The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 9: Dry or Die!

In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers Up the tallest and towers They'll never stop us by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like we plan,

but our mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong and I'm not We're at the height of our power

So Lyle, you've just run back into the Amphiba Fortress with Mud Puppy, telling the computer to shut it down, struggling to get the computer to kind of recognize your authority for a moment, but eventually you did.

The doors have locked.

You've got about 30 minutes in counting before the full force of Hair Dryer and the Hot Boys comes crashing down upon you.

What does the

security system alert sound like in the Infiba Fortress?

Who are we giving this to?

Because I know dad would be chomping at the bit to knock out the bus.

It's going to Justin.

This is Justin's

headquarters, technically.

Well, it's like a scratchy sandpaper sound because everything in the place is so douchey.

That kind of thing.

Sappery.

If you hear, like,

it's like, now it's a problem.

This is a problem.

Now it's a problem.

Given my wet nature, also,

it's not pleasant to me.

I'm going to shout up the stairs because I definitely took off my gear when I got in the mud bath.

Like, what's that sound?

That's not a good sound.

It's the uh, yeah, man, it's the

security system.

It's it's it tells us intruders are headed this way.

Oh, did you accidentally set it off or something?

No, we got some

little company.

We got to defend this place against.

So intruders.

Actual intruders.

Yeah.

Hair dryer and the hot boys.

Y'all ever tangled with him before?

Yeah.

Coming from downstairs, you all just hear the sounds of

heavy, gooshy footsteps.

Yeah, muddy.

Muddy, gooshy, messy footsteps.

I charge upstairs.

I'm wearing a towel and my splash pack.

Like,

did you say hair dryer and the hot boys?

Yeah, man, you know them.

No, no, that name's crazy, though.

Yeah, it's uh

real

they're incredibly dry.

And um,

yeah, they're not a big fan of me, man.

We can't let them get into the

place.

She and Fibonacci trusted me to do a good job with this, man.

I'm freaking out.

Uh, is there a window I can look out at this amassed army, or did those sort of seal in the security measures

um i would say in the fortress there's not but like we'll say that there's little like security panels around like camera cameras cool yeah yeah yeah you can peek outside and see that is a lot of dudes that is a lot of dudes Yeah,

I'd say we got maybe 30 minutes before they breach.

We gotta get ready for an invasion, fellas.

30 minutes is just enough time, I think, for the Amphiba Force to get back here if we call them up, right?

I

feel like we got it, man.

You know, I feel like we gotta kind of like got it.

I feel like we can we could do this.

We're don't need, I am the amphibaforce, if you think about it, basically.

He has a point, he has a point.

No, I'm I mean, without them here, man, I'm basically the amphibaforce.

They're here with you, man.

I'm like an auxiliary member.

And you know, we have a fourth ally in this:

the very building itself.

That's true.

The man upstairs.

Oh, well.

Wait.

That's an art that I was not aware of, but

is that where this newfound confidence is coming from?

Yeah.

It's cousin Doug, man.

He's written the upper room.

I meant that we do that.

I meant the building himself.

Okay, I got confused.

Sorry, man.

We have two conversations going on.

We do Airbnb out the top floor of this moment.

Yes, that is the man upstairs.

You wrote that down, right, Travis?

I don't want to tell you your business, but that is a dank.

Cousin Doug, was it cousin Doug upstairs?

Cousin Doug.

Cousin Doug is a man.

You got to be ready for this stuff, man.

We drop you these little tasty seeds.

Can I tell you what, Squire Griffin?

Without even talking to Justin about it ahead of time, I had already written, maybe there's a cousin Doug upstairs.

Can we actually say Travis texted me after, I think maybe a couple episodes ago, I made a joke about how my only weakness was the dry man.

And Travis texted me, like, you should know I'm doing a dry man.

Like, I already

had

already planned on doing hair dryer.

I didn't want people to think that hair dryer was inspired by me.

It was, it was, and it was the second time because Griffin also joked about Artie Fischl eating silver, yeah.

And I, that was what was happening, yeah.

Well, you know, it's like family harmony, it's not just music harmony, not just music, okay.

So, here's here's what I'm thinking, fellas.

If we could sort of think through this, yeah, sure,

I think we abandoned the ground floor to them.

All right, this level where they're going to come in at, man, it's a lot drier than

downstairs in the basement where the water settles to.

I think we just got to trap this place out.

Because I think all three of us are more comfortable taking these guys on

when we're half submerged, right?

Well,

you two, I guess.

Yeah, do you know how to swim, Roger?

I'm very gassy, so I have a lot of buoyancy.

We've discussed this before.

Floating is half the.

I apologize for forgetting.

DI Joe!

Oh, sorry, wrong franchise.

Wrong.

You can't do that.

I like it.

I like it.

Aren't you worried they'll make a big mess up here?

Because you were told to keep the place pretty much spotless.

Well,

that's what I'm thinking.

My plan is to keep this level pristine and maybe Roger kind of lures them down the stairs, but I would love a minimal amount of cleanup on this floor.

That's what I'm calm thinking, guys.

If we could bring all this downstairs and leave this level of the facility untouched.

As you say that, I look backwards at the just trail of mud I have left coming from the stairs.

Yeah, definitely.

Dafoe, for sure.

So you set the traps on this level.

Correct?

Right, this is

This is the formal level where there's like meetings with heads of state and stuff.

Go on here, right?

Like, if Susan Sarandon is making the rounds, this is the level she cut.

She's not going downstairs, man.

So I don't, I'm

downstairs.

We can get wet, get a little nasty.

But up here, I want to leave it.

This is historical, man.

JFK IV sat right there.

But when Guzan Sarandon comes around, she loves the bottom level.

She loves the wet level.

Okay, let's just say we can get it a little messy up here, and we won't get mad at whoever gets it messy if they promise to clean up after.

I'll get a little map.

This is thoughtless.

All right.

All right.

I'm ready.

May I go first?

Go first?

What?

What do you mean go first?

We can all tap like you said.

Yeah, we can we have 30 minutes.

We should all be doing something all the time.

We shouldn't be taking turns.

We should all talk simultaneously as an outsider i love the idea of each of you individually setting a trap while the other two look on and cheer them on uh just giving like oh not quite that's not quite level a little to the left a little to the

good

okay i'm gonna start

okay

um Roger is going to really, he's going to go into the security room, into Salamander's security room, Salamander's office, and use

CH4U

and just completely, completely fill that room with methane gas.

And then he's going to shut the door behind him, but not lock it.

And then

very clumsily, on purpose, leave hoof marks.

leading up to the door.

Okay.

And so is your goal to create like a knockout gas situation or like an explosion situation?

Oh, knockout gas.

I don't want to blow up.

I don't want to.

I extinguished the little tea candle I had.

I was like, I get what you do.

I get what you're good.

All right.

So I walk up.

So, okay, so Axel Isle walks over to Roger.

Hey, man, I just wanted to check in and

see how our plan is going.

See how our plan is going.

It's going great I felt like we were on a pretty similar page right yes we are yes what is your concern yeah so we kind of talked about leaving this place uh

oh yeah

so your your thing was to just kind of come in here and fart bomb it huh yeah well no it's not going to blow up

You've laid waste to this.

It'll be clean.

It'll be clean.

But it'll just knock them out.

The only litter will be their littered unconscious bodies littering the hallway.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm going to

blow up your...

You asked us not to.

It's just farts.

You did blow it up, man.

Look around.

I didn't blow it up.

I'm just going to fill it full of sticks.

This room used to be full of wildlife.

Small insects.

The biodiversity, man.

You didn't even think of

the biodiversity.

All right, Dad, with CH4U.

And I'm going to say, since you were so comfortable with the alias Mr.

Mess Up that you put it on your character sheet,

I'm going to give you an extra D4 for that, or an extra D8 for that too, because you totally messed up this room.

So,

roll four DAs to see how well you mess up this room with births of farts.

He put it in his inventory.

What is it?

He put it in his inventory.

Mr.

Messup.

That's an alias that he owns.

He carries that in his heart.

Okay, two successes.

Seven and a five, yeah.

Yep.

So you fill this room

pretty effectively with burps and farts.

And I'm going to say, maybe not, I don't know.

The cubic fee.

I don't know.

It's not packed.

It doesn't contain maybe like a pressurized amount, but a good amount.

And you lay down the hoof prints in a very convincing way.

Yeah.

And

for right now, I am spent.

No more farts.

That was a lot of urban and farting.

Yeah.

What other ideas are we working with here, folks?

Can I just say, Jad, by the way, and I love you very much, and this is one of the reasons I love you, is you got access to a security center, and you're like, I know exactly how to use this to repel intruders.

Fill it with farts.

Fill it with farts.

I love that very much.

Thank you.

I mean, they're not going to go in there.

Okay, so Axelile is going to head into the med bay.

Okay.

And I'm just going to get all the needles that I can find.

And then I'm gonna put them right by the front door.

Yeah.

But I'll keep them all together, not like a pile.

They're gonna be like very nicely set up there, like tastefully placed.

So are we talking needle, like hypodermic needles?

Yeah,

pointing face up.

So when they come, so if they go in, I just remember they're all robots.

They're not robots.

They're people.

Okay.

Yeah, so my plan is just to

just

have a bunch of needles.

Okay.

Have a bunch of needles.

And when they come in, Trav,

they're going to step on these needles.

Oh, man, that sucks, dude.

Yeah, dude.

But

here's the other thing that I put on the needle.

Oh.

Drugs.

Oh.

Well, okay, hold on.

There's drugs all over the needles.

And I didn't even pay attention to what drugs it was.

Okay.

whoa but all the needles have different it's all insulin all over someone might step on one and have an antibiotic clear out sort of i feel better i don't know anything about drugs so i just dumped out all the drugs that were in there onto the needles so yeah

and hey

kids sorry i just wanted to take a second while we're setting up this really awesome trap to say that really

You shouldn't be fooling with needles.

This should be up to your parents.

And you shouldn't even be digging around where the drugs are this is a trained professional protecting a place that he really needs to keep neat and i am an adult such as it is thanks so much all right back to the show that's what we think

That's now let's talk about that because that's less authoritative than the momentum.

No, I like that.

It's a low bar.

It gives us a bit of a suggestion.

In our opinion.

You're bringing it into some like some Heimbian modulation with the head again.

It's extinct.

It's definitely in a minor key.

As this is related to your training, Justin, and you're kind of like placing traps and protecting your thing, roll for me 3d8s using your Avs dice because you did advance.

Okay, great.

So you got 16.

One success

and two failure.

I will also remind you guys that you have time to shine dice.

I don't know if you can use those yet.

It's like such a.

I feel like Time to Shine while you're set in like a

I like saving that for the hot and heavy stuff.

Yeah, it feels weird to try to flex while you're

wearing our just reminding me.

So, with one success, I'm going to say that you set the needles up, but as you have said, you have no idea what kind of drugs are on them.

So, that will definitely impact the effectiveness of this trap.

It's a medicine surprise.

A medicine surprise.

The old medicine surprise.

While Axelile is setting up these needles, which I have to imagine takes a while, right?

Are you sticking them to the floor with

a bar of upright needles?

A box of upright needles.

Awesome.

Needles.

Classically, Griffin

are stored and shipped with the needles just poking straight up.

Like knives in a dishball dishwasher.

Awesome.

That's the way they're typically.

Yeah, you can't do that.

Is that how you're putting your knives in a dishwasher, Justin?

Yeah, with the point.

What?

You gotta watch.

Straight up.

You gotta watch more CSI and stuff, man.

People accidentally get hurt like that all the time.

Come on, man.

Hey, listen, I saw Garden State.

I take proper precautions.

Thank you.

Jeez, man, that's a deep cut.

Yeah, there's no...

Yeah.

Nobody but people on this call for that.

And Sydney, but she doesn't like this show.

While you

while you are setting up the needles, you see me

and

cousin Doug.

Was he a cousin or an uncle?

Well, he's my cousin, so.

He's someone's uncle, maybe.

Dragging in enormous

animatronic animals that we have torn out of the walls of the Rainforest Cafe downstairs.

I've got a really upsetting looking long-haired gorilla.

We've got a tree with a face on it, an elephant, just like hauling these up.

Hey, hey, partner!

Hey, partner!

What do we have here?

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, that's so far from where I'm used to seeing these.

Hey, sorry, I didn't realize you already did a trap with me.

What a pack!

Griffin does my trick.

This is it for setting up the trap, but if you could give me...

You are a bulky boy, give me a 3D A-roll to see how cleanly you were able to ramp these out of the Rainforest Cafe.

Hey, I got Cousin Doug.

Yeah, and maybe if you got Bat Mercer to help too, he's down there working.

Bat Mercer is tied up.

Bat Mercer did not, I have to imagine, would not allow this.

No, he knows corporate's coming by in a week just to check and see how the franchise is doing.

Can I get an extra D8 for Uncle Doug's help?

For cousin Doug?

Yeah, you can.

Okay, two successes.

With two successes,

the mud is making it easier to kind of slide the mud trail.

The mud trail

there's like some hydraulic fluid and oils, but you were able to get them in a way that they can be remounted without too much effort.

But there is.

Oh, look what she's done to the man, but you're not sure.

Look what she did to Dr.

Doris Dingles.

That's draft.

For sure, for sure.

I

put one of them around the corner, and I'm like, do me a favor, just like walk through this doorway and then like look to your right.

Okay, I do that.

You see the tree with the face on the other side of it.

Like surprise, like jump scares you.

Behind each corner leading to the downstairs, I'm going to put a different

like upsetting.

The animal ones are especially messed up, huh?

For an abnormal to see?

Although we might be the only abnormals.

They're not abnormals, right, Travis?

Correct.

Okay.

They're also not robots.

No, but I still think they'll be scared by some of these guys.

Okay, yeah.

I'm hoping some of them get so scared that every time they turn a corner, there's like a jump scare of a creepy-looking animal automaton that some of them will just leave.

Okay, Griffin, since you are using and you effectively were able to remove these downstairs in a way that they are definitely realistic and five-night scary, um, give me, yeah, give me a 48-roll for that.

Okay,

oh no,

wow, two, one, three, one.

That's four failures.

In fact, it's a double once.

So you are able to set them up.

Give yourself a little practice point here.

Yeah, man.

You are able to set them up, and we'll see how effective they are.

I've just made it tear.

Man, if this doesn't pay out, Lyle's going to be so mad at it.

Lyle's like looking at it like, oh, man, it's nothing, man.

I'm telling you.

I'm telling you, dude.

I'm looking at him.

I'm telling you, man.

Well, now you're using.

it.

Hold on.

Turn this next quarter.

Turn this next quarter.

Long-heared gorilla.

Ooh.

See, Roger gets it.

Roger is scared of these things.

It's just a huge mess, man.

Okay, Roger is going to go up to the screening room.

He is going to

set up

the screen to be showing

Tommy Weiso's The Room.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I mean, once you start looking at it, you can't look away.

God knows that.

That's so good, Dad.

That's so good and so true.

And then Roger is going to hide behind that bush right there next to the screening room.

Okay.

And when they're all in the screening room.

And you're going to watch the movie, too.

No, he's not even going to cast his eyes upon the screen.

While they're all in that room, mesmerized,

however many of them are in there, he's going to slam and lock the door behind him.

Are you going to fill it with farts first?

No, no, no.

I'm calling cards.

I can't fart anymore.

Okay, awesome.

Awesome.

Yeah, so I would say you are an infiltrator and spy.

So this is in your wheelhouse.

Plus, added to that, you are correct about the mesmeric siren call of Tommy Wissa's The Rim.

So give me a 3d8 roll, and we're going to see how well set up this is.

If it fails, well, we'll see what happens.

Okay,

so

a seven and eight

and a four.

So that's the double success, my friend.

So, yeah, you get the movie going.

Um, and you need them to fail, and

it's a loop, and it's in a loop with uh like skibbity toilet between.

Wait, why?

I don't know.

I just

do you think that these intruders are going to say that's the film is like a good hundred minutes easily.

You think that's right, we'll be wrong by then.

All right, so we'll save skibbity toilet for a future trap.

Listen, I know this is our kid-friendly season, just saying skibbity toilet on here feels wrong.

It feels wrong.

No,

let's do it, man.

All of it.

My kids love that stuff.

Anytime I can bring up the Rizzler, any of that.

That's good.

That's different.

The Rizzler is good.

We like that.

This is boring.

Going from ironic pandering to actual pandering, we need to be very careful here.

We do.

Very, very skibbity.

Oh, boy.

So, and you're hunkering.

If you don't understand, skibbity is just 23 skidoo.

If you can just get that,

then we understand youth culture exactly.

It's just I don't want to understand.

I don't need to be a part of it, Justin.

It's for them now.

I've moved on.

You have our woodworking.

I have my ships in ballrooms.

Yeah.

I care for my brands.

Yeah.

They can't take my memories.

My fish are my children now.

I don't need

children.

I don't need them i hope my kids don't hear that okay so and you are roger gonna hunker down in that room uh like a coil

outside the room behind that plant got it got it got it okay great are we nearing our time limit here i'm guessing i want you guys to each be able to do two yeah i only did one i only did needles Do you want to do you have another one?

I did farts and tummy wise.

Yeah.

Hey, dad, listen, you're having a lot of fun out there, and I love it, champ.

You're participating in chemical and psychological warfare.

We're handling more of the physical, like some of the physical stuff.

Well, I'm doing psychological stuff, too.

All right, time for me to bring out the big guns.

And I'm going to clean up the mud trail,

but in the most slippery way I can.

Okay.

Hey, it just kind of seems like you're exchanging my mud for your slime.

No, I'm cleaning it.

I'm cleaning up your vest.

Like waxing the floor.

The floor will be slippery from where I recently cleaned it.

Yeah, that is my it'll be a fresh wax thing.

Yes, I will freshly clean and wax his mud trail and the stairs, right?

He's traversed the stairs.

Absolutely.

I'm gonna clean those and mop them.

Oh, this is really gonna get him, guys.

Yeah, but it just kind of okay.

I'm sorry.

Did it really bother you that much?

You didn't think that I would clean up after?

I knew you wouldn't.

Give him a pat on the back.

Okay.

I tend to keep my process.

Powered by anxiety, you get an extra D8 here, so roll three D8s for me to see how the cleaning and waxing goes.

That's three successes.

That's three successes.

And I needed them the most.

Including a cowabunga right there, the double fives.

Cleaning up.

It's

you're looking at you're

You're looking at me, Dave Seely.

You look at Axelile, and you're like, wow, he's mopping really well.

And then you look and look and look, and you realize there isn't a bop.

No, it's just him.

It's just happening.

It's just getting cleaner.

He's just...

This is going to be a super good trap.

I'm really excited.

I feel like I need to be careful here.

I don't want to.

All right, we got time for one more.

Okay.

I go to

open the door to Sergeant Salamander's security center to just like see what kind of pre-made traps we've got in here.

And then I see the visible stink cloud inside.

I go,

Aunt Comms, we probably should have done these in like a different order.

You know what?

It'll be fine.

I take a huge deep breath and open the door real quick, go inside, then close it so I can get the computers or whatever in here.

Okay.

So inside, first of all, first of all,

you know, as a sub-mariner type creature, I would say you have pretty powerful lung capacity.

Yeah, for sure.

You know, you're able to hold for a long time underneath here.

So give me a 3d8 roll to see how effectively you can

avoid being affected by the room full of farts.

Seals can hold their breath for up to two hours.

I was trying to establish some amount of tension, but this is a totally chill situation, I feel like.

Oh, two hours?

Two hours, dude.

Oh, yeah, you're fine.

Okay.

Let me, I'm going to spend one time to shine dice on this because I do want this one to go better than the last one.

So I'll roll 4d8 here.

Two successes.

Yeah, two successes.

You're able to get in there just fine.

You set your watch for a two-hour timer, and you're like, better keep an eye on that.

Basically, once you get in, you see

sort of a

unlike the other rooms, this is like a narrow walkway, and you can see like all the servers and fans.

It's a fairly loud room.

There's a lot of technology and computers in here, so there's a lot like keeping it quiet or keeping it cool.

But there's like, you know, a center platform with the chair and the console and a lot of screens.

You can see a screen that's showing the outside where you can see hairdryer and waiting patiently as he looks at his clock and he's like counting down the seconds and the hot boy.

Super chill of him, by the way.

He's an okay dude.

Besides being like a super villain that wants to take over everything,

you can see the hot boys out there, you know, playing some cards or whatever.

Then you have like the screens that are kind of cycling through security cameras, primarily on the main floor, which you guys are on right now.

Some on the lower floor, just kind of like wide-scope cameras, nothing too crying.

Okay.

Can I set those to record?

You absolutely can.

Yes.

Because if we're about to do some dope stuff in here, some footage of it might help our brand out maybe a little bit.

Yeah, you absolutely can.

I mean, it's very clear this is not something, this is not a complicated, you know, it's not a trick.

Once you get in there, there's a record button, stop play, rewind, that kind of stuff.

But I don't see any sort of night trap style.

There's not a button that says turn stairs into big slide.

I will say, without having to roll, to see how effective this room is, there is like a direct contact link with the River City First Enforcement that you can like message them.

I don't want you to have to blow out your breath, but you could message the enforcement.

But if you want to see how to control any security measures in the house, you're going to need to roll for that.

Okay.

Time to hack.

And I say with your bug eyes,

you are very good at taking in a lot of information all at once.

So give me a 3d8 roll to see if you can see the commands you need.

Two successes, thank God.

5-8.

Okay, yeah, with two successes,

you see, like, the full control of lights.

Okay.

And so, like, you can control the lights levels in each room.

There's also like party mode sequencing stuff for when they're having parties here at the Fiba Fortress.

There's like a sound system here that you can have, which is both once again for parties, but also,

you know, you want to hear them, but they can't hear you.

Or as you were doing like with the animatronics, things like that, anything you want to set up.

And like you can also control like how the doors open and close.

If you want to buy a little more time, that kind of thing.

What are you hoping to do?

Well, I'll tell you, friend, I'm going to start putting together a little sequence, a a little automation to

activate all that stuff you just said at seemingly random intervals.

No, not seemingly random.

I think maybe every 15 seconds.

Just like party mode goes on, then the lights go off, and then all the doors open and close.

Because maybe

it will disorient our foes, or maybe...

They'll think this place is pretty haunted, and maybe they don't want to live in this place.

Maybe they don't want to take it over anymore.

anymore i love that

and do you want to set this going on both the main level and the lower level or just one you know what well if we have to fight them if they get downstairs which i have to imagine some will

it would get too complicated i'll i will just set it on this level okay and i communicate to the team Hey, I made it really smoothie because every 15 seconds all this stuff is going to go haywire.

So if it starts to go crazy, just close your eyes and wait for it to blow over.

Do I have to roll again?

No, no, you're good.

With two successes on that one, that's your thing.

Okay.

I want to get out of this room now.

Okay.

So

now...

The door has locked me inside with the fart forever.

You die.

Use key on door for fart.

So Lyle and Navy, where are you guys going to set up?

Downstairs.

In the lazy river.

That allows me to sort of roam through a large area of the second floor

out

with minimal movement or noise

on my part.

Okay, what about you?

I'm going to post up in this little cranny here.

You see where I'm talking about?

There's like a little cranny right before the stairs because I would love to hide.

And then like if some folks start going down, we can hit them with a...

a temporal pincer maneuver or i guess just a raid yes the temporal pincer maneuver is a temporal pincer.

It's all taking place in time, Travis.

That's such a good point.

Yeah, thank you very much for that.

But it's not a pinch of time.

Yeah.

Just a pinch of time.

Okay.

Turn it to a great turkey.

Lyle,

roll 3d8 for me.

Lyle?

Yeah.

Okay.

Roll what?

3d8.

Okay.

We're for.

Well, the stairs are very slippery.

This is not a problem for me.

It's actually, if I could revise that statement, Juice, it seems to be a tremendous problem for me.

Despite my three failures.

Whoop!

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I'm not getting caught on my own dang trap, Travis.

You don't get hurt, Justin, but I want you to be a little bit more.

Your father, brother, I'm not going to let you hurt me on my own trap.

You don't get hurt.

But we do get the camera view of, like, okay, I'll be downstairs.

Whoop.

That's fine.

Don't boom.

Hey, it's on the camera.

And you get three footage exists.

You get three failure points, buddy.

Welcome Welcome to the toilet.

Only one failure.

Only one failure.

Just one failure point.

One failure point.

That's a good point.

I make a mental note to maybe crop that bit, cut that out of the promotional video that I am hoping to turn out of this operation.

TikTok might be more relatable.

That's good.

The everyman.

For sure.

I love that.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to.

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But but you know what i calm them right down with smalls because you got a you're gonna get a a package of smalls right you're gonna open it up you're gonna put it in front of your cats there put it into a bowl whatever you're gonna i don't know your business but when you put it out there these cats are gonna freak out and you're also gonna see some long-lasting effects in my experience at least my cats have been a little healthier they've had a nice nice looking coat and they just love they love smalls they love it smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients um and it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal.

For a limited time only, because you are

really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav.

That was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com/slash slash adventure plus free shipping again that's smalls.com slash adventure hey this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt I just kind of burst in okay yeah sorry hey I'm also sorry I'm also sorry and I'm here and I'm interrupting too if you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin thank you if you're not already planning on coming why not we want to see you there we need you there Join the week.

What are you doing?

It's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trap?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to also feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we got a new month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to mackeroymerch.com and check it out.

And 10% of all merch postings this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours

You know, we've been doing My Brother, My Brother, Me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no.

No, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah.

You don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other thursday on maximum fun

outside the amphiba fortress hair dryer and his hot boy minions

line up ready

to siege on the amphiba fortress hair dryer looks around and says yes my hot boys

we shall go in we shall take

Let me get more German.

I shall get more German.

Yes.

We shall go and we shall take the Amphiba Fortress.

We shall make it our own and reopen it as French again.

French again.

Yes, you're right.

French again, boss.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm working on it, man.

I've been taking an acting class.

Honestly, boss, I feel like you have a lot of really interesting characteristics about your bullock persona, and I feel like, if anything, this element of it detracts from,

like, be myself?

Yeah, you could lean into being yourself.

Yeah.

Okay, wait, I can't remember.

Are you Ted or German Ted?

Are you just making me look bad?

Oh, no, I'm my email.

Okay, I got my eye on you.

Also, German Ted,

he's nervous to say it to your face, but the accent stuff makes him a little.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Well, can I tell you, I'm actually more bothered by the fact that he's uncomfortable telling me that.

Yeah, I know.

There's some really deep foundational issues of trust and morale sort of sown throughout this.

And

he's not making eye contact with you.

That's how it is.

Yeah.

Hey, thank you guys so much for talking about.

Do you want to invade this fortress together?

I use my regular voice.

No, I'm just going to leave, and I'm going to convince a lot of these other guys to leave with me.

No, I don't think so.

All right,

my hot boys.

We shall siege upon the amphiba fortress and make it our own and reopen it as the dryaria.

Oh,

that's that's hey boss.

Didn't that feel better?

Didn't that feel better?

Me and every other guy just talked it over here, and that name is not gonna fly.

Yeah, so we are we don't want to do like a citizen's arrest or whatever the like version of that is within an evil villainous organization, but that's no good, my man.

Okay,

good evening.

My name is Axelisle.

I am a legally recognized member of the Amphiba Force, and you need to vacate this premises, please.

uh and a hairdryer pushes the button no we are gonna

yes no

and oh

i guess i hadn't thought about it that way and he's like waving the hot voice like go go go go go

and they slam through the front doors with a big battering ram shaped like a hair dryer Pretty good.

And they are going to charge headfirst towards some needles in the ground.

Okay, so one success

with an eight.

So they...

Are the successes good for us or good for us?

They're good for you.

Yes, yes, yes.

They're good for us.

Okay.

So they come charging in.

Like five of them do fall on the needles.

And three of them get some like Novocaine kind of, you know, anesthesia type needles.

Oh, my God.

And they're like, whoa, oh, my legs are all jelly.

Oh no, I can't.

From the room where the room is playing, you hear Elisa scream, what kind of drugs did you take?

Very good.

Oh, that's good juice, Kyle.

Two of them get their flu shot.

So they're fit.

That's awesome.

Yeah, they're...

Yeah, that's nice.

Hey, hey, kids, me again.

Just a reminder that...

With October here, when we're recording this, which is probably freaking February or something, you should get your flu shot by the time you're hearing this.

That's a point.

Whenever you're hearing it, go get your flu shot if you haven't already.

If your parents tell you that you can't have one, then

you got to really try harder and tell them your friend Axel Isle says they're

a-okay.

Also, if you were scared of the needles, then they make a special cold spray you could put on your arm and you won't even feel it.

That's our idea.

Okay, so then they come charging forward.

I believe next they're going to encounter one of the animatronics.

A tree with a face on it.

Uh-oh.

That's two failures.

They come around and they're like, whoa, oh,

that's charming.

It reminds me of all my good times at Rainforest Cafe.

God, I hear this from the other room like,

I knew this was a risk.

There's two more chances.

There's two more chances.

Literally, Axel Isle told.

Honestly, Bat Mercer told me.

He said these things don't scare everyone.

He said some people like it.

And I thought, no way.

Scoofy voices to tell you.

He's like, man, just talk normal.

Yeah.

Yeah, he has a man with a million voices, Bat Mercer.

He's the Batman.

I'm going to have to do some thinking about why it upsets me.

Well, I guess I'm an abnormal.

And so seeing these basically dead

husks,

these jokes of God, would scare me more than a human.

I'm sorry everybody

and that's when the dance party music lights kick on and some doors start slamming open and closed we get one success on those so our traps so far aren't great like the traps that we spent a long time on aren't doing a ton it seems so just you wait Three of the hot boys freak out.

One of them's like, oh man, I'm overstimulated.

This is too much for me.

I'm headed out.

Peace out.

The other two are like, this is goo-go-go-go-goes.

And they go running away.

Ah, as they come around,

they come around the security center, they see those hoof prints.

And they're like, oh, man, guys.

I think one of them's here in the security room.

And I'm going to light a cigarette just before I open it.

No, no, no.

Can we shout from the other room?

No, just go in.

They don't light a cigarette, but they do enter the room.

Let's rush in.

We're going to rush in and surprise them.

Let's get them.

Oh my gosh.

They rush into the room, and three of them just immediately pass out.

That was another one success.

Yeah.

There's a so far.

We've taken out nine of them.

Yeah, and only like 21 to go.

and now they encounter their second animatronic

nice

uh this is yes baby yes that's how we do it this is the long-haired gorilla the long-haired gorilla gonna get you every time yeah you got two successes on that one the long-haired gorilla scares the just the real stuff out of them just all the stuff out of them think of stuff hold on they're just stuff all over the floor well hold on because if these guys are hold on if these guys are making, making water and mess on the floor, that's actually bad for our sort of overall mission objective.

No, no, no.

You're assuming that there's not, there's some layers in there that absorbs all that in.

They're very dry boys, remember?

Yeah.

I go from feeling very guilty to extremely vindicated in like a heartbeat.

I know that my fear is shared by others out there, and I feel a moment of kinship with these hot boys I just destroyed.

Okay.

The second of the security center sequences goes off

that's another two successes oh that's a double cowabunga double cowbunga that's a mega cowabunga it's double eights

okay with double eights this time like one of the uh like the doors like kind of slams shut as they're like reaching through it and like bangs their hand really bad and so like one of them's really upset his hand hurts really bad and the other ones like honestly the song that comes on is like one of like their jams and the music and the lights kick on and they start having an absolute dance party and they just allow the rhythm to carry them on out into the night yeah that's so weird because the songs I put on the playlist um were like like supposed to be scary and like creepy in nature so it was like I don't want to set the world this guy's like crumping to it yeah he loves it man

They go to check the screening room to see who all's over there.

and what do they hear justin uh whoa

think about the chronology of the movie how long have they been in there

uh seems like a couple minutes so we're early on yeah i mean we're after what kind of drugs did you take well but it's been on a loop because it was playing before they got there right so now i'd say we're about 40 minutes in about 40 minutes in um

uh so that this is about the time that this is about the time that they're

I was just looking for you convincing him to drink alcohol for the first time.

Oh, okay

You have great legs Lisa and then she says you have nice pecs and then that's when he puts her his tie around her head That's so cool.

Yeah, that's love and nothing's gonna ever come between them

They get to the room And one of them goes, oh man, I love room the room?

Yeah, they get to the room room.

They get to the room room.

And one of them.

There's always room for the room, room, room.

If the room, room, room, room, rooms.

And

one of them says, oh, man, I love this part.

Oh, guys, guys, watch.

Oh, yeah, they're about to.

Oh, and then the music kicks in.

You are my destiny dream come true.

And three of them sit down on the couch to watch.

And the other two are like, I don't know, man.

Is this

one of those movies?

Yeah, I can't.

No, no, no, man.

They would be so ashamed of me at Bible study.

And so two of them leave.

So, three of them sit on the couch.

Two have left the room to continue the search.

Now's your time.

Roger.

I

shut the door.

Ah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With your hand?

With

my tail.

With my preconceived power tail.

That's good.

Any do you do any measures to try to keep the door closed?

Yes.

I.

No.

No, you know what?

I'm going to rely on the mesmerizing power of Tommy Wiso.

Okay.

I love that.

Shut the door.

Oh, I'm going to drag the big heavy potted plant

over there to block the door.

Awesome.

Yeah, you know, you were already planning to do that.

Works for me.

We've got six hot boys left.

They have reached the top of the stairs.

Axel Isle, you see them there.

And they're like all standing, definitely standing right at the beginning of like that slippery, slidey part.

And they're like, yeah, I think they're, I think, so far it's just been like kind of home alone traps and stuff, which don't get me wrong, I think is a great.

It's fun.

I love it.

Keeps you on my toes.

Should we go downstairs?

And

because of that, that hugely double success we're gonna roll five d8s

oh three successes so four of them just go absolutely beefing down the stairs and two of them are still slip sliding around but kind of holding each other's hands to keep from going all the way

what do you do maybe

i pop out of my hiding place

And

I'm gonna say something really cool.

Oh, cool.

I can't wait, man.

Yeah, no,

it's going to be so cool.

I tilt my head to the side so I can hear better out of one of my ear holes.

More of an indent.

Okay, so

I got

it.

So it's like,

hey, hot boys, time for you to cool off.

And I'll shoot him.

with my water gun.

Pretty good.

To blast them down the stairs.

They are already sleeping and sliding.

Currently, what is your water blast?

You get what?

5d8.

Yeah, give me an extra.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

4d8.

Yeah.

It's 5 if I blast myself at them, but I'm not doing that.

Give me an extra d8 since they're already

uneven.

So you got 5d8.

It's so wet here.

Yeah, it's like crazy wet.

Hugely wet.

Okay, 5d8.

Here we go.

Two successes.

Yeah, with two successes, you blast down the last of the hot boys.

So

all 30 of them are currently out of commission um i would say 15 of those permanently so 15 of those are like distracted or downed or something along those lines or scared of ghosts or scared of ghosts um and outside hair dryer says well

looks like i'm gonna have to do it myself let's get what happened to your accent

I got rid of it because of some notes that I listened to from my hot boys

because I welcome hot hot boy feedback.

Yeah, they weren't, if I'm being honest, really fighting with much gusto.

I think you guys might have some pretty structural problems.

Good guys, though.

Listen, I keep them around.

That's my brain trust.

You know what I mean?

I keep them around for their good idea.

Anyways, let's.

Hey, hairdryer.

Hey, yeah?

Listen, man.

They interrupted your big finish.

Make them finish the episode.

Yeah, okay, but you were clearly headed for a finishing line, and they busted it.

No, it's okay.

They gave me time to come up with a better finishing line.

I hope you're ready for this because it's gonna blow.

Do you have like an HR?

That was the end of it.

That was supposed to be the final line.

That was like my big

line, too.

No, no, it's gonna blow because I'm a.

I'm gonna come in and attack you guys now.

Let's fight about it.

Well, hello there, kids.

It's me, Jeremy, the Badger Man.

You remember old Jeremy the Badger Man?

Half man, half badger?

No?

That's okay, because I'm here to warn you about the dangers of bookshelves.

I've got a lot of books, but let me tell you, if I don't secure my bookshelves to my walls, they could come a tumbling down on me.

So remember, kids, always

attach your bookshelves to the wall with a safety strap.

Remember this little rhyme.

Without a strap, your bookshelf safety is crap.

Wink.

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