Ep. 298 – owning the chuds

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It is no reason to dress up the thing.

Here we are, folks.

Come town, the Don Fry cast.

We watched the end of Rocky 2, then we watched Don Fry vs.

Takahiro Yamahara.

And now we're watching a whole retrospective on Don Fry.

This is Sakura Nintendo.

This is

Arona.

Oh, shit.

He's about to fight a big fat guy.

Oh, yeah.

Taki Bono.

He's about to fight Taki Bono.

Okay.

This is Big Goku, motherfucker.

Why didn't they show the fat guy thing?

Yeah, where's Takibono?

Interesting.

Yeah, this is going to be...

We're really in the zone now in terms of watching stuff.

Yeah.

Now we've got it.

It's literally that podcast is just going to become.

Oh, dude, he's fighting a really fat guy.

Yeah, this guy's.

So, folks, we've been watching cable recently.

This is just a YouTube video.

Yeah, we're back.

This is called The Legendary Power of Don Fry from the World of Boxing.

This is the minute 520.

And he is fucking up a really fat guy.

Don Fry, who's a hot, me and Nick were kind of bonding over how cool and hot he looks.

Yeah.

He's got a great body.

He's got an incredible body.

Great look.

Ideal look, really.

He's...

Yeah.

Yeah.

My uncle kind of looks like that instead of like if instead of boxing, he had been

a guy that just built houses and drank beer all right, right, right.

Yes.

He's got like the, I mean, he's so ripped.

It's fucking sick.

Yeah.

And he's got that like box.

He's got that receding hairline where it's like a box, but it's still thick.

He's got a thick ass mustache.

I'm really jealous.

He looks like Jacked Freddie Mercury.

I wish I could grow just the fucking bushiest mustache, but alas, God has not given me anything.

No,

he's given me nothing, and I've done the best I could.

Yeah, I can grow a big beard, but then I look like

a wizard.

You look like a homeless person,

like a

dwarf.

Another word, though, Sarah's home.

No, you're close.

Homosexual.

Yes.

You better contribute something to this episode.

If you're going to come in and take shots,

you're not watching the Don Fry movie.

You haven't watched the second of the Don Fry.

You're watching videos of Mark Maron playing guitar.

We've been watching Don Fry.

I'm going to show you a really hot girl soloing on Instagram.

Soloing what?

What do you mean?

The electric guitar.

Can you turn it down a little bit?

Not until it's over.

Not until it's over.

It's a little bit loud.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

For real?

Really?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

This has been the final episode of Common Time.

What's wrong?

Make it.

There's three and a half minutes to the Don Freiburg.

All right.

I'm good.

You good?

With a little gas?

No, I just felt like all this pressure.

I don't know.

It used to happen, but back when I had to go to the cardiologist, go put yours in there.

Oh, right.

A little bit late.

Have you been a little too much fun?

Maybe it's good we didn't make that call we were considering.

Yeah, maybe.

We're going to call some girls over.

Should we do a podcast where we're all getting our fucking cocks sucked?

Or get our minds sucked.

I think Lewis already did that.

Yeah.

Huh?

Yeah, it's called Gay Sex Karaoke.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, did they really do that?

Yeah, they may have done that.

They did Blowjob Karaoke.

That's awesome.

Yeah, Ralph told me about it, and he's like, you know, next week we're doing Blowjob Karaoke.

It's where we do karaoke while getting our dicks sucked.

And it's like, no, really?

I could have used that together.

He is fascist.

Yeah, this is absolutely the face of the alt-right.

Of modern fascism.

We've got porn stars coming in to blow us.

You know,

I have to say, that's pretty cool.

At this point, now I think it is.

When we were 27 and drenched in irony, we're like, that's fucking cringe.

Then when you're in your 30s, you're like, that sounds fucking cool, dude.

Yeah, that's badass.

I would love to interview Brett Michaels.

Yeah, get my dick sucked by.

And by Sebastian Bach while I interview...

A woman that looks like Sebastian Bach with huge fake tits.

Yeah, she's

got a mouthful of cock, but she can still sing.

I gotta say, I wonder if I could maintain.

I have a hard time.

I feel like I would get nervous.

Yeah, me too.

I feel like my dick would go soft.

Once the camera,

now I've had this weird thing happen where I'm into my dick not working.

Right.

It's like, yeah, that shit ain't going to work.

And then that makes my dick hard.

Oh, interesting.

Oh, that's a

let's drill into that.

I recently, my first get it, my first fuck sesh.

My first time getting sex.

Post-COVID.

You just had sex for the first time.

And I was like, oh, yeah, you know.

Look at this guy over here.

You are being a little snippy today, right?

I'm not being snippy at all.

And I won't say today.

I say on this podcast, on this recording.

Well, let's clean the slate.

I love you.

Oh, you've determined we can clean the slate.

You've made that.

In a little bit, I'm going to go piss in there.

Here's what's really going to happen.

Okay.

I'm going to go piss in there.

You want to make the attitude adjustment?

And if it smells like shit still,

we don't get to clean the slate.

I'm going to needle you.

Because you shit.

I could tell you if it was a smelly one or not.

It wasn't.

Because you shit against, by the way, against Nick's wishes, he doesn't want you shitting anything.

Also, you know what you can tell me?

I've been here all the time.

I'm going to buy your phone number, which you've done.

That's true.

You could do that.

I could tell you.

And you do.

No.

It's not going to smell like shit.

I can assure you.

We'll see.

It was a fast one.

I'm going to wait.

It was solid.

There was no funny business.

I'm going to wait a little longer before I piss.

Okay.

And if it smells like shit, you're in trouble, mister.

If it smells like a shit and it talks like a shit.

you're in big fucking trouble, Chief.

I'm in big trouble.

Oh, fuck.

Yep, just hanging out.

You know, it's been nice.

We've done a nice little impromptu marathon day.

Yeah.

Where it's pretty, I like this because the episodes are way out of order.

It's been an incredibly gloomy Monday.

They're bad.

They're bad.

There's nothing you can do about it except stop listening to the show.

And guess what?

We win if you do that, too.

We've got you in a fucking

pincer's movement or whatever.

The lobster's trick.

the gene the cun the cunning of the lobsters the lob the cunning lobsters yeah pincer that's that's our new name the cunning lobsters i love that dude i love that a lot cunning ling linguist yeah you said it was what is it blue monday adam today is technically blue monday adam read a psychology today article and he showed up trying to impress

the woman told me on the phone that was trying to impress the girl that was here no i was I would never try to impress another girl.

Yeah.

Other than your girlfriend?

Other than my girlfriend.

Yeah, you try to impress everyone.

And I constantly fail at impressing her.

I found out about this thing recently, acts of service, right?

We have to do nice things, not on like a birthday or Valentine's.

The concept

of acts of service you found out about.

I just found out about this thing.

Of doing something nice for your girlfriend?

Yeah, you do something nice just because.

Like leave it.

You have to deal with the mice.

Not because it's mandated.

No, the mice are done.

Oh, the mice are done.

let's get a mouse update we've had a four-day clean streak okay uh basically we closed up all the holes we threw poison back in the holes um it was a nightmare it was two months of of hell and you really think it's over now i don't i honestly should not have said that because i feel like it's jinxed jinxed it yeah because i've said that twice already throughout this ordeal your upstairs neighbor is just chucky cheese my upstairs neighbor has a cat and has no issues oh my god wow so that's why you're fucked.

All the mice stop at you.

I've offered to loan you my cat numerous times.

I know, but that what you're doing is you're getting them at the end of the process.

You've got to hit them at the beginning.

You've got to hit them.

You got to find their eggs?

No,

you get a poison that gets on their fur.

Take that to the birds.

Let's put it this way.

You've tried it your way for months on end.

It's not my way.

I've been calling my landlord, and she's been pretty unresponsive many times.

What's a mouse nest?

Sounds like a plan, Lord.

I don't know.

the plan the plan what's the plan the plan is to fill your apartment with mice so they can take away your civil liberties maybe that's so fucking true for today it's mice and they say all right well maybe that's what

now to be to deal with the mice we got to let black people vote so we can steal the election right and guess what you what is going on

what is happening i used to be straight

i used to hate looking at guys' cocks having sex with women used to feel good

Doesn't anymore.

Feels kind of bad these days.

What is going on?

What's going on?

When did it suddenly become better to fuck guys?

Which it is.

Which I love to do.

And if you're having sex with a guy today, there's going to be a lot more of that tomorrow.

Yeah, man.

Tucker asked the hard questions.

What is the day today?

What do you mean?

For this.

Shout it up.

Well,

I don't know.

What are you asking me?

You think I know where the fuck's going on?

Your hood on.

Your headphones over the hood.

It's like an MM stock.

That's a weird thing.

I don't like that.

It's kind of an 800.

You always have to do something weird.

What?

I'm wearing a hood.

You're doing this.

That's seriously.

I don't know.

This is so fucked up.

You're always doing it for a time.

You always have to do it.

It's always so fucked up you're doing this.

You always have to do something annoying.

It really is.

Why is that annoying?

I want to say that Nick is giving you more than one of those.

No, you never want to say that.

I do.

You literally never want to say that.

I do.

I do plenty of times, actually.

Okay.

I do.

Yeah, for sure.

Sometimes I go in on the run it back.

But plenty of times where Nick's a little bit taken a little too far.

The headphones over.

You're wearing a hoodie and you put your headphones over it.

Men used to wear their headphones normally.

Not anymore.

Now they act like fag.

Now they're gay.

Now they're gay.

I'm kind of trying to do more of an eight-point.

And the Democratic Party wants this.

Also, it's not that cold in here.

It's not cold enough for you to be wearing a hoodie.

It's cozy this way.

It's Blue Monday.

I just feel nice.

This feels nice to me.

It just sucks.

Hopefully it's not.

Why does this suck?

It sucks.

I don't say that to you about your big-ass fat body.

What does that have to do with anything?

I don't choose to have this big ass fat body.

I look at it all the time.

Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

Oh, come on.

I'm wearing a hood.

I'm wearing a hoodie on my head.

Yeah, so what?

And you're like, oh, I got to look at that.

No,

you're putting the headphones over the hood.

It's a stupid look.

I'm doing it.

It's cozy.

I don't know.

And by the way, you want to talk cozy?

Being fat as shit is very cozy.

All right.

If that's what coziness is.

Have a little sympathy for me.

No, I have no sympathy for you.

I have a little sympathy because I'm not natural.

I have no sympathy for you.

I have to wear sweaters and hoodies and stuff to get cozy.

You came out of your mom's pussy fat and cozy.

I did.

Okay?

That's true.

I'm at a disadvantage.

I'm cold.

My hands and feet are cold over there.

Your head isn't cold, bro.

It feels nice right now.

You look stupid.

Okay, guess what?

It's not a visual medium.

You know what?

I'm taking a picture.

I'm taking a picture.

Why are you taking a picture?

So we can vote on the internet.

Yeah, we're going to vote.

Does Adam look stupid?

Don't post him on the internet.

No, what do you mean, don't post me?

Don't do that.

Stop's got a popping page.

This could do a lot for my metrics.

Don't post him on the internet.

I've been watching Hype House.

Okay.

I don't want people zooming my apartment.

I'll edit him out of your apartment.

Don't edit anything.

I'll edit him out of your apartment.

Put me on an island.

I'll edit him out of your apartment.

Put me on a tropical island.

I'm going to put you.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll figure it out.

You'll let the people decide.

You look stupid.

Let me tell you something.

The people are nothing if not notoriously fair

and democratic, especially when it comes to me.

That's true.

They always keep an open mind with you.

They're always incredibly Solomonic.

Solomon, honestly, dude, he's getting too much credit.

It wasn't that smart.

Cutting the baby in half?

Not that smart.

No, it's just.

So, what I think he was doing was freaking them out and scaring them.

So they're like, oh, we better get along.

He's playing mind games.

What, Solomon a bitch with BPD?

Fuck that.

Do you like me or not, Solomon?

Yeah, I want my king to play checkers.

I want checkers, dude.

Oh, shit.

Nick's got the blue lights on.

Yeah, they're really good.

Blue lights.

Fuck.

We're in the aquarium right now.

I feel like I'm back in the

Baltimore waterfront.

This shit is cool, though, huh?

I do like it.

It's kind of cool.

And I do want fish in here.

I was thinking they put in a fish tank.

Dude, yes.

A fish tank would rob me.

Some tiger fish.

Or an octopus that I feed tiger fish.

Oh, dude.

An octopus would outsmart you.

He'd kill you.

Well, I want the octopus to hang one of its arms over the side of the tank.

He'd eat the cat.

You know, it'd be like

who's up.

Yeah, yeah.

He'd be like.

Nah, dude, the octopus would eat the cat.

I'm fine.

The cat knows where its order is.

The order of death.

Would you eat your own octopus?

No.

Just asking.

I love octopus, dude.

It's so delicious.

It would be cool to have a lobster tank in here, though.

And just make fresh lobster.

Dude, damn.

Now how like at the supermarket?

Yeah, if we had, if this is damn dude, if you had lobster right now,

then we should call the cocaine guy.

If I had a lobster tank in here and people could come over and I could say, which one do you want?

Dude, that would be so odd.

It would be the host.

The cunning lobster.

Oh, yeah, the lobster.

That's right.

I could just turn my apartment into a restaurant called Cunning Lobsters.

The Cunning Lobsters.

What?

Just bang the microphone on my tooth.

The microphone, you fucking idiot.

I didn't say that.

Who's got a fat body now?

Idiot with your fucking stupid hoodie.

You fucking dumbass headphones.

I'm about to piss soon.

I feel cozy.

What do you think Mac Lamore is up to?

All right.

He had that awesome costume you were seeing.

He got canceled for the awesome Jew costume.

He just came out

with the biggest fake nose.

You ready?

You're ready?

Like, what did he think was going to happen?

You're ready?

He basically painted the Wicked Witch of the West, but it was like just flesh color.

Yeah, it was awesome.

And he was like,

I'm not being anti-Semitic.

This is just an ugly guy costume.

Oh, over Buckingham Palace.

What do you think about Prince Andrew being stripped of his medallions and his military skin?

It means a lot to me.

It means a lot to me because I've always respected our armed services.

That's got it.

If you're a king looking down, he's no longer my commanding officer.

Right.

I got to say, monarchy has fallen.

If you can't even fuck kids.

Kings used to be able to do whatever they wanted.

We were talking on a different episode, Michael Jackson.

You can sing and dance so good you can fuck kids, but

the prince of England can't fuck kids.

It is funny that's societal progress, but as a monarch, you should feel ashamed of it.

The German Empire ended in their last guy, you know, because they were just into like mustaches and spiky feathers.

Wilhelm or whatever the fuck?

And then they're like, let's do Nazis.

You know, were they still in the, I thought those guys were in the Weimar Republic, but it didn't last that long.

I wish I was a prince so I could really get my streetwear line off the ground.

Make everyone buy it.

That would be undignified.

What do you mean?

I wish you were a prince so I could drag you out into the public square and chop your head off.

Yeah, but little do you know that the public adores me.

No chance.

You would be one of the most hated princes.

No, it's not true.

I would be loved.

I would do stuff forever.

Princess Adam.

I would be universally loved by everyone.

I would be up in a tower.

They'd call me Stavros the Jolly.

And everyone would feed me cakes on my birthday.

I would wage war.

Yeah, Nick would be feared.

He would be fucking you.

You wouldn't do anything domestically, but we would definitely try to take over the world.

And then once I had all that power, I got nowhere to go.

And I got no more war.

For Nicholas wept, and there was no more exotic cock to suck.

Yeah.

It would be funny if we found out Alexander the Great was just conquering all that land to taste different kinds of dick.

He probably was.

That's true.

How about Alexander the Great?

The grape?

Mm-hmm.

And he's like one of the raisin guys?

Yeah, sort of.

The California Raisins.

How y'all doing?

How y'all doing?

I want to take over Persia.

Yeah.

California used to be filled with raisins.

Now it's filled with garbage.

It's dirty.

Garbage that I...

Can't stop putting up my ass.

You think somebody'd clean it up.

Maybe I could shove it in my ass.

Oh man, dude.

I love being stupid.

It will never stop being funny to me.

Right.

You do just a bare minimum kind of impression of someone and then you add I'm gay.

That's the recipe.

That's the formula.

I can't wait, dude.

Just be a fucking 60-year-old man doing shit like this.

You think you're going to make it that long?

60?

I think I can get to 60.

You think you're going to make it to 60?

Yeah.

I don't think much longer than 60, but

60 is not that old anymore, you know.

Yeah, well, I mean, mortality is going to.

Yeah, most people don't have kids until then anyway.

You can really have a fun year.

No, it's going to drop.

People are like, wow, like, look how long people live.

But it's like, you know, those generations all had...

It's going to end with fucking like, you know, people living at 80, 90, or 90 years old or 100 years old.

That's done after this.

In 20 years, it's going to be like people are back to dying in their 70s.

why do you say that because that everything's fucking gotten bad yeah everything's getting bad yeah less consumer protections you just said two years of your life taken away by a pandemic true yeah like you know that i don't i don't understand how the economy works but everything's more expensive that's just gonna get worse they're never gonna expand the social safety net you're gonna take your social security away at some point well i'm gonna have a farm upstate yeah all right where i make myself fresh what happens when the farm ends up in probate court?

What happens when

I figure out what probate is?

Get ready for that.

Get ready.

What about prostate court?

Yeah.

And as a judge putting a gavel up your ass and pressing

making you come like standard.

Plaintiff, state your case.

And he's like, well, about two weeks ago, the defendant, Mr.

Miles, his

tree fell and damaged the fence in my yard.

He's like, hold on a second.

I got to go to the bathroom.

And then he leaves.

And they're like, okay, we're back on prostate court.

Back on prostate cord.

All right, you want to go again?

Oh, sorry.

I got to rush to the bathroom again.

If that was the case, if you were a judge, why wouldn't you just wear a diaper?

Yeah, then Sam.

You got the big fucking robe.

Is this you, partner?

Do you have trouble peeing or going to the bathroom?

You can't tell if it's your penis or your prostate.

Well,

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I'm Sam Elliott, and also I'm gay.

There it is.

The capper.

I'm Sam Elliott.

And by the way, he's just turning around in the cowboy hat.

I'm gay, by the way.

Is that an assless chap, son?

In case you didn't realize, I'm also.

It didn't really come up in the first part of the bit.

I'm a homo.

But I'd like you to know.

Liberty Mutual.

I'm sucking dick for cross-state inspection cameras.

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By the way, I'm gay.

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By the way, the guy saying this, and also the guy that wrote the copy.

Disclaimer, guys.

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Gay insurance.

What if insurance was gay?

What if?

I know what you're thinking.

How the hell could insurance be gay?

That doesn't make any sense.

Well, maybe you're a fag.

You ever think about that?

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And maybe you're perfect for our insurance.

Maybe you need insurance to make sure that you don't turn gay.

Here at Liberty Mutual, we're offering gay son insurance.

You've got a newborn son, and you're already buying baseball gloves.

What happens when he wants to wear a dress and says he's a girl?

Well, naturally, you want to kill him.

Throw him up against the wall and watch the life leave his eyes.

Take him out as easy as he came in.

But now you can just get a million dollars.

Wow.

Sam, why don't you skip the part about killing the kid and you just get some money if he turns out gay?

Okay, we'll try again.

That'd be a cool fraud, gay son.

I'm Sam Elliott.

You're standing over the lifeless body of the game.

Scott, Sam.

We don't have to kill the little gay kid.

And also, weren't you gay earlier?

And you know how I survived?

A payout from the farm insurance company.

My father burned down the farm because he was so angry about...

me coming home and letting him know I wanted to grow a mustache for different reasons.

Hey, my father lit himself on fire.

He lit himself on fire and burned the farm down.

He killed himself in protest.

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Dude, this is fucked up.

Sam Elliott is from Sacramento, California.

What?

It's fucking funny.

He's not even a real cowboy?

No, dude, I don't think he is.

Born in Sacramento.

I guess Central California is agro-calculated.

Yo, his parents were originally from El Paso, Texas.

Oh, there you go.

Sam Elliott from California.

Wait, he moved from California to Portland, Oregon when he was 13.

What?

This man is not a fucking cowboy at all, dude.

He's some fucking...

Thought Sam Elliott was straight?

Guess again.

He's actually from Sacramento, California.

He moved to Portland, Oregon at age 13.

What happened?

How did guys like this become our icons?

Growing up, I had pictures of Sam Elliott all over my bedroom.

I wanted to be a tough cowboy just like him.

But it turns out he's a California homosexual.

He moved to Portland.

Yeah, dude.

Dude, what is he?

Some sort of suicide girl stripper?

I think he is.

What is he?

Some sort of nautical star tattoo stripper.

Get the ass, Adam.

Get they ass.

Lit the ass up.

With turf bangs?

Hell yeah.

Let him hear it.

What else?

What is he, some sort of...

What is he in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship?

What is he?

Some sort of boyfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend.

What is he?

He, they?

He, they.

You know what I'm saying?

What is he fucking...

Does he fucking get $9 donuts for breakfast?

You guys got to watch that Louis Theroux documentary about

Pauli couples in Portland.

Oh, yeah.

This guy's wife is just banging out her boyfriend.

Wait a second.

Don't we have to sell something?

Yeah, we might have to sell something.

What?

Oh, damn.

Yes, sir.

You're having fun with gay Sam Elliott.

Yeah, the time flies when you're

phoning in an episode.

When you're phoning in an episode, and this one is brought to you by our friends in my bookie.

Oh, I love that.A-G.

Not F-A-G.

I was about to say, what do you think that stands for?

Don't look at the screen.

I just want to see what it is.

What date is it?

Don't look at it.

2-9?

Don't look at it.

Oh, it's my birthday in a couple days.

Sav's birthday birthday in a couple days, and guess what?

The

big game.

The big game is coming up.

I'm doing a birthday show in Los Angeles, 2.11.

And then after that, I'm in Houston.

I'm in Austin.

I'm in Dallas, San Francisco, Vancouver, St.

Louis, Chicago.

Stavi.biz for tickets.

And this weekend.

Burlington, Vermont, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta.

Go ahead.

This weekend, I'm in Chicago at the...

This weekend, I'm in Chicago at the.

How about we do the read, and then you can do the plugs.

This weekend, I'm in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge, and next week in Boston.

Thank you.

You can bet on which one of those shows is going to be better.

Yeah.

I'm the heavy favorite.

It's close to off the board.

Stop in Houston.

That's even money right there.

Anyway, so.

Mybookie.ag.

It's the fucking big game this weekend, folks.

Who are you going to put your money on?

I know I'm betting on.

It's the big game.

The Packers.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are squaring off against the

Atlanta Falcons.

British Columbia.

The Atlanta Falcons.

Yes, so.

And I, for one, cannot wait for the big game this weekend.

And you can bet on all of it at mybookie.ag.

We're live.

We're doing this live.

We're at the Super Bowl.

At the Super Bowl.

Taiwan has fallen.

And it is now part of China.

Joe Biden is dead.

They executed him.

That would be so funny.

If John assassinated Joe Biden, what a waste of an assassination.

Well, the funniest thing to happen would be Joe Biden getting COVID and dying of COVID.

That would be pretty good.

Because Trump got COVID and everyone was like, I hope he dies.

Trump ate that like it was nothing.

Yeah, because it doesn't, honestly, winning elections doesn't matter.

You know, because he'll just be like, I won the election.

Right.

But if Biden got COVID and died from COVID, you know Trump could not

exist.

They would have to.

He would not be able to.

They would have to let him on Twitter for 24 hours.

He can get banned after that, but give him 24.

I got it.

I got it.

Look, we all know I got it.

We got it, and I was fine.

It was fine.

Folks, he was the better man, and he was fine.

But it's Super Bowl LV.

Oh, that's a nice round Roman.

Super Bowl Las Vegas.

Yeah, but it's not in Las Vegas.

I think it's in LA.

Los Angeles.

Oh, I'll be there.

Yeah, you'll be there.

Should I try and go?

Of course.

And Steve is going to be performing at halftime with Bruno Mars.

Also,

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And it's the moment you've been waiting for the NFL playoffs are here.

Antonio Brown is on the ring.

Go ahead.

No, this is the old copy.

They have not sent us the copy for it, but I can't imagine it's for anything other than

Adams wedding.

Yep, they're betting on that.

Embarrass himself with his wedding to Eric Adams, a boyfriend, husband.

Would you marry Eric Adams for a million dollars, Adam?

Depends if I get my fairy tale wedding.

Yeah, the wedding's crazy.

It's awesome.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

I'm wearing the cutest dress you've ever seen.

There's light snowflakes coming down.

Before the playoffs kick off,

wager on your pick to take home Super Bowl 56.

That's right.

The Packers are looking like obvious favorites, but you can't count on the defending champion.

You can't count them out, folks.

Can't out, can't count out, not can't count on

the defending champion.

Buccaneers.

Buccaneers.

The field

is wide open this year.

The field is Adam's ass.

So hit the mi bookie

and black your team all the way.

It's back.

It's back.

Oh, I was adding a little like a pun.

I guess it's fun, like a a fun marketing.

I guess most of the guys on a football team are black.

Right, yeah.

It's time to get black to business with Coca-Cola.

We're not advertising Coca-Cola.

Yeah, but I'm just thinking about, you know, I'm trying to

things that are the cost of the business.

I want to open up an ad agency after we do this because I think I've really revolutionized the way people think about marketing.

I agree.

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Wow.

Famously, with the January 6th rise.

That's not where they were organized.

You can't say that it wasn't not.

I can't say that it was not.

They have nothing to do with it.

How would you know unless you were there, Stop?

I don't know.

you know where it was organized.

I just know it wasn't on that.

They're very good, very fine people over at my bookie

that wouldn't want to be associated

with an act that was as bad as 9-11.

It may have been also, I hate when they do that.

They keep doing that thing where, like, Trump said Nazis were very fine people, but they completely removed the context and the way he said it.

Yeah.

Which he's like, so

some of these, some of these people are fine.

They got some fine ass people.

We got some fine ass people.

He said coin.

I mean, if you listen to the video, he's clearly just trying to have sex.

He's trying to fuck some of those whores.

Yeah, he was doing.

Some of those Long Island Republican whores.

I don't know.

That's what I would say if I was

a bus driver or

some big business.

Or a guy that was using mybookie.ag to place a wager on the Super Bowl.

They're an actual deposit up to $1,000.

Can you imagine such such a thing?

That's incredible.

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I love having my sports reloaded.

I love it.

And guess what?

You fill my fucking $250 to reload your sports.

Bonus.

Not more.

Now, if you want your sports reloaded, you have to bend over in a bathroom in front of AOC's boyfriend.

What is going on?

Yesterday, I received a drawing of AOC putting his feet into my ass.

Don't believe me?

Take a look.

At mybookie.ag.

And myboogie.ag.

So, what's the promo code, Nick?

I don't know, motherfucker.

Don't use that kind of language.

I don't know what the fucking promo code is.

Don't cuss at me.

Come town or Cometown20.

You guys know the damage.

Just fucking finger it.

Pull

your account.

Win, I think, right?

No, that might have been

a separate.

Oh, damn.

Yeah, I think I got yelled at once for using that for my bookie.

Well, that's because you did it on purpose.

I didn't do it on purpose.

It's another hoodie thing.

No, I didn't do the hoodie thing either.

It's just another hoodie thing.

It's just, I'm just...

Now you're lashing out.

I'm not lashing out.

Because of my honest, virtuous mistake.

I'm thinking I came up with that expression.

This was a mistake of a chivalrous mistake.

The kinds that Arthur, the knights at Arthur's Round Table would make.

Yeah, and if you're in Chicago this weekend, I'll be at the Lincoln Lodge on Friday and Saturday.

Arthur's Round Hole.

That's true.

And what's more important is that if you're in Los Angeles this weekend, I'll be at the good old lodge room on my birthday the 11th.

And then again, Texas, San Francisco, Vancouver, St.

Louis Chicago.

Oh, it's time to piss and find out if Adam, shit, very smelly.

And I gave you a whole hour.

So if it smells, you're in big trouble, Mr.

Big Trouble.

Little China.

That's a funny name, right?

Little China?

Yeah.

China is enormous.

It's enormous, and it's got a lot of people.

They got a billion folks over there.

They got a billion motherfuckers over there.

Yeah.

And you wonder why they're squinting all the time because they're so close together.

You figured they'd be able to see each other.

Yeah, well, that's just something.

It's too densely populated.

That's just one of my many thoughts I had this morning.

I wake up and I have my coffee and I get the laptop out and I say, time to get some writing done.

What the hell is it with Chinese people's eyes?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is this?

I think we've touched on that a couple times.

What is this?

The squinting convention?

I don't know.

Where the hell am I?

Squint con?

Yeah.

What do you think they're trying to see?

I don't think that.

Yeah.

They're trying to read the fine print.

You know what probably is?

It's all the goddamn ingredients in their fucked up food.

Yeah, a lot of weird chemicals.

Yeah, so they're reading the list.

They're like, I want General So's chicken.

And they're looking at the label.

They're like what the hell is this?

Monosodium glutamate?

That would be cool to live there and just.

Where am I?

Chernobyl?

To have a general toe is everything.

This sounds like rocket fuel.

Yeah.

Monosodium glutamate.

Isn't that what they were dropping on people in the concentration camps in the showers?

Yeah, I think that was Zyklon B.

Cyclon B.

Where the hell are we?

Chernobyl?

Cyclon B?

Uh-huh.

This guy's, you sound like you're speaking Chinese over here.

Yeah, he's one of the zips.

Yeah.

Nick is one of those awesome questions comedians.

I love it.

Who the hell are we, Chernobyl?

Chernobyl, that's a dumb name.

It sounds like a car dealership.

Right.

Dennis Miller will be at the Regatta in Atlantic City this weekend.

Yeah, Chernobyl.

They're having a meltdown on

Regatta See Your Pussy.

On Financing?

Yeah, check this out.

Check this out, baby Cheesed Dick.

Baby Cheese Dick.

Check this out, baby Cheesed Dick.

Why don't I suck you down and get you a 1988 Dodge Dynasty?

No questions asked, as is third chance finance.

I love it.

It'll be just like the Parthenon when Homer showed his penis to Cicero.

That's one of the most storied

events in ancient Greek history.

So let's do a smell report on the bathroom.

You know,

I'm a fair man.

Yeah.

I'm a non-biased, impartial reporter.

You are a non-binary.

I thought you said non-binary.

Sorry.

What was this?

What was the whole idea?

We were going to reset.

We were going to do a clean slate.

Clean slate starts now.

Starts now because I'm happy to report.

Because here's the thing, Adam.

I was rooting for you.

Stop's ass is doing the TV.

Stop my ass.

It's been doing it for a while.

TV's like, please get off of me.

Where is it, dude?

I don't know where the fucking remote is.

Fuck.

Maybe it's in my pussy.

Why is it shaking?

Sorry, folks, just give us a second.

We're looking for the Apple TV remote.

We need, Maria, have yet to get a verdict on the smell in the bathroom.

Oh, it's right there.

You're holding it.

It wasn't my ass after all, was it, pal?

It wasn't.

It was close to your ass.

Thank you.

Stop, it's innocent.

Okay, let's hear this bathroom.

And like I was saying, Adam.

I was rooting for you.

Yes.

That's the thing.

I'm never not rooting for you.

You are.

Sometimes you let me down.

Constantly.

I would say a lot of the time you let me down.

They let this Kyle Rittenhouse kid off.

I won't say constantly.

I'll say 55.

I feel like Kyle Rittenhouse let us all down.

Yeah.

By going there with a gun.

I agree.

Let's be honest.

He's got all these scuds.

Let's be honest.

AR-15, AK-747, 19-11.

Right.

What the hell is next?

9-11?

The gun?

Yeah, a gun that you took.

9-11, the gun?

Is that what's next?

I think it is.

They got B-52.

Everybody's watching the show Euphoria.

Euphoria who?

Me?

Not for me.

Not for me.

Not for me, pal.

That's not what I want to watch.

I'm trying to watch Andy Rooney, but he's dead.

So, Adam,

I will say, smell test, good.

You passed.

Yeah, I was watching RuPaul's drag race the other day, and the whole time I'm thinking to myself, what the hell is wrong with these women?

Why are they so sexy?

Why they do it for me way more than these disgusting frauds?

It's just a show about women wearing clothes.

And who are their gay friends that prepare their outfits?

Yeah, before they get changed.

I hate those ugly gay men

who make their outfits.

I wish it was just the hot chicks.

Men wearing women's clothes.

Oh, don't spoil it for me.

I'm still on the 3700th episode.

I haven't gotten to the end of it yet, but they tell you it's actually gay men.

I hate spoilers.

I just finished RuPaul's drag race.

I got to the final episode.

I was blown away.

That's been guys the whole time.

I have no idea.

Did anyone see that coming?

Yeah, it was a better ending than lost, yeah.

That's me.

I never saw lost.

Yeah.

What's saddest show about these people?

They can't find them or something?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, I think so.

I had trouble figuring that one out.

What are you like a 97-year-old stand-up?

Yeah, yeah.

You should not understand it.

I like this character a lot.

He's a good guy.

What is this?

What the hell is this?

A bottle of water?

They got a bottled water now.

Do they have different bottled water for the blacks?

Oh, wow.

So they forgot about it.

It is interesting to me, the second that they don't do fountains anymore.

They integrated the fountains.

People are like,

Let me just get mine in a bottle.

I got my own.

Thank you.

I'm bringing it.

Yeah.

I'm buy it at the store.

Have you ever seen that Andy Rooney 60 Minutes thing on the bottled water?

No.

Him not understanding the concept of water.

He goes in on bottled water.

Pretty good.

He's like, I walked around the office and every single woman had a bottle of water on it.

Andy Rooney was literally the fucking best.

He is the best.

There's one that I saw one time.

I think it was like a kid.

But

he's like, every day I go get a cookie at the

about the cookie coming in a plastic wrap.

And he's like, what the hell is it with the plastic wrap on the cookies now?

It takes 15 minutes to get it off.

I want to eat the cookie, not look at it.

On television.

It's like a prime time slot.

A lot of people aren't drinking the water that comes out of their faucet these days.

We've designed this roomy water bottle, and I'm going to fill it from the fountain here and see if I can sell it to the women on this floor for $1.25.

It was edited.

That's not the full thing.

And Adam fucked up again.

Adam blows it.

What is that, a clock?

How come clocks make that noise?

Tonight, Andy has a case of water on the brink.

Wait, for real?

That's the intro.

tonight.

Andy's getting a bit retarded.

You could say Andy's water-headed.

There are eight pints in a gallon.

So, if your car ran on water instead of on gas and you had to fill a 15-gallon tank with this, it would cost $162 to fill your tank with water.

It's the official bottled water of the U.S.

Open.

Beachnut added fluoride to its water.

If you have a craving for fluoride, it carries a warning.

This is not an oral electrolyte solution.

Do not use to manage diarrhea.

For the warning, Beachnut, I'll be careful not to do that.

Balbic comes from France.

Fuck is this?

There's one way to bring a bottle of water.

Saratoga Spring Water, ultra-pure Hawaii water.

This source is a virgin rainforest, it claims.

When does a rainforest lose its virginity, anyway?

That's a fancy bottle.

I bet that bottle costs more than the water.

Dasani is owned by Coca-Cola.

It says the water is treated by reverse osmosis.

Thought I tasted something funny.

We took some of these gases to a testing laboratory called Yorktown Environmental Services to see what was in them.

We talked to the owner, Al Patavani, a water expert.

From all the waters I've seen that are bottled waters,

and I probably haven't tested all of them, but they're very much dead water, is what I call them.

They have nothing in them.

I drink tap water.

The water that you get out of a municipal supply or a well supply has more chemicals that your body needs.

My office is on the same floor with the staff of the CBS Early Show, about 60 people.

Almost all the women are.

This is the best way to do the podcast.

This is, I know I say that every time you got it figured out, but this is the one.

All right, folks, this is a very special

shut up for a second.

They carry it with them wherever they are.

Just pause.

We'll get back to it, Adam.

Come on, man.

Sorry.

Come on.

This is a very special moment for the show.

What's up?

Truly, we want to stress

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I'm trying to sleep, but we keep having to do this gay-ass podcast.

This fucking gay show.

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This is the same weed Martin Luther King.

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Yeah, thank you.

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And this shit does look like good weed.

Yeah, it does.

It tastes like good weed.

Yeah.

It looks like good weed.

Smokes like it.

And they've asked me not to talk during their ad raid.

Yeah, quiet down.

I gotta pipe down a little bit.

Shut the fuck up.

Apparently I've killed their business.

That sounds like a joke.

Literally the reason.

Literally the reason this is a heartfelt send-off to our palace.

It's because

verbatim.

Somebody talked a little too much.

Verbatim.

Adam killed our sales.

That's what they said.

And listen, they haven't proven it.

Hey, stop.

You're doing it again.

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You're killing the city.

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Yeah, just get it.

Do whatever you want.

I don't give a fuck.

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Full spectrum what?

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Today, folks.

Martin Luther King would have wanted you to have a cushy dream.

He really would have wanted that.

I had a cushy dream

that one day

I would be gay.

That I would be Martin Luther King, but gay.

Oh,

Martin Luther gay dreams.

That was in the copy, by the way.

Maybe James asked us to say that word for word.

They liked it.

Oh, also, guys, I forgot to mention

if you're around on February 17th.

My name is.

I'm going to be at Caroline.

My name is Martin Luther.

I'm going to be at the Pushi.

I'm a sign.

You've already done three plugs this episode.

No, no, I've never seen it.

You've taken a break.

You've derailed the show.

What are you talking about?

Did you do all your plugs in one little block?

I did one plug.

Or don't.

I forgot one plug.

You already have done twice.

February 17th, Carolina's or Broadway.

Thank you.

Now let's get back to.

No, you got to earn that plug.

You do it.

Martin Luther Poochie Jr.

You do Martin Luther Poochie Jr.

Okay.

I have a dream that I tortured dogs for the coronavirus.

No, Poochie has a dog's pussy.

Don't you even remember Anthony Poochie?

It's all jumbled up.

No, it's not jumbled up.

It was three hours ago.

Yeah, but it might be in a future episode.

It is in a future episode.

Not for you, though.

You know who Anthony Poochie is.

You know who Anthony Pooci is, and then it gives you the benefit of the week.

You look like the guy who invented Anthony Poochie.

People are going to say you stole that bitch.

He was the guy who invented it.

Look, you think I'm mean to you, but I was setting you up.

You're one of my best friends.

He was setting you up.

I'm like,

I was confused.

I thought you were telling me not to.

I'm Tom from Miller's Crossing, and you're like Verna.

Yeah.

You're not Leo.

I'm also Leo.

I'm Tom Leo.

I'm Leo, and you're Verna.

I'm Leo.

No, you're clearly fucking.

I haven't watched it in a while.

I had a dream.

But I'm

I know who you're gonna say.

I'm not him.

No, the fat guy, of course.

John Polito's character.

What the fuck is his name?

Yeah, actually,

is he cool?

You look kind of like that guy.

Does he win at the end?

It's a question of ethics.

Doesn't John Polito kind of come out on top?

I don't know.

It's getting to be where a businessman can't fix a fight no more.

That is me, actually.

That's you.

If you can't fix a fight, what can you trust in the world?

I had a dream that I was an Italian doctor with a dog's pussy.

Bernie Burnbaum.

Is that good?

Got me, man.

I had a good time.

Thanks, bro.

Thanks.

You guys want to hear the rest of the same thing?

Johnny Casper.

Who's Johnny Casper right now?

Johnny Casper is John Polito's character's name.

Does he win in the movie?

You're asking me if you can kill Bernie Birnbaum.

I say no.

That's a bad play, Leo.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't Leo over his head?

Leo's over his head because he's like, he's nuts-over for Verna.

Right, he wants Verna's pussy.

And he doesn't realize Tom's fucking her.

And Verna's just trying to protect her brother, who Johnny Casper wants to kill.

I see.

And Leo won't let Johnny Casper kill Bernie Birnbaum because of his attachment to Verna.

Right, Verna Birnbaum, or whatever the fuck.

So it's the woman that's got Leo fucked up.

Otherwise, Tom would just tell him, let him whack fucking Bernie down.

Yeah, who gives a fuck?

Because Bernie Birnbaum is a homosexual.

Oh, right.

Okay.

It's all coming back to that.

That's the title.

And he's having an affair with that.

And it's all coming back.

He's having an affair with Fink when you saw

Steve Buscemi, who's the Dane, who is Johnny Casper's

muscle, is gay with Fink.

And then Fink is fucking Burnbaum.

There's a lot of interesting layers.

It is a perfect movie.

It's a great flick.

Yeah.

You said you would.

You said you didn't get it.

Not yet, Adam.

there's a silence.

Not until

I'm done repeating lines from Miller's Crossing.

As I was.

You said you would die.

You said you didn't care about Leo.

I said I was.

You remember those classic lines?

Yeah, I remember that.

From Miller's Crossing.

Try this one on for size.

Miller's Penis.

Yep.

How about that?

Miller's motherfucking penis.

Jesus, Tom, I just asked you to show me your cock.

Why don't you show me your cock first, Leo?

That's good stuff.

Okay, where were we, Adam?

Go ahead.

Tap water.

The water that you get out of a municipal supply or a well supply has more chemicals that your body needs.

My office is on the same floor with the staff of the CBS Early Show, about 60 people.

Almost all the women working there have a bottle on their desk.

It's like a security blanket.

It's always there.

They carry it with them wherever they go.

I think more women than men drink bottled water too.

Out by the elevator here, there's a water fountain.

The water is cooled very good, and the filter is changed regularly.

I have never seen anyone drink this free water.

So maybe I'll try and get in on this bottled water boot.

We've designed this Rooney water bottle, and I'm going to fill it from the fountain here and see if I can sell it to the women on this floor for a dollar twenty-five.

I'm going to see if I can take a peek at the pussies of the women on the floor.

He made his own water.

That's awesome.

That's really interesting.

That's so sick that that was his job.

It's like a security blanket for these broads.

These fucking dumb bitches.

That's cool.

That guy was really cool.

He got to just do rants.

He got to do rants about things he didn't understand.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I wanna suck on a dick.

It's all coming back to me.

When you suck on my dick.

When you fuck on my hat.

And I put on a dress and I'm all having sex with men.

I'm a girl.

I'm wearing girls' clothes.

And I'm taking pills to turn me into a girl.

Now I'm growing breasts.

When did that start?

When did my penis fall off and now I have a pussy?

It used to be I had a penis.

It used to be I had a cock and I could stand up when I pissed.

Not anymore.

Not if the Democrats have their way.

What is going on?

Why am I turning trans?

That would be awesome if he was like, I am turning into a woman because of the Democrats.

Imagine you're peeing and your penis falls off and then you have to sit down to finish the pee.

Sound crazy?

Nope.

It's real.

It happened to me.

And it's happening to me.

It happened to me this morning.

We can't let Biden win, or I'm going to grow a pussy.

President Biden wants it to happen to you.

Damn, I'm going to put on Tuffy Collison tonight.

We're almost at Tucker time.

8 p.m., Rick?

Tucker Prime Minister.

You know what I found out?

And I got the DVR recording it.

Fucking BET Friday nights.

Three episodes of New York under.

Oh, that's awesome.

I've been looking for that show on DVD.

It doesn't stream anywhere?

No.

It's got to be on something.

No, dude.

No, you couldn't find it forever.

And I mean it.

When I say, like, going back to like 2009, I was like searching for that.

That was a classic show.

But now, when there's a hundred fucking streamers, somebody must have had it in their library.

New.

Really?

Not even like

Paramount Plus or Peacock Peacock or some shit?

No, no, no, no, no.

Wow.

Showtime?

No.

Interesting.

That was a fucking sick show.

Dude, it's awesome.

Yeah, I used to watch it.

It used to come on late at night.

When you suck on my dick, and it's...

Oh,

it's streaming on Philo.

The fuck is Philo?

It's a Greek

streaming service.

Pedophilo.

It's $25 a month.

For Philo?

Yeah.

It's so expensive.

Well, because all their content is probably just for autistic guys like me.

They're like,

I guess I have to.

I'll do my own voice.

Thank you.

You fucking piece of shit.

Where did that come from?

I don't know.

Says all right.

The dark side of the moon.

Says already that one from earlier?

From, yeah, from the future.

I love calling back spits from the future.

Yeah, we had a good dark side of the moon.

Oh, yeah.

Dark chocolate demand.

It made a lot of sense, I remember.

Like most of the things on the show.

Philo, you get 60 channels for $25 a month.

Oh, it's like live TV?

I guess it's one of those live.

Adam subscribes to a channel called Pilo, which is a streaming service for people who sit down when they pee.

Why do they do this?

Because they're gay.

Tucker, shut up.

Check.

That's so fucked up.

It's only on Philo.

But probably thinking, what the hell is Philo?

Is it gay?

Is it for gay guys?

Yes.

Tucker makes a lot of good points.

He's a channel for gay people.

And your children can tune in whenever they want.

Whenever they want.

Oh, shit, what's the cat up to?

Just sprinted.

Yeah.

When's the last time you had some Philo dough, Adam?

I don't remember.

Oh, there's a really good place that does baklava in Oakland Gardens and Queens.

Oakland Gardens.

And if you're driving out to Long Island, you pass it.

Bro, there's good baklava in fucking Astoria.

We got plenty of fucking.

There's this type of

bread called

Chala.

Bobka.

Bobka.

Bobka.

Damn.

Bobka's good chicken.

Bobka is really good.

Can you imagine Bobka French toast?

Yeah, I have.

I've had it.

Shut up.

Just shut up.

I've had it.

Just shut up.

Is it chocolate chip?

I'll take you out for popcap French toast.

Where I know a place that doesn't.

And why haven't you?

Is the question.

Well, we'll go.

You know, I would love that.

Remember when we had those shitty dumplings?

We could have been having vopka French toast.

That restaurant my sister used to work at in the West Village.

They did Bobka French toast.

It was crazy.

Your sister lived here for like, what, two weeks?

Like a year.

That was a whole year?

Something like that.

Dude, shit was...

Our lives have gone.

They're leaving, dude.

Did she have her own apartment?

She lived in my old spot.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

That was a nice apartment.

Yeah, she lived with Tony and Kaylee.

Where's this?

That's Hong Kong.

Fuck yeah, dude.

I'm trying to go.

I'm trying to go to that pink building.

When you suck on my dick.

Hog long, hog long Hong Kong.

And you fuck on my ass.

And you fuck my mouth.

And you call me a fan.

And I can't find my dick.

Did we just watch the fucking last Christmas George Michael music video?

Yeah, put it on.

It's one of the funniest things in the world.

Put it on, Wolf.

Just him pretending to be shit.

Because he does this, like,

I feel weird even doing it.

Yeah, so.

He's like laughing at something, and he's like,

a gay laugh.

Yeah, but yeah, but there's no sound.

I mean, it's like, yeah, yeah.

We'll describe it.

Last music video, George Michael.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

I'm kind of sad it's not Christmas anymore.

Last Christmas music video, George Michael, YouTube.

Amazing song.

It's already queued up.

Oh, say you're 45 plus.

Here we go.

Alright.

This is sick.

Yeah, it's the mountains.

They're driving.

They're driving up in some cool Jeeps that do honestly look awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that awesome blonde like

highlight mohawks.

He's waving to a woman.

Yeah, yeah,

it's a Joann's Fabrics kind of woman.

It's about to hit.

She's like a it's Christmas and he's with his girlfriend.

And he's showing he's got the new bitch because she fucked up.

She fucked up.

She's like, oh, I blew it with this homosexual.

He's like seeing all the friends.

He's the most feminine person here.

Everyone's got a mullet, too.

It's sick.

Give her someone special.

Rodan.

Yeah.

Boom, boom, boom.

They're going up the ski lift.

It's a nice video, actually.

He's already talking to the guy.

There's a little sexual tension between him and the boyfriend.

Last Christmas, you fucking blew it.

So now I brought a new bitch and I'm fucking your man.

He's the bell of the ball.

Everybody loves George Michael.

It's a bunch of friends.

A bunch of bitches with weird haircuts.

Look how upset she is.

Dude, I would love to smash that bitch.

I know.

She's got a cool hair.

I like her haircut.

She's fire.

Yeah.

Adam, just keep the mic on the speaker, please.

Damn, I'm about to start crying.

This is an emotional song.

It is.

Is he sort of a hero?

Yeah, absolutely.

Because most Greek men try to deny our ancient homosexuality.

Right.

And he did for a while.

What he did is he embraced being homosexual but denied being Greek.

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

We're still waiting for our Messiah who does both.

You say Pet Field is just a byproduct of philosophy.

Yeah, you think too much, dude.

You'll excuse anything.

You do enough thought experiments.

I mean, he is the baddest bitch here.

Oh my god, look at him.

He's hotter than these women.

He's got better makeup.

Is that the other guy in Wham?

It is.

Dude, I mean, he's fucking...

If a woman looked at me that way, I would get so horny.

Everyone's bored.

Everyone's having a good time.

Suppose this is, what, like 1984?

They'd be fucking ripped.

Yeah.

They'd be on fucking...

They'd be yaked out.

Yeah.

They're like, well, our generation's the best.

We're never going to die.

We stop saying the N-word and let black people live in open-air prisons in the cities.

Oh, now he's chasing her.

They're having a cute little.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

He's going to get some snow pussy.

I would love some snow pussy by the fire.

Yeah.

Oh, they're remembering last Christmas.

Oh, and she's fucking doing the brochure.

Oh, fuck.

Very next day,

The next day, bitch, you gave the heart away, bitch.

I would be fucked up to go on vacation with the bitch that fucking curved you the year before.

I would never do that.

You can talk at him.

Don't worry about Nick.

It's a wild move.

Now put it back, though.

Not too much.

Alright, they're all the group is all going.

The group is all going somewhere Maybe they're leaving

Is that really it there's nothing is he not gonna fuck the old bitch

Next year

You know what I might do a little Chinese food tonight not a bad idea.

I think I'm gonna go eat like a whole box of cereal and go to bed at like 9 p.m.

Why?

Just because Jordan said it?

Huh?

Just because Jordan said it?

You know, I didn't even realize it, but yeah.

Yeah.

It just got into my fat brain.

Yeah.

all right.

Yeah, I made a joke about it.

So, what happened?

He doesn't get the girl back.

I don't know.

What I forgot while we were watching it,

he just stays with his new bitch.

I zoned out.

I started thinking about General Foe's chicken again.

Nice.

Where do you get Charles?

Really good.

Honestly, they're all the fucking same.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, order.

It's more expensive, but order from Birds of a Feather.

Well, folks, thanks for sticking around for

George Michael Corner.

From Chicago this weekend.

And to play us off, we're going to have Eugene Carroll describe Bergdorf Goodsman's holiday sales.

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