Ep. 141 – Na Trioblóidí

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Fuck it, baby, we're live.

What's up, everyone?

We're back in the booth.

Oh, no headphones.

No headphones, too.

Really hope the sound's not fucked up on this.

No, Wild West on this one.

But if it is, hey,

suck my fucking dick, you know?

Will Smith on it?

WikiWow, wiki, wiki wow, wiki wow.

Wild, wild breath.

Before you get mad about me eating on the show, I'm not.

I'm just finishing up some Chinese food I had from yesterday.

That's what eating is.

What is that?

No,

no, it's not.

It's from yesterday.

Oh, so it's fine?

Well,

you ate yesterday.

They don't like saying

new food.

I'm just saying, having I'm just cl finishing something up from yesterday.

Oh, okay.

Oh, that makes sense.

I'm not you're not eating.

I'm not well, it's not like a new yeah.

It's not a new meal.

I'm not having I didn't like

start eating.

Cook something new.

Not.

No.

I'm just wrapping.

I was just wrapping something up from yesterday.

That's crazy because you weren't eating for probably the 40 minutes we've been here.

Seemed like a good opportunity to have dumplings.

Well, I just wanted to just finish something up.

Yeah.

Really?

I just had something I got to check out.

Yeah, you just had to finish it up.

No,

I get that.

That makes sense.

So we're back.

I'm back from California.

Arnold style.

Arnold style.

California.

California, yeah.

California.

It's Arnold, baby.

Arnold.

Personal hero of mine.

Arnold.

I know about you guys.

Schwartz.

You know, in German, that means.

Nope, nope.

Well, in German, it actually means say the N-word.

No, it doesn't mean say the N-word.

Schwartz is like also the whole N-double.

People point that out.

Double the N-word, yeah.

Which is fun.

If you're going to have the N-word in your name,

don't pussyfoot around it.

Go double N-word.

Although Germans hated Jews in the first part, isn't that the N-word in Hebrew?

He's Austrian.

Or whatever?

It's in Yiddish, which is kind of German.

Oh, Yiddish is a type of German.

Schwarza, it just means black.

Oh, okay.

How about shittish?

That's what I call it.

Yeah,

take that with your bullshit language.

Wait, Yiddish is sort of German?

Slam.

German is sort of Hebrew.

Slam, dunk.

Kind of ironic, huh?

I got to get a timer going here.

Sorry.

Why do you think kind of ironic?

Isn't it?

I don't know.

The big German, the big Jewish, modern Jewish.

Like a black guy

who's doing black face.

Like a Chinese guy.

Free the Virginia.

Huge ass sticks.

He's still free.

Like a Mexican who gets employee of the month and never sleeps.

He's got narcolepsy.

Isn't it ironic?

Like a Jewish guy who's bad with money.

Racist Alanis Morrison.

Black Indian who's not a creep

and he's good with women

shouts out to racist Alanis.

Shouts out to Liam Neeson.

Oh, yeah.

A friend of the show, Liam Neeson.

So, yeah, he said that he said he was racist 30 years ago.

Yeah.

I found out somebody's shoplifted

some bazooka joke for my friend's store,

and I was fooled with a rage.

I was fooled with a rage that sent me out onto the streets just hoping some black bastard

would ask me what time it was so I could clock him over the head with a shilleli.

What the fuck did he say, he had a what was he?

Yeah, a codgel, what no, yeah, he said some sort of weapon that I didn't know what it was.

I don't know, some kind of like Gaelic weapon that's only used for hate crimes.

Yeah, I was just saying

club with nails on the end.

Yeah, right.

Well, son, I think we used this when the Chinese first moved.

Your great-grandfather

makes it out of a fucking moment.

My friend told me that a curse was placed upon her by a Chinaman.

I went out on the streets that night with a wand, hoping to stab some Chinaman in the eye.

Just my eye-stabbing wand.

Like every Irishman, I have an eye-stabbing wand.

Yeah, that's an Irish bar mitzvah.

This is your first hate crime.

That's all Marky Mark was doing, man.

Of course.

Black guys are in Ireland.

There's the guy from Thin List.

Whoever plays on Celtic, there's probably a center-back.

I went out trying to beat up the guy from Tin Liz.

What?

Yeah, whatever.

He's looking for the guy.

Yeah, he was trying to beat up the guy.

Yeah.

Clean Nissan fucked my ass tonight.

What a funny thing to say in an interview.

I never raised this.

For no reason, by the way.

It didn't feel like they pressed him on it or anything.

Well, I know, and it's because it's like Liam Neeson has been at home watching all these things happen in the culture, like saying to his wife or whoever he lives with.

He's like, I think his wife got got by the Lord.

Oh, really?

She, yeah, she died, and I think that sent him down.

She got murdered by God.

Yeah,

when everyone die, anyone dies, they get got by God.

My wife was killed by God.

And I was so mad I went out looking for the first black bastard I could

just to smash his face in with my Gulabrechter

Throw through the fucking warbler bone You really didn't need to say that, but what do you do if you're racist 30 years ago?

You say you weren't racist 30 years ago, and then they find out you're racist.

You can probably say and then they say look we're all celebrities, we get it.

Yeah, as a celebrity,

as celebs, you have this impulse to chime in,

And it is never the correct impulse.

I stay up.

Shut up.

No, thanks.

I never make my opinions on anything known.

I have none.

I'm dumb as shit.

Have I considered a hate crime?

You'll never know.

I don't know.

Maybe.

I've made a couple opinions known.

Here's the thing.

You can say you used to be racist.

Don't say that you would rogue to the streets thinking about murdering a random black guy.

Well, what was funny is like the outrage about what he said was that he went out on the streets hoping some black guy would provoke him so he could hit the guy back, and, like,

no one's, I, at least, I haven't seen it, mad at, like, the implication that black people just go around assaulting whites.

Right, they're mad that he says he would have retaliated, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, it's like the implication that that would happen is worse than, like, him saying he would beat some.

He's just describing defending himself, yeah.

That is a very meathead thing.

Like, that is a very, I wish a motherfucker would, yeah.

You know, that's a, all Liam was saying Star With Me programme.

Yeah, but I mean, i wish a motherfucker would is fucking everywhere every group of people that's what i mean that's what the internet is is sitting online saying i wish a motherfucker would yeah he's just verbalizing that yeah that's very that's very in fact he's if anything he's stealing guido culture yeah that's very fucking bro would you say bro

you look at me bro yeah that's the moment he was wishing for well it's funny because this liam thing is keeping that jussie smollett story in the news what's going on with because they kind of they they work in tandem.

Because the whole argument is that nobody's just going around looking for gay black guys to beat up.

And then Liam Neeson is like, I went around looking for gay black guys.

I would take any kind of black guys.

I was hoping for a gay one because they'd be

easier to beat up.

I had read online that there's

as they're called young bucks can be violent.

And so I was hoping that it was

a rare gay black man Liam Beanson.

Trying to rape his way into straight them.

Going to like a fucking black hospital, like waiting for

someone on chemo to fucking look at him funny.

Take that.

That's for raping.

It's a hospital with black people.

It's a hospital with black people.

Maybe they get HBC.

Seoul

hospital.

People all over the world.

The world.

How you doing?

I'm Dr.

Don Cornelius.

Welcome to Soul Hospital, where the only medicine is flavor.

Come on, man.

I just need insulin.

Please stop dancing.

Just stop dancing at me, man.

Just give me the insulin.

And our guest tonight is Peebo Bryson.

The system featuring Shaka Khan.

Universal

Hospital.

Welcome to Hool Train.

Beating pussy all over the world.

I would love to host you.

I'm

Dome Cuntidias.

Dome Cunt Edlias.

Bring you some of the finest, flyest, pussied, and dick-sucking

there is in entertainment today.

It's just a bunch of people clapping and like sucking each other's dicks.

Go, Stella!

Go, Stella!

Go, Stella!

Go, Stella!

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday!

So, what's your name?

Who your crew?

So, that's what happens to Black.

Yeah, that's what happens to Black Eyes.

That's basically the Blacks.

And Leanne Neeson is like, what the fuck is going on?

They're just dancing.

What is this rape?

Which one of you is the rapist?

How about a sequel called Schindler's Pissed?

Uh-oh.

And he goes around, he's under the impression that Hitler was black.

And he's like,

he killed six million of my friends.

So I rove Germany.

And now I'm going around Germany.

Black bastard.

But some sort of weird Irish charm brick.

The brick with Gaelic scriptures all over it.

I don't know.

I don't know what that word was.

Yeah.

I didn't even read enough, all that.

I just saw the headlines.

Yeah.

it was enough for me, man.

That's how I take my news in.

Yeah, Eldis, Eldis said that.

No facts, only feeling, baby.

That's it.

I like the scent so much.

I'm the reverse Ben Shapiro, baby.

I don't even make it all the way through a headline anymore.

I'm half the headline.

That's right.

Unless there's tits at the end of it.

You know what I'm saying?

I don't know.

This Jussie Smoller thing is like insane, though.

So what is it?

I've missed every anything that's happened the last week, I've been on drugs for.

So I haven't been in la la land.

Dude, I've been on.

Yeah, yeah I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna be sober after this I do my brain got too much shit going I was on edibles every day I was doing acid and shroomies

fun time by the way shouts out to everyone who came out to see me in LA them shows rocked my cock off the lodge room shouts out my boy Gragov

thank you for that shit well if you want an update Yeah, what happened?

Well, the initial story was that he got jumped by two guys screaming, this is MAGA country, dressed in all black.

He couldn't tell what race they were.

They put a noose around his neck.

They put a noose around his neck, beat him up,

broke his ribs.

Damn.

That's fucked up.

Then the police are involved, and it seems like the Chicago Police Department from the jump was like, this was bullshit.

But because it's so politicized, they're like, we're going to just investigate the shit out of this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Prove without diligence.

Prove without a doubt that this guy's lying before they even suggest that, really.

Yeah.

That seems very black's rule.

Like that

guy, that guy guy who had that graffiti that black's rule graffiti oh yeah the fake hate crime

so they pulled all this security footage and there's like a 60 second window where he's not on camera there's nobody else like there's two people of interest that they were looking for who are just the only other people that happened to be in the area anytime he's not wearing the hat yeah well there was never a claim that they were wearing the hat Oh, I thought they were.

No.

No one ever said they were wearing the hat.

Somebody said that they, or the report was that they yelled, this is is maga country which was corroborated by his manager who was supposedly on the phone with him at the time of the assault and he the manager heard the guy say this is maga country over the phone

chicago is

that's what they that's what these guys yellow this is maga country

anyways there's like 60 seconds or less that he's not on camera so he disappears from camera and then reappears like 60 seconds later still holding the sandwich from subway walking into his you know hotel with the noose around his neck.

Or, like, the rope just sort of draped around his neck.

Oh, he kept his sandwich, though.

He kept his hand.

Is he fucked up looking?

Is his face fucked up?

I don't, you know, they never released that video.

The only video that's been released is that still image of those two persons of interest.

He wouldn't, like, show the police his phone records to prove that he was on the phone with the manager.

And because he's not under investigation, they can't.

I mean, they would have to get a subpoena to get his phone records, which I wouldn't be surprised if they're just doing.

Right.

Because

it puts the Chicago Police Department in a difficult position because they're racist and they

had a secret prison where they torture black people.

And they concealed all this evidence in the LaQuan McDonald case.

So for there to be a major hate crime on a celebrity in Chicago and the CPD to instantly say this is a hoax,

you got to do your duty.

They also can't

even intimate that from the get-go.

But it's also like, I I wouldn't put the pat put it past them to investigate this with the intention of like disproving that it happened.

Right, right, right.

That's why, like, you can really only look at the evidence in the case.

And so far, what they've like

pulled up is that there's no, there's, like, no evidence of this attack.

Yeah, that'd be tough to go back to back with the Indian guy and this guy.

These both being.

What?

That'd be a tough back-to-back on the liberal shit you share.

It really destroys

it.

would be a good idea.

A drum guy to this guy would be a couple tough L's.

They won't acknowledge it.

If they prove without a doubt that it was a hoax, the media won't acknowledge it.

There may be a small correction, but this will be a thing because

the thinking is going to be like, well, we won't address this because this will give

credence to all this fake news stuff or whatever.

Just be throwing gas on the fire.

But it doesn't matter because they've already lost all the people that are observing this casually.

A lot of people think this story is bullshit.

know, a lot of people don't.

But, like, all I've seen is that I didn't even, like, it seemed weird to me, but I didn't look into it at all.

And it seemed like it was real from the amount of people.

You thought this was real?

I mean, I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

I just

prayers up for you.

Yeah, it seemed like some guy got fucked up, and I didn't look into it at all.

So it appears that it's real from, like, yeah,

it just seems like because real people are talking about it, and I wasn't paying attention to it at all.

Like I said, I was doing edible.

I know it's like a garbage metric.

It was 2 a.m.

and it was negative 20 degrees outside.

And

they had a noose and bleach on them.

That's what he said.

Yeah, that's tough.

That's

a lot going on.

So, wait, the guy didn't get fucked up, or he did get fucked up, or what?

The only image of him fucked up is him, like, FaceTiming somebody.

It's a still image of a FaceTime, but there's like some small cut under his eye,

which doesn't look like it's there when he's in concert, like, three days later, where he also had to like clarify that his ribs were never broken and he was never hospitalized.

So, those parts of the story got walked back like immediately.

So, now there's no

brutal beating anymore.

Oh, interesting.

And he's saying he bit they bit him.

Well, he said he fought.

That's now the story: is that he was they bit him.

They said this is MAGA country, and then

took a little

bit.

Let me get a little taste of this, though.

This is MAGA country, but I would love it if there was a racist going around biting people

like a six-year-old.

Get out, yeah.

This is our country,

but yeah, that's a weird story.

Yeah, that sounds fake.

Yeah, no, I mean, it definitely sounds fake.

It's just that, like, but then the

there's no real evidence that it is fake, though.

I mean, because it's like to say, like, oh, wow, there's only 60 seconds where he's not on camera, it's like getting your ass kicked can happen pretty quick.

Oh, very, very fast.

You run up and jump somebody, that's like 15 seconds.

Yeah.

If you count that out in your head, it's like not

a long time.

It does not take that long to run up, fucking stomp somebody's head in, yell something, and run away.

Totally.

And if the guy's like shook from that happening, I can see him just getting up and like taking his bag and going into his hotel room.

There's no reason why he would need to, you know, people are like, he didn't take the noose off right away.

All of that I buy, you know, if that were to happen.

Yeah.

It's just that, like, what are the odds that it's this fucking short window?

And it's also the

original details of the case.

It's like you know, some guys

wandering around Chicago, you know, about like if he was being stalked for a while, maybe.

There's the other thing: the neighbor said she saw, like, some redneck, you know, wearing like hunting socks with a rope, you know, hanging out his apartment like hours earlier, a couple hours prior.

Well, the police look into that.

There's zero surveillance footage of the guy.

The description of the person hanging around the apartment doesn't match the ones.

Elmer Fudd.

It's just,

the neighbor's just, like, making shit out of it.

Right, Right, right, right, right.

You know, and then the robe she described, like, like, differed significantly from the one in the

you know, that they collected and brought into Abbey.

It was a sweet robe.

The rope she saw was awesome.

I am the only one that gives a shit about this story.

Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna stop.

Nobody fucking cares.

I don't care.

But whatever.

Who gives a shit?

If he made it up, he's fucking.

No one will talk to me about it.

Yeah, you have to do it on air.

I have to force people to listen to me.

This is Emmett Till all over again, right, Nick?

Yeah.

Just making it up.

That bitch made it up.

Emmett Till?

Yeah.

He's dead.

No, no, no.

I know, I know.

I was saying, like, you know.

Maybe he just sweetened it.

Maybe it was like they did fuck his ass up, but they weren't like.

Where would he get a rope?

Mega country.

Well, now the cops are like.

So he was just carrying around a rope?

The cops are going through security footage from like every hardware store and every place that sells ropes they're like yeah we're gonna figure out who bought this rope oh no

dude that would be if i was him and i made this shit up i'd be like nah it's actually all good well i mean he better hope they don't find him because if like the cops are going to the extent if they think that he's lying yeah and they're fucking wasting the the the resources to go through all that footage yeah to find somebody buying rope at a hardware store right it's like that's not the kind of shit that they just listened to someone might have just had rope right what do you mean?

So, the guy who did it could have just had rope.

That's the other thing, too, is you come at it from the other angle.

It's like,

I understand, like, like, even like the Sadie Doyle shit where you go on Twitter and you're like, I was on my way home, and three Bernie bros came up and called me a slut.

And it's like, obviously, that didn't happen.

I just happened to walk past a Bernie Sanders rally, and they were chanting, kill all women.

You know, like, that's one thing.

Which is why I support him, by the way.

That's one thing.

Like, saying you got beat up and jumped and calling the police and involving all these other people, like, that doesn't make sense.

Yeah, but it doesn't.

It's an issue.

It is insane.

It's fucking way too much effort.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, he probably, I don't know.

I don't care.

I'm saying I probably get fucked up.

I think it was probably.

I think, I think.

I think this is.

You use Occam's razor here.

Yes.

He had the rope because he was kidnapping a young boy to rape.

As we know, all homosexuals are pedophiles.

He was kidnapping a young boy who bites people, children.

Yeah.

He got bitten.

He was on the phone with the manager who was like, describe his body.

Let me hear more about this boy that we're taking back to the island.

And, you know, the boy ran away or whatever.

And that's why he doesn't show up on camera because he's so small.

He's so little.

Right.

He's so tiny.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And he was trying to say grandma, but it sounded like MAGA.

Yeah, right.

You should just start a second podcast, like a serial-style podcast.

Dude, I was just saying this the other day.

I would love to do like an extremely high-production-value true crime podcast.

Yeah.

Where I go, like, I pick some small town and I pick some unsolved mystery, and I fucking interview everyone, and then I just accuse them all of being child rapes.

Every single person I interview.

But there was something off about Mark, something in his demeanor.

Is it possible that he rapes children?

The grieving father.

On the next episode of Cereal.

I'm never going to see her grow up.

I mean, we're not going to.

Did you rape your daughter?

What the fuck?

I was in Iraq when it happened.

But we looked it up.

We get that Don Shipley guy.

Yes, I looked it up.

It's true.

Not only was he in Iraq, he is a Navy Shield.

He is, in fact, a Navy Shield.

I don't know that guy.

Don Shipley.

Who's that?

Busey?

No, Don Shipley is the guy that does stolen Valor vids.

Oh, yeah.

He's the former Navy SEAL who's hairline starts on the bridge of his nose.

Hell yeah.

I'm jealous.

Yeah.

No, his hair starts.

It's like right above his eyebrows.

Like Ken Burns, Violet?

I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

No, not like Ken Burns.

Ken Burns is a little dollwig.

We looked into this guy

and it turns out his story is bullshit yeah he's got this like weird like central PA action is so funny when they just just a clearly retarded person in a bus yeah yeah it's like they're cool I was on the Navy SEALs look this is his fake hairline

there's like an inch that's weird an inch and a quarter

that's a wig that's no it's not a wig he just has a low hairline no that no one's hairline looks like that don shipley's Shipley's does.

Dude, don't fucking.

Are you saying Don Shipley's steal valor?

Don't disrespect.

First of all, getting a hair piece is not stealing valor.

Yeah.

First of all, I don't have one, and I never will.

I'm just saying, philosophically speaking, there is nothing wrong with

augmenting your natural state with a wig or a, you know, you comb your hair, don't you?

Yeah.

You care about how it looks, right?

No, I don't comb it.

You comb it, you wash it.

Now you wash it on occasion.

We got a letter

from a viewer that said that my hairline has stolen valor.

So I looked into it.

I don't think his hair is too shut up.

Well,

you think that I do

you think that if someone prefers a man with an uncut dick, do you think that I could say that that's ableist?

Yes.

Right?

Yes.

My disability is that I have

without foreskin.

You're Jewish.

Well, you can bet on it and bet the SR.

You can bet on whether or not having a foreskin is ableist.

And by the way, let me say something.

I've never, no one has ever preferred it.

People have been like, well, that's fun.

And one girl refused to suck me off, Jewish, by the way, because of my foreskin.

What a bitch.

She was a bitch, I don't know.

I heard somebody wouldn't suck off my fat friend and his tiny, uncircumcised dick.

And I went out looking for the first black bastard I could find.

Avenge me.

Avenge me, Liam.

Avenge my dryly jacked dick that I'd be.

I went out to beat up the first black bastard I could see.

Yeah, you can bet on that shit, though.

BetbettheSi.com, the premier sports betting website.

Over 20 years in business.

Folks, Don Shipley here for Betthesi.com.

This is not a celebrity impersonation, nor is Don Shipley a celebrity.

He is an individual who I am

with a YouTube account, who I am claiming is here right now endorsing BetDSI.com using his likeness without permission.

Bet DSI completely supports the use of Don Shipley's likeness without his permission.

It would be great if it is a guy that goes around

a guy that goes around

outing fake Navy SEALs just as somebody pretending to be a man.

That is not the real Don Shipley.

My name is Don Shipley.

The real Navy SEAL.

I'm going to make an account outing Don Shipley.

That is the fake Don Shipley.

Fake Don Shipley.

I am the real Don Shipley.

Was he a Navy SEAL?

Yeah, he was a Navy SEAL.

Okay, that makes sense.

Allegedly.

That would be such, so lame if he wasn't in the Army at all and he was just like...

It would make more sense.

The Army SEALs, baby.

The Army SEALs.

If he was a liar and he was trying to out

the other liars,

that'd be perfect.

No, man, snitches, dude.

Fuck snitches.

I would just, I'm waiting for him to just like

go political.

You know, yeah.

He's like, today we check to see if Christine Blasey Ford is stealing battle.

I pulled her military records.

Turns out she was never even in the army.

And everyone knows that women only get raped in the army.

They don't only, Don.

It's, you know, certainly it's one of the preferred destinations.

Well, that's it for today's episode.

Yeah, and you can put money on if you're good.

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I don't know.

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That's top secret.

That's kind of like a lot of

civilian lives were at stake there.

That's tier one classified to me.

Were you on official orders?

What was the objective?

It was operation risky business.

So we were doing.

Listen, shut up

for a second here.

Listen.

Okay, sorry, man.

Yeah.

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Let's start the show.

Let's start that shit.

So Lewis is telling people I'm dead, I guess.

Why is he doing that?

Do you know what I'm saying?

I think that's a good prank.

It is a good prank.

I don't think it's a very nice prank at all.

In the sense that it's annoying.

Yeah, I guess it's a good prank.

Yeah.

Guess what?

Louis J.

Gomez, dead.

R.I.P.

1971 to 2019.

Right.

He was, what does that make him?

40?

Lewis is dead.

Lewis is dead, and we enslaved his son.

He's dead, his son, dead.

His son, no.

His son is our indentured servant.

No, he's mad.

He's my son.

He's my son.

I canceled the last

real last podcast last minute to do a voiceover audition oh yeah which like look man we're all trying to we're all just trying to pay our rent we're in show business you know scraping we're just scraping by out but also yeah fuck that we're multidisciplined you know i need you know i need that hummus commercial mike

sabra hummus great supporters of the state of zabra yeah nice think that you just like the the commercial starts and you hear like the sounds of like a riot at the border

And they're like,

you know, like, oh, these rocks

taste terrible.

And they're like, dip it in some Sabah hummus.

And like, I guess they taste better now.

Like, why are you eating the rocks?

They're like, who cares?

Let's just shoot these children.

Sabra hummus.

Let's just shoot these children.

Let's just kill these children.

Let's just shoot these children.

And you got the spot?

Well, they said, please just read.

Please just say it.

And you're like, no, I brought my own copy.

Yeah.

Anytime I do a commercial audition where they're like, yeah, just feel free to play around with it and improvise in this.

I always go Holocaust Joe.

He's like, fuck you.

Because what that means is like, yeah, feel free to just write our commercial for us.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Yeah.

Yeah, they just

six million.

Right.

Sounds a little high.

Yeah.

Feel free to try and get our company in trouble because we didn't want to do the work.

Yep.

Sabra Hummus.

Take that, you little rock-throwing piece of shit.

Well, I mean, you can't say that they're innocent.

Last time around, they were flying kites with fire in them.

Fire kites.

Fire kites.

I know.

There's nothing scarier.

Yeah.

Dude, than a fucking.

If I saw the people of Israel

a weaponized pogo stick,

you know,

that's the kind of shit Israel.

My favorite vision is like they're like, no, this is a propaganda by hummus.

They're using children as human shields.

It's like, then don't shoot the human shields.

No, no, it's Hamas, not Hummus.

Did I say Hummus?

Yeah, well, you got Hummus.

You got delicious Sabra.

Look, dude, I'm brand loyal.

You know,

once I'm, well, look, once I'm trying to sell somebody's product, I'm in the fucking zone.

You know,

it's me, you.

This is a message to any advertisers out there.

Yeah.

That are looking for a revolutionary new style of marketing that we're introducing

called destroying your brand's image.

So then you can get your company's name in front of like roughly 100,000, mostly racist teenagers.

Right, yes.

Who don't have any money of their own.

But are willing to steal from their parents.

Are willing to spend their parents' money on dick bills.

If your demographic is 17-year-olds with erectile dysfunction,

let us sell them stuff.

They need stuff to drink.

We don't have some kind of beverage sponsor.

We should get into partnership with Nelly, bring back pimp juice.

You should have an alcohol that we sell.

We should have Sirock.

Coconut.

We actually have a special come town liquor that's just hypnotic mixed with Nutella.

That sounds awesome.

Yeah.

Chocolate hypnotic.

Yeah, but get this, folks.

You're not allowed to make it at home.

If you do, you're going to jail.

We're going to kill you.

We're going to fucking find you.

We're going to have a gun and we're going to shoot you.

We're going to bring a gun to your house and kill you and your family.

Kill you and your most loved ones.

It's a patented secret.

We're going to be like, who do you love the most?

And then we shoot them in the fucking head.

Yeah, we put a gun in your baby sister's hands and make her shoot your parents.

Or we put a gun to her head and say, We're going to kill you if you don't kill your parents.

Then your parents, through tears, have to beg your baby sister to kill them.

Yeah.

She has so much life to live.

Yeah.

Yep.

Anyway, so don't make the drink at home, guys.

We don't want to have to do that.

Yeah, yeah, that will be good.

We will, but if you want to go to CometownLiquor.com, we are selling our pre-mixed

Chipnatio Nutella.

W-N-L-I-C-K-H-E-O.

Yeah.

Every single dollar after profits goes to charity.

That's right.

Yeah.

That's the stripper's name.

Dude, I wonder the guy that closed on that.

Yeah.

You know who it was.

Oh, that's right.

That was a hilarious weekend.

Our beautiful fucking adventure through Canton.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it, man.

Damn.

You ever have friends?

Isn't it nice to be in there on shit?

You have stuff.

You have way more friends than we do.

Do you ever reminisce?

Well, yeah.

Sav's got a lot of friends.

I guess it's just me that doesn't have any friends.

Yeah, it's actually you.

Most comics don't have friends.

Sauv and I are weird that we have friends.

Yeah, we from childhood, you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, the boys, it was fun going out there, going to LA, and just doing drugs with the squad.

Who do you have on the

George Eldis?

Good.

I'm glad Eldis had a nice trip.

He did.

You know what Eldis's take on the Liam Neeson thing was?

What was that?

He was keeping it real.

I agree.

And can I be honest?

He truly was keeping it real.

Why is keeping it real not allowed anymore?

Why is it

a buck?

My man kept it fully 100.

100.

It's like, I mean,

literally, what you're saying is true, though.

Neeson just spoke honestly.

That's what I am saying.

That's what I was saying earlier.

Pretty normal, like,

human reaction to something.

You know, it's like, what the fuck does it...

And then, like, the point that he was making was about all this rage and online aggression or whatever.

And it completely fell on deaf ears of all these people.

Yeah.

Right.

A culture shit.

The world is ruined.

Yep.

You know, just got to hang out with your boys, uh-huh.

You know, pretend to be Don Shipley, never tell the truth.

Do your own high-production-value true crime podcast as Don Shipley.

We're trying to find his own rapist.

His own rapist.

Yeah.

I'm Don Shipley, and I was raped.

Going around the country and confronting fake Navy SEALs.

Did you rape me?

Were you the one that did it?

Is SEAL an acronym?

Yeah.

What does it say for it?

For extraordinary ass-cheek liquor.

Ass chic liquor.

Sexy and always-looking.

Sexy, educated, athletic, and leisurely.

Single.

Single, educated African lady.

Oh, I want me some seal.

I'm Don Shipley, a single, educated African lady.

And I am looking for a man that wants to help raise my son.

I'm not looking for a boy.

What I want is a man's.

I'm tired of all these fake-ass mans

that are unwilling to raise my son,

Latritus.

You ain't my daddy.

Latritus, don't talk to him like that.

He could be

just naming your son after where you piss

a pottiest.

Portapatias, don't be doing that shit.

Are we going to talk about this blackface shit?

The governors.

Yeah, salute.

There's another blackface Virginia governor.

Another Virginia governor.

The Bustina.

Another Virginia governor having his free speech attacked.

Yeah.

Okay.

I guess dragon culture.

You can't admit that you did blackface and dressed up in a clan.

The best part was medical school year, but hilarious.

It wasn't even like a high school or

medical school.

Man, our society is kind of racist, huh?

The thing is, is you can still do blackface.

You just have to be like, yeah, it's funny to me.

It was funny for me to do it.

No, I think the last doctor.

No, you don't understand.

It's not racist.

It's funny.

It was a good bid.

It's hilarious.

What's his name?

Iron.

No, you don't get it.

I'm not actually black.

I put on makeup to look like a black person, and that's it's a joke.

Walking down the jr.

is going to be go down as the last

past that society has ever

pulled.

That's the last one.

Well, I told you, I read that interview with him where he didn't get it.

He didn't get the bit?

The movie is great, but he's saying things in.

I got to pull it up, but he's saying things in the interview where he's like, it really, I really started to feel like a black person.

Like, he's like being

He's doing what the fuck.

Just actors doing

what the Kirk Lazarus guy would have fucking.

Actors are so stupid, dude.

They are so stupid.

Not as smart as fucking us, dude.

Yeah, us geniuses.

Boom.

The best part, and we talked about it off mic, was that someone asked him if he could still moonwalk.

Yep.

And my man

truly was thinking about it.

And then his cunt wife told him not to.

Dumb bitch robbed us

of the best clip of all time.

It would have been.

A man at his black face conference.

The moonwalk conference.

His apology blackface conference at a blackface news conference to do the moonwalk while trying to save face and say that you're not resigning.

But if he had done that, he would have been the absolute boy.

Absolutely.

He said he should run for president.

That would create the fissure in culture where we say, all right, boys over here.

Yep.

Everybody else, fuck off.

Yes.

And then we take that guy.

I'm riding for that man.

Always.

Blackface aside.

If you do Moonwalk at your Blackface conference, I don't care.

Sorry.

The Blackface was bad.

I will set up Moonwalk 30 years later.

I will set up a separate tax system

and contribute to it.

To set up a separate government with that guy at the head of it.

What if he just stood up at his press conference?

He's like, ladies and gentlemen, I'm a wigger.

I have a wigger this whole time.

Okay.

I like to pretend to be a black guy.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I walk with a pimp strap.

Yeah, dude.

What if if a moonwalk was so what if he hit it so clean everyone was like we're good?

What if he did

the smooth criminal lean?

Woke people have been screaming for the last like six years and they never shut up, so like no normal people have been able to say anything.

And woke people are under the impression that normal people are just like internalizing everything they're saying and taking it as like the truth.

They may not argue with it, but it's like, I guess, if that's what you say.

That doesn't mean it resonates or like clicks with anybody.

So for a guy to be like yeah 40 years ago i wore blackface in a costume like i can like how you don't understand why that would like

like be not okay but like there's an explanation for it it was 30 fucking years ago

yeah it was the 80s yeah it was the fucking 1980s ted dancing it was like 1984 years after that yeah

you know billy billy crystal was huge and it's a halloween costume you got the jazz man.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, yeah.

People were doing blackface Halloween costumes until like six years ago.

The jazz singer came out in 1984, I believe.

Al Jolson.

Yes.

Definitely contemporary.

It had just come out.

He was doing Al Jolson cosplay.

Yeah, I mean, I think people are just mad, though, that, like, this month.

Yeah, that...

He was a fucking medical school in Virginia, and this motherfucker went on to become the governor.

And then he was like, it wasn't me, but I did it before, and he got confused.

i think it was all like a weird said that he wasn't in the blackface or the clan robe which is technically you can't you can't know if it was him in the clan robe right yeah yeah there was clan robes involved i don't know man it's pretty fucking racist i mean i know what you're saying that there it makes sense how he would end up there but it's like yeah but it's it's it's yes it's racist but if it's racist in the context of like it's a halloween costume and they're like how about a blackface guy hanging out with a clansman it's like it's no if it's meant to be like a a a funny halloween costume a pimpson pales in comparison to like everything we say and do on this show constantly i you think it pales in comparison dressing up like a clansman to everything we do constantly yeah because it's 2019 and we make these fucking jokes and we say these things and like

let me put it this way do you think that that guy hates black people

Maybe.

Maybe, yeah, I don't know.

Okay.

All right.

I mean, if that's how you feel, then okay.

He also

says, like, he did, uh,

like, he's in the crosshairs because he came out in favor of the late-term abortion bill.

And that's why, like,

conservatives are backing him up.

No, Trump is like, yeah, Trump's been tweeting.

He's like, I saw his press conference pathetic.

He should resign.

Yeah.

I would never do black.

But it's like, it is kind of fucked up that that's like in a medical school.

I don't know.

There's something worse to me that it's like if it's high school, they're dumb Virginia kids, whatever, but it's like okay maybe let's say he doesn't even he's doing it as a bit somebody in that fucking medical school is racist and they probably it's probably affected

it's probably affected the care of like a black person at some point I mean that's such like a huge jump is it yeah yeah

in clans robes and shit to say that because this guy did blackface in medical school it's affected the quality of care that a black person probably has they're fucking racist someone in that fucking Virginia school, if there's like a person who's like, it's all in that spectrum of racism where it's acceptable, whereas no one's like, damn, this is kind of weird that you're in Klan's robes.

That like that was just acceptable.

The most racist, there's probably a moment.

But if it's a Halloween, no, but you're removing it from the context of it being, again, a Halloween costume where you're lampooning something.

Yeah, but there's only one way to actually know if he's racist or not, and that's to see how good the moonwalk is.

There's no other way to know that.

We have to get him on the horn.

If he hits that, if he hits it perfectly if it's smooth enough.

10-10.

I rescind what I said.

Not a racist bone in his body.

Yeah.

I thought he was like a kind of a corrupt

blue dog Democrat.

Yeah, I mean, I don't fucking know, dude.

Again, I don't know anything and I don't look into anything.

I don't know.

I think it's just like jumping from like tasteless to

this person is killing black people with bad medicine because it's like I think this is kind of a stupid train that we're going down right what do you mean i don't think like you can prove that but it's also like should he be the governor of the state it's weird man is all i'm saying unless he's not governor of the state if people voted for him i mean outside of that it's like i don't fucking give a shit i think also there's

there should be more of an attitude that you can have the wrong opinion 50 years ago and like still not get dragged for it like liam neeson can be a piece of shit 30 years ago and then be honest about it that the liam shit is much more i think he just again and I didn't read what he said.

He was looking to murder a black person.

If you compare that to Blackface, I think, like, murdering one is probably worse.

But he didn't murder anyone.

He was mad.

I mean, whatever.

Who cares?

I just think that my,

I don't know, clans robes are the things that fucked me up.

But you're right.

I guess it was a costume.

But I don't know, man.

That's just some...

Like, that shit's weird.

Anytime I've seen a robe or some shit like that, it makes, you know, at the meetings and stuff like that.

When When you're at the meeting, I'm like, I don't know, guys, do we need the robes?

Yeah, why are we still doing this bit?

You know, and what I don't understand is like, you get caught doing that, you just be like, oh, it's a ghost.

Exactly.

Yeah,

what the fuck are you talking about?

It's a ghost costume.

It was not me, dude.

I was being a ghost.

It's Halloween.

I'm wearing a ghost costume.

Stupid asshole.

That guy was being my shadow.

What if they transitioned from clan robes to burqas?

And then you'd think that Muslim women were doing the KKK.

That's pretty good.

That's actually a good rebrand.

Yeah.

A Na KKK.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, whatever.

I mean, I just think that,

you know,

people are really into retro nostalgia.

Yeah.

And what's more retro?

What's more down-home apple pie American?

A lynching.

Than a white person putting shoe polish on their face.

I don't know.

I wasn't going to say a lynching.

Yeah, it sounded like

you were doing the act out.

Yeah.

Do you think Norman Rockwell ever painted someone in black face?

You know, people in Norman Rockwell paintings were going to lynchings.

Uh-huh.

You know what I mean?

All those people smiling and shit.

Yeah, what is it?

People just like

they were doing some racist shit.

Yeah, whatever, dude.

I'm not one for paintings, you know.

I'm more into movies.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, the Criterion channel, you can sign up now.

Oh,

sorry, never mind.

Uh, hemp bombs is a CBD company.

Let's go.

I sorry, I thought that CBD stood for Criterion Blu-ray

distribution, distribution, but it doesn't.

It stands for

cannabinoid.

I don't know, they didn't put that in here.

I don't know.

Look, it's some chemical that you should put in your body.

It doesn't matter what the name is.

Yep.

Don't worry.

It's not regulated by the FDA.

There's no government oversight on any of this stuff.

But

it's a medicine that Luis J.

Gomez has been telling people.

So it's definitely, you want to check out Hemp Bombs.

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Whoa.

So we got

some shit called Max Chill.

I love that shit.

I took that and it's like, poof.

Let me tell you something.

Whatever that shit does, it works.

Oh, yeah, dude.

When I took it, I was like, damn.

I was like, damn, I can feel this.

I'm feeling this.

Whatever it's supposed to do, that is fucking shit.

The effects are kicking in.

You can say, I'm peeking on whatever, whatever.

Whatever the fuck bullshit they claim it does.

Whatever it's supposed to do, I'm telling you.

There's pills.

Actually, they're right up there.

That's all the shit that they say.

That's all the shit?

So that's their product.

I want to drop a bean, dude.

They had a lube that I used to beat off with.

Nice.

Was your dick relaxed?

It was.

Stoned.

It felt exactly like fucking my hand with a bunch of oil in it.

I would love that.

And, you know, I wasn't as nervous as I was doing it.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm always apologizing to myself.

Sorry, this never happens.

I can't get it.

I'm quietly locking the door as slowly as I can so you can't hear the click of the lock tumbling over.

And I didn't need to do that this time.

I just beat off with the door open.

Wow.

Yeah.

Not worrying about the other prisoners catching me in the library and making me pay for my sins.

Stop.

Would you get your head replaced with a pussy?

That'd be cool, like Ash and Evil Dead, but some big fleshlight.

But just a pussy hand.

Yeah.

Would there be a protective case?

I'm going to rip off your head and suck off your dead.

I mean, you can put like a glove over it.

I'm here to kick ass and jack people off.

And I'm all out of gum.

Yeah, maybe.

I guess I would consider it.

Well, tell you what, that sounds pretty fucking chill.

And if you want to chill out, you can use head bombs, CBD oil, baby.

They got capsules.

They're great for anxiety during the day.

I love that shit.

You're nervous?

You know?

Nervous, and your fucking Looney Tunes-fitted cap isn't working?

Well, you can just pop a bunch of

usually bugs as

protecting your thoughts.

Yeah,

Sylvester the Cat, Tall T

with the Superman logo around his neck.

Is it working for you?

When I pop some CBD pills, baby, and it's great for anxiety during the day.

Do you wish you could smoke weed, but court ordered you can't for the next six months?

You can't.

Guess what?

You, quote-unquote, killed your son.

You're smoking all your weed, dude.

You can use, yeah.

You can use, they don't show up on drug tests.

99% CBD purity, domestically grown.

You're not supporting China.

No.

Okay.

These are

hardworking blue-collar white guys like your father.

Like the father you don't talk to anymore, the general contractor from Central PA that is disgusted that you're an intern at a podcast.

This dude is from the Philadelphia area.

He's the kind of guy that makes this CBD.

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They got Tattoo Aftercare

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Tattoo Aftercare?

That's right, bitch.

You put weed on your tat.

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You want that giant mural of Johnny Depp as the mad hatter on your back to beautiful?

Beard oil.

You know, you want CBD beard oil?

For some reason, you still think it's 2013 and everyone has a beard for some reason?

You think it's that brief eight-month period where everyone thought they were going to be on Whisker Wars?

Whisker Wars.

Yeah, then get some fucking hemp bombs.

That's what I call eating your girl's pussy.

Yeah.

Whisker Wars.

I also call it that.

They've got one of the best and most reviewed brands on social media.

And they're third-party lab tested.

You hear that, motherfuckers?

On animals, yeah.

So, everyone go to hempbombs.com and use promo code.

They're putting this shit in chimpanzees' mouths.

I'm not sure how much they share.

Look, I will say, they send us all this shit, and I have not taken the gummies.

I think I had some of the gummies at like either Skank Fest or something, and they taste good.

There you go, I want a gummy just because I'm hungry.

It was nice beating off with lube.

I'm a dry jacker.

I've always been a dry jacker.

Me too.

Well, you know,

I would do lotion when I was a teen, and then, but I was always worried my mom would be suspicious while my hands

smelled so good.

Yeah, well, you're checking your cock, your nightly cock.

Well, you know, of course, my mom would inspect my penis every day after school.

Yeah, beautiful day in San Francisco.

It's weird.

This is my first vacation, so I'm not used to having to inspect my own penis every day at 3 p.m.

Your mom weighs your nuts every day and makes sure you're not being off.

You know how your mother usually weighs your nuts to make sure you haven't masturbated.

And if they come up even a fraction of a gram less, you're not allowed to watch Flubber that afternoon.

They take away your Flubber cassette tape.

You can't watch it.

Love that movie, Flubber.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's such a shame he passed away.

What are you talking about?

Robin Williams, he passed away.

What do you mean, passed away?

He died.

What do you mean?

Oh, is he with grandma and grandpa?

You mean he went to the farm with grandma and grandpa?

No, I mean, he's like physically not alive anymore.

What?

What?

And then that's where the San Francisco guy is.

Never even been explaining the concept of the dynamics.

I don't know the concept of death.

Yeah, we have a limited time here on Earth.

You know, like most people die at like 65.

Well, that's why he's so chill.

What?

He's in no rush.

I'm 53 years old.

Oh, now enter phase two of the San Frangelico guy.

No, I don't want to ruin it.

I don't want to take his innocence away from him.

Dude, it's too late.

You told him about that.

That's no.

Sorry.

I'm retconning that.

Sorry.

Motherfucker, I'm the head writer of San Francisco.

You're right.

You're right.

People really hate that bit.

Nobody thinks it's funny.

We love it.

I love it, dude.

I don't give a shit.

This show's for us.

I mean, not entirely.

It's for everybody, everybody, but that's the one thing you can say about Come Town.

That was the hardest show.

It's a show that everybody likes.

Everybody.

I've never met a single person that thinks the show is bad.

No.

Certainly not.

But, yeah,

they did not like that much.

What's that?

Oh, is there a promo code or anything?

Yeah, it's promo code Come Town.

Okay, nice.

And you get like 20%.

This is the website?

This is the pain-free shit.

I thought about it.

That shit actually does work.

I thought about using it on my shoulder.

Feels good.

Dude, my shoulder is fucked up.

I rubbed some shit on my foot a while ago.

Yeah.

Felt nice.

It's got menthol in it.

I like that.

Maybe I'll do a little daborino on the asshole.

Oh, yeah.

Pretend I'm being eaten out by a demon.

Put a dab right in the middle of your asshole.

Put right on the tip of the ass in front of a fan.

And just beat off on all fours while listening to the Judas Priest.

Grinder.

Looking for meat.

Grinder.

up.

Something to eat.

Suck my band.

Suck my brain ass.

It's so funny that that became a gay sex app.

Mm-hmm.

It was perfect.

It was meant to be.

Did they name it after the priest song?

Of course.

I mean, it's possible.

They had to have, dude.

Hell yeah.

Now we're jamming.

All right, doggies.

If you listen to the gay ass podcast,

I'm Louis Gay Gomez

with my co-host fag Amico.

Faggot.

Faggot.

That's right, Fag.

Woo!

Gayass Dude of the Week.

Gayass Dude of the Week.

This guy got caught sucking a million bits.

You get this when Cobb showed up, he sucked them off.

All right, Shannon, with your big gross titties,

your gross tight pussy.

Why don't you pull up some pictures of boys and take a look at the kids on the screen?

All right.

The gay ass podcast.

Yeah.

Zachamiko, they call him the gay sex haver.

Zachamiko, they call him the gay guy.

Zach Miko, they call him the gay guy.

Just not thinking about it at all.

No, barely.

The fucking the homo.

Oh, fuck.

The guy who has gay sex.

Dude, I love it when the jokes are like just airballing it from half court.

Zach.

Woo!

Just fucking chucking it and

smashing the ball through the window of the garage.

I'm fucking from downtown, baby.

Fucking up your ass.

Your dad getting mad.

His dad's like, come on, man.

You're 26 years old.

Please move out.

Please move out.

I keep taking the basketball hoop down.

You keep pouring it back up.

The reason I have cancer.

Your grow room gave me cancer.

Damn, I worry.

My mom had got all these fucking,

like,

fertility drugs to have me, her beautiful boy,

and I worry that I might cause her health problems, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That's why I'm out here providing, podcasting.

Yeah.

Damn.

Can a groom give you cancer, though?

A what?

Can a groom actually give you cancer?

A grow room give you cancer?

No way, bro.

Because I'm growing fucking.

Well, the truth is, is like everything gives you cancer, and we're we're all overly preoccupied with this fear of death.

I mean, your body is meant to be used and disposed of.

Oh, you can't take it away.

So, life is like a dom, and you're a sub.

No, not even.

It's like your body's, yeah.

Mother nature used your little pussy.

Your body is like your body's a pussy, and mother nature's a dick.

No, your body's like a buffet.

Okay, your body's like a very nice meal.

I like this.

You can't preserve it.

You just have to fucking enjoy it, and one day it's going to turn to shit.

Oh, that's good.

You consume yourself.

I like that.

Yeah.

So, savor it, but don't try to save it.

Why would a buffo?

You don't want it to get cold.

Leftovers taste like shit.

That's a good point.

That's what an old person is, is leftovers.

It's a 89-year-old lady's leftovers.

It's a buffet with a finite amount of food.

Because a buffet, like, you get more food constantly.

It's a nice meal, man.

It's a nice meal.

It's not a buffet.

That's what he said at first.

Come on, man.

It was nice.

That was nice.

We got to ruin it with asking questions.

I think we can attain Zen.

What do you think it is then, Adam?

What do you think life is like?

I think we just have to reject our egos.

Do you think the guy who named Big Ben wanted to have sex with a guy named Ben?

Yeah, absolutely.

And he just wanted, like, he's like,

you know,

because it doesn't make any sense.

Where the fuck is a clock named Ben?

Show me one other clock in the world that has a name.

What if the guy's name?

What if the guy's dick's name?

How did that even come up?

They're like, whoa, what a great clock.

What's its name?

Who asked that guy that?

Yeah, he wanted to shit on all of Ben.

Ben, did you see my new clock that I made?

Dude, I was watching Jeopardy the other day.

Did I send you that video?

Which one?

Well, there was two good things on Jeopardy.

One that was like, and these are old episodes.

Oh, yeah, during the Super Bowl, you were sending us Jeopardy clips.

Yeah, yeah.

There was one where it was like,

it's like, hi, I'm Mark Giffords.

My wife, Gabrielle Giffords.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, to raise money for victims of this massacre in this Connecticut town.

It's like, you got Gabrielle Gifford's husband to come on Jeopardy to ask a fun question about Sam.

That's fucked up.

I mean, it's like

it's fucking insane that they would have the audacity to ask him and then he'd be like, oh, yeah, I'll help out, Jeopardy.

Yeah.

That'll be fun.

What am I asking about?

Tahiti or the

capital of the Gabriel Gifford said no.

I'm Gabriel Gifford.

Sorry.

Sorry, I thought we would all be on board with that.

Sorry.

Sorry.

No, no problem, man.

It's okay.

Did you see the video of the Down syndrome guy testifying before Congress?

No.

About making abortion, like getting rid of abortion?

He's saying that you shouldn't.

Well, the timing was weird because it's like, you know, he's saying, like, you know, because there's screening now for babies with Down syndrome.

Right.

But it comes at the same time as this third trimester bill.

But, like, you can find out if a kid has Down syndrome in the second trimester.

People already terminate pregnancies based on like the Down syndrome thing.

So it's like, it it's like odd timing,

you know?

But it's, it's funny because the guy wrote a better speech than I could.

It's a good speech.

You know, I mean, and did he write the speech?

He's reading it all off a piece of paper, and you've heard me read things on this show a million times, and I can't do it.

And it's like, is he even retarded?

I mean, I guess it's got like flag.

He doesn't even really need to say anything.

The fact that he's like reading something off a piece of paper and is way more convincing.

I have never had, I've never been able to persuade anybody to the degree that retarded man is making people say we should rethink abortion.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

Did he make was he just late term or does he mean all abortions?

He just wants people to not get abortions because he did make it a point.

He's like, I don't want to make abortion illegal.

I just want to make it unthinkable.

Interesting.

Yeah.

So just shame?

Yeah, shame or I guess like,

like educate people on

like what, you know, how Down syndrome people, like, they can live like relatively normal lives or whatever.

Oh, does he mean abortion of Down syndrome people or just?

Yeah, I think he means of Down syndrome people.

Okay, that makes sense.

Well, it doesn't because once you say they're Down syndrome people in the womb, then you've given personhood to a fucking baby.

Well, I just mean like...

No,

there's no way to wade into this argument.

There is.

Well, I'm saying is people that

only screen are like, I'm going to kill this retarded baby.

So it's a baby now, and you're killing it.

Yeah.

So abortion is killing a baby.

Yeah, whatever.

Who cares?

I don't give a fuck.

I'll just fucking kill a baby so that I can continue my life.

But no, I mean, I just mean like if the reason you're doing this is because you're screening for Down syndrome, then I get that argument.

You're just like, the same way you're like, you want, if you could screen for having a sexy kid, let's kill all ugly kids.

You know what I mean?

So, women shouldn't be able to choose?

No, they should.

I haven't been listening.

What are you.

You're saying that you shouldn't have to.

So women should be able to choose unless there's specific conditions that you feel are like inappropriate.

No, I just say I see his argument of being like,

I don't want

abortion to be illegal so that people can still choose, but if someone is doing it just to get a retarded baby out of there.

I'm pro-abortion, pro-influenced.

I'm pro at all.

So you're saying women should be educated before they make the decision?

No, I'm just saying I see what the fuck.

I see what he means in terms of saying he wants to make abortion unthinkable, I guess in the case of only aborting a retarded kid or whatever.

So if it's a a normal person, like it's a normal baby that's healthy, that person should die.

It's not a baby, Nick.

I've said it's a baby.

I don't give a fuck.

I'm not actually arguing.

I don't know why you're applying your

trademark internet arguments to me.

I'm not applying my trademark internet argument.

Your style of like asking questions and following up on the things I said, prosecutorial, all this kind of gay stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, I didn't force you to have a fucking opinion on the thing.

You decided to offer offer one.

I'm just saying.

I'm just saying, I see what the retarded guy's saying.

Did you see the video of fucking Kamala Harris talking about sending in DAs to have like parent-teacher conference meetings and like to sit there and make them think that they're going to be prosecuted and thrown in jail of like the truant kids and like laughing about it?

It is fucking

Corey Brewer Booker.

Well, anyways, back to the Brewer.

The Down syndrome guy.

The Down syndrome guy, I will say this.

6'7 Win.

He does make one point in the video.

He's like, there's studies that show that Down syndrome people and their families experience a higher level of happiness than anyone else.

And it's like, oh, we should all have Down syndrome.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But they can't, like, don't their families have to support them forever and shit?

Yeah.

Who cares?

Like, Down syndrome people are like,

they're the nicest people in the world.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

Except for in that movie, Paul Town, Jeff Town.

Yeah, that's the one guy, and

that's why he's a celebrity.

The way you get famous is a retarded guy as being a mean asshole.

The one mean one.

The oddity.

Yeah.

Legalize it.

I don't understand how we're still re-litigating abortion.

I thought it's been the law for like 50 years now.

We should be able to get abortion up, man.

I don't give a fuck.

Let a gal choose whatever she does with her puss.

That's what I'm saying.

It's not that.

Take that, you retarded guy.

And the inside of her pussy.

Shut up, man.

Every part of her pussy.

It's not inside of the pussy.

Every part of her pussy.

She gets to choose about every part of her pussy.

That's probably why you're bad at fucking is because you don't even understand the anatomy of her pussy.

She's like, and then you nutted the pussy, and then the baby grows into the power.

It grows inside the pussy.

Everyone knows that.

The baby's hanging onto the limbs.

If you studied a woman's internals,

dude, meticulously.

To me, the inside of the woman's body is even sexier than the outside.

I'm studying, you you know 5.75 inches deep at a time pal you know what i'm saying i got a little submarine in there yellow submarine

stop loves pissing all over his own johnson oh yeah dude i'm not stopping till my cock is golden

i love calling it a johnson just going into dunkin dennis uh is there any place a fella could uh pull his johnson out in here and dig a leak

yeah i was wondering if you got a room where i could pull my johnson pull my johnson out i'm trying to to take a leak out of my

wife's face.

My friggin' Johnson over here.

My friggin' Johnson is ready to puse.

My friggin' puse.

Ready to take a piuse.

Yeah, I don't know how to speak.

I have to go to therapy.

Oh, do you?

Yeah.

I have to eat something, dude.

I'm starving.

You can eat my nuts.

What happens to you at therapy?

What do you mean?

What's going on there?

I'm just talking about my issues.

But

I know you, and I'm like, I can't imagine what's like, I wish I could just.

Yeah, but Nick, there's a different dynamic between a therapist and his son.

I can't imagine that there is.

No,

you see him once a week in only this one context.

You went to therapy.

You're just more open.

You're just your therapist being like, would you say that's sick or it's gay?

Nick went to therapy.

I would honestly say it's pretty gay that my dad, my relationship with my dad is pretty gay.

I'm back in the therapy doesn't work camp.

Yeah, but you're still.

You went one time there.

Yeah, and you know what I also did?

I started going back to the gym, and I feel a million times better.

You should do both.

It's not one or the other.

I'm going to start, dude, because my health insurance is about to kick in.

Anyway, go see February 11th.

We got a funny mom's coming up.

It's also my 30th birthday.

Yeah, we're going to have a big celebration.

I'm going to take a picture of the cabin.

No cake, though, guys.

No cakes, no desserts.

On February 16th, I'll be in

the best part for on a diet.

I will eat whatever I please.

No one's going to be able to do it.

We're giving Saab his birthday punches.

You should honestly give me a month where I have control of all your bias.

Absolutely not.

Give me a week.

You will have no control over anything.

He would get so cranky, dude.

You have to deal with cranky stuff.

He would be just such a baby about it.

He just goes so easy.

Can you imagine putting him on a diet?

It'd be like a cat in heat.

He should be just

chewing on all the furniture.

Just eating muscles all over everything.

Don't leave leather around me when I'm on a diet, dude.

That used to be beef.

Somebody sucked on all that.

That came out of me.

All right.

On the 16th, February 16th, I'm in Hartford.

Come check that out.

And then on the 22nd, I'm coming to Delaware.

Come say I'm gay.

Come say I'm gay.

I'm gay with me.

On February 22nd with Ian Fidance in Delaware.

I'm bringing Ian's little bitch ass.

Ian Vivance.

Ian Vivance.

Luzon, Funny Moms on the 11th.

Joe List.

I don't know who else.

But yeah, I gotta go.

And then we got on the 25th, Funny Moms again.

Are you just leaving right now?

Alright, well, that's the show, everybody.

Thanks, guys.

Goodbye.

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