Family Trips: JORMA TACCONE Wanted to Ride in a Limousine

Hey, hey, it's Seth, and it's Yarma.

Say hi, Yorma.

Hi, Seth.

Hello, everyone.

We are joining you here with a little bit of good news and a little bit of bad news.

The bad news is we are still on hold getting everybody back together as we are scrambling to deal with the horrifying fires in California and the people they have affected.

We appreciate your patience while we wait to get the gang back together.

But the good news is, Yorma and I did a podcast with my brother called Family Trips of the Myers Brothers.

Did you enjoy your time with us?

I loved it, Seth.

You guys are not just brothers on a podcast, you're brothers in real life.

And you can tell there's a certain vibe that you guys give off.

And my brother joined the podcast as well in parts.

So it was great.

It was lovely.

I like that you used your brother as a sort of memory backer-upper.

Yeah, he had different memories than I did.

And I got to say, I conflicted with some of his memories.

And his memories were much happier than mine.

So, but you got to listen to the episode to see who's right.

And it's kind of fun because this is a full episode where where you and I talk and not one time does Andy go, oh, yorm.

Yeah, absolutely.

I got to say, there were scenes that we've shot in Popstar where I'm in a scene with Andy and he's across from me.

We're acting and I'm seeing him judge me, just being like, no.

I'm like, we're doing a scene.

Like, you can't give me notes with your eyes.

So anyway, yeah, it's nice to like let my freak flag fly finally.

And your childhood, let's be honest, was pretty much a giant freak flag.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I grew up in Berkeley in the B.

You know what I mean?

B-town.

It's worth a listen.

And thanks, everybody, for your patience.

We're very excited to get back to more shorts, which I promise we will do again soon when it is safe and it is sound.

All right.

Love you guys.

Love you.

Hi, Pashi.

Hi, Sufi.

I have one last thing to talk about.

In regards to my spring break trip.

Oh, boy, you're really stretching spring breakout.

Well,

it's a piece of it I haven't addressed yet.

And I guess in defense of the show and the way I usually get pretty crabby, this is a family vacation that you took.

I can't believe you're giving me grief for talking about a family trip.

Will.

The next thing, if you were like, come on, man, you got to have some memories of SNL from 04.

No, that ain't happening.

So anyway.

Flight home.

First of all, flight there, flight home.

Alexi is such a hero.

She really believes, and it was a five-hour flight.

She really believes the kids can do activities the whole flight.

She gets them modeling clays.

She gets some sticker books.

She gets some mazes.

She gets, there's three different kinds of crayon.

It's incredible what she does.

With that said, kids just burn through that shit.

Yeah.

I mean, the kids wanted the clay out before we took off.

And, you know, again, we're leaving from a New York airport.

We were like 15th in line to take off.

By the time we're in the air, the modeling clay is dried.

It's like rock hard.

So eventually, about two hours in, we allow them to switch over to watching movies.

Uh-huh.

You know, again, and they get very excited about watching a movie on the back of a seat on a plane, right?

They all have their own headphones, I'm guessing.

They all have their own headphones.

Okay.

Another thing that we're doing a lot of is we're loading up old phones of mine that are now defunct with books on tape.

And so the kids are actually, the boys at least, will listen to Harry Harry Potter and enjoy.

That's great.

Also, Ash

is only allowed to watch the Harry Potter movie after he has read the book or had it read to him in this case.

Right.

Yeah, I was going to throw some quotes around read the book.

Yeah.

I saw in your eyes some quotes were coming.

So I thought

I'd jump in front of that one.

But flight home, Posh.

Here's what happens on the flight home.

I got Addie on one side of me.

I got Ash on the other.

Dude in front of me with like a three and three, right?

So I'm looking sort of kitty corner.

Guy who's technically in front of Ash.

You know what he's watching on the back of his seat?

I don't even know why I'm making you guess.

Raiders of the Lost Arc.

Ooh.

Now I'm watching it again.

Not the right way to watch Raiders.

One seat up with the sound off is not the way to watch Raiders, but it's so good.

I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to watch Raiders.

And Ash, because Ash is watching something and Addie's sort of just looking at the map.

You know,

she's she's too young.

She doesn't know that that's not a movie.

So she's just looking at it.

She must love that part in Raiders, where it's just the map.

Oh, right.

You're right.

There's a lot of that in Raiders.

Yeah.

And I watch Raiders of the Lost Arc on the plane.

And man, oh man, that movie holds up.

It's so good.

So good.

It's so good.

But then a few times, you know, there's some gnarly moments in Raiders.

And I look over and Ash, who again is watching his own movie, is just locked, eyes locked in on Raiders.

Just locked in on the, maybe the, some of the gnarliest moments of Raiders.

And I, you know, when I made a decision to just look at him and give him a nod, like, yeah.

Yeah.

This is in your future, bud.

Yeah.

Movies like this are in your future.

Yeah.

I remember when we were little, little, when we were living in Michigan, we had a babysitter, Joe.

Do you remember Joe?

Yeah.

But I remember he was watching Deer Hunter.

Yes.

And if, and it was like just on TV.

But if we were living in Michigan, I was five or under, and I remember seeing some deer hunter stuff I deaf shouldn't have seen and deaf didn't want to see at that time.

Yeah, that Russian roulette scene in Deer Hunter.

Yeah.

I'm remembering now.

I definitely first saw with a babysitter.

Yeah.

It's funny because I think, you know, there's a lot about how hard it is to be a modern kid, you know, but like the fact that we had babysitters, you would just come over and be like, let's see what's on.

Yeah, and also they had like, there's three things on.

Yeah.

I'm going to watch watch the coolest one of them.

Also, right, at eight o'clock at night, none of the three things were kid-friendly.

Yeah.

It wasn't like go over to the old Netflix account.

Do you, back to Harry Potter real quick.

Now that Ash is listening to professional audiobook readers of Harry Potter, is he less impressed with your reading?

Thank you for asking.

I think he's still impressed.

I think I'm not going quite fast enough for him anymore.

I think the only downside of this, you know, back and forth or trade-off, I should say, we've done with him is now he's just, he's just charging through the books.

I think he's staying up too late.

We let him have it in bed, too.

I think he's just,

I will, I'm basing this on the fact that like five times last week, I went in and he had fallen asleep with his headphones on.

So he's definitely just trying to like grind through it so that he can hold up the phone.

And so he came in.

very late the other night to be like, I just finished book five.

Can you download book six?

I'm like, go to bed.

oh wait i think i told you this but not on the podcast you we've talked about the fact that you had a moment that ash just had you had a moment where you told everybody you were into holstein cows and then for like three years everybody bought you cow stuff and then you had to make basically announce that you'd made a mistake and you don't like cows so yeah Ash just had this with Legos.

He just, you know, had his eighth birthday.

He got so many Legos, including from you.

You say Legos.

I know, because I've decided I don't care about people who don't like it that way.

Lego.

He got some Lego.

Now you sound dumb.

Yeah, right?

If I'd have done it, the only way to do Lego is this way.

You get it wrong, someone corrects you, and then you say it.

Otherwise, people would eat me.

I'm not going to be the guy who walks around as like Lego.

You had a few of those where you would do the foreign pronunciation of stuff.

Did I?

Yeah, I'll try to remember.

I don't know, but I'll remember.

Anyhow, all right.

So, Ash getting too many Lego.

Well, we told Anessin, I'm remembering, we had to tell you because you got him Lego.

You got him a box.

Yeah, well,

I found out when I was on a FaceTime with you three days after his birthday and he'd drag asses into the kitchen and he's like, thanks for my gift, Uncle Pashi.

Someone else is going to get me the same thing.

Yeah.

And then on top of it, which by the way, that didn't happen.

He didn't get the same thing, but he did get so many Harry Potter Lego.

That Harry Potter's Lego.

He got so many of them and he had a real breakdown because it was that thing that happens to a a kid.

They ask for a bunch of stuff.

In the time it takes for them to come, he decides he doesn't like that stuff anymore.

And I went into the other room.

He was sitting in our little playroom, TV room.

It's a room with a TV, and we never watch TV, so it's basically the kids' playroom.

And he was just sitting with a big box of Legos

of Legos bricks.

He had a big box of Lego in his lap.

And he just was staring at this beautiful box of Harry Potter Lego.

And And I just heard him sing, who likes Lego?

Not me

to himself.

Do you think I went to a kid's second birthday?

You knew the parents?

No.

Yeah.

And there were a bunch of people going to this party.

And I know, you know, this little girl, she's got plenty of toys.

And you feel like you need to bring a gift.

but at the same time, I was like, Do you?

Yeah, and I feel like I need to buy something, you know, for my nephews and niece.

And certainly, our uncles would have done that.

But

I don't know, where's all this stuff go?

Like, I mean, trust me, how many Lego sets did he get?

I think part of the problem is everyone feels like, Oh, we need to buy him something.

Yeah, we're back.

He doesn't need anything.

By the way, did our uncles get us presents?

Uncle Kurt would show up with stuff.

In my head right now, I know what Uncle Kurt showed up with for our birthdays.

Scratch tickets.

Like 10 scratch tickets he got from the liquor store he worked at.

Yeah.

Maybe a thing of pretzels.

I mean, it's all pretty good.

Yeah, as I think about it.

It's all pretty exciting.

It's also probably better than a box of Legos for mom and dad because everything was immediately garbage.

It didn't just like build up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe that's the move.

No.

Scratchers.

Yeah.

Talking about reading slow.

We have a snail snail population at our, at my building in LA.

Oh, okay.

And when it rains a little bit, these snails will come out.

And it's very exciting.

Mackenzie and I really like the snails.

Oh, that's good.

I was wondering if it, well, the very fact that you called it a population instead of an infestation was pro-snail.

No, it's just like, there's just like a couple come out when it comes to

these little drains.

And Mackenzie the other day sent me a video or a picture of this like snail trail.

And the snail had ended up just on top of this drain.

But in that day, it was very sunny and everything dried up.

And I walked past this drain, and the snail was just on dead center on the drain.

And I was like, oh, this dude didn't make it.

Like there was, he couldn't get away and it got too hot out here.

And we, you know, Mackenzie gets, you know, sad if she sees a crushed snail.

If you have five or step on a snail, it's very, you know, feel terrible.

So this snail was on this grate, and I took some water down and I poured it on him and he wasn't moving and I was like, it's not going to happen for this guy.

And then later on I went down and he had moved, but it was still hot out and he was running out of water.

So I got him some more water and I got this little like, it's like a knife, but it's like a thing that you move chopped vegetables from the cutting board into the pan.

It's like this big flat thing.

And I laid that down, put a little, some little celery greens on it, and he crept up on there and I moved him to a new place.

But the whole procedure took a long time.

I was going to say, I think the difference between me having three kids and you having none is

I wouldn't have gone and checked on the fucking snail.

But I walked by the snail.

When I'd taken the dogs outside, I walked by the snail and I'm like, this, I'm just either I'm watching this thing die or I'm going to save this thing.

And then it happened again the other day.

So it's like, and I'll just like bring a book out there now and I have to wait for the snail to climb up on this.

Now, wait, wait a second.

If it happened again, isn't there a chance the snail's like, oh, finally made it back?

Jeez, Louise.

I think it's got to be a different snail because I walked that first snail a long way away from where he ended up.

Interesting.

Okay.

Yeah.

So multiple, this is happening to multiple.

Well, do, I do think.

I don't know if we should just keep doing updates on this podcast about that or start a second one

with just the snail, the snail cast.

Yeah.

You're a good man.

And I know snails can be invasive and

they're not always.

Yeah.

You know, people aren't always psyched to see snails showing up.

I am.

I mean, I think, look, there's a, you know, some people aren't psyched, and some people are, like you and Mackenzie and totally insane.

Honey, honey, come outside.

The snails are back.

The snails.

Yeah.

That's very exciting.

Debbie, our dog, she always loves the snails.

She's will always give it a little sniff and move on.

Great.

They're our friends.

Yeah.

All right.

Well,

for those of you who are still with us,

we have our friend Yarma Tacone joining us, and it's a lovely conversation.

He has an incredible,

his upbringing is fantastic and a really good story coming your way.

But first, Jeff Tweety.

mother

inspiration.

Whoa.

There he is.

That guy.

Deep.

You got those deep pipes.

He does have deeper pipes than he appears when you first meet him.

Yeah.

Yeah, for such a short guy.

All right.

You said it, not me.

You know what pops into my head every time I see your full name printed?

What is it that I put myself in quotes?

No, no, no.

I just think, do you like your Matacone?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know why, but that's always been the way it works for me.

I don't even know what that's a reference to.

The piña colada song.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

Oh, the minute I do a parody song, Josh is in the woods.

You know what's really funny is that recently, because I've had this experience too, but having my brother say it was somehow more insulting.

But he was like, recently, Asa was like, yeah, sometimes I just think about your name and I just laugh.

I'm like, what?

But it is such a weird name.

Like, whenever I've met anybody who has a similar, like,

Yohas or like just any yeff sounding name.

Yeah, a Jay up front.

I will say Yormat Taconi is a fantastic name.

Also, it's interesting that Asa would take that.

position because I feel like that is in the

the same ballpark of name.

But it's biblical.

It's like old testament biblical, right?

So, like, you're more like, I would just say, both of you, his name is A-S-A, you're J-O-R-M-A.

Both of them, I feel like you have to tell people how to pronounce it, yes, because Asa is somehow, yes.

Did I tell you the funniest one I ever got?

When somebody what was the best because they, and this was also, it was also funny because they weren't trying to be insulting, but the guy was like, I'm sorry, urine.

I was like, urine?

No, no, no, no, my parents didn't name me urine but you're named after some uh like a kick-ass guitar player yeah yeah the

mcalconin uh from the jefferson air uh jefferson airplane and like hot ticket so yeah and i met him and i i did uh i did tell because this should be because i feel like when you're named when your parents name you after a kick-ass guitarist there's two paths one

Your dad just loves a band, but this is the better version.

Your dad knew him.

He was a friend.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

My dad just loved the band.

Oh, God.

I thought they were friends.

Oh, so it's the worst.

No, I met him.

That's the worst version.

I met him because I went and saw him at McCabe's guitar store in Picoville, Boulevard.

Right.

So your dad was just like, this guy's Shred.

Yeah.

100%.

I don't even know if he liked the name.

I think he was just like, yeah, Shred.

That's cool.

He was like, we're naming him.

He didn't know the name first.

He said to your mom, whoever this guy is, that's what the boy's name is going to be.

He's got it.

He's like, I got bad news.

I looked at him.

It's not a Shred.

It's bad news.

It's urine.

And she's like, I don't think you say it that way.

And he's like, okay.

I'm better.

It's getting better.

Yeah, I think he saw him at Woodstock or something.

I don't know.

And what is Asa's name just the biblical, straight biblical?

Or was it?

There was a guy named who we just always referred to as Big Asa in Berkeley, who

was a family friend, kind of.

And so he was, I think he was 11 or something.

He was a couple of years older than me.

And actually, Big Asa sold me my first car too which uh was a 1977 plymouth valare that he described as doja green inside and out which is a very bay area term for weed something so oh doja so we you bought a weed green valare yeah it was pretty cool had dents running up and down the sides of those i mean

so uh

Yorma is from the Bay Area and along with Andy Sandberg and Akiva Schaffer.

And every detail I ever hear hear about growing up in the Bay Area makes me happier and also is illustrative of the way you guys all turned out.

This story that I'm going to tell you guys is very, very Bay Area too.

Like very Bay Area.

Like I was thinking about that.

So you're basically,

you kind of, are, you've taken a different approach.

I feel like you're showing up with one trip.

that you want to talk about.

There's one trip that is a long, it has different facets.

And we can talk about family trips in general, but we didn't take a lot of them growing up.

So we can talk about whatever you guys want.

I'm perfectly okay.

But this is a very bay parent, like my parents and like both me and my brother were talking about this.

We were just like, oh my God, this.

All right.

So I'm going to let Josh is going to maybe lay down some tracks before we get to your one massive trip.

Great.

Yeah.

Well, I mean,

just sort of set the scene, your brother's how much younger than you?

My brother's four and a half years younger than me.

Okay.

Were you psyched?

That's old enough to know if you're psyched, you're having a younger brother.

Were you psyched that another one was kind of in a very bay area away i was at my brother's birth which was at home there's a picture of me and my my best friend ari like just like mccully culcaning just like watching it happen like oh god what is this and then my parents saved his placenta in our refrigerator so it was in our freezer for like a year because they forgot about it.

So whenever I would try to go get ice cream or anything, I'd look up there and be like, well, that piece of meat there is for mom.

What was the goal of keeping it?

What was sort of the end game if it hadn't just been forgotten after a year?

I think that their intention was that they were going to eat it.

Yeah.

That was my fear about freezer was down.

And then like some freezer burn, you're like waiting for the right thing.

Wait for July 4th or, you know,

they were waiting for it.

But yeah,

freezer burn and then they planted it under a tree.

My Alexi has become more Bay Area with each successive birth of our children because the third Addy was a home birth.

Wait, which one was in the lobby?

The boy, yeah, the second one was in the lobby, which was she was, she was trying to have a New York birth, and then her women parts were like, no, we are, we are of the bay.

I mean, that's the coolest home birth story ever.

I feel like we maybe saved the first placenta and had the same situation of like, there's no, in the end, we're not going to actually do anything with it.

But what I was getting at was the kids it was the home birth happened at night or else i bet the boys would have been i don't know i don't know if they would have watched or not but i think they would have been nearby what time did it happen like 11 o'clock at night it was the best because they went to bed it was very much shoemaker's elves they went to bed and woke up and somebody else had made a baby that was just there i honestly thought you were talking about michael shoemaker for a second that's the problem with having a shoemaker having a real shoemaker in my life named michael and your parents are both very creative people professionally yeah Yes.

My dad is an artistic director of theater.

He's a theater director and is.

And my mom was a graphic designer for many, many years and is now sort of retired.

She's retired, but he's, he attempted to retire and hasn't.

Gotcha.

And they've managed to make this work with normal names like Troy and Sue Ellen.

What's funny is that My wife is named Marielle, and then we named our kid.

I wanted to name our son Wiley and then name our last child like Bob.

Because I just wanted everyone to have a good name.

Bob Deccone is definitely a guy with like a used car place on Long Island.

It probably exists.

Yeah.

He sells rolls of quarters.

You're like, I need rolls of, I got a 20 and I just need a roll.

Go see Bob Decone.

Yeah.

So, yeah, tell us about this trip.

What's a creative Bay Area family?

Well, before, yeah, so before you tell us about the trip,

what was like sort of a baseline trip?

Well, I did research, you know, which I think most people do because you're like, oh, do I, am I remembering these?

Not everyone does it, you are.

And let me say we appreciate it.

Okay.

Some people, some people do so little research that about five minutes in, they say, oh, so it's a, it's about family trips.

Really?

So you're massively, massively ahead of that.

Those people are doing better than me.

I think the better you're doing in your career, the less research you're doing.

You do on the podcast you're about to appear on.

They're not doing better in Larry meyer's eyes i'll tell you that yeah that's true my dad is very down on people who who don't do the work yes well honestly like i was trying to remember the trips beyond going to visit grandparents because most of our trips financially growing up we were not doing well at all certainly i grew up in berkeley um as you said we lived in a pretty crappy neighborhood in berkeley so we got robbed a lot and which was really funny because we didn't have it we had no nothing to rob and there's some really good stories there but that this isn't about that well I do want to take a pause because it's almost too interesting to just pass over.

When you got robbed, were you always away from home when you got robbed?

Were you?

No, there's a

couple stories where I remember someone trying to break in through the one window that didn't have the electrical alarm tape with this crazy alarm that was like a school bell alarm.

So it was the loudest thing you've ever heard.

But if you broke a window and it had the gray tape, then it would shatter the tape and then it would would trigger this alarm.

Um, and the one window that only had iron bars on it was being broken into.

So I remember seeing a guy trying to get into the.

And then the one of the funnier times when we were robbed, we were robbed by our neighbors.

By the way, it speaks to how many times you get robbed if you have a funny one.

There's a couple funny ones.

There's a couple of funny ones.

This one was that they used our own wheelbarrow to

steal an amplifier and

all of a sudden, like, you know, old school stereo equipment that we had.

But they covered up, it seemed like they had covered up the stereo equipment in the wheelbarrow with diapers.

And so there was a trail of diapers leading to our neighbor's house.

That was a funny one.

And then another one was we did take a trip, a family trip, and we came back and the alarm had been going off for like 12 hours.

So every, so all of the people in the neighborhood, nobody cared that we had gotten robbed at that point.

Everyone's just like, turn off the fucking alarm.

The fire department had tried to be there.

Nobody could turn it off.

Now, what is the order of things?

Because if the neighbors stole your stereo equipment second, I feel like they're now, it's a justifiable theft.

If they had to go through 12 hours of the school bell alarm.

Yeah, that's true.

You mean like if it had been going off and then they were like, you know what?

It's already going off.

Yeah, yeah, just steal shit.

I think that's fair.

I hope.

Yeah.

I do hope.

Did you, did you ever, I mean, I'm assuming you confront the neighbors when you realize they've left a diaper trail.

There was another moment that I was telling my dad about this because I don't think he had ever heard the story.

Like, there's, I mean, it's, it's sad.

We were, we were living in a pretty crappy area.

But no, there was a, there was a moment that I was walking to the corner store to get, I was really obsessed with now and laders.

And I was walking to get now and later to the corner store.

And our neighbor,

this isn't that funny because I'm like seven or whatever, how oldever I was, but like, but our neighbor threatened to kill me with a, with a kitchen, with a kitchen knife.

And the thing I remember most about it was that

I think it was our kitchen knife.

Jeez, when we staring at a kitchen knife, I was like, oh, that's, I think that's our knife.

Like, this is what I remember about it.

And I just sort of went, walked around him into the street and walked to the corner of the store.

Was this your next door neighbor?

No, we didn't confront anyone.

It is.

It's funny.

I like that.

Yeah, in your seven-year-old, it's like, I'm going to kill you.

It's like, well, I'm afraid the tables are turned because you've just revealed yourself to be a thief.

A thief.

I'm afraid your attempted murder will have to take the back seat.

Because you're in trouble, mister.

You columboed your own assailant.

Yeah.

No, there was a lot of that growing up.

It was just like a, and the weirder part was we had a, um, I never experienced this before anywhere, but there was a mobile police station on our block.

They had a bus that they parked there on our block because it was so

bad growing up.

There's, I don't know, I mean, it's, it's no longer like this sort of thing, but um, yeah, that was, it was a pretty intense.

So, so, regardless, we didn't take that many family trips because we just didn't have that much money.

Well, it also seems like, yeah, when you leave, people take your things and your neighbors hate you.

And then you need to buy more things.

So, any money you have goes back into replacing televisions, amplifiers, kitchen knives.

The cost, it was an exponential cost for you to go on vacation.

The least of it was how expensive the vacation was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We used to, yeah, we just left our doors open.

Where did your grandparents live?

Were they close by?

So, yeah.

My grandmother lived in Stanford, Connecticut.

So we would go out to the East Coast a lot.

And I remember those were great trips because we got, obviously, got pampered because we didn't, my grandmother didn't get to see us as much.

And then also my other grandparents lived in Irving, Texas.

So very hot.

But I loved visiting them.

So we did that a lot.

And then we went camping and things like that, but it wasn't, we didn't have that many trips overall.

But those were my big memories.

What were the activities of note when you went to your grandparents, like the Connecticut or Texas?

My grandmother in Connecticut, she was a very feisty Puerto Rican woman who she taught Spanish for years, but she was like had more energy.

I think you maybe, Seth, you must have met her at some point.

Yeah, yeah.

Was she at the wedding?

Yes, yeah, absolutely.

And then she, like, I'm sure she came to the show.

But yeah, she had so much fucking energy.

And so she would wake us up at like six in the morning singing like Spanish song like, La vantances versus old dados.

Get up, get up.

We gotta go, we gotta go play tennis.

And it was like, oh.

And I was always obsessed with vacation.

I was like, this is vacation.

Like just the word vacation was so frustrating.

Being like, it's not, you don't get up.

at six to play tennis

but yeah she was just uh she was obsessed yeah ball of fire That's great.

It is funny.

I feel like it's dawning on my kids now that they can use the idea of vacation as a way to have the same complaints they always have.

You know, they always want ice cream, and then all of a sudden we're on vacation.

They're like, it's vacation.

Shut up.

You always want this.

It's a good argument.

I always like when your kids have pretty good arguments.

And my kid now is starting to really know.

So he was like, where he, if it's educational, he's like using educational now.

It's educated, but I'll learn.

And that's why you need this Pokemon pack.

How old's your son now?

He's nine.

All right.

Yeah, figuring it out.

And in Texas with those grandparents, was it like, were you in a city?

Were they out in the countryside?

No, Irving,

it's like really suburban, like a lot of track housing, a lot of cul-de-sacs.

It was always so hot.

I just remember like as a kid, like being really excited to use the, you know, like the the first time when you get a hose and it's the hose with the like the nozzle and you're like, I'm a fireman.

You're very excited about being a fireman.

So Texas to me was like the place where I got to like shoot the house with a hose.

Yeah.

Cause you thought maybe it was going to catch on fire with how hot it was.

It's possible nowadays.

Yeah.

I, it's so nice to hear.

You actually dial into that memory because of course I remember the first time you did it.

And I feel like I forget when my kids are doing it that there's just no way to get through to him.

Because this summer, they were just blasting our house with the hose.

And I was like, stop it.

And I was telling them to stop it.

And they couldn't.

They physically couldn't stop it.

Worth it.

Also, because you're feeling like the kick of the, like, the hose has power in the way that you've seen like a firefighter, like, whoa, this thing.

Yeah, this is.

And they were just like, they were spraying different surfaces.

They're like, I'm going to shoot wood.

I'm going to shoot glass.

Then it's like, I'm just going to blast it into the ground till it turns into mud.

Like they just were on.

Yeah.

So I got one of those like power washers because it was, I was recently to clean the deck.

And this is really fun because you can, it's probably, this is not a good idea for just saying this out loud in public.

So I think, but I was shooting my kid with the power washer, and he like it,

it has so much water.

You're like, you're instant daily seed fridge.

He like, he loved it.

That was, I like any activity that's like a parent activity, but you're having a pretty good time.

Yeah.

Yes.

When our father used to be in charge of baths with us, he sort of took a much heavier-handed approach and he would just have like a bucket and he would call us dirt ball number one and number two.

And we'd get like, he would just pour the bucket over our heads and you just get like deluged.

And then he'd like scrub shampoo and then he'd go like dirt ball number one.

And he'd like pound you with a bucket.

And it was like, it was efficient and it was aggressive and it was fun.

Oh my God.

I'm sure he was having a great time.

Yeah.

And you 100% knew when it was the times he gave you a bath, like how it was going to go.

So I last, this was last night, there was a bunch of kids who came over after they were doing the little Pokemon thing.

And they all got Nerf guns and like, come outside, be the dead.

We need a dead.

Because they just only abuse death.

And so I was like, well, if I'm doing this, I'm really doing it.

So I got this leaf blower.

I got this huge leaf blower and an umbrella and just walked outside, clicked the umbrella.

So that's my shield.

And then shooting kids with this leaf blower for like half an hour.

God, that's good times.

I'm going to steal that.

I think both of those are.

Yeah.

I think watching a dad come outside with an umbrella and a leaf blower is as exciting as seeing Bane and Batman for the first time.

That was my goal.

What a beautiful voice.

Here we go.

All right, so your big trip, the big famous trip.

Okay, so because we didn't ever get to do anything and like I was again obsessed with like the word vacation, like we're going to go on vacation was the time that my, like, I was 12 years old.

My brother, so my, I was, I think I was like 12 and a half, 13.

So I'm angsty too.

Like I'm just like, in addition to being obsessed with like, this is my big vacation, we're going to Hawaii for the, like, spend some money.

Like, wow, we're going to Hawaii.

And my brother's eight.

So we, and we're going to visit my, my godmother, who is a woman named San Sandra, who, who sadly has has passed away um sort of thing but she married a native hawaiian man so but like so we're going to go visit them on kauai so i'm so excited and just to give you some context of how i've been disappointed in the past by my parents i remember we had this super shitty volkswagen bug that was like every every fender was a different color it was super dented it was super embarrassing like like that was our family car and i remember when i was in third grade i was obsessed with as every kid was lamborghinis and Limos was the other car that I was like, you can drive a limo.

I just thought you could drive a limo.

And that was like the coolest car.

So I so as I'm running to, like my dad picks me up.

I'm like, did you, did you bring a limo?

I don't know what I was thinking.

Did you bring a limo?

Did you bring a limousine?

And he was like, yeah, because he's a dad.

Like,

that's exactly what I would have said.

Like, yeah, I brought a limo.

And then running outside to see this fucking embarrassment.

Like, oh, no.

No, I ate this fucking car.

That's awesome.

But this felt like this to me, to me, because again, I'm 13.

But we go, so when we show up to my godmother's, what I thought was a house,

she had been squatting on, she was, okay, let me give some context.

Also, like my, my parents are very political, liberal-minded.

Like, you know, my mom worked for a socialist newspaper and she meets Sandra.

They're selling little red books together, which is

Mao's like doctrine, whatever.

Like, so, so, you know, they're communists.

It is for real.

They are the stereotype of what every Republican thinks a normal Democrat.

100%.

Yes.

My parents are like.

They were no exaggeration what like Jim Jordan thinks I am.

My mom worked for a newspaper called Frontline, which is like the frontline of the proletariat will rise up against, like, Karl Marx.

It was all just like Marxists, basically.

But to be fair, they're also like.

It's a lot of intellectuals and like they're reading everything.

They're not like hippie, like silly, like like 60s.

Like it's all very political.

So my godmother is one of these people and she, she married a native Hawaiian man named Michael.

And so there was a lot of education on this trip.

So like, so we, but we pull into this area that we're going to be staying and they've they've been squatting on the beach, basically.

There's no place to say it's, it's drift.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this.

It was like a shanty town, basically.

So it's probably 10 different shacks, kind of, but they're made out of like driftwood and tarps that they'd found from the sea in some cases but they have then it's weirder than that though because then they're furnished inside there's no doors there's just flaps with tarps and like it's like a unhoused person's like like uh squatting area something but it's called anahola beach park and but they have electricity so there's like refrigerators and stuff in there and people have television they're stealing electricity from the electrical poles and like running them to this thing to get electricity.

So there's electricity and there's like an outdoor beach because it was meant to be like a public area.

So, there's an outdoor like shower and stuff like that.

And so,

the beach is beautiful.

But for me, like showing up to our Hawaiian vacation to be like, sorry, where are we staying?

We're staying in this shack.

The best is the thinking, thinking it was a limo was you being insane.

But now the tables have turned.

Yes.

And the, yes.

And then we're staying in this, from my remembrance, me and ASIS stay in the shack.

And then across the road, because

let's back it up politically, because

this is all true.

It's like, you know, Hawaii was basically stolen by, you know, like Lily O'Kalani was a queen.

They had like 50 treaties with like every country in the world, basically.

And then the United States came in and basically a policeman was shot.

And Lily O'Kalani just was like, okay, I don't want this to go to war.

And then all of Hawaii was now American.

And so

I can't remember when it became a state or whatever, but like, but there were laws made that were basically like in trying to make things right, they were supposed to give land back to native Hawaiians.

So I think so, so that was sort of like, you know, Michael and a lot of people were like, we're waiting for our land, but like none has been deeded to us.

Or it takes a really long time to actually get that land.

So

in the interim, across the street from these, these shacks is this house that they've been building.

And Sandra has taken all of her inheritance from her mom and put it into this house.

And they've spent like $35,000.

It was saying it was a house is a little weird.

It was like a plywood house, basically.

So none of it's been furnished or whatever, but they're working on it forever.

And it does have electricity.

But so my parents stay in there.

And then me and my brother stay on the, on the beach in this house.

But like, there's, there's flying cockroaches.

And like, I mean, just

there was just for me, I was like, this is a nightmare.

This is like,

my brother had a great time.

Like, in fact, like, I, I have audio of my brother talking about this, which I can

play real quick.

Let me see if this works.

It was like camping.

My dad said it was a, quote, scene.

And then I asked him to describe what he meant by that.

And he said it was just like, you know, they, I think they partied pretty hard.

But it was really fun for me.

I mean, I was eight.

I was just in it.

I was, I befriended a local Hawaiian boy named Coco.

I spent most of my days with him.

And the mornings I would wake up, we'd go out on his makeshift canoe and catch fish in the coral reef for my mom's friends so they could have for their breakfast.

And we just hung out with all these local Hawaiian kids.

Um, we ended up going to like a luau for a celebration of a baby that was born in the community.

And my mom used to be a sign painter, so she painted this big sign for them.

And we went to a natural water slide, which was these two massive rocks that were kind of edged together, and there was this slick moss in the middle.

Okay, that's all true.

Like,

this is the best definition of the ages 8 and 12.

Yeah, I think that's the best example.

He was loving it.

Like, eight still sees the wonder in the world, and like, I made a local friend.

Whereas you're like, where's my fucking limo?

Like, since you're also younger, too.

So, he had like more options with hanging out with people.

And we did, like, we had an amazing time.

I mean, like, like, or

I was telling my dad, like, I was like, he's like, you remember that beach?

I was like, yeah, like, we found that riptide.

And then me and my brother would like duck our heads under and follow the riptide in and see how long our breath would last as you got pulled under.

That was like super.

And then obviously the waterfall.

It's, I mean, it's super, like, amazingly beautiful.

But there's, you know, like, there's a lot of like vets who were a part of this community.

And like, it was, it was just like this.

Yes.

Again, I was just like, oh, what is this?

Like, what are we doing?

and then the thing that my brother mentioned there the sign that was made that like my mom painted the sign the reason that that sign was made was that four days this is a six-day trip four days into the trip about we wake up in the morning and about 30 police cars are pulling in and they're federal agents So all these federal agents get out and they start tacking up eviction notices everywhere, like on everything, every structure, every car, every, like on the, on the house that they, my, my godmother had built.

And so it becomes this huge, it's like you're going to get evicted.

It's like two days after we're leaving, they're coming in and they're going to clear everybody out and evict everybody.

And so again, for me, I was like, what is happening

on this vacation?

And so then my mom gets into like activist mode and she like paints this huge, they got this big piece of plywood and she paints this beautiful mural to make it look more official when they come in.

And people start, people, and then people started coming out of the woodworks, like hippies from I don't know where who are just activists come like show up and start making documentaries.

Yeah, I imagine it's like it's local news maybe covering something like this.

I don't know.

Like, I don't know.

Like, you know, it was government, like, so I don't know how much they wanted to be involved, but like, but like, but the woman named, I remember this woman named Smokey Rain showed up with her boyfriend and she was like they were making a documentary i was like and so my mom makes this big beautiful sign that they put in front to make it look more official before and then they did a big lubow and the the radio station came they did have like local we're like on the top on everybody's side that is really a funny

and i do think that documentaries are incredible tools for societal change but it is a really funny hippie thing when shit's going bad to be like don't worry we're gonna come make a doc we'll be there you're like we're getting evicted in two days.

Smokey's on the next plane over.

Smoky Rain's coming.

Smokey Rain.

Don't worry.

I think with editing, we might have it done in like 18, 19 months.

Also, what was the name of the sort of native Hawaiian guy that your godmother was married to?

Michael.

He got pretty, got sort of cheated out of the cool name contest in terms of it's like every time a kid in the Bay Area gets a Yarma, a guy in Hawaii has to get a Michael.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

I mean, we we visited them since this all happened.

And, yeah, Michael was a big part of our family for a long time.

He would drink a lot, though.

And I remember one of the things because

we were all staying together was that he would sort of pass out and he would snore.

And then me and it was so regular that me and my brother would like beatbox to it.

And we would go,

yeah.

I do picture that while Michael's snoring, the

flaps on the shanty are like blowing out.

That's when the cockroaches are getting in.

Yeah, disturbing the chickens that were running around.

But then to complete that, like they got evicted,

like right after we left, everyone got evicted.

Everything got torn down with bulldozers.

Her house got torn out.

And then my godmother and like six other people were in jail for nine months after that.

Jeez.

Yeah.

Yeah.

was.

So the documentary in the end maybe didn't help.

It didn't.

I don't think.

Well, you know what?

They became known as like the Anahola Beach Park 7 or something.

So maybe

it did.

Maybe it did.

And then she ran for mayor after that, too.

She ran for mayor, of course.

Was the plywood house that they were building, was that evicted as well?

Or was that more legal?

That got torn down.

That was the saddest because then we watched the documentary.

It was like, I was only at, by the way, I was like only like a half an hour documentary.

But that was seeing that was like just like so.

Because they see, because they got a quick claim deed, which I don't really understand the mechanics of that, but it's like, basically, like, you, if you go down and you say, like, hey, we're on this thing and we've been here for a while.

And again, like, he was on the list as a native Hawaiian man to be able to get this land.

So he should have been able to get it.

It just, it takes years to do.

And apparently, you can't like just claim whatever land you want.

Yeah.

And then eventually they were actually given like a bunch of acres.

And we went, me and

me and my wife, the first trip we went to, we visited them, and it was great.

Did you really?

When you guys before you were married,

uh, yeah, it was like right when the Lonely Island started, like, like right after we got graduated.

I was already dating Mari, and then Annie and Keith came down to LA.

And I had already had this trip planned, so they were looking out, like going to live for houses in LA.

And I went to Hawaii and visited Sandra and Michael again.

And did you, did you make multiple trips over your life?

Or, or I visited those two

three three times, I think.

Yeah, I think it was that it was great.

Yeah, but the first one was the most memorable.

Yeah, yeah, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like a couple of things from ACEs that I want to go back to.

The natural waterfall, did you have a memory of that?

Yeah, that was, it's amazing, especially like because you are with local people who are like, oh, no, no, go to this one sort of thing.

And it did take like forever to like hike into the,

you know, I mean, and Kauai is stunningly beautiful.

I mean, it's like, it is Jurassic Park.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We used to go to, there was like a natural water slide thing in New Hampshire called Diana's Baths that we would go to.

And it was freezing, but it was also these like very smooth rocks.

It wasn't so mossy.

It was just smooth rocks.

Yeah.

And so fun as a kid.

And I remember going back maybe.

as a teenager or like mid-20s.

And then there are all these signs that say like, don't swim here.

This is like drinking water or whatever.

But I don't know if we were not allowed to be there when we were there, sort of taking those rides, but you're definitely not allowed to now, or not supposed to, at least.

It's so cool.

Like Hawaii has so many.

I actually went on vacation with me, Mari, Akiva, and Liz went to Hawaii and found another, I can't remember what island we were on, but we found another one of those deep woods.

Like, you know, you had to like a mile in and then you hike forever, da-da-da.

And then there's this huge open area of this, like this, like, almost like this lake.

And then you have to go like through the lake and then up a rope ladder, up this waterfall.

And like, and then like in the back there's this amazing that was great and it was really great to watch akiva do that too that was uh one of the funniest things i've ever seen this is um

real

this is a tangent but you'll see where it got inspired from we're talking about swimming and drinking water was it during the pandemic that you started making weird nursery like uh fables oh but

derek stories yeah derek stories It was during the pandemic, yes.

Yeah.

It was.

So Yorm reached out to me and said he was, yeah, you sent me a Derek story.

You're like, hey, we all.

You know, anybody with kids.

I was like, do your kids think this is funny?

But Derek was sort of like an Aesop-y type dude, right?

It was, they're Aesop's fables.

These are on Spotify.

It's on all streaming podcasts.

They're like two-minute long stories.

They're basically Aesop's fables that get interrupted by a guy named Derek who then makes them and then changes the moral.

And they're called Derek's stories.

Yeah.

So the Downriver one was,

was it someone?

Yeah, you really listened to the.

What was the Downriver one?

Just, I mean, it's only two minutes long.

Go listen to Derek's story, but just in your best Yorm, give us, just for Josh, real quick, how did Derek ruin this?

So the Aesop's fable is that there's a lamb that's bathing in a river.

And then up from there, there's a wolf trying to come up with an excuse to eat the lamb to like basically be like, hey, how dare you drink from the water that I'm bathing in?

He's like, oh, no, if the water is soiled, it cannot be from me because it runs down from you to me.

And it's basically like, he's going to eat him anyway, sort of thing.

He's not going to give, like, a villain is always going to be a villain,

was their moral.

But in this version, as he's trying to like poke at the lamb, then Derek's like, oh, no, that's me, actually.

I'm up here just ringing out the old dungarees here.

And he's like, what?

He's like,

I must have had a bad jalapeno or something just ripped in the inside of my pants.

He's right, Carmen.

Because it's just the insides of my pants are just coated pockets to pockets.

Well, there you go.

One of the things, Jorm and Andy Sandberg, who were two-thirds of the Lonely Island, I think one of the things you probably connected on early in life was a love of diarrhea as a punchline to a joke.

It's still a punchline constantly.

There's something that we're working on right now that involves diarrhea.

Oh,

I've heard it.

Yeah.

I've heard it.

Have you played it for your kids?

Because it's popular.

My, my, my, my Wiley's friends cannot get enough.

I literally had a conversation where he was like, I don't know why I can't hear this again.

I'm like, it's not out yet.

That's great.

You can't go find it.

You, uh, you got your two kids.

Do they travel well?

Yes.

And then it goes, I don't know if this is like this for you guys, but like, but it goes, it goes back and forth.

Like, like, uh, he was great for, like, I mean, the Wiley was on a plane at like eight weeks to Berlin, he said, we were like, ah, he's settled.

And then, you know, just recently, like, we went to London recently, and it was like,

oh man, he was

super anxious about the whole thing.

I don't know what you're saying.

How was he with the jet lag and like settling down when he got there?

I mean, it was okay.

Like, we were trying to keep them on a New York schedule

because it was five days, but then every day it's like very consistently, it's like one hour has chipped away.

And then by the end, I was like, like, no, it was super fucked.

How long of a trip total?

To London?

Yeah.

Was that like you were going to be there for a while?

Or that was.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it was just the right amount to be problematic on the background.

Gotcha.

Yeah, yeah.

We like to do it like that.

As long as it's very problematic on both backgrounds.

And they've had to move around.

Your wife Mari, who I've been lucky to know for a very long time, is much like you, an accomplished film director.

So you guys have moved around

your kids, not as like on trips, trips, but hey, we live in Pittsburgh now because

she's directing a movie about Mr.

Rogers.

So, does Wiley, do you feel like as a kid, he thinks of that as a trip?

I don't know.

We had to live in Berlin as well for a little while because Mario was doing the Queen's Gambit out there.

So, like, so we were there for the same amount of time.

It was basically like four and a half months.

So, it's always been that it's crossed over into his school year.

So, it's a little bit beyond a trip because then you're also going to school there.

So, he's gone to school in Pittsburgh and Berlin and LA recently.

And yeah, so it's like, so he's had to, it's like the summer plus two months or something like that.

So we, I don't know what he thinks of it as.

Like

it's actually another, like, like now I'm creating my own family trips.

And, and the,

I think maybe the best trip that, because I make a lot of dad decisions of like, this will be fine.

And when it was just Wiley, because there's a pretty big gap.

He's nine, our daughter's three.

But when we were in Berlin, I decided to take him.

Mari had to go to London for a second.

This sounds very hoity-doy.

We're like jet setting, but she has to be in London for the weekend.

And I was like, I'm going to go to this place that these stuntman guys, when I was working on Kung Fury, the movie, I met all these German stunt people who were like, you got to go to this place called Tropical Islands.

And you should look this up, but there's a place called Tropical Islands.

It's about 45 minutes outside of Berlin.

And it's in the most massive old like Soviet era.

It's going east, Soviet era Zeppelin factory.

So it's the biggest like Twinkie, like concrete looking Twinkie you've ever seen in your life.

Like just so unbelievably massive.

And they created a water park in it.

So

I was like, I'll bring my then like four-year-old.

to tropical alone.

Like I'll just bring him there.

So I drive to Tropical Islands.

and then, you know, it's a theme.

It's a, what was it, it's amazing.

Like, there's like a jungle inside and you can take a hot air balloon ride inside the thing.

And we go there.

And then I just proceed to feed him nothing but like fries and candy for like six hours.

I was just like, yeah, this is great.

It's vacation.

Like, it's fine.

Yeah.

And then, and then getting home.

I mean, just like, and then, and then wondering why he's like melting down,

just like screaming at me.

Like, yeah, that was a good.

Well, we saw you, we were in Pittsburgh and cross paths, and I want to say grab lunch or something like that, but you've had a couple occasions to sort of be a dad in a new place where, I mean, I know that you're always working as well, but when Mari's shooting something, you might end up as like, now I'm a dad in Berlin with a kid, or now I'm a dad in Pittsburgh.

And you've had to sort of adapt to those different cities.

And you seem to really be enjoying it when you were in Pittsburgh in terms of like, oh, it's a whole new world of stuff.

We're a good, we're a good couple for that sort of thing.

Like when Mari's like, because Mari, I think when deciding to do the Queen's Gambit, she was also like, who's going to watch this show about chess?

Like, really?

Like, come on.

I was like, well, yeah, but you should do, you should do it.

Like, we like, yeah.

So, yeah, like, I'm, I'm definitely a good partner for that sort of thing.

I'm just like, this will be fine.

Like, whether it's like pie TV or like, just like being overly optimistic.

That's kind of what I mean by like dad decisions.

I think that like those are like, you know, like, I was just talking to Avi the other day, like, and he was like, should I go to, like, after we were going to, this is Kristen Wiggs' husband.

But Avi was like, was like, in addition to going to this like ninja trampoline park that we were at, he was like, I think may I go to the Natural History Museum?

I was like, oh, yeah, man, push it.

Get him some candy.

God love him.

When you touch down and a Berliner out of Pittsburgh, do you just start sort of, you know, Googling or reaching out to figure like what are good things to do with a kid here?

Like, what are my.

I like to like sort of either drive around or run around and just sort of figure out things based on that.

So much.

And then there's, there were, there were things that I would immediately do in places where like somehow I always end up like at a like a skate, skate shop

kind of thing.

So in Berlin, well, Berlin, I like it.

It's like somehow, I guess maybe it's because I Google where's best skate shop.

It might have been that.

But like, no, I bought a skateboard there and I would skate at this, like, this, this park near where his school was.

But that was also when we were writing the Magruber series.

So it was particularly weird because I would, I met these, it's just meeting random people.

I like, I just have no shame in like, what's up, man?

So there was a production company that was right near where, like three doors down from where we were staying in Prince Lauberg.

And I met these guys and I was like, oh, there's like a film production company.

I was like, Hey, when are you guys done?

Um, because I'm writing with people in Los Angeles, and they come in at like 10 in the morning.

So, if you're done at like 6:30, if I could get in here at 7, I could just write all night while you're not here.

And so, that's what every night I would write from like 7 p.m.

to like sometimes 5 in the morning.

Then I would drive, then I would go back to bed as long as I could.

Then I would drive Wiley to school.

Then I would go to the skate park to try to make myself tired.

Then I would go back to bed.

I like the Germans.

Germans think an American skater.

Their stereotype now is they just do it to fall asleep.

Well, when you're my age, and I, by the way, I don't skate much because I have this, I don't know, you can't see the scar, but like the last time I really tried was uh so yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I will say that the kind of dad you are who's like, let's just go to the place the German stuntmen recommended.

It does like, because another thing Anase says that really made me laugh was when he asked your dad where you were going in Hawaii, your dad was like, it's like kind of a scene.

That's such a funny thing.

They party.

They party pretty hard.

They party pretty hard.

That's such a funny thing for a dad to tell an eight-year-old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, the other crazy thing in researching this with my parents was that both of them, their response when I was like, yeah, I was disappointed.

They were both of their responses was like, wow.

Like, they just, they, they had no idea.

I will say, I'm going to guess based on your parents and based on their philosophy about the world, they also would probably be like, yeah,

sorry, you're my friends got evicted.

I'm sorry you had a bad.

That was my mom.

It wasn't so much that.

It was my mom was like, you know what?

You learned something.

And

she's not wrong.

I just don't know if I would like, you know, call it a vacation.

I would say you did a grandparents move when you were calling it a dad move, but like bringing a kid to a water park and just feeding them sugar for like six hours.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fair.

Like, cause,

you know,

because I feel like grandparents sort of feel like they have this like diplomatic immunity of like, hey, man, what they do in my six hours that, like,

yes, I love the law.

You just, it's always different when you don't, when there's no one to hand off that child to.

What my, I remember the first time, I think the first time our oldest had ice cream was with my father-in-law, who's the best dude in in the world.

But he came home and Alex was like, Did you get my ice cream?

And he went, He liked it.

And I said, We didn't think he wouldn't like it.

Like,

we weren't holding.

I was just laughing.

First of all, I was very pro the idea of like, that's exactly how he should get ice cream for the first time is on the sly with his grandpa.

Like, so I got no problem, but it was so, I was like, Your defense stinks.

I just like it when, when parents now, when it shifts a little bit, where they're kind of in the kid position of like, oh, but no, but I didn't mean, you know, like, like we did that with my mom a lot too, like

pandemic, because we were out there in the bay for the birth of my daughter and it was the same.

Granted, it was pandemic time.

So we had some rules that we were supposed to follow.

And then occasionally my mom would just be like,

it was like, you couldn't go in a store.

And then we'd come back and yeah, she'd brought him to go get ice cream.

And you were like, it's a store.

It's still a store.

And she'd be like, well, you know what?

You all gave it.

And you're like, look, the dynamic has shifted here.

You also wonder how much the kid is sort of pushing that, being like, grandma, please, grandma, please.

Then it's like, well, I'm not going to.

I can make his dreams come true in these moments.

Yeah.

Were your parents into, were they big on, were they okay with sweets?

Yeah.

They were.

Yeah.

I think so.

I think we had probably, no exaggeration, I would say we ate 10 times more sweets than my kids.

Oh,

wow.

Yeah.

Maybe higher.

Your kids eat sweets that aren't sweets.

Like they get tricked.

I have a joke in my stand-up which is their cookie is what we used to have to eat to get a cookie

like that's how healthy their cookies are yeah see that's it was like if you finish this weird like smashed dates

shaped into a circle see that's that was my upbringing like because we had like care of it oh yeah that's i remember sandberg said the same thing but you berkeley kids were like wait no no there was a moment where me and my friend snuck a bottle of vitamin c we ate ate an entire bottle of vitamin C.

And I calculated it and was like, oh, we ate 50,000 times our daily development.

And just peed like electric.

Neon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like I'll go to Seth's house and like my nephew Ash will be like, oh, do you want an ice cream, Uncle Pashi?

And I'll be like, sure.

And he'll go to the fridge and Alexia will be like, it's not ice cream.

It's

something else.

That's weird.

Yeah.

Like, do you want these?

Do you want a cookie?

And she's like, it's not a cookie.

But I'm basically sure.

It's like they all have the

texture of an old coin.

Like, that's how hard it is to fight through one of the cookies.

Yeah, but you're looking in the right places then.

That's really hippy-dippy shit.

Cause it's like, I felt all that got better.

Like, back in the 70s, it was which I can say.

Oh, I will say that's like, I mean, like, well, Josh is, you know, Josh is a vegan, and even in just like the last few years, like, hasn't like the food tastes so much better.

Your options taste better.

Vegas.

Yeah, way better.

Way better.

Yeah.

Also, last time I was with Seth and his family, the kids got these little like parfait desserts.

And it was like this fake chocolate thing with some fruit and whipped cream.

And they were like, where's this whipped cream from?

And Alexi had to be like, I made it.

And they were like, oh.

She's like, yeah, I made the mistake of one time giving them like ready whip.

And now if I like make them like, whoa, there's a whole world of homemade whipped cream.

They're like, this is garbage.

First time, but then it's, by the way, the first time Ash had a real hot chocolate, because there were no other options, we'd taken, we were in New Mexico where Alexa is, we'd taken this gondola up.

Oh, you've, you know, you've shot McGruby there, you know, but like that crazy gondola that goes to the top of this.

And again, you get up there and it's like this little chalet and it's Ash is with his cousin.

And so they shared a, literally shared a hot chocolate that was a real one.

And then he threw up and we had to like give him an hour-long bath.

We had to cancel dinner reservations because it's like, wow, we can't

have

a hot chocolate.

We're not sure he's gonna make it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's gonna be a real joy when he goes off to college.

We're gonna be like, oh, Ash has to go lay on the bathroom floor again.

He's back with the nurse.

Yeah, that's it.

Like, Ash's frat house, like, we had to hold his hair back while he puked up a MM's.

Your sausage mcmuffin with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5.

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Prices and participation may vary.

Mike and Alyssa are always trying to outdo each other.

When Alyssa got a small water bottle, Mike showed up with a four-liter jug.

When Mike started gardening, Alyssa started beekeeping.

Oh, come on.

They called a truce for their holiday and used Expedia Trip Planner to collaborate on all the details of their trip.

Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool.

Whatever.

you were made to outdo your holidays we were made to help organize the competition expedia made to travel dorm uh a lovely trip i took uh and again a lot of times i speak and almost like try to legally defend myself against josh calling it out as not a family trip but when your family began i went on a trip to your wedding And it was fantastic.

It was in Big Sur.

Yeah.

Correct?

Carmel.

Very close.

Carmel, close.

But it was a really lovely, and also like everything, there was a real nice, wavy, gravy vibe to the whole thing.

Oh, was there?

Deal.

No, from your perspective, that's nice to hear.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like there were a lot of like, there were like people where like yoga was a profession.

Oh, well, yeah, that set the, you know what I mean?

Like there was, it was like comedy/slash.

No, that, okay, that really set the tone because the woman who married us was a

yoga instructor, is our friend who we want a yoga retreat with so that really set that tone and then later was on kay and and i think it was the first time i was somewhere and god correct me if i'm wrong she maybe started by making us thank the people who the land you does that sound right like land acknowledgement yeah i think it was the first time i heard a land acknowledgement outline yeah yeah i think that that is right because i and it's also like that's always a fun one because it you you ask your friend to do it and then you're like oh that's what you're gonna say like

it was just a big surprise to me as it was to you

uh yeah i was but it was great and the other thing this is um now i'm i go you know treading on dangerous ground because it's a little bit of an snl story so i'll make a quick josh but i will say i think the payton manning show where Forte did that dancing scene where he was a basketball coach had happened the previous year because it was a summer wedding.

And then this woman, like an older woman, said to Will, like that, I love that so much.

And then Will just did the full dance.

He just like, it was that thing where when you compliment for it, you end.

Like, I felt like halfway through it, I was worried the woman was going to be like, uh-huh.

No, no, I remember it.

It was during the wedding.

He did this.

No, no, no.

It was like at the hotel wedding.

Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Yeah.

But it was one of those really fun.

I mean, those weddings, and there were a few of them.

Mine was right at the tail end of it.

But like, it was those, like, that was that.

It felt like an SNL wedding.

It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, it really was.

And Josh, I'm sorry I didn't invite you.

We weren't, you know.

That's okay.

If it's more SNL stuff, I'm glad I'm done.

This was awesome.

Do you have, was that all we had from Asa?

Because the one thing I want to say is how much I enjoy Asa's voice.

I love my brother's voice.

He's fantastic.

In fact, we just did a thing for this Knuckles Sonic the Hedgehog spin-off show that he did all the music for, and he plays the voice of this demon.

So when you see episode four, that's my brother.

He did do one more that was about

a fight that I had with my dad that I I don't remember that was on the channel.

Let's hear it.

Okay.

All right.

My mom said that my brother and my dad got into it and that it got physical.

I guess Yorm like punched my dad or something.

I told this to my dad.

He was like, I have no recollection of that.

But he said that.

like some months prior, Yorm had graduated eighth grade.

And after the graduation ceremony, he

disappeared with his friend Winston for like five hours.

And my parents were like losing their shit, freaking out.

And when he came home, he was just like, I'm not going on the Hawaii trip.

Nobody understands me.

Only Winston understands me.

That was the quote that my dad remembered.

And he said, like, oh, shit, like, this is how it's about to be when we're out in Hawaii.

Like, it's just going to be an uphill battle for Yorm.

Not for me.

I was chilling.

Aren't you glad I played that?

I'm so glad.

Do you now is Winston?

Do you have, do you remember Winston?

Yeah.

Well, okay.

Winston, my friend Winston Ross and a guy named Mark Shotland, I was really, I was very good pals with right before I met Akiva.

I met Akiva when I was 12 years old.

So yeah, so I met those guys and we were in, it was the first comedy rap that I was ever involved in.

We were in a group called Strike Three because we had each struck out with ladies.

Super cool.

Yeah, so we would write raps about, I guess it wasn't comedy, it was comedy rap from an outside perspective.

For us, it was just emotional rap.

Right.

Right.

You didn't think Strike 3 was funny.

You were like, we're showing you our full hearts.

But me and Winston did some pretty good.

We had some pretty good pranks, though.

We did a lot of prank calling because you could do that back in the day.

Yeah.

So our big, the one I was the most proud of, because I was like, this is a really weird joke for two 12-year-olds to come up with.

We would call in our little voices.

We would call people's houses and we would find an answering machine and then we would read,

we'd fill up their answering machine by reading John Steinbeck's The Red Pony.

We'd just keep calling back and be like, where was I?

Chapter two.

I was like, that's a fucking weird joke.

Yeah.

Like, just think about our little 12-year-old voices being like, chapter two.

And that's how Audible started.

That's how Audible started.

Bay Area.

That's when Bay Area became a tech hub.

Somebody was like, this is amazing.

I'm listening to the red one.

I did listen to it to go to bed.

The best one that I get Higgins does to me, Steve Higgins, SNL producer, Yarman, I know.

First time McConnegy hosted, he told a story in his monologue.

And Higgins said, you should practice it and record it.

And so Makana Kay recorded this long story about his dad.

And then like every three years, I'll get a voicemail and it's just like,

hey, uh, and then I'll remember my dad's and I'm like, what is this?

And I'm like, oh, fucking Higgins.

Just literally finds it and then plays it into just like.

Those are the best jokes to me.

Those are the best jokes.

With the advent of AI, this is in the same vein.

I'm just like, I wanted to find old emails that I hadn't responded to and then have AI write a book as a response.

Like be like, write 300 pages on how sorry I am that I didn't get it.

And then send that years later.

Like, dear Seth, I'm so sorry I missed.

Just like,

why did I miss it in the first place?

I looked around my place for the sweatshirt you said you left over here.

I just can't seem to find it anywhere.

I like that.

Do you looking back, do you think it's true that Winston was the only one who understood you?

Maybe.

It's possible.

I mean, you know.

It must be a funny thing when people become teens, when kids become teens, that you actually then start commiserating with the younger kid about, like,

look out for this one.

Like, all of a sudden, an eight-year-old is more rational.

It does feel like, I know we're hearing Asa's perspective as an adult, but really, from those two short messages.

This was always the dynamic, though, Seth.

Asa was always cooler than me.

Like, Asa, okay, just to give some context.

First of all, my brother's in a band called Electricast.

He's a very talented music producer.

He's incredible.

So he's a cool lead singer of a band.

He's always been cool as shit.

When the first time I met Asa, I, because I will say, all jokes aside, I thought you were cool.

Yeah.

When you showed up at SNL, I'm totally fine.

I didn't, I do not think you're a nerd anyway.

When your brother showed up, I thought you were the biggest fucking nerd in the world.

I was like, oh, shit.

Asa's like next to Asa.

Yeah.

Asa's like me from Concentrate.

Like everything's like sharper, smaller, like more compact.

Yeah.

He's cooler.

Like he had a competition with himself where he was trying to see how many like winter balls and like proms he could go to in the Bay Area.

And I think he went to 13 or something.

I met a girl,

two girls introduced themselves to me on the same day to me, his brother, as their girlfriend.

He's like, oh,

is this my boyfriend?

I was like, oh, really?

I just, because I just met somebody.

And you were like, I'm in strike three.

Yeah, exactly.

So to get back to that.

So I used to record myself on audio cassette.

And when I was rejected, it was a real, this was real painful.

When I was, when I got my strike, I recorded a lot of myself making like, and, you know, and she just,

she didn't like me, I guess.

You know, like, it was like a lot of that, like 10 minutes of that.

And then years later, my brother found this tape, and he was like, he was like, dude, I found this tape of this girl like crying about something.

I was like, that's not a girl

as knees.

I was like, yeah, this is perfect.

I mean, I was, I was hopeful that he had remixed it, that he had used his multitude of music skills to make it.

If we only had that to go out on.

I know.

And here it is.

What a delight.

Thank you to both you and Asa for the work he put into this.

But before you go, Posh has some questions.

Yes.

All right.

Here we go, Yarm.

You can only pick one of these.

Is your ideal vacation relaxing, adventurous, or educational?

I think it's adventurous.

All right.

What's your favorite means of

Train, plane, automobile, boat, bike, your own two feet,

something else.

A real Joe Biden.

I do like train.

All right.

I feel like train.

A lot of people train.

Well, that's the romantic answer.

Like, if I'm probably being honest, it's like, oh, it's a fast plane.

It's a romantic answer.

But I think if we had, it's also a good reminder, if we had better trains in this country, I think a lot of people are right there

on the lot, ready to take them.

Yeah.

If you could take a vacation with any family, alive or dead, fictional or real, other than your own family, what family would you like to take a vacation with?

Oh, alive or dead?

Like, so are people mostly choosing like historical figures?

I mean, some, some are like, you know, friends or other, you know, celebrity families.

Yeah, it'd probably, it'd probably be like, it's hard not to, like, Macho Man's family, you know.

Randy, Macho Man Savage.

Like Macho Man, Randy Savage's family.

And I would hope it would be like somewhere in Florida.

Yeah.

By the way, just a little shout out.

Macho Man released a rap album, and it's called Be Your a Man Hulk.

It's a diss album to Hulk Hogan.

If you have not heard it, it is one of the best things you've ever heard.

It's really well produced and he says, because he doesn't want to alienate fans, he says, kick you in the butt a lot.

You're like, kick you in the butt.

Like, it's, it's fucking great.

And you can tell he's like a really good.

I'm glad you said if you haven't heard it for all the listeners who were like, I heard that dude.

Oh, okay.

I don't know how nerdy comedy fans your audience is.

I assume.

I think that's a wrestling and rap fans.

I don't even know if that's it's comedy, actually.

Yeah, it's one coming.

If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one member of your family, who would it be?

Asa, coolest guy ever.

Asa, great.

Yeah, no, I mean, that's that'd be my pick.

And uh, Berkeley, your hometown is Berkeley, indeed.

Uh, would you recommend Berkeley as a vacation destination?

No.

As kids, we were like, we thought it was like an urban hub.

And I was like, this is like the coolest.

Berkeley's like hardcore.

And then as soon as I moved away, I was like, oh, I lived in a quaint college town with cafes.

Yeah.

That sounds, it could be lovely.

I've actually never been to Berkeley.

I'd like to see Berkeley.

I went and did a show there once, and one of you guys told me he sent me to a very good burrito place.

Cordo burritos.

I'll pronounce it correctly, even though everyone says it with an S something.

But Cordo Cordo Burris.

And in fact, there was a moment at SNL.

Andy was like having an animated discussion with Billy Joe from Green Day.

And I walked up and I was like, you guys talking about Gordo?

And they're like, yeah.

And then Seth has our final questions.

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?

No.

Would you want to go?

Yeah.

Are you inviting?

No.

Okay.

We just, Josh and I.

Josh has barely been and I haven't been, and Josh really wants to do it.

And I really don't.

Why don't you want to?

I mean, I probably will.

Isn't it like one of the seven wonders of the world or something?

It's like there's no way of knowing.

I don't do it.

Yeah.

We're not going to look into that.

But I just, I just feel like I think it's a seven.

I, yeah, I do.

It's the wonder why people go there.

Was that fast enough?

Sick burn.

Was that fast enough, burn?

And then I don't know about sick.

Can we take the air out so it's like right after?

And you're

this is very exciting.

And hopefully Josh won't be deeply jealous.

Myself, Andy Sandberg, and Akiva Schaffer have a new podcast that just came out about the Lonely Island, about all the famous Lonely Island songs, and as well as the ones that are unfamous and the ones that are infamous.

I hope Josh is jealous about this because I'm really excited about it.

And I want to cut into your family time.

I'm not jealous.

I'm very excited.

I mean, there are songs that you guys have that will will stick in my head.

I jog very often to your music to like complete albums of yours.

I think it's great.

Yeah,

I've always been a fan.

And that's shocking.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

To tell me, just to prove it, what song have you jogged to?

That whole album that the

Michael Bolton track is on.

So badly wanted you to be like, Poodle Hat.

No, it's Turtleneck and Chain, I want to say.

Is it that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

I love it.

He perfected it.

And then very often, if I'm about to leave the house and I can't find my wallet and my keys, or like once I have everything, I'll go, okay, I'm reloaded.

And then I leave.

Oh, my God.

It's amazing to me that he really did just love doing that impression.

I think that's how it came about of him being like, well, I can do Scarface.

All right.

Surprisingly.

It's made its way into my

everyday.

And then there was a song that we did called Trouble on Dookie Island, and we wanted to have a Scarface sample on it because it was like a crime story, like Wu-Tang-style crime story.

And we were like, wait, I want to just, every time you use the sample, it's $10,000.

And we were like, we know a guy.

We called him up.

I was like, you need to do this sample for us.

They're Scarface guy.

That's really funny.

And also, Josh is going to enjoy it because I think Josh will have less of an issue with SNL stories being on a podcast podcast that is specifically about SNL stories.

Yeah, maybe he'll get it out of your system and you'll stop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, maybe Seth will get it out of the system.

You know what I mean?

Something stopped.

Is that what I'm talking about?

He is the problem.

You're fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It almost never comes up because of Josh.

Yeah.

The real bummer would be if, when Josh listens to the Lonely Island podcast, if all the stories are about family trips.

I'm like, where are they?

Why are they even over here?

Yeah.

What if it's really sweet, though?

It's all just like, you know,

talking about how much he loves his brother.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Could be.

You should tune in, Josh.

Yeah.

What helps up?

I'm just like, a lot of people.

Just tell Klein, be like, enough about your songs.

You know what really?

Tell me more stories about voicemails that Steve Higgins left for you.

I think that people are going to like the.

Yeah, by the way, Josh knows Steve Higgins.

Someone only you and I know.

I know, but sometimes for the listener.

All right.

Well, Joram, love you very much.

Love me too.

Yeah.

Hope to see you soon.

Yes, and if you want to go to the Grand Canyon, Josh, I'm all in.

Great, excellent.

Ace and I are going to do some cool shit instead.

Oh, what?

All right, pal.

Thank you.

He wanted some now and later

Was just living his life

Neighbor said I'ma kill you

With his own kitchen knife

Wasn't great with the latest

So he started strike three

Yelled at his dad only

Winston understands me

12-year-old Yama Tacone

Took a Hawaii

He was so disappointed

when he saw where it stayed.

It was a structure made of driftwood

with a tarp for a door.

There were flying cockroaches,

and you slept on the floor.

But his broken so loved it,

he was the cooler tween.

Freaking love and a whole lot.

He was part of the scene.

Went down the water's like a slick moss.

Going to a new house.

Y'all might be more like Esca.

If he only knew how.