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All right, everyone.
Welcome to the Adam Freeland Show.
I'm your host, Adam Freeland, the Wednesday episode.
Today is Thursday.
Getting a
lot of good feedback on our last video episode.
We are thrilling.
I'm doing Thursday because we did the episode drop yesterday.
Yeah, the episode dropped yesterday.
Also, me and you both had migraines.
We had migraines.
Before you guys say that that is female tendencies, we got migraines from having black lungs.
from getting too much pussy and getting too much pussy.
That's the thing.
This is a pussy-loving show.
This is a pussy-loving show.
Thanks for all the good feedback we've been getting on our last episode.
The support of the community really does matter a lot to us, and you know, we do it for you.
Like I said at the beginning of the episode, it is about the pleasure of the audience.
I really appreciate all that.
And,
you know, I never thought I would be.
Thanks for letting me take my birthday off, too.
Yeah, happy birthday, Nick.
You'll notice the show is getting better.
And
you took point on all that.
That was all you.
You cast some guy who looks exactly like me to play me.
Yeah, no, it was pretty good.
Very nice move.
I feel like we haven't done this.
This kind of thing.
I can't see the.
I gotta get this fucking thing going.
What do you have to get going?
Oh, the timer because I can't see the board.
Because now that this is.
I forgot that when I did, yeah, we haven't done this.
I did this with Ian and Mike last week.
Yeah.
And
that was a real fun one.
Thank you to them.
They're both banned from ever coming back on the show.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, okay.
Did something happen?
No, nothing happened.
I didn't listen to it.
Ian was talking about how
just this is me updating Nick on a bit that you guys have all heard.
Ian was talking about how everyone in his neighborhood loves him, and I was just
doing impressions of minority business owners in East Williamsburg being like, oh, the Chuck E.
Cheese Man.
Oh, here come a Chuck E.
Cheeseman.
I'd rather die from
militia from our militia.
Oh, Chuck E.
Cheese.
Why is he a Chuck E.
Cheeseman?
Because he looks like a rat.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Oh, he's a Chuck E.
Cheese Man.
He does, but he kind of, he looks like, he looks like the kind of rat, like a cartoon rat that would like manage like a telegraph office.
You know what I mean?
Like he just, he works, he lives and works right off the railroad.
And he's like, no telegrams today, sir.
Yeah, it's pretty much the same voice.
We don't have any telegrams for you today, sir.
I'll keep my ear pressed to the wire and see if we got anything good for you.
Thanks, Hampton, or whatever his name is,
the telegram rat.
The great mouse detective.
Great mouse detective.
Yeah.
It appears this mouse was raped.
That's my favorite line in the movie.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
The rape wasn't good, but the r was good.
I am a detective
and I have detected that someone has cut off her tail and raped her.
That is the kind of mouse detective I am.
Yes.
You don't want to be.
Okay, mouse detective.
Okay, mouse detective, we're going to need you to crawl into this woman's pussy and get the semen off.
Do a rape.
Yeah.
Now, I know you're pretty upset about your sexual assault, but we've got great news.
One of our latest detectives is the great mouse detective, and he's going to crawl up there and get that.
She's like, no,
this is worse than this, the sexual assault.
I'm reliving my trauma all over it.
Please don't put a rat in my pussy.
That's exactly what my rape is doing.
Yeah, I guess he is a little Chuck E.
Cheese, man.
He does look like a Chuck Eschee.
I feel like I'm a little too hot.
What?
I feel like I'm a little too hot.
I've been turning my mic down on the show.
I've been slowly lowering the volume, but I accidentally swapped ours.
Yeah, I'm slowly disappearing.
My dream, sure.
My dream has always been to.
No, you know what?
It's not.
Somebody fucked up all of the.
It's not that I was too loud.
It's that the gain is up too high.
It's not the gain.
It's the
EQ.
Let me hear.
I'm going to just go back here.
The EQ should be at zero, correct?
I don't know, man.
Yeah, anyway, so yeah, that was a pretty good bit from last week.
I wish Nick could have been there when I was talking about how these guys
were saying that if he came to rape their daughters and wives, they would rather
go first.
I've been taking some personal time, my damn self.
Nick's been taking some personal time, and I am honestly very happy about that.
It seems like we're in a good
space creatively.
How does that sound?
It sounds weird.
It sounds like there's like
it sounds flat.
That's another thing Dave has fucked up.
That sounds a little better.
Yeah.
Okay, that's why.
We'll get you.
Talk, Adam.
Check, check, check, check, check.
Keep going.
Check, check, check, check, check.
Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check.
That sounds good.
All right.
All right.
No, we're cooking.
Oh, fuck.
Yes.
Yeah, like I said, it feels like it's been a while since we've just done just the two of us.
One of these regular little episodes.
We can make it if we try.
Just the two of us.
I fuck guys.
No,
no, no, I didn't know.
No, I just didn't know you were going there with that song, and now I said I was singing with you.
Now, oh, you were singing the eye.
What if the new parody, what if the new thing we do on this show is just sing the songs the right way?
Yeah, and that's funny because it's embarrassing.
Just every 30 seconds, just sing a song.
And it seems to me you've lived your life like a candle in the wind.
You gotta pull the mic away a bit.
Sorry, sorry about that.
Like a candle in the wind.
Something
wind is blowing.
The veins on your forehead start popping out because you really just want to make it a gay parody song.
And here comes the wind.
I just don't remember.
I don't know the song.
That's the problem, is I don't know any songs.
Yeah.
I never even, I was never a song parody guy.
I just don't know how any songs are.
That's just how you remember them.
No, you got to put something in there, and might as well lean on your crutches.
I would
hate people when they say that, they'll go, Oh, that's a crutch.
If you do like a lazy type of joke, they're like, Oh, that's a crutch.
And it's like, I'm sorry,
you're being ableist, right?
Yeah, I'm injured, and then they'll look at this and they're like, That's you're making fun of people saying able, calling things ableist, which is in and of itself another crutch.
I'm like, Well, then you need to pick a new word because I found a loophole.
You set yourself up, Checkmate.
It's kind of
I only use idioms like that.
Chess-based.
I say stuff like the snake eats its own tail and stuff like that.
Rook.
Rook D5.
Yeah.
Rook.
What is that?
Why do you say chat?
Because the blind.
Oh, blind people play chess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like it'd be very easy to win.
Against a blind guy?
Yeah.
You're like, well, I just checkmate.
I just got your king.
They're like, what do you mean?
It's like, well, he's on C3.
And they're like, I thought he was on.
They're like, oh, no, you must have forgotten.
I'm looking at the board.
So
I can see that
you're in check.
Mate.
Checkmate.
And what's that supposed to be like?
A guy that has sex with checks?
This is a guy that, what is this?
He's having sex with his checkbook.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
That's who I'm supposed to be afraid of in this game.
I'll be performing that in Bite Town next week.
So he says to me check mate.
That's a one-way ticket to Bite Town.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Oh, that's too good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel excited about this weekend.
We got some more shit cooking for the show.
How do you feel about rebranding the podcast?
Because, look, bottom line is the podcast is going to have to continue we'll do the Adam Friedland show but the Adam Friedland show will have to be Patreon only content yeah I think until we figure out how to do two a week here's a dilemma we have for years because of my personal extremely revolutionary politics I don't believe in intellectual property I've never had a problem with people re-uploading content but now that we have to use YouTube I don't know.
There's already nobody's going to use coming to our channel to watch our shit.
Yeah.
So it gets uploaded.
Maybe four four people watch it, and then it just goes elsewhere.
Well, even the free ones get re-uploaded, I saw.
I know.
And it's an issue
for selling ads.
And, right, I mean, the podcast is not a problem.
The podcast, people still download it, so we need to sell ads for next year.
So we got to send those re-uploaders to Gitmo.
Well,
we're going to have to continue doing, unfortunately, continue doing the podcast for the entirety of next year so I can sell these ad contracts.
So we can at least make sure we can keep the lights on in this fucking place.
Yeah.
That way, no matter what happens, we're good.
Well, yeah.
I mean, when we eventually alienate the entirety of the audience, we will need those ad contracts.
You got to plan on that contingency.
Yeah.
We have to plan on 100% of the audience abandoning us.
What the fuck is the word contingency?
I've been using it my entire life, and I've never looked it up.
You know, it's probably,
you know, con probably means something.
Yeah.
And then tinge.
Yeah.
So we're going to rebrand this for next year.
Probably rebrand this as the Adam Friedland Show Podcast.
Yeah.
World.
The Adam Friedland Show Podcast World.
Rebranding this is Addie's World.
Addy's World.
Yeah.
That's a good name.
I like that name.
Yeah.
Okay.
So this will be Addie's World, and the Adam Friedland Show will be the talk show.
An anti-copying podcast.
Yeah.
And then there's going to be Law and Order, Great Mouse Detective, Colin Addy's Detective.
Special Victims Unit.
And that's going to be a show.
That's going to be a cartoon rat that goes inside women's pussies.
Yeah, the Great Mouse Detective, Special Victims Unit.
Voiced by Adam.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is this?
Like the inside of a pussy?
Well, it's something like your pussy.
You can just speak.
You don't have to do it.
What's this like your pussy?
Yes.
Oh,
I noticed there's multiple different semen samples inside of the here.
You know what?
I checked in on this one.
It seems as if someone's run a train.
I haven't watched Tucker Carlson in a a while.
Yeah.
I put it on.
It's just been DVR'd at my
cable like six months ago or however long, maybe a year ago now.
I have no idea.
There's just a whole backlog of Tucker Carlson.
And just, I mean, the companies that advertise on that show.
I know I brought this up before, but it's so funny.
Yeah, it's for people that are about to die.
Well, there's one, there's one for this shit called Eurolift,
where it starts off, and it's a guy on a stage.
It's like a green screen.
He's in this massive auditorium.
It's the kind of thing we would do.
And he's on a stage and he's like men over 45, you know, getting your prostate checked or whatever.
And then on the monitor behind him, there's like a fire hose going off in slow motion and then like an NYPD fire boat like spraying water.
Right.
And it's for this surgery where I guess they just basically they shove a balloon animal up your dick and then inflate it to like make your tube bigger.
Oh, when you said Eurolift, I imagine that thing that's like a chair that takes you up the stairs.
But it
goes on the other side of the stairs.
Yeah, yeah.
It's European.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I think...
I love the little chair.
I love to rise the little chair up the stairs.
Yeah, my dainty ankles could not handle the stairs.
I love to be handicapped.
I love it.
Wait, so it's a balloon product for your penis?
I don't know if it's a balloon.
I don't know how it works, but they expand your urethra.
They shove something in there to expand your urethra.
Oh, it's not for getting hard.
It's for
piss.
It's for pissing harder.
To aggressively piss in front of other old men so they know your hole hasn't shut.
Yeah, yeah.
Like those other old.
Well, maybe for guys with prostate problems or something.
No, you guys, you have like because you know your prostate gets swollen by the time you're 50.
If you piss, it sounds like one of those fucking light-up paintings at a Chinese restaurant.
It's just like weak.
That's all you got coming out of it.
So this thing, it inflates your stuff.
Anyways, this guy's on stage.
He's like, no cutting.
There's no cutting involved.
They don't say surgery.
They say no cutting.
Maybe that's because I don't know what the definition of surgery is.
I guess if you put a balloon in somebody's dick, that's a type of surgery.
So maybe they have to say no cutting.
And then at the end, he finishes his speech and he just goes, yes.
And then walks off stage.
And I kept re-watching it.
I'm like, why doesn't he say yes?
There's no question, there's no question, he just goes, yes.
That is like something we would make.
Yeah.
Euro lift system, full power stream.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess
the other option we could do is just have the podcast be the Patreon and then just have just us be the first people that upload the
YouTube, the video episode.
I don't fucking know how business works.
I didn't get into this.
Also, I didn't even get into this life.
Our plan of continuing the podcast aspect throughout the year is...
It's a fucking good time.
And so far.
We might change our minds in six weeks.
So don't...
Anytime we say we have a plan for the show, everyone's like freaks out and they're like, that's what's going on.
So, guys, this is what we think this week, and then we'll figure it out.
Now that we have, like, now that we're able to do, like, it's kind of like
jumping rope or learning how to juggle or something.
Now that we finally hit the high watermark of two video episodes back to back, huge.
And we got like a with the production schedule started starting to make sense.
I mean, now it's time for a little victory, right?
Yes.
Yeah, I'm smoking a fucking Cuban right now.
Yeah.
Because the problem was, you know, like making something,
and then we're like, fuck yeah.
And then we just go to KGB and we get drunk for seven days.
And it's like, fuck, we got to put another episode out tomorrow.
Yeah.
And we're like, Stephen, can you edit it?
And he's like, everyone's saying I have age.
Yeah.
But no.
Yeah.
Very soon.
Well, now we have two editors.
I feel like we're just streamlining this entire process.
The only thing we still, we need to soundproof the room.
We need lights.
Correct.
No, we're getting more lights.
We got the acoustic drape treatment.
We got the $8,000 acoustic drapes installed.
Yeah.
Is that how much those were?
Yes.
It's funny because we hired Dave, so now I'm not spending the money anymore, and it's Dave spending the money.
It seems like Dave is spending a lot of money.
Yeah.
And
in my mind, I'm like, none of my damn business.
It's your money.
Literally my business.
It's your business.
Ain't none of my damn business.
That is none of my damn business.
Can't say it was me spending the money.
That was on Dave.
Smooth move, Dave.
You're not going to be seeing that back, Dave.
No, I mean, I think things are coming along pretty good.
Oh, and to update the audience, we did find, hopefully,
pretty close to finding a talent book or so.
No, we got it.
That's done.
It's just negotiating the rate.
Okay.
$82,000 a month.
I don't know if we could afford that.
Why not?
I mean, the guests have to be big if it's $82,000.
Yeah.
I mean, we have to be getting like...
To get an LOL Trumpet guy, that was huge.
Trumpet guy
That was awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was great.
Yeah.
He was great.
Yeah.
There was so much
that we cut.
There was so much left on the cutting room floor.
Oh, like what?
There was just, he just goes on for like 30 minutes.
He was talking about Ross Perot.
You guys do a little waltz to dance with my father?
I don't think he can dance.
Yeah.
I don't think he's in dancing shape.
Do you guys dance a little bit?
We didn't do a walkout.
We didn't do a walkout because he's literally.
You can't walk?
No.
Did he come here on his hand?
Did he come here on his hands like Lanky from Donkey Kong?
Dave went down to his apartment, picked him up.
He had
physically picked him up.
Picked him up at it, you know, in a car.
I've never seen that.
Went into the apartment.
Went into the apartment.
I'd really imagine he comes here like an orangutan.
He's just a clothing line from his apartment.
He's
just swings.
Then
he had globs of makeup on his face.
Dave's like, i think you need to so then dave had to wait for him to finish his makeup
you know and i love his i love his haircut too and then he told me that he's working is a haircut of like a little girl from advertisements from the 1910s yeah he looks like a dutch girl yeah he looks like like he was like a dutch girl in clogs then dave uh little little bethany's heroin soap he comes in here he's like do you like my makeup i did it before i left and i was like yeah it's very nice and he's like it's clinique that's what he said.
It's clinique.
You know, like, as if, like, I'm going to go get some for me.
And then, and then, um,
but he wears these baseball cleats around New York City.
Yeah.
But, like, for traction.
But on a hard surface, like, it's not like grass.
Look, you never know when you're going to get called up to the mate.
When you're Bob Dylan's friend that can fly, you never know.
He also said, I don't know if you listen to the full interview, but he said that he sat on Mickey Mantle's lap.
And I was like, How old are you?
I just imagine him at this age.
He's the same age as Mickey Mantle.
They were born the same year.
18 would not be sad.
So, yeah, so he came in, but he didn't have.
So he walks in.
The first thing he looks at me goes, I threw out my back.
But he was like, he was at literally at a right angle, like from the waist.
And instead of using a cane, he was using an umbrella.
What back?
Exactly.
He's got a six-inch back.
He's got such a bizarre look.
His body.
I really.
It's like the way.
His body is incredible.
It's like how I would draw people as a kindergartner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Dave had, yeah, so Dave had to walk him in.
So it was Dave on one side, then the umbrella on the other side, bracing him.
Yeah.
And then when he walked in, I kind of felt like...
You asked him, you were like, so you were in the film Dunstan Checks In.
The star of the movie Dunstan Checks In is here with us.
The star of the film Ed joins us today.
So, what was it like working with Matt LeBlanc?
You did ask him about friends, though, huh?
I didn't ask him about friends.
Well, it came up somehow.
We also had to edit around that, but I brought up Seinfeld, and he was telling me, I guess we took it out, but he was talking about how much he hates.
They stole the idea for you.
He was saying how much he hates Seinfeld.
Why?
But he likes friends, but not because friends is good, but because he likes to look at the eye candy.
Yeah, because of
Phoebe.
Because he wants to fuck Phoebe.
Smelly cat, dude.
Smelly cat.
Yeah, she's the
hippie ideal.
Yeah, but he hates Ross.
He was saying.
He was like saying that David Schwimmer,
he's not a fan.
Do you think there's going to be guys?
That was a big edit job.
Because he got a lot.
Look, the counterculture movement ruined.
I mean, I don't know what kind of life that guy would have had.
He'd have been kept, he would have been eating fish heads in the back of his family's shoe store
for the rest of his life, just chained to a wall.
No, I think he grew up wealthy.
I think he's a rich kid, yeah.
Okay.
Because he was talking about how he would have been in a mansion playing a piano from across the room.
His dad was like best friends with Robert Morgan, though.
Just reaching across the room to play a piano.
Yeah, yeah.
No, and then he also...
I mean, he is...
The most...
Interesting thing about that guy from when I saw the original video and listening to him
talk about like subsequently.
and I've also, like, you know, I mean, like anybody else online did a kind of a deep dive into the guy, is that he is like the quintessential boomer.
He's the guy that's like, yeah, you know, mentioning Bob Dylan or these things, it's like he's gone to Mount Olympus by
sitting on Mickey Mantle's lap.
And then the way in which they mention the
or like bring up the counterculture.
The counterculture, as if like, you know, they fucking like they thought they thought.
Yeah, because that was their World War II.
Yeah,
the generation before them, you know, beat the Nazis.
They died.
Yeah.
So they're like, we're the reason blacks can go to restaurants because I wore a shirt with a flower on it.
Yeah, because I want blue.
Because I listened to music in college.
Yeah, because I wanted to fuck like without a condom.
Yeah.
Like three times.
And then they hang on to that forever.
And it's like, is that going to be like, are there going to be people that like, there's going to be some 60-year-old guy that's like, I marched for George Floyd.
Well, you're holding up the line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no,
it's just like they literally use something from 60 years ago.
It's much better to be a fucking nihilist, to get one of the, to be one of the generations where the shit just falls out.
Yeah.
That's why the Zoomers are lucky.
They got nothing to care about.
They don't give a fuck about.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, like, I think
I was, who was I talking?
No, never mind.
I'm not going to bring that up on the show.
Bring up what?
Someone that is a friend of ours was talking about how afraid of them he is.
I was like, just you're a pussy.
Who's afraid of who?
Of the nihilistic zoomer.
That's such a dumb thing, dude.
They're not actually afraid.
That's just the thing you think you're supposed to say.
A friend of ours.
Who?
Uh-huh.
Who?
Oh.
Yeah.
Ian Fidance Ian Fidance yeah I'm really afraid of these zoomers
in the way they don't care about stuff
not like us
we were listening to ska
we were listening to the ska music
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Oh, I forgot that I'm not supposed to cheat on my wife.
I've got polynesia.
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Craydom a coffee plant.
It's crazy.
I got this dumb facial hair now, and I wear those fucking sunglasses, and I guess I got into the bucket hats and I wasn't really trying to do anything intentionally.
The pieces kind of came together separate, you know?
And
then, you know, it's weird that if you just keep reading self-published Amazon books about the CIA, eventually you just turn into that kind of guy.
Yeah, that guy.
A gradient aviator mutton shop bucket hat guy.
Yeah.
I didn't try.
I don't know.
I don't know how it works.
It's just, I think it's part of being like an adult white man yeah yeah i think like you know
you have a you have a 35 chance of that just naturally occurring
yeah if you're a jew the version of that is just getting really into zionism yeah that they're turning into dog or turning into dog yeah
um
yeah I don't know, at the very end, he was like, I hope I passed my audition.
And I was like, yeah, you know, you get up off that casting couch.
And then he just does a fist.
And he's like, that was a real fight we just had.
But I think it was the,
like, he was implying that he was fighting on behalf of the Me Too movement.
But he was like, that's a very big fight.
But he does this fist.
Yeah.
That's what I mean.
They're just, they think they're activists.
Yeah.
They think they did activists.
As a child of the 60s movement.
But somehow it's like less repulsive to me than saying yikes on Twitter, you know?
Like, that form of activism.
Yeah, I'm kind of beyond judging anybody's behavior at this point.
Yeah.
You accept all children of God?
No, I kind of just,
I feel like I'm just channel surfing now, even with people.
It's just fucking, you know, just
I don't really
waste your life and let waste.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, you should get a remote, like in the movie Click.
What is that about?
This is Adam Sandler.
It's pretty sad.
You should.
I got a remote.
Yeah.
I got a remote.
It's me, Adam Sandler.
Hello, mother.
Hello, father.
Here I am at
Camp Granada.
Marge is leashed, Camp Granada.
Great joke.
Yeah, pretty funny.
Yeah.
Hello, Mudda.
Hello, Fodder.
Hello, penis.
Hello, vagina.
Nope, no more of that.
No, dude, we're fucking mature.
Yeah, we do real songs.
We don't have all these guys saying, I'm gay to us all the time.
That's our fault.
Yeah.
What I want them saying now is, ain't nobody loves me better.
John Kakani.
Yeah, the actual lyrics.
Every job.
Henceforth, we do the songs correctly.
We do the songs correctly.
Yeah,
it's not cool to change the words anymore, guys.
What a fool believes.
What a fool believes
he came from somewhere back in a long ago.
I don't know the lyrics anything.
He gotta get sentimental.
She tried hard to recreate.
One had yet to be created.
Once in her life,
the second time around.
We gotta get Mac to get us fucking what was that?
What did I just do at the end?
Was that that fucking theme song from
Step by Step?
Second Step.
Second Time Around.
What song ends that way?
The second time around.
I have no idea what song that is.
Step by step, step by step, day by day.
Step by step,
day by day, day by day.
Yeah, they had a roller coaster.
Another step, and look out, there's more steps.
There's another step.
Here comes another step.
Keep on stepping
the second time around.
That's all good.
Is that right?
Yeah, let's fact check.
Let's do it.
Oh, I like it.
Wow,
big song.
Dreamed by Broken, so not always lost.
Will there ever be a second time around?
What are the lyrics?
That sounded kind of morbid.
Is it about a divorce or something?
Yeah.
Wait, there are a second
marriage myself.
After I got pussy from my secretary and my wife left.
Yeah.
Step by step.
Lyrics.
Step by step, day by day.
This is, I don't know.
No, this is the new kids on the box.
Step by step theme song.
Lyrics is step by step theme song.
Step by step.
Okay, we know that part.
Hey, girl, in your eyes, I see a picture of me.
What the fuck?
These are not the lyrics I just heard.
What are you going at?
Oh, yeah, here we go.
The dream got broken.
Seems like all was lost.
What would be the future?
Could you pay the cost?
You wonder, will there ever be a second time around?
These are like Metallica lyrics.
And nothing else.
Whoa,
whoa,
when the tears are over.
And the moment has come, say, my lord, I think I found someone.
Ain't nobody loved me better
to be putting it together.
I don't think that's right.
For the second time around,
we got the woman and man.
We got the kids in a clan.
Only
tell.
We got the kids in the clan.
If all these dreams fit under one umbrella, step by step, day by day.
First start over, different days of the play.
The deeper we fall, the stronger we stay, and we'll be better.
The second time around.
That's the only part I remember.
The second time around part.
The second time around?
What?
So the K wait, Clan is spelled with a C?
Yeah, Clan is spelled with a C.
But in the KKK, they spelled with a K.
That was like a little.
That was like...
Because they're blood.
It's like corn.
They're bloods.
They're like, oh, because they're bloods.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The
BBB.
The boo-blux blan.
Happened effortlessly.
That's the way it was.
Something done.
second time around
ain't nobody nobody step by step
um
what the fuck are we talking about hermit crab it's hermit crab season everybody
should i get into hermit crabs
Adam, should I get into hermit crabs?
Yeah, they're a lot like you.
But you know what I want to do is
every wall of my apartment.
Put like that net and let them live on the walls.
Living art.
What do you mean?
What kind of net?
You know how there's something that they can they love climbing.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Well, I guess they're trying to escape a cage.
Yeah.
Don't they live underwater?
I know.
They love climbing.
No, they're in a cage.
They're in a cage.
They're trying to get out of with their dumb little lobster brain.
Yeah, well, yeah, the hermit crabs people have been schooling.
So far,
Hermit crabs are basically in prison for being gay.
For not having friends?
Well, not for not having friends, but like, let's say a hermit crab, if that was just like a little, like, shitty little lobster shit at the bottom of the ocean, just eating fish shit, it would be free to do that.
But because it was like, ooh, I'm going to be fancy, like, I'm going to put a shale on.
Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, I'm going to try wearing one of these shales.
I'm going to change my outfit.
We'll imprison these things.
And then the minute they think they're facing freedom, no, now they have a new warden who's a four-year-old that wants to.
He's about to smash it.
He wants to see how fucking hard that shell is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Poor guys.
Some kid is getting an impulse by at the beach, and he's about to fucking
destroy your
clothes that you thought were worth it.
It's sort of a metaphor, really, the hermit crab.
The hermit crab is the one that wears different.
They change their clothes, right?
The hermit crab is Icarus, basically.
they wanted to be that they wanted to to overpower their station in life which is being a little bottom feeder piece of shit right in which they had freedom and get into outfits but the hermit crab decided i'm too good for this i'm going to put this fancy shell on
which is not a product of me
you know it's not my art i didn't do anything i found this fucking thing and i'm going to put it on and now they're what do you got something going on no i was just uh
i was just seeing apparently just all these publications just let you buy articles.
The Washington City Paper apparently has to do this for the Adam Freeland show.
No, let's do it.
Yeah, we could do advertorials.
We should start doing that.
They're always from India to Outlook India, Super Speciosa Kratom Products Review.
Well, they don't have journalists there.
They're all doctors.
Washington City Paper?
That's like the alt weekly in D.C.
Journalists is the lowest.
That's like an untouchable job in India.
It's beneath the untouchable cast.
Yeah.
Indian people hate the news.
That's a great honestly, I kind of vague.
Yeah,
I kind of like the lying ush media.
I hate the lying ush media.
The lying fake news media.
No, you like the lying us media.
You're lying.
You've been lying.
Why would I read this?
Why did I read this?
Yeah.
Why do you write this crap?
I want to go to India.
I bet it's cool as shit.
It seems like hot.
Well, I mean, mad people go during the summer.
A lot of spices in the air.
Do they have fucked up.
I know they got monkeys, but do they have like fucked up bugs there?
Probably.
Fucked up snakes.
I thought India was chill on wildlife.
Like they have dangerous stuff, but it's like tigers or, you know, stuff that's cool.
I would not mind being killed by a tiger.
I mean, it's not ideal, obviously.
But like a scorpion, no chance.
Yeah, a bug.
Not some dumb thing hiding and waiting.
Yeah.
Some thing that wanted to live in my shoe.
A hermit crab, even.
That's what they are.
They're bugs.
I hate scorpions.
You hate scorpions?
I'm glad we encase them in hot glue and give them the children, also.
The same thing.
They're not a scorpion.
They're like, well, I don't want to be a fucking.
I don't want to be a land lobster.
I'm going to be pointy.
It's cool that scorpions can commit suicide.
Can they?
I think so.
Don't they take their stingers to their own heads?
I think they do that by accident.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
No, because they're like, I'm fucking sick of this.
Yeah.
Again, yeah, they're like, I'm going to try out yoga.
I'm getting into yoga.
Eric, I don't know if that's a good idea.
I don't think we're supposed to be doing yoga.
I think that's for people.
Scorpions.
Yeah.
Well, I'm going to try it out.
I want to do something different.
I'm tired of stinging stuff all the time.
I'm tired of just going around desert stinging things.
I want to expand my horizons.
I'm going to try yoga.
I don't feel too good.
No, come on.
Eric, Eric, I think we should go to the hospital.
And do what?
Tell them I'm a hurt scorpion.
I can't even speak English.
They're not.
I'm a little bug.
They're going to help me.
I don't have health insurance.
You're out of your mind.
I'm just going to try to do more yoga and see if I feel better.
Ouch.
This yoga hurts, but I think it's good.
Eric, you're hurting yourself.
Eric, you're really messing yourself up.
You got to stop doing all that yoga.
You're stinging yourself in the dang head.
Why is Southern Gay funnier?
I don't know.
It is funnier, though.
Well, it's funnier when it's a little gay scorpion.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I think Southern Gay just.
Eric, you've been hanging out with that hermit crab too much.
I don't like him.
Why?
Because he's gay.
No, because he's been to prison.
Because he's always in prison.
Him and all of his friends are in prison constantly, trying on new outfits.
They're in there doing musical theater
in prison.
I don't want that for you.
We should be out here in the desert stinging stuff.
Oh, they're looking for their hiring.
Who?
The Scorpions?
Super Special.
We're done with Super Special.
I know.
Who's next?
Ridge Wallet, but we got some time.
We do?
Oh, no, we don't, actually.
We're having too much fun, dude.
Ridge wallet, folks.
We do have to get that lab mic thing resolved because I don't think we're...
We were supposed to get free lab mics, and then I guess it's not happening.
So we need to make a little BNH trip.
Wireless labs?
Yes.
Yeah, we need wireless labs.
Yes.
We need that by Saturday.
Kind of expensive.
How much are they?
They're a lot, dude.
How much?
Well, we need four of them.
You need a receiver.
And then, yeah, we need all the auto.
How much is that?
I don't know.
It'd be like $20,000?
$20,000.
No way.
For four microphones?
Those lab mics are fucking expensive.
Like the ones I had people recommend.
I don't know.
I'll let Dave figure out.
I mean, I've asked Dave to figure it out numerous times.
I shouldn't be figuring out any of this shit.
Where is Dave right now?
I should be going on vacation every two weeks.
I don't.
Yeah.
Dude, now you're getting tight again.
You had that vacation glow, and now it's just like it's completely disappeared off your face.
Well, I need to also spitefully not be like hiring people, and then they fuck up and being like, well, I told you so.
Like, when Dave didn't get the footage over, yeah, not my fucking problem.
Yeah, that's what I told you on the phone.
Yeah, I was like, dude, we did, like, Steven didn't get the footage till Tuesday at noon.
No, I had, like, some, something just flipped over the last, like, three weeks.
I don't know.
I like you better this way.
I had, like, an office space, like, hypnotism kind of thing happening.
Dude, I'm, you not being super stressed out all the time is way better, bro.
I don't care.
I'm just here to have fun.
I don't care if the show's good, bad.
I don't give a fuck.
We never makes money.
The Ridge Wallet, they launched the Ridge Wallet with a simple belief that we can make wallets better.
Two Kickstarters, nine years, and over two million wallets later, they're still starting.
Uh, where are we?
Oh, they're still starting every day with the same mentality.
Only now, it's to improve all the items that you carry every day.
So, their approach is: wallets for too long were designed to hold everything: receipts, gift cards, anything else that you can stuff in there.
They turned that on its head with their minimalist.
Oh, so carry less and live more.
Guys, here they have fucking little cases for your keys, wallets, pens, and backpacks, duffel bags.
They got a bunch of good fucking shit that you can use.
And they're made out of fucking metal.
The same metal that guns are made out of.
Carbon, steel,
titanium, aluminum.
Guys, this shit is good.
Damascus.
What's Damascus?
This is their homage to the iconic forged steel material made with medical grade 304 stainless steel and their unique chemical etching process.
Experience the look and durability of Damascus without the upkeep.
What is Damascus?
Damascus in fucking Syria?
They have a 24k gold wallet,
which is made from real real gold, a special edition fashion-inspired design is an ideal balance of luxury and minimalism without the compromise.
Guys, here's the deal: they've taken their innovative design and material approach to create products that you rely on.
The items you carry every day are your tools for better living.
Make them something you can count on
with ragewall.com.
What else do we have?
So, they have wallets, key cases.
They have kits, which are bundles with wallets and key cases.
They have rings built to last a lifetime uh much like your love
uh they have watches
guys they just have good fucking shit and you got to trust us on that
holiday season's coming up you got a dad you don't have much in common with him why don't you get him a fucking pen i've got my dad a pen before he really liked it
Base Camp Orange.
They have a limited edition Base Camp Orange wallet, key sand, and pen.
Guys, it's good shit.
And guess what?
Nick and I use the commuter pack every day.
Isn't that right, Nick?
Yeah, we use it all the time.
I wound up on a Hermit Crab forum.
Okay, what's that say?
So go to ridgeball.com, promo code, come town, come to me, taps, whatever the fuck it is, you'll get a discount.
A lot of this shit is on sale right now on their website if you look it up.
So everyday carry is an all-encompassing phrase for the essential items you take with you on a daily basis and use for specific tasks.
So guys, this is gear that you use every fucking day.
Go to ridge.com, put in promo code ComtownComTown20 TAFS or whatever the fuck it is.
And if you order by December 18th, you get, it will be delivered by the 25th.
Fuck.
Is that true for everything, you think?
I haven't gotten any Christmas presents for anyone.
Fuck.
I just realized this.
I've already done most of my Christmas jobs.
Really?
Yeah, it's already done.
What should I get myself?
I gotta get prepared to do this big tax payment at the beginning of the year, so I need to make sure
make sure sure that the gifts are taken care of, lest I owe money and
the government gets paid last.
Yeah, yeah.
Make sure
everybody else gets theirs first.
Merry Christmas.
Fuck you, Joe Biden.
Fuck you, Joe Biden.
What's the Hermit Crab Forum saying?
It's great.
At the Emergency Health Advice section.
What does it say?
It's just people being like,
she's out of her shell.
What do I do?
Help injured Hermit Crab.
There's somebody named Curly Sister who posts, who has multiple posts on here.
One post, help, injured hermit crab.
Another one is, hermit crab malted underground without shell, and the other crab took her shell.
They have another post, crab deaths.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Tells a whole story.
Here's another one from the same.
This is all the same person.
Naked crab with black lump on its side.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Both my crabs are currently underground.
Before going underground, Grape had been shell shopping and recently fell twice climbing into the moss pit.
He seemed to fall shell first, so I wasn't super worried.
But this morning, as I was running out the door for church, I saw a little window underground by the glass.
There he was, but he was naked.
I was already late, so I couldn't do anything until I got home.
When I got home, this makes me sad.
You're hearing about the crab dying?
Yeah, just this woman and her little bugs.
The little little bug animals are fucking probably fine.
You know, she's just telling them that they're sick?
Yeah, well, they're imprisoned.
Yeah, yeah.
They're imprisoned by a lady that likes bug stuff.
Yeah.
I'm trying to figure out.
They're just watching the scorpion kill itself and living in jealousy.
I want to watch a video now of a scorpion committing suicide.
The fancy crab that's put itself in a beautiful prison, watching the scorpion kill himself with vinyasa yoga.
what are you what are you doing oh it's when they're surrounded by fire hmm they do it when they're surrounded by fire
dude this woman posts constantly new hermit crab on top of substrate hasn't moved hermit crab smells fishy and won't come out of shell crab trying to eat the other crab while molting Help, new crab dead from stress, fight, or molting.
Update.
Crab won't go in a shell.
hermit crab death my hermit crab is having an extremely difficult and traumatic malt seems totally lifeless now substrate drying while crabs molt it they just post this is like they just post constantly Jesus about hermit crab problems what's her name again curly sister
hermit crab virtually immobile listless
This poor lady.
My hermit crab, Luis, is virtually immobile.
And then she obviously, these are multiple.
Elise?
She's just going Louise.
She's going through hermit crabs and killing them at an alarming rate.
First of all, lady, these are meant for children.
They're for babies.
Yeah.
They're for science, like third-grade classrooms.
Yeah.
Louise is virtually immobile.
What started from a sluggishness and seemingly broken, disjointed leg gradually led into...
This is just Kathy Bates and misery.
She just keeps sitting on these.
She's like, I just love hermit crabs.
Just breaking their legs.
She has Munchhausen's by crab.
By hermit crab.
I'm not even kidding.
I bet this lady's just fucking breaking these little guys' legs.
Yeah, she's just sleeping in bed with them, rolling over on them.
Yeah.
She lost.
She probably, you know what happened?
She lost a baby.
She had a miscarriage, and then she got cheated on.
And now she's all alone.
She's alive, 1,000%.
She just doesn't move and sits out of her shell, not tucked in whatsoever.
She has no drive drive to find a hiding spot or rest or dig under anything.
I've popped her in a cocoa nut or partially covered with moss and she scooches off and just hangs out in the wide open tank.
A few days ago I lost track of her and I saw a hole and I believe she had burrowed under.
Yesterday I saw her standing on the bridge to my water dish, completely shellless.
I thought she had sat there and died.
I grabbed a couple of shells because I figured the one she was in must have been heavy.
I left them in front of her, pumped the humidity, and tried in true trick, has always worked when convincing Hermes to get back in the shells.
And then I had to leave to go pick up my little sister from school.
I came back and broke my little sister's legs.
I came back and she was in a new shell, thank God.
But again, just sitting there, only slightly tucked in when I came around, but never fully.
The shell isn't too small, it's the perfect size.
And she's an E.
So if it was small, it wouldn't even have cup sizes.
Yeah.
They're like tits.
Even they're like tits major.
No that's what I like to have mate.
Yeah.
This old cage in my living room filled with pet tits.
Do you imagine that?
Your mates come over and they say, What you got there?
What you got there?
What happened to your hermit crabs?
What the hermit crabs?
I said I swap them out for pet tits.
You don't have to feed them, you don't have to do anything, they just make milk, you suck on them.
It's like being a beekeeper, but you ain't got stung.
You don't have to worry about getting stung.
I said, I've had it with hermit crabs, I don't want them anymore.
All they do is pinch me.
I go in there, try to play with them, and they pinch me.
And then when I go to smash them, they run back in their shells.
And I said, Why am I doing this?
What am I doing this to myself?
I'd rather have a big wall of tits in here.
Yeah.
That would be nice to have a case or a tank full of tits yeah yeah
I think
a tank full of anything honestly that's true you see how much petrol is these days these days I know I've got an empty tank here and in here
and here and in my heart and here
all of my tanks are empty all your tanks every single one bruv
It's weird to think that the balls are like little tanks in there.
They are little cum tanks.
Yeah.
You think when you're not, each one of the shots comes from one of the balls they alternate.
It's like bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.
Yeah, it's true.
What happens?
They just shoot simultaneously.
I imagine that's how it would look when Goofy the Dog bus
is one ball goes up.
It is very steamship-willy.
It is very, very
like early animation to imagine two balls skeeting in like alternate paths.
That's a very steampunk way to imagine it.
Yeah, I would imagine it.
I imagine that's the way Ernest Emmingway
Ernest Emmingway would do it.
Yeah, they add H's to things that don't have H's.
You know, I love is Hernest Emmingway.
Yeah, you know how they say the letter H?
And I love Sesame.
They say H
Grover, cookie monster,
big bird,
Hernie, Hernie.
Bert.
Bert.
Bert.
I love Bert.
Bert.
Yeah, because Bert's a smart one.
And Hernie.
He's an invalid.
Yeah.
Herne's a.
Herne's
got a.
They said he's got...
He's got cruise on syndrome.
What's that?
He's got his.
He ate too much of Thatcher's paint and he's got cruise ones.
Oh, is it from lead paint?
I've no
Um
that's so funny.
Is it?
Not really.
I should just say that.
It's been equipped with clean, brand new substrate deep enough to bury herself.
A small water dish she can fully submerge in.
A few pieces of moss for extra humidity in case it gets dry.
A food dish with extra powdery food and tons of calcium supplements sprinkled on.
And to top it all off, it's located in a prime spot right next to the heater and humidifier.
Damn, this girl's crazy.
Poor girl.
She don't know how to take care of her little bugs.
She sucks, dude.
You don't like her?
Yeah, she can't like better hobbies.
You can't feel bad for this lady.
You can't find it in your heart to feel.
You got to be a TV host, man.
You got to.
You can't be too cool for school.
I would like to have someone like that, like a person with that boring of an interest on the show.
Yeah.
One week.
We'll We'll have like,
yeah, Richard Gere, and then he'll stay on the stage, and we'll have someone like that.
Yeah, crab leaving shell emergency.
Oh, my God.
Last post by Nicole Gets Creative.
What'd she say?
Nicole Gets Creative.
Hi, my name's Nicole.
I post on the Hermit Crab forum.
It's all girls.
Are Hermit Crabs a girl hobby?
I think so, yeah.
Wow, I didn't know.
Last night, my small crab took a dip in the saltwater pool.
This morning I found him out of his shell and still in the pool.
I was able to safely scoop him up and put him on dry land.
I went to get fresh shells for him, but
he got in a new larger shell before I got back.
I left him alone, but when I went to check on him the second time, he had climbed out of the shell and moved all the way across the tank and landed in the freshwater.
I thought he had drowned, but he didn't.
I put him in a Tupperware with some chlorinated water.
Put two clean shells in there, a larger flat sea shell with some meal worms and a piece of cuttlefish bone.
After an hour, he put himself in one of the shells, but I'm so afraid he will leave it again and hurt himself.
What should I do here?
There's no answers for
this one.
This is by a crabby lover 77.
Hermit crab has three legs and no claws.
I don't know what to do.
Hopefully, this is a fella.
I just found one of my crabs with only three legs missing his claws.
They prefer to be left alone, so I probably don't check on him as much as I should.
But the last time I looked at him, Monday or something, he was fine.
I just refilled the food and water because I noticed the other crab came out of the mold thing.
What these people are like, oh, give him a little peanut butter.
His arms and legs got ripped off.
Give him a little peanut butter?
Yeah.
It's not even it.
They don't have a brain.
Now it's just two eyes.
Two eyes and a shell.
What is that, a snail?
I guess so, yeah.
Those poor guys.
Nematodes and hermit crab tank.
The fact that people using all caps on the Hermit Crab forum
justify something's less justified for all caps.
It's posting on the Hermit Crab forum.
Oh man, those poor people.
I have four PP in the 55-gallon tank with six to eight inches of cocoa slash sand substrate.
The tank is kept in a humidity of 80% and temperature of 75 degrees Fahrenheit.
I have two pools, fresh and salt.
And I'm reading it this way because the guy's name is East Coasty Ghosty.
Oh.
So you think the Far East Coast?
That's what I imagine.
Yeah, I was imagining
Shanghai.
I love shit like this, dude.
Yeah.
I can spend an entire,
I could just have an entire evening just reading through
the hermit crab form.
Just dead hide.
Just, yeah.
Yeah.
Naked crab.
And then in parentheses, possible mites.
Oh my god, this is bleak.
Yeah.
All capital letters.
The post itself, all capital letters, too.
Smallest crab is naked and out of shell.
Possibly happened sometime between Saturday and today.
I was off.
When I inspected the shell, there were small red things crawling in it.
I rinsed the shell and the crab.
The other crab seems to be okay.
Hiding in cocoa nut.
Crab hasn't gone back in shell.
Are people helpful?
No.
Every time they're like,
try giving him some food.
Try giving him, why don't you put a little water here?
Give him food.
Give him water.
Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
Oh, my God.
That's fucking dark, bro.
I'm going to go to another
section on this form because this is all emergencies.
Adoptions.
If you have a crab that needs rehomed, that's a great way to get murdered.
It's by looking for a crab on the hermit crab forum and meeting up with one of these people at a fucking Ocona Lodge off the highway.
Oh my god.
I'm here to purchase crabs from a man I met online.
On Craigslist?
Yeah.
Crab attack conditions, crab behavior.
Crab behavior.
This is the one I want to see.
Crabs won't dig.
Is something wrong?
Tips on introducing a crab.
Really worried.
Just heard one of my crabs chirp.
Back running info.
I have four crabs and had them almost two months now.
There's one big one, a bit larger than a ping-pong ball in a shell.
Two medium-sized ones, half the size of the big one, and one tiny one, half the size of the medium one.
I have them in a Reptile 1 RTF 900 that I've turned into a two-story setup due to the substrate being deep.
I wanted them to also have lots of climbing things.
Nice.
The largest one looks to have had a successful malt.
Okay.
I was just sitting, reading next to the habitat, and I heard very quiet but unmistakable chirping, exactly like the video's recordings.
At first I was so excited because I figured they'd be so quiet I'd never hear them, but then I got worried because I've read it can mean they're trapped slash attacked.
Yeah, I've had moulters get loud seemingly at random.
So these things fucking scream
Yeah, my crab is.
This is a great post, but this is by Krabby Grammy.
The title is, interesting night of crab watching.
Okay,
let's hear about that.
Yeah.
Also, and there's zero repairs before I get,
no one's replied.
Oh, it's so sad.
So there was a squabble last night over Myrtle's discarded shell.
Ian had moved into it after Myrtle took a new shell, but she apparently still had some attachment issues with it.
They both repeatedly checked out all ten shells in the shell shop over and over again.
At one point, they squared off and both took a ninja stance and tussled for a few seconds before going their own ways.
Myrtle came back and started rolling Ian around like a ball while he was tucked inside.
She rolled him faced up, climbed on top of him, and peed on him.
I saw a stream of water come out of her shell directly on Ian and down his shell.
How rude of that that was that, LOL?
They are both the same size, so I'm not worried about that.
Ian doesn't seem to be afraid of her, and they both took turns eating and drinking after the argument.
I noticed this morning that Ian has taken his old shell back, so maybe he's decided it's not worth it.
I never knew how entertaining these guys can be to watch.
I just wish they'd do it before 3 a.m.
Wow.
That's awesome.
That's That's awesome.
Yeah.
These poor people.
Just reaching out into a void.
Like having this hobby because they don't have other people in their lives and then going on this forum to make contact with other people that also don't have anyone in their lives.
They probably do have other people.
They're probably relatively normal people.
You think?
Yeah.
They have an evening of crap watching.
No, these are people that are very easily amused by anything.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, like the normal, normal guys, like, they get like this over Marvel movies.
Yeah, yeah.
But these are the people that are like,
they got chocolate chip cookies to wear these now.
What do I tell everyone I know?
And frankly, I'm jealous.
Yeah, no, it sounds nice.
You think
they're probably pretty happy, I guess.
What are you looking at?
I just got like a text.
All right.
From that lady in Virginia Virginia who
you remember when I was on the phone with her and you're like oh hello Virginia
oh the insurance lady yeah yeah
hello nurse hello nurse
it was on speaker yeah and you were like uh she was like excuse me is someone in the background right now it's like yeah that's my uh
I gotta figure out a way to get canceled for saying hello nurse to a woman yeah I gotta get like an office job or
if I lie my way onto like a very serious film set
and then just corner some PA
and go hello nurse.
And then just let that story live.
Just so I get
TMZ and say, oh, she sued the production company because Mullen said hello nurse to her.
What is that from?
Because is it from like World War II or something where the only chicks around were nurses?
No, it's what Bugs Bunny says.
It's from cartoons?
Yeah, I think it's just what Bugs Bunny says.
Guys, picked it up from a cartoon.
Doesn't Bug Bunny say hello nurse?
I mean, it's like an old school thing to say to a bitch.
Oh, hello, nurse.
Anyway.
All right, we got it.
That's a cool movie.
You take a woman's pants off before you go down on her.
Say hello, nurse.
Yeah, you go.
To the pussy.
To the pussy.
Well, hello, nurse.
Well, hello, nurse.
Tom Myers probably does that.
I want to hear Tom Myers explain.
What's the closest he's been to a pussy?
I want Tom to explain fucking.
It's probably a lot like him talking about trying pot.
I've tried pot.
It's such a funny sentence.
I've tried pot.
No, I told you, the last time I got high, I just walked around my apartment.
I think the British are coming.
I think the British are coming, dude.
Just making myself die laughing.
One of these days, you're going to die laughing.
Yeah,
we got to call Ethan.
Oh, we have to call Ethan?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, do you want to swing around and hit
El Stapo on the L-Recorder DGO?
Thanks, guys.
Thanks for listening to the show.
If you enjoyed the Adam Friedlicho podcast, check out the Adam Friedland Show itself at patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S.
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