The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 5

Previously on Taz Royale.

Standing in a red zone, you may be attacked for two reasons and two reasons only.

One, if you're holding a key, and two,

if you've attacked someone else during the course of this trial.

Those icons over the Ziggorot show that there's only like one or two gold keys remaining.

I say we head back to the front and see if anyone wants to join the burliest boys in the whole game.

Okay, I'm not that burly, but yeah.

I'm heading for the Ziggerot, baby.

The clock hanging over the Ziggorot begins to flash red as it displays that there are five minutes remaining before the fireball descends.

Five minutes remain in the second trial of the Conclave.

The trial of battle.

What's that?

It's going to be a short episode.

It's only five minutes.

That would be crazy.

Do you realize how crazy it would be if we tried to do a five-minute long encounter?

It would just be the four of us screaming over each other all day.

It's like 24 real-time kind of deal.

You all can see, and by you all, I mean your characters, Hell Graham at Loravith, and Rictus,

can see the Ziggurat at the center of this island within the red bordered circle, designating the sort of PvP area.

You can see some other aspirants sort of waiting in a formation for anyone to come into the circle to try and make it into the Ziggurat.

They intend to stop whoever does so to yoink their keys.

You can see a sort of desperation in their eyes as time runs down.

Aligned along the outside perimeter of the circle, the three of you have

grouped up for the first time.

We have Loravith, Rictus, and Absolute Zero coming in from the northeast, meeting up with a quartet of

other folks who have been waiting here, waiting for the right window to strike.

You see some familiar faces.

You see the spider.

You see Hasty Jane.

You see Gracon,

your rival.

You also see Bobby Dazzler, who was the kind of doofus at the very beginning of the trial who tried to race ahead.

Over all their heads are keys of varying colors and materials.

And you can also also see over the heads of a couple of the aspirants waiting for you in a defensive position around the Ziggurat.

You can see these symbols that look like crossed swords over their heads, you assume to denote that they have already attacked someone, marking them basically for PvP.

You have five minutes here.

Hell Grammitt, you roll up from

the tower that you just narrowly escaped with your copper key, and the eight of you have found your way here.

Grakan, I think, notices you immediately, Loraveth, and says,

I expected no less, Loraveth.

I hope it was a great and worthy battle.

Thank you.

What's he rocking?

He has a gold key as well.

The same to you, Grakan.

I had no doubts that you would achieve the highest,

not as high as me.

It's a shame there's no higher than gold court.

But I'm very happy to see you haven't been slain as I assumed you would be.

So I figure the two of us can go in and eliminate the defenders in front of us and clear a path for these weaker, smaller, more

humble aspirants.

Yes, it will be a great victory.

Just to jump in, um, um,

Rick this brave and went.

Um, what, uh, Gracon, what's it?

What's what's your magic?

I can move things with my mind.

Oh, shit.

It's quite impressive.

I'd love to be dismissive of it, given his

rather unimpressive nature in every other regard of his life.

But his power is rather remarkable, Grakan, I must grant you.

You have done me a kindness.

Hasty Jane sprints up to you, Rictus.

She's in the middle of doing some sort of some stretches, getting ready to absolutely haul ass through this circle she says oh it's you oh you're still alive amazing that's such great news and you got gold fantastic did you go back in yeah i did i broke my own foot that's crazy that must hurt a lot it does yeah it's very centering though do you want me to try and set it like i've had to do some you know emergency uh

could you i could i could give it a shot if you want me to try emergency bone stuff actually doesn't give a lot of confidence but yeah go for it yeah uh You're giving her permission to do this?

Yeah.

Okay, she'll make a medicine check.

Let's just see.

Let's just see how this goes.

Oh my God, 18.

What?

Dude, okay.

Yeah, she.

Wait, you shouldn't sound surprised.

You offered it.

Yeah, you rolled.

I literally just made this shit up on the spot, man.

This is the magic of D ⁇ D.

She grabs your foot and twists and pulls real hard.

You hear a

god.

Yep.

That's going to hold you up for a little bit.

You should probably get a doctor or do they have doctors here?

I don't even know.

It's like,

Probably clerics.

Yeah, maybe.

So, yeah, you should be good.

And

you're a fantasy world, Griffin.

One of the great joys is that you get to come up with whatever non-physical stuff.

Free health.

Physica.

Yes,

there's artificants.

Artificikance.

Boneweaver.

Bone weaver, artificikance.

Wasn't Legume a doctor?

Dr.

Legum is not.

It's just his name.

You don't see him.

His first name is Doctor.

Don't act all fucking concerned about Dr.

Legum now, by the way, Dad.

I made that NPC for you, and you let him get yoinked and tossed.

Oh, but he was okay.

He used his power that last time.

Probably, yes.

Everyone here looks.

Oh, the spider is here, also, Hell Grammar.

The spider approaches you and says,

Oh, all right.

It looks like you're in much better shape than what you got out of my sticky way, but I apologize.

It's quite

viscous.

What happened?

It's really.

It was a bachelor party.

It was

I'm the spider, by the way.

This is my new new friend, Hill Grammat.

Yes, we are.

We are friends.

And

Spider,

as your future king, so to speak, or

something.

Yeah, time is of the essence.

I know, but I'm very concerned.

I see that you have a gold key.

I think that's going to make you an A1 target for these

bastards out here.

Why don't you and I swap?

Because I got a bronze key.

Go ahead and

make a persuasion check if you want to try this again.

I'm going to say you have attempted to get this gold key off of him already.

The check is going to be

extremely high, but if you would like to attempt this gambit again, I will certainly can.

Yeah, because it's a compelling argument.

It sure is, yeah.

For his sake, you know, it holds some water.

Not a lot of water.

I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm going to talk to the other people now.

Listen, we do need to get a move on.

The greenhead fella there does have a point we need to move.

What's on

this?

Rictus.

Excellent.

On this wider.

And sorry, who are you?

I'm Bobby Dazzler.

Awesome.

Great.

Thanks, Bobby Dazzler.

We need a plan here.

I can see six folks waiting for us, and they do look like nasty customers.

A couple of them appear to have already done a bit of violence.

So

what's the plan?

Who here has a sound strategic mind?

Griffin, can I ask, what is the denotation of

that they've engaged in PvP?

What does that tell us?

So that tells you the rules of interaspirant combat are that the only reason you can attack someone is if they are in the red area, if they have a key,

or if they have attacked someone else already.

Okay, so you can see these cross sword symbols over the heads of two of these opponents in front of you.

So we're free to throw some hands with them.

With those, what you're anyone who has attacked someone is fair game.

Okay.

Okay.

So the two in the front here have attacked people.

The three in the back are waiting.

And there's, and there's one at the very top there that you recognize, Rick.

You can see Whisper standing up there at the very top, basically right in front of the screen.

So if we attack the people who aren't flagged, you will be punished.

But we don't know how bad.

You do not know how bad.

Ah.

Casey Jane says, so I can run really fast.

I'm just going to zip right on up there.

Uh, I'm not much use in a fight, so uh, I'm gonna sort of make myself scarce.

Uh, that's my kind of plan.

You guys are free to do your own things.

Can I make a suggestion?

If it's a quick one,

uh, we all have different kinds of abilities and stuff, so why don't we like

the people who are good at defense

on the outside, the people who are good at offense kind of in the middle, like a wedge, right?

So we can cover for each other.

I can attack and heal, so I can like attack and support because like you're very fast but there's six of them and if they all target you at once you still have to get through them right so we could all

kind of cover each other this is the closest thing to a plan that has been floated here I think make a make a persuasion check just to see how persuasive you are sort of to the group um

well it's a six

now does it make sense for me to roll against that to see if you you have a different plan, you have a he Rictus has rolled a six.

If you have a different plan you would like to float, you I don't.

Okay, I guess I guess it's just not a very, I mean, he rolled a six.

I guess I don't really hate.

I'm sorry, Travis.

I don't buy it.

Okay, you know, that's fine.

Yeah, no, listen.

I thought it was, I thought it was convincing, but Rictus is not good at convincing people.

Bobby Dazzler says, don't worry about a thing, guys.

I'm going to dazzle him, and you guys are going to be free to walk, stroll right in there.

No freaking problem.

I have been playing too much

Baldur's Gate because I'm sitting here using my mouse to try to rotate the map.

You can't rotate this map.

Okay, there are just a couple of minutes remaining on the clock.

And you can see one of the there's a woman standing in the front, one of the two that has the cross sword symbol over her head.

She is a woman that is very owl-like, owl-like, like a beak and basically just an owl face and humanoid body.

uh and she says come on hurry

um they are just as eager for you to get in here uh just as worried about this time limit expiring um

with that i think uh hasty jane's just gonna take off uh and i think that's going to jump us into initiative so uh Can I ask a question before just because I don't want to talk about it.

How's Zero looking?

Absolute Zero looks great.

He looks elated.

He looks

excellent.

He looks excellent.

He looks enlightened.

He looks fucking stoked.

He looks ready for battle.

His hands are glowing with the blue light, ready to just go nuts on these haters.

Do you guys feel like we saved a bunch of fucks up with the last?

Because I feel like I've been more potty mouth in a series.

Yeah, no, let him rep.

Let's roll four initiative.

Got it.

I rolled a 12 in initiative.

Okay.

I roll.

What?

Negative two.

So unkind, but I have a 16.

Amazing.

10.

10.

Great.

Let's start combat.

So to lay things out, obviously the viewers at home or listeners at home can't see the map.

If they were viewers, they probably could.

You all stand on the outskirts of this red circle around the Ziggurat with the six combatants standing in defense.

There are three ramps leading up to the front door of the Ziggurat.

Your objective for this battle, I want to make explicitly clear, is not to kill these six people.

If that happens, great, cool.

Your objective is to make it to the door with your key in tow to escape the fireball that is going to fall in just about two minutes.

If you press the R key or click on the ruler, you can measure the distance.

There's about 90 feet to the door, and I believe each of you move 30 feet per turn.

You can use your action instead of attacking or casting a spell.

You can dash to move twice if you would like to do so.

That is the objective.

These people are armed with magic just like you are, and they are going to use it against you.

So

if you bite off more than you can chew here,

I assure you it will not go well for you.

So with that in mind, the first up is...

Now, are they subject to spell slots the same way we are?

They are subject to spell slots just the way that you are.

I doubt very much that this is going to make it through enough rounds for them to expend all of those, but

first in the order, let's see, there's a couple of people who are going to

delay their action.

You see that the there's a very fancy looking gentleman in a very dapper suit standing at sort of the center of this defensive line.

He is going to sort of just stand in front of these front middle steps and he is watching the eight of you to see what you all do first.

Next up, there is a red dragonborn.

The red dragonborn is going to clap his hands together, and there is a sudden burst of heat and light, and forming in front of the right staircase is

a bonfire.

A bonfire that covers up the...

Oh, that should probably be red.

That would be...

Your fucking world, man.

Okay, cool.

Cool black fire.

Cool black fire burns in front of the front of the right ramp leading up to.

Bone Minder's eyes were lit by the blackened fire.

See?

That's it.

That's how you fucking leave, my dude.

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Farmine is going to take his position on the ramp and then weave these black fires in front of the right ramp.

And

next

is Loraveth.

Yes, I am going to...

You're going to love that.

Hell yeah.

I'm going to rush Helvetica.

Okay.

Can I close the distance?

I can in one turn, yes.

Is that what you're just alluding to?

You can get, I mean, you can get in like spellcasting distance, but if you hit R, hit ruler,

30 feet will get you about two-thirds of the way to Helvetica.

Okay, so I cannot believe I use I'm using a ruler.

This is supposed to be a game.

37 feet.

Thanks, Dad.

Okay, so I'm gonna close that distance 30 feet worth.

Okay.

And get up there-ish.

And then I'm going to use

my incredible spell lightning lure,

which uh has a range of 15 feet, which will let me close the rest of the gap.

Uh, I'm gonna use lightning lure on this particular wizard.

Awesome.

Uh, go ahead and I believe roll your attack roll.

Now, before I roll this, can I ask a question?

Sure, I'm attacking with a spell.

Is that an attack roll?

Lightning lure.

You got to succeed on a strength-saving throw, and then I will roll my damage.

Uh, okay,

so.

Okay.

So, they rolled a two on their strength save.

Go ahead and roll your damage.

Okay.

Seven.

Cool.

As you rear your hand back to conjure this

whip of lightning,

you rear your hand forward and the the the lightning bolt whips out of your hand and in just a just a flash of of a second you see a smirk go across this this wizard's face she smiles your lightning lure hits her uh and as it does she seems completely unaffected by your attack and when that happens uh your lightning lure crosses through this uh cross sword symbol over her head and it vanishes and you realize it was an illusion created by this this wizard.

And you see an arc of light travel back up through your lightning lure, and you take seven points of lightning damage.

Oh, no, but how many points did she take?

She took no damage.

The crystal on your hand, on your gauntlet, your grimoire flashes and says, you have attacked an ineligible aspirant.

Oh, fuck off.

This is just a warning.

The damage that you would have dealt to this aspirant has instead been dealt to you.

do not break this rule again or the consequences will be far more dire this wizard's just fucking busting up just cracking up laughing oh so are

okay but they are not tagged uh they are no longer tagged it was an illusory tag that they had placed over their head to trick someone into attacking them to be punished and it went off i will say without a hitch

yeah next up is bobby dazzler

bobby dazzler's gonna run forward uh bobby dazzler Dazzling, Bobby.

You don't got to tell me twice.

Bobby Dazzler

is going to cast color spray.

He starts doing a body roll, and you hear like the bass sting of Genuine's pony.

And he just starts doing a really sort of erotic dance.

And as he does, little flashing balls of colored light spring out of his extended hands, and he is going to

try to blind some of these opponents.

So

you see these colored lights fly over and

one of them hits the owl woman right in the face and she kind of rears backwards.

Another one hits the fancy looking gentleman who also rears backwards and the rest of them seem to fly off into the distance.

The owl and the fancy gentleman are both kind of like holding their eyes and they are temporarily blinded.

Next.

Is Athena the Owl Woman?

Athena is the owl woman.

Next in the order is

Hellgrammut.

Hellgrammat is going to make a dash.

Are you going to use your action to dash?

First of all,

I'm going to move up in the same direction as Bobby Dazzler.

Okay.

You can make it basically

to his side, right about there.

Where you belong.

And then inside of Bobby Dazzler.

Use dash to go past him, headed for the far left ramp.

Okay, so you can reach

right here.

Do you have a bonus action or anything you would like to do on your turn?

Well, is this just flat?

This is just are there structures of any kind or anything?

The only structure here.

No, it is like a plain grassy field,

like a

door,

you know, a college quad or something

surrounding the ziggurat.

There's no features, or there's not a big rock to hide behind or anything like that.

Okay, in that case, I'm going to just kind of squat down and use the chameleon carapace to kind of blend into the grass.

Okay, give me a give me a perception check real quick.

14.

Okay, on a 14,

you see as you dash,

you know, you make it a good 60 feet, you zoom and have closed more than half the distance to

this ramp to the Ziggerot.

You can see that the owl woman and this wizard waiting in the back

and the fancy looking gentleman, they kind of like eyeball you for a second and then they turn their attention away.

They are mostly focused on Loravith right now.

With a 14, I will say you realize that is because of the color of the keys floating over your head.

Indeed, what you said to the spider was accurate.

They do not seem to be paying much attention to you because you only have a copper key.

If you make yourself an easy target, they will almost certainly, you know, change that.

But right now, I think all of these people who are waiting here have their eyes on the gold.

Next in the order is

Absolute Zero.

Absolute Zero says,

Loraveth.

Yes, what should I do?

Oh, um,

I'd make a run for it.

Okay.

Uh, don't fight Helvetica.

Helvetica laughs.

How'd you know my name?

It's on the map.

Uh, okay, Absolute Zero is gonna run and do his 30 feet, and then he is going to

dash

up

here.

Okay, everyone's just kind of taking places.

There's only one, you know,

legit target on the map right now, which is the owl woman who does have these cross-sword symbols, assuming that those are,

in fact, real.

Gracon.

Now, wait a minute.

Bobby attacked her.

Bobby Dazzler.

And nothing happened to him, right?

That is a good point.

You could make the argument that Bobby Dazzler did not attack anyone.

He cast a spell that kind of like fucked with people's vision.

We have precedent throughout this trial that you can cast things that do not, you know, injure your opponent and it does not do much of anything.

Okay.

Next up is Grikon.

Grikon is going to run

right behind where you are

and he is going to make an attack roll against Athena with his power catapult.

You see him do this thing that he has done so many times, Loraveth, around your

Goliath encampment.

He just sort of like crushes his hands together, and as he does, you hear a rumbling of the earth beneath you, and he rips

a chunk of the ground up with

his magical ability.

And he is going to launch it right at

right at Athena.

And I believe she has to make a

dexterity save.

Yes.

Okay,

so

this chunk of earth that Gracon just yeets at the owl woman smashes into her,

dealing 3d8 damage,

which is more than enough.

Athena,

the earth just kind of like piles on top of her,

almost providing sort of like a very quick sort of makeshift

burial.

And

she

a cairn.

It makes a cairn?

Yeah, a pile of rocks as a burial chamber.

Okay, and she goes down.

Does the cairn want to call the manager and complain about?

That's good.

I like that.

I'm changing her name to dead so that you all can remember.

And she is.

I'll put a little blackboard around her.

Cool.

Next in the order is, okay.

You see,

Hellgrammate.

You see this wizard that has been sort of waiting in the corner here.

Lorovitz, you actually see as this wizard sort of moves out of formation, you can see it is the green elemental ranger, one of the two surviving elemental rangers.

And they are going to approach you, Hellgrammet.

I think they can approach you, Hellgrammit.

Hmm, let me see.

Yeah, they are.

Maybe, but they don't want anybody getting through here.

You hear them say, hey, I'm really sorry about this.

And they clap their hands together as they do.

A gust of wind comes shooting out at you and Bobby Dazzler.

Make a strength saving throw, please.

Yeah, the excellence continues with a four.

Bobby Dazzler gets a, Bobby Dazzler saves.

He gets 16.

Okay, you are thrown backwards

15 feet.

And you manage to stay on your feet,

which is fortunate.

Bobby Dazzler kind of like helps catch you as you go flying backwards.

Hey, are you okay, man?

You got to be more careful.

These guys have incredible magic powers.

I realize that.

I wish I did.

As that happens, you see the cross sword symbols appear over the head of Zephyr,

who then looks up and then looks around at all the other wizards, like kind of nervous, realizing that

she is the only one that has this icon over her head right now.

Next in the order is Rictus.

Griffin?

Yes.

When Athena was buried,

what did I see her gem go anywhere?

Um, give me a perception check.

17.

Um, with a 17, you can see this pile of earth that has formed around her is like trembling a little bit and shaking a little bit.

You did not see the crystal come flying out of where she fell.

Okay.

Uh, Lorvith, how are you doing?

I'm fine.

I'm rather frustrated, but I'm physically just fine.

Okay.

I'm gonna

have.

Let's see.

Yeah, I'm gonna kind of run up to be betwixt Gricon and

Loravith there.

Okay.

And I'm going to

cast my amazing spell, Reduced, Wither, and Bloom.

okay targeting zephyr okay

and i believe zephyr has to make a save of some sort a con save be to 13 con save be to 13

uh that is a

eight

so they're gonna take five points of damage okay and then loravith you can use one of your hit die to regain hit points what is your hit die do you know off the top of your head.

Okay, 1d6 is your hit die.

You're a wizard, after all.

Your hit die are determined by your class, not by your

background.

Wizard, Gary.

Alright, six.

Now I have six hit points.

Thanks for that.

Cool.

Thanks for the bump.

How much did you heal for?

Two points.

Okay.

Zephyr, as these hands claw up at the ground, like he did a wasabi chip.

Yeah.

So, yeah, you see the sickly green hands

come out of the left and the angel can't come out of my.

What is this?

Yeah, sorry about this.

Gross.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

Next in the order is...

But it didn't kill him?

No,

it did not kill her.

It did not kill Zephyr.

Next in the order is

going to be Athena, the Owl Woman.

You see...

I will take this opportunity to...

You see the earth trembling around her body splits and the crystal shoots upward and flies up and over the ziggurat to the north end of the island and out of sight.

And

next up.

See that from Athena?

Yes.

Next up is...

Ah, damn, not long enough for me to try to whip it.

I thought Rictus was maybe going to make a run for it to try and grab it, but the window.

It's hard.

You know what it is, Griff?

Once you start saying it, it's hard to interrupt.

Sure.

It just feels like it's not.

And you said it.

I couldn't see it.

Yeah.

So I wasn't going to dig through rocks.

Yeah, you got to be careful there, Weaver.

You're right.

Next in the order is...

Spake it into existence.

Helvetica is...

Helvetica is just going to reach down into her boot and she is going to pull out a small knife.

And she is going to

run forward to you.

Loraveth, the closest target, and she's going to take a swing at you with it.

14 versus AC.

Yeah, it hits.

Okay.

And

she jabs it into your shoulder for four points of piercing damage.

I don't think she says anything.

She just like looks in your eyes.

She looks unwell.

You think maybe the pressure of this competition mixed with maybe a bit of latent wizardly madness

has really overtaken her.

Next in the order is the spider.

I bet you're happy for that with Sabi Chip now.

Rictus, I believe I was

a bit dismissive of your healing powers.

Okay.

I'm very, very thankful for those two hit points now.

Okay, good.

I'm happy to help.

Next in the order is the spider.

The spider is...

She gets the marking, right?

She does definitely get the marking.

Thank you for reminding me, Travis.

The spider is going to run forward and

is going to...

he is going to dash he is going to use his turn to dash he is going to run forward an extra 30 feet sort of placing him on top of the mound of dirt where

where the owl woman fell uh and then finally hasty jane ironically last in the initiative order uh is going to

run 30 feet forward

and then is going to cast expeditious retreat uh as her action to run another 30 feet

to the side here and then is going to use her bonus action from Expeditious Retreat to run another 30 feet

forward past

Zafir.

Oh, can I yell something?

Sure.

Oh, everybody, the one at the top can make you do things with their voice.

Plug your ears when you get up there.

Okay.

Yeah, cool.

You see Hasty Jane look at you and nod

in understanding.

Uh, and then we're back up to the top of the initiative order.

You see this fancy-looking gentleman, he is just kind of watching what's going down here, knowing that, like, you can't do anything to him until he attacks.

He is just going to continue smiling and watching you all like a big old creep.

Um,

next in the order is the red dragonborn.

Seeing absolute zero approaching the right ramp, he is going to that bob there?

That is black fire created by

the Thermomancers.

Ooh, the Thermomancers?

Thermomancers.

That's a great band name, too.

Sure.

Of the West Blood Coast?

He is.

They're the scariest.

He is focusing.

He is actually concentrating on keeping this bonfire going,

seeming to want to taunt Absolute Zero to come through it.

He is going to delay his action.

Whisper is up next.

Whisper at the top of the ramp is indeed going to go over to Hasty Jane.

And Whisper says, please, please, please give me your key.

Casting suggestion.

With your warning, Hasty Jane has fingers plugged in her ears.

She's going to roll this wisdom saving throw with advantage and gets a

19

and saves.

She says, nope, no, thanks.

And Whisper looks like it's just

sweating buckets right now.

Next thing in the order is Loravith.

In order to run away, I'm going to have to fight, right?

Like, Helvetica gets a free hit.

If you attempt to move out of, yeah, you're in melee range with Helvetica.

Obviously, she's just stabbed you.

If you attempt to move away from Helvetica, she's going to get an attack of opportunity against you.

Okay.

You could shove and run.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

The only problem with shoving is that

you get to make a dexterity saving throw.

Against the shove?

Yeah.

You can choose if you want to do a strength or a dex

save.

Okay.

Yes.

So they'll make an attack, a strength or dexterity, an athletics or acrobatics check

against your strength, your athletics check.

So it's a contested check, basically, to see if it goes.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, sizing her up,

she seems like she may be somewhat dexterous.

She had a sneaky knife in her boot.

so that tells you something, I guess.

But all right, I'm gonna try to shove.

Okay,

uh, she's going to make an acrobatic say they got a three on her roll.

So, uh,

I got a three as well, but it's a three plus three.

She definitely fails.

She's going to get pushed five feet away from you, pushing her out of melee range.

Uh, oh, sorry, actually, I should ask: are you pushing her back five feet or are you knocking her prone?

Uh, I am

knocking her prime.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That makes more sense.

I think that's a less of a problem for Rictus and Gracon.

Okay.

You can now move away without fear of

that.

Yeah, that was my bonus action.

And so I'm going to dash basically

up.

Fuck.

I just don't want to get hit again.

Yeah, no,

it's a.

You know what I'm going to do?

What are you going to do, man?

I'm gonna, I'm gonna move, I'm gonna move up right to where the gentleman is.

Yeah, you can absolutely get right up on his grill.

Yeah, I'm just gonna stand right in front of him.

Uh, okay, you stand right in front of him as you approach.

He says, Easy now, partner.

You can't tell, I'm an ineligible aspirant.

Uh, no, no attacks here.

I'm just here for watching the show.

Boy, you're a strapping, uh, strapping lad, aren't you?

Well,

here's the problem.

I have no wish to harm you.

You seem like a perfectly nice gentleman, but I do need to pass you.

You understand, of course.

My

hand will be stayed.

I just need you to step aside.

You are.

I think this would be a check of some sort.

Are you intimidating him?

Are you persuading him?

What are you?

What are you doing?

Here's what I need to know from you.

Yes, sir.

Here's the problem that I'm having.

Please is If words fail me here,

what is an action that I can take

that isn't going to get me

dinged?

Like,

you know, if I lay hands on this person in any fashion, am I going to get

you have been, you, you specifically have been warned not to.

Yeah, I know.

The cops or whatever.

The fantasy cops were real upset about me, but that was, I got tricked, and I think they know that.

And I think that they're probably madder at the tricker than the trick.

I'll tell you what.

Give me an insight check.

Give me an insight check to see if you can sort of

get a read on this guy's whole deal.

Nine.

I think you are able to piece together that he is purposefully not engaging in combat until some opportunity arises.

The thought that he would take a attack of opportunity against you and get marked is unlikely.

So I'm just going to walk past him.

Can I do that?

You certainly can.

Great.

I'm just gonna walk around him.

Okay, up the ramp.

Yes.

Okay, 30 feet gets you to the top of the stairs.

I don't.

Yes.

Okay, so it's like a dash.

Is that what we're saying?

Uh, yes, that is your, and that is your final uh action of the turn.

But you are, you are right.

You are, uh, gosh,

you are eight feet from the front door, uh, up the top ramp.

Next in the order is

um

Bobby Dazzler.

Bobby Dazzler

says, hey, it's not nice to push people.

He's going to run forward towards Zephyr.

30 feet.

And

he is just going to throw hands.

Zephyr has

a PvP mark over her head.

He is just going to make an unarmed attack roll.

I bet it's wild to watch all these wizards engage in like physical combat.

It's like a slap fight.

I bet.

In fact, that is a really accurate way of describing what happens.

He rolls a four, so he slaps across Zephyr's, you know, bright green Power Ranger helmet,

which just kind of like cocks to the side a little bit.

And then Zephyr just reaches up and

corrects it.

He does not deal any damage to

the already wounded Zephyr.

He says shit.

And next in your is Hellgrammit.

You said Zephir is already wounded slightly?

Yes, Zephir was hit by.

What was Zephir hit by?

Me.

Oh, you, by Rictus.

What.

So explain something to me.

Sure.

The gentleman didn't react at all when Lorvith

blasted past him?

Nope.

Okay.

Um, Hellgram is going to run up and

attack Zephyr.

Okay.

Uh, just with your,

I'm trying to decide.

No, I'll use infestation.

It's just pretend.

I'm going to use infestation.

Uh, you are not making an attack roll, right?

If you are making an attack roll, uh, while you were in melee range of an enemy, you would have disadvantage on the attack roll.

But this is a save that they have to make, and so that is not accurate.

So,

you

where would you like to move to?

You can basically get anywhere around Bobby Dazzler and Zephyr where they're in.

Yeah, I think over to the

slightly to the right

of Bobby Dazzler.

Okay, right about there is where you can reach with your 30.

And Zaphira is going to make a

con

save.

Con save.

Okay.

That is a 12.

Does not make it.

It had to be 13.

Okay.

Then you conjure up a swarm of what?

CC flies.

Cool.

Brutal.

Fucking gnarly.

And roll your 1d6 poison damage.

And that is a six.

Jesus.

Okay.

You.

I think everyone who is within range can see what happens.

Hellgrammat conjures up a

thick, just a black swarm of CC flies that surround Zephir and actually lift this green elemental ranger into the air,

moving her five feet in a random direction.

I'll roll the D4 to decide.

To the west,

you see her carried away five feet.

And

you all, before the swarm of flies that have lifted her up, even part, you see a gemstone shoot up out of the top of this swarm and fly to the north side of the island.

And when the flies disperse, they place her body on the ground and she is dead.

But a bell chimes overhead.

That also happened, I should mention, when the Owl Woman went down.

And

next in the order.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to,

you know, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't don't know, your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

And it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this.

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that's a big deal for a limited time only because you are i was really proud of that justin i was really proud of that sorry trav that was great thank you for a limited time only because you're an adventure zone listener you can get 60 off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure that's 60 off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping again that's smalls.com slash adventure Hey, this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

i'm also sorry and i'm here and i'm interrupting too if you're coming to uh uh our shows this week in san antonio and austin thank you if you're not already planning on coming why not we want to see you there we need you there join

it's so great yeah if you're coming to the show and you want to have a question you uh you got a question you want answered you want a fear read aloud we got you email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trap?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, new month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of we've got uh a brand new uh geral t-shirt over there designed by lynn doyle go to macroymerch.com check it out uh and 10 of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to equality florida which is dedicated to securing full equality for florida's lgbtq community so go to macroymerch.com to get yours now

you know we've been doing my brother my brother me for 15 years and

maybe you stopped listening for a while maybe you never listened and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So, let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

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Same episode, actually.

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Episode 64.

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Uh, next up is Absolute Zero.

Another notch of Macarapis.

Yeah.

Um

Absolute Zero is going to.

Gosh.

He doesn't have a ton of great options here.

Who fucked with the circle of black flames created by the Thermomancers of the Ninth Realm?

I'm pissed.

He is.

I mean, there is a target in range.

He is going to look over at Helvetica, who is downed on the ground.

And

I think he is in a state of um

uh vengeance he saw stop writing on my black flame fixing it okay cool that looks rad actually uh he saw uh her stab Loraveth uh and is going to launch an ice knife in her direction

and critically fails someone's just swear okay now actually that one that looks badass uh the ice knife goes wide uh and flies off into the dense distance striking the ground and creating a slick patch of ice outside of the red circle.

And he kind of looks up at you, Lorveth, and sort of shrugs.

He is going to then move

here, sort of between the two steps.

And he shouts up, Loraveth, hey, will you help me up?

The ramp's locked by fire, and then there's this old man, and can you pull me up here?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Great.

I've recently been sorting through my pockets for things that I might have begun the adventure with because some friends noticed that I was nude.

And in there, I did find a robot.

Awesome, yeah.

Along with me.

Grakan is up next.

Grakhan sees you approaching the door, Loravith,

and all of a sudden you see this switch flip in his head of going into competitive mode.

He is going to run.

uh his 30 feet and then he is going to dash 30 feet to get right up next to you on the stairs,

just about one foot closer to the door than you are.

He is just kind of playfully pushing you, not trying to actually like push you off the stairs or move you in any way, but like you can see him like gleefully, like just stoked to be in such a high-stakes competition with you right now.

Next is Zephyr is dead.

Next is Rictus.

Rictus,

you're at the back of the attack here.

The gentleman didn't react when Gracon went either.

Nope.

Okay.

I'm going to dash to get

to the steps too.

Okay, that will put you just behind Loravith.

He is just kind of like watching you all run by,

sort of grinning the whole time, just being kind of a creeper.

Do you have a bonus action?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Then next in the order is Helvetica.

Helvetica is going to stand

and

just kind of surveying the scene.

I mean, she's very, very close to the spider, but a bunch of people are about to make it through the door.

Her only power is minor illusion.

which is not going to be of much use to her now that you all kind of know if a big dragon appears in front of the three of you suddenly.

Anything with minor illusion, man, it's a great trick and you can only do it once.

You know what?

From Hell's Heart, she is going to

strike.

Am I correct in assuming, Griff, that like these people, if they don't have a key, they're going to die here in a second.

True, true.

Yeah.

Okay, so I feel like she'll probably give it a whirl.

You know, yeah, no.

She'll give it a shot.

She's not going to cast her minor illusion.

She's going to throw her knife because she is out of movement.

Is she throwing it at me?

I think that's the funniest option.

Okay.

Dang, I was going to go to the bathroom.

Okay, let her throw her knife then.

If I die, I'm going to the bathroom.

Yeah,

that is usually how it works, Justin.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Both me and my character, actually.

He in the throes of death and me in the future.

That is a 15 versus AC.

Yeah.

This is a 60-foot knife throw.

This is a fucking Call of Duty, like, cross-map

knife toss.

And it catches you in the back for five points of piercing damage.

And I believe that is enough to knock you unconscious, Loriveth.

You go down at the feet of Rictus and Gracon.

Okay, next in the order is the spider.

The spider is going to

move 30 feet, which is going to get him

right up here with the gentleman at the bottom of the central stairs.

And,

you know, I think he recognizes that the person here who is, well, I guess the only viable target and probably the most dangerous since she just took out Loraveth, is Helvetica.

He is going to put a web down.

on Helvetica, which I'm going to draw crudely with this marker.

And it's going to be white, and it's going to look like this.

And that's how you, that's how you know.

And then we'll draw a little circle, and it's the web.

Cool, yeah, like a mutant asterisk.

Yeah, it does look like a really funny thing.

Well, he's rushing, he doesn't have time for a perfect orb weaver shit or whatever.

Yeah, true, though.

Next is Hasty Jane.

Hasty Jane is halfway up the left staircase,

and

she is going to

gosh,

you sort of warned her about Whisper at the top of the stairs here.

I think she sees that things are a little bit wild.

Whisper is not marked for PvP, though, so that she is not going to be able to attack him.

So Hasty Jane is just going to take her 60 feet of movement.

She stops at the door into the Ziggorot, and she says, good luck, everybody.

And she is going to step inside.

I look down at the fallen Lorave as she says that and go like,

okay.

Yeah.

Hasty Jane doesn't know who that is, really.

So

Hasty Jane is going to step inside.

As she steps towards the barrier sort of surrounding the Ziggurat, it passes sort of right over this front door.

Through that barrier, it's semi-transparent.

You can see the other finishers who are inside.

You can see that the silver key icon kind of floating over her head sort of sparkles as she approaches the door.

As she passes through it, it vanishes.

And you can see the matching icon above the the ziggurat floating in the sky disappear right underneath the timer which is dwindling ever downwards.

Hasty Jane has finished and I will

get rid of her off the map.

That moves us to

the gentleman.

The gentleman is going to take

a couple of steps up the stairs just a little bit closer to where you all are gathered to kind of paint a picture of the scene because there's a lot of moving pieces.

Right now we have Loraveth downed uh grakan and rictus off i've said that so many times

that image is am i right everyone's feeling it right he said it like 80 times dude we know we miss him we love him he will pull through i have full confidence uh you got rictus and grikon and loraveth at the top of the central stairs absolute zero is kind of like down off to the side of the stairs you are going to help him up uh the the side of the ramp here uh but that's obviously going to be a little bit more complicated now Loraveth.

The gentleman has started because he's down, right?

Because he's dancing.

Right?

Is that the issue?

Because Justin's getting dad.

You keep moving, hell, Grammit.

You keep scooting him, and it's making me real nervous.

No, I'm not moving.

You're getting little

free little feet.

He's just dancing from foot to foot.

Playing around.

Just playing around, just scooting.

Okay.

Car mine, seeing Hasty Jane finish.

This is the red dragon porn here on the east staircase.

He is going to dismiss

this bonfire, which I'm going to do like that, and it's going to take a while.

He is going to take a couple of steps up the stairs, and he is going to create a new bonfire.

And this one is going to be right here.

Right in front of the door.

A five-foot cube of flame appears right in front of the front entrance to the Ziggurat.

None of you are in the space of it right now, but unless it is dismissed, you can see Carmine concentrating on it.

It will do some damage to you if you do not succeed on a dexterity saving throw as you attempt to pass through it.

Then we get to Whisper.

Whisper's at the top of the west staircase.

Looking at the sort of like people surrounding the top of the stairs here,

I think he's a little too intimidated by Gracon.

He is going to take a step towards you, Hell Grammat, and he points at you and he says,

Give me your key.

And I need you to succeed on a wisdom saving throw, please.

What do I got to get?

The number you are trying to beat, Clint, is a

million.

No, a 12.

Ah, well, then I guess 21 does that.

Wow.

Whisper is having a bad run.

Whisper's having a fucking bad day, y'all.

Whisper is...

Not as bad as me, though, right, Griffin?

No, yeah, you're having a worse day because your dumbass got killed dead.

Graveyard dead.

No, you're not graveyard dead.

You're graveyard unconscious.

Whisper, yeah, now this is like full breakdown.

Like Whisper realizing like, uh-oh, I'm probably out of turns

is starting to really panic.

And

he is going to move back up the stairs with the remainder of his movement and that is going to move us over to Loraveth, Dreamweaver, Gonjabon.

Let's go.

Let's get a death save going here.

D20, straight up.

Straight up.

Yeah, man, 18.

18.

That's one save.

That's good.

Put it in the good column.

It is.

It does it automatically.

Cool.

Next up is Bobby Dazzler.

Love it.

Love it.

Bobby Dazzler is going to make a run for it.

I think Bobby Dazzler is going to make a run for the door.

I think he's going to take an attack of opportunity here from Whisper, which I will do right now.

Oh, yeah.

Whisper hits.

Whisper just kind of like punches Bobby Dazzler in the back of the head

for

two points of bludgeoning damage.

And then with that, Whisper is now marked red,

which

marks Whisper for PvP.

And Bobby Dazzler says, ow, fuck, that hurt.

And he's going to jump in through the door after making a deck save.

Okay,

that is a four.

So Bobby Dazzler is going to take D8 points of fire damage.

Fuck, man.

No!

Bobby Dazzler takes eight points of fire damage.

Bobby Dazzler does not make it through the door.

As he steps into the flame, he immediately ignites and he is flailing on the deck in front of the bonfire in front of the door, screaming.

Bobby Dazzler is

not quite down, but not quite through the door.

And he is in a lot of danger here.

Hell Grammit, the situation has gotten very complicated in front of you.

You got Whisper marched for PvP halfway up the steps in front of you.

You got Bobby Dazzler at the top of the steps, surrounded in flames, running around screaming.

You got Loriveth downed on the central staircase and Helvetico all webbed up at the back.

Gentlemen's just kind of sitting here watching and the spider is waiting for his turn to move.

You are up.

Okay, one thing at a time.

I'm going to move up.

Use

I'm

using the ruler.

I'm going to move up on Whisper.

Okay.

And hit Whisper with...

I mean, alarm's not going to help me much.

so I'm going to use Infestation again.

And with my intent being not necessarily to

harm Whisper,

but to push Whisper off the ramp.

Yes, so if Whisper fails on the con save, you will get to push, but it will also deal damage.

But Whisper is marked for PvP, so you are not going to.

What does Whisper have to beat here on their save?

Has to beat a 13.

It's high, but it's not a 6, which is what Whisper ended up getting.

So you do indeed end up hitting Whisper.

Go ahead and deal your damage.

And that would be a

three.

Okay.

Whisper still kind of like in a panic is now swatting what bugs away?

Let's go with Ganats.

Ganats, okay.

Not the nastiest, not CC flies.

And with that, you get to roll a D4, and that is going to determine the direction that Whisper goes.

If Whisper goes, if you roll basically a three or a four,

Whisper is going to go off the steps.

Three.

Three.

Three takes Whisper five feet to the east.

With that, Whisper floats up in the sky as the Gnats grab him,

lifts them up, carries them just over the east rail of

the western steps, and drops Whisper to the ground.

Whisper is going to take uh that's a 10-foot drop uh d10 points of bludgeoning damage that is a nine you see whisper fall to the ground and as they collide with the ground uh they try to lift back up but then they kind of collapse and they are knocked out

now can i finish my movement

um you moved up to whisper right yeah you're 30 feet or was that 30 feet no that was 15 feet yes that was 15 feet you can basically get up uh kind of close to bobby dazzler where he is can i

leap across to the middle aisle um

let me see

it's 15 feet uh 13 feet Yes.

Yeah, I'll tell you what, this is going to be tough.

If you give me an athletics check,

DC-10,

then you can jump to the central staircase.

If you do not hit 10, you are going to fall like Whispered.

Don't worry about it, then I'm not going to even try it.

But I will continue to move up the ramp if I can.

Okay.

Right up next to Bobby.

Okay.

Next in the order is Absolute Zero.

Absolute Zero is going to.

Gosh.

If you hear Absolute Zero, y'all, Loraveth, I'm ready.

Pull me up.

Loraveth, drop the rope.

I'm ready.

Bad news about that.

You're not going to believe this, but Lorivit's down.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll just do it.

I'll go a different way then.

Absolute Zero is going to

come down and...

Now that the flames are gone, he's going to move up over here with Carmine, the Red Dragonborn.

And Carmine still is not marked for PvP.

So Absolute Zero is...

Even though he hurt Bobby Dazzler with a spell?

You are right, Travis.

He did.

When Bobby Dazzler took damage from the fire created by Carmine, he was marked for PvP.

What was Carmine's spell?

Create bonfire.

Now Absolute Zero is going to throw an Ice Knife at him and rolls it too.

He sucks shit at this.

Really bad, Absolute Zero has done with all of his Ice Knife throws.

This one just goes all the way over the Ziggurat.

He yeets it, it goes flying out of sight.

Next in the order is Gracon.

Oh, gosh.

Which of my glass menagerie will I?

Gracon.

I'm trying to decide if Grikon would help you out right now or not, Loraveh.

I would.

In times of strife like this, I find that to leave the role to the gods, to leave it to fate.

If you don't know in your heart, then I think you got to leave it to really gods.

The dice have always been really good for us.

They tell us.

I'm going to, why don't you roll a D20?

I will say one thing, if it helps give me advantage, I very recently did Gracan a kindness, which he admitted when I complimented his powers in front of everybody.

You did compliment his powers in front of everybody, which was a great kindness.

So, I will let you make a luck roll, 11 or higher.

And I think Gracon will be moved to help you.

Go ahead and roll in D20.

By you,

by you, the GM.

Yes, Griffin will be moved to

help Girkhan to move to literally move the piece.

Yeah, it's a 19.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gracon looks down at you and

leans down and he says,

When this is all over,

you can tell me that I won this one fair and square, all right?

And he is going to hoist you up by the arms under your armpits, and he is going to try to drag you backwards through the flames.

Just to get a nice here.

This is going to be.

Low and slow.

This is going to be a deck save with disadvantage as he is dragging you.

And...

My deck save?

His deck save.

His deck save.

That is going to be insufficient for him.

As he drags you backwards through the flames,

you are still unconscious.

He takes

five points of fire damage.

However,

he

sticks with it and he drags you backwards through the fires.

And

everyone else gathered around, you see Gracon and Lorivith pass through the flames, pass through the barrier.

You are unconscious, and you are through the barrier.

You are not dead.

Gracan has pulled you through.

That is going to move us over to Rictus.

Yes.

I'm going to cast Wither and Bloom.

Okay.

Targeting Carmine.

Awesome.

Hit.

a con save you gotta beat 13 okay

nine plus two eleven does not beat it uh okay carmine's gonna take some damage here oh that's six points of damage on a dam uh okay and carmine is now going to have to make a con save to manage concentration

uh and gets a six uh as you hit carmine for six points of damage you see uh those hands grasping at him it is enough to one drain some of the life from him, but also you can see him like really really freak out as the as the hands are grabbing at him and that in that exact instant makes the flames in front of the door disappear.

And Loroveth is safe now, right?

Loraveth is safe.

Loraveth is inside.

Okay, then I'll trigger one of Bobby Dazzler's heels.

Okay, that's very nice of you.

How much does Bobby Dazzler?

Oh, he uses a hit die.

Yeah, one hit die.

Okay, Bobby Dazzler is going to roll d6.

Six!

Bobby Dazzler is.

Immediately, the flames just kind of subside, and he looks down at himself, and he looks at you.

He says, Was that you, man?

Yeah, it was, yeah, the heel.

Awesome, man.

Oh, God.

I owe you big time.

And he does a body roll.

I wish you wouldn't.

And then I'm going to skid out all.

All right.

Now that the fire's gone, Bobby Dazzler's up.

Hell Graham has got no one in front of him.

I mean, I don't know how zero for zero, right?

Awesome.

Yeah, great.

You approach the door

and

I need you

to give me a dexterity saving throw, please.

The number you're trying to beat is a 14.

That was a 13, Griffin.

Here is what happens.

You approach the door,

and just as you are about to step through the barrier,

time stops.

You are not able to see anything except the door in front of you, and through the door in front of you, you can see time has frozen as well.

You are conscious in this frozen state.

The flames

that were sort of still licking at the floor are frozen in place.

place.

Everything has stopped.

You don't see anything, but you hear footsteps behind you, and the gentleman walks up.

The gentleman, the rest of you who are still in the scene, can see is the only thing moving as he has deployed his ready-to-action to cast a spell to stop time.

It is on another...

level of arcane power than I think any of you are familiar with.

He is going to step as close to the door as he can, and he reaches forwards, and

he grabs your golden key.

As he grabs your golden key,

time

catches back up

and the world begins to move again, and you have Rictus a moment where you can see him standing in front of you, holding your golden key.

You reach out, and he takes a step backwards through the gate,

just as your fingertips brush the air in front of him, failing to stop him from stealing your key.

The gentleman has taken your golden key, and you are stuck at the top of the stairs.

What a wiener.

Next up is Helvetica.

Helvetica is going to try and break out of the web

and succeeds.

And Helvetica is going to take a dash action to get up towards the stairs.

Is not gonna get in range of the spider, but doesn't move past the spider because Helvetica is pretty beat up at this point and does not want to take an attack of opportunity.

And that is gonna move us to the spider, who is going to push Helvetica away with a D20 roll,

is unable to.

These two are just kind of locked in combat here.

The Spider is

not the beefiest guy and does not want to take a stab.

And so they are just kind of in gridlock here at the bottom of the stairs.

That moves us back to Carmine.

Carmine is going to

create another bonfire, this time right on absolute zero.

It's going to make a deck save

and succeeds.

But there is a fire back at the bottom of the right staircase again.

And

dead, dead, dead in the door.

Bobby Dazzler's up next.

Bobby Dazzler looks at you, Rictus, and says, Hey, where'd your key go, dude?

Yeah, the gentleman took it.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Give me an insight check.

Okay.

That's a six, Griffin.

Okay.

That's not very good.

Listen.

I'll be straight with you.

You know numbers.

I know numbers.

I'm not going to.

Yeah, listen.

I'm not going to bullshit you.

We're not going to sit here all day and argue about what numbers are big and what numbers numbers are.

Listen,

Travel wants to take you inside the veil a little bit.

Griffin did want to reveal some sort of character

there.

And now he knows that he absolutely cannot.

And we've run up against one of the

classic issues with this as a storytelling medium.

Bobby Dazzler is...

Bobby, it looks like you want to tell me something, but I don't know what it is.

Bobby Dazzler.

looks around at the battlefield, looks up at the clock, looks at you, looks at the door, looks at a lot of stuff man and he says he's kind of looking all up just kind of doing a great giving it a quick butcher's he says

i got i can't

i'm you saved my life dude i'm honor bound to help you

but i'm not gonna give you my key so um

i'm just gonna have to

i'm just gonna have to get somebody else's bobby dowser is gonna run over to hell grammar and he is going to hit hit Hellgrammet

with his spell,

which is

color spray.

Hellgrammit.

Bobby Dazzler runs over to you after talking to Rictus for a moment.

He extends his hands and he is going to launch a volley of colorful orbs that surround your head and dazzle your senses, as is what Bobby Dazzler does.

You are going to.

Oh, he actually rolls 60-10.

The total is how many hit points of the creatures the spell can affect.

So

you only have two hit points.

This is going to be tough to avoid.

Okay, he definitely has enough for you.

You, as the lights shine into

your eyes, you are blinded.

You cannot see anything in front of you.

You get like a mental image of where you are.

You are like 10 foot from the steps with Bobby Dazzler in front of you and Rictus in front of the door, but

you are unable to see exactly the scene around you.

I think with the left over points, he is going to make the orbs fly over towards

Carmine.

not wanting to be caught on fire and sort of still sore about being set on fire in the first place.

The orbs go over and surround Carmine as well.

And you can see Carmine.

Well, you can't see Hellgrammet, but Rictus, you can see Carmine start to grasp the air around him as he is blinded.

Next in the order is

Bobby Dazzler just went Hellgrammit.

Okay.

Okay.

Dad, I don't know how to say this, but you got to spank Griffin.

He's at, that's your son.

You got to get the respect back in line.

Yeah.

You got to use a spell on him or something.

Let's see.

Like me, like me.

Like, it is a game, dude.

It's a game and it's a spell.

Yeah, but like, there is, I know, but like, just as a dad, I feel like you've gone, I really felt out of life.

Travis.

If there's anything that we've learned, Griffin, from a lot of propaganda, the game bleeds into real life and it can cause problems.

And right now, I feel like DD is getting out of the world.

There's a respect issue.

It's just a respect issue.

Carmine succeeded on his constitution saving throw to manage the fire.

That is where Absolute Zero is.

Sorry, go ahead, Helger.

Yeah, cool.

I am going to...

Okay, so he's standing right in front of me, right?

Yeah.

And I have a mental image of where he is.

You do.

So

you...

The blinded condition does the following.

You automatically fail any ability check that requires sight.

Attack rolls against you have advantage, and attack rolls you do have disadvantage.

Other than that, like you can still do stuff.

You know where Bobby Dazzler is.

He is literally within melee range of you, so you could reach out and grab him, no problem.

You are close enough to the door that you could probably navigate your way there.

Whether or not Bobby Dazzler or Rick Dis would allow you to do that is,

you know,

not known to you.

Actually, Griffin,

I think

I do believe Hell Grammat would say,

this

will not stand.

And he's going to attack Bobby Dazzler with his daggers.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

Is he tagged, though?

I mean, Bobby Dazzler has a key.

Oh, I guess so.

He does not need to be tagged.

He has a key.

And he just attacked me.

Right, so Bobby Dazzler is totally fine.

Aw, the jungle.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I'm using two-weapon two-weapon fighting, so I'm hitting him with both daggers.

Assumedly.

Assumedly, yeah.

You could also be swinging wildly at him with two daggers.

Could be.

Do you have two weapon fighting?

I sure do.

You want to get away from the fight.

Everybody has two weapon fighting.

Well, I think it's if you are not like proficient in it, you have disadvantage on the second attack.

Is that right?

I don't seem to see that anywhere on my sheet.

Well, hold on.

Give me two seconds.

Okay.

Okay, so you are proficient in two weapon fighting.

You can make two attacks.

The second will use your bonus action.

You can only use light weapons.

Your daggers certainly qualify for that.

The drawback is that the ability modifier added to

the attack damage for your offhand attack does not use, it doesn't use your modifier.

It just does the straight-up weapon damage rolled on the dice.

Okay.

Let's get that first attack roll, please.

That's a 15.

15 hits.

You swing your dagger forward and catch Bobby Dazzler right across the chest.

Three damage?

Okay.

Does he have to hit the advantage because he's blinded?

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you so much, Travis.

He does have advantage.

How would that work?

Wait, wait, wait.

How would that work technically?

Since

I know where he is, and he's standing right in front of me.

Man, the rule, I would love to help you out here, but the rules do say your attack rolls have disadvantage.

Okay.

I just don't want people to yell at us.

I appreciate that.

Oh, there's a seven.

Seven does not hit.

Bobby Dazzler steps out of the way of your knife swing with a sweet body roll that sadly you are unable to see.

Everyone else, though, is delighted by it.

13.

13 does hit with your bonus attack, but you need to roll again for disadvantage.

19.

Yep, we will take the 13.

Your second attack does hit.

This is just a straight up D4 roll.

Four.

Okay, four points of damage.

Your first attack, you swing through the air, doesn't hit anything.

Your second attack gets some meat.

It gets a scream.

The rest of you see a body roll tragically interrupted by

violence

as Hellgrammat, unable to see, still manages to land a strike on Bobby Dazzler.

Bobby Dazzler screams at the top of his lungs.

He is still okay.

Hell Grammit, you still have your move action here,

but you have used your action and bonus action.

So if you want to try to move, you can.

You will be susceptible to

a attack of opportunity with advantage against you if that is the decision you make.

Well, then I'm just going to make a run for the door.

Okay.

Bobby Dazzler is going to make an attack of opportunity at you.

You certainly have the movement to do it, and he is going to have advantage.

What is your AC?

My AC is 14.

First roll

is a 12.

The second roll is a 15.

So he is going to try to punch you

in the back of your head.

It's a d4.

And it looks like anything higher than a one is going to

knock you out.

So 25% chance here, Mac.

Let's see.

Bobby Dazzler rears back and issues a

wild haymaker that

collides with the back of your carapist skull with a crunch.

And Hellgrammat, everything goes dark and you fall down to the ground.

Rick is as that happens, Bobby says,

Hey, is two out at once once a Taz record?

It's, I think so.

Things got pretty dicey in the fight against the hub.

If we wipe.

Now, listen, if we wipe, do we get to go listen to a different D ⁇ D pottery?

Yes, is that the way we're going to be?

We'll just cut it in here.

We actually switch places with the listeners if we end up wiping.

Whoa.

The next.

The listeners, the four next listeners with the most free time have to take it over.

Okay.

Uh, Bobby Dazzler looks at you, Rictus.

He's still clutching his knife wound that Hell Grammat just gave him.

Says, All right, dude, there's your key.

You got it.

It's copper.

It's not the best, but it'll save your life, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Thank you, Bobby.

Go in.

Yeah, get in there.

It is not Bobby's turn.

It is Absolute Zero's turn.

Absolute Zero first has to make a deck save

and fails.

Absolute Zero is going to take

some fire damage here.

Just one point of fire damage.

And

it's going to just step out of the flames.

And it's going to try and get Carmine with one more ice knife.

This is.

This is.

That's a four.

Carmine throws another ice knife.

Absolute zero is not just a clever name.

No, I mean, absolute zero.

you can see even though this is the third time in a row absolute zero has absolutely wanged it on one of these ice knives he can still you can only kind of like see his eyes through his sub-zero mask that he's wearing he still seems to be trapped in this just like aura of euphoric bliss he is vibing so right right now uh and

uh how is he looking as far as like damage

Not terrible.

I mean, he's taken a little bit of damage, but the bonfire seems to have surprisingly not injured him too grievously.

Next in the order is you, Rictus.

Okay.

So I do grab Helgram's key.

Great.

And then

I'm going to target Helvetica.

Okay.

With Wither and Bloom.

Okay.

That's going to get Con save.

Beat 13.

Seven.

So she's gonna take ooh, another six points of damage.

Jeez, OP.

Okay, that is enough.

Helvetica, as these claws grab at her,

they pull her

wrist down to the ground.

They pull her leg down off the steps.

She slips and slides.

They pull her backwards away from the spider.

And you can see she's trying to escape the grasp of these these phantasmal claws

and is unable to.

And you can see the final vestiges of life drain from her, and she is

out.

And where does her crystal go?

Her crystal.

Thank you so much for pointing that out.

Her crystal is going to rattle in her gauntlet and it flies straight up into the air and zooms to

the northern far end of the island out of sight.

Whispers also did the same thing when you knocked Whisper out as well.

Okay, I'm going to trigger one of Hell Grammit's hit die heals as I step back through the door.

Sorry, were you going to say something?

Oh, good luck.

You got it, but

sorry.

All right, Rictus.

You take the copper key from Hell Grammit.

You take out Helvetica, and Hell Grammit, you are able to take one hit die worth of healing.

That's a D6.

That is going to bring you back into the fray.

Okay.

I roll?

Yes, you roll a D6.

Four.

Okay, mark yourself up to four hit points.

And you snap back to consciousness.

You are no longer blinded, which is great.

You are laying prone on the ground, though, which means you'll have to spend your movement getting back up on your next turn.

As your eyes sort of come to, you see, indeed, there is no more key icon floating over your head.

To paint a quick picture of the scene, there's a lot of people down right now.

You've got Bobby Dazzler with his silver key standing over you.

He looks kind of betrayed, honestly, Rictus, as you step backwards and have revived this guy that he was in a fight with.

We still have outside of the gates, the spider at the bottom of the central stairs with his gold key.

Caramine and Absolute Zero are still locked in combat.

Carmine's trying to get Absolute Zero's copper key away from him.

That's it.

The time on the clock floating in the sky is starting to really wind down.

Next in the order is the spider.

The spider is going to make his way up the stairs now without Helvetica to stop him, but he is going to stop and look down at you, Hellgrammet.

Why don't you give me a luck roll?

Me?

Yeah.

One on 11 or higher.

Higher is better.

One more time, good for me.

Higher is better.

16.

Alright.

With a 16, he

is going to

look at you and Bobby Dazzler,

and

he is going to say,

Don't don't make me regret this.

And he is going to cast web on Bobby Dazzler.

A spray of white webbing

lands on Bobby Dazzler's feet, binding him to the ground at the top of the stairs.

And

with that, the spider is going to finish his movement and step inside the building.

We are really getting down to it now.

The clock in the sky has

maybe 30 seconds remaining.

Not a ton of time.

I mean, it's five rounds of combat, but things are getting pretty dicey pretty quick.

Carmine is...

I mean, Carmine's just going to make a slight of Anchek here and try to steal Absolute Zero's key

and is not successful.

And

I think Carmine is now going to

Carmine is going to just, I guess,

not do much of anything.

That was his action, and he can't move without taking damage from Absolute Zero.

They have also kind of locked each other in here.

Yeah, but there's only 30 seconds left, Griffin.

There is only 30 seconds left.

That is true.

He's gonna, yeah, I mean, there's no, he used his action to try and steal the key and was unsuccessful.

Next in the order is

Bobby Dazzler.

Bobby Dazzler is all webbed up.

He is going to try and escape the webbing.

He's going to make a dexterity saving throw.

And

that is a seven, but that's not going to do it.

Bobby Dazzler is stuck in these webs,

and

he is going to use his action to make a strength check to attempt to unrestrain himself in a bit of a panic.

And he rolls a 10.

Bobby Dazzler is fully, fully jammed up here.

Next in the order is Hell Grammar.

Can I grab his key?

You are going to need to stand up first.

You are still prone from where you were knocked out by Bobby Dazzler in the first place before you were revived.

So that is going to be your move.

If you want to try to get his key off of him, I will say this.

He is restrained.

And restraint, I believe, means

the creature has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws.

I will translate that to say, I will give you an advantage sleight of hand check if you would like to do that.

The number that you are, well, I will roll, I guess, to see what number you're trying to beat.

A 13.

If you can beat a 13 with advantage on a sleight of hand check, you can.

I guess 19

to do that.

Yep.

You reach over into...

I mean, you could try again for a crit if you want, I guess.

With a crit, you'll also take his pants.

Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait.

They're jeans.

They're like really good dancing jeans.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Ah, now 16.

Wow.

Damn.

You reach over and

reach into Bobby Dazzler's vest pocket where he has tucked away his silver key.

And as you grab it, the icon over his head vanishes and appears over your head.

Bobby Dazzler looks at you in a panic and says, oh, come on, please, please, please, please.

Come on.

Just let me out of of here.

I can take the other guy down.

You can have my keys, just let me let me get me out of these webs, and I can try and get that last key, please.

Um,

sorry, I'm out of actions.

Uh, okay,

we gotta, ah, shit, man.

God, how am I gonna get in the door?

There's only four people left alive.

Okay.

So that's 24 seconds.

You don't have any way of moving

with a bonus action.

Nope.

You said there were 30 seconds left, Griffin, so he's got 24 seconds.

Yeah, that's true.

He does have 24 seconds.

I'm just saying that.

Okay, Absolute Zero is up next.

Absolute Zero is done kind of messing around and is going to just try and blow past Carmine, taking an attack of opportunity.

Carmine misses with an 11, and absolute zero is going to use his action to dash into the door.

He looks at this scene where Bobby Dazzler's all webbed up and sees you sort of standing there next to him

and thinks about doing something about it, but then ends up running through the door anyway.

Next in the order, const through Rictus is through

Spider is through.

Next up is going to be Carmine.

Carmine is

Hell Grammar.

Carmine is just going to run up to you.

He is going to

attack you

with

a little shiv.

You are the only guy with a key out here right now.

Oh, that's right.

He doesn't have a key.

That is not going to hit.

That is a 11.

Does that hit your AC?

Nope.

Okay.

Carmine stabs at you.

You just swat his hand away and he is looking pretty pretty freaked out.

Next in the order is Bobby Dazzler, who is again going to attempt to unrestrain himself

with a strength check.

This one succeeds.

Bobby Dazzler is unrestrained.

That is his

action.

Is it?

Yes.

Okay, and you are up.

Hell grammar, you have Carmine and Bobby Dazzler up against you, both of them looking at you pretty desperately

as you are standing right in front of the door with your silver key.

What do you do?

Will they have an attack of opportunity if I just step through the door?

They,

yeah, they would both have an attack of opportunity if you just moved.

Okay, I'm going to

shove Carmine.

Okay.

Target must succeed on a strength, dexterity.

A strength or dexterity saving throw.

Contested.

DC equals eight plus proficiency bonus plus.

He rolled a four.

He is not going to do it.

You shove Carmine.

No matter which way you push Carmine, he is right on the very corner of this platform.

He is going to go off.

He falls and is going to take 10 point D10 points of bludgeoning damage.

That is an eight.

Not enough to take him out,

but it is enough to certainly take him away from

attack of opportunity range.

Okay.

So

Hell Grammit is going to drop.

Is dropping something in action?

No.

Okay.

What if he dropped a thousand things?

If he dropped a thousand things, I guess.

Okay, what if he dropped two?

Drop one of his daggers at

Bobby's feet.

Just drops it there.

Okay.

And then

looks down at Carmine.

Well, now, Carmine doesn't have a key.

No, man, you're the last one with a key.

Bobby Dazzler is looking at you with frenzied eyes.

If you're going to drop a dagger at his feet, he will try and get it.

Okay, wait, wait.

Let me just...

Okay.

Help Grammar runs through the door.

Okay, you're going to take an attack of opportunity from Bobby Dazzler.

I know.

I'll roll it on the table.

What's your AC?

14.

14.

That is a 13 from Bobby Dazzler as he swings another unarmed strike at you.

You pass just out of range of his haymaker and you pass backwards through the barrier into the Ziggerot.

And as you do, you see Bobby Dazzler see ya, wouldn't want to be ya.

Bobby Dazzler looks absolutely shattered in this moment.

You see his sort of blank expression.

You see Carmine start to crawl up the stairs behind him towards the front door.

And Bobby Dazzler just kind of looks at you

with an unreadable expression on his face.

the light outside glows blinding bright red.

And he squints his eyes staring at you.

His expression one of

spite and hatred.

And

he hits

the nastiest body roll.

Anyone's ever even attempted.

And

you're going to be thinking about that one for the rest

okay

and then Bobby Dazzler and Carmine and the entire world outside is swallowed up in force and Griffin you're not inside because you're outside Bobby Dazzler so can I tell you what happens inside inside

an uneasy moment passes as all the people other than hell grammar look at each other and share a look that could only mean gosh it seems like the wrong one just got burnt up and we all wish he had gone the other way don't we boy this bug is something else

we really miss bobby dazzler already he's letting that look and it's there's a slow nod as if to say yes i too wish that bobby dazzler had lived in hellgrim and had perished It is funny you mention that, Justin, because while the rest of you were not able to save Bobby Dazzler, we know some of the people who died and some of the people who did live through this trial.

There's a lot of folks who we have not sort of determined made it in through the front door.

And there's a lot of folks who died on the outside failing the trial that we also have not clarified.

Here's the thing:

I'm not going to be the one who decides who the rest of the people are who failed and perished in this trial.

I'm going to leave that up to you guys.

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