Ep. 49 – The Hidden Episode

This is episode two of the reunion series.

Season two have come.

This is the official second season.

Dude,

we love each other.

I do actually have

seasons mapped out for the show.

Oh, really?

And

I haven't shared

my overall architect's dream for what the series will be.

What's the show, Bible?

What's the season where Staff realizes he's a homosexual?

That'll never happen.

I love pussy too much.

No,

I don't want to do any spoilers, but eventually he fucks you.

You get fucked by Stav.

Well, then that's gay.

But no, it's not gay.

You get bit.

You get turned out by Stop.

I turn you out.

I'm so straight.

I just think you bother me.

Well, what happens is initially I think it's really funny, but then you guys become close in like sort of a prison relationship.

You get jealous.

Well, I just

feel alienated.

And then I fuck you.

Because it becomes our thing that we have nobody

nobody fucks me I just no I actually fuck you no I just quit I quit the show and then I'm replaced by Siri and then everyone finds out that Siri can do a better job of husting a podcast

I like everything you said except I do actually end up fucking you

in that in the show well I go off in the woods and then I become like really strong and oh like a yeah but I drug

survival skills and shit and then I drug your moose meat and then I drink you while you're sleeping no there's World War II.

You guys are too busy.

You guys moose meat.

At this point,

you guys are living in West Hollywood.

You're in a homosexual relationship in West Hollywood.

Oh, in Boys Town.

You're podcasting because I'm gone.

The entertainment industry will fuck with you.

Right, right.

Wait, the gay neighborhood in this neighborhood is called Boys Town.

I didn't know that.

That's what someone told me.

I thought the whole thing was a gay neighborhood.

All of California.

I thought the neighborhood.

Except like Sacramento.

Yeah, or Oregon and Seattle.

I think Bakersfield is gay.

Yeah, and if there's any people out there in Bakersfield listening right now, you're gay.

How can Bakersfield be gay when corn comes from there?

Really?

Yeah, K-O, backwards R, and.

Yeah, well, the backwards K stands for it's cool to suck dick.

It's cool to suck off.

Nick did a good face

elevated that job.

Yeah, it was a physical bit, but if you think about it, half of the corn lyrics are the noises you make when a dick is hitting the back of your throat.

Ancient dick-sucking language.

How the fuck?

That's how

lazy music got in the late 90s.

It's like, yeah, we're just going to make noise.

And wear Adidas's shell toast.

But also,

you know, that was Limbisket, also.

That was weird.

Yeah, but Limbiskit, you know what?

And I've said this before, and everyone thinks I'm joking, but Limbisket is low-key, extremely talented.

What do you mean?

They're extremely talented.

They're on a Michael Jackson level of talent?

They are

one of the only rap, rock bands that come out of that era that people talk about.

That's still worth listening to.

They are not

every album.

Significant other.

Chocolate shopping.

Starfish, Starfish.

And the hot dog flavored water.

I mean, what a stupid title.

No, I think that's a really smart title, actually.

You know what's a stupid title?

What's the name of your comedy album, Stop?

Big Dicks IR.

That's a stupid title.

The Big Dick IR.

Do you know what my comedy album is called?

I miss the late 90s so much.

Before the Towers came down?

Before the dot-com.

Did you have any effort into their comedy titles?

No, back when we had corn.

That was the peak of sincere.

What else was a rap rock band?

It was P.O.D.

Count?

Yeah, Christian Rock.

That's Christian Rock.

Yeah, but they rapped and rocked.

Yeah.

Oh, Lincoln Park.

Rage Against the Machine is rap rock.

Rage Against the Machine is the best one of those groups.

Yeah,

because

they had a real message.

Well, no, it's because Morello was like extremely.

Yeah, he was awesome.

No.

I mean, Rage Against the Machine was definitely the smartest of all of them.

For sure.

But no, it's like that music sucks.

Dude, when you listen to the lyrics.

That was my favorite band when I was 11.

Yeah.

And then I remember turning 12, and I was like, this is stupid.

Well, when you listen to Rage lyrics, you realize that they're talking about real-ass stuff.

Like

the Nina, NAFTA, and the Pina, and the Santa Marina.

The Nina, the penis, and the Santa Maria.

That's what the suck off my channel.

That's what the Christian or the Catholic sign of the Holy Spirit is.

Nina, the penis.

The penis.

The Santa Marina.

Santa Maria.

Sam Maria.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, so I don't know.

I don't feel.

I listen to fucking...

There was definitely Lincoln Park Park had a big-ass moment in sixth grade.

Well, actually, what I'm saying is

Limp Biscuit is better than Lincoln Park.

You think I mean, I don't, who cares?

They're both so bad.

I care.

This is the very small world I live in.

This is the little dollhouse.

You know, my favorite

of aesthetics.

I think I would probably pick Lincoln Park over Limp Biscuit.

They're very bad.

I like the Limp Biscuit song, which was like rapping with Method Man.

Do you remember that one?

In Together now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was on

Significant Other.

Yeah.

I think so.

I cannot believe you know what was on what Limp Biscuit album.

That's insane.

Significant Other is a great album.

Break stuff.

It's just one of those days

when you don't want to wake up.

I can give you breakfast.

If I remember correctly,

track four.

Track four.

There's a wild.

You're going to get probably trouble for this.

You're going to get in big trouble for this, Nick.

I know.

I'm guessing.

I'm guessing, but I feel like it was track four.

What's it called?

Limp Biscuit?

Yeah, Breakstuff.

Breaks Up.

It's all about the he said, she said.

Oh, yeah.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

Or maybe Nookie was four and Breakstuff was five.

Well, we'll find out soon enough.

It's all about the fuck my ass.

It's all about the suck my penis.

Yeah.

The music video for Break Stuff is just filled with like

everybody from 1998.

The corn guys in that video.

Yeah, they're, well, they were.

The man of fucking art is terrible.

Significant other?

No, that shit's cool.

No, it's the guy.

It's that cool.

Yeah.

It's like weird, airbrushed, graffiti, not exactly anime stolen, but sort of.

Ugh.

I remember it was the fourth one.

Oh, wait, no, no, I'm sorry.

That's the singles.

Hold on.

Track listing.

Fingers crossed.

Number four breaks up.

Unbelievable.

Yes.

Nookie was number three.

Yes, dude.

I nailed it.

I knew it came after Nookie.

And together now.

It was spelled N.

Yes.

You know, every single mistake we've made on this show, movies, people that have been in them,

characters.

Completely erased.

Erased.

By that fucking half-court swish.

That was Steph Curry pulling up to 40 right there.

That was beautiful.

Yeah, that was a thing of.

He's not kidding.

Congratulations.

He 100% is not kidding.

It's not kidding.

This could be good.

Incredible.

Well, you know what?

I've been hanging out with Lewis a lot.

Yeah.

Now, what's your life of the...

Lewis sort of dresses like Fred Durst.

I would be surprised if Lewis doesn't like Limp Biscuit.

He definitely likes Limpiscuis.

That's ironic.

I would be 100% 100% likes Limp Biscuit.

The funniest thing.

That would shock me if.

Tyl Hasse Coates, too.

He said that when you guys are on the bus.

Well, first of all, why the fuck were you fucking bringing up Tyl Hasikots?

He has actually the most famous person from our high schools was.

And so I've like, this probably,

you probably, I don't know, but this guy, Tana Hasi Coates.

And he's like, oh, I don't know.

I don't know who that is.

And then he just

noticed he turned around the laptop, and in the search bar, it said Tallahassee Coates.

No, it was Tallahassee Totes.

It's like tote bags.

Tallahassee Toads.

That shit is so funny.

Which sounds like a pimp's name.

Tallahassee Totes.

It's not on the level of Eric getting the NAACP wrong, but it's on the left.

Almost

the NWACP.

But, so here we are.

We're in motherfucking Los Angeles.

Compton, California.

Yeah, we're in the...

Guess what?

We're in Jay Leno's garage.

We gentrified Brooklyn.

We're gentrifying Calderon.

LA.

Oh, yeah.

We're going to take over every fucking neighborhood.

Yo,

can I ask you a question?

I didn't listen to the Dana and Jamil show.

Oh, yeah, how dare you try and replace with another fat man and woman dude?

Well, okay, obviously.

No, I made fun of you for telling me to go to the Compton.

Oh, no, I didn't.

Is that what you were going to ask me?

No.

Oh, yeah, you came up.

Because we talked about Get Out, and I was like, Adam told me I had to go see it in Compton.

And then I was like, imagine Adam in a theater in Compton.

Oh, hey, guys.

Good ticket no one robs him with me.

I had to see it with black people.

No, I'm just bicking back being bull right now.

Oh, what's up, fellas?

Oh, this is about to get brazy.

Oh, I'm in Bompton right now, so you can get out.

No, that's not what I was going to say.

But, I mean, obviously, in that pairing, I'm more of the Jamel, the hip-hop kind of street.

You're Dana, you're the girl.

You're the Dana, you're a bitch, you're a woman.

Right?

You're a Dana, bitch.

No.

First of all, you and Dana weigh the same amount, probably.

Except

spirit, joie de vive.

vivre.

And

Dana goes rock climbing.

She has

Dana could definitely take you up in a fight.

Oh, yeah, she's in a healthy relationship.

Yeah.

She's like soulmates with her boyfriend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They do like rock climbing.

Well, actually, you know what?

She just broke her arm being active.

You might have to do it.

So you got a shot right now for the next five weeks.

Yeah.

Broke her arm, broke her relationship.

Yeah, I like on Legion of Skanks where Lewis will fight Mickey Gall.

He has like professional fighters on, and then he fights him in the studio.

Our thing is going to be: we're going to have Adam fight women.

Women with broken arms, with fucked up limbs.

I could beat a woman with a broken arm.

No, you could.

Get her in this room right now.

She gets used.

You see, you don't know.

She's using the cast to fuck you up.

She's using the cast.

I'm not afraid of that.

I'm not afraid of that.

Dudes, I would love to.

We should for real have Adam.

But legit, like, when I fight, I use Krav Maga, Israeli military combat.

Israeli scratching and which is like scratching, biting, cheating.

There's a lot of hissing, occupying other people's missiles as children.

Shooting kids with rocks.

Right.

You know, those kind of things.

Calling the police.

Yeah, yeah.

I saw someone had a tweet.

Oh, never mind.

Someone else's joke.

But there's a thing.

If you're a woman out there and you think you can beat Adam in a fight, let us know and we will have you fight him.

If he loses, he has to give you all his money.

I also want to say to any woman out there that wants to fight me:

if you manage not to fuck me by the end of our fight, I'll give you $100.

I'm irresistible.

Sounds pretty rapey, dude.

I'm not going to rape them.

They're going to voluntarily want to have sex with me.

Yeah, I have to.

After beating legally, I have to distance myself from these rapular comments.

Wow, look at Malibu Mullen.

My publicist, Kurt Metzger, told me.

Oh, fuck.

We're getting a lot of heat from the POCs and the SJ Dubbs.

Well, yeah, we're over here in fucking Compton.

We're in Bompton right now getting crazy.

Yeah,

what I was going to say about it.

Yeah, yeah.

I got like 40 DMs this week about, yo, let me get some weed.

Let me get an ape.

Oh, yeah.

No, fucking Jamel just said on the show, he's like, Adam sells weed.

Jamel said said that?

Yeah, and I was like, you probably

said that.

Jamel narked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He did the least cool thing.

Okay.

Well, then I was like, oh, you're out.

I am, Jamel.

You're right.

But I don't sell weed anymore anymore.

I can come out of the closet.

You're that cop.

Oh, yeah.

Adam said that.

That for six months, I got it in right before I turned 30 or 30.

I don't murder anymore.

Stop doing that.

No, I did.

There's a comic in Austin.

I don't want to say his name because I don't, just on his behalf, but he claims that he robbed two banks like 15 years ago.

He was like 22.

Statute of Limitations jokes?

Well,

he was telling people about it.

He was like, yeah, because he writes, too.

He kind of wants to be a journalist.

So he was telling people about it, and it didn't seem like bullshit because he's not a bullshitter.

And it was like, you know, it's such a unique thing.

He was like, you know, I was like 22.

I was like, you know, like at my wit's end.

I didn't know what I want to do with my life.

And like, I just sort of did this like brash thing and like robbed two banks or whatever and the way he did it was like he he said he

Brought a photo of like his friend who was a girl like tied up in a basement and he just like like handed it to the teller he wore like you know different clothes and like a baseball cap or something some kind of yeah handed the teller said I'm gonna kill this girl like give me the money or you know like I'll let her go in two days once I make sure that you know nobody's wait he just like

just

showed a random picture of a woman to someone yeah yeah he's like don't call the cops or you know, you have to wait two days to call her.

Some kind of, that was his thing that he said.

And then he was going around and he was like, you know, saying, like, well, I checked, and the statute of limitations is 10 years, you know, for bank robbery or whatever.

So I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

And it's like,

you're not in the clear.

Yeah, I know there's, you're fucking up, whatever you think.

Yeah.

Statute of limitations are.

Like, there's no reason.

Did the bank just sue you for the money back or something?

Yeah, I think how statute of Limitations work is they have a limited amount of time to file charges once they close the case, right?

It's not like

I have no idea.

It's something weird.

Didn't Doug Stanhope have a bit where

he said he could only do it

because enough time had passed?

Telling him when his mom died?

Yeah, the sky maul.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't know.

Anyhow, this guy, Eric, was going around saying

he had robbed a bank and then eventually walked it back because I think he was afraid about the statute of limitations thing.

I saw that movie with Chris Pines where he robs banks.

That movie is great.

The hell or high.

They're so fucking good.

They're already talking about it.

That's pretty good.

Oh, yeah, I just hadn't seen it at that time.

Oh, you hadn't?

No, yeah.

That's like...

It's really good.

That's probably the best movie ever made.

I really think it should have won the Oscar, dude.

Is it as good as Limb Biscuit is to music?

Yeah.

I watched that.

That's a great way to just piss people off as you pick one thing and you're like, that honestly might be the best, whatever the category is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because nothing can ever be the best, right?

You know?

What is what if you had to pick the best movie?

I say Titanic.

Of all time?

Yeah.

On paper, it's

Chinatown.

I think it's on paper.

Cyprican in the movie with

Network.

Actually, on paper, Network's probably the best movie.

Why?

It's like that's the best screenplay.

On paper, the best movie is The Expendables.

It's got the most, on paper, it's got the most stars.

That's true.

Technically, best movie.

If you're going to add up all those, all those stars.

Or it would be the movie with Al Pacino and

Robert Georgia when they're old.

When they're old.

And Curtis 50 Cent Jackson.

Curtis 50 Cent Jackson is in it?

Yep.

How fucking...

Wasn't that movie supposed to come out like...

Yeah, it sat on a shelf for like three years?

Yeah.

Imagine how shitty a movie has to be to reunite Pacito in a way.

You know what sat on a movie?

They did one scene of one movie together for their entire careers, and then for some reason they decided to make a complete piece of shit together.

You know what movie was sat on the shelf for three years and is honestly one of the best comedies ever made?

Clifford.

Oh, yeah.

Clifford is.

Martin Short.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Clifford is such a good movie.

Yeah.

But apparently, like.

I haven't seen it in years, though.

They couldn't get distributed.

Does it hold up?

I used to think it was insanely funny.

I re-watched it in the last five years.

And it holds up.

I remember thinking that movie was hilarious when I was like 14.

Yeah.

But Stefan wanted to sit over here.

It's so funny.

Have you seen his stuff?

You know the concept of Martin Shorty.

Yeah, yeah.

Actually, we have

a 10-year-old boy.

Well, look, dude, it's a very limited in scope.

I want to know what your life is like in Los Angeles, baby.

Oh, my life.

Oh, you're in a transit.

It sucks, dude.

This place fucking sucks.

The weather's nice.

I hate the nice weather.

People are like, oh, it's snowing in New York.

And it's like, yeah, I thrive in that shit.

No, dude, it's sucked, dick.

No, that's me.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

I need that.

I need it to be fucking like overcast.

I feel better dude.

What's been way more productive?

What's been going on?

We're talking reunion.

Like, we're literally, I guess we spent so much time together that we literally didn't see each other in like three weeks.

It felt like years, right?

Yeah.

It was longer than three weeks.

Like three weeks, dude.

I fucking uh

this is a reunion, yeah.

It's feeling like it's each other.

You're like maybe strumming your dick like a banjo.

I'm fucking scratching my balls, dude.

What's happened since that?

I went to Mexico.

I can see your knuckles through your basketball shorts.

That's disgusting.

Shut the fuck up, pay.

Put some fucking slack in your shorts if you're going to scratch your balls like that.

It looks like on each individual puppet show, dude.

That's disgusting.

Like a fucking shadow puppet show.

You can see the fucking complete outline of my dick.

It's awful.

What if your dick...

What if like a fucking chest burster is about to come out of your crotch?

What if your dick was like

when you pulled out your pants, your dick was just like a hand.

It had five fingers.

Hello, girls.

That'd be cool.

That'd be pretty cool.

Yeah, no,

I would go like six months without seeing Jake Flores, you know, and I'd see him and I'd be like, oh, hey, what's up?

Yeah.

You know, it's not really.

I guess we

work necessitates that we hang out all the time.

Yeah, no, I mean twice a week.

Yeah, for what, nine months or something?

Yeah.

Yeah, six shit.

Yeah, pretty cool.

Bitch,

it is, it is weird being here where I have literally no friends.

Yeah,

in LA?

Yeah, just not, I just go home at the end of the day.

What do you do?

You don't even know your PlayStation, brother.

I don't.

What do you do?

Nothing.

You shouldn't get on any

talk to us.

I've been going to bed at like 9:30.

To go back to work?

Have you been getting swole?

I go to the gym, yeah, in the morning.

Nice.

Oh, yeah, guys.

Nick has a huge ass from doing squats.

And then I hurt myself, and then I go to work.

Nice.

Yeah.

Eating a lot of ibuprofen.

That's the key.

Not to bite on Lewis too much here, but the real ass diet is garbage.

The real ass diet.

So emphasis on real.

What about the authentic diet?

No, hold on.

It's the real ass diet.

Oh, I see.

So it's the ass diet, but it's the real version of it.

Oh, it's fine.

And it's a shit ton of Motrin and

the Nature's Valley sweetened salty granola bars.

Oh, those are good as shit.

Yeah.

Oh, those are like candy.

I've been eating like four or five.

Like cashy ones?

Yeah, well, it's like candy, but it's not.

It's like going on a hike.

Yeah, you're right.

For your body.

Those are like, oh, fuck those.

I love that.

All regular granola bars were already like, like, this is essentially candy.

This is fucking candy.

And they're like, we got to do that.

Nature Valley.

You got to make it worth it.

This thing is just candy.

Yeah.

This one has like a nice fucking caramel.

Yeah, it's got a caramel base.

You know, the Nature Valley, you get two of these.

I love how your knowledge of snacks.

We're like, Stop, have you seen, have you seen Shawshank Redemption?

No.

You're like, no, what's that?

And I'm like, guys, remember that fucking, what was it?

And you're like, trolley bright crawlers?

I'm like, yeah, how the fuck did you do that?

I didn't even give you a description.

I love those shits, dude.

Oh, Somede that I was talking about.

Your boy fucks around with snacks.

Yeah.

You know, I love snacks.

Yeah, it's because you don't have like a movie problem.

The thing I love.

Tom doesn't have like a.

Where he's like.

I got type 2 diabetes from the criterion.

The doctor says they're going to have to cut out my eyeballs.

My fucking.

I i fucking

oh i can't wait to just eat some fucking shit here dude i want to get some damn in and out yeah and i want to that's pretty good and i want to get some fucking all-you can eat korean you want to call it in and out right huh you go in there straight you come out gay

it's true you come out of the closet that's why they call it in an out yeah it's a closet yeah but there's actually another store here called out of the closet it's a clothing store that does free hiv testing yeah they have one in new york yeah it was right next to

i would love it if it was just like

I would just love it if it was like a really gay guy behind the counter and you come in and he's like,

you have AIDS.

You have AIDS.

You have AIDS.

You're probably fine.

He just takes a swab of your dick, tastes it and goes.

No, he's just judging people.

You have to come in the door and then you do a runway walk.

He's just walking vogue.

You have to fucking lip sync like at the end of Rupaul's drag race.

Yeah, dude, I I want to go fucking crazy.

But I do want to hit the damn beach, dude.

You know, I found out at work.

We were talking about Paris's burning the other day.

Yeah.

I don't know if we were talking about it on the podcast.

We did, I think, once.

About the Voguing?

Yeah.

About, well, no.

Yeah, you know what?

You're talking about Paris's.

But Dorian Corey,

the old drag queen from that movie, the like, you know,

hooray for you, like that bitter asshole drag queen.

She died in 1993, I think.

I didn't know this until like a week ago.

But the police went into her apartment and she had a mummified corpse of like someone she had dated that she murdered.

What the fuck?

Yeah,

like a body that she had like embalmed or some shit.

Cool.

It was just in her apartment.

So she was just a fucking insane person.

It speculated that she was in an abusive relationship and she shot the person in self-defense and then mummified their body.

Didn't you also tell a different story about a different

drag queen that got killed by her significant other something?

Oh, yeah, there's a girl in them, but they explain that in the documentary.

There's a girl, Octavia, that's like, you know, she's like, I just want to have

a husband who loves me

and

just a nice

beautiful house in the suburbs.

You know, and then it's like, Octavia was strangled to death in a motel.

Jesus Christ.

Do you think?

Yeah.

Maybe I can, now I can't remember if it was Octavia or the other one.

Who cares, dude?

It was the other one, yeah.

Octavia was the one that was very pretty.

One of them looked good.

Octavia was the one that was attractive.

I haven't seen that movie in your life.

Octavia legitimately looked like a beautiful woman.

Would you smash?

No, because of all the wrist veins.

They all had very weird.

Would you get dome?

No.

But she's wearing gloves.

None of the above.

I wouldn't do it.

I'm not.

I get to do that.

I just don't have...

Like, I understand other people who are into that, and I don't shame them for it or whatever if you want to be like an Ian Finance type, but that's...

No.

No.

But I'm saying is that you're not particularly into it, but she offers you head.

Do you take it?

No.

No strings attached.

No.

And she gives you a sniper.

You're just working something out right now.

And she gives you a sandwich.

So you get to eat a sandwich while getting your daddy.

What universe are you living in where I'm the one that's bribed by

I'm saying you're hungry.

Stop just wants to suck.

You're hungry.

You'll get your favorite sandwich.

This is lucky.

And she sucks your dick.

You've admitted in the past and

intimated that you are one of, like, you're like an Ian type of guy.

I'd be interested to

take a dip in

the trans pool.

Yeah.

I have no objections.

Can we set that up?

What's the appeal?

I don't know.

If she's hot, I don't care if she has a dick, basically.

It's not a specific appeal.

No, but there are people that are trans.

He should have gone to see Logan before doing this.

I saw Logan.

Have you seen it?

No, I haven't, but I want to talk about anything other than.

No, I want to talk about Som's trans

amorous

transmarie.

Transamorous.

Transamorous.

Transphilia.

Transmophilia.

It's literally transphilia.

I guess that's true.

Yeah, it is.

You haven't haven't seen Logan?

Have you seen it, Adam?

No.

No, I want to talk about it, but oh, wait, it's good, dude.

I cried.

Yeah, well, I actually.

Trans is Latin, right?

Yes.

Topphilia is Greek.

Yeah, but they mix the two.

It's trans.

They said on that show, Transparent, Transamorous.

Transamorous?

For guys that only date trans women.

And only drive transamorous.

Dude, Transamorous.

I was doing mushrooms one time with Jake, and we were at this fucking weirdos house, and Jake went outside to have a cigarette.

And I used to, like, I still have this, like, I'm sure if I ate mushrooms now, I'd have the same problem, but it just takes me forever to like start tripping.

So, if I'm like with other people, I have a tendency to like way overeat the mushrooms because you're like 45 minutes in, and just nothing is happening for me.

So, like, up top, I'll usually

eat like four grams and then drink tea on top of it, and then like, I'm like, this is doing nothing for me.

And then I'm like, holy shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But so we were at this guy's apartment, and I'm like, definitely peeking.

And fucking Jake goes out and has a cigarette, and he comes back in laughing.

He's like, dude, you got to go outside and look at this guy to confirm that this guy is real.

And I go outside and I look where he tells me to look across the parking lot.

And like 20 feet away, there's a guy sitting on the hood of a Trans Am and like Daisy Dukes and nothing else with like Joe Dirt hair, smoking a cigarette.

And I just like burst out laughing in his face

because I'm a mushroom.

So, like, it's just so funny to see that.

And I ran back in the apartment and slammed the door and then ran to the kitchen window.

And I was like peering through the blinds at him, and he's fucking like throwing up both middle fingers at me, and he's got a cigarette in his mouth.

He's like, fuck you.

Yeah, he's like, well, I laughed right in his face and then ran to the window like a dog to continue laughing at him.

Keep gawking at him.

That's fucking incredible.

No, that guy was great.

What was he doing, dude?

Just hanging in his daisies?

I don't know.

That was a fun trip.

That was like one of the few times I had a solidly good time on mushrooms until we tried to watch Super Jail.

Oh, no.

Why would you do that on mushrooms?

I think it was my idea.

I was like,

you know what, might be, let's try it.

And then after five minutes, I was like, I had to go and lay down in the bathroom.

That sounds awful.

It does.

I want to do, I've never done acid.

I want to do acid.

Yeah, there's no reason to do mushrooms after you do acid.

Really?

They're completely different.

I'll never do mushrooms again.

Really?

Yeah.

I feel like mushrooms are a lot more volatile than acid is.

Yep, because it's like a poison.

You're poisoning your body.

Your body's going through.

I'm like acid, which is an acid that goes into your brain.

Yeah.

No, it stimulates like a part.

Yeah, like

it stimulates a part of your brain, bro.

That's like there the whole time, man.

I'm a good boy.

I just do cocaine these days.

Yeah, it's so weird to be sober.

And the one exception you make is cocaine.

Yeah, one of the most drugs.

The weirdest party drugs.

Well, that's, you know, of all the arguments that, you know, people make about me being a crypto fascist, that's probably the best one.

You can still do cocaine.

I do cocaine, like, scientifically.

Like the Nick?

Like, I do a professional amount of cocaine.

Yeah.

You really do.

Uh-huh.

I haven't done it in like a month and a half.

You're living clean, dude.

So what else is what else are you doing fucking here?

What's your apartment like?

This is all fucking boring, dude.

It's not, it's a shitty apartment.

That's the end of the story.

I hear there's more.

No, there's not.

Yeah, there's the cameras everywhere.

It's a Korean guy that fucking is like a, he's a nut job.

He won't fucking, you know, he's like, oh, don't touch anything.

You know, like,

it's not a funny story.

It just sucks.

We got that great voice, though, Adam.

Yeah, well, I could do that voice for plenty of characters.

Stop, what have you been up to in the three weeks that we haven't hung out with each other?

Dude, I've been just, I was trying to get it right at Planet Fitness Astoria, but I'm really teetering on a horrible.

Yeah, you've been eating a lot on this trip.

I've been eating like dog shit.

As soon as it was like vacation, it's like, well, they're like, literally, on the way to the plane, I stopped.

I'd been eating good all fucking week, and I just got like a fucking big-ass hoagie for the fucking trip.

I was like, well, I can't be hungry.

on this trip to LA.

Yeah.

So instead of getting like a fucking nice breakfast or some shit, I just got like a fucking fat-ass Italian sub and I just ate half on the train to LaGuardia and half at LaGuardia.

Speaking of Italian subs,

gay Italian, no,

Italian Dom and Italian subs.

No, no, no, no.

Subway now is doing ads again.

Oh yeah.

They have a bunch of them.

Oh yeah, for the Italian

Italian sub.

Yeah.

And

that's the first Subway ad I've seen since Jared.

Yeah yeah they're trying to go back to the ad game.

Oh, did they?

They did like this stuff where it was like, because I remember seeing that and thinking, like,

it's like, all right, well, like, they did, like, one that was like

the fresh ingredients people.

They can almost

never, that, like, fatally destroyed that brand.

Yeah, exactly.

Because it's like every commercial is just like

the guy who fucked kids.

Yeah.

We don't know.

Yeah,

they went into athletes after Jared.

Nah, they were RG3.

And they got like other athletes.

When?

I don't remember any of these ads.

No, that was during

Jared.

No, that was.

Jared did a lot of commercials with fucking athletes, dude.

Can you imagine?

These guys are all at the top of their game.

Of their games, and this fucking loser.

Well, it turns out he's great at his game.

Fucking children and not getting caught for years.

It took him like...

He was fucking in Subway.

Well, Subway was probably caught in the business.

I don't think he was.

I think he just fucked like a 15-year-old girl, right?

I don't know.

He fucked a kid.

Did a bunch of child pornography.

Yeah, but he was into like

whatever.

I'm not defending

you.

The last one you literally are.

I was

Casey Afflict, and now you're defending.

I don't think Jared was sucking.

No, you said he was fucking and sucking.

He definitely was fucking and sucking.

He wasn't sucking like five-year-old boys' dicks.

I don't think Jared was like, Okay, so he's like Milo.

He likes to fuck 13-year-olds.

Yeah, whatever.

I just want to be.

You know, if you're going to levy an accusation against

a full-time.

Somebody Jared already sucked.

I don't understand why he's not.

He already sucked, yeah.

It's also so clear in hindsight that he fucked children.

He looks exactly like somebody.

Well, when those actions,

the actions for years, people would say that he was like a weird porn guy in college.

Like, he collected a bunch of pornography, and he like...

Oh, and he was obese to me.

Yeah, he was a big fat guy.

He loved jacking off.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

I can get behind that.

Maybe, maybe.

Who do we know like that?

But see, look, stop.

You're never trying to lose.

You never actually lose the weight.

That's how we know you're not a pedophile.

It's true.

If I lost weight, it would make me a pedophile.

Yeah, because Subway Jared only lost the weight so he could get to the children.

So you fuck children?

Yeah.

I feel like if you're fat as hell, you still fuck children.

I guess did

Gacy fuck boys, younger people?

Yeah, then he ate them or something, right?

Yeah, he was fat.

He was a clown.

Dude, you could fuck children if you're fat.

Oh, my God.

I'm not saying I want to.

I'm just saying the idea that Jared had to to lose weight to fuck kids.

We should have gone to see Logan.

Hold on.

If you're a pedophile, you're coercing children.

It's not like children are fucking because you're sexy anyway.

Well, first of all, there's no way a fat pedophile could do his job because he would eat all the candy or other

candy before Halloween.

He would just get the kids that liked raisins because he ate all the other fucking shit you get.

Yeah, the kids.

Well, the children that just liked vans.

Well, the poor, autistic kids.

They were just very interested in those vans.

So, anyway, yes, and in conclusion, you could be fat and fucked.

In fact, I feel like a lot of pedophiles are fat.

Yeah.

You know?

Doesn't that seem like it's right?

I don't know.

What are we even talking about anyway?

Yeah, I don't know.

I went to Mexico City, guys, the capital.

Did we talk about that?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you fucked up.

Well, talk about your whole experience.

I like, I don't know.

It was, you know, they loved me there.

They couldn't get enough of me.

I just went, you know, I was in the Uber.

I was talking to people.

Full disclosure, big part of the problem.

Talking to the people.

Big part of the problem.

I have like a fucking cut on my gum line.

From what?

I don't know, but it's like fucking excruciating.

Do you want me to put my dick in your gums?

I don't know.

I don't, like, it's just everything fucking hurts going in and out of my mouth.

What?

You ever eat a pizza and your mouth just sucks for a week?

Yes.

The cheese is too hot.

I don't know, but my mouth,

your whole mouth is just injured.

My gums are like inflamed and I don't know what to do.

What are you going to do about it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I already use Listerine.

That's usually my go-to.

You know, there's that pizza.

Last time this fucking happened, it got really bad, and I had to go get one of my teeth drilled.

No.

Yeah.

Ugh.

I hope that doesn't happen.

There's that pizza place Two Boots in New York that puts the corn things on the bottom.

The like...

Cornmeal?

The cornmeal on the bottom.

Yeah.

It's like fucking razor blades, dude.

It slices my mouth up.

No.

You can't eat that shit.

That's because, actually, you didn't know this, but

when you were born, you were born without a mouth.

So they had to use part of your mom's pussy material to build my mouth.

Your cheeks are just fucking lazy.

So your whole mouth is actually a pussy.

It's an old woman's pussy.

And as such, really?

Yeah, that's why your mouth gets cut up when you eat a cornmeal.

Sharp cornmeal.

It's like

sharp.

Excuse me, this cornmeal is too sharp.

I don't know if it's cornmeal.

It's those corn,

whatever.

Fuck off.

Whatever.

Did you have a pussy mouth?

Anyway, I was in Mexico just walking around, talking to the locals, taking in the flavor, the culture.

You know, you see, guys, you guys have been in America this whole three weeks, and I've gotten out of the country.

I've gotten to see a more international side of the world.

Did you do anything fun, Adam?

Yeah, you know, I'd go up to people, I'd say, first of all,

sex.

I want you to know that I think Trump is a pandeo, and I have no respect for him.

What is like

Vincente Fox is like fucking cashing in on him using curse words one time on Twitter?

I love it.

Yeah, he's getting like so much mileage out of like he tweets at Trump, but he's like, fuck you.

Yeah, I am learning how to curse.

His middle name is Quesadilla.

Yeah, Quesada.

Quesada.

His last name is Quesada.

Quesada.

Quesada Fox or Fox Quesada?

It's Vincente Fox Quesada, I think.

Oh, we're.

Oh, so he just shortens it to fucking have that.

Oh, also, I found out that dude, Carlos Slim, the richest guy in Mexico, is a Lebanese guy.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, isn't that weird?

He's not Mexican.

He's not Mexican.

Oh.

Oh, I'll tell you once we're actually speaking of Savoying to

have sex with trans women, which is

chill, dude.

Wait, hold on.

I thought the richest guy in the world was Donald Trump.

Yeah, he did.

That's why I voted for him.

That's who should be president, It's the richest guy in the world.

Carlos Slim D.

Man, that picture of him driving the truck or pretending to drive the truth.

It's the best thing in the world.

I fucking.

I was saying it, you know,

now this is real news.

If anybody else, it's fake news.

But his approval ratings went to 100% after that picture came out.

How can you see that not trust the hands our country is in?

Yeah.

He used the horn.

Yeah,

the best snap was him with the two hands on the wheel and just like screaming out of like pure joy.

What was that even for?

I kind of don't want the American people.

I would prefer to just think that it was like he was like, we're going to put a truck on the lawn.

I want everyone to think I know how to drive a truck.

I think it was industry people came through.

It was also cool.

Truck industry people.

Did you hear that they tried to get military vehicles for the inauguration?

Jump on it tanks.

Tanks?

Yeah.

That is fucking insane.

He wanted

tanks.

I mean, like, military.

He wanted tanks to roll on fucking Washington.

Mozies.

He wanted some.

Yeah, he requested.

What a fucking Morning screen, dude.

You imagine him, like, the uniform, dude.

Yeah.

I mean, like,

I naturally, when people are like, this is fascism, I'm like, no, it's just shitty

Republicans or whatever.

But if, come on.

I know, dude.

That's

full blenzy.

He wanted fucking, yeah, he wanted military vehicles.

He wanted to declare himself General Issimo.

Honestly, I would think it'd be,

he would go up a little bit in my book if he just wore a full Admiral's uniform every day.

This is like an African-ass fucking warlord with all the bullshit messages.

Dude, I love African dictators.

My favorite is the African dictators that have like the suits

and the suit jackets, but they're short-sleeved jackets.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

The African-style suits?

I've never seen that.

I got to find out.

African best.

Head of state is definitely good luck.

Good luck, Jonathan, baby.

What an awesome fucking name.

He's like 94 years old and he's Nigerian president or whatever the fuck he is.

Yeah, Nigeria, dude.

Those guys are Jonathan and Tokyo Sex Walley.

Yo, we're watching the fucking British bake-off.

That show is crack rock.

That show is awesome.

But the guy,

there's two judges, two British judges.

What is it?

Mary Berry?

What's the lady's name?

Dude, she's a beast.

And Jesalyn Crumpin.

No, the other guy's name is Paul Hollywood.

Yeah.

Yeah, the other judge on the Great British Bake Off, Paul Hollywood.

Is he British?

Yeah.

He's a British guy named Paul Hollywood.

Yeah, like these kind of guys.

Yeah, nice.

Where they wear like short sleeves.

All right, yeah.

Paul Hollywood is a pedophile.

I'm not saying that for sure.

I don't know.

But if you, just to set up British guy named Paul Hollywood, I'm going with my instinct.

I'm listening to the libel and slander show.

When we watched that, like, it's so incredible.

Like, Sav and I had no idea how these people could possibly have so many opinions on what makes a good baked good.

Like, they taste everything and have such fucking opinions.

And And then we looked up their credentials and we're like, no, these guys, Paul Hollywood is number one.

Yeah.

They got a top guy to be the one who's the only person I would trust is

Mrs.

Fields.

Yeah.

Sally Fields.

That's how funny is that?

Did you start a business and they're like, well, I want everyone to know I have a husband.

It's not just this business.

I don't want people to think I'm some sort of cookie spinster.

Now people are just going with Miss.

Miss Fields?

We're all women.

Is it Miss Fields?

No, it's still Mrs.

Fields.

It's Mrs.

fields is it sally fields it's not sally fields no it's just it's some dumb cookie bitch no it's i went to some faceless corporation i went to high school with sally fields

no not sally fields nephew the mom from back to the future her nephew

and uh wow that's famous yeah it's pretty famous wow and that guy is famous that guy and the environment shut the fuck up and the environmental

you moved to la for you're here for two days and you're dropping dropping names like that.

And my environmental science teacher

trolls.

I met

Tom Skarrit's nephew.

Wow, this town has changed you, bro.

I ran into Tom Skarrit's nephew when I was at the DMV last week.

So I'm basically.

Mr.

Hollywood Party.

Guys, my feet hurt from all these names you're dropping.

Why?

Because you dropped them on my feet.

I don't know.

That's a good one, dude.

Thank you for taking the spotlight.

That's like a good pickup line.

Wait, tell this.

Excuse me.

Do my feet hurt?

Because your name...

Can I have your number?

Because I want to fucking eat your pussy.

Hey, this cool.

Oh, did you read that article about the Indian guys?

Drew and Stop's story about the nef cares of the fact that he gives a fuck.

Stop is like taking off most of his clothes, and he's functionally naked at this point.

This is like, you just met this guy, and you're at his apartment and you're like nude on his.

Yeah, whatever, man.

We got a good vibe.

I fuck with Danny.

Yeah, we're at my college roommate, Danny Hurts.

Shout out to Danny.

He's been a very gracious host.

Come town Studios West,

Comptown Studios West.

The doctor, Danny, Hurts.

I'm about to fall asleep on his floor, probably.

The good doctor hurts.

Danny, this was a joke, I think, in the movie Stepbrothers, but Danny, one of his bits is that his dad's a doctor, so he just refers to himself as a doctor.

He's like, yo, it's me, the good doctor, Daniel.

Is that how doctorhood works?

I think so.

It's inherited.

It's a family business.

What were you saying though, Nick?

We read what?

Oh, that New York Times article about the Indian guys like cold calling random numbers until a woman picks up.

No.

It's like a big problem.

I think you do it sixth grade.

Yeah, well, it's

a cold girl.

They're like,

dial the number and then.

Just a random number?

Just random ass numbers.

Yeah, they're like, what is up, baby girl mama?

Do not hang up.

I am calling from the hospital.

Your entire family is dead unless you would let me take you out

for a delicious curry and some pussy tasting.

And some pussy tasting.

Dude,

imagine fucking loving harassment that much.

Like you just fucking

in your to breathe to harass if you're an Indian.

Well, I told that story about walking around, I was walking down like canal at 2 o'clock in the morning.

I was behind all these girls, and this fucking cab pulls up on the corner.

Yeah.

The guy rolls down the window, and he's like a foot away from these girls' faces.

And he goes, What is up, girlfriends?

And they're like, Ew.

Dude, my Lyft driver, the guy who picked me up, was this fucking like 64-year-old Persian man

who, first of all, bullies me into sitting up front.

What?

He's like, I'm sitting in the back, and he's like, Come up, come, maybe you sit up.

I had to jump in.

That's the rape move.

That's the the rape move.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

And he's like,

I am not gay.

I am not gay.

I tell you, sit up front.

I am not gay.

I sit and talk to you like my brother.

I like that.

I like that.

And then he starts telling me a story.

Family.

Yeah, like family.

And he starts telling me a story.

He's like, oh, you Greek, I had just before you came in, beautiful,

beautiful Greek girl.

I sit, we talk, we laugh.

She tells me, you know, and he's like talking about how he's just making.

He's like, we have a beautiful at the end of the day, at the end of the ride, I ask her, let me have your picture.

This motherfucker took a picture of this woman, and then he's showing it to me.

And first of all,

all he talks about is now.

The hoop drivers out here are fucking hilarious.

Dude, so funny.

We had this hot one today.

Well, this guy, hold on.

This guy was telling me how he's got six fucking girlfriends.

Yeah.

He was like,

I have six girlfriends.

And I was like, whoa, what's your secret?

He's like, I I have very good sex with all of them.

We had a hot one today.

She's incredible.

She's like,

it was a pool and she was telling the girl that was already in the car her craziest live stories.

And so one of them, she's like, yeah, there was this guy visiting from like San Francisco or something.

And like at the end of the ride, I get him to the hotel and he's like, Do you want to have sex with me?

And I'm like, ooh, no.

And then the girl's like, was he cute though?

And she was like, yeah, he was cute.

But like, you can't just ask me to have sex like that.

And so then I was like, oh, cool.

Like, and then I was like, have people like met each other on Lyft?

And she's like, yeah, yeah, it's happened.

Like,

I met my boyfriend right now on Lyft.

I was like, so you are kind of fucking.

And then she also told another story about how some guy kissed her while he was trying to plug his phone in, and she thought it was fine because he was very cute.

And it's like, wait, what the fuck is going on here?

You just try and kiss your drivers if you're hot.

She's like hooking up with guys.

I know.

I get nothing but like loser dudes, but they're hilarious to listen to.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I had this one guy pick me up the other night, and I get in the car, and he's like, hey, how's it going?

I'm like, it's all right.

And then there's like silence for like maybe 30 seconds.

And then he's like, yeah, well, you know, it's my first week back driving.

The first night, actually.

Like, I didn't ask you

what you're doing or anything.

You just gave up waiting for me to ask him.

It's like started me conversation.

It's a dark difference from New York because in New York.

Yeah, they're all named like booba cars.

Well, it's not an expectation of silence.

Speak English.

Yeah, they're like, how did I get here?

Please bring me back to my jungle.

Everyone here is giving you a fucking story.

It's wild.

It's wild.

All the talking is.

Their internal monologue, all the New York Lyft drivers, is like the first three seconds of Head Like a Hole, the Knight of the Snails song, which I might have to play.

It's like weird jungle noises.

Listen to it, and then you'll get.

I'm going to pull it up.

I'm going to play it.

But anyhow, yeah.

No, so this guy's like,

just right off the bat, like,

yeah, so this is my first week driving in a while.

And he's wearing like a skin-tight, like, running or biking shirt, but he's like, just a fat kind of fat guy.

Yo, fat guys and that kind of shit is hilarious.

This is like orange ass.

It looks worse than a fat guy shirt.

see all the problems.

It's like, how the fuck, man?

You see love handles.

You see tits.

Yeah.

You see, he looked like he was

literally inflated, dude.

Like he was fucking, you know, like Christmas lawn furniture.

You see how lumpy a person can be in Under Armour?

Yeah, you had all these fucking weird wrist guards on or whatever.

And he was like, yeah, I was actually in the hospital for like a week and I couldn't drive from

I got poison oak and it got

my arms.

And and I had to go to the hospital

and I was like Jesus Christ.

How does you get poison oak that bad?

And he was like, just the archery range.

Oh my god, a fat archer.

I was like, what happened?

How did that happen?

He's like, oh, I was looking for one of my arrows, and I was digging through a bunch of poison oak.

Poison oak.

What a fucking reason.

Yeah, no, and he kept telling stories.

And like, as there would be a new detail of the story that would segue to another story that just made him, like, even more pathetic or whatever.

Yes.

He was like, you know, I was just worried to drive with all the poison oak all over my arms, you know.

God forbid anything happened.

I actually got rear-ended.

And this no damage to my car at all, which is crazy.

You know, the other guy's car is messed up.

My car was fine.

But, you know, the only reason I said that is,

you know, because I was just worried, I was worried about maybe getting an accident.

Like my mom's car, the one she, I live with her, she

said, there's no reason to mention that.

She has a Mercedes, and that thing's a tank.

But, you know, this one,

I don't know.

Can you kill me, please?

Can you please?

Oh, so how does anyone make any money driving here?

Yeah, it's like $8 for 40 miles.

Yeah, it's insane.

Yeah, I had like one just sort of ugly valley girl that was like, you know, oh my God, can these people learn how to drive, please?

You know, and like fucking swerving and cutting people off, and expecting me to like give her a good tip for driving like a fucking asshole.

Listen up, service industry folks.

Thank you.

Let them have it.

If you want to do it,

they get no benefits.

Yeah, here we go.

Hold on.

This is

the first.

Oh, no.

Well, that's the African ones.

What are are the Indian ones listening to?

That's what's going on in Abukabir's head while he's driving the lift around

New York.

What is the Bukui, please?

Please help me.

What about the other guy?

Did you ever tell the story of Dean on the podcast?

Oh, yeah, that guy.

No, I didn't.

I don't know if that'll translate.

He was just such a funny guy.

This guy picks me up, and he's like,

He was like, you know, looking in the rearview mirror, like, yeah,

you know, you can go out, man.

It's like co-ed night, you know?

Thursday night, co-ed night.

And I was like, excuse me?

He was like, yeah, you know.

Go out for the co-eds and stuff.

I'm like, what's co-ed night?

He's like, no, I'm just saying, you know, you can go out and like, like, you know, meet meet girls and stuff.

I'm like, oh, I thought it was like a thing that was going on.

He's like, nah, you know, you just go out to bars, you know, you meet the college girls.

You go to calls just any night.

He's like, you can just, you know, Thursday night.

You can just take them.

You know, and he's like, I'm like, all right, I don't.

No, I'm just going to go home and go to sleep.

And he's like, yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty cool driving around.

You get to meet a lot of, you know, see the stars and stuff.

I like coming up here to drive around, meet the stars and stuff.

That's not, you you know, I live down in Long Beach, so I don't see that too much, you know.

But

actually,

one time I did see, I found out there's a guy that lives on Signal Hill, though.

I was able to drive him to the airport, and he actually works for Playboy Radio.

Playboy Radio, which is like defeats the purpose of Playboy.

That was pretty cool.

What a brag, dude.

Playboy.

I didn't even know that that existed.

Yeah.

Oh,

that was a big one, that was a good one, baby.

Normally, it's really windy small, yeah, yeah, because we're eating real food out here.

Yeah, it well, before it sounded like you had colon cancer, I probably do, everything was blocked by some giant tumor.

I probably do, anyhow.

This guy kept he's kept finding ways to bring up Playboy,

like grown men.

25-minute ride, and they every time he brought up Playboy again, he would always do with the same gravitas and weight that

it had had.

Like, he was just revealing it for the first time.

So he told me that he's like, Yeah, you know, uh, he had his girlfriend with him, uh, and she was actually a playmate,

which is pretty cool.

And then, like, we started talking about how he was doing grip work, but he lost his hookup for grip work.

I don't know what the fuck.

He's like, Yeah, but one of the best, uh, one of the best jobs I got to work is I actually had the, I was fortunate enough to have the experience of working for Playboy.

He's like, I had to hold a fan to this like playmate and blow her hair with the fan.

And she fucking hated me, man.

But, you know, that shit was cool.

She was hot.

She was hot.

Playboy.

I love the guys who are just like, yeah, man.

I just want to be around hot women on that.

What the fuck?

It's like, what are you, 12?

I can't wait to see what our next lift driver's like.

Me and Adam might go to the damn beach.

We might go take a damn hike tomorrow.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, there's some things you can do when you're not, you know,

fucking just

meandering through the last 20 minutes of a podcast.

We got 20 minutes left, no, we got fucking five minutes left, but we need we need some kind of banger.

I had a good riff on the Dana and Jamel one, and they gave me zero on it.

What was the riff?

I don't know.

I felt like if you guys were there, it would have been a lot of fun.

So let's redo it.

Well, we were talking about the sound of music.

Jamel said Ado at the end, and I remember that song from the sound of music.

Which one?

The ado ado.

Oh, my little sister was in that in that song.

In a play.

All right, well, I'm talking about the fucking movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The dinner party with the kids.

The dinner party.

Well, they got that, and I was like, imagine how shitty it must have been to be the party.

You're like, all right, let me get out of here.

And they're like, what?

Well, my kids have to sing the song.

Yeah, my kids have to do their dance.

And it's like, man, I got to drive home drunk through Nazi Germany.

And you're going to make me listen to a stupid fucking song.

You shitty kids, their bad choreography.

Yeah, right.

You know those motherfuckers.

The Von Trapp family.

Yeah, these kids that are just praying their dad fucks their

name.

They suck dick to go to a house party at the Von Trapp family.

Oh, yeah.

House.

In occupied Austria.

Yeah, I love also that they just never help any Jews or anything.

They're just entertaining Nazis.

And they're trying to escape, right?

That's the whole thing.

They're not Jewish, right?

No, they're Austrian.

They could not be further from Jewish.

Yeah, Von Trapp.

Yeah, right.

And she's a Catholic.

Yeah, Yeah, before

working with that family, she had been orally servicing the Nazi, the SS officer.

Yeah, to survive.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

They don't even, Jews don't even come up.

Yeah, no,

no, they really forget about

all that stuff.

They made a movie about World War II and the Holocaust.

It wasn't about the Holocaust.

It was about the Holocaust.

And it was about a family that won a talent show.

I mean,

that is hilarious when you put it in context.

That's got to be the funniest movie of all time.

How does it end?

They just escape?

They escape in the middle of the night.

I would love it if the original script.

After they win the big show.

The original script, there was like heavy, like they were just a minor characters in the background of some serious.

Of like Schindler's list?

Yeah.

And then the studio read it and they're like, ooh, too dark.

Let's look more at this family.

Get rid of all this Holocaust stuff.

Let's talk about the talent show.

The singing, the von Trapp family.

Oh, I love this Von Trapp family.

We're going to bring them to the foreground.

How that developed.

We talked about it on the podcast before, but it's like that story that the big steampunk spider in Wild, Wild West.

Right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, just bounced around.

There was like one producer that just supposed to be on Back to the Future 3.

Something like that.

We loved it.

It was because that was the Wild West.

Remember, that was the Wild West one.

Yeah, that's so, I mean, yeah, the way shit gets made is so fucking stupid.

Didn't what's his name use that for legs in that movie?

Yeah, he had like spider legs.

Yeah, well, his wheelchair turned into the spider.

Into the spider.

Yeah, Loveless.

General Lovelace.

Who was that?

Kevin Klein?

No, Kevin Klein was the one.

Kevin Klein was the other guy.

Loveless was played by

Sir Lawrence Olivier.

I remember when I saw it was Peter Atoole.

Oh, no, no, no.

It was the Shakespearean actor.

I remember when I first found out Kevin Klein's name, I thought he was Calvin Klein.

Hell yeah.

I thought he was the guy with the game.

You remember that movie In and Out with?

Kevin Klein, yeah.

Everyone's gay.

Well, no, the movie is about this guy who becomes famous.

And he's like,

I just want to thank my old high school English teacher, you know, Johnny Homo, for being the first

openly gay person I've ever seen in my life or whatever.

And then everyone in the town is like, you're gay?

And he's like, I'm not fucking gay, you know.

And And then everyone's like, But you're kind of gay, and then he's like, Maybe I am gay.

Is he gay at the end?

And then he's like, tries to do gay shit, and then he's like, I'm not gay after all.

And it was like, Yeah!

I don't remember anything about that movie, but I remember the big climax of that movie is like there's a big speech or something,

and everyone in the town like says they're gay and stands up, and they're like, Oh, I'm gay.

Like, I'm Spartacus, yeah, like, I'm Spartacus.

I'm Sucticus.

I'm Sucktacus.

No, I'm Sucticus.

I'm Suktacus.

I like the idea of being a gay test.

It's like Kevin Klein has to suck off a man, and it's like they have like fucking.

How else do you know if you're gay or not, dude?

That's what Fear Factor should have been.

Joe Rogan making it

suck a dick.

And then you just check.

Suck a dick on NBC.

Will you suck the dick for a million dollars find out after the break

the woman crying she's wearing exercise clothes her hair is in a ponytail she's sweating her husband's next to her he's like you can do this

all right we gotta go all right thanks guys

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