EP. PLT – Metamorph

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Today, we're exploring deep in the North American wilderness among nature's wildest plants, animals, and

cows.

Uh, you're actually on an Organic Valley dairy farm where nutritious, delicious organic food gets its start.

But there's so much nature.

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It's the Adam Friedland Show.

It is.

Go ahead.

It's the Adam Friedland Show, and welcome.

And this

was the next line.

I feel like I should be closer, or you should be closer.

I'm not moving.

You have to move closer to me.

But won't the guests sit there?

Yeah, I guess I should be over here.

You should be there.

I should be here.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now 11 hours away from the launch.

Well, not the launch.

The recording of

it's Wednesday night.

The taping.

Some fat guy from Patreon came by.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Are you good?

Can we hear you?

Tell me about it.

Can you hear me?

I'm at zero.

Hello.

Hello.

It's Wednesday night.

It's like 11 right now.

Let me tell the story of the fat guy because I thought it was really good.

Yeah.

The contest winner of the I'm Gay by James Carville book.

You know what's annoying?

I said I was asking.

It's great to meet him.

I didn't know what kind of like sweepstakes you're running on the show, but I was actually regularly thinking about calling Nick and being like, hey, can I have that?

I'll print you another one.

I still have the file.

Yeah, it's not the same.

Actually, I don't.

I don't have the file.

Why?

Because I closed Photoshop and it was like, do you want to save this?

I'm like, what the hell am I going to save this for?

No.

You could have sold it.

No.

You could have sold it.

Well,

then you got to put a name on it.

Right, right, right.

So that's some rare shit thing.

Yeah, and you don't want a file called I'm Gay for sure.

Yeah.

On your hard drive.

Yeah, you don't want that kind of compromada.

You don't want that compromada.

What if Putin hacks my computer and he makes me say Donald Trump is good on Twitter?

Oh, no.

I'd rather die.

So, okay.

I tell you, I can't get enough of Chris Hayes

crying on TV

about abortion.

Really?

Why?

I don't know.

I just love these clips.

I didn't know about that.

And you're sick and you're dying and your doctor can't do anything.

and that's what they want and it's like who's who's like the redneck like the pro-life redneck that's gonna be like damn I've wealed shit I was wrong

I'd had I thought abortion was bad until Chris Hayes cried on TV no he's doing it for

for

trying to cheat on his wife no yeah that's I hope he cheats on his wife with me

I want to fuck Chris Hayes and that's the only reason I think a woman has the right to choose.

First of all, let me introduce our guest for what could be the final.

Can we say that?

No.

We'll still release the audio.

We'll still release the audio.

But this is the final podcast,

exclusive podcast of the Adam Friedland Show.

Wow.

And our guest is our director of photography for tomorrow, our good friend.

making his second appearance on the Adam Freelance or on, I guess his first on the Adam Freelance Show.

Yeah.

Alex Huggins, everyone, please welcome they're different things, yeah,

no, they're, yeah, they're very different things.

Uh, so welcome, Alex.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me from uh Salt Lake City, Utah.

Right, you heard of it?

Yeah, I've heard of it.

I've been there, dude.

Right, you're basically Mormon.

I'm gonna, I'm going to Salt Lake for, I think, I have shows there sometime the next year.

My plan is going to you guys got big fans there.

I think my brother-in-law listens to you guys.

I'm going to every like Mexican food, Indian food place,

spicy food restaurants.

Reti guana.

And then I order something spicy, and then I go, they should call this place Pepper Lake City.

Damn.

If they're just bomb, just kill myself in the bathroom.

That's the place to do it.

Yeah.

Get a body bathroom.

How many people do you know from high school that are dead?

Like four.

Spooky towns.

That's pretty spooky.

Like dead from like just like being possessed by the Mormon ghosts.

Oh, no.

They should call this place Salt Wake City.

Oh no, that's good.

All the funerals they got here.

That's good.

How many people did you use?

And I killed myself in death from here.

I try not to acknowledge them or you know what's I don't I guess I have like a story.

I don't really want to tell a story about a dead person actually because it feels disrespectful.

With Halloween.

Right, right, right.

Yeah.

It was about a girl that I used to sleep with who then before or after she died.

After she died.

Wow.

Yeah, it was fucking her ghost.

Wow.

Yeah, like that's brown bunnies

from the montage of ghosts.

You'd be a very funny type of criminal.

A guy that digs up dead bodies and opens the casket, takes a dump in there,

and then reburies the body.

And they catch him, the police catch him mid-dump.

And they're like, hands up.

And he's just

hovering.

He's just like falling out of his ass.

With a big spotlight on him.

Into a torpedo.

It's a helicopter.

Freeze.

It's the turd.

What do you call him?

Crypt turder.

The crypt turder.

The crypt shitter.

The crypt shitter.

Crypt pooper.

The notorious crypt shitter has been found.

No more turds on grandma's face.

Yeah.

And it's Tom Noonan.

Who were we texting you about earlier?

You said when you were coming up with black titles.

Yeah.

Well, Steven got me started.

And

that's a niche I got to scratch.

They're really good.

Black titles avoid.

Well, Stephen was like, Steven was like, they should do.

No, no, I said there should be a black cars called

three makeup cars called Apollo

and then you like Coop de Ville and yeah yeah like a Chrysler 300 or something okay like but like with like a black hood or something

and then you went in I mean I could pull them up

they're fantastic I don't remember but yeah let's go to text let's go to the group thread

real quick I told I told my friend John John that I would promote his event So before I forget that.

Planet.

Yeah, next weekend.

Oh, come on.

That wasn't me.

That was Lewis Gomez.

Next weekend, me and Adam will both be at governors in Long Island.

But if you find yourself in Brooklyn and you want to go to a motorcycle and tattoo event that John John runs,

it is customculturefest.com with Ks.

So KKK.

Well, KK, just

sort of.

Yeah, Custom Culture Fest.

They do tattoos.

And if you're into into that kind of gay shit.

Custom Culture Collective.

Custom Culture Fest.

Get a swastika tattoo.

Yeah.

And the custom motorcycle.

That's pretty cool.

And say hi to John John.

And appearing at the fest is the

Sam Kinnison.

The father-son duo from Orange County Choppers, I believe.

Oh, Paul Tuttle.

Yeah.

Is that a reality TV show?

Yeah, it's pretty good.

It's pretty good stuff.

They make motorcycles.

Sons of Anarchy vibes.

No,

no,

they should call dog the bounty hunter paul tattle

why because he's a tattle he's a tattle he's a snitch and he looks like the other guy

paul tattle

planet of the apes they should play call this place salt tattle city

because of all the

snitches yeah just doing an hour of that and then salt lake right just bombing i mean i've i've seen you know people usually just come and just like make fun of mormons that's like the only thing you can really

call them moron.

And Alex, you consider yourself to be a jack you're a jack Mormon?

We've gone over this several times.

What do you consider yourself?

You know your terminology, though, that's pretty good.

I grew up with a lot of Mormons.

Right, right, in Vegas.

Yeah.

You ever go to Mormon church?

No, they don't let you in.

That's not true.

They don't let you into the temple.

Into the temple, yeah.

Moms, because that's what you have.

You've got.

Because you've got more of them.

Dude, the moms are so fucking hot.

Do you think so?

I used to abuse myself

in ninth grade to my Mormon friends' moms.

And when I'm around a bunch of Mormon moms, I start wanting to throwing stars.

I'm like, I gotta.

Well, that's how I say hello.

Yeah.

That's my cap.

That's your signature.

Anime style.

That's trying to.

I throw playing cards at women.

Do you do it to

an old animation?

I go down to New Orleans every summer and I throw playing cards at fat women.

Like Gambit.

That's the only time I mate.

Uh-huh.

Is my summer, my week in New Orleans every summer when I start throwing flaming playing cards at the fattest women.

And they get wedged in the yeah.

They're like, who set me on fire?

Who set my big ass on fire?

And I'm like, ma'am.

Oh, yeah.

No, the moms were because they were like bursting with sexual energy because they'd only fucked one woman.

Well, because everything's so depressed.

Yeah.

It's like frightening.

Yeah, they got married to the only guy they fucked, and they're so nice.

And they always have, like, I don't know.

They always have food.

There's something about that place that's just so evil to me.

It's terrifying to me.

I can't.

Salt Lake is a fucking weird place.

And I, I, I feel like I'm like, you know, trying to do the whole, like, oh, yeah, you don't hate where you came from shit, but I fucking hate it there so much.

Have you been to Haiti?

My new thing now is we gotta go there, dude.

Yeah, you and I.

You and me.

We gotta go.

Like,

like, look at Alex, I'd be like, I feel like we're back in Wakanda right now.

Sapasi.

Sapasse.

Do you speak French at all?

No.

You don't speak Korean.

You don't like Korean.

Parle-Vous Francais.

Oh, there you go.

I actually don't.

I feel bad when I meet a bunch of Haitian.

A lot of crew, like whole group team on this stuff we've been working on.

A lot of Haitian guys.

They find out I'm Haitian.

They're like, Sapasé, brother.

I'm like, I fucking.

You got to just learn everything about car audio.

You don't need to learn French.

You're dealing with Haitian guys, but yeah.

I'm like a

BMW.

I'm more of a Jack Haitian than I am a Jack.

Becoming like an French.

You left the church

of Y Clef John.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I left the Y Cleft John campaign trail.

I was.

And he was running for president.

I had a friend, a Haitian friend in college named Adolfo.

That's pretty good.

Adolfo Hitler?

No, he was.

No.

That'd be a cool name.

Your imaginary friend when you were growing up was a Haitian dude.

Adolfo Hitler.

My imaginary friend in college.

Old Old black friend.

Imagine if you follows that around in his imagination.

Imagine if you have an imaginary friend like that.

Monsieur Adam.

It is me.

You know?

There you go, Google.

Did you ever see the Bourdain where he goes to Haiti?

It was so sad.

I love that.

It was so sad.

It actually made me cry when I went to the house.

Dude, it's so sad.

The paintings from the Haitian Revolution is just.

I was just like, motherfuckers are going to get their heads cut off.

Well, dad, but just black people dress like Napoleon?

Yeah, Tucson.

Tucson Le Overture.

I mean, it's genuinely the funniest type of guy in history.

Well, they have a lot of people.

It's fucking some King Louis French guy.

Because you remove the historical context.

And you're just like, wait, no, it's just untreated, like, bedsty black mental illness.

Just like one guy in the hood that just he's never gotten medicine.

He's seen a doctor.

He's like, yeah, he thinks he's Napoleon.

He's got a big-ass dick print

going to the side.

But I mean, yeah,

they didn't have any other clothes back then.

Yeah, I know.

Everybody joined.

He had a jeans and a t-shirt.

But it's very funny.

Just like buckles and stuff.

Frills.

Yeah.

That episode of Bourdain was the best.

Why is that one the best?

Well, I mean, it wasn't the best, but it was the realest shit I think he ever did.

It's really fucking so sad.

He did, like, they gave him a setup where he's like, these people are cooking, like, in the inner cities, and then they were, like, giving food away, and it was right after the earthquake.

Fighting people.

And then all of a sudden, like, 10,000 people are showing up, and they're like punching each other for the food and stuff.

Plates of food.

Yeah, and Anthony Bourdain, like, doesn't know what to do.

You know what's my favorite thing that's come out of the third world now that we look at the YouTube era?

Is when there'll be like one guy in like Papua New Guinea who does like a perfect impression of like Jack Nicholson.

Yeah,

who's the guy?

Who's the LeBron James guy?

That's not Third World.

No, that's a Dominican guy.

Hey, I'm more LeBron Yames.

I am LeBron Yames.

I am LeBron Yames.

No, there's like one of those Indian islands where they eat people, and there's a guy that's like, who are we eating today?

It's always Filipino guys.

Filipino guys always like have those kind of talents.

Okay, number one, McDonald's.

And then they just pick like English words.

Chevrolet.

They don't know how to make a sentence in English, so they're just saying random shit.

It's good.

It's pretty cool.

It's good stuff.

Yeah, so the book went away.

We had a fat guy from.

Yeah, wait, what was the hat?

What happened?

He walked in, and then Nick came by.

He's like, I gave him the book.

I'm like, hey, you know, Nick was being super nice.

He's been in the set and stuff.

He's like, you spent $100,000 on this.

He wasn't even excited to be able to do it.

you guys.

You were like, get out.

I mean, I've walked around.

I've walked around with both of you.

And just like very nice dudes will come up to you on the street and be like, hey, I love the show or whatever.

The book contest.

Yeah, the nice guys don't typically win fan contests.

Hey, what were the stipulations to win this?

To get the most up votes on a reply.

And what was his reply, do you recall?

It was like an Indian guy.

I got the most.

He posted a picture of an Indian dude or something.

Well, he changes Abby to an Indian guy or something.

That seems on on brand.

But yeah, I mean,

I didn't appreciate the rudeness, but it's just really.

Right.

Also, this is, it's like, fuck, as we, I just, it's beautiful in here.

Oh, thank you.

It's gorgeous.

It's really cool.

I mean, I can like, I even say this on the show.

It's like I'm very proud of both.

And you're a director of photography.

Avatar reminded me.

I went to Skanks Fest, and like, it's very avatar, does remind me of Skanks Festival.

Well, I'll tell you why.

So there was.

It is a bizarre foreign world.

It is kind of where the people there are maybe animals.

They're maybe not humans.

And they're all 12 feet tall.

Yeah.

But no, it's funny because Skankstrash from the outside, like, they all.

Doesn't they fuck the animals in that movie?

Yeah.

It's really sexual.

They fuck the animals.

Yeah, they fuck with their tails.

They fuck with their tails.

So I'm just like, they're just having sex with, anyway, sorry.

Oh, no, it's all right.

It's fine.

But yeah,

from the outside, it's like,

this is insane.

You know, it's like, this is like, there's a promo.

Mocha Cashier sent it to me for Skanks Fest.

And it's just like all the highlights of Skanks Fest.

And like, you know, it just gets progressively.

It starts off just being like kind of just like the rap rock stuff that you're like, you know, very

click boom.

And then in 30 seconds,

you're watching people put a gun into Lewis's ass on camera.

And then Lewis arguing with Tim Dylan about how it's not gay to

do that.

And but so from the outside, you're like, this is like the best you can say is that it's like too stupid to be

bad.

But then you're there and it's like, for better or for worse, these are my only friends.

These are the only people I can relate to.

And I got there and I saw, do you know who Dante Nero is?

No, I don't.

He co-hosted the Black Phillips show with

the trees.

Okay.

Car Blessed.

He's an ex-stripper from the Bronx.

Right.

But I mean, he's like a million dollars.

He's amazing.

Yeah, but now he's all like fat or whatever.

So he's incredible.

I can't remember the last time I saw him.

I'm pretty sure at one point he had a bone through his nose, didn't he?

He might still have that.

No, that was Machello Bonnie.

He's a giant Septim Pierce, but he's got rings on and tattoos and stuff.

He's very much a character.

But I haven't seen him in a while.

And he's like, hey, it's good to see you.

And I had laryngitis at the time.

And he's like,

he immediately goes, goes, you know what you got to do is you got to take some scotch and gargle it, swirl it around in the back of your throat.

I'm like, I would vomit immediately.

Scotch.

Scotch to cure laryngitis.

I'm like, that's like they probably.

Maybe like salt water.

If you told somebody that during the Great Depression, they'd be like, that's not the answer.

That's where it started.

And then he's like, all right, I'll see you later.

I'm going to get an avatar made of me.

And I was like, well,

he's like, they scan you and turn you into an avatar.

Like

the movie.

Yes, I got no more information.

He just disappeared to go become an avatar.

At the event.

Yeah, after giving me the scotch of advice.

I understand the avatar fetish.

I was like, damn, I love Skanks Fest.

Did you see?

We went to go reading

the re-review of the studio.

I missed it.

It's so amazing.

They show a teaser for the new shit.

I was just telling you this about fucking PlayStation 5.

But this next-gen shit is fucked up, dude.

It's insane what we're doing.

It's almost like we really don't need to make anything else in the real world.

Yeah, well, they make video games like too heavy now.

Right, right, right.

They started doing that probably the last time.

Right, right, right.

The game starts, and it's like, you're a rape vector.

You were raped.

And you're an architect that was violently raped.

You wake up and your family's.

And somehow you've been given superpowers.

And you have to capture it.

You press X to journal about your rape.

Right, right.

And you just have to sit there tapping X in the middle of the game.

Well,

I downloaded the circle of game.

I downloaded this horror game called The Quarry that I thought was going to be like a

horror

horror game.

I thought it was going to be killing monsters.

A horror game called The Quarry about this woman with a giant vagina.

Quarry with The Quarry.

But The Quarry, it was like, but then I just, I downloaded it and I started playing it and it's just a fucking, it's a storybook.

It's a choose your own adventure novel.

And I was pissed.

But I guess I should have known that.

But then there's another game called like The Plague or some shit that looks like you play in like the period of like uh

uh the black plague oh okay and sorry what were you gonna say i was i was gonna say when the italians moved

that's great there you go there you go racism um well it's not you can be racist right you can be racist to italians but again it's another like it's a very beautiful storybook game and i'm like what happened to game play

um so then i've just been playing fifa and 2k

which is also as i was saying earlier too it's like the kids online are everybody Everybody online is way too the last 20 years of gaming has been so fucking insane that it's like you can't like I'm I do other things

and so unfortunately I have to to live but yeah two things that like maybe disappoint you when you're younger that to be not good at like skateboarding and video games it's such a blessing to not be good at those right if you are then you never stop doing that right right right

I mean skateboarding yeah it's just it's plain just 20 Nick if you had to add up all of your hours of gameplay in your 33 years,

what do you think it would add up to?

I have no idea.

Do you think it'd be a month?

Probably longer.

Probably far longer.

I'm talking about in 2020.

It's probably a month playing Modern Warfare 2 when I was 20 years old.

But you slept during that month.

I mean, like, if you just

wake up at like 2 p.m.

That's fucking good time.

It's so funny.

Those are the best years when you're like, when you're 20, before you have any kind of existential crisis,

you don't have no concept that you're ever going to die.

You're like, I drink malt, I feel like you're going to live forever.

I used to fucking, I used to order two burritos, like two smothered burritos.

I was about to say, sit down, call the boys up, just fucking play.

We were playing like Tom Clinton, like the division or some shit.

Just buy a game, beat it all with your friends, and then just like keep.

You just stay up all night for days.

I was in Austin.

I would go to the beer store.

I'd go to RBM next to my apartment.

Then I would go to Taco Max.

I'd get three tacos,

three Tinga tacos,

and then, yeah, 40.

And then I would get drunk and play Modern Warfare until 6 o'clock in the morning.

And then you sleep a little bit and you get up, the first thing you want to do is turn the shit.

I would get up, I would go lift weights, and then maybe I would go to Blake's apartment where we would play Modern Warfare 2 on his projector.

And he would take pain medicine.

And he would take Percocets.

We used to drink lean and play

video games.

Hell yeah.

So good.

This is going to be a lean show, too.

I don't want to spoil the surprise, but we're going to be drinking lean.

Oh, everything is going to be written on lean, at least.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're going to do a critical.

This show's dripping.

The big reveal is that the show is the podcast is going to be 10 minutes long that we record, but then we chop it to an hour.

You got to interview at least a little bit of a video.

Adam, Adam.

We have.

Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam.

It's only fucking an hour long.

DJ, screw, dude.

R.I.P.

We have one rapper that's going to be coming on the show.

Can you tell me who?

I told you already.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

Wait, mouth it to me.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

When I say that.

But you say, but

no shade.

I really love his music

so much.

He's incredible.

He's a legend.

That's actually really exciting.

I hope he let me shoot that episode.

We got to talk about it.

Yes.

We got to talk about it.

He's a really good guy.

I think he's going on tour abroad for a month, but

Adam has to talk about mybookie.ag for a second.

Well, good question, actually.

That's a great question, Alex.

Mybookie.ag is a place

where you can win money.

Okay, silence.

That's it.

Yeah,

he's a killer.

You could bet.

He's like, Bill, people are listening.

Silence is like, oh, people are.

People are listening.

They're like, tell us about the thing that we hear about every fucking week.

Okay, guys, you can bet on anything, anywhere, anytime.

Your first deposit bonus is up to $1,000, and you get 31 free spins.

You can place bets.

Guess what's coming up?

October 29th at 9 p.m.

You got Jake Paul versus, is that Anderson Silva?

He's fighting Anderson.

Anderson Silva?

The spider?

Wouldn't he that man?

The spider?

The spider?

Maybe in boxing.

Maybe he's doing boxing and not

Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Jake Paul's fists only and Silva's feet only.

Yeah.

Yeah,

they're going to level the playing field.

And

so.

Are you watching any of that stuff?

Those fights?

You don't watch sports.

You don't care about sports.

I don't care about anything.

I watched the one this weekend.

I watched Islam.

Alex goes to boxing a lot.

With Trace Thompson.

With Trace.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's my

emotional supporter.

Not the brother of Clay Thompson who plays for the Dodgers, a different Trace.

So anyway, guys, they have a 50% sports welcome bonus, 150% casino bonus, up to $750.

And you could bet with Bitcoin.

They have casino games, table games, live casino, and slots.

You can spin slots on your phone and win money.

They have a VIP online betting experience and their team of meticulously hand-picked professionals with a refined skill set stemming from yours in the online gaming industry will get you fucking paid.

All right.

So go to mybookie.ag.

You could bet on fucking MLB.

Well, yeah, it's the World Series is coming up.

The NBA is back.

Is the NHL back?

I don't know.

Probably.

But, oh, and also the NFL.

And you could also bet on the ponies.

I smell like shit.

I smell like shit too, dude.

I smell like shit.

I never had body odor until I became a vegan, and now I just smell like brothers.

How's that going?

I feel like shit.

I feel like dog shit.

You're eating that fucking, like, soy protein shit, though.

That shit.

That fucking shit at the restaurant?

What is it?

What is that?

It's like regular veggie burgers.

It's regular?

Yeah, bean and mushroom.

Because, like, sometimes that shit makes you feel really bloated.

They're not.

Well, also, like, the fake meat is loading.

See, I feel fine.

Anyway, guys, you can go.

That's probably my diet.

I think I'm alright.

They got special promotions.

Speed this part up.

This is boring now.

Yeah, but that's.

Bro, then we have to do more of that.

Oh, you have.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said that too.

Come back for jobs.

This is your fucking job.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Take my job seriously.

Oh, I just got to just get Adam and make Adam look like this is my life's work.

You got to make Adam look like a beautiful actress on camera.

And I am.

And I will be.

Anyway, guys,

they got great contests that you can play.

I don't know what the fuck they are, but you can play them.

And you go to mybookie.ag, you put in promo code.

Is it Tafts or

Alex?

We have to do this part of the show.

Me and Nick.

This is really beautiful.

Where did all this fucking dust come from?

It is cool.

Sorry, you got to finish reading this thing.

What is it?

Tafts or Come Town?

Try Come Town.

I think there's Joey switched it over.

Joey, shout out Frank.

Joey also sent Come Town.

What copy?

For this week.

Oh, why didn't you give it to me?

I can't find it.

Okay, go to.

Don't touch these.

I didn't touch the knobs.

I touched the game.

You go to mybookie.ag put in promo code T A F S, you get a fucking bonus, and you tell them that we sent you.

All right, let's get back to the show.

Thank you.

Back to the show.

T A F S.

So, anyway,

why don't you guys pre-record that stuff?

Pre-record what?

Because

we used to really go all out with them.

Oh, that used to be one of the best parts of the show.

And

I should listen to an early episode.

Oh, the first year of Comptown was great.

And then after that, you made too much money.

Where are you at?

Literally, as soon as I got PlayStation 4, the show went down.

No, we had some moments.

That was like the first thing we bought.

You went to Best Buy?

Yeah, I got a kink.

I got a 65-inch TV and a PlayStation 4.

That's literally, yeah, that's all you need.

You still do not have health insurance.

Really?

Yeah.

And I got a big old fucking emergency.

I have really good health insurance, and I was like, I was like, why don't I?

I can't just give this card to somebody who needs it.

It's kind of a silly fucking thing.

Yeah, well, that's why you got to vote for John Fetterman

for Pennsylvania.

Yeah.

Senator from Pennsylvania, John Fetterman.

Dude, did you guys either you watch that shit?

I watch clips in the car.

I've been very out of the political world these days because it's just been bothering the shit out of me.

Yeah, he had a stroke six months ago.

You're telling me.

Yeah.

And I mean,

obviously, it could be worse.

He's not fucking Hector Salamanca.

This poor guy.

Because there's nobody else.

Nobody can, like, just,

I guess that's how politics works.

He's the only guy with those opinions.

Right.

You know what I mean?

There's got to be, it's not that the options can't be Dr.

Oz or stroke victim, right?

Right, right.

That's the best Pennsylvania kid.

I just like don't know that none of this stuff feels real.

Yeah, it's like, at least, like, even when I was a kid and I didn't know what was going on, it all seemed legitimate.

Yeah, the children's.

If you're a child and you're watching this, is what's going on?

You're just like, what the fuck?

Kind of world.

I've read stories about people who have led nations, but now, what the hell is going on?

Yeah, yeah, we lived in a once-great country.

Yeah, it's almost like we gotta make it great

again.

Yeah, that's right.

That's a problem.

You think there's gonna be a civil war over abortion?

No, 100%, dude.

I don't think that

you really think shit's gonna do people want to fight.

No one cares, dude.

Nobody gives a shit.

No one cares.

It would be over abortion, and it's like.

Nobody gives a shit about anything.

The women are gonna have to do the war.

I'm not fighting.

The women aren't gonna do a war.

The women aren't gonna do a January 6th.

That's for goddamn sure.

No, they're gonna talk shit.

They're gonna be like, that whore couldn't even get a horse.

I think that's why the political stuff's getting so boring because it's like,

I can't possibly care about words from people's mouths anymore.

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, I just go home and I would love for somebody to break into my apartment and try and kill me.

I go home at night and I watch Chris Hayes cry and then I watch Tucker laugh like the Joker.

And that's that's that's that's news for me.

Interview a billionaire rapper.

Chris, it's like, what is going on?

And you're sick and you're dying.

And your doctor can't do anything at all.

Good night, everybody.

I can't wait to tune in tomorrow.

You should get him on your show.

Chris Ace.

We probably could.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

Like, Chris, what should we do about this?

How many guests do you have lined up right now?

One.

Two.

We have one.

You really do need somebody.

Nick Bryant wanted to come on the show.

Who's that?

He wrote a book about the Franklin scandal.

Okay.

Maybe we'll have him on.

I just don't.

It's like, how fucking funny is that going to be?

It's not going to be funny.

But maybe, but no, no,

you're like roguing people and teach people some weird shit.

Karate guys.

Yeah.

Karate guys and mentally ill.

I mean, actually, if you just talk to like a fucking autistic dude who knows a bunch about a a specific thing that's really fun to listen to it's funny you mentioned you say like politics has gotten crazy but it's basically everything.

Right.

The fact that like the biggest podcast in the world is like

you know just get this

but honestly some of the interviews are nice.

Some of them but a lot of them are like yeah we got a Navy former Navy series talking about UFOs.

I guess I'm like I guess like that's where that's where that's where I'm talking about like the world where I'm just like picking and choosing when I'm getting diving into

but then it's kind of it's kind of sad too because I I miss like

I miss when there was like a

maybe I'm maybe I'm making this up but like there's just like a kind of blanket like you only have access to X amount of information and the information is gonna be really in-depth and rich and so then you have like people responding to it and forming different opinions but now it's just like everyone's just really narrowed like zeroed in on a very niche thing and I'm just like I don't know like the Yeti cooler subreddit right which is which you're telling me like and it was kind of we were putting up these lines and it was making me depressed thinking about that.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it's like, not even, it's like, then we get like young people who can't afford.

I've been on the

house, but then there's just like guys who have a house and then just like a room full of Yeti clubs.

Dude,

and then I've spent literally the last two days just on that subreddit being like, stop.

Just fucking stop.

Right, right, right.

And then you mentioned they have a house.

They're probably all homeowners, but you see in the background, they all have like those prefab South.

Right, right, right, right, right.

exactly exactly I mean that's honestly I gotta go I gotta go back to Salt Lake this

end of November for Thanksgiving and I'm really excited to see my sisters and stuff but like literally driving through that shit makes me want to kill myself yeah I have I have friends who work in like the Iron Union or something and like my buddy my buddy Spencer was talking to me I remember a couple years ago was talking to me about like the active shooter training on those on those train yards and like I was just like god damn it's like this is what happens to your brain yeah because Because it's like, yeah, the dudes will just like wake up one day and just be like, I'm gonna kill everybody.

I'm gonna kill everyone at the train yard?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I only know one person that's died on a train yard.

Oh, that's not nice.

He asked us to stop making jokes about it.

I know, but I

agree.

Our friend's dad died tragically.

I mean, I just

know what our friend's dad died tragically.

He's got a big ear-to-ear creature.

Ruined arms up.

Ruined the rest of our friend's life.

He's arms up.

He's running from the demon.

Oh, well.

He's a good guy.

But anyway, yeah, no, that shit,

that hoarder.

I mean, I don't know.

I also was just getting an edit earlier today, and I was like, God, do I really need to fucking be making movies?

I don't need to do this shit.

Why?

What are you going to do instead of kill people?

Well, I don't know.

I can't.

I don't even know that I'm that good at that, but I don't have anything else to do.

But I'm just like, fuck, there's just, there's no need to make any.

I'm just going to get this off the ground, and then I'm going to be a Guinness World Record guy.

I'm going to clean up, dude.

Number one, biggest stilts

ever.

Biggest pair of stilts.

We set me up near the edge in Midtown.

So I'll just hook the stilts over the edge

and then just kind of work my way off and walk down 9th Avenue

on

the Avengers building.

1,100 feet in the air.

That's insane.

Is that how tall that is?

It is.

It's 1,100 feet.

You looked up the world record for that.

Let me tell you this.

I was so proud of myself.

We're standing outside of B ⁇ H with that guy

who said a lot of interesting things to me.

The guy that worked there?

Yeah.

What did he say?

After I left?

Yeah, the number one thing

he's like.

He just brought up Australia.

He's like, one thing

he starts talking about.

No,

we were talking about the edge thing.

You can see it.

And, you know, I was like, you ever go up there?

And he's like, no.

He's like, I'm afraid of heights.

And he's like, are you afraid of heights?

I'm like, no, spiders.

That's my thing.

And he's like, well, you shouldn't go to Australia then.

And I'm like, yeah, I've been there.

I was worried about it.

They got big spiders there.

And he's like, Are you really afraid of spiders?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

And

he was like, well, you know what?

They do have their most beautiful women in the world.

And I'm like, well, I don't know about that.

I'm like, some of them are more beastly than the spiders.

And he's like, No, no, no.

He's like, I talked to a lot of them online, and you know, they're all beautiful, you know.

And I was like, Well, I'm not going to ask, I'm not going to get more information.

I wish I was there.

I wish I was there.

Yeah, yeah, no, Adam would have dug into that.

Right, right, right.

I just let him go, but I talked to a lot of them.

We're looking at the edge thing, he's like, How high up do you think that is?

And I kind of just like looked at it and the skyline

and the heights of other buildings I know, and I'm looking at the edge.

And I I said to him, I said, 1,100 feet.

And then he goes, really, you think?

And I'm like, let's look it up.

1,131 feet.

Wow.

That's incredible.

That's crazy.

That's a cool shot, dude.

Wow.

That's badass.

That's really fun.

It's way better than somebody asking you, what time is it?

Yeah, he's like, how'd you do that?

I'm like, yeah, I'll measure stuff.

I'm going to measure.

Are you raising your hand?

No, I was just stretching.

Oh, I thought you were raising your hand.

Sorry.

Speak.

I'm the host.

Dude, I'm still laughing about you saying that guy was doing a proud front.

You did.

But then you were doing the Bill Cosby, like.

No, no, what it is, it's that meme.

And what that was, folks, was Nick pursing his lips.

Bill Cosby does.

Because you don't know what the bull dog is put when he does the

sucking on a warhead.

Have you seen that Jiggle Jiggle commercial?

The one

with the other kids at the table.

I I mean, I remember the old Bill Cosby Jell-O commercial.

I remember Sean this weekend he couldn't stop singing it.

It's pretty good.

Because yellow, that's what you get when you have it.

You know, it's going to be a good time.

Yeah, that's Filipino Bill Cosby.

Welcome to the Philippines cheeseburger hamburger.

Are you guys doing anything for Halloween?

I have to go to AC for a bachelor party.

AC?

Yeah.

I've never been.

Have you been?

Mm-mm.

I'm stoked to go.

We're seeing Sandler on Friday.

You're seeing Sandler.

He's performing.

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, he's going to play all the hits.

That's music.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

He's on tour right now.

He's doing MSG tomorrow.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

That's another thing.

I don't fucking know what the hell's going on at MSG.

I've never been there.

Yeah.

Really?

Never.

We got to go to Nick.

We were supposed to go.

Yeah, we got to.

We got to go to go to Nick.

I was supposed to go last year.

I forgot we were fucking with you.

I finally figured out how to get inside there.

What do you mean?

Because I've been to Penn Station a billion times.

I'm like, how do you get in there?

Where are you going?

He's just leaving.

You get me some water?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

How much time have we done so far?

We've done 37 minutes and 45 seconds.

And what's the full length?

In two minutes, we're going to do another ad read.

And

then we'll do an hour total.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Cool.

I was tempted to just cut this one short because we got the,

you know, we got to go.

I got to go.

You know, I mean, I'm not going to.

It's not that late.

It's not, but I'm so amped up that I know I won't be able to sleep.

And then I got to get up.

I'm going to come back here.

It's going to be fun tomorrow.

Yeah, it will be fun.

We'll get here early.

We'll clean up.

Yeah.

Clean up, get it all set up.

It's going to be good.

We got to get the guest in wardrobe.

Right, right, right.

Are we doing that in here?

Is he coming?

Yeah, we'll come here.

I was like, is he all come pre-dressed?

No, we can do that all downstairs.

Yeah, I told him he's like.

Gets on the train.

Yeah.

Frankenstein closed you.

No, you ruined it.

Oh, shit.

Damn.

Fuck.

Bleep that out.

No, it's too late.

No, I told him.

I told him.

He was like, yeah.

I won't be Frankenstein, dude.

It's alright.

I already, I fucked it up.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm not going to cut it.

Don't worry.

But then now they're going to know.

We can bleep it out.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

They don't know who is bleeping.

There's plenty of stuff.

There's plenty of fun stuff.

We got the set that they won't care about.

We got a sneak peek of the.

That's what we got today, is a sneak peek of the audience reaction.

Right, right, right.

All the work we put it in.

No, no, don't undersell it.

Do you have cocaine on your nose?

No.

Oh, it's on the top of your nose.

Where?

No, it's probably lotion.

Oh, you had to go lotion your nose.

You had to leave the guy's face lotion.

No, because I don't want to look ugly on camera tomorrow.

And, like, I've had really bad skin this week.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Sorry.

Sorry.

It's okay if it's cocaine.

I wish.

Should we call the guy?

No.

Just immediately.

I don't ever do cocaine.

Everyone's done with Coke.

It sucks.

It's bad.

It's really fucking terrible.

Although, a couple weeks ago.

You know, the last time it was fun was when we were in the bathroom.

At the...

Yep, yep,

and you were dancing like a...

A black guy.

You were pretending to be black.

I was pretending to be black for Alex, my black friend.

And then a black guy walked in.

A black guy walked in and steamed and I ran out.

And then you guys left me alone and I was sagging.

I still have that video.

That's a great video.

It's a very good video.

Because you were doing spins and shit.

You're really in it.

I was clown walking.

You were possessed.

When I was in high school, like all the girls in my high school, like the black girls would make me learn the trending dances of the day.

So I had to learn the Harlem shake, I had to learn the sea walk.

Were they like they'd form a dance circle and they were they like just like clowning you or like yeah they were clowning the shit out of me.

But I thought they liked me a lot.

Have you ever been with a black girl before?

Twice.

You've slept, had sex with?

Yeah, the first time was have you ever fucked a black girl?

The first time was stressful.

Yeah.

But not like a real one.

Like a nerd.

You know what I mean?

That's how I feel like when like when like white women fuck me, I'm like, I'm not like a real nigga

why because I'm not a real nigga

why

I'm a blurred for sure

you're like a Pokemon snap kind of black

broke Adam's heart

Adam's like I finally have a black

Jamel better not let me down yeah Jamal I hope he's a real nigga

No, he's not.

He's dating a Jewish woman.

He's a Jewish woman.

Dude, he texts me.

He's like, yo, I'm at OHI

at a retreat right now, and it's hell on earth.

He's like, this is get out.

Yeah, but he can make, see, like, I'm with her family.

I don't think I could make a room of black people laugh.

You couldn't?

I don't know.

I don't think.

We can both do that.

We can do that.

Right.

We've done black rooms.

I can't do that shit.

But I'm also not a comedian, so it doesn't fucking matter.

If you couldn't tell.

I guess not.

Ridge wallet.

Can we cut the surprise?

Please.

You just don't want to go in.

I'm too tired.

I'm sorry.

That's a good idea.

No, but it's a big thing.

No, it's not.

It's not your fault.

But it's a big thing.

I'll give you the file.

You can cut it.

What do you edit it?

Audacity.

No.

What do you edit it?

I don't even know.

He just said a thing he thinks is Audacity.

Fruity Loops.

The Audacity.

An audio pro, an audio engineering program called Audacity.

It's a Brocco Bob.

I don't know.

Yeah.

He released his own audio program.

Did he really?

Yeah.

Called Audacity.

He's like, who wants to

make a couple of beats?

Do you edit on...

Oh, no, no, no.

You edit.

You edit on Caucassidity.

Cheeseburger,

Chevrolet, Hamburger, Cheeseburger.

You edit on Caucassidity?

Yeah, no, Logic.

We use Logic.

Wait, can we...

Can we...

Ridge Wallet.

Ridge Wallet.

Wait, but we're going to cut that, so it'll be in like two minutes.

No, no, you don't even need to.

Nick, I'm going to insist.

I'm going to insist.

Then what's a time stamp?

We'll find it.

It's really important.

This is a big moment for us.

It's not that far.

I fucked up.

I shouldn't have said that.

It's not your fault.

Well, you leave it in the family.

We got Frankenstein on the show.

No, don't say, and they know who that impression is.

They know very well who that impression is.

Hey, guys, if you want to see Frankenstein as a guest on the show, check out patreon.com.

I wanted to say that at the top of the show.

No promo it.

Is it really going to be like that big of a surprise?

No,

we're doing a little Halloween special for the first one.

But it's more.

Is it even too much to say it's a Halloween special?

Yes.

Well, that's done.

No.

Yeah,

that's coming out on Halloween.

It doesn't matter.

We just won't say anything about when you guys do your Christmas special.

Oh, fuck.

No, it'll be fun.

We just did that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

The talk show needs to start.

So this gives us the push to.

It's going to be so fun and cool.

It'll be fun.

That people, it's like, it doesn't even fucking matter.

We could describe scenes.

Seeing for scene what's going to happen.

Look, honestly, it's better to have.

Two scenes.

Yeah, be a little bit.

You gave that away.

Yeah, low.

Low stakes.

We just have a good time.

We get comfortable shooting the talk show.

It's going to be good.

Rather than really try to go crazy.

And then we're going to get puppets next week.

Puppets.

And then we're going to get.

Well, actually, we are.

I know the guy that did all the cranky hackers.

That's great.

Yeah.

You should do a full puppet interview.

Ridgewallet.com.

Ridgewall.com, guys.

If you are looking for something to put your crap in, you should have an inmates on the show.

I want to get like a scared straight up,

guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Scared straight up.

Ridge.

Just find a little pedophile.

I want to do a show where you take kids that are losers and you bring them

like kids that aren't bad.

Yeah.

Okay.

And then you bring them around like a guy, but they're not good students either.

Right, they're just kind of like

irrelevant humans.

Yeah, exactly.

And you bring in a guy that's 37 years old, and he's the assistant manager to GameStop, and he's like, you got to start committing crimes.

Your best chance, if you think anything, you got to figure, you got to be cool through the criminal justice system

because you don't want to end up like me.

Right, right, right, right.

The ceilings are too low in my apartment for me to kill myself.

Our friends at fuck, that's so real.

Yeah.

Damn.

I have popcorn ceilings, and it's killing me.

It has asbestos.

Guys, our friends at Ridge Wallet launched Ridge with a simple belief that they could make wallets better.

Two Kickstarters, nine years, and over two million wallets later, they're still

starting every day with the same mentality.

Only now it's to improve all the items that you carry every day.

So basically, here's what it is, guys.

They have a streamlined approach to different items that you carry on your person every single day.

And they've done very well since they started advertising with us.

Let's just say maybe it's because of us.

Do you think so?

Yes.

Okay, so here's the deal.

They have wallets, key cases, watches, knives, kits.

What's a kit, Nick?

Be honest.

You use these?

Nick does.

I do, yeah.

Microscene uses it.

They have pens, backpacks.

I use the backpack.

Mike corrects the package.

The backpack's great.

Nick and I both use the commuter backpack.

It's kind of cool.

Phone cases.

Listen, guys, they have like the most, wow, they have a carbon fiber watch for only $495.

What wallet you have, Adam?

Let me see.

I got it in Tokyo.

It's a woman's coin.

No, it's not.

Men use that wallet.

In Japan?

Men use that wallet.

Yeah, Japanese men, aka women.

That's racist.

Cinematographer, director.

Let's see what they have here.

Oh, boy.

What's Steven?

Oh, no, we got to go to sleep after this.

Fuck.

Damn, I have any fucking fun.

Stay up all night getting fucked up.

You want to just

blow the show

you want to come over and do cocaine and play video games just go to bh at 9 a.m being like you got those lights

no no no but honestly we have to be up by 9 a.m for b h so it's what it is 10 43 right now i am i am up so i'll wake up at 6 a.m

we might need to stay up all night because we won't have enough time so we can be first in line so we can get those so we can get those panels

no i'm just kidding let's get a good night's rest to everyone dude that host that that host is going to be an applied shower.

He was, because I had an early flight, and he was like, what you should do is just stay up all night drinking and just get on the plane drunk.

I was like, that's a good idea.

I've done that mad times.

I always do that.

I've done that mad times.

No chance of me getting on that fucking plane, dude.

Yeah.

I've been in TSA drunk so many times.

It's not.

I think I need to stop drinking.

Well, you've been.

Okay, anyway, guys.

Ridgewall, they have a bunch of shit.

They got beanies, they got multi-hook, they got multi-tools, carbon fiber phone cases.

They got all the shit that you need.

Replacement screws,

tech gear, all that kind of shit.

You go to ridgewater.com, you put in promo code Tafts.

Oh, it's Come Town or Come Town or Come Town 20.

Still.

And, you know, they'll

cut you a little deal.

Save a couple shekels.

Does that sound good?

Nice.

Yeah, that was great.

All right.

Cool.

What are you doing?

Taking a picture, Alex?

No, someone's asking me

to prove you're not cheating.

One of those texts.

When's the last time you cheated?

Last time I cheated?

Probably like 2000...

I want to say 2018.

Nice, dude.

Big year.

Yeah, but I don't really count it as cheating because I wasn't dating the girl.

So it wasn't.

But every time, yeah, I don't want to put her on blast.

Yeah.

Well, what counts as cheating?

Because, I mean, like, I've been in relationships and obviously still gone to New Orleans to throw playing cards at fat women.

Is that cheating?

Maybe.

Is that

now?

Is that cheating too?

We live in a world where everything's cheating.

Who are these fat horns that you're throwing cards at?

You spent $3,000 on playing cards?

There's a lot of fat women down there.

Have you ever cheated, Adam?

One time.

Really?

Yeah, I got a hand job.

Was it worth it?

I was 18.

Was it worth it?

It was such a good hand job.

Honestly, it might be the best hand job in my life.

It's a cheating hand job

by a big can.

Cheating pussy is just like.

How are you doing there, fella?

Wait, wait, wait.

Mind if I jack you off?

Wait, wait.

Locker room.

Locker room.

How you doing there, sir?

Locker room.

What's going on?

You're raising your hand again?

Yep.

Locker room.

I just did chose in LA last month.

I got a a DM.

You cheated on your...

I got a DM from the girl that gave me that hand job when I was in the middle of the day.

Does Bayan know about this?

No, I didn't respond, but...

No, actually, I did.

I was like, LOL.

She was like, oh, yeah, I just got a notification you're doing stand-up in town.

She didn't come to the show, but I did jack off to the memory

within like 10 minutes.

Right, right, right.

Yeah, I was incredibly aroused.

Cheating pussy is like crazy.

It can be, because it's like, this is forbidden.

i've only ever done it out of spite and i never spite enjoyed it yeah i feel like that's what i think that's what i think that cheating i'm doing air quotes so annoying um cheating was because i was very angry at this person i was like i feel trapped i feel fucking i feel like i'm being like suffocated right now and the best way for me to free myself is to get pussy and it was cool no i've only done it in circumstances where somebody's like well you know like suggesting that they're going to cheat

well we'll see about that, bitch.

I'll fucking be you to it.

You stupid

break up with you?

I don't have that kind of confidence.

This type of shit is so fucking funny.

It's like petty relationship shit.

It's just like, why are you?

Why do we do that?

You're free now, dude.

You got PlayStation 5.

You don't have to worry about that.

Yeah, you don't need to.

There's the pussy pour out.

Yeah, until PlayStation 6 comes out, you're good.

Yeah, and PlayStation Comes 6, that's out, then you're fucking up.

What's that old computer you got?

Yeah, Bridge.

I mean, I did.

I was looking at Philip.

I bet you have a girlfriend.

I was looking at my PS4 and I was like, this looks like ancient machinery.

I don't fucking want this thing anymore.

Yeah, but the PS5 looks like it's taking its clothes off.

It's fucking so cool.

It looks like it's a slut.

Come over to my house and look at it.

It's fucking so cool.

I've seen it, dude.

It's way cooler than anything you have.

What do you mean, I have a dog?

Yeah, you got a good life.

Girlfriend?

Yeah, you got a beautiful apartment.

My apartment's nice.

Your apartment's very nice.

I really don't.

I've become so old now.

I just do like puzzles.

I don't have a lot of people.

I got a Kindle.

Yeah.

Kindle's.

I fucking love it.

Dude, they're amazing.

I didn't.

I'm in love.

I loved looking at it.

I love the feel of it in my hand.

I had a nook years ago, and I kind of got burned out.

I used to just read books on my phone.

No, no, no.

I got a nook, and the nook stole a screen, and I didn't get a Kindle until last year.

It's so good.

And they're great.

It's insane.

What are you reading?

Right now, I'm rereading some Thomas Pynchon stuff.

I'm reading slow learning.

Oh, Gravity's Asshole.

Yeah, I was in Gravity's case.

I'm actually reading the...

I don't know if I'm talking about context, I was, but I was making myself laugh one time.

Just being like, oh, recently, what have I been reading?

Oh, I just finished Gravity's Asshole by Pynchon.

I'm actually

the autobiography of Malcolm X.

Pynchon wrote V for Vendetta, didn't he?

Yeah, I believe he did.

Yeah.

And the game.

the do you remember during the bubble

when

LeBron LeBron posed that selfie

like BLM?

When he posed that selfie of him reading the autobiography of Malcolm X, but he was like on page one.

It's like, just go to the middle of the book, bro.

Just act like you made a dent.

Right, right, right.

He was starting it.

I mean, that's it's like it's also just like, you know, it's not hard to read.

It's not hard to read, but like LeBron, I don't need you to read a book.

I just want you to play ball, bro.

Oh, so you want him to shut up and dribble?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, honestly.

Do I believe that any of these

extremely wealthy black people give a shit about me?

No, not at all.

I like them because they're really rich and doing the cool thing that entertains me.

It's crazy.

You know, there's only 14 black billionaires, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

How many billionaires are there?

I think a million.

I think six million.

That's how many of you guys are.

Who are they?

Kanye?

A billion, black billionaire.

What do you say?

They're 2%.

Kanye Oprah.

Bill Gates has the hood pass.

He can say it.

Why?

Because he saw the Council of Elders.

Oh, word.

Yeah, he talked to

Red Fox.

He talked to Flavor Flame.

Flavor Flame.

And they were like, you're allowed to.

You know, he used to come come.

He was my high school gym teacher's

brother or cousin.

So he'd come to my school.

He wasn't an insane guy wearing a clock.

Just a mentally ill guy.

He'd go to school.

Wait a second.

No, I do realize that he had a big hole in his pants.

And you could always see his balls.

He was covered in shit.

He would shit out of the front of his pants.

There was a dude.

There was a dude who'd hang outside my high school who'd just be like, he had like one big dread and a big hole in his pants.

And I remember this kid's mom made him a sandwich one day and gave it to him.

And just in front of the school, he just like threw it at her face in front of everybody.

It was so beautiful.

I've told this story on the show before, but one of the best things I've ever seen, I was in downtown L.A.

It was when I was working on Moshe Casher's show, and we were doing some kind of like remote segment.

I can't remember what it was, but we were just down there, and there was like a homeless lady pushing a big-ass shopping cart full of garbage.

And

these these two white women drove by, and they'd just gone grocery shopping.

They were like, oh,

a homeless woman.

And they roll down the window, and this bitch pulls out a loaf of bread from her grocery bag, and she's like handing it, trying to hand it to this woman.

And the woman looks over at her and she goes, I don't want no fucking bread, bitch.

Fucking heifer.

Fuck you.

And just

starts

just lighting them up and they just kind of quietly drive away.

Yeah.

I love when that happens.

When I was in LA,

save people.

Yeah.

I had like a Dean style Uber driver.

Yeah.

And

he was like, he, I had lunch with Ethan and them at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

And he was like, he's like, yeah, I got like a question for you.

He's like, were there, were there like fine-ass cheeks in there?

And I was like, I guess there was.

It probably was Dean.

And maybe it was.

Was he talking about his wife in France?

I just hadn't seriously.

He's like, yeah, my wife is French.

In my memory, just Dean trying to make eye contact with me through the rearview mirror.

He was doing that a lot too.

Well, he tells me about Playboy Radio.

He had the opportunity.

Yeah, I actually got the opportunity to work for Playboy Radio.

Yeah, yeah.

So he was saying to me, he was like,

what is that?

What the fuck is Playboy?

Radio.

Yeah.

They just describe women's bodies.

I know.

But not the pussy.

But not the pussy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

so he was like yeah were there like fine-ass chicks in there and i was like uh yeah

i guess and he was like because like i was reading but like trump apparently he like

he like gave him like a he like uh took uh stormy daniels there like to to like fuck her and like um

and like apparently they have like bungalows and like he took mad he took mad chicks there to like to fuck them and like that guy's like he don't give a fuck right

and i was like yeah i guess not And then he was like, where are you?

I missed that accident.

He was asking me where I was from.

I was like, New York.

All of my friends in like LA.

In LA.

I live in LA.

I'm from LA.

He's like,

I'm from LA, but we move out here.

He's like, you're from New York?

And I was like, yeah.

He's like,

can I ask you a question about that?

And he was like, do you think there's like maybe more fine-ass chicks in LA or in New York?

And I was like, can I have the opportunity to ask you a question?

So I was like, I don't know.

I think there's like beautiful women everywhere.

And he was like, yeah, I guess

that is true when you think about it.

That's like...

That's a guy that's never thought about anything.

You know,

lunch can also be dinner.

They're similar foods.

Wow, that really blows my mind.

Yeah.

You can have like pancakes

for dinner?

Yeah.

And then he was saying, we were driving past the tents.

He's like, yeah, the tent, like, they keep keep getting bigger and bigger.

Like, now they got like windows and shit.

He's like, I saw them, like, barbecuing the other day.

It's like, like, eight of these motherfuckers, like, barbecuing out here in their tents, man.

And the city don't give a fuck about that.

You don't give a shit.

Yeah,

he was great.

That guy.

I mean, it is really, it is really, you know, don't get me wrong.

I love to help people out, but you know, sometimes people are just fucking happy doing smoking crack, doing drugs.

That's the bliss.

That's the bliss spot, spot, you know?

Yeah.

Living a normal life is hard.

Honestly, Blake seemed happy when he was just a crack addict.

He was like,

I have some friends who are new friends.

Right, right, right.

We all hang out and smoke crack with each other.

No one goes home during a chill.

Right.

I have some friends who

had Lucy became friends with.

Wait, did you tell Alex that?

Became friends with somebody

while they were smoking meth, and I was like, I fucking loved you when you were on meth.

Yeah.

Because now you're sober sober and kind of a pussy.

I was like that, dude.

I quit drinking and I just got worse.

Yeah.

Nah, you.

Oh, man.

You do get fun when you're drunk.

It's not even fun, dude.

So nice.

So, like, loving.

Nigga, so sexual.

Well, that's how I turned into, like, such a complimenting guy.

Yeah.

So complimentary.

He's like, you're just a good guy.

So funny.

It sucks because it's like if you start drinking.

When you're walking away, you're very like, okay, I love you guys.

I love you.

So what are you gonna say about this?

Oh, 14-year-old, oh, yeah, dude.

My friend, I was in Portland,

and he was just driving around.

I wonder who gives a fuck.

We were driving around, and you know, there's tents, there was just homeless people all over the place.

We pull up to an intersection, there's a hill on top of the hill.

There's like a fucking gypsy shanty town, you know, just a tent with garbage, permanent installation.

And he just looks up at the top of the hill, he's like, Yeah, the girl who lives in that tent is 14 years old.

And I'm like,

why do you

know that?

Why do you have that information?

Why do you know that?

Yeah, that one right there.

Yeah, can you believe it?

On the top of the hill?

Yeah, right.

It's just a sound button.

Looking over the little gas station.

They descend those steel vapes.

And that one.

And beyond over there.

And that one.

A 14-year-old girl.

14-year-old inside.

All right, I'm going to call it so we can get

an early start tomorrow.

No, but we have have to because of the surprise.

No.

Guys, don't blame me.

The premiere episode.

Guys, listen.

The premiere episode of the Adam Freelance Show will be out on Monday at patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S.

Knocking on wood.

Don't act like it's not.

Okay.

All right.

We're missing some things.

All right, see you soon.

Stay tuned.

Hey, it's Brian Christopher.

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