Ep. 297 – camelot
faer doth ouer coum goe, lourde?
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Transcript
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Designed by the same people who brought you
the Nutcracker on Broadway.
Oh, shit.
There's a guy who's like, I love Christmas.
I'm making crackers.
Don't fucking touch all these wire.
Get the fuck out of here.
He's talking to the cat, not me, for the listener at home.
The Nutcracker, the plot is you turn into a a fucking
what happens?
Like a little girl turns into something?
No, like all the Christmas toys come along.
Come to life.
Who's the bad guy?
Is there a mouse to the girl?
The bad guy is the guy that rapes her, and then she has to go into a dream world where the Christmas toys are alive.
That's not real, right?
Is there a part where she gets raped?
It's like what we realized when we watched Last Action Hero in the cabin.
Oh, of course.
Yeah, that it's all a kid is getting raped.
A disassociation.
Yeah, yeah.
But there's no evil mouse.
I'm thinking of a different movie.
There is a mouse king, right?
Or a rat kernel.
My crackers are falling all over the place here.
Yeah.
Rat King Benjamin Netanyahu.
That's right.
That's right.
Benjamin Buttanyahu.
Benjamin
Button.
I mean, he was born Christian, but turns more Jewish.
Well, isn't he from like Philly?
He was born in Israel, but then he grew up in Philly for a while.
That's so funny.
That's why Americans like him because he speaks good English.
Point of fact, Americans do not like him.
American Jews like him because he speaks good English.
That's a hilarious question.
And certain American Jews like him, myself included.
You love him, dude.
You love him.
You got a poster.
I don't like his politics, but you know me.
I'm a Philly guy.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Shouts out to the fucking Eagles.
The Eagles.
Yeah,
that is so funny, like the fucking king of Israel or whatever.
Yeah, grew up in Philly.
Yeah, well, to be like, yeah, it's like, we have a claim, we have a historic claim to this land.
And it's fucking, there's just no identifiable local culture.
It just doesn't fucking exist.
It's like literally a story from 6,000 years ago.
They had a lady prime minister who is potentially
the ugliest woman of all time.
And she's from...
She's from...
How did the Jews win all those...
Nah.
She was a Wisconsin.
Are you serious?
Yeah, yeah.
Not even that bitch is from there?
No, she's from Wisconsin.
Wow.
Let me ask you this.
How did the Jews win all those wars?
Because didn't they go on a nice little streak?
They won like four in a row.
Yeah, yeah.
When you don't play by the rules.
Yeah, they came in the 1870s and committed a bunch of genocides.
Just murdered everybody that lived there.
And they were like, see, nobody's living here.
That's not exactly the timeline.
1870s?
That's not the timeline.
That's the timeline.
I thought they got into it because we felt bad about the Holocaust.
What happened was
Europe was sick of the Jews, right?
So there's two competing plans.
One was a little more extreme, and one was like, let's give them a blessing.
This is late 1800s.
Europe's sick of the Jews.
And so then they have this issue called the Jewish question, which is like, what do we do?
Yeah.
With
these assholes.
That's not actually true.
It was like, and then there's the Enlightenment or whatever, and then there's no such thing as anti-Semitism after that, really.
Oh,
then.
That doesn't exist.
Yeah, that's true.
And the British, they realize they're like, all this woke shit's going to fucking really curb British materialism.
What if we just take a section of our population that are just white people who are annoying and we pretend like we're giving them their land back and use that as a way to take over part of the Middle East so we can get into this oil.
There's no coincidence.
There's literally zero coincidence that the time period in which oil becomes necessary for controlling the world economy,
you have like this.
Oh, what about
giving Israel back the people that speak our language and have
99% overlap with our culture?
There's no oil in Israel.
There's oil in the Middle East.
So, why don't they give the Jews Saudi Arabia?
How would they give the Jews?
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, I mean, if they're just going to give some of their land to the Jews, because there is, like, you know, I mean, there's some Bible story.
There's something, there's some way you can get
it.
Wait, wait, wait.
Israel started in the 1800s?
No.
No.
That's something they started putting.
People started going there and then just killing all the fruits.
No,
Okay.
The killing the fruits.
I'm interested in this.
I had no idea.
What happened was there's this thing called the Zionist Congress, this guy, Theodore Herzl.
And
they were like, we need a Jewish...
A Jewish state, right?
And so they considered a lot of different parts of the world.
For a while, they were going to go to Ethiopia and just make that Jewish, which would have been chill.
Yeah.
If Edi Amin took I love how they're just over and just started eating Jewish people's brains.
It's so funny that they're just like, which part, which
land that somebody else owns?
Alaska was gonna be scared.
Alaska would make sense because who gives a fuck about Alaska?
Pretty sick.
But the Jews.
Jews get really sick at snowboarding.
Yeah, that would be funny.
Just crushing the winter land.
Fighting bears.
Yeah.
There's just a Jewish.
What was that guy's name?
Sean White?
Sean White, yeah.
He's he's legendary.
Shlomo White.
Shlomo White.
You could have had Shlomo Shlomo White doing fucking sick tricks.
But no, you had to steal the Palestinians' land.
And then people are like, no, we got to actually go back to
Palestine.
So then they started.
So these are all just guys that live in like...
So around the Ellis Island era, so like end of the 1800s, beginning of the 1900s, there's mass migration.
Yeah, 1880s.
So yeah, the first Zionist Congresses, Congresses, were in the 1880s.
Interesting.
And then they decided, and then they opened like,
you know, communes and farms.
Kibbutzes.
They were socialist at the time.
Kibbutz.
And then.
Which is a great word, but sounds like the worst place to live in the world.
And then there were some Jews that were doing terrorism, too.
Like they bombed.
They were doing terrorism against the British, though.
Okay.
Genocide is what you would call it.
Well, fuck the British.
What do you mean, genocide?
They bombed the King David Hotel as an attack on the British.
Who died, though?
A bunch of of British people.
Okay.
I'm with that.
That's pretty good.
The British were in fucking Palestine, too?
Yeah, who gave, I mean, that's who owned it before they were.
Oh, they had dibs on Palestine.
I see, I see.
Yeah.
They got it, I think, in World War I from the Ottomans.
So they gave the French, like, Syria and Lebanon,
and they gave Trans Jordan, they called it at the time.
That's good.
Trans-Jordan is a good name because it could be a guy or a girl's name.
Right.
So it fits either way.
Trans
M to F, trans F to M.
Jordan works.
Yeah, it's like a pat situation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The better, I'd say.
I don't like how they choose a name that's similar to their old dead name.
Not no.
That doesn't always.
In fact, I would say more often than not, the opposite happens.
Like Justin becomes Justine.
Why don't you like that?
You could choose any name.
I prefer that over people taking liberties and giving themselves really sick names.
I would try to choose the sickest girl name imaginable.
You'd be Esmeralda.
Princess Diana Friedland.
Princess Diana Friedland.
That's a little fucking.
I don't even know when the one we visually talked about comes out.
Yeah, sometime there we do it.
Yeah.
We revisit that dead bit.
Whoa.
Anyway,
then the Holocaust happens.
In 1948, the UN gives Israel.
Not including the West Bank and Gaza.
Right.
To the Jews.
They boinked that shit.
And then there's a war.
A couple wars.
They do ethnic cleansing.
So how did the Jews get good at wars?
I got to be honest.
Because they were getting strapped up before
Israel was granted statehood.
They were starting militias and stuff.
I see, I see.
And American Jews were sending
munitions and stuff.
Oh, they weren't going over, though.
But they were sending some money.
Yeah,
you got to give.
Right, right, right.
I give and I give and I give.
I just would have assumed Arabs would have fucked them up.
It would have been like six six-on-one, wouldn't it?
And then in 1948, what's referred to as the Nakba by the Palestinians, which is, I think, like the catastrophe or something.
They round up Palestinian villages, shove them into the West Bank and Gaza.
Damn, really?
Yeah, they get invaded on day one of statehood by like Egypt and Jordan, a bunch of their neighbors, fight a war.
That's what I'm saying.
67, they take Egypt should be ashamed of themselves.
67, they take the West Bank and Gaza.
They say that's ours, Yoink.
They took the Sinai Peninsula from Egypt in an operation with
the British, a joint operation with the British.
Oh, the British.
Because they wanted to build the Suez Canal.
And they knew who's going to play ball.
And they were like, we got, yeah.
They knew it was going to pay ball for a couple points on the back end.
It was a great deal.
It was a good deal.
Folks, it was a good deal.
Dude, Egypt should be embarrassed, honestly.
Egypt should be embarrassed in general.
Getting fucked up by fucking
little ass young Israel.
Yeah, but think about it.
You guys have pyramids in shit.
Thousands of years ago, they were the most popular place in the world.
Yeah, it's even more embarrassing than Greece.
And they've never
had Muhammad Salah.
That's basically all they've done.
That's pretty sick.
Yeah, they have the best soccer player in the world now.
That's their first dub, maybe.
It's been a while.
Their food's good, but
it's all that Arab food food that's good.
Kebabs and shit like that.
Yeah.
I like Syrian and Lebanese food.
There's an Egyptian seafood place by me.
It's good as fuck.
I like firehouse crackers.
Yeah.
And firehouse subs.
I've never had any lesson, guys.
That was a little history lesson.
So Egypt, Jordan, all those motherfuckers, they had all this oil money they couldn't fuck up Israel?
Egypt doesn't have oil money.
Well, but you know what I'm saying.
Oh, I'm sure the guys with the oil money were real fans of fucking Jews in the Middle East.
Why didn't Saudi Arabia come in with some of the people?
They had Jews that lived in Israel for hundreds of years.
The Palestinian Jews, there was just like five of them, and everyone was chill.
Right.
It was when the European Jews came in
and then decided to genocide all of the.
I'm just saying, Saudi Arabia, couldn't they
have difference between genocide and ethnic cleansing, of which they've done both.
I love that they still, that ethnic cleansing is still like an acceptable term.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
No, it's like, it'd be like if like instead of slavery, like the synonymous term would be like just putting them to work.
No, that's not.
Giving them a racially giving people jobs.
No.
Racial job.
Racial employment job creation.
Compulsory job.
Race-based job.
Ethnic cleansing.
No, it's a case.
That sounds fucked up.
No, no, it's a broader term than genocide.
Ethnic cleansing sounds fucking clear.
If you can just round up a group of people because of their ethnicity and tell them to leave a place.
And even if you don't kill anyone, that's still ethnic cleansing.
But I see what you're saying.
Cleansing is a pretty positive word.
It's pretty racist.
Like, uh, yeah, like, but Nick's point, just from exactly, cleansing is it's too the connotation is too positive.
Purity, it should be like uh ethnic expulsion or something like that.
Um, ethnic friend zoning,
yeah, you don't get any of this statehood pussy.
Get the fuck out of here.
They should rename Gaza the friend zone.
Tel Aviv is the clit,
the clit clit of Israel.
I'm just saying, dude, Saudi Arabia's got like indoor mountains.
Like snow, skipping.
I got this Tel Aviv to suck my dick.
Yeah.
Tel Aviv.
Yeah.
Tel Eve to suck my dick.
Jerus selling pussy.
Jerusalem.
If I forget pussy down on the block.
Jerusalem pussy.
Jerusalem pussy down on the block.
Let's see.
I got some you can suck on right here.
I got a little strip you can suck on.
Yeah, do I get pussy?
Yeah, man.
Oh, yeah, man.
Do I get pussy?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, man.
Le Toll, Lib, man.
I get pussy so much.
Do I get pussy?
Libya.
Libya.
Libya, I get pussy.
Algeria, Al, do you hear about the Algeria?
Al, do you hear about the bitch
who got her pussy fucked by it?
Turns out I did it.
Hey, Al.
Shit, I'm getting a call from Hollywood, Florida.
Oh, it's probably a producer.
Let me let's answer.
Let's see what he is.
Hello?
Use the wire.
Hello, please listen to this important message.
Oh, awesome.
Can you solve my dick, bitch?
Regarding the student loan forgiveness program.
Oh, bitch, I don't got no student lanes.
Oh, that almost works.
Let's call it Cheesecake Factory and ask if they have cheesecake.
Ask them what all the cons are.
No, you ask them, like, you got, hey, y'all got cheesecake.
Excuse me, what y'all got cheesecake?
Now, what's the deal?
You got Chinese food, Italian food, and cheesecake.
I co-wait.
I bet you think that's good.
I'm getting fucked in my ass.
You cool wait?
You couldn't wait.
You personally couldn't wait.
I could wait to.
I'm about to pull the Kurds out of your ass.
Yeah.
More of a rhyme than a pun.
Yeah.
Where the Kurds don't have a country, do they?
They're in Iraq and Turkey.
They get a little piece of, ethnically, a little piece of Iraq and Turkey.
But they don't have their own state, right?
Kurdistan.
It's a cool name.
They don't have their own country, no.
Yeah.
What's going on in Kazakhstan right now?
I don't know.
Oh, it's wild.
You don't get to say that.
We'll look it up either Savannah or we'll look it up.
I have no idea.
I don't know what's going on, dude.
No, they're like protesting
something.
I don't know.
And then the fucking president's like, shoot the kill.
Them.
You know what?
Borat did them a disservice because no matter what, that guy could literally be doing a Holocaust, and we'd all think about Borat.
I got iPod Mini, he know a Ford.
Yeah.
As Kazakhstan descends into chaos, crypto miners are at a loss.
Oh, God.
CIAS, Wired Magazine.
Central Asian country became number two in the world for Bitcoin mine.
Had the audacity to write such an article.
As Kazakhstan descends into chaos,
crypto miners are at a loss.
Yes, that's the problem.
Oh, my God.
That's the main issue.
Yeah.
Are they literally killing people?
What are these protests?
Yeah, dude.
I don't know.
Probably lockdowns or some shit.
No, you don't think Kazakhstan has lockdowns?
Yeah, probably.
The spiking fuel prices.
Last week, Chaos and Gulf protests out the country over spiking fuel prices and vaccine mandates.
I added that part, but
now who's fucking resulted in police repression?
Yeah, so just high gas prices?
The removal of former critical race theory.
They're teaching that in schools.
That's, you know, this is the fucking shit I hate.
Like,
everything, like, bad shit to me.
Bad things happen in society.
At least in the society.
Bad things happen to you?
No, bad things, in my mind, things I would consider to be bad.
Right.
Things I would consider to be like a reduction.
A shortage of guys you can fuck with.
A reduction of the
supply chain of
Sagai's chain.
Sakai's chain.
Let's see here.
Security Council, Internet shutdown.
Russian-led troops.
They shut down the Internet?
Yeah, they have a shutoff.
You can't even jack off in Kazakhstan?
Well, we're gonna have that soon enough
soon enough it's just gonna be I mean we already do it's just not like clear you know because the internet is like now what throttle shit now the internet has five websites right and Congress can't tell like you know fucking face or Facebook or Twitter like yeah you got to ban this person but what they can do is like
drag them in front of Congress and say, you know, there's going to be serious consequences if you don't curb, you know, whatever.
So effectively, it's, you know, there's a chilling effect.
And that's how you have, because it's like,
you'd have to be stupid to think the tech companies really give a shit what fucking Donald Trump is just tweeting.
They don't care.
Right.
You know, it's just, you know, protecting their bottom line after being threatened by the government.
Yeah.
I wish we were in China where those motherfuckers just.
That's what I'm saying.
It should just be like,
that's the reason I'm pro-Beijing because it's like, they're like, oh, yeah, you can't criticize the government.
They're just, they're gentlemen about it.
Yeah, we'll throw you in jail.
Whatever happened to open and honest communication.
Exactly.
Beijing is a guy that tells you, I'm not looking for a relationship.
The United States strings you along for months.
Yeah.
Hits you every time you're moving on.
He texts you.
It's weak.
I saw you look beautiful.
Yeah.
And then you're like, what are we?
And he's like, fuck you, bitch.
I can't stand that kind of stuff.
I hate America.
I hate America.
I love China.
I truly hate this.
Honestly, Death to America is a sick slogan.
So, chill.
Sounds good.
Not even kill America.
Death to America.
Perfect.
Perfectly put together on them.
All right, let's see here.
minerals.
Are they selling anything or making anything in Kazakhstan?
Yeah.
Any products that we might want to
in about two minutes.
Okay, all right.
All right, sorry to jump the gun.
I'm grappling with blackouts and power cuts.
It's so funny, too, because this is what protests look like in other countries, I guess, is the police shooting a bunch of people.
And then here it's like, you know, we're growing a tomato in front of the mayor's house.
Yeah.
And
dressing up like we're going to our first punk show at age 13.
Yeah, I saw a video of, I don't remember, some Slavic country where they literally were putting a fucking politician in the trash.
They fucking threw this cocksucker in the dumpster and they were all like punching him in the thighs.
They sodomized Qaddafi with a fucking knife.
Damn, that's fucked.
I like countries where in parliament they can't.
I can't believe they did that to my boy Mo Mar.
Yeah.
Who, by the way, had the sickest.
Long face MoMar.
Momar, and looked like Ernest kind of he had the sickest fucking uh
um his guard was just sexy whores, yeah, that's awesome.
Also, he was a fucking 10 when he was young, yeah, he was hot, he was hot as shit.
His personal bodyguards were all sexy bitches.
It's sick, he was like, We were nice with the blinky, that's dude, that's awesome.
He was like a military uniform dictator, and then he just transitioned to like George Clinton, Afro futurist.
Like,
like,
like his drip was inclined.
One thing I will say: Hillary Clinton dresses like she's a kung fu master.
That would be cool.
That's the one good thing if she was president.
She's got those weird fucking.
She's got like road.
Fucking Morpheus in the simulation.
Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
Who is picking those?
I don't know, but
I will give her credit on her drip.
It's kind of like nothing else.
Doctor Evil aesthetic.
Yeah.
I respect it.
She looks like a villain.
Yeah, she looks like Kim Junk Moon.
Yeah, which is fucking dresses.
It's awesome.
It's crazy.
It's funny as shit.
Some dumb old fucking blonde bitch.
Yeah.
I miss you, babe.
What would happen if she just dimmed dyer hair?
At super, super subtle awful.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
And you know what Hillary Clinton loves?
Is Super Super Leaf?
SuperSettle.com.
Get Super Leaf.
Get Superleaf.com.
Get Superleaf.com.
I think I saw somebody on the internet
also
advertising get superleaf.com.
So I think we're in good hands.
We're in a nice stable of
celebrity endorsers.
Super special.
Celeciosa.com.
I don't remember.
Brilliant.
Somebody cool.
We're nailing this one, dude.
Fucking
website though.
It's super specific.
Google it.
Super Especiosa.com.
And it's one of the most awesome little things you can put in your body, other than my dick.
Let's just go to get superleaf.com.
Let's pretend I'm you.
Let's walk you through it.
I'm at home buying sneakers and barely listening to this podcast, and you figure out your Patreon login for it, so you can't delete it.
That's right.
And you're waiting for your card to
expire, and you're
going to get a new number.
You got a mental note somewhere in your head that says delete my CometownandPluto.tv subscription.
And you just never get around to it.
It's funny because this is essentially just Homer Simpsons happy dude telemarketing scam.
Yes.
Just send me a dollar.
Is that?
I don't even remember that one.
Yeah, he gets an auto-dialer and he fucking.
Yeah, there's a great line in that episode where Homer's like, he's leaving the quickie mart or something, and the cops are arresting a guy with an auto-dialer.
And then,
like,
I forget, I forget what what the line is exactly, but they're locking him up and they're like, Homer's like, what did he do?
He's like, he had an auto-dialer to scam people out of money.
But there won't be any of that where this guy's going.
The slammer, where he'll be sexually abused
for years.
Justice, sir, boy.
Oh, fuck.
Autodialer, Wiggin.
Anyway, you can get kratom at this website.
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adam i feel like you love to read from this whoa
i don't love to read
unless it's um i don't know smut
you love reading pornography i like reading penthouse forums
or letters yeah jimmy disgusting you know what's crazy you've had a couple penthouse type things happen to me didn't you fuck some lady who was walking her dog or was she homeless or something i don't know what you're about.
Some bitch was homeless.
Some bitch was looking for shelter, and you invited her up, and you're like, to leave.
You exploited a homeless.
This costs money.
They're making something up right now.
Not really.
No,
I just remember this story.
And then like bragging about it.
This girl didn't have a place to stay.
No, that's not what happened.
For a fact, that is not what happened.
That's literally what happened.
And Adam would have never done that if he was taking kratom from our friends at get superleaf.com because it would have chilled him out.
And the only way out is suicide.
Telemarketing.
I remembered something about him and Malefic
I think that's probably one of the things you just kind of put in there.
Just going to mix that up with somebody else.
And the only way out is suicide.
You know, it's close.
Yeah, that's good.
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You don't need coffee.
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Branding and marketing work.
So they got the capsules because it's like, you know, this shit tastes disgusting.
Right.
And
that's not a slam on their product.
From the earth.
No matter who you get fucking kratom from, it's going to be gross.
And this will be the best tasting.
It's because it's natural or whatever, but you know, the natural leaf ground into a fine mixable powder.
And then the kratom capsules, vegan capsules for when you're on the go, hides kratom's earthy flavor.
Yeah.
Well, why you got to say hide?
You know, right.
Because it's necessary.
It's, you know,
some prefer it.
I'm going to do my own little branding here.
Here's the thing.
Tastes like fucking absolute shit, but it fucks you up.
It looks good.
Well, here's the thing.
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Okay?
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Right.
Because let me tell you something.
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Which the other room.
Texting another guy that's being very supportive about her recently paralyzed husband.
Who's just biding his time.
Who's biding his time?
And there's nothing you can do about it.
There's this rear window, and it's a paralyzed guy, and he's calling the police.
He's like, My wife's fucking a guy across the street.
And they're like, Well, sir, that's not against the law.
So he's a maybe I'd suggest closing your child, closing the blinds, or can you fuck somebody else?
And then she's like, No, I'm paralyzed.
They're like, Was it in Iraq?
And he's like, No, I
jumped off a,
I fell or something.
Yeah, yeah, I tried to kill myself.
Yeah, and I got 98% of the way there.
Yeah, they're like, well,
listen, buddy.
It sounds like she's doing a lot for you.
She deserves to fuck somebody else.
She deserves to get that pussy knocked loose while you're there with your eh, eh, eh, and whatever the fuck is.
No, god damn it.
No.
It's not fair.
I want to fuck my wife's pussy.
At the very least, you can fuck a guy that doesn't live in the building five feet away from ours.
Dude, that would be the kitchen.
That would be horrible to be fucking paralyzed.
Your wife just takes the tube out of your mouth, fucks someone three inches in front of you.
You can do nothing.
You're just blinking hard as shit while she's getting her pussy just fucking walloped.
But I tell you, what would make that awesome is get superlicked.com.
Yeah, it would really take the edge off of that.
The edge off of being cruelly and cruelly cuckolded
mere inches away from your
special wheelchair.
Especiosa, which means special in Spanish.
Which means
super in special.
Super, big, big special.
Big retard.
That's what a big retard credo.
Big retard crater.
That was the original name.
But they couldn't get the patent.
Yeah.
Something was already.
Has anyone seen my chocolates?
No, big retard, but we have kratom here for you.
What's that?
Shut up and drink it.
Just drink it.
I feel even more like myself.
If somebody wasn't like me, they'd probably feel a lot like me after taking this.
Yeah, I feel like I Am Sam and the classic hit,
Kraydam Sam.
Kraydam Sam.
Kraydam Sam.
Hi on Sam.
So anyway, folks, you're going to love this film.
Let me tell you something.
They've got a 30-day guarantee.
If you're not happy, then neither are we.
Or they.
Neither are they.
And neither are we either.
Because we want you to be happy.
If you're not happy,
but only with the products you buy from us.
From us.
Not in your personal life.
Not in your profile.
We don't care about that.
We don't care if you're not.
We care about you being happy with super special.
Happy.
So
they offer a 30-day money-back guarantee on all products.
Orders placed by 2 p.m.
Eastern Time.
That's New York time, baby.
Mm-hmm.
Eastern Standard Time.
That's so true, man.
Why don't they call it New York Standard Time?
You know, the same day every day.
You hear that, folks?
1.57 p.m.
You're rolling out of bed and you're like, fuck, the the stuff I was using to get off heroin that I still do heroin,
but now I drink kratom also.
I'm running out.
You hit that, you place that order button at 1.59 p.m.
Boom.
It's fucking headed your way, brother.
Johnny Walnuts over at Super Specios, got that shit in a bag.
It's being shipped to your house so long as it's still legal.
Yep, and it is.
For now, it is.
So long as Nancy Pelosi is still spending her entire day insider trading and not really worrying about anything that happens to people this will remain legal
that fucking dumb bitch except you know what that's like the funniest thing about the war on drugs is like it you know it was just a thing to put black people in jail or whatever right and so they decided what drugs are going to be illegal and then we got all this other wild shit that they're like, we don't have time to pay attention to this.
They won't make the other stuff legal.
They won't take the time to do that.
they're doing all these little loophole bullshits.
Yeah, but it's not even loophole bullshit, like just more drugs.
Right.
You know, it's just like that's how fucking lazy they are.
They are they won't even like make the other shit legal or
shit or get off the pod.
Thank you.
That's why that's you know, if I were in Congress, I would work for the people
by doing a podcast in my office once a week.
That's got to be happening.
There's that one guy who keeps tweeting.
He's fucking annoying.
The wheelchair guy?
They all tweet.
Madison.
Eric Swalwell.
Who's that fucking guy?
I think he's Chinese.
Ted?
Yeah.
Ted Chang.
Yeah, Ted Chang.
Or maybe he's not Chinese.
Maybe it should be another one.
Ted Walk.
Ted Walk.
I don't fucking know.
Anyway.
Did we get a promo code on that?
We're still doing a read.
Oh, let's keep going then.
Friendly service.
Let me tell you about it.
I love when a place has friendly service.
They never leave their customers hanging.
Not a once.
Yeah, unless in the rare circumstance you accidentally order a 201 BM.
Yeah.
You run out of credit.
And then you have to kill yourself.
And you should, even.
Let me just be clear.
You have to, and you should.
It'd be funny if their branding was just super speciosa.
Get addicted.
Get addicted.
That would be fucking sick actually we never leave our customers hanging a relationship and you is very important to us and we will do everything in our power to make your experience a great one it's a relationship 100 happiness guarantee wow even your wife can't promise you that no no
because she's a fucking bitch she's a bitch and you need something to deal with
how about 100 bitch guarantee how about how about how about a little treat from the garden to eat that's right brother take your mind off your fucking crumbling you just drink mash drink a kratom, chill out on the couch, throw on Danny California.
Oh, yeah.
Just jam out.
Look up to the sky and say, show me.
Deliver me.
Yeah, deliver.
Show me.
And that's how God, God will reveal himself to you.
I was fucked up on drugs and I spoke to God.
That's awesome.
I love that.
Have you ever met anybody that earnestly claims
I spoke to God on mushrooms?
You have?
That God's like, all right, time to reveal myself to humanity.
Well, they say that.
Hey, look, the biggest fucking loser in the world.
Right, right.
That's who my messenger is going to be.
Yeah.
That's my prophet.
Right.
Some moron in fucking toe shoes.
Just traipsing around the graveyard and interrupting funerals from a distance.
We subject their products to the strictest quality control standards in the industry.
Every batch is thoroughly inspected and lab-tested for impurities and contaminants.
Look at these reviews here from
someone named Evie.
I wonder if she's hot.
She's hot.
Does she show her tissue?
I wonder if I can fuck her, perhaps.
She probably could.
Do you think maybe I can?
Could I fuck Evie?
May I fuck your girlfriend?
I'm going to need the good folks over at Super Speciosa to pull
the IP address for
Claire W.
Oh, Ellen B.
Oh, L is sucking my dick.
Yeah, Ellen B.
Spimoni Garden.
Yeah.
So a lot of chicks use this product.
A lot of girls, it's a good icebreaker.
If you're a fucking cat.
A lot of haw girls use this product.
Just walk around town drinking kratom.
And if you see a woman with a cup, you know, it doesn't matter what she got.
You'd be like, ma'am, I couldn't notice we were drinking something.
Are you also fucked up on Kratom?
Are you going to Kratom, bitch?
Yeah.
Or even better, you see a woman with a cup, pour a little Kratom in there without even her asking.
She'll think of you as a gentleman.
And guess what?
It's legal.
So, whatever happens after that.
You're like, it's not a date rape drug.
Relax.
Yeah.
Yeah.
While you're getting arrested.
Jesse R, that could go either way.
Yeah.
Jesse.
Probably a hot shake first.
It could be Jesse.
Jesse's a girl or Jesse's girl.
Jesse's girl has sucked my fucking girl.
I wish Jesse was a girl.
Then I could suck him.
I heard that.
I wanna chop his nuts off now.
We're just such good friends.
If only Jesse could identify as a girl.
Maybe I put a gun to her hand.
And make Jesse become a girl.
I'm gonna put lipstick on Jesse's lips.
Cause I'll do anything that I'll be gay.
I'm gonna make him wear a dress.
Quick links.
We'll go to the affiliates links.
What is an affiliate program?
This is interesting.
Affiliate programs are pretty common.
I think we need to read this.
I'm interested.
Oh, I'm listening.
They got it.
They walk people.
Wait, hold on.
They can sign up.
They have a support chat.
So an email.
Or name E-mail.
I forgot that gmail.com.
Hey, what's my email?
Hey, I forgot my email.
I left a review
recently
and I seem to
and I seem to have forgotten my address.
My address and how big my tits are.
Forgotten
my address.
He's submitting it, folks.
Also,
give you full permission to release my information to me
right now
recently, and I forgot my address and phone number
because I moved because
my abusive boyfriend, my abusive
boyfriend kicked me out and stole all my
me out.
And I was wondering
if you could
provide
me with
my contact information
if I am hot.
Permation, yeah
formation
my backup
so long
as I am
not
what
you would
describe
as fat.
Wait a second.
I don't say busted.
I'll fuck a hot.
No, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, what about
BPW?
Because he's a hot fat guy.
Because some bitches are big,
but it makes sense.
Makes
sense.
Anyways, what is my phone number?
Phone number.
Okay, send message.
And this is at superspeciosa.com.
They're standing by for your questions
24 hours a day, seven days a week, even on Christmas.
Yeah, you can ask questions, you can find out.
One super deal is on Kratom.
Click here.
And Adam, why don't you tell the folks the promo promo code and the deal
uh
you for 20 off your order i think so you put in a checkout come town or come town 20.
yeah that's a safe guess as to what it is and i think
20 off in perpetuity i don't think it's your first order
there's only one way to find out folks go to the website and try those things out try try some shit out and tell them come town sent you tell them come town sent you and ask evie if she'd like to come over and suck our cookies if evie happens to be somebody that found out about Kratom through the show,
and she is hot,
and you're hot and you'd like to go to Korean barbecue,
hold on a second.
Send an email to customerservice at cum.com.
That's support at cum.com.
And
we'll get somebody appropriate, too.
We'll get someone on the horn.
Our liaison for customer affairs for bitches that want to eat Korean barbecue, Mr.
Stavros Halkis, will be in touch.
Oh, and guess what time it is?
Might it it be done
to talk about a certain pill.
Well, a chewable tablet.
Yeah, a chewable tablet.
Oh.
At bluechew.com.
Is sex with chewable tablets right for you?
I don't know.
Personally, I think you should be having sex with men or women.
That's right.
That is a hilarious way to fucking phrase that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it looks like this guy fucks the tablets.
It does.
Yeah.
Because he's almost gay, but there's a straight look in his eyes.
Yeah, he's just here for men.
Right.
Right.
Correct.
What do you mean?
Oh.
There you go.
Yeah, and personally, folks, I am a big user of Blue Chew.com.
We all are.
As has been documented through the years.
And Blue Chew.
And I've gotten, I'd like to say I've gotten fatter recently, and my dick works even worse than it used to.
And without these pills, I'd probably kill myself.
I'm sorry, Trubal tablets.
I'd probably kill myself.
What do you know?
We're here at Bluechew.com, and they also have a support chat.
Let's see if there are any.
My name is Jonathan Handsome.
Okay.
Handsome.
And, folks, the nice thing about Blue Chew.
My email is
chocolate man.
Chocolate man
at givemaypussy.com.
Every French black guy?
I have no idea.
Give me pussy.com.in
India.
Do
you happen
to know Evie?
Submit.
Star chat.
No, Star Chat.
Yeah, Star Chat.
Live chat.
Live chat.
Live chat.
Warm Q position one, everybody.
Live support.
Blue Chew website.
So Blue Chew, they got a lot lot of different Zerezza W.
Take a break already.
Sereza W.
Okay, well, hold on, real quick.
Never mind about Evie.
Hello, Zareza.
Sereza's a hot name, honestly.
What did you say?
I said, never mind about Evie.
Hello, Zareza.
Are you a nurse by chance?
Nurse
by chance.
my dick works by the way.
The way I was actually looking for a different website
for
Zarez does not seem to be replying.
She's not.
Anyways, yeah, BlueGia.com made in the USA, which is so important to us.
Yeah.
Which, you know, because they know that our dicks need more blood flow than a Chinese dick.
Right, right.
Yeah, they're barely
fucking penises.
Barely.
Yeah.
Let's just say barely.
Did she text you back?
No.
She's being kind of a bitch, actually, Zareza is.
Yeah.
You ask her, like, what.
My dick works, by the way.
Yeah, Zareza's not, doesn't seem to be replying.
Yeah.
Is Sex with Jewable tablets right for you?
Oh, Zareza's typing.
Oh, here we go.
We got a response from Zareza at Blue Chew.
Uh-oh.
She stopped typing.
She does.
I think she was typing, and then you sent my dig works box,
and she stopped.
Come on.
So look at that.
We had her.
First of all, it's a plan.
It's prescription, you know, any medicine.
So there's four tiers here.
We got active.
That's for gym-going guys that are trying to have sex in the shower.
There's busy.
That's for the office type.
to fuck the secretary.
That's popular.
That's if you're in high school.
You're one of the kids from Euphoria.
If you're in high school, and then pro, which is for Tony Hawk and Sean.
And wait, there's a new, there's a new chat that's popped up.
Oh, Sereza.
One new.
What'd you say?
Okay.
Hello, Jonathan.
Thank you for choosing Bluetooth.
We're more than happy to assist you with your Bluetooth questions related to our products and services.
Please note, Sereza, providing customer support, you must conduct yourself in a professional manner.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I'm a crypto miner.
And Kazakhstan is
really
stressful with what's with everything that's going on in Kazakhstan.
I'm stressed out.
Hello, Jonathan.
We're happy to get your cockhole.
But be a professional about it.
Be a pro,
I'm sorry.
I said, I'm sorry, I'm I'm a crypto miner, and as you know, Kazakhstan has fucked me in my ass, as they say.
Ha ha.
Zareza W has left the chat.
Greatest chat.
Zareza is one of the most stunning women.
Hey, give her five stars, man.
She did her job.
Give her the thumbs up.
One of the most stunning women I've had
the pleasure
of parlaying with.
I've had the pleasure
of parlaying
to
thumbs up said
sponsorship for sexually harassing me.
That would be so fucking good, man.
Yeah, so they got four plans here.
The active, that's only $20.
Yep.
Busy, $30.
Popular.
Popular, $50.
And Pro, $90.
$90 for 34 cock tablets a month, folks.
So you get to have a day where you have two.
34 times a month.
That sounds about right for me.
That's about how you pop a couple pills, watch all dogs go to heaven.
Right.
You know, and you're like, what the hell is going on?
Yeah, zone out with a hard-ass dick.
The dogs talk.
It's a beautiful, wonderful product.
And if your cock doesn't get hard,
whether that's because you have anxiety,
your girlfriend or boyfriend is ugly, then you can't get hard for them anymore.
RX or you're secretly gay.
Free online consultation.
Discrete shipping.
Discrete.
D-I-S-C-R-E-E-T shipping.
Right.
And
that is how it's spelled.
Which is different from discrete, D-I-S-C-R-E-T-E.
Is that so?
What's that mean?
A separate
event?
Discrete is separate.
It's about the E-T-E.
Interesting.
The one spelled like the country.
Why the fuck?
That's ridiculous.
Let me say you remember because Crete, island.
An island is separate.
Right.
Oh, discrete.
That's really good.
That's a good
trick for the kids at home.
That's how I do it.
Let me say this.
Dessert,
deserts,
you got desserts of second sweet.
Oh, super.
You have two S's.
Because in elementary school, my teacher told me nobody wants two helpings of sand.
But you know what people want two helpings of sand?
That always is either Tadalophil or Sedenophilos.
Except for those damn terrorist tablets that took down the towers.
Sedanophil or Tadalophil, Chajuvable tablets.
Chejuable tablets?
The same active ingredients as Viagra's
30 milligrams on the Sedenophil, and then I think it's 9 milligrams on the
Tadala dot.
I couldn't tell you.
And that shit, you use promo code ComeTown or ComeTown20 for what is it, Adam?
For you just pay the shipping.
Five bucks for shipping.
Just pay the shipping.
Get addicted.
Beluchoo Doc.
Get a dick hard.
Get a dick hard.
Get addicted.
Get addicted.
And it's a beautiful product.
To dial for.
I mean, it really has done wonders for my cock, I'll tell you that.
It's changed lives all over this country.
And I've heard testimonials from men, and they've broken my heart.
I've seen them cry.
I've cried with them.
They never thought they'd get hard again.
I know.
It's a beautiful thing, honestly.
It's a really beautiful thing.
Six milligrams or nine.
I love that there's a slider where it's like, let's turn the fucking power up on this shit.
Let's turn that to nine milligrams.
Crank that shit to 11.
Pump myself with drugs and die at fucking 50 years old.
Yeah, a lot of people are saying.
Die without a family at 50 years old.
And somehow I became a fucking millionaire on my couch.
I became a million despite getting much worse at the thing I dedicated my life to, not even doing it anymore.
I live without passion.
Give me the fucking pills.
Get my dick hall.
Get my dick card.
Literally, I will eat a bunch of dick pills and watch all dogs go to hell.
And then spend literally three days where my only plan is order Hawaiian pizza.
And then I don't even accomplish
You keep talking about this Hawaiian pizza.
I might have to get some for dinner.
Then that's bluechew.com promote.
Bluechew.com/slash.
Let's see if we can get another chat going on bluechew.com and chat with us customers.
Oh, I think I'm banned from it.
It doesn't seem like you can do it.
Oh, my God.
If you're banned from the camera,
chat ended.
And then we'll go to, let's open up a private tab.
Yeah, go to go to.
You don't want to get traced.
Yeah.
It'd be funny if the police show.
Oh, yeah.
The chat is gone.
I'm now no longer allowed to
get it.
Get a VPN.
You've been banned from the Bluetooth support chat.
You get a Tor browser, dude.
Oh, wait.
Oh, go to Google Translate.
I'm going to open a private window, but Google Translate, translate.google.com.
Okay.
Undetect from English to Chinese.
My penis
is
very child.
Can
you please
help
me?
Play it, dude.
You said it perfect.
Yeah, I speak Chinese, Dickhead.
Now play it from Siri just in English.
My penis is very child.
Can you please help a me?
Help a meat.
There's a little talent.
You put a little, yeah, you put a little stank on that.
Yeah, well, I'm willing to see more Chinese.
Let's translate it back into English and see.
My penis is small.
Can you help me?
Perfect.
See,
I know the understand the grammar, so I know how to get it to say exactly what I wanted to say.
Okay, so what do you do now?
Chat with chat is back.
My name now, instead of Jonathan Handsome, will be Jonathan Chinese.
Chinese.
Give mepussy.com.india.
Start chat.
Let's see here.
Q position 3.
They're busy.
Q position 3.
Oh, 3 is not bad.
Oh, but they, but it's still Jonathan?
No, yes.
It's Jonathan Chinese.
Well, it's like he has an English name and a Chinese name.
Right, right, right, right, right.
All right, well, we'll just keep waiting on that.
We'll keep waiting on that.
And in the meantime, you guys can go to bluechew.com.
These chats are happening live.
You can view them on the website.
Right.
If you're listening to the show live somehow,
you'd like to see the interaction, or you can check out either one of those subscription pads.
They help you last longer in the bedroom.
They keep your dick hard.
Keep it harder than you did hard.
Help you last longer in the bathroom, also.
Yeah.
And I know what you're thinking.
You're like, well, it's been all ad reads.
I hope for the last seven minutes they at least riff.
But
I'm really quick.
I just want to say, come see me in Sacramento.
Sorry.
sorry, the Jonathan Chinese took over my body there for a second.
Come see me in Sacramento, Houston, Austin.
Oh, also, in Los Angeles, I'm going to do
a birthday show on February 11th.
So just announced.
San Francisco, Vancouver, St.
Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Vermont.
My little brother's bachelor parties the next weekend.
Then Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, Toronto, Providence, Washington, D.C., San Diego.
I'm sorry, I wasn't there.
We're going to make it up in May.
So that's that.
Come see me, stop me.biz by the calendar.
Siobhan Kay joined the chat.
Oh, it sounds like a girl.
Guys, I'm at Lincoln Lodge the 11th and 12th of February and the 18th and 19th.
I'm in Boston.
On my birthday, you're working, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Take the day off for my birthday.
You're in L.A., though.
Just take the day off.
Think about me.
Yeah.
Think about you every time it's your birthday.
Think about it.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, they're responding in Chinese.
Okay, to get started, please make sure you have completed the following.
That was just instructions.
Oh, so when you saying my penis is very small didn't trigger them to tell you to
tell you to be professional.
They offered a different promo code in here, though.
For the Chinese?
Yeah.
I guess Chinese people get a secret deal.
What's the deal?
Wow.
I'm not doing another promo code.
It's not as good as ours.
Okay.
I just want to see.
Can you highlight it so I can read it?
Yeah.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
Promo code
basically the candy up.
Use promo code Come Town20.
Yeah.
Or Come Town 20
20% off your order.
No, no, no.
You get your first order free.
You get first order free.
You just pay the shipping.
You get your first month free.
And a free box of fire hook crackers.
Fire hook crackers.
Right.
The finest crackers in the fucking universe.
The The sea salt, the rosemary, fantastic.
I fucking love the rosemary.
Rosemary is very good.
Do you do dip with those?
Yeah, you get a little.
What kind of dip you use with those?
Sometimes you do a little hummus.
Sometimes you do a little.
Have you ever had that shit, lobana?
Sure.
It's very good.
I would like it if it was a little saltier.
Yeah.
It's a little too.
I want to fuck a labina woman.
I love it.
Labina.
Labina.
What's a lobina?
Latina Bun and Downs.
Oh, with a B.
Yeah.
They're all members of the Bloods.
How about Down Syndrome Abbey?
Have we done that one before?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
And it's like, well, I don't know how to set the table.
What's Downton Abbey?
When's it set?
At the end of that shit?
No, it's modern day Britain.
Oh, it's modern day?
Yeah.
They still have it.
But they all behave that way?
Yeah, dude.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, that's how they act.
That's how fucking British people are doing.
I've never seen the show in my life.
Bruttish.
There's Colin Firth in it.
So y'all seems like it would be.
Y'all British, son.
Y'all British, folks.
Oh, y'all Bradish.
Y'all British?
Y'all from Britain?
Oh, y'all Bradish.
Oh, y'all Bradish?
British.
Alright, then.
Alright.
I see y'all in the top hit.
You got a top bed on Lee Night Magician.
My man said Abba Cadabba.
He said Cheerio Abba Kadabba.
Oh, fuck.
He said, Hocus Pocus.
Hocus Pocus suck suck my schlocus.
Should we start calling Cox schlocuses?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You trying to suck my schlocus, bitch?
Schlocum.
Dwight Schlocum.
Fucking idiot.
Got his ass.
We should get Dwight on the show.
Can we?
I would love that, dude.
We should start just hitting up minor, I mean, people less famous even than Dwight Yoakum.
Yeah.
And just seeing if we can get some family.
Yeah, that was awesome.
He was famous.
Us ruining Bam's life is so funny.
I don't think it was our fault.
We were friends for a long time.
There was a long run of it.
It was Vinny's fault.
You're right.
Actually, we should get Vinny back.
And the manager, remember the manager?
You had that business manager.
He was wearing that medallion necklace.
No, you know who we really need back?
Our man over at Geneva, yes.
Yeah.
He wants to do the show.
We need Genevieve.
He really wants to do the show.
We got to get our award.
We need everything they want.
I'm from New York.
I'm Italian.
Suze.
And I'm Albus.
You got to think.
What are the three things people are fans of?
New York fans.
Because you got New York fans.
Italian fans.
Italian fans.
And you got fans of Elvis and Elvis fans.
That was the best fucking, that was the best moment of the show.
That weird bam interview, and then we just bring Gene on, and then we call the episode Come Down with Gene Denapoli.
And then we leave and he's like, fellas, I'm dying here.
I owe my brother $200,000.
I hope he's alive.
Do you remember?
He said, we have a disco show?
We have a black comedy show.
Yeah, we got a black show.
We have like a black show.
You know, black comedy.
Did he even say black comedy?
Just
no, he said, we've got black comedy.
Yeah.
Whatever he said, it was awesome.
It was very good.
Yeah, make sure you check out patreon.com slash come town.
Yeah, you didn't like the ads?
Well, guess what?
There's a way to get rid of that.
Yeah, and when featuring it possibly, well, no, at this point, though.
It would have been one.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Yeah.
In the future.
Coming up.
Yeah, well, you know, go just fucking sign up or whatever.
Yeah.
And there's a free T-shirt for everybody that
there isn't.
There might be.
I could do that without.
You're entered into a drawing.
Yeah.
That's what we should do.
We say they're entered into a drawing.
Yeah.
To FaceTime me.
That would be funny.
Yeah.
Try to FaceTime everyone.
No, just one guy.
Yeah.
I love amaze timing with women on the train.
Ah, trying to look at their pussies until they they spray you in the Anchantae.
Ouch.
There's a lady she is playing out to games.
Oh, she hit you with more Chinese.
Siobhan Kaye has a lot of.
Yeah, feel free to send a shout out message.
But hell, if you'd like to have an email of this conversation.
You should be like, I need a better deal.
Yeah.
Try and talk her down.
Yeah.
What an abysmal job to just copy-paste stock answers to people that are looking for
questions about dating worlds.
Yeah, imagine the kind of guy that needs his dick hard but doesn't understand how to work the website.
It's one of the simplest websites I've ever used in my life.
He's just an old guy.
I'm having trouble.
Please.
He's just trying to get his dickhard and just
rolling it like that.
What the hell is this thing?
Yeah, fuck.
It's not working.
I don't don't understand.
I don't understand, folks.
What are we having for lunch, fellas?
Pussy chessa.
Pussy chessa brought to you by Chexmex.
Chexmex pussy flavor.
It puts the pussy back in pussy.
Uh-huh.
It's just like your mama's pussy
meal.
Snack.
Do you guys ever smell one of those Gwen's name?
Yeah, the pussy.
Oh, Gwen Gwyneth Paltrow.
I wonder what, like, is it fresh from the shower?
Or is it like she's been jogging a little bit?
Yeah.
Is it after she's getting felt?
It's stuffed with money.
That's it.
It's a smell of like a pussy wallet.
Does anyone have, if anybody has the Gwyneth Paltrow pussy candle, let me know.
Let me get a whiff.
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