TDS Time Machine | March Madness

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 2 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 4 My pick for the finals. I think

Speaker 4 Michigan State is going to get

Speaker 2 Duke.

Speaker 4 That's right, the Spartans are going to get them Duke boys.

Speaker 4 But there are those who wish basketball could return to a purer time. Jason Jones has more.

Speaker 2 Sports entrepreneur Don Moose Lewis is a dreamer, hoping to strike gold with a brand new venture.

Speaker 5 The All-American Basketball Alliance is an alternative brand to the NBA. Today's professional basketball.

Speaker 2 But to take on the NBA, you need a hook.

Speaker 5 We're We're using all white American-born players.

Speaker 2 Wait, go back.

Speaker 6 All white?

Speaker 5 All white. To play and coach.

Speaker 5 You must be Caucasian and your parents must be Caucasian and born in the United States.

Speaker 6 Really?

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 7 You are 100% serious about this league.

Speaker 5 I stake my reputation that this is a serious matter.

Speaker 7 Can you stick something else besides your reputation?

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 5 white fundamental basketball

Speaker 5 basically just got left behind.

Speaker 2 Yes, Moose hopes to bring basketball back to its roots before it was ruined by skillful play.

Speaker 5 I'm trying to return the game to the fundamental game of basketball. Dribbling skills, shooting skills, passing skills.

Speaker 5 Something called a playbook.

Speaker 2 But despite Moose's best intentions, he has faced a media backlash.

Speaker 11 Whites only. That's the rule for the new basketball league.
It's bringing controversy with it.

Speaker 5 It's just blatantly racist.

Speaker 7 So why segregate?

Speaker 7 Why not just say,

Speaker 7 let's have a fundamental league for everybody.

Speaker 5 Do you want the spin or do you want the truth?

Speaker 12 I want the truth.

Speaker 5 Blacks overall are better athletes when it comes to the game of basketball.

Speaker 6 Well, yeah, they're black.

Speaker 5 See, we can make anything racist, Jason.

Speaker 7 And yet you make it look so easy.

Speaker 5 It is unfair to call me a racist.

Speaker 6 Of course.

Speaker 5 I was a child of integration, forced integration by the government. And let me tell you something.
You want to deal with racism?

Speaker 5 Friends of yours that are on the white basketball team are pushed off the team because now all of a sudden you've got a

Speaker 5 very talented black athletes who are going to the same school and the coach wants to win. Now you want to talk about racism? I've lived racism.

Speaker 3 Moose has a dream.

Speaker 2 A dream that someday basketball players will not be judged by the quality of their skills, but by the content of their skin color.

Speaker 2 We did a little experiment to show just how racist basketball has become.

Speaker 7 That's it. That's it.
Stop them.

Speaker 6 Yep.

Speaker 7 You just don't have the height or the jumping ability.

Speaker 5 There is a difference in

Speaker 5 the techniques. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But look what happens when you level the playing field with fundamentals and more white people.

Speaker 8 In fundamental basketball, we always call the name of the person we're passing to.

Speaker 14 Matt, Jason, Jay, Jason, back to Matt.

Speaker 6 Pass the ball, and I'm going to the hole.

Speaker 15 One step, two step.

Speaker 9 Ah, foul.

Speaker 16 Foul, you betcha.

Speaker 3 Also a technical.

Speaker 12 We're mouthing off.

Speaker 2 The experiment showed how necessary Moose's league has become.

Speaker 5 This is what I'm talking about, though, Jason. You see, here's this black player, and he's mouthing off at a white guy.
You see what I'm saying? A white guy of authority, he's mouthing off.

Speaker 5 This is a problem we're having in today's game.

Speaker 17 He's like an authority figure because he has a whistle?

Speaker 6 that's right wow

Speaker 3 do you have it with you yeah okay well what do you do with a whistle you steal off a white player a white man i mean you should have a whistle this is the problem we're having and moose for the win now let's break that down at the daily show sports desk

Speaker 13 Thanks Josie. Boy, oh boy, the moose has been on fire today, running his mouth all over the court.

Speaker 17 He's burning up like a cross in my grandma's yard. Haha, boom.
I got you.

Speaker 13 That's because when it comes to the fundamentals, Moose is the best. Let's take a look at that last comment again.

Speaker 5 Here's this black player and he's mouthing off at a white guy.

Speaker 13 You see, this young black guy here really eggs Moose on by questioning the call. A white player knows what to do when you're fouled.

Speaker 18 You say thank you, sir, you doff your cap.

Speaker 17 Solid point. That's why Larry Bird retired.
Too much sass.

Speaker 13 But look here, then he follows it up with a double moose.

Speaker 5 Well, what are you doing with a whistle? Do you steal off a white player, or a white man?

Speaker 19 Look out, son.

Speaker 3 You're in Moose's house.

Speaker 17 Big W, break it down for me. It's great stuff.

Speaker 17 See, what Moose did here is he trapped him against the baseline with Miles and Off and then double-teamed him with the age-old stereotype, the accusation of thievery.

Speaker 17 He's got nowhere to go except for, you know, strangling Moose. In fact, I'm surprised he didn't go there.

Speaker 13 Well, I guess they just don't teach black guys fundamentals anymore.

Speaker 9 What the hell, y'all?

Speaker 12 Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?

Speaker 3 Oh, well, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, after integration.

Speaker 5 Well, to tell you the truth, Jason, what I'm doing is I'm not a genius, okay?

Speaker 2 You could have fooled me.

Speaker 5 How I am is just speaking for the silent white middle America. I'm not here to please everyone or anyone.

Speaker 4 Jason Jones, everybody, we'll be right back.

Speaker 6 Now,

Speaker 6 Louisville's big win over Michigan Monday night ended a thrilling NCAA tournament, which saw even savvy bracket prognostic hitters completely screwed by production assistant Jay Franklin, who I think we can all admit got completely fing lucky.

Speaker 6 I mean,

Speaker 6 note to self, fire Jay Franklin.

Speaker 4 But despite the NCAA's good works, there are those who would try to tear them down. Asif Manvi has more.

Speaker 15 College athletes, they're princes of their schools and enjoy everything from the love of enthusiastic coaches to all the attention they get when they twist their poor little ankle out of their skin.

Speaker 15 But there are still some students, like this University of Minnesota wrestler, who would spit in the face of the NCAA and defy their perfectly fair rules.

Speaker 12 My eligibility got taken away. It got swiped.
I couldn't compete for the the University of Minnesota.

Speaker 15 Why did they strip you of your eligibility?

Speaker 12 I had a song and my name was on it.

Speaker 15 What made you think you could use your own name?

Speaker 12 Because it's my message and it's me.

Speaker 15 Yeah, but it's not your name anymore.

Speaker 15 It belongs to the NCAA.

Speaker 15 That's right. NCAA rules say athletes can't profit by using their own name in a song that they wrote that has nothing to do with sports.
Don't forget, the NCAA is giving them the gift of of education.

Speaker 12 I have 10% scholarship.

Speaker 12 That doesn't cover a lot, and on top of that, I cover my living expenses.

Speaker 15 And then you're also making a buttload of money on this song.

Speaker 12 Well, this song hasn't made me rich at all. I haven't even broke even.
And right now, the NCAA owns the name Joel Bauman

Speaker 12 until I graduate.

Speaker 15 Let me tell you your first problem. You're rapping under the name Joel Bauman, okay?

Speaker 15 Dude, Joel Bauman is the accountant of the record label. Understandably, the NCAA must also distance themselves from Bauman's degrading gangster rap.

Speaker 12 Have you ever had a dream? What were too afraid to get it? Afraid what people might think if you actually tried to live it? If you buy someone's opinion, you have to buy their lifestyle.

Speaker 12 Put your ones up if you want your dreams right now.

Speaker 15 But you're a good wrestler, though, right?

Speaker 12 I'd like to assume so.

Speaker 6 Good. Good.
Good.

Speaker 6 I mean,

Speaker 15 you're gonna keep wrestling, right? Yeah, good, good.

Speaker 15 Yes, this type of profiteering would sully the NCAA's image as stewards of amateur athletics.

Speaker 15 After all, their mission is to protect college sports from the corrosive influences of commercialism and to uphold the ideal of the student athlete who simply plays for the love of the sport.

Speaker 15 But ex-UCLA basketball player Ed O'Bannon thinks he's entitled to more.

Speaker 10 I think college athletes should be compensated.

Speaker 3 What for?

Speaker 6 Because

Speaker 10 there is

Speaker 10 an unbelievable amount of money, billions of dollars being made off the backs of these athletes.

Speaker 10 And everyone seems to be compensated except for the ones that are doing the work.

Speaker 15 Oh, really? Billions of dollars? Well, our research shows that the NCAA's total revenue is only six billion, so it's not that many billions.

Speaker 15 And those one shining moment montages don't pay for themselves. Of course, we can't show you any of those because the NCAA won't license it to us.
But instead, we bring you this.

Speaker 15 It's one shining moment, it's all on the line. It's one shining moment, it's frozen into- Okay, you get the idea.

Speaker 15 But somehow, O'Bannon is still ungrateful and is suing them for using his likeness in their one minor little video game. No, not that one.
No, not that one. No, the other, the other platform.

Speaker 15 No, not the one for the Xbox. Not the Wii.
No, yet, yes, this one.

Speaker 6 That one.

Speaker 15 Dude, I'm in a video game, okay?

Speaker 4 Last airbender.

Speaker 15 I mean, nobody's ever played it, but I'm in it. You don't see me complaining.

Speaker 2 Did you get paid?

Speaker 15 Yeah, I got paid.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I'm not a schmuck.

Speaker 10 Look, I stand by my lawsuit. I stand by this suit.

Speaker 15 I couldn't couldn't believe these detractors were slandering this upstanding and open institution. So I went to the NCAA to let them respond.

Speaker 15 I wanted to sit down with you to give you a chance to clear your good name. First question.

Speaker 15 Why am I talking to a telephone?

Speaker 20 The NCAA is not granting any on-camera interviews at this time.

Speaker 21 What are you, Philip Morris?

Speaker 15 I've spoken to racist Islamophobes. I have spoken to a guy who makes asbestos.
You're the NCAA.

Speaker 20 Our mission is to be an integral part of higher education and to focus on the development of higher school.

Speaker 6 Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 15 Are you reading a statement?

Speaker 15 Yeah. Is this even the NCAA that I'm talking to?

Speaker 20 No, this is your intern, Eric. I'm just reading a statement they gave us.

Speaker 15 But ultimately, when all is said and done, the athletes know that the NCAA will take good care of them.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I actually just came back. I was out for three months with a concussion.

Speaker 15 But the school will cover the expenses should these concussions lead to any medical expenses after you graduate, right?

Speaker 12 No, the school won't do that because I won't be an athlete for them anymore.

Speaker 15 Are you

Speaker 15 kidding me? Okay, now I think I understand why they don't want to talk to us.

Speaker 20 Yeah, they're kind of douchebags.

Speaker 15 It's one shining moment.

Speaker 4 Arsen Monvy, we'll be right back.

Speaker 18 If you skipped watching our show last night to watch the NCAA men's final, then congratulations on making good life choices.

Speaker 17 No, the game was amazing.

Speaker 18 Villanova forward Chris Jenkins sank a shot at the buzzer, getting his team to the national title and getting himself laid for life in Philadelphia. Yeah, and it was such a great moment.

Speaker 18 And it was also sad in a way. Because you realize now nothing in Chris Jenkins' life will ever top this moment.

Speaker 18 Nothing. Nothing at all.

Speaker 18 Like he could deliver a baby on the roof of a burning building and then rescue the mother and child by using his parachute to glide them safely into an ambulance and still the paramedic will say, oh you Chris Jenkins, that shot was crazy.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 thanks for your help. Thanks for your help.

Speaker 18 Now tonight even more history is set to be made. The UConn women's team are attempting to win their NCAA record 11th national title.

Speaker 18 And this is a team who amazingly in their last 116 games went 115 and won.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 18 And their star forward Brianna Stewart is going for her fourth national title in a row. So the game should have ended by the time this airs on TV.

Speaker 19 So congratulations, UConn!

Speaker 18 The game should have ended by now on TV.

Speaker 19 So congratulations, Syracuse,

Speaker 18 on the amazing upset.

Speaker 14 What a game!

Speaker 18 We'll edit the right one in later when we see who wins.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll edit that.

Speaker 13 You know,

Speaker 13 the

Speaker 18 unfortunate thing here is that there's less attention on tonight's historic game.

Speaker 18 But the good news about the NCAA is that both men and women players, you know, get exactly the same amount of money.

Speaker 18 The NCAA tournament isn't even half over, but we already have an MVP.

Speaker 21 Sports Illustrated reports on the only person in the world with a perfect NCAA tournament bracket so far. The odds of that are one in 281 trillion.

Speaker 21 Ohio neuropsychologist Greg Nigel correctly predicted the outcomes of the first 48 March Madness games. Nigel shatters the previous record streak of 39 games.

Speaker 23 I was actually pretty sick with a bad cold on Thursday. I woke up to call into work.
I took some cold medicine and I almost just went right back to bed, but I knew I had two more brackets to fill out.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 This guy had a cold and he still managed to fill out a perfect bracket.

Speaker 18 That is the worst overcoming an obstacle sports story I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 She's like, move over, homeless NFL player. This guy somehow opened up a laptop with a stuffy nose.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 it really is just luck, right?

Speaker 18 Because when you have this many people filling out brackets, it's bound to happen eventually.

Speaker 18 Like if an infinite number of monkeys filled out an infinite number of March Madness brackets, eventually there would be a monkey that would be like, wait, why don't college athletes get paid?

Speaker 18 First up, March Madness. Last night was the final game of the biggest tournament in college sports, and it ended in a comeback for the ages.

Speaker 8 Now to the end of March Madness, a year after becoming the first top-seeded men's team to lose to a number 16, Virginia has snagged its first title.

Speaker 8 The Cavaliers won in a heart-stopping fashion with an overtime thriller against Texas Tech.

Speaker 3 Yes, congratulations, Virginia.

Speaker 18 Wow, it took more than a year, but you guys finally did it. You made the news for something other than racism, huh?

Speaker 3 That wasn't so hard, was it?

Speaker 18 All you had to do was get some young black men to work for you for free and bam!

Speaker 6 Racism solved, baby!

Speaker 6 Gone!

Speaker 18 And I must say, congratulations to Texas Tech 2. They had an amazing run.
And honestly, the last game was really stacked against them.

Speaker 18 Because, first of all, and this is true, Texas had to deal with Ted Cruz roosting for them. So, I mean, yeah, you know, even worse, he was collecting all their sweaty towels.

Speaker 3 What are you going to do with those, Ted?

Speaker 18 I have my reasons.

Speaker 18 Also, I think the team would have done a lot better if the coach hadn't recruited Aunt Becky's daughter as their power forward. I have no idea why he did that.

Speaker 25 Alright, let's move on now to our top story.

Speaker 26 March Madness is the most fun way to gamble away your stimmy. This year's tournament has already seen its fair share of upsets, like Oral Roberts making it to the Sweet 16.

Speaker 26 And I'm guessing from its name, also third base. But the biggest shock of the tournament so far didn't happen on the court, it happened in the weight room.

Speaker 28 The NCAA is apologizing after being criticized for the stark difference in the fitness facilities provided to the men and the women competing in the college basketball tournaments.

Speaker 28 Oregon's Sedona Prince gave us a glimpse of the weight room differences in a social media video last Thursday.

Speaker 29 So, for the NCAA March Madness, the biggest tournament in college basketball for women, this is our weight room. Let me show y'all the men's weight room.

Speaker 28 As you can see, the men were provided with a lot more equipment than the women. It It did not take long for the NCAA to make changes, though.

Speaker 30 By Saturday, the NCAA sharing the new setup for the women. Prince thanking everyone who helped.

Speaker 6 Guess what, guys? We got a weight room.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Damn, that's ice cold.

Speaker 31 Because that's not a weight room.

Speaker 26 That's just the rack of weights that you buy in the beginning of quarantine and then never use. And honestly, this is surprising because usually the NCAA treats male and female athletes equally.

Speaker 26 I mean they definitely pay them both the same amount, but to be fair, at least the NCAA made it right.

Speaker 25 After the uproar, they gave the women the same amenities that the men's weight room has.

Speaker 26 More machines, more weights, and they even added the guy who always makes way too much noise when he's lifting.

Speaker 27 This is how you know that I'm strong.

Speaker 26 Now, it was upsetting enough when people saw the difference in men's and women's weight rooms, but it turns out that sexism in the NCAA is a lot like FaceTune.

Speaker 33 Once you're aware of it, you start noticing it everywhere.

Speaker 34 But it's not just the weight room. The COVID tests, different.

Speaker 35 For the men's tournament, the more accurate PCR tests.

Speaker 34 At the women's, antigen tests.

Speaker 35 Another complaint?

Speaker 34 A quick look at the official March Madness Twitter account. The bio reads, the official NCAA March Madness destination for all things Division I NCAA men's basketball.

Speaker 35 No mention of the women's tournament.

Speaker 24 The men have been provided with a brand new NCAA court with March Madness, the huge logo in the middle, where on the women's court, you're going to still see two lines for the men's line and the women's line for three-point shots.

Speaker 24 There's a volleyball court on one of the courts. It doesn't even look like an NCAA game.

Speaker 31 There are differences in food options for the men's and women's teams, as well as the difference in gift bags given to players.

Speaker 36 The men were given a large number of custom items designed for March Madness, while the women's had a few generic items, including a 150-piece puzzle and a towel that said NCAA Women's Basketball Plus and Umbrella.

Speaker 27 A puzzle?

Speaker 26 Yo, that is a trash gift. And what's even worse is when you complete it, it shows a picture of the men's team enjoying a free steak dinner.
Seriously, how are you gonna give the players a puzzle?

Speaker 26 That is not swag, people. When you look at all of this together, the differences are so stark, it almost seems less like sexism and more like the NCAA didn't even know that the women were coming.

Speaker 6 You know?

Speaker 26 It's so bad, it's almost like the women were knocking on the door and the NCAA was just scrambling.

Speaker 27 Oh shit, the ladies are here. Do we have anything to give them?

Speaker 27 I ordered a burger for lunch. Okay, it'll work.
Just chop it up and save sliders. What else? Do we have swag?

Speaker 27 I think there's an umbrella in the closet. Yeah, it'll work.
It'll work. It'll work.

Speaker 26 So, clearly casual sexism has pervaded almost every aspect of the player experience at this tournament. But it's not just a problem for the players.
It's also affecting the coaches.

Speaker 37 There was also an article in The Athletic this morning about some of the female coaches who are working in the tournament and how the NCAA is basically penalizing them and their teams if they have, say, a baby who depends on them for food.

Speaker 37 That baby counts inside the bubble against the total that they can bring in.

Speaker 26 so that coach's team if they want to feed their child has to have one less athletic trainer one less other coach one less person in the traveling party ridiculous okay now that that is positively ridiculous no one should be punished for having children the children are already punishment enough not to mention Asking a coach to choose between her baby and a trainer for the team, I mean, that's a really great way to get the rest of the team to hate that baby.

Speaker 33 I mean, you could be getting deep tissue massages right now if it wasn't for little Derek.

Speaker 26 Now, I don't know why this seems so hard, but there's an obvious solution here. All you should do is have the baby be the assistant coach.
After all, a crying baby can be very motivational.

Speaker 27 What do you want? A blanket? A bottle? You want me to win the tournament? Is that it? Okay, I'll win the tournament.

Speaker 33 Just please take a nap, take a nap, just take a nap.

Speaker 27 Oh,

Speaker 38 stop crying.

Speaker 26 The fact is, the way that the women have been treated during this tournament has been disgraceful.

Speaker 26 I mean, the only silver lining is that it's made the NCAA's favoritism towards male athletes as blatant and impossible to ignore as that one guy in the gym.

Speaker 27 Does anyone want to date me now?

Speaker 27 Three.

Speaker 14 Let's get right into it. Now, look, I know everybody wants to talk about Trump, but first, let's talk about the opposite of Trump, women's basketball.

Speaker 14 Last night, the LSU Lady Tigers beat Iowa in a tournament that had record-breaking viewership, but it wasn't just who won the game that left people talking.

Speaker 39 Controversy following last night's game after LSU sophomore Angel Reese taunted Iowa star Caitlin Clark. Commentators and fans online calling Reese disrespectful and unclassy.

Speaker 39 But Reese pointed out that no one cared when Clark had made the same gesture in a previous game.

Speaker 6 Oh!

Speaker 6 Did you see what that black woman did to the white woman who did the same thing to a previous woman in a previous game? Must tweet, can't resist must tweets.

Speaker 14 First off, Caitlin Clark herself was okay with the shit. She was fine with it because Caitlin gets that trash talk is part of the game.
And I agree. Personally, I think trash talk is good for sports.

Speaker 14 Sports is better when that's trash talk. Even better when it might start a race war.

Speaker 6 You can't see me. You can't see me.

Speaker 14 And to be honest, man, this was some good competition, yo. Caitlin Clark versus Angel Reese, this might be the new Magic Johnson versus Larry Bird.

Speaker 14 This might be the start of a feud that bleeds into the professional, into the WNBA. You think Caitlin Clark ain't back in Iowa right now training?

Speaker 14 You think she ain't right now dunking off the side of a a barn?

Speaker 14 Well, Ellis, you might have messed up and created a monster. The last thing you want in your life is a white woman with a grudge.
You seen them movies?

Speaker 17 Them white women get mad?

Speaker 17 Hey, you get a white woman mad, they keep coming and keep coming.

Speaker 14 Did y'all see Alien?

Speaker 14 That alien pissed off Sigourney Weaver one time, and then Sigourney whooped that alien's ass for four straight movies.

Speaker 14 Then, then she went and sick the predator on the ass.

Speaker 14 Earlier this week, we told you how LSU beat Iowa in the Women's NCAA Basketball Championship. And there was some epic trash talk this week between Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark.

Speaker 14 And tempers have been bubbling all week. But finally, finally,

Speaker 14 a peacemaker has emerged.

Speaker 40 Did First Lady Jill Biden get so excited about the women's basketball championship game, she put her foot in her mouth? As she celebrated LSU's victory over Iowa, Dr.

Speaker 31 Jill suggested both teams come to the White House.

Speaker 41 So I know we'll have the champions come to

Speaker 41 the White House. We always do.
So, you know, we'll have LSU come. But you know what? I'm going to tell Joe, I think Iowa should come too because they played such a good game.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 6 Yes. No, you're wrong.

Speaker 6 She's talking about peace and unity, y'all.

Speaker 3 Why Why shouldn't the losers be standing proud with the winners?

Speaker 14 Come on, Joe, Jill Biden. You're trying to turn the White House into a participation trophy.
Nobody likes participation trophies. Even the kids don't like participation trophies.
Nobody.

Speaker 14 Nobody's ever came home after school after the big game with a trophy.

Speaker 6 Like, yo, check it out. I struck out 12 times.

Speaker 14 For more on this story, we turn to Desi Lighter Desi.

Speaker 14 Desi, we've been talking about this story around the building all week, and I know you'll agree with me. The whole thing, the whole thing on this issue comes down to one word, and that word is racism.

Speaker 14 I'm sorry, but

Speaker 14 you think this is racism?

Speaker 1 Roy, I know racism when I see it, and this is textbook racism. A mostly white team getting an invite to the White House for losing is white privilege at its most insidious.

Speaker 17 If I may quote Malcolm X. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 14 You may not quote Malcolm X.

Speaker 1 Got it. Got it.

Speaker 14 I hear what you're saying, Desi, but this is clearly sexism.

Speaker 14 This would have never happened in men's sports. But women are expected to get along and to share the prize simply because they're women.
If I could quote the great Gloria Steinem, Gloria Steinem.

Speaker 14 New.

Speaker 1 Look, Roy, it is racist to honor white losers the same as black winners.

Speaker 1 Trust me, I have a unique perspective on race as a person talking to a black man right now.

Speaker 14 Let me explain to you how internalized sexism works.

Speaker 4 Let me explain sexism to you.

Speaker 14 Dr. Jill Biden treated these adult women like a bunch of high schoolers who all had to be invited to the slumber party no matter what.

Speaker 3 That's not what you do.

Speaker 17 And I know what I'm talking about because I watched Handmaiden's Tale a couple seasons.

Speaker 14 That's the name of it. Is it Handmaids or Handmaiden's Tale? Which one is it?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I only watch Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Look, whether it's racism or sexism and it's racism,

Speaker 1 I think we can both agree on two things. One, I know all the lyrics to Gangsta's Paradise.

Speaker 1 And two, this was not Jill Biden's finest moment.

Speaker 14 Yes, Dr. Jill Biden.

Speaker 14 Dr. Jill Biden made a mistake.
Maybe next year the White House should have Vice President Kamala Harris extend the the invite. You know, another strong woman.

Speaker 1 A strong black woman.

Speaker 14 Who made U.S. history.

Speaker 1 Not to mention,

Speaker 1 she knows how to kick it at the cookout. Know what I mean?

Speaker 6 That's right. Girl boss.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah. Give it all.

Speaker 1 We're in the final stretch of March madness, that special time of year that turns every office into an underground gambling ring.

Speaker 1 And last night, all eyes were on a rematch between two of the biggest stars in the tournament.

Speaker 40 In goat fashion, Caitlin Clark led Iowa over-defending champion LSU in a rematch of last year's final.

Speaker 42 For anyone who questioned her greatness, Caitlin Clark had the answer. 41 points, 9 threes, 12 assists.

Speaker 42 A record-breaking masterpiece that lived up to the hype of a rematch in in an epic battle of greats.

Speaker 19 Clark steps back, fires, you bet!

Speaker 6 Oh my!

Speaker 1 This poor announcer, Caitlin Clark, hits so many big shots that the guy was clearly running out of things to say.

Speaker 1 She's ridiculous. She's possessed.
She's a witch, drowner. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But honestly, honestly, what an awesome rivalry. Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese, two fierce competitors playing their hearts out, captivating the nation while they're still in college.

Speaker 1 My biggest accomplishment in college was getting a single dorm because of my IBS.

Speaker 1 Hey, if there was a sock on the door, it was an especially bad night.

Speaker 1 Point is, it feels like women's basketball is having a moment this year and you can tell by how much the media can't stop talking about how they're talking about it.

Speaker 21 What a great thing for women's sports that we care. We're talking about it tonight on CNN because people are caring and ultimately that is good.
We care.

Speaker 1 The fact that we're talking about women's basketball and any, you know, women's sports in general. I mean This is really great.
I freaking love it.

Speaker 6 It's really great.

Speaker 22 I have done this for 32 years. I've never once spent five minutes of any show I've ever done anywhere talking about a great women's game last night at any level.

Speaker 1 Okay, I might say more about you, but we'll take the win. We'll take it.

Speaker 1 That's right. People are excited about women's basketball right now.
They're discovering it like it's the first time your mom tried sushi.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, have you heard about this? Spread the word!

Speaker 1 But everyone is raving. Everyone, even Shaquille O'Neal said women's basketball this year is a better game than men's basketball.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he's like the most famous men's basketball player. That's like Chef Boy R.
D telling you he only eats spaghettios now.

Speaker 1 Spaghettios,

Speaker 1 the official food of clinical depression.

Speaker 1 Spaghetti's. Want to hurt an Italian person's feelings?

Speaker 1 Try spaghettios.

Speaker 1 One more.

Speaker 1 Spaghettios.

Speaker 1 You don't have to love your kids.

Speaker 1 Anyway, think about how far women's basketball has come. Ten years ago, if you went to a bar on a Monday night to watch women's basketball, it was because you were an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 But today,

Speaker 1 if you're at a bar on a Monday night, it's because you're an alcoholic who also wants to watch women's basketball.

Speaker 1 That is progress.

Speaker 1 So this has been a hugely successful college tournament for the women, even despite some obstacles.

Speaker 11 In the women's tournament, controversy is brewing after four games were played on a court in Portland, Oregon, where the three-point line was about six inches closer to the hoop on one side.

Speaker 11 The error was discovered before North Carolina played Texas in the Elite Eight. Both teams' coaches decided to go ahead with the game to not delay the tournament.

Speaker 1 Okay, I really relate to this as a woman. It is so classic for someone else to f up.
And we're like, oh, the line is messed up. It's fine.
We'll just go ahead and play four games.

Speaker 1 You can fix it later. Or not, whatever.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 But what exactly happened with the three-point line? To get more on this, we go live to Josh Johnson at the arena.

Speaker 1 Josh, what happened down there? The line was several inches too short.

Speaker 15 That's a huge error.

Speaker 16 Well, Desi, I talked to the director of court maintenance who made the mistake, as well as several other men who were just around. And

Speaker 16 we all agree that your length being a few inches shorter than everyone was expecting is no big deal.

Speaker 16 No story here.

Speaker 13 Back to you.

Speaker 1 That's not true. Having the line be that short makes an enormous difference.

Speaker 16 Enormous is a little mean.

Speaker 16 Plus, it's not about the length of the line. It's about how you play the game, okay?

Speaker 13 And I think we can all agree, it was a pretty good game. You know, it was good for me.

Speaker 16 I enjoyed it. And as far as the difference, the women didn't even notice.

Speaker 3 All right?

Speaker 1 Josh, even if the women said they didn't notice, trust me, they always notice.

Speaker 15 Okay, but let's give this line guy a break.

Speaker 16 Because when I talked to him, he swore this had never happened before, okay?

Speaker 16 And we don't even know why it was too short. Maybe it was his first time, okay? Maybe he had been drinking, all right?

Speaker 15 Maybe the arena was cold.

Speaker 1 Sorry, how does being cold make a difference?

Speaker 3 It just does, okay?

Speaker 1 Wow, you seem pretty worked up about this.

Speaker 1 Why don't we move past the length of the line?

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about the curve, because

Speaker 21 the curve was weird.

Speaker 13 All right, Desi, Desi, I'm out.

Speaker 16 This is why I only play basketball by myself, okay?

Speaker 3 Josh!

Speaker 3 Josh!

Speaker 3 Day!

Speaker 3 Josh Johnson, everybody!

Speaker 6 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 6 Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

Speaker 15 Paramount Podcasts.

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart Podcast.