Ep. 265 – buck blaking

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This is Penis News.

Channel gay sex.

How is it?

Tell us how it is.

We're reviewing the candy that was sent to me graciously by some fucking Australian retard

that sent probably $500

Australia AUD.

Okay.

All day Zim.

This is called the Violet Crumble.

Tell us about it, Scott.

It's like a butterfinger looks like it.

Are you getting notes of butterflies?

It's like an airier butterfinger.

It's aerial.

Is there like a honeycomb inside?

There's a honey feeling to it for sure.

There was a box of cereal that came with it, too, that I ate all.

Oh, I love cereal.

Nutra grain.

It's sort of like their weedies, I guess.

Interesting.

It tastes sort of like.

Yeah, I guess it is honeycomb.

You know what?

I like it.

I like it more than a buttercrais.

I like a honeycomb personally.

Remember honey crisp?

Not honey crisp.

What's the one that...

Who wants to dig a hit off the violet crumble?

I'll have a little taste.

Honeycombs.

Honeycombs is what the

Nutra Grain cereal they're saying tastes like but it's their weedies hey man get your fucking it says your feet are in my area bro the sponsor you're in a chair now and now you think you can come into my fucking foot zone i've been in a chair for weeks

oh and you're getting a phone call on the fucking show jonah's calling be a professional dude i swear to god talk to jonah i don't care yeah hey hey my dick's small

oh adam here put him on the phone so you put him on the phone and we'll let him talk for a minute and then i'll do an impression of him just for the fans.

Here, take the wire.

Hurry up, Adam.

Your room.

Nick, you gotta get close.

I don't have to do anything.

You reach John is answering the stage.

Why didn't he pick up?

Well, now fuck you.

That's why they know what he sounds like.

You reached John as answering.

Alright.

Well, he called me.

What if he's in mortal danger?

Yeah.

Yeah, Adam,

I'm stuck inside your ass.

It's too big in here.

Can you unlock your ass?

Can you move the two boulders made out of cum that are blocking the entrance to your ass?

Adam's asshole looks like

Coco Mountain from Open Adhole.

And Stonky from Mario Kart 64.

And there's big, it's all white, and there's big balls of cum.

Yes, sir.

Actually, I guess it looks more like the

tunnels.

The Frappe, Frappuccino.

The outside is frothing.

The snowy kind of.

And it also looks like Rainbow Road on the way in.

On the inside.

On account of all the rainbow tattoos.

Adam has the word Rainbow Road tattooed around in his colon.

And

happy Pride.

Happy Pride and Juneteenth.

We've got a double whammy this year.

Only nine more days of Pride Month.

What do you mean this year?

It's every year.

Well, but now it's a federal holiday, Juneteenth.

It's also Pride Month varies.

It's never the same month.

Yeah, it is.

No, it's always

the same.

June 18th.

Someone had a.

It's always in June.

No.

Someone had a take about Pride and Juneteenth coinciding.

I think maybe Tariq did.

What is

about how it was like buck breaking?

I'm sure he did.

I wanted to see his documentary.

Buck breaking.

Yeah, buck breaking.

Yeah.

Oh, that's what it's called?

Yeah, it's about trying to

feminize black men.

That's what I'm saying.

I believe.

I haven't watched the documentary.

So I'll reserve judgment until I do.

Yeah.

That's good.

It's very funny that they made Juneteenth a holiday.

Because, like,

the date of the arrest of

the slaves were...

Because what Juneteenth celebrates is when the slaves in Texas found out they were emancipated.

But

now, I mean, who knows when

slaves were acts.

Now you only know Juneteenth.

But whatever the right date was, that's just lost.

Nobody has no idea when that was.

And that's not a holiday.

I think we could probably figure it out by Google.

It'd be like if in 200 years it's like we celebrate October 15th to memorialize when

I found out about 9-11.

And then but people are like, but what's 9-11?

You're like, I have no idea.

It's some bad day that happened at some point.

Yep.

Yeah.

And we're never going to forget.

Yeah.

It's weird that because you celebrate Juneteenth because it's the end of something bad happening.

Right.

Whereas all the other days.

9-11, it's the anniversary.

It's the anniversary of something bad happening.

I mean, I guess it was also the last day of 9-11.

Like the 4th of July was the day the Declaration of Independence was signed.

Right.

It's like they don't celebrate the end of the Civil War or the Revolutionary War.

Right, true.

That's fucking true, bro.

That's true as hell.

Some other observations I've got.

Let's see.

Your penis is really small?

No.

That's an observation everyone in the world has made.

That's wrong.

That's because they're looking through a telescope that has to make it smaller.

No, that's so big.

Because the tip is in space.

It's really good.

Yeah.

Out of ten, what do you give it?

I give it a nine.

Nine?

I'll say seven.

Violet Crumble.

I say eight.

The chocolate is a little too sweet for me, but I like the honeycomb.

Australia's Violet Crumble.

Australia's Violet Crumble.

Got it.

Well, shout out to them.

Yeah.

I'd like to violently crumble up some Australian pussy, you know what I'm saying?

Violently?

Juneteenth.

Just go to fucking town on an Australian pussy till it crumbles.

Juneteenth.

Poon teeth.

Poon teeth.

How about Poon Teeth?

Uh-huh.

And it's the first time it's over.

When they found out about

Texas.

When they found out about

getting pussy.

That's awesome.

When they found out about getting pussy in Texas.

They didn't actually get pussy in the past.

Are you saying you can put your penis in a woman's hole

that it doesn't just produce complaints?

Right.

Yeah.

You can also bust inside of it.

You can bust inside.

You can bust inside

of my fucking pussy.

What else?

What have we got in the grab bag of candy there?

Yeah, what are the kind of candies?

Might as well just try all these candies.

This is exactly how I wanted this one to go.

Yeah, hell yeah.

I just wanted to say, by the time this comes out,

my tour shit will be announced.

Oh, this tour shit will be announced, and you can check it out at patreon.com slash come town, where it will be posted.

No, I mean, I guess, if you want to post it there, we can post it there, and that's the only place.

If you want to find out, it's at stavi.biz.

You've got to sign up for patreon.com slash come town.

You get an extra episode every week.

You can sign up there, too.

That's cool.

It's the only way to access so we have

Cadbury's caramel hokey pokey.

I'm very interested.

Less reading, more rapidly

caramelized white chocolate with honeycomb.

I'm very interested in that.

What else?

Peppermint crisp?

Sounds gay.

Wee wee.

Cherry ripe.

That's a candy named after LP.

So you know how Juneteenth celebrates like

slaves in Texas finding out that slavery ended.

There should be another holiday for the rat for white people that celebrates when Italian people found out about Juneteenth.

That's true.

Ah, come on.

They're like, they got what?

They get a whole day.

And then we get to enjoy their takes, and then that day celebrates.

Oh, they get a day, but Columbus, they're trying to take it away from us.

Oh, Italian people don't even get a little piece of pussy to pass around.

So I want to say, I'm coming to Portland, Seattle, Denver, Minneapolis, San Antonio, Cleveland,

Phoenix, Madison, Detroit,

Columbus, Tampa.

Mad that he doesn't get to fuck Geyser soon.

No.

That's not it.

If you're in New York on 7-1,

I guess tomorrow?

Or is that?

No, next week.

I'm doing Pantheon.

We'll have friend of the show David Cross on to do stand-up along with Sam Morell.

Our old pal.

Marie Faustin and Larry Owens.

So yeah, come, please.

It's called the Prince of Pleasure Tour.

I'm coming to your town.

Stopvi.biz slash tour.

I would love to.

I always confuse Bellhouse and Union.

Bellhouse.

Bellhouse is the big one with the chandeliers.

Oh.

What the fuck is this one?

This one's good.

Yeah.

It's white chocolate and honeycomb.

It's good.

The hokey pokey.

The Cadbury caramel hokey pokey.

I'm going to try the cherry ripe.

Mm-hmm.

Cadbury is cherry ripe.

You know what this makes me feel like?

It's like a hot summer day.

I'm down on his knees and I just go, there you go, bitch.

And I like flop my dick out into

his mouth.

What do you think about me?

Right into his mouth.

That's kind of gay of you.

It is.

No, I'm just saying what the kind of a candy

candy makes me feel.

He's giving her an honest review of the candy.

I go,

how you doing, bitch?

Right.

I just sort of flop my dick.

I sort of half-arb.

And it's taken care of.

Onto your tongue.

It was taken care of by the bitch.

I agree with that.

I think there's a coconut.

I'm going to give this

Cadbury Caramilk a 9.5 on the Stavro scale.

Bushes, cherries, and coconut in gold.

That sounds like absolute dog shit.

Gold-rich dark chocolate.

I'm going to try it.

This one's giving me diabetes

already.

All right, I've had too much chocolate.

Shut up.

Well, do the job.

We're here to do a fucking job.

Shut the fuck up.

Only I can complain about having too much chocolate because I have.

And we have to try the peppermint crisp, too, Adam.

My head hurts.

And Adam, we have to.

We owe it to the people who have been in the middle of the hole

pieces of chocolate.

The little fantasy that was happening in my head that I didn't even want, just the candy made me think of it, is going to happen for real

if you don't peel that shit open.

Cherry ripe dog shit.

This is about to turn into a fucking permanently scarring nightmare for you via me having sex with your mouth.

Cherry ripe, I give a three out of ten.

Why do you continuously reference you having sex with my mouth?

Yeah,

this tastes like children's cough medicine that a child threw up into my mouth.

It's true.

You know what?

I'm going to drop it down to two.

Yeah.

The cherry ripe.

Peppermint Chris, two medicines.

And only the cherry ripe only gets worse the longer it's in your mouth.

Yes, it does.

Kind of like Adam's dick.

Yeah.

So, ladies, don't fuck him.

If you have to have sex with someone.

Ew.

Peppermint Christmas cough.

Ew.

It reminds me of actually what Stav would eat.

No, it doesn't.

Peppermint chicken.

Before a hot date.

Because you're like, I need my chocolate, but I also need some peppermint.

I need to keep my breath fresh.

It's like Mentos for...

This is like a much shittier peppermint patty.

This is fucking horrible.

It makes sense it would be bad because they don't have Christmas.

Why are all these chocolates

honeycomb-based?

That's absolutely correct.

What are you laughing about?

Sometimes I just get, I get myself.

About them not having Christmas.

It makes sense that the peppermint would be bad because they don't have Christmas.

It does.

I don't know about it.

Why is there shards in this?

This shit sucks.

Let me go back to a piece of the caramel.

This tastes like gum.

Yeah.

Fuck Australia for that one.

Oh, you know what?

Actually, maybe.

No, come on.

You kind of convince yourself it's sort of like a thin mint.

No.

No, but thin mints are way better.

It's like it's glass.

Yeah.

Fuck that.

Shout out to the caramilk.

Australia's finest.

Well, I'll tell you, it's certainly better than Mexican chocolate or Mexican candy.

I've never had it.

Yeah, Mexican candy is...

uh

i mean i think it's i think it's it's mexican candy literally qualifies as a hate crime towards mentally retarded people why that's how fucking bad of a candy it is what do you talk about chickle

what do they got

huh what kind of candies they got it's just all like it's like a bag of like spice and salt no they have like uh they have good chocolate there in Mexico.

Sounds like somebody is begging for paper cuts.

Okay, why?

Listen.

Sounds like somebody is just

on a beach for a week.

And welcome back, baby.

My gorgeous girlfriend.

Who?

What's his name?

No, Frankie.

He's not.

Yeah, it's a girl.

Frankie DeLonzo.

Frankie DeLaPen.

You know, Frankie DeLonzz.

I am Adam.

Frankie DeLonzo.

Great for bringing me out to this beach here so I can show you my quote-unquote pussy.

I've been on the beach.

I've been.

Yeah, I'm going to shove my pussy in your ass.

I've been waking up.

I've been going surfing.

I've been in a mahalo mindset.

Nothing that you can say.

Back to the grind, pussy.

You can't hurt me.

I had a little bit of chocolate.

Welcome back to the office.

I'm back in the office.

If you're going to eat as much candy as means,

I brought you guys some delicious Costa Rican coffee

from Terrazu.

Cafe Arabica, which I'm

sure speaking Spanish.

Arabica.

Arabica.

Arabic.

It's

a style.

Arabica.

So they stole it from Muslims?

No.

They stole coffee from Muslims?

No,

Muslims.

Muslims did everything first, dude.

They did math first, that's for sure.

Arabic numbers.

Algebra.

Prince Ali Baba.

Alibaba.

Yeah, the Hammurabi's code.

Hammurabi's also a great name.

Yeah, Hammurabi.

What else, folks?

An iPhone.

I've had a great week.

I saw a lot of wild animals.

It's my first time in the tropics.

Prince Ali.

Prince Ali.

Prince Alibaba.

Who's the pirate?

Sinbad.

Sinbad.

Oh, right, yeah.

I was going to say Alibaba.

No.

And they got bitches that belly dance.

Alibaba.

Oh, no, that's a different guy.

Were you going to say Alibaba?

I was singing Alibaba.

Get this fucking bullshit out of here.

Yeah, I simply, I don't want, I'm disgusted by this now that I've eaten most of it.

Yeah

I don't uh it's funny to treat food the same way you treat people.

Yep

You know where you eat you eat maybe 98% of it until it's just a disgusting hollow leftover.

Yep.

And then you said I'm disgusted

by this

not my actions.

No.

Not my choice to eat most of it.

Not do I consume most of it.

To lead the food on.

Yeah, right.

Until I consumed it from the inside.

I'm disgusted with this.

The food is bad.

I'm going to move on to something else.

Perhaps Madam Cocaine.

Except that I will do all of.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I'm a hugging horny and I wanna get head.

Lion King?

Zoom Zoom.

Zoom Zoom.

Sucks, sucks.

Sucks, suck my dick.

Yeah, sucks, suck my dick.

Oh, suck my dick.

Mazda, Africa.

I remember thinking like Mazda was some shit from Africa.

Yeah, as a kid.

It's an ancient African fucking mark up.

I was like, wait, so you mean to tell me that all of this shit is just from Japan?

Yep.

From the Chinese countries?

Chinese?

It's Chinese.

The Chinese languages.

Oh, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom.

Oh, zoom, zoom, zoom.

I got some head

from six guys.

You know what I would really like to go on by myself, though, and not having to be seated with other people right now?

A man's penis?

A log ride.

A hog ride is actually what you like.

You could have just left it a log ride.

Yeah, if I had a log ride that got me around Brooklyn.

No, I believe I had to change it to hog ride.

If I went outside my apartment, there was like a I believe it's called a log flume.

Right?

Shut the fuck up.

Why?

We got Alton Brown over here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We got fucking.

I got some serious eats for you right here.

No, you don't.

You got a little snack at most.

I got some serious.

You You don't have serious eats.

I got some serious.

No, you have whatever that fucking, that fat bald guy, Strange, eats or whatever.

Check out

Andrew Zimmer.

Check out Andrew Zimmer over here.

When you eat a little bit of fucking dog shit or whatever.

Malaysian dog shit.

I believe it's called a flume.

I believe you suck my coom.

Yeah, that's the flume of the loom.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, flume, flume, flume.

Dude, you guys watch the fucking Olympic qualifiers?

For a while.

Where's that hot girl that's a good-ass sprinter.

She looked good.

She looked awesome.

She had like orange hair, big-ass nails.

Hold on, I'm imagining her sucking my dick right now.

I did.

I've never seen it.

I don't know.

You're describing her.

Let me close my eyes.

Yeah.

She's imagining.

She's so fast.

She's the fastest.

Yeah, I'm imagining the hottest.

I'm imagining her.

She's sucking my dick, and then I'm like, oh, come on, Adam, get out of here.

What are you doing?

You're just

all covered in paper cuts.

Now you're just just fantasizing about having I'm just telling you what I'm trying to think about and somebody rudely.

It's your fault.

He's trying to enjoy a pussy fantasy.

And you keep sneaking in there covered in paper cuts.

I'm trying to just eat chocolate and I think about just a hot summer day

slapping my cock out like

I'm about to make pretzels.

If I just drop jets.

Why is it about a hot summer day?

It's all part.

He can't help what's in his mind.

I can't, dude.

I'm too much of an artist.

I'm just a vessel for other people's.

Speaking of the Olympics, guys, for the collective,

it's going to be in the Olympics for the first time in Tokyo 2021.

Three on three.

Eating dog.

Nope.

Not eating a dog.

No, not that eating.

I'm taking wild dogs.

You took a guess.

It's fine.

Karate.

Karate.

Karate is going to be in the Olympics for the first time.

That's very funny.

Because there's already MMA.

People already watch fighting.

Now the the karate is thoroughly understood to be bullshit.

Except by karate.

I love how all the people that chose the weird martial art.

You don't see that much anymore because all those guys are in their late 40s now.

Yeah.

When UFC became popular and the guys.

The other people are into Wang Shui.

Yeah.

The people do like fucking Thai bow or whatever.

You'd be like, isn't that bullshit?

They're like, no, it's not.

Yeah.

It's like, well, the crimey.

Why isn't any of that?

Why is it just.

Why has no one ever landed one of your little weird palm punches?

Brazilian wrestling and fucking like Thai, like defending yourself from German sex tourists.

I'm fucking gay.

Oh, also, shouts out to Anderson Silva, who won a boxing match,

even though he's old as fuck.

Anyway.

Fuck you.

Don't anyway that.

Anderson Silva's

a very important athlete.

He's a legend.

And you know, he kept his penis hard.

The whole time.

Yeah, with the whole time.

With Blue Chew.

With Luichew.com.

Oh, by the website.

And if you look at this, check this out.

I'm checking it out.

I'm now writing down the Times

of India.

Okay, the Times of India.

That's very funny that there's a newspaper called The Times of India.

There's a thing called The Times of India.

Because in my mind, it's just like

a clock, and instead of numbers, it just says call baby girl, call baby girl,

give kiss to baby girl.

Give kiss to baby girl.

You know, it's it's kiss to

Smooch Pussy past Gove Call to Baby Girl.

Right.

Those are the times

in my mind.

Yes.

That's how time works over there.

And you can set your clock to bluetooth.com.

Yes, you can.

Adam, your knees look swollen.

It's called Surfer's Knee.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

It's called Sucker's Knee.

Yeah, I think it's called Surf Knight.

They legitimately do.

Your knees look bigger than Stav's knees.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, my knees are fine.

And his knees are

filled with Kirkland brand margarine.

I don't have margarine in my hand.

You can see where it was injected.

My pop-up game on the board

is not where it needs to be, and I bang my knees quite often.

That's where I fell at the John Rura.

I'm supposed to just pop up at the John Rurat fucking

playground when I was a little kid.

Yeah.

Before, you know, remember the playgrounds before they put all that foam and shit?

Mm-hmm.

When it was just metal and rocks?

You remember that?

I wasn't allowed on playgrounds.

Okay, so apparently the Olympic karate.

Just in would hurt me.

My parents recognized very early on how good at riffing I was.

And so they were like, we have to protect his mind at all costs.

So that's why you wore a helmet?

That's why I had to wear a helmet is because they were like, he's really good at making fun of retards.

Yeah.

At least that's what I told.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I believed.

That shows at Bluetooth.com, but bluetooth.com is where Nick chose to believe it.

We're trying a different type of, not even an ad read, but a different type of marketing, I'd say.

Right.

Which we're not.

Which we won't be marketing.

We're not marketing.

It's just sort of a thing.

It's sort of like a viral thing.

Like, you know, it's like, did they just say bluechew.com?

What's that?

What's that?

Well, guess what?

We're not going to tell you.

What it is, is

it's the Caterbury Caramilk of chewable dick tablets.

Yeah.

Tablets.

Not pills.

Not Blue Chews, but tablets.

Chewable.

Like an iPad.

Yeah.

An iPad is not chewable.

It's an iPad.

It's a rugged iPad that comes pre-loaded with pornography of all types on it.

Oh, nice.

Designed to get your dick hard.

Like you wouldn't believe, Chief.

In a way that your bitch never could.

Your dick will be unnaturally chemically hard.

The one thing I love about getting my dick.

It'll hurt.

I'll tell you, if there's one thing I love,

it's when I get my dick hard via pills.

To have some of the most passionless sex.

To

go through the motions.

That's the kind of shit.

Just to be fucking...

Getting your dick card the way you used to be able to, where it just works.

And then in your mind, you're composing passive-aggressive emails to your CPA.

While you're fucking somebody.

And they're like, this is bad.

And you're like, yeah, I don't even care.

I forgot we were fucking.

I completely forgot.

I'm getting ready to play fucking Rainbow Road on Mario Karl.

I'm Rainbow Road and then

sigh in the middle of the day for some reason.

Just a lot of sighing.

And then someone close to me will say, what's wrong?

And you'll say, good question.

That's a great question.

I didn't even realize I was making so much noise.

But you know what isn't wrong?

My dick being soft.

Right.

Because despite my brain constantly telling me I need to heal myself.

Let's see if we can just drain some of this fluid out of it.

My dick stays hard.

I just have bruises on my knees.

Your knees look horrible.

They look fucking horrible.

You look like an old lady knee.

What do you do?

You look like an old woman.

I said my knees are big.

You have an old lady knee, bro.

Someone buzzed.

You have one of the weirdest knees.

I'm at work.

Yeah, dude.

Okay.

You literally, you should be wearing those big socks.

I'm at work, and all I can do is hold the swelling.

Check Amazon to see if

I have any packages arriving.

Bluechief.com, by the way, brought to you by my Amazon packages.

Brought to you by Nick ordering extra small condoms.

I did not order extra small.

I'm looking at his order right now.

The Okamoto Crown Company's extra small condoms.

What is the Okamoto Crown Company?

It's a type of Japanese condom that you use.

I don't know.

I've never heard of it.

Yeah, that you should get them special made.

They're Japanese, so they're smaller, but you have them even smaller.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know what that is.

I'm only annoyed that

they're ringing my doorbell excessively.

Don't pretend you don't know what it is.

You know what the Okamoto condoms is?

The extra small condoms.

I have no

idea.

You got the extra small condoms.

I'll tell you, I did order weights,

even more weights to my house.

That's awesome.

But

the tracking number has not been updated.

Uh-oh.

And I swear to fucking God, if that's them, I'm trying to, if I

go get a goddamn

delivery.

What kind of weights?

Just adjustable dumbbells.

Nice.

Yeah, because it says there was a delay.

They were supposed to be delivered today.

But you know who would never do this?

Blue Chew.

Blue Chew.

Because what they would do is send you dick tablets in a discrete packaging without any of the hassle of the doctor's, the visit to the doctor's office.

It's all online.

You tell some

registered nurse.

Your cock is small and shriveled up, even when you're in love.

This is people fucking canvassing for the fucking election.

That's true.

That's true.

That's what that is?

Yeah, probably.

By the time you'll have heard this, it will be over.

It'll be over.

We'll already have.

We will have written in Andrew Dice Clay.

Yeah, Andrew Dice.

Andrew Dice Yang will be the phone.

Hercarity Trinkery Chop.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, but it's Andrew.

It's okay because he's saying.

Oh, I see.

I would have maybe something with

$1,000 of pussy a month.

$1,000 chips delicious.

You remember?

Chips ahoy?

Yeah.

A thousand chips delicious.

I remember that.

That's where you're going with that, right?

No.

Like a thousand...

You get $1,000

from Andrew Yang a month, right?

He's going to cut all...

I think you get it a year now.

I think poor people now get $2,000 a year.

Isn't that just a

tax credit?

I think that's what he's promising.

Andrew's a year.

He can promise to suck this dick as far as I'm concerned.

And I still wouldn't rank him.

How about that?

Number one, Andrew Dice Clay.

Yeah, number one, Andrew Dice Clay.

Number two,

okay, so Blue Chew.com.

Oh, yeah.

No in-person doctor.

Number two, Blue Chew.com.

That's who I want to be, Mayor.

No, no-in-person doctor visits, no awkward conversations.

Skip the pharmacy.

You get them delivered directly to your door in discrete packaging.

It's the same

active ingredient as Vialberg, Sialos, Sidalophil, or Sidadenophil.

You got your choice.

You can pick either one.

You can get as many as 90 pills a month, which is the appropriate amount.

Which is correct.

I don't think it's that, but you can get a lot of fucking goddamn pills.

Just max it out.

Just, you know, make sure your cock is hard, man.

The world's going to end.

We're not going to make it to being old.

We're not going to need these pills because we're going to be dead.

That's the stimmy.

Get your dick hard now while you still can.

That's the stimmi.

It goes right for you.

You do whatever you want with it.

So use promo code Come Town.

Promo code Come Town at bluechew.com slash pussy yellow.

And I think they even, like, you can even go to like go.bluetchew.com.

That's the other slash come to you.

No, they sent me a

they sent me a thing.

Here.

No, they didn't.

You're lying.

No, here it is.

Here's the email now.

Gina is on vacation, so I'm reaching out instead.

Oh, wait, no, this is the wrong one.

Here we go.

Here's the email.

Okay.

Hey, Nick, would you and Stavros be interested in coming on the Anthony Cumia show?

What?

I thought I'd reach out and see you.

I don't think they want me.

We'd love to have you on.

Wait, that's from Blue Chew?

No, sorry, this is from Eric Nagel at Compound Media.

Why doesn't Anthony Cumia?

Send Adam.

There we go.

We got.

Would you go on the Cumia show, Adam?

Yeah, to tell him what's what.

I would.

I would go on the show and I would teach him the air of his ways.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I'd really change, turn things around for him.

You would go Dr.

Phil on him?

Yeah, I would Dr.

Phil.

Damn, I gotta say, I feel horrible after it.

I feel fucking terrible.

I feel

it was very, it was funny.

My head is buzzing.

I feel like absolute dog shit.

I haven't had candy.

All right,

candy for a while.

Here we go.

Six months.

Here we go.

Here's the link.

HTTPS important

colon forward slash forward slash www.bluechew.com slash question mark UTM underscore source equals come town and

UTM underscore medium equals podcast and UTM underscore campaign equals RA

dash comedy and UTM underscore content equals coupon code dash come town and coupon equals come town.

So

much easier than using promo code.

Very simply go to https, colon forward slash forward for that, www.bluechew dot com slash question mark UTM source equals come town and UTM medium equals podcast and UTM campaign equals RA dash comedy and UTM underscore content.

Oh, sorry.

Here we go.

Go.blueto.com slash come town.

Okay.

Yeah.

I like the first one better.

And if that doesn't work, you can call,

I think, Gina, but she may be on vacation.

She's on vacation.

Gina's on vacation.

But someone else will reach out.

If you call, ask for Gina.

Ask for Gina and tell them that Stav sent.

Don't tell him I sent you.

Tell them Stavros.

Don't go to Patreon.com

slash Stavros.

That's right.

Patreon.com slash Connor.

You should do Patreon.com slash Stavros before some Greek guy gets it.

Yeah, right.

Some guy that's trying to buy a child bride.

He helped me to get

it.com.

Goodbye, get it.

The dick stuff.

Get your dick hard like

you wouldn't believe.

Okay.

All right.

And we're back.

And we're back.

And let's start the show.

Bam, bounce, bounce, bounce.

I'm gay.

Oh, shit, dude.

Some guy.

I'm fucked up about the candy, but also if I miss my delivery of my weights, this is going to be...

It's going to be the weight vest.

Remember how fucking fat I was before I got that weight vest?

And look at me now.

I'm disgusting.

You're so gross.

I'm filled with candy.

Nobody will ever have any kind of affection towards me.

They'll always think I'm disgusting.

Because you're fat.

Because I'm fat.

It has nothing to do with

any of other personality traits.

Because I'm morbidly obese.

Because of your disgusting body.

At 163 pounds, I'm morbidly obese.

Oh, man, dude.

Some guy named Stavros Korokithakis has stopped patreon.com slash Stavros.

He joined in 2013.

What does he do?

He's a patron of...

He doesn't even his own shit.

He's a patron of

Kurza Gazgat in a nutshell.

What's that?

I don't know.

Do they make more money than us?

Five years ago we started doing videos on YouTube.

Some YouTube guys.

Cool.

So I'm thinking a lot of people are making money going from

our style of celebrity, podcast, lifestyle, lifestyle gurus.

Guru, kind of influencer celebrity, going into the fighting space.

Fighting space?

Yeah, yeah.

Should we start doing that?

I'm thinking that maybe we should start doing celebrity boxing events against other people.

Who do you think we could fight?

I'd fight Pod Save America.

Oh, I would fuck those guys up.

I would fuck them up.

Do you think there's somebody that we could get?

How much money could we make?

You got to go for the biggest podcast, you know?

It's like you got to go for the biggest guy on the block.

I would fuck up

Michael

Barbador.

Who the fuck is that?

Barbarado from the New York Times Daily.

I don't know who that is, but I'll fuck him up.

He's huge.

Is he?

I mean, his podcast is fucked up.

Fuck him.

Yeah.

What about what about

what's a true crime podcast we could fuck up?

I don't know.

Dude,

how much money could we make?

Could we make like $300,000?

Dude, I would beat the shit out of Call Her Daddy.

Yeah.

The girl.

You'd be the right same one.

You and her are the same way.

In an agreed-to mutual fight.

You would have to fight a woman.

Yeah.

And I would have there's got to be a podcast that has another fat guy that I could fight.

I guess so.

Who's a podcast fat guy I could fight?

What's the guy, Maddie Madlock?

Who's that?

The chef.

Is he a podcast guy?

You the guy should fight Matty Matheson?

Is that who you're saying?

Yeah, maybe him.

Yeah, you can fight him.

I don't.

Let's see.

How big is Maddie Matheson?

I'm going to get rid of this.

I'm literally going to get rid of my doorbell.

Why?

Because I don't answer the doorbell.

How would you know if anyone's.

Oh, he's 5'6 ⁇ .

I'm taller than him.

Well, settle down.

I am, bitch.

First of all, you need to settle.

Let me hit you with the Una reverse card.

You're the same height.

If we settle down, why?

Because you're the same height.

Nick's half an inch taller than you.

Or an inch.

Adam.

What?

The snake?

Stay out of this, dude.

The snake and the mongoose.

The snake and the chipmunk the boss.

The boss hog.

Against the pig.

Against the boss hog.

Against the pig that lives in the garden with an old woman.

The garden snake.

The garden snake and the fucked-up little chipmunk versus the boss hog.

This I love.

It took five minutes.

America came up with a better story than all of Native Americans came up with in thousands of years.

For everyone wondering, we are referencing

Patreon, which you want to sign up for.

Definitely, because we went out to lunch and got Korean food after

it.

Then we had candy, and then somebody rang my doorbell.

I haven't gotten the pussy this weekend.

I didn't get enough.

We're fucking pissed off.

We're all having a temperature.

Because we have it, like babies, you don't get their naps.

We didn't get pussy this weekend.

I didn't have enough pussy this weekend.

And the answer is no.

I will not be doing the Anthony Kumiya show.

I should just respond to that email, but now,

now,

no.

I feel like they can, this will be the test.

He's listed at 5'6,

211 pounds.

No.

Oh, that guy's battered.

So you're twice as heavy as he is.

He's an inch five, and I'm an inch taller.

And I will fuck him up.

He's also an Aquarius, it sounds like.

Yeah.

So we're the same sign.

Are you sure you're not a Dairy Creamius?

A Dairy Queenius?

Yes, I am.

Ow.

Ow.

My teeth hurt.

I just hit myself in the face with a mic.

That's what you get.

That's what you get for your rude comments.

Is your Aquarius?

Not a Dairy Queenius.

That's what you get for your rude little comments.

That is what you got.

Damn, why the fuck is Lev Skew too?

And then one of the questions is, is Maddie Matheson gay on MD DailyRecord.com?

Maddie Matheson isn't gay, and his sexual orientation is very straight.

He has three children as well.

Just a big fat sexual

gay guy at his computer.

With his penis out, like about to masturbate the Maddie Matheson.

Let me just see if he's gay.

Yeah.

He's very straight.

He has three children.

He is married to his childhood love whose name is Trish Spencer.

All these pieces of evidence lead to the fact that he is straight.

I love how it's written like a sixth grade's fucking sixth graders report.

Well, it's because all the non-Wikipedia wikis are all written by Indian teenagers.

Yeah.

That's how you end up with the fucking licorice guy saying that he's homosexual.

Yeah.

Who you are.

You're right.

I'm the boss hog.

You're Lord Licorice.

I forgot about that.

We're talking about Indian.

You're Lord Licorice.

We're talking about Indian.

You're the little chipmunk.

I'm the mongoose.

Look, you agreed you're a pig.

I'm the boss hog.

I'm a snake.

So, what?

The pig's got a job?

No.

Yeah, you're right.

He's a wild boss.

He's a manager.

You're a managerial pig.

No, I'm not.

I'm the boss hog.

You're a Mr.

Lundgardner, but a pig.

It's not a formal title.

It's a title of respect.

Okay?

There's no industry that I'm the boss of.

Who?

Who respects you?

I'm the boss of the whole forest that you little fuckers walk around in.

Who?

All the other animals, except the fucked up.

Name one.

The gay little chipmunk.

Name one.

All the other animals.

Name one.

Birds.

No, none of them.

The elk.

Name one of the birds.

Spencer the fucking woodpecker.

No.

That's not fun.

Spencer the woodpecker respects me.

No, dude.

Spencer the woodpecker respects me.

Fucking George the fucking blue jay.

Carla the hummingbird.

They're all pro-me, being the boss hog.

That's not.

And they all think you're a gay little fucking chipmunk.

They all told me that.

No, none of this checks out.

It all checks out.

This sounds like a typical pig sty.

No,

I love a pig sty.

Yeah, you have, but it's the kind of thing.

It's a roll around in mud.

It's the kind of your eye that prevents you from seeing.

No, it's not.

The vision is clear.

The pig is you're a domesticated farmer.

I'm not domesticated.

You have no business.

I am a wild boar who rules the forest.

You have no business in the forest.

I have the fucking strength, but I don't use it to violence against the pigs.

They let you live in the house.

I go into the house to get snacks sometimes.

Sleep with the old lady.

Sometimes, if I want, I fuck an old lady

and I sometimes I

and sometimes it's nice to sleep in a bed but I don't live there and they that's not where I stay

in a

I do wear a sailor outfit we've that's been that's been documented because it looks cool and because it helps other people to know that I'm the boss hall I'm a I'm the mongoose that wears like one of the outfits from Contra you're a chipmunk

with a gay little beret it's not the outfit from Contra

outfit and Adam is a garden snake that's lubed up because he goes into guys' asses sometimes.

I think about that.

You're freaking piety.

No, you're not at all.

You're a little garden snake.

You're covered in avocado oil, and a gay guy fucks his own ass with you.

I'm one of the most.

No, you're not.

A lot of people say I'm poisonous.

No, you're not poisonous.

You have no venom.

You have no teeth.

What do you mean, no teeth?

So I'm a worm?

You're basically a worm.

You're one step above a worm.

You're a big worm, essentially.

And I did you the favor of calling you a garden snake.

But you have to go in, but you have, you are a big worm, but you have to go into the fucking details and find out some truths you didn't want to discover.

What would you say?

Hey, you're a worm, not even a snake.

I'm a reticulated worm.

It makes a little fun.

No, you're a big worm.

And yes, you're right.

I'm not, I don't kill with my venom.

I kill through strangulation.

No.

You don't have the strength?

I do.

Nope.

You rummage through the shit of other animals who take the nutrients that they shit out.

Well,

that's what you do.

And I, meanwhile, rule the forest as a benevolent, wild, powerful being.

Sometimes I go into the house and I eat apple cores from the rich old lady, and sometimes I eat her pussy too.

Sometimes I put my tusk in her pussy, but in a gentle way, and she beats off.

Okay.

But I also get a lot of pig pussy, by the way.

I feel like there's been a lot of tension on this episode.

No, there hasn't.

No, there hasn't.

Maybe we can.

Are you asleep?

I'm hibernating as a mongoose.

Okay, we need to.

Are you a chipmunk?

No, mongoose.

Chipmunks don't hibernate.

Exactly.

In fact, chipmunks, they don't even sleep, whereas the mongoose dreams cushilely.

Wow.

That 40 minutes and 38 seconds.

The mongoose.

Has to be emailed to Gina.

The mongoose dreams cushile.

The mongoose dreams of electric pussy.

That's awesome.

Wow, that'd be sick.

And it's awesome because that's true because you're not a mongoose.

The chipmunk dreams of regular cocks.

Yeah.

Do androids dream dream of electric pussy.

Do Android's nut.

Pussily.

CushyDreams.com is a...

Why don't you guys talk about it?

It's a good website.

It's a good website that sells a good product.

One of the best products.

And that product is CBD Flower.

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You know, one of these assholes that wants a gummy or a fake, like a baby?

And the cat sucks my penis, and my penis is hard.

And my penis is hard.

Little boss sucks my dink and my bones.

Go ahead, Adam.

Take it away.

About cushy dreams.

This is high quality.

It's developed in a lab that has a Wuhan lab.

No leaks.

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No, this shit doesn't get sneak off.

This is fucking lab-tested, lab-approved.

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Maybe they're called cannabinoids.

CVD, they got different strains.

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Dream.

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You may say that my dick is small.

But I'm not, no, but I'm not the only

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Imagine kissing my asshole

like it was a girl's mom.

You can practice kissing on my asshole.

Cushy dreams, they do the

either get a 10 or a pre-roll.

You got a 3.5 grand tin.

Yeah.

10.

You got fucking pre-rolls that are a grand.

You got

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An eighth on the street.

Nitrogen-packed, preserved.

Pre-roll.

They got the half-gram pre-roll joints.

My favorite.

My personal favorite.

Those are nice.

You put a movie on, blast one of those.

Gets you in the right headspace to just, you know, at least put the phone down, watch the movie, wait to wake up the next day.

Yep.

Curse it because you're like, fuck, I'm awake.

Yeah.

It's still going on.

It's still going, the movie.

The pre-rolls are good because they come in like, what, five or six in a little pack?

Yeah, something like that.

Like a pack of smoke.

It's enough, yeah.

You can smoke all of them while watching The Assassination of Jesse James.

Mm-hmm.

Which is

you get a free copy of that on DVD when you go to CushyDreams.com.

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If you spend over $1,000 at CushyDreams.com, they send you a free DVD copy of The Assassination of Jesse James by The Coward Robert Forth.

Pretty cool.

Directed by

John Wu.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, it's got doves.

A lot of doves.

It's the doves flying.

They should have had Chow Young Fat in

as Jesse James.

My dick for Fat Fat.

That would be pretty tight.

That would be fucking tight.

Dude, you do a restaurant and you just have Wild Bill Hickok played by Jet Lee.

That would be awesome.

And he's like, I've heard that someone has told you that

I am wild.

They're like, okay, good.

Cut, yeah.

Cut, we got it.

Time to all hang out and smoke cushy dreams together.

Time to smoke cushy dreams.

On the set of this movie.

You nailed the line.

You sound exactly like Wild Dolly.

You sound exactly like Wild Original.

You was one take master.

And it's probably because of all the CBD you smoked.

I've heard that you have been told from many that I am what you'd call wild.

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Wow.

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And he's like, he's just walking along and he's seeing like a woman getting raped and he's like, ooh,

and he's like,

he's running away.

Well, he's not running away, but he's like stepping in trash cans and then like slipping on a banana peel.

That scene where he keeps stepping in poo and police story one is very funny.

Yeah.

Ah!

Yeah.

No one's like, oh, help for me.

Chucky, help me.

And he's like, I'm a coward.

I'm a coward.

So he doesn't help the woman?

He does.

He tries to, but he's a coward.

So that's brave.

And then he makes up for it by buying a tuxedo.

Wait, what was the tuxedo?

The rest of the movie is him just wearing a tuxedo around the field.

Oh, he buys it as a little gift to himself.

Yeah, it's a feeling.

For not stopping a rape.

He buys himself a tuxedo.

That's the brightest.

And it does everything.

And it really brightens his day.

Is it the coward story?

Jackie Champ.

It's like seven minutes of a horrific rape scene that he's like, whoa, whoa, slipping on banana peels.

And then the rest of the movie is just him having a really nice day in his tuxedo.

You look like a James Bog.

Thank you.

And you can check that out at cushydreams.com.

They'll send you a free comic.

Check it out.

With DVD commentary

by Martin Sheen.

Yeah.

Yeah, and he played the president, so you know you can trust him.

The hell is this guy?

He's Chinese or something.

What is Chinese?

I think Chinese.

That's not even close.

Where's your sky?

Chinese.

I don't even know who we're doing.

Martin Sheen.

No, that's dead on, dude.

I believe.

Where is this guy Chinese?

You're doing Vladimir Putin.

No.

Yeah, you are.

Maybe a

different guy.

Was this Chinese?

That guy.

Ruttro.

That guy is a.

You didn't stop the rape.

You let the rape happen.

Jackie, you let the rape happen.

Okay.

Jakaru, you let the Maripo.

How about?

I'm Iron Man.

I'm Iron Man, Texas.

No, come on, man.

I mean, come on.

No, I can't.

I just can never reference

a guy I've known for fucking 15 years because of something that happened on the.

I'm just saying, go off.

Come on.

No, no, no, no.

I don't know why I said that.

Honestly, shame on me.

Adam's like, come on, dude.

You should be able to text children.

It's only half him.

You should help kids with their homework.

It's only half him.

You want to help kids with their homework.

It's Iron Man, Texas.

It's Robert Downey, Texas.

Robert Downey, Texas.

It's somewhere in between the two of them.

Yeah.

I'm Chinese.

I'm Chinese.

The thing about me is

Chinese.

Who's that?

Was that Reagan?

I don't know, dude.

What are you trying to do, Reagan?

I'm Chinese.

Mr.

Gorbachev.

I'm doing John McCain.

I'm Chinese.

I'm Chinese.

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48, 46.

I am Chinese.

So they had that summit.

Did you guys?

The pussy getting summit?

The pussy getting summit.

Biden versus Putin.

Do you see that?

No.

I didn't didn't see it either.

What summit?

I don't know.

Biden chilled with Putin.

He did?

Yeah.

Yeah, Putin was sitting there and he's just like,

and Biden's like, all right, man.

Nice.

All right, man.

That sounds good, man.

That sounds good.

We're friends here, and my friend here,

he's saying to me,

Zibbity Babbittabappity.

What kind of rush are you?

And I said, that sounds like jazz music.

I just learned about Juneteenth.

Sounds like he's scatting.

And we shared our culture.

Yes.

I said, you sound like Scatman Cruthers.

You ever see the movie The Shining?

I fucked the bitch from that movie.

That's why she's crazy.

I raped her.

It's a secret.

I raped her.

My staffer.

I raped her.

I raped Jelly Camall.

I told Putin just because I said, look, this is all off the record, but I raped that Terrant Reed woman.

As long as we're here.

Just as a show of good faith.

I said, I'm going to admit a little secret secret to you.

We're both going to tell each other.

I'm going to do a secret to you, and you do a secret to me.

My secret is: I raped Tara Reed.

I fingered and raped Tara Reed at gunpoint.

Now, you tell me, what are the codes to the missiles?

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

It's a good trade.

Come on, man.

How come you can't even...

Let me see.

Just pull out your cock.

You got pictures of my son's cock.

Let me see your kid's cock.

By the way, Hunter was up to some not-chill text exchanges.

What did he say?

Everyone got mad because he called an Asian person yellow, but also he was literally buying people.

It was like, he was buying pussy.

He was buying sex slaves, and he was like, no, yellow.

And he was like, no, yellow.

People are like, can you believe he said yellow?

It's like, A, yes, I can.

He's a fucking crack addict from Delaware.

B,

he's literally buying human beings.

And the guy that is...

Does he mean buying to own or he's like, like,

for the evening, but the guy was describing it like, dude, she's like, he was talking about it like it was a type that they give different types of sandwiches.

He was like, oh, she's fire.

Yeah, she's like,

literally, yeah, yeah.

She's got a little fucking mozzadelle in her pussy hole.

But I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

Pretty messed up, dude.

Yeah, it's messed up.

Imagine.

I'm just going to keep thinking about that

hot sprinter.

Imagine my penis is small.

Imagine that I don't get pussy.

Imagine raping a girl

and then Jackie Chan does nothing.

Sounds like a good ass movie.

Sounds like a good movie.

Maybe then he gets

junky here

and get some food.

Yeah.

That is a spot.

I've got a movie called Brush Hour.

And it's about a Chinese guy with big-ass teeth, and it's how long it takes him to brush his teeth.

He's all wow, it's all okay.

Just a big pair of buck teeth.

He's got like a normal toothbrush, and it's just like, yeah.

I don't get every part.

I don't get every part.

He's got a whole hour.

And Chris Sucker is his dentist.

Damn.

Those are big ass teeth.

He's got a brush at least an hour.

That's going to take you a whole hour.

Okay.

All right.

How about the fuckseato?

And it's a suit that makes him fuck.

I like that.

I like that.

Yeah.

Or some other Jackie Chan.

The spy next door.

And which is the one in Bronx?

About Police Toy Story.

Rumble in the Bronx.

Police Toy Story.

Bronx.

Toy Story.

Which is the Toys.

Toy Police Story, right?

Yeah.

And Jackie Chan, he plays a Chinese guy that just moved to America.

And he thinks toys are illegal, but he likes them.

So he's playing with toys and then like somebody's like, oh, the police are coming.

And so he shoves like Woody and Buzz and all them up his ass to hide them.

I thought I was going there.

Yeah.

And they tickle his prostate and they do and he's like, oh,

and he's just, you know, collapsing.

Is that Chinese guy with a bunch of toys shoved up his ass?

And they're like, no,

he's Jackie Chan.

They're like, he's doing one of his

own stunts.

He's also a really good singer.

Is Is that so?

He is.

Yeah, he's a top recording artist in China.

That's how he learned English.

Yeah.

Just by singing.

Yeah.

I want push.

That's actually true.

He did all the music in

Mulan.

I'm not kidding.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm not kidding.

Jackie Chen did not do the music to Mulan, dude.

He literally did, dude.

That's all the songs.

No chance, bro.

Yeah, I'll make a man out of you.

It's Jackie Chan.

That's all Jackie Chan.

No.

Let's get down to business.

I know.

I mean, I know it's real.

I pray to God that's real.

It is real, dude.

No, it is real.

Jackie Chan is like their Jamie Foxx.

Dude, no, he's

a quadruple threat.

He's a singer.

He's an actor.

He's a fighter.

And he's a threat to all women.

I heard.

Is this his song?

This is Chinese Billy Joel's Jackie Chan.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

These are lyrics

in case you wanted to sing along.

Imagine you get like a big-ass boat, right?

And you like you have like speakers, sound system,

and then

you like go out on the bay and pull up right next to someone else's boat that's anchored and parks your shit and just blasting this and just getting just getting trashed by yourself on the boat.

Don't say a word to him.

And since she's the one,

look I see the baby.

Danny wanna see Lil

Society.

That's very good.

Disney's classic Mulan flopped in China because audiences didn't think she looked Chinese enough.

That's not even a joke.

Oh shit.

Alright Jackie.

Oh man, Jackie can Jackie can hit it.

This is Jackie.

This is album

lay mong

when you take one joke.

I love the title of this song.

Okay, I love you.

That song,

I know we say this for a lot of things, but that makes me

want to do cocaine.

New rules knowing that these motherfuckers could just destroy our currency and then nuke us to hell.

Yeah.

I want that, dude.

Fuck my.

And then listening to this afterwards.

Dude,

you know a bunch of them have laid pipe to that album.

You know what's crazy?

Absolutely.

It was awesome in China.

It's been like three.

If you went on TV and said that this music sucks, you'd be thrown in jail.

I mean, I love that.

I kind of like that.

Yeah, dude.

People don't really run their mouths over there.

Because it's like you either got to have absolute freedom.

You can either be like a free speech absolutist

or you get thrown in jail for criticizing state-sponsored media.

I agree.

You know, I don't want this half-step bullshit bullshit or this stuff.

It's like, well, we have freedom of speech, but if you offend anyone in the slightest, we kick your legs out from under you

in terms of economic meetings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I would rather just be put in prison because at least then you could be a martyr instead of just a guy that then has to work at like AutoZone.

Right, right.

You know, get my

dick sucked.

Also, this music rocks.

It's awesome.

It's really good.

Makes me horny.

And if you want to write the copy,

that's on and off.

We don't want to hear it.

I hope I get a cease and desist from Jackie Chan.

From the CCP.

Yeah.

I'd like to CC pussy.

I would like to CC some Chinese pussy.

Me, me too, my brother.

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