is it?

I don't know.

Neon sneakers and like

brand new socks.

We got to go to zoomer.

That's all.

The only thing I know about Zoomer culture is they'll never re-wear a pair of.

I've never seen a Zoomer have socks on.

that look like they're not fresh out of the fucking package.

It's

brand new Nike dry fits.

Every single one of them.

We got to go to like Palace or Supreme

and get full fits from Hassan gets here.

Damn, what was I going to say?

Oh, tell me more about this sauce.

Maya had the recipe and no, I can't find it if I Google it.

She said, it's this girl

Lila something.

I'll tell you the sauce.

Yeah, so you blitz kale.

Yeah, it's Lila.

Lila.

Blitz.

Just tell them it to me.

You said you knew it.

Just forget, dude.

No, it's somebody else's recipe.

You can't keep doing this.

You can't keep getting away with this.

What do you mean?

It's non-stop.

Here it is.

Here it is.

I know a recipe.

I did a recipe last night that was like a pesto, but it was a kale bag.

It's the Adam Friedland recipe.

I didn't make up a recipe.

All right, well, you present these things as if, you know.

Kale, stems removed.

Grated parm, you could replace that for vegan.

Lemon.

The second ingredient is non-vegan.

You can replace that.

With what?

There's options.

People use, I don't know, like fucking...

No, all of the vegan cheeses are disgusting.

Okay.

All right.

lemon olive oil garlic cloves uh and pasta that's it and then you instead of cooking all that crap you just put it in a food processor you cook the kale quickly for five minutes until soft and then you put it is that what blitzing means blanched you blanch it blanching is in water you blitz it in a in a food processor blender so but so you blanch the kale first and then blitz it blanche then blitz all right

well i'm not doing all that Why?

Because it sounds like it's just fucking it's just pasta sauce with lettuce in it.

Yeah, but it doesn't taste like it's just lettuce sauce.

It tastes it tastes mad good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's healthy, it's good for you.

You get your veggies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's wrong with that?

I don't know.

I'm just hungry right now and I'm I'm I'm very I'm I'm trying to be on my best behavior, but I tell you, without day two of not vaping, I really just wanna just

just fucking break your glasses looking at you my glasses yeah I just want to fucking snap them but what

but I need them to see I know and then with you doing that makes it worse

and it has nothing to do with you it's not personal I just can I see the vape again

I just want to look at it

okay fine

well I'll tell you what we got Dave said that we you can if you ever get upset he said that

we can use him.

I'm not upset.

I'm just fucking, I'm just so like, just aggravated.

I need a bit to chomp on or fucking just to punch a hole in drywall.

I know.

I hate to see that.

I tell you.

I hate to see you like that.

It was so much easier to quit so much.

You're so like Islandry dumbs normally.

You're so like live and let live Christian normally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And seeing you like this, like worked up, aggravated.

I'm sweating.

I'm sweating.

All I can think about is that fucking, those those goddamn elf bars.

Why don't you get like a toothpick?

It's not the same.

But it'll

fucking hopelessly addicted to this shit.

You puff on that thing all day long.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

It's such a whack thing.

Yeah.

It's such a whack look.

Does it make you feel sick?

I was waking up.

That's what I know, because I've quit before.

But when you're waking up and worshiping me, the worst thing is when you're in bed.

Yeah.

You do it all night long.

That is pathetic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and last night I didn't sleep sleep well and I was just like kept like

water hitting it yeah I wake up in the middle of the night with nicotine cravings which cigarettes never fucking did to me but if I can't go if I can't sleep then it's like you know I gotta cut this out

this is terrible it's a good thing we don't have any vape sponsors is it even legal for them to advertise

I don't know it's legal for fucking Kratom to advertise No, I think vapes are like they keep changing the brands That's why you see the same like cases with like different words on them

because they're like the FDA just shuts them down and they start a new company.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, yeah, it's like a mock.

It's Chinese.

Oh, is it?

I think so.

I saw this video.

I think it's just the vape companies we all just decided were Chinese.

We just decided to blame Chinese.

No, no, no.

I saw this video of the wait, look, Elf Bar Factory.

Yeah.

Of all these Chinese guys just hitting.

Dude.

Dude, look at.

what what what do they do that for to test them because they're ripping vape too

they're working

yeah if it for the audience at home it's like a thousand elf bars like impact like in a cube and a Chinese guy at the factory is just hitting each

get Get the music in there.

And that's their Looney Tunes factory music?

Yeah, yeah.

That's their beating us in the fucking...

That would fire me up to work at the Elf Bar Factory.

Dude, it's the funniest video.

They're ripping Elf Bar.

I also love these little train conductor hats they make them wear in the factory.

They're like, yeah, you're going to look like...

Remember when fucking Pluto was Mickey's boss?

Remember back before they figured out who Pluto was?

Dude, it's crazy.

These guys must be hitting so much elf bar.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm jealous of that.

You're jealous of those guys?

I want to hit a goddamn...

I want to hit a goddamn fucking...

What's this?

What are you looking at?

Oh, my Amazon packages.

What are you getting?

I get Ethernet cable to

What?

You're always getting cable.

Well, I I I wanna hard wire the I put I put a T V in I put I had a T V in the bedroom and I'll put it on the wall.

Uh-huh.

And I wanna put the uh

put the Apple T V back there and then uh

maybe uh

maybe another cable box and I want to hardwire it rather than having it on Wi-Fi.

Yeah, it's better.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can really tell the difference.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what movie I watched last night I've never seen?

The Jim Carrey Cat in the Hat movie?

No, I haven't seen that.

Yeah.

Is it good?

Uh no, I don't know.

I just guessed.

You asked me to guess.

I saw Ed Wood.

Oh, okay.

It's a good movie.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's no fucking cat in the hat, but

certainly.

Certainly something.

Did you see Plan 9 from Outer Space when you were a kid?

I remember like when I was a kid they were like, oh, that's the worst movie ever.

It was like The Room before the room.

Yeah.

Yeah.

no I'm trying to think of um

the goonies obviously I saw that when you were a kid yeah and American Beauty I think those were the two yeah yeah

you would you you saw with your parents what American Beauty no I think it was just fucking the VHS tape like

you know my dad would rent movies from Blockbuster and then tape like tape them so the it's a what

piracy are you doing a bit where you're pretending to be upset about blockbuster piracy?

You wouldn't steal a car.

Yeah.

You wouldn't steal a car.

That was more about downloading stuff.

What was it, downloading?

Yeah.

What's the FBI warning for?

It was so funny, too.

Your dad's going to Gitmo.

To put that in front of movies or whatever.

Just misunderstanding even the basic technology that

that would have to show up in whatever you downloaded, that they could only pirate the entire thing.

Wait, say that again?

I don't know.

That they would put that like, don't download, you know, like nobody who downloaded the movie is going to see that.

They don't leave that part in the fucking torrent file.

Right, you're seeing it legally.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, so it doesn't, yeah.

Right, they're lecturing the wrong people.

But the aesthetic of that video was sick.

It was like a very, like, Ronin.

It was very run, run, Lola, run.

Do you remember that movie?

Yeah.

It was very, like, early 2000s.

Yeah, yeah, Tony Hawk.

You know what?

It's funny.

Tony Hawk.

You know what?

Maybe I will blow it up because it's like, I don't know how well their business is, but there is a, and I don't mean blow it up in a bad way, but there's a restaurant in Dumbo called Superfine that was like probably, you walk in, you're like, this place was open in 2002.

Like, you just fucking peg it immediately.

And it, I don't know, I don't think they changed anything.

So it's like, it's like very much like being in a time capsule.

And like, there's just good vibe.

Maybe it's, you know, it's, we're the same age.

When's it from?

2002 you go in there how do you know was it just like factories i have no idea but you go in there and it fucking feels like it right i mean maybe it moved locations or something but it's like very much like what was a restaurant back then it was before food was like good

yeah so the food actually there and i don't want to shit on it but the food's disgusting yeah but it's like it feels like it just makes me feel good to be in there food what like restaurants weren't good until well it's like for me for a guy like me going in there is how like boomers used to feel going going to like a fucking like It's a diner and there's a little jukebox on the fucking Yeah, you go in this place and it's like oh remember when you could see through the iMac?

Yeah, yeah, remember when people had an inflatable bean base that's your Johnny Rockets.

Yeah, basically literally that's your nostalgia.

Yeah, they're just they fucking they'll they'll play like fucking like uh like thievery corporation sick.

Yeah, it's like sick.

Yeah, it's very much they're from DC

Yeah, but I feel like even that but that's like sort of like temporarily locked all that like down tempo shit, like trip hop or whatever you call it.

Lounge music.

Lounge music, right?

But this, yeah, that I

love going to that place because it's like, oh, yeah, it's fucking I'm twelve and I'm fucking, I'm a loser and I'm never gonna get pubes.

But like fucking they got there's something called Xbox is coming out.

If you're like reading about like, wow, Xbox sounds like it's gonna be pretty cool Microsoft

that's the future.

We're living in the future.

Yeah.

Oh man.

What wait what it was more like

What were the foods from then, though?

I don't know.

I mean, they got like hamburgers and shit.

And

people did be eating those.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Like, I mean,

you know, I'm vegan, so I think I had a big mushroom.

I had a big mushroom.

They do that.

You go to a place instead of like a bird.

Like a portobello sandwich.

Portobello mushroom was like, that was early on.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember my dad, he was like, I read about this in a...

He said a men's magazine.

Yeah.

I was like, what?

You read about portobello mushrooms in Maximum?

Yeah, yeah.

No, but I tell you, that's super fun place.

I love going there.

Terrible food, but just being there.

It is kind of nice to be at a bad food place.

Yeah, being in there, I'm like, oh, this is awesome.

I'm playing I'm renting Beetle Adventure Racing from Blockbuster and eating seven bowls of honey nut cheer.

I'm playing.

It's crazy taxi.

Yeah, right.

No, it's very much crazy taxi.

It's crazy taxi vibes.

There's crazy taxi vibes in there.

That game was crazy.

Yeah, it was crazy.

You know, that guy should not have been working.

Yeah.

You know, that's not safe.

yeah they don't they don't go into the backstory though well what do you mean that guy shouldn't have been working this is fun too because now we get to watch you lie your way through ever having played crazy taxi well the backstory is is that in his country he was a doctor

so you in your mind crazy taxi is is a story of an indian man

that owns a taxi now and he's gone crazy he got a cab medal

mad he's gone mad yeah you know what what drove him to mad what Capitalism.

Capitalism.

Yeah.

Yeah, capitalism is pretty fucking bad.

Dude, I can't stand it.

I wonder what it has on things.

I don't know.

I don't want to get too into the weeds making fun of people, but I mean, it's just like, how do you like earnestly,

like now, like make that your whole,

like...

But no, but there's a lot of people who don't make money doing that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They're just like,

that's late capitalism for you.

Dude,

people are doing come town podcasts with three guys that make no money.

Are they?

Yeah.

There have to be a million of them.

Honestly, I'm surprised that there were not more.

Because, like, I would, I would, the entire time we did it, I always thought, there's got to be like a bunch of people that are being like, I could do this.

And then they do, but nobody listens to it.

Dude, the fucking,

like, every younger comic I know says, like, oh, you're so lucky you don't go to mics anymore.

I'm like, why?

And they're like it's just people trying to be Nick

yeah but that's an open mic that's different

well whatever but it's an effect on you know yeah and then what do they do like what is happening at those open mics they're just like what if a fucking Indian guy was crazy taxi

just say that on stage and he was a doctor in his country beforehand but he got a cab medallion yeah and because of the rise of uber that's why because of the rise of uber

yeah his cab medallion is now worth $20,000, where it was once worth $1.5 million.

Do you see now they're like, they're reporting every train derailment because of this thing in Ohio?

Oh, so people want to front like they always cared about.

Well, they're reporting all that.

Well, they're trying to dick ride off the cliff.

It's fucking walking.

It's walking.

It just happens every day.

There's just constantly trains derailing.

Wait, I thought that people said it was like the safest way to travel.

It's not traveling.

It's the way we ship shit.

I mean, it's the same thing, though.

It's the same idea.

Yeah.

I mean,

I was on your track yesterday.

I didn't have, I didn't have any trouble.

But you watch those train derailment videos, and it's like, are these tracks much different than the passenger tracks?

Yeah.

Is there no safety regulation?

I don't know.

I mean, I'm sure there must be.

Because you don't hear about passenger trains derailing all the time.

That hasn't happened in like 50 years.

But there's another video from Ohio.

It's the same fucking railroad.

It's just some guy waiting at a train crossing and he just tapes it and the train just like just

fucks up.

according the guys to just like casually back his car up while the train is just being destroyed damn it is white genocide then yeah they are trying to fuck up Ohio yeah I'm convinced yeah

wait are people still on that that they're trying to poison Trump voters or something I would imagine yeah

there's nothing to move on to now the vaccine stuff is all dried up Really?

It's like just back to being RFK saying shit.

Yeah.

There was this thing with like the latest thing is there was some like I don't really understand British politics, but

he was like an MP or a PM or something, but his like WhatsApp fucking

like text got leaked.

And it's like him texting the other,

I don't know, British fucking the chancellor or whatever the fuck or whatever.

He's the ex-checkery.

Yeah, I don't know.

He's like, fucking, talk to the other guy.

He's like, when are we releasing the new new variant?

No way.

He's like, we got to get people scared about the virus.

I mean, we say stuff like that.

He's doing a bit.

Yeah.

He's doing a bit.

It's funny if they're in the parliament.

He's texting that.

Yeah.

But I mean, if the Epstein thing teaches you anything, it's like they could, it really could.

You could have a fucking video from Dr.

Fauci with his penis and like going into a four-year-old girl.

And he's like, Did I tell you we're creating a virus with the Chinese?

And we're going to release it on people to make Donald Trump look bad.

And oh, oh, I'm coming in this baby.

And then that could be just out.

They could release that video, and then fucking the New York Times would be like, oh, it turns out Dr.

Fauci had a little more involvement than we thought.

And then Republicans would lose their mind.

But then a week later, Republicans would be like, and then the green M ⁇ M is, you know, it would be, that would be

nothing would happen.

They're too ADD.

But also, there's nothing like, it just, nothing nothing will ever happen.

Yesterday's news.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Baby getting rape.

My doctor.

Oh, oh, boy.

Yeah.

Oh, it feels so good.

The cruise feels almost as good as creating a virus.

Making a virus with my Chinese friends.

Do we have to go?

We have that call.

We do.

We have this call that we have to do.

We have to go.

Yeah.

So there we, you know, I kind of,

I like doing, just doing these like these little video podcasts because when people demand that I be on the show,

you're the star of the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast.

That I could just get to be a mediocre guest

until we bleed off all of the all of the Mullen fans and we can finally create my true dream

of

just me.

12-year-olds, I guess.

Yeah, well, me just sort of hanging out.

And then, yeah, I doctor videos about Dr.

Fauci.

And then I leaked those anyway.

You corrupt Hassan's fans.

Yeah, I figured out a way that if you play the show,

if you take the video file of the Adam Friedland show and you play it backwards and you do the thing where you highlight it so like every other pixel is blue, it's a video of

Dr.

Fauci having sex with a

babe virus.

Creating a virus.

All right.

Thanks for listening, guys.

Thanks for watching the show.

Thanks for watching the Adam Friedland show of the Pod.

We'll be back this end of next week.

We'll be back tomorrow.

Next week.

All right.

All right.

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