Laser Cats! 4-ever

It's the lonely island and myers podcast.

This is really exciting.

We're doing a new thing where we're inviting a celebrity guest to say, have a great pod.

And we're so excited.

We're going to do it exactly one time.

Please welcome Vanessa Baer.

Hey, guys, have a great pod.

Thanks, thanks, man.

That's so awesome.

All right.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks for coming over.

Thanks for coming.

Just for that.

No context, no explanation.

No context, no explanation.

It was one of our only, besides Tim Olafon, one of our only in-person guests.

Which is very exciting.

I'm loath to start this without Yarm, but I just want to say that this entire podcast today could just be a recap of the last podcast.

I was very, very delighted listening to the last podcast.

What happened again?

I think about you a lot while we're recording, being like, oh boy, Seth's going to hear this.

Well, can I say I'm a little jealous because you get the best Andy.

Andy fully admitted he's not doing spelling bee when I'm not there.

So I just.

I'm not going to do it today because I already got Queen B, as you know, but it goes

checked out, Andy is what I'm used to.

Somebody didn't respond because he clearly didn't get Queen B.

Here's a real quick recap.

Just going to let that go.

Just won't acknowledge it because he knows he's not smart enough to get Queen B.

Somebody wrote in about the last episode, Andy.

See if this jogs your memory.

Finally, I've been tuning in to hear about the ABC TV rundown of the mid-90s.

Yep, yeah.

That makes sense.

It was full Dennis Franz.

Like you guys talked about Dennis Franz.

About a butt chat.

It was amazing.

And I kind of couldn't believe you guys talked about Dennis Franz for that long.

I'll just say it both ways because I'm not sure which one's right.

And did mention that the Dennis Franz line in Mona Lisa is the hardest I've ever laughed at a lonely island.

You did like that joke a lot.

Right.

You, I think, more than anyone I know like that song.

And people like that song, but you like it.

It maybe is your favorite of our songs.

I think of Mona Lisa, and again, one day we're going to get to Mona Lisa.

I think about it all the time.

I'm really happy sometimes because the run of lyrics that starts, I'm an American, is maybe my favorite series of life.

Yeah, he's an American man.

He's an American.

That's right.

Yeah.

This is a point of pride.

Yeah.

It melodically veers into Morrissey territory, also, which is funny.

Yes, that's what it is.

But listen to Mona Lisa.

The other thing, the famous story, the lore about Mona Lisa is that you sent it to Shoemaker and I.

We were in my office, and we laughed so hard that I threw up and he parted.

I literally started choking and threw up into my trash can and he parted.

That's wonderful.

God damn.

I don't know if this is good podcast content, but should we just take one second to tell our listeners that while we love doing this, it's a fucking disaster to schedule.

And so if it's ever like a day or two late or there just isn't one in the week, just know it's not from a lack of training.

Yes.

We are doing it for Quaid Army.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Back to happier times.

The last five minutes of the previous pod was the happiest I've been in like five years.

Well, that's good.

A lot happened in five minutes.

It was truly amazing.

I feel like if we ever do have merch, I just think it should be a goose and it should say not a gonk.

Not a gonk.

I did have a little bit.

I forgot about that.

I did have a little, Shoemaker and I ran into Joe's in the hallway and just basically described the last five minutes of the podcast just to tell him about not a gonk.

Not a gonk.

That's what they say because they're kind of half goose we also went back to the uh i just want to loop back to a real quick seth's corner and the rosario dawson show that was the appearance of larry the goose on update oh so we were on the right episode you were on the right episode that's crazy larry the goose for people don't remember it was that andy was one of the surviving gooses from the chesley sellenberger miracle in the hudson crash geese and uh i did say yeah i said please welcome one of the one of the geese and i will just say biggest laugh was just you rolling out looking angry in a really good goose costume and by the way this was before there were like a lot of people dressed up like animals really big on update i mean we were trailblazing this was early bird work now you can't go uh two weeks without an update bird i mean obviously paul simon trailblazer that's trick in the today this was number two this was the second big bird costume

only the second in the history of sketch right uh so but anyway i will say that my favorite thing about larry the bird there was a line where you said it was a lot like Top Gun.

A plan went down and Goose died.

So, really, full circle, but I guess it was.

We were talking about geese and goose.

I really laughed hard when you were saying that Miles Teller character was originally turkey.

And then named after Paul Simon's famous SNL baby.

But the funny thing was that the logic problem I had was that you kept doing like, so you'd sound like this and you would make a turkey noise.

Cause, of course, in the original Top Gun, Goose never makes a noise like a goose.

well because geese are famous wingmen right but he does say yee-haw probably right probably says something along the lines of yeehaw jesters did yee-haw something like that does he say that somebody does you guys

also maybe another shirt that i think maybe four people would buy but i'd love to see in our merch store when we get it up and running it's pronounced dooglis yeah dooglis i mean douglas would it be the shot of doogie but it says dooglis hauser yeah i think so i did see some of the comments, and I saw that people were correcting us, that the alter ego of Douglas Quaid is actually Carl Hauser.

Did really pop my balloon a little afterwards, honestly.

Yeah.

I'd like to say that Quaid Army, if you have a correction like that, just keep it to yourself.

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, I think that, you know, Quaid Army, this is a place where we try to stay positive.

And ultimately, we're going to make, we're going to have a few flubs here and there.

Jorm showed up.

Hi, Jorm.

No, that's good.

Yorm has popped in twice onto the Zoom and disappeared.

Yeah.

He couldn't couldn't hear us yet.

He might be a ghost or like a phantom.

He's the phantom of the pod.

The phantom of the pod.

Seth.

Yeah.

Rob Klein reminded me that we wrote something that went to the table the Rosario Dawson week, but obviously did not make it past the table.

I have two guesses.

He said he was surprised it didn't come up.

Parakeet talk show?

No, no, that's later.

That's later.

Okay.

I believe it was me playing a male stripper who, upon taking off his shirt, had super long stringy rubbery nipples

i i'm kevin uh put in the chat the name of that sketch and then maybe throw the sketch in there but i probably just didn't notice the name of the sketch

it might be worth taking a peek and looking at a couple of the lines gotcha that's all i'm saying so now tell me you remember how it played to silence i mean my memory as always is that it killed and then we were robbed

so you don't feel like you ever took a fair beat in the entirety of your time on the show.

No, no, no.

We had so many duds, but I do remember that one.

It was like a 20% of the room laughing really hard and the rest not.

Yeah.

Kind of a sitch.

Well, I mean, there is at this point we're entering the Audacity of Klein and Samberg era where we're just sort of excited to see what you guys got.

Table Reed Heroes, you might say.

Jorm has now entered the Zoom and left for a third time.

Yeah, yeah.

I think he's having technical difficulty.

He definitely is having technical difficulties.

Yeah.

It's just a tease.

It's cool.

When he does show up, we'll want him so much more.

It is funny, too, because every time I see him make a face, like, God damn it.

Yeah, connected wrong again.

I can't think of what version of connecting to Zoom is wrong where you're like, oh, now I got to disconnect again.

I'm connected and I can see everyone and hear them.

I guess I better sign off.

Since he's not here, Keeve, I've enjoyed, I keep seeing new digital assets.

for your new Naked Gun film.

Oh,

I love the digital assets.

Some really good stuff.

The long legs, I kind of forgot about that from the original Naked Gun.

It's fantastic.

That's awesome.

I genuinely didn't know.

I mean, I get emailed that type of thing, like, hey, here's some stuff we're working on, but I didn't realize anything was live besides the main teaser trailer and the main one-sheet poster.

So are you seeing those like on sidebars of YouTube or wherever, like just online?

I just fully got it on Instagram, I think, just as like a little tasty reel.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, like on the insta, on the main one.

Yeah, yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

I mean, we never really talked about that teaser, but I was very happy with it.

I feel like it,

like almost everything that teaser was stuff we wrote the first week of writing.

It like answered all the big questions.

Yeah.

You know?

It's great.

And so I was glad to tell the audience the story like that.

Sethly, I'll let you know I just watched the latest cut of The Naked Gun, and it's just fantastic.

I mean,

it's a real fun time.

Chock full of bits.

and plenty to make you laugh very hard and feel happy about life.

I'm very excited.

It is so funny when you watch the teaser and you realize just the rhythm of these jokes is something you haven't seen in so long.

Yeah, it's very enjoyable.

Nice to just have it be a thing that is trying to make you laugh the whole time.

But also think, you know, and maybe feel really deep emotions.

All right, bachelorette party.

We got a classic.

Here's to Jenny the Brad to be.

We love you so much, girl.

That's why we got you special surprise.

You guys, I say I want to keep this mellow.

Okay, what is it?

I hope you save room for dessert.

Giant cake.

So you're that kind of stripper.

You guys, that cake is huge.

Wait a minute.

Please tell me that's not what I think it is.

Oh, it is.

And then some hit it, Lorraine.

Do you remember the music you danced to?

I just opened it.

Okay.

It's Paradise City.

Andy pops out of the top of the cake.

Keith, can you do a little Paradise City in the background while we read this?

Like a jin, jin, jung.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, are you guys ready?

A fringed rawhide vest and a tiny mustache.

Tight mini afro fringed rawhide vest and a tiny mustache.

What is it?

Yay, are you girls ready to party?

Yeah, woo.

Well, you're in luck because this is my jam and I'm super horny.

I'm guessing that was the voice.

Starts to dance.

The girls cheer.

Wow, nice call, girls.

He's hot.

She's super into it.

She's not been turned off by anything yet.

Not yet.

Casey's like, yeah, I guess.

Casey is turned off.

She goes, yeah, I guess.

Yeah, it's a classic.

Let the host have fun and be into the weird thing.

Okay, keep going.

Which one of you is the lucky lady?

I am.

Okay, it's me.

It's you.

Well, feast your eyes on me because this is what it looks like when I have sex.

Andy locks his arms to his side and does a pained dance.

Stage direction, whimpering.

Girls, half-hearted.

Woo.

Okay, sure.

All right, now Rosario's turning against you.

Where do you guys find this guy?

I'm having second thoughts about this.

Abby, yeah, sorry.

He just kind of fit our budget.

Oh, wait.

I'm sorry.

It was the nice turn.

No, Rosario.

No, I I mean, I'm having second thoughts about getting married because this guy's such a sexy stud.

Oh, yeah.

All this dancing is making my testicles so hot.

I can't wait to come down there and show you guys my penis.

Great.

Are you ready?

Are you ready for me to come down there?

Girls,

Rosario.

Yeah.

All right.

Here I come.

Tries to lift his legs up to get out of the cake.

He can't.

Here we go.

Is he stuck in the cake?

It looks like it.

Rosario, no, he's just a tease.

Quick teasing, sexy.

I'm coming for you.

I'm going to show you everything, girl.

By the way, it's page five, and we have not had our big reveal.

Top of page eight.

You want to see what I got?

Yeah.

Okay, ask and ye shall receive.

Ye spelled YE.

Andy removes his vest, revealing two super long dangly nipples.

There we go.

Girls react.

Girls react, gross.

Did somebody order the Slim Jims?

Andy and his Slim Jim comedy.

No.

I heard the Bachelorette has a sweet tooth for pink taffy.

Who wants to chew?

No.

And now for my signature move, the human car wash.

Here I come.

Spins his nipples, then immediately trips and falls through a table.

Oh my God, is he dead?

Yes.

Perfect.

Want to go see Marley and me again?

Does Carrie Bradshaw like stilettos?

Let's go.

Before you say anything, Seth, it's bad.

It's real bad, and it's good that it didn't go.

Yeah, I think that's one where you're sort of happy.

There's no visual proof.

In your memory, did the dangly nibbles come out way earlier?

Earlier and it was funny.

Steve Martin comes back.

This is his first time hosting since Surf Meeting and Keith, Liz, just jumped on right before we started recording and she asked a very,

very good question.

Did Steve Martin joke about surf meeting when he came back to do the show for the first time after surf meeting?

I think it was too soon.

I think it was way too too soon.

It's only been like three years.

Yeah, I think it was too fresh.

We were hoping you forgot and we didn't want to bring it up.

Yeah.

Right.

I mean, we were saying maybe Lauren had to work him for like three years and be like

they're better now.

That it was safe to convince them.

Most of their stuff is pre-tapes.

I like that he trusted us enough to do a Laser Cats 4.

I mean, the Forte Close Talkers two inches sketch went totally well.

So maybe that pre-tape kind of made him be like, yeah, but the pre-tapes are okay.

Yeah.

So he put himself back in your hands again and he did Laser Cats 4.

Have you guys watched it today?

You know, I watched it last week because we thought we were going to do it last week.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

So you have memories of it.

I will say, can I tell you my first bounce on Laser Cats 4?

Please.

The audience is still not that excited when a Laser Cat starts.

They were actually less.

I wouldn't be surprised if we will go look at all seven Laser Cats opens and this was the most tepid response to it starting.

Is that fair to say, Andy?

If you were just going to...

No one cared at all that it had returned, but then it did have good laughs, I thought, in it.

Yeah, but I was expecting, usually when it starts, there's some kids in the audience who are like, hey, hey, yeah, one of these.

This one was like nothing, and I was surprised.

Yeah.

It also maybe would it be worth to like watching the whole show.

It just might have been like a chill air audience.

But it is weird.

Like even when it ends, there's maybe a like only like two people clap.

But I watched it and

at the very end of the sketch?

At the end of the sketch.

And it's also like one of those like endings because there's an emotional ending to Laser Cats.

And I think a couple of people get caught thinking you're supposed to clap at that part.

Oh, I see.

So there's really like two claps.

Well, we're jumping ahead, but Steve Martin asking Lauren if he got that it was King Lear, I thought was a funny joke.

Yes, I believe that was his, correct?

Well, yeah, he's Steve Martin.

Something he would pitch.

One of the greatest comedians of all time.

So sure, yeah, he had a good pitch.

He also tells Lauren in the beginning that he has a new thing he wants to show him called Lizard Cats.

Yeah, and we correct him.

So he doesn't even know.

Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast comes from Airbnb.

You know, recently I took a trip to Los Angeles, California, and I stayed at an Airbnb for five days.

It was in the valley.

I'm not going to tell you where, because then you might track my movements.

It was great.

It was right across the street from a park.

It was a really beautiful unit.

And you know what it made me think?

It made me think, man, I'm blown it.

I have a lovely place that I could be doing the same thing with.

I would love to share it with the world.

It's a great way for people to have lovely experiences.

And what am I doing?

I'm just blowing it because it feels like it's more of a vacation in an Airbnb.

It's not a hotel.

You don't have to feel like you're just visiting a city.

You're living in a city.

And anyway, I felt like I was really throwing money in the garbage and I was a fool.

Your home could be worth more than you think.

And you can find out how much at

slash post.

Support comes from Shopify.

If you shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify.

You know that purple shop pay button you see at checkout?

The one that makes buying so incredibly easy?

That's Shopify.

And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your business.

Let me tell you what's really exciting is when we start selling our many merchandised shirts that have been inspired by the pod, shirts like Not A Gonk, shirts like it's pronounced douglas.

We're going to use Shopify.

It will give us a leg up with hundreds of beautiful ready-to-go templates that will express our brand style.

They will tackle all the important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more.

And guys, did I mention that iconic purple Shop Pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world?

It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet.

Your customers already love it.

If you want to see less cards being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash lonelyisland.

Go to shopify.com/slash lonelyisland.

Shopify.com/slash lonelyisland.

Support comes from Neutrifall.

Hey, Keith.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, buddy.

You know, summer is full of big moments, weddings, vacations, endless photos.

But if you're dealing with hair thinning or shedding, showing up and being present in those moments might feel tough.

You like going to weddings.

We went to a wedding together last fall.

I loved it.

It was your brother's, but it felt like it was mine because I had such a nice time.

Yeah, and I think it would have been ruined for both of us and everyone there had somebody been shedding.

Yeah, tell me about it.

That's not what you want at a wedding.

Yeah.

He wore a white suit.

It would have been horrible.

Yeah, it would have been off-putting.

And so you want to get in front of it.

And the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be feeling confident and focusing on what matters most to you.

Nutrophall is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, trusted by over one and a half million people.

That's not a number to sneeze at.

Would I need a prescription, Seth?

Buddy, you don't need a prescription.

You can order online, and I know you got a computer.

We're communicating via one right now.

Plus, you enjoy free shipping, automated deliveries, and up to 20% savings with a NutriFall subscription.

You'll see thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrofall.

Start your hair growth journey with NutriFall for a limited time.

NutriFall is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to Neutrophall.com and enter the promo code island.

Find out why NutriFall is the best-selling hair growth supplement brand at NutriFall.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com.

Promo code island.

That's Neutrophall.com.

Promo code island.

I have a question for you, Seth.

It's a little off topic, but did you go watch a video of Dennis Franz's ass after the video?

Like, oh, yeah, that's a key question.

All right, I'm glad you asked about Dennis Franz's ass.

First of all, I loved NYPD Blue.

I was a huge fan of that show.

Right.

And I actually lived abroad during a couple years of that show, and my mom used to tape it and send me VHS tapes to Amsterdam so I could stay up to date on NYPD Blue.

What a dweeble!

I love it.

I think Fully cried when Jimmy Smith's character, spoiler alert, dies on NYPD Blue.

Oh my God, that's a huge spoiler.

Dennis Franz was the best.

Also, can I throw this out?

Dennis Franz, guess what he's done since NYPD Blue?

What?

Not one thing.

Oh, he said he was going to take a break and be with his family, and that was the last thing he did.

He just retired.

He did the thing no one does, which he retires.

He's a legend.

A legend.

I mean, I think he's still like a pretty famous butt model.

Do you then, as a massive fan, have insight into how we all knew in the time when it was airing, like, hey, tonight there's going to show a butt.

Well, somebody wrote this comment in, which is helpful.

The first butt on NYPD Blue was David Caruso's butt.

And that was in the first episode.

Whoa, what?

He was on the first season of the show.

And showed his butt?

Yeah, they showed his butt.

Wait, Franz wasn't the first butt on network?

No.

God, no.

It would just be the one we would remember for obvious reasons.

Yeah.

Well, it's the best butt.

He's a legend.

Sorry, it's the butt that we most prefer.

Yes.

There's no such thing as a best or worst butt.

All right.

So it was a show where it was like, we're going to curse a little and we're going to show butts.

And I think it was like, we're going to be the steamy ABC and we're going to get people back from cable watching networks again.

But I think Franz's butt was a big deal because it was the first maybe time you saw a regular looking person's butt on TV.

I don't even know what you mean by that.

Yeah,

what's regular?

Yeah.

It was just like regular Chicago beef.

It was fly over butt, and nobody had seen fly over butt.

I mean, the real scandal was that she starts jaying him off.

I think it was like, I'm going to soap you.

She's just washing him.

Yeah, but she's touching his comments with her face.

How naive are you, brother?

Look, you guys,

I refuse to believe that Sipowitz was getting his Sipowitz.

That works perfectly.

And thank you for that.

I feel like it wasn't.

No, no, no, no, no.

You appreciated trying, right?

Yes, yes.

And did they, they said shit on the show, maybe?

That was the curve.

Yeah, I think they said shit.

And they wouldn't do that now.

No, they wouldn't do it now.

You've gone backwards.

Do you think that's what it's all about?

That's what the America were trying to get back to, I think.

You know what?

You know why Dennis Franz could retire?

Because he got paid a fortune to be on the show for 10 years.

Guess how many episodes of NYPD Blue Dennis Franz did?

200.

261.

Jesus

Christ.

Yeah.

Okay, now guess what the internet says his net worth is?

That's not Franz money.

What's Fran's money right now?

Net 50.

I'm going to go 25.

This is saying 35.

I don't think that's right.

But it's never right.

There was the most, it used to be when you were driving into Chicago.

I apologize that I don't know exactly what the product.

I feel like it was a suit store in Chicago.

Ike Baron Holtz, feel free to send in a voice note.

Tell me how wrong I am.

But it was the four Chicago actors on this mural.

It was like black and white, beautifully banging.

And it was Dennis Franz, Joe Mantegna, Dennis Farina.

By the way, the fact there's two out of four Dennis's is the most Chicago.

I was going to say.

And Bill Peterson, who is CSI.

That's a beautiful painting.

It was just the best.

It was just like four Chicago dudes.

Come get suits and look like us.

Fuck that rules.

It was really cool.

Seth, did you just sort of like subtly let us know that Ike listens to the cast?

I actually don't know if he does.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know either.

He's never mentioned it to me.

So maybe that's a no.

I just saw him.

He was at my house like two days ago.

Yeah.

Gonna say if he was, if he does listen to the cast, well, I can say it even if he doesn't.

He's great on the studio.

Yeah.

When he says,

obviously get the fuck out of the way.

It's one of the best moments I've seen on TV in a long time.

Yeah, he's fantastic on that show.

Also, I like that Ike is also clumsy and angry in real life, so it's pretty fun.

Harness some of his natural abilities.

Yeah.

The scene of him with his daughters at Muso made me laugh really hard, too.

I was so sad.

Just getting absolutely shit on.

It was too real.

It was too real.

Well, he's got three daughters, and I've actually like gone to like a nice restaurant in New York with his daughters.

He and his wife and his daughters came to the city to like go to like Broadway shows.

And I met him for dinner.

And Ike is the best because he just like he orders the way he would order for eight guys at a steakhouse for like him and his wife and three daughters.

Yeah.

And they're much, they're younger than the ones too.

They're just like, yeah, there's like four-year-olds in there being like, I don't need lobster.

Yeah, they're like 10 to 1.

And he's like, I think we're going to need two shrimp cocktails.

No, you don't.

Also, like his first real moment in the pilot where he finds out he doesn't get the job.

And he's like, hang on a second.

I forget who he says is calling him, but it's like a famous actor.

It's like, oh, hey, I got to take this.

It's so-and-so.

And he walks into his office, starts crying, and then does a bump of Coke and then walks back out and goes, All right, let's do this.

He's a little sad, too.

Yo, he's sad.

He's super upset.

Yes, it's unhappy.

He's lost.

Hey, Yorm isn't going to make it, but he did send in a voice note from his sister-in-law, who has, I think, some thoughts about the Frasier theme song.

Yeah, she's a massive Frasier fan.

Again, this is now barely a podcast about digital shorts.

Well, if it's just about Frazier and Dennis Franz, that's a podcast I'm interested in.

Yeah, certainly you're interested to speak.

All right, it's 49 seconds.

Here's Emily Heller, who's a very funny person.

A comic and comedy writer in her own right.

Yes.

Here we go.

Hi, guys.

This is Yorma's sister-in-law, Emily, or as the Quaid Army might know me, the girl who acted like she'd never seen a 10 before in Lazy Sunday.

And I'm actually calling in to talk about the Fraser theme song.

You guys were really, really close to figuring out the meaning of the toss salad and scrambled eggs.

It is a metaphor for the callers on Frasier's radio show.

They're both mixed up.

Toss salad, scrambled eggs, they're things you can't undo.

It sort of represents the problems that he has to solve.

um apparently they didn't want to explicitly talk about uh psychiatry in the theme song so that's why they did it as a metaphor uh anyway love the show i love that wow that was so helpful and i do feel like it just felt like a giant key turning in a lock It felt satisfying to just be told definitively.

Yeah.

I was making that up on the fly when we got asked.

I also feel like I'm surprised there's not an expression.

Well, you can't untoss a salad.

That sounds like if you just said that in a sentence, I would have believed it was a pre-existing thing.

It's you just can't unwhat.

Is the real one?

Like you can't uncrack an egg?

No, there's a real one that is basically the same thing.

Hey, Jorm sent that and said from Emily about the Frasier theme song, she's a massive fan.

Do you think that means she's a massive fan of the Frasier theme song or the podcast?

No, Frasier.

Oh, Frasier.

She is for sure.

I'm not even joking.

I don't know much about Emily personally.

I mean, we've hung out many times, but I don't know that many details except that she loves Fraser.

It's like a main tenant of the things I know about her for real.

Yeah, yeah.

Cornerstone of the personality.

Exactly.

So thanks for that, Emily.

All right, so back to Laser Cats.

Should we re-watch it to remember?

Because we watched it a week ago, just to remember all the details.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's do an old-fashioned stop and pause.

Yeah, let's do a lot of watch.

Yeah, let's do it.

I agree.

And jack up the volume so we can actually hear how it's playing.

Oh, yeah, so we can hear the single laughs.

We want to hear each individual audience member.

I just don't want Andy later to be like, the volume was low.

Oh my God.

You know me well.

Keeve, will you dismiss YouTube TV?

Try it free.

Or try it free.

Or should I?

I don't know.

Yeah, you could try it free.

Let me log in.

Hey, Lauren, are you busy?

No, no, come in.

Oh, great.

You know, I get a little tired of this amateur night stuff, so some film people and I went out and shot a short video that I'd like to air.

Would that be okay?

I like that there's the three amigos poster in the background.

That's always been in Lauren's office as long as I've ever known him.

Yeah, it's very nice.

I like seeing it on on TV.

And there one of the amigos is right in front of it.

Yeah, one of the amigos.

That's nice.

Very cool.

Uno amigo.

It's already playing on multiple levels.

That's how deep and cool this thing is.

Yeah.

Just not one of those levels is not last.

Yeah, comedy stuff.

Yeah, but you know what I will say?

I like Lauren's performance up top here.

I like his little look he gives after the amateur hour line.

And I also like him saying, Steve, whatever you want, because it feels very real.

I also think this is a real gym going Lorne era.

He's filling out that sweater real nicely.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Agreed.

And we've got an odd, you know, we don't like light these things, so there's a purple light coming through the window.

Is that Radio City?

What is that?

Must be.

It's beautiful.

Steve, whatever you want.

Great.

Lorne, I present to you Lizard Cats.

Laser cats.

Laser cats.

Appreciate the Huey-Duey Louie blocking of you guys in this doorway on top of each other.

Yeah.

Very nice.

But I will say there was not.

Obviously, at this point, everyone knows a laser cat is coming, and yet there did not seem to be a gas.

Let's go back and listen for it.

I won't talk about it.

Okay, this is like this is an audience hearing they're going to see a laser cat.

Lauren, I present to you Lizard Cats.

Laser cats.

Laser cats.

Yeah, it does get a small laugh on the actual joke of this guy mispronouncing something, but it does not get a recognition.

Clap, clap.

No, it gets like eight, eight people laugh.

Yeah, okay.

Now we're off and running, though.

In the future, there was a nuclear war, and because of all the radiation, cats developed.

Sometimes people in the past had even just clapped on this part, being like, Yeah, it's the opening credits.

Nothing this time.

It's real quiet.

Well, you get laughs on it because they don't know what it is.

So it's good that we did the credits again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's getting a little in there.

That was an executive produced by Steve Martin shoved in there.

And that gets a, you know,

these are tepid laughs.

That's a laugh, but that's a laugh.

That's a solid laugh.

It's a solid laugh.

You're right.

The volume's too low.

On the mics that recorded the audience back then.

Behind these doors, gentlemen, I give you the future of laser combat.

Half human, a Robocop, Open.

Half laser cat, half Robocop.

I give you

Cyber Face!

Be not alarmed, I have them under control.

So that's great.

I mean, we like that long pause before the second shooting.

So we saw Keenan came out of the elevator as a Robocop, but he's got like Gatling guns.

Is that what they're called?

Like

six cats on each arm.

It is that moment from the first RoboCop or second RoboCop?

I think first one.

First.

Where he's he's doing a demo and it goes bad.

And it's one of the most shockingly enjoyable things I remember ever seeing in a movie theater.

Definitely.

You do not think things are going to just go terribly wrong right in the front.

And it's really bloody and gruesome.

Yeah, RoboCop fucking shreds.

Hey, quick Paul Verhoeven side note.

Can I just jump in real quick?

Yeah.

You know, while you guys were talking about Hauser-Hauser last week, somebody also said Paul Verhoeven directed Total Recall,

also directed Starship Troopers.

Right.

Starring Neil Patrick Harris.

And you know what his name was in that movie?

No.

Douglas.

No.

No, it wasn't.

No.

That would change things in my mind on how the world works.

I would have actually run out into the street if that was true.

Oh, my God.

All right, now it says, meanwhile on Mars.

Best vacation ever.

Can you pause it real quick?

You're exactly the same position as you are in your Corona ads.

What?

Yeah, Bill's playing Snoop.

Snoop.

Basically, if hater with Snoop dog gets your Corona ads.

So you're saying they owe me money.

I'm saying somebody owes you money.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done them for free.

Right.

We haven't done the weekend at Bernie's, whatever it's called, De Niro one yet, right?

Oh, party at Mr.

Bernard's?

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for remembering the title.

I can't believe.

I can't believe you thought we had.

This vibe is definitely that same thing.

Listen, I think about that one constantly.

So in my mind.

I love that one.

I stand by that one.

Yeah.

All right.

So you guys are just chilling on a beach on Mars.

This is the prototype for it.

This vibe that Bill, especially you have of like 80s bros.

Yep, Mars devs have its

perks.

Hey, come on, Sabi.

What's up with the necklace?

This old thing, my no-good father gave it to me before he left me and my mom years ago.

I'm liking it.

Yeah.

Floating chairs, and there's a real story.

We've had a very clean cold open that has set up the this is very clean like movie storytelling here.

Also, I should note the beach has sort of of a red patina across it.

So we know we're on Mars.

Yeah, the beach on Mars.

And you have shown half of a what necklace.

It's like a best friends forever necklace.

Yeah.

It's like we're in Annie territory again, like last week.

Right with Rooster.

And I will say, I was taken out of Maverick because I had recently seen Annie.

Right.

I don't think you're alone in that.

Yeah.

Like, this is the guy that grows up to try to steal Annie.

I never trusted Miles Teller's character in Maverick because I thought he was, the, I thought he was the son of Rooster, the con man from Annie.

Got it.

Goose had a small rooster-style mustache.

Rooster meaning Tim Curry in Annie-style mustache, right?

Yeah.

Didn't Goose?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did Rooster also have a mustache?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So maybe Rooster was Goose's dad.

Or, hear me out, they're the same person named Gooster.

Okay.

Hear me out.

That was all I had to say.

All right.

Gooster is your Guster cover band.

But it's all, the parody lyrics make everything into Goose goose stuff.

Or is Gooster a booster seat for a goose?

Oh, a goose.

Trad, when you travel with your geese,

do you put them

in gooster geese?

Sorry, my geese that are not yet big enough and heavy enough to just sit in the normal seats with a seatbelt.

Of course.

Yeah, your baby.

Can I also say one of my favorite things from the last podcast that I know I'm interrupting the flow of Laser Cats 4.

Another thing I really loved from the last pod was you just being shocked that two people are named Anthony Edwards, which are just like the most normy name.

It is a really common name, but two famous people.

Two famous people that I'm very well aware of both, and I had never made the connection.

That's more of what I was doing.

I was thinking like if a school assembly, if kids thought Anthony Edwards was coming, and then they were like, make some know you know him as Mark Green from ER.

I guess still sign my basketball.

Then do you think when he walks on stage and the other people on the stage are all the basketball, it's everybody in the basketball uniforms.

And he's like, ah, again, not a gonk.

Back to Laser Cats 4.

I like your wardrobe.

I'm just going to say, we're doing a beach scene, and all we did was put Hawaiian shirts on top of your heavy, normal wardrobe.

You're still wearing a jumpsuit.

You're wearing arm pads and knee pads.

The whole deal.

All right, here we go.

Work never rests.

Work never rests.

Cyborg, Don Hay.

Okay, now we're did some sort of minority report.

Sounds like a catastrophe.

All right, so now you're immediately just, we do hard cut from Mars.

Yeah.

To now you're just trying to find Cyberface.

Yeah.

Yeah, you got the call to action.

Here we are.

These guys are, they're cops and they got their case.

I'm going to jump in now and defend laser cats, which I think we all agree is not something that comes as first nature to me, but second nature, I guess is the way they say it.

So I always think that cocking the cats deserves a a laugh, and it gets nothing here, which really makes me think this is based on the audience, not how this

got it.

All right, here we go.

It's Master Lock.

Out of the way, partner.

Switching to cold mode.

That's one cool cat.

I mean, it's A plus.

It's A plus.

Not a lot of laughs, but it is a very well-executed sequence, and I like watching it.

Yes.

The fire extinguisher is shooting out of the cat for those people not watching along with us, and it and it freezes a

lock on the door, and the lock falls off, and then he blows on the top of the cat and it makes the sound of an empty beer bottle.

Support comes from Factor.

Hey guys, it's just Seth, but we can still have fun with the ads.

And I'm going to tell you right now, you can make this your best season yet with nutritious two-minute meals from Factor.

Eating well has never been this easy.

Just heat up and enjoy giving you more time to do what you want.

But Seth, I want to hear the whole Lonely Island, but guys, it would just slow us down.

Because guys, I want to tell you that there's 45 weekly menu options.

You can pick gourmet meals that fit your goals.

You can choose from Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, Keto, and more.

Factory powers your day with satisfying breakfasts, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners, guilt-free snacks, and desserts.

It is easy to savor more this spring.

Factory meals pack in the flavor with none of the fuss.

Let me tell you what I like.

Smoky Gouda chicken.

Also, I used to live in Holland.

It's pronounced chauda, but I'm not going to do that to you guys.

Smoky Gouda chicken.

Also truffle butter chicken and mushroom risotto.

And I didn't even say it the way they say it in Italy because I don't know.

I'm assuming it's exactly the same.

Those are just two of the incredibly delicious options available from Factor.

And now you can get started at factormeals.com slash island50 off.

That's I-S-L-A-N-D, the number five, the number zero, O-F-F.

Use code island50Off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

That's code island50off at factormeals.com slash island50off for 50% off plus free shipping.

Support comes from Mint Mobile.

Summer's just around the corner.

The folks in Mint Mobile have a hot take.

Getting a summer bod is out and getting your savings bod is in.

Do you follow what they did there?

Because here's the thing.

You know, we obviously have to call each other all the time to try to schedule this pod.

And, you know, I'll talk to Yorma and I'll talk to Akiva and then Andy, it will just go straight to voicemail because he knows why I'm calling and he doesn't want to talk about the fact that he's doing a podcast.

And he's even a little bit mean about it when he texts back as to why he didn't answer.

But the good news is, using MinMobile, we're saving a lot of money on these calls because there's a lot of these calls because there's a lot of us hosting a podcast and it makes it very hard to schedule.

I think you get the point.

But here's the thing.

You can say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages.

And here's the great news.

All the plans at MinMobile come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

Ditch overpriced wireless.

Get three months premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for $15 a month.

This year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank.

Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/slash island.

That's mintmobile.com/slash island.

Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month five-gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month.

New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan, options, available taxes and fees extra.

See Mint Mobile for details.

Chronic spontaneous urticaria or chronic hives with no known cause.

It's so unpredictable.

It's like playing pinball.

Itchy red bumps start on my arm, then my back,

sometimes my legs.

Hives come out of nowhere

and it comes and goes.

But I just found out about a treatment option at treatmyhives.com.

Take that, chronic hives.

Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

I will say my favorite, you know, as we've established, we don't like any of the emails about this podcast or any of the texts.

They make us miserable and sad.

That's in the scheduling.

When people talk to us about the podcast, hey, that's why we keep doing it.

It makes us so happy.

But my favorite thing this week was you guys asking if we could have a shot of Dennis Frowns' butt in the YouTube video and Jeff saying we thought we might have a copyright issue.

It wasn't even in the YouTube.

It was that I just wanted the sound in the background when we're describing the butts.

I wanted to hear very quietly the sound of the shower and of her saying, getting in him, going, Whoa, I'm usually uh, just me in here.

Yeah, not used to being cleaned there by someone else either.

Yeah, that's I usually do that part myself.

Yeah, hands off the Sipowitz.

Oh, yeah, I'm still trying, but double down on it.

Respect.

No, I like just like I like him getting his lawyers being like, They're using my dialogue.

I used to be Quade Army until they ripped me off.

There you go.

Did he have his Chicago accent in the show?

He kind of did.

He weirdly kind of did.

But was he from, was he supposed to be from New York or did they just write that he was from Chicago?

I think he was just from Chicago.

Yeah.

Why not?

Yeah.

Here's a question.

Do you think SNL folks last week or two weeks ago discussed doing a sketch called Chicago Pope, like Chicago Hope?

I was very worried about it because I did the NBC upfronts.

For those who don't know, this is at Radio City, where NBC presents to 6,000 advertisers what their slate of shows and programming is going to be for the year.

And I do five minutes of jokes at it.

Yes.

And I had a Chicago Pope joke that felt like, oh, somebody's already made this joke and they probably did one on SNL.

And I like looked everywhere.

And then I thought, I'll just go ahead with it and played hotter than any joke I had.

What was the joke, Seth?

It was like, it's a big year for NBC.

Got the Olympics, the NBA, Chicago Pope.

People there, boss or mine.

And then I said, you know, Dick Wolf's on the phone with the Vatican right now saying he wants to cut

saying you never would have even thought about this uh i have both done that at up fronts and joined you while you were doing it at up fronts that's right yeah the year i hosted the emmys i i was the actual upfronts guy uh not the hottest audience 6 000 advertisers at 10 30 a.m on a monday morning in new york city i enjoyed it though it's so low stakes of that way it is low yeah yeah yeah it is like the least seen your material is going to be considering the venue yes when we went to the fox ones i think when you when Brooklyn 99 was still on Fox, I think Pitbull came out and did like four songs.

Definitely.

That was a funny way to see Pitbull doing four songs.

Mr.

Worldwide.

There's a cat on a room that should be just up ahead.

There's Simon Rich in the mirror

holding the camera.

Well, according to this, Cyberface is in this room.

And then he sees himself and reframes the shot.

The detail there.

Yeah, there's a lot of stuff in here.

Every now and then you forget that another element of Laser Cats is that it's poorly filmed.

On purpose, though, it's

childhood fantasy.

It's wish fulfillment of like, you know, when you make your home videos as a kid, yeah, 100%.

But it gets a nice laugh, I'm just saying.

But I like that we had to cast Simon Rich.

It would make more sense if it was, I guess, you or Bill, but you're on camera, and then me and Yorm is not.

It just was funnier having to be Simon for some reason.

I don't know why.

Because he looks like a little kid.

Yeah.

Like you would guide your little brother to film this.

Just fully see the SNL writer assistant at his desk.

Cuts back to Lauren watching.

Playtime is over.

Looks like we're done bookshino savi.

This is another cameo from Rachel Lynn's brother.

Yeah, Joe.

From Joe.

Pretending like he walked into the shop.

Yeah, runs in and walks out.

Yeah.

Cyberface deactivates.

Yeah, well, it went from kill mode to love mode.

Something about your face, the facial recognition kicked in.

Yeah.

Because he's part human.

He still has a human part deep inside, like the RoboCop in the movie.

Yeah.

I think about how Forte says Cyberface a lot.

Yeah.

Cyberface.

I like that.

Son?

Dad?

There he is.

Take him down.

The whole editorial staff there has stormtrooper types.

Yeah, we got Matt Yonks.

Who else we got in there?

I think we got Mike Poole in there.

Yeah, a little Mike Poole.

Yeah.

Both still there.

Alright, so the shooting came in the Cybertron right at the moment when he had just turned good.

Getting shot and it cranks into slow.

And there's just a random person walking by in the background.

I do like this.

It does have a nice arc here.

Yeah, it's human sidewalk.

No.

You take off his robo-helmet.

It was just a mask.

Now it's Steve Martin.

Yeah.

Yeah, you take off the glasses and it's like taking off the Darth Vader mask.

Yeah.

Dad?

I'm sorry I left you, son.

It's okay, Dad.

Don't die.

Nitro, take this.

Your brother has the other half.

Oh, he pushes his own cheek and it says self-destruct.

His cheek is a self-destruct button, I guess.

Good thing he's never done that before on accident.

But I don't have a brother.

This is great.

This is good storytelling.

So I don't have a brother and then looks down at it and the music and the other half of the Annie necklace?

It's very strange that he uses his time to not say, you guys are brothers, and instead gives half of it to Nitro and lets him figure out.

No, it's not strange.

It's exactly what Cyberface would do.

That's true.

Yeah, he had a flair for the dramatic.

Grows forever.

He's got a rocket ship.

Good night, sweet princes.

And he explodes and he

splashes.

I will say my favorite part: the self-destruct.

You know, he's going to blow up.

It says two, one, self-destruct.

And I had no memory of what happened.

You guys get hit with the tiniest amount of blood.

Just

like one ketchup packet's worth of blood.

Controlled little squirt.

He's a robot, but he still had some blood.

He was a robot with a tiny little bit of blood.

The end.

Right?

Pretty mind-blowing, huh?

Do you get that?

It's King Lear?

Get out.

That got the laugh.

Get out.

I thought you meant me, too.

I did.

That's fine.

Classic Steve.

I don't know.

That's not two claps at the end.

Yeah, you misremembered.

That's the real thing.

I was giving it, I think it got two claps.

Go back to just when it ends.

When the laser cats ends and Steve says, that's maybe.

A little applause break, right?

Is what you're looking for.

Okay, I'll go back one more second there.

Right?

Pretty mind-blowing, huh?

That's like 10 claps.

Yeah, but it's not allowing you to 10 because the visuals are continuing.

I was going to say 13, but yeah, let's agree somewhere between 10 and 13.

All right.

I will say it's a very well-crafted Laser Cats, plot-wise.

It doesn't bring the house down, but it's got a lot of nice moves.

And when you think about how integral the fact that you guys realized you were brothers is to the future Laser Cats.

It's pivotal.

Well, I was going to mention this.

Never brought up again.

Def really did a lot of world building in this one.

It might get brought up again.

I don't remember.

Look, we all know when you're making a series, you got to reset the premise.

Reset it.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Hold the phone.

We got a really important link coming in hot.

Oh.

Jeff writes, someone found the promo.

Sharing screen.

Hold a moment.

Wait, this is the NYPD Blue promo?

Yes.

Oh, the butt promo.

Oh my God, we're going to watch it, guys.

Last week, you got your first look at Bobby Simone.

You think you're at a low ranger?

This week, he shows what he's made of.

Back off.

And so does Andy Sipowitz.

I usually shower along.

What do you want me to do?

NYPD Blue, Tuesday, viewer discretion advised.

Oh, man.

So it showed him in the shower with her.

So you knew things were going to be, it showed Jimmy Smith's roughing people up.

So you're like, damn, this guy's going to be violent.

And then it showed him in the shower.

And it says, due to adult language and partial nudity, viewer discretion is advised.

Yeah.

So that was, they were going to to say shit.

They were going to show butt.

But they didn't say, and this week we'll show Dennis's butt.

Well, because this is only Smith's second episode.

Right.

Right.

And Caruso famously left after one season.

He kind of Chevy chased it.

And there was a lot of similar sentiment of like, why are you leaving?

You have one season of a hit show and you're out of here.

I believe he left after one season, right?

He did.

He left after one season.

Then he did that weird movie, Jade, which was, I feel like, a Nicolas Cage movie.

Didn't work.

But then in the end, he laughed all the way to the bank because he did CSI.

So this is a bit of a bait and switch because they were like, hey, you like David Caruso's ass?

Come on back.

And then they're like, for this ass, it's just as good.

It's a regular ass.

What?

You don't think it's regular?

What's regular to you?

Yeah.

Something like that.

That was all in the promo.

And then when he first meets Jimmy Smith's character, he's like, what are you, the Lone Ranger?

And then later in the promo, he says, you're going to see my ass, dude.

It's just a matter of time.

That's how it works here in in this precinct.

The butts come out.

Assuming you're watching the show on ABC where butts are allowed now.

Lone Ranger, you better be working on your butt because it's coming up next season.

People would do NYPD Blue screening parties.

You would just have people come over to your house on Tuesday night at 10 p.m.

Eastern, 9 p.m.

Central.

And as soon as a character would come on screen, people would just start going, show it.

Show it.

Yep.

They'd sometimes just have to chant through the entire episode.

And they're all doing their press tour and they're like, so you show your butt this year.

And you're like, you know, it really is more about the stories.

I'm kind of surprised everyone's so focused on the butt stuff.

That definitely happened.

Oh, I don't want to talk about the butt stuff.

That's what I'm talking about.

These are amazing writers and crew.

In case it wasn't clear, she wasn't just washing it.

She was jerking it.

That's their Comic-Con panel.

All right, let's set the record straight.

Show of hands.

Who thought she was just putting a little soap on it?

Okay.

She was giving it a full tug.

There you go.

You're in the right.

On the set, it was interesting.

I was actually just wearing a swimsuit, and she just moved her hand in front.

And I kept being like, whoa.

But it was, yeah, that's movie making for you.

I was pretending.

Just Chicago to his core.

So, Lasercat's four.

Criterion?

Only if the age-old question of if

do they all go in one category together.

By the way, I went in the Criterion closet the other day.

Oh, you did a thing?

You recorded a deal?

Yeah, that's exciting.

What'd you pick?

All right, guys, I gotta go.

That was it.

Time's up.

When you hear the kids, that was it.

All right, well, we could sign off.

Well, Keeve, we're the only ones left.

Yeah, it's just us.

We got tricked into doing a podcast and pretty much can't get everyone on one now.

It's very difficult, but we do it for the Quads.

We're just like Gaga doing it for her monsters, you know?

It's exactly the same, and we take it that seriously.

It's selfless.

It is selfless.

And let me just say to you, I appreciate you.

Hey, I appreciate you too.

And now that it's just us, I'll tell you this.

I think you're the funniest.

Oh, thank you, man.

I think you're the funniest.

Oh, you don't have to say that.

We all know that's not true.

All right, Seth's back, but he can't find the mic.

He's literally, his headphones on.

He can hear me, but he's scrambling, looking around.

Somehow, the mic has totally disappeared.

It's like, what is this?

The Max comedy special, Dad Man Walking?

You mean the HBO?

It's soon to be HBO Max.

All right, we've reverted.

This dad is walking.

He's a man.

He is upright.

He's walking on two feet.

Hey, save it for your next special, Seth.

All right.

Well, you know, I was tired this one.

Like I said to you guys at the beginning, I didn't sleep much last night.

And so, you know, that's what it is when we do podcasts and everyone's just kind of living together.

It is.

Hey, maybe some of the Quads were tired.

Write in with your comments.

Were you tired this week listening?

I don't know.

Yeah, let us know if you were tired this week while you were listening.

And also let us know if you had energy going in, but then listening to this made you tired because I would understand that too.

Was this a sleepy thing?

Yeah.

There's plenty of room for these to be sleepy.

Yeah.

I mean, I think, you know, not to be judging in real time, but I think we can all agree this episode was kind of a dusty fart.

You're saying it wise, that's not listen.

All right, Keith, love you.

All right.

Love you, bud.

Bye.