The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 8: Security Measures!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest towers

and trust that we will do what we must Until it turning out just like we plan

is long, but our mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not, we're at the height of our power

You approach the Amphiba Fortress.

It is a, you know, oh my god, I almost said bog standard.

That would be good.

Very appropriate.

Yeah, that would be good.

Yeah, I think of like a modern Pentagon government building kind of fortress, except for the swampy marsh moat and drawbridge nothing is the building fun look i don't know if you've ever seen the pentagon it's the most boring building to look at in the whole world um

unless i guess you're looking at it from up top where you could really appreciate the novel shape of the building yeah from the outside it's just like a four-story tall beige

nothing Well, this is more of a two-story shade of green nothing.

It does have a couple turrets.

Gun turrets or castle turrets?

That's so important.

Castle turrets.

Can there be turrets in the turrets?

Turrets in the turrets.

No,

maybe mud.

Yeah, there's mud guns.

How about that?

There's mud guns in the turrets.

I love it.

So as you approach the Infiba Fortress, tell me, Lya, what are you feeling?

It's been a long time.

I think 13 months.

That is what you said.

Yes, 13 months.

Since they've had need of me, I think I'm noticing that it does seem a little bit smaller, you know what I mean, than the last time I was here.

And then I started thinking about, what was the last time I was physically in the building?

Hmm.

No.

No, I don't know that I have been here, actually.

But I don't think I want to let on to that.

You've never been to the amphibian?

I don't think they've actually ever had me come by.

Wow.

I don't know why they would need me.

So you were in sort of a contractor part-time position?

This has been...

Yes, this is...

So as an an extreme firefighter, Axel Lyle was only called when it was an extreme fire-related scenario.

Which doesn't happen, I imagine, with this non-wet heroes.

Yeah, he's more of an auxiliary player, and they

haven't had need.

So like, why would he?

It's not like they invite him back for beers or pizza after the crime fighting, you know what I mean?

Although he would really like that.

It is important to note that there's actually also a basement here.

The top floor, though, that you can see is like the housing quarters where everyone else on the amphibaforce lives.

And remind me of those beloved friends, Gintra.

Of course.

The leader is Sergeant Salamander.

And then there's Cecily Ann,

who is an amphibious worm woman.

Tray Frog, who is a,

you know, poisonous tree frog man.

And the Newt Brute, who is a big, hulking, strong newt man.

How much of your day love his cereal?

Love his cereal.

How much of your day, Trav, do you spend

just thinking of Animal Heroes?

Well, here's the problem, Griffin.

I wish I could do it during the day.

It's when I close my eyes to try to sleep.

That's why my brain's like,

let's think about this, man.

Yeah.

You approach, the drawbridge is down, and as you approach, Sergeant Salemunder throws open the door and says, oh, Axel Lyle, so good to see you.

Come in.

How long has it been, man?

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

13 months.

13 months.

No, that can't be right.

I was going to say like two weeks.

No, it's been 13 months, man.

Well, thank you for hurrying right over.

Yeah, it's good to hear from you, though.

You got some extreme

firefighting action?

Well, come in.

I'll brief you guys all on it.

And hey, welcome back, man.

You know, I was going to...

I'll give the other two a tour at some point, but, you know, you make yourself at home.

Oh, thanks.

I appreciate it.

Okay, so here's the lowdown.

Here's the problem I'm running into, man.

Come in, come in, come in.

Wipe your feet, please.

If you guys wouldn't mind wiping your feet

to get them, like, more slimy?

These guys are big on drying feet?

Well, no, it's clean in here.

I'm asking Travis.

But at this level, very clean.

Okay.

Though, also, very warm and muggy.

Important to know.

Great.

They keep the Amphiba Fortress very humid.

I just don't know why the surfaces of the buildings would not adapt to like the slimy.

If there's slimy gentlemen inside the building, eventually it's going to like slimy people.

Slimy people, then it seems like there would be just a sheen of

slimy.

So there's a bit of a Michael Sheen all over the place.

Okay, great.

More of a rainforest cafe vibe.

Well, Dad, if you look at that's in the basement.

If you look at the map, Dad, you'll see that there is a rainforest cafe in the building.

Oh.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Here's the problem.

All right.

Oh, hi.

By the way, Sergeant Salamander, what's your name, son?

Navy SEAL, not in the military.

Thank you for clarifying.

And what about you, handsome?

What's your name?

Moore.

Roger Moore.

Oh, I get it.

Okay.

So are we doing this briefing here in the entryway?

Because I think there is a briefing room.

No, no, come to the war room.

Come to the let's do this cool.

Oh, man, I've always wanted to see this.

Wait, what?

What's that?

What'd you say?

I've always wanted to see the war room.

And then I kind of like led a few steps back so I catch more up with Navy Seal.

Again, I mean, again, to see it again.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

It sounded like you'd never been here before for like a second.

Oh, yeah.

Wouldn't that be wild if they had never

invited me?

I mean, yes, that would be hugely, I think, sort of toxic behavior from an organization such as this.

Yeah.

Roger's looking around to see if he sees any pictures of actual Lyle.

Posters of all of them on the wall.

On shelves or, you know, on the wall.

There are so many posters, so many pictures of amphibors.

You maybe catch like one or two where you can see like Lyle half in the frame,

you know?

Like,

and let's be clear, it was the way it was matted and he was in the picture, but they included a mat that

okay interesting.

Yeah, I mean sometimes that just happens you do your best, right?

All right, come here sit around the table here boys.

Okay, so here's the problem right now Trey Frog.

Well, he's at his semifinals for his bowling league, so he's not available Especially Ann is taking something called a Nebraskan cuisine cooking class, and then she's got drinks and friends, so she's not available.

I'm pretty sure.

But for what?

Exactly.

If you're into Nebraskan cuisine, you're

let me just say this.

If you know you know.

I don't know.

But if you know you know, do you know?

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you need a drink of water?

The new brute is on a week-long meditation retreat, so he's unavailable.

And here's the problem.

The oven's on the Fritz, and the repair guy is coming tomorrow, and we're getting parts delivered sometime between 4 and midnight today.

And we're pretty sure someone needs to be here to sign.

And I just got invited to see Madam Actual Butterfly with Dragon Rider Galaxia.

Okay, you want us to take your tickets?

No, I'm going to need you

to stay here and just kind of wait for the delivery and sign for it if they need it.

You're a real hero, Axel Isle.

I'm

may I?

Yeah.

No, thank you.

We're not house sitters.

We're a team of like

heroes such as yourself.

I emailed you.

Remember the logo I made?

I sent it to you.

Did you get it, Sal?

Yeah, I got it.

We've had our design team working on some different versions of it, just working on color schemes and stuff like that.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, and polish.

That's cool.

And before you get confused, I'm not asking you to house sit.

I'm asking you to house it and pet sit because someone's going to need to feed Mud Puppy and take him out.

Take him out to go potty, you know, that kind of thing.

Yeah, see what

I've actually never cared for.

what is Mud Puppy again?

Mud Puppy, well, it's our team pet.

I don't even know what I'm looking at here, Trap.

Well, Mud Puppy

is a,

well, actually, I like

very similar.

They're very similar to axolotls, except for a few key differences of where they live, how long they live.

A mud puppy has four toes, or an axolotl has five.

But this axolotl that you're looking at, this is like a dachshund-sized mud puppy who comes sliming up and rubbing against your guy.

Sliming up.

Sliming up.

What a charrent.

I immediately look over at Axel Isle, extremely concerned about the psychic load he must be feeling in this place he's never been by to babysit an unmutated version of himself.

So this is the thing.

I'm much bigger.

That's the main difference.

Yeah, we're looking at a goofy and a goofy Pluto situation.

Okay, great.

Goofy Pluto

I don't...

Oh.

I mean, I think that this is

really rad.

I'm feeling so cool about this, actually.

Just to get to hang out here and sort of maybe like find a place.

I wonder if there's like a place in here.

You guys have said for a long time there was no place to sort of set me up in the HQ and now that I'm here and as I'm passing like the lazy river and the screening room and all the different different facilities and an actual functioning rainforest cafe yeah I do wonder if you not full scale yeah important to know it's a scale down

find a place to crash in here sort of while we're poking around

Yeah, if you need to take a nap or something while you're here, I totally understand.

Something a little more.

Feel free to make yourselves at home down in the lower level.

You know, something a little more Kaiser Permanente.

Well, yeah, I think that's something we could definitely discuss.

Yeah, I mean, you take a look around and feel free to make yourselves at home down in the lower levels.

You know, we've got all the spa stuff down there, we've got training stuff down here.

You can watch a movie over in the screening room.

You know, any leftovers or anything you guys want to eat over in the kitchen.

We actually have a really good leftover chef here.

Yeah, I mean, just remember the oven is on the fridge so it'll mostly be uh you know microwave stuff or ready-made stuff you're not going to be able to like cook anything uh we will have we will have

run of the place correct yeah don't forget

don't go up in the living quarters that would be weird but otherwise yeah make yourselves at home clean up afterwards you know be cool and you hear uh outside a monstrous roar and he opens the door and he's like oh my ride's here and you can see a a dragon like woman riding a dragon lands on the street he's like yeah that's galaxia the dragon rider she's taking me to the opera tonight um

so you guys are all set right it's incredible is is there a crime happening here that we are being tasked with like stopping or preventing we're just it's an ounce of prevention male i don't know what you're having such a hard hard time understanding

It's a we're just here to scare off Any crime that would happen isn't that better than having to fight crime to stop it in the bud

If if that's how you feel then let's let's do it, bro.

Let's sure.

Let's let's

sit nice

Yes, bro, I agree.

He hands you the keys, acts Lyle, and he's like, all right, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

And wash it on those stairs.

Remember, take that last step seriously.

You could end up breaking an ankle.

Ankles.

And he heads out and hops on the dragon.

What?

Waves goodbye.

And Galaxy, the Dragon Rider, and the Dragon and Sergeant Salamander take off.

I, Griffin, know.

I know he doesn't have ankles.

I, Griffin, know that sometimes characters in this world do

involuntary PSAs.

Ankles feels like a stretch to me.

Ankles feels like a.

Well, it's about keeping your ten toes on the stair the whole time.

A lot of kids want to jump off that last stair.

And hurt their ankles.

And hurt their ankles.

And Sergeant Salamander takes that very seriously, as anyone who listened to the PSA at the end of the first episode of Abnormal's Nun.

Okay.

Sure.

He's also legally required because of an incident that happened in his youth that he does have to really push ankle safety at least 12 times a year.

80 kids ankles just promise me well we can't discuss it promise me guys you gotta use coasters um promise me that if you leave a room please switch the light off they're really big about

you know conserving energy absolutely use a don't i mean take your shoes off you know in the house and Try to clean up after yourselves.

And if you wouldn't sit right on the furniture, maybe just kind of hover above it.

So we can't sit down.

So just sort of if you just do a kind of a hover above, I'm worried about some of your staining potential, guys.

So we'll just it would be better if we stood.

Let's stand in the middle right here and just wait.

I would actually love to have a little poke around.

I

come from a butcher's?

I'll have a quick butcher's.

What is that?

Like a look around.

I know what it is, Kirby.

Oh, yeah.

What's a butcher's?

It's like a look around.

Oh.

I'd like to stretch the old fet locks myself.

What?

Just promise me you're not going to go in the living areas, right?

Because they definitely said not to.

No, no, no, no.

Just sort of a, you know, I come from a wet headquarters myself.

And, you know, I think it'd be cool to see how they go about doing things.

Yeah, keeping it moist without keep it getting it moldy is a constant.

That balance is so crucial in a place like this.

Yeah, I should ask.

Uh, the other two are kind of more suited to this, but Roger, you're here in this like warm, it's like 85 degrees and humid.

How are you doing, bud?

Um, not good.

Um, I think Roger has already unbuttoned

his tuxedo suit, which

he hated doing, but it is uh a little close.

Going going all natural, huh, Roger?

It's very

far-side, very cool.

And I think while the two of them are in discussion, I think

Roger has just snaps out of the middle.

Absolutely not.

No.

No, my absolute top pride is to keep an eye on these two and don't let them mess it up.

We're going to do a contested.

If Roger's trying to slip away, then I at least want a shot at it.

Okay.

Roger, are you using any special skills to try to slip away

um

let's see

no i don't think so okay i don't think so i think just um

kind of uh kind of just slipping out so to speak

okay yeah um both of you just rolled two d8s and we're gonna see how it goes uh i should get three because this is a native environment to me it is not a native environment you said yourself you've never been here before i'm in no now travis an environment and a location are two different things i'm more adept in this environment yeah

you are okay you know what because he's he's sweating right and hot and maybe not the top of his game i'm gonna say you can have three d8s justin and also you are as you said on high alert of keeping an eye on these two

Okay, well, what happened there is I got a two and then a seven and then a two.

All right, Roger, two d8s.

I'm going to use one of my

TTS diesels.

Time to shine.

Are we in a mission, right?

Is this a mission?

You're burning this.

This is a mission.

You've been hired to do this.

Yep, I'm going to use one of my TTS.

Okay, great.

To sneak away from your son.

I will say this.

6-4-3.

You did.

I mean, I rolled not knowing that you were going to do that.

In fact, thinking that you're going to do the opposite because you said that.

So I think that that that is cheating, but okay, we both got a big success

with two mixed successes.

Roger has left the room, but as soon as he's out the door, you notice he's not.

Hey, hey, Rog,

hey, Rog,

please use a coaster, man.

I will put and please put some garbage bags on your hooves.

Roger wears shoes.

Um, we can't keep litigating what kind of feet are

they, are they saddle Oxford?

Human feet.

Everyone has human feet.

Beautiful, gorgeous human feet.

Size nine.

Perfect.

Perfect toe length.

Triple E.

Perfect piggies.

Perfect toe length.

Just perfect piggies.

Perfect piggies.

Size nine.

The piggies are in a flawless Fibonacci sequence of length.

Just as plump as you could like.

The golden ratio is satisfied.

A fine dust stick of hair.

You should probably go

on invisible.

You should go keep an eye on him.

I'm actually, the wetness in here, I'm butt up, up up

loving it.

It is a little warm.

I might go just take a quick dip in the cold tub and then I'll come right back down.

Just use

a coaster.

It's a cold bathtub, but I'll do.

I'll put a

coaster in with me.

Where are you heading to, Rog?

Sergeant Salamander's security scenario.

Perfect.

Just for no reason, though.

Well, he's curious.

As far as you know, he's a curious little fella.

Okay.

We'll resolve you going downstairs in just a second, but when you get to the door, Roger, you see a keypad that is both numeric and alphabetical.

Alphanumeric, one might say.

And it is a sealed security door

asking for a password.

While he's doing, once Roger leaves and once what's his other face leaves, I'm going to go to the main.

There's only three of you.

Well, and to be clear, Trev, there's actually only two of us that Justin is playing.

Yeah, outside of Justin.

I'm going to go down the main entry and just keep an eye on the front door.

Excellent.

Okay.

I'm sitting in an armchair.

Just staring in front of you.

Sitting or hovering above an armchair?

Hovering above an archaeology.

If I come downstairs and you're sitting in an armchair, I'm going to lose my mind maybe steal as soon as you go down the steps to the lower level it somehow feels even warmer or more humid or both down here and you find yourself in a combination of spa and kind of training area yeah to your right you can see the lazy river with a swim up kind of lounge bar in the middle and on the far side of that are a set of mud baths The cold tub and the hot tub are directly across from you.

To your left is the meditation meditation center.

There is a pool with a large floating platform in the middle that is a like balance training bat.

You would have two people stand on it and have a fight to maintain their balances or you would stand in the middle while people tried to throw off your balance.

And on the far side of that, you see the combination Rainforest Cafe and Rainforest Steam Room.

You can see like a small kitchen and a you know table with menus and play settings and everything.

everything from here you can see one person kind of working it

I gotta just real quick can I just hey so you are an employee here

scree that's right man

I'm Bat Mercer nice to meet you I turn and walk away immediately.

I say nothing else to this person.

It's short for Bat Mercer.

I say nothing else to this person.

I walk away as quickly as I possibly can.

Scree.

Okay.

That's his bat screen.

Okay, I'm now looking at the orientation of this room.

The cold tub is right next to the Rainforest Cafe, so I no longer want to go in that.

No, no, no.

You have the hot tub between you and the Rainforest Cafe.

You'd be safe there.

But if you want to do something else, you know what?

I read

on Goop that seal coat.

What?

Goop.

I read on it.

Goopole.

Huh?

I searched it on Google.

I searched, I went on Google and I found a goop article

by

Gwyneth

Gwyneth Palcrow.

He googled it.

By Let Me Do My Joke

by Gwyneth Palcrow, who is

a crow woman.

And she said that if you get muddy, it helps the coat.

No matter what type of animal you are, I head for the mud bath.

I'm too curious.

Aw, yeah.

You soak in a mud bath.

I get down to my shorts.

And I get in that bath.

I hang up my gear and I get, I get, I soak.

And I get one point of armor.

Give me three D8s to see how well you relax.

Wow.

I've never had to roll to relax before.

You don't, you've never had to try to relax.

Two successes.

Yeah, actually, that's not true.

That's all I do when I relax.

So two successes on that.

I think I'm chilling.

Look a failing.

You're chilling very well.

You're going to pick up two practice makes perfect.

Oh my God.

This game's so relaxed.

This is the easiest.

This is a game for babies.

Easy game for babies.

All right.

Roger, you find yourself at a security door that is currently sealed with a password, sealed with a kiss.

Okay, describe these.

You said it was a numerical

numerical.

So look down, Clint, where you're sitting, and you might see in front of you a keyboard.

It's like that.

The tone.

That's your father.

Hey, dad, I love you so much.

It's like a keyboard.

Change your diapers.

Is that better?

Change your freaking diapers.

Yes.

i don't think he changed my diapers as much as mom did well uh you might be surprised that loves that or i might not that's what that implies you might be surprised to hear it was actually never

i i became very self-sufficient at a young age we just called you oh soggy bottom yeah oh that's where that came from

okay

and I want to really no I tell you what first I'm going to I'm going to breathe a little cloud of methane

onto the keyboard.

Hold on.

Just to clarify,

I think that particular

element is produced by the butt.

I don't know if cat.

No, it's both.

They burp it and fart it.

Don't worry.

They burp it and fart it.

Okay, so you're just burping on their keyboard.

But I know what you're going for.

No, I mean, I just wanted to know if you, hey, will you house it for me?

Sure.

I'm going to fart on all your keyboards.

It's kind of.

I'm going to give you pink dyes.

Sounds.

Yeah.

I've actually seen this with people on my Strange addiction before.

So this can't happen.

Yeah.

Sulfur burps, they call them.

So I guess I'm going to use my CH4U

and breathe a little cloud of methane on the keyboard to see if any of the keys

have been used more than the others.

The power of methane.

Okay, now I have a power of methane, which is high carbon content.

Salute, Mad Lad.

What are you?

You're burping on the keys.

What I love is if the idea is that you're trying to do like a let me see which keys they've touched recently.

These are slimy folks.

They've left a residue almost certainly.

Oh, the methane will really activate the residue, sure.

And if this keyboard is just for this door, then they wouldn't be using all of the keys, just the ones.

And maybe from there, I can narrow it down and try to figure out.

Trav, I'm sorry.

He got you, man.

This is scientifically so sound.

Yeah, okay.

No, I was just looking at the difference between methane and the air that we breathe.

And methane is lighter and traps heat better.

So I don't know what that means here, but I'm going to say that it will have an effect.

So give me a 3d8 roll and we're going to see how you do.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

365.

Two successes.

Nicely done.

You're going to be able to see four numbers and two letters, but not obviously the order of those.

So the four numbers you're going to see are six,

five,

eight, and two.

I got it.

I already solved it.

Oh, you did?

I don't even need the letters, yeah.

Well, they were numbers, is one thing:

six, five, eight, and two, and then you see R and P.

I know what you can spell with that.

Of course.

Your assumption is that it spells something.

Okay.

With numbers.

Like the way a three can be an E.

Oh, I can use that stuff

all my passwords.

Well, you're 100% pure gamer.

That's true.

That's true.

You don't have time to type letters.

You're too busy leveling up in Fortnite.

Okay, well, okay.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to...

Yeah, they love the smooth bird dad we want our smooth bird we can have jobs

we can't buy our own food we don't know how to order things dad we're so scared we're cats and we've gained complete uh human intelligence what's happening where are we yeah where are we but you know what like i calm them right down with smalls because you get a you're gonna get a a package of smalls right you're gonna open it up you're gonna put it in front of your cats there put it into a bowl whatever you're gonna i don't know your business but when you put it out there these cats are gonna freak out and you're also gonna see some long-lasting effects in my experience at least my cats have been a little healthier they've had a nice nice looking coat and they just love they love smalls they love it smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients um and it's delivered right to your door and cats.com named it their best overall cat food and get this after switching to smalls 88 of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food that's a big deal for a limited time only because you are I was really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav, that was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to...

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

That's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin and also doing what trap.

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we have a month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerch.com and check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours now.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lollum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Now, as you sit there by the door while Mud Puppy comes and starts rubbing against you and whining in its slimy way.

Hello.

And looking at its leash and the door.

Oh man, I really can't.

I gotta keep an eye on the place.

Can you give yourself walkies?

Wow, wow, you're cute and

kind of upsetting.

Oh man, it's like looking in a small bad mirror.

Alright, come on.

I'll leash him up.

You hook up his harness.

I hook up his harness, and I take him,

I guess, out the front.

Make sure you grab the bags.

Yeah, I do.

I sling them.

Because his droppings are upset.

I was just thinking how wild it would be to have a little human come up to you and try to get you to do stuff for it.

And then I remember, that's kids.

That's kids.

That's kids, man.

Yep.

It's just like that.

Actually harder to say no to those.

Yeah, true.

So you hook him up, you take him out for a little nighttime stroll a little afternoon evening stroll i should say how long a walk do you think you're taking him on this just a quick go out and potty or i think he's we're taking we're staying in the immediate area i don't want to get out of eyesight of the door so i think i'm just trying to find whatever his sweet spots are within where i still have an eye line to the entrance Okay, great.

Yeah.

While he's taking them out, what are the other two of you working on?

Nice try.

You're trying to trick me into into not relaxing anymore.

I sink even deeper into the mud.

You can work on it even more.

Practice makes perfect dude points.

You begin to choke as the mud fills your mind.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Wait.

No.

Do you want to keep relaxing in the mud?

I think I do.

Great.

It'll take me a while to deep demud myself, right?

Yeah, that's true.

Okay.

I don't want to talk to Bat Mercer anymore, like for sure, for sure.

And I can't get into any other body of water until I have demudded because I'm not trying to like wreck their whole place

okay yeah give me uh another 3d a roll double success again god i'm good at this game man yeah you're relaxed as heck man

you're feeling like uh melted butter you know what i mean like you're you feel all the aches and pains of the day every stress every worry melting away you're just having a grand old time uh i have a i have an issue of goop with me that i brought i like always and i'm reading about like jackfruit

So it's pretty cool.

What are you learning about jackfruit?

You can make anything out of it.

Steaks,

curds,

spaghetti.

Whey.

Whey.

No, probably not whey, but spaghetti definitely.

Here's something about jackfruit.

It's super stinky too, but durian's more stinky, so that's all anybody talks about.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Do I gain more practice makes perfect points for my...

Yeah, I mean, you get two more points, yeah.

Great.

Roger, you find yourself knowing that there's some order or combination of these six letters and numbers.

What are you working on now?

Okay, can you remind me of the names of the people, of the characters in Amphiba Force?

I'll go ahead and give this to you because I'm a kind of benevolent game runner.

There is not this is not a word or a code.

This is just the numbers that he has picked for the record.

Sergeant Salamander, Cecily, and Trey Frog Newbrute.

And me.

Correct.

I don't want you sitting there boggling your mind trying to find what these random numbers and letters make an anagram of.

You need to find this password, it sounds like, if you're going to learn this password.

Or, I mean, you could brute force it.

New brute force it.

But it might take you.

a couple tries to enter them into different in different combinations.

Roger's going to look around a little bit.

Look around.

Yeah,

he's currently in the study, correct?

He is right now.

Yes, you are, I mean, in a little walkway betwixt the study and the security center, but yeah, you can be at the study.

Can I look out for Colonel Mustard?

Can I do a deep dive, just really look around the study and see what I can see?

Maybe he's the type that writes

passwords on a post-it note and like sticks sticks it nearby.

You absolutely can.

Do you have anything that helps you

in your looking around?

No, but I think that needs to be the next thing I do when I get some kind of upgrade.

Excellent.

Well, you know what?

You know what?

I'm going to say

with counterfeit, right?

Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Counterfeit.

Yeah, this is, I mean, you're basically in, there's like shelves of books um in the study and things laid out so i'm gonna say that this is as related to like languages and stuff like that if you want to use 3d8 in this circumstance you can okay

um

all right i'll use 3d8

672

two successes excellent Two successes.

As you look around in this library, you notice that the books are all, it doesn't seem to quite be a Dewey decimal system, but each book does have some kind of code down the side to remind where to shelve it away.

And each one is two letters followed by four numbers.

All right, then I'm going to look for 6582RP.

I think with two successes, you're not able to find that exact set of numbers in that order.

You can see that there's like HI for history.

You can see that there is

IN for instructional.

You do find an area that is PR for poetry.

And is there a

6582

or

any

combination of those four numbers?

Give me another 3DA roll now that you found the section.

7-1 and 8.

Another two successes.

You are rolling very well.

You find a poetry book that is a collection of poetry about the glory of the salamander, and it is PR8526.

Okay.

I see where this, Dad.

Now, Dad.

Yes.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Sometimes I hope so.

Seems a little too easy, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does.

It does.

It seems actually quite complicated.

I think somebody would say that.

They want you to think it's A526.

Can I open the book?

Yeah, can you open a book?

Yeah.

I think Roger can open a book without Roland.

There's a gun in here.

It's all here.

The passport.

I'm just going to open it up and read the first passage I see.

Oh, to the salamander, it's beautiful, slimy nature.

Oh, how it moves through the water and the land.

Tis truly God's favorite, the salamander.

Let us all give thanks to the salamander and give hugs and kisses if the salamander consents.

Roger holds the book

chest and closes his eyes and kind of basks in that sentiment, that

moving ode.

And then he goes out in the hallway and he uh

punches numbers into the keypad

well before you punch the numbers into the keypad let's jump back real quick to actually lyle and mud puppy as they return from their walk

how did the walk go was he a good listener really good listener mud puppy boy well leash trained yeah well leash trained very obedient uh stopped a robbery just like on his own just like anything it it was great yeah that's incredible he actually gave me um the like raised eyebrows when it was time to put the bag underneath his holes so it wasn't even a problem

oh you just caught it you caught it as it happened i know you don't you are not a dog owner you're not a dog haver that's not how anyone does it no one walks around you don't just catch it as it comes out

for your dogs to be like go ahead assume the position.

Bag me up, bro.

You've returned to the Infiba Fortress, carrying with you a just fresh bag of

mud puppy leavings.

And you approach the door and begin to unlock it when you hear behind you

loud,

like an industrial

air blower kind of sound.

Behind me, like on the street?

Yes, on the street.

Okay.

On the street.

Do you turn yeah obviously yes assume yeah just assume that if i kind of sound like i'm gonna look at it

um if you are on uh roll 20 make sure you're zoomed out

holy crap yes you turn and behind you you see

the amphiba force's greatest enemy

He's got a suit made of like hair dryers and dryer hoses and he's hovering above the ground, and behind him is his army of henchmen known as the Hot Boys.

So it's Hair,

H-E-R-R,

Dryer, and the Hot Boys.

And the Hot Boys.

I have never felt so insecure about our lack of a team name.

Because

Hair Dryer and the Hot Boys is...

I'd follow them.

I want to join them, even though the name of Hair Dryer is maybe a little problematic.

But, who am I?

I might as you see.

I don't think it's problematic to just be German.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

I guess I didn't think of hair as being just

basically mister.

I've only heard it coming out of the mouths of bad Indiana Jones guys.

Never really thought of the word as being just Mr.

They gotta come up with a name for those villains here, like all those.

Yeah, they need some branding.

Well, I mean, it's not as threatening if you just think, like, this is Mr.

Mueller.

Like, it's not as like.

Aw, man, please don't do this.

Why?

You're amphibious scum.

It is I

drier.

I have come to destroy my nemesis.

No, man.

Just listen, man.

Don't.

Ah.

Listen.

Can you not...

Hey.

Sorry, who are you?

Clark.

Hey.

It's me, man.

It's Axel Lyle.

I'm an auxiliary member of the Infibo Force.

Oh, you are new?

No, I'm old.

I'm old.

They just don't have need of me a lot.

An extreme firefighter.

I have arrested arrested you twice

oh oh

I used to have a I used to have a mullet

ah yes

yeah yes

I shape

yes listen um can you not do this because they are not here you can't but defeat them well you have to understand I have brought my hot boys yeah and we're it's great it's great but

this is their pad and they kind of let me...

This is the first time I've been here, and they kind of gave me a big responsibility of like, wait, so you have arrested?

I'm doing the wrong accent.

I'm from all over Europe.

So you've arrested me twice,

but

you've never been in the building.

You have never heard a German person speak in your life.

No, that's correct.

Well, one time it was a citizen's arrest.

And, but yeah, I mean, I don't get a big opportunity to hang together with them very often.

And

I'm trying to change that, man.

Trying to get in good with them.

And they wanted me to sort of protect the spot.

So don't.

Just whatever you're doing, just don't do it.

Let me talk to the hot boys real quick.

There's 30 of them, by the way.

People at home, there's 30 hot boys on this Roll 20.

Identical hot boys.

Yeah.

And he turns to them.

I mean, to me, you could probably tell each of them apart.

He turns to them and he says, okay, guys.

So it turns out, and Favor Force isn't even here.

What do you guys?

Is this what he talks like to the hot boys?

Yeah.

What do you guys?

What do you guys think?

You want a hot boy?

He goes,

yeah, sir, I don't.

So much.

Are we settled on hot boys?

Is that

what?

Well, we took a vote, man, and you guys picked hot boys.

Yeah, but the only other option was warm men, and they just doesn't.

Well, okay, yeah, we can talk about it back.

I liked warm men.

You liked it.

Because

it sounds like warm in.

And that's pretty intimidating.

That's confusing.

Can't you see that, Derek?

Because that doesn't fit in with the theme.

And what happened to your accent?

Wait, why are you not speaking to their accent, boss?

Oh, I'm...

Okay.

The last time.

I'm not really German, right?

But Mr.

Dryer doesn't sound good.

Hair Dryer sounds good.

I'm from Nebraska, man.

Another Nebraska.

Hmm.

I think we should still attack, though, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hopes, raise your hand.

Yeah, raise your hand if we should still attack.

Derek raises his hand.

Okay.

25 of them raise their hands.

Now raise your hand if we shouldn't attack.

Kurt and his hands.

Kurt?

Kurt?

You asked for honest input.

You're right.

You're right, Kurt.

And I respect that.

You'll still attack, though, if we all attack, though, right?

Okay, cool.

Okay, while they're taking this,

while they're doing this, I run back into the house and I scream, everybody, infimophorce, HQ, maximum security, engage.

Lock it down.

Sorry, was something supposed to happen?

Computer, identify voice!

Voice unidentified.

Computer, identify Axolisle.

Axol,

Axel Lyle.

Computer, identify Axolile, auxiliary member of amphibaforce.

Ooh.

We, um,

um,

calculated.

Start.

Read all files beginning with A.

Okay, yeah.

Uh huh.

Amphibian.

R.

Yeah, okay.

Whoa, here it is.

Axel Marayo, Jr., auxiliary member, third rank.

I've actually been pushing it.

Yeah, but I have clearance to activate maximum security lockdown engage.

Derek, the hot boy, runs over and goes, hey,

hairdryer, just wanted me to let you know you got 30 minutes to like clean all your stuff out and get out of here, and then we're going to take the fortress, okay?

Engage.

Oh, the door slams shut, and Derek's like, Okay, just want to make sure lock it down.

Hello, Mr.

the Walrus.

It's Crillium from work.

I'm your henchman.

Not that I'm wild about that title.

Maybe Lieutenant?

I mean, you would say Lieutenant.

I'm getting distracted.

Look, news.

I followed Carver from Barker Industries, and I'm quite sure I have tracked him down to his hideout, so well done me.

Yeah, it's some kind of warehouse, won't lie, quite disappointing.

So

I was wondering what you wanted to do next.

Should we capture him?

Okay, get some help and capture Carver.

And you're always saying I should take more initiative, so, okay, no, that's what I'm going to do.

That's the plan.

I'm going to call Crabigail, see who's free, get everybody together, and then I'm going to capture Carver.

Good, good, no, good.

I will let you know how that goes.

And don't you worry, sir.

That video is as good as ours.

As good as yours.

It's your video.

You've been very clear about that.

So,

well, I'll just sort of crack on.

And if you get like five minutes, maybe just have a little think about my title.

I don't know, Captain.

Captain Crillium sounds kind of...

I don't want to give you the idea.

It should be yours.

Right, I'll get on with that.

Good.

Okay.

Love you.

Bye-bye.

Not love.

I didn't mean to say love.

Not love.

Not love, love.

I mean, like, work, love.

Respect.

Sort of.

Just bye, really.

I should have just said bye.

Imagine I just said bye.

I should just hang up.

Okay, hanging up.

That didn't work.

Nope.

You'd think this would just time out.

I'm just going to destroy this phone.

I'll call you from another one.

Can't stop this recording.

So this is going into the sea.

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