TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 1 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 1 Just because Republicans don't want to talk about health care with the president doesn't mean they don't want to talk about it.

Speaker 1 When John Oliver visited the RNC winter meeting in Hawaii, he found plenty of people eager to chat. He filed this report.

Speaker 2 Hawaii!

Speaker 3 Not only is it an island paradise, it's also been held up as a model for healthcare reform.

Speaker 3 Here, government mandates that businesses give health insurance to any employee working over 20 hours a week, resulting in near universal coverage.

Speaker 3 Which made it the perfect place for the Republican National Committee to hold their annual meeting and deliver one key message.

Speaker 10 Healthcare reform isn't really a reform, it's a boondoggle.

Speaker 11 It would be one more step.

Speaker 12 towards socialism.

Speaker 14 Do you think the American people should be thanking the Republican Party for destroying the healthcare bill?

Speaker 10 Absolutely, they should be thanking those that have stood up for the American people to stop this.

Speaker 5 But for some reason, Hawaiians didn't understand how bad their own system was.

Speaker 17 Healthcare is awesome, you know, especially with my baby. I'm in between jobs right now, and that they're taking on my health care free of charge until I get back on my feet.
And that's awesome.

Speaker 18 Hawaii has awesome health care, right?

Speaker 19 You have health insurance. This guy has health insurance.
The guy with a skateboard and without functioning shoelaces.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 11 How the f does that work out?

Speaker 5 Even visitors to the island were initially impressed.

Speaker 1 The treatment I received here

Speaker 1 was the best that the world has to offer.

Speaker 5 Until a few days later when they realized they'd been tricked into receiving socialized care.

Speaker 22 You know what I wanted to say at the press conference? I wanted to say, I'm just glad this happened before 2013 and Obama's health care went into effect because I might not have survived it.

Speaker 5 Luckily, Republicans were here to save Hawaiians from themselves.

Speaker 9 What'd you say to Hawaiians who say, I have government mandated health care and I love it?

Speaker 11 Do they have government-mandated health care here?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 10 Well, I would say that

Speaker 10 he who pays the biper calls a dune.

Speaker 13 Right. And what would you say to Hawaiian who said, what?

Speaker 16 That's meaningless.

Speaker 14 That's just a bit of folksy nonsense that doesn't have any real substance.

Speaker 11 I lost my thought.

Speaker 10 It's just not going to work and it will destroy the healthcare system.

Speaker 15 What would you say to a Hawaiian who said, you literally don't know what you're talking about?

Speaker 10 Well, I would say that I do and I would hope that you would give me a chance to show you there is a better way.

Speaker 16 What if that Hawaiian then said, okay, you've got that chance, dazzle me?

Speaker 10 There are some people that may believe that government-run healthcare is okay because they've not had the opportunity of seeing how it works on the private side.

Speaker 5 Even Hawaiians who make frequent visits to the emergency rooms somehow didn't see it.

Speaker 1 So I have been under arrest and happened to get some stitches. I go into Hawaii and they say get the gurney, get him fixed, dog you okay?

Speaker 1 And the doctor starts working. I go the mainland they say you got insurance.
Right. Is your wallet on you? Right.
It's not my wallet that hurts, it's my lip.

Speaker 23 Let me get this straight.

Speaker 5 Dog the bounty hunter

Speaker 24 believes in Hawaiian health care.

Speaker 1 Dog the bounty hunter believes in Hawaiian health care, correct?

Speaker 5 These poor bastards just didn't realize they were living in a socialist nightmare. Forced to scrounge for a living, unable even to afford shirts.

Speaker 5 Many driven to suicide.

Speaker 5 But for those who do survive, what will their world look like?

Speaker 10 Let's look down the road. 10 years from now, 20 years from now, your children, your grandchildren are going to be a lot of people.

Speaker 11 Are you going to regret it? How are they going to pay for it?

Speaker 14 People are going to regret it.

Speaker 1 Well, we've done it for 40 years. This isn't something we just started in the the last few months or past few years.

Speaker 5 Exactly. With only four decades of testing, America simply cannot afford to join this dangerous experiment.

Speaker 15 What would happen, do you think, if this healthcare system made it to the mainland?

Speaker 18 That question I couldn't answer.

Speaker 15 I'll tell you what the answer is. What is the answer? Every single person in the United States believed it would be dead.

Speaker 5 Thank goodness we have experts like these to save us.

Speaker 2 I don't know about Hawaii.

Speaker 10 I haven't, I mean, I've been here before once, but I don't know how that has worked. What I do know is as a universal rule, it simply does not work.

Speaker 24 John Oliver, we'll be right back.

Speaker 1 The Dodd-Frank Act is now one year old and here to discuss the effect it's having in reforming a damaged financial system. We're very lucky to have with us tonight H.R.

Speaker 1 4173, the Dodd-Frank Act, everybody.

Speaker 1 I am alone, a 2,000-page law. Congress passed me without one single flaw.
I make sure Wall Street plays by the new regulations,

Speaker 1 protecting your investments across the entire nation.

Speaker 1 Hang on there one second. What?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, Dodd-Frank. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What the hell happened to you?

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 I don't want to say it, but you look like s ⁇

Speaker 1 Hey, easy. Washington's a tough town, John.
Since getting past, yeah, I've taken a few shots, but I'm still standing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yes, yes, I'm still standing. I'm still here.

Speaker 1 In fact, just last week, my all-new consumer financial protection board opened for business. As soon as it gets a director, we'll be off to the races.
So wait, there's there's no director?

Speaker 1 No, not just yet. It's been a year.
Come on. What about Elizabeth Warren? Wasn't she supposed to be the director of this thing? What happened there?

Speaker 1 Confirmation in the Senate. There's no motion.
Obama could have used her recess appointment to give her the job without her vote. But he didn't do it because his feelings weren't that strong.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 But you know what? That's interesting. You know what, John? It doesn't matter.
I've still got 400 tough new rules to remake our broken and corrupt financial system. Well, you know what? That's great.

Speaker 1 How are those new 400 rules working? They're working great.

Speaker 1 The ones that are written are working great.

Speaker 1 The ones that are...

Speaker 1 How many of the 400 new rules have been written?

Speaker 1 38.

Speaker 1 It's a magic number.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a magic number.

Speaker 1 It might not be 400 or 150 or 77, but it's 38.

Speaker 1 And that's a magic number.

Speaker 1 Let's do this. Red sauce pitcher curt shilling.
LA Clippers forward, Dale Wilkinson. Broadly just tailback.
Richard Rivers, they walk 38.

Speaker 1 And it's a magic number.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a magic number.

Speaker 1 38 is a magic number because Dale Wilkinson makes it a magic number. You've heard of of Dale Wilkinson? No, I have not.
The Clippers guy, until you mentioned him just now. No.

Speaker 1 Well, you'll just have to take my word for it. He definitely exists.
Why weren't the rules written, John?

Speaker 1 Stickly.

Speaker 1 Lobby, lobby, lobby, get your access here.

Speaker 2 Lobby, lobby, lobby, get your access here.

Speaker 1 Lobby, lobby, that's your stop it. Stop it.
Stop it. Hold it.
I can't do this.

Speaker 1 Blaming lobbyist is a cop-out, John. Here's what's going down.
This whole financial reform thing is a sham.

Speaker 1 The only way that Congress would pass me was if the details of my rules and regulations were left unspecified, giving K-Street lobbyists all the time they would need to water me down post-passage.

Speaker 1 And you know what? Exactly. Boo, exactly.

Speaker 1 Thank you, boys and girls. Thank you.

Speaker 1 And do you know what? If any actual tough rule managed to squeak through, Congress people cut the budget of the agency responsible for enforcing it. The whole thing is a giant punt.
I'm no law.

Speaker 1 I'm no law, John. I'm just an undefined, impotent, 2,300-page piece of legislative.

Speaker 1 You see this? You see this here, John?

Speaker 1 I stole this off the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Speaker 1 This is a mock. I'm sorry.
This is a demon mode. I'm sorry, John.
I had no idea, Law.

Speaker 1 I had no idea, Dodd-Frank,

Speaker 1 that you have been through so much.

Speaker 1 You don't know what you're talking about. You haven't seen the things I've seen.
I know. I'm just a law, but my ass was raw.
And my balls put through a circular saw.

Speaker 1 And everyone who swore up and down to support me.

Speaker 1 Now they want Planned Parenthood to late term abort me. Last night I got hit by a car.
It's gone too far for this lore. Did I mention my ass was

Speaker 2 raw?

Speaker 1 The Dodd-Frank Act, everybody. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 The debate, of course,

Speaker 1 being held tonight in Hempstead, Long Island at Hofstra. John, thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 26 Ain't no problem, Johnny.

Speaker 24 Least I can do, all right?

Speaker 1 Obviously, make a break night for John McCain. How did the candidates do, John?

Speaker 26 Come on, John. It was a real ragooch.

Speaker 26 You got one guy over here doing this, one guy over there doing that. I'm thinking, what are these guys doing over here?

Speaker 11 Just talking and sh ⁇ .

Speaker 2 A goobada, gabbada, goobada. Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 1 A goobada-gabba-da-goobada?

Speaker 1 You know, that, I'm pretty sure that that doesn't mean anything.

Speaker 2 What's he talking about?

Speaker 1 Any reaction from the people of Long Island to the debate?

Speaker 4 Oh let's see, let's see.

Speaker 26 Actually, I talked with this one chick. She had a pretty nice rack.

Speaker 23 Kind of a butterface.

Speaker 26 Anyway,

Speaker 26 she said, and I quote,

Speaker 2 oh my god!

Speaker 27 The debate was awesome!

Speaker 27 You know.

Speaker 1 I don't know when you change from a Long Island accent to some Serbian thing, but uh...

Speaker 2 Hey, are we talking? Are we talking here?

Speaker 28 I thought we were talking.

Speaker 2 John, how long have you been out in Long Island?

Speaker 26 Only two fing hours.

Speaker 26 Took the uh

Speaker 26 took the LI double R. Boom!

Speaker 26 It was just like tree stops.

Speaker 2 Only tree stops.

Speaker 28 I'm gonna ask you.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna ask you right now, please return immediately to the studio. All right, John? It's just.

Speaker 27 I got a better idea.

Speaker 2 I'm a little gabbago.

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 24 John, please get me out of here.

Speaker 1 We'll send someone to come and get you, John. Quickly! All right, John.
Thank you very much. John Oliver.

Speaker 1 All right, all right.

Speaker 20 We get it. Enough ready.

Speaker 29 enough.

Speaker 8 I agree with you more than I agree with them.

Speaker 29 Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 7 Where it all started. I know, it's pretty weird to be back.

Speaker 4 I do not like being in that guest room at all.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 4 That was the one room where I worked here you were not allowed to go in, and I don't like being in it now.

Speaker 30 It really feels like I'm doing something wrong by being inside here.

Speaker 24 You never snuck in to see a guest?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.

Speaker 21 No, and we were never allowed to really be in there because it had to be kept nice for the guests.

Speaker 9 And it never really occurred to me one day I might be that and I still don't feel so I put my bag in there and then stood in the corridor for the rest of the time.

Speaker 20 I don't want to be in there at all.

Speaker 24 Yeah, but this place brings back to my memories. You were here.

Speaker 8 You were in this building.

Speaker 30 I was very much in this building.

Speaker 13 This was the reason I came to America.

Speaker 23 And I was here for eight years.

Speaker 8 Yeah, same.

Speaker 8 That's why

Speaker 24 That's why I was so happy you came on because we people don't know by looking at us, but we actually have very similar backgrounds because we both joined the show.

Speaker 24 I moved to America to do the show, just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily Show Alumni network is so strong.
I asked to meet up with Mr. Oliver.

Speaker 8 Yeah, and I thought this was...

Speaker 29 Mr.

Speaker 2 Oliver.

Speaker 24 He was Mr. Oliver.
I was like, there's no way this guy's going to let me meet up with him. And you were like, no, come, come before work.

Speaker 23 There's nothing I like more than talking to people who have questions about how to make field pieces.

Speaker 8 Because

Speaker 20 it's such a narrow set of skills.

Speaker 27 Yes. And

Speaker 6 all of your questions were great.

Speaker 4 I remember you leaving and thinking, oh, you're going to be fine.

Speaker 7 Even though you don't have the answers yet, all your questions are right, so you're going to be fine.

Speaker 2 You do not have a problem.

Speaker 28 I will say,

Speaker 2 before...

Speaker 32 Before we make it too sincere, you do have that unique skill set of not minding being a dick to people.

Speaker 2 And that really...

Speaker 29 At the end of the day that is the secret source.

Speaker 24 Well, that is the, I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire satire sometimes and everyone's like people I don't think people know how much you don't give a five like you truly don't give a f.

Speaker 2 No, I don't go hard.

Speaker 23 In the marrow of my bones sometimes when our lawyers say they're gonna be upset you go I'm not having a physical reaction to that at all. Yes.

Speaker 27 It is of no concern to me whether the Sackler family are mad with me or not.

Speaker 30 To be honest I'm a little bit there's a tingle of happiness.

Speaker 24 Yeah, but that's kind of what you need to do.

Speaker 29 Yeah,

Speaker 3 you like the feeling that I like the feeling of trouble.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, you do, yeah.

Speaker 34 In comedy, because I'm probably a natural coward in many ways, but when it comes to comedy, I do like the feeling of being in real trouble.

Speaker 24 Yeah, it's weird. You talked about it, you said pushing the button.

Speaker 24 You said you just put the button, you just got to push it because, I mean, you know, and what was interesting was when I met with you, this is how much you don't give a f ⁇ .

Speaker 24 You made me come to your office at 8 a.m., first of all, which is.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 24 Which is extremely early for comedians.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That is true.

Speaker 4 That's the amazing thing about doing jobs like this.

Speaker 23 When you get into comedy, it's not generally thinking that you will see a human being's breakfast time.

Speaker 2 No. But yeah, that's right.

Speaker 4 You came very early. You looked bright and early.
You showered.

Speaker 2 I had no complaints.

Speaker 24 Yeah, and I came and I talked to you, and I have very specific questions. And one thing you told me, I've been using this in my podcast rounds.
I don't know if it's come back to you, but like

Speaker 24 you told me it took you two years to relearn how to do comedy in America.

Speaker 12 I think that's probably true.

Speaker 2 You were spot on to the day, by the way.

Speaker 24 I was in hindsight, I was like, oh my god, because I remember there was a day I was in New York City gigging at some comedy club and it was two years in, literally almost to the day, and I remember things just starting to click a little bit of like relearning how to do comedy.

Speaker 24 Because again, like you, like me, we were doing comedy outside of America before we even came here.

Speaker 20 Yeah, and so I think the outsider perspective and comedy always works.

Speaker 35 The thing with being an immigrant here is you kind of have to learn the exact ways that your outsider perspective can translate.

Speaker 4 So you kind of have to learn basically how that can work.

Speaker 33 And once it does, you're fine.

Speaker 21 But until that point, it does feel a little bit like uncharted waters.

Speaker 24 Yeah, it's a bit like,

Speaker 24 you know, you can come here and you can joke about America on a very surface level. And you can, you can, and that will do well for you for, you know, if you have a 15-minute set, maybe 30-minute set.

Speaker 24 But I feel like after nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like,

Speaker 8 you've been here long enough.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 29 Like, guns shouldn't be weird to you.

Speaker 30 That's right.

Speaker 24 So, so, really, what, when that, the, the, the, how profound your two-year thing was, like, it takes two years to learn the nuances of America so you can make fun of them in ways which

Speaker 30 they appreciate. Exactly.

Speaker 8 Like, don't tell us we have guns, we know we have guns.

Speaker 29 Tell us something else.

Speaker 2 We dev, if we know nothing else about ourselves, it's that we have guns to a genuinely problematic extent.

Speaker 30 That is not a fresh insight.

Speaker 8 We genuinely know.

Speaker 24 So, you were like going deeper and deeper and deeper into it, which, you know,

Speaker 24 that was my guiding light as well.

Speaker 7 I'm so glad my incredibly insightful advice of wait 24 months worked.

Speaker 24 It was like a charm.

Speaker 30 I still can't believe it.

Speaker 21 I just deep down didn't want to hear from you again for two years.

Speaker 2 That's all it was.

Speaker 32 Come back to the same question in two years.

Speaker 32 And then we'll talk.

Speaker 25 Yeah, and you're smart.

Speaker 24 And I wonder,

Speaker 24 do you feel like

Speaker 24 satire in 2023, is that, you know, you've been at the show, you've seen the daily show kind of evolve over a lot of times.

Speaker 24 And when you joined the show, I don't, there wasn't anyone else doing it, kind of. There wasn't TikTok, there wasn't Instagram.

Speaker 33 Oh, no, there wasn't those things.

Speaker 29 Right.

Speaker 24 So it wasn't a bunch of, you know, like fing assholes on talking about, you know, like trying to do satire, but fing it up all the time.

Speaker 4 And so.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 24 Sorry, now I'm just attacking a bunch of people on this.

Speaker 6 I think you're now attacking the entire population of TikTok for trying.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah, no, I'm down.

Speaker 8 I'm hosting for one day, come at me, TikTok.

Speaker 8 I was distracted, but is that a monogram shirt?

Speaker 27 What?

Speaker 27 Did you have a monogram shirt? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a very fancy shirt, right?

Speaker 24 Oh, yeah, yeah. This one is,

Speaker 24 I got this shirt made in New York City, Chinatown.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 2 And he...

Speaker 24 No,

Speaker 24 he's a legit tailor. And then he asked me if I wanted my Chinese name embroidered on it.

Speaker 25 And I was like, go for it.

Speaker 24 And then now it just looks like a mustard stain.

Speaker 2 Double.

Speaker 24 Yeah, it doesn't look like a mystery stain.

Speaker 2 It does look a little bit like a mustard stain. I made a mustard.

Speaker 29 It's a pretty stylish mustard stuff.

Speaker 24 Did you guys get fancy suits when you?

Speaker 32 No, we got no suits.

Speaker 27 I cannot, we were not given any suits. I'd never owned a suit.

Speaker 2 Check out this boomer.

Speaker 24 Coming on the daily show telling us how good we have it.

Speaker 29 Now we got camera.

Speaker 8 You didn't have a desk.

Speaker 29 We had to buy this. We had to have cameras.

Speaker 27 I had to go.

Speaker 32 I had to go to a place to buy a suit. And doing field pieces, you wreck them all the time.

Speaker 27 For years here,

Speaker 13 there's nothing that made ex-correspondents more angry than hearing that we got free suits when we did.

Speaker 30 And yeah, that was the thing that bothered them the most.

Speaker 4 It was, no, no, you should have to go into the hole every year just to get a presentable suit.

Speaker 9 Now, look at you. You're spiffy.

Speaker 8 Did the show pay for that?

Speaker 29 Yeah, the show.

Speaker 29 They pay monograms?

Speaker 29 You get monogrammed shirts?

Speaker 29 Yeah, well, you know.

Speaker 27 Comedy Central has changed.

Speaker 2 I know things are a little choppy here, but monogram shirts?

Speaker 24 No, I told them if they didn't monogram it, they were racist. And then they just did.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 That's a move that I can't make.

Speaker 24 Yeah, but like, that's the thing. Like, we're both immigrants in America.
And do you ever, I guess my question to you is, like, how do you answer the people who are like,

Speaker 24 if you don't like it here, leave?

Speaker 8 Because I get that a lot.

Speaker 35 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 20 I guess they took, it's a, I mean, it's a horrible point, but it's a fair question.

Speaker 13 I guess now my answer would be I'm a citizen, you can't do that.

Speaker 34 But I think I the tricky thing is I felt ownership

Speaker 27 It's very dangerous a British person saying I felt ownership of this country historically

Speaker 2 Historically does not go well. It's amazing.

Speaker 36 I just went to India and I felt like I belonged

Speaker 30 But I felt at home here long before my legal status was solid.

Speaker 13 That's the tricky thing as an immigrant.

Speaker 23 The more I felt at home here, the more cognizant you are of the fact that it's not up to you whether or not you get to stay or not. So it was a massive relief to get my green card.
Yes.

Speaker 23 And an even bigger relief to get my citizenship.

Speaker 34 So yeah, despite the fact immigrants tend to talk shit,

Speaker 23 it's generally the kind of way that you talk shit with someone you genuinely love. Sure.
Also,

Speaker 12 as a comedian, I only really talk shit as a way of expressing love.

Speaker 8 Professionally.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 27 I don't really know how to express myself sincerely.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I like you.

Speaker 9 I'm never going to say that.

Speaker 2 F you, Onnie.

Speaker 28 Yeah, I'll f you in your show.

Speaker 2 That's all we love.

Speaker 24 That's it, but I was back on that earlier point. Like, do you feel there's a place for satire? Like, basically,

Speaker 24 the news is so crazy right now. Reality is sometimes matching up to the news sometimes.
In that environment, do you feel that satire is still possible?

Speaker 24 Like, you know, when you're doing a joke ironically, do you feel like people can get it, that you're trying to ironically be the bad guy in some, you know,

Speaker 4 oh, I see you mean like if you're doing field pieces?

Speaker 33 Because we used to play the bad guy in field piece, right?

Speaker 23 You would say things you did not mean just to embody an argument that you do not agree with.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 23 I mean yeah in field pieces that's the way that we would operate all the time.

Speaker 7 In general, I mean our shows are a little different.

Speaker 20 Like we're not in the

Speaker 36 show. I'm asking about for me.

Speaker 2 But this show, we get it, you know, you figured it out.

Speaker 9 I'm talking about for me. Like, right?

Speaker 34 I think there'll always be a place for satire.

Speaker 33 I mean, there was a place for it in in Germany in the 30s.

Speaker 2 It didn't seem to work out that well over there, but they gave it a go.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So no, I think there will always be, and I, unlike you, am happy for people online to try and do it as well.

Speaker 8 Ronnie really would like nobody to have a voice.

Speaker 21 Nobody.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 24 All about earn your voice like me. I did.
I had to f ⁇ ing get on this show to get a voice. You don't get a voice just because you're in your underwear on Instagram.

Speaker 30 Ronnie regrets that gatekeepers have been removed from the process. You really like the gates.
I love the gatekeepers.

Speaker 29 It was so tough to come here.

Speaker 24 You know, it was really tough for me to come here. I like you.
I also really wanted to come here.

Speaker 3 That is the thing.

Speaker 34 I don't think Americans understand how rough the U.S.

Speaker 13 immigration process is.

Speaker 35 When they say, to people, come in the right way, I don't think they realize how literally impossible that is

Speaker 23 in some aspects.

Speaker 13 When I got my green card here, they brought it to me in my office upstairs.

Speaker 23 And they gave me a Budweiser and an apple pie with a little American flag in it.

Speaker 27 And I think they would give me it as as if, like, here's a joke, right? Oh, you got it.

Speaker 8 You were always going to get it. Here it is.

Speaker 4 And I nearly cried.

Speaker 27 And for a British person, nearly crying is crying.

Speaker 2 That's as close as I can come.

Speaker 7 But I was so relieved because I was worried about it so much.

Speaker 23 And so I think you tend to find, like when we were talking before, exactly, when you find out someone just got their green card, you can kind of almost feel the relief coming off it because it's such a concern.

Speaker 7 It's not easy.

Speaker 30 It's not easy. Knowing it's not easy.

Speaker 8 We don't even talk about the green card.

Speaker 24 Even the visa before the green card.

Speaker 29 It's incredible.

Speaker 24 It's called the extraordinary ability visa.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 24 You have to prove, first of all, that you have extraordinary ability, which I challenge anyone to do.

Speaker 24 Unless you're a freaking NBA player, seven foot. And then, second of all, it's like if you don't constantly prove that you're, they can deport you.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 24 Like, if I have a bag segment on the daily show, I'm deported.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You did not demonstrate extraordinary ability.

Speaker 30 That was at median level ability.

Speaker 23 That is the worst thing about coming in on a visa is like occasionally they will look at at the visa and say what do you do because they're expecting a surgeon.

Speaker 27 Someone with a marketable skill and the moment you say comedian like that's this is not for you.

Speaker 27 That's not and also then if it's all go tell me something funny like or what is this a fun bit

Speaker 29 or is this the moment I get deported?

Speaker 2 Do I need a joke on hand?

Speaker 27 It demonstrates extraordinary ability in terms of word craft.

Speaker 7 Yes, it's incredibly stressful in a way people don't understand.

Speaker 24 Yeah, so in a weird way I'm with you in that like in

Speaker 24 immigrants to America who come here actually want to be here, have fought to be here, and we're the ones who get shit done here.

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 29 Because we had to f ⁇ ing improve it every single time.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Immigrants. Get the immigrants.
That's right.

Speaker 28 We get the job done.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would.

Speaker 21 I would say what is more quintessentially American than coming to a country you don't belong in and deciding you're going to stay.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Thanksgiving of all times.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 28 So

Speaker 29 we get it.

Speaker 24 You, you know, every interview I've researched you on, you've professed your love for America.

Speaker 25 You're still here.

Speaker 30 Clearly, you still love it.

Speaker 24 Yeah. Okay, so can you shut the f up and be American for one minute instead of constantly complaining and talking like a fing foreigner all the time?

Speaker 25 I mean,

Speaker 36 I challenge you.

Speaker 4 You challenge me to be American.

Speaker 2 Yes, I want you to prove one thing.

Speaker 24 I want you to eat this hot dog right now. Oh, boy.

Speaker 36 And then I want you to throw this football.

Speaker 29 And first of all, you have to call it a football.

Speaker 2 Okay, I can't do that.

Speaker 2 I call it an American football. Okay, American football.

Speaker 30 I'll call it an American football.

Speaker 24 You gotta throw this to me. So you gotta eat that first and you throw this to me.

Speaker 8 Okay,

Speaker 2 like this. No, no, you got a freaking tight spiral.
We're gonna go over this. Okay, okay.

Speaker 8 So eat this first.

Speaker 2 We got this from a bodego.

Speaker 29 Oh, no. This is the way we...

Speaker 28 USA! USA! USA!

Speaker 28 Alright, and then

Speaker 29 you gotta come over here, and you gotta stand right here.

Speaker 24 And you gotta throw a tight spiral.

Speaker 4 how hard can that be

Speaker 2 all right hang on hang on

Speaker 2 all right

Speaker 29 can we get a drum roll drum roll for you

Speaker 29 for you ready

Speaker 29 This is last week tonight with John Oliver.

Speaker 1 And wherever you'll find it, who gives a foremore shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 10 Paramount Podcasts.

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart Podcast.