Kash Patel Gets Grilled on Epstein & Trump Lives Out His King Fantasies in the U.K. | Cooper Hoffman

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Jesse Lyman.

Donald Trump pleased the country.

Lewis Black thinks laboo boos are la bullshit.

And the director of the FBI says the dog ate his Epstein files.

So let's get right into the headlines.

President Trump still can't shake the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.

So this week, Congress heard testimony from Cash Patel, FBI director and man who looks like he just walked in on his parents having sex with a whore.

And if I know anything about Cash Patel, I know he can smooth everything over.

Organization of intelligence by the likes of you.

Why don't you just release the entire file as you promised to do?

We are releasing as much as legally allowed.

That's why we went back to the past.

How is that not legally allowed?

Sir, do you know how court orders work?

Do you know how protective orders work?

Actually, Mr.

Patel, I was a prosecutor, a real prosecutor for 10 years.

I know exactly how

many of the ones noticed.

Why are you protecting pedophiles?

That is

maybe the most offensive thing you could say to me.

That's maybe the most offensive thing you could say to me.

Patel's like, listen, there's a lot you could say about me.

Like, I'm the only person who looks dumber wearing glasses or

how I only got this job because Trump thought I was Dinesh D'Souza.

But I almost felt bad for Patel.

He had to convincingly pretend that his boss had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein, and he was not up for the task.

How many times did President Trump's name appear in the Epstein files?

Was it more than 100, more than 1,000?

It sounds like if you don't know the number, it could at least be 1,000 times, which

is not.

Is it at least 500 times?

No.

Is it at least 100 times?

No.

Then what's the number?

I don't know the number, but it's not that.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

It's not that.

Everyone just needs to calm down, okay?

The president's name appears in the pedophile sex crime report a normal number of times, okay?

Somewhere between one and, hey, look over there.

Listen, it does not look like Cash Patel can do this on his own.

Mr.

President, get down to Capitol Hill and show Patel you got his back.

The president left the White House today, heading to London for a state visit.

Wow, Cash did not see that coming.

Somehow.

But yes, Trump left his troubles behind yesterday as he embarked on a three-day state visit to the UK, his happy place where the king is in charge and vegetables are illegal.

Of course, our relationship with Britain is not great right now.

We're fighting over tariffs in Gaza and Ukraine, so there were a lot of issues to discuss on this visit.

Although, Trump was more excited about another aspect of the trip.

Well, my relationship is very good with the UK, and Charles, as you know, who's now king, is my friend.

Yes, Trump is like a brother to King Charles, in that his actual brother is also in the Epstein files.

And because Trump is so tight with the king, he made sure to let us know that he's getting the VIP treatment.

And it's the first time this has ever happened where somebody was honored twice, so it's a great honor.

And this one's at Windsor.

They've never used Windsor Castle for this before.

They use Buckingham Palace.

And I don't want to say one's better than the other, but they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate, right?

They sure do, Mr.

President.

The ultimate castle for the prettiest princess.

Leave it to Trump to pit castles against each other.

I don't want to make it a competition, but if it is, I win.

He was so excited for this trip, but the ride there got a little bumpy.

But before the president even arrived in the UK, a rare encounter in the skies, a Spirit Airlines jet coming too close to comfort to Air Force One, rebuked by air traffic control.

Pay attention, spirit 1300, turn 20 degrees right.

I'll keep an eye out for them, white and blue.

Pay attention, get off the iPad.

Get off the iPad?

It's Spirit Airlines.

How's the pilot going to Google how to fly a plane?

So the flight over wasn't great, but once Air Force One landed, the UK rolled out the red carpet.

The president, the first lady, made a stunning entrance with Melania hiding her head under a UFO.

And from there, it was on to Windsor Castle to tell the beef eaters that he's also on an all-beef diet.

And that was followed by a parade in which one horse gave Trump a special salute of his own.

You know, RFK Jr.

texted him after, like, bring me some leftovers.

But then, of course, Trump took part in the time-honored tradition of pretending he cares about history.

Sorry, what?

What the hell is going on with Melania right here?

Is she even in there, or

did she just put her clothes on a coat rack and sneak out?

Now, tomorrow, Trump will be meeting with the prime minister to talk policy, but he had such a wonderful time today with all the pomp and circumstance and it must have been so nice to spend some time in such ultimate surroundings and forget all about the drama and the troubles back home.

Protesters here overnight projecting a photo of President Trump alongside convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein on the walls of Windsor.

Oh man,

not all over the good castle.

So Donald Trump went all the way to England and still couldn't escape the Epstein scandal that haunts him back home.

I mean, come on, at this point, I almost feel bad.

How many times does Trump have to be reminded of this thing?

1,000 times?

500 times?

100 times?

I don't know the number, but it's not that.

Thanks for clearing that up.

When we come back, Lewis Black will talk about the really exciting review.

Welcome back to The Daily Show.

When a news story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.

If you're like me, you have a deep and empty void in the middle of your soul.

Most of us fill it with things like booze and drugs and Timothy Chalamé gossip.

I hear one of his nipples is shaped like a crescent moon.

He's so mysterious.

But other people fill their holes with useless crap like this.

What's Fuzzy got nine teeth and has people going absolutely crazy?

Meet Laboo Boo.

It's a collectible vinyl and plush monster elf.

They're only a few inches tall and they're at the intersection, as you said, of toys in a fashion.

And many collectors will clip them onto their belt loops or onto their bags.

People waiting on long lines for hours just to get their hands on the little monsters.

It's not just kids either.

Adults are in on it too.

What the f is a Labo Boo?

And why do I have to spend what little time I have left knowing what they are?

They're not even cute.

It's just a teletubby on meh.

They're what Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks Jews look like.

Oh, please.

Seriously, seriously.

One of the best jokes in the thing.

I'm the Jew, you idiot.

Sorry.

When I was young, we had the pet rock, but at least you were able to smash yourself in the head when you realized you paid $5 for a f ⁇ ing rock.

So now that I know what a laboo-boo is, go ahead and show me something that finishes off my faith in humanity.

The so-called monsters are sold in blind boxes, meaning you don't know what laboo boo is inside.

Part of the appeal is that surprise element and the chance to unbox one of the rarer secret dolls.

Oh my god,

is someone being stabbed to death?

Because I hope it's me.

Does anyone remember when adults used to act like adults?

They only screamed because they had PTSD from World War II or Paul McCartney farted on them.

So now that these shrieking idiots have secured their laboo-boos, it's time to find even more unhealthy ways to spend their money.

There are entire stores dedicated to accessorizing those little demon dolls down to the designer.

Places like Mochi Donut and Plainville allow you to buy clothes to customize your labo-boo.

From simple outfits to brands like Prada.

Even David's bridal got in on the action with a matching wedding dress for the big day.

Wow!

A bridal dress?

I can't wait for the traditional father laboo boo dance.

I mean, imagine it's your wedding night and your bride shows up with a matching laboo-boo.

Say it with me, the reason.

Let's hope Prada makes a laboo-boo strap-on.

Unbelievable.

But these furry couples better watch their back because people are willing to do anything for a laboo boo.

Laboo boo, the summer's most sought-after toy at the center of a crime wave.

Someone stole my laboo boo off my purse yesterday.

It got literally snatched from my purse and I didn't even know it.

She's holding a little knife.

Like, you know, those pocket knives where you could just slash something off?

She was literally holding it and it was aimed at my laboo boo.

Take, take my kidney, but not the laboo boo.

Look, lady, if something is highly coveted, don't leave it out and dangling.

Have you learned nothing from Lenny Kravitz's penis?

So yes, the labo-boo craze has gotten so out of hand there are people willing to risk jail time to get one.

Imagine finding out your cellmate was a laboo boo thief.

Even a serial killer would be like, I put human skin on my face, but this guy gives me the creeps.

Now this entire obsession with labubus makes me think we're finally and mercifully entering end times.

And it turns out some people agree with me.

Someone came up with a theory the dolls are linked to an ancient demon known as Pazuzu.

That's not labubu, it's Pazuzu, maintaining they're haunted and demonic.

Some labuboo lovers, well, they're not taking any chances.

They're actually performing their own baptismal or cleansing rituals to rid the labuboo of any bad juju.

That's right.

Satan is is back, everyone.

And this time he's a purse trinket.

So naturally, people are at home giving baptisms to their laboo-boos.

And to think, I felt silly sitting Shiva when my Tamagotchi died.

Personally, I think these people need an exorcist.

The power of Christ compels you to get a f ⁇ ing job.

but

if people will pay for stupid I can give them stupid introducing my officially branded Lewis black

Lou Boo-Boos

Available in angry

very angry and horny

And so now, in conclusion, give me your money, assholes.

Jesse.

Lewis black, everyone.

When we come back, Super Boffman will be joining me on the show.

So don't go back.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is an actor who stars in the new film, The Long Walk.

Please welcome Cooper Hoffman.

Oh, whoa.

Woo!

Fantastic.

I am so happy to to have you here.

Welcome.

Oh my God, I'm happy to be here.

This is remarkable.

Your first film that you ever did, Licorice Pizza, directed by

Paul Thomas Anderson.

Yes.

You won a Breakthrough Performance Award.

You were nominated for a Golden Globe.

Yes.

Just so you know, it took me 20 acting jobs before I could even get health insurance.

This is amazing.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I'm very privileged and lucky to have that one as my first ever acting job.

Well you were wonderful in it.

Thank you so much.

So it is well deserved and you're fantastic in this movie.

This is this is based on Stephen King's very first novel 1979.

Yes.

And yet it feels so relevant right now.

Yeah, as much as I hate to say it.

No, very much so.

Tell us what the movie is about.

It's about it's set in this dystopian world where in the book it's 100 but in the movie it's 50 kids

age ranging and it's basically you're set upon the long walk and you're walking for your country and you're there to basically like prove to the government that how much you care about the country and you if you survive you get a lot of riches and a wish

but you're basically walking towards your death and you have to walk above three miles an hour and if you get three warnings you get killed.

Right.

And there's only one person remaining.

You have to keep walking until only one remains.

Yeah, when I tell what the movie's about, it's it's so dark.

I forget how dark it is and then I say it out loud.

Yeah.

So let me ask you this.

This movie is such a visceral experience and I can only imagine incredibly physically challenging.

You were doing these epically long takes.

You were walking 15 miles a day.

Yes.

I don't know if you're typically a method actor, but you had to go method for this movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like, you know, it's nice as an actor to kind of be forced into that and like not have a choice.

And you're, we would do one scene a day which was just like so if you mess up a line

a mile down the road and you have to reset you're really angry at your co-star and it's just kind of awful and you know you build resentment through the whole thing kidding we were all very close friends uh but it but it was really nice

no one messed up a few people messed up i won't name names uh but it was really like it was really kind of great and we all like it was kind of like a play like you would show up and you would shoot a scene for the entire day and you would walk yet 15 miles and it was just we all became very close.

It was great.

Were any of you allowed to listen to podcasts while you were walking?

Yeah, the people in the far back got away with it.

They would you know be doing homework or whatever it was.

Listening to Mark Maris.

Yes, exactly, exactly.

You talk about the darkness of this premise and it is, it's an incredibly dark premise, but I found the movie to be oddly hopeful and really beautiful because so many of the boys, particularly you and Paul is is wait who's David is the actor yes David is the actor yes yes yes yes the two of you form this incredible bond with one another and it really shows how you lean into your humanity yeah

and so did you find like what what is the I want to share one quote that really stuck with me yeah

he says at one point in the movie as you're walking together he leans over and says do you want do you want to walk with me for a while yes

David has a lot of really good lines in this movie.

That one is one of my favorites.

And yeah, I mean like I don't know it's that like I think about all the people that you love in your life that you would want to say that to you know like do you want to walk with me for a while like that's kind of a nice thing to say and I really do appreciate that line in the movie because it does feel like the heart of it of like within this darkness

what kind of light do you find?

You know, what kind of joy and what kind of love and empathy and kindness do you find?

And that's what I like to think the the movie is about.

The premise is much darker, but the actual thing that's there is like, you know,

a real love story.

And that only comes from the kind of anxiety of dying, which is, you know,

big.

The idea of walking alongside someone and helping them through a terrifying situation is what we need more of right now, rather than being stuck in our own little silos and not talking to one another.

Oh my god, life is so terrifying and scary and just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It is.

It is.

You know, I have two younger sisters that I love very much.

And

even like, you know, I see the anxiety that they have.

And when they walk out into the world, it's so nice and lovely to see them kind of face life every day.

You have to do that.

And to have someone walking beside you doing that with you is a really nice thing.

You and David became very close friends, but you didn't know each other ahead of time, right?

You met in the chemistry read?

Yes, we, yeah, we met in the chemistry read, and we basically just...

I mean, he's one of those actors, he's one of those people, I think, that like when you read or do anything with them, about five minutes into doing anything with him, you realize how charismatic he is, and you realize how talented he is, and you realize how kind he is and selfless, and he really just was that.

So doing a movie with this person only made that a bigger and better and more lovely relationship.

You really felt that in this film.

It's really a beautiful central relationship to it.

Now, I noticed a theme in some of your work, Licorice Pizza, Saturday Night.

You have a very 1970s era vibe.

Yeah, I have no, I don't know what that's about.

You don't?

I have a theory.

Maybe it's my hairline.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a theory.

I think you were such an incredible actor, and you have this very naturalistic approach that I think was really popular at that time.

So I think it speaks to how excellent of an actor you are.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Wow.

Yeah.

But I'm curious, I'm curious if you could explore a different era.

What would it be?

Oh, God.

I mean, like,

I love like 50s and 60s music, truly, and I like the aesthetic of that time.

I would love to do something in that.

But I also would love to do more contemporary stuff.

Like I really would.

I feel like I've only done movies that are in a past tense.

And I just, I would love to do, or like, I don't know, bring me back to the caveman days, I guess.

Get me completely out of my

world.

Yeah, why not?

I could see you with a, you know, in a loincloth.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's do it.

Let's go off this topic.

Let's get it together.

Yeah, let's get it together.

Well, I am so happy for you and all of this success.

You're getting incredible reviews.

This movie is fantastic.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Please come back and see us.

I will.

Thank you.

The Long Walk is in theaters now.

Cook a moment, everybody.

We're going to take a quick break, and we'll be right back after this.

That's our show for tonight.

Now, here it is, your moment

Providing historic reform and combating the weaponization of intelligence by the likes of you.

And we have countlessly proven you to be a liar in Russia Gate in January 6th.

You are the biggest fraud to ever sit in the United States Senate.

You are a disgrace to this institution.

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