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This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stu Gats Podcast.

So you're looking a little bit sleepy.

You're looking a little bit tired, Chris Cody.

What do you have going on last night?

Bowling got me.

Really?

I used to not partake in the, you know, the beverages in the mid-1990s.

What does that mean?

You used to not partake.

What do you mean you used to right on on on school nights i don't really get down right you know the last couple years i've done bowling on wednesdays and so i've kind of gotten the habit are you in like a are you on in like a bowling league yes sir yep great cooney's on a team yeah we got a whole squad so the bowling didn't get to you the drinking did correct okay and it doesn't always right but it did last night all right but let's backpedal for a second so how many people are on a bowling team five and is it like total score is it average how does that work it's three games a night and you do have an an average, and then you're based off your average, you're given a handicap to kind of balance it out.

You know, if you're really good, you have a zero handicap.

Well, why is there a handicap to balance it out?

Why isn't just you versus another team?

Because then there's like a few teams out there that are just so good that they would just win everything.

This makes like a crappy bowler can compete with the good bowlers because of handicaps.

I mean, Zaszlo, it's like golf.

The reason you have handicaps is so bad players can compete with good players, you know?

I mean, bowling's no difference.

Well, why don't you just, why don't bad players compete in a league that's bad players?

And good players compete in a league that's a very good player.

Is there a bumper league?

Like good players.

Like an ABC league.

Something like that.

Bumper league.

Yeah, how about them bumpers?

Let's be honest.

Nobody actually knows how to keep score in bowling.

So if you just take off the TV on the top, right?

No, no, nobody, come on, they're all lying.

He's right about that.

He's right.

He's right.

No one's right about that.

How do you score a spare?

It's one of those things where old people, like my dad, can tell you, he can look at a thing and be like, you're going to get it.

It's been decades since they've had to do it on their own.

There's no way they remember how to do it.

You're telling them to take off the screen and just bowl and then at the end have a big reveal as to who won.

I guarantee you everybody's like, maybe I won.

I don't know how to keep score.

He just made bowling better.

He did?

I mean, that is a reveal at the end.

I remember.

Oh,

and they show who won.

And then, you know.

I mean, Israel, you're a North Miami Beach.

Like a tennis replay.

Like, growing up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you?

Let's be specific.

North Miami.

You are a North Miami Beach guy.

Yeah.

I'm a North Miami guy.

Okay,

we are rivals.

We are not the same.

This is true.

Rival high schools.

That's true.

Cross town, yeah.

I remember I have to get off the bus.

I played Far City Basketball.

Don't make me have to go get my North Miami police hat from the other room.

Please get it.

Please get it.

Please get it.

I would get off the bus.

Israel's going to get the North Miami police hat.

I'd get off the bus and we were at North Miami.

We were escorted into the gym by police.

Oh, wow.

It was a big rivalry.

That was when, and it was my first experience at North Miami, you know, for a big rivalry game.

That was when I walked next to our six-foot-eight center into the gym.

So you walked next to him, who was also walking next to police.

So you were like three foot.

Well, police was surrounding all of us.

I'm like, I'm walking next to him.

And you still felt the need, huh?

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

He was a big boy.

I'm walking with you.

You had cops with you, Zaslow.

Nah,

wasn't enough, huh?

None of those cops were six foot eight.

All right.

Oh, look at Israel.

He's got his North Miami police hat.

Oh, look at you looking very handsome.

There you go.

It's incredible.

Zaz still looks more like a cop.

Oh, I don't know.

How about now?

Is he also in Zaka?

I love a good sweatstain in the flex cap.

Nope.

Still says.

Yep.

You know your mic's off.

And you still got the NMPD thing right there.

I'm thrown off.

I came in in the middle of the segment.

I don't know what the hell's happening.

So the point I'm making, all right, you're a North Miami kid.

You don't remember going to Cloverleaf bowling and having to keep score by hand?

You weren't able to do that?

Yeah, no, we had to do it by hand.

Nobody knew if we were right.

That's true, I know.

It's all just pretty much a guess.

I can keep score.

I know.

Can you really?

Absolutely.

All right, so

you start your bowling game, Matt, with two strikes, a spare, and a seven.

What do you have?

Oh, you can't.

You're asking me to do your complicated math.

Give me a few minutes to write it down.

A few minutes?

Well, no, no, I don't need a few minutes.

Minutes.

Give me 20 seconds to write it down.

I'll give you the score, no problem.

All right, do it.

So what is it again?

It's two strikes.

Okay, strike,

XX,

and a seven.

Yeah.

Wait, wait, what was the seven?

Was it like a 4-3?

Yeah, we needed another

spare.

It was a 4-3.

4-3.

Terrible first shot.

Talk to us.

I'm going to give you a score.

It's a 4-3, so it's two strikes, it's a spare, and it's a seven.

I have no idea what that adds up to.

I do.

Talk to him.

That's why I look at the screen and it tells me, oh, 42.

I'm like, okay, sick.

All right.

Do you guys, if you had the choice to choose electronic scoring or writing it down on your own?

Because I've had this conversation with Greg Cody.

No, your dad likes to write it down, Chris.

He does.

You guys are old.

No, no, you need the electronic scoring because you get the turkey animation.

The animations, yeah.

How do you know if you did something good without the animations?

Yeah, Yeah, neither the turkey animations.

The animations are the greatest part about bowling.

You have like the JFK one where he's like in the book depository, and then it's like, and then the pin explodes.

Some of them are.

That's definitely your bowling.

You guys didn't see that one?

The JFK one?

No, that's probably the deep red one.

Who the fuck wants to bowl with Zaslow if he's taking this long to add up the numbers?

Are you working on that?

Okay.

I think I have the score.

Yeah, that's exactly what we said.

I noticed how you were done bowling.

It's been a little bit long since I've done this, okay?

You were so confident.

Again, strike, strike, spare, 4-3.

4-3.

I think at the end of that fourth frame, you have 71.

Damn.

I don't think that's anywhere close.

It's definitely close if it's not 100% spot on.

I don't know.

But nobody here is able to.

I have no idea how to check you on this.

I think it's 71.

I'm being, AI is telling me it's 57.

Yeah, I think it's 57.

I just put in like bowling score.

Strike, strike, spare, seven.

And it said,

did you put 4-3?

Oh, I didn't put 4-3.

I don't think that really matters.

Of course,

that matters, right?

I think that's the best.

You add the four onto the spare, right?

Yeah.

I'm telling you, I got it.

It's 14 onto seven, which ends in a one.

So I think Zaz is closer to right, but the 70s.

Actually, I think it might be 61.

I think it might be 61.

That's a lot better.

So no.

I think I fixed it.

Just do the turkey dance.

I think it's 61.

Let's do the turkey dance and let's move on.

So.

Thank you, Izzy.

Harder to do these days.

Keep score for bowling by hand or keep a box at a baseball game?

Hmm.

Can you do a box?

If I put it right in front of you right right now, Stugats, you went to the Marlins game and you sit there with a box, would you be able to keep score?

No.

Really?

Probably not.

I would be able to, but I'd probably fall asleep in the middle.

Do I have to stay for the whole game?

Yeah, don't make me do that.

If I have to stay for nine innings, no deal.

If you look up, they're looking at it on the computer.

Okay, video.

I kind of calculated it.

And what do they have?

It says 69.

Nice.

Yeah.

All right.

69.

Stu, did you accidentally do this one where the score gets you 69?

Yeah, I did.

You're that much of a mathematical genius that off the top of your head you went 69 with, what was it, strike, strike, spare, seven?

Yeah, 4-3.

Yes.

70.

Oh, so I was so close.

I had 71.

If you got a nine, if it's strike, strike, nine, spare, four, three,

seventy.

Oh, all right.

All right, Zaz, okay.

I'm in the middle wrong.

What do you mean, okay?

No, but he's wrong.

I don't think the computer's right either.

How dare you doubt computer accuracy?

I'm pretty sure he put in the same numbers twice, and it came up with two different hands.

Because it matters what you got on the spare, if you got a seven spare or a nine spare.

And what the first

roll was.

Yeah.

The 4-3.

After two strikes at a spare.

Wow.

So you are drunk.

So, Chris, on

a regular night like last night, bowling, you go out there,

what's an average score for you?

I average, I believe, 180.

My first game, I got a 216.

My second game, I got a 177.

You know, we started going this way.

The beers were flowing.

Right.

And the third game, I usually actually, because it keeps track of your averages throughout the whole season, I generally go up like my third game, which is surprising.

You'd think as the drunker you get.

Right.

But apparently, like, kind of like golf, I get a little better as the night goes on.

But yeah, I had a good night last night.

Stu Gotts, you just showed up tonight to a bowling alley.

You roll what?

One.

You know what's going to say roll.

That's bowling parlance.

You got to roll them.

I want to be inclusive, you know?

Right.

I would say like a 150 tops.

Not bad, right?

That's like what I would do.

If I just showed up tonight, I gave 150.

That's what everyone says they would would bowl.

I don't, I'm not saying you wouldn't, but that's just what you say.

Tony, you show up.

Snooty Boulder, right here, by the way.

Did you feel?

Did you hear that?

He's like, yeah, I bowl two something.

Yeah, I have 180.

That's what they say.

That's what they say.

Do you have a handicap?

Yeah.

You do.

I average, like, I get 54 pins.

So the average is to 230.

So what's 230 minus 54?

That's my average.

176.

That's my average.

Tony, you showed up tonight.

No bumpers.

No bumpers.

Bumpers, I'm in the 150s for sure.

Yeah, it's so much higher.

No bumpers.

I'm bowling like a...

The thing is, you gotta be in the twos.

No, bumpers up below a 150.

No bumpers.

I'm bowling like a

96.

Ooh, 96?

Yeah.

At your bowling alley, you get a nice little animation of Tom Hanks human trafficking kids in an anime cabinet.

It's pins, though.

Specifically, it's not kids.

I don't know what the kids' situation is.

It's pins.

Remember, it's a bowling alley.

Mike, you show up tonight.

We're bowling.

I don't do bowling.

Oh, wow.

Too cool for that.

Israel?

Did you say bowling parlance?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like language.

You just dropping words on Stew Gats like that and you expect everybody to just know what you're saying?

Like, that's a damn word if I've ever heard one.

The answer is 140.

All right.

With bumpers or no bumpers?

No bumpers.

Second game, two beers in.

What a first game's going to be.

The bumpers are fun.

If you're an adult, you play bumpers game.

It's fun.

I know, but if you have bumpers, Tony, you should be in the 200s, don't you think?

It's very true.

Yes.

Very true.

Because you have a gutter ball.

Yeah, but you can get like the last little corner.

You can hit a one, and you're like, ah, come on.

So, Israel, before we get into the really important stuff to me.

Maybe 160 if I'm feeling really good.

All right.

I don't do the curve throw thing.

I do the straight throw thing.

The curve throw thing is bad for your elbow.

Have you tried to like really curve it?

It hurts your elbow.

You guys sound like let's make some content.

Or let's say we're going to make content and not actually make the content, but we should do a bowling thing.

Huh?

So, Israel, you weren't here yesterday?

Any observations?

Are you asking or telling?

Kind of both.

Any observations from yesterday's show?

You got a beef of yesterday's program?

I don't know if it was necessarily a beef.

It was funny to me that Greg Cody figured out that his testicles are two different sizes after he got hit in them with a tennis ball.

That's when he realized, oh, one, one's a little lower than the other one.

And I'm pretty sure that's everybody's, unless you've got some weird stuff going on.

Did you know that, Stugats?

I did, yes.

I've looked at my balls before.

Have you looked at Greg Cody's?

I haven't.

What else you got from yesterday, Israel?

From yesterday in particular,

not a whole lot, to be honest, because I did have a question for Mike, and it had nothing to do with yesterday's show.

Overeasy.

I'm an over-medium guy.

Sunny Side Up.

Sunny Side Up, too.

I like a runny egg.

I like Dan.

I used to like the runny egg.

I like a congealed egg.

Can somebody tell me the difference between overeasy and sunny side up?

Yes, yes.

You flip it over real quick.

So there's like, you still keep the consistency of the yolk, but it has a little thicker over the top.

Sunny Side Up's never flipped.

Yeah.

Sunny Side Up is just.

Is it Sunny Side Up that has more likely some uncooked whites around it, perhaps?

Yes.

Yes.

It could be a little snotty.

There needs to be somewhere in between a little snotty and over medium because it's never over medium.

It's always just works into.

You're a Dominican, right?

You do the Dominican eggs.

Which one is that?

You don't know the Dominican eggs where you get like the corn oil and you just basically fry them to the golden colours.

I was going to say, every egg I've ever eaten growing up was ridiculously overcooked, and I didn't know what an actually properly cooked egg tastes like until I was maybe 35.

That's a Dominican egg.

Yeah.

But that was not my question.

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Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

I know I did.

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Don Lebatard.

Cheaters never prosper.

Stugats.

I ain't cheating.

This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugats.

I like the ramen egg.

What could it possibly be?

You know that ramen egg where it's like cut in half?

Soft-boiled eggs, which is

the good stuff right there.

So I was in a Publix the other day, and I was jamming out, and I was like, wow, this song is definitely a potential CVS and Walgreens song, but for the entirety of my life, I've had no idea what this dude is saying in this song.

And I wanted to take it back to like, you know, the 1990s where I couldn't just ask my telephone.

And I said, I'm going to wait and ask Mike this question because I'm pretty sure he knows the answer.

Flattered.

Okay, you ready for the song?

Yes, it goes like this: mumble it:

what the hell does he say right there?

This is the road that I must travel.

Is that men at work?

I think I think it's Mr.

Mr.

Wow.

If I'm correct, yeah, no, no, no, that's one of the band names I have.

They're Australian, either way.

Isn't it Kiri Erie?

Kiri Erie.

I don't know.

Is that English?

Kiri Erie is Kiri Iri is.

Kiri Iri, what?

I don't know.

Kiri Iri is a road.

I googled it.

Kyrie Irving came up.

But either way, also Australian.

Crazy.

Maybe they were just foretelling Kyrie.

We are living in a projection, and this is just like a cycle.

But no, I have no idea what that person says.

I swore that I would throw that out there and Mike would just be on it.

But this might be one of the greatest mysteries of our time.

So I guess it's a name because it's Kiri Illison, Kiri Illison, and then it goes Kiri Illi.

Like it just cuts it off.

What's the Illison, though?

I wonder.

Let me find out.

Who's this?

Kiri Illison.

That's what it is.

I don't think it's a name because the E and Ellison is lowercase.

What does that mean?

It's a Greek phrase meaning Lord have mercy.

Wow.

So the Australians singing in English used a Greek phrase saying, Lord, a mercy.

Well, let me confirm that it's our mister Tonight, yes.

Let me confirm that Mr.

Mister is Australian.

They are not.

From Ohio?

Yeah.

Delaware like Dante DiVincenzo.

No, they're from Phoenix, which is way different.

Kyrie has never played in Phoenix.

What is his idea?

I really did confuse him with men at work.

Who may also may not be Australian, and they just saying, I came from a land down under, and then I would just never fact-check it.

I just assume that they're Australian.

If you're saying it right.

No, but the Vegemite sandwich thing lyric is damning.

Yeah, Mr.

Mister.

There's people in supermarkets right now singing along and just going,

have no idea and will go to their deathbed not knowing what that song is, but damn it, it'll play at their funeral.

Well,

in the very unlikely event that Mr.

Mr.

isn't from Phoenix, Arizona, and they are actually from Australia, which they are not.

There's a lot of Greek influence in Australia.

Nikurios, for example.

I think in this country, they're going to have to change their name soon.

Izzy, that song's a bit upbeat for a funeral, don't you think?

I mean, it's a celebration of life, whatever.

Roy, good morning.

Good morning.

You all right?

Yeah.

I had to drop off clear to school.

First day of school.

School traffic kind of.

School is bad.

That is quite the transformation's ass.

I had no idea he was there.

I was looking at my writer.

I was expecting to see Chris, and I see Roy.

That is jarring.

Very sneaky.

Very sneaky.

All right.

Good to have you here, Roy.

Thank you.

So I don't know if you saw yesterday.

Hey, Decoro, Chris, how are you?

But the Miami Dolphins, that's our local football team.

Our local professional football team.

And they are in Detroit right now because they have a preseason game this weekend at the Lions.

But they've been in Detroit for the last couple of days because

they're doing joint practices with the Detroit Lions.

I do think, by the way, we're going to get to a place where there's going to be maybe one preseason game and teams are just going to schedule joint practices.

I think coaches would rather joint practices than preseason games because the joint practices, like it's a controlled environment.

It's like, hey, I want to practice red zone.

Like, are you okay with that?

I want to do this.

I want to do this.

And in preseason, like, anything can happen.

I think if you polled NFL coaches, Stugats, they would tell you, we would rather do away with preseason and just do joint practices.

All of the preseason games, I think coaches are such creatures of habit that they feel like they need a couple of games to get their team kind of organized and ready.

Why doesn't college football?

I mean, Texas is playing Ohio State week one.

It's like here we are.

It's a great question.

I don't have the answer for you.

Perhaps they're not allowed to do it in college, to play preseason games.

I have no idea.

No, they're probably not.

But the point being,

college where a regular season loss is so much more damaging than in the NFL, they get right out there and they play.

And they don't always play, you know, school for the blind in week one.

They're playing a massive game.

Right.

But for the most part, when the NFL guys get out there week one, for the most part, that's the first time they're seeing the field.

I'm not saying that's the case for everyone.

Joe Burrow obviously saw the field week one preseason.

But for the most part, I think the preseason is to figure out who's going to be those final guys on the roster, right?

Yep.

So I think, therefore, it has a value to coaches.

You want to see them play in the game, Zaz.

You do.

So, Israel, you are our main Lions, Detroit Lions.

That's just

world's number one.

Thank you.

We're enjoying this hypothetical matchup against Blind You.

How do you think that would go?

It's just, I love the visual.

Like, hut!

Like, no, this way.

Watch the ball.

I mean,

damn it.

It's over your head.

What are you laughing at, Stu Guts?

Blind you.

Israel, did you see all the reports around the team that you covered, the Detroit Lions, yesterday with their joint practice with the Miami Dolphins?

Hit it, Roy.

Thank you.

I did already.

Ah.

All right, go ahead, Izzy.

Turn my headphones up.

Thank you.

Oh, it's Honolulu theme.

Wait, what's in trouble for me?

Wait for it.

There's the lion.

He's chilling, though.

He's not a crazy lion.

Yes, this is the part where my worlds collide here as my expertise on the Detroit Lions growing expertise.

I don't want anybody to challenge me at all, okay?

It's a growing expertise, Honolulu blue.

Although the wardrobe is getting a little limited right now, I had to wear a Honolulu blue with a bit of a graphic on it today.

Who knows what's coming tomorrow?

I don't know.

But yes, my worlds are colliding here.

The reason I got on this detroit lions beat was because my dolphins fandom had just fallen off of a cliff because they're regularly mediocre and this season gave me no hope now they have this joint practice and what i have confirmed everyone

the dolphins are going to be awful this year

Just terrible.

The Detroit Lions went into this joint practice saying, we don't know what our problem is.

Our offense sucks.

Our defense is pretty good, but our offense is terrible.

We need something to make us feel better about ourselves.

And they got it because the Dolphins came into town and granted Tyreek Hiller wasn't there or didn't play.

Jalen Waddell was limited.

They didn't have the right tackle, but they got eaten alive to a point where the Detroit Lions now feel good about themselves, no longer worried about their own.

Yeah, like, so, so the Detroit media who are there, they're getting their first look, obviously, at the Dolphins so far this season, Stugatz.

And you should see some of these tweets that were coming out of that practice yesterday from what I assume is Lions media, okay?

I mean, all right, so so take for instance, this one.

This is Nick Baumgartner.

I don't know that fool, but he covers, you know, the Lions, all right?

Lions just out everything, the Dolphins, for two hours out of them.

Never good.

As lopsided a joint NFL practice as I've ever seen.

Congratulations to the Lions for winning practice.

I mean, who cares?

They didn't just win practice.

They won like by 70 points.

Here's some more details.

Safety Brian Branch.

You ever heard of Brian Branch?

I don't know that fool.

He forced incompletions on all three repetitions he took during one-on-one drills, locking up Todge Washington twice.

That goes to Todge Washington, hope.

And also bumping Eric Ezukanma

receiver off his route.

In the first seven-on-seven period, the Lions foiled five straight plays.

Five straight.

Okay.

TJ Tungavayaloa looked terrible.

Zach Wilson looked even worse, throwing an interception on his first pass.

It was a disgusting display for the Miami Dolphins and made me sort of

feel way better about my choice to be a Lions guy this year.

Izzy, I will tell you one thing.

Brian Branch, good player.

Okay.

There's a chance.

Nick Baumgartner hasn't seen a lot of joint practices.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, he says the craziest he's ever seen.

Maybe he's only seen a couple.

In fairness to the Dolphins, the team you don't want to play in practice is Dan Campbell and the Lions, right?

Well, they did.

They do have Aiden Hutchinson, and he did some hard work.

Yeah, but they practice hard.

There's no plays off for anyone on Detroit.

They practice so hard.

If you looked at those two coaches, Dan Campbell, Mike McDaniel, which team practices really hard?

To get a fair observation.

Isn't that the problem with the Dolphins?

Like, they're considered to be soft.

So you would want in these joint practices to show that you're not soft.

Well, you had one of the players from the Lions, a defensive tackle, I forget his name, and he said, I don't think they practice the way we do.

Like, that's what he said after you guys.

All right, let me.

No one does.

Let me read you a few more of these tweets from, again, Detroit Media, who's there seeing the Dolphins.

All right, this is Colton Pouncy.

Now, I don't know that fool, but he's there in Detroit.

That was the most lopsided joint practice.

This is not the same tweet.

That was the most lopsided joint practice I've ever seen.

Lions dominated both sides.

So now you got a couple that are saying the same thing.

Now, you know, I've never been around Detroit media.

I don't think they all get together and decide, hey, we should all tweet this.

These people are watching and like, all right, so let me, let me, let's, let's see another one here, okay?

So, again, this is also from a Detroit media member.

This guy is called Mike Payton.

Oh, Mike.

No, I don't know that fool.

Either the Dolphins are really bad or the Lions are just a juggernaut.

Not a great day for Miami Stewarts.

You know, one of the things that really annoyed me with the Dolphins is their play calling on goal-line plays, like short plays.

They're always trying this misdirection nonsense, never really fooling anybody, very rarely executing.

Here's over an eight-play stretch during a red zone situational period.

The Dolphins' first team gained little traction despite trying to sow confusion with misdirection tactics.

Several runs went for minimal gains.

So, basically, trying the same shit and not being tough again.

You don't want to show him too much, is he?

I mean, it's preseason, it's practice, you know.

I mean, if you weren't trying to show him too much, you would run that bitch right up the middle instead of all this nonsense.

He's right about that.

He is right about that.

Let me read you one more here.

All right.

So, again, this is from Colton Pouncy.

Now, the only reason I know this guy

is because I already saw a tweet from him.

Otherwise, I don't know that fool.

Dolphins offense just ran 16 or so plays in the red zone versus the Lions.

Didn't score until the final play between second units.

Miami's first-team offense didn't score in the seven to eight plays versus Detroit's first team defense.

It was ugly.

Lions D is having a day.

I mean, was it seven or eight plays?

Seriously.

I mean, geez, are you watching this practice?

Including the punts?

How do you not know?

Now, we were hearing the same kind of stuff last week when they were doing the joint practice with the Bears.

And I understand, like, Mike McDaniel after the practice, like, oh, you know, Detroit players are saying they don't think that you guys know how to practice.

They don't practice the same way.

And Mike McDaniel chalks it up to the whole, you know, there's a lot of noise, and that's all it is.

It's just noise around us.

But man, like, we're going into a season.

You got these two joint practices where it seems like the other team kind of thinks you're a joke.

You got Jalen Ramsey out there talking about no one respects the head coach.

The major buzzword around the Dolphins right now is culture.

And of course, coming up, and by the way, you got the Tyreek Hill situation.

I don't know, man.

Like, it's a lot of things that are out there right now that would signal the Dolphins might be sneaky, terrible team this year.

I don't think it's sneaky at all.

Amon Ross Saint-Brown said that the, quote, white elephant in the room was that their offense had been terrible all the way up up to Detroit practices.

Detroit's offense had been terrible all the way up to these practices.

Until they saw the Dolphins' defense.

And now they're totally comfortable.

They're fine with their offense.

My question there being is, is he conflating two different phrases?

The white elephant in the room, isn't that a game?

Isn't it a white elephant?

The white elephant is just an elephant.

Yeah, the white elephant in the room is a nice little present.

Who knows?

It's a mystery.

Right.

So it's confusing, but I'm pretty sure we know he's basically saying the Dolphins defense.

Isn't white elephant like Yankee Swap for Christmas, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a fun game.

That's what they call it in Tony's house: Yankee Swap.

Are you concerned about bowling?

Don Carter's and Kendall, rest in peace, by the way.

I have the animation that I was talking about that they played at Don Carter's.

You guys have to see this.

I know Sigats asked a question, but for a moment,

let's pause this.

This was Don Carter's circa 2, 1998-ish, that you would bowl a strike, and this would happen.

Oh, yes, the Videotron, which, oh, okay.

So it's.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

They put a face

on the bowling pin.

The pin is JFK and Jackie O

in the back of the Cadillac.

And then, guess what?

Thumbs up.

You got a strike, baby.

The Terminator.

Too soon.

Whoa.

So I remember seeing that in my childhood being like, yeah, okay, cool.

That is crazy.

And you see how they made the shooter blue?

All right, so again,

because this is, you know, for some people, it's not a visual medium.

You bowl a strike and like a cool video comes on the screen, makes you excited for your great accomplishment and they show a cartoon it's a blue circle you know stick man kind of guy lovely face got it it's a bowling ball yeah that's why it's yes it's a bowling ball guy yeah the eyes air holes and he's a sniper he's in a building and he's peering out the window and with his sniper gun he shoots and kills JFK.

The bowling pin

just has his face on it.

It has JFK's face on the bowling pin.

And then just to make it worse, they take the X, which is the sign for the strike, and they crush something and they call it the X Terminator.

That's effed up.

That's crazy.

John Carter's early 90s.

You had to be there.

Wow.

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Don Lebatard.

All right, we got to go back out there.

That was big.

Wake him up.

Uh-oh.

He doesn't want to be bothered anymore.

Now it's getting tense because he didn't need that as a result.

He needs something that happens.

You can see it.

Mother FOM.

we bother you?

Are we bothering you right now?

Turn on your microphone, Greg.

My microphone's on.

Stugats.

Paint the scene.

Paint the scene is: I gotta go to work.

Good night.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Stugats, you asked me, am I concerned about the Dolphins because of practice?

No, I'm not concerned about the Dolphins because of practice.

I'm concerned about the Dolphins because of all the things that I just laid out to you.

Like, for instance, like Chris Creer is doing the thing again.

You've noticed this, right?

Where fans and media, like, Chris, if I were to ask you, what is the thing about the Dolphins, personnel-wise, what is the thing about the Dolphins that you are concerned most about right now going into this?

What's the white elephant in the worst quarterback?

I mean, cornerback room I've ever seen.

Right.

That's what the fans and the media are questioning right now is the cornerbacks and, you know, the secondary minus Mika Fitzpatrick.

And Chris Creer is doing the thing again, where it's, you all seem to be a lot more concerned about that than we are.

And we did the exact same thing with the offensive line last year, where he literally in front of everybody, he laughed and said,

you guys are a little bit more concerned about that than we are.

And as we learned, there was reason to be concerned about it.

What would you like Chris Greer to say?

We're not good at that position.

I wasn't doing my job.

No, he's going to say, I'm confident in the cornerbacks that we have, of course.

Don't put yourself in position to be caught and just to be dead wrong midway through the season.

Like when all your fans are like, we told you the cornerback situation was going to be a problem and you're getting lit up for 400 passing yards every game, then what's he going to say at that point?

You probably should be, should say, hey, yeah, we're taking a chance, some chances on some guys.

We're trying just because obviously we don't have the big names that you're used to, and then try to, you know, manage the situation if you're struggling.

But right now, saying, we're not worried about it the way you guys are.

If you get lit up, you're fired.

The Dolphins might be the first NFL team in history to not play a single play in man coverage all season.

I think they're going to play zone defense the entire season.

I'm telling you, dude, these cornerbacks, I could be out there.

I don't think you could.

I could.

How's your back pedal?

You're hurting from bowling.

I mean, that's true.

Okay, now, everything we just said about this joint practice yesterday, which, you know, people think the Dolphins were an abomination.

Preseason game two this Saturday afternoon, Dolphins, Lions.

Like, what if they play well?

Like, what if the Dolphins...

It's 24-24 again, just like it's the Bears.

They look like shit against the Bears.

It was 24-24.

Like, what happens if, all right, they looked okay.

No, but that's my point.

Like, you guys are down in the Dolphins because of a couple of lousy practices and reports from guys you've never heard of.

And would you be surprised if the Dolphins go to Indianapolis and win in week one?

No.

There's no way anyone would be surprised.

If the Dolphins start 2-0, you would not be surprised.

Who's the second game?

Patriots at home.

You wouldn't be surprised.

Stu, I would be surprised if Tua makes it it through all the snaps in the first two games.

I would be shocked if he makes it through all the snaps through the entirety of the season.

But forget, he played all 17 games two years ago.

He did.

Two years ago, right.

So you're holding up one year out of how many?

This is.

Okay, so the odds are in my favor.

And if he doesn't play the entire season again, your backup is a name that we recognize who has looked the worst of all the backups that we've seen in preseason.

Get off my tin.

And so what exactly are we to feel good about?

A miracle season, maybe?

I guess that's what we have hope for.

How could could it be a miracle season if you know going into it, there's no reinforcements coming for the secondary?

I don't understand miracles, they just happen.

Okay, touche.

That's true.

But your corners are weak, your safeties are okay.

Minka, I guess, could be somewhat decent.

No, safety's an improvement.

Javon Holland sucks, and Minka Fitzpatrick is good.

So that's an improvement.

He's on the kind of downturn of his career.

We can say the same thing about Jalen Ramsey, though.

Sure, sure.

But your secondary is toast.

There's nobody there.

And it's like there's nobody else coming.

You already lost your best corner for the season.

By the way, you see Chop Robinson yesterday.

He says he's fine.

I don't know.

Yes.

I don't understand.

If a cart comes out and takes you out, you better be on the verge of a leg amputation.

You can't come back and say, it was my collarbone.

All right.

And all's good.

Because he did.

Like, he came back and he said, everything's good, nothing serious.

I texted you.

He went out on a cart.

I texted my dolphin people.

I'm like, no carts unless it's serious.

And their reasoning.

It's far.

It's a far away.

Like the practice field to where they're taking him is just like, what are you going to make a guy with a hurt elbow walk 400 yards?

Does that change your opinion?

I mean, they're wearing a blanket.

Okay, but I want to know right away.

I want someone to tell me.

I want it to be short.

Have two golf carts.

We need a golf cart for everything's okay golf cart and a golf cart with like, whoa, this is not good.

Just need a ride golf cart and an injury golf cart.

Right.

Yes, right.

I like that.

Like they should decorate, like, man, I don't know if you make it dark.

Like, put a siren on the important one.

I don't know what we need.

Like an ambulance.

Yes.

Two golf carts.

A nothing's wrong golf cart and a shit's shit's hit the fan golf cart.

Like that.

Unless anyone else has anything else on the Dolphins, I do want to get on to something that was pretty awesome last night.

Anybody have anything else on a terrible team?

No.

No, we're good.

All right.

Wait, one final point.

The Cuban relationship with JFK is completely different than Americans.

Still?

So you're saying a Cuban made that?

If that's playing at Don Carter.

Did a Cuban own that Don Carter?

Don Carter is very Cuban.

Do you think he took shots every time that one came up?

It's like, oh, we both have strike already.

Which one's it going to be?

Ah, it's JFK then again.

Just providing context for the rest of the nation.

What year do you think that was, Tony?

I'm being told 95 in my year.

So around 98, 99, when I would be bowling as a kid, seven, eight, nine years old.

That's what I would see.

That's still feeling the residual effects of the Bay of Pigs.

30 years.

That's nothing.

What a time to be alive, man.

Unbelievable.

What a terrible invasion.

So last night.

The Marlins won at the Guardians last night.

Who cares?

Doesn't matter, whatever.

They're four games under 500.

No big deal.

But you see what this Jacob Marcy did last night?

No.

So Jacob Marcy.

Who is Jacob Marcy?

All right, that's a fair question.

It's Jacob Marcy.

He was the prize prospect in last year's Luis Arise trade.

Remember, we all freaked out.

Who's Luis Arise?

Oh, come on.

Get out of here, Luis Marcy.

Oh, you kidding me?

What are you doing?

By the way.

There's definitely people listening asking the same damn question.

Oh, come on.

Terrible day, by the way, for Billy and Jeremy not to be here, though.

But Jacob Marcy was the prize prospect they got in return, and he made his debut.

It was like a week and a half ago.

He made his debut with the big league club, and he came right away.

Like first game, he was great, and he's been great.

Last night, he was four for five with two home runs and seven RBI in the Marlins 13-4 win.

When are they trading him?

He has an OPS right now, Stu Gotts.

Yeah.

You know what OPS is?

No.

On base plus slugging.

That doesn't seem like enough enough letters, right?

OPS for on base plus slugging?

I feel like I need one more.

You want it to be an OBPS?

Yeah, yes.

All right.

You said I would have knew.

You could start that movement.

He has an OPS of 1400 right now.

Is that a lot?

That's good.

That's like Barry Bonds.

All right.

It's better than Bonds, I think.

I think it's better than Bonds.

I mean,

I don't know.

Is that something to be super excited about?

Like, is it possible they got one of these kids who is just going to be a superstar?

Like, finally, did they trade a player for a prospect that is going to be like a serious dude?

I'm not going to, I'm going to go more macro.

Like, obviously, Marcy, we're going to see what he turns out to be.

But overall, it seems like this Bendix guy.

It does.

That's the part.

It just seems like guys that we've acquired are turning out to be decent, which is not something we're used to down here.

And then I see like these highlights of, hey, look who we got, you know, in the minors right now.

This pitcher and this bitch.

They're mowing people down.

I don't know.

Like, is Peter Bendex look like a dork when they signed him?

You know, they brought him in.

I'm like, I don't know.

Maybe this guy knows what he's doing.

I'm glad you went to Chris for expertise on that because right before you started talking about what's his name?

The president of the team?

No, the player.

Oh, Jacob Marcy.

Yeah, Chris called him Jacob Mars.

We didn't.

Yeah,

don't undercut me like that.

Why is he saying you did it?

He just didn't say it on air, but he said it.

What's his gross?

What's his OPS?

It's 1400.

All right, Bonds' best season was 1422.

That's crazy.

I don't know.

It feels like a little something to get excited about.

You're a good player, it looks like.

I think you've got to keep it up for a little while longer.

I get it.

I understand.

It's okay for the Marlin fan to be excited about something.

Maybe like 10 games.

I mean, Bonds did it for a season.

And I understand.

I get it.

All right.

He's Barry Bonds, the greatest player I've ever seen.

But you're excited.

I just, as someone who has not paid very much attention to the Marlins this year, I don't know.

That's something I feel like.

That's kind of cool.

That's kind of fun.

All right.

There you go.

So, yeah, something to keep track of.

You know what, Zaz?

I'm going to back you up.

I'm not going to keep track.

I have not watched the Marlins in forever.

You know what I mean?

This is not my game.

For them to get me back is tell me we got the next Barry Bond.

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