The Big Suey: Dan's Hippoflage (feat. Jason Benetti)

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Speaker 2 Welcome to the Big Sue,

Speaker 1 presented by DraftKings.

Speaker 2 Why are you listening to this show? It's a podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebatard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that.

Speaker 2 In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's prize that if they're just there.

Speaker 2 If that hasn't happened to you guys, I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.

Speaker 1 Hello, friends. It's Billy coming up this week on God Bless Football, the return of Stew Gotts.
No.

Speaker 1 But but what we do have is we have a game that we like to call college football or God bless football's bracket bonanza. And this is what we did with bracket bonanza.

Speaker 1 We took the 16 teams in the AFC and the 16 teams in the NFC. Call me crazy.
We ranked each one of those teams 1 to 16 and then all of those teams in the AFC went up against each other.

Speaker 1 And then all those teams in the NFC 1 through 16 went up against each other.

Speaker 1 And then bracket style, 1 versus 16, 8 versus 9, they then start filling in the brackets and competing against each other and I know what you're thinking this sounds just like the NFL playoffs just expanded no it's not that and why is it not that because there's no reseeding of the matchups after certain teams lose so you can have a number one against a number nine you can have a number five against a 13 you never know what you're gonna get in god bless football's bracket bonanza so stay tuned this week and see our new edition of god bless football's bracket bonanza this episode of the dan labetta show with stugats is presented by draft kings draft kings the crown is yours.

Speaker 2 Billy Gill, that was some pizzazz that you sold all of that with. That was some energy.

Speaker 2 I want to tell you guys a story here from this morning that made me laugh. Did any of you see this morning Dave McMeniman on Sports Center?

Speaker 2 Because I was walking past a television with my friend, and I asked my friend

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 he had

Speaker 2 what was normal skin color everywhere except around his eyes, I said, is that a makeup issue or is that a sunburn because he was wearing sunglasses? And I thought those were the only two options.

Speaker 2 But my friend, matter of factly, with great confidence, and this was a bit startling to me because again, I hadn't considered a third option, said just walking by, out of the side of his mouth, tanning booth.

Speaker 2 And I thought that was a great accusation to make. And I thought it was more accurate than what I was saying because I've had makeup done like that before.

Speaker 2 And we've seen Joe Zagaki, the local broadcasting legend down here, when he got sunburned. And this

Speaker 2 was quick.

Speaker 2 This summoned that thought today, seeing McMenamin on television. I thought he was sunburned, and I was surprised that I could make confidently now the accusation publicly of tanning booth.

Speaker 4 Just quickly, before we go on to that, you were with your friend this morning before the show. The show

Speaker 4 starts

Speaker 4 before 9 a.m. You were hanging out with your friend?

Speaker 2 Well, you know what's funny about you asking that question is I was gonna say, because I was in the gym here in the hotel, the gym, but I didn't want the mockery that I was gonna get.

Speaker 2 No, that would have been cool. No, that's cool.
No, you guys are not.

Speaker 1 With a friend walking by a TV, I don't like. I didn't

Speaker 2 walk by a TV store where all of a sudden the TV is there.

Speaker 2 And it was my trainer, and I didn't want those jokes either. Like,

Speaker 2 I was doing bad right now.

Speaker 2 I need help. Everybody needs help.

Speaker 4 No one's going to make fun of you for going to the gym and having a trainer.

Speaker 2 That's kind of nice.

Speaker 1 Well, I would. Question if he's your friend,

Speaker 2 but he's healthy. Chess.

Speaker 4 I wouldn't make fun of you for that. Chess.

Speaker 1 Chess. Tony would make fun of you.
No, I want you to do it so you can do the Bill Belichick thing you always wanted to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is him with a girlfriend where he like holds her up. Oh, but Dan said he couldn't do it, and that's why he's trying to do it now.

Speaker 2 Teller is not doing that. I don't care if Dan is physically capable of.
No, she tried to do it. I failed at it.
That's why he's in the gym with the trainer, making sure his core strength's right.

Speaker 1 I would give anything to have video of that moment.

Speaker 2 This is why I said it the way that part, though. Okay, no, but all of this is why I said,

Speaker 2 Do you guys have any idea the number of things like that I have to do daily in order to avoid the piranhas feeding? To just hide from us?

Speaker 2 Almost every sentence requires me to edit it before I say it because I know where the piranha are on this show.

Speaker 1 So, what was today? Back and buys, chests and tries, overall.

Speaker 2 And that's one of them. That's one of them with the biggest teeth.
What do you mean? Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 No one's ever made fun of me on this show.

Speaker 4 Ever. The problem is, you have to say it happened yesterday.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then we don't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then we don't try to dissect it. Yeah.
But the problem was McMenamin was on today.

Speaker 2 I'm interested in the scenario. None of us.
Chronologically ordered on TV. I watched Sports Center 24 hours a day.
He was not on on Wednesday, March 25th or 26th, whatever.

Speaker 2 Again, you guys don't seem to know the internet without anything. You need to be a better liar.
Yeah, you guys don't seem to understand how this goes for me.

Speaker 2 Jesse just said the functional part, which is you need to be a better liar. Well, I was camouflaging it, is what I was trying to do.
Camouflage. Okay, thank you guys.

Speaker 2 You guys are great at being able to figure out what I need to do to avoid the internet's cruelty.

Speaker 1 This is constructive criticism.

Speaker 2 It's helpful. Yeah.
Hippo fluffy.

Speaker 4 I mean, we are experts on it, considering that we are constantly also criticized on the internet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. Not me.
Less so. Less so.
Oh, no, they love me, Dan.

Speaker 1 And Jess for sure. No, no.
Jess is, yeah.

Speaker 2 No. Less so.
Jess is just beloved. Did you call it hippo flage? I did.
Try to sneak that one under the radar there. Hippo flage.
It's like camouflage, but for hippophage.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what are your system now? He's got a trainer, I mean.

Speaker 2 What would that

Speaker 2 is exactly what I was trying to do?

Speaker 4 Is Dan doing kickboxing so he can fight all of us?

Speaker 2 Zumba.

Speaker 4 What's the funniest workout to picture Dylan doing? You're right. Now I do want to make fun of you.

Speaker 1 The Billy Blanks one.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 Taebo. Tybo.

Speaker 1 That was a time, huh? Tybo.

Speaker 2 Billy Blanks was everywhere. He was in movies and stuff.
And then.

Speaker 2 Oh, the last Boy Scout. Yes, he was.

Speaker 5 Billy Blanks.

Speaker 2 What an incredible enthusiasm for the last Boy Scout.

Speaker 1 That was the very first thing they did in the movie.

Speaker 2 It was a kickoff return. I know, except that was the improbable football story of someone being shot with a gun during a game because the running back had a gun.
Could happen.

Speaker 2 It could not happen.

Speaker 1 Today's not Spoiler Wednesday, Dan.

Speaker 2 I guess it could happen. I suppose it could happen.

Speaker 2 It seems unrealistic.

Speaker 1 Do you guys ever think, like, this is something I've actually thought, but it's also a great excuse. Do you guys ever think, you know what?

Speaker 1 I don't want to ever get into like really great physical shape or be known to be in like really great physical shape

Speaker 1 because then everyone will always be like, oh, he used to look so much better. Like, he's really fallen off.

Speaker 1 Like, I like to tiptoe the line of just like healthy enough to not die and not like, you know, morbidly obese for people like, you are a slob.

Speaker 2 Billy, weren't you the one who said, I'm not going to get in shape for my wedding photos? Because then when my wife looks back at the wedding photos, she won't say, oh, man, you lost it all.

Speaker 2 She'll look at me and be like, oh, wow, you still look great.

Speaker 1 That sounds like something I might have said.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I remember Billy saying this back when we were in the Cleveland though. Kevin Nealon just said it to Burt Kreischer's face where

Speaker 2 Burt Kreiser was showing him photos of him sculpted when he was young and Kevin Nealon right to his face deadpan you've let yourself go and and this is after Kreiser's lost 50 pounds and stuff so he's doing a lot of work on himself by the way he's been looking good recently I don't know.

Speaker 2 Bert's got one of them faces where it's like he's always going to look big. It's the face.
He's always going to look big.

Speaker 2 I'm familiar with those faces.

Speaker 2 One greets me in the mirror every morning, 7 a.m. when I walk past McMenamin and make fun of his face with my fat face.

Speaker 2 To answer your question, I'm going going to say no to the tanning booth because Dave McMenamin is a proud Irish boy from Philadelphia or thereabouts. He knows what his complexion is.

Speaker 2 He can't go in a tanning booth. He knows he's going to turn into a lobster.
So that's got to be involuntary.

Speaker 2 Can you guys please reach out to McMenamin on behalf of our show, do some journalism here, and either get him on or ask him whether he can just verify for us whatever it is was happening.

Speaker 4 He's not going to throw his makeup artists under the bus.

Speaker 1 That's definitely what it was.

Speaker 1 He's in Chicago, though.

Speaker 2 It was like from Indiana to Chicago, got an early morning flight. Probably, he's probably already landed.
It's a short flight. How long is that flight?

Speaker 4 Chicago to where?

Speaker 2 And from Indiana to Chicago. 30 minutes.
That's, yeah, it's a quick trip. 40 minutes.
He's almost certainly. He's already, almost certainly made the trip.

Speaker 2 Just see if you guys can reach out to him, please, for me, so that I could just get to the bottom of this, even if he has to no comment. I want to do the hard-hitting journalism.

Speaker 2 Ronan Farrell is going to join us later in the show to do less hard-hitting journalism. Billy, how do you feel about opening day and your beloved Marlins, but mostly opening day?

Speaker 1 I feel excited today. Today's a good day, Dan.
I had my fantasy draft yesterday.

Speaker 1 It was very long. It was 30 rounds, and it started at 9 p.m.
So that one lasted a very long time. But I mean, it's opening day.
Today, every team's in first place.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess they're not because they had those two games in Japan. So the Dodgers are in first place.
The Cubs are in last place.

Speaker 2 Everyone's in last place. No, wait.

Speaker 2 Everyone's not in first place. Second to last place.
I think everyone's like half

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 2 Maybe? Let's see here. Well,

Speaker 2 the Cubs are last game. The Cubs are definitely in the lead.

Speaker 2 Everyone's a half game from the lead. How about that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I think is what's going on.

Speaker 2 The Dodgers have played two games, so everyone's a game back. Game back, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, they're tied atop the wild card, though. So everyone's a playoff team at the moment, I suppose, right? Is that a good way to play? Except for the Cubs.
Except for the Cubs.

Speaker 1 I mean, the Marlins are going to have one of the better pitching matchups, the best pitching matchup of the day, I think. You're going to have Paul Skeens against Sandy El Cantre.

Speaker 1 It should be a fun game, probably a very fast game, if I were to guess, because I don't know how much offense there will be in the game, but it's baseball, so maybe there'll be a lot of offense.

Speaker 1 My wife asked me before the game, she said, like, what time do you think this game is going to end?

Speaker 1 I'm like, this game's probably going to be like two hours because it's just going to be a pitcher's duel, and there's probably going to be no offense.

Speaker 1 But this now, because I said that, will probably be like an eight to six game or something.

Speaker 2 Well, I wanted to ask you guys about, about, I don't know if the nation at large cares at all about Sandy El Contra, even though he is one of Cy Young, but it is legitimately, in a lifetime in sports,

Speaker 2 one of the very few times that I was up close to physically something that represented something I had never seen before.

Speaker 2 When I saw Michael Vick for the first time, and he made an athlete like Jason Taylor look like Jason Taylor wasn't an athlete, and I'm on the sideline watching it, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Speaker 2 You mentioned yesterday being surprised by the amount of international flavor at the arena to see Steph Curry because when you see that in person, you simply don't understand, when you're close to it, when you're physically close to the court and you can see the size of the people and you can see how far the three-point line actually is from the basket, what's happening there doesn't like compute.

Speaker 2 When I sat behind home plate and I watched Sandy pitch, I'm like, no one can hit that. And Skeens is supposed to be better, isn't he?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't think there is a pitcher that can be a lot better than Sandy was the Cy Young season, but Skeens' rookie card that's one of a kind that goes for $1.1 million

Speaker 2 does so because the Pittsburgh Pirates have someone who's supposed to be better than Sandy because he throws 100 miles an hour instead of 98.

Speaker 1 It's also because he has this godlike command already that it took Sandy a little while to learn how to like pitch instead of just throw.

Speaker 1 And the command that Skeens has of every single pitch that he's he throws as a rookie, he was having performances that were like Roger Clemens.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, the last guy that we saw come up and be that dominant immediately was Steven Strasberg, and he broke down quickly.

Speaker 1 Obviously, we hope that's not the case with Skeens, but the way he's built, the way he throws, the ease in which he throws with his mechanics, the reason everybody's so excited is because the anticipation is this is one of those guys who's going to be this good for 10 to 15 years.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you guys a question to the baseball people? Dan said, oh, when I sit behind his home plate and I see the guy pitch, I'm like, oh, it's amazing.

Speaker 2 In real time, are you guys able to see like the stuff in the pitches? For me, I need a replay. To me, every pitcher in Major League Baseball, it just looks,

Speaker 2 and then either the guy hit it or he didn't. No, yes, you're right.

Speaker 2 It's all pretty ridiculous, more so than it's ever been because every bullpen arm can do something like that But it isn't the same I will tell you that it's not at like what I was watching there were any number of pitchers who threw in that game and watching that one

Speaker 2 it all looked and it sounded different like it it was it was something that I was having trouble processing because in all like I covered major league baseball for a season and when I did here you go you wanted this

Speaker 2 I wanted this because he said I was walking I had problems processing I had

Speaker 2 you know Dan at the ballpark

Speaker 2 my lord

Speaker 2 oh like just being

Speaker 2 curved ball

Speaker 2 he had problem processing

Speaker 2 that's the most annoying impression I think you've ever done I mean give my Lord he's got a sweeper I mean

Speaker 4 if I may segue this to Miami's pro day earlier this week I was thinking similarly to you

Speaker 4 it's like just give me a second similarly to you there's athletic feats that sometimes you're watching and you're like, is this bad? This looks like it's still good.

Speaker 4 This specific 40-yard dash by Cam McCormick, who is the famously like the nine-year player who had a bunch of injuries and now he went to Miami, was a tight end.

Speaker 4 He's been with Mario Chris Ball forever. He runs his 40.
This was the video that was put out of his 40.

Speaker 2 That's a dog. Nice jog there.

Speaker 2 He's a nice, like, it looked like, you know what he looked like? He looked like the elevator's closing. I'm like, hold on.
Let me. That was a jog, though.
He wasn't sprinting. That was...

Speaker 2 He is a nine-year college player.

Speaker 4 Listen to the end of this video, please.

Speaker 2 You thought he was jogging, bro. Oh.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's amazing.

Speaker 4 The person filming was like, wait a second.

Speaker 1 That's how you know it was Miami's pro day, by the way.

Speaker 2 Also, his body. Hey, look, man.
Your draft day, right, or preparing for the draft, this is supposed to be the peak physical condition, right?

Speaker 2 You've been doing nothing but like drink water and do crunches all day. A little gelatinous.
Not exactly like, yo, this is my peak condition.

Speaker 4 Again, a guy who's had like five season-ending injuries. He's like Jeremy's age.
He's competing against like 21-year-olds. But I thought, like, this is a prime example of...

Speaker 4 Keep your thoughts to yourself because there's 15 people filming in front of you. And I don't know who this person was, but I'm with Tony.
This has to be a Miami person at the end of this video.

Speaker 2 It sounded like Lewis. It sounded like Lewis.
I thought it was Lewis in my ear, to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 Can I give you a theory of what I think may have happened there? I think maybe Cam McCormick was going for good teammate, good team guy.

Speaker 1 Let me show the other teams out there that I'm just going to be one of the people that's going to make my teammates look good.

Speaker 1 Because because of his poor performance, took a little bit of the attention off of Xavier Restrepa, who had a truly horrific 40 time.

Speaker 1 And then we came out, and then all of a sudden we have a hamstring this and a hamstring that. And we were looking primed to be a good special teamer.

Speaker 1 And now there's questions as to, is this still going to be the situation? Philly, come on. You're one of the independent's best people on the planet covering football, whatever.

Speaker 1 You know, Xavier, X is not, what is it?

Speaker 2 The Guardian. The Guardian, my bad.

Speaker 2 What is it? Whatever. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know that X is a guy who's going to get in the slot. He's going to find open spots in the zone.
He's not going to be a special teamer. He's going to be a special guy on offense.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you guys a question. Is it possible? Is it just possible that he's kind of changed his mind and he didn't want to do it anymore? Like any of it.
Football.

Speaker 2 But now he's like, everyone showed up. After nine years in college, I just realized, you know what? I'm not going to cut the market.

Speaker 1 Mid-sprint? Yep. It's like, I'm not going to cut it.
It weighs on you. Everyone does have that breaking point where you're like, you know what? I can get up today and I can do this.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I can't. I really can't.
I have enough of this.

Speaker 2 I'm surprised, Billy, at the delight you're taking in Restrepo being bad.

Speaker 1 I didn't take any delight in that whatsoever. What are you talking about? Billy.
I didn't point out that Teron Armstead had a faster 40 than he did and he outweighs him by 100 pounds.

Speaker 1 I didn't say that.

Speaker 2 Billy,

Speaker 2 why are you taking delight in I didn't take delight?

Speaker 1 Why would I take delight at a 22-year-old's failure? What kind of six-sad person would I have to be?

Speaker 4 To answer your question, I mean, sometimes when you are just a spectator, you can tell when someone is not performing as well as their peers,

Speaker 4 even in baseball.

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Speaker 1 Real quick, want to talk to you about how GameTime is the official ticketing partner of the Dan Lebatard show.

Speaker 1 Grateful that GameTime has been on with us as long as they have because I use this product all the time. I travel for football.
If I'm in a new city, I like to see what concerts are in town.

Speaker 1 One of the very first things I check is my favorite app for the secondary ticket market, the GameTime app. Why? Because it gives me zone deals, favorites, panoramic seat views.

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Speaker 1 Don Lebatard.

Speaker 2 That was a long story. Yeah.
It's the only kind he tells.

Speaker 1 It's a short one for me. I tried to speed it up for you guys.

Speaker 2 You forgot about the Leagues Cup. Stugats.

Speaker 2 Yeah. La Carreta is a place where the best of the celebrations has to be the 97 Marlins celebration because it was Levine.

Speaker 1 Well, when Fidel died the first time. This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Speaker 2 Do you guys all feel that? Do you feel open and gay? One of the best play-by-play announcers in any sport. You can hear him on Fox calling college football, basketball, and NFL games.

Speaker 2 He's also the television voice of the Detroit Tigers and has been appearing enough that I think he has graduated to Friend of the Show.

Speaker 2 Has he graduated to Friend of the Show?

Speaker 2 Oh, look how happy he is.

Speaker 2 Wait, if you guys want to vote on this, I said I think he has, and he seems excited, but

Speaker 2 we can vote if you guys don't think he's yet qualified and needs to audition more for Friend of the Show.

Speaker 4 We're the kind of friends that's like with friends like these, who needs enemies kind of friends.

Speaker 2 All right, so that's a vote for yes, because I thought it would be funnier if you guys all voted no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do a handstand.

Speaker 2 Do a handstand. Mercaste, friend.
Exactly right. I need to let Jason know, you realize being friend of the show comes with like a cost, right?

Speaker 2 And the cost is we're just going to ask you to answer every question in a different voice every single time.

Speaker 4 And your mental health.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's good. Yes.
Let's do it. Let's do it that way.
Let's, in a different voice each time, answer the questions. Give me some poems about opening day, Jason Benetti.
Thank you for joining us.

Speaker 2 But opening day is such a charming time and such a beautiful, romantic time for baseball purists where they can speak about hope. So in whatever voice you choose, please give us some baseball poetry.

Speaker 2 I think he froze.

Speaker 2 I was like, maybe he doesn't want to be their friend. Oh, there he is.

Speaker 5 Green.

Speaker 5 All right, Todd. Can you hear me now? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hello. Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 All right, let's put him down and get this right so that the enthusiasm.

Speaker 2 Where is he like Albuquerque or something?

Speaker 1 Bad Wi-Fi? No.

Speaker 2 He's Detroit League's almost city. Why would he be in Albuquerque? I don't know.
Because that's what Bucks Bunny was saying. It's opening day.
Take a long time to Albuquerque.

Speaker 2 What is with you and the impressions today? You've launched like seven of them. I mean, it's very theatric.

Speaker 4 Can you do Kermit the Frog?

Speaker 2 Yes, I can.

Speaker 4 That was my favorite.

Speaker 2 I was telling Miss Piggy.

Speaker 1 I said, hey, Jason Bonetti's coming on. Yay!

Speaker 2 None of the other impersonations.

Speaker 2 I don't understand what one of those impersonations was. And one of them, I don't want to bother.
No, the German one. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 That was not the problematic.

Speaker 2 I don't don't know. The Italian one.
I know. No.
There was another one in there somewhere. Let me kidding.
Awkward. That I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's bad when Dan says, I don't know which was the problematic one, and you just start rolling off like five or six.

Speaker 2 Yeah, all the problematic ones.

Speaker 2 There were a lot of them in there. And I guess that I don't know whether you guys remember sort of

Speaker 2 when

Speaker 2 journalists, writers specifically, wrote about baseball in a way that sports has never been written about. Like Frank the Ford, do you mean?

Speaker 2 Yes, it was all the poetry of baseball representing America and representing all the best things about America when you can just go home. The goal is just to get home.

Speaker 2 And so I asked Jason Bonetti, a baseball poet, hopefully that has a Zoom that works this time, because he's dangerously close not to being a friend of the show. Because friends of the show.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, friends. Oh, no.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not that. Anything but that.

Speaker 5 That's a fate worse than death.

Speaker 2 Well, friends of the show need to have working communication. I know.
I know.

Speaker 5 I'm in Los Angeles this time. I'm not in Lakeland.
This should not be happening. Los Angeles should have high-level Wi-Fi.

Speaker 2 Very near Albuquerque. Go ahead and give us a baseball poem of some sort about what baseball opening day means to you.

Speaker 5 I'll do it as Droopy Dog. Is that okay, you happy people?

Speaker 2 Well, it's going to be hard to do this. Happy, but okay.

Speaker 5 The green of the grass, the bunting on the stands, the bunting on the field.

Speaker 5 I'm happy.

Speaker 5 Is that good?

Speaker 2 Haiku.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm talking about, though. A different time in America when the baseball writers would write about what this day is, but it is this day for people like you.
For people who love baseball.

Speaker 2 I don't know if this is the best day, but it's the second best day.

Speaker 5 Are we answering in a different voice every time? That's up to you.

Speaker 2 You're the entertainer here.

Speaker 5 You know, I want to tell you: opening day is absolutely about purity and wonderful and beautiful and lovely.

Speaker 5 This is a voice of the Colorado Buffaloes, Mark Johnson, by the way, who was a professor of mine back in college. We used to try to get him to say phrases.

Speaker 5 Very, very deep. No, this is very, very deep.
His very, very deep voice.

Speaker 5 We used to try to get him to say phrases in this voice in our class, like I have a nickelback CD in my car and things like that.

Speaker 5 Baseball, baseball opening day is the most beautiful day for a local television announcer. And because of that, ESPN took our game and I'm not working today.

Speaker 2 Billy, are you laughing because Benetti chose an obscure impression for us?

Speaker 1 Well, I was going to ask if Jason can only do impressions of like friends and family moving forward. Like no more Droopy the Dogs or anyone we know, just teachers, friends, people we don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Sure.

Speaker 2 No, no, don't listen to him. No, Bonetti, you're a professional.
Bonetti, don't listen.

Speaker 2 Don't listen to him. He like him offering you advice on how to be entertaining

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 the wrong way to go, Bonetti.

Speaker 2 Be your own man.

Speaker 5 Okay, so what if I learn from really good people like Norm McDonald?

Speaker 5 Is that okay?

Speaker 2 Yes, that is much better.

Speaker 5 So I ran into, can I tell you a quick Norm McDonald story?

Speaker 1 Please. It's opening opening day.

Speaker 2 Comedy day, Jason. Don't listen.
Jason, don't listen to him. Please.

Speaker 5 Oh, my gosh. That offers

Speaker 4 a chatnip for Dan. A Norm McDonald's story.
Yes, please.

Speaker 1 Me too.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 early 2020, before the pandemic, I was doing a college basketball game in Columbus, Ohio. And I was sitting alone.
The crew had left. I was in the Columbus airport.
And Norm comes walking in.

Speaker 5 And we get to talk. And he's like two tables away.
And I love his work.

Speaker 5 So we get to talking about sports. He asks what I do.
I tell him, so he's talking about hockey, and we're talking about hockey.

Speaker 5 And then randomly, he turns to me and he goes, Hey, uh, you remember when they uh caned that kid in Singapore?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because he spit out the gum.

Speaker 5 And I go, I go, Yeah, I actually like, I remember Michael Faye, right? Like, I was that age. He goes, They, uh, they still doing that, you think?

Speaker 5 And I go, What are what?

Speaker 5 What? I have no no idea. He goes, because

Speaker 5 I got a weird nephew in Singapore.

Speaker 5 You think they're going to cane him?

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 so that was it. And then he went right back into hockey.

Speaker 5 And so when Norm passed, I googled like Norm McDonald Singapore and Norm McDonald caning just to see if he was kicking the tires on a bit that he had done.

Speaker 5 And he never did it publicly, but I'm certain he was just testing it out on me.

Speaker 2 That is is correct.

Speaker 2 He enjoyed weird and awkward.

Speaker 1 He said a weird nephew?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 I got a weird nephew in Singapore. You think they're going to cane him?

Speaker 2 What are you most excited about this baseball season? Well beyond your Tigers?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think I'm most excited to see how Major League Baseball reacts to having a total villain.

Speaker 5 Like the Dodgers seem to be a total villain, like anybody but the Dodgers, according to everybody who's not a Dodger fan.

Speaker 5 And so I'm interested to see how many games they win, first of all, because they are a super team to beat all super teams. But then

Speaker 5 what this all looks like, you know, I think it with the possible, you know, in two years, the CBA is up. And so the Dodgers are deferring all this money.

Speaker 5 And I don't even think it's just fans that are like, hey, anybody but the Dodgers.

Speaker 5 I think the league owners, you know, some owners probably privately are like anybody but the Dodgers because we want to have the chance to win as well.

Speaker 5 So that, but I also just think there's a ton of young talent too that's fun.

Speaker 5 And like Paul Steens versus Sandy Elcantara today, like you, you can, you can get excited about Pirates Marlins on opening day. And I think there's something awesome about that.

Speaker 5 So number one for me is what the Dodgers are going to do. And then number two is just the loads of young talent.
And then I also think, like, I do think the league has nailed it with the rule changes.

Speaker 5 And I think in year three now,

Speaker 5 seeing how the league either separates or kind of coagulates in the middle on how they decide on how they're going to handle the rule changes.

Speaker 5 Like the Brewers got themselves to the playoffs with stealing a ton of bags, making a lot of contact last year. So will more teams try that?

Speaker 5 How does that sort of interplay happen between teams tactically?

Speaker 2 You said super team to beat all super teams, and I was having this discussion with David Sampson the other day when I said when you've got an over-under on wins for the season of 104 and a half for the Dodgers, that I can start assembling the argument that that's the best roster ever assembled if that's where you're going to put the expectations.

Speaker 2 And he countered by saying that the Mariners won, whatever it was, 116 games one season, but they weren't expected to do that. No one's ever expected, Jason, to win 100.

Speaker 2 Like the idea that I could lose a bet before the the season if the Dodgers win 104 games is not something I've ever seen in baseball before.

Speaker 5 No, but I do like that it shatters the typical axiom of like you win one, you lose one, and then what you do in the decisive game three of the series is what's going to make or break your season.

Speaker 5 No, the Dodgers want to sweep you. They want to make your life really miserable for three days and win all the games.
But I personally enjoy everything that can

Speaker 5 break the typical baseball axiom, right? Like that.

Speaker 5 I do love the flowery language of Roger Angel, and I do truly love the

Speaker 5 sort of the pageantry of opening day, but I also like the idea that some teams and some people are just trying to shatter what we've said, you know, like let the ball travel.

Speaker 5 We heard for so many years, and now we know, like, go out and get the ball because you got to hit home runs.

Speaker 5 So, I do think that infusing new ideas into this game is great, but I also, you know, I don't know how you're going to beat the Dodgers. They're so deep.

Speaker 1 I don't want to, you know, be Monday morning quarterback here, but imagine if we got that answer as like his eighth grade algebra teacher, Dan. Like that would have been awesome.

Speaker 5 So my

Speaker 5 sixth grade math teacher, Mr. Ewald, did put a poem.
on the board

Speaker 5 talking about like shattering expectations day one of sixth grade math class uh he just put mr Ducks and then Mr. Ducks again, and then like a bunch of random letters.

Speaker 5 And he was like, you know, you all think this says Mr. Ducks, but it's actually somebody saying

Speaker 5 M. R.
Ducks.

Speaker 5 Like

Speaker 5 sort of with a southern accent.

Speaker 5 And I don't know why I remember that, but I don't do an impression of him. But I do remember like his whole plan was to make us think, oh, you're seeing that.
But what you actually should see is this.

Speaker 5 So I think it actually informs my last answer about Major League Baseball. Thanks for asking, question Mark.

Speaker 2 No, I'm so glad he did ask. I'm so glad he's not.

Speaker 2 I asked you to not listen to him, Benetti. You're very bad at instructions.

Speaker 5 Mike, well, that's why I'm a problem.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm a problem.

Speaker 5 That's why I get texts from Boog after the last time

Speaker 5 using one word that I can't use on this program.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 2 There he is. Don't listen to him, Benetti.

Speaker 5 I was gonna, I was see, I just automatically, as a play-by-play announcer, I automatically respond to interplay, and so you're abusing that.

Speaker 5 You're abusing my yes-endedness, and I don't appreciate it, honestly. And you're gonna get a strongly worded letter.

Speaker 1 No, this is a safe place, Jason. Like, you could say it on your YouTube channel.

Speaker 5 I was told by Dan, it's not a safe place to talk to you.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm trying to be welcoming here and have you feel like you're part of the crew, be a friend of the show. I'm not the one threatening to kick you out and end our friendship here.

Speaker 5 You said that in a way that reminds me of like Milchik from Severance, though. So, I don't, I don't know if I want to believe that.

Speaker 2 Shohei Otani is going to pitch again?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I think

Speaker 5 he wants to so badly.

Speaker 5 I mean, his drive, I think, will inform that decision as much as anything because, you know, somebody who's got goals from when they were a teenager and they basically hit a lot of them, he loves doing it.

Speaker 5 So I think he's going to do it. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 How do you feel about signature foods and offerings at the ballpark? Are you someone who partakes liberally and enjoys ballpark food?

Speaker 5 Yes, pile as many pieces of Americana onto a hot dog as possible, and I will devour it.

Speaker 2 Please. So, what are the stadiums that you look to for nourishment?

Speaker 5 So, have you had the, they have like crickets in Seattle? Have you had those? No. Have you eaten those? No, but I

Speaker 2 do, I do have a margarita that has some crickets in it.

Speaker 5 You do? Yeah.

Speaker 5 How are they? Good. Tasty? Yeah.
Yeah, I agree. They have like little chipotle lime crickets.
Cleveland had a hot dog that had like,

Speaker 5 it had fruity pebbles on it last year. That's what I mean.
Like, give me, put as much cereal on top of a hot dog as possible, and I'm happy to do it for you.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you a question? Can you settle a debate we were having earlier?

Speaker 1 We were talking about smoothies, and there was a debate going on because there was a green smoothie here, and then there were fruit smoothies with peanut butter and and banana and all this stuff.

Speaker 1 And an argument was being made that smoothies have to have fruit. They can't be green smoothies.

Speaker 5 Were you

Speaker 5 overhearing or listening in or bugging our conversations during our college football season?

Speaker 5 Because Allison Williams and I, our sideline reporter, had a very strongly worded discussion about whether or not you have to have fruit in smoothies. And I think

Speaker 5 green smoothies, personally, I think green smoothies are salad.

Speaker 5 I think they're salad. I think if you want a green smoothie, you should just have a salad.
It's easier. You don't have to puree the kale.
So let's just go ahead and do that.

Speaker 2 Put it on the poll, please. Are green smoothies salads at Lebetard Show?

Speaker 2 Who has the best of the mascot races? Evidently, the Mets are unveiling a new mascot,

Speaker 2 a race that includes a slice of pizza and a Staten Island Fairy.

Speaker 5 Really?

Speaker 5 Between you and me and the Staten Island Ferry, I'm shocked to paraphrase Billy Joel.

Speaker 5 So is it going to glide? How is that going to work? Do we know how the Staten Island

Speaker 5 does it have legs?

Speaker 2 I'm assuming it is not a torso. Yes.
I'm assuming that

Speaker 2 they're legs. I don't think it's in a wheelchair or with wheels.

Speaker 1 You don't know that.

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't. I'm assuming.
I prefaced it by saying it was an assumption. You don't have to call me on it, but do you have a favorite of the mascot races?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I like the freeze in Atlanta because I like the idea that the freeze just says, hey, you get a hundred steps and you're not going to beat me.

Speaker 5 uh very obese person holding a brisket sandwich and then the obese person with the brisket sandwich just starts legging it out and they got the lead and here we go and it just it feels like life every once in a while just when you have that head start suddenly come but somebody comes uh zoom in from behind you and beat you and and it's just it's fun to watch i love it we i tell our guys to air it every time they do it because i think it's funny that's it there you go and and when you when you can mix in a very um very vanilla bodysuit i think you're in great shape so this is our own billy gill the guy that you have been talking to here that i've told you not to listen to running against the freeze here in atlanta and he paced himself very well and you can watch here that Billy Gill surprised us all.

Speaker 2 He got winded here at the end, and the freeze is making up ground. But Billy Gill,

Speaker 2 Billy Gill, yes,

Speaker 2 he beat the freeze. So congratulations once again, Billy.

Speaker 5 Jason, can I kill you? How long did you train for that?

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't, and I did it during the Super Bowl, so it was very cold. But can I give you a strategy? So this is what I did.

Speaker 5 For next time I race the freeze, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Next time you race the freeze.

Speaker 5 Hashtag content.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Next time you race the freeze, or you know anyone that does, maybe your sixth-grade algebra teacher does and calls out to you and says, You're a baseball expert.

Speaker 1 How do I that guy's got to be dead? What? No,

Speaker 1 anyways. So, the next time you go, he might be alive.
Yeah, he might be.

Speaker 2 He might not be, though.

Speaker 1 Next time you go, you race the freeze. This is what you do.
So, I was walking and I was trying to make it seem like I was having small talk with him the whole time. So, I was like, How does this work?

Speaker 1 Like, when you guys run, like, what happens? You just decide when you want to go. They're like, No, no, we send them when they get to like the Miller Light sign or whatever it is, right?

Speaker 1 So, what I said was, Okay, now I know where it is that he's going to start running. So if I sprint out to the beginning, I'm going to be gas at the end.

Speaker 1 What I need to do is just jog that, and I know I already have that distance. And as soon as he goes, that's when you go.

Speaker 1 So you just kind of pace yourself and you basically walk the beginning because you know you're going to have like 50 meter lead or whatever. And then you turn it on.
Tell that to Mr.

Speaker 1 Eggler or whatever his name was.

Speaker 5 Are you about to go on tour doing TED talks about how to beat the freeze?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm qualified.

Speaker 2 He did beat him. He did beat him.
And you surprised. I heard a wow out of you.

Speaker 2 You mock him, but I heard a wow when you saw that even though he stumbled over the finish line and even though he was impressed. Face full of dirt, he beat the freeze.

Speaker 5 Am I allowed to say that I'm impressed, though? I feel like, Dan, like there's a...

Speaker 5 Is it okay if he did good?

Speaker 2 If you were impressed, it is okay. Yes.
You just can't take the bait on his questions that are meant to get you in trouble to do a show poorly.

Speaker 2 This is how I know Jason is now a friend of the show because now you're in the same position all of us are, which is, how do I not anger Dan? It's like, what do I do? Is it okay, Dan?

Speaker 2 Really, you guys are trying not to anger me every single day.

Speaker 2 Is that right?

Speaker 5 I just want to anger Dan on my own accord. I don't want to step in a landmine that I didn't expect.
I want to choose to anger Dan.

Speaker 2 Same note too.

Speaker 1 Can I run a home run call by you that maybe you could do secretly just to be friends with us?

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 it wouldn't be secret, though, because you do tend to have a microphone currently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, but we'll get it.

Speaker 1 It'll be like a little wink-wink to us so someone gets really gets a hold of one right are you familiar with greg cody if not it doesn't matter so someone yeah i know greg yeah so as soon as a ball goes over fence you go that kind of swing that kind of thing

Speaker 2 what do you think

Speaker 5 uh this is the second home run call i've had proposed to me this week what was the first yeah The first one, a friend of mine was reading the Barry Bonds home run ball case where it got taken away from the guy

Speaker 5 and like there was a whole lawsuit and everything. And in it, the ball is described.

Speaker 5 You know how like lawsuits, they use very flowery language as intentionally abandoned property because the ball was hit and sent out of the ballpark.

Speaker 5 So he pitched to me that in like a 9-1 game, I should just scream, that ball's intentionally abandoned property.

Speaker 2 That's not only a good call, that's a good catchphrase, man. I think you should do it for every home run.

Speaker 5 You like it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Maybe we'll kick the tire, though.

Speaker 2 People think that's cool. You're not kicking any tires.

Speaker 1 Or maybe you sneak in an M.R.

Speaker 2 Ducks. Yeah, Mr.
Dux. Oh, Mr.
Duck. M.
R. Ducks.
Dukes. It's pronounced Dukes.

Speaker 5 I wish I knew the rest of the poem, but

Speaker 5 I think probably I'm being mocked at this point. So we'll step aside.

Speaker 2 I told you not to listen to anything Billy was doing. This went great.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I agree, but

Speaker 2 it takes some work. Some updates here.
We got an M.R. Ducks.
It's a bar and grill in Ocean City, Maryland. M.
R. Dux.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 if I can get an NIL deal, I'm totally down.

Speaker 2 Do you have a signature home run call? I don't imagine that you would go with just one. I would imagine that you are a varied home run guy.

Speaker 5 You're right, but if I can plumb the depths of your personality test on me, why would you say that?

Speaker 2 I just think you would need creativity and any one thing would bore you that you wouldn't have. You wouldn't want one thing to be limiting you as your home run call, that you're an artist.

Speaker 5 Are we, are we best friends now? Yes, you are correct. That is exactly right.
I'm terrified.

Speaker 2 I want, uh, we're not best friends yet, uh, because you don't take my instructions on not listening to somebody who's actively trying to make you bad at your job. Like,

Speaker 2 you can be best friends with him if you want to be best friends with him. No,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 I would say that.

Speaker 2 Uh, Jeremy, can we test this baseball expert today?

Speaker 2 Now, you have to understand, Jason Bonetti really knows his stuff, but I would like you guys to test him with some Marlins' names to see if he knows the Marlins, because I believe that we can stump even the experts with this lineup that the Marlins are throwing out there today.

Speaker 4 Let's begin with A.J. Greer.
Is he a Marlin?

Speaker 5 A.J. Greer.
How do you spell the last name?

Speaker 4 G-R-E-E-R.

Speaker 2 We better not see him typing.

Speaker 4 Yes. He is actually a Florida Panther.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 But close. Again, I will say again: this is no indictment on Jason Bonetti.
He really knows his stuff.

Speaker 5 Here's why I went with yes, because I figured he was just called up. I didn't think it was a Marlin, but I didn't think you'd start with a non-Marlin.

Speaker 2 Okay, you need to either know or not know. You're not trying to win the game.
Okay, right.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 I'm trying to win the game. From now on, I'm trying to win the game.
I want the prize. Let's go.
I'm an achiever.

Speaker 4 What about Nate Schmidt? Is he a Marlin?

Speaker 5 Nate Schmidt. No.

Speaker 4 You are correct. He is also a Florida Panther.

Speaker 5 Let's go.

Speaker 4 What about Nico Sturm?

Speaker 5 Nico Sturm? No.

Speaker 4 He is also a Florida Panther.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yeah.
John Van Beesbrook's not a Marlin either.

Speaker 4 What about Jonah Bride?

Speaker 5 Jonah Bride is absolutely a Marlin.

Speaker 4 You are correct. That is a Marlin.

Speaker 2 Congratulations, Benetti. You're a winner.
We salute you.

Speaker 2 You named a Marlin. Go ahead and name some more Marlins.

Speaker 5 Nick Fortez, Sandy El Contara.

Speaker 5 Is AJ Puck still there? Probably not.

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 5 Brian De La Cruz. Nope.
Right?

Speaker 2 He's lost.

Speaker 2 Used to be.

Speaker 1 He became a pirate.

Speaker 2 Then he became

Speaker 2 brave now. Listen, Benetti,

Speaker 2 you should not feel bad about this.

Speaker 2 This is the most unrecognizable lineup that I have ever seen in this town. You don't remember Derek Hill?

Speaker 1 He played center field on opening day, Derrick Hill.

Speaker 5 See,

Speaker 5 I can tell you that they are Marlins because I did look at the roster like a week and a half ago because my former intern with the White Sox did get the Marlins radio job this offseason.

Speaker 5 So I have looked at the Marlins roster and I can name them if you feed them to me.

Speaker 1 But But yeah, no.

Speaker 4 Hey Seth Jones.

Speaker 5 Stop it. That's a trap.
No.

Speaker 4 He is a Florida Panther. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Popeye. Yes.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Benetti. We appreciate the time, sir.
See ya.

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