Trump Hits Les Miz, Elon Repents & RFK Jr. Infects CDC’s Vaccine Committee | Jeff Hiller

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

Welcome to the daily show.

I'm Jeff Delighted.

We've got so much to talk about tonight.

RFK Jr.

goes doctor shopping.

Pete Hegseth gets into a cat fight.

And Elon Musk is sorry for what he said when he was definitely not high.

So let's check in on the best cabinet ever and another installment of the worst wing.

What a bunch of losers.

Let's start with Robert F.

Kennedy Jr., Secretary of Health and the only member of Trump's cabinet to be reheated in an air fryer.

Earlier this week, Kennedy abruptly fired all 17 members of the CDC's vaccine advisory committee, which understandably

caused a lot of concern among people who prefer not to die from an old-timey Oregon Trail disease.

But RFK Jr.

has got a new batch of doctors to replace them with, so I'm sure they're all equally qualified.

So let's get to know some of these vaccine experts.

Some of the picks are well-known vaccine critics, including Dr.

Robert Malone.

Robert Malone, who's claimed that millions of Americans were hypnotized into taking the COVID-19 shots and has suggested those vaccines cause a form of AIDS.

I think I liked this guy a lot better when he was just selling us dosekis.

I don't always take vaccines, but when I do, they give me AIDS.

Look, this guy's obviously crazy, but you can't deny there was some hypnosis going on during the pandemic.

Like, we were washing our hands every day.

Like

what was that all about?

But forget the Department of Health.

Let's move on to the great work being done by Tulsi Gabbard, Director of National Intelligence and the only Hawaiian who can make aloha sound like a threat.

She decides which of America's secrets need to stay secret, but lately she's been getting some help.

Tulsi Gabbard, head of DNI, says the government is now using artificial intelligence to speed up its work in determining which documents can be declassified and released to the public.

That includes files related to the assassination of President John F.

Kennedy.

Cool, that technology we're all scared of and have no idea how dangerous it is.

Let's teach it how to kill a president.

What could go wrong?

Also, why are you having AI read the JFK files for you?

AI is for tedious things.

These are the most exciting documents in the government.

It's like asking AI to watch all the sex scenes in a porno so you can focus on whether the pizza got delivered.

Maybe I've been using AI wrong this whole time.

I thought it was for doing my kids' homework and seeing what I look like as Shrek.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Let's move on to Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense and guy whose favorite cologne is Roofy.

He's been axing a bunch of medical research programs for veterans that he claims are boondoggles.

But when Senator Dick Durbin called him out on it yesterday, he gave a specific example of waste, and it was very specific.

Give me an example of a boondoggle in medical research.

There are marble.

I mean, we're talking about

some stuff I shouldn't say in public.

You know, marbles in the rear ends of cats.

Tens of millions of dollars.

Sometimes I hear about science experiments and I think, God, I am so glad when I was growing up, no one was telling women they should be scientists.

Really dodged a bullet there.

To be fair, they were trying to find out why Garfield hates Mondays.

Now they know.

Now they know.

Also, anyone who has cats knows that this isn't the weirdest idea ever.

I mean, they are constantly showing us their buttholes.

At some point, someone's going to be like, all right, let me try something.

But in case you're wondering who would fund such a ridiculous study, that would be President Trump himself.

In 2020, his Defense Department said it was part of a revolutionary new treatment for spinal cord injuries.

And that's the thing about science.

It's easy to make it sound made up and stupid.

It's not airtight like the Bible.

And someone who just wants to cut funding can trivialize any research because, yeah, trying to make dogs salivate by ringing a bell sounds weird, but it proved an important point that dogs love bells, I think.

I don't know, I failed psych.

But this is a great example of how anti-science the Trump administration is.

When Pete Hegzeth talks about science, he makes it sound stupid.

And when RFK Jr.

talks about it, he makes it sound like someone dropped a fork in the garbage disposal.

Let's move on to the reason your horse's prescriptions are out of stock.

Elon Musk.

Last week, he got into a fight with Donald Trump that got so ugly, he claimed that Trump is in the Epstein files.

The friendship seemed unsalvageable, but it turns out it wasn't quite as cyber f as we thought.

The world's richest man is now apologizing to the world's most powerful man.

Musk backing away from some of his online attacks, posting this apology.

I regret some of my posts about President Trump last week.

They went too far.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

You cannot whoopsie daisy your way out of saying someone's in the Epstein files.

It's not like saying sorry I slammed the door or sorry I shoved marbles up your cat's butt.

I mean I'm glad he apologized because I guess it showed us exactly how long it takes for ketamine to wear off.

Let's move on from the worst wing because America is having a hard time right now.

The military is invading California, U.S.

senators are getting manhandled by federal agents, and people are about to be thrown off their Medicaid.

And President Trump is hearing everyone's concerns, and he's decided to rush to where he's needed the most.

The Feeta.

President Donald Trump, going to see a performance of Les Mes at the Kennedy Center on Wednesday.

Do you identify more with Jean-Valjean or Javert?

That's a tough one.

That last part of that question.

That's tough.

You better answer that one, honey.

I don't know.

I don't know what's worse, that a reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he's the hero or the villain,

or that Trump's response was, oof, that's a tough question.

But while Trump ponders which lay miss character he is, activists are planning nationwide protests this weekend.

For more on those protests, we go live to Michael Costa in Los Angeles and Jordan Kepper in D.C.

Michael, let's start with you.

What's the latest in LA?

Desi, protesters here are still fuming about Trump sending Marines into the city.

It was the biggest overreaction since the time that ice cream truck didn't have rainbow sprinkles, so I slashed its tires.

Costa, don't do chalk sprinks, okay?

The point is, these detention raids are a cruel display of Trump's villainy.

He's definitely the jauver of our time.

Okay, thank you, Michael.

And Jordan, how are protests in DC feeling?

The protesters in DC are equally upset and want to see an end to these cruel raids.

And by the way, Trump is not javer.

Acosta is way off.

But what do you expect from a guy who only hears Broadway songs if they show up in a porn hub video?

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Jordan thinks Trump is Jean-Beljean, the redeemed Catholic so saintly that he adopts a prostitute's child?

Jordan, you're a few Rogers short of a Hammerstein.

Guys, I think we're getting a little distracted here.

Let's focus on the protests, not about your musical tastes.

No problem for Costa.

He doesn't have any.

The point is, Desi, the protesters see Trump as a godless con artist, much like Tenardier, the corrupt innkeeper, which Michael would know if he weren't the kind of person who thinks guys and dolls is a strip club in Peoria.

Desi, I'll tell you the only thing protesters fear more than the Marines right now is hearing Jordan Clepper bomb another audition trying to nail the riff and defying gravity.

Hey, hey, it's not about getting the work from the audition.

The audition is the work.

You're flat on every shark.

You're flat on every shark.

Is that right?

Is that right?

Well, time to drop the bomb.

Michael is in the Epstein files.

Have a nice day.

Whoa, what?

Whoa.

Whoa.

No, no, no.

That's out of line.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

You know what?

You know what?

You're right.

You're right.

I regret what I said.

I've been on ketamine this whole time, okay?

I'm better now.

Wait, Jordan, is Costa in the Epstein file?

Desi, I said I'm sorry.

Let's move on.

Yeah, yeah.

Desi, let it go.

That's from Frozen, Jordan.

I thought a musical for children would be more up your speed.

Okay.

Adina Menzel is a national treasure, Costa.

Thank you very much.

Uh, Desi, excuse me, can I interrupt?

Oh, yes, Josh Johnson.

Oh, my God, where are you?

I don't know.

I snatched me up at a protest and dropped me in the desert.

That's not even protocol.

They're just doing whatever now.

All right.

I don't know where I am.

I could be in Phoenix.

I could be in Yemen.

Oh, my God.

I hope I'm not in Phoenix.

That sounds truly awful.

So, Josh, do you think Trump is a Javer?

Who?

I need help.

Yeah, and we're going to get you help, buddy.

But first, you got to tell us which character Trump would be in Les Miz.

Is that the one with the cats?

What?

Kidding me, is that the one with the cats?

Come on, man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm sorry.

I don't spend all my time watching white people sing.

Okay.

Don't make this about race.

Yeah, there's a proud black tradition in theater.

I just saw Audrey McDonald a gypsy.

Fine, you're an ally.

Is someone gonna help me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll help you by getting you a rush ticket to Cabaret.

Let's start there.

Of course, you pick Cabaret.

Of course, it's Cabaret with you, Costa.

Okay, okay, that's enough.

Josh Johnson, Michael Costa, and Jordan Clifford.

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Welcome back to the Daily Show.

If you've turned on cable television anytime in the last few months, you may have stumbled across Stephen A.

Smith spouting opinions about, well, everything.

But how did he become so ubiquitous?

Let's find out in a brand new daily showography.

We live in a world of takes.

JJ would have to be a lunatic to take the liquor straight.

He's a fing pussy.

Hot takes, quick takes, free takes, mistakes.

I won't give them a kidney.

Absolute effing snob.

i'm drinking like monster energy drinks sometimes which are piss magnets but we all know there's only one king of takes you can't be the king without a crime you cannot be the king without the crime this is the daily showography of stephen a smith greatest of all take house

stephen a had an optimal childhood for his future reign Orn the Bronx raised in Queens, brings by the greatest moment of

mom in the world is a scrub.

I don't care if you're mother Teresa or that hot mom from the Brady Bunch.

Those moms should be riding the bench behind Janet Smith.

Fuying a career as an athlete, he enrolled in college at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

It's called Seeing the Whole Field, people.

It was primarily a girls' school, and the other dudes were homosexual.

They left it all to us.

FIT might not have the greatest tradition of sports, but it definitely had a player.

Eventually, he put down the sewing needle and picked up the rock, transferring to the greatest basketball program in North Carolina, excluding all the other ones.

I hit 17 straight three-pointers.

Signed me the scholarship on the spot.

That's right.

Stephen A.

Smith was the king of threes until he started playing actual games and became the king of 1.5s per game.

Stephen A.

I'm trying to figure out how you average one one and a half points.

Like, don't you get two?

Unfortunately, Stephen A.

could not explain the mathematics as he had attended the Fashion Institute of Technology.

But if Smith struggled in the paint, he dominated in the print, joining the student newspaper and immediately proving himself the top college take-haver in the country with a legendary dunk on his own Hall of Fame coach.

That earned him a post-college stint in newspapers and radio.

And then Stephen A.

was called up to the big leagues.

It was the moment he'd been training for his whole life.

I had no television training whatsoever.

Okay, that didn't matter.

So I went to the next best plan.

Be myself.

Say what I feel.

Yes, he had the rare ability to open his mouth and let words form into sentences that people could hear on TV.

No one had seen anything like it before.

Smith was dropping takes from everywhere.

Hot takes.

This man was a bona fide scrub.

He can't play.

Loud takes.

Aaron Rodgers is Aaron freaking Rodgers.

Louder takes.

To Silamo Autumn.

Who was on crack?

Hold on, freaking screaming takes.

The stench that hovers over me every time my name is associated with this damn franchise.

Weirdly quiet takes.

LeBron James

is the GOAT.

Stephen A.

was the best ESPN had ever seen.

I mean, not as good as in the golden age, but since then.

Oh, there he is.

The natural.

He was poetic.

It was Shakespearean.

And he never yelled.

But the trophy he really needed was his own catchphrase.

Every great broadcaster in history has had one.

Good night.

And good luck.

And that's the way it is.

Holy cow.

Yes.

And soon Stephen A.

Smith hit upon something equally iconic.

Stay off the weed.

Stay off the weed.

Stay off the damn weed.

Or, hear me out.

Maybe try a little weed.

Horrible.

It was time for Smith to make his biggest move yet.

Coming for the reigning king of takes himself.

There are times when I look at you, you should just be flat out ashamed of yourself.

Are you on donation?

Are you on charity?

Are you on drugs?

Who the hell are you to question me?

Zip it.

I'm talking.

They were the Larry Bird and Magic Johnson of yelling at the top of their lungs.

Once Smith ousted his rival, he began breaking take records left and right.

We're talking 300 takes a day with a sentence completion percentage of 93.3% and off-the-charts decibel levels.

The man even had a correct prediction average of,

well, that one doesn't matter.

In 2025, Smith officially earned his greatest of all take-averse crown, a five-year, $100 million contract.

Now his takes can no longer be contained by the world of sports.

I have always been against woke culture.

You know what I'm going to say?

Shamanda.

Because it reminds me of me because of the forehead.

I am not about to sit here and argue with a grown-ass man about the movie Carl.

Oh, come on now.

The Ukrainians are saying we at war now.

We on death's door.

We might as well go down swinging.

Stephen A.

What is the correct way to wipe yourself standing and sitting?

That is a nasty ass question.

That's the difference between just talking shit and having a take on shit.

But when a man has taken all there is to take, I have spewed

an opinion

on over 45,000 issues in my career on first take.

What takes or left for the taking?

Stephen A.

Smith, who is floating a potential 2028 presidential run.

There is somebody else that's thinking of running president.

Stephen A.

Smith.

The Democratic Party looks so pathetic after this election.

I might entertain them.

Okay, hold up.

Does anyone really think a loudmouth TV personality with endless opinions, no qualifications, and a bad hairline would be a plausible candidate for president of the United States?

I've been pretty good at picking people and picking candidates, and I will tell you, I'd love to see him run.

Oh, right.

God damn it.

All right, Daly.

So you had your foot out.

You had your foot.

Guess what?

It still was a sorry ass take.

You got some work to do.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll do it right if you stay off the weed.

Welcome back.

Best pillow of joining the MUX tonight.

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Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My tonight is an actor, writer, and comedian whose new memoir is called Actress of a Certain Age.

Please welcome Jeff Hiller.

I love having to stand on my tippy toes in heels to hug you.

Yeah, I'm a real big monster.

You are a tall drink of water.

Thank you for being here.

I'm such a fan of yours, and I enjoyed this book so much.

Thank you.

Actress of a Certain Age.

Yes, Actress of a Certain Age.

It's all about my sort of humiliating experiences in my career.

Yes.

And I thought,

but you know, I've made it.

Things are all better now.

And then

when I open the book, there's a typo on the cover of my book.

Actress of a Sataned Age.

Not today, Satan.

Not today.

Who judges a book by any cover?

Please actually don't.

Please don't.

Listen, I grew up in Kentucky public school, so I thought this was how you spell sir.

So I think you're okay.

Oh, see, I grew up in Texas where everything's fine.

Oh, sure.

Sure it is.

Oh my gosh.

I love how each of your chapters in your book is titled for a different act or a different actor's memoir.

Exactly, yeah.

Because I read a lot of celebrity memoirs.

Yes, you talk about it in here.

And then there's a footnote at the bottom of the...

front page of the chapter that says when that actor has has met mainstream fame.

Exactly got their big break.

Because I always read the celebrity ones and they don't always say exactly how old they are.

Then I have to go get a calculator, look up IMDb and then check it out and figure out how old they were and then compare it to how old I am when I'm reading the book and spoiler alert, it was never a consoling math equation.

That was such a unique detail.

What made you want to share that?

Well

when I got this opportunity to write a celebrity memoir with the really loose definition of the word celebrity,

I wanted to rely on the fact that I have read all of these memoirs and I also wanted to write it for other people who maybe committed the cardinal sin of aging past 40 without realizing all of the dreams that they wanted in their life and

have a little bit of hope in it.

So I talk about how

compare invites despair.

Yes.

Yeah, and I did come up with that on my own.

I didn't.

It's pretty hat cliche, actually.

That should go in your next memoir.

Yeah.

I think that that.

But it'll say compare invites to pair.

Oh, your publisher.

Who was your publisher yesterday?

You want me to say it out loud?

Exactly.

It was some girl at Starbucks.

And

I said, Jeff, I was like, it doesn't start with an H what are you doing

oh my god I so you your IMDB reads like a comedy sizzle reel of all-time great comedies but I think most people know your know you from your beautiful work on somebody somewhere I think yes I love that show.

It is so funny and so heartfelt.

If people haven't seen it, tell us what it's about.

Oh, well, you should see it.

You should see it.

See it.

Leave now.

Go see it.

We'll wait here.

It's on, you know, Max or HBO.

I don't know.

HBO, who Max.

And

it's about people in Kansas who have found their family.

And

it's also about being queer in the Midwest and being

someone who isn't giving up on yourself, which is a lot of what the book is about too.

And so...

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good.

And

it's not like re-watching Gray's Anatomy.

It's not like a big commitment.

It's only three seasons.

One season is less than an avatar movie.

Yeah.

Seriously.

It's food for the soul.

It really feels so good to watch it.

It is such a joy.

I loved your This Is Church moment.

You talk about it in your book as well.

Tell us what's behind, what was behind that moment in the show.

Well, that was just an improvisation I did that did make it into the final edit.

And I'm not bragging about it, but I did do that.

And it felt right because it was this scene about these friends who were hanging out and were joyful and were finding each other.

And my character is involved in the church, but is having some weirdness with church.

And he's saying, this moment is church, this moment where we're hanging out together and being together and having community.

That's what my church is.

And I think that that's true of me too and beautiful I think for all of us right yes and especially right now

times are rough yeah they are and you talk about growing up in the church in Texas you grew up Lutheran

and you have this beautiful chapter in your book that that talks about when you came out to your church as a 22 year old and you wrote this beautiful speech It was so moving.

For, you know, there are so many queer youth in this country that are having a hard time under attack right now.

What would you say to those 22-year-old younger Jeffs that are out there struggling with that in, say, Texas or other parts of the country?

What would you say to them?

Well, I would just say,

I'm sorry, and we got your back.

And

I think,

you know, we're in Pride Month and it's a time to celebrate, but it's also a time to protest and a time to gather together and

lead with compassion and hope and protection for especially the most vulnerable among us.

Yeah, that's absolutely right.

You also have a chapter in your book, kind of author, that you talk about being bullied in junior high.

Can you believe that?

Well, let me just tell you as a perpetual volunteer hall monitor, I see you, I see you, I am with you.

I thought you were going to say as a perpetual bully.

No, that's just what I became.

You, um, uh,

you talk about, you talk about how even to this day, you were teased for how you carry your books.

Right.

And even to this day, you think about how you carry your books.

Right.

And who even has books anymore?

Although this one's good.

I used to carry them like this, and then a bully said, you carry your books like a girl.

And so now I always carry things down here.

And it sticks with you for the whole life.

And that's why it's important to protect those kids, you know?

Yeah.

And

you talked about what helped you get through that time.

My mom.

Yeah.

I had a good mom, and I actually dedicate the book to good parents because everywhere, not just my mom, because who cares about my mom, right?

But

I think that providing that safe space,

showing your kid that they are loved no matter what, that it really is unconditional, it allows them a foundation that even when the bad things roll in, which they will inevitably do, you're still secure enough to go out there.

And I had a great mom, and you know, and she had a great Texas accent, which you can hear me impersonate in the audiobook.

Thank God for good moms out there.

Seriously, thank God for good moms.

So

you mentioned you have read hundreds of celebrity memoirs.

So I'm wondering if you would play a little game with me.

If I name a celebrity.

Okay.

Could you give me an interesting fact about their life?

Okay, I'll try.

Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

Barbara Streisand.

Yes, which I listened to 48 hours and 15 minutes.

I listened to it all.

There's a lot of good ones.

She's really obsessed with food.

She will talk about a ravioli.

That's a single ravioli, a raviolo.

And but the funniest fact is one of her husbands, John, who was a hairdresser, the way that they like had their meat cute, he came over to do her hair.

And as they were walking up the stairs, he goes, nice ass.

And that's how they met and fell in love.

Wow.

He's a keeper.

Yeah, Denny's on great.

Okay, speaking of nice asses, Rosie Perez.

You gotta read Rosie Perez's book, but also you gotta listen to that one, because her metaphorical voice matches her literal voice and it's mu.

She got do the right thing because she was in a dance club in Bedford-Stuyvesant and it was too crowded.

So she got up on the speaker and started dancing.

And Spike Lee was like, you want to be in my movie?

And she's like, fuck ass.

Good for her.

Not surprising.

That's not surprising.

Okay, Brooke Shields.

Brooke Shields.

Well, the most surprising thing is Liam Neeson proposed marriage to her.

Yes, I know.

Get hold on

Then he was like I gotta go to LA You know, we'll come back and we'll get married.

And then he never spoke to her again.

To America's sweetheart and labor union leader, Brooke Shields.

Brooke Shields.

I know, Brooke.

Someone ghosted Brooke Shields.

I know.

Her book is great.

You really should read it.

I know I'm here to promote mine, but hers are good.

But also get hers.

Also get hers.

I am so glad you were here to promote this book.

It is hilarious.

It's heartwarming.

It is so beautifully written.

Congratulations.

You know what?

You take this, you hold this book however the f you want.

You deserve that.

Actual super sporting games is available now.

Jeff Hiller, everyone.

We're going to take a quick break.

We'll be right back.

Will you commit on the record to subpoena Christy Noam because a U.S.

senator was just thrown to the ground and detained in his own country?

Democrats can't follow the rules, can't follow the law.

Will you

shut up?

No, you don't.

No, you're not going to tell me to shut up.

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