Local Hour: Dan's Tumble Down a Flight of Stairs

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Off the top of your head, Greg Cody.

What did I miss?

Did I miss anything?

I didn't know you were gone.

No, I'm just kidding.

We've missed you.

You know, the ratings have skyrocketed in your absence, but don't take that personally.

We're all happy you're back.

I hope you had a wonderful time.

Nobody deserves a vacation like you do, but you left it at a sort of a downtime, you know, the summer doldrum.

So I think you're back at a good time.

So

I didn't miss anything because I was in Hawaii, and I'm sure I will burden you with an assortment of irrelevant Hawaii facts over the course of the show today, including me falling down a flight of stairs.

But before I do all of that, I will tell you that what I felt across the ocean, and it made me a combination of happy to be on vacation, but sad about just the general state of sports, is reverberating across the ocean, the Dolphins had a bad practice.

And I'm like, how is this?

How is this something people are talking about for days?

I have literally never heard of a practice so bad that it shakes the sea and arrives in Hawaii at my doorstep.

We had a, the Miami Herald had a reporter live and in person in Chicago reporting that the Miami Dolphins had a bad practice.

And I felt about the same way about that headline.

The Detroit Lions fan used to show up to games wearing paper bags over their head and the Detroit media was stunned at how bad the dolphins were.

Okay, so that's good.

You guys are excited about the dolphin season?

It's just weeks away.

We're just a little while away from Miami-Notre Dame.

Is Miami-Notre Dame going to feel like Miami-Notre Dame?

Is that possible?

It's a top 10 matchup.

Oh, yeah.

But I think out of all the things that you missed,

that you'd probably wish you were here for is Jeremy Tashay is a racist now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's

a shocking heel turn.

He's a racist.

Jeremy, who's supposed to aspire to being the best of us, and he'll let you know about it, by the way, just cracked open the mic and just started saying racist slurs.

Yeah, anti-Ireland

slurs per holes.

Well, he lumped in multiple people into one slur catch-all.

I thought that among the people that we had here who aren't members of the original cast, I thought that the worst moment was had by Tony while I was away.

That was also rough to watch.

Yeah, that's fair.

Which one moment?

I only got one and I just got that he lost a bet and flipped out.

He crashed out on the air, yeah.

Because he lost a bet.

Right, but we could do something with that.

Jeremy just being an open racist.

Very hard to work with that.

I can't do a lot of improv off of a dude just like spewing hate.

You can't.

I feel like Trump has provided a good amount of comedy on that front for all of us.

And he's back.

Hey.

And that's a fine.

Well, I did.

What do you mean that's a fine?

Why is that?

Somebody's phone went off.

Oh, I didn't hear it.

Was that Greg Cody's phone?

I didn't even hear it.

Yeah.

Trump says once you mouth the F-word.

Trump talk would end world hunger.

Now we just reallocate to militarizing a city.

Just this morning, Trump said on Fox News, I want to try and get to heaven if possible.

I hear I'm not doing well.

I hear I'm really at the bottom of the totem pole.

And we've already covered that bottom of the totem pole is actually good.

Yeah.

We have covered that.

First time I've agreed with Trump in six years.

Also, slavery is not as bad as we thought.

Well, you know what?

Now we're back.

Part of that, part of

the commentary that he had that I will agree on is when.

Hopefully not that.

No, right.

But in that, in that tweet, there was something I agreed on, which is Trump did say that museums don't do enough in terms of celebrating the future.

He's not wrong about that.

Given by definition, they are existing to only celebrate the past.

So he wants them to celebrate the future more, but then they would not be museums anymore.

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This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stoogats Podcast.

I want to talk about our love of nostalgia and what I imagine will be be a Cowboys documentary on Netflix that will do very, very well, even though the team hasn't done very, very well in 30 years.

And it's totally unsurprising that instead of just doing a Cowboys documentary in 10 parts, that Jerry Jones would insist on it be a documentary that starts with him and then talks about the Cowboys.

But before I do that,

I just want to ask you guys for a formal definition here on how many stairs you have to fall down to fall down a flight of stairs.

because uh at two o'clock in the morning on my vacation in the dark

i am contending that i fell down a flight of stairs but it wasn't obviously the entire flight of stairs but it involves me bloody on the floor with my knee and elbows scratched up yeah yeah and moaning and laughing at the floor waiting for my wife to have heard me from where you tumble

i did tumble but great question thank you it is yeah but i don't think i'm gonna get away with this because i taught I did indeed tumble.

However, I only missed the last two stairs.

So I don't know how to describe what happened because it's not, I just say I fell down a flight of stairs, but I don't know if I fell down enough stairs to qualify for falling down a flight.

But I did tumble into, and not only that, I fell into the wall that was opposite the stairs because my momentum carried me.

My moaning momentum carried me because I missed the last two steps because I was in my phone.

Damn.

My hotels never have stairs.

That's the first observation.

You made two steps.

I did.

I missed the last two steps in the dark.

But if you, there are a couple of observations that I have that I want to ask you guys because I don't know if you have seen this.

There's some people talking about how inflation in the economy has gotten so bad that all of America ends up feeling like a streaming service that keeps upping the prices but removing some of the features.

Okay.

So I felt inflation when I went to, for the first time in 30 years, I went to, walking out of a pizza place, a gumball machine to get some mic and ikes.

And I put one quarter in the gumball machine and I ask all of you, what's the proper number of mic and ikes that I should get for one quarter if I go to a gumball machine from 30 years ago?

What the hell's a mic and ike?

No.

Dan, that's not inflation.

That's inflammation.

Right, different.

You don't know what Mike and I'm going to be able to do that.

Come on, you know what that is.

What?

Tell me.

It's a gumball.

It's a candy.

It's a chewy candy.

It's got a very...

Cylinder-shaped.

How big is it?

Very small.

It looks like a pill.

Like a pill, like a pill.

A big pill.

No, the shape of pill.

It's not circular.

It's more oblong.

Okay, you got to get three for a quarter, right?

All right.

You remember Good and Plenty?

Yes.

That's the fruity version of it.

Oh, okay.

Three.

Okay, so you ruined the game.

Perfect for the seat.

Just you ruined the game because I got three and I was offended.

Like, I was hugely, I was offended on behalf of America.

This can't be three.

I've just been ripped off as I'm walking out of this place.

This is a rip-off.

Three is not even a mouthful of Mike and Ike's in terms of what it is that you want for chewiness.

Okay, one would have insulted you.

Three is normal.

But what does that have to do with you falling down a flight?

I'm just going to give you an assortment of observations.

You had a quarter on?

Yeah, I can't believe you had a quarter.

Wow, change.

What else can you buy with a quarter these days?

What's funny about that is the only reason I went to a gumball machine for the first time in 30 years is because I had a single quarter on me, and I'm like, what am I going to do with this?

I usually just give this to whoever it is gave it to me.

Okay.

And when you fell down the flight of stairs, because I'm not going to leave that alone until I find out how much you've been drinking, because when you fall down a flight of stairs and laughter ensues, it implies that alcohol was involved.

Not a drink.

It was not about drinking.

It was two o'clock in the morning in the dark.

Okay.

And you guys have me staying in a hotel.

I would not do that.

I was staying in a home.

Yeah, Airbnb.

And you bought a house on vacation?

Oh, you should have a bunch of people.

Just a small one on the water.

The answer is five, by the way.

Five steps is falling down a flight of stairs.

If it was like, if you're on the fourth step, third step, that's just I thought you were answering the Mike and Ike's question.

I think if you get, no matter how many steps, I think if you get to the bottom of the stairs still unbalanced, that's falling down a flight of stairs.

Okay, but I ended up on my side and back again, bloodied knee and bloodied elbow.

And

it was only two steps, but it was obviously a hard fall.

And I'm very lucky like I didn't break my ankle or something in terms of the way that I fell.

But

I felt the last step on my way on the momentum.

So you only missed one step, the second step.

You hit the first step, but with your knee or back.

Well, yeah, I don't know.

I don't even think it was my knee or back that hit the first.

You're going to die in a really strange way.

I'm just going to make a prediction here.

The positives here.

You're young enough where you don't break your hip doing that.

You know, you're you're you know, if that happened to my dad right now, yeah.

Well, I mean, we could we could be looking at the beginning of the end.

I mean, I pulled a muscle in my arm trying to do monkey bars.

You should show that.

He did the monkey.

Remember, we did that while you were gone.

Were you here for that, Dan, when my dad tried to

do the monkey bars, failed at it?

Spoiler alert.

There's no way you would be able to do.

And afterwards, he had a bruise on his bicep that like went, it was on both sides.

So he did something like legit.

The point is not that but that if i fell down a flight of stairs i absolutely would break a hip so good for you not doing that you got good hips this guy leads the league in hips he always has nice skate uh a perusal of artificial intelligence suggests the average flight is about 12 to 15 steps yeah it goes to the next floor right flight of stairs it's still dangerous we're not downplaying how dangerous it was it's just not a flight of stairs the legal definition is a continuous run of steps without a landing bad bad arm day for you bad arm day Bad arm life.

All right, let me see what you've got working there.

We're going to embarrass you on a couple of fronts here because we have a video here that I am told you do not want us to play about something that you and your wife are beefing over.

So that's from, that is a strange place.

So, that's a strange place to have a bruise after doing the monkey bars.

And I do believe

that the reason that happens is because that's where all your dad's pride, ego, and will went to die because he couldn't actually do it.

But that's embarrassing.

Yeah, well, but that was the intersection of I don't want to be embarrassed.

Let me see if I could tear my bicep doing this.

Okay, now I have to stop.

Okay.

That's right.

I was injured, or else I would have continued and done the whole monkey bars.

That's good.

See, he just gave me a great excuse.

Injury.

That's why I couldn't.

Why are you so delusional?

And I have a theory, okay?

I do have a theory that I believe is true after 40, which is that every man, and this only happens to men, every man over 40 thinks he's 20 years younger than he actually is.

Put it on the poll at Lebetard Show.

Does every single man over 40 years old think he's actually 20 years younger than he is?

Because I think this is an affliction for you especially because you think you can do everything in sports.

Like you think you can block Miles Garrett and kick 70-yard field goals.

No.

No, I've kicked a 50-yard field goal, as all know.

So that's part of it.

You know, I used to do monkey bars like in the top speed when I was that's how you did them?

Yeah, when I was a kid.

And so I'm figuring I'm stronger right now.

I could kick the ass.

Your form would allow you, you would hit your head on the monkey bar.

Like you're not making it.

No, I'm going like this.

I would kick the ass of my 10-year-old self who did monkey bars, you know, top speed.

So I'm thinking, why can't I do monkey bars now?

So I tried and I failed.

Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

I know I did.

And in many of the pictures that I went back to reminisce over, I had a beautiful white can of Miller Light in my hand because I love making good times during the summer a Miller time.

And it's a good reminder.

We're losing time on this summer.

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Don Lebatard.

This is largely performed and we need to establish on some reasonable doubt.

Yes, exactly.

Please story where he pays more than you do.

Stugats.

I always like leaving Dan up to ID.

him.

Because he's so vulnerable.

I just unfairly fade down the chickens and just leave him by himself.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

I don't understand how delusional you are about this.

You mentioned

kicking, and it just made me think of a preview I saw while I was away.

Have you guys seen the preview yet for a movie that I have to see, which is just called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You?

Wow.

Great title.

Is that from the makers of something's gnawing on my leg?

I don't know what this is about.

I assume that it's a horror movie, but you can find some information on this for me.

And what I wish for you to also do is please find some information for me on the movie The Senior, starring Michael Chicklis, who I have been told, now please get me a height and weight on Michael Chicklis, and please get me an age on Michael Chiklis because he is going back to college.

He's playing for a team called the Lobos.

He has one year of eligibility left.

He's an old man, but what I'm told is that he is a menace in this movie and it's based on a true story.

He looks ridiculous doing everything that he's doing because he's an old man who's not particularly big.

But one of the things that he does in the fourth quarter when everyone's tired, I'm told, is he lines up on the line of scrimmage and he informs everybody on the other team that it is, quote, clobbering time.

Oh, because

that's actually a callback.

He played the thing in the Fantastic Four, and that's the thing's catchphrase.

I'm a nerd.

Michael Chiklis is currently 61 years old.

He is listed anywhere between 5'7 and 5'9.

He's an actor, so it's probably 5'7.

Yeah.

And just under 180 pounds was the last verified weight.

No way is he under 180 pounds.

Get out of here.

I mean, if he's 5'7.

This is as asinine a preview as I ever have seen done on sports.

A 61-year-old Michael Chiklis trying to play college football, but he reminds me of Cody.

Okay.

First of all, I've seen that movie.

It hasn't come out yet.

I was at the premiere.

I was at the premiere in 2023.

We actually had Mike Flint,

the original linebacker who Chiklis is playing on the Greg Cody Show podcast.

Christopher, you should get audio from that.

But, you know, the movie's a little bit corny, but it's sweethearted.

You know, it's a sweet movie.

I can recommend it.

I can't tell if you're actually telling the truth or not.

No, I am.

You went to the premiere?

I went to the premiere.

It was in Fort Lauderdale in like the fall of 2023.

The assumption was that it was going to come out soon after.

Apparently, they could.

Well, I just saw a preview that said it comes out September 19th.

It does.

Yeah.

So, in other words, it had been in the can for two years.

Episode 46 of the Greg Cody Show.

I completely forgot about it.

We talked to 59-year-old Mike Flint.

Of all the people that have something for you on a movie topic.

I know.

Mr.

Movie.

He's like the perfect guest is in the studio with you.

But has the movie come out yet?

Or is it 223?

Did you not listen to episode 46 of the Greg Cody show featuring Greg Cody?

It looks like it was canned.

It was made a couple years ago.

It was canned, and now it's coming out.

It's finally coming out two years later.

Okay, so Greg Cody got a sneak preview on a movie two years early that has not yet come out and has has already covered it extensively on his own podcast.

He adhered to a two-year embargo.

I scooped it.

I scooped that story.

I've got some info on it.

If I had legs, I'd kick you.

I'll get to that in a second.

I've got a lot to catch up on.

And in hour two today, we will review all of the things that I missed.

And I want to be careful because I really did check out, so I don't know too much of what it is that you guys have talked about.

But have you guys talked about that this season, the Jacksonville Jags only need to get to their own 43 yard line.

70 yard field goal.

Yeah, we saw that.

I don't think we talked about it.

I saw it though.

But they don't need to get to the other side of the field, which is perfect for Trevor Lawrence.

Are we now introducing, because it makes sense, right?

You always hear all the time, oh, this guy was hitting them from 70 in the pregame.

It's here now, right?

The 70-year-old, the 70-yard field goal is actually here.

Will we see this?

We're going to see this at some point at the end of a a half or at the end of a game.

It doesn't make any sense to do it when you're going to give up the field position of allowing somebody to be in your territory, but we will see this happen.

I'm surprised we haven't yet because the 60-yard field goal has become fairly commonplace.

65 has been done.

You know, 70 is going to happen, but as, you know, do it in a game.

I mean, somebody did it in the preseason.

I think the guy you're talking about doesn't count.

Don't even consider it.

Not a record.

Do it in a real game.

But if I had to guess, I would say the over-under this year is that there will be two or three 70-yard field goals kicked.

I got to be honest.

Be honest.

I'm going to be honest.

Everybody knows.

If you know one thing about me, you know I'm honest.

I'm going to be honest here.

I know that you like Thai food.

I'm tired of the long field goals being so easy now in the NFL.

When do we get to a point?

They have to make the goalposts thinner.

It doesn't have to be like arena football, but

we got to close those goalposts a little bit.

Kicking field goals become too easy.

Honestly, that was said when I kicked my 50-yard field goal.

I'm not even lying.

Hal Habab was the witness, and people said at the time.

You're being honest?

Yeah, people said at the time, if this guy who's never played organized football can kick a 50-yard field goal, we got to change the parameter.

Because in a couple of generations from now, people are going to be kicking 70-yard field goals.

That's what was said due to my 50-yard field goal.

So I'm really taking a little bit of credit for the advancement in the length of field goals.

I like Damscheck's idea from Football America.

You put a crossbar at the top of the field goal, so it's like a square instead of open.

Because the short ones, they go too high.

That's not a bad idea.

I like that.

You have more footballs blocked at the line of scrimmage.

Make it tougher.

Make it tougher.

You guys want to make the field goal more difficult, and you're trying to discuss whether or not you'd rather make it kick it through a square or move the goalpost closer together?

Not only that, if it's a super short field goal, it should be worth one point.

If it's a medium field goal, say 35 to 50 yards.

You're rewarding the offense less for getting closer to the goal line.

It should be two points.

So if you go further down the field.

You're going to ruin the game with a bunch of strategy to be at the 50-yard line.

What's the matter with you?

You're going to be taking knees at the 40.

Strategy is part of the game.

We're incentivizing them going for it the closer they are to the goal line.

Right.

That's how we spin it.

That's right.

Yeah.

Put it on the poll, please, at Lebatard show.

Should the goalposts be closer together?

Please give me an update, Zaslow, if you would, on the great movie, If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You.

Okay, here's the plot.

Be honest.

Everybody knows that.

With her life crashing down around her, Linda attempts to navigate her child's mysterious illness, her absent husband, a missing person, and an increasingly hostile relationship with her therapist.

And I'll tell you, this is a cast.

All right.

It stars Rose Byrne.

She's an A-list actress.

Also, Conan O'Brien.

What?

I didn't even know he's an actor.

So, yeah, there you go.

He's a psychiatrist

in that movie, but it's a horror movie, correct?

Dark comedy, it looks like.

ASAP Rocky's in it.

It's a good name for a movie.

It's a movie that lures you in for sure.

Can I wonder here aloud, Billy, because I have been grateful here that over the first 20 minutes of this show, you have not allowed Wild Willie Wednesday to break out of me.

I don't break out around me.

No,

you're back.

This is a celebration, a homecoming, if you will.

But can you please explain to me, if you do not mind, why it is that you were alleging that a 31-17 game is more of a blowout than a 14-0 game?

I mean, does that have to be explained?

Do you guys argue that a 31 to 17 game is not more of a blowout than a 14 to nothing game?

It sounds better.

It sounds more impressive because the points that you're putting up on the board, but also the other team has zero points.

I've never really given this much thought, but I would rather beat a team 37, 31, 31, 17 than 14-0.

Because I want to feel good about my offense more than I want to feel good about my defense.

He's just wrong.

What's wrong?

The 14-0 game is more rare.

I'm with you.

You have an unusual score.

Yeah.

That's what you want.

That's two scores.

How weird are shutouts anymore?

I would like to see a pie chart or a graph on the number of shutouts in the NFL.

They're so rare now that when you get one, it's a big deal.

I think 15 to 1 is more of a blowout than 14-0.

That's definitely score, Gammy.

In my NFL, there could be a 15-1 score.

See?

That's what I mean.

You know what I mean?

There could be.

Put it on the poll at Levittard Show: Is a 15-1 blowout more impressive than a 14-0 blowout?

And is a 31-17 blowout more impressive than a 14-0 blowout?

You guys are just doing football.

Baseball, that feels different.

15-1 and 14-0 feel the same.

But

when you do football on this and you tell me 14-0,

14-0 for me represents one of the most famous scores in South Florida history.

The Miami Dolphins won a very close game in a sloppy orange bowl to advance to the Super Bowl over the Jets, right?

The last time either of those two teams was relevant that way at the same time.

Over the Jets with A.J.

Dewey returning an interception for a touchdown to make it 14-0.

But that was by no means a blowout.

It's the most famous 14-0 I can remember in South Florida's history.

That's the same game I was thinking of when that score happened to come up, and it was A.J.

Dewey.

Muddy conditions.

AFC championship game, right?

But that was not a blowout.

That was not in any way a blowout.

It was a great game.

I mean, it's basically a 7-0 game, you know, broken open a little bit by an interception return in the mud, which you can never anticipate.

That game was covered in the ESPN 30 for 30 on the New York Sack Exchange.

I could not believe the field conditions for that game.

This is a game to go to the Super Bowl, and they allowed them to play on that slot.

Speaking of things I couldn't believe, I don't know if you guys have followed the Cowboys documentary that just released.

I saw the first episode last night, and it is just going to be very easy nostalgic watching because the personalities are so great.

Basically, the Cowboys have been relevant for 30 years, even though their team hasn't been any good because the personalities that started all this were great and it's endured for 30 years.

But what I could not believe in the first episode that I simply did not remember and could not see happening again in my entire lifetime in sports.

That when Tom Landry was replaced by Jimmy Johnson, they had a parade for just Tom Brady, or Tom Blandry has been fired, and there were 100,000 people just there to watch Tom Landry go in a car and wave at them that he'd been fired because he was replaced.

And that will never happen again.

No.

It'll never happen again in sports that a coach

will have that kind of feeling from its fan base that 100,000 people will gather for something that is part parade and part funeral for a man who's still alive and all he's done at the end is be sacked by Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones.

Wait, were they happy he was fired or were they celebrating

all of his contributions?

They were mad that he had been replaced.

But

he's waving?

It seems as though he's got buy-in, so he was under a certain impression.

No, he had been let go by Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson in a way that was so unpopular.

Wasn't it the first thing Jones did when he bought the team?

Yes, basically.

It's the first thing he did was he brought in Jimmy Johnson.

This part, this thing is so interesting.

I've reached out to Jimmy to see if he wants to talk about it because one of the many interesting things about it at the end is to say, oh, look at this.

They made a documentary where Jerry's going to allow Jimmy to get the credit in a way Kraft didn't allow Belichick to get the credit.

This is interesting, like where the, like they were friends and then they hated each other.

And at the end of their lives, as they both examine mortality and immortality, the two of them are willing to make a documentary that's not going to have all the truth in it.

It's going to have a little bit of truth and they're going to avoid a whole lot of shit in it that Jerry Jones doesn't want in there.

But one of the truths that they're going to give you is that Jimmy Johnson did that.

And with Jerry Jones signing off on that, that's not something Bob Kraft just did with Bill Belichick, where he gave him the documentary credit 10 parts of, yeah, he did this.

It seems like Jimmy Johnson's going to be the big winner in

this documentary.

But one of the things that I wanted to show you guys here is we were very close, Metal Arc Media, to getting that documentary.

It's as heartbroken as I have ever seen Jonathan Skipper like that.

He came came a very close second to us being able to make that documentary.

And second place is a set of steak knives because here's what second place gets you.

That's what we get instead of millions and millions of dollars at Metal Arc Media.

We get that at the end of a Cowboys documentary that all of you are going to watch, right?

Yeah, I'll get around.

I'll get around to it.

I think I get it.

I'm still watching Alien Earth.

It's candy of the greatest kind, or am I speaking just as someone who's, you know, worked in this market for 36 years?

I totally agree with you.

And

it sort of lost over time that Jimmy Johnson's first year in Dallas, he went one in 15.

So he had to really, really win that fan base over, and he did.

And another aspect of this story I like is what a fraud the phrase America's team has become because they've been essentially under the radar for 30 years.

I don't think you can say that when they're the most valuable franchise in sports.

Okay, but I'm curious, though, who owns the America's team?

Is it NFL Films?

Is it the Cowboys themselves?

I'm kind of curious about that because...

Originally, it was the Atlanta Braves of Ted Turner when they brought in cable television.

They were supposed to be America's team because they went from being a local broadcast to a national broadcast.

But then after that, the Dallas Cowboys became America's team, and they are perfectly American in that they are basically famous currency, interesting because they can gather attention, but aren't going to actually win anything as long as those people are in charge of it.

And even though the relationship of Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones broke up in a drunken bar because Jerry Jones was telling everybody I could win with 500 coaches, Jerry Jones ended up being right in the short term because he picked a professional clown to coach his team, and that too won a championship.

But he hasn't been able to do shit since, other

than

ruin the earth with his oil business, make a bunch of money, and have a team that everyone talks about but doesn't fear.

And also, another thing he's done is remain at the forefront of publicity and attention by being the owner who's on the sideline, by being the owner who's picking a fight with his best defensive player on the dawn of the season.

He loves headlines and attention, and he's gotten those for 30 years.

But that's the thing about all of that that's interesting.

They say it right at the beginning of the documentary.

He says, I went into so much debt as a gambler, I've got all these scars inside because I could be really good at borrowing money.

Like, my mouth is great.

He's done it on his mouth.

It's not anything else.

He's done it on his mouth for 30 years.

It's been, it has been cartoonishly wonderful to watch as he behaves differently than any other owner and

is held to a different standard than all the other owners because he's still in charge.

No one can do anything about it.

And he isn't any good at that job.

And he hasn't been any good at that job for 30 years.

He's only good at telling you he's good at that job.

I mean, the valuation of the franchise has skyrocketed under his leadership.

So

maybe anybody, anybody can do that, but they are the single most talked about franchise in this country.

You're talking about him as a GM.

I am talking about the football product and what you're talking about, and you're not wrong.

It's a good correction in this respect, and I'm sure they're going to cover this in the documentary.

Jerry Jones and Bob Kraft are sitting there.

And Jerry Jones is keeping Bob Kraft out of the Hall of Fame right now, according to the reporting around it, because their competition over the last 30 years has been about who could be the king of this sport on the field and off the field.

Who's the king?

And Jerry will say to Bob Kraft, I'm worth more.

My thing doesn't even need to win as much as your thing.

I don't need a dictator coach.

I can take an assortment of puppets and I'm worth more than you and I'll keep your ass out of the Hall of Fame because I'm more powerful than you as well.

And so what they will get credit for is absolutely, they built that entire league.

The two of them have built what that is.

It was Jerry Jones's league.

It was Bob Kraft's league when he was winning.

But Bob Kraft doesn't have the personality to ever be Jerry Jones.

Wouldn't you make the case though that Jerry Jones is the face of the NFL right now?

No.

No, I wouldn't say that.

No.

Really?

Mahomes.

You're talking about face as an owner.

Like you'd make it Goodell or Power.

You'd You'd make it an owner instead of a player.

You wouldn't make it Travis Kelsey.

You wouldn't make it a player?

Face of the league?

Can the face of a league ever be the owner?

Was Mark Cuban ever the face of basketball?

Is the power where the face of a league is?

Oh, I don't think Cuban's in the same territory as Jerry Jones.

I think he's certainly

top 15 names.

The most important reason why Roger Goodell is telling assembled media our competition is not other leagues, it's tech companies, is because Jerry Jones is the most influential owner in a league run by owners.

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Don Lebatard.

I am mortified to say that it wasn't but like 10 years ago that I didn't even realize that I went one time to Ron McGill's zoo wearing accidentally my mother's shirt.

Stugats.

Not realizing that I had buttoned it.

That's impossible.

It's not impossible.

It was one of the most airheaded things.

It seems ridiculous for everybody involved i was much leaner at the time yeah i don't want to make my mother

that's impossible 280 that's also impossible this is the dan lebatar show with his two gods

I'm a bit surprised by what Zaslow's doing there in that I don't know that I've ever made an owner a face of a league.

Well, it's also tough because which one of his faces?

I guess Dana White is somebody I would have to do that.

I would do that with UFC.

He is absolutely the face of UFC.

But I think a player, when you're ever talking about face of a league, it's not power, it's play.

And so the distinction you guys are making is a good one and an important one because Jerry Jones has won, even while he has not won, because it's worth more than anything.

And it's because of what they've made that league.

He bought it for $150 million.

He bought the Cowboys $150 million.

It's worth more than $10 billion now.

Also, I'm not a fan.

Sorry, Greg.

I know what we're doing.

They haven't won in 30 years, and they don't have many playoff wins to their name.

I don't know what the number is, but I think it's two, Mike.

Two, two.

But he does have three Super Bowls, one of which is with Barry Switzer.

Everyone keeps trying to take that away.

And they've rarely been bad.

I don't want to do the thing of,

he's not bad at being a GM.

He's average.

But they've rarely been the worst team in the league.

Oh, by the way.

There are a lot worse GMs.

I mean, by the way, before this last season, which was obviously a disaster, they had three consecutive 12-win seasons.

Like, is it Jerry's fault that they get to the postseason and the defense sucks or Dak doesn't play well?

Like, it's Jerry's fault in that spot?

I mean, he assembles a team.

Unlike, yeah, you can.

12 wins.

I understand, but is it Jerry's fault that the defense he built falls apart

in the postseason?

You can make that argument.

Well, Jerry Jones lives with the curse of having won the biggest early in his career, early in his ownership career.

Don Schuler lived with that same curse.

He won two Super Bowls back in a row and in a row and spent 30 years trying to live up to his own image, which is what Jerry Jones is doing.

But the face of the league, America's team in the NFL was Tom Brady in New England for 15 years, and that had to kill Jerry Jones.

And that's what interests me about them hanging on to that America's team title, because to me, it's become a little bit of a mockery, but it's a fascinating one.

He just made, is Tom Brady still the face of the league?

Which one of the faces?

That's a good question.

Put it on the poll at Lebatard show.

Is Tom Brady still the face of the NFL?

And also, which one of the faces?

You guys are going to watch eight episodes of this Cowboys thing.

Isn't it 10?

I think eight, whatever it is.

You're going to watch 10.

That'd be weird if you watched Aiden didn't watch the last two.

It's hard for me to get through eight episodes of anything right now.

I'm selling episode one of Alien Earth.

So, Billy, not for you?

The 10 episodes?

Nah, not for me.

I mean, IMDB says eight.

I guess maybe two more to come out at a later date.

Oh, no, no, I might have it wrong.

When we were originally talking about it, it was 10.

So

I like,

it's going to be cotton candy, but I am asking you if it's cotton candy for a certain age because

I know it's cotton candy for me and Greg Cody, but the nostalgia of these, this is a last dance phenomenon.

We all got this during the pandemic, this changed in viewing habits where Billy might be out on 10 episodes, but most people prefer 10 episodes now to a movie.

No, I mean, I watch 10 episodes just not of the Cowboys and Jerry Jones.

It's just not anything.

He just doesn't do it.

I think it's pretty interesting, but the timing is not great.

For me to get through that many episodes, I need it in July.

I mean, there's literally football this week.

I'd rather watch the football than watch a documentary about football.

Week zero, that's what we're going to keep calling it.

Greg Cody's shaking his head sadly.

I always hated week zero.

I don't think it's technically called week zero anymore.

It shouldn't be.

I think we have like a big week one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Formally.

Yeah.

But in our hearts, week zero lives on.

It's like a two-week week one now.

The games in week one are literally like 12 or 13 days apart.

I can see on you guys, you guys have tells.

You guys have talked about this before.

The boredom that swept through the room as you guys just did the notes, the weak lazy notes on, oh, we did this last week.

Let me see if I grab some of my best stuff.

It was actually yesterday.

And throw it at Dan half-heartedly and see if he notices.

You guys just threw a mountain of bored and different shit at my face.

Well, that's why we're trying to move past it quickly.

If we sound excited about it, then we're just microwaving yesterday's leftovers.

I mean, we can't match the excitement of you falling down a flight of stairs.

Yeah.

Two steps.

It wasn't a flight.

And he only missed one.

He hit him.

He got the other one with his back.

It was a mini flight.

You're somehow both too old and too young to fall down two steps.

Well, I'll put it to you this way.

If you order a flight of beers at a restaurant and they give you two, what do you say?

That's not a flight.

It's got to be four.

That's a good point by Mike.

Yeah.

Maybe flight's four.

A flight's five, right?

In a restaurant?

Yeah, a flight's five.

Oh, look.

It could could be four.

It could be five.

One thing it ain't.

Yeah.

Damn sure it's not two.

Yeah.

Rarely three, honestly.

I don't think I've ever seen a flight.

Three, I'd be like, this is light pro flight.

That's a flight.

That's a stumble.

Sure, it's a stumble.

Like a flight to Tampa.

All right, so how would you guys say what it is that happened to me then?

You fell down a step.

You tripped.

Yeah.

You tripped.

I stumbled.

And to act like you weren't drinking like at 11 or 10 that night, you're like, alcohol wasn't at all.

2 a.m.

There was an umbrella in that drink.

I, on my vacation.

You guys are still.

Oh, that off day of drinking on vacation.

You've been drinking all day with Jack Lord.

You guys had me drinking?

Jack Lord?

You guys had me drinking on vacation in Hawaii?

Although, sometimes on vacation, you get to like that sixth day, and you're like, I need a dance.

Which day did you trip?

Yeah.

I will get to a number of the things that you guys just.

Before, after the Mike and Ike fiasco.

Oh, yeah.

But Greg Cody shouting, okay, just shouting a Jack Lord reference.

Okay, fine for me when Jack Lord died, please.

He was the star of Hawaii 5.0, a show that has not died somehow.

It still exists, but not with Jack Lord in charge.

So thank you for that joke there.

It wasn't a joke.

I didn't know it died.

Oh, did I make him dead?

He died in 98.

Oh, I thought you said he was 98.

Okay.

I thought that was a $50 fine.

I don't know why it is you guys think that I would lie to you when I volunteer the falling down the flight of stairs, but the place that's a bridge too far for me is, oh no, I was drunk.

Like I'm volunteering the first part of it, right?

And so I'm not lying to you when I say not only I was getting up in the middle of the night, I was not coming home in the middle of the night.

I'm in bed at 10 o'clock at night most nights.

Daydrinking.

I've been there.

So four hours after waking up, I'm stumbling down the stairs with my phone, checking my phone.

Ah, there you go.

You're at the age where you should not be doing that.

Yeah.

Look, I spent the last two years at the Clevelander following my father down the steps with my hands under his elbows.

Always made me nervous.

He would not hold the guardrail because he thinks he's 20 years younger than me.

Earlier this segment, you said you were disconnected.

Middle of the night on your phone is not disconnected.

Okay.

Like, you guys think I threw my phone into the sea for three weeks?

You got me.

Got you.

You got me.

Got you.

You got me.

I've been cornered by you guys.

So what did you get me on?

Descending while checking.

2 to 4 a.m.

was his phone time.

It was a doom scroll?

It wasn't, it was not,

it was not drinking,

and it is something I should not do on the stairs.

I don't think it's a flight of stairs, but I don't think you guys, I mean, I don't think in describing it to somebody, when they say, what happened to your elbow?

What happened to your knee?

I don't think I stumbled or fell down a stair qualifies for what it is that my body looks like.

You fell down some stairs.

Fell down some stairs.

Yeah.

Which is two

for the record, but not a flight.

Right.

What are you checking on the phone at 2 a.m.?

I'm just curious.

What's the imperative there?

I don't know.

Tweets.

I know.

I know.

I know that while Zaslow has said that we should only have one time zone and it should be the Lord's time zone.

Everyone knows that.

What I will tell you, what am I checking at 2 o'clock in the morning?

What I love about Hawaii.

I love everything about Hawaii.

Maui is someplace that I could actually live.

I don't say that about many places.

Is that my 10 p.m.

baseball games are at four o'clock in the afternoon.

My

7 p.m., all of sports is six hours earlier for me.

So everybody is done early.

I could go for that as the Lord's time zone.

Six hours earlier?

I mean, we're going to change all this, right?

Basketball is now going to be on at 11 o'clock at night, all over the place.

All of streaming is going to change to be more international.

So these games could be more global, right?

So what time did you see a green dildo hit the court?

I heard that Greg and Chris went to a sex shop together.

We're going to have to tune into the episode to find out whether we actually went in or not, but we went there.

I'm catching up.

I'm selling episode 46 now.

Okay.

Is it because Greg didn't believe that there were still, or Chris didn't believe that there were still adult bookstores, as Greg called them?

Exactly.

Well, I still fight that.

I mean, I don't think that there are just places that only sell adult books.

I took him to an adult entertainment center, and he was shocked that it even existed.

Interesting choice.

Whatever happened to go to to the video store and you have to go past the saloon doors to get to the adult movies.

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