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We good?
We going?
Hit record on us and looks like we're ready.
Record.
Looks like we're ready to go.
Go ahead and pwn to replay.
Well, record this fucking dick.
We're here with Bo and Yang.
And learn to suck again.
Bowen Yang
who just recently left SNL.
I didn't know that.
Last night.
Yeah, I did.
I left to open a.
I'm opening a KB Toys.
That'd be fucking
sick.
That's a bad career move, but that would be sick because I miss KB Toys.
Bitt Romney put them out of business.
I spent all my money.
Corporate arbitrage.
That fucking piece.
What do you work for?
Brain Capital?
Adam learned the word arbitrage.
He has said it a bunch of times.
My new word.
He did say he said it four times when we were having lunch.
And he was like, dude, did you hear about this kid who went YOLO with crypto arbitrage?
Oh, yeah, the new new billionaire.
What was the point of you telling us that story?
Were we supposed to think this?
Well, that's what we're supposed to be doing.
No.
We're supposed to quit the show and go full crypto.
I'm trying to recruit.
That's not me, dude.
I've said it 100% times.
I'm Greek.
I'm going to buy a house.
I'm going to be a landlord.
And I'm going to run a restaurant.
You are the financial guy.
Although Nick is the online guy.
I'm not the financial guy.
I'm retired from online.
I'm just talking about the ways we're going to use our money after the show.
Traditional
banking and you, internet stuff, and me,
landlord restaurant.
Wait, can I get to share a little tidbit?
And by the way, Greek people are allowed to be landlord restaurants.
Can I share a little fact that I learned the other day?
I mean, we do have Bo and Yang here.
Okay, this is as
go ahead.
First of all, thanks for having me.
I'm opening a KB toy.
Okay, great.
Thanks for having me.
I found out.
Oh, you're Bo and Yang?
I'm Bo and Yang.
Thanks for having me.
And I found out recently that there is a
correlation between, I forget the actual technical term, my friend was telling me this the other night.
Between the.
Are you Adam or Bowen Yang?
I'm Bone Yang.
Okay.
You sound exactly the same.
I'm doing the character, Bo and Yang.
Go ahead.
Between the distance between the base of the balls and the anus.
It's like.
Are you sure this isn't just Adam?
This is weekend update.
No, okay.
Okay, listen.
There is a correlation.
This sounds like something Adam would know.
And the distance,
there is a correlation between the distance
between
the base of the balls and the anus that correlates with homo or heterosexuality.
Is that reality?
Yes.
And the smaller the distance, the higher correlation there is with homosexuality.
If your balls are close to your ass,
you're gay.
And on average, the distance is shrinking.
What?
And a lot of people attribute it to the existence of microplastics so do you think I know this is pseudoscience and I know that as Bo and Yang this is something that I overheard someone else say why do you have to be bow and yang but I did take well I thought we were having bow and yang on the show okay I guys I was thinking he's related to that Andrew Yang guy I don't think so
well to hold on here because I noticed they both got the same last name
and on top of that they're both gay Chinese guys I don't believe Bo is Chinese
Well, I guess that puts that to bed.
And I don't believe Andrew is busy.
And Andrew is bi.
Yeah, I think he's bi.
Is he?
Or I think he's he's
pan.
He's Sapio.
Sapio, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He only folks if you're going forward.
Yeah, he's only attracted to
radical centrists.
Anyway, I know this is pseudoscience.
I want to have sex with the trolley from the trolley problem.
I want to reach out to you.
You want to put your cock on the rails?
There's a sh a lever that directs the trolley into my ass.
That's awesome.
I think that's just called Bit Straight.
And it says, how come nobody's ever thought of this?
Yep, the third rail.
The third rail.
That goes into my ass.
The third rail of politics.
That would be you saving the world.
You save both people, both tracks, by putting the trolley in your ass.
Anyone ever do the trolley running over all the people and killing them and then pulling into Mr.
Rogers' house?
And he's like, well, hey, Mr.
Trolley.
Yeah, it's got blood all over the trolley.
And he's like, I don't want to talk about it.
He's like, I had a hard fucking day, Mr.
Rogers.
I always have to do that.
You can bring that blood to me.
You can bring that blood by me.
I already have the HIV antibodies.
Seriously?
That's true.
He had HIV once.
Mr.
Rogers.
Yeah, he doesn't need the HIV vaccine.
I'm going to be the gay guy that's taking ivermectin to prevent HIV.
So throwing out all my prep and barebacking.
I've got ivermectin.
Anyway, so yeah, why don't we have more gay conspiracy theorists?
They do.
It's impossible.
There's no way that you would ever be able to hear from them.
Why?
Why?
Because would have, because it doesn't fit into people's brains.
Because everyone's got into my brain, dude.
Everyone's got these little peg cold brains.
Not me.
I'm open to everything.
Well, the gay one does.
Same reason you don't hear about the anti-vax BLM protests.
We hear about it.
Well, I hear about it, and I tell you about it against your wishes.
No, I'm not.
That's because you're part of it.
I love information.
You said, I already told you my wishes.
Chocolate.
Wish number two.
Chocolate river.
Decadence.
That is true.
Absolute decadence.
I want silk that perhaps is made out of strawberries.
Yes.
No, just regular silk.
A team of oompa loompas assisting you.
But they have
acquisition of chocolate.
But they have fat titties.
I want fat-titted oompa loompas.
Green hair, red faces, fat-titted.
I would fuck a fat-titted oompaloompa.
It'd be great if Apple had without question.
Tim Cook dies, and then they have Tim Cookie, like a fat CEO.
It's like the new iPhone is made out of chocolate.
It costs $15,000.
You're just jeering.
Hell yeah.
All the nerds are lining up for the new one.
The benefit is you can slowly eat it.
So by the time the new iPhone comes out, you've already run out.
You need a new one.
We're rethinking the term candy bar phone.
How are they getting away with this iPhone 13?
It looks exactly like the 12.
Yeah, I mean, that's been the deal for the last fucking year.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
They're all exactly the same.
The 11 looks different from the 12.
Really?
The 11 is like curved at least.
Not really.
The 12 is
literally Apple's Apple has been
like almost a decade now.
Yeah,
if it was not for iMessage, I would have gotten a fucking That's literally the only thing that's locked everybody in is iMessage.
Every other piece of shit, every other product they have is fucking garbage.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've been a Mac guy since I was fucking in high school.
The next computer I get will be a PC.
I thought you have a PC.
But I mean, my next laptop.
I have a next laptop.
Yeah, my desktop's a PC.
Yeah.
All my Zoom podcasting happens on a fucking PC.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Personal computer.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh.
Ooh.
A penisal computer.
Ooh, how about that?
No, that sucks.
That's me.
Don't bully your girl, dude.
He's putting his finger in a cat's ear.
That's gross, dude.
It also feels bad.
She likes it.
Look.
She is actually snuggling up to you more.
But she's a fucking, because you're doming her.
She's like, she's horny.
She's desperate for love.
It's called sunning.
And young everywhere are doing it, dude.
Sunning each other?
Yeah.
They're calling it sunning.
And young are doing it to each other, jamming up the education system.
I was feeling to do my homework, and then someone came by and sunned me, and I can't do my homework.
What did he say to you?
He called me a bitch.
Classic.
Educators are wondering what they can do to refocus young and get them back on share.
Okay, Charlotte,
we really can't have you saying that.
You can't be writing your own copy on the book is broadcast news just read the teleprompter albert brooks is like i really think this story could go somewhere i really want to produce this segment
that movie sally fields is like will this make a man love me i haven't seen it
that movie is like one of those first half great second half boring
type of movies kind of like your dick a lot actually it's a bad movie a lot of james l brooks movies are first half pretty good.
Who's James L.
Brooks?
The guy that made that movie?
James L.
Brooks, that you know from The Simpsons.
Oh, really?
Also, the director and writer of broadcast news.
Wait, Broadcast News?
Is that the one where the guy's head explodes?
No.
What?
Isn't there a movie about news?
You're thinking of scanners.
No, I'm not.
You're thinking of the movie Scanners.
And that's nothing that's young David Crony.
No, no, no.
Isn't that a movie?
That's a Canadian beat.
Where some guy's like, I'm not going to take it anymore.
His head doesn't exist.
That's network.
That's network.
You've combined network and scanners.
That's not from.
I'm mad as hell.
I thought the guy's head exploded in that movie.
You're literally thinking of scanners.
Okay.
Yeah.
I was going to watch scanners recently, but I just.
It's called scanning.
And young everywhere are getting into it.
Their heads are exploding.
Young Canadian
are getting into scanning each other in Toronto.
I didn't know that.
You're watching Channel 7 Hard R News.
Just read the teleprompter.
Wow.
Okay,
I love you.
Oh, my God.
Hard news.
Hard beep.
News.
And,
you know, although I won't be in Toronto, I will be this week in Phoenix tomorrow when you're hearing this.
And actually, today when this comes out, Toronto of Arizona.
Today, when this comes out, there's a hot pantheon to go to.
All right.
And they'll be in Phoenix this weekend, 14th to the 16th.
Actually, he's going to be in Phoenix.
I will not be in Phoenix.
Venus Starizona.
I'll be in
a star.
I will not be in Venus Darazona from the 14th to the 6th.
Staring.
Stop going on stage, everybody clapping.
It dies down.
He's like, thanks, guys, for coming out.
You know, I was fine.
And then he just notices some guys bulge in the front row.
And he just goes,
he just goes catatonic and he's drooling.
That's like 20 minutes, and people are like, Stop, are you okay?
You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, and I just do it.
But breakfast is, what was I saying?
And then Madison, I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin from the 21st to the 23rd.
Dude, what you should do is halfway through.
Detroit and Columbus.
Halfway through your set, start plugging your dates in other cities on stage.
No, I like doing stand-up.
Yeah.
And then Detroit and Columbus, and then New Orleans.
And then also, I'll be doing an hour here in New York City as part of the New York Comedy Festival at Gotham on November 10th.
And I tell you, if you want t-shirts for the holiday season, you want gifts, you got to order them now because I'm fed up with the print shop and I'm going to switch to another print shop.
And so the store will obviously have to be down for a while.
And you know, you want to get the orders in now.
So you get get those in.
Somebody who owns a print shop emailed me and I will email them back.
And it's sort of first come, first serve for a business that does about $400,000 a year in gross revenue.
So there's money.
When you hear that, Nick's making too much money.
Buy your t-shirts at stavi.biz slash shop.
It's evidence that the t-shirts are better.
I wouldn't say that.
I think, you know,
we all want to support equally.
I know this is a socialist podcast.
They're union shirts.
As is this, as ours are mine?
No, they're not.
Yeah, huh?
How do you know that?
Because I asked.
Who?
I emailed the check.
What check?
I emailed the.
You emailed the check.
I talked to the guy at the fucking.
I talked to the guys over there at the place.
Where is it?
Where's the place?
I called him up, and I asked him.
What's his name?
I fucking spoke to him.
I don't think you did, pal.
You're asking me this question.
I don't think you did, Chief.
You're over here asking questions like I'm some kind of, like, you know, like this is fucking 20 questions up here.
That's true.
I am doing that.
People don't listen to me.
Look, the important thing is Phoenix this weekend, Madison next weekend, Pantheon today,
fucking Detroit, Columbus, New Orleans, Tampa, Boston.
It's all happening, folks.
And I don't want to give anything away.
We might be adding a little LA date in December.
So keep your little fucking, keep your little fucking ears open for that motherfucker.
But yeah, stabby.biz slash tour.
Stavi.biz slash, I don't know, merch or shop or some shit.
To help, you know, buy my mother a nice Christmas gift.
Actually, if you know what a good mixer is, I'm going to buy my mom a couch and I'm going to buy her a new stand mixer.
If anybody has a mixer,
get the kitchen aid.
I got a nice Christmas gift for your mom.
It's the standard.
It's like the vitamin.
Get the kitchen.
Is it the best one?
Yeah, yeah, it's the best one.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I want to get her the best one.
Yeah, get the kitchen A one.
Get that one.
Get it with the pasta attachment.
Well, that's what I was going to say.
I don't know if you have a Costco membership.
I do.
Then get it.
Yeah, get it there.
Really?
Yeah.
I want the Cadillac.
Nothing's too good for my mama.
Well,
the unit itself is like the same, pretty much.
I think they only have like like two sizes, but when you get it at Costco, you get like the bundle attachments.
I fucked up buying the Vitamix, buying any kind of vacuum.
That's the shit you always want to buy.
If you're going to get like one of the nice ones, that's the shit you always want to buy.
Anything goes wrong, take it back.
Not only that, but it comes with all the shit.
So it's always a bundle package.
And I will also say, for the record, I already got a very nice gift for your mother.
What did you get her?
Well, I'm in the market for a new mother.
You bought her a package.
I got her the Jewish son she's listening to.
I'm dreaming of.
Look, my mom is more than happy.
You want to ever come over, eat a pastry, tell somebody your problems?
My mom will absolutely.
No joke.
I know the starters a bit.
You're always welcome to come get a big hug from Lil V.
We went out for lunch with George
one day.
Maybe Nick was there too.
Nick Halkius was there too.
Yes.
But I think I went in for the hug after lunch, and I got to tell you, incredible.
It felt really nice to me.
She's one of the best huggers of all time.
She's a big pair of tits.
They're nice.
Nice mom titties.
Your mom has a very nurturing pair of breasts.
They're calling her Mrs.
They weaned me, bro.
You know, those are some big fat ones, dude.
Dude.
They survived breastfeeding me.
Venetia, if you're listening, I would love to hug you again.
Dude, you're always welcome to get a hug.
I'm Venetia to suck my dick.
No, you need to watch your teeth.
That doesn't even make sense.
Teens are saying it.
No one is saying that.
What kind of teens you ask?
Young teens.
No, they're not.
All over the Chicago School District.
Chicago.
They know my mom in Chicago.
They know her and they know her well.
Yeah, you're welcome anytime, Adam.
So her gift is kind of more of a gift for myself.
Yeah, it's just for men.
It's just for men.
Is it a picture of you having sex with guys?
I'll take your silence as a yes.
Oh, you're asking me.
No.
Okay,
I love you!
I love you too, Jackie.
That's my answer.
Thanks, man.
You know, I love that he's like
a Hong Kong Beijing agitator now.
He's pro-Hong Kong?
He's pro-Beijing.
What, but he's from Hong Kong.
I know, but he's pro-Hongpian.
Gotta go.
You gotta go, CCP.
Smart move, Jackie.
It's gonna be great.
He joined the Yankees.
It's gonna be great.
Join the Yankees.
That'd be like me stop rooting for the Orioles to fucking root for the Yankees.
Fuck that.
Fuck the Yankees.
He grew up in Beatentown and Southeast Projects.
Now he's playing first base for the Yankees.
It would be great if China just goes in
and decimates Taiwan in like six months.
By Jackie Chan doing karate.
Yeah, goes in there.
Jackie Chan, he's going to kill the whole army.
He's going to do one of those fake drunk things, right?
Oh, Jackie, you drunk again.
Yeah.
And nothing is done about it.
I would love to see that.
And I'm not saying that just despite the United States.
Because honestly, it's none of our damn business.
But good for China.
China should be unified.
Look, you've set yourself up as we know where you're fleeing.
Once the great war comes.
Fleeing.
Hold on.
Fleeing.
Never.
That's a disgusting word.
I would never flee anything.
I'm making a choice.
He's de facto.
I'm emigrating for better opportunities.
Yep.
And we will be seeing Nick.
I can't wait to hear you.
I'm moving to the Lower East side of China and starting the white guy community.
Yeah, yeah.
Lower East side of China.
Yeah, you're gonna have my laundry across.
You're gonna have a fruit cart.
Yeah, I'm selling dog meat.
Like the Chinese,
like, oh, business is not so good.
I don't, you know, I can't put food on the table for these Chinese have us living in the worst
living in Lower East Side China tenements
trying to sell dog meat to these Chinese.
12 white men to a room, it's disgusting.
Yeah, dude.
Everybody
watching NFL games games on their little ass T Vs, everybody huddling around.
I would love that, dude.
I would love to be
an American refugee living in China in the Lower East side of China.
Lower East side of China?
Change your name to Feival.
Yeah.
Fuckville.
That's my name.
Fuckville.
Fuckville gets head.
The Saul Bellow of China.
That's a cool name.
Yeah.
Bellow is awesome.
Yeah,'cause they can't say it.
That's what we would do.
We would move over there and choose names.
Everybody's name Larry and
Larry Laronzio.
Lorella.
Lorella Rowe.
Yeah, my name's Larry Lorella Row.
The Chinese cops being like, Let me give me your paper.
Let me see your paper.
And you're like,
I'm Lawrence Rolo.
You your funeral, pal.
And you hand it to him.
And then it's like in scanners.
Yeah.
His head just fucking pops.
The cop said.
I think you're thinking of networking.
Yeah, I'm thinking of network.
Network.
Like, it's a rock of the movie network.
His head broke up.
When he the name.
He lit a name on his head bro up.
Yeah, I'm going to watch all those movies.
So Broadcasting News is just a bullshit movie then?
Broadcast News is guy.
The first act is a watchable movie.
You know what his best movie is?
I'll go on the record of saying this.
Please.
Spanglish.
Love that movie.
Oh, that guy made Spanglish?
He made Spanglish, too.
That never looked good to me.
That came out when I was fully 100% an Adam Sandler.
I watched it with it no matter what I'm doing
with my parents at home.
And I also wanted to fuck Penelope Cruz as everyone does.
How about Adam Sandland?
But it just Adam Demand her to give me pussy.
And instead of Adam Sandler, it's Adam Demander.
Adam Demandler to give me pussy.
And it's him.
He's like, I got a fucking god.
Let me get some pussy.
I'll kill you.
Oh, we'll call him.
Yeah, that's good.
He does the yelly
demand
for some pussy.
Demandler.
Demandler pussy.
My mama said, I think it's a pussy.
You can do it.
Call me rape.
Yeah.
That we should get all the guys back for an anti-vaccine pro-rape.
Murderer's Row, dude.
We got Rob Schneider.
Rob Schneider would 100% be there.
Adam Sandler.
I don't think there's Spain.
We got to get Spade in the mix.
Jim Brewer would be there.
Yeah.
That guy that talks like this.
You know that guy?
Yeah, that guy.
That guy's a guy.
That guy fucking rules.
If you want pussy, you just got to rape a girl.
You just got to take it.
We get Grandma's Boy Guy.
Oh, Grandma's Boy Guy.
Yeah.
No one knows that guy's name.
I don't even think he has a name.
Who, the guy who played the boss?
No, the main guy in Grandma's Boy.
Nick Swarzen's a secondary character, but he's also invited.
who's the main guy and grandma's boy the guy
the the grandma's boy nick swartson
nick swordson lives with his parents in a raised car bed in that movie oh oh no but the guy's naked the guy in the loincloth the naked oh the loincloth oh that's just like no that's what i was thinking about you're right there's another guy the loincloth he was gay he was gay in big daddy he he had a he was gay in big daddy right and in another movie he had a big cock
okay i don't remember that he was like pissing next to adam sandler Sandler, and Adam Sandler was like, whoa,
he was like, maybe his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.
And it was like, hey, to meet the nice penis.
And the movie's brought to you by Cushy Dreams.
Oh, yes, it is.
Which Adam, you want to rifle through that stack of papers over there?
Cushy Dreams are
going to appreciate the beauty of autumn.
It was nice.
I got back.
I got off the plane yesterday, and I was like, ooh, it's fall out, this bitch.
I had a real cozy day, got some apple cider.
skushy dreams smoke your cbd because you can come on man that's the closer no that's their slogan you're blowing it you open it with a slogan you close it with the slogan you don't no you save it at the end for fucking for effect listen especially a slogan that good you don't want to blow your wand coming back all right all right i listen i don't want to fucking i don't want to i don't want to joe slogan Joe Slogan.
Joe Slogan.
He's like, I don't know.
I tell you what, man.
I'm loving it.
Yeah.
yeah.
You could have it your way.
You got a lot of guys, you know, a lot of guys in this league that'll
look at, they'll look at you in the eye and they'll tell you, bad, bad, bad.
I'm loving it.
I'm Joe Slogan.
That's good.
They're saying, you know, should you get the vaccine?
Yeah, if you're in a high-risk group, certainly.
But if you're under the age of 40 and you're an athlete, you're in shape, then
fuck them.
We'll leave the light on for you.
You know what I'm Then when you're here, you're family.
We got the meats.
Yeah.
Where's the beef?
I'll tell you where it is in these mystery experimental vaccines.
I'll tell you what, brother.
We got Milo Yiannapouse on the show, and he is one
AA beep beep MCO, if you know what I'm talking about.
Double A
MCO.
Yeah, I can't believe that I've done that before.
Listen to me.
Cushy Dreams.
For sure.
Did Did I do it?
Yes.
And then Adam just copied it right now.
I just said AAB Peep MCO, and then you remember that you could also be.
There's 100% chance Nick's done that before.
That's a famous.
This is so funny because now I'm like, I'm in a debilitated state.
I have dementia.
I don't remember anything.
And like the notebook, Adam's just reading me my own jokes back to me.
But
pretending he came up with all that.
And it's romantic.
And it's a Nicholas Sparks romance.
I'm a man.
It's romantic.
I'm in a wheelchair with an actor.
I'm up to my neck, and I'm just scared.
And I'm like, I don't remember anything.
You wrote all these jokes.
You loved me because I was the funniest guy you'd ever met.
Yeah, and I kiss you.
I kiss you.
You mean.
You're like, now give me the fucking, the, the,
you mean, give me your private crypto keys.
You mean I sucked a regular horse's penis, and then you start crying, and then I kiss you.
That is our
classic of our lives.
That's a classic mold.
Okay, they specialize in extraordinary CBD-rich hemp flour, aka butt, pre-roll, and buddha joints.
And there are two options for those.
You get a 0.5 roll, pre-roll, or you get a 3.5 vacuum sealed.
Okay, you didn't have to yawn.
It's pretty interesting stuff.
Oh, I'm yawning because out of pleasure.
Okay.
Well, I do that too sometimes.
And they do a 3.5 vacuum sealed.
I don't remember doing it this way.
Okay.
Join the group of the...
No, no, it sounds way better when you do it.
Okay.
You don't commit enough.
I'm not as good.
You make it risk by not doing it.
By not doing it good enough.
I know it's not.
You have to want it as bad as you want to.
Nick is honoring.
Yeah, Nick is honoring the baby.
He's honoring Desi culture.
To lay down a beautiful baby girl.
Similar to how Justin Trudeau
is honoring a genie culture.
Black genie culture.
Black genie culture.
I got fucking rocks to kiss and love a baby girl.
And guess what, guys?
Join the group of adults who are sick of vapes and gummies and want to smoke their CBD, and it ships to all 50.
I hate to say it.
Fuck vapes.
Fuck gummies.
Fuck that kind of shit.
I'm a fucking man.
I smoke my fucking CBD.
And I don't say this to a lot of people, but I'm on fucking probation and I don't like breaking the law.
And you can legally get this stuff in the mail.
That's right.
There is no, I have an ankle bracelet on right now.
So Adam was charged.
Because you can.
Adam was charged with
voyeurism at the Planet Fitness men's locker room, which he was allowed to be in, but he was looking so hornily.
It was a crime.
Adam was that he was in the men's bathroom at the YMCA and he had a pair of binoculars that were cartoonishly extended with they had like rickety wheels on the end.
And they were facing out of the window from the bathroom at the boys' school about a mile away.
No, I was in the ladies' locker room.
Masturbating looking through the porky's hole at the guys, yeah.
And what I got in trouble for was being in the ladies' locker room.
And you're like, Your honor, I'm gay.
Your honor, I was being gay.
Your honor, your honor.
The trial of a century.
The trial of a century.
Arrested for being in the ladies' locker room, but defending himself.
The prosecutor was like, Well, then we'll put him in jail for being gay.
But you didn't charge him with that.
It's double jeopardy.
It's double jeopardy.
And that is what that movie should have been about.
It looks like high quality.
Have you seen that movie at any time recently?
No, I haven't seen that movie.
It's really fucking bad, dude.
It's very funny to watch.
But do they fuck
Morgan Freeman?
No, fucking Tommy Lee Jones and Morgan Freeman.
And Morgan Freeman.
Put it in my ass.
Put it in my mouth.
Put it in my ear.
I want you to fuck every hole on my body.
I wanted you to fuck every hole on my body.
I can't do Tommy Lee Jones.
It's who that was supposed to be.
You're good at that.
That was Tommy Lee Jones.
I can't hear his voice in my head, so I don't know what, like,
you can't.
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Yeah, that's what you sound like.
I'm vaping.
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When you don't buy fucking CBD from the people that give us money, that's what you sound like.
It does not get you high.
There is next to no TF.
It makes you feel nice.
But it makes you feel real noise.
I'm bringing back saying noise, guys.
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It was what Mark had a kusha dream.
Used to chief
in Selma, Alabama.
White fucking kids and black kids get high together on fake weed.
Now, let's hear from Towley.
Hey, Baby.
Hey, Baby.
Way back, Baby.
Hitch Pro Racism's pretty fucked up.
Racism's bad, isn't it?
The fucking crossover of the century.
Yeah, I'm a town.
Tally and fucking
LK Jr.
I'm a fucking town.
Man, Tally was awesome, man.
They brought him back.
Really?
Dude, I watched one of the newer South Parks.
Is it funny stuff?
They've rebranded the show where it's just called Tegrity Farms or whatever.
And it's like, it's about Randy's weed farm.
Oh, yeah.
Randy goes into weed now.
Wait, wait, South Park?
Yeah, South Park is just called Tegrity.
I mean, it's called South Park, but Tegrity, like the show starts off, and the intro is just Tegrity Farm.
I mean, I'm also, I barely pay attention to anything, so I'm just confused as to what's
been one episode.
Is it still funny or no?
It was a couple episodes.
Oh, interesting.
It's still funny.
They still got it.
They got Towley.
They got Towley as his business partner.
Oh, I thought they were going to make him join the Towley band.
Oh, Towley.
I'm hi.
That's awesome.
Great character.
Dude, what are they doing?
And also, Mr.
Dookey, what was the fucking piece of shit's name?
Mr.
Dookie, the Christmas Poo?
Mr.
Hankey.
Mr.
Hanky.
Mr.
Hankey.
He's the Christmas Pooh.
I love him and he loves me.
I love you.
Those characters were originally supposed to be ironic or some shit.
I don't know.
But I think they were perfect for children.
I was third and fourth grade when that shit was.
Well, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, I think that was all because that was like the first episode is Mr.
Hankey.
That's the first episode of South Park?
Yeah, it's early on.
So that was like...
They were probably both like, probably 13 and 14 years old when they wrote that.
Nice.
Yeah, because the show has been on since they were in middle school.
Yeah.
They're actually around our age.
They're about our age.
It is wild how, like, I mean.
Yeah, season one, episode nine.
You can check in that show, and it's still good for a laugh here and there.
Yeah.
I guess because it didn't have like the kind of precipitous decline that The Simpsons did.
Well, it's been the same guys the whole time.
It's been the same guys the whole time, but it's just, yeah, it's impressive how much,
you know,
there's like 30 seasons of that show.
And I think they've been fairly immune to,
sorry to bring up this term, but canceled culture.
Well, it's because it's the only show that is worth the shit on and that Viacom has at all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that they're really still allowed to go there.
With respect to them.
Yeah.
And they actually do, too, because the one episode I watched are just like shitting all over China.
I mean, it's not even like,
it's funny because, you know, you don't like, you know, I was talking about like the Chappelle thing, which I didn't watch, and I barely know what people are mad about.
But, like,
you know,
like, if because South Park has been consistent where they, they are, but, like, you know, I guess you call it a libertarian show to a certain extent, but certainly about like caring about, like, free speech, if you do, within the context of comedy.
It's like the biggest threat really is the degree in which, like, companies are beholden to the fucking government of China now.
I mean the fucking the Marvel shit.
The NBA shit is insane.
I mean that's like fucking last year.
Daryl Maury?
The most chilling thing I've seen in the last couple of years with regards to speech is just that John Cena video where him speaking fluent Mandarin and apologizing for saying that Taiwan was not a part of China.
Wait, that's real?
Yeah, you haven't seen that?
No, I haven't.
I thought that was a joke.
I saw John Cena on the show.
I thought it was like a deep fake of somebody with John Cena's face.
This is real.
That's real, dude.
Oh, no.
I did not know about this.
Does he know how to speak Chinese?
I guess he might.
They had to fucking teach him.
Yeah, he had to fucking apologize for.
Wow, that sucks.
What did he say?
So sorry.
Yeah, he's like,
Nihao,
you cannot see me.
Ching Chong.
You're going to have to see me, Ching Chong.
That's fun.
I think that was our buddy Shane Gillis.
Well, maybe, I mean, I wouldn't know if it was a deep fake or not, I guess.
But yeah, I just assume that.
Yeah, no, they were shitting all over
China, which is good.
Yeah.
I am pro-China, but it's also, you know, if
I've abandoned caring about free expression anymore.
Yeah.
I don't give a fuck.
If people don't want it, being pro-China.
Sex with guys.
Survival.
That should be your number one priority is being a weasel and figuring out where you're.
A little a rat.
Yeah, exactly.
Like a little rat.
Well, whereas me, I'm a fat little fucking
chipmunk.
I'm cute.
I'm a cuter little weasel, and I'll probably be having too good a time to jump on the right ship.
Because I'm eating little nuts the whole time.
And I'm getting a little chipmunk pussy.
You're a pig being fucked.
I'm not a pig.
You are.
You're a pig.
You've had your hooves removed.
No.
And you're being used for sexual pleasure by the Chinese army.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
And they would have people to fuck.
Thank you very much.
They wouldn't fuck pigs.
Now they have a pig that they fuck.
And it's not me.
We're using rodent analogies.
You're a little rat that survives.
And you're a pig.
I'm a fat little chipmunk.
You're a gayer rat.
You're a Jewish person.
We told you we're using rodent analogies.
You're a mouse.
I say, I'm a chipmunk.
Nick's a rat.
You're a mouse.
Nick says I'm a pig.
You're a Jew.
Mr.
Hanky, the Christmas Pooh, he loves me.
I love you.
God, that shit used to hit so hard.
Should we just play an episode of South Park for the last half of my episode?
Of course we should.
Through the speaker, though.
What the fuck?
Is that real?
Oh, this sucks.
He's speaking perfect Chinese.
No, it's not.
He is doing a weird thing with his voice.
What is he?
Remembering how to speak Chinese?
I think he already spoke Chinese.
What the fuck?
No, he just memorized some shit.
Yeah, John Cena is very sorry for saying Taiwan is a country.
That's wild, dude.
Yeah.
John Cena speaks Chinese.
I think he's just remembering it.
That's how I did with my bar mitzvah portion.
I don't know the words I was saying.
I just remembered the sound.
Let me see.
It says that he learned Mandarin while he was in the WWE to help the company's quest to break into the Chinese market.
Wow.
That's wild.
Good for him, dude.
Yeah,
that should have been a part of the movie The Wrestler.
That should have been his comeback.
Yeah,
is it Randy the Ram learns Chinese?
I taught myself this fucking chink language so that we could go big in China.
And then maybe I could get my fucking daughter back.
I'm going to watch that to beat off the Marissa Toby.
That's a great movie.
It really is.
Let's listen to Quiet Ride for the last two years.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I had a big Quiet Ride phase.
Yeah, everybody did.
It's called Being a Teenager.
I don't think everybody did, man.
Mm-hmm.
Adam, do you have a quiet riot phase?
No, I was listening to Bach's Concertos.
Shut the fuck up.
No, of course I listened to that shit, dude.
Did you?
That shit slapped.
That shit ruled.
I guess I'm just I just guess, yeah.
My friends were
into gay emo shit or they were into like
I was also into that
or they were black people so nobody I really didn't have any friends.
I felt i felt like
uh very unique in having a fucking quiet riot phase but i guess i was just having the white american teenagers experience
yeah i remember there was like probably like 15 years ago it was on new year's quiet riot played the old town brewery in gatorsburg oh fuck no dude yeah
probably played like stadiums in the 80s yeah i don't know if you've ever been to the old town brewery but i have yeah didn't irwin used to do a show there did he think so i I don't know, maybe.
But, you know, it's like barely available.
It sucks.
Yeah.
It's fucking funny.
Well, it's nice.
Maybe I'm thinking of a different place.
I remember they had.
Girls Rock Your Boys.
Girls Rock Your Boys.
That place changed ownership so many times.
It was like a bunch of different restaurants.
It was maybe one of them called Smokers or some shit.
Growlers.
Growlers.
That's where I was.
Yeah, Growlers was the name of it for a while.
So, yeah, I have been there.
I did an open mic there.
Yeah, they have.
So me and Quiet Riot have performed the same place.
I remember seeing that at the time and being like, that can't be right.
Fucking Quiet River.
Damn, I didn't realize that the vocalist's name was Jizzy Pearl.
No, it's not spelled J-Cene.
I swear to God.
Jizzy Pearl?
Come on, suck my dick.
Jizzy Pearl.
Real name James Wilkinson is American Cena.
What languages does John Cena speak?
English, Mandarin, Chinese.
That's awesome.
Yeah, for him.
You only speak two languages.
This is very funny.
Why?
I only speak two languages.
They only speak two languages, and one of them is Chinese, and you're John Cena.
Yeah, there you go.
You'd think he would speak Italian or French or something.
You gotta suck my fucking little dude.
The original singer was Kevin DuBrow, who died of cocaine overdose, and then
they had to call in Jizzy Pearl.
They had to go to the bullpen.
badass.
Tell you what, now I'm mad I didn't go to that show at the old town.
You fucked That show would have rocked.
Hand of rains, I'm insane.
The teacher says that I'm one big grain.
I'm like a laser, six-dream razor.
I got a mouth like an elector.
I want it louder,
on power.
I'm all a rocket team and strike.
Mac Weldon, I don't know what happened.
Mac Weldon is brought to you by some cushy dreams.
It was just getting good.
I know.
Adam, do you want to get the
do us a favor and
get your little piece of paper out?
Adam, do you want to get your little piece of paper out?
Well, I was reading about the death.
All right, I was reading about the death of...
Yes, I do.
Wait, hold on.
There's an echo, I think.
Bang.
There we go.
Here we are.
I fixed it.
Very good word.
Mac Weldon, brought to you by Def Leppard.
All right.
Mac Weldon.
Is this the
thing?
Is this the appropriate copy of that date?
I printed it out.
Okay.
Alright.
Ooh, yeah.
You're a busy guy.
Stop thinking about what you wear and just embrace the radically efficient Mac Weldon.
Smoke cigarettes.
And smoke some fucking things.
The daily wear system is a selection of clothes reading smart machines, made with performance fabrics and built to work together.
Mac welded makes it easy for you to dress for work, leisure, and play, or wherever your summer or autumn, I guess, in this case, takes you.
Too late.
Too late.
Don't go hand in hand.
The empress is friendly.
Leaving all the dreams,
can't forget her hand.
And the captain's time.
Too late.
Too late.
Too late.
Too
Adam, is there a reason you stopped doing your
it was too loud
We probably shouldn't have copyrighted songs over the ads on
copyrighted songs You think these guys are punk rock dude you think they never copyrighted you think that these couple of cool punk rockers like Def Leppard would go after somebody
would go after somebody for something as cool as including their music in a read for men's on there.
That's fast.
We're part of Too Late for Love, man.
Many of Mac Weldon's products are some of our favorites.
Stavros, are you wearing a pair right now?
I'm actually not today.
I'm free balling.
He's free balling.
But usually I do wear Mac Weldon's, and I got to say they hug my cock like you wouldn't fucking believe.
Guess what I got?
Nick's got him on right now.
He's got a big pube sticking out of him.
No, that's a thread for my pants.
I know, but I was, you know,
I thought for comedic effect.
Falling apart because they're not made by Mac Weldon.
That's right.
They're made by Levi's.
You can see Nick's little ass cock through his jeans, but not his underwear.
Here's the nice thing about Mac Weldon.
All the clothes are designed to work together.
I tell you, I'm a one-brand type of guy.
Because you know that if you buy a bunch of people,
if you buy all Mac Weldon, everything's going to go together.
Everything's going to match.
I'm not going to be caught wearing a fucking Aeropostale pair of pants and then a limited two t-shirt.
No.
That would be humiliating and embarrassing.
That's why I am draped in all designer, and that designer is Mac Weldon.
You know, for the Ultimate Lazy Sunday, I like to wear their ace sweat shorts, which are asexual sweatshirts.
Which are ace sexual.
They're perfect if you're not getting pussy or cock, but it's your choice.
They're ultra-soft and ultra-upgraded Pimatees, perhaps.
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Radically efficient.
Why aren't you talking about the website and how easy it is to log on?
The website is incredibly easy to log on to.
You can put in www.macweldon.com.
You can also search Mac Weldon into your preferred search browser, Google, whatever it may be.
What else do you think it might be?
Safari?
Bing, whatever.
Yeah, the Safari.
Is there a different one people use these days?
Duck.go.
DuckDuckGo AltaVis.
That's the search engine you have to use if you want to look up fucking misinformation.
Oh, right.
Duck.go.
Yeah, they don't go there.
If you Google like vaccines on DuckDuckGo, the only place you'll find the truth is DuckDuckGo.
Yeah.
Too late.
Too late.
And once again, rest in peace to Kevin Dubrow, the original singer of Proclus of the band Quiet Right, who overdosed on Coquier.
you look up Def Leppard and see if we can email them and get them on the show.
Okay, that would be awesome.
I'm going to Google right now.
Definitely
Brett LeGenre
from the Jackass series.
Mr.
Jackass himself.
Yeah, we had that guy.
We should get more guys
for the kids.
We're trying to break into a younger audience, so if you're getting
Def Leopard?
Yeah, Def Leopard, you know, stuff kids are into rather than.
You know, this is a lot of old guys that listen to this.
You know, the show's about, we got Dean Martin on and stuff,
Steve Allen.
Yeah.
We should get Gene back.
Yeah, the comedian that's been on this show more than anybody is Dick Gregory.
The man's a legend.
Honestly, we literally should just get Gene DiNapoli back.
Yeah.
Honestly, he's.
He's Gene DiNapoli and Def Leppard on the show.
Gene DiNapoli and talk to Gene for a full hour.
Def Leopard for ignoring them.
Yeah, we had everything they wanted.
We're from New York, we're Italian, and we're Elvis.
Gene is
Gene is so down
to come back on the show.
Yeah, that's one of the best things I've ever heard.
He's the fucking king, brother.
We had everything they wanted.
Honestly, when I met him, I was happy for like the next three.
I cherished that part of him.
He turned my fucking life around so much more than anything else.
It was
one of the best days of my entire life.
It was a really funny guy.
Anyway, the current members are some guy named Joe Elliott, Rick Savage.
I mean, these all seem like original guys.
They have a guy named Phil Collin.
Phil Collins was in Death Leppers.
Not Phil Collins.
Phil Collin.
Phil Colling my dick and asking me.
Rick Allen
and Vivian Campbell on guitars and backing vocals.
Is that a bitch named Vivian or a British guy named Vivian?
I think around 30 to 40 percent of British men are named Vivian.
It's a very common name.
Are Steph Leopard British?
They're from, yeah, they're from northern England.
They're Yorkshire boys.
Oh, yeah, it's a guy named Vivian.
And I believe Rick Allen, the one-armed guy, is still in.
Yeah, dude, he learned how to drum with his feet.
That's one of the most
fucking well-known
inspiring stories of all fucking time.
You know, that guy,
Tony Ione
from
Sabbath.
He's missing
the tips of his fingers.
He can still
shred it.
That's so inspirational.
A guy missing his fucking arm and drumming is so much more inspirational, dude.
I guess so.
They're both inspirational.
It's not even in the same stratosphere of inspiration.
That's like saying a guy, okay,
there's a Jewish guy with a dick you can barely see.
There's a Greek guy with a small but regular penis.
Okay.
Yeah, it's a little inspiring that I fuck, but it's not like drumming with one.
But it's not like you fucking with your
microscopic cock.
You said at first, a Jewish guy.
Well, it was you.
I also said a Greek guy.
Okay.
What are you talking about yourself?
So I'm Tony Iomi, and you're the guy from Devil Leopard when it comes to cocks, of cocks.
So I guess I'm more inspirational.
You are, yeah.
But your dick is so much smaller.
I'll take that.
To be clear.
I'll take that.
Your dick is smaller in a major way.
I'll take that.
So, yeah, Mac Weldon, come to me.
I believe that you can go to the phones and hit up.
Call up 98 Rock.
Call 98 Rock and request Def Leopard and request Black Sabbath.
I'm going to return and say, I think that Stavros has the bigger dick, or I think Adam has the bigger dick.
Let him know what you want.
Let them know that Adam's dick is an inspiration because it's so small.
And request Def Leppard.
And then, and if you want to buy underwear or you want to buy basics with nice fabrics, they got sweats, shorts, t-shirts, silver knit polos, radius shorts.
They got it all.
Oh my god.
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It's a fucking steal, honestly.
It is the best deal in America.
Without question.
Too late.
Something I wanted to talk about, but I forgot.
It was probably sucking cock.
Yeah, it was about sucking cock.
You know what I watched?
I had never watched in my life.
Except like one episode here and there.
I watched Entourage.
What?
It was really good.
You'd never watched the entourage.
Have you ever seen Entourage?
I watched the first six episodes yesterday.
You gotta watch the whole thing.
I'm going to.
It's so good.
I've watched the entire series.
And I didn't even try to watch the entire series.
It's a very Adam type of show.
What do you mean an Adam type of show?
You know, it's about friends in the entertainment industry, and that's, you know, like a young man like yourself, you're like, this is going to be us one day, we're all going to be managers and agents.
Yeah.
No, they show you that in Hebrew school.
They show
you.
There are various types of parasites.
They show you.
You identify personally with Vinny Chase, the leader of the men.
No, no, no, no.
I am Queen's Boulevard.
No.
You should identify with Penis Chase.
That's true.
You love to chase Cock.
Yeah, you're chasing asteroid guys.
Penis Chase is who you are.
Oh, I'm Venue Chase.
Hey, Adam, that movie's Snow Piercer.
Do you wish you were in it, but it was called Penis Sucker?
And you were the titular penis sucker?
Oh, you were the guy in the movie who has to make it to the front of the train to suck a conductor's cock.
No, I don't wish that.
Is that what you wish?
I don't wish that.
Are you sure you don't wish to cook?
No, not for a second.
I wish that.
Hey, Adam, choo-choo.
Your train's arriving.
No, it's not.
Your train's here.
I've never thought of that.
that.
Yeah, you have to create distractions until you can suck.
That is absurd.
Ed Woods cock at the front of the track.
And the movie starts off, and it's a boxcar to Auschwitz.
Ed Woods.
Is that his name?
There's whispers going around.
Yes, it is Woods.
And they're like, I think
they're taking us all to a concentration camp to gas and kill us.
They're like, well, we have to figure out a way to stop the train.
And Adam's like, what if somebody sucks?
Sucks someone's conductors.
Sucks the conductors down.
I thought I saw where you did with that.
And they're like, all right, well, bon voyage.
And he goes from car to car.
Doing karate.
He gets to the bar.
Doing karate.
And
there's a buff rabbi at the front.
He's like, you're going to go past disco unless you suck my dick first.
With the rabbi who was behind the Holocaust?
Ed Harris.
Ed Harris.
Yeah, Ed Wood was the B movie director guy.
Are you saying somebody's trying to suck the conductor's dick?
That's Ed Harris.
That sounds a lot like the Iraq.
No, it's...
I'm Ed Harris and I'm.
Is it Ed Harris at the front?
Are you Chinese?
Are you saying I'm Chinese?
Isn't there somebody named Wood?
Yeah, Ed Wood was Ed Wood.
He was like a director of
like bad movies.
That's not who I'm thinking of.
You're thinking of Ed Harris.
I am.
But isn't there a contemporary actor named Something Wood?
Elijah Wood.
No.
Evan Rachel Wood.
Maybe.
You know that guy, Evan Rachel Wood.
Mm-hmm.
You'd probably suck at Harris's cock.
Me?
No.
I believe you did.
Hey, Adam.
Did you ever wish you were in that movie Phone Booth?
Instead of a phone, it's a guy's dick.
Yeah.
It's actually.
And you're in there sucking on it, and they're like, please come out.
And you're negotiating with the police for two hours.
With what cock in your mouth
you're negotiating with sign language
cops are trying to make me stop sucking the penis
yeah that's your problem
that's what it's about and they have snipers like the holocaust is on the other line and he's trying to suck it off
that's noble if he's trying to stop the holocaust by sucking cock do you think anyone ever sees a an indian woman you know
with a bindi like a red dot on her forehead yeah and then like tackle I think that's called the bindy.
The bindy.
Tackles her because she thinks it's a diet.
Tackles her because it thinks it's a sniper.
That sounds more racist than dot.
Bindy?
A bindy.
A bindy is the right word.
But she got this little bindy on her head.
I mean, in that context, yeah.
What the hell is this?
Whoa, what is a little fucking bindy?
We got a bindy here.
A booty, bindy, booty.
Booty, bindy, boo.
They're called dots, all right, pal.
They're a little respectful.
Bindy head does sound racist as hell.
Yeah, I mean,
so does, you know, the other option.
But, you know,
I'm sure at least one time someone's just tackled an Indian woman and said, I just saved her life.
That's smart.
I thought a sniper was trying to shoot you.
Isn't that Simpsons joke where the bark is like a laser pointer and he's putting it on Principal Skinner's crotch?
He's like, oh, it seems there's a red dot on my pants.
I guess the natural thing to do would be to remove them.
Yeah.
Pulls his pants.
Let's go ahead.
Let's watch that.
Let's think about some other jokes.
Think about
what our favorite Simpsons jokes were.
You got anything out of him?
Favorite joke?
I can't really, nothing's really coming to mind on the spot.
I liked when Otto crashed the bus and they were on the island.
Das boss.
Great episode.
And
Go Banana.
It's Martin.
I think it's Martin.
He's like, I'm so hungry.
I could eat at Arby's.
I used to think that was really funny when I was a kid.
Even though I thought Arby's was delicious.
Oh, wow.
So you let Hollywood media tell you how to think.
I let the Jews who wrote that episode tell me what to think of Arby's.
A sandwich you can dip.
I've never had Arby's in my life.
I've had it like twice.
I thought you just said as a kid you thought it was tasty.
I had it as a kid twice, and I liked it both times.
Were you a McDonald's family?
I'm still a McDonald's family.
Me too, bro.
I've been having McDonald's a lot recently.
Really?
What's your order?
It's just fucking good.
I've been ordering breakfast.
Like, you mean...
Like Uber Eatsing.
Really?
Yeah.
That is.
That's wild.
You wake up one day, you want that Mac breakfast.
Just go walk and get it.
How far?
Yeah, but what if you got 15 minutes?
I walk past a McDonald's today.
I almost got a little bit more.
What if you got 15 minutes?
Before what?
Before
breakfast closes.
No, I'm just saying.
I see.
You know what I'm saying?
All right.
And then you can just go on Grubhub.
Yeah.
Adam, you know that movie, The Ghosts in the Darkness?
Do you wish you were in it?
I don't know that.
What's that movie?
And it's called The Dick in the Penis?
Yeah.
The Dick in the Penis.
Sir Robert Beaumont, played by you, is behind schedule on a railroad to Africa.
And he's enlisted noted engineer John Henry Patterson.
I've never heard of this movie.
To write the ship, but Beaumont expects results, and everything seems great until the crew discovers the mutilated penis.
What does it have to do with the dick in the penis?
It's seemingly killed by a lion.
Oh, didn't we watch that movie one time?
The ghost.
At your old place?
Maybe.
Yeah, there's a lion.
Who's in it?
Multipenisy.
Chris Multipeny.
Tom Wilkinson and Val Kilmer.
Or did I watch that back in the day when I first moved here?
I watched the Valkilmer documentary recently.
Very sad.
I just watched the episode of Entourage where he plays the weed guru.
Yeah.
He's lost his ability to talk.
He can't talk anymore.
Is he ever going to get it back?
No, he he has he had speaks he has to like cover the whole and he's like ling dong ling.
Yeah.
He's fucked up.
Wait, who?
Valkilmer lost the use of his voice?
Yeah.
How?
He was he was on tour.
He wrote a one-man show about Mark Twain.
He was trying to finance it into like his greatest project.
He thought that He thought he could tell the story of America through Mark Twain.
I'm just going to read it myself on Wikipedia.
And then he was in Nashville one day doing the show and he lost his voice.
He had cancer.
And it never came back.
Did he have cancer?
He found out he had cancer.
God damn, what the fuck?
And he'll never act again.
What?
He might act again, but it's got to be in the role of a guy that talks like that.
Or a guy that doesn't talk at all.
True.
He's a good enough actor that he could pull up.
He's a really good actor.
I've always thought that he deserved that one iconic role that he never got.
He's got plenty of iconic roles.
Yeah, he never got that one starring.
I think he was talented enough to.
I mean, between Heat and fucking.
He's the third build in Heat.
Yeah, that's true.
He's the second build in Top Gun.
Apparently on the set of Top Gun.
On the set of Top Gun.
Adam,
he was so method.
Would you think
he was bullying Tom Cruise?
Because he wanted it's called meat and it's about
you you're like I'm always 30 minutes away from sucking a guy's dick
anywhere I go no matter where I am I'm 30 minutes 30 minutes I could be sucking I start getting horny when I feel the meat around the corner
when you feel the meat my ass starts puckering up when I feel the meat around the corner if I'm on you and it's between you and some other guy
I'm gonna force you to suck Dicky Gump
you don't even have to do that I would would do it without the gun.
I would do it for free.
You wouldn't even have to go.
Oh, really?
Now that we're out of here.
How about I saw you suck my cock right now?
Well, now that we're sitting here, two guys at dinner together, I think you're cute.
Maybe we could have sex.
Sounds beautiful to me.
That was a deleted scene.
Yeah.
No, that's the scene from Meat.
No, that's from
the original.
Listen, what if we did a movie I see for an ending?
What if we did a scene?
What about we all dream of a movie?
you dream about a movie called me
and you want to be in it, but it's also your real life.
You know, I'm only dreaming about pussy.
You know, I'm only dreaming about
he would bully Tom Cruise because he was mad Tom Cruise was the first on the call sheet.
Is that what your story was?
No.
Yes, it was, motherfucker.
No.
What do you mean, no?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What is this?
In 2021?
No, he would bully him because he wanted it to like, he wanted Tom Cruise to hate him in the performance.
So he would, like, hit, he would bully him on set to, like, piss Tom Cruise off so that their on-screen chemistry would be, like, more real.
That's in Topgun?
In Top Gun, yeah.
And then he made up this whole story
about the Iceman.
Let's talk about it.
He made up this whole story about the Iceman, about a man whose father pushed him too hard.
Like, he made up a whole backstory and then he, like, just kind of brought it.
That's just good acting.
The guy, what you find out from the documentary is that this man Val Kilmer truly
truly cared about the work and he was labeled difficult to work with because he really cared about what he was doing.
He was also Batman.
He was Batman and he was very disappointed in Joel Schumacher's
Joel Suttcocker.
Joel Suckcocker.
He actually was gay as hell, right?
Joel?
Did he fuck like a thousand guys?
Yeah, he legendarily fucked the most guys of all time.
I'm not even joking.
I think.
Yeah, yeah, it came out like 20,000.
Yeah, something like this.
He said he had sex.
He did that.
Joel Schumacher.
Oh.
He said he had sex like 20,000 times.
Fuck 20,000 guys.
He really makes shitty movies, huh?
Bad director.
What else?
What else?
What a hell of a lover.
Saint Elmo's Penis, which Adam is also in.
Shut up, man.
It's me, St.
Elmo.
Shut up, man.
You're in that movie.
I have a guy's.
I'm Elmo, but
I have a cock that looks looks like a man.
Gordon Adams showed up earlier and he kept digging through my fur looking for something.
He pulled my legs apart and he was going through my fur looking for something.
Well, it sounds like you were molested, Elmo.
I was
molested.
You were molested, Elmo.
Is that how Elmo was made into a saint?
Everybody gets molested, Elmo.
You know that.
I don't even remember what Gordon said.
I'm thinking about Scatman Crothers from Fucking the Shining.
That's Gordon.
Gordon was the black police officer or mailman or something?
He was a ball black guy on Sasame Street.
Oh, no, that was it.
There was a black mailman and Mr.
Rogers, I'm thinking of.
It's a beautiful day to get your dick sucked.
A beautiful day to get your dick sucked.
It's a beautiful day to suck penises.
It's a beautiful day to suck penises.
Won't you suck, man?
Won't you suck, penis?
How are you doing, folks?
It's Mr.
Rogers after dark
with your host.
Wow.
Fuck, fuckly pussy.
Fuckly pussly.
I tell you, how about this for a bit?
Instead of a trolley, it's uh
well fuck it.
It's just a trolley.
Who cares?
Won't you suck my penis?
Won't you suck my penis?
How about this?
If you ever bought a fun, ugly Christmas sweater over the last decade, you thought that would be like a fun thing to do,
you can go ahead and kill yourself.
Whoa,
okay, okay.
Jeff Fox, kill yourself, Jeff Fox for me.
Whoa.
If you're a white woman
over 265 pounds,
you can go ahead.
You can go ahead and kill yourself.
That's a really good movie.
If you're a fat white woman, you should kill yourself, basically.
No, that's Jeff Foxworthy.
Kill yourself, Jeff Foxworthy, live.
One night old.
Mm-hmm.
Home, baby, I won't get shit.
What the fuck is the MTV Movie Awards?
They're still doing that?
Yeah, to be like, oh, we also have an award show.
Well, they have it for the video music awards.
Also, disrespectful is the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.
I'm intensely offended by
what those kids think.
And they pick the worst shit, too.
They're like the best movie of fucking
1992 is Short Circuit 2.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up, you dumbass.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Let's see some of the pics from the Children's Academy.
Won't you suck my penis?
Oh, here we go.
The 34th annual Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards 2021 is on March 13th.
I know like six people with that birthday.
Really?
All women with eating disorders.
And some of them are just fat.
I don't know if they have eating disorders.
They're just a little chunky.
Little chunky.
Little chunky.
Little chunky.
You know.
Have you seen that movie, The Chunky Express?
You kidding my cocks.
It's about a bunch of
a bunch of big bitches on a train.
Is it?
Yeah.
Dude, throw a little choo-choo!
Try to get in there.
I'm trying to get in there.
Punch my way through some fat pussy.
A bunch of big, fun type of bitches on a train.
That sounds awesome.
That's pretty cool.
That sounds really cool.
Pretty cool, man.
I want some heavy titties in my mouth.
Here we go.
Chunky Express.
These are the nominations for best movie at the Kids Choice.
Yeah, we're going to get these assholes.
Doolittle,
Hamilton, Hubie, Halloween, Mulan, and Sonic the Hedgehog.
Wait, for this year?
For this year.
I'm going to go out on the limb.
And the winner was
pretty good.
The winner was Wonder Woman 1984.
What?
Yeah.
Now, that's a bad choice.
Kids don't like that.
Yeah.
Best actress was Millie Bobby Brown.
That makes sense.
Wow.
She's a kid.
To me, that's an adult.
And half the way.
To me, and Drake, that is an adult.
Vanessa Hudgens, Scarlett Johansson is Mulan, or Melissa McCarthy in Super Intelligence.
What the fuck is Super Intelligence?
No, it's a movie for kids.
Anna Kendrick, favorite voice from an animated movie.
That's a separate category.
I think I could get top from Anna Kendrick.
Who?
Me.
Are you?
Could I?
If you learned the cup stacking thing from that movie.
Here we go.
Look, some of the music.
This is keep in mind.
This is 2021.
The best male artists,
the nominees are Justin Bieber, Drake, Post Malone, Sean Mendez, Harry Styles in the weekend.
Okay, Justin Bieber.
Justin Bieber won.
Yep.
How?
And he deserves it.
Has he released music?
Yeah, he's got new music, dude, and it's pretty good.
Well, I haven't heard any of that.
I suck at Dick in California.
Tasted great.
That's him?
That's him.
That's him.
And he has another one that
music video where Diane Keaton plays his grandmother, and my girlfriend made me watch it with her yesterday.
And I definitely did not want to watch it.
Did it it make you horny?
It's actually like shot terribly.
It's like, it's like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't take issue with the cinematography.
Have you seen how fat Lana Del Rey has gotten?
No.
It's very funny.
It's very funny.
Let me see.
No,
you got to put her on the Chunky Express.
You know what I'm saying?
Straight up.
Fat Lana Del Rey.
I don't know.
I haven't seen the pictures, but I'm interested.
Get you on the Chunky Express.
I'm honestly.
It's like
you put her in a corset.
It's an improvement.
But she's got too much of that mini fridge midsection.
I love it.
I don't got no problem with that.
A wide back, a wide parallel back.
Big old with some titties bouncing up and down.
And some nice thighs.
That's not what's happening.
You're misreading.
Let me see.
I don't have a problem with the fucking belly.
No, it's not the belly.
It's the width of the waist.
So she looks square.
Again, I'm really not seeing an issue.
Especially Especially if she's fucking hot.
She's got a pretty face.
Your boy is busting.
Ooh, look at these thighs, bro.
I'm in.
She's a thick'em?
She's those look like a couple drumettes, bro.
She's a nice thick'em?
Look, at the end of the day, she's still Lana Del Rey.
She's hot.
I don't know who Lana Del Rey is.
I just Googled fat women and it came up.
I like it.
Listen, I can bust.
I don't even...
I had never heard of it.
Oh, yeah.
Look at this.
I just want women to know that I like Lana Del Rey.
Well, we all know.
We all all know.
I like it.
Dude, she looks like a fucking...
We all know the play of
the I would fuck this woman to fuck other women move.
She looks like a white trash Italian girl from like fucking Essex right now.
Which
is she Italian?
That's not her name, right?
No, it's a stage name.
I think her name's Lizzie her real name's David Blaine
Whoa for real.
Yeah, what if that's what we find out is that Lana Del Rey has been David Blaine this long time.
It's been a magic trick.
I really can't.
I'm not seeing that many pictures of her fat.
I mean, there's this one.
Oh, interesting.
Let me see that.
You know, everyone's got their off day.
I mean, that's just.
I told you guys, the average weight for a woman in America is 177 pounds.
It's 235 pounds.
I sucked a dick in California.
Turned me gay.
Damn, I have to shit again.
I've been shitting quite a bit.
That's good, dude.
That's healthy.
My body's getting all the toxins out.
All right, well, I'm g I'm gonna go for this episode.
You guys can keep feel free to keep going, but I have to shut up.
How much more?
Oh, we're way.
Oh, we're good.
Okay, bye.
