Listener Q&A Episode 5

This episode of the Lonely Island Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Makers Mark.

We are celebrating Women's History Month by recognizing the spirited women in our lives and remembering Maker's Mark co-founder Margie Samuels.

You too can celebrate the spirited women in your life with a free personalized label to go with a bottle of Maker's Mark.

Head to makersmarkpersonalize.com and fill in the details in order to create and mail your custom label.

Makers Mark makes their bourbon carefully.

Please enjoy it that way.

Maker's Mark, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 45% alcohol per volume.

Copyright 2025, Maker's Mark Distillery, Incorporated, Loretto, Kentucky.

As we established last episode, Yorm, you've been on fire recently.

Yet I will say that I feel like the confidence of your recent hit podcast had maybe led you to make a sartorial error.

No.

You showed up to the pod in a vest, and it's a loud vest.

It is like made of like sleeping bag material, basically.

Yeah, to be clear, not loud like color-wise, like it makes noise.

Yeah.

And not like it makes noise on the fashion scene, like it's like on the microphone.

Would you say it's bad for podcasts, Andy?

I would say, yeah, let me clarify.

It's bad.

It's loud on the seven train.

It's loud out and about.

Also, Jorm is going to not be here for the full podcast.

That's just something for our listeners to know because he's going to a dinner.

And so he dressed for dinner before the podcast.

We're getting to see his full dinner vest.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'll let you know what people think of it.

Okay, can I just say this?

When I was in fourth grade, I was obsessed with this Nike.

It was a half vest, half sweatshirt.

It had a little jump man and that you could see through the top part of the, like, basically this, this material.

So loud.

So loud.

And I saw this vest and I was like, I gotta get for my fourth grade self.

I was like, I fucking gotta get this vest.

I was really excited about it.

The most exciting thing about when when Jorm starts a story is how little you can predict what he's about to say.

When Jorm is explaining a vest, he said, Can I just say, when I was in fourth grade, like, what?

You got to jump logic, you know, to make them exciting.

My brother does that very well, too.

Andy, have you noticed that I'm wearing a long sleeve white t-shirt?

Oh, it got sent.

It got mailed.

I can't see your arms.

You're ducked below frame, but let me see.

Oh, is there something on it?

Yeah, Jorm made me a shirt.

Oh, there it goes.

I am a turbot.

i am turbo so yorm came through and did make me a turbo white t-shirt not what i expected nope yeah it never is never is you think maybe it's because he was like flying off that frog poison when he made it

oh no yorm maybe has frog poisoned again since we i did i did i frog poisoned again guys i did bufo for a second time this time i did what was referred to as a heroic dose of bufo and so i i continue to vomit out all my childhood and regular childhood.

But I thought you'd already done that.

So I feel like this is a bad review of your first buffo that you still had all this trauma left.

Well, we didn't talk about it last time.

It didn't get added to the pod.

So this is new information for our listeners.

We left bufo out.

Well, then I apologize.

Yeah.

Yorm's been licking frogs for their poison.

I have.

It's great.

Highly recommend.

Not for the kids, though.

Stay in school.

So anyway, here's what we're getting.

Yorm made me a turbo white t-shirt.

I just kind of assumed the t-shirt would say I'm a turbo white.

But of course, this is a yarm shirt.

So it says, I am turbo, spelled like the fish.

Yeah, turbit.

Turbo.

Yeah, and that's on the front.

And then the back just says blanco.

Blanco, but with a K, like Blanco.

Here's the thing.

It's cool like that.

Andy thought I just misspelled Blanco, which is fair.

You could assume that.

Yeah.

But I would, I, Seth, would you have really wanted a shirt that said I am turbo white?

Well, I don't want, I don't think you would have worn it.

I don't want either version of the shirt, Jorm.

Yeah, that's fair.

That's

accurate.

But

I will say, but even just the style, like, you've known me 20 years.

Have I ever worn a long-sleeve white t-shirt?

I was thinking about myself, but I'm like, I would wear that with a vest.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, like a leather, loud, sleeve.

It's not leather.

It's not leather.

Look, it's Nike.

It's Nike.

Leather would not be this loud.

Yorm, I was just at a lunch, and guess who was sitting in the booth next to me?

It pertains to you.

Okay.

This person grew up in your childhood home with you.

Oh.

There is a dad.

Oh, is it Tacone?

Close.

Oh, Tony Tacone.

Big old pops.

Yeah, Tony Tacone.

Holding court.

Tony Tacone is Tony Tacone in my phone.

You know what I mean?

He's not dead.

Right.

And my kids are following in that tradition.

Yorma.

Yorma, come over here.

Yorma.

What a wonderful thing for our listeners to hear on episode 53 that Yorm's dad's name is Tony Tacone.

He's a superhero of the theater, of the American theater.

Well, it's like the final puzzle piece clicking into place.

Like, all of a sudden, every all of your behavior is explained by the fact that your dad is a theater director named Tony Tacone.

His name is Anthony Frederick Taccone.

Like, you couldn't be more fucking Italian.

Did we also just gloss over the fact that your children call you by your first name?

Both of them do.

As a bit, it's a keyboard here.

As a bit,

no, no.

If my child was saying, Andy,

you know what I mean?

Telling me to do stuff.

It does upset me.

I agree.

Give me some lunch, Andy.

They're like, Yeah, I like this less.

Yeah.

Again, that seems like a bit, though.

Yes.

Is it a bit, or is it that they just, it's not a bit.

I just, they don't have any respect for me.

Got it.

My daughter calls me big dude sometimes.

She goes, what are we going to do, big dude?

That makes her big bluey, like, big guy.

Hey, it's big blue guy.

Do any of your spouses call you by your first name?

Like, I don't think anybody in my house says Seth.

What?

Yeah, I mean, when we're like with other people.

No, of course, but I don't think my kids hear Seth enough to like use it.

So what does your wife call you, Seth?

What's the pet name?

Anybody?

It's a lot like hey.

You guys like a babe family?

We've babed before.

Babe.

Babe.

I would say we've transitioned out of babe to just like, hey.

What stand-up was like love is shouting what from another room?

That's pretty good.

And I think that that's an accurate description of love.

While we're talking about kids being funny, my wife just had her birthday.

She's born on April 1st.

So she's an April Fool's baby.

And Axel, who's about to be seven, had this idea.

He's wanted to do it for a long time, did not give it away.

He made her a card in his own handwriting.

He wrote on the front, when is your birthday?

Question mark.

And then she opened it and it said, April Fool's.

That's really good.

That's good.

It's like, it's genuinely a great joke that's not obvious.

I also like it because it ends sweet.

Yeah.

But also, should be a that should be like an actual greeting card, right?

Well, I guess it only works.

It only works for people fools movies.

Yeah.

I think that you wanting to make that into a birthday card is the same way that you wanted to make me this I am a turbot shirt.

How many times are you going to wear it, Seth?

Be honest.

Just one I'm done.

One and done.

Did you see it, Keith?

It looks good.

I think Blanco or Turbot should now be my spray painting tag when I start doing that.

You think you're going to get into graffiti this late in life?

Hey, he might.

I'm just saying if I do, Turbot's a pretty good one.

Also, Andy busted me for wearing cheaters early on, Keeve.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, are they bifocals or are they just reading glasses?

No, they're just like a store about 1.5s.

My readers.

I listen to my podcast at the same speed that I wear my eyes.

I'm a 1.5.

Oh, wow.

Are you?

Yeah.

That's really fast.

Oh, I do too.

I'll to a podcast.

Whoa, you must be listening to some slow pods.

Yeah, I listen to some real.

Well, you know, it's like someone's trying to to us, they're going to get lost.

We're way too quick.

You know which pod I always listen to it too, Keith?

Hmm.

Reenactments of Wynn Ben Stein's Money Guy.

Oh, yeah, Ben Stein.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, who says you called Ben Stein the Wynn Benstein's Money Guy?

I felt it happening as I was saying it.

No, it's fine.

It was too late.

And then I was like, it'll be all right.

Yeah.

Yeah, the Ferris Bueller guy would have been the way

you were trying to phrase it.

The teacher from Ferris Bueller guy.

Who's that dude who hosts Jimmy Kimmel?

Yo, that was a trick question, Seth.

Let me talk about a thing I know.

The Lonely Island Time My Podcast Show.

As evidenced by the beginning of this podcast, we're going to be all over the place.

But welcome to the Lonely Island Seth Meyers podcast.

We've got a lot of questions sent in from our listeners.

So to the Kwaid army out there, I would just like to say.

It didn't work.

Didn't play.

It didn't work.

We could try it again.

No?

No, it didn't work.

But in whatever it is, is it a...

Schmidt.

What is he saying?

It's the quado in the the house.

It's so weird that sometimes it just cuts it out.

Oh, that's Zoom cutting it out, but it'll hear it on the.

Yeah.

But then I think we should keep in us not being able to hear it.

Oh, for sure.

I think that worked really well.

Amount of time I put into isolating Quado in the house.

Quado in the house.

Should we keep in you talking about keeping it in?

What?

Should we keep in you talking about keeping it in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Should we keep me talking about this?

Yeah, they don't want anything cut out, so this is what they want.

Yeah, we should, just as evidence of how little they actually want everything.

Speaking of April Fools, just a little bit of housekeeping.

What did you think of the spelling bee April Fools joke, Andy?

I'm going to just be really honest.

Ruin it for everybody.

I just did it and got Queen Bee and never even noticed.

It was about halfway through where I kind of realized something.

Sorry, what was E?

They just used the same letters as they used the day before on April Fools.

But it was a different center letter.

Yeah.

Wasn't it?

Yeah.

And some of the words were different.

Andy, do you feel like there are some words that used to be accepted on the spelling bee that no longer are?

100%.

I'm very upset about this.

Yeah.

Andiron was a word that used to be accepted and no longer is.

Yeah.

Oh.

There's a few that I used, I would have been able to tell you about immediately, but since they're not accepted anymore, I've ejected them from my brain.

Wait, why aren't they?

Are they no longer in the English language?

Can words get voted out of the English language?

I don't know.

The B is a constantly changing thing, but I do not care for the fact that there's words that used to be accepted in the B that no longer are.

I would like to know what our audience thinks should be voted out of the English language.

Every year when Merriam-Webster does their big announcement of the new word of the year, like slay or swag or whatever it ends up being, they drop it.

Yeah, something else has to get dropped.

Is that true?

Yep.

Doesn't make sense.

There's only so many words.

That doesn't make sense.

There's only so many slides.

A finite amount of words.

That's the rules.

Once again, Sam Azerski, editor of the B, we're calling you out.

Just like, why?

Just send us a voice note explaining.

Yeah, Sam.

Should we get into some questions yeah

okay great yes seth oh a couple youtube comments first this is in the jizz in my pants episode someone wrote as a brit it's crazy to me that you can't say jizz at 11 30 p.m so andy you've spent some time there about what hour is it appropriate to say jizz in foggy london town yeah i'm the foggy londontown guy yorm you're what i vest guy

yeah best guy that's right he's wearing a vest well no i've been there i say foggy londontown but you spent extended time there i did But not in Foggy London Town.

No, no, I was in Lancaster.

Lancaster.

Oh, so you don't know anything about Foggy London Town.

I'm like a northern lad, and you're like a posh.

I don't even talk to you.

Am I?

What time could you say jizz in Lancaster?

You pew.

That's how they say it there.

No, they say things like everyone called each other Daisy.

When you'd go into a store, people would go like, how hi, Daisy.

Why is nobody answering my jizz question?

Sorry, go ahead.

Yeah, I would say like 10 p.m.

would be my guess.

Then you can start saying it.

That's good.

Yeah, and maybe honestly earlier.

Nudity and cursing are nothing there.

Talking about sex is not a thing.

Wait, can you say on TV then?

There?

Like, can you say that?

I just did.

I'm not even sure you could say it on an American podcast.

I'm just kidding.

This is not being televised.

I don't know why I said that.

It was just kind of like a pretty woman reference.

You know, Yoram, how you're always yelling at me?

I've never treated you like a prostitute.

I do like to say that.

Yeah, and I'm like, stop yelling that at me.

Jamie Lynn Sigler, this is another comment.

Jamie Lynn Sigler said in her podcast that after Sopranos, this is the role she gets asked about the most.

No way.

Wow.

That was a lovely thing to hear.

Well, sorry.

She said that on her podcast.

She said that on her podcast, and one of our listeners heard that on her podcast and shared it with us.

That's amazing.

Hold up.

Other people have podcasts?

Yeah.

I don't know how to break this to you.

About the past?

A lot of people do podcasts about the past.

Fuck, that's our lane.

Oh, fuck.

I'm such an imp.

I can't stop making impish comments.

Is that the new word in Merriam-Webster this year?

No, I think imp's been in there for a minute.

It's just, you're using it a lot now, all of a sudden.

I feel like we have an established slang on the pod, and I don't like that there's just a new word now.

You guys, it would be so funny if we all got vests.

Oh, my God.

Your vest is interesting because vests are obviously have been very popular in Silicon Valley as like a tech bro thing, like the micro, whatever you call them, Patagonia style ones.

And when you go to the bay, every other person's in like either a fleece or a micro, what do you call it?

But yours is not that.

Yours is not a tech vest.

No, yours is like shiny, nylon.

It's kind of baggy at the bottom.

Like a windbreaker,

box cut, windbreaker vest.

Yeah, it's like a parachute, like almost hip-hop y kind of vest.

Yes.

I was going to say, like, you almost should be wearing like Timberlands or rock ports with it.

Yes.

It looks like J.

Ru the Damager could have worn it back in 98.

It's a little bit of a bell cut.

Yes.

Kind of when you stood up, you looked a little bit like a black shiny bell.

Yeah.

I didn't realize that I was going for J-Ru the Damager, but that's correct.

I always am.

Yeah, you could come clean.

You know what I mean?

That one's just for Questlove.

Seth Coakt, I tried today.

Unaccepted.

Used to be accepted.

Yeah.

A great example.

This is part of the wokeification of America, guys.

Slay's in there and Koak's gone.

What the world coming to?

What's next?

We can't say anything.

They're killing all our favorite words.

Somebody wrote in, I've listened to Jizz in My Pants a million times and not once had it occurred to me that Andy and Yorn were doing English accents.

I guess I just thought it was some kind of jizz-related speech impediment.

Oh, man.

That's interesting.

Multiple people said this about the English accents.

They had assumed, and I kind of thought this was a nice observation, that you were maybe Germans speaking English in that way that sometimes sounds British.

That's fair.

Yeah, that tracks.

I mean, it's definitely the genre of music that a German would speak English on.

Yeah.

Yeah, Euro in general.

Pan-European.

Yeah, we don't know who taught you English.

It could have been your German, but your English teacher had an English accent.

I think that's right.

In retrospect, I think that that person's right.

We are German doing English.

Yeah.

You were correct.

We take it back.

I'm going to just get in some questions now from the Quaid Army.

Hit us.

When and how does the cast find out when upcoming hosts get booked?

Mass email, break room, bulletin board?

Are there varying levels of excitement amongst the cast when you do find out or is it just business as usual for everyone?

Forever, you're Quaid.

forever, you're quadey.

So, Quade Army has just happened now.

It was like an off-handed, oh, yeah,

that's it.

We slipped into it.

Can I say, I also went back, you know, obviously, it was a bust because none of you could hear it when I played my sweet, you know, Quado in the house.

Yeah, the best thing about Quaddo is that it is a recurring sketch that only recurred once, so it's twice.

I feel like maybe the most damning amount for a sketch to happen is twice

because

Lauren bought into it enough for twice, but then he wasn't fool me three times.

Yeah.

But do you know this, that both times Quatto appears, he says his bad breath is kicking like.

Yes.

Yeah, of course.

Bruce Lee would be one.

Yeah.

Bruce Lee and Adam Vinatari.

Amazing poll.

Right.

How do we find out who the host is?

Usually it's when you're just in Lorne's office to ask him a question and you happen to glance up at the board and see that a new card is up there in the future and you go, oh shit.

Yes.

It really is like that.

Yep.

It's not that there's a main room that it gets posted in.

You just sort of, when you find your way into Lauren's office, you get the news.

Yeah.

Which I think is intentional.

Well, they're like, yeah, and then people will see it when it's in there.

No one tells you.

No one announces it.

It's just none of your business.

And then if you just happen to be in there, you might clock it.

But it is, it is quite exciting.

Well, I guess everybody's in there on Monday at pitch.

So everyone gets a chance to kind of look up there, even if they're not the type of cast or writer that just wanders into Lauren's often.

Oh, the talent office, Kevin Wrights, also has a board with hosts and musical guests if you're the type that wanders into there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so does Higgins, but Lauren's usually has them before those other offices on the wall, I have found, but maybe not anymore.

Yeah, just depends what kind of employee you are.

If you're the kind that goes in there and chats a lot or not.

Were we?

Were we?

I can't, I can't remember.

I feel like I did that in Higgins.

We were definitely a more chat with Lauren right off the bat than most people because of Hot Rod.

Yep.

And also just our sunny dispositions.

So cool.

He loved to have you guys in.

He remember he would be like, it's the four.

Remember when Lauren tried to make the for you a thing?

Yeah.

He was like, four bros.

He'd be like, I'm the lost member.

Oh, with him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He'd be like, all right, four bros, unite.

He's like, I call D'Artagnan.

Hand in.

Whoa.

Four bros.

He's like, oh, my God.

Everybody's probably wondering what the four bros are up to.

D'Artagnan, is he the fourth Musketeer or is he one of the three Musketeers?

Because it seems like a weird thing.

If he's saying, I'm the fourth, I call D'Artagnan famously.

There were three Musketeers, not four.

Oh, my God.

Akeeva.

You think I haven't been humiliated enough already today with the Ben Stein thing?

But I do feel like maybe D'Artagnan is a fourth guy that isn't one of them that shows up and kind of steals the show.

You know, like when you watch a game show and people buzz in too early and they get it wrong, you're like, but respect for diving in.

Yeah.

You know, for taking the plunge.

I do want to pay that respect to you.

Thank you.

It would be awesome if Andy had been on Celebrity Jeopardy and buzzed in at one point and said, who is the guy for Wynn Ben Stein's money?

We could have had that.

It would have been a real memeable moment.

I was watching the show.

Who hosted Wynne Ben Steinmike?

This episode of the Lonely Island Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Makersmark, and I'm with some of my friends right now.

Hi, guys.

Hello.

Hi.

You know, Margie Samuels was a spirited woman.

She was also the co-founder of Makersmark.

I don't have to tell you guys this stuff.

No.

No, we'd know it, but our listeners might not.

So continue.

All right.

Well, in honor of Women's History Month, we wanted to toast some of the spirited women in our lives.

That was my idea, actually.

These guys were thinking about not doing it.

I was like, we should.

Yeah.

You are in many ways as trailblazing as Margie Samuels Yoram.

And I often said that.

Well, I kept saying, I want to mark this day with a Maker's Mark.

And you guys kept saying, what does that mean?

I was like, it means a toast, guys.

Way to land the plane, buddy.

Thank you.

Thank you, Sam.

I want to tell a story about a spirited woman I saw during the 50th.

And I was a little bit lucky because I was there on Friday for some rehearsal action.

And I got to watch the Close Encounters rehearsal with Kate McKinnon.

And I feel it's the most I've ever watched an actor's process.

Guys, I'm going to wrap this up.

You too can celebrate the spirit of women in your life with a free personalized label to go with the bottle of Makersmark.

Head to MakersMarkPersonalized.com and fill in the details in order to create and mail your custom label.

Don't forget to grab a bottle of Makersmark to go with it.

Makers Mark makes their bourbon carefully.

Please enjoy it that way.

Makers Mark, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 45% alcohol per volume.

Copyright 2025, Makersmark Distillery, Incorporated, Loretto, Kentucky.

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Support for the Lonely Island Seth Myers podcast comes from Airbnb.

Hey, everybody.

Obviously, this podcast is about four friends hanging out, talking about old times, and all four of us are parents.

And sometimes we go on vacations with our kids.

I just recently took a trip with my kids, and they're very loud.

And I want them to have the freedom to be the children they are and not always be shushing them because we are in a hotel.

And that was one of the many benefits of taking our spring break in an Airbnb.

You could hang hang out in a living room, not in a hotel lobby.

And you know what?

I kind of feel like a meal is better shared around a table than a bed.

I feel like eating in a bed is a sign that things aren't going great.

So it was fantastic.

We had a great time.

They did not wake us up early because they had their own rooms and it was just so much better.

And maybe you're someone who's thinking, you know what?

My home could be a great get-together for old friends who are not looking to meet new people.

You've put a lot of time, effort, and work into your home and someone out there would probably love to experience it while they're traveling.

And then they would rave about how it was the highlight of their trip.

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Find out how much at airbnb.com/slash host.

Hey, real quick, I just want to pop through because I really loved the Malkovich episode.

Fantastic monologue.

It was a very Christmasy show.

The monologue written by Tucker and Lutz.

Do you remember it was just John Malkovich sitting at home base surrounded by actual kids reading Twas the Night Before Christmas and just pausing for a lot of Malkovichian takes on the poem.

Yes, yes.

And at one point, he says, went out on the lawn, there roasted.

There was such a clatter.

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

You know that the state of California has a home invasion law where it's actually legal to shoot someone just for entering your residence.

And he's like, I mean, perfectly legal.

Did you know that?

And then it just cuts the kids.

He says, well, it's true.

It's just real a lot of really nice moves in the body of that he also at one point pauses and says now who's in the mood for a treat he holds out a bowl and says i have a whole bowl of i have a whole bowl of hall's mentholiptis anyone mentholiptis anyone no and then he adds when i was a child we used to suck on pennies

great

good good uh then there's a gas right i kind of forgot do you remember the gas right parody which was fred's take on uh breathe right no strips Oh, that one's really good.

Is it the butt spreading?

It's holding your buttocks.

Yeah, it pulls your buttocks apart so you don't loudly pass gas.

Oh, it's such a good

invention.

Yeah, it's great because the beginning, before he shows the product, he's in bed with Wig and he loudly farts and it wakes her up.

And then he shows how it pulls the buttocks apart so that it's quiet.

But then the last scene is him in bed and there's no sound, but then she still wakes up and goes, oh, what's that smell?

Because it doesn't stop you from parting.

He's like, we'll never know.

We were talking about sweetness earlier.

One of my favorite sweet sketches of all time.

Andy, you were in this sketch.

The sketch is called Calculator.

No memory.

Calculator begins, there's a Christmas tree.

Bill is a dad.

Casey Wilson is a mom.

You are their son.

You're so excited.

It's almost midnight on Christmas Eve.

You're going to open presents.

You all look very modern.

And then they say, where are the twins?

And you say they'll be down any second.

And then Fred and Malkovich enter as twins, matching sweaters, curly black hair, and they're so excited because all they want for Christmas is a calculator.

But don't they have like thick New York accents?

They have thick.

They're like, we're going to get a calculator.

Calculator.

Also, they're your younger brothers.

They look three times your age.

No one else in the scene has an accent.

And they're just like, we're going to get a calculator.

The entirety of the sketch is them being excited about calculators and how they're they're going to add up a bunch of numbers.

Do 89 times 56.

Whoa!

Do 17.5 divided by 374.

I'm going to, I'm going to.

It is such a wonderful performance.

They match each other's energy, and it's a lot of like, I'm going to add up so many numbers.

It's going to be 50 places past the decimal point.

And again, you keep thinking it's a sketch that's taking place in the 70s.

And then you say, why don't you just use the calculator on your phone?

And they yell, shut up, Glenn.

Nobody asked you, Glenn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then just the sketches, they get the calculator and they're just really happy.

And they add up a bunch of numbers.

And then the two of them in unison go, whoa.

They're just so happy.

But anyway, I reached out to Fred because it is one of, it's a very like uniquely Fred sketch where there's sort of no conflict and it's just lovely and it's a small observation.

So I asked Fred where he got the idea of calculator and he sent it in this voice note.

Hey, what I remember from calculator is that at the time

they were sort of starting to disappear from the market as like a product you can get.

So I was like, remembering that they used to be in catalogs, like the Sears catalog, you know, like different models of calculators, and then that you could see them in like display cases and camera stores and stuff.

So I think it was just, you know, know, I was writing it, it was more like, oh, whatever happened to that as its own thing.

And that was, that was pretty much it.

It just,

you know, and then I just thought like it would be two like Long Island guys, kids,

hoping to get their calculators.

It's amazing how when Fred's like natural speaking voice and then hearing what comes out of his brain and his characters,

he speaks like, I'm just the most normal person you've ever met in your life.

Yeah, so I just kind of thought that would be the thing.

And it's the craziest thing.

Do you remember nine-year-old advice from the update desk, Andy?

No.

That was you as David Rasmussen.

This was the story in the news that made you and Tucker write a sketch.

A nine-year-old boy named Alec Graven has just authored a book called How to Talk to Girls.

Here to comment is another kid author who's just written a competing book called A Kid's Guide to Talking to Girls.

Here's nine-year-old David Rasmussen.

Still don't remember it.

David kind of comes out and is very cute, and Amy is very taken with his precociousness.

And then his early advice, you know,

oh yeah, it's super easy for me to talk to girls.

You just have to have confidence, a smile, and be willing to share your snack once in a while.

And Amy's like, well, that's really good advice for a guy of any age.

And it's really nice advice.

And then

it takes a turn.

Oh, and another thing.

Play girls against each other by talking to a lot of them at once.

If I see some talent out on the playground, I chat her up as well as everyone around her.

Maybe you end up with her less attractive best friend, but that's okay.

You know what they say?

They all look the same with the lights off.

And then Amy's less, Amy's less psyched to be talking to nine-year-olds.

What's weird about this, Seth, is I don't remember it at all, but when you told me the premise, I pretty much guessed what it is.

I was like, oh, that's something that I know how to write.

Gonna go left.

And another thing, Amy, girls love, again, nine-year-old.

Yeah.

And another thing, Amy, girls love cocaine.

Yeah.

Especially white girls.

It makes them crazy.

But be careful because it can get exhausting.

Ladies, you're going to wear me out.

I'm nine years old.

The only balls I've dropped are in the outfield.

There you go.

That's an update joke right there.

Feature.

An update feature joke.

Yeah.

The reminder of the premise.

I'm nine years old.

Oh, there's a very nice move at the end, too, because she says she's very upset and she's going to tell your parents and you start to cry.

And then she's had sympathy and says, I won't tell your parents.

And then you immediately stop crying and say, and don't be afraid to cry.

Girls love it.

So you play in polar too planner could never happen in real life too savvy you guys i have to i have to go i love you very much uh all right everybody jorm's going to dinner and the next podcast he's going to let us know how the vest played how many people are going to be at the dinner jorm well it's uh it's got a frank dinner so i don't know who's going to be there so i'll he's notorious for just ripping on people's outfits when they show up at the table what if he was wearing the same one it's possible so we'll see well you do us and the listeners of the pod a solid yeah at some point, if it's appropriate, do a quick straw poll from the people at the dinner and get their take on where they stand on the vest.

Yeah, absolutely.

I'll get Scott to weigh in.

They don't know you're not a vest guy and haven't been for 20 years.

They don't know you well enough.

I'll ask, though.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Goodbye.

And that was the last time they ever saw your mind.

A little bit of trivia on the John Malkovich one is if you watch those recent SNL docs, the four-parter Peacock one, there was sometimes really good, like mini DV-looking footage of behind the the scenes.

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Scenes, and it was of this era, and it was all from that episode because there was a camera crew allowed to film a bunch behind the scenes.

Well, yeah, I had forgotten this was the week, but I feel like I watched that documentary when it came out and haven't thought about it since.

Have you seen it, Seth, recently?

I have not seen it recently, but when I watched it, it brings me pleasure to watch us in that era.

Well, there's two things we're talking about.

One was a documentary called Saturday Night from 10 years ago or something or more, right?

That me and you saw, actually, Seth.

Yes, we did, right?

We were at South by Southwest for Magruber.

So this must have been 2010 or 2011 or something.

And we went for Magruber and then we were like, oh my God, that dock is airing.

Let's go over and see ourselves in it.

And then went and then they kept asking questions.

And then the moderator just looked up at us in the audience.

It was like, can you guys answer these?

Right.

And then so we had to start answering questions, even though we were just ticket buyers in the crowd.

But that footage got re-licensed into the docks from the 50th from a month ago.

Yeah.

So it's the same footage.

Yes, yes.

I saw that.

Yeah.

They sort of made a choice of which sketch to follow based on the table, which was this Empire Carpet sketch where John Malkovich played a guy who was in a recording booth auditioning to play the 588, that voiceover.

And it played really hot at the table and then it died at dress.

But it was very interesting that a documentary crew went to table and thought they had picked the one that was a lock to make it all the way to air and got it wrong.

Yes, such a good introduction to how the show actually is.

We were like, this is clearly the best thing, and then it just doesn't work on the floor.

Yeah, I mean, Fred was the Empire Carpet guy, and Will was sort of a sound engineer.

And every time Malkovich would finish, Fred would give a little negative head shake, and then Forte would scream, Again!

Again!

Empire!

Again!

800-58!

A 2-300!

Empire!

Again!

800-58.

Again.

800-588.

Again.

800.

Again.

I don't know what you want.

Again.

And Malkovich sort of has a breakdown because he doesn't know what the Empire Carpenter guy wants.

And then Fred tells a long story about how the Empire Carpenter business began, which is very dark beginnings.

And it was a real sketch for comedy writers.

And that's one of the reasons it played so hot on Wednesday.

But then just fundamentally did not get traction in dress.

So it didn't air.

It did not air.

Whoa.

It makes for a better documentary because you sort of see the moment where they're finding out it doesn't make it and it just makes for better television.

We also aren't in it almost at all, especially me and Yorm, because we were editing Jizzin My Pants the whole week.

And every time the camera crew would come in, we would just stop because we didn't want them seeing it.

And we would just like stare and do funny, like, we never let them see the process.

We would stop the process and like look at the camera and be awkward.

So we're not in the dock at all because we didn't let them see.

I also, oh no, Jorm's not here.

Can somebody do a quick Seth's Corner?

Seth Corner, you're all invited.

Seth Corner, it's happening right now.

Just play the other one, guys.

No, I'll give you the background music now, and then you put it in.

So then they marry those together?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Actually, now I do really want to hear that.

Seth Corner, you're all invited.

Seth Corner, it's happening right now.

I wrote Jacuzzi.

Oh, but that aired.

Yeah, that aired.

That was a classic top of show kind of a piece, right?

No, last sketch.

Oh,

well, it needed an actual working hot tub.

By the way, this is, I didn't think about it at the time, but it's got a little

John Hamm vibe to it, yeah.

A hundred percent.

I'm pretty sure that I came up with jacuzzi while people were pitching around on Monday, and I was just going through all of John Malkovich's movies in my head and then thought about dangerous liaisons and then basically pitched dangerous liaisons but in a hot tub and it's called jacuzzi.

It's immediately very fun.

Andy, were you in it or were you not in it?

I was not in it.

You were in it.

No!

By the way, that means you were in a hot tub.

You were in a hot tub having a sword fight with John Malkovich and your career is so rich with experience, you do not remember that.

I think it's because we were dealing with the jizz in my pants stuff.

That's all I was thinking about because because it was my piece with the guys, obviously.

And we had been like, hold on a second, guys.

I got to go get in this hot tub and do some bullshit.

And I'll be right back.

Not even that.

It's just like you're just detached from reality.

And Malkovich kept complaining to Lorne.

He's like, I feel as though my scene partner in jacuzzi is elsewhere.

That's a good Malkovich.

She keeps muttering about jizz.

Can I do a Malkovich?

Seth.

Seth is.

It's bad.

Wait, Wait, were you doing it?

Yeah, once in a while, you got to check in on it.

I was going to try.

I don't want to go.

No, it's bad.

Wait.

Akeev, do yours.

Seth?

No.

No, it's not.

Okay, so Seth is the only one with Malkovich.

But now we know.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

But a hater does Malkovich and friend of Malkovich is Vinny Vedecci.

It's really fun.

It's amazing.

I can be John Melkovich.

I'm sorry.

Hello.

My name is John Melkovich.

I don't sound anything like that.

No, you know, you sound exactly like this.

What a favorite moment I forgot.

Bobby shows up as Vinny's son and is a really funny Italian kid.

And this is the beginnings of seeing like, oh, there's so many things that Bobby Moynihan is going to be great on at the show.

But at the very end, Vinny says, sorry, we've run long.

Apologies to Chef Boy RGs.

And it cuts to you and Keenan as like chef boy RDs, but with like flava flave clocks around your neck.

That's my part.

Yeah, you don't have a line.

No, he jumped.

I mean, the one that you were remembering was the hot tub.

Oh, no, I was talking about you.

I also have a part in Vitti Videcci.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Your part was in a hot tub fencing or something.

Was I actually in the hot tub?

Yeah.

Fucking medicine.

I got to watch this show.

Yeah,

you should.

It's a good, and it's a good season.

It's called Saturday Night Live?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when does it air?

I, all right, I feel like this is a story I've told.

But Malkovich, there was also a sketch called The Lost Works of Judy Bloom.

And Malkovich played a girl named Gertie in an unreleased Judy Bloom book, and he was sort of wearing sort of a lavender turtleneck and purple overalls.

Looked very like 80s Judy Bloomy.

And he really liked the outfit, so he just sort of hung out in it all Friday during rehearsal and all the sketches.

I don't think you saw that.

It's incredible.

And I was talking to him backstage.

I was just in the hallway with him.

We were talking about jacuzzi.

And he had been so good at performing it like he had in the movie, except in a hot tub.

Yes.

You know, at the table.

And I said, when was the last time you've seen it?

And he said, I believe I saw it at the premiere, and I've not seen it since.

Yeah, that's right.

And so I was like, oh, so your memory of it is enough that you can do it just like that.

And he says, if you think it was accurate to the original, then I suppose you're right.

Then he said that thing.

That's a good Malkovich.

I'm getting into the...

I'll never forget.

He goes, last night I was waiting to meet a a friend for dinner and they were running late.

And to pass the time, I tried to think of every movie I'd ever been in.

And the 58th movie I thought of was being John Malkovich.

Holy shit.

And I like that he did not tell it to me like this is a joke, but he did think that's fascinating.

Yeah.

Maybe he was going in chronological order?

I don't think so, because even he was like, how crazy is that?

Yeah.

You think that's like one or two?

That would be like if Ben Stein tried to come up with everything he'd been in.

And here it comes.

What's the first one you think of for him?

I have mine in.

It's not a joke.

Your first Malkovich?

Yeah, when someone says Malkovich, that isn't the first one I think of.

I just have a specific one that comes to my mind.

I just had one pop into my head.

All right.

On the count of three, everybody say theirs.

Okay.

One, two, three.

In the line of fire.

Oh, wow.

I can't believe we're both Con Air.

Mine's in the line of fire.

I love in the line of fire.

Oh, in the line of fire.

He's so so fucking good.

I think of that in the line of fire scene all the time where he makes that little gun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Basically, it's 3D printing guns before 3D printers.

He's like making it out of like a composite plasticky thing.

He's by a fishing hole or something, and people come over and ask him about it, and then he just kills them both.

Yeah, exactly.

It's got those weird springs.

That movie, I must have been at just, I was definitely the right age for it where, you know, I had never seen other assassin movies like The Day of the Jackal or anything.

And so I was just watching it, having my mind blown by every element of it.

And it's genuinely good and it's like weirdly funny.

It has like real joke jokes in it.

Like, do you remember there's a scene with Clinice Wood and Renee Russo?

It's the sex scene.

And the way it introduces, like, it's a tracking shot on the floor with their legs as they're making their way across the bedroom undressing.

And it could literally be a naked gun joke.

Their clothes are coming off, and then guns are coming off, and then more guns, and then more, and then knives and like handcuffs.

It's like a ridiculous, because they're both cops.

And so it's like the amount of gear that comes off on the way to the bedroom is genuinely a joke, played as a joke.

Yeah.

And the movie's deadly serious.

All right.

So, hey, we have some audio messages.

Why don't we hear some of those from Quaid Army?

Okay, guys, you won't remember me, but I just heard the Dorito story on the pod and then the follow-up from James and flipped out because my brother and I were the ones at the Super Bowl with you who did win the USA Today ad meter that you mentioned and the million dollars or whatever.

And after hearing your story, so many things Stan Stan explained.

We were also told that we were going to go up against you guys in a kind of ag competition, just like you said.

And we had no idea why that fell through.

And I even made my own rap video, a Frap, if you please.

This whole digital short challenging you guys.

It had vicious rhymes, a dash of playful pejoratives.

And I was going to drop it on YouTube just for laughs ahead of the Super Bowl.

And then they just canceled the whole head-to-head battle thing, which I now finally know why.

So I just gave it to you guys on like a flash drive at the game, and you were like, are you like trying to get Lauren Michaels to look at your shitty USB stick?

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, this is just for you guys.

I've basically my digital version of giving you something I crocheted.

So then we won the ad meter and we were like, this is the best day of our lives.

And we're hanging out with Will Forte and the Lonely Island.

And why aren't they like as psyched as we are that we just won a million Dorito dollars?

And I just found out from the pod that the reason is that not only did they reject Yorm's ad, but on top of it, in your mind,

we'd basically just stolen a million dollars from Jerry.

He's reading it.

I just want to say, I'm sorry.

And if you want the money back, we blew it on Santana DVX.

Okay, anyway, I know it's unrequited, but I love you guys.

Hanging out with you was one of the highlights of my creative life.

Except you, Seth.

But only because you weren't there.

Okay.

Love you anyway.

Very nice.

What a great story.

Thank you for sharing that.

Amazing.

I remember hanging with them, of course.

By the way, they didn't take the money from our charity.

No.

Yeah.

He's being generous, but nice to hear from you again.

And it was a very memorable.

We were at the Super Bowl.

Of course, we remember.

Yeah.

Also, a quick update.

I don't know if you're here for this, Keith, to listen, because obviously we're very excited about this idea of how enthusiastic Doritos is to watch the ad.

Yeah.

But I guess somebody from the year it actually happened who is retired raced out of retirement to call and say, do watch it.

Is that true?

I think there's a little bit of.

I think they went back in the records and kind of found out that it was.

And he's like, no, they're not lying.

Don't open it back up.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

I mean, it struck me that somebody from legal at Doritos back then said, we watched it.

It's abysmal.

Do not engage with the Dorito commercial.

Right.

That makes sense.

I think it's a little bit like somebody who works in that warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

Like a new guy working there being like, we should open up the old boxes.

I think to them, the Doritos ad is the everyone's a critic painting.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That makes sense.

Within the context of this podcast, it's a safe place, right?

So I understand why the current exec is like, oh, that'd be fun to discuss it.

And people within the podcast discussing is fun.

But if it then catches on as a news story and then the thing is out there, then it is why they didn't want it airing in the first place.

It's just happening now.

And I get that.

Yeah.

Oh, look, a quote from their email was: the narrative was the spot was offensively bad.

That's an interesting narrative.

That's more than a narrative.

Sounds like more of an opinion,

an accusation.

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okay let's hear another hi my name is kenzie and my question is if and when you guys make your new album would you think about having Seth on as like a feature?

Because I know that he was in Natalie's rap and he was in Dobbleganger.

So, like, he's got the pipes because, I mean, Dobbleganger isn't singing, but like, he's still like singing

in Natalie's rap.

There's a musicality to it.

I feel like it would be really like poetic to have Seth in a Lonely Island album, considering that he does the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast.

Anyways, I just want to say that I am also from the Bay Area.

So, every time that you guys make a niche reference, know that my little 19-year-old ass, I understand it.

My parents raised me well i get your references um and i also moved to santa cruz so when you guys talk about you see santa cruz i'm like hey i know that shit too and i want to say that seth i went to a taping of your show and you answered my question during the q a so i feel like i have all these little like connections to you guys and i can see your footprints all over the bay area um anyways i love you guys a lot and i look up to you a lot and i really hope y'all see this because i love y'all bye wow it's so nice so lovely that's very nice nice to hear from you thank you for that even if they asked i would not do a third digital short because i kind of like the way quado played it which was just two and done you know it's the classy way hey i was reading through the youtube comments about jizz in my pants and they were all really nice and they're very creative i think our listeners have a nice sense of humor the last two i was a little curious about i thought they might be bots and i'm going to read you what they said and you tell me first of all the photos were uh incredibly beautiful women

Like headshot ladies.

And the first one was, Continue to delight your viewers with interesting content.

Your videos add variety to the online world.

Oh, that sounds real.

That's so nice of that beautiful woman.

And then the next beautiful woman said, Thank you for this amazing compilation.

I appreciate your time and efforts that you put into compiling this video.

It's very inspiring.

It's worth some investigation, I guess, is my point.

I am a little worried by the complete lack of specifics.

Like a follow-up comment might help, like from us, like, wow, thanks.

What was your favorite part?

Something like that.

That's what I mean by investigation.

I see.

I think we should engage.

I think you entered late, Keith.

We were talking about the fact that this podcast got nominated for a Webby.

Oh, yeah.

And I said, that's so cool.

And then Andy said, is it?

And then I said, yeah.

That's not how you win Webbies, Andy.

Go ahead.

And then I said, yeah.

And then Andy scoffed and said, it's not an Oscar.

Well, that's true, I guess.

Did you guys call on Quaid Army?

Weigh in.

Get over to the Webby.com.

Let's get those votes.

Yeah.

Hey, Quaid Army, get us nominated for an Oscar.

Flood the ballot.

Andy said it like he's bummed that this isn't Oscar nominated.

If Quaid Army can get this pod nominated for an Oscar, I will shit.

Sorry to keep making it about New York Times word games before we go to our next audio message.

The clue to five cross in the Sunday, March 30th, New York Times crossroad puzzle was style of hip-hop.

The answer was four letters long.

I saw the last three letters, R-A-P,

and was praying, praying that the first letter was F as in crap.

But it ended up being trap.

It was trap.

All right, let's hear another audio message.

Hi, my name is Alicia.

I'm in Michigan.

I saw you guys perform June 2019 in Detroit, and you guys had said to meet you at the Metro PCS

by the Pontiac Silver Dome.

I'm still here.

I guess I was just wondering what your ETA is, or if you're on your way, if you're okay.

That's all.

Love you guys so much.

Can't wait to see you soon.

What was, I remember that.

What was the joke?

It was like a, you know, tour joke where every show we would choose a local place that seemed kind of whatever and really really squarely say if anyone wants to

us

we will be at and we put up the address on a big screen at the end it was a reoccurring bit like even after lazy sunday when we had parnell there parnell would be like oh thanks for having me fellas and um if anybody here would like to and it was always verbatim it had to be the exact same

there was a paragraph wants to fuck me i'll be uh blah blah blah bad bitches only Thank you.

So it was the Metro, the Metro PCS store by the Pontiac Silverdo.

Yeah, that was that one.

Yeah.

And it always, the Just Two Guys guys would do it like after their whole like, we like sports.

And they would do it and they go, thank you.

If anybody wants to fuck us, we'll be at, and every, it's over multiple times in the show.

It'd be on the screen.

And then if you went, we always had one of our Rode D PAs, we basically made a t-shirt that said, I went to fuck the Lonely Island at blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, and And it had blank spaces, and we would personally in Sharpie write in like the key information, like Pontiac, you know, Metro PCS, Pontiac Superdome, the date.

And if you went there, you should have been met with a random person with a big box of t-shirts to give you.

And what was it?

I mean, hard to remember.

What was the average amount of people that would show up there?

I don't know, but there was always a crowd.

There was definitely a crowd.

It varied.

I think when we did Bonnaroo, I was told that quite a few people went to the spot because it was like all.

Because they were there.

Yeah, we were like by the hot dog stand in this thing and this thing.

Yeah.

And I remember thinking how cool that was.

But there'd always be, there'd be a group.

We'd get a photo from somebody being like, look at all these people.

It's very sweet of you to do that.

Somebody said this was a story about Grease and Palms at the Lonely Island Show.

Ooh.

You have my attention.

My best friend, JP, and I wanted to share a story about going to the Lonely Island Show in 2019.

We got tickets to see y'all in D.C.

for my birthday.

The show was incredible.

Keeve came out clearly exhausted, took photos for us.

They attached the photos, Keeve, to verify that you were nice enough to take pictures of him.

I'd see it.

Oh, yeah.

There we are.

And afterwards, we got chatting with your Roadie, who was an absolute delight.

Can't remember his name, sadly, and slipped him some cash, palm greasing,

to get our poster signed by Yorman Andy.

Honestly, it was just enough cash for him to ship our posters back to us, which he did.

Oh, I see.

So that's pretty amazing.

But like, to give her roadie money and be like, can you get these signed?

And also the money is for you to ship them to us.

That's very nice of you.

Here's some for you and then here's to have the roadie do it that's nice that he did it very nice of of whoever on our team did that that's what I mean yeah you obviously had a good staff somebody also wrote I work part-time at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington DC do you know where this is going no I work part-time at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington DC currently and ever since watching Ross Trent I cannot stop muttering to myself me toil part-time at job portrait gallery

you thought we were gonna predict that I mean well, I thought part-time and the fact that portrait gallery had the same amount of syllables as part time.

Part-time.

Part-time.

Yeah.

Look, it was a big ask, especially considering like five minutes ago, I was like, do you remember being in a hot tub with John Malkovich?

And you're like, no.

Look, no one ever said I was a Yorm.

You know what I mean?

Completely locked in and on my game.

Yeah, like incredible recollection.

I mean, Yorm's recollection is so much when you're like, why do you have that vest?

He's like, in fourth grade, I was walking down the street like just crazy.

Crazy recall.

Yep.

When I say crazy recall, what does it make you think of?

Definitely Quado.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So at least that we're on the same page there.

For sure.

Can we now.

I also, again, I know we've talked about Quado, but I just made the mistake of rewatching it again today.

It's so funny that, like, it's only what Jamie Presley is the only one who's like new to Quado, and everybody else has seen Quado before.

Yeah.

And she's like,

why is he calling everybody Quaids?

And Snake's like, oh, that was Arnold Schwarzenegger's character's name in Total Recall.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We had to explain it.

It's like very matter of fact.

Yeah, because you told told us probably that we had to put in a bunch of information because no one had seen the movie in a long time or at all.

Let's hear another voice note.

Hey, you guys.

So I was wondering, there's this really old video on YouTube from 2007's Comic-Con where Andy said you'd consider finishing the boo when you're like 50.

And I want to know if that's still on the table because I would actually really love to see that.

And also, thank you so, so much for the digital shorts and the pod.

I just love how silly they are.

They make me laugh so hard.

And they help me.

And I'm sure many others deal with all the craziness in the world right now.

So yeah, greetings from Germany.

All the best.

Bye.

Thanks.

Man, everyone.

That's so nice.

Very affirming.

Right until greetings from Germany, I had a real hope that was Bjork.

Oh, my God.

Greetings from Iceland.

Bye.

Bjork.

Björk out.

Also, this is Björk.

This whole time has been Bjork.

I thought it was Danish, I'll be honest.

The accent.

I'll tell you, it's not really important where it's from because it was from the heart.

Oh, that's nice.

Damn.

I love that.

Seth, I love that.

So that's what a German speaking English sounds like.

It didn't sound like Jizz My Pants.

Yeah.

Is that what Jizz is my pants sounds like, commenter?

You're right.

That disproves.

But it's just where she studied.

She might have studied in Copenhagen.

But what about this Boo at 50?

Boo at 50?

Do we want to commit?

Yeah, I guess let's commit.

All right.

We have to run it by Yorm.

It'll start with that voice note.

The first thing would be us listening to that voice note and going, oh, shit, the clock's ticking.

All right, what is our next voice note?

Hey guys, Claire from old foggy Southampton town here.

Long time listener of the podcast.

As a Brit, we didn't grow up on Saturday Night Live, so I'm loving having an education on what I hear is a and golden era of comedy.

Correct.

So my question is, we all know that Japan is the video or short that you would love to create.

But if you had a bigger and better budget, is there any video or short that you would love to redo?

Oh.

Anyways, off now to listen to Sushi Goryhole for the 400th time.

Bye, guys.

Really nice question.

I like.

I like these international listeners.

Yeah.

Keev.

God.

Yeah, I really would have to think for a second.

Is there one that we would redo?

I don't actually want to redo Like a Boss because it is what it is and it was very well received and we're very happy with it.

But at the time.

It is on those old cameras.

Yeah, and I guess we haven't gotten to it yet.

But it was this weird in-between where we had made things like Jay's in My Pants that looked all fancy and new and 24 frames per second on the right kind of camera.

And then, like a boss, we were like, nah, we'll do it the old way.

But it actually kind of became almost the new way.

Like we spent more money and we had more setups, but it still looked funky in that weird old way.

So it was neither here nor there a little bit.

And then I remember once I saw the budget for it, I was like, for that amount of money, we could have just done it the right way.

Right.

And so that at the time, I was like annoyed.

I thought we could have done it better.

Yeah.

There's an extra extra layer of like videoy-ness that felt slightly less slick about it.

Exactly.

And I don't, and as everyone knows, I like that stuff when it's intentional and you lean in, but it was not intentional.

It wasn't, but I also sort of feel like it worked for it because it's making fun of office culture in a way.

And that would look a little more stale in that.

Again, low-rank in that way.

So there's probably more that are not song videos that I would be like, oh, people actually like that one more than I was expecting.

I wish we would have shot at a better location.

Like Lobster Claw?

No, but like at the, there's so many we did at the flat hotel.

Like, again, we wouldn't want to change it because it is what it is and that makes it what it is.

But like dear sister, I'm like, we could have shot that on really cool sets or in a really,

you know what I mean?

But the response proves that that would not have mattered.

It wouldn't have mattered and maybe would have made it worse.

Who knows?

Yeah.

Again, I thought that was a very good question.

But Grish.

Also, I just got a text from Jorm.

People are fucking laying into him over the vest.

He says the dinner's going super bad.

I wish that was true so bad.

He's like, there's all these writers, and they're coming up with like really witty ways to tell me my vest sucks.

Yeah, yeah.

Should never have left the pot early.

Oh, man.

Can he text any of the specific burns?

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

I've got to cue up these.

Yeah, let me, I'll ask him for some of the specific burns and then just marinate on it, Seth.

Okay, let's hear another voice note.

Hey, fellas, I hope you're all well.

I'm Jeff from Illinois.

In June 2008, SNL aired the best of Mike Myers to help him promote the love guru.

In between his old sketches, there were new, fun little bits Mike recorded with the then-current cast that introed his old work.

There was one bit where Mike Myers sees Seth crying and asks Annie Poehler why.

She says he heard the show was airing the best of a Myers tonight and assumed it was him, but got sad when he realized the truth.

After a beat, Mike asks, is he an idiot?

And Seth starts to break.

I found this so damn funny that it's been rattling around in my head for almost 17 years now.

So my question is, can you please post this on the Instagram?

I've searched high and low for it, but it seems to be impossible to find unless, I assume, you have access to that SNL server, you all do.

Thanks for listening and have a nice day.

Love it.

I don't, I know.

I mean, I will say, I remember we did those wraparounds for the best of Mike Myers the week after the season finale.

And so it was a weird extra week in the office because I wrote on that as well.

But it felt like floating because it was so much easier, obviously, than working out at SNL, just writing wraparounds.

And Mike Myers means and continues to mean a great deal to me.

So that was right.

But I have no memory of that.

I remember us doing a Wayne's World one.

Maybe Bill and I were somehow involved in it.

Oh, yeah.

But all I know is that the set was like built and me and Bill just stood in front of it and were just like, whoa,

it's the fucking basement.

like just had meant so so much to me growing up and we can look into finding the clip and seeing if it's okay with people to to let's take a look at it we'll take a look yeah shit somebody told uh as soon i guess jorm said as soon as he walked in somebody said i think you should sleeve

and then somebody else said i hope they rip up the constitution because this guy doesn't have the right to bear arms jesus these are great these are really good i mean they're writers you know so he's obviously Yeah, these are, these must be like WGA nominated.

Yeah, yeah.

No, he did Minority Report and then Queens Gambit and moved right on to this.

Yeah, I know, by the way, the fact that Yorm dropped Scott Frank's name, who we all know, and he's an incredible

screenwriter.

You've never met him, but Scott's wonderful.

Scott did Queens Gambit.

I know.

Well, you know, Yorm's wife, Mari, is in it.

Yeah.

She was the mom in Queens Gambit.

All right, let's hear another voice note.

Hello, gentlemen.

I'm calling to ask if you all have had, and this is going to sound a little bitchy, and I apologize for that, but to ask if you had any formal vocal training.

Perhaps maybe when you realized that you were hitting the big leagues and to roll with the big dogs, maybe you needed some vocal training.

I don't know.

I asked because at the Ross Trent episode, your voices were smooth like butter.

So I was wondering if perhaps that was due to some extensive training or just the gifts that God gave you.

Thanks for everything.

Just talking about just talking about Ross Trent.

Our voices were smooth like butter.

Thanks for the question.

I don't think there's anything bitchy about it.

No formal training

is the short answer.

I remember right before we went on tour, we were like, is there stuff we're supposed to like know so we don't lose our voice before, like between shows and stuff?

Yes.

And we had one time where this woman, I forget her name, but who's very well known in those circles as a vocal coach, just came came to the rehearsal space and kind of spent 20 minutes with each of us just kind of confirming that we weren't going to blow our voices out.

And I remember one thing she said is like, if you're worried about like losing your breath and stuff, why don't you get on like your elliptical machine or treadmill or whatever you have at home and just try basically speed walking while you do all your songs to your phone, basically, and see if you can not lose your voice while you're doing stuff like that.

That's for live performance.

I didn't remember that.

That's great advice.

Yeah.

I thought it was also just like making sure we didn't get vocal nodes that we were warming up our sweet vacays before screaming for an hour straight.

Yeah.

And I don't, did we do it a little bit backstage?

I think we barely did it.

Yeah.

We were too busy in the bathroom.

You know what I mean?

Whoa.

Same way.

Hey.

Let's hear one more.

Oh, fuck.

I guess somebody said, howdy, sheriff.

to Yorm.

Oh.

Yeah.

And then he said, how come they said that?

He goes, why are you calling me sheriff?

And I was like, oh, because I don't know.

I just just assumed it was an old West because you're wearing a fucking vest.

Yeah.

That one's not.

That one's not.

That was clever, but certainly cutting.

It was the guy that wrote the brutalist.

It was like, oh, howdy, sheriff.

All right, let's hear another one.

Hi, I just wanted to thank you guys for getting me through some hard times these past few years.

A few years back, I was in a public restroom.

There was a hole in the wall, and I started eating strange sushi out of it.

I felt awful afterwards, actually got really sick.

Then, you know, a few months back, sushi glory hole came out and I realized I wasn't alone.

This happens to a lot of people and I

should not hide my shame.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my God.

She went to a knockoff.

Obviously, ours was only the highest grade fish.

Not going to lie, that person just had me.

I was completely like, oh, no.

Oh, man, this is going to be a tough one.

And I was like, we're being fucked with.

And I like kind of nice, yeah.

It's kind of nice because like everybody, when they're like, it's been a rough couple years, I think we're all like, amen.

I've been there.

Oh, well, this is good.

Right there with you.

That was wonderful.

And you're very welcome for putting out Sushi Glory Hole and helping.

All right.

I think maybe we have time for one more.

By the way, I have a thing before that.

Yeah, yeah, let's go.

I have a thing that I remembered after we did the last one when we were talking about the British voices on a song we had made before SNL.

Yeah, the Jimmy Jam.

But it wasn't, it wasn't the shoes off in the spaceship, Keeve.

It was everybody dance.

Oh.

Everybody dance.

Yeah, everybody dance.

And it was like Jorm just going,

like screaming.

But it was basically like a precursor to Go Kindergarten of like demanding everyone dance, but it was, it was kind of less focused, I would say.

Yeah.

And those were the voices we were doing.

And that was Jorm doing Tom DeSlam Bam.

It's a Jimmy Jam.

Yeah, I do remember that.

I wonder if we have those.

I wonder if I'd look in my iTunes if I'd find things like that.

Oh, by the way, I got a letter in the mail, and the letter was from

the outside of the envelope said it was from Virginia Horson's Pony Express.

And it's, if you can see it, it's like cut out like ransom note style.

Yeah.

And it says, put Virginia Horsen in criterion or else.

Oh, my God.

All right, we're going to play now.

Our friend Mike Schur, you remember him from the Criterion episode collection.

He recorded a voice note, and I think his idea was we should just get a lot of people to watch Space Olympics for the first time and then just immediately record their reaction to it.

Hey guys, it's Mike Schur here with the weekly listener opinion on Space Olympics that you asked for.

I love Space Olympics.

We did not.

We did not ask.

Like Phil Lord Lord after he saw it for the first time eight days ago, I can say it is absolutely one of my all-time favorites.

It has two of my favorite tropes.

First, intensely passionate singing about something incredibly mundane.

Like belting out super serious details of the logistics of the Space Olympics is wonderful.

My favorite moment, of course, being, and all other events are pending.

Like that, that's as boring a lyric as you could possibly write, and singing it with that terrible auto-tune crescendo A.

The second trope I love, the impossible situation of a person singing about things that are happening in real time.

Not to jump ahead, but Jack Sparrow has this too, which is that, like, somehow the lyric in the finished song for which there is a video is Michael Bolton, I'm going to need you to focus up.

Like, how do we both exist in the reality where the guys are angry at Michael Bolton for what he's doing, but also have made and completed this song and video?

You get why it's funny.

You guys made it.

Anyway, Space Olympics has that too.

Somehow, Andy is singing that all the oxygen has run out.

Like, is this being broadcast live to the athletes, I guess?

Is that the situation?

Like, how does this work?

Anyway, it's fantastic.

Yeah, he's wonderfully stupid and hilarious.

It takes a full minute to even establish what the premise is, which I appreciate.

And for the record, I certainly do not agree with Akiva that Space Olympics is, and I quote, the single worst thing we've ever done.

Nor is it, and I quote again, Andy's worst idea.

And also, I quote Akiva saying, it makes Battlefield Earth look like freaking Shakespeare.

Those are all Shakespeare words.

Planetary.

That's what he said.

I don't agree with any of that.

I think it's wonderful.

Anyway, love you guys.

Bye.

Thanks, Mike.

Yeah, thanks, Mike.

I hate to wrap this up.

I just got a text from Yorm.

I guess this group pinned him down, cut off his pant legs,

and then hot glue gunned it to his vat.

And so,

this is an abrupt ending.

We'll be back next.

Cookies.

I have no memory of cookies.

Looking forward to watching that from the Hugh Laurie show.

And then we're going to probably roll it up with Neil Patrick Harris, Doogie Hazer theme.

That seems like a nice pairing.

I love you guys.

Love you, Seth.

Love you.

Quado in the house.