Ep. X017 – TAFS Van Life

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Ladies and gentlemen, it is the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Welcome.

The podcast about the Adam Friedland Show.

Yes, we are super fans of the Adam Friedland Show.

There's a room here to make sure I don't.

Yeah, you're listening to Talking Friedland.

And I'm your host, Chris Smalldick.

Yeah.

Chris, what do you say about the allegations that have surfaced recently?

Against who?

Against you.

Against me?

What was I, God, Zeux, what was I accused of this time?

It was forced complaining that my girlfriend starfishes during sex.

You remember that?

That's what he got canceled for.

What is it, Starfish?

You just put your arms on.

Actually, I met that girl that he was dating.

She was some

very beautiful girl, like a model or something.

Yeah.

Streamer.

Where did you meet her?

At the Meltdown Comics.

Oh, cool.

Like 10 years ago.

And that was probably at the height of Chris Hardwick's.

Nerd comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was when I was living in L.A.

and there was that,

I wish there was a better word for it.

Maybe I'll try to coin it right now.

And now that it's far enough in the rear view, the whole vibe is encapsulated enough that that

weird kind of

like earnest, like not just nerd culture, but that nerd culture that's like

very highly compatible.

I guess it is just nerd culture.

Because it's like you forget that

neo-nerd.

And the nerds have always been.

The nerds have always been like the entitled dickhead.

They always frame themselves as like, you know, this is their whole thing.

It's like in high school, they're like, yeah, well, one day I'm going to be a millionaire and you're going to be bagging my groceries.

And it's like, well, what's wrong with people to bag groceries, you fucking piece of shit?

Yeah.

But

what the.

What was I even talking about?

Revenge of the nerds.

A word that was.

It goes back to Revenge of the Nerds.

The whole thing with that movie is like, there's supposed to be some kind of underdog.

But then that main guy, and this is a trite observation, the main guy rapes a woman.

And that's supposed to be seen as like...

He does.

He pretends he's wearing the mask.

He's wearing the alien mask.

So he tricks a woman into a huge cock, so he gets away with her.

He gets away with it.

So the whole thing is like,

it's always seeped in this very seedy, angry type of entitlement

that the people that are supposedly oppressing the nerves don't like, you know, like what's worse?

Calling a kid a fag for playing video games

or shooting up your entire fucking school with an Uzi and planting bombs in the cafeteria?

I'd say the shooting of the school.

The shooting of the school.

So either like all of that, all of that, basically all of Chris Hardwick's thing, that whole world,

the UCB type improv guys, what they're saying is, is that women, like, rape is good.

Yeah, women owe us pussy.

Yeah, because women have committed the crime of fucking a guy who's popular and good at sports.

So they deserve to be raped.

And not only raped, but then dying in a school shooting and being blown up in the cafeteria.

There hasn't been enough celebration of school shooters as nerds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As being part of nerd culture.

Yeah.

It's funny because like Elliot Roger got framed as like, you know, that was the MRA shooter or whatever, this sense of entitlement.

Yeah, that is true.

He did kind of explicitly say that.

But like,

it's not even like, like, Dylan and the other guy, Eric, were probably attractive guys.

It's like, it's not even that the women weren't fucking them.

It's that the women were maybe also had an interest in the people that are more sort of mainstream.

Correct.

And so

they hate society fully.

Well, it was Marilyn Manson's music that led them to do that.

It was.

Marilyn Manson, who also, didn't he finally get me too?

By his own dick?

Hey, he shocked me.

He shocked me.

And I told him not to, but he took his ribs out and sucked me.

Lock it up there, chowder head.

That's how Merily Lanson talks.

He does a little ventiloquist act with his dick.

His dick's got

a little wig on it.

He has a little string tag.

Hey,

hey, shut it down there, chowder head.

That's what he calls his cock, because it's filled with chowder.

He's a chow.

Ow, fuck.

God damn it.

Come chowder.

I think I just chip my tooth.

On the mic?

Yeah, trying to...

That's why you need the wind guard.

I'm trying to reach over here to turn my levels down.

I'm a little, I'm, I'm, I'm clipping.

A little up.

So, anyways, what was I saying?

Chris Hardwick, yeah, that's what he got to do.

Oh, so what's the word for?

Oh, starfishing.

Yeah, I don't know.

I wish I was a smarter guy so that I could coin because you know, I came up with the term

misogynoir.

And that became a real thing.

That became a real thing.

That was like, it's funny.

I think people kind of like memory hole that, that I was actually the first person to say misogynoir, and then it like caught on, and I just did it as a joke, and then that you know

then it became a thing but yeah what would be a word for that for that

let's call it darthing

like darth vader okay yeah they're darthing

who are the nerds yeah darthing is when you like you pretend to be the

maybe that's a horrible choice I don't get it

I just picked something from Star Wars he has the force or something I have no no idea.

Perfidy would be a better example.

Yeah.

Perfidy is probably the correct word for that.

But there was kind of like a tyranny of the nerd and comedy for a while.

Yeah.

Meltdown Comics was like the main

independent comedy rig in LA.

In Dark Knight,

when

there's that populace, they get everyone out of prison and they set up their own courts.

And they're highly punitive and killing everybody for every reason.

And that's how the nerds were.

you know, and a lot of people will say, but Nick, aren't you a nerd?

No.

No.

I'm a fat.

I'm a loser.

You're a loser.

You're not a nerd.

Which is not a thing.

The difference between that is there's no community with losers.

There's no

loser rights.

It doesn't exist.

I'm just a guy that sucks sort of by himself.

Yeah, it's not an identity.

In a way that you really can't relate to.

Yeah, you don't have like a girl that's like, yeah, I'm actually like a total loser.

Yeah, right, exactly.

Yeah.

There's no yeah, groups of, yeah, you're not gonna like go to the loser meetup.

I'm gonna play, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like,

is there an R slash loser?

It doesn't matter how much money I make, I will always be a loser.

You'll still be a loser, yeah.

We're making more money now than any of them.

You still sleep half the nights on a sofa.

I know, I still go to, I go.

And the other half of the night's on the phone.

Yesterday was like the first, like, quote-unquote day off.

Yeah, I know.

I ate an entire box of cereal, and then I found out that they added Wave Race to the Nintendo Switch, and audibly in my apartment by myself, I went, ooh,

and I heard myself do it.

I heard it.

And that is, that's an awful noise to hear yourself make.

Oh, God.

In relation to a 20-year-old game that I rented maybe five times from Blockbuster.

Yeah, no, but what did he, yeah, he got canceled by that girl, Chloe.

He got me too early on.

Yeah.

And then the Mewtwo said.

Hardwick.

Hardwick.

Yeah.

And I got to remember this before we get too far into this.

That Blue Chew is the read this week because I accidentally fucked up and I did my bookie last week.

Okay.

And not Blue Chew this week.

So maybe this week we'll do.

I'll just say my bookie again because technically they bought this week just to keep things.

So they got a free read.

So they got a free one.

Free read last week.

Yeah, so what he got canceled for is he was like sending her, he was like, you need to be

you need to be more,

you know, you got to make the pussy pop during fucking.

Yeah, so she's just kind of laying down.

She was laying down.

Is that what that means?

Honestly, if he just sent her a text being like, hey, you know, like,

you know, do what you.

But if, like, maybe if you're like, if there's something I could do to maybe like make you more into it or something,

you know, then it wouldn't have been as bad.

The fact that he used the term starfishing, like he's, he's on some forum

where he knows that where there's like guys are like they just starfish.

It's like a nerd term.

Yeah.

I would assume.

Like what you have to be Google.

That's not a cool thing to say.

Would you have to be Googling?

That's what it should be called.

Her name was Chloe Dykstrom.

Let's just use.

I didn't want to say her name because I didn't want to.

Well, it's in the news.

It's in the news.

But I didn't want to.

What's it called?

No, let's call it that.

Let's call the nerd thing that.

Let's just appropriate starfishing.

Starfishing.

Starfishing.

Massager Noir fishing.

And then I I can piggyback on the success of my

last.

What's it called when you invent a word?

I don't know.

I think inventing a word.

I don't know.

There's got to be

a word for that.

I'll look it up.

Taxa.

Lexogenesis.

The lexogenesis of

let's call it that.

It's called neologism.

neologism

yeah it's a new speech utterance oh okay well let's forget that we're gonna call it uh lexogenesis is what it's called that's so i'm neologizing

i'm gonna neologize lexogenesis so my lexogenetical uh

uh utterance of misogynoir has now been followed up you could call it my heat too yeah yeah is star

wait i guess we're just now changing the definition of a word.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Star Wars fishing.

Star Wars fishing.

Death Star fishing.

I kind of like Darth.

I think Misage of Noir has just got

a lot more magic.

It does.

Yeah.

Black Girl magic.

Black Girl Magic.

What happened to Black Girl Magic?

Did we find out that it was not real?

They got expelled from Hawking.

How old were you when you found out Black Girl Magic isn't real?

It was like finding Santa Claus.

You know, it doesn't exist.

I found out that this whole time my dad was doing black girl magic

instead of

all these black girls.

I don't know.

It was heartbreaking.

But I think,

what was I going to say?

I don't fucking know.

Yeah, we're exhausted from the last episode, but we're really happy right now.

I think we're happy, no?

Yeah, I don't know if I'm happy.

I mean, like, I

do you want to have a real conversation about it?

No.

Okay, good.

It wasn't a conversation.

It was just kind of a statement.

Because I was slow, kind of riffing on something.

I just wanted to contextualize the situation right now for the audience, our friends, the audience.

But yeah, we're here at the studio in Manhattan, New York.

Yeah, I don't know.

Happy is not a sustainable thing, especially working on anything creative, especially with videos.

The nice part about doing the podcast for the last six years is

when it sucks, you could be like, yeah, it was just a conversation.

I didn't care.

It didn't matter.

Yeah, it didn't matter.

When you spend a lot of time making stuff and then it's like not how you wanted it to be,

then it really makes me want to fucking kill myself.

I see what you're saying.

Yeah.

The wins feel exhilarating, like you're flying, but the losses feel devastating.

The nice thing about getting older is it starts with your body.

Your body gets older before your mind does, I feel.

Or starts getting like older.

I don't mean like aging, but like,

you know, joints start hurting and stuff like that.

But then it's like, now I look like shit all the time, and I feel like shit.

It's like there's a limited amount of time.

I might as well.

I've embarrassed myself so much in my life.

In public, yeah.

In public, I might as well just be like, okay, this is the best I can do.

And if it's fucking bad, then.

Well, it's not, it's the beginning of what you're going to do.

Sure, whatever.

Yeah, I'm not looking to, yeah.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah, yeah.

But I know what you mean.

It's fun to make shit.

It's a lot of fun to make shit, and then it's also very upsetting.

Yeah.

It's kind of like,

you know what the creative process is sort of like?

Yeah.

It's like...

You're looking at your own dick through a magnifying glass.

And then the magnifying glass.

You get so excited, and you're getting closer and closer, and eventually you don't see the magnifying glass anymore.

And you're like, do I have the biggest dick in the flower world?

And then you

go to show with other people, and they're like, What are you talking about?

And you're like, No, but wait, where did the magnifying glass go?

And it's gone.

And the magnifying glass is gone.

Yes.

And you have to find the next magnifying glass.

And that's next week's episode.

You have to invent the next magnifying glass.

And then it's pulled away.

Your dick's not even hard.

Yeah, exactly.

You weren't even hard.

Yeah.

It's so small.

It's small.

It doesn't work.

It's soft.

It's small.

It doesn't work.

It's unattractive.

It's bad looking.

It looks bad.

Even then, it's bad looking on top of it.

Oh, man.

You say, fuck it.

I'm just going to

spend $10,000 on props.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that how much we spend?

No, I don't know.

Not on props.

Yeah.

You did buy a professional grade photo printer.

I did.

To make the books jacket.

Which, I'll tell you guys, if you want to go to...

Oh, by the way, I guess this comes out today.

We added a show in Philadelphia Sunday night because they were sold out.

So I'll be there Sunday night.

I'm going to go home after this and do my best to write a new 30 minutes because

I guess Kyla has posted a lot of clips.

And so

now almost my entire act is online.

Yeah.

Which is weird because

I had no material before those Austin shows.

I'm like, ah, fuck, I got to be on stage for now.

I got to do something.

And you just came up with it.

I just sort of pulled it all out of my ass.

You kind of podcasted on stage.

I did.

So I got to just start that over again.

Yeah, you got to do it again.

So I'm going to try my best.

We'll try to have fun this.

It's going to be a workshop weekend, hopefully.

I think by the end of the weekend, you'll have something new.

Hopefully.

Yeah, hopefully.

Also, I will be in Seattle September 23rd.

Portland, September 24th.

Los Angeles, September 30th, October 1st.

You can get all those tickets at adamfreeland.com slash tour.

Also, I'm selling shirts.

Three new shirts coming out next week, adamfriedland.com slash shop.

Thank you.

And then I might, I might, because I'm still sitting on, I still have come.town,

and I also have adamfriedland.show and theadamfriedland.show.

Nice.

So I might just point, I'll either point those to the shop or to the Patreon.

Yeah, nice.

But the, what was I going to say?

Oh, yeah, the book.

The book.

So I tried to do this.

I tried to just give it away on Patreon.

Yeah.

And when I typed in giveaway book, it pops up with this warning that it says, it looks like you're trying to do a giveaway.

That's actually illegal.

What?

Yeah, because I guess technically it's a form of gambling.

So there's specific ways in which you can.

How do you do it then?

It has to be open to everybody, because I tried to set it just to specific tiers.

But yeah, it either has to be open to the public, it has to be like a contest.

Like I might do a thing where it's like,

maybe we'll, I really don't like the idea of, there's a lot of people that sent in unsolicited monologue jokes, which, like,

hey, cool move

if it were 1943.

Yeah, that's how you get a job in comedy.

Yeah, that's how you, yeah, you become a job.

That's how Woody Allen got a job in comedy.

That's literally what everybody jokes into the radio.

It's wild how the world used to work.

You used to be able to just move to New York from a cornfield and go to, like, top floor of the Empire State Building, please.

Like, I'd like to be the president of Pan American Airlines.

And they're like, well, we'll give you a shot.

15 people died in a plane crash at Idaho Airport last night.

Looks like it's back to Iowa for new CEO, Johnny Dinkledorp.

What's Pan Am going to do next?

I guess wait for the next retard to wander into the office.

Well, those guys saw their friends die in their arms in Korea.

No, not Korea.

These are the lost generation guys.

Oh, lost generation.

Yeah, these are all World War I guys.

I love those guys.

Yeah, they just sat in a trench being killed by nerve gas.

They come home with just bad wars.

That war sucked.

That had to have sucked.

Dude, like, you know what?

You know what I couldn't deal with in World War I?

Just the mud.

It's so

boring.

All the mud and buds.

You get trench foot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your shoes suck.

You take even

Belgium.

Let's ignore the bullets, the razor wire,

the constant shelling, and the gas.

And it's got to be so boring in those fucking trenches.

Right, yeah.

Just sitting there overdosing on tenactin or whatever you have to fucking do to survive.

I couldn't do it.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is she doing?

I don't know if you saw it in 1917, but

I did.

Yeah, shot by

our friend, Deacons, who did a lot of people, I don't know if people recognize it.

That was him.

He shot him.

the Cold Open.

Yeah, we're going to do the next one as a continuous shot.

It's so weird.

It'll be a tracking shot.

I can't remember where that started.

I think it started with Birdman.

But there's been this thing recently where they're like, it's all one continuous shot.

And it's like, well, it's digitally stitched together, which means.

Yeah, it's a gimmick.

Well, it's not a gimmick.

It's just not a continuous shot.

No.

That's the magnifying glass.

There is one, there's that Russian movie.

I don't know if it's

Russian Ark.

It's like two hours.

What's it called?

Russian.

Yeah.

It's funny to say that we're going to do a continuous shot where it's like,

I don't think our thing, we could get through a single line of dialogue.

Yeah.

Yeah, Russian arc.

Yeah.

You didn't memorize a single line for that thing.

No, no.

It was honestly, it was impressive.

A little peek

behind the curtain.

I was just on that phone call, I was repeating Nick just reading me my lines.

Dude, it's so much fun.

It's so much fun to make shit.

Yeah, it was the rest of an arc.

It is so much fun to make shit.

And you have a great hour or two right after you've done it, and you feel great.

I don't even get that.

Like, when I used to write.

No, when we were at the restaurant with Alex, we were feeling good.

We were like stoked.

We're like, we're making shit.

Wasn't there one more thing to do, though?

There was like, there was a lot of things.

Yeah, we felt like it was a win.

No, but that was still in the process of doing it.

I don't know.

I used to have it all the time when I would like write.

When I just made all my money

doing that Nicole stuff, is I would have days where it's like you'd do something and it would just click and I'd feel really good about it and I'd send it off in the instant, like the instant, I would walk around, it'd be like New York in the fall.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was 25 and it's like, yeah, living in like

a closet.

But, you know, I mean, like, that was the first time of my life where it was like,

I'm only doing the thing yeah like nothing else no day job nothing it's just the thing yeah and uh yeah i'd finish something and i'd go out and like yeah new york in the fall i'd sit with like a book in the park yeah and i'd really feel like i'm like i'm doing it you know

and then

Then it would in your head, it's like, no, you're not.

You suck.

You fucking faggot.

You made $100

from a fake article.

From a fake article that sucks and it's barely funny.

No, it was very funny.

And then you're like,

you feel worse i mean i guess it is like drug addiction yeah no that's really how it feels like you know there there are times where i felt like i wanted to cry for a gay combination you want to cry all the time though it's true i do want to cry all the time but it's just you get like you get so you get pissed you get it like happy it's fun i mean we're gonna like it's the the other thing that's kind of exciting about it is just like we're just starting you know like we're gonna do stuff where it's actually good we're in our mid-30s.

We're just starting shooting stuff, though.

We're in our mid-30s.

We did

gassing ourselves out.

We shot one six-minute video.

Yeah, making stuff.

You know what it's like?

Is it

just I'm talking like I'm in the James Cameron setup?

We're literally, we're talking like we're fucking inside the actor's studio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It does does feel good though.

It does.

It does feel good.

It's truly magical.

No.

And that's it's weird because it gives you kind of a perspective on how like people turn into rapists in the entertainment industry.

Because you turn everything into this romantic process.

You're like, no, we're not, I'm not, I'm not, you know, fucking an actress at gunpoint.

It's it's part of my process.

It's, yeah, it's we're artists or whatever.

We're artists.

We're Balantic.

We know that.

We have we know these film guys, you know, Balantic's raped.

what I'm saying?

Belandic.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

They were mean to him.

They were mean.

That's our friend.

It is our friend.

You shut up.

Yeah.

You shut up, guys.

But you shouldn't have.

Look, to be clear.

We shouldn't have booked him.

You were like, let's have Balandic on the show.

And I did say, I don't know how that would go.

I will take ownership for that.

And I will say also that

he has a lot of really funny things to talk about but he did not we did not get there so

you know but that's on us that's on the uh that's on the broadcaster that's on meanwhile i bring my friends on and they carried the whole show who the cars yeah they did great yeah we had a good time with them yeah

um

sorry just got a text uh from who a girl not your girlfriend not my girlfriend a different girl?

A different girl.

Some of you want to be saying that on the show?

It is a friend of mine's girlfriend who wants to borrow the car.

It's actually my girlfriend's brother's girlfriend.

A woman wants something from me.

She wants to borrow my car.

It doesn't work.

My car.

Which car?

The Mercedes?

Yeah, it's done.

Or the Audi.

I don't have an Audi.

Is the Lamborghini still in the shop?

The Lamborghini is still in the shop.

Yeah, it's been in the shop for nine months.

Those things are just so much expensive.

So much money to maintain it.

You put 75,000 miles on it and you didn't get a single oil change.

I know.

What do you think's going to happen?

It wouldn't be very funny.

It's a work of Italian art.

To have a Lamborghini and there's just like fucking a big Buford wrapper crammed into the cup holders.

Where it's just like you strap things to the top with ratchet straps and stuff.

Yeah.

Like a C D case.

The doors

aren't working.

Yeah.

No, land brigades are pretty fucking ugly, if you ask me.

A man

who could not afford one.

But anyway,

what were we saying?

I don't know.

I guess we should.

I thought we came in hot on the Chris Hardwick stuff.

No, I'm looking at my YouTube recommended videos.

Big Iron, development of the cult 1848 Dragoon Revolver.

U.S.

military rifle since 1776.

I found their scam call center.

Let's call them.

Oh.

Who watches the Watchmen?

Oh, I don't know.

Why was the cult peacemaker so popular?

What's all this gun stuff?

Why?

Yeah, why do you have so much guns, though?

I don't know.

Because you were looking for a gun?

Yeah, I guess.

Anyways, let's see what's let's see what let's go to filmforum.com.

Yeah, let's see what's playing.

This is a this is a this is a

now we got the big desktop out

yeah

uh oh we got Doctor Strangelove tonight.

We got

the territory

Carnal Knowledge you ever see this

no it's alright.

It's Mike Nichols.

Yeah

Carnal Knowledge is part of that little like Jack Nicholson run in the

early 70s.

King of Marvin Gardens, five Easy Pieces.

Oh, it was like that one studio.

Last detail.

That was the studio that made PTS studio.

BTS, yeah.

They made, what do you call it, Easy Rider, which sucks.

You know, Jack Nicholson's coming out of retirement to do a K-pop movie?

No, he's not.

Yeah, I know.

He has Advanced Alzheimer's.

It's tragic.

It's really sad.

TMZ, tragic.

Jack Nicholson's Advanced Alzheimer's has convinced him he's a K-pop.

He just has the fucking two-block haircut and he's like

doo-goo diggy bug.

Making up Korean.

I heard a good Hollywood rumor about Mike Nichols.

What?

Now that we're in Hollywood.

What?

On the set of Catch 22,

every night he was in a...

He would have a triad sexual relationship.

With a Japanese...

Mafia?

No, Chinese are the triads.

Triads.

Yeah, yeah.

It's called that because each one of us, our dick has three inches.

What's the guy's name?

Anthony?

The triad stands for the three inches of the dick.

The first inch, the penetrator, the second inch, the support, and the third inch, the base.

And to three of those form the power of the Chinese.

The triangle dick.

The Chinese penis.

What's his name?

Anthony.

Sorry.

Gay actor.

Gay actor Anthony what?

Gay actor Anthony.

What's his fucking name?

He's the less exciting one in

the sexual triad.

Now

I'm saying a rumor and I'm forgetting the guy's name.

I want to say Anthony Edwards, but it's not him.

Was the film Catch 22 good?

I've never seen the film Catch 22.

I read the book.

Yeah.

Fuck, what's his name?

Anthony.

Oh, Anthony Perkins.

Okay.

So it was Mike Nichols, and he was fucking Anthony Perkins, and then the third person in the gay sex triad was none other than Mr.

Art Garfunkel.

Wow.

Yeah.

I heard a rumor that Art Garfunkel used to take his hair and shove it into women's pussies.

That was a thing.

He would bunch it up on the top of his head and try and get all of his hair into a woman's pussy.

He's got a lot of hair, that guy.

Yeah.

Have you seen Bad Timing?

No.

The Nicholas Rogue film?

Uh-uh.

With Art Garfunkel?

He rapes a bitch.

Does he?

Yeah, he rapes a bitch in that movie.

Maybe so you should go to Craigslist.

What were we trying to find?

A CRT TV?

No, I'm going to buy that on Amazon.

RVs plus camp I love spending money on the show yeah I love not making any money from the show anymore honestly yeah it should just like it's kind of very liberating we should figure out a budget so that all of the money is spent and we get like I don't know what enough to cover rent and stuff the show only gives us five grand each yeah and then uh

and then the rest of it all just goes to props yeah expensive props and sets yeah

uh penthouse apartments i'm trying to has sets.

Three hours at a penthouse apartment.

Damn, bro.

I'm trying to have sets for you.

You're trying to find an RV right now?

I'm on the spring.

I'm on this little mobile home kick.

Why don't you want a full mobile home?

Why don't you just get a sprinter?

That's what people do.

You want to be like a Gabby Petito van life kind of woman.

I kept cracking myself up like a month ago.

I kept going around like

saying

van life.

Boop, you homeless.

Talking about van life.

Talking about van life.

Boop, you homeless.

In my apartment.

Oh, you should get an airstream.

I don't...

Nah, airstreams are gay.

They're a hipster.

No, I want like an actual trailer and get a little place.

Get some land in the Poconos.

Oh, because you were talking about having a trailer in the last episode?

Yeah.

I want like a mobile home.

Like, what a...

Why don't you build a house?

That would be fun to build a house.

I don't want to learn how to do it.

I don't want to build a house.

That seems like way too much work.

You can buy a house that has land.

This is cool.

This camo trailer with shark teeth on it.

No, yeah, it's like bape.

It's got like bape stuff on it.

It's camo.

Wait, what is it from?

I don't know.

No, it's got like the bait.

This is like a...

Oh, that's like a specific thing.

Yeah, it's like bape hoodies.

But the camo is made out of puzzle pieces?

I think regular camo just looks like that, doesn't it?

I don't know.

It's kind of tight, though.

It's all puzzle stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I need a.

I want like a.

Let me see if I can find

like a good example of

why don't you talk for a second while I scroll.

Yeah.

Well, I'm just looking at all these mobile homes you're trying to buy.

Yeah, like something like that.

That's nice.

Yeah.

In the Florida Keys?

Yeah.

Dude, that's what you should do.

Yeah.

50 G's?

Yeah.

Yeah, you don't even need a fucking mortgage for that.

It's look, it says perfect for docking.

I could have my friends over.

Just doing it in the front lawn.

I'm showing them the ad.

I'm like, right here, pal.

So you can fuck off.

You can show the cops to fuck off.

The fruit stick is inside of your Dominican friend stick.

It's right here in the listing.

So if you have a problem with it, you can give me my fucking $52,000 back plus interest.

I was looking specifically for for a beautiful mobile home in front of the water inlet, perfect for docking.

That's what it says.

Dude, have you been to the Florida Keys?

Nah, never.

It looks kind of cool.

We should go.

Isn't that where Hemingway lived?

Key West?

Yeah, yeah.

He had a bunch of cats.

Yeah.

I'm going to search.

What's wrong with that Sprinter van?

Let me see the inside.

Which one?

This one?

Yeah, let me see the inside.

Sprinter vans, first of all, this is $125,000.

Oh, it's fun.

No, it's not.

I don't, like, this is.

That looks nice, dude.

It's all wood.

No, the Sprinter van camping is for fucking assholes.

You can go to a music festival.

You know, honestly, it's like Brian Laundry doesn't get enough fucking credit for really putting an end to that bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, he really killed that vibe.

He killed that.

He killed the vibe.

The minute fucking Gabby Petito's life slipped out of her body, so went the way of van life.

Yeah.

And van life ends in the middle of the day.

Honestly, thank God for that.

That young girl, an angel, making the ultimate sacrifice.

so people stopped doing this shit.

She had to do what she had to do.

Yeah, this doesn't, I don't fuck with this at all.

I think all the wood and stuff looks nice.

Yeah, but it's like you're living in a fucking van.

Like, why would you get it?

You're not living in it.

You're taking it out on the road.

Yeah, I mean, no.

You can go see America's national parks.

Yeah.

You can go kill your girlfriend.

See, this is all right.

Look, this already has the guts in there.

It's already planned out.

This is $20,000 for a school bus that'll run for fucking ever.

That's cool.

Honestly, that's really tight.

That's how you do it.

Should we drive up to Greenwich, Connecticut, right now and get that?

No, this is what I was actually looking for years ago, back before

somebody put the kibosh on my big plans for the show.

But a John Madden bus.

Yeah, you were really invested in that.

Nick wanted to get a place in like Parkin and Bushwick that had a DC,

like a DC outlet, like to move to move the show into

a mobile and we just take the show on the road, yeah, like John Madden.

Yeah, that would be great.

Yeah, we could do like, yeah, like college game day on ESP.

That would have been great, dude.

We would have a good time.

We tried all the different barbecue restaurants in the country.

That would have been cool.

I know somebody couldn't complain about that, you know, if we'd done that, if we turned it into a barbecue tour, but no,

no compromise allowed.

allowed.

Yeah,

we got

an RV for a friend's bachelor party a couple years ago, and it was so fun.

Brought to you by Beluchu.

Blue Chew.com.

Guys, if you love sex, you love Beluchu.com.

If you like sex, you'll love Belucho.com.

One of the best websites for sex lovers.

Yeah.

Look at this guy.

That guy's great.

He looks really happy to not have his dick work.

You know what I like about him?

You can't tell if he's a a Democrat or a Republican.

Yes.

Yeah, you pointed that before.

I'm not even really sure what you mean.

I know.

Every time I see that guy, that's what I think.

No, because it's like every male pharmaceutical ad.

That's kind of the vibe, right?

They have to cast an actor

that can

kind of speak to everyone, right?

Yeah.

That guy's handsome, but he's of a certain age.

He's got a little bit of salt and pepper in the beard.

Yeah.

You know, you don't even know if he's gay or straight.

Look at this.

That could be a gay man.

There's hair all over his shirt.

Really?

Yeah, there's like lint and hair all over his shirt.

It looks like it's on my computer screen, but it's actually.

Zoom in on him.

Yeah.

Oh, you can't.

You can't.

It's that is the background image.

Let's go to Web Inspector real quick.

We'll find this image.

What is this?

Alright, what?

How do you do this?

You found the code?

Yeah.

To this website?

Well, in Safari, you just open Web Inspector and you can.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

You're good at computers, bro.

Yeah, dude.

There you go.

There it is.

Open a new window.

There we go.

Now we can zoom in.

Computer, enhance.

Computer, sexualize.

Wait, he has one piece of hair on his shirt.

There's lint here.

There's lint here.

It's unacceptable.

Well, no, this is what I'm saying.

Ever since you became an O-Tour, Nick.

Yeah.

Ever since you became an O-Tour, your standards have gone through the roof.

Yeah.

His hair should be fixed here.

Honestly, it looks bad.

Now that I've zoomed in.

I don't like the hair on the back of his hand.

Now that I've zoomed, this is a bad choice.

This should have been gray.

They should have chosen the gray one.

Look, their product just bleeds into this guy.

Yeah.

And what are you trying to say with that?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we'll talk to the ad buyers.

Well, what we're going to do is...

The website isn't shape.

This is more of a pitch for our.

we're going to start

once we get the

set gets in here built, we got the talk show going, we have supplementary video content here and there.

We're going to turn this also into a full-service madman-ass fucking ad agency plus production house.

So I'm going to go to Blue Chow and be like, look.

I need $20 million to shoot the best advertisement of all the time.

The best one that's ever been done.

Yeah.

You're going to want to buy it.

Super Bowl ad time.

It's going to be in an event.

Yeah.

It's going to be like a moment.

We're getting Evil Knievel's son to jump the Grand Canyon and he pulls his dick out halfway through the air.

It's hard.

And it's hard.

He pops the shoe.

He goes down the ramp.

And then

a plane does a loop around the motorcycle.

And then it's skyriding and it says bluechew.com.

And he played during the Super Bowl.

Guys,

they got three different options now at BlueJew.com.

They have sildenophil, which is the active ingredient in Viagra, Tadalophil, which is the active ingredient in Sialis, and Vardenophil, which is the active ingredient in La Vitra.

And what, there's another one?

Stainax.

Staxon.

Staxon?

Staxon.

Staxon.

Sedenophil, Viagra, Tadalophil, Sialis, Vardenophil, La Vitra, and Staxon.

Damn, that's like if the fucking

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were all black ladies.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

La Vitra, come here.

Yeah.

Oh, La Vitra, you the hungry one, ain't you?

Oh, bang.

Bro, that's C.

Alice.

That's C.

I'm the one that's correcting people.

I'm correcty.

All right, so

what else, guys?

So basically, this is what you do.

You go to Bluetooth.com, you talk to one of their licensed medical providers.

They subscribe you the shit.

And you get it sent to your home in discrete packaging.

No visits to the doctor, no visits to the fucking pharmacy.

Everything is shipped to you in discrete packaging.

And they have plans starting at $20 a month.

Here's the deal, guys.

You put in promo code come town come town20, right?

What are you putting on their website?

Are you hacking them right now?

Oh, damn.

Oh.

Yeah, we're gonna we'll do it this way.

Okay.

Wow Nick you're hacking them We're gonna get in trouble, bro.

We're gonna get in trouble

Very cool, very cool, very cool Very cool big guy

Nick has changed the copy on the Bluetooth website to instead of saying have better sex it says now have gay sex anyway You go to bluetooth.com.

If you put in promo code Come Town or Come Town20, you get your first month free.

All you have to do is pay $5 for shipping.

That's Chew.com.

Promo code Come Town or Come Town20, whatever the fuck it is.

Guys, get your fucking dicks hard.

You're going to enjoy it.

And your partner's going to enjoy it too.

And what are you doing to their website now?

We're hacking, dude.

You're hacking?

We're hacking.

There we go.

Have gay sex.

Yeah.

Discover your options through an online provider.

Wow.

Guys, don't tell them that Nick changed their websites.

Anyway, let's get back to the show.

How about that?

Oh, yeah.

Also, you want to check that.

Let's get back to the show.

Mybookie.ag.

And you use promo code ComeTown or ComeTown20, by the way.

I think you just said that, did you?

Yes, I did.

Yeah, back to the show.

MyBookie.ag.

Sorry to do so many reads this time, folks, but

we fucked up last week.

Yeah, that's our bad.

By boogie.ag, we did the read last week.

Check it out.

They got some event that they're trying to fucking promote.

I forget what it is.

And

yeah, we'll have, you know, do that.

Man, I really got to take a big fucking shit.

I think I'm finally like.

Like your system is adjusted to being vegan?

Yeah.

I still have to go get like blood work done.

And then if everything's okay.

Because

I will say this.

There have been a couple of people.

Also, I should say that I'm not off the wagon in case.

Yeah, yeah.

Hopefully, I didn't inspire anyone to be like, I guess I can start drinking again, too.

Don't do that.

But with the vegan shit, I've been cheating.

I started taking fish oil again.

Okay.

Yeah.

Omega-3?

Yeah, I don't really trust the vegan fish oil.

From what I've read about the bioavailability of it.

It doesn't sound very good.

Yeah, and also I've had a lot of brain fog and stuff, and I just I'm not like feeling good.

Can you feel better from it?

I do.

I might just start eating fish all the time.

You should be a pescatarian, dude.

Yeah, it's just expensive.

Fish?

Yeah, to eat fish every way.

I used to eat chicken.

I mean, I guess maybe I don't eat that much.

Maybe I'll do like two pieces of fish.

Will you do cans of tuna?

That's you want to avoid.

Tunas, I think you want to avoid the apex predators because they have more mercury in them.

Is tuna an apex predator?

Yeah, dude.

It's a big ass fish.

It's a big fucking fish.

You know what I mean?

It's because they come in the little cans, but I don't know.

That's stupid.

I know what you mean.

No, no,

literally, yeah.

The first time I saw a tuna, I was like, what the fuck?

I thought it comes in a can.

Yeah.

Have you ever had the shit the tuna as a kid?

They'd be like, oh, this one's dolphin-free.

Yeah.

And you're like, how do you accidentally put a dolphin in there?

You know, it just gets mixed up.

Yeah, if you got like a hamburger and you're like, and guess what?

It doesn't have any rhinos in it.

Have you ever had the tuna in the jar?

Tonino?

It's like, it's mad good.

They're really expensive.

No, a lot of sardines.

They sell them at the market, by myself.

Sardines for $7.

Mackerel.

Sardine, shrimp, mackerel.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, anything that you could have,

like, you could eat the entire thing at once is apparently pretty good for you.

Yeah, I'll go get blood work done before I introduce anything and see.

Because honestly, it's like, I have no idea why I'm vegan.

It literally was just...

I've been trying to think about it,

At this point, I just see my, I try to, like, look at my behavior as another sensory input itself.

Yeah.

Because I don't feel like I have any agency.

I don't know why I do any of the things that I do.

So I look at the way I act

and,

you know, things I say

as just like smells I'm experiencing or things I can hear.

Yeah.

You know, because it's like, why would I be a vegan?

And I honestly, I have no idea.

And it's because I'm I thought you saw a documentary.

I did see a documentary, but the documentary started after.

I was in Chicago, and me and Mike Racine went to Sweet Green like two days in a row.

And I was like, Damn, I feel good.

Why don't I just eat fucking vegetables?

Why don't I change my entire lifestyle?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It seems maybe a little impulsive.

Yeah, I don't really lift weights anymore, so I don't need protein.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you do need protein, though.

You do.

But you can get a lot of it from like beans and tofu and shit.

Yeah, yeah.

But I have no fucking idea.

What else is in the news?

What's going on?

Chipotle is...

They got a new chicken.

Well,

there are no Spanish allowed anymore at Chipotle.

You have to order in English.

Yeah.

It's kind of weird.

It's a bold move for them.

They're trying to clean up their image, I guess.

Yeah, I don't like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's because

a lot of people are afraid because they had a lot of gangbanger type elements.

Cholitas.

I like when people talk about banging,

like in reference to them being in gangs.

Yeah.

I think that's a New York day.

No, I think it's like a SoCal thing, like Mexicans say it.

Maybe I'm wrong.

So, what else is up?

I forgot.

I wanted to talk about something, but I totally forgot about it.

It's okay, you can take your time and think about it.

I forget

you forget, you know, when I give it a.

Oh, apparently the new

Marilyn Monroe movie

has an NC 17 rating.

Why?

I don't know.

They show her penis.

They show her cock.

Full frontal.

Yeah, apparently.

They should do.

They should do that, like, you know, the gif of Wolverine dropping the towel.

Yeah.

Yeah, and he's got that big swinging cock.

Yeah, that, but it's Meryl Monroe with the over-the-vent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it says next to it, a well-behaved woman

rarely makes history.

A well-behaved woman is rarely a woman.

Women who are actually women rarely make history.

Exactly, yeah.

A well-behaved woman.

A well-behaved bitch.

Yeah.

What else is going on?

What do you got going on in your life, Adam?

Nothing much, dude.

What are your big weekend plans?

I wanna...

No, well, I can't say.

Because maybe it has something to do with the show.

So I can't talk about that.

But no, I mean, my girlfriend's coming back tomorrow.

That's basically it.

How about you?

You're going to Philly?

I will be in Philly.

You're going to Racine?

Yeah, Racine's coming there.

Do you want to go on Monday?

To what?

To Southampton?

Southampton?

Oh, Tim Dylan's house.

Yeah.

Maybe.

I could do that.

I'll post his address on the Patreon.

If you have the $25 tier, we will be sharing Tim Dillon's

address for his Hamptons home.

I think he has like seven homes, though.

Tim?

Yeah.

Yeah.

15 homes?

We got to get to that level.

We have to get to Tim level.

We do.

Guys, if you don't mind,

we got big plans for the Adam Friedland show.

Yeah.

But it really does.

This shit does cost a lot of fucking money.

Doing anything costs a lot of money.

Yes.

Yeah.

We didn't really know.

I think

we've made a lot of claims publicly.

Yeah.

That we thought, oh, we'll just figure that out.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

You need like a curtain and it's like fucking $10,000.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't understand.

That's why, I guess it's because the whole like

the whole, you know, all production is just built on like some guy with billions of dollars from, you know, his like

his Habsburg family money.

The studios have a ton of money.

I want to make the gayest movie of all time.

Right.

And then this, yeah, he just blows.

Yeah.

You know, that's what Howard Hughes did.

That's what James Cameron does.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know if his movies make a lot of money.

They do.

But yeah.

On the bottom of every plate in Titanic,

it's an HMS Titanic or something.

I guess the Woody Allen model of making a movie where you shoot the entire thing in a day.

Yeah.

And you add it, and then you just start making the next movie.

And you do it for 50 years.

Your movie costs $50,000 to make.

Yeah.

And

you get the most famous actors in the world

to work for nothing because they don't have to ever do more than one take.

Yeah.

And they do, you know, they have conversations about going to bed with a different woman.

I'm thinking about going to bed with her.

I think I might go to bed right now.

Dude, I'm fucking exhausted, too.

Yeah.

And this time it's not because of work.

I'm back to just being lazy.

That's the other thing that's funny.

We had one day off yesterday.

We had one day off, and I'm like, fuck, dude.

Yesterday was awesome.

I'm trying to go play Wave Race.

We've been working seven days a week.

Follow that dolphin.

Yeah.

I don't even know what Wave Race is.

It was a Nintendo 64 jet ski racing game.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

But they also had a stunt mode where you do backflips and stuff.

I preferred that.

Oh, you like freestyle?

Yeah, I like freestyle, dude.

That is your kind of vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You alright?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I had Chipotle for lunch.

You've been going to Chipotle too much.

I love it.

I'm kind of worried about it.

why i don't know man it doesn't seem like it's good for you look at me dude yeah you've seen my body here we go i need the calories lindenhurst where's that new jersey yeah

that's weird they have a mobile home and they're like i'm gonna park it in the fucking middle of new jersey

me and my boys on my at my friend's bachelor party we got a an RV and it was I guess no, Lindenhurst is Long Island.

Long Island.

And then

we drove to Cape Cod.

It was a really fucking fucking fun weekend.

When was this?

It's like two, no, more than that.

Like three or four summers ago.

You got an RZ and went to...

Why didn't I hear about this?

I did.

I told you about it.

That was.

This is the first time I'm hearing about it.

We did Acid.

Look, this one comes with a fat man.

This one has us.

She's sleeping there.

Just big bitch living in this fucking van.

Yo, can you email them and say, this is so funny.

Can I get that big bitch?

This is hilarious.

To have a bookshelf in the van that you live in.

Yes,

I'm an intellectual.

Wow, look, she's got her Casio keyboard on the wall.

That's cool, though.

I like that.

Being able to just go play music, take your van somewhere and go play music.

That is kind of nice.

That's a great

move.

The only reason I'm telling this is because I am transitioning to an apartment.

That's a funny way to say that.

The lady?

I lived full-time out of this bus for over a year and did two cross-country road trips.

I renovated the bus myself, so I'll be able to answer any questions you may have.

I was hoping there'd be something funnier in here.

That's a funny way to do a show.

Oh, I thought there was going to be something funny in here.

Never mind.

Sorry, everyone.

Sorry, we'll find another.

We'll find a different listing.

We'll find a better one.

Here we go.

Winnebago Vista.

I bet this is hilarious.

This Winnebago has been family-owned for the past five years.

Ha ha ha.

Yeah, I bet.

She has been professionally maintained and runs great oh she yeah she so it's a girl it's a girly fucking why did you fuck the van or car or truck did you it yeah i guess

mister did you it

um yeah like a van or like a bus or a boat or something i just want like you know what'd be really cool is a hot air balloon with an rv attached to the bottom

a flying rv that's basically what i want who would you be

anything down?

Those like battery-operated, those like electric, I forget the name, they're like E-V-T-O-Ls.

No.

Yeah, these things.

This is the future

for rich people.

It's these like gyrocopters.

They're like battery-operated.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Like flying cars, basically.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Those are so sick.

Yeah, I know.

This is awesome.

How could we get one?

I don't know, but in 20 years, this is how the the rich people are just going to get around.

Wow, yeah.

What's cool, though, is they're battery-operated.

So, like, if you like, fuck up or there's something wrong with the battery, these turbines, these blades just turn off and they die.

And then you, like, and then you just, yeah, you eject,

you eject and parachute onto Fifth Avenue as your helicopter kills

a bunch of people in Tompkins Park.

That's so funny.

Yeah,

EVO, EVTOL Crashworthiness Workshop.

Oh, here we go.

So here's NASA explaining.

Anyways, we've got to find something else to talk about for about 10 minutes.

For about 10 more minutes, we've got to power through.

And then you can go.

You're doing a show tonight, huh?

Yeah.

Go to the New York Post.

New York Post.

Okay.

Also, you guys, I will be in Indianapolis.

It's so funny we have to remember how to do it.

Next week, we already canceled the Sunday show

because I need to be back here to work on this.

So it's just Friday, Saturday now.

But all of the shows might get canceled because I guess that's like kind of a repeat of Buffalo.

It's just not a particularly hot market.

I'm going to say in general, but most likely it's just because of who I am.

Yeah, you're not famous enough.

Split hits the fans.

The reactions to Leo's breakup with his 25-old girl,

25-old-year-old gal pal are in.

And they're hilarious.

Let's read some of these hilarious reactions.

Is this on Wikipedia or on

it's Twitter?

The news now is just like something happened, and people on Twitter are saying things that I'm supposed to come up with.

Have you been in one of those articles before?

I've been in a couple of them.

There was a guy named Rob Fee that used to do, like, that was like a thing that was annoying when I was younger, and I was on Twitter.

I was like, you'd tweet stuff, and then somebody would be like, hey, I included your tweet in my article that I got paid for and it's like

there's like no copy on it or anything yeah wait you copy pasted my tweet yeah they just would post your tweet and then they'd be like can you retweet this like no

why would I retweet who is he just like a buzz feed he seemed like a nice guy but yeah I mean

he I just remember he would do that all the time you know who you know who did that to me Eve Piser what'd she put you in for NYC?

She worked in Cosmo before she decided to try and leapfrog her way into the chaposphere by trying to get her.

What happened to her?

She just turned into, you know, like some.

She was always just a kind of a careerist.

So I think she has her New York Times job now.

She said the New York Times, though?

Yeah, she did that thing with Barry.

Barry Weiss?

Yeah.

Barry Weiss.

Barry Vice.

It's so funny to have just a daughter and you're like, let's just, she's going to be fat.

Let's just call her Barry.

She's going to be a big fat.

She's going to be a little

pale blueberry bitch.

Let's go ahead and just call her Barry.

Is Barry fat?

She's kind of just round, maybe.

Yeah, well, you know what I mean.

Like,

she's a bit of a bad baby.

She's built like Bob Hoskins.

She's barrel-chested.

Yeah.

I guess

she kind of looks okay there.

Oh, not really.

Now that I clicked.

You know, I guess she looks like that lady in the van.

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah.

I guess she's not as, you know what, I've only seen her face.

She is very circular.

She has kind of a round face, but I guess

kind of a normal-looking person.

Yeah.

She's putting her feet on Bill Maher's cock in this picture.

That's why he looks like that.

She's giving him a foot job.

Yeah.

Wow.

I don't know.

This conversation looks hilarious.

What's it about?

Anti-racism?

Yeah.

Glenn Laurie

and Barry Rice.

Yeah, how about Barry Rice?

Yeah.

Barry Rice.

And she's a Chinese.

How about Blueberry Weiss?

She broke the rules at Wonka's Factory.

I could picture her very easily like...

Barry Weiss to JNF audience, has our luck run out as American Jews?

Well, Adam, has it?

I think we're still quite lucky.

I don't think our luck has run out.

Yeah, Barry Weiss wondered if the era of Jewish security in America was a blip on history's radar screen that will soon disappear.

And she's trying to say that Jews aren't rich anymore.

What do they think is going to happen?

Do they think that there's going to be like a Holocaust?

Like that anyone would be able to make a Holocaust.

A lot of Jews are like that.

They were like, if the Holocaust started today, they'd be like, of course.

I've been waiting for it.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Oh, today's the day?

Yeah, most certainly.

Could you say do a couple more of those while I scan the?

Oh, uh, hmm.

Yeah, of course, today.

Oh, I've been ready.

We've been expecting you.

I think this is from right after.

This article is from right after.

Remember that shooting at the synagogue?

Oh, yeah.

We were in Australia at the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was fucking annoying.

Mm-hmm.

Because it was like, oh, see?

it's like see what see what

yeah Pittsburgh sucks I don't know yeah

that sounds like a Pittsburgh problem

yeah most definitely

damn I really want one of these EVTOLs can you imagine me showing up to the office in one of these landing on the on the seat on the roof yeah well they used to have that there was in up until the 1970s there used to be uh

Actually,

the old Pan Am building.

What's that?

The Met Life Building?

The The Met Life Building.

Yeah, they used to fly.

You could go there, and it was like $15, and you could go to JFK on a helicopter from...

What?

Yeah.

For $15?

Yeah.

You made that up.

No, I'm serious.

It was the 70s, so you adjust for inflation.

It's like $125.

That's amazing.

Yeah, that's like what Blade costs that much.

It's $125 to JFK from the city?

It's not a lot at all.

Remember when they had them on Uber?

Blade, yeah.

I want to ride a helicopter in in one of those ones.

I told you we're going to do that.

I'm going to get my chopper license.

That'd be sick, dude.

Yeah.

Call me the chopper.

Bird dog.

Shit bird.

Chopper, chopper, the top of the blacker.

Dog bird.

That's it.

I'm dog bird.

Dog bird?

Dog bird.

The moldog bird.

And I get a little huey.

I find some Vietnam-era Huey and I spray paint Charlie Don't Surf on it and I fly.

That's pretty cool.

I do runs from here to Idlewild and I insist on calling it Idlewild.

What is that?

That's in Long Island?

It's what JFK used to be called.

Oh, really?

Up until JFK got murdered.

Oh.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

That's pretty tight.

I ever know it from The Simpsons.

I hate that airport.

JFK really sucks.

It's a fascist airport.

It sucks.

Yeah.

The TSA there is worse for some reason.

LaGuardia is real hands-off.

LaGuardia, they like encourage shoplifting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They just don't have a subway there.

Yeah.

That's the only problem.

And that's the New York airport segment, folks.

Well, hopefully you enjoyed the conversation about Chris Hardwick at the beginning.

We got a lot of big stuff planned for the airport.

Yeah, this week.

We got a lot of big stuff.

If you want, you have it.

I'm going to be working on it this weekend while Nick is going.

Yeah, you go ahead and check out patreon.com slash T-A-F-S.

Or I think patreon.com slash the Adam Friedland Show, or still patreon.com slash Come Town to check out what we did this weekend.

And we got big things planned.

It's just a matter of time.

It's just finding the time to get all this shit done.

Yeah.

We have something,

someone coming at

four today to do something.

Yeah, we got the student.

In fact, we have someone coming today even to do stuff.

And then, but yeah, finding the time to do this.

And then also to go out on the road to do stand-up because

with the money we're spending, we don't have income outside of stand-up anymore.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

This is Bethany Frankel from Just Be with Bethany Frankel.

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