Ep. 306 – off the rails

Travel insurance sounds boring.

Until you need it, Insure My Trip makes it easy.

Compare top-rated plans, get expert help, and travel with confidence.

Whether it's a last-minute trip or a bucket-listed venture, we've got your back with unbiased guidance and smart tech.

No pressure, just peace of mind.

And if you're not sure what you need, our licensed agents are here to help.

No bots, just real humans.

Be prepared, not paranoid.

Visit insuremytrip.com and travel like a pro.

InsuremyTrip.com.

Welcome to Cometown.

Welcome to Come Town.

I want to preface to the audience because I'm an honest broadcaster.

I have a phone call that I will have to take at a certain point during this episode.

Yes, I'm a bug.

Yes, I'm gay.

I understand.

The person calling me is my boyfriend.

We're in love.

He's hot.

And his dick is smaller than mine.

Uncut meets dock, of course.

Hold on.

Sorry.

Can we hear you now?

Will, check.

Yeah, check.

Test, test, test.

We have Y Dick Willie on the show today.

Hello.

Filling in for Stavros, who is in transit currently.

Yeah, he's on the back of a trailer.

They're sending him in a cargo ship.

Yeah, it says oversized load.

That's very funny.

Yeah, they got him, and he's taking up two lanes of traffic.

And there's another, there's a next to that truck in the third lane blocking all

lanes of the highway is a...

is like a gas tanker that's filled with Sierra Mist.

There's a hose that goes from that into stop's mouth.

Kind of to fuel him up.

Kind of like how

a stealth bomber needs to be refueled in mid-air or like fuels like an Air Force One mid-air.

You know, I was thinking about the other day that

I always enjoyed.

It's like, you know, the movie Free Willie.

Yeah, no, I was just thinking of the end of Free Willie where they have to take it in the back of a pickup truck and keep hosing it down.

They have to keep hosing it down.

That movie is Sierra Mist.

What I love, yeah.

Well, I love it.

The Free Willie is Free Willie.

The movie, they use like one of the

trained orca.

Yeah, they use one of the slaves.

Yeah,

and then the movie, so the movie is about one of those animals being free.

And then they use that animal and they shoot the movie and they're like, well, back to jail.

I mean, I was like, that'd be like if fucking, like, at the end of Green Mile, they actually fucking put Michael Clark Duncan in the electric chair.

It's like literally the same exact thing.

Yeah.

And,

you know, like Willie,

the whale actor/slash slave.

I mean, like, you can see because they have that thing where their dorsal fin just sort of like curls over on itself.

And they're like, oh, no, like that, that means that they're happy.

Look, yes, this happens to this happens to certain whales when they live in a swimming pool.

Remember that controversy?

People are mad that they didn't get an actual whale.

They got comedian Amy Schumer to play

Free Willie.

What's her deal this week?

She's like listing all the jokes that they wouldn't tell her at the Oscars.

She's like, basically, I wanted to call Chris Rocket to his face.

And they said, well, you can't do that.

I hate this fucking anti-free speech censorship.

Well, she got in trouble, I think, for insulting

Kirsten

Dunce.

In a setup bit that Kirsten Dunce was in on.

So I don't understand.

Yeah, I have no idea.

I don't get it.

Yeah.

It's the same people that were like, yeah, the slap was fake.

And they're like, this one, that was, that was real.

The Kirsten Dunce thing was real, but the slap was, that was was the setup.

Jesse Plemmons should have slapped her.

Yeah.

Should have attacked her on some.

Jesse Plemmons and Amy Schumer are in like a race to be the

who can become more disgusting with each passing year.

We'll give it to the

WHO RES on the Amy Schumer catches a lot of flack specifically, probably just for me.

Is that an actor?

What is WHO RES?

It's my favorite radio.

It's an actor union.

Yeah.

You're listening to W-H-O-R-E-S.

But the,

you know, I mean, do people take shots at Jesse Pluttman?

I mean, you feel like if he were a woman that did that to themselves,

you know?

I mean, I just think

he's giving hope to all sort of like dumpy, slovenly guys out there.

Yeah, you two can digest it.

He's also like,

he's like, he's like a guy that was like that regularly, but then just took COVID as like a full steam ahead, you know, like get like approval to just fucking really go on.

Yeah, he's Fat Damon.

I mean, he was Fat Damon.

Yeah.

He was Fat Damon.

What is he now?

Now he looks like the fucking like the gay genie from the Aladdin Broadway.

I mean, if I he looks, he looks unrecognizable.

He's blue and has big-ass titties.

A lot of people get fat, but some people get fat in a way where it's like their body's like, what the hell are we supposed to do with all this stuff?

You know, they fucking it's just jammed, it's all like cheekbones, and

your forehead gets bigger, your forehead's big, your body doesn't know it.

Like, Stop's been fat his whole life, so when he gains a hundred pounds, it's like this graceful orchestra of fat distribution.

It's like you know, everything has its lucky, everything has its place, you know, it's like evenly balanced.

A guy like that overnight, they're like, Yeah, why don't I gain like 500 pounds?

And then, yeah, he's got like fucking his eyelids are like just hanging on to.

He has fat eyelids now?

He's got fat everything.

Damn.

I mean, he does.

I think it's honestly, I think we need to cut this conversation because it's like normally we have Stav here, who's one of the fattest people in America.

And now we have, you know, we have three guys with six packs talking about people's bodies.

No.

And it's just like, I feel like we kind of, you know, we can hide behind Staff very easily.

You know, I guarantee you, look at that.

Look at this man.

Look at Jesse Plemans.

I guarantee you, if you, right now, you went and dug up Philip Seymour Hoffman's body, it would look better than that.

It would look like a better version of that.

He's not that fat.

No, I know.

That's what I mean.

That's just a normal guy.

No,

he's like, I mean, really.

He looks like AOC's boyfriend broke up with him.

If he got dumped, if that guy got dumped, he would turn into Jesse Plemens.

No, I think Jesse Plemens is kind of cute, though.

Listening to the body shaving hour for WHO.

Who else's body is bad?

I don't know.

I can't.

Honestly, I love all bodies.

No,

I think Jesse doesn't look that bad.

I don't understand why you're going in on him so hard.

No, you're just trying to.

You think Jesse listens to the show and you're going to DM him.

He does listen to the show.

You're going to DM him on Ambient and be like, King, I love you.

I'm not

in the hopes that

he's going to put you in breaking bad shoes.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I know I'll.

Shut up.

shut up.

Listen,

you're afraid to take it.

I took a lot of heat this week because last week on the Patreon, I said that I haven't,

I thought that the second season of the gemstones fell off.

A lot of people have been DMing me.

You fucking faggot.

Like,

nothing you ever do.

You riled up the gem squad.

Yeah, I didn't know that Gemstones fans were alive.

And listen, like,

I am in Hollywood too.

Me and Danny McBride are colleagues.

Okay.

We are members of the same elite club, you know?

So I'm going out there and I'm taking a shot

at a friend, at a colleague.

You are just someone

that is threatening my life on the internet.

There's a difference between us.

That's all I'm saying.

I'm putting my neck out there, and I would love to work with any of those guys.

If they'd have me, I'd do anything.

I'd craft services.

We all know about

late-night celebrity DMs, Adam.

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know what I'm talking about.

Listen, I'm friends with a lot of influencers, a lot of creatives.

See, the only wheels I'm trying to do is...

You're the most famous comedian in America.

The only wheels I'm trying to do.

Don't act like you're not.

I've already gotten what I want.

I now have a press pass to the New York International Auto Show.

Yeah, this video shows a buddying up to the regular car reviews guy.

And that's all I ever wanted.

I used to go to the car show every year with my dad at the Javits Center.

Yeah.

Well, you know, but the press days is when those are like, they got extra shit.

Oh, they they got even cooler cars there?

I've applied numerous times, and they're like, we don't know what

do you mean, come town?

And they wouldn't let me.

I was like, yes, me and my associate.

It's like car talk when we talk about come.

Yeah, it's like, well, me and my associate, and it was whatever dumb woman I was dating at the time.

I'd be like, this is my assistant.

They'd be like, no, no,

you can't come to the car show.

I will be there on one of the public days then.

I hope, for your sake, we do not cross paths while I'm collecting my free Subaru tote bags.

So you've broken through.

You're on the inside now.

I am on the inside.

That's huge for you.

You know, I have to go get business casual clothes because I'm told I cannot show up wearing a Ferrari track suit.

Yeah.

Can I style you for the show?

No.

Come on, bro.

You can have your own life separately.

No, we can have a shopping day.

You can have your own life

separate from

my life.

You can

aim.

Shopping girls.

You can take your

Vivance fever dreams where you're DMing Charlie XCX,

trying to get to the Grammy.

She's a friend.

And I'm going to set my sights on something a little bit more reasonable.

You're going to be in

a nice

sharp attire.

Going to SEMA and being allowed to sit in the fire trucks.

That's where my sights are set.

Yeah, that's true.

But honestly, that you present yourself in that way, but that's, I know you, and I know what's in your heart.

And like, desperately.

Here comes the bullshit.

Here comes the bullshit.

Nick's greatest dream, and I'll be honest,

is to be at the Academy Awards.

And when they say the nominees for best actress, Helen Mirren, Dame Judy Dench, Nick Mullen,

and

Vanessa Redgrave, and they say your name,

and you go out on stage and you thank me.

Well, you're after you win.

My dream is, is to be in some kind of Ocean's 11-style caper in which we steal the train from the Bren Franklin Institute.

That'd be pretty tight.

That's my life stream, and it'll never happen because I could never put together a crew of a multiracial crew of smirking thieves.

You have to do the heist by

building train tracks right up to the front door of the

trained it in.

I didn't realize that.

That's awesome when you think about it.

I tried to go to the Ben Franklin Institute as an adult because I have fond memories of it as a kid.

I'm like, I bet that place is awesome.

And I was in there for five minutes.

I'm like, oh, this is for babies.

Have you been?

No.

It was in Philly?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, you would love it.

As a child, you would have loved it.

Now it's pretty stupid.

You can touch everything in there.

Like his, like the thing he discovered electricity with?

Yeah, it's not actually not a lot of Ben Franklin stuff, but a lot of those

vortexes where you roll a quarter, stuff like that, a rumor you can go inside of it.

So sort of like a science museum,

Liberty Science Center, you can sign in there.

You can touch one of those static electricity machines where your hair gets spiky.

Yeah.

Well, you've been to Evie.

Did you ever go to a children's museum?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Liberty Science Center was the one.

It's just right across the river in Jersey.

That was like the fun where you could touch everything and

interact with all the learning.

Those places were cool.

They had a room where

they explained like pneumatic post systems so that you can sit on one side of the room and send a letter.

Oh, I love pneumatic.

I love pneumatic mail delivery.

I want those in my house one day.

They had a thing where this other thing that I don't know if he invented or not, but it's basically like a satellite dish on one side of the room and then the satellite dish are on the other side of the room and there's like uh where the the thing that concentrates the beam in the middle or whatever you know how satellite works is it comes into the dish and then that projects it's like focused it back into like some kind of like a single single point yeah yeah back and so that's that's just a like a cup that you speak into And you can whisper into it, and it'll beam across the room.

And if you put your ear to the other one, you can hear it.

He used that to talk dirty to French widows.

Well, you put your cock again, and you get sucked on it.

You get STDs.

Yeah, yeah.

Did he go insane from syphilis or whatever?

They probably all did.

Like a quarter of all adult men in that era had syphilis.

And then, like, you know, there was no cure for it.

Neuroactive whacking.

It just worked its way into your brain eventually.

Back then, the whole world was basically like a nerd's dorm.

Yeah.

Theater kids.

That's who the founding fathers were.

Oh, getting STDs and not thinking they will because they never expected to fuck in the first place.

On the upcoming Patreon episode, you could subscribe at patreon.com/slash Cometown.

Nick and I really go in on a specific group of nerds that probably didn't deserve it.

Oh, yeah.

We spent like we just read tweets from these random for, I don't know, Sean McCarthy sent it, but I guess there's some group of communists online.

There's a guy who's got a whole track record of like a year of like, how dare men ask for sex?

Why are men?

Yeah.

Okay.

And then I guess he tried to rape his roommates over the weekend.

Now he's in jail.

And so we just.

Yeah, why do men ask for sex?

They should just take.

Yeah, right.

Back to the Ben Franklin Institute.

As a child, let's go back and forth.

The first place I ever had, they got real lazy with candy in the late 90s.

And I remember my favorite was just the spray.

You could just spray mace your mouth with like source.

It was like a candy banana.

So it was like, yeah.

What happened?

Like, but the banana, like, like the breadth of the bread.

That was a trope.

That was a movie.

Yeah, that was was a movie trope.

Actually, I think there were a guy going on a date or something.

It was just dumb and dumber.

It was just dumb and dumber.

It was just a dumbbell.

He sprays it sideways.

Yeah,

but it was so funny that everybody.

That is very funny.

Yeah.

I think it's like one of those Berenstein bears.

No, I think they were playing on that being a movie trope.

Well, I mean, it's the only movie I remember it from.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm just not going to be able to cite another example.

Maybe, maybe,

fucking Carlton Banks and Fresh Prince of Bel Air did did it once or twice.

Carlton did it the entire series run.

No, the Carlton single

extremely good at dancing.

They did it in Porky's, The Last American Virgin.

Did you see Bridge?

This is what I love, too.

That was like this, all the culture war shit has devolved to being so apolitical now that there's like conservatives sharing a clip of Will Smith on Arsenio Hall from 1991 making fun of somebody being bald.

And they're like, glass houses

made.

It's like who gives a fuck where did you even get this poll

yeah

anyway it's conservatives that are trying to take will down yeah i think so yeah they've made it political

everything now is like you ought to pick one side or the other

because initially it was women that are being like he stood up for his man her he stood up for his woman yeah and then it's also too like chris rock in this case represents comedians that have been canceled for raping women oh right so he was raping for whatever reason yeah because you should be able to do any joke you want

can't I just be Team Will in peace?

Yeah.

I don't need people to be chiming in.

I just support him no matter what.

I watched King Richard actually a couple days after the Oscars.

It is hilarious.

It is so funny.

And then, like, he's doing this voice.

I got to start with this.

I was talking about it with these movies.

Now that I'm back into doing stand-ups, you forget that that's the whole thing.

I was talking about it with Huggins.

The character that he chooses is he's just

like a plantation slave like the that's the voice and then I like pulled up a YouTube clip of the real Richard Williams talking and he talks nothing like that okay and I have no idea why he made that choice and in some scenes it seems like he's kind of a little bit maybe mentally handicapped and it's just it's awesome it rocks it's a great movie King Richard would be a great title for a movie about someone who was mentally handicapped who raised you know two daughters to become world-class athletes but it does seem to be the point of that movie is sort of like like did you see it no i did not see it great it seems to be like i mean don't be wrong it seems to me it's like if you abuse your kids it's okay if they become world-class athletes

he i mean i guess what he does

maybe it's i don't think it's abuse i think he's just uh

i think it paints him as a good dad honestly so it's the movie whiplash basically but what if the what if the nazi character was a black fellow no whiplash guy was meaner okay

yeah the jk simmons guy was meaner richard was like you're special and you're going to be the best in the world.

I remember liking Whiplash and then reading a review from some film critic.

I can't remember who it was, but they're like, they like a jazz for real.

Oh, God.

And they're like, no one would say that about Buddy Rich.

And it's like, shut up.

This is why people don't like jazz.

Yeah.

Yeah, the whole review had to deal with like, oh, the people they said were good at jazz are actually not my personal best choice.

The deep cuts I would pick as somebody that's fucking obsessed with jazz music.

That's so stupid.

It's a fun one.

I might re-watch Whiplash.

Really?

Yeah, it's good.

That's a good movie.

Is it good?

It's weird that kid didn't, like, you know, you thought he would be a guy that Miles Teller.

Yeah, but I guess it's because he's got that weird, like...

His face.

His face looks reconstructed.

He has like a.

He has an interesting face.

Yeah.

He's in the new Top Gun.

Yeah.

I can't wait.

Yeah, I'm definitely seeing that.

Well, he looks like a fucking safe.

He flies the flame for real.

He looks like a safe fell on his head at some point.

I just watched it rebuild the whole thing.

I just watched Todd Phillips War Dogs for the first time.

It's very good.

He's in it.

It's an awesome movie, actually.

Oh, you're trying to buddy up to Todd Phillips now.

We're going to have some late night DMs.

Todd's a friend.

He's a friend.

Yeah.

Anyone involved in the project, you know, shout out to them.

You know, we're in Hollywood.

Fuck.

What?

Okay, it's my phone call.

You know what?

Just turn the phone off, dude.

Okay.

I'll let the audience in on what's happening right now.

I'll let the audience in on what's happening because it's not that crazy.

My father is coming to visit New York to visit me for the first time since my college graduation.

I'm very excited.

I think he just landed, so I have to call him back.

You're greeting that with silence.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

No, I was.

It's an exciting thing for me.

I'm excited to hang out and show him the city.

What are you going to do with him?

Let me ask you.

Take it to Broadway show.

Top of the World Trade Center.

Let me ask you this.

Can I have some of your tarot chips?

Yes.

I'm going to take him to the Queen's Museum Panorama where you can see the model of

New York City.

New York City that Robert Moses commissioned.

He's going to love that.

He was an architect.

My old man.

I don't know.

A couple other things.

Go to dinner, chill.

You want to give him the power broker?

He's ever read it?

My dad?

No, he's not going to read that shit.

Would he like to come see us?

It's not about Israel.

It is.

In a way, kind of.

I guess he's Jewish.

Yeah, it's a Jewish guy kicking brown people out of of their homes.

All right.

I don't know how it could be more.

All right,

he's building the

Cross Bronx Expressway instead of the wall.

All right, you sold.

All right, I'm going to go.

I'm going to call him back real quick.

We can go in or just

cruise right through.

Feel free to eat on.

All right.

Have you read Power Broker?

No, I never have.

Did you read the LBJ books?

No, I haven't read any of Caro.

It just seems like

too intimidating to start.

I went to the LBJ Museum and Presidential Library when I was in Austin.

That was really cool.

Oh, that was really cool.

It's really fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was going to add.

You can listen to all the phone calls where he's

getting horny for Catherine Graham and talking to the

Hager Slacks company.

I need bigger slacks.

Everyone can see my cock.

He's like, you know, there's one where he's talking about his bung hole to the CEO of Hager Slacks.

He's like,

you got to do something about the bung hole.

I went to his hometown once, or I drove through it when I was on the road at some point.

And it's very funny because that's like

the home of LBJ is fucking nothing.

Yeah.

Like a pizza restaurant and like nothing else, a gas station maybe.

I was very, just like, I would just leave it off of there.

It's not enough of a claim to save this town.

Birthplace of LBJ.

Yeah.

When I was in Austin, it was very funny.

I was returning the rental car, and there was some like,

like,

you seem like almost like a sociopathic,

like, gay guy, like, just dark sunglasses on, very, like, slick-looking.

Sort of an evil gay.

Yeah, an evil gay.

Like, like,

yeah, like a seedy kind of like, you know, hitman or villain character.

And he's, like, going back, and he's seated.

He's not at the desk.

He's seated, and he's talking to the woman behind the desk as if they have some kind of like personal relationship.

Like, this is is a guy that's in trouble all the time.

That anytime he's in trouble with somebody, he's got like this kind of like guidance counselor rapport with them.

And they're like, yeah, they're saying it's $5,900.

And he's like, but just for three weeks, though, that's crazy.

And they're like, yeah, well, they had to call the repo guy to track you down and stuff.

He'd like just stolen a rental car.

And he's trying to negotiate.

after the fact.

And he's like, but what would it have been if I had just rented it for three weeks?

And she's like, $2,900 with insurance.

And she's like, but you didn't.

You rented it for two days and kept it for three weeks.

And he's like, but they're showing it as returned.

Right.

And she's like, yeah.

She's like, so why is the repossession even involved?

And she's like,'Cause, you know,'cause they had to call Charlie and he had to come hunt you down or whatever.

Who the Vietnamese?

And he's like, Well, I'll say this, Charlie was very a very weird guy, him and his wife.

Very weird guy.

I mean, it's just like this guy.

He had this like extremely personal relationship with the lady with the whole process of stealing a rental car

and then fucking like being accused of it it was very funny i was not really a story that could go anywhere i thought maybe it would be worth a chuckle while adam deals with his expensive phone calls it's not expensive and i apologize for some professional this guy wheeling and island with his fancy phone calls if we started the episode 40 minutes earlier i wouldn't have had to interrupt it it's no one's fault it's not your fault it's not my fault he's got an old he's got an old two horn on it with solid gold buttons well my father says hello nick and he's looking forward to meeting you we're not meeting yes you are I'm being homebreaking Power Broker.

No, you guys are going to hang out.

We're all going to hang out.

Do you guys all want to be like your dad can come too?

Do you want to see Ambulance this weekend, the new Michael Bay movie?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Actually, you know what I kind of want to do is

go out, maybe you,

Nick, me,

and just try to get pussy with my father.

Hell yeah.

What day is this weekend?

I'm going to the car show on the 13th.

Yeah, you're going to be like a windman for your dad?

The 13th is next week.

The 10th and 11th.

Or the 9th and the 10th is this week.

Your birthday is the 11th.

The 10th.

The 10th.

Your birthday is the 10th?

Yeah.

I don't know why I always thought it was the 11th.

Bad friend.

What's your social security number again?

I can't say.

I can't say.

What was I going to say?

No, but I am very excited.

Super Speciosa is the sponsor this week.

Super Speciosa.

Super, get Superleaf.com.

Yeah.

It is Kratom.

It is a disgusting powder powder that

is from Southeast Asia.

So it's basically this shit.

It'll fuck you up, but in a way that's legal and confident to whatever the laws are regarding what I'm allowed to say about it.

And it'll make you feel good.

It'll make you feel good.

It is not a

cure for anything or whatever.

Will you ever done kratom?

Yeah.

You really smoked crack.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like you got, did you get heavy in the kratom or no?

No, no, no, I never did.

Like, I

Felix liked it.

Like, you know, like, I, you know, like, I, I, I, I, I, I drank a glass of that garbage a couple times.

It's nasty.

You know, you know,

maybe feel alright.

But to me, like, the

no disrespect to the sponsor, but to me, the juice was never worth the squeeze because just, like, how gross swallowing it was wasn't really worth it.

That's for this place.

They got capsules.

Oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, there's a Thai restaurant in Brooklyn that does kratom, like, uh, non-alcoholic cocktails.

GetSuperleaf.com, get the capsules if you don't like the taste.

It's the same thing.

Yeah.

You know?

But yeah, Felix used to

be heavy on that.

I remember when he moved out of Amber's place and I moved into his room, he had like spilled kratom at some point.

Yeah.

I mean, it smelled like, it smelled like somebody died in a vitamin shop.

At a Met Rex.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, like whenever he has his big gym bag, it's like he puts it down.

There's always like sort of like a cloud comes off.

I haven't seen his upper west side place.

Is it tidier than the...

west side here?

He's gotten he's our boys, our boys become a man.

I don't know what it is, but somebody told me a story about going over when he finally moved out on the zone.

There was a knife sticking out.

Oh, yeah, I heard about in Greenpoint.

Yeah, a knife wedged in between the cushions.

With the blade sticking up.

It's like home alone or something.

Some people looking trapped for someone.

Yeah, some people said they went over to watch MMA and he had a he had a

blade coming out of his couch.

Yeah.

Which will never happen against Superleaf.com.

No, it won't happen.

It won't happen coming out of the couch.

Somebody DM'd me.

They said, this shit better not suck.

Super leaf?

Yeah, it better not be bad because they're a drug addict who uses this stuff all the time.

And they got it.

And what'd they say?

They said it's actually very good.

Pretty greavy, man.

So, according to an expert, I mean, I drank it for, they sent it to me for free.

Try out the product.

I became hopelessly addicted to it within days.

Within days, I was drinking it from sun up to, well, not sun up, but from about three, whenever I wake up, 3 p.m., 4 until I go to sleep, 9, 10 p.m.

Yeah.

Kind of like a white wine and benzo kind of mom, awake like three hours a day.

Yeah, except instead of children, I have genital herpes.

Your little boys.

Yeah, right.

So that, you know,

I get just crippling addiction almost immediately.

That's how good this stuff is, folks.

Wow.

Is that I was personal hygiene out the window.

Wow.

You know, fucking wiping even.

Sayonara.

Wow.

See on the other side of Mount Fuji.

I'm fucking filled with shit in my ass, and I'm high on Kratom.

You're pooping the bed?

I was.

I fucking ruined several sheets.

There was shit stains everywhere.

I had fallen into.

You became one of those, like, my 600-pound life guys.

Yeah.

But just for like the Indonesian dirt.

It's what I like to call a reverse Mike Lindell situation.

I started off as a racist millionaire and slowly devolved backwards.

Into a crack addict.

Into a bad drug addict.

Into a fat drug addict.

And the only thing that's consistent is the mustache.

That's it.

But no, this shit is good.

It's not actually a drug.

It's not actually, I don't know if I'm allowed to say it's addictive or not.

No, he was emotionally addicted.

He was emotionally addicted.

Look, I'll be an addict no matter what.

I'm eating terror trips right now.

They're fucking disgusting.

Can I have some?

I can't stop myself.

Because you know what they say about chips.

Once you pop, the fun don't stop.

You can't

never go back.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, anyway, guys, you go to get superleaf.com.

Use promo code Cometown or Cometown20 to get a million dollars.

Yeah, they literally give you money.

They will give you a million dollars if you go right now.

In fiat currency.

In fiat currency.

It's all in the Venezuelan crypto, whatever that shit they invented.

What was the deal?

How did they fix inflation?

They created a second currency that...

What, like right now?

It was in the last year or two.

They had like a second fake.

Will, you're supposed to know this shit.

I don't know.

I don't know.

You're a smart.

You're a smart.

I don't know what's wrong about money.

Yeah.

It's how to spend it.

How to spend.

I mean, I just thought the way they deal with inflation is just cause another recession.

Yeah.

I think like that that would be.

I had read, and I barely paid attention, that they just in stores they had like a second currency that reflected like the actual value of things or whatever.

But that it was still, then you had to do the conversion, so people weren't doing it.

They couldn't do the conversion on the fly.

I don't know if

that's true or not.

Yeah,

I would just think that, like, I said, like, usually the way they deal with inflation is just, you know, like

just causing a recession.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And because, like, I mean, like, I think, I think

inflation is like,

what they really hate is like a tight labor market.

Yeah.

And I think they're going to do anything possible to just, you know, get some slack into that again.

Yeah.

Get people back to work.

Turkey's really fucked in the ass.

Turkey?

Why?

I thought they're making peace with Ukraine and Russia.

Inflation was.

But if they make peace, they'll probably get some money for it.

I don't give a fuck about Russia or Ukraine.

You know?

No, I don't care.

I care about it.

Either the Russians are genociding civilians or they aren't.

Either way, who cares?

Yeah, not my problem.

It's one of the most basic things in the world.

Who cares about Eastern Europeans genociding each other?

All of the problems of the last hundred years, the big ones, have all been caused by caring a little bit too much about what Eastern Europeans are doing to each other.

The enemy of my cousin is also my cousin.

Exactly.

They, first of all,

they love being German.

There were some Germans.

People say, like, pit bulls don't like dog fighting.

Are you kidding me?

That's what they're bred for.

In the last hundred years, there were some Germans that caused a little bit of problems, too.

Getting mad at Hitler is like getting Michael Vick.

All right.

And

cultural.

I'm not going to say what he did was right or

the right thing to do or a good thing.

But if you think about it,

something along those lines.

Yeah, he's a hell of a quarterback.

Just think about it.

He's got wheels and he's got

a gun.

I don't remember this story.

But at the end of the day, I remember people thinking we went a little too hard on Michael Vick.

Yeah.

And that's what people are saying.

And that's what they're saying about it.

But I can only say this.

Thank God Michael Vick didn't kill himself in a bunker.

Thank God.

Or whatever happened.

Thank God.

He kept living.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's an analyst now.

He paid his debt to society and he kept kept living.

Yeah.

And he's married to a pit bull now.

He is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be a cool move.

If he got married to a dog.

If he was like publicly fucking and kissing a pit bull, it was his wife.

We love each other.

Can you believe I used to bet money on whether my wife would kill another dog or not?

Now

we watch Netflix together.

Right, he had to do a bunch of sensitivity training towards pit bulls, and it just went too far.

And now he's mourning for him.

Yeah, now he's in love with pit bulls.

Honestly,

that would be the smartest.

Let me ask you this: Has Mr.

Worldwide Pitbull himself ever chimed in on the Michael Vick controversy?

No, he hasn't.

He feels like if anyone could speak on it, it would be.

His silence is deafening.

That guy is so successful.

Dude, I love him.

He might be the perfect celebrity.

People call it politics.

I call it politrix.

Did he say that?

Yeah, yeah, no.

And there's a compilation of him in like 15 different interviews saying that exact phrase.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he always reminded me of like the slickest guys I worked with at any sales jobs.

They weren't ever necessarily the best salesmen, but just like they just would talk to every prospective customer as if they were trying to like just fuck them all night long.

Guys like a chizzy at work.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like the full court press.

The full court press.

You already got a cell phone.

You mind if I take a look at it real quick?

Yeah, that's a nice phone.

That's a good phone you got, but maybe we can get you something a little something better.

Like, no, thanks.

I'm all right with my current plan.

I get unlimited texting.

All right, you have a nice day, beautiful.

You got a boy.

He's like a 45-year-old man.

Okay, thanks, man.

That's so funny.

Keep having a beautiful day.

I have one of those guys.

I went to get dinner at Applebee's the other night.

He tried to fuck you?

I mean, he was like, he was, I mean, yeah, I mean, it could have, he did have plastic gloves on on because of the COVID shit, but he might as well have.

He was acting like a vampire's butler.

Like that.

I mean,

I don't know.

I'm fucking.

He's just sort of like obsequious.

You know, I'll be like, yeah, can I get the fucking

appetizer sampler?

Can I get the

Southwestern quesadilla?

Yeah,

excellent choice, sir.

Can I recommend a soda to pair this wheel with?

Excellent choice, yeah.

Now,

Baja Mist is an Applebee's exclusive.

Did you know that Mountain Dew has exclusive flavors?

They used to with

Taco Bell.

Taco Bell.

Yeah.

Because I think Taco Bell's owned by Pepsi Co.

Imagine being one of the guys.

See, you used to be able to just, if you were a big fat guy, you could be a guy like, I'm going to Applebee's to try out the new Mountain Dew flavor that's exclusive to Applebee's.

And now you have to be like a fucking, now you have to have a hammer and sickle in your username and rape your roommates.

This is basically what we have to do this weekend.

Dude, the last episode,

the one that's coming out on Sunday, is like real, like, real

intellectual threads that really just unravel and then weave back into themselves.

Yeah.

Well, basically, potentially us losing our minds.

It's a lot of those people are produced by, you know, quote-unquote late capitalism or whatever.

That's how they turn into these communists.

And it's like, that's not really a place for them in society either, obviously, or they wouldn't be end up in jail for rape.

But they're walking.

Because that's a universal thing.

And I'll tell you, if there was an answer, and it was fucking fast, casual restaurants.

Fast casual restaurants and Star Trek.

And Bennigan's, Star Trek.

You go to the Star Trek convention.

I saw at a 24-hour McDonald's a group of guys that had just come from fucking Otakon.

Beaming.

And they were at McDonald's at 2 a.m.

And it was the happiest day of those guys.

That's community.

Yeah.

And they're surrounded by homeless people that also have their place in McDonald's, 2 a.m.

And that was sort of like, you know, it was right before the recession.

Everything fell apart after after that.

We had it figured out.

Were they in costume?

I mean, those guys are always kind of in costume.

What's Oticon?

Like an anime thing?

It's like an anime thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

Basically, our point was that you just can't be a regular nerd anymore.

You can't.

You have to be like.

Those guys have been sucked into online politics.

And the problem with that is it's still a fantasy type of escape, but it's one that's sort of grounded in reality.

Like they think there is going to be some revolution.

Whereas it used to be like, you know, there's no chance you're going to meet Commander Riker.

It's not going to happen.

So it doesn't like fuck with your sense of like you can fully.

Yeah, like you can like,

you're not grasping for something that's like you feel is like perpetually unfulfilled or it drives you insane.

There is no possibility.

The gap between like your fantasy and the reality that you expect to be fulfilled.

There was some experiment.

I can't remember who did it, but I guess that they put chimpanzees in cages.

And in another room, they had chimpanzees.

They were in cages, but then they

gave them kratom.

The cage cage

had some kind of like chasm.

There was like some big gap.

And on the other side was freedom.

And then the chimpanzees that had a glimpse at freedom or away that they couldn't get past the chasm, obviously.

Those are the ones that went insane and sort of smashed their heads against the ground or the wall and killed themselves.

And then they were adopted by a middle-aged suburban lady.

Jamie Goodall.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, that's how they made the vaccines.

That's how Fauci did it.

That's how Fauci did it.

What's the experiment he did?

He put beagles' heads in Ziploc pads.

MRNA stands for monkey rape nucleic acid.

Wow.

Yeah, no, he was like, fucking, like, they had some bullshit experiment.

He's like, we're going to try and create a real-life wishbone, a Jack Russell Terrier that can read.

So we're going to just back over it with a Toyota torcella 35 times and see if that does it.

It's crazy because you can get grant money for some dumb bullshit.

Yeah.

It's true.

Yeah.

Wasn't that whole Matthew Lesko's whole thing?

Yeah, free money, the government.

But was that for research?

I think it was just, yeah, it was just bullshit grants.

Just saying that you do a research project?

Yeah.

A research project and wearing a cool suit?

Yeah, he's like, what if I'm going to get

a lot?

A lot of these would wear question marks for free.

Well, my ass is getting paid.

He did talk like that.

Yeah, he said that.

I thought it was inappropriate, honestly.

And then people are like, who is this guy?

This guy's just trying to live off the government, right?

Yeah.

Welfare.

Did you know that?

Remember that guy, Bernard Goldberg?

Yes.

He had like the book of the 100 Greatest Pinheads Screwing Up America.

And one of them was Matt Fosco because it was like he was

encouraging people to just steal money from the government and

live off grants to electrocute golden retrievers or something like that.

But it's not stealing money from the government.

It's taking money back that the government shouldn't have taken in the first place.

That's right, dude.

No, I mean, if you end up, if there's some department that has like this budget surplus of millions of dollars to give out to people to dress like the Riddler,

that should not have been taken intact.

Yeah, I'd rather it go to that guy than McKinsey.

Nick, did you see the new Batman speaking of the Riddler?

No, I didn't see it.

I got to start watching.

I'm saying,

I got to do stand-up again because

it's Saneka.

I hated it.

I thought it was pretty goth.

I don't know how I could ever enjoy it.

I've seen enough Batman.

Yeah.

No, exactly.

It's just like

we already have every iteration of Batman that you could possibly need.

Right.

No, just accept it.

This is

the world known.

I was honestly surprised that Christopher Nolan was able to do anything with it.

After Tim Burton, it's like, all right, well, that shit wasn't good, though.

He gave it to some freak and he made this shit.

And it's like, you know, for,

especially at the time and place that Nolan was like, what if Batman was for grown-ups?

Yeah.

You know, and make like a little bit of.

Well, I mean, compared to this new movie, the Nolan movies look like jaunty and goofy.

Oh, dude.

Yeah,

they look like a rollic in good times.

This is very

and serious.

They should do Batman in, you know, like in the theater in, was it Maropol or whatever?

And he's just like trying to save women and children from being killed by Russians.

And then we find out later that actually

it was

just sort of a false flag by Zelensky.

Well, in the new one, there's like a Zelio C

stand-in.

And then

4chan in 40 plan a terrorist attack.

And yeah, like, and like there's a scene where they're talking about the Riddler, and he's like, you know, plotting a terrorist attack on his Discord server or whatever.

And they're like,

he has 500 followers.

And I'm like, fucking Lobi, who the fuck is that?

And

he's getting likes.

He's posting vlogs and getting likes.

And people are like, go off, use a bump stock.

So it

really fucking tells us a lot about how fucking society is.

Yeah, well, that's what I mean, is they create this schizophrenia.

Like, Batman is supposed to be an escape.

And now the nerds that like it, they have to go there and be reminded of social media and all of these things and like actual politics or whatever.

No, put Batman on the moon.

He's speaking a fake version of Chinese.

You know, James Cameron should do Batman.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's the only guy that should be given any kind of fantasy stuff.

He's about to drop Avatar 2.

I would love.

I can't wait.

They announced it like 15 years ago.

And he's like, essentially, he's living in a city he created in New Zealand.

And actually, I was thinking, let's say,

Russian America decided to just say, fuck it.

We're doing a full nuclear exchange.

It's worth ending all human civilizations that Ukraine can be free or whatever.

I truly think that

the nucleus of humanity that would emerge from a nuclear holocaust would just be the people currently making avatar in New Zealand.

And James Cameron will become the god emperor of the new world.

And I got to say, that would be good.

I mean, that's a perfect, perfect outcome.

You'd be restarting humanity with a much cooler origin home than whatever proto-indo-bullshit we have now.

Everything born out of

Zorastism or the turtle that's the world.

I don't know.

Imagine if it were instead that Avatar is real.

I think God made the world in seven days.

There's cave paintings where people wearing fucking 3D IMAX glasses.

That's pretty sick.

Yeah.

I would love that.

And, you know, James Cameron, like, he's just about, he's, he's the American Napoleon, you know, like, like, he's the only man, like, sort of with the vision and competence to execute a large-scale project.

Imagine if you went to see Avatar 2, and the plot is like, oh, the space Republicans want to make it that

the gay avatars can't say gay in school.

You know, I mean,

put a gun in my mouth right now.

I want it to be the most childish commentary on human interaction possible.

Yeah, I want people's tails untouched.

Yes, but it looks like, you know, like fucking the cover of a yes album.

It's prog.

Yeah, right.

I want to be stupid,

but it's like fucking, it's fucking Frank Frizzetta.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

James Cameron, and I'm saying this from Wikipedia, folks.

I'm not a smart man, but he said that he views filmmaking as war and himself as a general.

He's correct.

Sounds badass.

He's correct.

That's a badass thing.

Which isn't okay.

That's not even stolen valor because he's so removed from whatever point he thinks he's making that he's not even stealing.

What does that mean?

I see filmmaking as war and myself is.

No, like, like, I think

plenty of times.

Plenty of times, like, no, there have been, like, revolts in the crew.

Yeah.

Because, like, he's, like, been crazy.

And

he's like, yeah, he's like Napoleon.

I see filmmaking as the cake and myself as the baker.

I see making a film as a dog fight, and all my actors as dogs.

And myself as Michael Bicker, as the man who owns the dog

fight.

You know, the analogy I've always compared filmmaking to is a film is sort of like a vehicle, and I'm the car maker.

But also the guy driving it.

They're also the driver.

Anytime you say that kind of thing, like unflinching, like it is badass, even if it's stupid.

I'm hyped for Avatar too.

I only saw Avatar in the last year or so.

Because

I didn't see it.

I think I've said this on the show before, but I didn't see it because I knew I was about to break up with a girl and I didn't want to pay for two IMAX 3D tickets.

I was too cheap, and I missed.

And then all my friends had seen Avatar at that point.

And so I like, I missed the boat on it.

There was a lot of shit that bothered me when I saw it because, you know, I was young and stupid.

But stuff now that I really appreciate.

Like, when the mech, they have a mech fight with a robot,

and the mech has a combat knife, yeah, a giant combat knife.

Well, I mean, like, what happens when the mech runs out of bullets?

Yeah, it's got to keep fighting it.

It has a knife for some reason that's distinct from the rest.

It doesn't just come out of like the arm.

No, it's like it's like a sheath.

It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

pick up his knife.

Yeah, yeah.

Stuff like that, that I'm like, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

But now that I'm old, I'm like, the less sense it makes, the more I want to lean into this because that's what fucking entertainment should be.

Because they took all the regular fantasy shit away from us.

Yeah.

What else?

What were we saying?

I forget, dude.

They should do WALL-E 3.

Where the people are even fatter?

Yeah.

Where the spaceship is sinking.

So they make WALL-E 2?

It's somehow sinking in space.

Even though there's no gravity.

You become so fat that you're a black hole.

You've created gravity in space.

Yeah, they're a planet now.

The universe was like, okay, we got to create a new essential force in the universe to keep these people in check.

That was a classic yo mama so fat thing that she has her own gravitational pull.

Yeah.

That was for like people doing the dozens in like the smart kids' school.

Yeah.

Yeah, your mom has centripetal force.

Yeah, technically doesn't everybody.

Your mom pulls light into the center of

gravity and obliterates all atoms.

Yeah.

I used to think...

It was a young Neil deGrasse Tyson.

I used to think the one where it's your mama's teeth are so yellow every time she closes her mouth her stomach lights up.

I used to think that was funny.

Yeah.

But it didn't really.

I noticed your mom's teeth so yellow whenever she smiles.

Cars slow down.

Oh, that's pretty funny.

Like a car light.

I guess.

That's cool.

So what else?

What's going on in

politics?

Oh,

more good stuff.

Actually, I mean, the news story that I was paying attention to today is that

the state of Tennessee just passed a bill that would add

a new tier

for marriage, like a new tier of a marriage license that

for straight people.

So

you can get a different marriage license for straight people only.

But also, they have done away with any age limit on who you can marry.

So if you're straight

and you got a special license, you can marry a 13-year-old.

And like, that's actually like

everyone's worried about grooming now.

The guy that introduced the bill has his wife is like 12.

Yeah, you know, he met her in high school when she was in high school.

She was in high school, but she was a fellow.

Yeah, she was selling Girl Scout cookies and she was 47 years old.

Well, you know, like, you're talking about

the culture war and how you could just say and do anything now.

And it just seems to me like the line is now that

everyone's a groomer.

Everyone's grooming kids.

Right.

And we got to stop them.

Yeah.

And how do you protect kids from being groomed?

Marry them.

Yeah.

You know, like that.

Exactly.

Well, yeah, exactly.

It's like, it's so, everything's so convoluted that there's no way, there's no rational in on like either side to be like, okay, well, this is groomed.

No, that makes sense.

But then also the people, like, that's such an easy gimme.

Yeah.

Is to say, like, okay, well, these people actually are pedophiles.

But, like, you know, like with this guy, I guess his wife was like 18 or 19.

And then you could just say it's weird and make fun of him.

And it's like, he probably would be a pedophile.

But then people want to have like an earnest problem with like, well, a 19-year-old woman, you know, there's a power dynamic there.

It's like, so then what are you asking for?

Do you want to raise the age of consent?

Because if that's the case, then it's like, then you need to make that argument.

It gets into this like weird territory of,

you know, like, like,

just advancing like a gray area into like early 20s for certain people.

But at some point, you have to just say it's okay for a fucking 45-year-old to marry a 22-year-old.

Isn't it half your age plus seven?

Isn't that the rule?

Is that the rule?

I don't think it's a law.

I thought that was about cheating.

I think that was about getting pussy from a younger woman.

Yeah, but it is true that the way you stop grooming is by making them get married.

Because

if you watch the Michael Jackson documentary, what he did was he would just...

have a relationship with one of the boys, and it was all lies.

He never did any of this.

And then he'd find a new little boy and then do all the same fun stuff with the new little boy.

And the last little boy would have his heart broken.

Yeah, the thing is, I like the idea.

Like, if you want to stop, like, you know, like, like, groomers and people from like sexually abusing children, just make them get married.

Because, you know, we all know once you get married, the sex goes pretty quickly.

That's true.

That's true.

That probably gets bored with it.

You know, that sounds like my wife.

Yeah.

That probably is the thinking.

But

Michael Jackson.

Yes.

I don't like, I mean, I do think he fucked the kids, but I don't think it's like that falls under the umbrella of strictly like pedophilia because he was such like a weird freak fucked up thing anyways, you know, that it's like it's almost like

something that would be aesthetically considered pedophilia is an unrelated component of what you know, it's in the same way that like and this is this is really gonna

be a departure, but like you wouldn't use color to describe a flavor.

You know what I mean?

Like you can have pasta sauce and you can have fucking

pasta sauce and cranberry sauce look very similar.

You know, in the same way that Michael Jackson having sex with children and fucking, you know, Jeffrey Epstein doing it, both

similar in that they're the same color, same.

But the substance and the flavor and what they're actually doing, very much different.

Completely different.

So Michael Jackson,

that's not what I'm saying.

Adam,

what is your brief for the defense of Michael Jackson Jackson here?

What's the evidence you're mounting?

Listen,

I'm going to get a lot of pushback online from the Gemstones fans,

but everyone knows that Joe Jackson chemically castrated him at 11.

Yeah, I mean,

I've heard that.

That's why his voice sounded like that, and so he was therefore incapable of engaging in sexual acts.

And this is a documented fact.

In Italy,

in the 1700s, the Castrados

were basically fucking Selena Gomez.

They were the the hottest guys.

They were.

They were literally.

They were fucking sex symbols, and they would be fucked by men and also have girlfriends that would

play on their little undeveloped penis like an Oscar Mario Wiener whistle.

But like, I mean, you can still achieve an erection if you have been, you know, neutered.

Castrated.

Castrated.

But if they have children's genitals.

Okay.

That's another thing, too, is like if your testosterone is what actually makes you feel.

Well, I didn't know that, Will.

You're the smartest guy I know.

But you actually asked what he he was.

What makes your fucking, what is it, the endothelial joint like thing seal?

Damn, you guys are being so smart right now.

That's probably not the right word at all.

I don't even know.

We have a lot of doctors listening.

It's your nuts dropping that

starts the process of you not going up in height.

So

you're fucking.

If you castrate somebody, they end up very tall and lanky because the regulatory systems to stop

puberty growth are like they're broken, essentially.

Man, I wish my balls dropped later so I could be over six feet tall.

My balls dropped at like 17,

but it didn't make me tall.

Yeah, well, that's because you're high estrogen.

Yeah, your body is producing a lot of

scant traces of testosterone.

Yeah.

I guess technically the penis is there, but that's all.

What about the testosterone supplements?

Are they advertising on the podcast?

I mean,

would that make me like chimp out?

Would that make me like pissed off?

I don't know.

It would make you more of a man, Adam.

I would finally lose confidence.

I would finally stand up to Nick and Stop.

I'm not a bug.

The whole dynamic of the show changes.

The whole thing.

Because Adam's taking on a team.

I'm hitting them.

We got to get on

Rogan and then we can pick up some of those folks.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to go on Rogue.

You were just in Austin.

Yeah, Adam.

You should start doing testosterone and HGH and then just

come back

when you record.

You walk through the wall like the Kool-Aid man and then just start fucking dominating.

I got to start getting more pissed.

I got to start getting more pissed instead of just meekly suffering their abuse.

Fuck that, if you get a testosterone, I'm getting my arms cut off and replaced with weapons of some sort.

Like Jack's arms?

A gatling gun.

I was singing Axel from Twisted Metal.

Yes, just two huge wheels.

Just a guy that's wheels.

The black guy has been turned

into a literal axle.

I mean, that was the best guy in Twisted Metal.

Did you fuck with him?

Yeah, I played him.

It was just funny.

He was a crazy clown.

He was a clown.

Mr.

Grimm.

Who's that, the clown?

The motorcycle guy with the skull.

Oh, that guy was

Ghost Rider.

Ghost Rider.

Yeah, I thought Mr.

Grimm Spectre I fucked with.

I confuse it a lot with Vigilante 8.

Was that Twisted Metal?

Yeah, it was a Twisted Metal novel.

I was asking people about this the other day.

Street Fighter 2.

Who is your go-to character?

Who did you fight with?

Never Street Fighter.

Never fucked with Street Fighter.

Johnny Cage.

The fighting games.

The only fighting game I ever got even remotely good at was Killer Instinct.

Is that the one where you're like dinosaurs?

No, that's

Tekken.

Tekken, yeah.

Tekken has dinosaurs.

There's one game that was like where it was just two dinosaurs fighting each other.

I don't remember that.

I think I know what you're talking about, but I don't know.

No, Killer Instinct was

I don't know if there was a dinosaur.

I think it might have been a raptor in Killer Instinct, actually.

I've never heard of that game.

Killer Instinct?

No.

No.

I mean, yeah, I was just like, Chief Fighter 2 was just like, that was the game all my friends had.

Everyone played it.

I was never good at it, but I always played Guile because I thought he was cool.

Yeah.

But, I mean, he sucks.

Yeah, well, we would play it, do two Sonia Blades against each other, pause it, and then you're thinking of Mortal Kombat.

Yeah.

But you were trying to pause it so you could see a picture of a kid or something.

You know, be able to sleep over and jack off

into a fucking Gatorade bottle and, you know, share it.

Then share it.

Then pass it around.

Go to Bar Mitzvah class the next day.

You know.

You know how we do.

Will, you're the best guest.

Yeah, I'm trying to find a picture of Orchid from Killer Instinct in the game.

What, a flowery guy?

No,

they really drew her titties.

They really made it, put an effort into her titties.

Original.

She was the Sonia Blade of that game?

Wait, did they have a bitch in Street Fighter?

I mean, Chun Li.

Chun Li.

Oh, my God.

And Cami, too, yeah, yeah.

She She had ass.

Chun Li.

Cami, Chun Li, and then there was the other one.

Chun Li had strong legs.

She had a very, very strong legs.

A big butt.

Yeah.

I love her.

Smaller Chinese.

What was her name?

Smaller Chinese?

There was another Chinese in Street Fighter.

I don't know.

Maybe she was Japanese.

Street Fighter Girls.

And

okay.

Cami was like female guilt.

She was like a sort of a military style woman.

Again, very strong legs.

Very.

Was the Johnny Cage?

Giles was, yeah, he was like the American commando guy.

Yeah.

He had like a big flat top.

They were basically the same thing, right?

Yeah, I love that Mortal Composition.

It was making Guiles Hair more and more like every iteration of those characters, it would just be describe the character to another guy without showing it to him.

And they're like, you draw it, and it would get more extreme.

Like Guiles Hair.

You ever seen the Street Fighter

animated movie?

No, I don't think so.

Really?

Not bad.

I mean, I've only seen the Jean-Claude Vadam Rao Julia masterpiece.

Yeah.

That was the last movie he did, right?

Raul Julia, yeah.

Crazy.

He had a good run.

Well,

folks.

Oh, damn, we're only at 55 minutes.

I guess.

So, Rau Julia,

dead famously.

Yeah.

Kiss of the Spider Woman, right?

Adams Family.

Adams Family.

Kiss of the Spider Family.

My family is.

Overdrawn at at the memory bank.

Yeah.

Adams Family Values is one of the funnels.

Oh, I love it.

One of the funniest.

Great sequel.

I haven't watched it in a while.

Oh, the summer camp stuff with Tutor McCarthy.

It's great.

I was too afraid of that.

You know, that guy, that kid fucking

was like threatening Shane Gillis for DMs.

Who?

David Crumholt.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Crumholt?

I like Crumholt.

He was, yeah, he was Christina Ricci's like love interest and fan family

values.

Why was he threatening Shane?

He was in the SNL thing.

Oh, okay.

DMing shit.

He's like, you got something to say about Jews?

Say it to me.

I'll spit in your fucking eye.

He's talking about Chinese people.

I don't know.

I guess someone told David Crumholtz it was about Jews.

He's saying something about the Jews.

I like Krumholtz.

That like old school boomer getting mad at

anti-Semitism thing.

People were making fun of Crumholtz on the internet a couple years ago because he got really fat.

Dude, the picture of.

there's two pictures of his wife.

Fucking this poor bitch.

The side by side.

But I think he just got fat for a role, or did he actually get fat?

I think he got fat for a role, but then it was also the same thing.

Jesse Plemons.

He got fat, got quote-unquote, fat for a roll.

Yeah.

And now, Jesus.

What was that role?

Was he playing comedian Amy Schumer in a movie?

Yeah, Amy Schumer after 35 minutes in the microwave.

He looks like a peep.

He looks like a fucking peep.

A fun experiment.

Amy Schumer is a friend.

Adam, so signed to David Crumholtz's DMs.

Yeah.

I gotta say, Shane's a good guy.

And

he's never been anti-Semitic to my face.

Yeah, Crumholtz, I'm trying to squash this beef if you're listening.

Yeah, it's like this is him.

This is him and his wife in like 20 fucking 15 or whatever or something.

And then, let me see if I can.

I love finding like there's one picture in particular.

And that's him with his.

Oh,

he got shorter somehow.

He got shorter?

Yeah, yeah.

This poor woman.

Wow.

You know, I mean, I'm sure they're in love with each other.

He's got millions of dollars or whatever.

But,

you know,

if you're looking to cheat, sister.

Are you going to fuck Crumble somewhere?

No, I was going to recommend Stav.

Oh, yeah.

I was going to say you can fuck Stav if you want to.

Yeah, you can hit Stav of Teeth.

Not many.

Not me.

Look, no offense, lady, but I don't share my bitches.

Did Stavrose his tooth again?

No,

he falsified that.

That was a false flag.

Yet another Stavros false flag.

I texted him.

I said, oh my God, sweetie, are you okay?

And he said, I still have my tooth.

You fell for it, you stupid bitch.

This is so funny.

I guess he had like a year where he was handsome.

I thought he was

kind of good looking.

No, he was like a goofy dork.

Yeah, but like goofy cute.

Nah, not because he was in other teen movies yeah like after adam sand was valued because i didn't play an elf in a movie he was elf in the santa claus yeah bernard the elf and he's like oh there's not enough we don't have you know i mean he's like always this like befuddled dork but i guess yeah they're whatever this is from whatever this movie he was like he was hot for a while sort of a heart throb yeah yeah sort of just like you know approachable you know approachable nice guy that's the movie you gotta have one year where you're hot and then you go right back to being honestly fucking shit.

Whenever I see Crumholtz in something, I'm happy.

Then you go back.

You go back to...

Look at this.

Who's that?

That's him, dude.

No way.

Yeah, WWE.

I don't know what he's at.

That's him?

Yeah, that's him, dude.

Damn, dude.

That's crazy.

No, he like destroyed his body.

This is because yeah, he was hot.

This is like this is what people look like when they just like they get like that sheet that heavy sheet of fat on their front of their torso.

Or it's like, you know, you're just,

it lights out for you, I guess.

Dude.

Well,

what can I say?

David Crumholtz,

come on the show.

Yeah, slide in those DMs.

Come here.

We'll squash the

beef

on Shane's behalf for you.

Yeah.

We love you as an actor.

Yeah.

Anytime you show.

Who's that other guy?

Rob something?

Rob Van Winkle

anytime he's in something I just I like I just like him I like when he's fuck Rob Lowe the guy from office space yeah, what's his name?

Oh, fucking

I want to find out something bad about Jason Sudekis you know the Ted Lasso thing you know it's funny all the people that like Ted Lasso they're probably all of the sort of the most hardcore like pro-Ukraine

Ron Livingston Ron Livingston anytime I see him oh he's wonderful

this guy I love him him.

No, you're right.

There's a huge crossover between people who are.

The way they stepped in it with the fucking, whatever this Azov battalion shit.

I don't know anything about it.

You know, like, it turns out the one time they expressed support for a group of people, it turns out to be, like, not only Nazis, but like

fucking Indiana Jones occult-level Nazis.

They have like tattoos of the Holy Grail on their arm, and it's like they'll be going, not just kill all the Jews, but do it with fucking ghosts.

Yeah.

Be spooky about them.

Right, yeah.

Stead Lasso giving a motivational speech to the guys who are like fucking opening up the Ark of the Covenant.

Yeah, if we find out that like Jason Sudeikis is like not only raping children, but like doing some Moloch shit with them, that would be amazing.

That would truly be, you know, he just gets caught with an infant and he's got a Ruger up its ass.

Nick, you've been following all the guys on Reddit who have like gone over to join an international brigade and then just get killed immediately.

No, but one of the funniest things I've ever seen, I forget Garlic Corgi.

I can't remember.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I love garlic.

I love love Garlic Corgi.

They tweeted a picture of just some fat dumbass with like those like,

not transition glasses, but like very light purple prescription lens crafters and like wearing like the comms headset armor, just like neck fat, hasn't shaved in a week.

And they just said, R.I.P.

Michael Tracy.

It's like.

I can't describe why it's funny.

I mean, it sort of looks like Michael Tracy, but just like the way the headset's kind of just

barely fucked up, and there's just like a sloven, that's so slovenly nature to the thing.

That's like, if for whatever reason Michael Tracy was there to be like, actually, the Ukraine thing is gay, or you know,

whatever take Michael Tracy would have on it, he's like, oh, actually,

just post nothing.

He's just looking for a way to be annoying.

That's exactly how he would be dressed.

He'd be like, oh,

the Carvelle was out of napkins in downtown Kiev.

The Carvell ice cream was out of napkins in downtown Kiev.

I wonder what college students think about this.

All right, guys.

Okay.

It's been a fun episode.

Thanks for coming on, Will.

We love you.

We love you.

Bye.

Until next time.