The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 6: Rogue Robots!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest and towers It's fair to stop us by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it turning out just like you planned The railway sound

is long But our mojo's strong

And unless I'm wrong and I'm not We're at the height of our power

When we last left off, our heroes had been separated by the prototypes controlled by Artifischel.

We find Lyle, Axel Lyle, in the gala's kitchens.

There's a grease fire spreading through the kitchen.

Lyle attempted to attack the big rolling robot, spherical robot, with a metal spatula and a small saucepan, and the big spherical robot rolled right over him.

Over with Navy Seal.

Navy managed to tame the robot on big kind of bulldozer-esque wheels.

What are those called?

Like the tracks, like tank, you know?

Monster wheels.

Monster wheels.

This robot, by the way,

treads.

This robot is the fart buckle of the season.

I've decided.

I've gone ahead and planted the flag.

This is our fart buckle.

He's quite large.

Yeah,

easy about like, you know, maybe getting him and transitioning him to a vehicle of some kind.

And then we've got in the main ballroom,

we have Roger Moore, along with specialist Joshua Darnett, Knives on Feet, who is the hockey player Swan, and Gridiron, the football player Pole, both of the Boynik and All-Stars, facing off against the Strongboy robot, the Clockwork Robot, who has had one leg knocked off, and the Spider Bot, who was tripped by the tablecloth.

And that swing you do, led by Agent Mingo, are playing some swing music to accompany the sound of the game.

There's no way they matter.

There's no way that one of your three heroes, Griffin, is very musically based.

Oh, I guess that's true.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's cool.

I wanted to correct it.

I think you said we were in in the aquatic room.

I did smash back into the trophy room.

Oh, Kool-Aid Man style.

That was my next thing.

Yes.

You guys have smashed back in.

You see artificial.

According to you guys, you assume some sort of robotic man.

I don't know about all that.

He says he's human.

Eating the trophy.

He's just eating it.

Well, one bite at a time.

It takes him a long time to chew up the silver.

Okay.

The way he's eating it, does he seem to be enjoying it, or does he just need it to live?

Good question.

Okay, do you want to Griffin?

Yeah, I'll roll

make a see if he's enjoying it roll for me.

Sure, sure.

Do my bug eyes help me with that?

Yeah, you can use your bug eyes to sense in the middle.

Two successes.

6-5, is he enjoying it?

Or is he just a shot?

With two successes, he is not relishing it in any way, it doesn't seem.

And as you observe, you can see like where Roger had like cattle prodded him.

Yeah.

Right?

You can see like little beads of silver filling in there and kind of like repairing that burn damage.

Okay.

And any like little minor cuts he's taken from like the glass breaking and stuff like that and just being knocked around.

Those are kind of fixing themselves.

Almost like, think about it, like it's almost like soldering.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My heart goes out to him, but

I'm on the job and the protocol is to

like remove this this criminal from the equation.

So I would like to can I just plow right into him with my new chariot of power?

Yeah, since you so thoroughly tamed the Rollybot, why don't you give me a 3d8 roll?

Okay.

To basically see if Rollybot has any lasting.

Three successes, seven, eight, successes.

Oh, there you go.

No, not at all.

You're going to knock him.

The trophy is going to fly out of his hands.

He goes flying backwards.

Now, if you imagine, you guys are in kind of a 10-foot by 10-foot by 10-foot triangle.

and then give me a second roll with two d8s to see what kind of damage you're able to do.

Uh, okay, one success.

Yeah, so he's gonna take one damage.

You see a little bit more of like his whatever the covering over his steel body is on his like right shoulder.

Yeah, it's kind of scratched up and ripped.

Cool.

I pet

the

tread bot on his little head, and I say

okay, I say in internet speak like throw yes throw down your former oppressors

I love you

already it's that fast Artie is gonna go next

he is gonna attempt to scramble towards the trophy but he is distracting

some way yes he can uh what is your movement I would love to blast the trophy with like as he dives for it just like hit it with a jet of water not to like you know destroy it but to try it to make it push across yeah yeah

give me a 48 roll then and i'm gonna roll 2v8s oh no four failures

The Lord giveth and he taketh away.

Yeah, mark your practice.

Oh, I'll get that XP.

I always get that XP.

I got one success, so he's going to kind of like scramble over, and he's having like a hard time getting back to to his feet So he gets like his fingertips on it, but he doesn't have like control of it.

You know what I mean?

Okay

Let's jump over to Lyle Lyle when last we saw you this big spherical robot has

Rolled over you.

You took a little bit of damage.

It's rolled past you.

What do you do now?

Fire extinguishers.

What do I got?

Actually, have the fire suppression systems activated?

They have not activated yet, but there are fire.

You can see a fire extinguisher near the door that would cross over to the gala hall.

You see a fire extinguisher on the wall next to like the stovetop where the grease fire has broken out.

And you see a fire extinguisher to the right of the big industrial refrigerators.

How close am I to the flames?

If you look at this image here, right, imagine you're on the other side of the big prep tables.

So you have about, I would say, after you moved those to make room for people to escape, about four to five feet between you and the flames.

I want to grab something flammable within reach, maybe like a napkin or not, like a towel, you know, like a dish rag or something.

Catch it on fire and try to chuck it towards the ceiling to trigger the fire suppression system.

Okay, so you definitely, it's not hard to find rags, right?

There's lots of clean up and rags, please.

The greasiest rags.

Well, we're going to roll to see how effectively they catch fire and how they interact with the system.

So give me.

Trav, if I can just say, like,

if I can, beyond fair.

Because I shouldn't be able to just summon the most powerful rags at any moment.

The greasiest.

Nasty.

Greasy.

The right amount of greasy rags.

Give me a 3d8 roll, please.

Yeah, absolutely, man.

646.

Cowabunga.

That's a cowabunga, my dude.

With a cowabunga, you find a nice, greasy rag.

Just deliciously greasy.

What were they even doing with this?

And you chuck it up, and it lands.

Basically, you whip it so that it goes through the flame and catches, and then you throw it up.

It's going to catch on the fire suppression system, and

foam comes spraying out.

You see everything

starting to like smother the flames.

The flames are dying down.

And then I see their kind of just say like in the moment, like,

sorry, sorry fellow looks like your creators forgot to make you phone proof and I say that it's like as the sparks are shooting out cool well no justice that's awesome

I listen can I say I love how ambitious you're being with your requests this season collaborative

yeah I think you've grown as a player in in terms of greed which I think is lovely it was just one idea and if you didn't like it like shit yeah no yeah yeah

it was just one possible path is that the phone made it explode like another.

Yeah, I could definitely see.

It was a cowabunga.

I mean, but whatever.

It wasn't a mega cowabunga, Justin.

And as a dad, I am so proud to see how cooperative you two are being with each other.

That is so good.

But, Justin, as this fire has been extinguished, you do see that the robot, having completed its circle role in trying to get to its feet, it is momentarily distracted, finding the purchase on the ground.

And you hear from the doorway opposite you,

yes, young man, young man, what do I say?

You see an abnormal, from what you could tell, slightly older, it's a shaggy kind of English sheepdog kind of looking guy wearing lab coat suit.

You can see he's got big round spectacles, but with all the hair, you can't see his eyes.

Hey, what's going on, partner?

Are you with me or against me?

Oh, I'm going to say that I'm with you.

My name is Dr.

Travis Barker, head of barker innovations man yes um let us give us a second to tell you what you've done

okay got it this isn't the first time i've mentioned dr travis i know but seeing him in real life is like yeah it's stunning it's stunning

just let me know whenever you're ready yeah i'm ready sorry okay

yes dr travis barker uh from barker innovations these prototypes these robots they're from barker innovations i they you should have thought you made them foam-proof as it explodes behind me.

Well, we did externally.

Darn it!

But if you can find a way to get some kind of that fire suppression inside the robot, that should

that should do something.

Yeah.

Okay, no problem.

And I grab a scoop and

punch it into the eye hole

Grab a scoop of foam and just show that foam right in its eye hole where the camera is presumably

Come on and jam.

Huh.

Okay

Cool.

You can't tell him the weak point and then get surprised when he exploits the weak point.

No, no, no, no.

I think it's the repetition of punching it.

I'm gonna punch that foam in the eye hole.

But it just took my brain a second to parse what that meant in the ink.

I'm getting a big scoop full of foam.

Uh-huh.

And then I'm I'm depositing it inside of the robot.

It's like how Bruce Lee used to dip his fists in poison so that when he punched guys.

Oh, you know what?

Wait a second.

Okay.

Give me like a positional check right now on me, the robot, and Barker.

So the robot would have to move towards you and then turn right to go like around.

the refrigerators.

The robot is at the opposite end of the room.

So it's like a t-shape almost

so robot on the far side

it's currently in its like ball form yeah attempting to stand up and get its pressure but it's hard with the foam that's now on the ground as it sprays around it oh but its legs are out uh yeah it's attempting to yep okay i'm gonna give it a flying kick to send it rolling

Okay, because there's going to be gaps in the shear because the limbs are deployed.

Okay, yeah.

Give me 3d8 because with the foam on the ground, it's going to be easy to knock this thing.

Well, I'm going to use my spatula too.

Everything's a drum, so it's going to be 4d8.

Perfect.

And don't forget your time to shine dice.

Is this my time to shine?

No, I really should.

Dude, I pulled the trigger on that.

It felt so good.

Okay, yeah, I'll use two time to shine dice.

I really want this to work.

Perfect.

So this is going to be 68 total.

Woo!

Wow.

Oh, boy.

I mean, it's a five, an eight, and four failures.

Yeah, so with two successes, it works.

It works.

Thank goodness for this extra die, guys.

Yeah.

So yeah, you get this guy, not quite in the center, like if this was a cue ball, right?

You hit it just at the top to give it a little spin to it.

So it goes and kind of rolls back a little bit.

You get a little back spin on it.

So it is off its feet, back into the roll form, and is like kind of spinning around in the foam.

And you see like the

sparks and

basically the power starts to drain from the lights in the eyes and the lights that were kind of wrapped, you know, you could see through the various cracks and everything as this foam gums up the works.

And you hear

and it powers down.

Could have adopted it.

Just letting you know that is an option that we could have a a whole team of sweet robot pets.

And then I turned to the doctor.

So, did you lose control of these guys, or what's happening?

Well, we've only lost control of the one of them, who then stole control of the rest.

You need to stop Artificial.

He's, well, technically he's version 8.723.

He does have...

a shut off if you can get to it.

Oh yeah, please.

It's behind both ears.

There's two slight depressions.

You just need to push both at the same time and he'll power down.

Perfect.

That's exactly what I was looking for.

Thanks, Doctor.

But do try not to destroy him.

There's...

It's a lot of money and research that's gone into him.

Hey,

you leave the doctor stuff to you and leave the adventure stuff to me, okay?

If I need to hurt him...

Well, that's just the way a cookie crumbles, partner.

Well, I said try not to, I understand.

I'm not going to try.

Oh, okay.

Please?

I'll think on it.

Okay.

We're going to jump back to Roger.

Roger, right now, you are facing the spider bot that had been tripped over, but is starting to stand back to its feet.

You have the clockwork bot whose leg got knocked off, but is trying to drag itself over to grab you.

You got Strong Boy, who was momentarily, it has its head covered with a tablecloth.

And you can see Specialist Darnett and I believe Gridiron trying to detain the Spiderbot, but they don't seem to be able to do it.

What are you going to do now?

For just a slight moment, Roger closes his eyes just for a split second and feels

the music from

Agent Mingo and his band.

That's when you do.

And

is really loving it.

It's Potato Head Blues, one of his favorite swing songs.

And so

he starts to do the Lindy Hop.

And Lindy Hop, as you, I mean, you guys already know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lindy Hop is very improvisational.

And

as he starts to feel it, starts to do the Lindy Hop, starts to dance, he picks up a butter knife off the floor, which had spilled off the table.

There had to have been a butter knife, right?

Sure, yeah,

that had to have been.

And

a shrimp fork.

I don't know if you need that, but and and chart.

Now I'm gonna use the butter knife.

Charges towards, you'll see why in just a moment.

Charges towards the spider bot as it's grappling with the uh the other two

and does a whole Sam Gamchi and Shilob thing.

At the last second, slides under it and jams that butter knife right up into the sensitive underbelly of the spider bot of the okay

okay

let's see here

that was all narrated so well and musically you do have music going for you can you give me a 3d8 please 3d8 i certainly can and here they are

wow a two an eight and a seven oh with two successes You get in there and basically what you can see exposed as you get underneath is where the left legs, it's like three coming from the one location on the left side.

You can see like the hydraulic lines there.

And as you go underneath, and you side underneath, you're able to slice through those and you see the left legs deactivate.

But now, you need to get out from under it as quickly as you can because it is starting to lower down on the left side pretty quickly.

What do you do?

Well, first of all, he yells out a pun: Moogie Woogie, Bugle Boy!

I don't know what that means.

Oh, wow.

Oh, man.

That one had like a one and a half second delay fuse on it.

That when it hit, I got a really sharp metallic taste in my mouth.

And

rolls out from under.

Okay, give me a 2d8 roll.

That is a three and a six.

Okay, with a partial success, you're able to get out from underneath without taking any damage, but it like kind of knocks you right as you're going.

So you're like, you get it, and it's you know, the force of it going down, it kind of you clip it as it comes down.

Um, and you are sent uh sprawling onto the top of a table.

And up next is going to be Strong Boy, who is going to attempt to.

Well, first, he's going to attempt to untangle himself from the tablecloth covering his face.

He gets a partial success.

So he's able to do it,

but he is kind of just wildly flailing to get at it.

But it ends up very disoriented.

He was going to try to crush you, but he ended up turning the wrong way.

So, up next, what are you going to have your team, your temporary team here do, Roger?

Is it safe to say that the spider bot is taken out of action?

It is not a threat currently.

okay then i want um

i want gridiron okay

to uh

grab the spider bot by the legs

and

slam it into

is it clock no who one of uh strong boy Okay, here we go.

Oh.

So with a single success, he goes to pull it off and he's able to pull basically one of the six legs off of the spider bot, rendering it ineffective at this point, no longer where it can't be repaired.

But in the swing at Strong Boy, he does not connect.

Okay.

Let's jump over.

We're back with Navy Seal in the trophy room with Artie.

Axelial, have you been able to get in there yet?

I mean, at this point, I would hope I have free egress to get in there.

Yeah, you've been able to make it in there.

Um, you connected through, so now we've got both Axel Isle and Navy Steel in the trophy room with the robot.

I look at Axel Isle and I say, the rolling one, it's it's like our fart buckle now,

so don't attack it.

All right, yeah, you should also know that there's a weakness.

And I tell him about the weak point, just in case it comes up.

That sounds

pretty easy.

Artie is going.

I mean, now that you know it, I'm sure it does.

Man, the information was hard-earned, though.

How did you come across it?

Was it torture?

Did you have to torture someone for it?

Did you torture one of the robots to find out the weak point?

No, but I got really sticky.

Okay.

What's Artie doing?

Artie is grabbing the trophy.

Oh, again?

Drop it.

It's what he wants.

It's what he needs.

Okay.

I want to sort of render him

sort of broken so that he will be easier to reset.

I could just try to plug both ears, but I don't know that I'm as coordinated as all that.

And also, like, I would need to take a moment to really figure out where these little indents are.

So, is he still on the ground?

What's his deal?

He is right now kind of like hands and knees grabbing the trophy.

Okay, awesome.

Then I stomp up behind him

and I'm going to reach into my pocket and pull out, I see here in my additional inventory is the word Doritos.

And so I'm going to take this bag of Doritos and kind of like

pop it in my hand a little bit to open the bag up.

And then I want to jam it into his body in one of the holes left there by

Roger Moore.

moore where'd you get doritos i just had them just says doritos in my additional image gave them to you yeah yeah dean dean gave you in case you needed snacks all right i kept my doritos i think back to

navy seal's favorite movie is ai starring haley joel otsman and there's a really scary scene in that movie where he tries to like eat um like a wedge salad or something and it just really messes him up so bad and i think he dies and i think that's the end of the movie so i'm gonna try and do that to him now This is actually...

Griffin is using his Mega Mega Mondo move.

Aye, Aye Aye.

He deals with his, he uses the power of his knowledge of the movie AI.

Yes.

To shove Doritos into the

AI.

A robot's hole.

No, my one weakness.

I'm going to use a couple of things.

Well, no, that would be the second weakness because we do know about the other weakness.

Right.

This is the weakness that unlocks the second weakness.

I'm going to use two time to shine dice.

Do I get...

Now, I'm using an item.

Does that mean I get 3d8

for using an item?

If you were going to tell me how, like, this hunger, like the actual usage of the food, but I'm going to say that you are not using Doritos for their intended purpose.

I am.

And so.

To fill up a robot's belly.

I don't see what else.

What else do they like?

Why else did the Dorito sciences make them?

That okay, this actually makes a lot of sense to me because it says there it fights hunger and robots.

Yeah, so I say

I've diagnosed an issue.

Let me call tech support.

They say you need some new computer chips.

Jam him in.

Really good.

Okay, yeah, give me, you said two times to Shondi, so give me five d6 or five d8.

Two successes.

Thank Christ.

Two successes.

You get those Doritos in him.

You get those Doritos in some of his cuts.

Yeah.

And for the first time, you see a sort of an emotional response in which he turns 360, his head 180, his eyes glowing red.

And then he...

I say, i get it i also prefer cool ranch

oh my god he attempts to bite you with like his diamond edged robotic teeth yeah and he gets a one a three a four and a two yeah he's having some trouble because of the doritos i bet the dorizos are really crunching him up in there do you say dorizos this is why i always tell kids to reach for healthy snacks

Yeah, these will straight up kill a kid.

Remember, kids, there's nothing wrong with vegetables and fruits.

Except that they don't come in cool ranks.

We all pause to look at the screen.

And then just DM Travis Leon goes, I think that Doritos are sometimes food.

Don't do it all the time, my man, but it's okay to live a little.

Don't you think about it?

Not one Dorito.

No, it's not like that.

Doritos are

Doritos are sometimes food.

Everything in moderation does.

You don't have to balance an anti-Doritos message with a pro-Doritos message.

The entirety of our I'm not saying I'm being Doritos.

I'm saying I'm Doritos neutral.

We cut to a kid offering another kid Doritos on a playground.

Freeze.

Freeze frame.

Pause.

Does this look familiar?

We cut to a kid watching this show and eating Doritos.

It's like, so do I eat the Doritos?

I'm so confused.

I'm really hungry.

Three Doritos is okay.

Like, what's the...

I'm willing to try, I guess, cauliflower?

Just tell me what to snack on.

Can I eat them at the same time?

Does one cauliflower equal one Dorito?

Where are we at?

Yeah, so he's crunched up a little bit.

You can see he's got one hand wrapped around one handle of the trophy.

But at this point, I will also say those diamond-edged teeth, he is snapping kind of left and right

at your hand, basically.

So I did a great hand.

So I made a great choice, you're saying.

Well, we can.

Listen, he is definitely not operating from a strategic point.

He is definitely, you know, going haywire.

Cool.

But he is not, he's not unarmed, right?

Okay.

So it's not going to be like, just touch him.

I look up at Lyle.

I say, hey, are you the gadget guy?

We haven't really figured out which one of the three of us is sort of the gadget guy.

Oh,

wow.

I hadn't really thought about it before.

I wasn't the gadget guy on my last team, but Harry, I figured Roger would be the gadget guy.

Doesn't he,

you know, have some sort of

cue or moo or, I don't know.

Well, he's over in the other room palling around with

the barnyard fart stars.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm super.

I don't know what those you guys have that we don't.

You know, I can hear you, right?

We have our calm system.

I shut it off so we could talk crap about it.

Yeah, I'd shut it up.

I'm trying to have a character moment here, pal.

It's just like, you know.

I get it.

It's falling in with the old crew.

It can feel nice.

There's some familiar...

Sorry, can you hack this robot or whatever?

He's trying to eat my hands, man.

Oh,

no, I hit it in the two weak points with the two points of my axe.

Hatchet.

What?

I hit it with the hatchet, man, in the weak point.

He has two depressions.

Right, the axe hits them both with the width of the head.

On either side of his head.

Okay, I hit...

Okay, I'll just use my hands.

Fine.

Are you trying to get an extra dice out of that?

No, I was trying to not let him bite me.

So I was trying to use the axe to press the self-destruct.

Now, you do have, I will remind you, your saucepan and your spatula.

And a bag of Doritos.

I'm not hitting a robot weak point with a spatula, Travis.

Oh.

You're right, Griffin.

I put my Doritos in him, too.

Listen, I say, I get it.

He said it was a weak point, but that's not the only way to to take out a bag.

If we return to Doritos later, it won't be funny.

This is the only time it can be funny.

Right, so I'm going to put Doritos wherever I don't see Doritos.

Okay, give me

a 3dA roll.

Unless you want to add anything else.

No, no, no.

This is good.

I already weakened it.

I readied the Dorito hole.

It's primed, baby.

It's good to go.

Farts.

228.

Okay.

With

one success, you throw the bag at him, and all those Doritos, he gets a mouthful of Doritos, but they get past the diamond teeth.

And when he bites down one corner of those jagged Doritos, the corner just jams straight up into the roof of his mouth.

Pops off one of his brackets.

Yikes.

And if you've ever, oh man, does that suck?

Right?

And he, uh, you see a like something pops loose in the, uh, like, left side of his jaw.

Um, and his, his teeth do not seem to be closing the same way that they were.

The power of Doritos.

Roger, you want to.

I turned my thing back on.

Roger, do you want to get in here and jam your Comedy Roll of Threes?

Are you ready to jam your Doritos or do you have big snack glance for those later?

Um, no, I...

I have Cheetos.

I don't, but where were the Doritos?

I didn't even see any.

Look at your character sheet.

That's the only way we saw them.

Do you have them too?

No.

I straight up forgot I had a whole bag of Doritos in my pocket, which is crazy because there's so many.

No, I think what he said is Dean gave him Cheetos.

He brought one of those like snack bags.

Oh, he brought like a variety.

I get you.

Oh, I love a variety back, man.

It's like you can snack on anything you want.

It lets really lets you be the boss of your own snack chooser.

You fellows need me!

So, Roger's going to charge away from the fray in the ballroom and go bursting into the trophy room to help his friends.

Nice firing.

Roger, give me a 48-year-old.

A five, a two, a four, and a five.

Calibunga, dude.

You come charging in horns first

with

his back to you,

with Artificials back to you.

As you come in, you nail him right where his ears meet his jaw from the back.

And the two points of your cattle pod horns nail him right behind the ears.

And you see his body first go rigid from the electric shock.

And then...

Then rigid with pleasure from the Doritos flavor.

He likes them now.

Actually.

It feels just a second of euphoria as the Doritos really hit.

As the Doritos, as the high of the Doritos hits.

Yeah.

And he says, this is what it means to be human.

And then powers fully down.

Alright, he got it.

I yell, Nacho, Doritos.

What?

They were not.

No, no, like, not.

No, no.

You weren't changing possession of anything, and you had Cheetos.

Ah, that's true.

How about how about this?

Cheetos.

Cheat.

Cheetos.

Cheat.

Cheat.

No.

Cheeton does.

Cheat on those?

Non Cheeto?

Chester Cheetah.

Hey, the one with wheels is my pet pet now.

He's kind of our fart buckle, just so you know.

Hey, how about this, Dad?

My coach was wrong.

Cheetahs always win and something like that.

And he didn't use Cheetos always winning.

He didn't use the Cheetos.

Oh, yeah.

Cheetos always win.

He didn't use it.

Cheetos always win.

I don't think you use the Cheetos, though.

So, like, I don't know how it's germane.

I was eating the Cheetos as I charged him.

He said that.

Cool.

I heard it.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to.

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

Um, and it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal.

For a limited time only, because you are an adventure zone.

I was really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav, that was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to...

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

It's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question, you

got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud?

We got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trap?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we have a new month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to mackerelmerch.com and check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macromerch.com to get yours now.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

But no.

Nope, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

So in the aftermath, you see the River City First Enforcers are kind of cleaning up the mess, clearing away rubble.

They have taken away all of the robots that are not Rolybot.

And you see Dr.

Travis Barker specifically like working to strap Artificial who is still powered down onto essentially a gurney.

You hear him excitedly talking about all the different changes they're going to make for the next version that's definitely going to go with a different element to repair other than silver trying to figure out like how it even got to here.

How did it get out?

All of these things.

Looking around the room, you see a bunch of faces popping back in.

Walter Russell is back with his little lackey shrimp man.

You see the Wolf Gang catering catering company cleaning backup.

And you see the members of the Barnyard All-Stars talking with Agent Mingo and with specialist Darnett.

What do you guys do?

Roger's going to walk up to the bandstand

and put a 20 in Agent Mingo's tip jar.

Hey, man, that's my drink.

Oh.

No, I'm just kidding, man.

Thank you so much.

That's just a little performer joke.

Thanks, brother.

Hey, I liked your moves out there.

Your moves on your hooves.

You know what I mean?

I liked your riffs.

You had some great riffs in your music.

Hey, thanks, brother.

That's what I'm known for.

Anytime you want to perform with us, you let me know, man.

And Grid

and Knives, thank you for helping me out there with those other robots.

Ah, man, it was just like old times, brother.

It was so good.

What do you say?

Hey, I know you left in a bit of a huff.

You know, you can be a bit of a, well, I don't know,

whiner, but I know you got upset or whatever.

Why don't you come on back, man?

Huh?

A little more training, a little more hard work.

You'd be ready to go on more missions with us.

You know what I mean?

You know, Grid, I appreciate your offer.

I think it would be very interesting.

But, you know, I think as long as I was a member of

your group, I never

was very good at following orders.

Yeah, but we can work on that, man.

I've noticed that.

No, no, no, no.

What I'm saying is, just now, I was giving the orders, and we had a lot of success in there.

And I just don't see that happening all the time.

And I really kind of like where I'm at right now.

So here at the gala?

No, I mean, with the fellows I'm with.

Oh.

He's our leader.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

We set him up.

We saw the potential that you guys are squandered.

And we made him a big boss, Chief.

I'm the leader and the gadget guy?

Oh, okay.

Wait, wait here one second.

He goes running off.

He goes to the RV and he comes back.

He goes, well, you know,

as you know,

it's tradition uh on on planet pigskin if you're gonna be the leader you're gonna need one of these and he hands you a patch in the shape of a c that you can embroider onto your uniform anywhere to mark that you are the captain

oh

i'm i'm moved

Yeah, just $25

and it's all yours.

Yeah, you probably shouldn't attach it with anything permanent until we can sort our talk through.

Yeah, we want to make sure you put it on the right sure.

Will you take a 20?

Would you take a 20?

Yeah, I mean, I know I gave you a $5 bill earlier.

Okay, I take the 5 and I take the 20 back out of the drink, the tip jar, and I give him 25.

Okay, yeah, it works for me.

There you go, man.

Listen, if this ends up not working out, you let me know, okay?

What a butthole.

I think it will.

I mean, I am the leader.

I go over to Knives on Feet.

So, what kind of equity do they offer you here at the Point Gardens?

Oh, we do not get two pairs of money.

No.

No, we get a room and board.

Okay, well, I'm going to give you a phone number.

And you got a cable with all the sports channels?

Yeah.

That's not great.

I'm going to give you my business card.

It's just like a napkin that I've written.

Just call Dean.

He's like our guy.

Okay.

With Dean's phone number on it.

Yes, okay.

Let me give you my business card as well.

And he gives you his business card.

It's very professional, very embossed to a confusing degree.

Embossed in ways and places you didn't even think could be embossed.

Well, balls sort of in your court.

Wilson, consider this a formal offer.

I do not play on the court.

I do not play with the board.

I do the puck.

I do

rink.

You know what?

I take the piece of paper back.

You know what?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

It was so great to meet you.

Can I have my business card back?

Because where is the only one I have.

This was a gift.

Okay.

I turned him to the bottom.

The bossing is not cheap.

Who's in charge of fire safety around here?

Everybody kind of looks from one to another, and then without

really a lot of commitment, everybody kind of points at Specialist Darnett.

Incorrect.

It's me.

Listen.

I had an active blaze in your kitchen and it took a real act of heroism and a feat of dexterity to trigger your fire suppression.

It's not supposed to be a solve.

It's supposed to be preventative.

When was the last time you had this inspected?

They all look at specialists, Darnette.

Yeah,

when did you do it?

What?

It's not my...

I do.

I'm...

No, I'm...

Okay, you can tell my boss.

I don't want to get you in trouble.

Just probably...

Now you don't want to get me in trouble?

You should be careful about the tone there.

You got a real list of fire safety hazards.

I'm with the heart.

I'd hate to shut you down.

I don't even work here.

That's what everybody says.

Perhaps a hefty bribe would be in order.

To what?

So we can.

I'm actually going to say, Dad, SDM.

I don't know if you mean Agent Darnett bribing Justice.

Yeah, to hush it up.

Okay, but he doesn't actually work he doesn't work at the stadium i'm just trying to get us a little moolah sure yeah i'm down i'm always you know and i and i get it i do

navy yeah you feel a tap on your shoulder yeah and you turn around you see uh a shaggy dog man

uh says yes i'm uh we're handled today um I do, oh, sorry.

My name is Dr.

Travis Barker of Barker Innovations.

I do want to say thank you for not completely destroying Artie.

There's a lot of Doritos that will need.

Oh, were we not supposed to destroy him?

Oh, no, I spoke to the Fireman one, and I asked him to consider not

destroying Artie.

Oh, I didn't catch any of that, man.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, it's fine.

We'll just have him detailed.

That's why

we

shoved all the Doritos

rather than, you know, blow it up.

You're welcome.

Of course, I appreciate yes I did kind of blow him up the head I kind of

oh that could be fixed that could be repaired okay so what oh hello Roger I haven't seen you in a while you you are

you just about due to stop by to get a refill of your muesly eggs aren't you yes um I am feeling a bit peckish yes I am yes man my the fourth moo pun in the entire episode love it

um yes hero if you wait too long, if you don't come re-up, um, you could you could lose your abilities or worse.

Absolutely.

Uh, yes, I will be swinging by to get my moves.

Excellent, excellent.

Now, as for you two, um, you've taken such great care.

First of all, we tried to get uh Rollybot to come back with us, and we simply could not.

He seems far too uh connected to this one here, the seal man.

Well,

he's sort of my pet now because of my actions.

Okay.

Well, we'll consider him,

let's call it field testing.

He can stay with you for a while.

How about this?

Sure, for as long as he lives and I live.

As long as you both shall live.

Yeah, until he crosses the beautiful rainbow bridge.

Or I am.

Wait a minute.

I guess we all cross the rainbow bridge eventually, huh, Doctor?

We try not to think about it too much.

Is there an abnormal heaven?

Oh, pretty dicey stuff i can say for sure there's a hell

excellent

now as for the two of you um does he have a model number i keep calling him like the the rolling one or treads or no we just call him rollybot okay we'll think of something better than that yeah you know feel free whatever he answers to that could be his name um now um i do notice

It seems you, you three, are just starting out in the abnormal business.

Was this your first mission?

We had a sort of thing that happened where we met a famous guy, but we aren't going to say who it is.

Was it Mark Buffalo?

No, it was Carver

from the...

When you say that,

his face,

from what you can see, he's once again very fur-ridden, but his body tightens.

You see tension now in his shoulders, and he leans in very close to you and says, That is not possible.

Carver is dead.

You understand?

Oh, okay.

I guess I was mistaken.

Well, then it was a tortoise who sure looked a lot and talked a lot like him, and I'm his biggest fan, so

yeah, I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

You keep that amongst yourselves, you understand?

Can I get a read on what this guy's deal is now?

Yeah, give me a roll to try to figure it out.

Bug eyes,

bug eyes for body lengths, links.

Big old bug eyes.

Oh, the cowabunga, triple success.

Cowabunga, triple success.

You are getting from him not like a denial, not

a disbelief, but rather a kind of protective he knows and doesn't love the okay, great.

All right, that's what I assumed.

That's the feel you're getting.

I say, don't worry, hush, hush.

I obviously could tell you we're in the know.

So, uh, yeah, this is not uh public information.

I see.

Well,

as I was going to say, it seems that you could use some armor or perhaps some sort of

protective barrier.

Um, perhaps you should uh stop by Barker Industries uh tomorrow, re-up your muesley, we could show you around, and um one of my colleagues uh will be able to maybe set you up with uh some kind of defensive technology.

Is that something you'd be interested in?

Yeah, we'll take any tech

you got to give us.

I don't know how much we can do in the way of compensation, but

that's okay.

You've done enough in protecting the robots.

We'll call this first one on the house.

So you're going to be using your practice points to trade those in for armor and any upgrades like that in the next session.

Oh, okay.

And you see, he

sees the colleague you were talking about and waves them over.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Come this way, this way, this way.

And over to he walks like a ginger cat person.

He's got a little bit of roundness to him.

He is much shorter than all of you.

And the doctor, Dr.

Barker, says, yes, this is my colleague, Dr.

Snyder Arden Fields.

He is maybe one of the best in defense technology.

Sorry, I did not catch your name.

So what are your three names?

Navy Soup.

No, I'm Axel Isle, man.

Axel Isle, man.

No, just Axel Isle.

Oh, just Axel Isle.

And Roger, of course, I know I.

Yes, me, Dr.

Snyder, Arden Fields.

And the ginger cat man says, oh, please, nobody calls me all of that.

Just call me Snarf.

Do you feel good?

Do you feel good about it?

I feel great.

I feel great.

I don't know if Snarf is a cat.

Let's start there.

Let's start there.

I I don't know that Snarf is.

He's in a Thunder cat.

Very good point.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, very good point.

And he's definitely not made out of thunder.

Yeah, you look at him.

He's a cat with a dragon's tail bottom.

Oh, no, no, that's so weird.

Maybe a dragon with a cat's face, even.

But still a cat.

All right, chat.

Time for a poll.

Snarf.

Attention!

I am Majestica, Dragon Rider, Warrior, and Highly Skilled Individual.

I want you to remember that humans have a very different structure.

They do not have a lava-resistant coating on their outsides.

Do not let them play in the lava, no matter how often they ask.

Side effects would be dire.

Remember, if you are warm, they are most likely on fire.

Keep them inside.

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