Ep. 258 – tanagra when the cheeks clapped

Feel the rain on my dick.

Everyone can see your penis.

Everyone is laughing at it.

Everyone can see my penis.

Pulling it out in the rain.

Here's my dick.

It's out of my motherfucking pants.

Look at my little dick.

I want you to get it somewhere.

Everyone ever says a fagin.

I'm the only one that's strange.

But my dick, but my dick is small.

But my dick is too small.

It's too small to fuck a woman.

I don't want to kill myself.

So I have to get fucked in my ass.

Even though I'm not gay.

I just want to be a part of it.

I just want to have friends.

I just want these guys to like me.

I'm trying to act in movies.

I'm trying to ingratiate myself to them so they will let me play a guy who's straight in an X-Men film.

I wanna be in the X-Men.

And I'll do good shit for it.

I want to be Nightcrawler.

Paint me blue and fuck my ass.

I've been raped 18 times.

And I was in.

One time I I thought I was gonna be in a Motorola commercial, but

I went out of business.

They were putting phones in my ass.

It was actually just another rape.

And this time they filmed it.

And I won't get to be an X-Men.

Yep.

Shout out to who's that, Natasha Bettingfield?

Hello, Cameo.

My name is Adolf Hitler.

Whoa.

Seriously?

Adolf Hitler here on Cameo.

Is that what he sounded like?

You may know me.

I I only know his speech voice.

It was his English voice.

He was very charismatic.

Yeah, yeah.

It was a lot of yelling in German, but I think in German it sounded wild.

He was way

up the country.

Oh, wow.

They're a parasite and they control all the money and all the businesses.

And if that's not enough for them, they got to sexualize our women

and destroy our nuclear families.

Yeah.

Whoa, is that what they're doing?

Yeah, except this time I'm talking about white men, folks.

Uh-oh.

Oh,

I was just calling them all out.

The CIA here for woke Jack Hitlerson.

Jack Hitler.

My name's Jack Hitlerson, and I work at the CIA.

No one else can see my dick, just you.

Could you have a magnifying glass?

Fuck my ass and suck my pants.

Make me put on a nice dress.

What was the other little red Corvette?

But it's like.

Baby, I'm much too gay.

Little dick faggot.

Baby, I'm much too faggy.

Little dick faggot.

My dick's fucking fucking

good.

I fucking love Prince, dude.

I hope this is somebody's first time listening to the show.

Me too.

So

welcome to Come Town.

Three minutes and 30 seconds of this, and they were like, which one's the fat guy that I heard about on the mayonnaise forums?

On the mayonnaise forums.

We've actually, Patreon's been pumping.

Are you serious?

Well, I need to bump up in my mayonnaise forums.

If we're getting a lot of new fucking subs off the mayonnaise forums, I'm going to need a little tick up on my fucking page.

Oh, my God.

Our God.

Our king has a podcast?

I just liked his pictures on Instagram.

That's right.

I'm the only one that's fucking inspiring here.

That stops gender is heavy.

I don't know if we've ever mentioned this on the show, but it was very funny when we got to Sydney and you said to that girl, so I'll see you at the show tomorrow night.

And she's like, what show?

I just like your pictures.

There was a girl that fucked me because she just liked to fuck fat guys.

Yeah, you thought she was fucking fucking fucking.

That was a great fucking moment in my life.

And it's happened a couple times, and it means so much more.

You got pussy pussy from the pot, you got chubby punches.

I wish I could be fetishized in any way.

The hunter has become the hunter.

That's right.

I'm not in any of those categories.

What do you mean?

Like the weird, like

you get to just fucking be a regular guy that gets pussy.

What do you mean?

Yeah, but

I want to be some weird.

You get pussy you don't deserve because you got good bone structure.

I have to carry a burden.

Yeah, I get fetishized.

I have to get Botox every three weeks.

That's true.

Nick's phase is a nightmare usually.

Oh, my God.

I look like a Korean.

You know how much work it takes to keep that up?

To keep this up?

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, you definitely.

Adam, you absolutely

fucking schnauzed those glasses.

Yeah, of course.

I ham it up.

You're fucking mistaken.

I sneeze out the cocaine like an antihole.

Yeah, you've done that so many times.

I don't know.

You have prop cocaine, so you don't actually waste it.

I don't want to waste some money.

It's expensive stuff.

And then when they find that out, they're even more.

Yeah.

They're even more attracted to all of them.

These people, they bring fake cocaine to parties.

So they can pretend like they're contributing and then they just sneeze it everywhere and draw attention to their nose.

Yeah.

Which they think is superior.

It's true.

Here at the CIA, we're figuring out another way to get them.

I got to say, I hate your nose, Adam, but a girl with a big nose I do like.

You like a girl with a big nose.

Something about your nose is just.

Why don't you like my nose?

It's not even that big.

Your nostrils are too long.

The nose could be a hell of a lot bigger.

Your nostrils are too long.

I have long nostrils.

That's my thing.

I haven't trimmed my nose hairs in a couple.

I don't, I can't see them from here.

I just, and also, I gotta say, it's not a great shape from the profile.

I don't have that bad.

I don't have a bump.

I barely have a

bump.

I'd love to shoot him right in the bump.

I'm in the fucking face.

Now that we brought it up, talking about it, yeah, just

fucking blaming the nose.

You're so right, Nick.

I was considering.

Only afterwards you'd be like, nah, I'm just playing.

I was kidding.

I was considering during quarantine getting a

little like.

That would have been awesome.

If I had a little like...

You could come out with a button nose.

Come out with a small nose.

Like a remote control from Click.

I'd be shooting Adam in the face and rewinding constantly during the show.

The recorder still works.

Regular technology.

Yeah, yeah.

But I would just blast.

That would be awesome.

We would hear

Adam's shrieks of death a hundred times.

Stop.

Stop it.

And then just blamo.

And it's all over the wall.

Yeah.

And then we rewind.

That's what the movie Click was about.

That's sort of what the movie The Prestige is about.

Yep.

Yes.

I'm still thinking about Adam with the Maggie Gyllenhaal nose, little upturn button nose, dude.

My old pal.

I would love to fuck you if you had a nose like that.

Somebody Photoshop Adam with a little nose.

I want to see what what it looks like.

I like my nose.

Adam Freed's man.

I used to

not like it.

I don't have a problem.

Listen, it's fine.

It serves your purposes.

I'm just saying.

You could have a nice nose.

I don't want to fuck somebody with your nose.

See, that's the problem, though.

You're in an uncanny valley where it's not that good.

It's not.

It's not that bad of a Jewish nose, but it's not a regular nose.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I want them real bad, real big, real fucked up.

You want them fucked up.

Stops in an uncanny hidden valley.

I am, and I'm slurping up all the range.

I got one of those beer helmets, but it's like on either side of his round.

It stops in a John Candy valley.

I had low.

He's just one of my favorite actors.

You can't tell if he's John Candy or not.

I remember there's a

robot or is it John Candy?

Yeah.

I can't tell.

Like, no, it's famous pedophile Savro Salisbury.

Wait a second.

No, no.

You can call me Fad.

Beloved pedophile.

I love it and below.

Can we put a kaibosh on the pedophilia jokes, please?

Well, I remember there was this MTV True Life that she's like,

I'm 900 pounds or whatever.

And the lady had the Costco Hidden Valley in her purse, which rocks.

In her purse.

In her purse.

What's Costco Hidden Valley?

Like the Costco size, like the family.

She didn't even have a travel size.

She didn't come through with

the one you get at the supermarket.

She used used to rock rock up to restaurants.

Was that Hillary Clinton?

Well, no.

No.

That's Huckabee Sanders.

I'd love to watch.

I keep Hidden Valley in my bag.

I'd love to watch the doctor from my 600-pound life lecture, Hillary Clinton.

You are too much of a dumb bitch.

Looking at the chart, you have to be 10% less dumb bitch before we can do surgery to make you even less of a dumb bitch.

All those doctors are in Houston, Texas.

Those like fat doctors.

They're fat in San Antonio.

Or San Antonio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Damn, dude.

Being so fat, you can't even get anti-fat.

San Antonio is a very funny town.

I've never been there.

It's such a fat place.

They have a river water.

I was a hot bitch over in San Antonio.

I went.

Actually, I went when I was very fat, now that I think about it.

Yeah.

I went when I was

not San Antonio fat.

No, I was a fucking hot little slut around 300 bills, 300 pounds.

Look at this new skinny bitch walking bumbling up the river walk.

That's Texas Antaraxia.

Yeah.

Saw the Alamo.

Oh, my God.

It's Callista Flockhart.

I got to say, they have those cool monasteries over there, dude.

It's pretty tight.

The Alamo?

Just in San Antonio.

There's cooler shit than you'd think over there.

I love mission-style architecture, dude.

I did a cannonball and Mission Chinese style architecture.

Oh, I had a little Mission Chinese strip recently.

You know, the other one got canceled for

my girlfriend with some.

Oh, yeah.

The chef was burning people.

Your girlfriend?

Which one?

She told me they had to shut down the one in Chinatown.

Oh, before you suck my dick, I have to tell you.

No, my girlfriend didn't.

She doesn't sound like that.

Mission Chinese.

She's a Gutter Manual, huh?

No, no, no.

I don't know all the details.

Wait, is Mission the one we went to?

That's the one we went to, yeah.

We went to it in the Williamsburg one.

You know, I was thinking the other day, why the fuck was there never Blazion food?

Oh, yes.

That'd be awesome.

That would be cool.

It's weird because they, first of all, I feel like you want to talk about CIA stuff.

I feel like the Blazion thing was a CIA thing.

Because they existed for literally seven years and then disappeared.

And it's crazy with all these people coming out for DMX, you see no Blazians, and he had the biggest impact on their community.

It's true.

Well, I think the Blazion community had a lot to do with Kamura Lee Simmons'

spot in in the culture.

Yeah.

Baby Fat when it was an Ascendant brand.

Well, DMX also added an Asian guy to the Rough Riders.

Jin from

106 and Park's Freestyle Fridays.

Yeah, I heard that.

Yeah.

He described it.

We talked about them.

You remember that late 90s New York culture of all just Chinese Rough Rider bullshit?

Yeah, that's true.

They had a lot of Chinese shit.

That was the peak of people getting Chinese tattoos that they didn't understand.

Which is so funny in retrospect is like thinking of Chinese as this language that nobody speaks.

So it's not, there's no point in even yeah, you can just get a fake

the most people on earth read that fucking script.

Yeah, I remember someone was getting, I think Kenyon Martin, because Jeremy Lynn got dreadlocks.

I remember that.

And they were like, how dare you culturally appropriate?

And then Jeremy Lynn was like, look at your fucking tattoos.

And he just had a bunch of Chinese letters all over him.

Yeah.

He rocks.

But that's what that brand super dry is.

It's just like Japanese nonsense.

That's right.

Yeah.

It's not a Japanese brand.

It's always like Italian dads that like super dry jackets.

Try-backed steakhouse of

jackets.

Yeah, what if they got mad about that?

Who are the Japanese?

Oh, Australians.

Were they like?

Oh, this is cultural appropriation.

And you're like, well, you don't have a culture.

You're like, yeah, you got me there.

Guess I'll go drink paint thinner.

Yeah, what about

having sex with animals?

What about drinking pain thinner?

That's our baseball.

They got bogans or whatever.

That's what they call hillbillies.

Yeah.

Bougains.

Bogans.

B-O-G-G.

Bogs.

Yeah, yeah.

B-O-G-G-E-R.

And Marge is like, do you have any boop?

Well, you mean Bogans?

No, Boop.

B-O-Y-O, and then she's, Marge is like, N-I,

like, B-O-G.

A classic scene, for instance, where Marge keeps asking if they have the N word in Australia.

Because Bart had a collect call that went too long.

That was a great episode.

That's one of the best.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where Homer cries when they change the toilet flush them off.

All the small jokes in that episode are fucking like top tier.

That's the best.

Knife and the bus.

And it's just a letter from Australia.

Letter from Australia, and the stamp says 30 years of electricity.

Yeah.

The Aussies can suck my fucking hardcock.

Yeah.

Well, they did that.

If I remember correctly.

Yeah, we have no respect for you.

But the New Zealanders, tremendous.

The Kiwis.

Yep.

Shouts out to them.

Shouts out to all them, dude.

The Hawkers.

Shouts out to them.

Shouts out to the Shire.

I recently read all the Lord of the Rings books.

And I got to say I'm a big fan, and I'm excited.

I watched the first 20 minutes of the...

Fellowship of the Rings film yesterday.

Okay.

And I'm excited to get into the whole thing.

Cool.

So I just want to put that out.

Good luck, bro.

I'm excited.

I'm starting my journey.

You're excited to watch it.

There's a guy that's in the movies that everyone has seen.

I've never seen them.

Real quick, just as a formality, Lord of the Young and Rings.

That's going on the shore.

That's in there.

That's going on the board.

Also, Lord of the Rings.

Lord of the Shore.

There's a lot to go.

Were we supposed to go to New Zealand on the last Australia tour?

Lord of the Cheese String.

Lord of the Cheese Strings.

Sav, weren't you supposed to get pussy in New Zealand for our tour or something?

I think.

You're like, we got to stop there so I can get a couple pussies.

I think, certainly, I would like to try and fuck a woman in every country that we're going to do.

New Zealand's kind of a hot girl country, secretly.

It is.

Yeah.

They have hot girls.

Yeah, and now.

They have hot people in general.

And

now that I'm supercharged with the Shire,

we definitely got to go.

We got to go to New Zealand.

I need to get pussy at Bag End.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I need to get pussy at the top of the Gondor.

I want to get my dick sucked at the top of the Misty Mountains.

They got good genes there.

I'm cursed.

I'll look like a child until I look like fucking like the Rockies trainer.

Mickey Golden.

He got pussy, that guy.

So

I'll be either

16, and then suddenly I'll be fucking

Burgess Meredith.

Burgess got pussy, though.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Burgess definitely got.

I believe I was listening to an old podcast that Michael Rappaport was on, and he called him a famous Hollywood stick man.

Wow.

Burgess Meredith.

Wow.

Yo, he got more pussy than anybody.

Kevin Durant.

Also, Burgess is a great name, dude.

Burgess Meredith?

Your name, your first name doesn't make sense.

Your second name is a woman's name.

You don't care.

Bustice.

Bustice?

Bustice Bustice Meredith?

Yeah, dude.

I can't wait to get pussy on the open fields of Rohan.

Bustice.

Bustice.

And he sighed.

Yeah.

I can't wait to go find the eye.

You know, if you're

talking about the clitter.

The brown eye.

The brown eye.

I'm trying to get some, I'm trying to fuck some asses.

You, my brown eye girl.

Yeah, that's that's what that is about.

That's about Van Morrison pretending a man's ass is a pussy.

Do you remember when we used to pretend your ass was a pussy and I wasn't fucking gay?

Oh, that's good.

That's a good one.

My dick is fucking small.

I'm gay.

I'm fucking gay.

I want to just fuck your ass.

ass.

I hate Van Morrison.

When you do you remember when?

Oh, but you got to listen to asshole.

He had gay Sierra.

You got to listen to asshole weeks, dude.

My dick is small.

Asshole weeks, asshole weeks, but

I'm going to go to New Zealand and have sex with the Prime Minister.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She's hot.

Jacinda?

I'm trying to get Jacinda pussy.

Yeah, I'm trying to

send the pussy.

Yeah.

They say they put a detail, Jacinda Pussy.

I like her big teeth.

For a second.

I like big teeth.

I like her big teeth.

She said that cannot put the tip just in the

URS.

Jacinda Pussy.

Who doesn't Jacinda?

Fuck.

Clark Gayford?

Her husband's last name is Gayford.

Yeah, right.

Come on, bro.

We're coming for that pussy.

Come on, bro.

You better hand that pussy over.

Give it over.

We can use the easy way or the the hard way.

Clark?

You are my penis girl.

Clark, we're going to fuck your wife.

And then we'll fuck you in the ass.

Since I'll dick.

He's actually a good-looking guy.

You see?

Clark Fag.

Clark Gayford, but you got to hand the pussy over.

Let me see what Clark looks like.

Oh, man.

Shout out to Jacinda for not taking the Gayford name.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Do you remember?

You know, a very funny crime is using like a hot air balloon to like.

He looks like like he's a MLB.

Using a hot air balloon to like fuck this guy.

He's not hot.

For a politician.

He looks kind of like looking Jimmy Kimmel, huh?

He just looks like an

Jimmy Kimmel with less of a

chin.

In our world.

What is that supposed to mean?

I'll fuck this guy up.

What is that?

Cock 2 Twins?

If you can guess the song, you get to fuck Stop in his ass.

No.

Is it Heaven or Las Vegas?

Jacinda R-word.

Is that this bitch's name?

Yeah.

Jacinda Ritzar.

Jacinda R-word.

Yeah.

Yeah, she does have some big-ass teeth.

She got some big ass teeth.

I'm trying to get my nuts chomped on my list.

Yeah, you can't.

Yo, Jacinda, you trying to nibble?

What's the huge on the huge tit scale?

What are we doing here with Jacinda and R-word?

I wouldn't say she.

Damn, she's like pregnant and shit.

Oh, yeah.

Look in this picture.

She's like being the president and pregnant.

Damn, they're so progressive over there.

Yeah, they let a pregnant bitch be the president.

Tits.

Clark Gayford.

Fuck Clark Gayford.

Dude, my man.

My man has to say.

Oh, yeah.

No.

If I've been just in the art and tits, a picture of AOC's cans

on display comes up.

Well, she's got AOC teeth.

It would be funny if the Capitol did get raided all the way and it becomes the historical event,

the storming of the Bastille or fucking the russian revolution and in a hundred years like people are just looking at paintings of aoc getting titty fucked by that guy bigo it's like something that happened he got to put his feet up on nancy pelosi's death yeah

that's that's the thing is like that's how you know it wasn't a coup because she didn't get titty fucked i feel like that would be the the first order of business if you were me if i was there well i thought i'd be like i don't give a shit about any of this politics stuff i got one thing in mind yep some of us have our own personal

agendas.

We have our own, and it's a broad coalition.

It's a big tent coalition,

and I'm the one pitching it.

I think I would, I would think, I don't know that rape would be at the top of the list.

It's not rape.

What is it?

It's a revolution.

It's fucking

a communist revolution, dude.

Any kind of violence that happens in the service of a larger progressive political shift is good.

Okay.

It's called moral relativism, and I've used it

to justify the titty fucking that I would like to participate in against all odds.

And to you, she's just

a symbol of the state.

Yes.

It's not even about the person.

I would be in there titty fucking everything I saw.

Right.

That would just happen to be one of the things being titty fucking.

Right, right.

The first thing I'm titty fucking, the Constitution, right?

Yep.

You're getting paper cuts up and down your dick.

Titty fucking.

I'm going to roll the scrolls together.

Five-foot scrolls.

There's a national treasure.

Yeah.

I mean,

but like, butt fuck the scrolls.

I love that.

Yeah, Nick Cage has to fuck the scrolls to find the treasure.

You got to titty fuck the statue of Liberty.

We're going to titty fuck AOC to figure out where they kept all Statue of Liberty's pussy gold.

Yeah, that that's dude.

Clark Gayford is the host of a fishing television show.

Wow.

That's pretty cool, honestly.

Deadliest Gash.

I gotta say.

It's about Cushy Dreams or something.

It's pretty cool to know your president was getting nutted inside while she was president.

That's awesome.

Yeah, and they never got married.

They're having bastards.

Whoa.

And

he took Blue Chew or something.

Tell him about that.

Is it Blue Chew or Cushy Dreams?

I took Cushy Dreams in about 20 minutes, maybe.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, it's Blue Chew Now?

It's Blue Chew Now, folks.

Okay, I'll tell you, Mark Gayford.

It's that time of the show where we talk about...

And this is, you know, honestly, I'm glad it's Cushy Dreams and Blue Chew this week.

Two of our sponsors that I actually use to a degree that some might even refer to as criminal.

Yeah.

Really?

Which one?

It's really important.

When I stormed in the Capitol, rock hard and high out of my mind.

The video of the guy smoking the joint joint in the Capitol Rotunda.

That was actually Cushy Dream.

Well, that's what's funny about

in America.

That's the best.

Any type of political movement whatsoever,

there's always a weed thing.

You could have like a Nambla protest where they're like, we should be able to fuck kids.

And there'd be a guy that's like, it's just a plant, man.

Dude, I remember it.

How the fuck are you going to make a plant legal?

During Trayvon,

I was with Nick on the train, and he's like,

they were having a huge protest in Union Square, and Nick was like, we should just go down there with legalizing stuff.

Should be like, Woo, wee.

Yeah.

Because no one can get mad at you because they just think you're like some weed re-cart.

It kind of like you can copy and paste it over.

You can like co-opt it.

You know, that was a big part of Occupy, too.

Oh, for sure.

I had neighbors when Occupy was going on, they were like, We're going down there, dude.

They're finally going to, it's going to be legal.

And it's like, how, how out of touch are you?

It's crazy that it is is legal and no one really cares.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe we're just out of the demographic that does care anymore.

But no one's like running down the street being like, we did it.

That's because we have much better drugs now.

Yeah.

Hey, also, you've been able to get weed here pretty easily.

Yeah, I guess it.

If this happened four years, do you want to do weed or would you rather do cocaine, ketamine, and molly all at the same time?

Yeah.

I can't do that shit, man.

I would die.

Yeah, well, that's kind of the point.

I would rather do

blue chew.

Yeah, take some chewable

because I love sex, and that means I love blue chew.com.

Well, that's the thing.

That's something that's important to note: is that

New Zealand's first bloke,

what's his name?

Gayford?

Gayford.

Guy Fagari.

Clark.

Gayford.

Clark Gayford.

A lot of people don't know this.

He was taking Blue Chew.

We're coming back.

We're here down in New Zealand.

We're getting a rock star piece of Prime Minister Pussy.

Dictators, dames, and

didgeridues.

Digiridu.

There you go.

Thank you.

Clark Gayford was actually busting loads in the prime minister with the help of Blue Chew.com.

Bluechew.com.

If you like sex, you're going to love Blue Chew.com.

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You would think by now they would be Cometown 21, but

maybe it has to do with the 20%.

I think it's more.

Although, don't you give your first order free.

Don't get first order free for you.

First order is free.

I think it was just 2020 was when they.

But I don't remember any of the promo codes ever being Come Town 19.

Never.

Never.

I think they were Come Come Town, and then they updated it to.

The point is, you want your cock hard.

We know who's listening right now.

Blue chews.

A bunch of limp dick pieces of shit.

Some spaghetti dick noodle.

Even the girls.

Even the girls.

So Blue Chiefs are dry as fuck.

Look, if you're a girl, get Blue Chew for your boyfriend.

Pull a little Elliot Pay jacket and get on the Zoom call with

you.

Put your best Elliott Page outfit together, get on the Zoom call and say,

My dick doesn't work.

My dick doesn't work.

Well, you don't have to get on a Zoom call, I don't think.

Yeah, you do.

You gotta do it all.

You gotta Zoom.

The thing is, there's no, yeah, there's no for whatever reason, we didn't have to do it.

I think we got to do a nurse practitioner.

We got grandfathered into the old school operation, which was just one Russian guy.

I said a wink, wink, and a vegetable.

I had to do a nurse practitioner, and she had a Lovins in her asshole.

No, she didn't.

Yeah, I was giving her tokens.

No.

So I've had to see a Liverworth Liverwurst practitioner.

There's a woman with a bunch of Braun Schweiger shoved in her pussy that Stav had to eat out.

What's Braun Schweiger?

It's a sausage.

Braun Schweiger is a.

I think it's the same thing as Liverwurst.

Wurst is a sausage, right?

Yeah.

Brat versus.

How do you not know what Braun Schweiger is?

I'm not that much of a sausage.

Stop doesn't like the Nazis.

It's good.

He doesn't like the Nazis.

Oh, we got to get, we got it.

We got to.

I'll make you a sandwich.

Okay.

A little sauerkraut Braun Schweiger.

Okay.

Or rye, open face, melt some provolone on top.

That sounds pretty good, honestly.

See,

those are flavors I'm not

that into, you know.

I like it.

Liver

deli mustard, sauerkraut, melt some provolone on top.

Not a sauerkraut guy, I gotta be honest with you.

I'd like more.

My sausages are more of a country-style village sausage, not this fucking German shit.

That's true.

Adam, you were correct.

I don't really fuck with the krauts.

I don't fucking know.

Solidarity, that's solidarity.

That's right, dude.

And you know what?

Let's not forget.

They tried to come over here and fuck up Greece as well.

And they succeeded because they were taking Blue Chew.

Blue Chew is chewable tablets.

Well, they succeeded.

They're not pills.

We're not allowed to call them pills.

No.

And we're not allowed to say that the chewables are Blue Chews.

Blue Chew is the name of the company.

The company is Blue Chew.

And which

happens to sell chewables.

They made it very clear.

The active ingredients of Viagra and Seattle.

That someone was very mad at us for referring to them as pills.

Right.

And we actually

don't think that's stupid.

We agree with you.

We agree.

We agree.

And we'd like to keep getting money from them.

Well, mainly we'd like to keep getting pills.

Yeah, yeah.

We get paid in pills.

Sorry, not pills.

Chewables.

How about pillables?

They become pills when I get them.

I'll call them whatever I want in my house.

In my own home.

They belong to the baby.

Don't tread on me.

They say

that.

Go to Blue Chew and buy the chewables from them with promo code ComeTown.

And then call them whatever you want.

And then when they arrive at you, tear up the end-user agreement and call them whatever you want.

They can't boss you around.

But us, we're their little fuck pigs.

It's the same ingredients.

They take the tablets and they fuck our asses, and then they leave advertising payment on the nightstand.

Tadalophil in July.

July.

July, Julet.

Something like that.

But it's the same active ingredients.

Not the same ingredients, because, mind you, these taste like candy

as Viagra.

So, this isn't some gas station bullshit.

No, no, you don't have to take Street Overlord anymore.

You don't have to take Rhino Plus.

Some of the world's greatest men were actual Blue Chew customers, including Clark

Gayford, Winston Churchill,

Teddy Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt, Sam Vilado.

Friends, I am not lying when I tell you my dick does not work.

It's small,

but with the the help of chewable tablets,

I have the confidence to go west and fuck

native fuck, young man.

Go west and fuck natives, young man.

We must be like the Spanish conquistadors and rape our way through the West.

Whoa.

A grand tradition of American rape to be restored on January 6th at the Capitol.

Thanks.

By me, Teddy Roosevelt.

The titty fucking bad boy

of Rio de Janeiro.

Titty Roosevelt.

What about

Titty Roosevelt?

Teddy Fuckabelle.

Titty fuckabel.

At Bluetooth.com.

So go to Bluetooth.com if you want to rape like Teddy.

No in-person doctor visits, no awkward conversations, just a quick Zoom meeting with some dumb bitch.

Good thing we didn't call them pills, though.

Adam, why don't you tell them about your experience with a little Zoom call?

I talked to her.

I was in a rough place.

She helped me out.

Got the pills.

This was just after Adam's wife had left him.

My wife left me.

And he was having trouble getting hard for the 17-year-old.

Too sad.

17-year-olds just weren't hitting like they used to.

So I needed pills to help me out.

Yep.

And why don't you tell us about that time you were jacking off on cam, and then it was like a guy that came on the camera.

Did that happen to you?

That did happen.

Yeah, on Chatterbait.

Yeah.

And then they tried to blackmail.

No, not Chatterbait, Chat Roulette.

Yeah.

And they tried to blackmail you, right?

Yeah, and then I just.

This was recent, too, right?

No, it was like.

No, this was like when I moved to New York.

It was before we started the show.

Oh, yeah.

No, I was on Chat Roulette and

some guy guy in Morocco.

Chat Roulette brought to you by Blue Chew.

Blue Choo.com.

Chat Roulette official sponsor of Blue Choo.com.

Yeah.

And some chick was, some chick was on it, but it said location Morocco, so that should have been a tip-off because she was a white girl.

But I was like, maybe it's like a

dark holiday.

Yeah, how about Les Rocco?

Yeah.

And then she wanted to join

me on this socialist podcast.

She wanted to...

Saying all the things, saying all the things journalists on Twitter say.

She wanted to Skype me, and I assumed that meant that she was going to show me her breasts.

Why didn't she show them to you on fucking chat room?

So,

well,

you know, because the Chinese are monitored during it.

It's Chinese spyware, because everyone knows.

So I Skyped her, and then she was like, kind of...

like showing me cleavage and then she's like all right can i tell you what i want and i was like okay and she said i want to see your penis and then she said i'd like you to turn around and show me your asshole.

And I was like,

why would a girl want that?

And then the screen went black.

And then there was like on the dialogue, like the chat.

It's like, all right.

And then they showed me the video of me.

Show you the video of you beating off.

Yeah, show me the video of me.

Exposing my penis and then showing my asshole.

Oh, you did show your asshole.

Yeah, I was like, if this chick wants it,

I'll be looking at to see her tits.

I was pretty lonely at the time

and then uh did you spread it yeah she was like just show me your asshole

so you not only did you turn around

spread your whole i spread my cheeks and exposed my whole stuff

and then uh i guess the video is out there somewhere some morakin guy he's like listen man he's like my boss needs money He's like, I can't.

He's like, we've spent too much time on you.

I can't

step away without getting any money for this.

And I was like, dude, I literally don't have any.

I was like, I just don't have any money.

Like, I'm not even lying.

And then he's like, we found your Facebook.

That was like what he's.

And he's like, and then it's, he like told me my parents' names or something because he saw it on my Facebook.

And then I just blocked him.

And I was like, all right, I guess my mom's going to see my asshole.

And then just nothing happened there.

Nice.

You beat it, baby.

I guess so.

But that guy still has that video.

Maybe he's a fan of the show.

Hopefully.

No, he was a fan of the show.

He would have posted it by now.

I think he would have posted it by now.

But yeah.

I guess that's a fairly common thing that happens.

What the fuck is the point of the let me see your asshole part to make it even make the video gayer?

Yeah, it looks gay to make you to make you seem like I guess because in his country that's like the death

gay

you get stoned to death.

Yeah.

But yeah, I was like, I was like 23.

It's the Choo pills are shipped to you in discrete packaging.

If you didn't make that,

so you go promo coded come to 20 and

type in

put in blue or something.

That's sort of sponsored.

Blue chew.com.

Blue chew.com.

We use them.

We love them.

And if you're trying to be like us,

if you want to be like the cool guy

on the radio show,

you'll take Blue Chew, and you'll sign up for karate classes at Ultimate Military Experience.

That's right.

Adult karate.

You'll become a 40-year-old man that rumbles around with other 40-year-old men.

Yeah, when I'm ready to jits with my, me and my partner are jitzing.

Me and my partner are jitzing with each other.

Yeah.

There's nothing I love more than taking a couple of Blue Chews.

Let me tell you something.

You'll love it, but your partner will love it even more.

Yeah.

My Jits partner.

Your Jits partner.

Yeah.

One of my combat.

And I have so much respect for these guys.

The man I respect the most as a 47-year-old man is the man that teaches me to don't cry.

He's

like a mentor.

Yeah.

He's kind of my hero.

I'm 42.

He's 47.

I have so much respect for him.

I'm 42.

He's 36.

And I respect him.

He's 24 years old, and I admire that young man.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah, baby.

We should also say, if you want to hear more episodes of the podcast, my grandpa would do that shit, but he was too old for karate, so he would do it with the guy that showed him how to use the battery tester at AutoZone.

Yeah.

He'd be like, this young man, Carlos,

I love him.

He's like more of a grand grandson than you ever.

You know, I love that young man.

Maybe he he wants to fucking.

Yeah, if you want to hear more episodes of the pod, we should go to patreon.com slash come town.

Slash come town.

Now, over 300 bonus episodes come out every week.

Let's start the show.

Let's start the show.

There's not three.

There's 218, I think.

All right, whatever.

Okay.

217.

Who fucking cares?

In my opinion, 300.

Yeah.

So go fucking check those out.

Is the movie 300 good

to re-watch?

Probably not.

I loved it when I was

16 or whatever.

Because it was your history.

Because I was high as shit and it was my history.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was fucking blasted for that.

Oh, Sav identified with the Persian guy.

The highest I've ever been in a ball.

I'm going to go bald now.

Bald and beat.

I was not bald then.

I'm not bald now.

That's true.

I was bald for a brief time in my life.

A dark time in my life.

Sav was like a Charlie.

300 is.

300 is the amount of hair follicles left on Sav's body.

No.

And his weight.

No.

And

his height in millimeters.

Yeah.

That's my dick's height in millimeters.

No.

No chance.

Fuck, that's three centimeters, isn't it?

No, it's 30 centimeters.

30 centimeters.

Oh, they know.

Big dick.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, the 30 centimeters is like, what, like 15 inches?

Something like that.

Hell yeah, that's my dick for sure, dude.

Yeah, for sure.

Stop's got a 15-inch dick, and that's the Blue Chew Karen TV.

Bow and bow.

I'm sure it's bad.

I'm sure 300's bad now, but at the time it hit just right.

Yeah, that was definitely one of the highest movies I've seen.

That and the Marine.

I was like incapacitated

going into that.

I saw it opening like at midnight, midnight showing of the Marine, the opening night.

And it was me and my friend, and then this like 28-year-old woman and her, like, 15-year-old son.

Oh, yeah, I know her.

I uh I brought a b a backpack of claws to Mortal Kombat last week.

Yes.

And I got pretty twisted.

I might start smoking weed again, but only at the movie theater.

It's not a better way to be.

That's pretty cool.

Just like, like, just fucking taking an entire

joint to the face.

Indoors?

No, right outside.

Right out.

You have to smoke weed.

It's illegal.

Directly outside.

No, the move used to be you just get as high as possible in the parking lot and then like run in and sit down with like a

with a tiny big pretzels

and like a Dixie cup with nacho cheese in it to dip the pretzel in.

I'm a traditionalist.

I'm a popcorn guy.

Nah.

I need the biggest fucking box of popcorn guy.

Dipping the cheese pretzel in there, being high out of my mind, watching like Wicker Man.

Those are some of the best days of my life.

The highest, I saw one of the fast, I think, Fast Five.

Apps could not tell you one second of what happened.

Like, I was so fucking high.

It was me and Eldis, and we just kept hitting a fucking weed pen in the fucking, in the fucking movie.

I remember

I got drunk for G.I.

Joe,

and I could not.

I remember, I wasn't blacked out.

I remember sitting there and trying to understand the entire movie.

Just being like, what the fuck is going on?

I also did that with

fuck, what's 21 Jump Street, the sequel, 22 Jump Street.

I had a show at the Auto Bar and

Ben O'Brien.

was going to see the late the late showing of um 22 jumpstreet 22 jump street pretty funny franchise and i was i was getting free drinks i was still drinking a lot at the time and uh i was getting absolutely blitzed on uh fucking vodka so nose tequila ginger ailes you know what i'm saying

and uh there was absolutely nothing doing getting pussy-wise so i figured why not go

why not see my boy ben and i just ate i literally sat down shoveled a large popcorn in my mouth went right to sleep just like that that.

Like, I just paid $30 to have

a lot of popcorn.

I did that in Avatar.

I got a bucket of Newcastles and I drank all six of them during the previews.

Yeah.

And I fell asleep in the first like five minutes of Avatar.

I made it to like just the part where they put him in the Avatar.

Yep.

And I was gone.

Doctor Strange, I fell asleep off the edibles.

The new King Arthur, the guy Richie King Arthur, don't remember one moment of it.

I have so high.

You might want to try actually cushy dreams and going.

Yeah, that's true.

That would help.

It makes you smarter, in fact.

You remember all of it.

And that's the evils of marijuana because I've probably watched so many movies.

I don't know.

What the fuck is this?

What?

Doritos Nacho Cheese is yellow in Australia?

It's gay.

That sucks.

Didn't we see that?

I feel like now that I'm remembering Australia, I feel like that was the one thing I learned while I was there.

That Doritos were yellow?

They were a different color.

Okay.

I don't remember that.

I saw the Sydney Opera House, and there wasn't enough Indian tourists to laugh at, so we laughed.

I went twice.

That beach, dude.

Shout out to Bondi.

Shout out to Cushyde.

Who's the beach next to Bondi?

James Bondi.

We were told there would be too many tourists at Bondi.

Stav and I needed solid tourists.

We are going to James Bondi Beach.

That's where you should have gone to laugh at Indian Tourists.

CushyDreams.com is your one-stop shop for getting your dick sucked by some CBD smokable flour.

That's right, bro.

If you've tried CBD in the past, the oils, you know that they're bullshit and it's fake.

Anyone who has it has a fucked up little shrink.

You should know that CBD oil is a scam.

Snake oil.

Snake oil itself is probably better for you.

I can tell you

that taking snake oil does one thing.

It's like it will absolutely protect you from the coronavirus.

That's true.

That's true.

It won't get you high.

No reason to get the vaccine.

Yes.

Cushy dreams.

Smoke cushy dreams.

That's your dream.

That's the copy.

Yeah.

They say, don't take the vaccine.

Smoke cushy dreams.

Smoke cushy dreams.

It is

100%

legal

smokable flour.

It smells like...

weed that's going to as someone that doesn't even like smoking weed personally I was apprehensive about smoking it because you still have that fear.

It's like, I'm just going to be too high.

It's like that kind of quality.

It feels like real weed tastes.

He's like, this is just going to fuck me.

I can't, I won't be able to get anything done all morning.

Right.

But then you smoke it and you're like, oh, all my anxiety's gone.

This is like very nice.

I'm in a good mood.

I'm able to be funny.

And you maybe get 30 minutes of that before that part of your brain takes over that says, this isn't self-destructive enough.

Right.

It's time to do cocaine.

Where's the actual hard drugs?

Where is this?

But there's a nice, you got a half hour.

Let's put some heroin in my mouth.

You got a half hour where you can watch the beginning of Goodfellas, drink a Diet Coke, and have a really nice 20, 22 minutes.

It's very good.

They got hustle, energy, peace,

create, retard,

re-reduce.

Well, it's retard, I think is how you pronounce it.

Yeah.

They got one called Not Gay.

Yeah.

Not gay.

You're guaranteed not to do any gay shit or have any gay thoughts.

Not gay anymore.

Slime.

Slime.

That itchy.

Slime.

That slimy ass pussy.

The kind of pussy I like.

Slimy pussy.

I like the kind of pussy that's slimy.

I drink slimy.

Yeah, they call me slimy.

They call me slimy.

Because I never I get pussy and I leave my dick wet when I come back to hang out with them.

When I come back to the picnic, I got my dick out and it's slimy.

And they say, Spider, you're crazy.

My name used to be Spider, but now it's slimy.

Yeah, I haven't.

And now there's a different guy named Spider, and his name used to be Tweety Bird.

Damn, I want to be named Tweety Bird.

That's an awesome name.

Yeah, this is our gang.

It's Tweety Bird, Spider, Hector,

Joker, Clown.

Yeah, Joker, Tweety Bird.

That's Spider number two.

I'm Psycho.

This is Spider.

That's Slimy.

Nestor.

Nestor.

Hector.

Hector 3.

Tweety Bird Tokyo Drift.

Tweety Bird.

Actually, Tokyo Drift is another one I was kind of high for.

Cushy Dreams is a perfect thing to take while watching Tokyo Dreams.

And when you smoke it, you'll feel really good.

I got some Tokyo Dreams.

Get my dick sucked by a Japanese girl with big-ass titties.

Yeah, me too.

You'll feel really good smoking Cushy Dreams, smokable CBD flour.

Smoke it because you can.

It's independently lab tested.

Even when you sneak that slogan into a bunch of other things, it's still fucking so stupid.

You see me because you can.

You can.

If you go to the website,

they sell eights and they sell pre-rolls.

Love the pre-rolls.

And they sell the pre-rolls in grams, and they also sell them in the little fives.

To be honest, I don't know why you wouldn't just buy the pre-roll.

Well, some people like to mix things up because roll your own.

Some people like the ritual of the twisting up.

Yep.

Or you could even smoke out of a water pipe if that's your thing.

Yeah, great.

I guess that's it.

Yeah, but it's really, it is real smooth.

You know what?

I do like to spray menthol on mine, though, that it's

to stand in solidarity with the black community.

That was a wild take on social media.

No.

Do you see that shit?

No.

They're talking about making menthol illegal, and then

but they're banning menthol in like cigarette production.

Oh, that's fucking good.

And then everybody's like,

just so they can arrest black guys.

And it's like,

most of the time, yes.

But I don't think they're going to be arresting black people for smoking mental health

yeah that's a little insane also it's like that's just a stereotype it'd be very funny if they're like they're getting rid of fried chicken yeah yeah they're like oh wait what's next watermelon what's next not being around your kids kool-aid you're not allowed to drink kool-aid and even fried chicken anymore yeah and it's like um

Maybe just wait

for black people to complain about this

rather than jumping the gun and saying they want to to take they wanted to yeah, you're not.

I am pissed, though, because grape dutches are also in the mix.

That you want to talk about a ritual.

Yeah.

Going to Royal Farms, getting the fucking grape dutch, rolling a little blunt.

That's my fucking childhood, bro.

They're taking that away from me.

That's you having fruit.

It was, dude.

It was part of the fucking...

That was awesome.

Buying two Dutches, fucking busting them open.

Got to get the grape-flavored ones.

Me and my boy, fucking Pete, me and our boy Tommy with the fucked up thing by his ear.

We used to drive to fucking Philly to get cheesesteak, smoking grape blunts the whole way.

It was awesome.

I wanted to do that a couple weeks ago, but it just sounded like it would not be worth it.

Just go to Philly, just like that.

Just fucking Cushy Dreams.

Yeah.

I mean, I'll do that.

I'll take, we'll get a couple of Percocet, take the Amtrak down there

at cushydreams.com.

Yeah,

if you enter promo code

secret18226, you can add, they'll add Percocet to your order.

Yeah.

They'll sell

your order.

Dude.

But listen, this is a beautiful product.

We smoke it.

I smoke it when I'm taking it off the sauce.

Nitrogen sealed or something that I think is also on a website.

So I smoke the pre-rolls and I'm feeling fucking nice.

And if you want to be like us, like we said, go to fucking cushydreams.com.

That's K-U-S-H-Y.

Yeah, I emailed them and I asked them for if I could have some more product and they didn't email me back.

Wow.

Really?

Yeah.

So I'm not guessing I'm going to have to buy my own cushy dreams.

I guess they just have to reply to every single one of our tweets.

Yeah, yeah, but not give us free shit.

Well, um

that must suck man

Yeah,

in fact, I might have to buy my own duffel bag from Ridge Wallet, but yeah, you might.

You know, that's how things go, I guess.

Maybe if you had a relationship with the people that you know, I guess that's how things go.

Where the fuck is that gun?

It's already gone.

I told you,

there was a place that was going.

Where was it?

I'm not discussing it.

You know, I do a lot of community outreach.

No way, dude.

With the community.

You've got fucking posters of fucking guys kissing in there.

That's where it is.

Well, someone else does now.

Who asked for that?

I do a lot of stuff in the gay community.

I suck their copy.

I get backpacks and I fill it with gay porn.

I bring it down to the gay bars.

I go down

to Queen Victoria.

Yeah.

And I fucking hand out backpacks filled with gay pornography.

And that's where I do.

You're a good guy.

Yeah, a great guy.

And I say,

God damn us, everyone.

This is like tiny Tim.

So, yeah, kushidreams.com, K-U-S-H-Y Dreams, promo code COMETOWN for 20% off your next order.

Merry games, everyone.

God damn us, everyone.

God damn us to hell.

God damn us to hell.

I'm getting a call from Ben O'Brien.

Wow, his ears must be burning.

Hold on.

Hey, man, I'm doing Come Town right now.

You're on the phone.

Oh, my God.

Huh?

This is embarrassing.

Wow.

Anyway,

classic Ben O'Brien.

Here, you know what?

Put him on the wire.

We'll put you on the wire.

Oh, yeah.

We got a wire so everybody can talk to you.

Here you go.

All right, cool.

Plug him in.

Now, this is.

I was just trying to some real business, but you guys keep playing doing your little your you know your little podcast frame of the show.

This is a real business.

This is a big time business.

I'm probably gonna go to prison for tax evasion this year.

You know what?

I kind of wish I was always on the line for how often you guys are like trying to think of like a piece of trivia on the show that I absolutely know the answer to.

Yeah, I hear that's infuriating.

Mike, what's Einstein's birthday?

Uh-oh, uh,

that's right, bro.

Okay.

That's right.

You fucking idiot, Ben.

Yeah.

Wow.

Here we got Mr.

Genius coming in.

Probably the most basic genius fact in the world.

Everyone knows.

Einstein's birthday.

It's on the application to Harvard.

It's the first question.

Ben, you went to Harvard, though.

Honestly, I couldn't be more happy that I called you at this moment.

All right, all right.

I'll call you after.

All right, bye, dude.

That was Ben O'Brien, friend of the show, head of the American Nazi Party.

Yes, he is.

Yes, he is.

He's proud.

No, he's head of the American Cute Guy Party.

He's cute.

He's like Justin Long without hair.

He does look like Justin Long.

Justin Long is a hair.

And he sounds like Justin Long's wearing a piece.

Did you know that?

No, it's a fake penis.

Ben.

Oh, he has hair.

Yeah, Justin Long has hair, but he's wearing a penis.

He's wearing a fake penis.

He's got a piece.

He's got a fake.

Just along his pen.

That'd be a great question for Oprah when Elliot Page comes on.

Now, Elliot, are you wearing a piece?

Elliot's like, what are you asking me?

Are you wearing a fake penis around town?

Elliot Page goes on breaches.

Elliot, tell us about the penis situation.

You're a fella now.

That's all fine and dandy.

When you go out of town,

here.

You're out of here.

You leave the studio.

You're walking down Broadway.

Are you wearing a fake penis?

Is it a big one?

Is it a small one?

Is it floppy?

Does it come hard?

This is what people want to know.

They're talking about the pronouns.

What's the inches?

How are you measuring it?

That's right.

Is it bigger than mine?

Is mine big?

Is it small?

I still don't know.

I've never learned.

Damn, dude.

All right, Pete.

That's the biggest tragedy.

We're never going to get to Regis Elliott Page in the dude.

God.

Let me ask you this.

Are you still shaving your pussy?

Because I guess it's a matter of hygiene, but if you want to, because you got to be thinking, I don't have a pussy.

So you'd stop taking care of it.

If it was me, it would look like Jumanji down there.

You'd have Robin Williams poking his head out

saying I've been trapped in a board game for 30 years.

You ever see that picture, Elliot?

Beautiful movie.

Beautiful.

Usually I don't go for the artistic stuff, but that one got me.

That and Titanic.

Everything else I've seen has got to have a dance number in it.

Let me ask you, that's a question.

If you're dancing with a girl, are you leading now?

When you go out dancing with dames,

do they ask, do you have to wear the penis to the dance?

You'll be at the Grammys next week.

Let me ask you something.

Who did your penis for that?

Who is Tom Ford doing your penis for the Grammys?

Elliot doesn't say a single word.

No, it's a 35-minute interview.

Silent.

God.

You ever see those pandas we rented from China?

$10 million we paid for those things.

And they're what?

Just fat Chinese bears?

It's fun.

I always thought that was funny, Elliot.

Because we got bears, and so does China.

And they're bears.

they're very much just the Chinese version of bears.

Imagine a Chinese guy was a bear,

and that's what you get.

That's kind of like your situation

in a round of no, don't leave.

Damn, dude, a fucking legend, big Regis.

If only he could have lived to see Elliot transition.

So, in the meantime, are you getting your pussy sewn shut?

Just

fixated on the genitals.

I guess it's pretty good that you never really had a big pair of tits to begin with.

We all saw Juno.

I mean, if they had to cut off a huge pair of tits, that would be a real tragedy.

It's not like we're losing, you know, Dolly Potten over here.

It's not like we're losing Raquel Welsh.

You're already playing pretty close to the middle of the field, is what I mean.

It's good.

No, where are you going?

I said it's good.

The door is locked.

Oh, man, dude.

Are they going to have to make your nipples smaller, though?

Do you know what I mean?

Because sometimes I've seen women that are completely flat-chested, but they still got big nipples.

Have you considered in the future maybe breastfeeding?

Elliot just looking like, as always, about to cry.

Regis just keeps going.

I'm curious.

I want to know.

America's greatest interviewer.

I haven't really seen anyone with little titties but big nipples.

I have to be honest.

Well, Regis has.

It happens.

It happens.

Weird.

I've seen little titties' little nipples, of course.

And I've seen some big nips.

And I ain't mad at them at all.

In fact, some might say my nipples are pretty large for the sock for, you know.

For a woman.

For a man.

Large.

You got little ass nipples.

I have small nipples.

Small titties, small nipples.

You got really little nipples.

Why did you decide to talk about your top surgery in Time magazine?

I want.

God damn it.

I wish I was better at this.

Sorry, man.

It's okay, man.

We believe in you.

Yeah.

You got your titties cut off.

Tell us about that.

About it for

a couple of reasons.

I wanted to share with people just how much it has changed my life.

Right.

But you didn't have big tits to begin with.

Already, there's such lack of access or trans people.

Let me ask you something.

Are you going to start peeing standing up before you get the dick or what?

Healthcare.

And the reality of the health care is that it's supported by medical institutions and it saves lives.

That sounds fucking gay.

Tell me about the cock.

Let me know.

Lead and utter their

utter

lies in terms of what they're saying about the health care and the rate

believe it's life-saving

and it's the case for so many people.

And because there is such an attack on trans health care right now, when already

there's such lack of access or trans people who don't even want to go to the doctor,

what you are hearing from certain lawmakers

are actual, complete, and utter

their lies in terms of what they're saying.

About

did you hear Paul Ryan said I had a small dick?

I never liked that guy.

Yeah.

Is that what you're talking about?

Chuck Schumer said I sucked a cock at Burning Man two years ago.

I've never even been.

First of all,

it was Bonnaroo, and what I did was I put a giant foam finger in my ass,

which was funny.

It was a joke.

It killed.

Everyone loved it.

Oh, fuck me.

The healthcare.

And

children will die.

And it really is that someone.

What's going to happen next for you, Elliot?

Children will die.

Okay.

Well, all right.

If you say so,

thank you to our guest, Elliot Page.

Yeah, I mean, I could just, you watch that interview and you see this,

you know, this man on the verge of tears.

And you're like, yeah, that's definitely a guy.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That's something a guy would do.

I don't know.

I cry a lot.

Yeah.

That's what Adam would do.

That's what I would do.

You would be on Oprah, snickering and trying to be funny and then flirting with Oprah.

You would be flirting with Oprah.

Well, she has the sex appeal.

I will fuck Oprah for her.

She's actually hot.

If you're in the same room.

Are you trying to fuck my pussy?

I would love to fuck Oprah.

Dude,

Seven Graham's got the right idea.

Yeah.

He doesn't even have to marry her.

He's just living off of billions of dollars.

Well, if you want to fuck Oprah, you can go to come.town and

you can fuck Oprah there.

I'm not even going to tell you what's on Cum.town.

You can go ahead and find out for yourself.

And

Adam

is doing community theater.

I am.

That's true.

As the crowds come back to the play boxes in New York City, I will be once.

I do hope that we start booking shows, and if only out of spite, it would be nice if there's

another spike just after all the woke comedians start doing shows again.

And so just so that we just get a taste of them not canceling any of those shows.

Doing it in any ways.

The show must go on.

Yeah, yeah.

And then it goes, and then it goes away.

It goes away.

And it goes away.

So just to have them.

We just get to see that

they were full of shit the entire time.

And then they can claim to have long COVID.

Yeah.

Stop it.

Go to stopby.biz.

I have some t-shirts.

I also, maybe by the time this is up, we'll have some dates announced.

Okay.

You'd like to announce the first date is with Arnold Schwartz.

That's a guy.

I'm going to kiss him.

I'm going to kiss him.

Muscles.

He's going to

He's going to be like...

Wow, nice penis stuff.

It's so tiny.

No, it's big.

It's like a baby's penis.

It's like a very nice baby's penis.

When I say I'm going to pump you up, I don't mean like that.

Like you look like you're pumped up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, too wordy.

Sorry.

I got to

live.

We have to end it now.

Thanks a lot, Adam.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Jesus.

It's my fault.

I'm sorry.

You completely blew it.

Elliot, you blew it.

Tell us about that.

Now that you're a guy, do you feel, you know, you're blowing it with women?

You know what it feels like to be a loser.

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