Local Hour: Mike's Big Apology

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school.

It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate.

And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon.

Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow.

But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon.

Hopefully this is helpful.

Amazon, spend less, smile more.

Mom and dad, the school supplies you buy me this year will mostly end up in my mouth.

Maybe shop low prices for school at Amazon so I don't eat up all your money.

Just something to shoot on.

Amazon, spend less, smile more.

Class is now in session and the UPS store is here to help you ace arriving on campus.

Our certified packing experts can pack everything you need from desktops to decor.

Plus, when you pack and ship with us, you get our exclusive pack and ship guarantee.

Your items arrive safe or your money back.

Restrictions and limitations apply.

To get a 20% off packing coupon and for full details, visit theupsstore.com slash packing.

I know that you guys have spent a lot of time in traffic recently.

South Florida is brutal.

You've heard us talk about it.

It's a reason not to want to live here.

Our infrastructure can't handle what it is that we presently have living here.

But when the kids go back to school, it gets exponentially worse in a way that makes our streets someplace that makes me like children less.

I don't even mean for it to happen.

I just, I had no bad thoughts about children before traffic.

And now that they're fouling up my

streets and thoroughfares with their learning that they can just do on AI, that they don't need to go anywhere to go learn.

They're getting in the way of everything that's paradise down here.

Zaszlo, what's your experience been with your kids and traffic?

Your kids can now drive, obviously.

Yeah,

my kids just went back to school yesterday.

Yesterday was their first day of school.

And yeah, and they're also driving together now.

He's got his own car.

And

so that's kind of wild.

But yeah, I mean, traffic kind of sucks on the way here.

It's a little bit like Mad Max on 95 South.

I mean, it's...

Do you like Dan have a mile and a half commute?

Where are you coming from?

What county?

I'm coming from Cooper City, man.

We are out west, north, and west.

Dan's got like six stop signs against traffic, also.

Yep, I'm a guarantee of, I mean, that

interchange where I'm trying to merge onto 95.

I don't like who I am at that interchange.

I mean, I'm cutting people off.

I gotta go.

I mean,

we're trying to survive out there, Dan.

When Zaslow says it's Mad Max, I've seen people get out of cars with clubs that have spikes on them.

And, you know, they're wearing masks and eye patches.

Like, it is that place,

that is an apocalyptic tomorrow.

Our traffic cross, you know, crossroads across from just places where they're doing $6 billion of construction.

I feel bad for the sheep.

that just wait at the end of that line.

Sometimes I'm just driving.

I see the same lady there every day.

I'm like, you're just, you know, you cut over here, you could save like a half hour.

Yep.

Got to be aggressive, Dan.

Come on.

I gotta go.

Yeah, this is, this is, this is serious business here.

I got places to go.

Catch you slipping.

You missed out on when we were catching you up to everything that happened.

Zaz has no control of his children or his house.

One of them booked a flight to Chicago to get a UFC fight without telling him.

Same one then ran away from home.

Yeah, ran away.

It's just, things are crazy at the Zaslow Manor right now.

Yeah, you weren't here for that, where he stormed out of the house, took the car.

I mean, it's his car, but took the car and are like, all right, see ya.

Okay, among all of our friends, when I say this thing about all people who are men who are 40, think they're 20 years younger,

understand

that Zaszlo is the lead toddler in that house.

But what's happening in that house, not unlike what's happening in the Cody household, is there are three toddlers running around in that house.

And I'm not sure Zaszlo's the most mature of them.

Well, and there's constant challenging to fights.

Like last night, right before I went to bed, my younger son, all right, who's going to be 14 soon, my younger son said, because he's growing right now, he's getting a little bit taller.

The younger one, older one's already taller than me, but I took his ass down.

The younger one, he

asked me, when can I jump?

When do I get to challenge?

I was like, dude, you could, you could step up whenever you want, player.

I mean, it's going to end poorly for you, but you know, step up.

We'll see.

Okay, I look forward to how it is this escalates.

Chris, because your father still thinks he can kick your ass.

My father still thinks he can kick my ass.

Yeah, I think my dad does, actually.

Yeah.

And he couldn't.

I'd whooped that ass.

I don't have that relationship with mine.

I walked all over the guy.

It was my mom that beat the shit out of me.

Hey, it's Jeremy here.

I don't know if you've noticed this about me, but I'm not quite someone who loves confrontation or fighting.

I don't really want to end up in a situation where I need to do so.

For me, simply safe becomes the way I want to protect my home.

Because not only is there like the personal peace of mind of knowing that my security is preventative, it's not just an alarm after an event, I want to make sure that my wife is okay, that my cats are okay, that everything I have in my home is okay, and knowing that I have to deal with like the stress or the violation of someone potentially breaking into my home and reacting to it versus having the control and safety of proactive prevention is huge for me.

Most security systems only react after a break.

SimplySafe helps stop it before that happens.

Their new active guard outdoor protection uses AI cameras and live agents to spot suspicious activity, speak to intruders, turn on lights, and call the cops before anything goes down.

SimplySafe is offering Lebatard show listeners 50% off a new system with professional monitoring.

Plus, your first month is free.

Visit simplysafe.com/slash DLB to claim the offer.

That's simplysafe.com/slash DLB.

There's no safe like SimplySafe.

What does Zinn give you?

Not just smoke-free nicotine satisfaction, but real freedom.

Freedom to do what you love and choose your rewards.

With Zin Rewards, you can redeem points for premium tech, outdoor gear, and gift cards to your favorite retailers.

Find your Zen and keep finding rewards that fit your lifestyle at zinn.com/slash rewards.

Warning, this product contains nicotine.

Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stoogats Podcast.

The way that I imagine it in the Zaslow mansion is that Zaszlo's trying to be in charge, but those teenagers are spider monkeys.

They're just sort of climbing up the walls of his life and trying to do whatever they want.

And every once in a while, Dad has to elbow them and remind uh them that for the moment for the next year or two he can still physically handle them well and and what's happened is especially with my older one my older one and my wife it's become their favorite pastime it's really what bonds the entire family together what's become their favorite pastime is just shitting on me That's that's what they do.

It's the thing in all families, I feel like you just go after the dad, at least in my family.

Is it?

I don't know.

Billy, Billy, you're.

It's true.

yeah yeah it's true so you are the in your least respected member of my household yes that's a hundred percent accurate that's exactly how it works okay so in your they don't even bother at the point this point in time and pretending to respect me that's fine they'll learn they will how are they gonna learn just i've said too much okay i don't know that they're going to learn uh the the zap so what ended up happening did they go did they go to chicago for ufc no no because the way they didn't have an adult to go with them because i don't know if you're aware, but you can't be 16 and check into a hotel.

They're not going to let you do that.

So they postpone, and that event took place a few days ago.

I wasn't aware, but that's a good rule.

Yeah.

That sounds like a good rule.

You didn't know that then?

You can't be 16 and check into a hotel?

I did not know that.

I did not know that there was an age.

I assume that if somebody's got a credit card, they've got a credit card, whether it's daddy's credit card or not.

It's a credit card.

And my son was like, no, no, it's okay.

We're going to get someone outside the hotel to check us.

And I go, it's not like you're going to the 7-Eleven and you're asking a bum to buy you beer.

It's not the same thing.

You're not going to get in.

So they postpone the trip.

They think they're now going in, I think it's December, maybe November, December, November, to Madison Square Garden.

The Mecca.

So we'll see.

I don't know that that's going to happen, but...

You've got to be able to control that.

What do you mean you don't know that they're your kids?

They are not okay.

It's one of them, one of my boys, yeah.

Well, but they're

one of the rules here, Tony.

You're in Latin fatherhood, the rule is if you're living under my house, my rules.

That's it.

Like, there's not flexibility on that.

No, you got a solpapo.

That's it.

Exactly right.

Exactly right.

I guess it's not the same rules in the Jewish household.

Is that right?

No, Hispanic.

You guys don't do galletas?

Yeah, they just beat your kids, and that's it.

The end of the story.

It's Hispanic culture.

No, we just give them more food.

Throw something at you.

Your kids are dumb.

Like, they could just get like a VRBO or an Airbnb or something, right?

You don't even need to check in.

I don't know.

They just, you call, they give you a code, you type it it into the login.

It's interesting that you said that.

He suggested that.

I'm like, no, you're not going without an adult.

So I did kind of handle that situation.

He didn't go.

The event was a few days ago.

But yesterday, man,

so like I said, yesterday was the first day of school for my boys.

And my older one now has a car.

Is it emotional for you?

Not at all.

Couldn't wait for them to get back to school.

And so

they're going to school.

You know, my older one, he's got a car now.

So they're driving to school.

And And great.

Okay.

I'm on my way down here to Miami yesterday.

I'm listening to talk radio for like 25, 30 minutes.

Big dog.

Is he still doing the thing?

They're listening up in Jupiter.

I was not listening to that.

And so I decided one, but I'm like, you know what?

I want to listen to music.

All right.

I'm going to put on music this time.

Bad those days.

Yeah.

So I pull up my Spotify on my phone.

Okay, cool.

I pull up the Spotify.

It comes up on my screen.

And it's rap music that's just playing.

It's lol yadi, all right?

Not little yada, it's lol yadi.

Yes, yes, sweet, yes.

And I'm like, well, I can't change this fast enough.

So, well, but what is that?

What do you want to say?

Okay.

I don't like it.

Okay.

Hold on, let's see where he's going with this.

What song was it?

Do you remember?

No.

And so I couldn't change it fast enough.

And I put on what I want, and that's Pearl Jam, of course.

And so Pearl Jam's on for a few seconds.

It's the only thing that's ever playing.

And then it changes back to Loliati.

Like, what the hell is...

And then I realize

this son of, my son is listening to the Spotify.

And so let me take you in this direction now.

How does Spotify have a function where I pay per month for this Spotify?

I can't listen on one end and my son can't listen to what he wants on the other end.

It's like only one channel can be used at a time.

Can you imagine if you were watching Netflix and then someone else signs into your account somewhere else, and all of a sudden, you have to watch the movie they want?

Why is that?

That happens.

Well, I think there's new accounts like family accounts now that you can have multiple people streaming.

Well, who knows that?

I did.

So,

I quickly realized that, oh, my son is listening to Loliotti.

And so, I text him.

I text him, I go, stop changing the channel.

You're so old right now.

That's how you text

I use the one finger

And it's especially long to text because I'm using my left finger because I'm a righty so I'm texting him stop changing the channel.

Can he give a good morning?

No, have a nice first day of the school.

So you're driving the car and you can't, you don't have control of your life in your own car when you're driving around.

No, like a

a being is changing the channel.

It's not a being, it's your son, and he's overrun the home because you have no control of your home.

So I text him, no hello, no good morning, no have a great first day of school, your junior year of high school.

I just text, stop changing the channel.

We're listening to Pearl Jam.

And then he writes back,

I was listening first, Sugar Tits.

So no Galleta there.

You don't want to do a Galleta there?

I think you just drive into a canal and you just say, you know what, I've lost.

That's a bar.

Yeah.

How old is this child?

16.

It's unacceptable.

What did you say?

I cannot.

Can you imagine me saying this to my father at 16?

Sugar tits.

I'm listening first.

Sugar tits.

You got sugar tits?

I do not.

Okay, just making sure.

So I write back, I'm still in charge of the house.

He writes back, two more months, clocks ticking.

And then I'm like, F it, man.

He's going to be to school in two minutes.

I'll just use the Spotify when he's done.

This little yachty ain't so bad.

Billy, I have an issue here.

And there are actually a couple of them.

There's an office issue and there's a content issue.

The office issue, as I have seen, it was really nice to see the camaraderie and the love on the board of a bunch of people, a lot of people getting ready for fantasy, getting ready for football in two weeks.

They don't want to talk about Kyle Schwarber.

They want to talk about footballs in two weeks.

Schwarber's having a season.

Oh my God.

When does he not?

Three straight seasons of 45 or more homers.

Nobody else does that.

Well, I mean, he's not going to win the MVP, though, because Shohei is going to win the MVP.

I accidentally drafted Kyle Schwarber in the second round of my fantasy, not that you cared, because it was an yeah, it was an auto pick.

I wasn't intending.

I was like, I don't want Kyle Schwarber in the second round.

God, what a season he's having.

I traded him.

That is a crazy stat that Kyle Schwarber is the only guy in the big leagues with three straight 45 home runs.

I think he's a free agent, too.

He's going to get paid.

It's not the bottom of it.

Why'd you say it that way?

Why did you?

Because that's what happens when you get paid.

That's right.

That's how you say it.

Zaz knows.

Yeah, that's the cool way to say it.

How do your kids say it?

I just kind of want to.

I should ask.

Can I call your son and ask him how to say it?

Because he's really the authority on this I want to end.

Oh, wow.

Is he?

Do we know that?

Seems like the type that goes under the bleachers and, you know, extracurriculars.

First period.

Nowadays, they say get a bag whoa do they that's how you get purred dan that same thing happens to me with spotify with my daughters and moana i don't even fight it i'm not gonna threaten a three-year-old i'm just like i'll i'll just i'll i'll drive in silence and i do that but does she then shout derogatory terms at you no not yet that's coming though yeah that's coming

Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

I know I did.

And in many of the pictures that I went back to reminisce over, I had a beautiful white can of Miller Light in my hand because I love making good times during the summer a Miller time.

And it's a good reminder.

We're losing time on this summer.

So why don't you share the moments that you have with a white can of Miller Light like I have, whether it's a long weekend or a full-on vacation.

It is the perfect time to get the crew back together.

And since 1975, Miller Light has been the go-to way to stock the cooler and celebrate those moments.

This year marks 50 years of Miller Time.

50 years of great taste, great friends, and unforgettable memories.

Brewed for flavor with simple ingredients like malted barley, it delivers rich, balanced hoffey note flavor and that golden color that just hits different.

Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories.

Go to millerlight.com/slash stand to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

Cheers to 50 years of Miller Time.

Celebrate responsibly.

Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

The rivalries, the bans, the upsets, college football is back.

Think you know the game?

Put it to the test with DraftKings Sportsbook and turn picks into big payouts.

New customers bet $5 and get $200 in bonus bets instantly.

With live betting, Rivalry Week boosts, and more, DraftKings Sportsbook has everything you need to own your Saturday.

Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code DAN.

That's code DAN for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks.

In partnership with DraftKings Sportsbook, the crown is yours.

Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBLER.NY or text HopenY-467-369.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling.

Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.

Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Resorting, Kansas.

21 and over.

Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction.

Void in Ontario.

Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance.

For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio.

Don Lebatard.

My algorithm on Instagram is dance all boobs.

Stugats.

It's a good algorithm.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

So I was happy to see that all of you were partaking together in a fantasy league, but I saw that Billy was not partaking, and it's not.

What do you mean?

Falsehood.

This is a poor representation of the situation.

What is the actual?

What is the okay?

So, what is the

are you participating?

What?

Well, wait a minute.

What's the truth?

You just got here.

What do you mean?

What is the truth hood?

I'm looking at a board, and I see a lot of names on it, and I'm happy to see the community there, and then I don't see your name on it.

And I was just asking, hey, Billy, you like fantasy.

Why wouldn't you be participating in this?

I'd just like to point out, we see the board here on the screen.

There's lots of people not participating.

I was asked two days ago, would you like to be in our fantasy football league?

And the response I got, or I was asked, do you want to?

And I said, well, when is the draft?

And the reply I got was, I don't know.

And I was like, okay.

So then I come in and I see there's a board of already 12 people.

And if I'm added, I'm 13.

And then we have an odd number in this league.

And you never want to be in a league with an odd number.

Then teams have a bye one week and it's like this whole confusion.

And then to add me, then we'd have to, if we don't want an odd number, go up to 14.

No one wants to be in a 14-team league either.

Last year, we were in a 16-team league, which is crazy.

So it's not that I have anything against anyone or this fantasy league.

I viewed me being considerate by saying, like, when's the draft?

I still haven't gotten a date, so I haven't followed up.

So presently, I'm not part of this league.

An act of altruism.

It's a very big league.

Like, more than 12 is a lot.

It makes it impossible to draft people.

It makes it impossible for waiver claims.

Like I participated last year.

I didn't know until I lost at the end of the season that everyone owed Mike Fuentes money because he made up a buy-in after he won the championship.

And he texted, he said, hey, everyone needs to sell me.

$10 or $20 or whatever it is.

It was never discussed beforehand until he won.

Then everyone had to just send him money, which I did, by the way, because I didn't want to be the guy that owes people money.

Why does you fit right in with this crookery around here.

People steal our money from the fine bucket.

It's crazy.

It might be him.

And now Fuentes, it's one of those Fuentes brothers.

You can't trust the Fuentes.

None of them.

Mike Fuentes, the camera went on him and exposed him as somebody who won last year's Fantasy League and then all of a sudden started throwing in extra charges on people.

They didn't exist beforehand.

It was never discussed or was never at least clearly communicated.

I paid nonetheless.

However, there were shenanigans.

I also participated, and I will say, one, our very forward WNBA fantasy league last year.

Oh, I was the best at WNBA fantasy last year.

Also, last year, we had too many fantasy leagues.

We had WNBA, we had baseball, and we had football.

And what ended up happening is that we had some scoundrels here who were making interleague trades.

Dude, you do this.

You're the biggest funny business guy.

I was the scoundrel.

I said we had scoundrels.

It was me.

I was the scoundrel.

There you go.

Yes.

I didn't even know you were talking about you, but I just know you to be the guy and like it was always like late in the season who anybody want this guy no no it wasn't late it wasn't technically a lie i mean he said we had scoundrels yeah i didn't reveal that it was me but i will come out and say that it was me

this is what happened is the wmba league was a joke of of all kinds in which everybody could just choose someone that they wanted to call dibs on before the draft even started what yeah because rose wanted to get caitl clark so then my person that i had dibs on got drafted so i drafted kaitin clark and i said you want kaitin clark trade meet tyler glass now in fantasy baseball he was the best pitcher in baseball.

Oh, that's the kind of interleague trading you.

I didn't understand.

That's an American League National League.

You can't trade with each other?

No, no.

You're talking about inter-fantasy league trades.

Yeah, when I'm telling you these stories, you should say I don't want Billy participating in my fantasy football league.

But that's not what we're receiving today.

Wow.

Dan's criticism.

Dan, do you understand how rare that is, what Billy was doing, where he's negotiating trades in one league to get something in another league?

I saw how that happened.

That was a visionary.

It escalated quickly to Tyler Glass now, and now you had me intrigued, former Ray.

He fell off.

Yeah, I know, right?

That's what they do, pitchers, huh?

Yeah,

as have the Dodgers in today.

As have the Dodgers, because Shohei's now all of a sudden getting pelted.

He's not pitching very well.

Tony's got a theory that Shohei Otani is evil.

I'm working on it, Dan, because everything around Shohei Otani, right, he's been so celebrated.

He's got the biggest contract ever.

He's got all this stuff.

He's a great player.

He pitches.

He hits.

He's everything.

But then you look at him and all the things off the field and you're like, there's something trailing him.

I don't know exactly if it's just like, he's just got really bad luck.

His interpreter stole $40 million and you bet it away.

Okay, maybe it wasn't him.

He screwed up a land deal in Hawaii worth $240 million.

Oh, I don't know what happened there.

Man, you were out there.

Was that the talk of the big island?

Did you hear about it?

Which one's the big island?

Hawaii.

Hawaii is the big island.

You just say it.

The big island.

Aren't they all Hawaii?

They all are Hawaii.

All of these are Hawaii.

Yes.

No.

All Hawaii?

Big Island is Hawaii.

There's actually one island that's Hawaii.

There's one island, a big one.

There's a big island.

Nice.

What's a cluster of islands?

I thought it was like this is all Florida.

It's an archipelago, but there's a bunch of separate.

I think so?

I think so.

I think you might.

Is that Tim?

Let me look this up.

You want to look that up?

I don't know if he pronounced that correctly.

How do you pronounce it?

Archipelago.

Archipelago.

Tony, you're intimidating me with your swag.

I'm just asking.

I think it's Ark at the start.

It's Ark.

Archipelago is a group or chain of islands clustered together, often in an ocean or sea.

Wait, where else are the islands?

Archipelago.

I'm from Miami, dude.

What do you want to tell you?

Say Almond, too.

Okay.

I don't think it's Archipelago, is it?

I've never heard it that way, but it's Ark.

Anyways, more importantly, Dan, Shohei Otani, possibly evil.

Okay.

You make the same conversation about LeBron.

If he was or if he wasn't, what would you bet your life on?

No, wait a minute.

Is Shohei's evil?

What would you bet your life on?

No, wait, wait.

Is LeBron doing what Shohei did or you're just saying?

Well,

He's implying LeBron is to steroids what Shohei is to evil.

Wait, what?

I think you mean cursed, though, not evil.

No, he's not cursed.

He's fine.

Cursed?

He's absolutely fine.

Evil?

Evil.

Where there's smoke, Dan.

Again.

He is now back on the mound, and everyone is hitting him.

The Dodgers are, again, that team's over-under on the season was 104.5.

And

it's weird to see the Dodgers, Dodgers, even a long regular season, struggle.

But the thing that I was beginning to say around the Fantasy League and all of the controversy there, I thought this sense of community around sports was developing, and I wanted to talk Marlins baseball with you and Jeremy.

And then Mike Ryan just starts yelling at me that he doesn't want to talk about Marlins, that he's just enough.

He's been tolerating these Marlins conversations.

And I'm like, but they were beating good teams there.

They were playing really good baseball.

Did you see that game against the Yankees?

For like seven weeks, they played best in the sport baseball.

And it was weird to see.

And so

it got a group of us, a small group of us, excited in Marlins baseball.

And then, of course, it collapsed and the run differential, you know, was minus 60.

But we were believing, or yeah,

plus 60.

No, minus 60.

We were believing for a moment that the Marlins might be able to do something because they were playing baseball for a significant stretch that was very good baseball.

And then the wheels fell off of the thing a little bit.

And Mike Ryan is yelling at everybody that we should be talking about Lionel Messi.

We should be talking about Inner Miami.

You've got a uniquely Miami scandal last night in soccer where we're using cell phone communications that evidently are nefarious after our

coach gets ejected and everyone hates Inner Miami.

Everyone.

I'm not saying talk the same amount.

I know it's soccer.

It's MLS soccer.

I think we talk Inner Miami and messy, you know, percentage points on what we do compared to the Marlins.

I think you covered the Marlins season.

Great.

I think we talked more Marlins than we talked heat basketball last year.

Is there a national show talking about the Minnesota Twins this much?

I don't think so.

You covered it.

There's a local hour.

What do you mean it's this?

The Marlins are seven games under 500.

I feel like we covered it.

And now it's football season.

Thank heavens.

It is football season.

We got a ranked matchup in Ireland this weekend.

That's great.

Which leads me to an apology I have to make.

Wow, oh.

We covered Kansas State briefly earlier before Dan returned from vacation, and we were talking about Kansas State quarterback Avery Johnson.

Gentlemen in the TV truck, can you go ahead and put this image of Avery Johnson on?

I said,

Amin El Hassan asked me.

Yeah, he's a good player.

Absolutely.

He's a good player.

He's a good player.

Good player.

Amin Amino Hassan asked me, without an image, is Avery Johnson related to the other Avery Johnson?

I'm like, no, Avery Johnson is white.

I have to apologize to Avery Johnson.

Whoa.

Because Avery Johnson is mixed.

Show other images of Avery Johnson.

There we go.

Had that one wrong.

Now you can imagine, as someone that has only watched Kansas State on mute, and seeing the blonde hair flipped out of the back of the helmet and with that complexion, I got this one wrong, folks.

I am really really sorry i want to apologize and anyone who knows me knows how this could happen

i thought avery johnson was white i love i love how you go with the muted tv excuse like dan uses sometimes

the excuse i don't think i had it on mute i had it on mute i i don't follow their blogs i just watch them between the lines do they say his race when the tv sound is on i no but i they're never on the main screen right so i don't see the cutaways to the sideline i don't see him with his helmet off I just see Avery Johnson slinging the pill.

It'd be amazing.

Avery Johnson back to pass.

He's mixed.

I, honestly, this one's so tricky that they should work that in occasionally.

Oh, no.

Wait a minute.

This one's so tricky.

No, I believe that part of the fun is absolutely in the uniqueness of this is what I've distilled college football down to.

I know about 25 of the quarterbacks, and I know that most of them are either white or black.

Avery Johnson's one of those quarterbacks that you know if you follow the sport if you if you're

like he's a good player this is a sneaky Heisman candidate for a sneaky CFP no but of course no but hold on a second let's go ahead and show this again please put on the screen the first photograph okay and I thought this was a Dutch volleyball player Like, so that's just visual there.

Or I was there.

There's a soccer player running around the Premier League who's also giant like this and

Norwegian or something.

Like that, that's not merely white.

But I spoke with conviction.

I'm like, no, you silly person.

It's not Avery Johnson's son.

How can he be?

I have eyes.

I see a blonde hair flip out of the back of the helmet.

I'm thinking Justin Herbert.

So I apologize sincerely.

Thank you to the two people on social media that alerted me to this because everybody else just took this one in stride.

Okay, a brave move by you, Mike.

Thank you for alerting us by way of apology onto a controversy that none of us knew about before.

You made it a controversy by getting this discernibly, obviously wrong in a way that all of two people noticed, even though,

like, this is Kansas State's a legitimate program.

We are.

And

there are only 25 of these, correct?

Let's see.

I know we're going to start changing the conferences into 28 team leagues, but as we head into this season of Notre Dame and Miami at the top of the schedule, Texas and Ohio State at the top of the schedule,

well, you get to see right away, okay, Arch Manning.

All right, let's say.

You get LSU Clemson.

There are so many great games to start.

We've been waiting for two years on Arch Manning to take over the sport.

Arch Manning.

Thank you.

That's right.

Do you still know how to pronounce it or no?

Are we up in the air on that?

No, we're good, I think.

College football is right on us.

And if I ask you guys, how many teams do you know are going to be good?

It's 30?

30 where you know.

And I'm not saying that it doesn't mean that you're not going to have a whole bunch of average, you know, Vanderbilts and Wake Forests running around there.

But Kansas State would be one of them, would they not?

Yeah, they're playing another team that I would lump in as good.

And I agree.

Like,

Duke was good last year.

They finished unranked.

I think that there's about 30 teams that are good.

Now, good is subjective.

People may say good is only if you're top 10 good, if your CFP good, relevant in November is good.

Whereas, you know, maybe that might be too harsh.

Nine wins is an impressive season.

Okay, so Zaszlo is about to head out with ESPN Radio.

He had to buy gear for this.

He didn't have cold weather gear.

Zaszlo's entire attire, you're looking at it.

It's so unprepared.

He went into college.

Where did you end up on the first game you had to buy

clothes for, and you had no idea

how cold Wisconsin was?

Yeah, it's any number of places.

It was Ann Arbor.

It was Madison.

I'm there in shorts, and they're like, you're an idiot.

Whatever, man.

Solad dress.

It's another good game.

Colorado, Georgia Tech.

Yeah, I'm in Columbus next week.

I'm very excited.

Okay, but I, and we'll have time for that.

Chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life.

Botox, onobotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine.

It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month.

It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment.

Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor.

Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms.

Alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition.

Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk.

Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck, and injection side pain, fatigue, and headache.

Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness.

Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection.

Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lugerick's disease, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

Why wait?

Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-Botox to learn more.

At blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments.

It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows.

Because at blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you.

Visit blinds.com now for up to 40% off-site-wide, plus a professional measure at no cost.

Rules and restrictions apply.

Don Lebatard.

That was a long story.

Yeah, it's the only kind he tells.

It was a short one for me.

I tried to speed it up for you guys.

You forgot about the League's Cup.

Stugats.

Yeah.

La Careta is a place where the best of the celebrations has to be the 97 Marlin celebration because it was Leviathan.

Well, when Fidel died the first time.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with his two gods

on the Inner Miami story.

Okay, because in my lifetime, the most famous managerial malfeasance that there has ever been when someone has been ejected from a game, the most cartoonishly funny one, was Bobby Valentine was ejected from a Mets game.

I don't know how many years ago, 25 years ago.

Bobby Valentine had an amazing career and this is what I associate with it.

The time that he got ejected and he returned to the dugout in a costume.

I guess

in a costume that's just basically a fake ridiculous mustache.

It's not a good costume.

I don't understand.

He just had a fake mustache lying around for like a just-in-case?

Yes.

Well, so it's one of the most ridiculous controversies of my lifetime.

And I love that the New York newspapers made a big deal out of it.

He was caught on camera.

But last night,

in a distinctly Miami moment, okay.

Marsharano gets ejected from the game, gets a red card, and just goes up into stands and is as physically close to as possible as he can be to the field while still ejected.

And he's on the phone and he's clearly and obviously on the phone and he's shouting instructions.

He's still coaching.

Yes.

Well, it's not just that he's still coaching.

And in the broadcast, they're like, who do you think he's talking to?

And then they cut to the sideline and you you see the other coach

clearly holding a phone on speaker, listening, like, okay, where?

Where do you need this guy?

It's amazing.

So, so

that's so that's Luis Rodriguez Pagano is the assistant coach, and he's holding a phone and he's got a speakerphone on the sidelines.

And Zaslo, who's a journalist.

Yeah, of course.

I remind you guys, you guys, I don't know whether you guys have noticed recently, but Zaslo's been doing journalism around here because he's a journalist.

And he read the bylaws and this doesn't seem to be like it could be so because that's a distinctly Miami they're cheating they're obviously cheating look we've got them on camera it's so cheating it's so cheating and I mean I'm just other teams must see that and like I hate this team so much and it's not an isolated incident it's it's all encompassing it's everything that's surrounding inter Miami all right they sign players even though they don't have salary cap space and they already have used their designated players like no we don't care we're signing the really pretty looking guy named Rodrigo.

Like, they're just doing whatever they want.

Everyone must hate.

Dan, I think I hate them.

They're so hatable.

I don't think I don't think I like that team.

It can't be legal.

It can't be legal.

And then I read here:

cell phone communications.

The League's Cup put out a statement.

Inter Miami Coach was located in a space designated in accordance with tournament regulations.

Cell phone communications.

Here's the important part, Dan.

Don't interrupt.

Cell phone communications are not prohibited

per League's Cup regulations.

He's literally allowed to do what he's doing.

What kind of sham

throws out a coach and he's then allowed to use technology and still coach the team?

Now, Mourinho's been caught doing a similar thing.

I don't know if this is a rule in MLS.

Remember, League's Cup says different competition, different set of rules.

So

also, you've got no proof that he was talking to the coach.

That's all circumstantial evidence.

He's Argentinian.

He talks with his hands.

He doesn't seem to be hiding it.

And on speakerphones.

Maybe he knows that it's league.

Because it's not, but prohibited.

That's crazy.

That's also that seat that he is sitting at is basically the bench.

It's an overhang.

basically he's on the bench was someone like he's in like a club seat you know yes like was someone in that seat and, you know, they tapped him on.

They're just like, listen, like, almost like when they're commandeering your vehicle, a police officer, you know, sorry, we need this.

You have this seat, unless someone gets ejected, then we're going to need to put them there.

That seat is so good that I'm sure it's under club control.

So there's no like, hey, we'll get you assigned back.

This is the in case the coach gets thrown out seat.

He has to.

So he wasn't thrown out.

It's just, you have to sit here now is what happened.

If Belichick did this with the Patriots, it would be genius where you say, what does Inner Miami do to prepare for the apocalypse of their coach has been ejected, throw him in a better section with better Wi-Fi so he can yell at his assistant coach through the speakerphone.

Loss in all this, great win.

No messy.

Luis Suarez gets two PKs.

They cling on to the game after Degrees hits both posts.

It was a great game and it's a great win.

Have you guys talked at all about the Apple numbers and

some of the stuff that's happening behind a paywall when we're about to be headed into a

postseason where we're going to get legitimately excited about an inner Miami team that's, I don't know if I want to say that they're playing for some legacy stuff, but I don't know how many more years of Messi you think you can have before you build a stadium for whatever the future of this league is.

The stadium is for next season.

Taylor Twelman came on with us a couple of days ago and sounded very confident that Messi would be there for the start of that stadium.

When you say legacy stuff, do you think think there's people on the fence about messy like oh i don't know unless he wins that mls cup which i don't even know if that's the championship unless he wins that mls whatever i'm sorry i meant i meant the inner miami club legacy obviously messi's won't be touched at all but right now they're a team look right now what they are is a team who's got the best player in the world who very often makes it look like he's playing with players who are outclassed still the best of them and they haven't won anything or they have won things but they've won things they've won trophies that that that greg and mike celebrate but that don't feel like uh you know that the world that it doesn't feel like america is celebrating miami they should be better just what you're getting at they should be better they should have been more dominant they should win more they get whatever they want they follow whatever rules they want they they should be better mike am i wrong in thinking that the choke in the first round of the playoffs last year is bigger than anything they've won so far I think you're wrong, yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

And won so far, they got to the knockout stages of the World Cup.

I'd say that that's actually a bigger achievement than any of the two.

Oh, but I think Zaszlo's appraisal of this is more the way the casual appraises this with, oh, they lost to Atlanta when I expected them to win.

That is a massive underachievement.

I mean, Zaz has already gone on the record saying he hates this club.

And that's part of the fun of what it is that we're headed into, though.

This is not a club that creates indifference.

I think people are going to largely be indifferent and only notice if they lose.

And they either lose and people will notice, or they get to the final and win it.

And that's the only way people notice.

The only people that are going to be paying attention to the MLS playoffs are MLS fans.

I think that loss hurt them a lot last year.

Like these games aren't sold out, man.

I look at the stands on games like last night.

There's so many empty seats.

But it's a different competition.

It's not grouped in with your MLS season ticket package.

Okay, but so what?

Like this game last year, this game a year ago would have been sold out.

All those games last year, Place, and certainly the year Messi debuted with Intermiami, that building was packed.

They get really good crowds for the MLS games.

They're really good or sold out.

Sold out.

So no, no, no, they get really good crowds for the MLS games.

They get that packed.

For the season, they have a good season ticket base, especially in the seats that are on camera.

The ones that are a little thinner on cup matches, especially when Messi doesn't play,

are the ones that

are blocked off for VIPs.

But they get really good crowds.

It's a different ticket structure.

I was about to compare

what happened last last night to Bobby Valentine, but I cannot do it if it's legal.

I can't, I'm unable.

How is it legal?

It's cheating that didn't, it looked like a, I was celebrating Miami cheating.

There are two people who are going to deny that they are going to use the defense.

I'm a spicy Argentinian.

Everyone's talking that way down here.

In every, in every gross, in every Sedano's that's down here, there are people talking that way.

That's just how our people talk.

Maybe he was getting an Uber.

Have you ever been following the Uber and they take the wrong turn and they just keep getting further and further away?

It doesn't make any sense.

Do you have GPS?

You have to call them and say, where are you going?

I wanted to ask you guys a question.

I found myself thinking of you guys because I got stuck in Los Angeles.

I left without a phone to somewhere.

And you just mentioned Uber and it made me think of this because I cannot believe how tough the taxi industry has to have it right now.

And Uber's got just like this giant sexual assault problem because, oh, what could possibly go wrong if you're just getting into strangers' cars all the time and the vetting's poor and we just take all the driver's money and give him 30% of what it is that he's making and just, you know, get rid of cabs.

But I walked, I'm asking you guys this question sincerely right now.

I don't know the answer to what I'm asking you.

I don't have my phone on me.

And I'm so dependent on my phone that if I can't go now call an Uber, I'm just walking to a local gas station and I go in and I talk to the attendant and I'm like, can you call a cab for me?

And he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

He doesn't know what a taxi is.

This was this year you did this?

This was two weeks ago.

You didn't need your phone.

You're disconnected, Dan.

What do you do in that situation?

What just solve the problem for me?

Just walking into the gas station trying to explain to somebody what a taxi is.

I might go.

I think they knew what a taxi was, Billy.

They just didn't know who to call.

I would say.

No, look, I'm telling you, this happened to me the other day, and these are weird things that are happening to me, where somebody's holding a nickel up to me and saying, how much is this worth?

No, if you start putting the 20-year-olds in charge of things, they're not going to know what was happening 10 years ago.

And so when I say I'm asking you for a legitimate problem solve, I'm trying to explain a taxi to a worker here whose English is a bit spotty, and I'm having trouble explaining what I need, and this person doesn't know what I'm talking about.

If I have cash and there's other people there that aren't the gas station worker, I'm being like, hey, can you order me an Uber and I'll give you cash for it?

I mean, I'm just start walking, wait to see a cab.

I'm with you.

There's not a lot of options here without a phone.

So were you at an Airbnb?

Were you at a hotel?

Like, where were you physically that you manner?

Oh,

I was just, I was, I was near a gas station.

Yeah, but you had to be somewhere.

No, you're right.

I have a manner that comes with its own gas station.

I was right next door.

I didn't even need an Uber.

I just wanted a golf cart to take me seven steps.

What language did the person speak?

They didn't speak English?

They did speak English, but it was, you know, it was fractured English.

Because if it was Spanish, you know Spanish.

Yeah, and Pitbull has a song called a taxi.

Melopado.

So that's how I would have explained it?

Yeah, I mean, they should know what a taxi is.

If you speak Spanish, you know, Pitbull songs, duh.

Beep, beep.

Melo pado.

Well, that's.

It's a double entendre.

Melopado could be like it stops, but it could also be like

it made it stand.

He was talking about his wiener.

Pitbull loves those double entendres.

I like like double entendres.

Yeah.

Like when he said, here go those egg whites, I think, I don't think he's talking about nutrition.

Oh, no.

No.

Guys in English, maybe.

I like having to think sometimes.

What do they mean?

It can be two different things.

Yeah, he can do that.

I like that.

Put it on the poll, please, Juju at Lebatard Show.

Do you like double entendres?

I did not have Zaz saying that today.

I was not expecting that.

Zazzlo, how is the audience reacting in general to the fact?

I'm feeling like you might be being judged or shamed.

We all parent differently, but your inability to get discipline over kids who have run amok on you and your last stop is I'll still be able to beat you up physically.

Yeah, that's right.

That's what it boils down to.

All right.

As long as I can make you tap, I'm still in charge of this house.

All right.

This doesn't seem like order, though.

This doesn't seem like that.

Quite the culture you've created.

I'm doing just fine.

Like, everything's worked out all right.

What if he hits you with a spinning nerd's back elbow?

Yeah, we'll see.

We'll, I mean, hasn't happened yet.

He learned that one, though, on Saturday.

He did.

He did.

We'll see, Dan.

I mean, right now, your boy is still in control.

Are you walking around your home?

And at any pause, at any point, there can be an overthrow of the government, a coup.

Well, not with my older son.

He has to wait two more months.

That's why he said two more months, clock's ticking, because you got to wait six months after you attempt, you know?

So I got two months before I got to start looking over my shoulder, you know.

But my younger one, like I told you last night before I went to bed, my younger one, who stands no chance, but my younger one was like, Do I get to challenge whenever I want?

I said, Yeah, you can try.

So we'll see.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Better said, I saw, I conquered, I came.

Wow.

That was on the radio.

What do you think he meant when he said, yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak.

Better yet, go to Times Square and take a picture of me with a Kodak.

See, double entendre, man.

I don't think that's that.

Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

I know I did.

And in many of the pictures that I went back to reminisce over, I had a beautiful white can of Miller light in my hand because I love making good times during the summer.

A Miller time.

And it's a good reminder.

We're losing time on this summer.

So why don't you share the moments that you have with a white can of Miller light like I have, whether it's a long weekend or a full-on vacation.

It is the perfect time to get the crew back together.

And since 1975, Miller Light has been the go-to way to stock the cooler and celebrate those moments.

This year marks 50 years of Miller time.

50 years of great taste, great friends, and unforgettable memories.

Brewed for flavor with simple ingredients like malted barley, it delivers rich, balanced hoffey note flavor and that golden color that just hits different.

Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories.

Go to millerlight.com slash stand to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

Cheers to 50 years of Miller time.

Celebrate responsibly.

Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.