Ep. 220 – Adam Says The Judy Gold Word

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Aaron showing two of my favorite movies.

Which

yeah, I started.

So you probably don't want to mention the movies either.

I won't mention it specifically.

Oh, okay.

No, I'm sure you won't, but it should before pre because we have no way to edit this.

We don't have the ability to

remember to ask the audio guy to cut things out.

We lack that technology to remember things.

You still got an audio guy after what oh yeah i'm still sending this shit over to homeboy because i did it myself for like two weeks and it went right back to sounding like shit then there was that weird thing with the mic

you know and i was like can you fix this could he um i don't know i don't check

i've literally never once listened to this show never it's something you don't have to worry about that's about it oh god damn

what the fuck is up everybody wow we got two phone guys sorry i just saw this I'm doing business for the show I gotta pull up the phone I was doing business for no you weren't yes I was

we have I saw this our good friends Manscaped or we'll be hearing about them later later on that's a little tease

later on in the show

one of you pieces of shit leaked the promo code to a website which

is that bad yeah creates a lot more work for me because they can then they have to email me and say we we added numbers to the end of the promo code and then I have to look at the email Wait, isn't it good if people use our lease?

Good if they use our promo code, that means that we're directing more people to buy their products.

Yeah, but we don't see any of that money.

I think this makes the ad more valuable.

Do you think this is?

No, it's not.

We already get paid a million dollars an ad.

It's true.

We get a buyout.

That's true.

We don't see any points on the package.

There's no commission on any of these.

You're likely to get renewed, though, by having more promo codes put in.

I threaten that.

Fair enough.

You don't need, it's not about performances.

They made a deal with the devil.

Nick is a real one.

Have you ever sucked on the devil's penis with the pale moonlight?

We signed the contracts, but then I know their address.

I know where they live.

And I say, look, either you renew or somebody's going to take a trip down to PS112 and see Rebecca.

Does that sound familiar?

Seven years old.

She's got your eyes.

I can see them through my scope.

I can see her phenotype matches yours through my Barrett 50 cal.

That's right.

And then it kills the class hamster as a fucking warning signal.

Right.

Yeah.

Just she's in class doing like, my daddy works as a media buyer

for Manscape.

For Manscape.

And there I'm penis and ball twim income money.

I could not be more proud of my daddy who works, and then the fucking hamster just explodes.

And then we see me as Willem Dafoe and John Wick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he didn't take the shot, right?

He does.

He kills

the lady.

Yeah, he kills the.

He doesn't kill her.

He wounds her.

No, he kills the guy's Tyra, right?

Oh, yes.

He does it twice.

When John Wick's getting bagged,

he saves John Wick.

Right.

He sends the warning shot in the hotel because he's going to follow hotel rules.

Yeah.

You don't kill

the friends.

But he warns John Wick.

But then in the fucking garage, he kills the Russians.

Yeah.

For anybody wondering, I forgot there were two separate sniper Willem Defoe.

Stop has an associate's degree in the John Wick series.

Professor of Wickology.

Community college courses.

I would literally teach a class on John Wick.

I would take that class.

A class on a movie to me is as appealing as something you can be.

Well, it's so funny because it's like that's how you

that was the direction that the tuition bubble was heading in.

It's some state school offering like a John Wick

undergraduate degree.

Absolutely.

Yeah,

people, like, I mean, that's what it was.

People are like, yeah, I'm going to the school because it's good for partying, and they offer a John Wick degree.

Yeah, I would do that.

I'll be a quarter million dollars in debt.

But afterwards, I'll be able to manage a Blockbuster.

That's right.

Not only will that pay off the student loans, but they'll be in business forever.

That was 2014.

Yeah, the money that I didn't spend on tuition, I actually took extra loans and put it into Blockbuster stock.

So it's going to pay for itself.

Speaking of Blockbuster,

actually, not really.

It's unrelated to Blockbuster, but I got a new shirt for sale.

I fucking love the shirt.

Oh, thank you.

I laughed

so hard.

I got to find something that people can actually wear.

I'm getting one.

Oh, really?

I'll comp you one if you want to.

Oh, you'll comp him one.

Well, nice.

Nice.

The first one

shirt.

Yeah, yeah.

The first computer.

The first comp shirt that I've heard of.

Yeah, Sav and I have never heard.

Hey, Adam, Adam, would you like a free Stavi Baby movie?

I would love one.

Thank you, as my friend, for offering it.

Go to Stavi.town.

I will make it clear that I don't want one of your shirts.

It was never offered to you.

Well, it wasn't offered to you.

This was a conversation we were having between the two of us.

Do you know about how Japanese people go?

Back to where you're at.

Where it's about pup being popping.

Which is still in receiving a free shirt for me,

which you can purchase on come.town.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, Adam will be receiving a free shirt for me, which you can purchase on stavi.town.

Don't worry.

We're going to to edit all this.

Oh, we can edit this now.

Now we know how to edit.

When Stavi.biz comes up, a competitor

is a fun story to Stavi.biz.

Thank you, Adam.

Tell you what, Stavi.biz.

If anyone out there has a botnet and they're willing to DDoS Stavi.

No, don't do that.

You will get a free shirt.

Come on, man.

You know they'll do it.

I need a screenshot.

You know they'll do it.

I'm going to do this channel in which you're sending.

Can you stop saying this because they're going to do it?

Yeah, come on.

None of the people listening to the show have a functional botnet.

If this happens, you owe me $10,000.

None of them do.

No, no, but that's my challenge.

No, promise it's $10,000.

You owe me $10,000 if I'm harassed like this.

I don't owe them $10,000.

Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

It's on record.

And there's no law that says that if you encourage people to do something criminal, you owe money to the person who's the victim of the crime.

I think there is.

No.

No such law exists.

All right, now it's a two-on-one.

What about that lady that fucking...

Oh, yeah, the woman that got her face ripped off by the chimp.

No, the lady that told her boyfriend to kill himself.

Yeah, she went to jail.

A different lady.

She went to jail, and you're going to be like her with the fucked up eyebrows.

I hate it.

That's going to be you, Nick.

You're going to be in jail.

Yeah.

And

they're going to make you look like that girl, and all the guys in jail are going to have sex with you.

I didn't tell you.

Welcome to the show.

But six months ago

is

six months ago.

I got in a pen pal relationship.

Our guest today is Dylan,

who is rejoining us.

The last time he was on the show, he talked a little bit about his movie Raccoons.

What are they good for?

The raccoons.

I think that's the title of it.

Raccoons, the raccoons, what the hell are these?

The raccoon in the nature documentary in IMAX.

At home, IMAX.

No, Dylan's here promoting his film

Killer Raccoons 2, Dark Christmas in the Dark.

Hell yeah.

Currently, the number one comedy at the U.S.

box office.

Total 10 as well.

That's amazing.

All the big guys thought that they could take the number one spot, but Dylan did it.

That's kind of the narrative of how this show worked: everybody else went out of business or died, and then we cruised into the spot

of we engineered a plague.

Well, I think

we pulled in $3,000 to the Poxy.

It's perfect for the type of movie it is, the fact that we get that.

They should try and re-release Welcome to Marwin right now.

Have you thought about trying to get

distribution in China?

We're on that.

You're in China.

We might be soon.

Honestly, that could pop up.

I feel like that would pop off because, first of all, they love raccoons, especially Koreans love raccoons.

Yeah, that's actually the market.

Is that whether

lots of those markets are being looked at?

We have a distributor that's like, they're like, majority of your money is going to be made internationally.

Dude,

it is now.

It's going to be so funny when you make $50 million in Asia.

It's not going to happen.

Hey, like,

you don't know that.

If I make $50,000 over 10 years, next time we see you, you're going to be

dressed in Jackie Chan pajamas, looking a fucking Bond villain.

Okay, let's make a movie that's going to be big in China.

Let's make, we'll plan it out.

How are we going to be millionaires?

All the Chinese people that listen to the show, first of all, Da Ja Hao.

Second of all, please check out Dylan's film Raccoons from Outer Space.

What the hell are these things?

Raccoons with human pussies, which is

the Chinese.

That's not a bad idea.

The Chinese title of the film, Raccoons, What Are They Good For?

Yep.

Okay, so what elements would we need to make the most successful international foreign movie?

James Bond, for one.

They love James Bond.

All right, so we need a British guy.

No, you need a Chinese James Bond.

Chinese James Bond.

So who could play it?

Who's the most famous Chinese guy?

I'm like Chinese Bond.

That's not Jackie Chinese.

Bradley's too old.

Bradley Cooper, man.

Bradley Cooper.

No, you know who?

Tom Hanks in that movie where they make the majority.

I wish they went Olivia Munn.

Dream something.

She's got the.

Yeah, it should be Leslie Jones.

Leslie Jones.

I know you want to smash it, China, step one, start with a black woman.

That's the key to making a situation.

Cloud Atlas.

Yeah.

Tom Banks was Chinese in Cloud Atlas.

The biggest rage in China right now is seeing more representation of

black women.

They love that.

So BLM really took off in China.

They had some protests and fit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, okay, we need James Bond and he's shooting the evil Uyghurs.

Yes, exactly.

He's murdering Uyghur children.

And they're like, and the Uyghurs are like, damn, sin.

Played by Jamie Kennedy.

Yeah, Jamie Kennedy.

Surprising his role for Malachi Totswana.

All right.

And then we get...

How about the Jamie Kennedy experiment?

And he's like, have we done this already?

Where he's like, he's like, I'm Jamie Kennedy, and I'm going to be sewing two Jewish twins' brains together.

Oh, yeah, the mangela.

I think we've done

a couple different versions of the Jamie Kennedy experiment.

I worked for,

I was working for a Burger King campaign, Burger Cat campaign, and they tried to send us over to Taiwan

and have us fake shut down an imposter Burger King.

Oh, hell yeah.

And like not with no permission.

Yeah.

Like they tried to

send the crew over there.

They're like, this is a great idea.

We're going to just.

You were going to get, dude.

Oh, yeah.

No, we were like, this was the job got the legal.

Yeah, you were going to get macheted.

Taiwan's got to be wild.

It's Chinese Nazis.

Is that the best way to get it?

That's the story, isn't it?

I don't know.

I mean, I'm so ignorant on the fascism fascism.

Well, they had a civil war in the 40s, and some of the Chinese people were like, we should all be stupid and not wear glasses.

They have good movies.

And then the other Chinese people are like, we're the master race.

And

the Chinese that said that we should all be morons that live in

the provinces, they won the war, and then

the

Han supremacists had to go live on an island where they've been inbreeding for the last century.

Is that real?

Yeah, that's the story of the Chinese.

I mean, that might be sort of a Western perspective.

Yeah.

I thought Taiwan was cool or something.

Taiwan's just free market.

Yeah.

What about Tibet?

Which one's cool?

Tibet.

Ever since they got free.

Free Tibet.

Ever since they got free, they've been a lot better.

Yeah.

What's going on in Tibet?

That's where the Dalai Lama's at?

I think Brad Pitt's allowed to go back now.

Yeah.

Well, Tibet, actually, they had to pretend like Tibet was doing well for a couple of years while Martin Scorsese was paying attention to it when he was kundu.

Yeah, and then he became obsessed with,

I don't know, probably some type of African instrument.

No,

he's obsessed with making your with technology now.

He did Hugo, and then he's making Robert De Niro look young.

Yeah, that's right.

He's all about

Jake.

Hugo was gay.

Yeah.

That was a gay ass movie.

It was about you, actually.

No, it wasn't.

You don't even know what it's about.

It's a train.

A gay kid that loves trains.

No, you're wrong.

It's you.

No.

And technology.

It wasn't about me at all.

It's a little kid who gets fucked in the ass by Sasha Baron Cohen on a train.

It was about

completely missed that.

It's about who?

It was about Scorsese's movie.

It was a love letter to the

movie.

To the Chinama.

To the Chinima.

Interesting.

That wasn't my interpretation.

Yeah.

Well, you were at the concession stand demanding to meet

the singing popcorn.

Yeah, what the fuck?

Don't put the man out there if he's not going to fucking.

I'm trying to hang out with him.

I want to eat from him while he smiles.

I'm trying to be boys with the cup that sings.

I would be so sad when I finally killed him by eating him, but it would happen.

Yeah.

That would be your like of mice and men.

It really would be.

Your Broadway playback.

The retarded guy actually eats the guy, though.

Yeah.

It'd be

if George was made out of popcorn and Lenny ate him,

we need a little reboot, and Lenny wins, and then he gets to fucking snap as many necks as he wants.

I was thinking it'd be cool to do

a production of Mice and Men, but Lenny never kills the puppy or the girl.

George just gets tired of him.

Just kills him.

Which is annoying and retarded.

Just because he has mental.

He's like, I thought he'd be fishy lenny.

Yeah.

He keeps handing him puppies and babies and bitches with skinny necks to break, and

he just gives him little kisses on the cheeks.

He's just sweet.

It's like, fuck

where's the conflict?

Yeah, you need that, apparently.

Well, we got a real movie guy here shitting on our dreams, right?

Well, I mean, come on, it's you know, you gotta

drive the story forward.

It's not a movie, it's a play.

It's a play,

it's a play based on a novel.

Yeah, and literature doesn't require conflict.

No, so true.

Really?

It requires conflict.

I remember that from the point.

Could you wax further on that?

It's nonsense.

It's not nonsense.

No, I wouldn't.

What the Japanese refer to as mono nano ware.

Yeah, have you ever seen Dragon Ball Z?

The suchness of things that you can simply make a movie about the profundity of being a retard

and understand that there is no difference between the retard's nature and your own.

So fucking true.

Have you seen that?

You know what?

That actually sounds like a movie Adam would literally watch.

But it's like Swedish.

But it's everything you just said.

Yeah.

And it sucks, dick.

And then

you're like, oh, this is so good.

Yeah,

It's so good.

It's about a retard.

And then he goes to the woods and dies.

That's amazing.

Well, the conflict would be.

What did it make you feel or think about, Adam?

It's about a retard.

Well, it would be some director he would say.

Yeah.

Have you guys seen Love on the Spectrum on Netflix?

No, I have not.

It's about how

there are two autistic people how they can get in.

Is it only two?

I just saw the thing.

It reminded me of that Giovanni Ribisi movie where they were like, we can take care of each other.

Oh, yeah.

The one where they were, I guess, they were more retarded than like.

Well, but their powers combined.

They were more retarded.

Well, now it's like, I think I've taken away the most retarded version of that.

They couldn't do the retarded one now.

Yeah, no, you're right.

Who is the girl in that one?

Juliette Lewis.

She's perfect.

Oh, yeah.

She's kind of halfway there.

She played herself.

Juliette Lewis.

I mean, like, has to be top-built across the board.

Well, she's, yeah, she's

a better retard in the Cape Fear remake than she is in The Other Sister.

Yeah, it's only like a retard Lolita.

That's my novel.

Yes, that's the novel I'm working on.

Slolita.

Lolita.

Yeah, it's just some fucking German professor giving retarded girls.

Candies and chocolates.

Yeah.

I mean, it wouldn't be much different than the movie.

Yeah, I haven't seen it or read it.

You haven't seen Cape Fear?

No, either one.

Either one?

Just watch the De Niro Nick Nick Nolta Juliet Liz.

You know, I've never seen the original.

Do yourself a favor.

I don't even know of a different one other than the season episode.

No, it's a remake.

It's a classic.

It's like a shot-for-shot remake.

I should know.

The 1991.

Wow, look who knows about fucking movies now, motherfucker.

I know what I know.

That's why when you watch that 90s Cape Fear, there's all those kind of dated shots.

Well, there's dated shots, like those quick, you know, like up-close shots of

stylized.

Yeah, well, it's stylized because it's you know

interesting and that makes me want to see it more yeah if you look at the

the cinematography of that movie is like very much like a dated

for 1990 for sure yeah you can compare it to any other like watch like fucking I don't know Along Came a Spider or any other fucking thriller.

Yeah.

It doesn't look or feel, it feels like a much older movie.

They did a shot for shot with Psycho, too.

Yeah.

Gus Vince and

Vince Vaughan.

I liked Vince Vaughn.

Vince Vaughn and Psycho.

He's got bus man pants.

Yes.

That's correct.

He's nutting in his pants

at that.

You know what was a hot scene in what was it, the last

days on Earth or whatever in the fucking Cobain

Gus Vince movie.

Last Days.

Last Days where.

Wasn't that a documentary?

Asia Argento's only wearing a shirt and she has to squat down and her ass comes out of the shirt.

Do you see her pussy?

You see her.

And she's like, we need a shot at you.

A mirror is falling over, and you have to pick up the mirror.

Well, maybe you see the bottom of her pussy.

I don't know.

Don't have any pants on.

I thought he was American.

And for the first time, you see your pussy.

We see your pussy.

He's very.

Can you please stop fact-checking everyone?

It sounds like a blend.

Yeah.

He's just, he's a good person.

What other movies?

I picked up the German accent from hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow.

What other movies did he make?

My Private Idaho.

Goodwill Hunting.

Goodwill Hunting.

Well, that was the boy.

The elephant, the school shooting one, yeah, that one.

Yep.

Is that it?

Die four.

Have you seen that movie?

Paul Kimmen.

Yeah, that sounds like any banger.

Paul Kimmen is a fucking 10 in that movie.

She's so hot.

I saw My Private Ida recently and it.

Did it do things for you?

No, like middle of the movie.

Like for

no reason, like in the middle of the movie, they just start talking, like doing Shakespeare, like Richard V or something.

Nothing you guys just said, except for Goodwill Hunting was banging.

River Phoenix,

River Phoenix, and young, young.

I like Goodwill Hunting.

I don't know anything else.

River Phoenix and Young Neo are both really cute in the movie.

But they play Boy Horse.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah, and they're hustlers.

How about Giver Phoenix?

Give her Penix.

And you just take the F out of his last name.

And then G.

Phoenix.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I had a good one, but I forgot it.

Yeah, I'm sure you did.

Was it, hey, this is Stav.

Please DDoS my website.

No, stop saying that, man.

I don't appreciate it.

I really hope that you know

it's sick.

This is going to happen.

And he's going to be like, what?

It's not my fault.

It literally will not be my fault.

It will literally be my fault.

You don't understand.

There is no way it's not your fault.

It's absolutely not my fault.

Someone, please murder Stavros.

You can't blame a person for putting ideas out into the cosmos.

No, you can't because

no ideas are sourced in the individual.

They all exist in.

They're trying to try and pretend to be smart right now.

It's not trying to be smart.

It's accurate.

I am accurate.

This is the problem.

Guys like this are going to be like, he's right.

Nick is smart.

How many guys like this are there?

Yeah, and this is a good guy.

There's going to be guys just as stupid

with access to mischief.

It's impossible for me to be smart because, again, these ideas all exist externally.

Don't you dare.

Look, if I get whatever the fuck you say,

you owe me money.

I'm a little spooked.

I'm going to come to your apartment.

I'm going to steal everything in the middle of the night.

It's not even this stuff.

Oh, is that so, Nick?

Yeah.

Do you not feel like it's just ideas?

Can I have it then?

Sure, I don't care.

If you can get up the stairs, it's my second floor probably

yeah we what a clever trap i've we've been recording a mine because it's one floor lower it is weird that you ended up living in such a vertical city i yeah well i don't have a problem with up to three floors

after that it's after that

what's the highest floor you've ever been to

all right i forgot about elevators

with stairs imagine a world where there's no elevators or escalators you could you could make the claim that stav has probably never seen higher than the fourth floor in his life.

How dare you?

I've been on the Acropolis.

He's just never

seen it.

I've been on the Acropolis.

I've been on the Acropolis.

Thank you very much.

That's just a hill.

But it's fucking...

That's a lot of stairs and shit.

A hill is a stairs.

A hill is one big...

A hill is not a stairs.

A hill is one big stairs.

A hill is one big stair.

It's a stairs.

It's a slow.

They're very, very, very little stairs, essentially.

You can drag it.

It's a slope stair.

It's one big ass stair that's sideways.

Yes.

A smooth stair stair.

It's a smooth sideways stair.

One big ass stair.

Speaking of,

but it equals stairs.

So, yeah.

You took the gondola up and walked out.

I mean, I really don't think that he would have.

Probably, yeah, four or five.

No, I've been.

Have you gone to like a

six or seven?

Have you sat in the Note Stadium?

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, MSG.

Madison Square Club.

Oh, the Ravens Stadium I've been high as shit at?

How about that, motherfucker?

Yeah, because that's pretty high as a stadium.

That's like six stories away.

M T Bank?

I'd give them six.

I've been to at least

seven.

At least seventh floor of something.

What if there is a girl?

This is what we need to do.

We need to find a girl that's on a sixth floor walk up who's got the best, the best.

That would be a better version of that movie Elysium where they just

get rid of all the escalators and the stairs, and everyone's just fat as shit speaking Spanish in the lobby.

And then there's rich people that just live on like the 20th floor and they're all CrossFit guys.

Yeah.

Wait,

but what does that make me perfect?

You're not perfect.

I want to be the perfect guy because I go to the speaker.

Oh, you're one of the Spanish guys.

No,

Adam's thing was

in Nick's analogy.

Does he continue speaking Spanish in that movie or is it only in the beginning?

I never saw it.

I believe he faces it out.

I don't think.

In the beginning, they start off, and it's like Matt Damon, and he's like,

He's like a fucking Spanish guy.

He's fluent.

Yeah, but you get the impression that he's supposed to be like,

you know, a Spanish guy.

What series is that associated with, Elysium?

I believe it was the sequel.

It wasn't a sequel, but the guy who did District 9.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

It was his next movie and he was supposed to star Eminem.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah, Eminem backed out.

Shut the fuck up.

Something happened with Eminem and they brought in Matt Damon.

Oh, my God.

There's a...

Wait, Matt Damon was the backup choice for Eminem?

Correct.

Yeah, well, Chappie came next.

Yeah, so Chappie.

Like, Chappie's not bad.

That rocks.

I didn't mind Chappie.

Not bad.

Now's the time to mention our good friends over at Manscape.

You know, who doesn't have a penis is Chappie.

Chappy doesn't because he's a mischief.

But he could be.

But he still grows body.

But he has penis hair.

Chappie was originally a pair of scissors designed by Manscaped that became sentient and couldn't live with himself from eating pubes

his entire life.

So he went to South Africa to kill himself.

And then he

bums out, and hopefully your pubes are not out.

Manscaped offers the best tools to keep your hair groomed.

And

I just Manscaped for the first time in a long time.

Can you really tell me about their tools?

Why don't you tell me about your experience using Manscaped?

Which you did use.

I'm asking you.

No, no, you used, right?

I did use Manscaped.

You did.

It was really good, wasn't it?

I used the razor.

No, no, you didn't.

You used

the lawnmower 3.0, didn't you?

Remember, we don't have a way to edit this.

Remember,

I'm trying to learn about manscan.

No, you're trying to tell everyone that you're in the middle.

You use Shears 2.0 for Manscaped.

You just fucking lie.

Just lie, you just bugging it in.

You're a bad lie.

Terrible liar.

It makes me a bad comment.

Shaving your pubes is lying, anyways.

You're lying to women and saying, look at me, I'm a little boy.

I'm a boy.

I'm a little tiny boy, and you're a pedophile.

I shoot my fucking whore

every time I get like this.

Is your wife a fucking pedophile whore?

Well, then you'll love Manscaped Shears 2.0.

Wait, shears?

Yeah, there's Shears.

They got Shears and they got the Lawnbar.

I didn't know.

They switched it up.

They got

Shears.

The Shears I gave to Adam.

They got Shears.

No, I got the Lawn Bar.

No, I gave you both.

They sent me both, and I gave them both to you.

Okay.

Well, I have them too, and I love it.

I love the lawnmower.

I love whichever one.

Whichever one we're being paid to talk about today, I love it.

I can definitely tell the difference between the Shears 2.0 and the lawnmower.

Well, yeah.

Especially once they're out of the packaging and sitting in my.

Oh, I guess Shears is for your nails.

No, which I know that.

Yeah, it is for your nails.

Which I know because I have it and I've used it and it's good.

I've used it, and not only is it good,

I've been thinking about cutting my fingers off.

Yep, because

I'm done with my nails.

I'm perfect for my nails, and now it's like I want to cut myself more and hurt my body so I can feel something.

So I can feel finally.

The Shears 2.0 is a luxury four-piece nail kit featuring tempered stainless steel tools.

It includes slash-tip tweezers, rounded point scissors, fingernail clippers, and a medium grit nail file.

I love it.

And I've went to that.

So if you're some garden district homo trying to gallivan around the

dry water, get your fingers smooth and polished and ready to go in a man's ass.

You need to have your home manicure done so you can signal.

They call it signaling down when you're in the French quarter and you want to let other guys know.

That's right.

You mean business.

You're open.

Yeah, open

for biz.

The port of your ass.

Yeah.

Port of call, your ass.

Port of call, my ass.

And they pair perfectly with the lawnmower 3.0,

which I love.

More perfect package.

Do you get dimensions on that?

Yeah, it's good.

Well, I'll tell you this much.

It's got a quiet stroke technology.

Yeah.

These are actually the only things approved by the TSA.

You can't bring your laptop anymore.

Now with COVID, the only thing that the TSA approved

is lawnmower 3.0 and Shears 2.0.

Yeah, I don't know about Shears.

They are scissors.

Well,

the lawnmower.

The thing is, by the time this goes up, the rules probably will have changed.

True, so true.

We're working on something right now.

I have full reason to believe, legally speaking, that by the time this ad airs, the TSA will have allowed both scissors and only the Shears 2.0 brand of scissors on their planes.

And if that's not true, here's a disclaimer: I don't know.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

How about that for a disclaimer?

Suck my dick and use promo code whatever the fuck.

220 at

manscape.com.

You're probably wearing flip-flops, And people don't want to see those nasty.

Fucked up, gnarled toes.

Damn.

How about this?

Just, how about we just say, if you're from Iran, you'll love this stuff.

You'll love those.

Definitely.

If you've got sort of an Iranian guy vibe, wearing sandals around and

doing your own manicures,

you'll love

not having ungroomed feet.

That's right.

When you're on your way to the airport, which you will be able to have.

Which you'll be able to have.

Especially as an Iranian man.

Especially as an Iranian man with open toes.

sandals.

They're like, first of all, sir, even though you're wearing flip-flops, you got to take those shoes off.

Second of all, why do you have a bunch of scissors?

All you brought was 18 nail clipper 2.0s on the screen.

I have to trim my pines.

Sheer 2.0s.

I have to make sure my penis looks cute on the plane.

I cannot have my penis and chest.

My pianist and my nails look bad.

You know, part of that whole like the fucking, how Muslims can't, they got to trim their mustache, but leave the beard.

Part of those rules are also you got to trim your pubes.

That's awesome.

Is it really?

Yeah.

For real.

Yeah.

That's.

It's like the reverse of head coverings.

It's hadith.

It's sharia.

It's not sharia.

There's a hadith.

Yeah, there's a head cover.

So listen, get the

fucking lawnmower 3.0 and the fucking shears 2.0.

What freaky?

And keep your cock and your toes halal.

Yeah, so inside the perfect package, you got the Manscaped Crop Preserver, an anti-chafing, ball deodorant, and a moisturizer.

Because it's very funny to imagine somebody that does all this but doesn't like brush their teeth or

their haircut.

They just have their dick preserved like a a ship in a bottle.

They're just slapping aftershave on their hair.

They're doing all kinds of, yeah, just prep, just it's spa from the waist.

All toner.

And from up from there, it's all just bed switch.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

You get 20% off plus free shipping.

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Summer is here.

It's time to trim up with Manscaped.

That's so true.

Yeah.

At what point is it illegal for the Muslims' pubes to grow out?

Like how free,

what is the frequency at which it becomes like a sin?

That's why it's

against the law.

That's why

it's a dumb religion.

Okay.

Not in my opinion.

Because they don't

have to be aware of it.

They have all these rules, but they don't think through to have the rules clarified in any way.

Whereas you compare it to something like Japanese Zen and just having tea in the 1600s, there were 630 different rules for what you're allowed to talk about.

Sounds comfortable.

Yeah.

Where the tea is supposed to be.

And look, we can say Islam is stupid, but let's not forget Judaism.

No,

that's not a ruler.

I'm a fine tarag on all Abrahamic religions.

No, it's not a rules.

It's more of like a terms of service.

It's a fine print.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was raised conservative Christian.

The rules is what pushes you away.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, like the idea of just being like as a kid, seeing an inconsistency where it's like, oh, you got to dress up for morning service, but not for night service.

Night service.

Yeah, we've got to have to go fucking

7 a.m.

and 6 p.m.

Conservative Christian.

Like evangelical?

Sure, I believe all Christians should be evangelical.

Oh, but shouts out the Greek Orthodoxy because we're technically Orthodox, but we don't follow any rules.

Well, it was called Orthodox Presbyterian Church.

That was like the

OPC, which is like a fundamentalist concept.

Was you down with OPC?

Did you have a guitar at church?

No, it wasn't.

It's like piano hymns and songs.

Piano.

Oh, that's good.

The idea of bringing in, you know,

brick building.

Or like cement inside building.

Straight docks.

Inside peanut butter, outside jelly.

Seven days of the week, seven different Chevys.

That's the only psalma.

Yeah.

Bump, bump, bump, bump.

Have you ever sucked a soft penis with the butterfly balls?

I want butterfly balls.

That'd be cool, dude.

Yeah.

Oh, like suicide balls.

Like suicide.

Oh, yeah, suicide balls.

Suicide balls.

Wait, what are butterfly doors?

Yeah, butterfly doors.

Butterfly doors, I think, are gull wing doors because there's gull wing doors.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, those would be cool.

A couple of, yeah, the ones that just go out, those are gull doors, and that might be synonymous with butterfly.

There's scissor doors, which are synonymous with Lambda.

Suicide doors open from the B pillar towards the back.

So the terms all get fucked up.

Like on the truck?

The most famous suicide doors is in the intro to Autore.

Like an old,

the Continental was like the last production car that probably had.

I'm not sure, but like most of the most current.

I swear I have an access cab.

That's that door open.

Yeah, opens that.

That would be, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

I thought we saw suicides with the straight ups.

No, suicide doors are doors that open towards the rear of the car.

You learn something you ever do.

I wonder why that's called ones that scissor doors, I think, are synonymous with the.

Oh, Lambo's, yeah, yeah.

I thought Lambo doors were synonymous.

Like a Thalorian is your Gallwing.

Is what you're saying?

Those are Gallwings.

I want those for my nuts.

I want Gallwing nuts.

They just perch around my cock.

Yeah.

That would be awesome.

Did you ever you ever done a hood slide?

Slide across the hood of my car?

Yeah, like a cops?

I do it all the time.

You do it a lot?

Yeah.

I should try it.

So I get, If you take a parking ticket off your car with your ass in front of a meter maid, doing it, they have to take it back.

They have to take it back.

Even if it's covered in shit.

It doesn't matter if they put it in the back.

Well, that's actually the trick.

Motherfucker stuck to the shit.

Every time you do Indian guys and I took your word for it, I didn't even look up if this is the rule.

You just fucking have binoculars waiting for some fucking meter maid to come by.

I'm going to find out what those guys' religion is to see if I can scour the books for some way that they're going to hell or being reborn as

some kind of shitty bug for giving me a ticket.

Because you can't hit them with the like, I was hit.

They can't see the sign.

They'll be like, I don't know what you're saying.

I'm doing my job.

But you just pull out a picture of like an elephant with butterfly ears for wings and be like, this guy looks familiar to you.

Did they all get laid?

I wonder what he would say.

What does he say about snitching?

What does he say about snitching?

Which is what you're doing, basically.

He's like, oh, no, I've pissed off printar.

It'd be crazy if pissed off Babar.

Babar is Hindu, yeah.

My God, Babar.

It'd be crazy if those guys, the Indian meter-made guys, went home and beat their wives just like regular cops.

They probably do.

You think so?

He just, like, he goes home.

I mean, they have to be angry.

He goes home and he opens like a glass of,

I don't know, what's an Indian beer?

India pale ale?

Yeah, an India pale ale.

An IBA.

Sits in front of the TV and then he writes himself a ticket and puts it in his mouth.

And that's how he kills himself.

He just shoves

his service weapon.

He just shoves a bunch of parking tickets in his mouth until he dies.

He slices his wrists with

erotic

asphyxiation there.

Acute laxic accidosis from the tickets.

Oh, yeah.

You can slice your mouth open with them shits, too.

There's a lot of ways you could kill yourself.

Just like paper cuts.

Suffocating while each breath, more paper cuts.

It's terrible.

I would, that's that's the fate I wish upon them for writing.

I know.

I would, at this point, I would probably, if I could look at the amount of money I've spent on parking tickets here in New York, I would probably take that test.

You know, like it's like rent.

I've just straight up not been paying them since

quarantine.

Have you been booted?

No.

Once you get booted, you pay them.

Not if I just take a fucking angle grinder to the thing, which at this point I'm not for it.

I'm not above.

I mean, fuck this city.

Fuck this fucking place.

They're still going to issue parking tickets.

I know.

I haven't gotten a single one.

My rent got raised.

You got to get them all the time.

That's wild.

Your rent went up?

Yeah, that's why I'm piecing out.

I put an offer on a house 12 hours within them sending me a lease renewal with an increased rent.

I thought that they paused that.

They didn't pause it.

No, not only did they pause it, they also like.

When I moved in, I have the worst credit.

I was in a bad situation.

Are your landlords?

No, no, it's not necessary.

No, it's not necessary.

Let's just say, I can't stand it.

Oh, we know what you mean.

We got it.

That's right.

Women.

You can think of it.

The women of races.

That's funny.

But

they had me pay two security deposits to get in my place.

Oh, my God.

my god, that's not legally giving it back.

They're not giving it back.

So then I didn't know when it went illegal like 2019.

They

when we re-signed last when I re-signed last time, they didn't give me my security deposit back.

Then when COVID hit in April, I was like, hey, I've got two security deposits.

Can I just throw, can I just use one of them for April?

Because I don't know what's going on right now.

Like my industry was shut down and I wasn't on unemployment.

And so I was like, I don't know what to do.

Can we just use that?

And they're like, yeah, but you're going to have to pay it back.

And then I like found out, then I looked up and found that out that was legal.

And I was like, Are you kidding me?

Yeah, just don't pay it.

Well, now I'm not even not now, I'm not paying the last month's rent, and I'm not even telling them I'm moving respect, like, so I'll just be gone on big respect.

Like, I'm like, no, fuck you, yeah, you're literally trying to steal money from me

during this time.

You made an agreement with them.

I don't know if it's so appropriate.

You can sublet out the space for some commercial thing, like if somebody just needs an office or something for a month, and then collect rental income on it and then have them find out.

Or you should let gypsies move in.

Because then

you make it somebody else's problem and you fuck them over, which is but then you fuck up those people that aren't the landlords.

Exactly.

But there's no reason why.

Two birds once

that's the pros.

You get justice and you ruin someone else's life.

Oh, fuck.

I had friends who, their landlord, let's just say it was from an apartheid state in the Middle East that

has occupied

certain

two parts of,

I guess the entire thing is whatever.

They made them pay their rent half cash, half check every month.

What?

So I think that's

taxes.

And I think it was because they were probably getting

some sort of credit for

low-income housing.

So they were just showing the checks.

Unbelievable.

Just stop paying them cash.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just tell them to go fuck it.

I'm at the point where I'm ready to fucking rumble with a landlord.

You have a Greek?

No, I don't.

I have a meter-made-style landlord.

Wow.

In your country.

In Astoria.

Yep.

Wow.

But he's a piece of shit.

He doesn't really...

Well, I won't say he's a piece of shit, but he's just like a neglectful ass motherfucker.

I've never had a bad landlord except for that Korean guy in Los Angeles.

Oh, yeah.

You're ready to go to war.

That's terrible.

Last time I was in LA, I just drove past that place, and I was like, like, what if I just kill this motherfucker?

No one knows I'm in town.

I did.

I sat out in the fucking round car and I was like, like the Italians that they would always use for hits.

You just knock on the door.

DHL.

No one knows I'm a hell of a hell.

I got the wrong guy.

It's been three years almost.

You killed the wrong Korean?

No, I would know.

You would know.

Yeah.

He's been taking enough Chinese classes.

Same thing.

That's true.

Yeah, how would you do it?

If you did it.

I assume with a samurai sword.

Yeah, I don't know.

You just stab him in the chest, really?

Knock on the door, stab him in the heart, you know, fuck him maybe a couple times in the neck, wipe the knife off, leave it there.

You know, just some bullshit.

You're not afraid of him fighting back if you did a fifth time.

You'd stab him in the heart.

You'd stab him in the neck and face real quick a couple of times.

people will be in shock he doesn't know what to expect you'd do like a classic phone check big yeah big kitchen knife you just

get him i don't care stab him face neck just the gun what's that you know you wouldn't go gun but that that causes this whole issue where it's like you know a trail you know yeah exactly where am i going to get a gun was made something it's already risky enough to use a knife i mean it's risky to to go there to murder this guy, talk about it on the show.

The main issue is that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from talking about it on the show.

Or one of you would.

Most likely Adam would.

Let's be honest.

That's not true.

Yeah, Adam would be.

No, that's something

I do that I don't know.

Murder that guy?

No, if anything, you have the least discretion of the three of us.

I will let you know

that Stav has already violated our discretion rules once during this episode.

It's not true.

Yes, it is.

I'm not going to point out how.

I will privately later, but you absolutely have.

And you would, I also admit, I would be the one to let it slip that I murdered a Korean man.

Who had wronged you?

Who had wronged me?

Yeah, it's not just some random killing, okay?

A guy that

ripped Nick off to the tune of maybe $1,200 once.

It was $1,600.

And it would be worth murdering him.

Okay.

That is a lot of money, I will show you that.

That's a lot of money.

That meant a lot.

No, that guy was 1 million percent in the fucking wrong.

I mean, it was egregious how fucking shit.

He was a scam.

He had security cameras in the apartment, and he would, like, call you if you broke one of these, like, draconian house rules.

Like, I touched some, some Chinese lady's floor mat, and he fucking, like, I'm getting phone calls at 2 o'clock in the morning.

I can't believe you lived in a home with me.

I just needed, I had a job, and I had to get an Airbnb.

I went to L.A.

for this job.

They called me last minute.

It was like, I had three days to move to Los Angeles, and it was before I was making money.

So

they're like, Congrats, you're ready on the show.

Now, the first paycheck comes in, you're good.

But, like, you know, I just nothing.

So, I went out to LA and then I crashed on my friend's couch and his room nice guy, but I guess no one like he had another friend that had stayed on the couch the week before.

So, I sleep on the couch one night, and then I'm at work the first day, and I have like what I think is a spider bite on my hand.

Oh, he's got pet bugs, and then the couch is infested with fucking bad bugs.

So, three days later, I'm like covered in them.

He's panicking, I feel bad, I'm having to like fucking put all my shit in a bag and put it in the dryer for two hours every morning before work.

I'm like, I got to find a place.

And I find this place on Craigslist.

The money kind of makes sense.

It's like kind of in an area or whatever that makes sense.

And I go there.

And as I'm like, he has a rental agreement.

The room looks fine.

But as like I'm signing it, he's like, oh, and this.

Oh, and this.

Oh, and I'm like, come.

I'm like, man.

He's like, well, I got to rent this to somebody else.

So it's not.

And then it's like, do I, now I'm like, what am I going to go?

Just subject myself to bed bugs again for the night?

I mean, I'm a host.

I didn't have the money for it.

I mean, well, you're paying for the Airbnb, right?

Yeah, but

it was like I didn't have the money to then go out that night, find the fucking $200, $250, however much it was in Los Angeles for the night.

That's like another out-of-the-pocket thing when I'm going to have to pay rent for a full month anyway.

You got finessed by this Korean man.

Well, I was in a shitty situation.

I know he shook you down.

Yeah.

You were fucked.

I was fucked.

He could tell.

He saw you're on the end of your rope.

And then he stuck his fucking prick.

That's why I took a little cruise by the house, and I thought maybe.

And all he did was take a cruise, folks.

Yeah.

That's

the thing.

If a Korean guy was dead, how would anyone even know?

How would anybody know that it was the one we're talking about?

So, wait, so

the cops are like, this could be anybody.

This could be anybody.

How do you know if you're off the body?

He has a wallet with an ID in there.

And they're like, what are we supposed to do?

Look this shit up?

But this is Gook Squad.

LAPD, Gook Squad.

It's the 40s.

That's what it would have been called back then.

In this universe, it's not 40 movies.

Well, this cop was originally thawed out of ice.

Yes.

He was

speaking of good movies.

Yep.

Fucking seashells, man.

Yep.

That's what this is.

Wasn't there a movie called Gook Squad that came out a couple of years ago?

I'm sure there was.

Yeah, with Josh Brolin, where they would CGI'd their faces.

No,

you're thinking of the...

Yeah, you're thinking of the movie I was just talking about.

Day of the Soldado.

No, that one sucked, by the way.

The second one.

That was bad.

I'm pretty sure it was called Gook Squad.

No, it was called Cloud Atlas.

It was.

It was weird, man.

It was called CushyDreams.com.

CushyDreams.com.

It's placement.

And it's about high-quality CBD locally fucking grown and shit.

And yeah, they got a lot of different fucking textures and blends of indica and sativas.

You smoke your seat.

Get off your phone.

I was just trying to see if Gook Squad was a movie.

Certainly not.

I feel like Monza is a movie.

I mean, it's like one thing to like.

I feel like Monza is a little bit more difficult.

It is to not contribute bits, but then to take a suggestion,

was Gook Squad a movie seriously?

No,

I thought it was like you misremembered the name.

Of course, there wasn't a movie called Gook Squad.

No, you said it on the comedy podcast we do.

No, sometimes you said it like you thought

99% of the things that are don't do this contribute nothing bullshit again because you thought Gook Squad was a movie.

Yes, you did.

Starring Josh Brolin.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm over my friend's place for dinner and mommy and daddy just got in a fight.

Well, and I'm the daddy.

I know.

I'm trying to figure that one out.

The daddy is gay.

Yeah, I'm the gay daddy, and this is my beard, Nick.

That's why she's got a giant beard.

That's right.

The bearded lady.

I make her wear it.

Do you want to do the ad read now?

You're going to help out with that?

Yeah, okay.

Why don't you say something about the fucking company?

Coooshi Dreams changed my fucking life.

Me too, brother.

Me fucking too.

I was going through a really rough time.

I was down on Skid Row.

I was trying to, I was doing anything for money.

He was sucking cock for stuff that for CBD brands.

He's sitting his tent up, and some old black guy comes up to him.

He's like, look, man, you too gay to be homeless.

We got a whole vibe down here.

We got a

style going on.

And you just, you fucking the whole thing up, man.

You're making Skid Row look bad.

Yeah.

You're ruining the whole aesthetic of Skid.

You didn't even go to No Vietnam.

Walking around in a wetsuit telling everybody

you can't wait to hit the suds or whatever dumb shit.

Wait, are you talking about surfing right now?

That's not gay.

It is gay.

No, it's not gay.

Lifting weights is gay.

Oh, yeah.

Surfing's cool.

Oh, yep.

Lifting weights.

Guys, it's both gay.

Both of the things you like to do are gay.

Not true.

What's not gay, or maybe it is, if you're gay, is cushy dreams.

Yeah.

Well, cushy dreams.

I've had some pretty gay cushy dreams.

It's good.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Have you fucked with this CBD oil?

It's not oil.

It's high quality.

I was talking about marijuana.

You got tinctures and stuff.

No, no, it's flour.

No, none of that bullshit.

No one wants that.

CBD oil is fake.

It's fake.

No, I smoke CBD.

But I got both the plants.

I got a bunch of weed confiscated last week.

Because they didn't believe that it was.

I was driving it back from Denver.

Oh, you literally.

Yeah.

That wouldn't have happened if you were smoking high-quality CBD.

Well, it would have happened because it looks so much

like

it smells and it tastes.

They can't do a roadside test.

Well, when they ship it to you, it does come with a letter you're supposed to give to the cops if they take it or something.

Really?

Well, it says something.

Maybe it's for the post office, but they're like, this isn't weed.

I know it looks like weed.

You got to prove that.

They took my.

But it's like, you should just save that letter and use that letter.

Totally.

And that's all it takes is a permission slip from the

company.

From the drug dealer.

I know this looks like cocaine, but it's actually fucking baby aspirin.

But you can get this.

This is CBD flour.

You can get in the middle of it.

It's beautiful.

Not just New York.

You can get it.

Shipped it all 50 states by 50.

That's Hawaii, Alaska, too.

I'm ordering the manscaping kit.

I'm ordering the dreams.

Thank you.

Are you guys still sponsored by Ridge?

Shut the

all you need to worry about for right now, for the next five minutes or so, is Cushy Dreams.

We are technically sponsored.

Are we?

Yeah.

They're in the family.

Nobody has a wallet.

This just changed my life.

Oh, you love it?

Did you just get it?

You gave it to me.

Oh, right.

What he's talking about.

Hold on.

I gave that to you, and then I gave one of them to my cousin.

Like, I gave my cousins for their birthdays, like Ridge wallets.

Oh, no, you gave them Cushy Dreams.

I gave them

Ridge wallets for their birthdays, and then one of them I just gave.

The box was empty because

I forgot I had given it to you and I saved the box.

And he was like, What's the bug is this?

I'm like, oh, my bad.

Well, you can make them a big-ass fat Costanza wallet.

Yeah.

Now I feel like.

Well, anyways, you can make up for it.

You can see it.

By giving your cousins

CBD.

By Cushy Dream CBD.

It looks like high-quality marijuana, feels like high-quality marijuana.

I love the fishy brand.

And it tastes like high-quality marijuana, but it's actual

CBD.

The content is up to 20%, which is the highest in the game.

The attention to detail is noticeable in every beautiful flower.

Oh, yeah.

Gorgeous.

So if you're one of these retards that likes looking at their weed and talking about it, it's good for that.

It is good for that.

It looks gorgeous.

I just love here to be sold.

It looks like a woman's pussy.

The hairs, the crystals, phenomenal.

And I'm correct.

You said that they have indicants that's Eva Strains.

Yeah.

I love the CBD.

And they got gay names like Relax or Create or Peace or Hustle.

Which are the things that I do throughout my day.

It's very Keynesian.

Do not get, it do not, does not get you high.

There's no THC.

Independent lab testing shows compliance in my life.

I don't need the sentence does not get me high.

It gets you nice.

It gets you nice.

It has an effect.

Their high is relative.

It makes you feel amazing.

It's grown in California and Oregon, the weed states.

And their plant is hand-selected by a team of experienced cannabis flower.

I feel like Red State should steal weed from California and Oregon.

Then they got everything.

That'd be cool.

Each batch is slow-cured for two to four weeks to guarantee maximum freshness and preserved flavor and cannabinoids.

I got to say all this shit with a fucking canker sore.

Should have smoked some Kushi Dreams.

Yeah, that would have been all of it.

Yeah.

I smoke Kushi Dreams and I blow it into my dick hole and my dick gets hard.

I just have constant canker sores.

Yeah.

Why?

On your diet?

You should die.

I have no idea.

No.

I don't know.

Are you eating?

I am eating, yeah.

I used to get that.

You know what?

It might be that I'm just fucking drinking, like, I'm up to like probably 15 cups of coffee.

That's so bad for you, dude.

No, I don't think it is.

For your stomach, it's really bad.

I don't care.

It absolutely is.

You know what's bad, Adam?

Unchecked racism.

Not understanding the time and the place and the subtle nuances of employing racial slurs

so that you can dance in the moonlight

so you can navigate beautifully

The rich tapestry of American racism and the proper ways to

satirize it on the razor's edge of whatever the fuck.

That's true.

It's a great comedic effect.

It's a great comedic effect.

I agree.

And it's not just blasting an N-bomb from the Henry.

No, come on.

Which nobody did, by the way.

No one did.

Nobody did.

Which nobody did.

It sounded like a...

Adam?

That's what my address is.

No one did.

My address sounds like a

vulnerability.

I'm saying vulnerability in the data.

Let's just get to the reading because we'll get into this.

No, I don't want to get into a discussion.

Let's finish the reading.

The selection includes indoor exotic strains, 100% hand-trimmed, never machine-trimmed.

Never.

Never.

So, okay, so this is the confusing part.

They got two main product lines, the flour and the joints, the pre-rolls.

Pre-rolls.

I love a pre-roll.

I love volume.

Each pre-roll is a full gram, smooth rolls, optimal burn.

They are nice.

They're really nice.

I fuck with them.

And they're all either sativas, indicas, or hybrids.

I burn them up.

I love the hustle.

The hustle gets me going.

Yeah.

And I've been smoking.

I smoke a pre-roll while I watch NBA basketball, and that's my fucking, that's the way I wind down.

Smokable flour.

It comes in three lines: the private reserve, ultra-premium, and premium.

Every can is an eighth, and each can is nitrogen-sealed for optimal freshness.

Oh, yeah.

Them shits come out fresher than my dishes.

They got NOS.

Is there a promo code?

Did I miss that?

The promo code is ComeTown for 20% off your first order.

You go to cushydreams.com, K-U-S-H-Y dreams, and smoke your CBD because you can.

Because you can.

Now, here's what's going on.

All right.

Let's just move right on.

We are moving on, but I'm talking about theoretically.

Theoretically.

Saying the N-word, you don't want that on record.

But just the acknowledgement that you have said the N-word at some time in the past, everyone would copy that.

Correct.

Almost everyone would say yes, of course.

on stage.

Of course.

With the exception of women, I don't think.

No, I don't think women would.

Women don't.

I was dating a girl, and she was like, you know, I was like, come on, you said the N-word.

And she's like, no, I've never said the N-word once in my life.

And I thought about it.

I'm like, damn, that's probably true.

Whereas for me, it's something as simple as pissing standing up.

Of course.

Or getting your dick hard.

It depends if it got used by one.

When I was in science class, I had to read out loud, and I said orgasm instead of organism, and I was given detention because you thought I did it all.

Don't try to turn it into a cute story.

No, it's discussing your crime.

Well, no one did anything, there's no crime, there was no crime,

nobody did a crime, that's for sure.

No, it's not technical.

It'd be funny if in 10 years it is a crime and we don't have any principle of uh what is it, like ex post facto or whatever it is anymore.

I mean, that's that's a way we're going, yeah, like that is true, and uh, and there's people going to jail for having used the N-word on podcasts.

Yeah, well.

Lewis is in the maximum security.

Oh, yeah.

Lewis is.

He's in the.

That would be great.

I would love it to be plastic camp.

The POW camp.

It's me, Ari Shafir, Shane Gillis, Louis Gomez.

We're all in our cells, passing notes back and forth.

I'm visiting.

I'm at Visitors' Hours because I never put it on record.

The whole time, Lewis is like, I'm going to get out of here.

I know it.

I can see it.

I have a five-year plan, but I'm the one that's going to get out of here.

He's like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape.

He's like, you don't believe me?

But just watch.

I'm going to get out of here.

I'm sending you boys.

Shut up.

I'm sending you boys Slim Jims.

Lewis does escape somehow, and we're like, shut up, Lewis.

Just beef us.

Just shut up.

Shut up, dude.

Yeah.

Anyway, now that we can all admit that nobody said the N-word on this podcast.

We don't even have to say that the second part.

I feel like it's not going to be it.

It's getting beefed in that it's not.

It's just not going to be.

Who knows?

We're not cutting out.

It'll be funny to cut out.

Can I say something?

It'll be funny to cut out like a minute since we've talked about so much how we're not cutting it out.

It would be funny.

We can't because there's a cop, there's copy in the middle.

No, there wasn't copy in the middle.

There wasn't for like a good minute afterwards.

There was, I timed it.

It was two and a half minutes.

Trust me, it'll be funny.

Because now, because the more we cut, the more it makes it seem like Adam was saying racist stuff.

So I'm actually forecutting like two minutes.

Whatever.

I don't give a shit.

You guys can figure it out with the audio guy.

I don't.

You've cut the previous thing.

I'm going home.

I'm making some tea and I'm watching a movie.

You're going to follow the rules when you make your tea.

Absolutely.

All right.

I'm going to say

that.

Rule number one.

Do not say the N-word on the podcast

with a hard R

in the middle of an advertisement.

No one said it.

No one said it.

No one said it.

We're naming the rules.

I'm telling you what I do.

Names the rules to the teeth.

When I'm drinking tea, why are you getting angry?

Jeez, it.

This has nothing to do with you.

If you don't like it, don't drink tea, Adam.

No, I got to make everything about me all the time.

I'm sorry, dude.

Yeah.

What's the second rule?

You're allowed to say the G-Slur.

Dude, I I love G-Slur.

Especially if you're following the rules.

G-Slur sounds better than

the actual thing.

It's funny, once I transition, once I say the letter slur once, it becomes much harder to go back and say the actual thing.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, I get you.

Say Beeslur a bunch and then go back to saying bitch.

Nah, that one will forever slide.

Say Beesler.

Bee Slur.

Say what I called my mother a Beastler.

I called my mama a damn bitch.

Say this.

Say, repeat after me repeat after me Sandra Bland is no that's different why is it different

because she was murdered by the police yeah if my mom was murdered by the police I would

less

I would be less cavalier now can you see somebody having that opinion of her

in her life I suppose and what would they think of her I think she's a what

well I don't I can't speak to that you can't say why you're doing one of your traps right now it's not one one of my traps.

It's a rhetorical trap.

It's not a trap.

I'm just saying there's a context in which you'd be uncomfortable saying the Beeslur.

But it's about a specific person.

No, it's because we introduced Beesler as it.

No.

Yes.

I rest my case.

You're a little-ass dick bitch.

No, we're talking about.

Would you say that about Sandra Bland?

No, I wouldn't say it about a woman who was murdered by the cops.

Or someone that you're little ass dick Beesler.

Little ass dick bitch.

Bitch still will.

I mean, look.

How about bitch slur?

I like like that.

The bitch slur is awesome.

Yeah, that's

he called my wife the bitch slur.

That's just my ex-wife after midnight.

Yeah.

She's a fucking magwa.

That's how you tried to like bagel boss.

Vinny was trying to get bagel boss on the show.

Yeah, we should get him on now.

Yeah.

That would be good.

And then years later,

I offered bagel boss like a free t-shirt just to wear on Instagram.

And like,

I guess he had a manager that called me.

And he's like, you know, it would probably cost some money, you know, to have him wear the shirt.

And I was like, like, all right, have a nice day.

Yeah.

It's like, I can't imagine managing bagel boss thinking that it's like, yeah, this guy, this is staying power.

Yeah.

I mean, this is something that's going to be.

Also, how much pot theoretically, someone's like, yeah, okay.

Yeah.

What, what, $30?

Yeah.

You can go on cameo right now and pay $6 to get Daniel Day-Lewis to say

to say happy birthday to your dog.

Yeah.

But we're going to need thousands of dollars

to get.

Give the fucking bagel boss.

Cameo is so fine.

You get bombarded with emails by now.

There's so many emails.

Yeah.

I'm still doing that shit.

Tim Dylan finally told him to fuck off.

It's weird seeing like there are rich people that are on it.

It's insane.

I don't understand why.

What does Mr.

Wonderful from Shark Tank need more money?

Attention from who?

Wishing someone a happy birthday?

Right now, the industry is shut down.

All of these people, all these celebrities that just live on ego need any but are people really like that though the majority oh yeah dude they are no there are crazy there are a few cool ones but why do you think ryan reynolds dropping in on the x-men call like like all they just need their faces out i don't know what that is what is that no but it's just like it's just a yeah yeah headline i can't forget anything no no yeah um but like you know like just all the the imagine videos everything that everyone's been doing you see actors just well the imagine videos yes but i mean i i can't imagine that like fucking who's probably like, like, who's the biggest star on cameo?

The Rock.

Oh, no.

I don't know who's on camera.

I bet you there's famous motherfuckers.

No, there's famous motherfuckers on cameo.

I'm here on cameo just because I can't go 15 minutes without saying happy birthday.

The Rock just bought the XFL.

I seem like Kevin David's on birthday.

I got that.

They bought a lot of money.

The Sex FL.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

And you get pussy from the cheerleaders.

You got to put the ball in your pussy.

Okay.

It feels like a lot of vine stars would be on cameo.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

It feels like a natural progression.

They're all in their mid-20s.

They got to be getting to oops, what did I do age?

Oh, yeah.

If they have some money, they can just figure that out.

No, but they don't.

There's no way any of them have any of the money.

Did you see there was a raid on the Logan Paul mansion?

There was.

Yeah.

What did he do?

He had mad guns and shit.

Really?

That's awesome.

Rod Blagoevich is on cameo.

That's pretty cool.

Gilbert Godfrey.

Chip Chipperson.

You can see Jim Norton do his character.

That's good.

That's pretty cool.

If I could get Giovanni Ribisi to read something, I would probably do that.

To put him in a movie without him knowing.

Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.

That's just fucking perfect.

It's your birthday.

He does them all as a retarded guy.

Yes, sir.

Damn it.

None of these people seem too famous.

I feel like they can't be the soup Nazi.

Hell yeah, dude.

Mark McGrath.

Hilarious.

I'm going to pay the Soup Nazi $200.

Really stretching off that $14.59.

No soup for you.

Hey, no soup for you, Mike.

Happy birthday.

I'm using

my Corona money to make Soup Nazi say no soup for you to my friend for his birthday.

Pen Jillette.

Okay, you gasp about atheists.

I see like role players on sitcoms.

Billy Zayn.

He's a cool guy.

Terry Francona, who's currently an MLB manager.

This is so goddamn funny.

Cameo has a heading called Celebrating Black Excellence.

And it's Damon John and Ray Lewis.

Ray Lewis killed someone.

Murderers, four.

Oh, my God.

That is too funny.

Damon John, exactly.

Shouldn't he be rich enough to not be on Cameo?

Well, I feel like your t-shirt company is going to turn it.

You're the next Damon John.

Yeah.

With the t-shirt sales.

Oh, yeah.

He came up with t-shirts, right?

Gary Busey's on cameo, apparently.

Adams t-shirt company, FNBN.

FNBJ.

Kalen Jenner's $2,500.

B-J.

FNBJ clothes.

That's actually.

Fubu, I think, was owned by a Jew.

They bought it from the original from the original

black guys that started it.

This is a clothing company called Fub Joe James.

All right.

FNBJ, no one knows what it stands for.

No, it's just random letters.

Yeah.

That's good for me, folks.

Yeah, pretty good.

Dick Van Dyke, 500 bucks.

That's how much he costs?

Yeah.

I would have changed.

Dude, he's so old.

He's like 100.

He makes me feel like I'm dying when I see him.

He endorsed Bernie.

He was in that new Mary Poppins thing.

Are you guys pretty Bernie?

I know.

Yeah, we're not Bernie Bernie.

this is a i mean it was a bernie podcast i've just been so upset years ago currently so yeah it's over yeah i mean who gives a shit about bernie sanders well yeah now it's all about

now it's all about figuring out how you can store a bunch of guns in your house before you get uh oh i don't think you get raided oh damn april and filmer are on it together oh for real yeah

pretty cool that is tight dan marino for only 350 damn whoa pendillette looks like fucking earthworm jim now.

Yeah, he looks like shit.

He's got a classic neck pussy type situation.

Kimberly, this is Penn.

Pendillette.

Fenn and Teller.

Big guy does magic.

Smaller guy next to me, he does magic too, but he doesn't talk that much anyway.

Dude, his teeth are fucked up.

This is crazy.

Look at Pendillette's teeth.

They've got like shit all of them.

Because he eats poop.

That's a libertarian thing.

I am entirely self-sufficient.

I am a 100% libertarian, self-sufficient machine.

I absorb solar energy and I eat my own shit.

I bathe in my own piss.

Dude, some of these people are mad cheap.

You can get Cedric for $150.

Who's Cedric?

The Entertainer.

Oh, the Entertainer?

The Legendary.

$150.

Cedric the Entertainer?

Yeah.

What?

Attention.

That's...

You can get that guy, Darren Rovell, from ESPN, for $35.

Oh, hell yeah.

Breaking news.

My dick.

He's the business guy.

He's the business expert on ESPN.

But he needs $35.

This is funny.

I don't understand why you would.

Let's say I wanted to make money off this, right?

Sure.

Why wouldn't I just set up an email address, have people, and then just paint Venmo me?

I'm sure

it takes a couple of years.

Because it's a platform that makes it more reachable for you.

It's like, why would you raise your campaign money to act blue?

Because it's going to get more access.

Yeah, but it's not like I'm going to be bombarded by people that fucking want cameo.

It'd be one thing if I got a thousand motherfuckers begging for me.

You should just get on cameo, dude.

I'm not getting on camo.

It increases your reach.

That's all.

So, yes, you could do an email list, but like I'm saying I'm not.

I don't want to do it.

I just don't understand why motherfuckers do cameo.

It's because it's a plat, like you said, it's a platform that already exists.

Damn, Chevy Chase, $500.

That's dark.

It's like getting paid to take a selfie.

I mean, like, if you

don't,

it's the same reason to be on Patreon.

It's like a platform, no one really gives a fuck.

Heredith from the office is probably probably dying of some illness she can't afford.

She goes on.

You're right.

You just sign up.

Damn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, we should all pitch in to get Caitlin Jennifer Nick.

$2,500.

I already said that, but nobody listens.

Oh, I didn't hear you.

You know what?

Somebody listens, and he keeps all the ideas in his head and then spits them out like they're his.

Okay, Caitlin here.

What's up, guys?

Hey, girlfriend.

Hey, hey, girlfriends.

Happy birthday to Star Rosh.

I loved it when Donald Trump said trans people can't use the other bathroom.

She's like, Donald, just a trans girl here.

I'm going to use the bathroom in Trump Tower.

It was really fun.

Really showed him.

Yeah, she showed him.

Really showed that motherfucker.

Here to use the bathroom.

It's so funny.

The world sucks so much that there was like a huge storm yesterday in the Midwest, and I was just watching like tornadoes destroy property and like places get fucked up in Chicago by strong winds.

And it felt like good news, right?

Because it's nature.

I could watch just a wildfire kill hundreds of thousands of people and be like, oh, that's nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're not doing it to ourselves.

Right.

Yeah.

Natural disasters has been elevated to the level of puppy videos

by how fucked up the regular news is.

It's so 90s to care about them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll watch Twister again recently.

You gotta be careful saying the word 90s.

How about, yeah, VH1, I love the 90s.

That was a good program, man.

I spent a lot of time watching that type of shit.

Yeah.

I remember, because I didn't have cable, but I would like just be sort of aware of these things.

And I remember being in a friend's house and seeing that they were up to I Love the 90s, and I'm like, wow.

What's next?

Yeah.

They literally did I Love the 2000s.

Yeah.

And it was like 2000.

It would become True TV.

Yeah.

Yeah, basically.

Dude, they should do like I Love

the 1930s in Germany.

Yeah, they should do that.

And it's House Sparks being like, finally, we're getting some answers.

Who caused all this economic devastation?

I think we all know.

People at the time were just walking around, and no one bothered to even question what FNBJ stood for.

Oh, they had it in the 30s?

They had it in the 30s.

They had it in the 30s.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I love the 90s.

For Nuremberg by

somebody else.

By somebody.

Another company.

The company of

whatever.

I think I got it.

I think I know what you got.

I think I can read between the lines on this one.

Well, Dylan, you want to tell us about the movie?

Let's get that plug.

Yeah, Killer Raccoons 2, Dark Christmas in the Dark.

It's available everywhere, Amazon, YouTube, Google Play, Voodoo, all those things on demand.

It's also in some theaters kind of right now, Spare Style, and they'll be coming out throughout the fall.

But it's number one comedy in America right now.

It's got a

huge cast of fun people like James Odomian, Nick Turner, Nick Vaterat.

Oh, those are good guys.

Ron Lynch is a great role.

We got Ron Jeremy in the movie.

Before he raped.

Before he raped.

Yeah, well, yeah actually it's a big it's a big way

you got Chris Delia in the movie

Brian

Chris Delia was available but we we went with Ron Jeremy

and so the but the the day we the day we rapped Ron Jeremy he was on the as soon as we rapped

somebody another comic that was on set it's like hey look at TMZ and it's allegations against

allegations against Ron Jeremy

we had people asked to have their names removed from the movie

That's so funny.

I mean, you really can't work with anybody anymore.

They donated their checks to rain.

It's always the next day.

You think a guy's cool, and then boom, you're just saying something, and during the middle of that,

people asked us to reshoot the movie.

Yeah.

And I was like, Yeah, that happens a lot in this industry where people ask you to do something completely just inconsiderate.

It wouldn't be a good

thing.

It wasn't really one and a half years ago.

All this extra work when it's like, why don't you just remove it?

Someone's doing it.

Why don't you just be paying them to do it?

You're just beeping out.

It's not that difficult.

You just beep the rape scene out.

I shouldn't have said the rape scene.

You're watching a movie.

But it's still like awesome.

Sounds nice, man.

But yeah, it's a fun, it's like airplane, loaded weapon, naked gun type movie.

I love that.

Doing

tempo action sequels from the 90s, mainly shot for shot under Siege 2.

But it's just loaded with jokes.

It's the one on a train?

It's on a train.

Yeah.

It's almost the same movie, but it's just filled with like, we make fun of how ridiculously, you know, like chauvinistic-y and poor non-woke the 90s are, while also sort of like attacking woke culture.

I wish I could at the same time.

Enjoy something as much as an adult as I enjoyed wrongfully accused when I was a kid.

It was so funny, dude.

I fucking.

Yeah, that's a great movie.

The train gag.

The train is so funny.

The train gag was hilarious.

When the train looks around the tree.

Yeah.

Nothing will make me laugh that hard.

Leslie Nielsen was like my favorite comedian as a kid.

Well, that's in Travis.

Travis Irvine directed and wrote this and edited and put his heart and soul into it for like three years.

Shout out Travis.

It's a weird way that things kind of.

Because, I mean, I've known Travis 15 years.

Yeah, he was a D.C.

guy.

Yeah, and it's just like these people, because he's not in.

I mean, where is he?

New York or you know him, you know him from Ohio.

We're both from Columbus.

Yeah.

And we,

we, he had been to D.C.

and LA.

When I moved to New York in 2011, yeah, he moved with me.

Oh, yeah.

And then we've been like, we've, we ran shows, like, we had book shows around the city.

Me, him, and Dean Masello.

I don't know if you've ever met him.

He's a good guy.

But we, so we always worked together.

And then I, when I moved into production, Travis had the script and was like, I've got like 30K.

Can you make this happen?

Like, is this possible?

That's awesome.

And so, we, like, I was like, fuck it.

I'd rather be doing this than, you know, even, even just to learn how to go through the process of making a movie.

Yeah.

Because I do like million-dollar shoots that are week long in New York.

Yeah.

But I've never like, you know, that whole process, starting a business, running through the whole thing is a great learning experience, a sense of accomplishment, like all, all that like changed my life.

I'll be making movies for the rest of my life.

Hands down because of this, because of this movie.

And Travis just loaded it with jokes.

Because we took it on tour after the last time I was here.

I had to watch it 20 times in the theater.

It was like, by the end of the tour, the only part of my day I enjoyed was re-watching the movie.

It was just like whiskey and chicken fingers.

I did like 20,000 miles in like 19 days.

That's driving around.

But it sold out.

We had a couple near-sold-out shows.

The night Star Wars opened, we were like 90% sold out.

Damn, no one went chicken wingers.

Chicken fingers.

Whoa.

Someone almost had himself a little Adam of the World.

Chicken Wingers.

I know.

I'm just saying.

It was similar.

No, to what?

Say chicken wingers?

Chicken wings, chicken fingers.

All right, we don't have to.

You know what?

Chicken wingers should exist.

Boneless chicken wings that are still shaped to fucking

Adam.

Tell Adam to bleep this out.

Just the err out of the mouth.

So that it sounds like he's at a table.

Hippominer.

Hippomini.

Minister Adam needs to

see.

I was going to do that anyways to save you, my friend.

And now you've had to blow the

movie.

My carefully planned moment.

I forgot to say that.

When you publicly say friend like that, it means the world to me.

Well, guess what?

Now is being bleeped out.

The word friend.

Dude, that's a great idea.

We should just make a fucking shitty movie.

I'm not saying yours movie, but a shitty movie and take it on tour.

That way we don't have to perform.

What's the worst part about going on tour doing a live podcast?

I should pay somebody to just go through and bleep out every time I've complimented Adam.

Any time I say something, I should bleep out.

We should.

We should rip the episodes up and put them back in.

But you're right, Stuff.

Touring with movies is going to be a thing.

Yeah.

It's like independent movies.

It's a way to tour with.

And if you can build up some sort of, it's super fun.

In 10, 15 years, there's got to be some kind of like ad hoc like distribution network that completely probably something.

They're all in the works right now.

Yeah.

I don't know if it would be blockchain or what.

I have no idea how technology, where technology is at now.

I'm too old to pay attention to it.

But eventually there's going to be a thing where the only thing you need funding for is production.

And distribution is just, there's no money in distribution.

Yeah, it's getting there.

The cost of our distribution is so low.

And we made the movie for so low that

it's too cheap to fail.

Yeah.

If you will.

But that's the way they're like, yeah,

if this is our worst movie, you guys are going to make some money.

So I was like, okay,

if you go into it with that.

I'm trying to make a shitty movie.

But that sounds awesome.

But as far as like, but you can distribute it, and we're going to tour with it probably every Christmas because it's a Christmas movie.

And so we'll probably

use whatever it buildups to spotch tours and do that every year.

That's tight.

And you can do like Q ⁇ As and stuff like that.

And that's all fun because it's like doing a podcast after that.

Yeah, you know, it's also a Christmas movie, actually.

Whoa, for real?

Yeah, dude.

It's my favorite Christmas movie.

I saw a knitted sweater on Facebook that said so.

That's awesome.

Oh, diehard?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're talking about diehard?

Absolutely.

That's fucking crazy.

Yeah.

It's about a guy flying across the country to save his family.

I've never heard that before.

You know, you have heard before?

Adam, please try to high-quality.

Don't try and save it now.

Thank you for listening, everyone.

Go watch the movie.

Please.

Check out the movie, especially if you're a child.

Mr.

Raccoon's Pussycatting Adventure.

Yeah, if you're a Chinese-American living in America, watch the movie, recommend it to your family back in China.

Back in Wuhan.

Yeah.

And they...

We'll try to make sure the Gook Squad's in the third one.

You can say that because those are Koreans.

The Chinese and them.

They don't have a necessarily bad relationship, but

they're definitely different people.

Yes.

I mean, that's true.

Well, the Chinese and the Koreans don't have the same thing that the Japanese and the Korean people.

Everyone hates the Japanese, right?

Well, the Japanese were very cruel to both people.

Yeah,

WW2 type shit.

Yes.

It's really like

the Jews of the East.

Yeah.

The Japanese?

No,

these are the Germans of the East.

They had more actual power than the Jews.

Well, we got bombs.

State power.

Germans of the Orient.

The Germans of the Orient.

It's the Japanese.

Yeah.

Man, I can't wait for New Year.

But they actually got what's.

I'm getting pumped for New Year.

Oh, good.

That's unreal.

We didn't even say that on the show, ever.

No, we were just talking about it off mic.

A guy that's looking forward to it.

You're talking about it being in August and just being like, dude, I'm so excited for New Year.

I got it.

All right, listen to the movie.

Listen, go to stavi.biz and then pick it up and buy a shirt.

And send a bunch of

all of your boxes.

Buy a shirt.

What's the Blockbuster shirt say?

The Blockbuster shirt.

It's like only a Blockbuster shirt.

It's a shirt that stands up.

It's a blue and yellow shirt.

That's the thing.

Blue and yellow shirts.

to do with a torn ticket.

With any brand whatsoever.

It's like so many levels of joke in that shirt.

I love that shirt.

It's just, you know, I spend, with all of my art, I spend time reflecting on pain, and then I allow my processes to

sort of relate that to people through whatever it feels instinctual.

That's deep.

Thank you for sharing.

And, you know, that's how you get like a T-shirt that has.

Have people asked you to sell their stuff on your site?

What oh, you mean like other sales sales channels?

Other like other people?

The margins aren't good enough to do anything like that.

No?

I'd just be surprised.

It seems like you have a great store.

It's all right, but I mean the margins for shirts are not that good, especially if you want stuff that's well done and then also like drop shipped.

Sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, check it out.

Come check it out.

Check it out.

This is a new shirt.

We got a new shirt.

This one, I heard people's complaints that I can't wear this or I'll get beat up with almost everything else I've made.

So, this one's I've had that problem.

Yeah, I want, I'm like, I like,

I'm too much of a pothead to wear one of your weed ones, yeah.

Um, so I'm just like, I wear the, I have a specialty-made Benoit one that's a tank top that I got made just for me.

I was like, Yeah, I like the Benoit one, but I've been searching for the right one.

You dropped that, I was like, I was gonna buy it, but it wasn't for sale yet.

I'll, I'll, I'll, uh, yeah, just send me your address after it.

Didn't that, didn't I send you?

Did you get a shirt before or no?

No, you gave me a Ridge wallet, That was sick.

And it changed my life.

I love it.

All right.

Well, can we see the movie on iTunes or Amazon?

iTunes, Amazon, Google, YouTube.

Go buy the movie.

Adam, would you like to apologize?

I would like to apologize to everyone I've let down

for doing nothing.

For doing nothing wrong.

Yeah.

Nobody said any kind of slur.

There's absolutely no record.

And we would like to make it clear that what Adam did

is

no, because this show is gross,

and

it's completely different than the Shane Gillis situation.

And,

you know, I mean, guys like Shane are just,

those are losers.

Those guys are just racist losers.

Racist losers.

But when we do it, when we say the N-word on a podcast, it's different because, you know, we wrote on the Rosie O'Donnell show.

Right.

And we were the best part of the Voss Roast.

We're, of course, shitting on Judy Gold, who's a piece of shit.

Copy that.

Enemy of the show, Judy Gold.

We're going.

We did expand the enemies list, the official enemies list.

Look, if this show's not going to die naturally, it will die by way of the sword.

I'm taking shots in the show from the rest of the

subreddits dead.

I think they got their own website now.

I went on there after the last episode.

First comment was like, isn't it amazing how you can just tell someone's fat from their voice?

And I was just like, done.

that was the top comment that I was like, oh, from the episodes.

Oh, they called you fat.

The first, like, by far, the first comment was, isn't it amazing how you can just tell somebody's fat from their voice?

Well, yeah.

And I was like, I'm not reading that.

That's, well, you have a six-pack, actually, so they were wrong.

No, they can just

Google and see how fat I am.

Yeah, you look great.

You look hot.

You look hot.

They think Stav weighs 142 pounds.

They think he's beautiful.

I am beautiful.

What if we just hired a model to be Stav publicly?

Just for picks.

And there were no ever live shows, but we just created this idea that Stav doesn't look like this.

Yeah, he loves things.

That happens a lot.

That would be awesome.

I would have some fucking privacy.

You just get to.

Damn, it's so funny to fantasize about privacy.

I have a funny thing.

No, because it is truly now just like an absurd luxury.

I know.

That you like,

because of to what extent you have to be public to make enough money to have privacy anymore, the only people that can have true privacy are people that come from generational wealth.

Absolutely.

Well, my goal, I've always said, is that I can't wait till I'm successful enough to go back to a flip phone.

Yeah.

That's like,

that's my benchmark.

Like, that to me is like, that's where I'm, that's where I'm striving

to get to, where I'm like, never.

Yeah.

You can call me, text me, maybe.

Oh, fuck.

Well, my goal is to get Fappening so I can set the record straight on the length of my testicles.

They're little

debate, they're little in their head.

They said that they're small and long, and it's not true.

It's true, mine are uneven.

It's not true.

I think most people have a lot

one longer one.

One ball usually hangs.

The tube got tied to knot.

All right.

Really?

Did you have to go to the hospital?

Yeah.

Testicular torsion, folks.

Oh, yeah.

That happened to a friend of mine.

The silent killer.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's true.

All right, folks.

All right, folks.

All right.

Big XL episode.

Love you.

Bye.

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