Harvard Rejects Trump Order, SCOTUS Gets Left on Read | Nimesh Patel
Ronny Chieng tackles the Trump administration shirking responsibility for a Maryland father's mistaken deportation to El Salvador, their aggressive media tirade invoking Osama Bin Laden, and Harvard's defiance of Donald Trump. Plus, Josh Johnson explains how Trump's power changes from Harvard to El Salvador.
Trump promised that under his presidency, the rest of the world would fear and respect America "like never before." Desi Lydic takes a look at how other countries are responding to his massive trade war with a little less "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" and a little more "F-U."
Emmy-nominated writer and comedian Nimesh Patel sits down to discuss his upcoming stand-up tour. They chat about the first time they met in the New York comedy scene, the importance of crashing out on stage, why his daughter is “the biggest tariff” he’s encountered thus far, and the well-known Indians of MAGA.
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Transcript
Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.
Speaker 2 You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 4 From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.
Speaker 6 This is the Daily Journal with your host, Ronnie Tay.
Speaker 4 Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang.
Speaker 7 We got so much to talk about tonight.
Speaker 8 The Supreme Court gets left on red.
Speaker 11 Democrats are hitting up El Salvador for spring break, and someone at Harvard does not like them apples.
Speaker 8 So let's get into it.
Speaker 9 Yesterday was a big day in American history.
Speaker 7 A group of women finally met society's expectations to weigh zero pounds.
Speaker 9 And also,
Speaker 14 Donald Trump figured out that when the Supreme Court tells him to do something, he can just ignore them, which is why I'm always saying the Supreme Court needs nukes.
Speaker 14 Okay, that's way more effective than that little hammer.
Speaker 9 Because right now, it's been five days since they told Donald Trump to help bring back Kilmar Garcia after they, you know, accidentally deported him to the mega prison in El El Salvador.
Speaker 7 And it doesn't seem like anyone's in a rush to bring him back.
Speaker 1 The Trump administration says it cannot return a Maryland man mistakenly deported to El Salvador.
Speaker 1 Trump officials argue that since Abrego Garcia is locked inside a prison in El Salvador, it's essentially not their problem anymore and they can't do anything about it.
Speaker 1 But yesterday at the White House, Bukele said he didn't have the authority to release Garcia either.
Speaker 19 I don't have the power to return him to the United States.
Speaker 11 This is like every customer service call I've ever been on.
Speaker 2 Oh, I'm sorry, this is billing. You're looking for technical support.
Speaker 15 Let me transfer you.
Speaker 19 Hello, this is technical support.
Speaker 13 Oh, sorry, you need billing.
Speaker 2 Can someone just help me cancel my fing cable?
Speaker 13 Except for Company Central, which is a vital service for American society.
Speaker 17 But the Trump administration isn't just enjoying their fun new constitutional loophole.
Speaker 20 They're also going on offense.
Speaker 13 That's why Stephen Miller, Trump advisor and multiversus most whiny Lex Luther, was also on the driveway asking questions he did not want the answer to.
Speaker 12 Can anyone here tell me what would happen to the illegal alien from El Salvador if he came back to the United States? Does anyone here know? Does anyone want to guess?
Speaker 22 Any of you? He could be with his family.
Speaker 3 Do any of you know the answer to the question?
Speaker 11 Legally, what would happen if he came back here?
Speaker 12 Does any of you know?
Speaker 23 Anything?
Speaker 22 Do you really do believe in the prime course? I'm talking. Do you really believe in the
Speaker 22
stuff in the corner? I'm talking now. Doesn't think you should be returned.
Why was it unanimous? You're done.
Speaker 13 You asked the question, man.
Speaker 24 You can't be mad that they're trying to answer you.
Speaker 17 It's like if a teacher said, okay, class, who can tell me the capital of Norway?
Speaker 23 Anyone? Anyone? Shut the f up.
Speaker 13 Now answer the question. I said, shut up.
Speaker 12 But it's not just Stephen Miller.
Speaker 15 The entire Trump administration is getting frustrated with how these dumb libs are whining about this one guy from Maryland.
Speaker 16 Oh, it's so awful. We accidentally sent a guy to the world's worst prison without trial or due process.
Speaker 12 No way.
Speaker 3 Shut the f up, okay?
Speaker 16 Because according to Homeland Security, he wasn't that great.
Speaker 1 The media would love for you to believe that this is a media darling, that he's just some Maryland father.
Speaker 1 Well, Osama bin Laden was also a father, and yet he wasn't a good guy, and they actually are both terrorists.
Speaker 13 This tween influencer is right.
Speaker 12 It's the position of this administration that all fathers are basically Osama bin Laden.
Speaker 8 I mean, seriously, this guy has no criminal record at all.
Speaker 10 If he's a terrorist, he might be the worst terrorist ever.
Speaker 15 I mean, he's been in America for 14 years and hasn't done any terrorism.
Speaker 14 So maybe Trump is right. Maybe immigrants really are lazy.
Speaker 4 What?
Speaker 13 Like, what is happening here?
Speaker 9 Okay, this is America.
Speaker 7 We don't just send someone to prison without evidence.
Speaker 11 We plant the evidence on them.
Speaker 19 It's called due process.
Speaker 15 But at least one Democrat is actually going to do something about this.
Speaker 1 Maryland Senator Chris Van Holland says he's considering going to El Salvador to meet with the country's president.
Speaker 27 He needs to come home.
Speaker 28 And and that is why I do intend to visit El Salvador this week to try to visit him to let him know that we're working to bring him home.
Speaker 13 This is a trap. It's a trap.
Speaker 2 Do not go.
Speaker 8 This guy's gonna go there and the prison guards are gonna be like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure, Senator.
Speaker 19 Yeah, he's right inside that cell over there.
Speaker 11 Yeah, go on in.
Speaker 19 It's all the way in the back there.
Speaker 7 Just keep going.
Speaker 9 I mean, good for the senator for what he's doing, but it's got to be at least a little disappointing for Garcia. He's like, someone's coming to break me out of prison?
Speaker 7 Is this your team six?
Speaker 8 Is it the guy from Prison Break with the tattoos?
Speaker 27 No, it's me, Maryland Senator Chris Van Holland.
Speaker 15 But maybe this is the beginning of a new resistance to Trump because other people are starting to fight back wicked hat.
Speaker 1 A showdown is now taking shape between the Trump administration and America's oldest university.
Speaker 1 The federal government announcing it will freeze more than $2 billion in grants for Harvard and $60 million in contracts after the school refused to comply with demands to limit activism on campus, eliminate its DEI programs, and make other changes.
Speaker 20 Holy shit, we finally found a force more powerful than Trump's hatred.
Speaker 7 Harvard's love of sending rejection letters.
Speaker 30 But look, I don't usually root for Harvard because they're Harvard.
Speaker 10 They've got everything.
Speaker 15 It's like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery.
Speaker 25 But in this case, I have to give them credit.
Speaker 10 They're standing up for their principles and for everyone's right to free speech, even if it means possible financial ruin.
Speaker 27 One of the big questions going forward, is Harvard going to dip into that $50 billion plus endowment to make up for that federal shortfall.
Speaker 3 Okay, I hate them again.
Speaker 11 But the best part about Harvard's resistance to Donald Trump is that it gives people the chance to go on TV and let you know where they went to school.
Speaker 1
I myself am a first-generation college graduate. I graduated from Harvard.
I should disclose, I went to Harvard, so I'm very familiar with the president and with how the community feels right now.
Speaker 1 But as a Harvard alum, and as you know I am as well.
Speaker 31 I know many alums, including people I know very closely and faculty members like me.
Speaker 32 I know you look really surprised because
Speaker 32 I'm wearing a tie you've never seen before.
Speaker 32 It has a little Latin word inside each one of those symbols there, the word veritas,
Speaker 32 meaning truth, of course. And this is the one night, it's a one night only appearance of this time.
Speaker 1 I know that that is not something that you usually billboard in the world about yourself.
Speaker 7 Oh God, the only thing worse than people bragging about going to Harvard is people pretending to be embarrassed about going to Harvard.
Speaker 12 It's like, oh, my darkest secret, please don't make me tell anyone.
Speaker 7 Please, no.
Speaker 24 I went to Harvard.
Speaker 21 Harvard.
Speaker 21 Harvard.
Speaker 29 Harvard.
Speaker 19 My favorite guy is Lawrence O'Donnell.
Speaker 15 He's really embarrassed he has to talk about this.
Speaker 11 I mean, it's definitely not something he will bring up all the time over the course of many years.
Speaker 32 Let me just say confessionally, I went to Harvard College. Most of the good things that have happened to me in some way trace back to Harvard.
Speaker 30 You and I,
Speaker 33 as Harvard Americans,
Speaker 33 I first heard him speak as a guest lecturer at Harvard.
Speaker 35 Okay, well, I got into Harvard too.
Speaker 32 In fact, it was the only college I applied to.
Speaker 11 So So I know we're trying to bring people back from the El Salvador mega prison, but do they have room for one more by any chance?
Speaker 9 For more on Harvard's resistance to the Trump administration, let's go live to the White House with Josh Johnson.
Speaker 9 Josh!
Speaker 9 Josh!
Speaker 16 What's the latest?
Speaker 36 Oh, I'll tell you the latest, Ronnie.
Speaker 25 Harvard is about to get f ⁇ ed up.
Speaker 37 I mean, do these Cambridge nerds have any idea the kind of power they're dealing with? Donald Trump is the president of the United Motherf States.
Speaker 2 Right, and since he's so powerful, he can also get Kilmar Garcia back from El Salvador.
Speaker 29 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 11 Donald Trump doesn't have that kind of power, all right?
Speaker 37
He's only the president of the United States. That's like being a middle school principal.
He didn't even get his own parking space. You want to put him up against the sovereign nation of El Salvador?
Speaker 37 The Salvador?
Speaker 37 Don't be crazy, man.
Speaker 2 Okay, okay, wait.
Speaker 12 But since when does Trump respect sovereign nations?
Speaker 15 I mean, he's been talking all month about invading Greenland.
Speaker 37
And he will. Greenland belongs to America.
You know why? Because Donald Trump said so. And when you're swinging around a PP as big as Donald Trump's, that's all it takes.
Speaker 19 Okay, so he should do that with El Salvador.
Speaker 37 With his tiny little PP?
Speaker 29 Trump
Speaker 37
can't tell El Salvador to do that. That country is terrifying.
They got a prison filled with Osama bin Laden's.
Speaker 30 You saw what one bin Laden can do.
Speaker 37 Just think about multiple Osama's bins Ladens.
Speaker 20 Josh, Trump can't have it both ways, okay?
Speaker 15 How can he be fighting a trade war with China if he's so weak?
Speaker 30 Who are you calling him weak, bitch?
Speaker 37
All right? Donald Trump has nukes. He's the biggest army in the world.
They tried to shoot him and he just shook it off.
Speaker 5 Okay.
Speaker 19 Okay,
Speaker 11 I think I'm getting it here.
Speaker 9 Okay, so when it comes to China, Trump is powerful.
Speaker 30 He's God on earth.
Speaker 10 And Canada. He's Zeus.
Speaker 34 Mars.
Speaker 37 Trump spits on Mars, then he finds the biggest crater and he it.
Speaker 29 All right?
Speaker 3 Okay. Like you
Speaker 19 and El Salvador?
Speaker 37 What do you expect him to do to El Salvador?
Speaker 30 Their president showed up wearing black on black, looking like Juan Wick.
Speaker 37
But Trump, Trump's just a scared little kid. His mom died 25 years ago.
Do you know that? You want to put that little orphan boy on a plane to El Salvador?
Speaker 6 You sick.
Speaker 14 Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 11 I guess I just don't understand the power dynamic.
Speaker 36 Leave that to me, Ronnie.
Speaker 39 I'm a smart guy.
Speaker 37 I don't usually bring this up, but I went to Harvard.
Speaker 6 Wait.
Speaker 6 What?
Speaker 11 You went to Harvard?
Speaker 30 Well, to the bookstore.
Speaker 37 Did you know if you say you're going to buy a sweatshirt, they'll let you tear up that bathroom.
Speaker 8 Okay, Josh Johnson, everyone.
Speaker 40 When we come back, Jesse Lides will give America respect, so don't go away.
Speaker 3 Welcome back to the Daily Shark.
Speaker 3 I have some disturbing news.
Speaker 20 America is not the only country in the world.
Speaker 8 But what do these other so-called countries think of America?
Speaker 25 To find out, we turn to Desi Leidich.
Speaker 25 Respect.
Speaker 1 We all learned how to spell it from that song, H-O-T-T-O-G-O.
Speaker 1
Find out what it means to me. The scale of respect can go from as high as old Kanye to as low as current Kanye.
It's a wide spectrum.
Speaker 1 And during his campaign, Donald Trump promised that America would be climbing the respect charts again.
Speaker 31 Under my leadership, America soon will be respected again, very quickly, respected like never before. America will be respected again and admired again.
Speaker 29 If we win,
Speaker 31 America will be feared and respected again.
Speaker 1 Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 Remember Trump's garbage era when he wore a garbage costume and drove up in a garbage truck and was like yum yum yum yum yum trash.
Speaker 1 Anyway, he's gonna get us respected again. And there's nothing the world respects more than a good old-fashioned trade war.
Speaker 1 So now that we're a few weeks into it, let's see how that's going over with the rest of the world, starting with China.
Speaker 41 So if the United States wants to go in that direction of completely shutting itself out from the China market, be my guest.
Speaker 1
Yeah, and China will lose the U.S. market, which as I've said, is 15% of the world.
We don't care.
Speaker 33 We don't care.
Speaker 1 Ooh, damn. I didn't know China also manufactured caddy bitches.
Speaker 1
Woo! I get it. I get it.
Understandably, they're angry at us, but the important thing is that they respect us.
Speaker 1
A viral AI-generated video is making fun of U.S.-China trade relations as tensions escalate. Trump and Elon Musk and J.D.
Vance making Nike sneakers.
Speaker 1 There are also viral videos of Trump sitting behind a sewing machine in a factory. All of this rife on Chinese social media.
Speaker 6 Wow.
Speaker 1 This is scary. I did not think AI had the power to show Donald Trump doing skilled labor.
Speaker 1
But okay, who cares if China doesn't respect us? They're only like a quarter of the people on earth. That's not even half.
I'm sure the rest of the world is bowing down to the U.S.
Speaker 1 What about you, France? Vouli vous couché respect moi? C'estoi? In France, Emmanuel Macron called the tariffs brutal and unfounded.
Speaker 25 A town in France has replaced Coca-Cola with apple juice at municipal events.
Speaker 21 A boycott of Coca-Cola.
Speaker 44 We need to punish Mr. Trump a little bit.
Speaker 1 They will content themselves with the Statue of Liberty on the Quai de Sen in Paris. These French people will not set foot in the United States as long as Donald Trump is in power.
Speaker 39 I don't want to.
Speaker 43 Although I love America and I've been before, but this time, that's a no.
Speaker 1 Hold on. France had a second Statue of Liberty on the side this whole time?
Speaker 1 That's the most French thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 1 But fine.
Speaker 1
Fine. The French are hard to please.
What about other more easy-going European nations, like Italy, for example? Maybe they're showing respect to American officials.
Speaker 44
I think Musk should be placed under a mandatory psychiatric hold. This guy has 13 to 15 children around the world.
He's a junkie, a nutcase.
Speaker 29 Come on.
Speaker 5 Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Speaker 1 You can't talk about Musk like that. You're not one of his kids.
Speaker 1 Although, statistically, you might be.
Speaker 1 Wait, am I?
Speaker 1 Who cares what Europe thinks with their delicious foods and generous paid parental leave?
Speaker 1 Sometimes it's your closest friends and neighbors that see the best in you, like our syrup sommaliers in Canada. Sure, we put an economically crippling tariff on them, but we're still friends, right?
Speaker 1 Give us some of that friendly respect you're known for.
Speaker 35 In a country known for its politeness, this morning, growing outrage.
Speaker 1 Many of them now boycotting American goods and travel here.
Speaker 19 This is my last bag of American product.
Speaker 35 Social media erupting with calls to buy Canadian and boycott USA.
Speaker 1 So you can buy by America and you can buy Canadian.
Speaker 27 Love that. Right.
Speaker 1 You've even got Canadian morning shows being mean to us.
Speaker 1
Keep in mind, the rest of that show is just the co-host apologizing that the weather isn't nicer. Guys, we even lost Canada.
Is there anyone in the world that still respects us?
Speaker 43 These are not actions one does to a friend.
Speaker 23 Totally unnecessary and stupid.
Speaker 1 The madness of a mentally ill man. The biggest assault we have seen since the end of the Second World War.
Speaker 18 The mess they use is dumb mess. They've been calculated in a way that makes back of the envelope Crayola crayon scrollings
Speaker 18 look like the work of Isaac Newton.
Speaker 1 That felt like going through it's a small world but all those puppet children are telling us to f right off.
Speaker 1 So there you have it. Donald Trump promised we'd be respected like never before and technically we have reached never before seen levels of respect.
Speaker 1 So that's why this week, I'm ranking America's Respectedness at Stepmom, who insists we call her Mom, but we're still going to call her Joyce.
Speaker 1 Better luck next round, America.
Speaker 26 Thank you, Desi.
Speaker 4 When we come back, another Desi, DMS Patel, will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
Speaker 4 Welcome back to the Daily Show.
Speaker 14 My guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated writer and comedian who will be out on the road soon with a new stand-up comedy tour.
Speaker 17 Please welcome my good friend, it's Nimesh Batel.
Speaker 17 Welcome.
Speaker 3 Look at us. Two guys on TV.
Speaker 7 So
Speaker 23 people don't know it's I, when I came to New York City as a civilian in 2011
Speaker 15 and
Speaker 11 I wasn't living in America even.
Speaker 15 I came over and I came to New York City for the first time and I was trying to do stand-up comedy in New York City.
Speaker 11 And I went to open mic night and there was three people at this open open mic night.
Speaker 9 One of them was like some white dude, some other dude. Forgettable.
Speaker 34 Yeah, forgettable. The third person was you.
Speaker 17 And you hosted the show and you gave me some stage time.
Speaker 34 And now here we are.
Speaker 21 And here we are. Yeah.
Speaker 42 And you,
Speaker 3 and we did the show.
Speaker 23 We did the show and you were super nice to me and you treat, you didn't care that I had an accent.
Speaker 7 You didn't treat me like some
Speaker 11 foreigner.
Speaker 25 Which is more than I can say for the last Indian guy who was on this show.
Speaker 3 So thanks for being a cool person.
Speaker 34 I'm here for his spot.
Speaker 43 I've been on the road for so long. It's so good to be back in New York.
Speaker 39 I was on the way here, and this is true.
Speaker 43 I was with my Indian friend, we were walking, and this homeless guy goes, look at these two computers.
Speaker 38 And
Speaker 43 I miss that kind of racism.
Speaker 3 It's just like, you ever want to control all the homeless guy?
Speaker 6 What the f ⁇ is he talking about?
Speaker 23 Yeah, but even though homeless guys in New York know what's up.
Speaker 23 They know enough to be specific with the racism.
Speaker 6 What were you...
Speaker 3 When we met in 2011,
Speaker 21 you were ex-law school?
Speaker 2 I was still in law school.
Speaker 25 I was studying for the bar exam.
Speaker 11 And you were at NYU.
Speaker 43 I had just graduated, two years from graduating at NYU as a pre-med finance.
Speaker 39 I was pre-med finance.
Speaker 24 Pre-med finance?
Speaker 3 Why are you cheering that?
Speaker 34 None of them worked out.
Speaker 24 Dude, pre-med finance is like the most pick a side.
Speaker 25 I wanted to be like this evil private equity manager.
Speaker 5 Doctor, you want to be a private equity doctor?
Speaker 43 When I joined NYU, I was... gung-ho on being a cardiac pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon.
Speaker 7 Sorry, I love that pre-med finance is like I can't decide whether I want to help people or kill people.
Speaker 43 But it was definitely, there was definitely some good intent and then I saw all my finance friends like, like oh yeah, that seems fun being evil seems fun
Speaker 43 But I was I was gung-ho on being a pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon and then I got a C plus in organic chemistry and I was like f those kids
Speaker 43 And I'll never I'll never forget I'm sure you have a moment where you're like you called your parents like I'm not doing law school anymore.
Speaker 3 No, I never told you never told us
Speaker 3 They still don't know to be honest.
Speaker 5 You look apart.
Speaker 11 Yeah.
Speaker 43
I called my mom. I called my mom.
I said mom, I'm dropping pre-med and she screamed. I've never heard her scream that loud since.
Speaker 43 She screamed as if someone told her I was dead.
Speaker 43 And she was like, what, we pay for you to school? That's how you repay us. You're going to end up running a liquor store just like your dad.
Speaker 3 And my dad's in the corner, like, the f ⁇ did I do mountains?
Speaker 34 And then started to support my family.
Speaker 43 And then I did finance, and I graduated in 08 with a finance degree. And that obviously, did not work out.
Speaker 43 But the problem is, like, now all my friends are finance millionaires, and I still think I could do finance. Like, I still think I know math.
Speaker 3 You're not alone. Everyone thinks, apparently, everyone in America thinks they can do finance.
Speaker 43 And I learned that I should just stick to jokes because I was out to dinner with all my friends, hedge one guy, one of the good ones, and
Speaker 43 he's telling me he was up like
Speaker 43 he's managing $10 billion and he's up 70% on the year. I'm like,
Speaker 32 you're up $700 million?
Speaker 43 He's like, no, man, that's $7 billion.
Speaker 5 Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5 I'll stick stick to the jokes.
Speaker 34 Okay, yeah, so
Speaker 15 what's going on with Indians and MAGA?
Speaker 5 As the Indian representative.
Speaker 23 No, look, I mean, there is something interesting.
Speaker 43 Yeah, look, like, that's Trump's DEI, Indian people, the dick-eating Indians, dude.
Speaker 43 There's so many Indians that love Donald Trump, like Vivek Ramaswamy. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Some Indians. Yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 25 Another Harvard Harvard guy.
Speaker 11 Was he a Harvard guy?
Speaker 25 I'm pretty sure he's a Harvard guy.
Speaker 38 I mean, what a herb.
Speaker 43 That's a, if you don't know what a herb is, a herb is what we called people in the 90s when they were being herbs.
Speaker 34 Like,
Speaker 34 he's a herb.
Speaker 43 He ran for president and lost, obviously, and he ran for president, and his main thing,
Speaker 43 his opening line was, God is real.
Speaker 43 Why'd he make you five foot seven, Vivek?
Speaker 30 That's the guy.
Speaker 43 I don't know if he's 5'7, but he has 5'7 energy.
Speaker 5 And then,
Speaker 43 I won't say his name again because if you say it more than three times he just pops up
Speaker 3 under the desk
Speaker 25 what's in affirmative action guys all right dude
Speaker 43 and then there's um
Speaker 43 who i'm praying for i'm hoping she has stockholm syndrome because otherwise
Speaker 5 why is she with jd vance
Speaker 5 really you have to
Speaker 39 and then
Speaker 34 and then of course of course the king cash patel
Speaker 43 if you don't i'm not saying shit about cash patel i'm trying not trying to get one of these one-way tickets to El Salvador, you know.
Speaker 8 But everyone else will stay a game.
Speaker 43
If you don't know Cash Patel, you guys don't seem that concerned. But every Indian knows Cash Patel.
But if you don't know him,
Speaker 43 he's the director of the FBI, and people don't seem worried about him, but his real name is Kushyup Bramod Vinod Patel. He grew up in racist-ass Long Island with the name Kuship Bramod Vinod Patel.
Speaker 34 He is out for revenge.
Speaker 3 You should be very concerned.
Speaker 43 I'm not a man, I'm not a fan of the guy's politics, but if I get pulled over, that is my cousin for sure.
Speaker 5 You don't see the resemblance?
Speaker 43 That's me, dude.
Speaker 5 All right, well, you're going on tour, stand-up tour soon.
Speaker 38 Can you tell us about the tour?
Speaker 43 I am going on tour soon. It's either, I mean, I need money.
Speaker 5 Okay.
Speaker 3
Like, I just had a kid, and uh, congratulations. You five.
Thank you.
Speaker 39 She is the biggest tariff on my life.
Speaker 11 How old is she?
Speaker 39 She's six months old.
Speaker 34 Oh, new baby.
Speaker 11 She's fantastic.
Speaker 43 Putting her hands to work right away.
Speaker 43 She's busy making a phone right now.
Speaker 39 Okay.
Speaker 5 But in America. In America, of course.
Speaker 43 But it's either that or commit white-collar crime. Like, I need to tour or commit white-collar crime.
Speaker 11 It doesn't seem like a ripe time to commit.
Speaker 43 white-collar crime. This is the golden age.
Speaker 34 This is like, we should be embezzling.
Speaker 3 We should be ponding right now.
Speaker 6 We are.
Speaker 29 We are.
Speaker 5 How do you insider trade? I need to learn.
Speaker 13 Insider trading has become very open now.
Speaker 10 Basically, all you need to do is join Truth Social.
Speaker 5 Yeah. And
Speaker 8 you can get a few good tips on that platform.
Speaker 43 You can't commit an SEC violation if the SEC doesn't exist.
Speaker 39 You know what I mean?
Speaker 21 So let's
Speaker 6 steal.
Speaker 43 No, but it's I'm touring. I'm going to like...
Speaker 25 That was a step too far for me. I know.
Speaker 25 We don't mind the racism, but don't disrespect the SEC.
Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 34 Our Robin Hoods are safe.
Speaker 38 No.
Speaker 43 I'm going on a tour. I'm going to like
Speaker 43 a bunch of, I'm starting at a bunch of clubs, because you know how it is. You got to build a set at a bunch of clubs, talk a bunch of shit, crash out.
Speaker 39 And then.
Speaker 39 Oh, some young people in the room.
Speaker 29 Good.
Speaker 43 Crashing out, sir, is when you say some shit that you shouldn't say.
Speaker 43 I'm going to be doing that at a lot of shit.
Speaker 34 I'm not going to go full, Kanye.
Speaker 3 I think this whole interview has been a definition of crashing out.
Speaker 7 It's a dictionary term here.
Speaker 32 Being loose.
Speaker 6 Flashing out.
Speaker 8 Hey, listen, Nima, thank you so much.
Speaker 24 Thank you so much for being my first friend in America.
Speaker 29 Thanks for always being very cool to me.
Speaker 12 Even though when I came all the way from Australia at the time, you didn't treat me like a foreigner.
Speaker 24 And I'm very happy to
Speaker 26 be your friend here.
Speaker 38 Thanks for watching. Thank you.
Speaker 3 Thank you very much.
Speaker 4
Nimesh is tours. Tating clubs and theaters right now.
Go to his website, findingnimez.com for tickets.
Speaker 40 It's news with everybody.
Speaker 4 We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
Speaker 4 That's us over tonight. Now here it is, the moment of that.
Speaker 45 You have had President Bryan at Harvard do the same thing. I think right now the universities need to find some courage.
Speaker 45 Our law firms need to find some courage.
Speaker 45 There are things that matter more than simply the size of one's endowment.
Speaker 26 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.
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