Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 2 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 2 Hey everybody, this is Mark Payone, longtime editor at The Daily Show. Once again, back with a

Speaker 2 former Daily Show correspondent. I was, I should say, one of your favorites.
One of my favorites. and senior Latino correspondent.
That's right. Comedian, actor, entrepreneur.
Yes. Renaissance man.

Speaker 2 Yes. Al Magical.
How? How are you? When you say long time, exactly how long have you been here? Because I know you keep track. I started season two.
That's insane. And this is

Speaker 2 797. Was my first crap day

Speaker 2 because for a while, I think you would call, as a joke, all jokes, we call John the new guy. And he had been here like 16 years.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 we became,

Speaker 2 I mean, as you do in the field department, which is where I did a lot of work when I was here, because I was here from the years of 2011.

Speaker 2 I believe I started full-time at the beginning of 2012, shared an office with Jessica Williams,

Speaker 2 who was just crushing it. I'm so happy for her.

Speaker 2 It's kind of cool to see everybody go on and do things, but I was here from 2012 to 2000,

Speaker 2 end of 2013, full-time,

Speaker 2 and then another like half-year

Speaker 2 or half year,

Speaker 2 like on and off part-time until John left. And then I dribbled into

Speaker 2 Trevor.

Speaker 2 Just dribbled, just

Speaker 2 dribbling. So how did you get the gig? I don't remember.
I got the gig because, and this is a be nice to everyone everyone you meet

Speaker 2 thing.

Speaker 2 I got the gig because a guy hit me up to do a guest set on a show in Miami at the Coconut Grove Improv, which was an insane comedy club. Go around the country from 2005, 2004,

Speaker 2 till 2010.

Speaker 2 That's how I made a living primarily. I was acting in some TV shows, but I would do stand-up on the road.
And people hit you up for guest sets.

Speaker 2 The guy that hit me up was Adam Lowett, a comedian from Florida who's going to be there at the time, who was also a producer at The Daily Show.

Speaker 2 He went on to be an executive producer, has done many incredible things.

Speaker 2 He's in LA now. In L.A.
with two wonderful children and his wife. And

Speaker 2 we're still close and stay in touch. But he hit me up for a guess set.
Then he hit me up for when I was in New York for another guess set. Then he hit me up for another guess set.

Speaker 2 So this is like guess sets over

Speaker 2 years.

Speaker 2 And then finally, when we were at Carolines in New York, he said, you know, I think it was my act was sort of skewing this way. And he goes, you'd make a great Latino correspondent.

Speaker 2 He goes, I know just how to pitch it. So we waited for a dark week, which the show

Speaker 2 has

Speaker 2 weeks on and weeks off. It's very difficult to do a daily show like they do.
It's sort of, you know, it's amazing that John did it as long as he did. And

Speaker 2 we're going to do it the Thursday of a dark week when he's in. So

Speaker 2 a working dark week. So we have Hallie Haglin, who is a newish writer at the time.
She's gone on to be EP of things and rose to the ranks here and some very, very funny.

Speaker 2 So Hallie Lowett and I, we write this piece on Debbie Riddle, who's a congresswoman from Texas, who wanted, and it's amazing how this is in 2011 and nothing has changed.

Speaker 2 She wanted to establish a group of non-U.S. citizens, like a second class of citizen, that could work as home care workers.
So, nannies, gardeners, chefs,

Speaker 2 and anyone else that you'd want, some sort of Latino taking care of your things

Speaker 2 so that they could work without employment laws.

Speaker 2 So, you wouldn't have to pay them minimum wages or anything like that. And then this was in Texas.
So we did that piece. That got changed.
So we rewrote it and I auditioned and it went well.

Speaker 2 John took me over here where I was sort of waiting in one of these little side guest rooms and said, congratulations

Speaker 2 and get ready for a lifestyle of women and drugs. I'll never forget that.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 John Oliver, he always used to give you a great impression of people at Daily Show conventions. Mr.
Oliver,

Speaker 2 the piece that you did on Australian gun reform.

Speaker 2 It's no women, no drugs. And so I came in full-time.
I had a nine-year-old and six-year-old, I think, when I got the gig.

Speaker 2 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 And they're in Los Angeles. And they're in Los Angeles.
So we're not moving them. I flew back and forth.
My nine-year-old, or whatever he is at the time, said,

Speaker 2 i said we got a great job and i got a great job and it's going to be a good money for the family a good opportunity i said opportunity and he didn't get it and then i said good money it can lead to other things it's a great job

Speaker 2 and um i said we might need to move to new york and he'd just gotten into a new school and made friends and he was at that age where friendships really started to form and he really did look at me and he goes what if

Speaker 2 you went

Speaker 2 and we stayed here? And that's what happened for two and a half years is I flew back and forth and back and forth. And then I'd go do field pieces.

Speaker 2 In 2012, I think I tied a record for John Oliver field pieces. And mine was in a non

Speaker 2 like, I guess I,

Speaker 2 because that was a convention year, but I tied a record for field pieces. I was out on the road constantly.
So when I wasn't flying home, I was flying for the show.

Speaker 2 And I mean,

Speaker 2 John Hodgman and Loewen and I would go out and do stand-up. I've got to text John Hodgman.
He's one of my favorite people.

Speaker 2 So I would go on the road with Hodgman and just had the best time, but I was missing my family terribly. And I was missing so many of the kids' functions.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's such an important time in their life. And I was, you know, if I ever had to go two or three weeks without seeing them, I was just absolutely devastated.

Speaker 2 And I was sleeping under my desk because I would take red eyes, which is

Speaker 2 the worst. The absolute worst.
You'd never want to take a red eye ever. If you can avoid it at all costs, it sets me back for like two days after that.
So I felt like during my time here,

Speaker 2 I was never really operating at 100%.

Speaker 2 And I was, you know, it's like one of those regrets thing.

Speaker 2 I probably should have just moved everybody out. I also did something really stupid, and I moved to Dumbo in Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 Any kind of commuting walk to the show, that would have been the smartest thing. I had my buddy who I grew up with who had a place, and that seemed to make sense to me.

Speaker 2 But I never should have committed to anything. I should have lived a block away.
I should have been here for every single morning meeting.

Speaker 2 Like the dad and me talking to my son, who's now 22, living in San Francisco, is like first guy there, last guy to leave. Like, I didn't know any of that.

Speaker 2 And here I am, like a 40-year-old man, and I know my work ethic is amazing, and I do a lot of things, but I should have been here very first thing.

Speaker 2 And I also was given bad advice from the existing correspondents because, like, Monvi rolled in at 1 p.m.

Speaker 2 every day.

Speaker 2 Jones, and like, I was, we were getting advice from people that had just been here.

Speaker 2 Barely were in the building. Right.

Speaker 2 And I should have just been at that morning meeting. I had nothing else going on.
I didn't have a kid. I was trying to get ready for school or anything like that.

Speaker 2 There was no excuse for me not to be here showered with a pen in my hand, ready to go.

Speaker 2 And that's what I would have done over again. It would be a different situation.
But again, I just love,

Speaker 2 love, loved my time here, even considering. But at some point, it came to an end because a lot of celebrities and famous people come to

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 show.

Speaker 2 And I remember

Speaker 2 Rory, who was the EP and John's, you know, right-hand person at the time, and Albanese, he pawned off Jason Cadems and Kathy Cadems on me, and Jason Cadems from Friday Night Lights.

Speaker 2 And we were maybe with you editing a piece. The correspondent goes and sits in the edit, and I was showing them how we did a piece.

Speaker 2 I believe it was the Bridge to Nowhere, the Canadian Bridge thing that I did.

Speaker 2 I was going to bring that piece up. The Ambassador Bridge.
Great. Great piece.
Great piece.

Speaker 2 And it really was. Yeah,

Speaker 2 that was really fun to cut, too. Yeah.
So we

Speaker 2 are doing that.

Speaker 2 And he comes in. I meet Jason Cadems.
He has a TV show called About a Boy

Speaker 2 and cast me in it. I'm pretty confident that NBC, like he just insisted that I was in it.
He was, he was, I auditioned four times. Like, are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The guy just gave me this great gig. So then I got to, I went to John, I'm like, who had kids, I think has kids exactly my children's age.
And I went to him.

Speaker 2 His kids are like 22, 19, something like that. 22 and 19.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So I went to John. I go, I miss my children terribly, and I need to go.
And I really wasn't here for very, very long.

Speaker 2 You know, I was always telling

Speaker 2 other correspondents. I wouldn't introduce you sporadically.

Speaker 2 After that, but I was always telling new correspondents when they came in because I had a little bit of crossover with Roy and with Ronnie and Desi and definitely Klepper and Hassan.

Speaker 2 I would always tell them, like, stay on the show for 100-plus episodes. That's where you start to really get recognized.
And I just couldn't. I couldn't.

Speaker 2 I was desperate to hang out with my wife and kids. I'm not good on the road.
I love stand-up. That's why I got in this.

Speaker 2 I just don't love

Speaker 2 flights with connections.

Speaker 2 I don't love hotel soaps. That's what I bonded with Jon Stewart over.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 John had that in his background. I think.

Speaker 2 Let's think about it.

Speaker 2 Am I the only... I know there's been other stand-up comics, but Wyatt was more alternative.
John Oliver was a little bit more skewed, more alternative. I'm like the only club comic

Speaker 2 other than Jon Stewart.

Speaker 2 Ronnie doesn't count. Roy.
Roy Wood Jr.

Speaker 2 Wait, Roy. Why doesn't Ronnie count? He's the Australian.

Speaker 2 Who knows what's going on over there? Fucking

Speaker 2 Roy. Yeah, Roy.
Roy definitely has been on the road. Oh, my gosh.
Roy. Roy is one of the best people.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Roy.

Speaker 2 Ronnie's, you know, actually a major comic with three Netflix specials. I'm just talking about, like, in terms of like American clubs coming up, I think it's just me, Roy, and John.
Yeah, and

Speaker 2 a lot of the others did, like, came from like improv

Speaker 2 and improv

Speaker 2 acting.

Speaker 2 I still have

Speaker 2 Rob Riggle gave me his Colbert notes to come in. Right, the Colbert note, the famous Colbert notes.
Well, I would pass that, I passed those on then to every single person.

Speaker 2 I think I was just texting a costa. Was it 14? 14?

Speaker 2 How many? It was like a. I just texted it to these guys.
I'll read them to you right now.

Speaker 2 These are, so I was on a TV show with Rob Riggle called Gary Unmarried. He played Jay Moore's brother.
I've been on so many sitcoms. You have no idea.

Speaker 2 That's the ethic.

Speaker 2 Let's see, Ronnie

Speaker 2 and Costa.

Speaker 2 Okay. This is the list.
So this is from Rob Riggle. This is an email that's the original Colbert notes.
The original Colbert notes that I

Speaker 2 gave to Wriggle. I asked Wriggle for.
He gave them to me, and then I've since passed them to Ronnie, Roy, Clepper, and then they've gone and passed them. I know Desi has them.
Amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they still hold up.

Speaker 2 Hey, Al. So I found Colbert's notes for me on things to think about when doing a field piece.
Number one,

Speaker 2 do we want to be saying this to everybody? Burn tape. Tape is cheap.
Keep talking and keep them talking. Two, break up questions.
Don't let them see where you're going. Three, play the silence.

Speaker 2 Four, match energy with subject. Five, discover things in the moment.
Be aware of when those discoveries happen. Six, always be asking yourself, what's my point of view on this subject?

Speaker 2 Seven, you have to think it's funny. Find a way to make that happen.
Eight, get clear on three to five things you want your subject to say and don't let them leave until you get them.

Speaker 2 That's very important. Nine, understand the real point.
What's behind all of this? What are you saying? And that was like when

Speaker 2 I was here on the show,

Speaker 2 I think there was a shift. It's like we didn't want to just be making fun of things.
It's easy just to shoot down. You want to

Speaker 2 also

Speaker 2 post solutions.

Speaker 2 And then 10 characters key, understand your point of view on the issue, and you will be able to react spontaneously in the moment that's it bro these were uh the tips and the most important one that Colbert

Speaker 2 told you was leave your soul at home oh yeah that's right

Speaker 2 gave me when I started and they helped hope they help you all the best wriggles yep so that's it and then I learned a couple other ones I remember wriggle told me whatever you do don't let Stu Miller drive

Speaker 2 these guys don't have cars cars. We go out there and they get a rental car and they're in Manhattan.
I'm like, what are you doing? This is like an eight-point turn.

Speaker 2 Just get out of the car. That's hilarious.
None of them know how to drive.

Speaker 2 And then if they're in Manhattan without a vehicle, it's crazy. So it's just like, give me the keys.
I'll drive. I'm not going to do this.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 what was the other one that was just hilarious? It was check your soul at the door.

Speaker 2 Oh, John Oliver grabbed me. This is day one.

Speaker 2 He goes, I'm going to tell you the only thing you really need to know. He goes, always live in the edit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you could be sitting if you like, if you think of something witty that was from 15 minutes ago. Just do it.
Just do it and we can put it in. Right.

Speaker 2 So, you know, good field pieces are made when I say something, they say something, and then I say something back that's funny.

Speaker 2 And so there has to be this exchange and back and forth. So you're always searching to cobble together as many of those moments as you possibly can.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm for. That's what I do.
You're the cobbler.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, you'll, you'll, I mean, I've always said that to

Speaker 2 correspondents. It's like, just remember,

Speaker 2 you can start over, you can do any, you know, it's all just think about that it's it's not happening live. It's not happening live.

Speaker 2 You know, and if you you're but you you feel like it's happening live, but remember that.

Speaker 2 Because I can,

Speaker 2 we don't,

Speaker 2 we never misrepresent people, but

Speaker 2 we will take,

Speaker 2 you know, I'll take like a stronger yes,

Speaker 2 you know, to a question you ask. I might take, you know what I mean? Like that sort of thing.
I might.

Speaker 2 You're not asking people to say anything. Because they already haven't said.
Yes. They've already said it.
Yeah, they've already said it, and then we're not misrepresenting them at all.

Speaker 2 But I like to create what seems like a seamless conversation in a piece, even though

Speaker 2 the sentences might be coming like 10 minutes apart.

Speaker 2 Sitting down with

Speaker 2 everybody I sat down with, I always was a nice guy. I know some correspondents had different strategies when approaching a subject, like Jones barely talked to him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he would not engage until the camera's rolling. I go, Hey, how are you? I'm Al.

Speaker 2 This is going to be a piece of cake. Now, I'm funny, you're not funny.

Speaker 2 I go, so I just needed to keep it straight.

Speaker 2 So, if you're going to make a joke I'm just going to have to stop and have to redo it because I'm not going to use it so I just would love you to speak in nice concise chunks right and just say what you're going to say straight answers if I tell you to tighten something up I'll need you to tighten it up so you'll see me do thing do things for three or four times I'm going to have you do things three or four times then the other thing is if I ask you a question you need to respond with the question in the answer so I've asked you what my favorite color is you say my favorite color is blue in case you have to use it later Yeah, in case I have to use it later without me in it.

Speaker 2 And yeah, then I would go on, and there was a couple more. And then at the end of a piece, we'd always go, okay, just a couple wild lines.
Can you say these for me? Right. Maybe.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So let's talk about your field work.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Yeah.
What was your favorite?

Speaker 2 Your favorite piece of all that you've done. You did?

Speaker 2 I think the, just because of how it magically came together, when you do a field piece, you go and you have a joke session, you try to anticipate what people are going to do. I did a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 I mean, top five, definitely

Speaker 2 Latinos

Speaker 2 in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 2 All these, by the way, still hold up.

Speaker 2 Where

Speaker 2 my second one was Tucson Michael Hicks, who's passed away that

Speaker 2 Tucson was the book ban? That was Chicano Studies Ban. Yeah, yeah.
That was a great one. That got national news, and that was my second piece.

Speaker 3 Across the country, public education is failing. But in Arizona, lawmakers have found the solution to the biggest problem facing their schools.

Speaker 1 Arizona's Governor Jan Brewer just approved a bill banning ethnic studies classes in public schools.

Speaker 3 And using this new law, the Tucson School Board banned the K-12 Mexican-American Studies Program. School Board member Michael Hicks.

Speaker 5 My concern was a lot of the radical ideas that they were teaching in these classes, telling these kids that this is their land, the whites took it over, and the only way to get out from beneath the gringo, which is the white man, is by bloodshed.

Speaker 2 When you sat in on these classes, what types of?

Speaker 5 I chose not to go to any of their classes. Why even go? Why even go? I base my thoughts on hearsay from others, so I based it off of those.

Speaker 2 So the school board in Tucson banned Mexican-American Americano studies.

Speaker 2 Right. And you spoke to a councilman there.
I spoke to the school board member named Michael Hicks, and he said,

Speaker 2 What was it?

Speaker 2 Well, the best part about it was

Speaker 2 you asked him, Well, what about African-Americans? Yeah, yeah. And he said, Yeah, that's fine.
And you said, Well, I'm a black kid. Teach me about African Americans.
Yeah, teach me about slavery.

Speaker 2 He just started digging.

Speaker 2 He just dug himself in such a major hole. He was a perfect person.

Speaker 2 And you, I remember you asking him, Am I three-fifths of a person? He goes, I think you're more a quarter of a person.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm a black kid.

Speaker 2 Try to teach me about slavery without me feeling resentment towards white people.

Speaker 5 How am I going to teach you about slavery?

Speaker 5 Slavery was.

Speaker 4 How did I end up here?

Speaker 5 Slavery was a.

Speaker 5 Now I gotta figure out how.

Speaker 5 Okay,

Speaker 5 the white man did bring over the

Speaker 5 African.

Speaker 4 What kind of jobs did we do?

Speaker 5 The jobs that you guys did was basically slavery jobs.

Speaker 4 So after we were freed, we got to vote?

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 5 You got, well, you didn't get to vote until later.

Speaker 2 And we were equal?

Speaker 5 Almost equal.

Speaker 2 What, we were like sort of a half or three-fifths?

Speaker 5 My personal perception of it, I would say you're probably a quarter.

Speaker 2 It was insane. And that was my

Speaker 2 favorite thing. That was nasty.
He got in trouble for it. He got in deep shit.
Yeah. Do you remember chicken boxing? Oh, yeah, chicken boxing was ridiculous.

Speaker 7 In 2008, Louisiana came to its senses and outlawed the barbaric sport of cockfighting. And the chickens of that state finally had some peace.
State Senator Elbert Gillory.

Speaker 9 We've outlawed cockfighting. Those blood sports are no longer attractive in Louisiana.
I'm not a fan of cockfighting, but I'd love to go and watch some chicken boxing.

Speaker 9 I'm going to stop you right there. You just said

Speaker 9 chicken boxing? Yes. Chicken boxing in Louisiana is still not legal, but we're fighting to make it legal.
You meant to say chicken boxing. I meant to say chicken boxing.

Speaker 9 Human beings put gloves on and box. Chickens can put gloves on and box.

Speaker 2 Chicken boxing was in Appaloosa with Berger

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 they were trying to ban

Speaker 2 cockfighting and now guys were trying to introduce chicken boxing and they made little gloves and I went out to the

Speaker 2 arena. The guy took you I took to arena and I go to this guy.
We were dealing with like a really nice little like mini Madison Square Garden. It was like amazing that arena that was crazy.

Speaker 2 And I was out with these guys on clearly, they were training roosters to do the cockfighting. And I put, it's horrible.
They put razor blades on their claws and they're vicious.

Speaker 2 They're like training pit bulls or anything like that. And I go, hey, man,

Speaker 2 to the side, I go, if this was real, which one of these roosters would win? And he goes, if it was real.

Speaker 2 Like, it is real, like, an idiot.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 me and Berger were on

Speaker 2 traffic on our way to the cockfighting ring, and this dude looks at me, and I'm a Latino in a suit in a rental car, and looks at me, looks at me in the eyes, and starts running at the car.

Speaker 2 And I go, Burger, Burger, go, go, go.

Speaker 2 There's been a couple moments where I've been like, we're going to die right now. Yeah, I was going to ask you about that

Speaker 2 in times you've felt. Richmond, Virginia, at Barack Obama announcing

Speaker 2 he was going to run again,

Speaker 2 I think,

Speaker 2 on Cinco de Mayo. You mean for the second time? Yeah, for the second time.
Oh, the Cinco de Mayo piece. I remember that one.
I almost got beat up because everyone was drunk. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Do you think you can keep this enthusiasm up until November?

Speaker 11 I think I can, because I'll drink Corona like it's water, drink Belight like it's water, drink vodka like it's water, tequila like it's water.

Speaker 3 Can you keep it up until November?

Speaker 12 Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 4 I come here all the time.

Speaker 5 I'm fing fired up.

Speaker 10 Are you pumped up because you think Barack Obama will finally be able to not worry about this combative Congress and he can actually be progressive in his theoretical second term?

Speaker 4 I smell weed.

Speaker 2 Those misdirect

Speaker 2 when you go in and you set it up, you think it's, you set it up to our audience as like, I'm going to this Young People's Obama rally that you think it is.

Speaker 2 And it's a Cinco de Mayop. And it turns out these Obama supporters love Latinos.
Yeah, and you're like,

Speaker 2 and just as much as they love drinking.

Speaker 2 Like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we used to do that with the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

Speaker 2 On a yearly basis, we'd figure out, or like a suit, like when the Giants won the Super Bowl, we'd go down there and think of, you know,

Speaker 2 we'd act like it was for something else and talk to the people. There was a time that I went out with Stu Miller to Phoenix, and

Speaker 2 the guy we lined up wouldn't speak to us.

Speaker 2 So he bailed at the last second. Bailed at the very last second.
Yeah, that's how we're going to be. He's not coming.
And then we just had to improvise, and we joined a rally. And I remember ripping,

Speaker 2 John, my Spanish is a little rusty. But what I think he said was, yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I caught that one. I cut that one.
I remember that. The guy says,

Speaker 2 the guy speaks, he says heartfelt in Spanish to the camera.

Speaker 2 It's a political rally. We're hardworking hardworking people, and we just, and this is SB 1070, right? It was like, yeah.
And he said, we're hardworking people. We really,

Speaker 2 you know, don't deserve to be villainized. You know, and we don't have to, we don't have the subtitles, so if you don't speak Spanish, you don't know what he's saying.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I go, John, my Spanish is a little rusty, but I think what he just said was

Speaker 2 about his girlfriend. Yeah, like that he was.
He's upset.

Speaker 2 He was like, he cheated. He's sorry, baby.

Speaker 2 And the guy's just looking at you.

Speaker 2 It was so good.

Speaker 2 Well, that's another little

Speaker 2 side note for the listeners. You don't speak Spanish.
My Spanish is no buel.

Speaker 2 Poco del Españón para. Because I remember early on when you were at the show, at some point we were like, oh, we can do this piece and we can do it in Spanish.

Speaker 2 Because over the years, we've done a couple of pieces where it was entirely in Spanish. We did one with

Speaker 2 Mexico City. And we did one way back when with Mo Raca, where they did the entire show was in the entire piece was in Spanish because they went somewhere where everybody spoke Spanish.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 I've been to places. And

Speaker 2 there was a point with you,

Speaker 2 I remember at some point when they were like, oh yeah,

Speaker 2 this will be great. We can actually, we could do the piece in Spanish.
And then you're like,

Speaker 2 I don't speak Spanish.

Speaker 2 Wait, what? Second generation half Mexican from San Francisco.

Speaker 2 And I think, you know, when you look back at all the pieces, which was a lot,

Speaker 2 a lot of them, unfortunately, still hold up. I think I did a good job of representing the fact that no one can represent all Latinos because I've said that multiple times.

Speaker 2 So going on and saying, there's no one repping all Latinos.

Speaker 2 That person doesn't exist because we can't agree on anything, and that is very true to this day.

Speaker 2 So, you know, they make funny if you don't speak Spanish, but then when you do speak Spanish and you don't pronounce things properly, then you're really fucked. Like, there's no winning.

Speaker 2 So I think I was very clear

Speaker 2 about that from day one. But I remember doing a press for the movie Night School with Kevin Hart and

Speaker 2 Tiffany Addish, and it was me, Fat Joe, and Kevin Hart doing Miami press.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they're all expecting me to speak Spanish. Kevin Hart looks at me and he goes, wait a second, you don't speak Spanish? He goes, it's the only reason you're here.

Speaker 2 It's the only reason. He started cracking up.
He thought it was the funniest thing. He's like,

Speaker 2 I speak more Spanish than you do. I'm like, yeah, well,

Speaker 2 that's good. Do you think I'm going to turn down a free trip to Miami to hang out with Fat Joe and Kevin Hart?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I'll be here.

Speaker 2 Another piece that was a really, really fun piece and really like

Speaker 2 a feel-good piece in a lot of ways. They let me do some very silly, weird shit.
But this was actually a real,

Speaker 2 it was a really solid piece.

Speaker 2 Last gay standing, it was called.

Speaker 4 Alabama and Mississippi.

Speaker 8 So who's it going to be?

Speaker 6 Cletus or Betis?

Speaker 7 It was time to see which one of these backwoods inbred homophobic states will swim the longest against the tide of history. First, let's meet some locals to see whose state has the intolerance edge.

Speaker 14 In this corner, from the state that still has segregated sororities, Alabama lawyer Doug Jones.

Speaker 13 With regard to same-sex marriage, Alabama will be the last state to ratify if we ever ratify.

Speaker 14 And in the other corner, from the state with the Confederate flag, inside their own state flag, Mississippi columnist Slim Smith.

Speaker 2 Mississippi will be last and we'll get there kicking and screaming all the way.

Speaker 4 I wish it weren't true, but it is.

Speaker 2 So the whole... Premise of the piece is, you know, gay, all these states are legalizing gay marriage.
Who will be the last? Who will be the last? What are the last five states?

Speaker 2 And he goes, well, I think it's going to be the deep state the deep south

Speaker 2 and the deep state I think it's gonna be the deep

Speaker 2 you'll cut that out

Speaker 2 I think it's gonna be the deep south so you go and it was hilarious because you were like because they both were defending their state in to be the last one they both they both

Speaker 2 got lots of the irony was really because they were both like yeah we'll be the last one i mean the one the newspaper guy is like come on we still have like we still have um uh um segregation laws on the books.

Speaker 2 And then you asked him about sodomy, and he goes, he goes, well,

Speaker 2 it's a,

Speaker 2 I think you said that Doug Jones says it's a misdemeanor. And you cut to the other guy and goes, oh, sodomy's a felony.
Yes, that's right. And they're all trying to outdo how shitty their state is.

Speaker 2 It's hilarious.

Speaker 2 We were in Birmingham and we were in Jackson. And that was the thing is that had we been in this deep, I'm cut you off, but we were in those two cities and that affected the peace and we had no idea.

Speaker 2 But keep going. Right, because then you went out to waffle houses.

Speaker 4 All right, that's it.

Speaker 3 We'll settle this the old-fashioned way in a waffle house.

Speaker 10 Y'all, I want everybody to know we met two years ago at a waffle house, and I just want to say, would you, Michael, would you marry me? This is our anniversary, and I just wanted to know

Speaker 10 if you would do this, because this is very special to me.

Speaker 6 Yes!

Speaker 6 was that clapping?

Speaker 8 Okay, Mississippi.

Speaker 7 Last chance to bring some authentic anti-gay redneck venom.

Speaker 10 I want to say in front of everybody, I want to ask you, sincerely, would you marry me?

Speaker 6 Yes. Yes? Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Seriously?

Speaker 7 These are the two gayest states in the Union.

Speaker 2 No, but the point of the whole thing was everywhere they went, nobody gave a shit. Everywhere they went, No one cared at all.
And actually in...

Speaker 2 In the Waffle House, they applauded when he proposed. Applauded, and a little boy said, you can't do that here, but not yet, but you can do it here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Speaker 2 And he rattled off all the states where you could get legally married as a gay couple. Oh, I didn't know that.
And then they would applaud.

Speaker 2 And then I had a very interesting conversation with a guy next to me who I was waiting in the Waffle House because I'm, and this was when Obamacare was coming out but he told me his wife was a waitress he was waiting for her to get off her shift and she made two dollars and sixty seven cents per hour

Speaker 2 and then they let her keep her tips and then he was anti-Obamacare but they didn't have health care at the Waffle House and I'm like but you see how this can help you

Speaker 2 and it didn't so I just remember that and I remember but the nice thing about the piece was it kind of it just reminded you Pete it reminds you of like

Speaker 2 a lot of these issues, people don't care. It's all the it's all the people in power and in the government that make big issues out of these things that nobody gives a shit about.

Speaker 2 And that's why I just really wish we could have

Speaker 2 some sort of

Speaker 2 secure nationwide voting on major issues like that.

Speaker 2 Referendums. Let's talk about guns.
Like, all right, who wants, you know, rifles to exist for hunting? And then let's get rid of automatic weapons.

Speaker 2 Do we need those? We don't. Yeah, even gun owners want to get rid of that stuff.
It's like 80%.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's nuts.

Speaker 2 I guess we can talk a little bit about more about the bridge piece.

Speaker 14 That's right.

Speaker 7 People of Michigan are going to have to pay for the entire.

Speaker 2 Wait, what did he just say?

Speaker 7 Michigan will pay nothing for this bridge.

Speaker 2 Define nothing.

Speaker 6 Zero. Zero dollars.
Zero outlay, zero risk, zero liability.

Speaker 10 Define zero.

Speaker 6 No cost to Michigan at all. Absolutely nothing.

Speaker 2 To find nothing again.

Speaker 7 But nothing probably means something, especially when you consider how many times America has been burned by slick-talking Canadians.

Speaker 4 Look, when politicians tell you that this isn't going to cost you nothing, grab your wallet, grab your money, and run.

Speaker 4 Break wide, dude.

Speaker 1 The Canadians are saying they're gonna pay for this bridge, but I don't trust them.

Speaker 2 And they say a lot of things, sometimes in French.

Speaker 1 And they buy our milk at Sam's because Canadian milk is very expensive.

Speaker 1 True story.

Speaker 2 What does that have to do with this?

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 15 Canada is offering a Trojan horse. Oh,

Speaker 10 you think they're going to hide a bunch of Canadians in there and they're just going to jump out and attack us once the bridge is complete?

Speaker 15 No, it's not going to be Canadians. It's gonna be Chinamen.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 15 I just want Americans on that bridge. I don't want a Trojan horse delivering China steel and Chinamen.

Speaker 10 Just FYI.

Speaker 2 I don't think anybody's using Chinamen anymore.

Speaker 2 That was one of the best. That was

Speaker 2 a great piece. And the people that you talked to were so funny.
I had a good time. I just remember that.
I remember the ex-Project Party guy? No, the ex-Black Panther guy

Speaker 2 pulled out who

Speaker 2 was like

Speaker 2 I run this town and he I run that town. And then

Speaker 2 when you go back to all of them to tell them that the bridge is owned,

Speaker 2 I don't want to tell you how to run your author business.

Speaker 2 But the bridge is owned by an individual, like a family that owns the bridge. And this is why.
Maddie Maroon. And he goes, yeah, I know that.

Speaker 2 And he pulls on and he goes, he goes, it's all about these politicians. And I just, I'll never forget this image.
He pulls out this ginormous wad.

Speaker 2 This ginormous wad that's like,

Speaker 2 it must be four inches thick of cash. And he waves it around going, it's all about the cash.
I'm like, that guy's got like thousands of dollars in cash. He was so big.
And he was a giant. And I go.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I run this town. And yeah, I know that guy owns a bridge.
So what? I don't want to, they had paid them off.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 2 We were in a.

Speaker 2 And the woman, do you remember the housewife? Yeah. She's like.
And the milk prices.

Speaker 2 And And they come over here, you know. You know, they come over here to buy their milk.
You know that, right? Canada.

Speaker 2 And I go, what does that have to do with any of this? I don't know.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 the Chinese, the guy, the tea partier guy who goes, he said, Chinaman.

Speaker 2 And I go, hey, just FYI. I don't think they're calling him China anymore anymore.
And I go, and they prefer, I think this got cut out. I go, they prefer Oriental.
Yes, that did get cut out.

Speaker 2 Because I remember that was

Speaker 2 a joke that we all wanted wanted to keep.

Speaker 2 But they cut it out as we went alone. They were like, yeah, that's a little too much.

Speaker 2 Anyway, that was funny. And then you got to do that stylized Clint Eastwood Chrysler 300 piece with the steam.

Speaker 2 I drove around in GoPros

Speaker 2 with GoPros attached to the car. And

Speaker 2 we did the bridge section. It was the M ⁇ M thing, the M ⁇ M.

Speaker 2 If I remember, you found a toll booth.

Speaker 2 We couldn't shoot.

Speaker 2 But you faked it. Oh, Oh my gosh.
The toll booth, number? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You keep because we have you drive. You can't shoot on any because of Homeland Security, you can't shoot on anything.

Speaker 2 But in this, in the piece, you keep driving on the bridge and trying to talk to

Speaker 2 the toll booth collector.

Speaker 10 I'm here to talk to Maddie Maroon.

Speaker 2 The guy who owns a bridge.

Speaker 1 475, sir.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 10 So, yeah, the guy who owns the bridge, his name is Maddie Maroon.

Speaker 4 He's sort of in this monopoly.

Speaker 6 I'll be back.

Speaker 10 Hi, it's me again. As I was saying, I want to talk to Matt.

Speaker 10 Oh, they're fine.

Speaker 10 Denise, don't you think it's a little odd that one man owns a bridge?

Speaker 1 You need to stop around.

Speaker 2 Go and watch this piece again. We founded New Jersey Six Flags and made their ticket booth look like a toll booth.
It was great.

Speaker 2 You even had cars going by in the background. It was such a brilliant production.
And then I remember John coming in, the edit bay, and he he goes, How did you do this? This is amazing.

Speaker 2 And we looked at each other and we were like,

Speaker 2 Movie magic. Do you really want to know?

Speaker 2 He goes, yes, tell me. And what he goes, no.

Speaker 2 He walked out and he walked back in. He goes, fine, just tell me what you did.

Speaker 2 You can't shoot on any bridge. So that's kind of a reenactment at a New Jersey Six Flags.
And if you look closely, the same production van drives through three times, faking traffic.

Speaker 2 It's all sound effects for the horns. Yeah, yeah, that was a fun piece.
That was really fun. Fun piece.
And she was a great actress, too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The last one on my list of my favorite screws is, of course, tanks, tanks, tanks. Oh, I got to drive tanks.

Speaker 16 Tanks, tanks, tanks, little tanks, big tanks. Does your country need tanks? We got more tanks than we know what to do with.
And Big Al's Western Tank Emporium.

Speaker 16 And they're not just for attacking Africa.

Speaker 17 They can do it all.

Speaker 16 Juicing, printing, Packing!

Speaker 17 Clauda!

Speaker 2 And of course, navigating traffic!

Speaker 16 We will not be undersold because I'm almathra about tanks!

Speaker 7 We may invade you with a ground war and destroy the tanks we sold you in the first place.

Speaker 2 There's a place in Casoda

Speaker 2 where you can drive a tank. I think I sh I've shot machine guns so much on this show.
I shot a Tommy gun in there that didn't even make the piece. They're like, Do you want to go shoot a Tommy gun?

Speaker 2 I'm like, Yeah, sure. I'll go shoot a Tommy gun.
And then I got to drive these tanks, but the thing is such a weird place.

Speaker 2 So, the piece for the listeners, the piece was they were, there's a the United States government is still buying tanks. There's no well, there's a factory.

Speaker 2 The story was, there's a factory in Ohio, I think.

Speaker 2 Some of the details

Speaker 2 manufacturing tanks, manufacturing tanks, and it's all

Speaker 2 and it's all uh it was all part of some pork from some ohio senator yes that's kind of whoever was

Speaker 2 miles khan yeah miles and um so they this factory keeps and you talk to a general if you remember a retired general who's like retired general we don't we got we don't need any more tanks we've got plenty of tanks up here

Speaker 2 yeah and so they they keep building there's like and this the factory has like 80 employees it wasn't like a ton of people but this guy makes a big stink about like we can't shut down the factory we can't lose these 80 jobs and so there's all these extra tanks, and they just put them in this graveyard out in Utah.

Speaker 2 There's a tank graveyard with

Speaker 2 all this great job. It's a ridiculous amount of money.
So then we end the piece with you driving.

Speaker 2 Well, you like a used car salesman trying to sell tanks.

Speaker 2 Don't I get and you get in a tank and you start crushing. You go like, you got to get a tank.
It's like the best. And then you crush like toys and stuff.
They had me crush two Saturns.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, you crush cars. thought

Speaker 2 I crushed cars driving a tank. That's right.
This job was so amazing. They bought some beat-up old used cars and you crushed them.

Speaker 2 But there was a lady.

Speaker 2 This place has a woman. Like, they have these attractive women in a bikini that was

Speaker 2 supposed to rub your shoulders while you drive the tank. I don't know who wants this.
I don't remember that. No, she didn't make the piece, but that's what this place was.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was like Chicksen. Where was it? Like North Carolina?

Speaker 2 There was an an automatic rifle on it. It was in the Carolinas.
Where was it? It was in Minneapolis. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Like an hour and a half outside.

Speaker 2 I think it was like Casota, Minnesota, or something like that. Yeah.
All right. So I guess we're running out of time here.
I got to go rehearse. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Great seeing you. You are doing.

Speaker 2 Team Lopez Lopez Lopez versus Lopez. Yeah, I'm on George Lopez's sitcom, which is the best gig.
It's

Speaker 2 his daughter, Mayan, and I play a stoner on a multicam, which is the best gig ever. And I also write, so I have a CBS overall deal.
So I write TV shows and develop stuff for CBS.

Speaker 2 And then I'm back on the road doing stand-up. So please come out and see me do some stand-up comedy.
I think I have a bunch of dates. Austin, Chicago,

Speaker 2 Milwaukee, Madison.

Speaker 2 I should put things on a website.

Speaker 2 You're going to be the only people who know. So please come out and see me do stand-up.
It'll be fun. Glad to have you back in the building.
I love being back in the building. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 2 Need to come more often.

Speaker 2 Sure. Anytime.
If only there were Latinos who were in the news.

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