The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 43

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Speaker 2 welcome to the adam fridland show it's it is the week of thursday sorry february 26 my colleagues being loud right now i'm at work adam is on the phone all right so is it like the turn signal with volkswagen what time what time he's asking.

Speaker 2 Stop, watch, start. And we're off.
We're off for a big one.

Speaker 2 Actually, you know what? Let me call you in like an hour now. This is like

Speaker 2 we're going to do car talk. We've got to train it.

Speaker 2 This guy's like a real. This guy that's making noise is a real jokester around the office.

Speaker 2 Who are you on the phone with? The service department?

Speaker 2 I'll call you.

Speaker 2 Who are you on the phone with? Thanks a lot. Okay, I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. If we send it to the body shop, I'm just not going to have my car for another seven years, so.

Speaker 2 This is ridiculous. Alright, thanks, man.
Alright, bye.

Speaker 2 Alright, see ya. Bye.
Who's this? Now my sister's calling. Who's this? That was that was Volto or uh Volvo.
Hi, Zoe. I'm doing the podcast.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Wait, are you is everything okay?

Speaker 2 Everything's fine. I have a I had a question.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm going to get that thing for for for her birthday, by the way, the one you sent.

Speaker 2 We're doing a thing right now. I'm actually on the podcast and Nick's doing a thing where he's started the podcast while I'm like taking important phone calls for my family.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did that. Do you want to say hi to Nick? I definitely did that

Speaker 2 before. Yeah, I was like, oh, Zoe's going to call.
Why don't we start doing the podcast?

Speaker 2 She can call me personally. She doesn't have he said you can call him personally.

Speaker 2 And he said you don't write, you don't call.

Speaker 2 He wants your attention all the time. He's like, it's kind of pathetic.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 Alright, enjoy it. I gotta go.
Bye.

Speaker 2 Sorry, guys. You know, life, welcome to the Adam Freedlin Show podcast.

Speaker 2 I like your look right now. Yeah.
Yeah, you look like

Speaker 2 you're in a symphony orchestra. Oh.
I was going for like a Brookstone guy who hangs out at Brookstone pretending to work there. Is Brookstone still a company? No.
No. Sharper Image.
Sharper Image.

Speaker 2 Going to Sharper Image

Speaker 2 and pretending, yeah, I buy this kind of stuff. Yeah, I'm actually I'm at the genius bar here.
I'm sorry, do you have a hair dryer that's made out of lasers?

Speaker 2 Sorry to I'm looking for I'm looking for I'm I'm looking for barbecue equipment that also tells you what time it is.

Speaker 2 That's that is but I got one of those sensors for my dad for and it just did not work for like the internal meat temperature. Meat temperature for like an app.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, you mean like 20 years ago? No, like not too long ago. Sharper Image in Brookstone, it was like it literally just did not work.

Speaker 2 Those stores just existed for poor people to go into and be like, dude, if I was rich, but then no rich people are actually buying any of that shit. Yeah, yeah.
You don't need an indoor hammock.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
It's aspirational. It's aspirational.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And also for kids at the mall to go in the massage chairs. Right, massage chairs, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. But then everything in there was like a massage item.
Yeah. See, Nick and I grew up in mall culture.

Speaker 2 We were kind of mall rats growing up. So I used to take a bitch on a date to a they still have balls, dude.
I was just in Columbus and they got that big one there, yeah.

Speaker 2 The Columbus Mall? The Easton Town Center. Was it fun?

Speaker 2 I guess. I should have um that's kind of the one thing I do consistently on the r on the road is go to the mall with Caleb.
Yeah. There's nothing else to do.
There's nothing else to do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Rosemont Zaney's is like not in Chicago. None of the clubs.
By the airport, but there's an outlet mall. And I bought Tim's.
It was pretty fun. Yeah.
Yeah. I deadass bought Tim's.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I will be at Charlie Goodnight's in Raleigh, North Carolina. My return to Charlie Goodnights.
I think it's just Good Nights.

Speaker 2 I I remember one yeah, they changed it. It used to be Charlie Goodnights.
It's the new venue now. Last year, those were fun shows.

Speaker 2 That was like the first that was my first weekend i think i did laugh boston and then that was just a bunch of drunk boston guys i'm laugh boston next weekend guys the eighth i believe and ninth that was the first well i guess the first weekend i did was your creek in the cave and i hadn't done stand-up in like four years

Speaker 2 and then that that was fun and then i had to do laugh boston and then that was fun no you did uh in chicago Well, that was just doing a 20-minute spot. I thought you went back after that.

Speaker 2 No, never mind. Never mind.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is what comics do.
This is kind of the conversations we have, you know, behind the scenes.

Speaker 2 It is bizarre the state of the industry now.

Speaker 2 Let's get a statement of the industry address from the president.

Speaker 2 There's probably...

Speaker 2 Oh, you're mocking me? No, no, no. You said state of the industry.
It was like...

Speaker 2 It was an attempt at a time. What other words? It was an attempt at...
What other words would you use to say? It was not condescending. What other words? Oh, let's get a statement from the president.

Speaker 2 No, state of the internet.

Speaker 2 This is the one time in our 15 years of friendship that I've looked like more of a lesbian than you. And now you think you can...

Speaker 2 Now you think you can fucking come to my window. Now you can do your misogyny at me.

Speaker 2 I wasn't trying to be an assistant. Now you know how fucking.
That's not my style of comedy. Now you know how tempting it is to me.
That's not my style of comedy.

Speaker 2 You're like, why are you mean to me and condescending? And it's because you look like that. Because you look like this all the time.

Speaker 2 When I put that beard on, you you were like I it's it's ridiculous it's all the things that made you make you annoying when you don't have the beard when you had the fake beard on you're like yeah of course this guy's he's trying his best he's of course this guy's a buddy he's a good guy he's just relaxing I want to have a beer with him yeah not even a beer it's just like leave him the fuck alone yeah I put on a fake beard and Nick said you know normally it wasn't just I think Hunter said it also like I because I brought it up and then everyone was like it that's what it is yeah but everyone, everyone, it's cafeteria style around the old movie.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Everyone's like, good one, Nick.

Speaker 2 Go get him.

Speaker 2 It wasn't even a get-em sort of thing.

Speaker 2 It's kind of an archie style. No.
It's a little bit of Archie Riverdale. You're in the cafeteria.
No. Go bish that.

Speaker 2 You know what it actually probably was? It's not even like the look thing. It's because you had a fake beard on, you couldn't talk as much.
I had to remember promo. Yeah, yeah.
You had to shut up.

Speaker 2 I had to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's how it do be. But it really wasn't.
It's funny.

Speaker 2 I couldn't speak for like a fucking week. And it was like a nice week with my girlfriend.
And it's like, yeah, because I couldn't say anything that would be misinterpreted.

Speaker 2 You know what I wish is that she couldn't speak. Or my wife, you know.
Oh, you're, yeah. I guess she does talk a lot.

Speaker 2 I guess your wife doesn't shut the fuck up. She's always saying shit, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm back. Anyway, Boston next weekend.
Following weekend, Detroit, the 15th or whatever,

Speaker 2 next weekend. Also, I want to say we had Dan Soder on the premium episode.
If you don't subscribe, go to patreon.com. Yeah, we subscribe to DAFS.

Speaker 2 Dan was supposed to come on for this regular episode, but because of the timing and some other things that were going on this week,

Speaker 2 we couldn't have him on the regular one, so we had him on the premium. So I'd like to mention that Dan is releasing his new special on YouTube on the road.
Check it out.

Speaker 2 He's going to be able to do it. You can go to YouTube at sign Dan Soder.
Yeah. We love Dan.
Why do I sound so old talking about this stuff?

Speaker 2 YouTube was new when I was like a kid. Like I grew up with, well, then grow up with.
We were the beta testers. Yeah, but it's not like I'm talking.
I'm talking grapes. I talk about

Speaker 2 the internet now like an old person. I know.
But I'll be like www.

Speaker 2 Right. Why does it sound back? Why is it the backslash? I don't sound like I'm in the Matrix.
I feel like I used to sound like I was a part of the Matrix. You used to be the architect Ergo.

Speaker 2 No, I was like the sunglasses and fucking like welcome. Let's listen to Rob Zombie in the class.
Now you're the old lady. I was thinking about that the other day.

Speaker 2 That fucking, the song Dragula, is he, what is he talking about? What is the song? Which one? Dragula? Rob Zombie. He's like...

Speaker 2 Don't bitches and burns and

Speaker 2 I slam in the back of my Dragula. You put on a dress and get fucked in your ass? Oh, Dragula.
Yeah. I never realized.
It sounded so badass. I never listened to that.

Speaker 2 No, I think it's about, like, it's supposed to be about... It's about

Speaker 2 cross-dressing. Yeah.
I mean, I've joked before that all of his songs are about, like, it's a fucking car that's cool. I mean, so I think Dragula.
It's supposed to be spooky scared.

Speaker 2 Dragula is supposed to be a car. Yeah.
And so is

Speaker 2 a super beast. I think that's also a car.

Speaker 2 I think it's a type of baby. It's always a car from hell.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, basically, I think. It's too bad.
I think it's for babies. Metallica is like that, too.
Enter Sandman is just about having scary dreams. I don't think it's about...
It's for baby.

Speaker 2 That kind of stuff isn't for babies. It's for people that are sincere and aren't like,

Speaker 2 you know, it's not. Snobs, dickheads, Jews.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess. Remember,

Speaker 2 hipsters term. Remember in the West Memphis 3 documentary where the mom's like, I listen to this song, Nothing Else Matters Every Day

Speaker 2 to like remind me of like that I miss my baby and he's locked up. And it's like so emotional.
Is there a problem with that you had? No, it was like a really beautiful moment. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it is a nice song, Nothing Else Matters. One of the first songs people learned on guitars.

Speaker 2 I like that song. But what's the thing that does matter in the song? Getting pussy.
Getting pussy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just thought about getting pussy. I got happy.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do. You look like

Speaker 2 a musical genius falling on hard times. Yeah.
You look like one of those Jamie Foxx movies. Yeah.
So there's only one of, but it feels like there was a million. It's like violin radio.

Speaker 2 But didn't it make 9-11? I don't remember.

Speaker 2 Jamie Foxx lives in a shopping cart. Yeah, but 9-11.
Liam Neeson is like, the boy needs to play his violin. Is Liam Neeson his best friend? I don't remember, dude.
It's like that is all one genre

Speaker 2 of like

Speaker 2 like uh like anti-racist actually it's not even their movies are kind of racist because it's like there's never i don't i haven't seen any of them

Speaker 2 but radio is like that no one's racist to radio in the movie

Speaker 2 but the movie is supposed to make you feel like uh see

Speaker 2 we weren't that bad it makes us feel good i guess kind of you know green book is another yeah yeah that green book guy's son does something

Speaker 2 the guy from Green Holy Fans? No, he's like on the Sopranos or something. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love that show, The Sopranos. Green Book movie.
I love that show, The Sopranos. It's so good.
You guys gotta check it out. I also want to plug The Sopranos.
If you have HBO Max.

Speaker 2 Starring Vigo Mortensen. One of the best names on the business.
Maharshali Ali. Marshall Lala.
Don Shirley, an Italian American bow. Yeah, Frank Tony Lip

Speaker 2 Vagilana. Tony Lip, yeah, who's a son of Sophilania? That's a good one.
Oh, he does, he's on the he's on the Sopranos. He plays Carmine.

Speaker 2 The guy, that actually. Old Carmine or Little Carmine? Carmine, the old one.

Speaker 2 That's who wrote Green Book? That is the guy, the character from

Speaker 2 in his real life,

Speaker 2 the actor who plays Carmine on the Sopranos was the guy that drove that black guy around. Oh, wow.
The movie's based on his real life. Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Little Carmine is one of the funniest television characters of all time.

Speaker 2 Like all the malapropisms, how he like tries to sound smart and all the guys think he's like an intellectual, but like he's just using the wrong words constantly.

Speaker 2 I don't do that. I don't know, you pointed at me, so I'm pointing me.
Oh, yeah, no, you do that. You do that all the time.
But not like big words. It's always like, it's always jargon.

Speaker 2 You know, it's always like something having to do. Like you're trying to demonstrate like

Speaker 2 inside baseballs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, in the same way that people say inside baseball. You do that same.
I mean in the process.

Speaker 2 Like when Ian said dystopian.

Speaker 2 I mean you did it the other day. Right there.
We have a new person working the switcher now. Thank you to I don't know if we'll

Speaker 2 shouldn't disclose your personal information so we won't say but everybody please welcome or if you've been enjoying the switching the last couple of episodes. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you

Speaker 2 We'll keep you insulated from these animals.

Speaker 2 But yeah, you're totally welcome. Very handy.
And then, you know, it's like you come in, we're all trying to figure out

Speaker 2 a more efficient process, and you just fucking come in just diapered up, just diaper energy. What was my melanopism?

Speaker 2 Or you can set up hotkeys.

Speaker 2 Sincerely, you said.

Speaker 2 Or you can set up just fucking just. For the camera switching, you set up one, two, and three as hotkeys.
As hotkeys.

Speaker 2 I used it correctly.

Speaker 2 You just attribute a gayness to everything I say. No, but it's just, it could not be

Speaker 2 very funny the other day. It could not be less relevant every time.

Speaker 2 So I was like, it'd be like if people... In communication with our editor.
I'm not complaining right now. It's very funny you said this.

Speaker 2 I was like in communication with our editor about the new episode that's coming. It should be out within the week.
I promise, actually, this time.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude.

Speaker 2 Okay. So, and

Speaker 2 Nick said that every time I tried to update him, it sounded like I was gossiping.

Speaker 2 What did you do, though?

Speaker 2 No, you just attached it.

Speaker 2 No, because I was like, hey, we need the X, Y, and Z, or he's having a problem with this.

Speaker 2 No, you come to me. I heard.
You come to me, you're like, I think Bobby's having a mental breakdown. No, I said, I think

Speaker 2 I don't even respond to him.

Speaker 2 I just take the phone out and I call Bobby on speakerphone. You go, no, no, what are you doing? Why? And then I say, hey, Bobby, what's that about the first scene? Because it's just you relate.

Speaker 2 No, but you because you can't.

Speaker 2 I was talking about the first scene. I said it wasn't.
I wasn't talking about it. I was done a week ago.

Speaker 2 No, you said, so we must leave the first scene. And I said, it's not about the first scene.
It's not about the first scene. I think we're just like, he's been working like

Speaker 2 great. You just call.
All you have to do is call him. You come to me,

Speaker 2 you're like, guess what?

Speaker 2 You just sound that way. Guess what

Speaker 2 I don't talk like that guess what yeah I don't talk like that

Speaker 2 I think the only reason you're friends with Ian is because he's doing something scandalous 24-7 no

Speaker 2 I think you have a parasitic relationship with Ian Finance no

Speaker 2 it's the opposite of a way huh I think if I was some musical genius living on the streets, Ian wouldn't look twice at me.

Speaker 2 Why do they dress like this? Like this? Yeah, like music people. Like, if you're in the symphony, you have to look like you just look stupid.
It makes them look worse.

Speaker 2 They have to dress nice, I think. Yeah, but they're not dressed nice.
Nice collared shirt. I know.
They look like, yeah, they look like a bum going to a wedding.

Speaker 2 Well, they're a bum after they have the mental breakdown.

Speaker 2 You know.

Speaker 2 Shine, Jeffrey Wright. Rush.

Speaker 2 That's another crazy music guy movie. Mm-hmm.
Shine.

Speaker 2 You want to say it again? Shine. Two or more times.
Shine, Jeffrey Rush. Shine.
Now it's funny. Shawing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 There you go. I'm going to start

Speaker 2 saying foin again about girls. Yeah.
And noise. Yeah.
Yeah. Noise needs to come back.
Noise? Yeah. All right, noise.
Uh-huh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, all right.

Speaker 2 Someone's threatening your life. No, no, no, no.
Come on, Nick.

Speaker 2 Nick, we got to play the long con on this. Let me run point, okay? All right.
Can I ask you a question, right? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 You can't go all guns ablazing in a situation like this.

Speaker 2 This is the one thing I excel at, okay? I am an ordinary person, if not unimpressive human being when it comes to most things, but there's one thing that I excel at, and that is this type of scenario.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 they're already on the ropes,

Speaker 2 you know.

Speaker 2 And what you do is you don't bulldoze.

Speaker 2 You're not a bull in a China shop. You bug them out, out, dude.
You persist. You have to.

Speaker 2 Bug style. You have to.
You're finding your crevices.

Speaker 2 It's not even a bug thing. What it is, is the bug bass.
No, it is an Anasazi. I guess, I mean, if a spider is a bug, I'll accept that.
Anansi the Spider?

Speaker 2 Anansi. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anansi? Anansi the Spider. Anansi.
Anasi. Anansi.
But Anansi the Spider wasn't like... He's an African-style spider.
I know, he was African, so he wasn't like...

Speaker 2 Was he like sneaky and stuff and backhanded? That's not what he would do.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the, I don't remember. I remember as a kid, like, having a problem with Anansi the spider, because it's like,

Speaker 2 it's actually kind of fucked up that they teach white kids about a Nancy,

Speaker 2 you know, because it's sort of, everyone hates spiders. And then this one's like, he's African, and then you could be like, oh, well, this one's actually good.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 2 if you're predisposed to maybe being racist.

Speaker 2 And you would

Speaker 2 assume a third grader is. Yes.
You think that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's a good idea to tell kids, to go to a group of white kids and say, I know you think spiders are pretty bad and scary, but this one's from Africa. Go off.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he's actually a pretty good guy. So you were in second grade and you were like, this be.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying being racist or the Nazi. I'm saying that to be like, well, this one's a good guy.
This is what spiders would be like. I thought they still lived in Africa.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It kind of comes off that way.

Speaker 2 I thought what they were teaching us was that fables come from Africa.

Speaker 2 Obviously, I get it.

Speaker 2 You've got to back me up here on this. I think it's true.
I think he's a goddamn

Speaker 2 family.

Speaker 2 Living in my neighborhood. I love the Nazi.
It made me wish as a kid, I was like, I I wish I could get it. What did he do? He did get a business.
With real spiders like this.

Speaker 2 And they weren't just anything to scare me. But the other spider from when you're a kid is giving messages to a pig.

Speaker 2 Charlotte Webb? Yeah, but it's a fucking bitch.

Speaker 2 What's that do for boys? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a girl thing. I'm not interested in girls.
I'm not. I don't care about a girl spider.

Speaker 2 They did the same thing with James and the Giant Peach. In fact, that's half the reason why I didn't like spiders.
It's because in my mind, they were French women trying to bite me while I'm asleep.

Speaker 2 Just leave the fucking kid alone. Yeah.
Yeah, it's true. Let him have his big peach and go to New York.

Speaker 2 He made it. He did.
He made it. Good for him.
Yeah. Good for him.
And his aunts get their come-uppins. He had bad aunts.
Is that why he left?

Speaker 2 Well, today officially begins the March Countdown. It's March Madness for Kung Fu Panda 4.
Oh, you're hyped on this one. I am.
Friend of the show, Jack Black.

Speaker 2 I might bring

Speaker 2 trying to smoke weed out of retirement to go see Kung Fu Panda for. I tried it the other day again.
Did you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought it was great. My girlfriend said, shut.

Speaker 2 Shut. You're talking too much.
Yeah, probably. I'd probably be bad at it.
I'd probably do it like a 12-year-old. Our old pal Michael Footie had a theory on weed that

Speaker 2 you have to do two months on, two months off, and when you go back on, you're peak riff. That the first week, you're just getting Andre Steakhouses.

Speaker 2 That's you did Andre's Steakhouse. Yeah.
You hit resin. I did.
Amber would leave me. We hit resin like a hobo.
Yeah, Amber would leave. Then you came up with gold.

Speaker 2 I don't have nothing to do in the morning, and I was like, fuck it, let me try it. Yeah.
Let me see how it feels. Should we do weed? What's that?

Speaker 2 I mean, cannabis culture is like, that could be a new audience that we attract.

Speaker 2 Kind of 420 guys. I think that my theory is this.
I think to have this show have any kind of, because like, look,

Speaker 2 we wanted to move on from podcasting we did podcasting for six years some high points that I think are very funny very good I had a lot to do but things have to come to an end and then somehow with this it was like oh we'll do a talk show we'll shoot stuff but it's actually impossible it's not impossible well it's not impossible but you can't do it every week you can't do two talk show episodes a week we could do one a month We could do one a month, but we'd have to severely there would have been a week.

Speaker 2 I'll say this publicly, we will do one a month after this next next episode okay but then it's just going to be a monologue and the interview we can't shoot we can discuss this later okay it's not possible to do a bunch of location shooting and get those interviews yes it's not possible to do

Speaker 2 to have a tarkovsky not not even tarkovsky it's not possible to even do just to do something that isn't a sketch in this office where you go the show's failing and i'm trying to make it good so what do we have for the news yeah what's the thing yeah it can't just be that.

Speaker 2 But what if it is?

Speaker 2 What if we turn, it's the same every single time, and it's kind of just like,

Speaker 2 I'll kill you myself.

Speaker 2 If that continues, I'll kill you. So, just full disclosure to the audience, the introduction to the new episode has driven us to the point of.

Speaker 2 No one cares anymore. No, no, they actually

Speaker 2 will care about it.

Speaker 2 They'll see it, and they'll like it. No one is like, wow, I can't wait for the next episode.
They think we're liars.

Speaker 2 People think it ended years ago. People think we're pathetic.
And now they don't. A few people that have interest.

Speaker 2 The few people that have interest, they just see a bunch of these, these weird podcasts.

Speaker 2 And we've somehow we've wound up podcasts. We somehow wound up.

Speaker 2 We could have just continued doing this stuff. Doing the old show with the same name

Speaker 2 just as bad as this, and it wouldn't have cost us close to half a million dollars now.

Speaker 2 This is the amount of money we've spent.

Speaker 2 We accidentally spent $7,000 a couple weeks ago. Just on accident.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It was an accident. It was.
It's just

Speaker 2 enough.

Speaker 2 Enough.

Speaker 2 But hey, that money.

Speaker 2 That went through that money.

Speaker 2 Look, if anything, that's the nice part: is all the money has gone to our friends who need the money probably more than us because they got kids. They're genius musicians.
They live in the earth.

Speaker 2 Right, yeah, yeah. And they're black.

Speaker 2 What was I saying?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 we have to podcast, at least for the time being.

Speaker 2 While we stem the tide of the the slow bleed out of don't worry, d d don't worry. I I got this.
Okay, okay, all right. Nicholas, when you're in the middle of the

Speaker 2 point,

Speaker 2 my point is this. We have to figure out this is going to have to be a themed podcast.
Years ago, 2015, whenever Comtown started, what was that, 2008?

Speaker 2 I hear it was good. Something like that.
Everyone at the time time, the comedians would go, you have to have a podcast, and it's got to have a theme. And I said, that sounds gay.

Speaker 2 I don't want to have to have a theme. Well, who's checking in on a theme? It's like, why don't we just sit down and say things? Because that seems to be what they all turn into, anyways.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's people sitting down and saying things. So we need a theme now.
No one's doing themes anymore. Queer socialist WWE.

Speaker 2 I say we do a deep dive on subreddits, and each episode is about a specific subreddit. Honestly, that's not, that's a great idea.
That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 It's also, that's all, they block, I can't see Twitter anymore.

Speaker 2 I can't see Twitter. We found the tiny penis one.
I don't know, just do more of that. But, like, dude, I'm obsessed with the psychology of individuals.
Let's go to one right now. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'll wait until I find a new one, then I'll prepare, and it'll be, and then that'll be my new passion in life.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think we should make fun of one right now.
Yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, you can find one. I wanted to talk about the other drama.
But also,

Speaker 2 today's episode is brought to you by a company called Factor.

Speaker 2 And I know what you're thinking. Factor, what the hell is this? Math class? Bill O'Reilly show? Yeah,

Speaker 2 the only two plus two I'm trying to do is a two-year-old plus

Speaker 2 that got us in trouble with

Speaker 2 the other sponsors, so I'm not going to say that. Factor is our...
Yeah, is.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I said you just did.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Keep going. Factor.

Speaker 2 Factor is a sponsor. I'm actually excited about this one.
They already sent us the stuff. Luckily they sent some.

Speaker 2 What Factor is, is

Speaker 2 what's the fucking, what do you call it?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's right here.

Speaker 2 Pre-prepared chef to crafted and dietician approved meals. That's too wordy.
It's fucking meal prep.

Speaker 2 It's one of these companies where they send you the food, it's already made, you just throw it in the fridge, you pop them out in the microwave, and then it works with

Speaker 2 whatever kind of calorie tracking. And you hit all your macros.

Speaker 2 I'm 35 now. I have a woman's bone structure.
When I was younger, I was able to lift weights and put on

Speaker 2 like uh a level of muscle that could approximate a male physique, I'd say.

Speaker 2 But now my joints are fucked up, which I feel is unfair. I don't think if you're tiny, you should ever have joint problems.
It's like my lower back hurts all the time. I'm like, from doing what?

Speaker 2 You should be agile. Barely reaching the cookie jar.

Speaker 2 I don't understand. It's going to be taxing.
I don't understand why my knees hurt. I weigh nine pounds.
Yeah, tall people should.

Speaker 2 Right, exactly. They deserve it.
Whenever they're like, oh, my back. I'm like, good, fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you and your back. Go to the wheelchair.
Fuck you. Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Be in a wheelchair. I know.
It's fucking serious. So you're one of these tall 5'10 guys.
It's so fucking annoying, dude. You're one of these giant

Speaker 2 5'11. That I have SI joint pain.
What's SI? What's the sacroiliac joint? It's not even a joint. That sounds like a woman made up of it.
Yeah, it's where your tail is.

Speaker 2 It sounds like Alina Dunham said she's got that. Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's literally your back walls, is what it is. You hate your back walls? No, I didn't.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean. You have penetrated the back.

Speaker 2 No one has even blown out my back, yet it hurts.

Speaker 2 The migrants have penetrated the back.

Speaker 2 It's very hard for me to get back into working out now because I'm like, for what? Well, for it has to be now for like balance and core. It has to be like

Speaker 2 maintaining things as I get older. And it's like...
Fashion muscle. The whole idea of aging gracefully.
And it's like, oh, you work out to like, you know, maintain what you have.

Speaker 2 And, like, you know, to like take care of your body. I'm like, no.
I just want to just give me drugs. You know what I mean? Like Elysium Elysium.

Speaker 2 Like a rich person and you're everything, you're healthy. Yeah, sort of.
Like Neil Blumberg. I'm trying to be responsible enough that, like, you know,

Speaker 2 I can maybe not end up. Like, the goal, you want enough, you want to do enough money that you at least have a house that you're not going to get kicked out of.
But then, like, look, one bedroom.

Speaker 2 I don't even, I need one, I don't even need a fucking mattress. Once I know the house is there and the government's not going to take it away from me,

Speaker 2 I will do heroin in that room.

Speaker 2 That will be yours. Anyways, let's start over.
Today's episode is brought to you by a company called Factor. And Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals.
My point is this. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Is that getting back into, and I was very excited when this came through because the only way I could possibly get back into working out now, I can't do the fucking just eating boiled chicken anymore.

Speaker 2 It's disgusting. I can't do it.
And I'm not going to learn how to cook. I refuse.
It's nice to cook. No, it's, first of all, your girlfriend, I've been to your house.
You're like, we're cooking.

Speaker 2 And then your girlfriend does everything. It's very rude.
And you spill wine all over your apron. I actually spilled your Larry David apron.
You spilled the potatoes in the bottom.

Speaker 2 You're like, look what the yeah, it was disgusting. I threw them

Speaker 2 over for lakas in the corner. I invited him to Hanukkah to share my culture.
And he spills the potatoes into the garbage disposal. And he goes,

Speaker 2 it's fine. I'll wash them.
I'll wash them. And then he like digs out.

Speaker 2 He digs out.

Speaker 2 He digs out mashed potatoes from the sink trap. They were shredded potatoes.
And then fucking tries to serve that as a meal.

Speaker 2 He tries to.

Speaker 2 it wasn't that nasty. It was that discretion.
It was like the most heinous thing I've ever witnessed. His fucking like sink trap mashed potatoes.

Speaker 2 I didn't I okay, I didn't, but I didn't. The point is that those went in the trash.
And then he's going to be like, yeah, cooking is a lot of fun. You're terrible at it.
It's awful.

Speaker 2 I'm not bad at cooking. I don't know.
Anytime I've tried to cook anything, it just, it tastes like, it tastes like I followed a recipe. It tastes like the individual ingredients.

Speaker 2 I can taste the amounts I can taste the essay that was written this is the other thing I don't know what happened in this building but we came into this place next door that's next door but now I hear like you can hear people like you can hear a phone vibrating somebody else moved in upstairs there's no way we can do you can't do an interview in here anymore everything's gonna pick up I can hear this guy talking to his fucking mom on the phone

Speaker 2 what's her vibe what's her I don't know I mean I hear his side of it he's such a bitch dude he has a mom anyways uh Factor. Factor is a...

Speaker 2 So it's meal delivery. And they send them to you.
And

Speaker 2 then I don't want to plug, I don't know, plug a different product that has a similar name to theirs. It's not the same service, by the way.
It's just, it's the meal tracking side of things.

Speaker 2 But yeah, you can just fucking scan them. It plugs them in.
It hits your macros for the day. And, you know, they have different options.
Especially for busy people like Nick and myself.

Speaker 2 or just people that don't like my body's fucking terrible and i just like you're handsome you just you should like it makes it easier it's like

Speaker 2 okay look i got it take the picture of the thing log it try to hit what i need for the day according to an app

Speaker 2 and then uh yeah maybe get back into working out it's just i just want to i just want to sit in the fucking sauna so i think my bone i think i maybe have my bones weigh a pound

Speaker 2 my entire porosis i think my entire skeleton is shown. That is girl style.

Speaker 2 That's lady's style. Osteoporosis.
I think I have osteoporosis. That's like male breast cancer.
My bones are shrinking.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think I'm all cartilage at this point.
Really? You're a jellyfish. I'm like a shark.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I don't sleep.
Yeah, shark, that's shark vibe. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what's funny when you find those things on the beach and somebody's like, oh, that's the shark's purse. And you're like, they're gay?

Speaker 2 Who says that? You remember to find that on the beach? No one's ever said that to me. A shark's purse? A shark's purse, yeah.
It's like the little, like, the thing.

Speaker 2 It looks like a purse. Who told you that? I don't know.
Your boyfriend? An adult. Your boyfriend.
I'm going to look it up. You're adult boy.
This is what I hate, man. It's like you just keep

Speaker 2 it anything I say. I'm like,

Speaker 2 this would be a fun riff.

Speaker 2 That's not real. They have a sand dollar.
That's not real. A sand dollar is nothing.
No, that's no one's heard that.

Speaker 2 Actually, no one's heard that ever, Adam.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry for contradicting you. A shark's purse.
What is it?

Speaker 2 It looks like a mask for COVID.

Speaker 2 What is it? No, no.

Speaker 2 I'm not contradicting you. I am your biggest fan.
Every time, dude. I'm your biggest fan.
What is that thing? No.

Speaker 2 What? When? No.

Speaker 2 How about Sean?

Speaker 2 Sean. Well, let's do my style comedy.
Noise. Sean.
Noise.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm going to bring back saying noise. Noise.
Sean? Sean.

Speaker 2 They call them mermaids' purses. Oh, nice.
And it's an egg case. It's a shark egg case.
Cat sharks.

Speaker 2 So you went to shark beaches. You went to like...
No, Jersey, Jersey's, New Jersey beaches have these fucking things. Oh, I grew up doing West Coast beaches.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Kind of local's only more silent. I tell you, I love the Atlantic.
I love the Atlantic Ocean. I like it, too.
It's pretty nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's dark. It's emo.
It's sort of the Jack Skellington of oceans.

Speaker 2 Pacific's mean. The Pacific's, like, pissed off.
It's like a hot girl that's being a cunt to people.

Speaker 2 They're like, oh,

Speaker 2 you're going to the beach? No, the Pacific is a psycho.

Speaker 2 You're going to the beach. The Atlantic's just more depressed.

Speaker 2 We got to get through this. Factor.
Factor is a meal delivery. Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day easy.
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Speaker 2 And there's even more to enjoy with over 55 nutrition-packed add-ons that help make your weekly meal planning even more delicious. I did wish, because they sent that we have some here.

Speaker 2 They're those bags, right? Well, it's in the we have a fridge, but we don't have a microwave, so you would have to eat them cold if you wanted to try one on the show. We could get a microwave.
Uh

Speaker 2 oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 What's up? I just got a really weird headache.

Speaker 2 I'm okay. You're right.
Yeah, I don't know. It's just

Speaker 2 a migraine. So it's a promo code.

Speaker 2 Anyways,

Speaker 2 yeah, I don't want it. We can get a microwave, I guess.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, dude. No, it's alright.
You know when you're just

Speaker 2 like a flash.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It's like just stabbing pain.
It's another girl thing. Menopause.
Yeah, I'm losing my bones.

Speaker 2 My bones are being...

Speaker 2 You're having hard. What do you get? Rhabdomibliosis? I'm not.
You know so much about doctor shit, dude. I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 Anyways, yeah, yeah, and these were nice, too, because I couldn't really eat. I don't know, I had the turkey chili.
Well, my mouth was fucked up. The factor one.
Factor turkey chili? Two-minute meals.

Speaker 2 Fuel up fast with factor's restaurant quality meals that are ready to eat, heat, and eat wherever you are. Snacks, smoothies, and more.
Just got a wide variety of... Yeah, they got smoothies.

Speaker 2 They got fucking

Speaker 2 snacks and stuff.

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Speaker 2 So head to factormeals.com/slash

Speaker 2 TAFS. That's, I don't, God, this.

Speaker 2 What's going on? There's no promo code in the copy.

Speaker 2 The promo code we're assuming is T-A-F-S. T-AFS at factormeals.com slash T-A-F.
What's the discount? 50% off. What? 50% off.
That's a huge discount. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's massive, guys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 guys, Nick has used the product. He's a fan of the product.

Speaker 2 Oh, he has some here. There's a Personal endorsement.
So go ahead, click in that URL, put in our promo code. Maybe we will get a microwave.
Maybe we can do that after this.

Speaker 2 I put all this on because I thought I needed to for something that's not, we don't, that's not today. Yeah.
My recital. My dance recital.
Yeah. Nick is a...

Speaker 2 It's kind of like when an adult goes and gets a white belt. Like Nick is, you're in a music school with just four-year-old Asian kids.
Yeah. Yeah, you're doing Suzuki math.

Speaker 2 I'm doing school, like School of Rock, but instead of rock, it's orchestra.

Speaker 2 It's school, it's regular school. You're just going to

Speaker 2 Yeah, you've seen the movie School of Rock. It's sort of like that, except it's just school.
I think it's a good idea for a movie.

Speaker 2 Just like, let's say, okay, here's my pitch. You have a guy, like Philip Seymour Hoffman style.

Speaker 2 like that talented at acting, right? He has a tragedy in his life, right?

Speaker 2 Wife, three kids, they all die, right?

Speaker 2 He has a mental break. He accidentally acts at them too hard and they fucking overdose on his acting.

Speaker 2 I mean, we'll figure that out, right?

Speaker 2 He has a mental break, wakes up in his childhood bedroom because he's moved back home, right?

Speaker 2 And then he just gets up. His mom still has his setup the same way from him growing up.
He just grabs his backpack and he walks to elementary school.

Speaker 2 And then the whole town feels so bad for him that they don't have the heart to tell him that he's not an elementary schooler.

Speaker 2 It's kind of like Lars and the Real Girl where they're like, yeah, that's a real bitch actually. Because everyone's like, that guy's such a loser.
We can't tell him it's not a real bitch.

Speaker 2 I think this is a good movie.

Speaker 2 And you could play the Philip Seymour Hoffman style guy. I just want to go back to school.
Yeah. It's called Back to School 3.
Just let me go back to school!

Speaker 2 Just like that. Yeah.
And he thinks he's a little kid.

Speaker 2 I'm small. It's like,

Speaker 2 it's not Billy Madison because

Speaker 2 how did you do the like the breathe, the nose smiling? He was a great breathe actor. I'm nose, I'm nose.
Him and Gandalfino were both the best two breathing at breathe actor guys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like when uh when Tony would eat.

Speaker 2 He'd eat like have fists flat on the top of a ghoul. Sorry.

Speaker 2 So good.

Speaker 2 Gotta learn how to act something.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is fun.

Speaker 2 If anyone is watching this and knows how to act,

Speaker 2 we should, this show would be fucking amazing if this podcast we had just a mentally ill 70-year-old woman that's like, I have spent my life in the theater. Yeah.
Teaching us Meisner.

Speaker 2 Fucking just whatever the whatever that nerve. Not the Parkinson's one, but like, you know, Parkinson's light that old people get?

Speaker 2 Where you're just sh kind of. The yips.
Is that what that's called? I think it's if you're scared. Is that what that's called the yips now? I don't know.
Isn't that kind of like a World War II.

Speaker 2 Like a...

Speaker 2 I don't remember. What's Parkinson's like?

Speaker 2 Huh? Nothing. You know how, like, maybe they just had Parkinson's and they weren't.
They should add. In my life, I've met old people that were shaking.
And I feel like Parkinson's is such a big deal.

Speaker 2 When you find out somebody that gets it, that I would see those old people shaking, and I'm like, well, if it was Parkinson's, they'd be like, fuck, I'm freaking out about it.

Speaker 2 Maybe they just had Parkinson's and they were just...

Speaker 2 Chill about it? They were chill about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my my mom was pretty chill when she first had it. Well, she had other stuff going on too.
Yeah, later on. She had Parkinson's for eight years before the brain cancer.
Eight years?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like eight years. No, I remember when she was yoga.

Speaker 2 I remember when your mom was diagnosed. She was diagnosed right after I moved to New York, 2014.
Yeah. So she had it.

Speaker 2 And she passed away in 2020, so I guess six years. Yeah, but the diagnosis of the cancer was

Speaker 2 two years prior to her passing. So that's, what, four years? What are you checking the facts on? Because you said eight years, and it doesn't.
That was six, seven years. No, four years.

Speaker 2 I just don't understand why you would lie about something so close to Steve. She was diagnosed 2013 and 2014 and she passed away 2020.

Speaker 2 Now, but no, you're what you said is that she said eight and it's probably six years ago. Parkinson's for eight years prior to the other.

Speaker 2 Listen,

Speaker 2 you're keeping me honest, and I appreciate it because, like, I am a

Speaker 2 clout guy. She's watching.
She's always watching. And she's like, you're lying.
This is my favorite list. You're lying again, right now.
This is my favorite list. I can see you lying.
And

Speaker 2 everyone in heaven is laughing at her.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm not laughing at her. You're laughing at me.
They're like,

Speaker 2 we want you to know you're in heaven not because you were a good person, but because your son is such a piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Because your son is such a piece of person. He's the best person I've ever met.

Speaker 2 Because your

Speaker 2 son is such a piece of shit. She would have loved me.

Speaker 2 We don't.

Speaker 2 She was really funny, too. You earned it on that a lot.
The reason I called it funny moms was because she was the funniest person I ever met.

Speaker 2 Now it's kind of, it seems like a very 2009 hipster name for a show. What, Funny Moms? No, it doesn't.
Yeah, it was. Now it's my LLC also.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well we got a new we started a new you guys would be pleased to know that on this is the kind of stuff that people really want to

Speaker 2 know. On the financial side of all this, no longer is this this project funneled through my

Speaker 2 LLC. Me and Adam are now officially business partners that

Speaker 2 50-50

Speaker 2 of everything.

Speaker 2 We can't quit each other. We got a stock split.
We're crazy in love.

Speaker 2 I don't know. What does that even mean? What? What does that even mean? Crazy in love? You know what's crazy? I haven't thought about killing myself, I think, in like

Speaker 2 seven years now. No, that's not true.
But it's been like maybe seven weeks. No, honestly, I haven't.
Truly, like, you, no, that's not true. No, I haven't, dude.
I'm telling you.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 2 No, I've been angry or upset but i don't i haven't like you know when you're younger you're like it's very nice that you don't say i want to kill myself well i don't i haven't i literally haven't and then it's like maybe that's all happiness is just not wanting not wanting to kill yourself i think that's fair yeah that's really

Speaker 2 people think it's like what being a chinese guy on top of a mountain no yeah floating while you're meditating no that's not even possible it's just not wanting to kill yourself yeah it's not that's all it's good

Speaker 2 that chinese guy is a fucking liar that guy's a loser. And then often they killed himself, dude.
That's the thing. Like, that's why I never understood

Speaker 2 the machine guy. The rage against the machine guy.
They show you that and they're like, wow, he did this. The U.S.
soldier

Speaker 2 this week for Palestine. I know, but he's a U.S.
soldier. The Rage Against the Machine Guy.

Speaker 2 The Rage Against the Machine guy burning himself to death over some Chinese bullshit. I thought it was the Vietnamese.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? The point is, is that this guy doing that, it's like, okay, well, good for you, good for you, right, that you did that. But doesn't that mean Buddhism's bullshit? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, even if Buddhism worked,

Speaker 2 wouldn't you just be able to be like, you know what? Let them do whatever they're fucking whatever fucking thing that's happening. I thought.
Kesera.

Speaker 2 Maybe it is like a metallica and nothing else matters kind of thing. Maybe that's what Buddhism is, right? Isn't it that nothing matters? Kinda, I guess.
I don't really know much about Buddhism.

Speaker 2 It seems like the whole thing is a covet.

Speaker 2 It seems like what Buddhism is, was a million years ago, there was a a prince an Indian prince yeah who had everything you could ever want but he started going bald right and he's like fuck that's embarrassing and he's like I'm gonna shave my head and he did it and people are like you know he's like he's like how does it look you know and the people in his court were like oh yeah it looks

Speaker 2 awesome He's like, what, it looks fucking bad? And they're like, yeah, it looks bad. And he's like, you know what? Just fucking,

Speaker 2 you know what? Who cares about anything?

Speaker 2 I don't need any of this fucking shit in fact that's a religion so now I'm gonna let everybody back it makes me a better guy that's all I'm I don't give a fuck about shit we're all gonna be bald let's all shave our heads and wear pajamas and now it's a new religion so I'll I'm actually I don't fucking care dude and then a bunch of Chinese people were like

Speaker 2 that makes sense yeah yeah well now I don't have to you know because it sucks being Chinese so I guess I'll just be bald yeah yeah and now every country that does it now Richard Gere's doing it he's just got a bunch of mice in his ass and he's fucking sitting around his mansion.

Speaker 2 Yeah, actually

Speaker 2 this is my religion. Yeah.
And he's just sitting there quietly and all you hear is like

Speaker 2 from the wheel.

Speaker 2 From the wheel inside his ass. He's got a whole funnel.

Speaker 2 He's got a whole amusement park for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Those translucent tubes. Just imagine Richard Gere's

Speaker 2 his colonoscopy. It's just the tubes.
It's fucking... He has to pay his assistant to clean out the pet go.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 he's like, can you do me a favor? Can you

Speaker 2 pick up some bedding?

Speaker 2 And when you come back, I'm going to be on the inversion board.

Speaker 2 Just go ahead and I'm in a deep meditative trance.

Speaker 2 Just go ahead and insert that. Yeah, it's actually really spiritual that I do this with my ass.

Speaker 2 It makes me a better guy than you.

Speaker 2 We haven't heard from that guy in a while, Richard Gere. Actually, he's in the, I know, never mind.
Well, he's in Israel? No, he's in a new movie that

Speaker 2 Paul Schrader is making. Oh.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Ass Hamsteller. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 The man.

Speaker 2 The hamster fucker.

Speaker 2 By Paul Schrader. Yeah, and you think he's just a normal hamster fucker, but it turns out he's MACA.

Speaker 2 And he's trying to escape his MACA. Oh, yeah, so it's relevant.
So it's relevant. It's a commentary on society.
Oh, gotcha. That's what he always does.
Gotcha. That's what the goat always does.

Speaker 2 The crowd work comedian.

Speaker 2 He's making a bunch of money off TikTok, but the reality is he's got a bunch of gerbils in his ass. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's his secret. Or sort of about ah.

Speaker 2 I guess.

Speaker 2 We love him. Yeah, we do.
He's a legend.

Speaker 2 We love him a lot.

Speaker 2 That's all we'll say about that. Yes.

Speaker 2 So Kate Middleton hasn't been seen in six months.

Speaker 2 Is that true? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's been murdered? I think she's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 She was one of the bachelorettes?

Speaker 2 For the England, for

Speaker 2 William.

Speaker 2 She's the white one. I finally watched an episode of The Bachelor last time.
That's so good. I don't.
I mean, and I'm not saying this to be like.

Speaker 2 Because I'm past the point in my life where I'm like, this sucks because

Speaker 2 people like it. You know? but I'm not trying to be a snob I'm not trying to be a snob but you didn't enjoy it I've and I say I've watched I mean when I say that I mean I sat down and watched it

Speaker 2 I've seen the bachelor casually throughout my life because it's been on for 20 years I'm watching this season and

Speaker 2 it's the same conversations over and over and over again for 20 years

Speaker 2 which a lot of people say isn't that just what you do and I'm like yes begrudgingly because we got trapped we got trapped yeah we got trapped

Speaker 2 Yeah. I would probably be happier managing a GameStop.

Speaker 2 Fucking being like, dude, 25% store discount. Yeah.
And I'm a fuck I'm addicted to pills.

Speaker 2 Doesn't get much better than that, bro. It's been it's been a little while since.
For a guy like me,

Speaker 2 doesn't it doesn't get much better than that. Dude, I have every single Zelda title at my house.
Every single Zelda title. In my efficiency apartment.
And I am so alone. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Actually, it'd be terrible.

Speaker 2 I would just be priced out of Austin.

Speaker 2 I would be living in, like, the Serengeti of Texas, just commuting five and a half hours.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You'd be like in a place with the fucking

Speaker 2 one of those balls. I would just be bitter.
I would hate Joe Rogan. Yeah.
I would be like,

Speaker 2 these guys. They ruined the scene.
Yeah. We had the best comedians.
Yeah, Austin was good before these LA guys came in. Yeah, yeah, they ruined our scene.
Right. I'm living five hours away.

Speaker 2 I'm in Oklahoma.

Speaker 2 I just get a tornado tries to come by, but I'm too fat at that point. That means suck up.

Speaker 2 It's like, do we even have an obesity crisis or do we have a tornado problem?

Speaker 2 And on a subconscious level, the species knows the answer. I need to survive.
Heavier. Let's go heavier than the.
Because it is right there through that. They're making a new one, you know that.

Speaker 2 Twister. Yeah, really?

Speaker 2 And what? It's a black lady. Yes.
Yeah. Look out, y'all.
Here I come. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 My name is F5.

Speaker 2 Who's?

Speaker 2 We got Monique as a tornado now. I believe it is Monique.
Because woke, the cancel culture has to take tornadoes away

Speaker 2 from conservative America. They woke everything.
That was their thing.

Speaker 2 All we got here is NASCAR and tornadoes, and now you got to fucking say. They're giving toradadoes a black ladder.
They're giving, they're saying the fat black ladies. What do we have left?

Speaker 2 We got nothing. We just have sexual assistants.
This is the last thing they left to the menu. This started with

Speaker 2 they killed Dale Earnhardt, and then they saw us weak, and they fucking have just spent the last 20 years, but no more. The South will rise again.
But guess what?

Speaker 2 They're confusing our weakness for kindness. Our Southern weakness.
Yeah, and we're not kind.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We're bitches.
We're actually fucking weak.

Speaker 2 We're just weak, but we're also cunts. I'll tell you what we're going to do is we're going to put arsenic in the eggnog.

Speaker 2 And we're going to show you, now it's time for our volley in the war on

Speaker 2 happy holidays. Enjoy your holiday eggnog.
What is that? We're going to call it that. To kill Christians? No, to kill people that just want eggnog.
We're going to have happy holidays eggnog.

Speaker 2 I never said that. So it's no longer Christmas style eggnog.
Now it's for everybody. But guess what? It's got poison in it.
So enjoy that. You want to buy the non-controversial eggnog? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Now it's time to die. You don't die.
Yeah. If you woke it.
And that'll be the real rapture.

Speaker 2 Because we're all

Speaker 2 we have Christmas eggnog. And anybody that drinks that is fine.
Yeah. And anybody that has chooses the happy holidays eggnog.

Speaker 2 You know that's what happened to Jews during the plague because it was passed around during from swine. So people thought they were wizards.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 The plague in Europe was spreading through swine. No, it's spread through rats.

Speaker 2 So how did Jews not get it?

Speaker 2 They did. Well, there just wasn't that many Jews.
0% fatality rate. For Jewish people?

Speaker 2 I think they also watched it. Didn't RFK say that about COVID? Wasn't he what did he say at that dinner? He said something like that.
The Jews, no Jews ever.

Speaker 2 Jews invented COVID.

Speaker 2 They invented COVID. Yeah.
What's going on with that guy? I get like somebody thought it was funny to sign me up for fucking emails for every

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't even know

Speaker 2 what that is.

Speaker 2 I get every newsletter ever. I love that

Speaker 2 around election time when they just sound like they're just like, please give me pussy. Like

Speaker 2 in the subject line of every email.

Speaker 2 They say please give me pussy. It's that.
It is that tone. Like,

Speaker 2 please, please. Like, Donald Trump is about to molest us.

Speaker 2 Please, please, Adam.

Speaker 2 This is Barack Obama. Believe it, please protect me.

Speaker 2 I really didn't go anywhere. Yeah.
No, the RFK ones are like,

Speaker 2 you know, these bastards want to fucking, they're trying to, they're doing everything they can to keep fucking RFK down.

Speaker 2 It's like, does any, nobody, it's not that serious, dude.

Speaker 2 Nobody cares. Nobody cares about the fucking...
That's the worst part about, like, does anybody actually care about who's president?

Speaker 2 As much as the people doing it?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You know? And nerds. No, not even.
They don't even care. Losers do.

Speaker 2 Podcasts ruined literally everything.

Speaker 2 People don't have podcasts.

Speaker 2 You can get paid to care about things. And it was like Gen X had it figured out.
You shouldn't care about anything. Nirvana.

Speaker 2 All we needed.

Speaker 2 If we had Gen X, but people were fucking maybe a little bit more, that would have been a perfect society. And we were getting close.
Yeah. You know? That's what the 90s was.
Yeah. Wood Sock 94.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Wood Sock 99. Rap Rock.
Rap Rock.

Speaker 2 That is close. That's close to what a perfect society would be.
It was close. But there was a lot of sexual assault at 99.

Speaker 2 Was there, though? There was mud. Yeah.
Mud?

Speaker 2 I remember. You got mud in there? It rained a lot.
People nutted in the mud. People nutted in the mud.
That was one of the

Speaker 2 top acts that year. Nutting in the mud.

Speaker 2 Yo, what rap rock group nutted in the mud? Nutted nutted in the mud. Yeah.
And then it's it's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 it's a mixed race.

Speaker 2 Rap rock group. All right.
Yeah. Our song, The Clowns Have Come, Our Clowns at the Club.
That's the number one song. Clowns at the Club, yeah.
Don't you dare disrespect my tiny car.

Speaker 2 I'll step out of it and we can go to war. It's a tiny clown mafia.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. It's a clown rap mafia.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. It's crazy that of all of the sub-genres of rap rock, the one that's had the most longevity is the clown-branded one.
That is ICP, still going strong. Yeah.

Speaker 2 House of Pain, nothing. Nothing.
But clown rap rock. House of Pain had to pick up guitars.
They became everywhere. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Uncle Cracker is literally just that. He had to pick up a guitar.
Now he's just literally some cracker uncle.

Speaker 2 And he used to

Speaker 2 be. What they've done to him.
It used to be.

Speaker 2 He used to rhyme and used to spit. No, Kid Rock is.
Kid Rock is done. Nope, Kid Rock picked up the guitar.
Yeah. No, he they found out he can sing and then he has to do that instead.

Speaker 2 Just let

Speaker 2 white men rap. Yeah.
Have you seen Modest Yahoo's back on the news? Because they're canceling his the workers at venues are boycotting him. What do you do? He's pro-Israel.

Speaker 2 So like he's on his most recent tour. He is? Yeah, he is.
That is shocking. Why?

Speaker 2 I mean, he stinks. He stinks.

Speaker 2 I told you, I've said this story before, but my mom, like, and it was like, she was being so nice.

Speaker 2 She came into my room. I was like doing homework or something.
She's like, Adam, you like reggae. I know you like Bob Marley.
Did you even like reggae? I like Bob Marley when I was in middle school.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's who I was. Okay, so she's like, you like that? That's because you're learning how to do weed without doing it before you do it.

Speaker 2 I remember fantasizing about when I'm going to start doing weed. Yeah, that's like age 12.
Me and my cousin listened to Dark Side of the Moon. Yeah.
And we were like, I can't wait to get it.

Speaker 2 Remember when you see half. Did you see Half Bake before or after? Before.
Yeah, before.

Speaker 2 You see it before, and you're like, dude, as soon as I get pubed. That looks like the pube.
As soon as I have one pube, I want to make sure I don't fuck that up.

Speaker 2 If I start weed now, I might not ever grow my penis.

Speaker 2 Well, it's going to stay so much. My bad luck.

Speaker 2 But at least I can't be bald. My mama has to be.
I can't give people. You can't have a small dick and be shaving your pubes also.

Speaker 2 Be like, check this out. A baby.

Speaker 2 What if I'm a baby? Yep. Got an extra half-inch baby.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my mom, like, she had the CD and jewel kits, and she was like, Adam, you like reggae, right? I was like, yeah,

Speaker 2 why? And she's like, well, there's a rabbi that does reggae.

Speaker 2 Is he even a rabbi?

Speaker 2 He was Orthodox at the time. And she's like, you know, does that mean you're like,

Speaker 2 if you're Orthodox, they're all rabbis? Kind of, yeah. If you're a Chasid, they're all technically kind of rabbis, yeah.
Because they're all But Orthodox isn't Hasidic.

Speaker 2 Hasidic is part of, it's boring. Hasidic is part of Orthodoxy, but then they're modern Orthodox people that like they also shave, but they wear yarmukas.
Yeah, they just wear the jacket.

Speaker 2 They wear the like the it's kind of more Blues Brothers. It's Road to Perdition.
The Road to Perdition. Yeah,

Speaker 2 kind of very road to perdition.

Speaker 2 So the

Speaker 2 the regular Hasidics, that's 1880s, and then the modern Orthodox is 1940s.