Doogie Howser Theme

The bummer about us not showing video is that Jaram's got a big old piece of lettuce in his front tooth.

No, I don't.

Andy's lying because it's chocolate.

You would never know.

You would never know.

Andy's lying, though.

Oh, I see.

It's a who do you think they're going to believe situation.

That was a no and but improv.

It's the opposite of a yes and.

Yeah, no, but.

It's the lonely island Seth Meyers podcast.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to jump into it right away.

Andy, I have a question.

Okay.

What was the word we asked you to listen for in the last podcast that you weren't there for?

Oh, I definitely didn't listen to it.

Honest to a fault.

I don't listen to podcasts.

Why would I listen to this one?

I don't have time.

I barely have time to do it.

Wait.

Okay.

So then Jorm.

Jor, I hate to do this to you.

Jorm, do you remember what the word was?

Yes.

And not because I practiced, but the word is pitiful.

Nice, Work.

All right, Joram, showing us something.

I guess I don't need that MRI.

I did have massive doubts about whether or not you'd listen to the podcast with your three dear friends talking about work you did 15 years ago.

What was it about?

Which episode?

Well, I guess that's the problem.

You weren't in cookies, so you had no interest.

Oh, cookies can eat shit.

I don't know nothing about that.

Actually,

kind of the end of cookies.

It turned out the cookies were stool stamplers, so we have

it at James.

Stool softeners, not stool stamplers.

Yeah, oh my God, if cookies wasn't.

Cookies Cookies can eat shit.

Yeah.

Well, did you listen to the one before, though, Seth?

Did you know the word was periwinkle?

Yes.

That was how we started the last podcast.

If you had listened, you would have known that, Andy.

But I never said I was going to and feel no shame about skipping.

Well, that's coming across.

The lack of shame in your voice.

I didn't know I was expected to.

It's your friends.

Yeah, I don't care.

Well, here's the thing, though.

Then, I mean, again, we're going to get to the short in the Neil Patrick Paris episode, which is a Duke Hauser-inspired short.

That might actually even be the title of it.

But the thing you missed out on, Andy, is a five-minute voice note from Rob Klein

about the sketch Lamps.

Oh, classic.

It was a good voice note.

Now, obviously, we've heard, and everyone listening to this podcast has heard.

Yeah.

So this is fun.

What's your take on Lamps?

Super underrated, obviously.

I'm guessing by your tone, you shat on it, because because what else would you have done?

I didn't.

He just described it, I'll say, because I barely remembered it until I saw a photo of it.

He just described it.

By the way, it was a deeply traumatic experience for Klein.

Yeah, Klein was saying so much crazy stuff that I thought maybe he was doing a bit on the voice note because I had no memory.

I didn't remember that it was a sketch that was derided at the show for months to come.

Do you remember it that way?

No, I just have memories that it aired and was a nice little confection and came and went and that I was happy about it and that we would always joke about how we were going to make the lamps movie.

So as an actor on the show you were shielded from the criticism.

We're really, yeah, we're really learning the difference between being a writer and being a performer.

Was it it was getting shat on in the writer's room?

Is that what I'm to understand?

Basically, Shoemaker told Klein Lorne hates lamps.

Oh.

Yeah, it was more in that room.

Why did he pick it?

So he could hate it.

You know, a lot of

people sounding off in the comments this week saying, we don't understand Lorne.

Why would he pick something and then passive aggressively make Klein feel bad all week?

It didn't make sense.

We also looked at the rundown and there were eight things cut.

Oh, that's why.

Between dress and air.

Yeah.

But does that mean it was that there were eight things worse than lamps and he was stuck with it?

Clearly.

I don't, yeah, that we didn't understand why.

Maybe Hugh Laurie liked it.

Maybe Hugh Laurie was team lamps.

I remember thinking it was very light and fun.

By the way, you literally murder people in it.

Oh.

I like that you're light and fun.

Lightly and fun.

That was a light and fun way.

Yeah, but it's still a goof.

It's still, it is a goofy.

We're dressed like giant lamps.

Klein claims a lot of people were just mad that the title was Lamps,

including that.

That really stuck in everybody's crux.

Honestly, I don't remember very well.

Were we singing?

You were singing, yeah.

It was like a Toy Story situation.

Oh, I see.

You know, we've talked about it, but Joast has never lived down that he wrote a sketch about people being stuck on JetBlue called Jet Blues.

Oh, you know, people are still mad at Joast about Jet Blues.

But Lamps has nothing.

That's

just Lamps.

Lamps has no opinion.

That's true.

It's just Lamps.

Guys, I have a little bit of housekeeping before we get to the episode.

I went to see Othello on Broadway.

Fancy.

Denzel Washington, Jake Jyllenhall.

Amazing.

Jake Gyllenhol, Iago.

Iago, one of the most juiciest roles, I would say, of all of Shakespeare.

But this is really cool.

I read in the playbill.

Jake is the first actor to play Iago who was also in a laser cats.

That was in the playbill.

Yeah, that that was in the playbill.

And then mostly, they do this thing in playbills now, where like for all the actors, they end it with whether or not they were or weren't in Lasercats.

Oh, so they'll even say, like, wasn't in laser cats.

For Denzel, it was like.

The last thing in Denzel's has never appeared in Laser Cats.

Yeah, it was like Glory Training Day wasn't in Laser Cats.

Yeah.

Has not yet been featured.

Got it.

But I'm in Othello.

Intermission of Othello.

Walk into the bathroom.

Dude, leans in, gives me a Kwait Army.

Oh, man.

Quate Army.

Wow.

It's a high-class crowd.

It is exciting.

So I put a lot of thought into this because I was like, oh, there should just be like a call and response.

And I think obviously the obvious thing from now on is if anybody says Quaid Army to you, I think you just say righteous kill.

That's righteous.

Yeah, of course.

That makes perfect sense.

That's the other half of that coin.

Can I add a term to this?

Sure.

I think if there's any haters of the pod, my friend Jake pitched this that they should be called hausers.

Oh, why is that?

Is that the other character from Total Recall?

Yeah, that's the bad guy from.

So any hawsers out there.

Definitely weird to have that first come out on the Doogie Hauser episode.

That's why I got confused too.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's a perfect transition, and I'm very good at transitioning.

I didn't know it was spelled H-A-U and not H-O-W.

In that case, Andy has established firmly he's a hauser.

He opened the pod by firmly putting both feet.

Because, oh, yeah.

Well, now I'm getting confused because I'm like, no, I love Total Recall.

But they're like, no, because I hate the pod.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

So what would a hauser say if they wanted to go out of their way to let you know they hate the pod?

Just whatever you comes off the top of your head.

Just like, stop talking about.

Oh, a lot of people want us to stop talking about Spelling B, Andy.

But then I mentioned that at the last pod, and a lot of people ran to the defense.

And even a bunch of people said they only have started playing Spelling B because of the pod.

Dang, that's educating factions.

Yeah.

Well, apologies to those of us who want us to stop, but I do want to just mention really quiggly that I got clean me today and said how to use hands because he's a dumb dumb.

The editor of the Spelling Bee has reached out to the pod, Andy.

Really?

Sam Sam Azerski.

You're kidding.

And the question is whether we have him on or just have him give us a voice note.

But it's very exciting news, obviously.

Or should we let him watch Yorms Dorito ad?

Oh,

just react.

I think we should definitely send that back.

Yeah, and just ask him if you worked at Frito-Lay, would you let this air?

Yeah.

And then also, while you're here, how many words can you make with Frito-Lay?

Yeah, or just be like, were there any loblollies in that?

That's a spelling bee joke, guys.

That's a big spelling bee word, guys.

Loblolly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's been some requests for merch.

And I do feel like if you make a shirt that says Quaid Army, you don't actually want to see a Quatto, right?

No, they're gross.

They're so gross.

And this was a very bad idea, but I did enjoy the creativity, which is I think the shirt should be the three-breasted prostitute from Total Recall with Seth as her head and the other three with faces on the breasts.

Oh, that's an interesting idea.

You think someone would wear that like out of the house?

I don't know.

You think that's better than showing Quatto?

I know.

I'm just, this was creativity.

I said it's better.

What if it does do that one voice noters thing and we just put Dennis, Randy, and I guess Jack, Quaid on it?

And it says Quaid Army just to throw off people from sniffing it.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Like a really subtle.

So it says Quaid Army and has all the Quaids.

That's the better looking shirt, tell you that.

Yeah.

You guys, I feel like, know all the like sort of visual design people.

So maybe let's start working on some like mock-ups of the shirt.

This won't surprise you, Seth, but I'm already on it, but I was doing

the worst version you could possibly imagine.

People did say last week when you missed Andy that Yorm opened up about how Fred's impression of him was incredibly traumatic.

And you maybe missed it, but also a lot of people said Jorm has had this exact same conversation on the pod.

I was going to say he's talked about it before, yeah.

Okay.

Doesn't make it less true.

That's how traumatic it is.

It makes it double true.

I think it's just, that's just proving my point.

Ooh, accidental lazy Sunday reference, Keith.

Oh, shit.

But here's the thing.

None of you caught it, though, either.

That's true.

That's true.

You're all equally complicit.

I like this.

It was a nice observation about I think you should leave.

Keith said it was that one, the one with Tim where he has the hot dog.

And someone said, like, that only eliminates half of the I think you should leave sketches.

No, how many are there?

I think there's two main ones.

There's two.

Two hot dog ones.

Oh, no, three.

Because there's a, there's definitely a third hot dog one that's like an ad.

But the ad, the vacuum ad is a a second part of the first.

Yes.

Yeah, that's a part two.

That's just same sketch.

You're right.

You're right.

We talked about Forte's Hamilton Whiteman speech at my wedding.

Oh, wow.

I just like the wording of this comment.

What quay does Guado have to blow to get the full Hamilton Whiteman speech from Seth's wedding?

And then the very nice ending.

I'll take my answer off the air.

Amy Poehler joined the podcast last week, Andy.

I heard that that was happening and was that was honestly the only reason I considered listening was because I was curious to hear Amy.

amy if she was talking shit no just because she's like someone uh that i actually care about care about what she thinks about you i was waiting for you to drop well it's interesting you should frame it that way another quick comment i love how gentle seth's voice is when he talks to amy a person he respects and admires versus when it's just two quads he sounds like he's smoking a cigar and coaching junior t-ball oh my god maybe i do need to listen to this interesting observation

a lot yeah they're really good cookies all right dudes this This isn't going to be, you know, the chunkiest short to talk about, but it is Doogie Hauser.

And we had Neil Patrick Harris on.

Now, did you guys re-watch this?

Because I did not have time.

I was on.

I don't want to brag another Zoom right to the last second.

Oh, my man.

My guy Keeveby zooming.

I do want to watch this.

Can I mute for one second?

Yeah, we'll start talking about it while you watch.

Okay, great.

I'll just say that I know it's ridiculous, but this is one of my favorite shorts.

I liked it a lot re-watching.

Yeah, I think it's really good.

It's very sweet.

Yeah.

It's sweet.

It's got a couple of yucks.

It's got a good vibe.

It's very well shot and cut, and it all just kind of flows and is nice.

Andy, do you remember?

Did I make that little stupid plinky beat?

Yeah.

Because it really sounds like it would be me, but I can't tell because it actually has a melody.

So I'm like, how did I do that?

You're saying when me and Fred come in?

Yeah.

It made me laugh so hard.

I was watching it being like, I know I arrive in this at some point doing something.

So that's you and Fred on the like keytars?

No, on the

we're like, what would you call those, Aaron?

The little like drum pad?

Oh, you had an NPC, I think.

Yeah, NPCs, thank you.

We requested, I think we requested an NPC.

It was very specific.

And I forgot everyone was dressed like Doogie, which is also obviously a lovely touch.

Yeah.

Support for the Lonely Island of Seth Meyers podcast comes from Air BNB.

Oh, Akiva.

Yeah, here I am.

Tell me.

You know, I keep asking for you, even though we've done a bunch of ads today.

We don't know what order they'll play them in.

Maybe I'm showing up fresh for each one.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I've got a big vacation coming up, and I know you like to vacation with your family.

Tell me what I should do.

Well, so I went with my, you know, my brother and my parents.

We went to Pittsburgh this last year.

We like to go once a year.

And we've been staying at old Airbnbs recently.

And it's just so lovely because we're in neighborhoods.

We're around people who live there.

We're by local coffee shops, restaurants that are attached to hotels.

It's just great.

It feels like we're at home.

And, you know, I don't see my parents that much.

I don't see my brother that much.

But, you know, like a lot of families, we used to all live together.

And when we do an Airbnb trip, we feel like we live together again.

Now, did you stay near that bar?

And I can't remember its name.

It's like Schlotzky's.

It's like a dive bar with a pool table in the back.

You know what I'm talking about?

You've been there?

I don't.

But next time I'll stay next to Schlotzky's.

It's not what it's called.

Somebody's going to write in and know.

Okay, good.

But it has a great name, like Snooby's or something.

But you know, we can only do it.

We can only stay at one of these when people are kind enough to share their home with us.

And maybe you're one of those people.

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Yes, hi.

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Yeah.

I don't want to point fingers as to who's playing with these, but I've heard a lot of talk about it.

Yeah.

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I like the sound of that.

Do you even know what Rocket Money is, Keith?

Can I take a wild guess?

Take a wild guess, but don't be ad speaky about it, just in your own words.

I mean, if I was going to guess, it sounds like it's like a personal finance app that like helps you find uh unwanted subscriptions and then if you do you could like cancel them and or it could pay attention to what i'm spending money on and monitor it even yeah yeah exactly and it could help lower my bills and and help me grow my savings keeve i use this and i can't believe how many uh dumb old subscriptions i had that i had not canceled multiple subscriptions in some cases where i was the same streaming service more than once That's horrible.

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All right, first of all, before we talk about the idea, should we talk about the actual Doogie Hauser theme song?

Yes, it was a great theme song.

And this is an ode to that.

How long do you think the actual Doogie Hauser theme song was every episode of Doogie Hauser?

One solid minute, exactly, maybe?

Is that right?

You're exactly right.

It's one solid minute start to finish.

Wow.

The same minute every week you watch the show.

Yeah.

It was an hour show?

No, half an hour.

Oh, wow.

That's crazy.

Well, by the way, there was nothing else to watch when it was network television.

They have you hostage.

If you want to watch the show, you'll sit through.

And it's a way for them to like cut a couple pages of workout i mean it's 22 minutes of show that's one minute out of the way that's amazing yeah exactly there's also i want to say two more it opens on just a lot of headlines like clippings yeah sort of telling you about how doogie hauser was this you know sort of whiz kid and i'd say there's like two more headlines than you need to you feel like you're like no no i get it genius kid doctor good good good good good good good good

so good because this song is sad but it's, there was a whole like taxi, remember the taxi theme?

Yeah.

And like Hill Street Blues and stuff.

There's like a whole genre of like comedy half hours that have really melancholy,

instrumental-only openings.

Oh, yeah, Frasier.

Frasier's real sad.

I love you thinking about Jorn being like, I just

lost someone really close to me and I just went to the beach and I put on my headphones and listened to the Frasier theme.

Oh, baby, I'll hear the mountain calling.

Just crying.

All right.

So do you guys remember how you came up with it?

I have, and you guys can correct me, but I believe it was almost like young Chuck Norris, which was that there was a different sketch at the table and he played a little bit of it.

And the sketch did not work out.

But we were like, whoa, he really can play it.

Everyone in the world will be tickled to know that Neil Patrick Harris can play the Doogie Hauser theme on a keyboard.

I didn't realize he was actually playing it.

Yeah.

his fingers are doing the right thing.

That's why I remember when we were shooting at me being like, make sure the camera is high enough to see his fingers on every shot when we can to try to show off like he's doing it.

Yeah, I have no clue what the sketch was or who wrote it, but it definitely was when it didn't get picked, it was inspired by that, I believe.

Does that sound right, guys?

I have zero memory of that.

I truly have like other, yeah, I was like, was it because I have talked about this on the pod, I know that, but that short that we saw that was just a musical short that was a dance piece, The Gary Weiss one.

Yeah, the Mariachis versus Ballerinas.

Like, there was no joke to it.

It was just a sort of a dance piece.

And it was on white, and it was just very stark and like cool.

Yeah.

We also had a lot of long conversations, not, I don't know how long they were, but with Lorne at dinners, where we talk about the old shorts and how they didn't seem to have feel the responsibility to be funny all the time.

Yeah.

Right.

And he would talk about, well, it's a variety show.

You know, the musical guest isn't funny.

And he'd go, there is room.

And back, I think in early days, people didn't feel the onus to deliver laughs on every second then they could just do interesting stuff I think we talked about this on a very early which is weird because just a week before this episode he was running around saying could somebody tell Klein the sketches are supposed to be fucking funny right

I think it's a good point though and I think that sometimes we should even just sort of take a breath and take a pause and

have this podcast not be doesn't necessarily need to be funny all the time.

That's good, but that's so true.

It's so true.

I just want to, you know.

I love you guys.

I'm having a hard day.

Baby, I hear the blues are calling.

Don't have everything fail moody.

I don't know why you had to do that, but I guess that's funny.

Does it cheer you up?

That's your sad song.

No, you're right.

That did make me sad, yeah.

How come I can't find lamps online?

What's up with that?

I'm sure because the songs were to the melody of uncleared other songs.

Yeah.

Do you think that's why?

I don't think you guys were starting from the studs up with your lamp songs.

Well, let me say this.

As someone who doesn't remember what this sketch was really about or what songs were aped, I think the artists who wouldn't clear them are fucking bitches.

Ape that, whoever you are.

Now, for the people who are not watching it right now, it sort of opens Neil Patrick Harris in a sort of black limbo at a piano, and he starts playing the Doogie House May theme song, and the audience is delighted.

They are delighted.

Oh, yeah.

And you milk it really nicely at the top because you're like, what's this going to be?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When they realize he's really playing, I think is when they applaud.

Like it gets a first reaction and then a second reaction.

And it's shocking because it's a pre-tape and pre-tapes, like you pointed out last week, where there was, I forget which one we were talking about, but there was one where you were like, whoa, and they actually, oh, no, it was on your show this week because you had Adam Levine on it was the clip I watched of your show.

Right, right.

Where you were talking about that his appearance in Iran So Far, the one we talked about a ton where he spins, is so powerful that the audience actually applauds for it.

Whereas they usually don't like engage with the pre-tapes in that way.

Right.

And I kind of had the same feeling on this when I was just watching.

I was like, oh, they're like, they're acting like they're seeing a performance because they kind of are.

It feels like it's happening live almost.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Keeve, do you, do you feel that it's possible that maybe they just enjoyed that it didn't have to be funny immediately?

I think right away the relief they felt to not have to participate in that manner, to feel like the pressure to laugh made them applaud.

They were applauding the relief.

They were like, oh, I can lean back in my chair finally.

I get it.

I know an SNL audience, what they want most is to not laugh.

It's late at night.

They want something that's going to be more

just a fucking break.

Have we talked?

I feel like we haven't talked about when it's on and how late it is.

Yeah, I've been in the middle of an update feature before and people will just yell, we're sleepy.

Stop.

We're tired.

We want the TV to be on, but we're tired.

Do you have any idea how late it is?

You're too loud.

It's tomorrow.

It's so late.

It's tomorrow.

But then you sort of introduce, and it is a full caster.

Yeah.

One by one, people dress like Doogie Hauser.

And again, he's not dressed like Doogie Hauser.

He's in a tuxedo.

But then other musicians sort of show up in this black limbo and they are all dressed like Doogie Hauser, the doctor.

And that is, you know, very sweet.

Not Quaid's alter ego.

Thank you for clarifying.

Doogie Hauser, the doctor.

Doogie Hauser.

Quaid's alter ego.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry, guys.

Really the wrong week to bring in another Hauser.

But again, you can't put the genie back in the bottle.

I can't help when these thoughts occur.

Andy, you show up with Fred.

Yeah, we're like cool 80s electronic guys, you know?

Everybody's just having a lot of fun.

It's very sweet.

And then it ends and Neil Patrick Harris turns to the camera and has a single tear running down his chest.

That was my favorite part.

It was very, very wonderful.

Second favorite is Wig shredding electric car, obviously.

And that's a great shot.

Yeah, that's what got a laugh out of me this time.

I forgot.

The shot is perfect.

And you think you've seen all the instruments at that point.

And then one comes in with just shredding.

Yeah.

She's doing kind of her GE Smith.

Yeah, it's like Jimi Hendrix playing the national anthem level shred.

Yeah.

Also, going back and listening to the original theme, the original theme could have used a couple like step-ups as far as adding more instruments.

That's your opinion.

I think your point about its length is the reason this short also exists because I think he started playing it.

Then we went because it kind of rips and we went and hit play and we're like, God, it just keeps going.

And we realized there was a lot of potential there, I guess.

Yeah, a lot of room.

Yeah, but a perfect uh piece for the host.

I think it made everybody happy.

He was posting for uh how I met your mother, so he was no longer just living off of uh doogie hauser, and it was just a cool thing for him to wink back at.

I'd be curious to know what he thought of this short because, um, sometimes I feel like we let people down.

Like, for instance, I just saw Tommy Hanks recently, and I was just immediately feeling terrible that we let him down so hard with the short.

And then I was thinking,

that's my impression of Tom Hanks when you bring it up.

We should have got a voice note from him.

Oh, testacles.

No, it was great.

I'm very proud.

Hey, Orm, did you break your foot dropping that name so hard?

Fucking treaded you, you fucker.

He was watching Forrest Gump.

That's where he saw him.

Oh, I see.

He was just watching him on the silver screen.

Yeah, and I was talking to him.

And you were talking to the screen.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry we let you down, brother.

Fuck up.

Damn, brother.

I'm so sorry, brother.

We were showing my kids for the first time night at the museum.

And the first time Ben Siller showed up on the screen, my daughter, Addie, said, Daddy.

Oh, no.

Wow.

And then my sons told her, no, Daddy's never been in a movie that worked.

No, they didn't.

They did.

They were like, trust us.

They're like, not box office?

Not critical.

Neither way.

Daddy is not a box office of gold.

Derek, but Shoemaker thinks his impressions are underrated.

For the home audience who's interested in the Doogie Hauser, it's not on SNL.

I would do a Google search if you want to watch it, not a YouTube search.

Right.

Can I say a thing?

Yeah.

I feel like, Seth, you'll know this best, but maybe not.

Oh, why did I say that?

Fuck, I'm spiraling.

This guy's lost.

I think it's my fault somehow.

It's because it's late in the afternoon.

There's a sweet spot for the time of these.

The last one was too early.

Yeah.

And this is way too late.

This is well past.

It's 4:30.

It's 4:30 p.m.

The schedule revolves around me and my nationally televised show.

Fuck you, Seth.

Um, so is this Neil like in his crazy run of like hosting the Tonys and the Oscars and everything, where he was, like, red hot?

And I remember him hosting SNL and killing, and there was this stretch of time where the world kind of realized, like, oh, Neil Patrick Harris is fucking great and he's a showman and can do all these incredible things.

In my mind, it was after, a little after that, but I think, I think it may be a little pre that.

I was going to say pre, if anything.

But I think this is like, this is the ramping up of, I mean, again, everybody loved him on How I Met Your Mother, and he'd, of course, have that scene-stealing turn and Harold and Kumar.

Right.

Right.

But I think that people kind of forgot that he was a Broadway showman as well.

He hosted the Tonys four times.

Wow.

When was this episode?

What was the date on this episode?

Do we know?

It's a Christmas episode in 2011?

No, 2010.

Kev is going to tell us in a second.

January 18th.

2009.

Oh, so this is at the very start.

Because this is the thing he said.

He hosted the Tonys in 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013.

So this is before his Tony run.

Yeah, and this is 2009.

So this is before that whole run of Tony ones specifically.

There was also Emmys and Oscars, I believe.

There's a chance him hosting this episode set that off.

Maybe the short.

There is a reason it did, but we'll get to that.

Okay.

Did any celebrities show up in the middle of the shoot?

Which I've been meaning to ask, this is independent of me.

Well, let me let me preface before you get into that that this was one of the only shorts we ever did where we had the entire cast at one moment ever.

I don't think it ever happened again.

Correct.

Where because there was one time where we wanted that nice wide, like throughout the day, we could knock off individual shots of people, but then at the end, we needed a wide where it's everybody at once and we weren't going to comp it together.

And so we said, we'll just wait till the end of Friday night.

So it's like midnight and everyone just had to wait.

And we just went, sorry, we just need everybody.

everybody, and everyone came at once, which I cannot think of another time.

We had the entire cast in one moment for short.

No, yeah, this is pre-computer graphics, and it was kind of delightful because everyone's dressed identical too.

Somebody should have taken photos, a big group photo, because once again, so just rare besides at good nights to have everybody standing together.

Yeah, it's true.

It's cool to have been on the show at the time and keep hearing everybody and realizing that I'm not in it, but keep going.

Why aren't you?

Lauren wasn't in it, too.

Everyone who counts, everyone who counts.

Sorry, Seth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it was an interesting week.

And you want to just dive into it?

Yeah.

So on Tuesday or Monday, I'm in my office, and I get a random call from one of the talent department.

And they say, can Casey Affleck text you?

Can we give him your cell phone number?

And that's out of nowhere.

I've never met Casey Affleck.

And I'm like, of course.

But I can't imagine why I've all.

Ikeeb, did you break your foot when you dropped that name?

It's part of the story.

I'm just saying.

It was part of your story.

What's the difference?

He said something and then what's the difference?

Just because I was bragging and my wife knows Tom Hicks.

Anyway, just keep going.

Just keep going.

God.

Anyways, and so he calls me and he tells me he's working on a video project, a secret project that is an under disguise kind of a thing that he almost tells nobody about, but they're going to come to SNL and he needs somebody who can help him navigate a little bit.

And because he knew I directed the shorts, he thought I'd be a good person.

Because he knows your best friends.

Yeah.

To help him kind of figure out how to do it.

And he said, it's him and Joaquin Phoenix.

And we had all seen Joaquin Phoenix at this point on David Letterman saying he had quit acting in real life and being kind of weird and saying he was going to be a rapper and putting like his gum on Letterman's desk.

Like it was definitely a viral moment back then of like, what's going on with this guy?

One of my favorite Letterman lines of all time at the end of the interview, he says, well, I'm sorry you couldn't make it tonight.

Anyways, and so obviously everybody that can remember remembers that this movie came out like two years later and was like a documentary Boradi thing that was like Joaquin Phoenix quitting acting and telling everybody he's going to be a rapper and their exploits all over town and whatever.

But at this point, nobody knows they're doing anything.

And so then they show up at SNL on Thursday and are just hanging out in the halls with a small camera crew and Casey's off camera, just being the director, and Joaquin's walking around and just kind of weirding people out in this character as world famous gladiator actor Joaquin Phoenix, who now is wearing a hoodie and just kind of acting grumpy and then telling everyone he's a rapper.

And do you remember the interaction in the hallway we had, Joram?

This would be on Thursday or Friday before the short.

This was outside of Lauren's office on maybe Friday afternoon.

I mean, I remember we had a conversation with him, but like he made me promise not to tell anyone.

And I really took that seriously because I didn't want to mess up their project and their big movie stars that I think are very talented.

Yeah.

And so I was like, oh, I'm not going to mess this up.

So I was the only one with the weight of their secret.

And so I'm watching them in the hallway and like Joaquin's doing all these weird raps to people and the camera.

And I keep just avoiding the camera, but I'm not like hosting them.

The talent department was really the one guiding them around.

I was just there as a resource for Casey if he had a question.

And we're in the hall and I'm just chatting.

And then you come up and you're being really nice.

And I'm like, oh, this is Casey, this is Joaquin.

And you meet him.

And then he launches into his rap stuff.

And he starts telling us how our rap stuff is fake stuff and disrespectful and that he's a real rapper and he's not doing fake stuff, but you don't know.

And the cameras are on us, or at least on you and him.

And I keep wanting so bad to be able to be like, Jorm, don't engage.

Don't engage.

Don't engage.

Don't.

You're on camera.

Don't engage.

And they might be like, well, we, you know, always try to be very respectful.

We're huge fans of rap.

And when we're doing our jokes,

it's not a joke about making fun of rap music.

It's usually about making fun of ourselves or something else.

And you're really taking it earnestly.

And I'm like, oh, stop, Jorm.

They could easily put this on me.

He keeps doing freestyles that purposely have offensive stuff in them to try to see if he can get a rise out of anybody.

And you're not taking the bait in that way, at least.

But we're both going, like, ooh, like, don't say those words.

Okay.

And I just keep avoiding being on camera.

I keep just being right next to the camera.

So I can't be, but I kept wanting to tell you so bad that I couldn't do it in front of them.

And then Cameron Diaz saw that you were being kind of bullied.

and she's standing there, and she started to be like, I like their songs, I actually think they're great, they're really funny, and I'm like, oh, don't, don't, you know, this is making it worse.

Yeah, it was so nice, but she was, oh, there's so many, I feel like, but this is that rare story where everybody is doing a really sweet thing at their court.

Like, Cameron Diaz is standing up to bullying, yes, Yorm is just being a really good listener and also defending himself, but like without being aggressive.

Yeah, and then Keeve, the real takeaway here is Keeve won't fucking give a secret secret up.

No.

No matter how bad Jorm's getting treated.

I just didn't want to go in front of them.

As I said, they're big movie stars and, you know, I just didn't want to betray their trust.

I had known them for almost 24 hours.

I had only known Yorm since I was 11 years old.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, the seniority doesn't seem to matter.

I did tell Jorm the moment they walked away.

I was like, Yorm, Jorm.

It's a bit.

It's a bit.

It's a bit.

Do not tell anybody.

It is a bit.

It seems, though, like, no red meat from Jorm.

Jorm didn't give him anything that was using it.

No, no.

And I don't think any snl even made into the movie at all yeah i don't think so they shot a lot i mean and then on the day of the short then they showed up and at that point i did know and i i assume that they knew that you had told me because then i went out into the hallway and then joaquin pressed his body up against me and then very quietly into my ear was like kick me out kick me out i'm gonna come back in and i'm gonna come back in and like go inside and go in and kick me out and so i went back inside and then like a second later they came in and like we're acting a fool like interrupting shit

And I ran a whole bit with him of being like, get the fuck out.

Like, like, you've been disrespectful this entire fucking week.

And ran a whole thing.

And I was like, hey, I got to run a zine with fucking.

But the whole cast was watching and had no idea it wasn't real.

So you're also pranking the SNL cast at that moment as well, but not a prank that we made up.

And so it's so confusing in that way because you're like, I don't want to prank my friends.

And we're all comedians who don't like find that kind of pranks that funny.

We like to each other.

It's also, there's a huge difference here, which is like when Sasha did Borat, most he's in disguise.

No one knows it's him.

Whereas this is everyone being like, we should be nice.

It's Joaquin.

Is he going through something?

Like,

we're a community.

Yeah, maybe he's had a psychic split with reality.

And you're all comedians.

There's nothing too patchy.

Yes.

It's not new.

Borat gets people to reveal their true selves.

Well, we did too, that we're very polite and we like kissing up to movie stars.

We're all scared to piss off a star at SNL.

You got us.

Yeah, it's like the takeaway is like, those guys are like very polite and also like, they love stars.

Wait, SNL's polite to movie stars?

Oh, this is going to be on the New York Post.

I will say that late Friday night, like word was sort of getting back.

I remember being in Lauren's office.

and people from the talent department were coming up and explaining what had happened.

And it was a real game of telephone.

Yeah.

Because everything you guys just said, imagine if somebody told somebody who then went and told Lauren.

I said, what?

And it's, and because again, they were like, Jorm kicked Joaquin out.

And then Lauren was like, Yorm's dead to me.

We love Starbucks.

He's hosting next week.

I remember people in our cast who were genuinely mad just because we've been there working since noon.

It's midnight.

Right.

Everyone wants to go to bed and has a live show tomorrow.

Again, the rarest thing, the whole cast is there, but that's also a cause for that.

Some people are looking at their watch, being like, I'm having to wait for shots.

and all of a sudden, shots are being interrupted

for no reason that they know of, for somebody else's project.

And the host, by the way.

Yeah, yeah.

So there was some people who were annoyed.

I'm a little happy about angry cast members dressed like Doogie Hauser.

Yeah,

that's the only part of me that makes me happy.

Just like somebody dressed like Doogie Hauser holding a like Timpani drum.

Come on, man.

Fucking go to bed, man.

We're trying to work here.

Are you fucking for real?

Is this guy serious?

We gotta get this shot.

We're just gonna get this done?

We're working.

Hold my stethoscope.

Like all in Doofus wig.

So funny.

Support comes from Aura Frames, buddy.

I've heard about this one before.

It's a wonderful product.

And you know, Mother's Day is coming up and she wants you to call her your mom.

You know that.

Of course.

But when you can't call her, you might as well give her this beautiful aura frame.

It's a digital picture frame.

And we got one for my mom.

And we go to our house now and it's just photos just rotating through.

And these are ones you can upload remotely.

So you don't actually even have to go to their home to do it.

I think I think about this every time.

All the pranks I would pull.

Yes.

Have you pulled any pranks on the family?

I haven't pulled any pranks on my family.

My mom is so susceptible to a prank that I think it would just throw her.

She wouldn't be like, oh, haha, you got me.

And she would take months before she even brought up that something had happened.

Yeah, too upsetting.

Can't risk it.

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support comes from neutralfall hey keeve hey what's up hey buddy you know summer is full of big moments weddings vacations endless photos but if you're dealing with hair thinning or shedding shedding, showing up and being present in those moments might feel tough.

You like going to weddings.

We went to a wedding together last fall.

I loved it.

It was your brother's, but it felt like it was mine because I had such a nice time.

Yeah, and I think it would have been ruined for both of us and everyone there had somebody been shedding.

Yeah, tell me about it.

That's not what you want at a wedding.

Yeah.

He wore a white suit.

It would have been horrible.

Yeah, it would have been off-putting.

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Trip planner by Expedia.

You were made to outdo your holiday,

your hammocking,

and your pooling.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia made to travel.

I want to blow through some other things because there's some very fun stuff in the show as well.

I would think that one of the reasons, probably not, but certainly if you loved Broadway and you watch this show, there's a fantastic, another cast sketch called Save Broadway, which is at the time, ticket sales were slow in Broadway.

It was actually a lot like the opening to the actual Doogie Hauser show.

They were sort of spinning headlines about how ticket sales were down.

I should note that the sketch did in five seconds what took the Doogie Hauser theme a full minute to do.

Oh, man, this guy does not like the opening of Doogie.

But it's basically Sudekis as Phantom of the Opera and Neil Patrick Harris as his character from Rent because he had done Rent.

Oh, wow.

Like a touring production of Rent.

I hope I'm right with that.

But I will tell you that my wife saw Neil Patrick Harris do rent in Albuquerque when she was young and had a huge crush on him, which we like telling Neil Patrick Harris every time we see him socially.

Is he gracious about it or is he like, get the fuck off me?

He kisses her on the lips okay

he's super gracious couple things about save broadway so it's basically like let's figure out ways to save broadway it's super funny all-cast sketch and i'm impressed by something deeply which is all cast sketch at the time that also had daryl hammond in it was sometimes a hard thing to pull off daryl hammond the greatest impressionist of all time Sometimes nobody knew what to do with him in an actual sketch, but they cut to him so he's like guy from stomp and he just smashes two garbage can lids together.

So wait, it's like a meeting of like everyone talking about it's the meeting of everybody on Broadway coming up with ideas on how to save Broadway.

Andy you're in it.

You obviously have no memory of what you are in it.

No zero.

Can we guess?

Yeah.

I would guess like a newsie blue man group or cats or something.

Blue man, correct.

Blue man group.

Nice.

You, Fred, who is an actual blue man.

That's right.

And our buddy John Solomon to fill it out.

We later, and we'll get to this hopefully, did a digital short about Stomp that also had Blue Man stuff.

That's right.

Basically, Sadekis and Neil running the show, and Sudeikis is exhausted, and he's very funny in it.

And he also wrote it, and it's a great sketch, and it's a great all-cast sketch.

The musical guest of the show, Taylor Swift,

is in the sketch as Annie.

Hey, Annie, Annie, Annie, Annie, sweetie, not the time.

Okay?

Please.

Yeah, watch yourself, Phantom.

Had a hard knock life, okay?

Someone steps to me, I break them.

Okay, all right.

And you can tell she is a very able sketch performer and she would host the next season.

So that was very cool.

It's a super fun sketch that people should go back and watch on YouTube.

Then there's a sketch I think about all the time, Two First Names.

Oh, yeah, you wrote that.

I think my name's on it, but I think it's more a joke joint than anything.

Two First Names is very much, again, who is the host?

What is an idea that only this host can do?

Neil Patrick Harris hosted a show called Two First Names, where all the guests had two first names like he did Neil Patrick Harris.

It's a really good premise.

It's a great premise.

The theme song is Two First Names, Two First Names.

Is it?

Yeah.

And it is the people who are singing the theme song are Abby Elliott as Jamie Lynn Spears and Fred Armiston as David Lee Roth.

Great.

And it cuts back to them later in the show, and they sing it again, and Fred goes, Yeah.

And then they have like a puppet leg do a big kick.

Oh, I do remember.

Huge laugh.

And with me as always are my band leaders, Jamie Lynn Spears.

Two first names, y'all.

And David Lee Roth.

Yeah, two first names.

It is Daryl Hammond as Tommy Lee Jones.

Then they introduce Bill as Daniel Dave Lewis.

And last but not least, Daniel Dave Lewis.

It's It's actually Daniel Day Lewis, not Daniel Dave Lewis.

Go.

I apologize.

No trouble at all.

I'm going to get the hell out of here.

Excuse me?

Take your one first name and get the hell off the show.

But they booked him thinking his name was Daniel Dave Lewis.

Daniel Dave.

There's some other ones I'm forgetting, but this is the part I think about probably once a month.

You remember the sponsor.

Oh, is it Billy Bob Thornton?

Yeah, it's Kangles.

It's Kangles.

We finally, you got me in.

Yeah.

You and Joe's got me on.

So it says now the sponsor of Two First Names, Billy Bob Thornton, and it cuts to you as Billy Thornton.

Really good fake teeth, I should note.

Yep.

Oh, and I'm with.

Well, not, he enters.

At the end.

Yeah.

But he's not two first names.

Well, that's

there's a huge logic problem here.

Forte as Joey Pants.

You as Billy Bob Thornton say Kangles.

Kangles.

Kangles.

Kangles.

Hi, I'm Billy Bob Thornton.

Do you love fashion?

I sure do.

That's why I exclusively wear a leather vest with no undershirt.

And my favorite hat, the Kangal.

You can wear it forwards, backwards, to the side, and that's it.

Those are the options.

Then you say, if you don't believe me, take it from the bad guy in the Matrix, Joe Pantaleono.

That's how I name check him.

Well, I think there was a fear that maybe the audience wouldn't remember who Joey Pants was.

Well, I just like to note that fear was not my fear.

That was probably imposed on me.

Well, again, it was probably our fear as well because Forte doesn't look anything like him and doesn't have an impression.

His impression is so bad.

There.

Joe Pantaliano is an incredible actor.

He was, of course, the bad guy of the Matrix.

He was amazing on the Sopranos.

He's just all goonies.

He's a fantastic actor.

Yes.

Joey Pants, as he's belovedly known.

Yes.

And I just remember Forte walking around the hallways working on this Joey Pants that he never had and never was going to have.

Maybe that's one line, right?

Yeah.

They're the best.

They're the best.

Every word starting with a D.

But yeah.

I mean, it endures.

And then again, just Kangles.

Keingles.

Kangles.

Keingles.

It was very patient.

Straight out the audition.

Straight out the audition.

Yeah.

Now I'm going to call Samuel Jackson.

Oh, this was another thing that we sometimes do.

Where people are playing the actors, and then Keenan was Michael Clark Duncan

from the Green Mile.

Yeah.

And we had this terrible habit habit of if we thought people didn't know who the actor was, we just had them playing their character from the Green Mile.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So like Daniel Day-Lewis is Daniel Day-Lewis, but Michael Clark Duncan is like literally acting like he did in the Green Mile.

From the Green Mile, Michael Clark Duncan.

Well, hello there, Neil Patrick.

Mighty fine day outside.

Mighty fine indeed.

Can I ask a logistical question?

Yeah.

Is Michael Clark Duncan technically three first names?

Oh, interesting.

I know a couple Duncans.

Yeah.

So it doesn't work.

Doesn't work.

He could have gotten kicked out too.

That's too many.

One too many.

One too many.

And then I'm going to close with something I'm very excited about.

Cut from dress.

Again, there's two names on there's three names on this.

My name is the third name, but I completely

absolve myself of any crimes here.

Good to know going in.

You incline.

Yeah, Lamps team.

Upside down skier.

Oh, fuck yeah, baby.

And it didn't, it didn't air.

It didn't air.

Went to dress.

Another eyeball popping, hanging upside down.

You would fall off the ski, his capillary bursting.

Didn't that end up airing eventually?

Oh, I don't know.

It was a news story about a guy who like got caught upside down on a ski lift and his butt was showing.

Yeah, it was.

Still brings him joy.

It's a genre of news story that you've really tapped into.

Before we get to the actual script, which is a page and a half,

we did reach out because people had a lot of nice things to say about Rob Klein's voice voice note last week.

Oh, yeah.

So Jeff, can you play the voice note?

I asked him, give me all your memories from upside down skier.

Okay, upside down guy on update.

Definitely a few of our trademarks here.

The first clearly being Andy upside down at the update desk as he was essentially the whole season we had wrote, he was upside down at everything we wrote.

Also, I would say the fact that the entire piece is about 20 seconds long,

but definitely took at least an hour, probably multiple hours to block and get the timing of Andy's entrance right.

So, extreme, like, extreme logistical headache for at best, medium payoff.

Um, and then the other trademark, of course, being that it was cut after dress

by Seth cruelly, you could say.

Um, you know, the audience didn't like it, they didn't laugh at it, but that doesn't mean you have to cut it.

You could stand up for your friends, um,

or you could take the audience aside, which is what Seth did, and and he made his choice.

There you go.

Excellent.

I remember it differently, and it might have been because my ears were full of blood, but I remember it getting laughs.

Am I wrong?

Was I just hearing the blood rushing into my ear canals?

We'd have to go check the tape.

Oh, is that like what happens when your ears are full of blood?

Well, I mean, we might as well just play the entirety of it.

It is only three pages.

So, you know what?

Maybe our listeners are just going to hear the entirety of it, and then they can sound off in the comments as to whether or not it was a fair kill, if it was a righteous kill.

Sorry.

Don't drag righteous kill into this.

That's true.

That's sacred ground.

Yeah.

A righteous kill is when Bayes cuts an update feature with cause.

Bayes cuts it?

You're going to hide behind Bayes just because he's like 15.

Well, anybody could hide behind Bayes.

The guy's like seven feet taller.

I said 15 feet.

And I said it first for the record.

And you used hints and I got it clean.

You other fucking piece of shit.

Seriously, though, you're one of my best friends, and I fucking miss you.

Oh, hey, the booze are calling.

I mean, maybe we'll just close by watching, we'll all watch this together.

Okay.

I do want to thank Rob for sending another voice note.

Yeah.

A lot of people like the way Rob sounds.

He's a soothing person.

Yeah.

I mean, we were saying best of soothing in our years on the show, Klein and Solomon.

Yeah.

Two people that I've never seen get mad.

But then I have talked to Solomon, and he was extremely anxious.

Right.

I'm just saying it doesn't come to the surface.

Yeah, he doesn't put it on anybody else.

Exactly.

I've never once been like, whoa, they're pissed, or oh, they're.

Yeah, no, no, no.

They're faking it well.

This week, a man in Vale, Colorado, who slipped after sitting on a ski lift was photographed by other skiers as he hung from the left with his pants around his ankle.

Here to comment on the ordeal: the naked guy from the ski lift.

Happy to see you.

Hey, quit it, Seth.

Quit what?

Quit looking at my blurries.

Huge laugh.

Huge laugh.

I'm not looking at your blurries.

So, what happened exactly?

Well, you know how sometimes you'll be sitting in a ski lift and then you fall out of it for no reason and it snags your pants, your long underwear, and your tidy-whities,

and then your button weeder hanging out for the whole world to see?

No.

Yeah, I've been getting that answer a lot.

God, it's cold in here, right?

It's cold in the studio, you guys?

Well, no, but to be fair, we're all wearing pants.

Oh,

you know what?

Don't laugh at me, Seth.

I'm a good man.

This will happen to you one day.

It happens to everyone.

It's literally only happened to you.

Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right.

Well, anyways, I'm gonna roll.

I think the lighting guy is looking at my tape.

I like it.

I don't know.

I feel the disdain coming off Seth during it.

He hates that it's killing.

Why was that cut?

That is maybe the issue.

That should not have been cut.

That should not have been cut at all.

The audience loved it, and it was short and sweet and just made this show have like pop.

I agree.

What happened?

Vindicated!

A bunch of fucking Housers make that decision.

Damn.

I was realizing it's fucking vindicated right now.

I hate podcasts.

This must have been a very good update.

This must have been a really hot update.

I think we should watch the entire update and every joke that goes by go, was that better?

Is that better?

Everything better be better.

Klein, Klein, if you're listening, we fucking did it, baby.

We fucking shamed Seth.

He's such a piece of shit.

We're better than him.

Fuck him, and we're good.

Well, I mean, I think there's no better way to end a podcast than with sweet vindication.

So that's it.

That's the Doogie Hazard episode.

And uh, love you guys, love you guys, love you.

Even though I said a lot of bad things about podcasts, I do love you guys.

Thanks, thanks, Andy.

We exist outside of it, exactly.

Yeah, we are outside.

That's a that's anti-podcast stuff.

I think of you like separated from the medium, right?

That's smart, yeah, makes sense.

I guess it's amazing that you managed to do this.

Yeah, well, I can compartmentalize.

All right, goodbye,

bye, guys.