Ep. 206 – John Slick

We're live.

We're live and we're getting pussy over the internet.

All right.

Well, Adam didn't figure his shit out, so Adam's computer can't connect.

So

guess what?

Guess what?

We're doing it this way until he shows up.

Ideally, I'd like to have this set so that it's like fucking it drives me insane to start the podcast and then I broadcast to YouTube and it gets a couple of seconds before.

And there's oh, every single one is going to start with me shoving my beard in my mouth because I can't not fucking do it while I'm trying to figure something out.

Dude, you gotta

fucking fix your oral fixation.

I tried, I used to put because I chewed like a hole in my lip years ago when I was like 23, 24.

I had like a goatee and I fucking like chewed like a hole.

Did this all the time.

I can't stop fucking doing it, and then it gets even like it doesn't, the hair just stopped growing at this point because I'm just constantly like just chewing on it.

You like a fucking cow, yeah.

You know, when a cow is mauling on some grass and it's a little brown patch right you did that you were grazing on your shit i got hot spots like a dog yeah

but now i look at the i look at the the fucking here look i'll just screen cap it and send it to you yeah

look how fucking stupid i look

i've seen it I mean, it's just like, that's how, that's the still now for the video.

He's going to be me.

Oh, that's the beginning still yeah

shoving like a little bitch

yeah dude um

yeah you look you look gay

you look like

it's pissing me off you look sad your boyfriend said he can't come over in this screen cap no that's a little too far i wouldn't say that's exactly what the vibe is that's actually exactly no yeah no you look forlorn you look like you've been rejected by a lover in this no i think the look is uh i'm upset because my morbidly obese friend ate all of the tobaccones in the world you snooze you lose pal

there was too many

you can't trust me around a toblarone you know that about me there are too many tobaccones or not enough toblerones don't leave me around your toblarones or your

yeah that's the thing about me dude

Adam says he's in, he might be in the waiting room.

Oh, okay.

Very, very good good timing

well well well

look who decided to join us look who hi guys look who thought it'd be a cool idea to wait till 259 p.m.

to see if his computer oh i was i was doing it for like five minutes i had to restart my computer

back in the morning look who waited until 255 p.m to see it's mahalo vibes over here

i love it dude are you waxing your board uh i'm waxing a lot these days, including my

whole vagina.

Waxing your vagina.

Is that what you're doing, Adam?

I was waxing my asshole.

Nice.

What do you think about waxing the shit out of your ass and your balls, believing you're a Gooch, Harry?

You know, people say waxing philosophical or whatever.

Yeah.

You know, but they're just like,

not to wax vaginally here for a second.

Yeah.

I want me to wax my asshole.

Yeah, I think that would be anally, wouldn't it?

Not to wax anally or wax penisally.

As

hollowly.

Ass hollowly.

No, to wax us.

Now, you guys did kind of gloss over, though, my idea of a little Gooch mohawk.

Yeah, like a little, just like a little Hitler mustache.

In between your pussy and A.

Isn't that how it looks anyways?

It's just unless you sh unless you shave it.

No, I'm saying you wax your dick and balls

and you wax your ass and you let the gooch go crazy.

Interesting.

You get a nice little fur.

I'm getting like very caucuses vibes from that.

Caucasus?

Like that's like

a tribesman in the Urals.

Yes, absolutely.

Yes.

You don't get, you're not a real male in the tribe, but you have to shave out your gooch haul.

You have to shave all your pubes and ball hair and your asshole, but then they have that and then there's bells at the end of it

and then you're you're allowed into the army by memorizing a dance yeah

and then you're after for for three days you're on a vision quest drinking nothing but goat's blood no yeah nothing but mountains like yeah milk like goat milk and curdled milk curdled milk and eating bark And then you're in the army and you're allowed to go into Turkey to rape women.

That's right.

And then you come home.

That's how you earn your symbol.

No, here's what happens: you come home, they snip off your goo chair, they smell it.

If it smells like Turkish pussy, you're allowed in the army.

You're allowed in the army.

That's beautiful, man.

Yeah.

That's a beautiful people over there in the Balkans.

Savages.

I'm excited.

Greeks are kind of like the white people of the Balkans.

I went to Home Depot and it was like a fucking hour and 45 minutes.

What?

His statement about Greek in terms of like, I don't like that racism exists, but in a world where it does, in a world

racism exists,

Greeks are at the top of that racist pyramid.

And I'm not even saying it's good, I'm pointing it out as a sort of ethno-historian.

What if racism actually existed?

20th century Fox presents

the black mind in

reality.

The black mindian reality.

Yeah.

The Meryl Black Mindian

to

the C who's rank your Balkan.

Brank the Balkans then, bitch.

If Greeks are.

What are the Balkans again?

It's like Albania.

Are the Yugoslavian countries Balkan?

I would say so.

Slavs.

Yeah, so Croatians are white.

I don't think Greeks are whiter than I'm saying we're at the top.

Oh, you're the you're the best ones?

In a world where that kind of thing, if you subscribe to that kind of thinking which i don't

personally but if you did

we would be serbs i guess serbs let's you know let me let me walk that back let me not say we're the white ones

let me say you're the

superior ones we're the superior

white race which i no i don't but some people do is what i say i would say

look either nobody is white except the english or everybody's white except sub-Saharan Africans, Indians, like East Asians, and like the, you know, Tasmanian devil kind of folks they got down there.

Yes, sure.

I think they're called Negritos is the name of the.

I think it's Aboriginals.

No, the racial.

The new

Bud Light Negrito.

Negrito with wine.

That sounds delicious.

No, whatever a Negrito is.

Negrito is the racial category of people that are like dark as hell, but they're not actually from Africa.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Negrito are several diverse ethnic groups who inhabit isolated parts of Austronesia.

Austronesia?

Yeah.

See, that's fucked up because to me, that sounds like a black guy from Brazil.

Negrito?

Yeah.

Or Colombia or something like that.

Other bounty hunter and stuff.

Like they would do some dancing like that.

Wait, do you guys see those operators get owned in Venezuela?

Yes, that's so fucking funny.

What were they called?

Silvercore?

Yeah, dude.

So sick.

That shit rocks, dude.

Look, those guys, what were they from?

They were like Iraq and Afghanistan guys that were like, we're going to be fucking.

They were SEALs, I think.

That's hysterical.

They came in so cocky.

They got their shit split, dude.

Maduro sucked their dicks clean off.

They probably were the guys that got like rejected from Blackwater.

You know?

They're like, you're not a good enough operator to kill Arab people for

all they've ever done is like, they were like, they were security for Trump like one time were they I think yeah dude those guys suck yeah

they definitely did and Maduro he was a guy before him was the guy some guy that the CIA hit with the cancer gun right

what was that guy's name Chavez Chavez yeah this that didn't he get his ass with the cancer ray I mean he got cancer out of nowhere

Is that a real thing?

Dude, you know they got some shit like that.

I know.

But why wouldn't they be doing that all the time i think they do

if you gave

maybe because it like whatever crystals or human sacrifice it takes is too much maybe you can only use it every once in a while who knows what kind of occult the cia is on dude

yeah i guess

the chavez right didn't he get like some crazy form of cancer and just die out of nowhere I don't know.

All I know is he liked track suits, so he's one of our

brothers.

That guy rocked.

he's one of the brethren.

He did look cool, he would give speeches with track suits.

I didn't, I messed up.

I got the Velour, those Burgundy Valour, Beckenbauer, like uh beadidas.

Yeah, you got the Beckenbauers and Velour.

Oh, wait, no, we have the same one.

We have, I have the only guy, I got the track bottoms as a present, and I was at the tops the time.

I was like, you know what, I'll go get the top because they were $80 each, the top and the bottom.

Oh, they went on sale, brother.

They went on sale, but they discontinued them.

And now the fucking top is $450 on eBay.

And I can't go around with half a track suit on.

No, that's pathetic.

I click the check right now.

What are we waiting for?

Yeah.

No, I mean,

make the check out the eBay, right?

You can't find it.

But no, I'm like, now I'm thinking about like, you know, because we all got to think about different economies after this shit.

And it's like, I should be buying every type of new track suit for Meditas, not wearing it.

I'm just waiting to see if I can flip that shit on eBay in two years.

Yeah, you're going into the world of high beast resale.

Yeah.

I mean, this thing is fucking hot.

The problem is, I love wearing the tracksuits, and I wear them.

Big problem.

Wear them with joints.

This shit's fucking dirty as hell now.

Yeah.

But I just need

to see one so stock.

One is so cool.

One's a rough.

There it is.

That's awesome.

That's one of the best ones.

Yeah.

What I've been doing is that.

It's the best of the Puma Motorsport tracksuits.

Without question.

Without question.

And

I've taken a good look at all of them.

Yeah.

The BMW one is very good.

Well, because

it's the M motorsports one.

The Ferrari one's fucking gay.

Ferrari one's you think it's gonna be awesome and it sucks.

Ferraris are for fags, dude.

I don't like it.

Nah, but it doesn't look cool.

Ferraris are cool.

Nah, I'm not.

Oh, dude, I got beef for them ever since I saw Ford vs.

Ferrari.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What

you're disrespectful.

No, that's very funny.

I'm laughing at it.

I'm just, I'm just, I stated a fact.

What about them with disrespectful, Adam, would you say?

They're rude and disrespectful.

They think they're sculptors of gorgeous machines.

I agree with them.

I like a Ferrari.

It looks cool.

Yeah, but being at just a shot.

Being into Ferraris, it's like, that's boomer shit, you know?

Yeah.

Like, if you're, if, I've said this before, but

The the

like millennial car culture is about having autism and appreciating every type type of car.

Boomer shit is like, yeah, they're like, oh, wow, what if I'm one day I'm a stockbroker millionaire and I have a Ferrari?

Yeah, dude.

That shit is for fucking Persians.

Listen, bro.

Yes.

Yeah, I'm Eastern European.

I got a little bit of that in my blood.

You know, some Persians came over in the old days and raped one of my fucking great-great-grandmas.

You should get into cologne's in a sense.

Dude, it's on its way.

It honestly is on its way.

This summer was going to be the return of jewelry because I feel like it's a summary.

Jewelry's for summertime.

summertime uh and i was gonna get into cologne i'm pissed i'm pissed at

all my sartorial

uh my sartorial growth had to take a step back i'm out here wearing my old faithful t-shirts my jordan my comfy ass jordan shirt from like ninth grade

but

the boomers are they are correct about some of the cars dude a broken clock is correct twice a day motherfucker i don't like exotic cars ferrari ferrari is one of the things things they're correct about.

Although, Jordan's Ferrari in the last dance documentary is very much.

That's the one I was.

That one is Ferrari's tight as fuck, dude.

Yeah.

I feel like I just watched a movie where a Ferrari was in the mix as well.

Nah, they're cool.

They're cool.

I have something about, I'm kind of back into like something boxy.

I used to like sleeker type of fucking car.

Like, you know, like a thought of Porsche was cool.

I'm not as much into that kind of shit no more.

Yeah.

I want that boxy, fucking powerful shit, dude.

Like what?

Like a Ferrari.

What boxy Ferrari do you want?

Like Jordan's Ferrari in the

last dance.

I didn't see the last dance.

It's good.

It's pretty good.

Very good.

Are you talking?

That's great.

Do you mean Save the Last Dance?

Yeah, Michael Jordan and Save the Last Dance.

It's Omar Epps and Michael Jordan.

No, I think that's Michael Jordan and

Michael Jordan and Hillary Clinton.

I'm pretty sure this is in that movie.

Off the top of my head.

Yeah, that's true.

That's who it is.

Yeah, apparently fucking Hillary Clinton was being sold to Michael Jordan during the 90s

in the Bulls championship year.

She was getting fucked by the whole team for cash.

Really?

Hard for cash.

Yeah, because Scotty Pippen played in Arkansas.

So the Clintons had a connection to the Bulls.

Right.

Scotty used to be their bull.

And that's why Bill Clinton intervened.

And he was like, I want him on the bulls.

That's why that's the name of the team.

He fucks my wife.

That's the name, where the name of the team comes from.

Yep.

Not only that they were bulls, but also that they were from Chicago.

A lot of people don't know that.

But the Chicago and Chicago Bulls refers to the city of Chicago.

Which is crazy.

Yeah, just a bunch of they hired 12, mostly black, but a couple tall white guys to really just bleed out Hillary's pussy.

Just really turn it into hamburger meat.

I actually read, I heard from a couple of trusted sources, verified actually,

that she enjoyed eating shit.

Really?

Yeah, that she would.

I did see that too.

They would pay extra money

to the Clinton Foundation to have Hillary Clinton eat

what she called the finest turds.

Really?

Yeah.

And where were those companies?

Those were for the basketball players, too, or is that around the world?

No, they were child players.

From the stadium.

They would just go in after the games and clear out.

Clear out all the.

There were secret tubes that went from all the bags.

Is that like that episode of The Simpsons where at the food court, it all goes into one big thing of meat?

It went into a troth, and Hillary, yeah, her big fat ass was chained up hanging from the ceiling, and they had the tubes going into, and she was force-fed shit from the stadiums while Bill.

Every turd that was flushed down the United Center from 1994 to 96.

Yeah, while Bill raped children and played saxophone.

And this is this is a lot of this stuff.

A lot of this stuff you know you don't even hear about.

But if you go through the archives, you can find newspaper articles about it.

You can find the New York Times, Hillary Clinton's shit-eating operation put on a pause after a plumbing issue.

Yep.

You know, yeah, and they kind of been going through some micro feasts recently.

That's the thing, man.

It's that's why I'm not a conspiracy theorist.

All this stuff is out in the open.

You just gotta look, brother.

Yeah, it's right there.

It's like they're taunting us.

Yeah, Building Seven was actually filled with bathrooms.

Wow.

Yeah, and why

a lot of this push for this trans stuff now is to get even more bathrooms so that the Clintons, so Hillary can eat more.

Even more shit.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we want a men's, women's, and trans bathrooms.

Trans bathrooms.

And even though that will still be the same amount of people

and think

because trans people were holding it.

They were sitting at the long.

Yeah.

And maybe trans turds are even more delicious.

A lot of the surgeries, you know, I mean, because they can't actually make a vagina.

They just have to make a second asshole.

So

trans people are often,

they have to produce

twice as much.

You know, the expression, I'm eating for two now, what that means is I've had surgery to have my penis removed and I have a second asshole.

Second asshole.

Yeah.

I'm eating for two assholes to shit twice as much into Hillary Clinton's mouth.

I've heard that from a confirmed source because I was at a diner and I overheard a woman say to the waitress, I'm eating for two now.

And

I said, what does that mean?

And I asked one of my friends from a website about guns that

I talked to.

It's a forum for guys that like to memorize details about special forces ranks

and training.

Guys that never actually served in the military.

Yeah, and then

somebody's saying, I'm selling a wink-wink lower receiver, wink, wink, fully automatic.

PM me for details.

And most of the chatting happens in the private message section of the forum.

Right.

And that's kind of like an inside joke.

Because I don't even, I can't really parse what that would even mean.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

I started watching a bit of that show Waco.

Is it good?

I don't know.

I think I mentioned this already.

It's kind of too

depressing.

Yeah.

Let's go back to the idea that Hillary Clinton was, they had a bull.

Did you guys know that there's a difference between cucks?

There's two different forms of guys that get their wives fucked.

There's cucks, and then there's something called hot wifing.

Which is like, that's sort of like more of like a parrot head kind of Jimmy Buffett style cuck.

Just a Hawaiian shirt stuff.

Yeah, who wants to fuck my wife?

Honestly, literally, yes, that is what it is.

Yeah, yeah.

We all go out on my boat.

I make $800,000 a year out of my real estate investments.

You know, I live down here in South Beach, and it's like, there's one thing I love.

It's seeing my leathery pig bitch of a wife getting railed out by the guys that clean my shoes.

You know,

that's right.

That's music.

Right.

That's music to my fucking balls, pal.

It's seeing that bitch, seeing that bitch getting railed out

by Jimmy Cheeto dust over here and his pal,

his pal Mikey Moonlips

while I sip fucking Glenn Levette on the deck of my 55-foot

Peterson schooner.

I don't know anything about boats.

Schooner?

What's a cool boat company name?

I don't know.

My Jonathan, my 55-foot Jonathan Livingston.

Yeah, it's literally a guy who

they said because I was trying to research this because

somebody said I was on the call-in show that I do.

Some guy said he was a bull.

And I was like, what's the terminology?

I was trying to research it.

And I found a YouTube video where it's like this couple and they're like, the husband is there.

He's like, I'm not a cuck.

See, cucks get humiliated, but I love that my wife is getting fucked.

And so she goes out and fucks guys and then they come back and apparently it makes for an even more he fucks her after

somebody has fucked his wife.

He's called the stag.

There's a bull and there's a stag and there's a cuck.

A stag is like a cuck who is kidding himself and pretending he's not a cuck.

He's basically Nick's parrot head.

It's an interesting culture, interesting subculture.

Are bulls always big or they sometimes one like a you know, maybe a petite?

Yeah, you could never be one of them, Adam.

Sorry.

It's not about selling.

I'm just saying it's about

Adam, you'll never be one of those guys.

Well,

I'm not saying I want to be one of those guys.

I'm just saying, is it only big?

It ain't never gonna happen.

Let me go ahead and finish here, Nick.

I'm sorry.

It's not about size, but it is about temperament, and you absolutely will never be a bull.

Oh, well, you get me hot.

Get me hot

no you could never

could you could do you think you could a man's wife while he watched no that would be horrible

yeah i can barely

fuck a man while he i could barely have a threesome like yeah i can barely i i it's a two two-person thing to me yeah

It wouldn't be my favorite, but I could find it.

It would not be my favorite.

I'd like to see you'd even try.

You know what I'd also like to see?

Yes.

You getting your picture of a man's penis.

Your head getting run over by a monster truck.

Where's this coming from?

This like third grade?

I'll smash you.

What is it?

Why today?

Where's this second grade?

I'm a bitch and I'm not even in third grade.

No, that's

in third grade.

You can't, you're not initially.

You know that I was

no, you know that I was ahead of you in school.

Yeah, but that's not dumb.

And I was in accelerated class in the girls.

And my parents argued my way into it.

You're in girl grade three, which is no, I wasn't even a girl grade three, boys grade three, and that would have been pimp to be in a girl grade three.

Girl grade three is they made you wear dresses in girl grade three, a boys preschool.

I did, I was put in gym class in middle school.

They had boys' gym and girls' gym, girls don't even

put into the co-ed girls.

Girls don't even learn, I think it was all the non-threatening boys and retarded kids

because they didn't want anyone.

Uh,

yeah, they didn't want anyone did you every time?

Messing about.

No,

I was pretty good.

Not at pull-ups, though.

Those kids were incredible.

No, no, no.

No, you weren't.

No, you weren't.

What are you talking about?

Anytime Adam says he was good at something, you know for a fact that it was

the opposite.

The girls and the mentally handicapped boys ran the floor with you.

Yeah.

Getting walked out like a dog.

Into the middle of the.

Getting walked out like Hillary Clinton on a tron to the street.

Yeah, they just

stroll Hillary out on a leash, and then she'd have shit all coming out of her mouth and pussy.

And she'd be in the locker room, gotten her pussy, too.

Yeah, she'd

got everyone.

The whole team would take a shit, then Hillary Clinton's pussy.

And Bill would watch.

And this was,

you know, that's how he won in 1995 or four or whatever.

Yep.

Was that a little bit?

Yeah, 94.

A lot of people didn't know this, but that's Cuomo didn't run because his wife didn't like eating shit enough.

Who is his president?

Is his wife like divorce?

I think.

Is his wife like 8 million pounds in traditional Italian?

I think he's a single gentleman.

No, I was talking about his dad.

Wasn't his dad going to run?

And then he didn't because everyone thought G-Dub was had it sewn up.

Who?

Oh, Mario Cuomo?

I think Mario, dude.

I don't know.

It's a me, a Beachas Amaria Cuomo.

I haven't watched.

Both of my sons are gay.

I haven't watched even

a a second of those Cuomo broadcasts in the last three weeks.

Nah, fuck it.

It's so funny.

Yeah.

Now, how quickly all that, like, you know what's so funny?

All that like President Cuomo shit dried up and he didn't even

fuck up in any way.

People just got bored of him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, just kind of like, yeah, never mind.

Yeah, fuck it.

Because he does the same thing.

He gets on.

He's like, you know, we're going to work very hard.

It's going to be hard, you know?

But times are tough.

And when times are tough, you've got to be tough.

You know, it's like my uncle used to come by, and he would come by the house, and we would see him come by, and we'd go, where did he go?

Because he would have left.

And sometimes people leave the house,

but not this time.

So this time, it's people staying in the house because

that's what the science is.

It's just the most boring shit.

It would be nice if he ran out of anecdotes.

This guy's been sitting there collecting anecdotes for 400 years.

Now, what time?

But he He can't even go folksy because he's in New York.

So

he can go Italian.

He can talk about fucking pizza pie and monocot.

It would be nice if everyone turned on him when he said that shit about you should get a job as an essential worker, or when he was like, you know, but it's that's not it.

You're right.

It's just everyone got tired of him.

They were fucking bored.

Yeah.

They got bored of it.

You know, I said, why do people do lip sync videos?

Because they're wildly popular.

Because entertainment is fake.

Like, what the fuck does that?

I'm only thinking that because I saw a lip-sync video.

It's the same reason people do podcasts.

Why?

Because what the fuck else are you going to do?

You just make something and people look at it.

Yeah, but I don't understand lip-sync.

I guess it could be impressive, but I don't see how it could be funny.

It's weird when people share them.

When like a white male comedian, somehow a black teenager will do a video of them saying their jokes and they're like, oh my God, thank thank you.

And it's like, I don't, this seems like a trap.

That's the thing.

I've seen it.

Yeah.

Nick's thought about this scenario for quite some time.

Scenario Jones, dude.

That's sort of that's which scenario it was.

Scenario.

Scenario, stop making Mark Bob Briglia videos and go get shit your ass for dinner.

Stop doing that.

Stop doing his hour-long one-man storytelling show.

Scenario, turn

sleepwalk with me off and get your ass in the house.

It's crazy.

Nario, stop lip-seeking this American life episode.

It's crazy to think right before the world ended, like they made a movie about what it means to be an improv guy.

I know.

Trying to get yourself out.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

And that's the last

culture.

We were due for a bunch of

the last things.

Yeah.

What was that Zach Raff movie or TV show or a movie about like an

Zero Past?

But then it's like, but

the twist is his wife's Indian.

Was that it?

He was like a successful guy who quit his job and like started, invested in a studio.

I mean, just some dumbass executive.

It's stupid.

It's fucking like, okay, we're going to do something, and it's going to be about podcasting is real big now.

That's hot.

And so we're not going to look into who's actually podcasting.

It'll be Zach Brath, and he has a midlife crisis, so he has to start a podcast because

that's what's happening in the real world: it's middle-aged millionaires that are starting very successful podcasts, as evidenced by every time the industry has attempted that, and it's completely face-planted.

We're going to pretend like that was successful.

And then, for good measure, let's go Indian bitch.

Let's go.

Imagine supporting your husband.

You have children.

He quits his job.

He quits his job.

He's like, I'm going to start podcasting, baby.

And it's called the Dot cast.

And he names it after his wife, Dot.

That's just a coincidence.

Her name is Dot.

It's Dorothy.

She goes by Dot for short.

I don't know.

It seems like it's a little, I don't know about that.

Kind of a coincidence.

Maybe we should maybe just name her Rebecca or something.

How about just like a three-second sketch where I'm like a hiring manager and there's an Indian woman that comes in and she sits down and I'm already like giggling and I'm like, oh, you're here for the job interview?

And she's like, yeah.

I'm like,

what's your name?

You know, and she says, Don.

And that's it.

That's the end of the sketch.

Just cover her and

you're drinking out of a coffee mug.

You know, you are watching Mad TV.

That's the end of it.

That's the whole sketch.

I love it, brother.

Yeah.

And you kind of sprinkle that in, and then there's other sketches that are happening.

Yeah, that's the interstitial, like right before, right after commercial, that kind of thing.

Yeah, and then it comes back, and there's like,

you know, a black lady.

And she's like, oh, yeah, my name's.

It just doesn't make any sense.

The second one, just right to the ending.

That's kind of

where do you go from there you know nick we really like the sketches but it kind of peaks early when you say the n-word 90 seconds into i know i'm not i'm not saying it

i just my character says what's her what's your name

and then she says it right right right sorry buddy i just i get i get i guess when it's said yeah you're hiring female actresses of color i'm just spitting i'm just spitting coffee to be spit on yeah yeah To say a slur and then be spit on.

Yeah, on Jim Norton's show, I wrote like the opening sketch, and part of it required Jim using a black woman's titty to put milk in his coffee.

And the actress, they got

while we were shooting it,

she's like, What black woman would allow this to happen?

I'm like, I don't know.

I'm like, I don't know.

What was the idea behind the sketch exactly?

It was just like, because Jim wanted to do the pilot episode on white privilege.

The whole premise of the show was like he takes something that millennials are upset about and like

he tries to solve the issue by learning as little as possible about it.

Right.

So the opening sketch is like him in line at a coffee shop.

And he's like, white privilege, what is it?

And then he like steps out of line and just cuts to the front of the line and then he's like taking people's orders and putting milk in his coffee with a black woman's titty.

And then he there's a cop giving a black guy a hard time and he pulls the cop's gun out of his holster and starts like stirring the coffee with it while like explaining to camera what you know like is it real yeah he should have put i would have i like the titty angle we could have done something with the maybe the black guy's cock or something you know well next time it's ifc i don't know if you could sell that to yeah basically payable it was it was yeah they weren't um we didn't actually show titty nipple square yeah no you couldn't do

this

i was kind of hoping it would be a tight close-up they had a fake baby or whatever but nice it actually looked pretty because it was a complicated sequence yeah to do it all like in one like continuous thing you do a scorsacy style tracking trolley shot tracking shot yeah cool yeah it was cool

that's

Fuck.

Let's write a quarantine TV show.

Yeah.

Maybe we can shut.

That's what a lot of people are doing.

Nah, dude, this is going to be different.

Yeah.

It's going to be on Zoom, dude.

Dude, it's about meeting a bitch

on Zoom.

I literally think my beard stopped growing in quarantine.

Even like the easiest thing to do, I can't make any progress.

Isn't there some, isn't it like, doesn't everyone's beard have it reach a limit?

Yeah, but not within.

This is just at at a year now.

I mean, it takes like, I think like three years before your beard's done growing.

I've been duding ZZ Top.

No,

I heard, I was listening to a podcast with

the ZZ Top guys are just really lucky.

They're really lucky and good at guitar.

Yeah, like, what are the odds?

Unreal.

Yeah, I mean, I'll let, I'm going to let it grow out another year.

And then we'll see.

Because two years, you get kind of a good idea of like what,

how much more beard you can grow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

It's also true, I haven't been eating enough.

So it could be.

Why don't you take biotin or whatever the fuck?

Somebody DM'd me about like kelp because I want, you know, you know, I got to grow the hair out.

You know, I got to grow this shit out.

And I just want.

What is kelp?

Kelp's like sea.

It's a type of seaweed, right?

I think it's seaweed.

Yeah.

Dude, those fucking little Kirkland.

Here's a Costco hot tip.

Those Kirkland, like the big bags, seaweed snacks, man, I love those.

Asalu, those are incredible.

I've been making like a week's worth of rice.

I'm going to grab a seaweed snack, put a little, just a little ball of rice in there, roll it up, dip it in some soy sauce.

I love that.

I love that, dude.

Fuck.

Yeah, I should do that shit.

Damn.

I'm trying to live off rice and beans.

Every time we do this podcast, I sit down and then I get excited about doing the dumbest bullshit in the world.

And then it ends, and then I don't do it.

You don't?

Yeah.

I'm like, fucks, dude.

I'm going to like.

I'm going to watch white chicks.

Yeah.

Exactly.

White chicks is good.

I'm going to watch Bring It On.

White Chicks is so funny, dude.

It is a very funny idea for a movie.

I fucking love those guys, dude.

I love that.

And I also love

Sean's post scary movie spoofs are incredible, where it's just him.

And it's just like, he's basically doing a one-man scary movie.

They're so fucking good, dude.

I don't even remember what.

There's no one else in it?

Yeah, I mean, obviously there's other people, but it's like, it's like...

no.

He did one that's like a 50-shade.

I think he did 50 shades of black.

That's funny.

You know what you should do?

You should do a parody, um,

a parody pill that you can take if your dick doesn't work.

Wow,

you know, really, probably something like Blue Chew.

That would be good.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah,

that would be a good idea for more Sean Wayne's.

Folks, if you're somehow new to this podcast, even though it gets over eight.

Excuse me, guys.

I have to take my medicine yeah if yeah show them how it's done on air

no i'm not taking a dick bill right now why not why not or what to jack off

you know what actually yeah guys if you're new to this podcast do it

show them show them the discrete packaging that it comes in I don't know.

I think I threw out this package.

It was so discreet, I fucking threw it out.

You couldn't tell what the fuck it was.

Yeah.

Well, anyways, this is the package it comes in.

This is Bluetooth.

Show them this thing.

This is inside the other package, but they got this slick.

See, that's how discreet it is.

That's how discreet it is.

This motherfucker is exactly.

Nobody even knows.

You can't.

Oh, me?

No, my dick works.

Yeah.

If it didn't, wouldn't I be holding a package of dick pills?

Your neighbor's like, what is that man holding up?

Oh, absolutely nothing.

Must be just some discrete package.

And that's where Blue Chew comes in.

Blue Chew is the only pill in the entire world.

The only one that works.

The only one that works.

You get to sign up for Blue Chew.com.

It's easy.

If you like sex, you'll love Blue Chew.com.

So what we're saying dude, if you like sex,

if you like sex, you'll love bluechew.com.

So you'll have more of an affinity for the website than you do actually fucking.

I kind of like fucking, but the website of a dink pill company that makes me fuck a little better.

God, I wake up.

I'm fucking and I'm like, bitch, get out of the way.

I got to get to my laptop.

Take a look at that website.

You know what?

I'm going to log on right now.

I can call it a clean, flat design.

And you're disgusting pussy.

Yeah.

And then we can have a son.

Oh, they have a fucking hot salt and pepper.

It looks like a homosexual.

His eyes are gleaming.

Go to lucho.com.

If you like seeing a gay doctor in his 40s, lucho.com offers.

Yep, he's wearing a fucking Apple Watch.

It offers men a performance enhancement for the bedroom.

It's like putting NOS in your asshole.

Oh, yeah, dude.

And that's what I used to have to do to get hard.

If you're used to putting NOS in your asshole, you'll love taking a pill that tastes like a Smarty.

Oh, yeah.

Bluetooth, you can get the first chewables with active ingredients, sildenophil or tadalophil, which is the same active ingredients as in Viagra and Cialis.

That's right.

Blue chew.com.

Affiliated physicians work with you to find the dosage and active ingredient that is best for you, which sounds, you know, I don't even know why that's in here because it's like you just sign up for the shit and they send you and it works.

It's like, you know, I don't

really seem like they need to work with anybody.

I'm with the Dallafil boy myself.

Yeah, I don't know which one I get.

What color is

it gray or is it black?

It's gray.

Gray is tildalafil.

Black is Viagra.

Gray is Cialis.

Okay.

So which one are you?

Generic.

I'm with the Dallafil.

We're both the Dallafil boys.

Oh, okay.

So if you want your cock 36 hours of cock, if you want your cock to experience what me and Nick's cocks experience where we have to take the pills to

the Pokemon blues, and you can get the Pokemon Reds.

That's right.

Yeah,

anyways, Chewables can work faster.

They can.

They can.

They don't always.

Legally speaking, they will absolutely not work faster.

But they can work faster.

The Chewables from Blue Chew can be taken on a full or empty stomach.

So listen, if you ever, if there's a, you have access to a pill and a chewable, and there's a gun to your head, and the guy's like, you need to get a boner really fucking fast.

It might be a little faster.

You're still going to die.

You're still going to die.

Yes, you're not broken fundamentally.

Yeah, but you know, theoretically.

Anyway, theoretically, it could be.

We've done data models that predict your dick would get harder faster.

So we'll just say that

some of the top doctors in the world have created data models that

Dr.

Fauci himself

has said that with 100% certainty,

if you take Blue Chew, your dick will be 10 inches long

based on the models that we have that say that if you don't take Bluetooth, your dick will fall off.

It will fall off.

Let's see here.

What the fuck am I doing here?

What the?

So if you want your cocks to be big like Dr.

Fauci.

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Fauci

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The markets are dry, but the pussy is wet.

You and your partner will love it.

You know, no more you being a pussy in bed and your wife being like, can you fuck me?

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So that's what Blue Chew does.

It makes you stop being a bitch.

A little bitch in bed.

A bitch in bed, dude.

Be like Popeye instead of pre-spinach Popeye.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Yeah.

Crack open a fucking can of blue chew, your dick will swell up like his biceps.

I'm laughing about it.

I was just finished to read real quick, but like, so yeah, here's a deal for you guys: visit bluechew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town.

Just pay five dollars shipping.

That's B-L-U-E-Chew.com promo code come town.

Chew wouldn't do it.

Yeah, it's like just imagining like Popeye the sailor man

walking by a Popeye's chicken, which he had no idea about.

And he's like,

the fuck is this?

What the hell is this?

And then he sees who's working and eating there, and he's like, oh, hell no.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah.

It's a bunch of fucking...

Are you guys just...

Are we sure Popeye's racist?

Isn't he a sailor?

Yeah, he's a racist sailor.

He's a sailor from the 19th.

Sailing is an incredibly white experience.

Well, no, not a merchant.

Not if you're a merchant marine.

He's like a 40s, like, fucking only good japanese.

Yeah, no, you're right.

He's definitely racist.

There's no way Popeye's not racist.

He's a big forearms guy.

Fuck, dude.

When is Popeye from?

He's from like the.

He's an early ass cartoon, dude.

Yeah.

He really is.

Yeah, this man fucking.

This is nasty ass wife.

Yeah, we're going to look up Popeye the Sailor.

Yep.

Popeye the Sailor first appeared in the Daily King features comic strip, Thimble Theater, January 17th, 1929.

That's something.

Let's take a top.

Well, if I type Popeye Racist, I don't think I'm going to get too much information on Popeye the Sailor Man.

Why not?

It's probably going to be about some other stuff.

Why is it named?

Why is the chicken place called Popeye?

I guess that's a different guy.

That's a guy's, just the guy's named after Popeye Jones.

Scraps.

Scrap the Japs is an American anti-Japanese cartoon with the popular character Popeye as a protagonist.

So good.

It follows

his adventures after being sent for punishment on a ship and running into Japanese sailors.

You have like a beach comer for racism in your brain.

It's amazing.

No, I mean,

they did that all the, like, every cartoon.

Yeah, I guess it does.

In the 1940s, like, Bugs Bunny was like, fucking, like, yeah, yuck, yuck, yuck.

It's not our problem if they're going to the ovens, you know.

That is true.

There are some wild cartoons, bro.

Yeah, some wild cartoons.

Yeah, but of course, Popeye doesn't fuck with.

Was there, did Popeye ever get any other pussy or was it just olive oil?

But that's the thing: he wasn't like, don't get it twisted.

It's not like he was trying to fuck olive oil.

He was already smashing on the regular.

It was Bruno that was trying to fuck olive oil.

And so you always do this gay shit, like be a shitty co-worker with Popeye.

Right.

You know, like not help at their movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's some real cut, some beta shit right there, even though he's strong.

Yeah.

He's like, oh, I'm going to be passive-aggressive because I want to fuck your girlfriend.

Yeah, well, you know, Bruno only cared about show muscles.

You know, we're his top part of this guy.

His muscles were for go.

I've been inundated with messages from like

starting strength, fucking fat-titted retards.

Those guys are because

they all look like shit.

And like, you get bad.

You get lean, and they're like, dude, why aren't you doing leg day?

And it's like, you have breasts.

You're fucking disgusting, dude.

Don't talk to me.

Why would you try to not look good?

Yeah, that's the whole point of going to the gym: being hot.

You found the one way to do it where you can pretend like this mad.

And also, too, none of them are ever have any kind of impressive lifts.

It's like you're 260 pounds and you're squatting 330.

It's like, that's not impressive.

You're built like a cow.

Your fucking internal, your internal organs are more closely more closely related to what's inside of a cow it's 18 gallons of milk and then

and then 15 15 months of backed up

over or like underneath cargo shorts and fucking tivas that's right yeah that's right that's why the the best kind of fat guy to be is the podcaster fat guy the podcaster fat guy who like doesn't here's the thing your body looks like there is zero difference between your body and a guy that's been on like

the starting strength Reddit and his entire identity is the gym.

Is the gym and they have you have a diverse set of interests?

Yeah,

yeah.

Imagine, imagine, I do have a lot of interests.

Imagine being a guy who goes to the gym non-stop and you don't fucking, you're not ripped.

Yeah.

You're not getting any pussy from the gym.

None.

Unless it's like

some weird powerlifting girl with the exact same physique as you.

That's the old, that's your only chance of pussy.

Yeah.

Some truck of a woman.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

I want show muscles, dude.

I'm going to get bicep implants like that Russian guy.

Well, that was the whole thing is that there was, you know, people that would just fucking, they wouldn't work out their legs at all, and they would just make their like biceps and chest like look good or whatever, and then neglect their back.

And then there was people who would criticize them who had well-rounded physiques.

Then people who look like absolute shit picked up on these criticisms.

Yeah.

And they're like, no, you're also supposed to do, like, you should be fucking hitting your biceps, yeah, you should be doing those things.

That's the whole point of going to the gym.

I'm listening to fucking Grindcore.

I said it in the text thread, dude, but when this is proper, hold on.

I'm gonna, what's the problem with listening to grind core?

No, that's what those guys are doing.

What do you know?

You're trying to just add something in here.

I'm just adding a little bit of seasoning.

What's grind core?

I'm just giving him a hard time.

I don't know.

I remember it from metal

from high school.

Yeah, Is that what a man grinds?

That's what the girl jeans guys would wear, would listen to.

I only listen to fucking Grindcore.

What's girl jeans, guys?

It's the pants that everyone wears now.

But

in high school, like

Screamo guys would wear them.

Only they wore tight pants.

And then fucking 10 years later,

black people started wearing them.

Right.

Yeah.

Dude, I'm looking at, I found these.

When you started all that, Kanye.

Kanye was like, I'm going to dress like a rich white person.

Pink polas.

And then

from there on out, it's been like, you know, yeah.

That's why.

And then the old, the old type of black guys, you only see them.

It's only homeless people.

Those are the only ones because they don't have the internet or something.

So they're like, yeah, man, giant guest jeans, fucking

9XL hoodie.

You know, I saw a picture of me from college, and I was wearing the biggest jeans.

They were like leftover jeans from high school.

I was wearing hilariously fucking wide jeans, dude.

I was,

I was a fucking wide jeans boy all goddamn.

Of course.

Why not?

Husky jeans.

Yeah.

That's the way it is.

That's the thing.

Growing up in Baltimore, it gives you the cover to just have fat ass, wide-ass jeans because it's like all so cool at the time.

A nice big fucking jersey, a nice Lamar Odom Clippers jersey.

Well, clothes weren't tight.

Clothes didn't get tight until like fucking...

Yeah, like 10 years ago.

Because I remember growing up, you weren't baggy.

You wear baggy shit.

Everything was baggy that was cool you sag your pants wear baggy and then

you know i was wearing sweatpants i was like 19 yeah like fucking 3xl sweatpants but the the fucking uh uh

you know i remember like growing up you see like pictures of people from like the 60s wearing like tight ass clothes and i'm like damn that sucks yeah those guys are gay dude you're well yeah it's gay and then also like that's got to be uncomfortable right you know and now it's like all right i guess i got to wear tight ass clothes yep short shorts are back.

What?

It's going back to baggier clothes.

No, is that what you think?

Yeah, it is.

Oh, what makes you think that?

I'm cool.

No.

No, it's not.

What do you think skinny jeans are in still?

They're definitely not.

I think you just picked the opposite thing and said, oh, that's what's next.

No, I just disagreed with you.

No, you didn't disagree with.

I didn't disagree that that's not coming back.

I don't think baggy shit is coming back in the way it was.

in not in that not before yeah yeah not people are gonna be wearing three six xl tall tees not in a i got it for cheap

no that's what i'm talking about

yeah

what was that shirt all about i got it that shirt rules dude it was just uh it was just the uh

the clips it was a clip yeah yeah that's yeah

it's awesome those shirts now cost like sixty dollars it's dude every rapper from when we were in high school just is trying to get all their clothing is all based on people are in their 30s like looking for nostalgia yeah uh cameron has a clothing line and it's like i'm gonna buy a tracksuit but they're like 350

i'm gonna get a 60 purple tracksuit a 600 pair of birdman lugs yeah 100

do you remember those lugs that had spinners in them yeah those were fucking awesome The funk flex lugs?

Those fucking rocked.

I couldn't even work up the nerve to ask for those.

I knew I couldn't pull them off, but I wasn't.

Wait, no,

they were dadas supremes i think

those weren't boots those were the you're thinking of the spree wells the dadas yeah the spree well shots that had spinners

yeah yeah yeah those were incredible those rock dude

shouts out to shouts out to lattrell

he rocks You know,

would somebody, because I've been researching all this Jordan stuff, apparently Jordan was the first guy to wear baggy shorts because he was self-conscious about his legs.

And then I think he started the whole, thing.

He started the whole fucking baggie, fucking baggy shit.

Yeah, because a guy that's 5'10 and 370 pounds who's been working out for three weeks told Michael Jordan that he's exercising.

He's not a CrossFit.

That he's exercising wrong.

Not a CrossFit guy.

No, it's not.

You don't even know even.

Okay, all right.

This is why I have to post that picture.

You don't post it.

Please don't.

It's

because you do this.

It's like, no, it is not CrossFit guys.

CrossFit guys do look good.

It is the fat guys who probably

not powerlifting fat guys.

It's regular fat guys that decide to make some kind of change.

They pick the easiest option, which is you continue eating like shit, now with more, now with milk.

And you get on the starting strength forum and you reply.

You get excited when Mark Ripito replies to you.

Is he on there?

And you call him coach.

Yeah, the guys that love

the appeal of Starting Strength for those guys is that he uses

they call him coach.

Have you seen videos?

No, did this

funny starting strength forum is the fucking funniest place in the world, dude?

That rocks.

It's like just bodybuilding.com is funny.

It's like it's almost like stealing valor, guys.

Let me see if

bodybuilding.com, I know, because every once in a while, random shit with like screenshots from bodybuilding.

Bodybuilding forums are funny, and like, I have more respect for people that are just into bodybuilding than people that are just into like any kind of like beginning strength program that want to be like you know, pretentious about it.

As if it's not just going to the gym three times a week and doing an incredibly simple program, right?

Starting throwing is just what?

Just fucking benching and squatting and shit, benching, squatting, deadlifting, squat.

Yeah,

take it away, Adam.

Headlift, bench, squat.

Nice.

And press.

Overhead press?

Yeah, four exercises.

Dude, my shoulder's fucked.

I should have got surgery.

Are they doing surgeries now?

Yeah, they are, right?

Elective surgeries?

I don't know.

My fucking shoulder hurts.

Your boy's about to get that foreskin.

Don't even try it.

I'm going to clip it off.

I'm getting it brown too.

If you get a foreskin, I'm going to cut it off.

I'm going gonna get a really brown foreskin mark my words i'll tear it off further up than when they sewed it how would how sick would my shit be if it was two-tone maybe three tone

i'm gonna get a luxury foreskin you can't pull off a two-tone cock by the way you could not

why not

you don't have the swag

i'm gonna get my cock uh three-tone it's gonna be uh red gold and green rasta colors no

why not what how would you even do that tattoos I don't know.

I'll find a surgeon.

No, no, you couldn't do that.

You couldn't fucking pull that off.

Speaking of all this fitness shit, I'm pissed off because Adele betrayed the community, dude.

Oh, she's skinny now?

Yeah, she's not fat anymore.

Fucking

so there goes another fucking role model.

You go to her.

I looked up to her, dude.

I was taking voice lessons.

I was saying, what am I supposed to tell my fat son now who wants wants to be a singer?

Who wants to be a gay singer?

You look up to Luther Vandros.

There's a lot of fat meatloaf.

Meatloaf sucks.

I'm trying to think of other.

There's a lot.

That's why I guess.

I was trying to find a good post on here.

The problem is you would need a producer to go find good shit when it comes up.

But then I wouldn't trust their taste.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, we could bump Adam down to producer.

We should bump Adam down to producer.

No, you would get mad at me if I messed things up.

That's actually your natural.

That's what you are.

You're a nuclear producer.

I would be an executive producer, of course.

I already get mad.

Executive producer.

I already get mad at you when you mess things up.

So I don't see how it would be different.

I couldn't even get on the thing instead of

you interrupting with incorrect information.

We would tell you that.

Okay, but I got it right.

I got it right.

We would tell you what to go find, and then you would do it, but then you would insert your own personal taste into it.

That would be

a boring a classic producer move, pulling the strings.

No, that's

not what a producer does.

It is not what a producer does.

Not even close.

Panswell kind of producer.

There's two types of producers: there's dweeb that everybody fucks with, which is what you would naturally be, or there's fat-titted producer girl that gets sexually harassed.

No, I would be kind of more of a Jerry Bruckheimer.

No, that's an executive producer.

You're not, we're talking movies, we're talking podcast production.

There's no executive podcast producers.

There's no Don Simpsons of the podcasting world.

And if there weren't, you wouldn't be.

All right.

Damn, I have to piss so bad.

Nice.

You can piss, dude.

Go take a little piss.

Yeah?

Okay, I'm going to do that.

Yeah.

You know what?

That's smart.

I should just do that instead of like, it gets close to an hour and I have to piss because I make a coffee.

And then it's like, I just want to end the show in an hour.

But I could just go piss, make a coffee, come back, and we could chill.

Yeah.

Well, you know, I don't know how long you're going to take to come back.

Probably 20 minutes.

I'll be back.

Yeah, dude.

All right.

That's cool.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Yeah, you see.

Fucking the Kim Jong the god was actually faking his fake death.

I'm so jealous of that move.

Oh my God.

That's like a Huckleberry Finn move.

That's like a you fake your death, you see who's sad.

Whoever didn't cry, there's a lot of fucking, there's a bunch of Korean family members that are going to get the fucking anti-aircraft gun right in their fucking asshole tomorrow, dude.

Dude, he's such a legend.

I love him so much.

That's a big win for us.

Again, as the in the fat community, we lose one.

Bitch, sister.

She's that bony bitch.

Come on.

It's over for you, bitch.

I love Kim, dude.

I'm a big fan.

Me too.

I love the psychological warfare aspect.

We lose a double, we get fucking Kim Jong-un back, dude, from the grave.

You think Nick cries if I die?

Does he cry?

Yeah, I guess.

You think a single tear?

Solitary.

Yeah.

Like that Native American from the recycling commercial?

I think he would cry.

He would cry in a big performative way, but then he'd get home and he'd be like,

well, now everyone's off my back.

And he would just fucking

make like a tuna casserole or whatever.

He would make like a tuna egg scramble and do upside-down push-ups.

And then he would try and find a new friend to replace you.

I don't know.

You would have to be like a little gay guy.

I'd be pretty sad, I guess, if you guys died.

I've been, you know.

Oh, I won't see that.

You'd be panicking.

You wouldn't know what to do.

What are you talking about?

Well, you would have no way to support yourself.

My art, no.

I'm an artist.

You're you're gonna open a show in chelsea yeah i moved to a small uh village in france on the coast a surf kind of france surfing village

started all over again live very simply you know are you selling your paintings for sustenance in this scenario yeah in that scenario yes I'm hoarding them all right now to drive up the price in the market.

The thing is, you probably could, you will have a little show and you'll make too much money selling those to dumb asses.

I'm trying to meet more war criminals, more people that have done fraud on Wall Street.

Those are the kind of people that that's those are the kind of people you need to sell your art to.

Nah, that's not your thing, dude.

You got a lot of people that are going to like it because it's look, look, I bought a shitty painting from a guy from a shitty podcast.

They're buying it for the signature, not the content for sure.

But I gotta, I gotta start rubbing shoulders with like guys that are like 14th in line to the throne of England or something.

Those are the kind of people adam are you going to become a pedophile

when become a pedophile yeah like uh like hanging out with like i feel like you would do that why like you could become an epstein kind of guy do a pedophile because it's the popular well you have all the markings of it you know like the the

what kind of markings continue yeah i'm interested to hear this nick um

specifically specifically that like your desire to ingratiate yourself to the more selective or restricted aspects of society.

Um, collection of bad artists, like I hang out with uh, Illuminati people all day long.

You were just saying you wanted to, just saying you wanted to.

I was saying that as a joke about us.

Every joke has a kernel of truth, man.

Every joke has a kernel of truth.

Every joke is actually true.

Oh, fuck.

Why don't more guys that are 14th in line, why don't guys in the throne just try and kill the queen anymore?

I don't think there's a point.

Yeah, there's no benefit to being the queen.

Get that big ass palace.

Don't they have like a fucking 18 billion dollars?

Don't they have like a crazy amount of money that they just hoard in jewels and shit?

Do they?

Yeah, I guess they do, but

I don't know.

It sounds like you have to go to a lot of charity functions and like cut ribbons.

You get to get pussy from a girl that was on suits.

Who is that?

The one of them just like quit being the world.

Yeah, Harry.

Yeah, Harry.

Yeah.

And then what's he doing now?

I don't think they let him quit.

Tarn.

Nah, they quit.

They were supposed to move to Canada or some shit.

She was doing voiceovers for the Disney Channel.

Yeah.

I like all that shit.

It's like, I'm walking away from this to be a regular celebrity.

Right.

Yeah.

It's like, I'm going to, I'm going to live the way normal people do

and trade in my golden temple for a regular mansion.

Just for a mansion in the hills.

Yeah.

Damn.

Yeah, he should be forced to

just cam.

That should be the only thing.

Megan would have to cam

and then he would.

I would hit the OnlyFans for that.

Yeah.

I would.

He should be honest.

Do you ever subscribe to an OnlyFans?

They should make him a mailman in Ohio.

What's that?

Prince Harry should have to be a mail carrier in Ohio.

If he wants to do this whole I quit the royal family bullshit, then, well, okay, now you're working in a fucking jack-in-the-box in

Albuquerque.

That's your job now.

Well, maybe we'll let you manage a quiz nose.

That motherfucker has never had anybody

be mean to him outside of his family.

No one has ever told him he can't do anything.

No one

to him.

The most unrestricted person who's never, like, I really don't think she's ever heard the word no is Gwyneth Vautra.

I really don't.

If, like, if you said no to her, I feel like she would be like.

Didn't Gwyneth get got by Harve, though?

She had some not-chill stuff happen, Hollywood-style to her, I believe.

No, I don't think so.

You don't think so?

No.

I thought that was a big reason she stopped acting.

What's her deal?

She's a lifestyle person, bro.

Gwyneth?

Gwyneth, before she went off the fucking pussy candle deep end, I watched Heart 8.

She was awesome in that shit.

Yeah, she is a good actress, but she is.

Good ass actress.

But she is also like just.

Did she grow grow up rich as fuck?

Of course.

I mean, she does have that look, don't get me wrong.

She has that vibe for sure.

Damn, dude, the lighting at 3 p.m.

I need some fucking talcum powder for my nose.

Yeah.

I'm coming in shiny like I'm that fucking French guy.

Yeah, you know, her mom's Blythe Danner, and her dad's

Bruce Paltrow.

Who's Bruce?

That's a good actor?

He's a producer.

Oh, okay.

Who's her mom?

Blythe Danner.

Blythe is a pretty cool name.

Yeah.

That's a rich old lady name.

Yeah.

What was Blythe up to?

What do you mean?

What was she about?

Is she an actress or something?

Yeah,

she's the mom in fucking Meet the Parents and Meet the Falkers.

Whoa, for real?

Wow.

Damn.

She's pretty fuckable for an old lady.

I mean, she's in a shit ton of movies.

I would take top from Blythe.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, big thing.

Maybe she can blife me off.

I know.

I was really working on something like that and I couldn't get anything.

I would like to get blithe.

Why don't you blithe my dick, bitch?

Yeah, why don't you blithe?

Oh, blithe.

I got something you can blithe you.

Let's go ahead, old bitch.

Let's go ahead and get her fucking home address to send her a little postcard that says, Maybe you can blithe me off, bitch.

Meet the fuckers.

How about you meet this fucking

dick?

Meet my falcon dick.

Does anyone ever

die to you?

Why don't you meet my folking dick?

Maybe you can get folk in your ass.

I'm Ben Stiller.

I'm still hard.

I'm still pussy.

I'm still bending my dick back up in my waistband, thinking about fucking getting blithed off

by

they're just not taking the microwave at a QA.

They're a Comic-Con.

There's a meet the parents panel, a Comic-Con.

and then you just say you're lanyard

blithe's my dick blithe's my dick

my dick off

just got ketchup all over your sweatpants

oh fuck it just born you for blithe blithe probably doesn't look as good anymore but when that movie came out

i would for real fuck her as an old lady yeah she had a little magic in her eyes Also, the lady that plays the Fokker, Fokker's

the blonde girl.

Who is it?

I don't remember her name.

I think her name.

Wait, is her last name Pompeo or some shit like that?

Mike Pompeo.

Yeah, it was Mike Pompeo.

No, her name is Pompeo, I think, or something like that.

I only know because she did Playboy, and that name is seared into my head from Google searching the news.

Let me see her name.

Meet the Falkers lady.

It's not.

Well, are you talking about Mita Falkers or Meet the Parents?

Well, you know, it's the same shit.

I bet you her name is Pompeo, dude.

What was the premise of

Terry Polo is the girlfriend?

Yes, that is her name.

It's not Pompeo.

Yeah, Terry Polo had some nudes out there that I jacked off to in my youth.

What's happening in your brain is that Robert De Niro plays a CIA guy in the movie.

That's what the premise of the movie was, that he was a spy.

That is, I mean,

that's true.

Let me look up.

What were you saying, Nick?

What were you saying, Nick?

I was saying within Adam, it started speaking over me and saying words coming out of my mouth.

Was that?

What?

Dude, Terry Polo, bro?

Look her up, dude.

I'm looking at this shit right now.

She is fucking hot.

Hey, this is a hot come town tip for you guys.

If you

want to go ahead and Google Terry Polo and maybe playboy 2005 maybe maybe blithe your fox

blithe your little fox yeah blithe your dick off to

see what blithe was looking like back in the day damn she's probably hot

not that hot you know what i want to see she's she's like a hot she was made to be a hot old lady you know what i want to i want to watch right like all day long is those me come awkward uh car auction shows

me come yeah you know that shit?

It's just hours of cars being played.

They used to play it on ESPN.

Ooh, there's Glyf Danner nudes, by the way, dude.

Yeah.

What do you are?

What are you hooked up to?

The system here?

Huh?

Yeah.

I'm fucking, yeah.

I had a microchip implant into my brain.

You're all plugged on into the system.

Yeah, just fucking like

the

Matrix or whatever they call it.

Yeah, I'm in fucking Vanilla Sky or the other one.

Minority Report.

Uh-huh.

Where he's doing this shit with his hands.

Everything is a computer.

Anyway, Blythe Danners got some fucking puffy little pink nipples back in the day, dude.

Very cool.

Very cool.

That's pretty cool.

Very cool information.

I got some very cool information from Mr.

Starbrook.

Oh, fuck.

I've not seen those car auctions, Nick.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, Yeah, it's just fucking like, you know, just hours.

And then they drive the car out, and then like rich old guys just pay like $40,000 for.

But it's cool, dude.

It's cool.

Sounds pretty cool.

You look at cars all day.

Me come on time.

I mean, it's such a funny name.

Is that really?

It's M-E-C-U-M.

It's M-E-C-U-M.

I mean, it's like, change the name, you fucking idiots.

Fucking rules.

Yeah.

Welcome back.

You're watching watching the I'm Faggot Auto Show.

It's no, we will not change the name.

If you're just joining us now and you're wondering.

That's not what it meant when we named it 100 years ago.

If you're just joining us now wondering if we were ever going to change the name, the answer is no, we will not

be changing the name.

But we're back here with the 27th annual I'm Faggot Auto Show.

And next up is a.

I'm pretty sure everybody knew what Faggot was 27 ago, man.

Yeah, next up is a 1983

Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Hearst

Hearst Motorsports

Cutlass.

This was the last of the Hearst-Olds collaborations.

And the first time seen this year at the Om Faggot

Car Show.

This is a big moment for Faggot heads all over the country.

Fans of the Om Faggot Car Show are known.

What started in 1988?

Welcome back to the shit pussy auto show.

Welcome back to the fuck me in my ass.

I'm gay auto show.

Well, what started in 1988 with a little more than a few helpers around president and founder Dana Meekum's family dining room table has grown to more than 200 strong on-site name is Dana Meekum.

Yeah,

babe, Dana Mecum over here

dana me come over here

that's awesome yeah that's awesome that his name is me come you go to the mecum shop buy one shirt get we'll get one free i might i might make my own me come shop or me come shirt

which you might be able to find in the next seven months at come.town that's right yeah the me come shock.

It's real, dude.

This is hilarious.

Yeah,

I love being hooked into the mainframe.

Yeah, dude.

It's literally, they just have shirts that say me come in.

Who's gonna wear this?

I don't wear it, dude.

Do they look cool?

No, not really.

They're not cool.

And you know what?

The logo itself isn't that bad, but it's like these shirts.

These are just bad shirts.

Me cum is so big, and auctions is so little.

They're really highlighting me come.

This shit rocks, dude.

Respect.

Yeah.

And this is our first year.

Daniel Kunt Pussy.

This is our first year here in Jamaica at the first annual Jamaica Me Come

auto auction.

And this year we've got a special.

We've got a 1977 Ford, and they called this the Fuck Me at My Ass Mobile after

the CEO of Ford at the time, Jonathan Fuck Me at My Ass.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, dude.

I put deodorant on for the first time in like months.

I guess not months, weeks, and my head hurts.

You think that's because of the fucking chemicals?

Yeah, it's the same thing.

It's probably that.

I don't know.

What deodorant do you use?

I use this shit, this dove shit that I had laying around.

I don't normally wear it, but it's maybe too potent for me.

I don't know.

Maybe I need to be on some holistic shit, dude.

Yeah.

Some Tom's shit.

That shit always, like, their toothpaste tastes like shit.

I hate that stuff.

Natural deodorants and toothpaste and stuff.

Maybe you should be on a hold diss stick.

Um, kick.

Hold the stick.

Wait, me or Adam?

I don't know.

I don't want to be.

No, fuck you, bitch.

You go on a hold this dick.

Yeah.

Kick.

Yeah, why don't you kick this whole dick in your mouth and ass?

How about that?

Why don't you go on that?

We got him, brother.

Yeah.

We got him big time with that one.

Who, me?

I wasn't even paying attention.

Why don't you go on that?

Yeah, well, we got you.

Look at this.

There's a section.

I'm just looking for more shit on the MeCome website.

They have a section called Me Come on Time.

No way.

Yeah.

No.

If you're worried that me come early.

If you're worried that me come early, don't worry.

Me come on time.

No, come on.

That rocks.

Why don't you just look at the fucking website on your computer, Adam?

Because I'm not sure if it'll crash my computer.

Because he has a bit.

He has a little dick.

How the fuck have you still not bought a new computer?

You've destroyed two episodes.

How am I going to get a fucking desktop out to my parents' house?

And then take it on a plane back to New York?

You need a desktop?

There's powerful ass laptops.

You get it differently.

I've had this laptop for a year.

No, it's fine when I'm on the Ethernet.

It's fine.

I bought my brothers for their birthday some nice fucking big dick computers.

They were like around a G, but they do everything you need.

They got 16 gigs of RAM.

Are you frozen now?

Was he just up?

Now is he frozen?

He's frozen.

Hilarious.

He's fucking dumb, bitch.

That's what you get for talking shit about how good your computer is, bitch.

Look at you, you fucking asshole.

Nice.

Now we're going to lose his fucking audio, too.

Yep.

No, it's literally, yes.

It's going to dump because his computer broke, it's dumped all of his audio for the entire episode.

Yeah.

After bragging about,

this has happened twice already.

This is the third time this has happened.

You know what you can do, Nick?

You can record separate tracks from Zoom on your shit.

So next time

we just have his as a backup.

I mean, I do have your audio recorded on here you and adam's audio recorded on here as one track though right as one track i don't know how to set it to if you just record up we can talk about after the show but if you just go on zoom on settings and you just hit record well let's do this you can explain to me how to do it on the show right now right because that's fun content for everybody else absolutely right most of the people who who uh watch this

also have their own podcast that's true and this is so you want to go on settings yeah.

So, settings, let's go to um, we're gonna go to recording meetings and then

speak.

Oh, Adam's texting, it literally just crashed.

You don't say

you wouldn't, you, you would, how would we have known

fucking asshole, dude?

Just such a fucking asshole.

How am I, what am I going to do?

What am I supposed to do?

Spend 800 on a computer with

a job that makes me with the so much more than that literally a fucking business expense the only business expense that i can i can make with my fifteen thousand dollar a month paycheck spend a thousand dollars on a fucking computer man yeah instead of destroying the show fucking up the quality

causing a fucking headache for the guy who has to edit the thing who then has to like you know he's those are billable hours he has to like fix all that, and it adds time to the fucking show or to the, to the edit that costs money for the rest of us.

God damn it.

So what you do is rec on settings, recording is there's a little thing you can set for

record separate audio file for each participant who speaks.

And that way we always have his fucking shitty Zoom single track as a backup.

Yeah.

Why don't you, I guess I just see preferences here.

So preferences and then chat recording.

I'm still my recording is at Hazel Minister for video.

I don't know.

Can you temporary recording?

Record separate audio file.

Okay.

Yeah.

So that way you can fucking record.

You can have a recording.

And I can do it too if you want as a backup, backup.

But

and that way we just have we can use that and still use ours.

Yeah.

I mean, I record my shit on an SD card on the fucking board.

So, I mean, I'm not even recording.

I'm not recording.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

This, what I do, we do these live and then people people can watch them live, and then it immediately just goes on YouTube as like the show

that they can watch later.

If you subscribe to the Patreon, you should be able to go on YouTube and then use the chat on

like while the show's live,

and then once it ends, then you can just watch it.

But he says he's in the waiting room, yeah.

Well, he can wait a little longer,

he can wait a little longer while we get to the bottom of just just exactly what is going on in his mind.

What could possibly be?

It is crazy that he won't just buy a computer.

That he won't just buy a computer.

And then he's like, this bullshit fucking, oh, am I supposed to, what?

Am I supposed to buy a whole desktop and then take it back to New York?

No, you buy a good laptop.

You buy a good laptop.

Or, yes, you buy a desktop and then fucking leave it there.

Or sell it.

Or fucking.

Or even ship it back.

Ship it back.

Who gives a fuck?

You have no idea how long you're going to be in quarantine.

So the concern of like, I don't know how I'm going to get a desktop computer back to the.

Even if it was a $2,000 expense, it's worth it for the fucking show.

Right.

I bought, once this shit happened, I bought a fucking powerful ass computer because I knew we were going to be doing this shit constantly.

Immediately.

Immediately.

You try to find it.

I fucking spent like $1,500 on a good ass computer so we wouldn't have any technical problems on my end.

I spent

this

just 300 on fucking crowdcast over the two months with like those other things just to get something to know that it works get it done because i didn't really understand how youtube live worked just spend the just spend the money get it done

good lord dude

i bought i bought 300 more ram just to be extra short after the fact so we could run every single program and he tries to put it on me like i'm projecting the stereotype onto him i have never been more aligned with you on this issue i'm telling you if if you could have been there at that guitar center when this fucking guy,

I mean, truly unreal.

Just like the next, just the look on that guy's face who probably makes $12 an hour when he had to tell Adam, it's five past six.

They're closed.

Like, I don't know what to tell you, man.

It's a telly.

It's a great price for it.

It's already discounted $500.

You could return it if you want.

That's the price.

So I don't, I don't know.

I make $11 an hour.

I don't know what to tell you.

And Adam's like, I don't.

Let me call my friend and let me send a picture of my friend and let me call him.

This guy's like, do whatever you want.

What am I supposed to do?

Just buy a computer?

Why don't you pawn that fucking guitar and buy a computer, bitch?

That's right.

The guitar that you're not playing.

The guitar that doesn't get played at all ever.

God damn.

Yeah.

good.

Well, I guess we should wrap it up here.

All right, all right.

Well,

uh,

thanks for watching.

This should be

just on YouTube in a second.

The audio will be posted when the audio guy, if you listen to the podcast with higher quality, at least for me and Stav,

Adam's file lost for sure.

No chance that that's coming back.

He's calling, he'll let me put him on speaker.

Yeah, we can he can join in the speaker.

Hey, Adam, is it over?

It's about to be over, it's about to be over, yeah.

Yep.

Remember, that's karma for talking about how good your computer is, bitch.

Okay.

All right.

Talk to you later, buddy.

I'm not allowed in.

No, you're not allowed in.

Yeah.

Why?

Because it's going to pen as punishment.

Yeah, it's going to ruin the recording.

Nick says it's going to ruin the recording, so we just got to be careful, man.

You understand?

I know.

What if your computer has a virus?

What if your computer has a virus, dude?

What do you mean?

Well, look, we can't be doing these kind of things, man.

I have to wrap up a podcast.

Yeah, we're at work.

You can't get a virus from Zoom.

We're at work right now, dude.

You have no idea.

They're saying there's papayas that got fucking

coronavirus now.

So you can't tell me that you can't get a virus from Zoom.

Oh, I should have, I should call him back, tell him we're docking his pay.

Five minutes he was late in the beginning and we're also docking

we're also docking his mouth and eyelids

We're also gonna be docking I'm gonna be inserting my the tip of my dick underneath the top eyelid of his face

And I will be enveloping his nose with my foreskin.

Yes

All right, folks if you want shirts check out come dot town where I there are some new things coming soon working out the last details with that

You can check out.

If you want to watch the show live streaming with the chat on YouTube, the kinks are pretty much figured out with that.

If I fuck something up and I don't know, maybe reach out to me and let me know because I can't check it while we're doing it.

Go to the Patreon and we will post the link to the YouTube live stream at like right when it starts, which is every Wednesday at 3 p.m.

and then Sundays at 3 p.m.

Eastern Time.

You can watch.

Otherwise, the recordings of the live stream will be available on the Patreon, or for the regular episodes, they just get posted to the YouTube channel, which all of them get posted all over YouTube.

But the only ours is if you want to subscribe to ours, in particular,

which I would appreciate, I guess, just because that fucking

the metrics, having those metrics centralized, yeah.

If you can, if you want to say fuck you and fucking get the show from another person person on YouTube, we really don't give a shit.

It doesn't matter to us, but you would be a cool guy if you subscribe to ours.

Yeah, and ours is okay, your channel.

What is the fucking URL?

How do I go?

What is this URL?

It is okay, great.

It's youtube.com/slash channels slash UC6EXT5U ABRLT2E5Y5BC6RTQ question mark view as equals subscribe.

There's got to be a way way to change that.

Yeah.

We'll figure out how to change that.

Yeah, just a real simple link

to

remember.

I'll be doing a Twitch show on Fridays at 6 o'clock on Twitch.

And you can leave a voicemail.

It's 903-883-STAV.

And I'll answer your voicemail on air

if you want to be a part of that.

So that's six o'clock on Fridays, you little sluts.

But subscribe to our fucking YouTube.

Buy Nick's motherfucking shirts.

Tell Adam he's

right here.

Get a custom URL.

Here's how you'll look like on YouTube.

youtube.com slash c slash come town stream there you go can it just be come town i i don't think so i think that's already taken someone's taken it

that is already taken by somebody else so we are come come town stream is the

you fucking pricks

is the name of it.

That's so funny.

Yeah, all right, goodbye, everybody.

All right, folks.

We'll see you next time.

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