Daiquiri Girl

It's the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome to the Lonely Island Seth Meyers podcast.

This one, I've been looking forward to this one.

It's the Ashton Kutcher episode.

The name of the short is Daiquiri Girl.

And I'm just going to tell you that right as we're doing this, Akiva is watching it right now.

Andy just watched it.

And Andy, you had a big smile on your face.

Yes.

Which I was happy to see.

I mean, nostalgia alone, just for having been alive during the time it was occurring and had gone through that experience.

So you were smiling about life.

It was not about the actual work.

I mean, no.

I don't know how to even approach my feelings.

I also want to note that when it ended, you said, Jesus Christ.

I didn't like feel a big swelling of pride ever watching it.

It was more just like, well, that was one week at the show.

Here's what I want to say.

Keeve, are you done?

We'll wait for Keeve.

he's got a minute to go this is also for those of you who have not gone back and watched daiquiri girl it is 90 seconds yeah a long 90.

it is a long 90.

i will say i think it is very fair to say it's a long 90.

but for the time it spent on television yeah for a brief minute and a half it has made a huge impact on my life well i love that for those who are there daiquiri girl evokes a massive memory of a time at the show

Daiquiri Girl can be slang for a thing that happens at SNL.

And now I'm going to wait for Keeve, who I guess is maybe watching it at 0.5 speed.

Yeah, he likes to slow it down a little bit so he can really get granular.

You know what I'll say, Seth?

What's that?

I certainly don't think there has ever been something exactly like it before or since.

Yeah, I think that's very true.

Yeah.

Keeve, are you with us?

Yeah, I just watched it.

It was a little slower than I remember.

Keeve did not crack Nari a smile.

No, I was smiling the whole time.

time.

I'm All right, good.

By the way, Jorm's not on this episode.

He's in Finland making his movie.

Yeah.

Good point.

Good point.

I don't think he was there that week either, though.

Yeah.

So here's the thing.

Daikiri Girl is so unique, and it represents a thing that I feel like a lot of people at SNL have felt.

This was a forced to do a short short.

Correct?

Yes.

And oftentimes you are, and again, it's the price of victory.

You guys were now a thing that Lauren was excited to have in the show.

He depended on you.

And everybody, when they started the show, wants to be that.

But then every now and then, you have that situation where like, we need one.

And this is what it looks like when you got nothing.

So daiquiri girl could just like be a stand-in for any.

Like I feel as though it never took off as slang, but I feel like you could be like, oh, let's just say it was a real daiquiri girl of a week.

Oh my God.

You know what I mean?

Because we've all been there.

Yeah.

We could try to get that going now.

Yeah.

But most people's daiquiri girls don't end up on the show.

We definitely thought it was not going to air.

Guys, I'm going to admit something to you.

I thought it hadn't.

I thought that daiquiri girl lived in my mind's eye as something that we just had gone back and watched from old dress rehearsal.

Yeah.

I cannot believe.

Not only did it air, it aired so high in the show.

It aired, I feel almost like it was Lauren making you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes.

Like Like it was that punishment.

It is deeply audacious in its shittiness.

I remembered it being so mercifully short, and then it did not feel that way to me now watching.

It felt, it felt everything could have been at double time.

And I was watching at regular time for the record.

I heard your comments, but that's how long it felt.

When you guys were watching me watch, you're like, it couldn't possibly be this long, but it is.

I feel as though you can hear in the audience what I felt watching it, which is everybody at this point had a real trust in what you guys were going to do.

And they were waiting for the second shoe to drop.

And so there was some early laughs that were the kind of laughs that were, oh, I can't wait to see where this is going to go.

And then it just was that.

So backstory at first, again, you were in the corner.

I mean, we were definitely in the corner, but no more so than any of the other weeks that we are constantly.

But you had something else planned.

Yes, we did.

Andy, you can correct me if you felt differently.

We wrote a sketch for Narls Barkley.

It would have been our friend Brian, who's Danger Mouse, and then Cee-Lo, and they were roommates with Andy, et cetera, et cetera.

But even that one, I will admit, I was so-so on.

But it was one of those ones where it's like, all right, we got to write something.

We wrote it.

We're like, it had jokes.

I'm sure it would have been a solid B.

Oh, so it wasn't a song.

It was not a song.

No.

Okay.

It was not a song.

In my head, it was always a song because it was Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo.

No, it was a sketch.

And I remember thinking, this is not one of our strongest, but let's go through with it.

And sometimes those end up being surprises as we've gone over.

But I definitely remember when they called, it was, I mean, it was late.

How late?

Do you think it was Friday night at 9 p.m.

that they pulled the rug out?

Like we were already on the location or on the way to the location.

Correct.

And on some level, I remember feeling relief, like, oh, wow, we just got the next 24 hours instead of staying up all night and having to do a short.

We're cruising.

They just gave us the day off.

And then in another way, I don't remember.

Andy, do you remember what happened at that point?

Did we call Lauren?

What happened?

I think we were told, like, you need to give us something.

Yeah.

Like, we're counting on you having something.

And us being like, we don't have it.

It was a, by the way, the original idea was flimsy.

I don't know if you just said that, Keith.

That's kind of what Keith was saying.

Yeah.

I think it was called like, Narls Barkley is my roommate.

And it was some like.

the specificity of like roommates eating each other's food or something.

I can't even remember what it was.

It was like sort of funny.

It was already going to be like, yeah, yeah, it would just be fun.

And it's fun to see them because they were red hot.

And like Keith said, we were friends with Brian.

And it was going to be just like a fun little dalliance.

Super fun look.

I mean, Narls Barkley, you like the look of the two of them.

You're happy to see them.

Yeah.

That's the most Lorne thing I've said on this podcast, Joseph.

Yeah.

And then there's the look.

And then you see them, and it's Narls Barkley, and you're happy.

And they're there.

And they're there.

And the audience says, good.

good.

Lauren often talks like he's speaking to someone who just learned English.

And then two men come in.

Men are there.

So you guys are on location and you basically

here you have to do one.

By the way, on location was just Kevin's apartment.

Yeah.

So Kevin Miller, who's a producer of this podcast.

Is he in the Zoom right now?

I would imagine Kev's on the Zoom.

He's not here.

He's almost always on.

Oh, you know what?

You know what Kevin's doing right now?

Because Kevin is a producer on Late Night with Seth Myers.

We just wrapped.

Kevin is doing an edit.

This is his big moment, though.

I know.

This is Kevin's apartment.

And Lindsay Schook is his Daiquiri Girl.

And Kevin and Lindsay used to be married.

That's right.

Yeah.

Which is how it came to pass that she was Daiquiri Girl because we were there at their apartment.

And suddenly we had nothing.

Wait, I just saw Kevin Miller joined as guest.

Kevin, are you there?

Can you turn on your mic?

I am here.

Kevin.

Hi, guys.

So what was it like all these years years later?

Your apartment is the apartment for Daiquiri Girl.

How quickly did you start hosting tours?

I was just going to say, there's a bus that goes by.

They have the tour.

You can get the green laces shirt just like Daiquiri Girl wore.

It is bananas.

It's so funny to watch that because I forget what the premise or the original sketch was, but I just remember somebody asking if I had any weed in my apartment.

And I think they were looking for like a low-rent apartment to do something with Narrows Barkley.

And then they just never showed up.

Right.

But it's just a real, you can see it's a real dump of a place.

I like the idea.

That really says something about us now where they're like, are there any employees of ours, two of them who live together, who we pay enough that they will have a shitty apartment?

Oh, we weren't even living together at this time.

I had two roommates.

This was like early days living in New York.

Oh, wow.

This is pre-pre.

Yeah, yeah.

Pre-pre-pre.

So, Kevin, do you remember the moment when we pivoted to seeing your or one of your roommates' keyboards lying against the wall?

Yes, that's my Casio keyboard with a little drumbeat.

I still have it.

And it was that in the, there was a smoothie machine that I think my brother got me for Christmas that was lying there.

And it was just like, it was almost like

a MacGruber thing where you looked around the room to see, oh my God,

what can we make from this disaster?

You MacGyverd it.

So you, you were in the apartment and you did not even even have a daiquiri girl at that point.

No, there was nothing.

No.

And no crew.

It's just us.

Yeah, there were like a few people.

I think there was maybe, was there hair and makeup there?

I seem to remember like hair and makeup and maybe some room there.

There were wigs.

So yeah.

Was that going to be your wig, Andy, as their bad roommate?

It must have been.

Oh, that was the original idea of bad roommate.

Yeah.

Where I was an annoying guy.

You know, we talked last week about how, here I go.

What is last week's?

What's the name of the song?

Yeah.

Here I go.

That was maybe, you know, a sequel to Hero Song.

Someone wrote in the comments of the YouTube video that this looked like Chironi the night he had his first beer.

Are you talking about Clementine?

Clementine.

It is the Chirani wig, kind of, right?

Just, but pre-Chirani.

They might have recycled it.

Yeah.

I mean, Clementine is way more extroverted than Chironi, though.

He is.

Clementine feels like he's got the goods.

Yeah, Clementine is going for it, pursuing his dream.

Daiquiri Girl Girl starts, and it's on terrible, terrible video quality.

Yeah, and we see the old MTV, like corner info.

Clementine is the artist, Daiquiri Girl is the song.

The name of the album is Songs to Funk To.

And then I felt like this was.

Can you imagine trying to funk to this song?

That would be almost impossible to funk to this song.

It would be tough to funk to this.

Yeah,

I feel like this was you guys attacking.

This was your rage at Lorne is that the label is Broadway Video Records.

There's a real, your company put this out, sir.

This is what you like.

This is what you wanted.

Now, I want to go back because my memory is you guys were pretty angry about having to do it.

I don't know.

I think we just thought it was silly.

Or was this, are you still too like new to be like...

No, I think it's neither, Seth.

I think we were very much like throwing our hands up.

You know what I mean?

We were like, okay, well, everything we tried to do didn't work out.

So I turned on a keyboard and Keeve just rolled the camera and I have riffed this shit out.

It's the demo.

It's like when you just hit like Samba on a Casio keyboard and it starts playing whatever it starts playing.

I mean, yeah, the whole thing is, and I don't say this in a way where I expect you to be impressed, a wonder.

Like there was automatic little automated beat in there, you know, little samba or whatever.

Yeah.

And then I just sang exactly what you're seeing.

And you made it up or had you written, had you kind of scribbled it out?

No.

No, just, it's freestyled.

I mean, it's terrible.

It's terrible.

I will say, and we're going to talk through all of Daiquiri Girl, but the comedy comes in a scroll to the point that you kind of don't listen to the lyrics.

And so then I listened to it a second time through today where I just listened to the lyrics.

And I was really laughing at how deeply shitty they were.

She's made of Daiquiris, I think.

Well, that's the crazy jump is it's Daiquiri Girl and she's making daiquiris.

So you just think she's a girl like Daiquiris.

Then Clementine sings, When I first met you, you were not a daiquiri.

And I'm like, wait, yeah, is this about a girl?

This girl is a daiquiri.

It kind of becomes a weird science, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, she's when I went and made a scientific discovery.

Daiquiri girl,

you're made of daiquiris.

When I first met you, you were not a daiquiri.

Then you went and had a scientific discovery.

One part rum,

two parts ice,

three parts love.

You are so nice.

Now, by the way, I will say, if this is freestyle, this is very good freestyle.

One part rum, two parts ice, three parts love.

You are so nice.

That's not bad.

Not bad.

It's generous.

You are so nice.

The whole thing is the equivalent if I just turned to you right now and said, make a song with what's near you.

And you would honestly be like, podcast mic on my head.

What are you doing?

Like, I mean, but it is like, it is like rum parts.

Like, he is giving the instruction of a daiquiri.

It's something.

It's something.

Yeah.

Why it is impressive and why it is different is so there's this terrible thing.

And again, the audience is kind of like being a little patient.

They want to see where Daiquiri go goes.

Then the scroll starts.

I also had a moment where I, because again, we've talked about how Lauren wouldn't let you guys call yourself the lonely island, right?

Yeah.

You were digital shorts.

And it begins, the scroll begins, we at the digital shorts.

And I have to think at least at that moment, you were psyched that you didn't have to say the lonely island.

You know what, Seth?

Yes, but happily would have made the trade.

You would have made the trade.

Here comes the scroll.

We at the digital shorts would like to apologize for this video.

We pride ourselves on making quality work and recognize that this one's just not up to par.

I mean, it is enjoyable.

And we're still watching Clementine just suck.

He's on a couch.

Everything about it is terrible.

Yeah.

And then a second scroll, and this is pulling back the curtain.

This is really just fully being honest as to what happened.

In our defense, we had a whole other video lined up with the famous musical act, but they bailed at the last minute.

So we did what anyone would do in that situation.

We got drunk.

Now, were you guys actually drinking, or is that just comedy?

I think.

I don't think we were really drinking.

I think maybe we had like a little sip of something, but we weren't actually partying or anything.

Yeah.

And then there's a little bit more of Clementine, and then the scroll comes back.

You know what though?

Have you been watching this?

It might be pretty good.

And right as that ends, Clementine does, will you do it?

The deed delete.

I think it's basically...

And then the scroll comes back up and says, nope, still terrible.

And then,

but you know what?

Back to the scroll.

But you know what's cool about working for SNL?

The top brass here really get it.

Very much enjoy the top brass.

That's a classic, Andy.

Can I say something?

Yeah.

I don't know that we even had the idea for the scroll while we were shooting whatever we shot.

I'm pretty sure we didn't.

And then I believe I came in and Keith had been cutting for a few hours and had written the entire scroll and added it.

And I started laughing so hard.

Oh, really?

I think you wrote every word of it, Keeve.

Oh, God.

I don't remember anything.

Now, this is shocking to me that you sat down to edit that without knowing the scroll move.

I don't think we had thought of that until you started editing, right?

That's unbelievable.

We definitely had not thought of it till editing.

I just don't remember that I just did it or not.

This is not an is never going to be criterion collection.

What?

Without the scroll, it's straight to the garbage can.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The scroll is the only thing that is happening.

Yeah.

Kevin Miller just wrote something which is correct.

He wrote, I remember that there was a panic that it was actually going to air once we saw it on there.

We went to that meeting and you see what's going to air.

We were like, what?

Like true?

I mean, I finished the scroll because I have something else to say.

So anyway, the Brasset SNL, they don't care if you fail as long as you give it your best effort.

Nothing could be less true.

Just such a funny thing that SNL is like, you know what?

We tried.

They certainly wouldn't fire you for something that's not your fault.

Like if the stars of your video never showed up, even though you had a verbal agreement, Narls Barkley.

Now,

you take their name to the streets.

Yeah.

Would you have done that if you weren't friends with Brian?

No, I don't think definitely not.

Yeah.

I mean, I think at the time, I remember recappers saying, oh my God, Narls Barkley backed out and Lonely Island's so mad.

But that was it.

Right, right.

Yes.

Yeah.

But that was a friend move.

100%.

Also, it was funny.

I don't think now it matters.

Like, Brian was like, it was C-Low.

Like, it wasn't, there was no, I don't remember what the reason was.

I'm sure whatever it was was either reasonable or unreasonable.

That also could have been Brian's excuse.

Yeah.

Could have been.

But I remember him just being like, yeah, he just decided he didn't want to or something.

I don't know what it even was.

But like, I think partially because we had been doing it all through a friend thing, it didn't feel super official, maybe.

That's true.

And P.S., they would have shown up at Kevin Miller's apartment with his roommates and realized they were correct if that was the assumption.

Yeah.

So I don't know why exactly, but it was all very like laid back and loose.

And we were not really worried about it that bad.

It ends.

Please, once again, our deepest apologies.

Please enjoy the rest of Daiquiri Girl.

It wraps up pretty quick.

Yeah.

The last look that Clementine gives the camera, I feel as though you're saying to us, Andy, why didn't you help me?

You look like a, you look like a dog getting pulled into the vet's office.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, like it's so pained.

It's so pained.

And I felt a great amount of, like, I don't know, like I let you down.

Looking straight down the barrel of America.

Just straight down with that, like, Andy face of like,

this was not our choice.

Now, the other thing that's shocking about it airing is this episode had Jason Reitman, who recently directed Saturday Night, was guest writing.

He wrote and directed a runner, three different shorts called Death by Chocolate, where Ashen Kutcher was a wonderful costume as a chocolate bar who was killing people.

It was called Death by Chocolate.

If there was ever a week Lauren did not need a short, it was this week.

That's right.

And it's crazy to me that Daiquiri Girl made the show.

I can only speak for myself, and we kind of just already covered this, but I really was not angry at all.

For whatever reason, it was so nice to not, to just have someone else to blame and to just be like, and I remember this, we really were, and this is what Kevin just wrote on the note, Friday night the attitude was like, like, we tried.

Oh, well, well, they're saying they still need something.

So let's give them some for dress so that they can get from one set to the other.

Like we felt an obligation at that point to give them 90 seconds to change sets or change wigs.

And I remember that's why we filmed you doing it.

And then I was like, well, I'll just cut it together to give them something and was putting all those shitty effects on it to just make it all of a piece.

And then wrote that thing.

But truly, I mean, we can't say it enough, the amount of which we were positive it wasn't going to air.

Yeah.

And the shock we felt when it was on the rundown and the shock we felt when it aired out.

It was kind of exhilarating a little bit of just like, oh, this is anything can happen.

It did.

Yeah.

It felt a little more like the early days of the show where the goal of it was different almost, you know?

Yeah.

And again, I think that there's always something to be said for Audacity.

And it to this day feels audacious, especially.

Because the timeline of it, you know, we're like 35 shorts in, right?

Or something like that.

But, you know, if you see it now out of context, you think it was like the third one.

You know what I mean?

Like, we know you can make the good ones now.

We know you can make the glossy ones.

We know you can make the ones that sort of rise above the smash and grab you're doing early on.

And yet the return to it is just fantastic.

And the fact that it was shot Friday night is so much fun.

Quite late.

Quite late.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will say I read some of the comments.

The comments were not that hard on it, except for somebody who wrote,

this is so bad, I needed to have a smint to get the taste out of my mouth.

Well, sure.

Yeah, bless your heart.

But again, I think about it all the time.

Like, Daiquiri Girl was one of the ones I was looking forward to when we started this.

And by the way, Daiquiri Girl, I think about all the time.

Best Look in the World, which is next week, I think about all the time.

Oh, my God.

But that's so much more embarrassing than Daiquiri Girl.

Daiquiri Girl's not embarrassing somehow because it's not doing anything.

It's just honest.

But again, I have nothing but love for Best Look in the World.

I haven't watched it in a long time, but I have a lot of.

We'll see how we feel.

I have a lot of shame.

Shame.

And yeah, I feel I have like bruising around that one because we thought it was going to be good.

Right.

Oh, I mean, I don't want to spoil it.

We're going to get to that.

We'll get there.

You know what's interesting about Kutcher?

I don't remember if it was the time before this or a time after.

But we were really urged when we said we didn't have much to do a pre-tape for a different one of his episodes.

And we did one.

It was a, basically a commercial parody called Tudor.

Oh, yeah, I remember that one.

Right when Twitter was sort of dropping and he was like the spearhead

of Twitter.

Yeah.

And we wrote one called Tudor about every time you fart, it alerts all your followers, which was, you know, our social commentary.

And then they cut it.

And I was so mad, not because I even cared about it that much, but because they had basically, everyone was like, you have to do one.

And we're like, we don't have an idea.

It was sort of that, that dance, you know?

And then this one, which we were like, please cut it.

We don't care, aired.

So like the two Kutcher episodes were the inverse experience of a pre-tape.

I'm going to go to flashback to just Kutcher 2003.

Okay.

Only because Schur and I, our dear friend, Mike Schur and I.

Michael Schur.

Michael Scher wrote a sketch called Friendship in Baseball where I was a first baseman and Ashton Kutcher was a guy leading off first who kept like basically telling me to suck it before he stole second and it kept being a foul ball and he kept having to walk back.

I'm Gary, by the way.

Yeah, say introductions, pal.

I'm not going to be here that long.

Oh yeah?

Why is that?

Because I'm stealing second base.

See you later, lose bag.

Foul ball!

See you later, lose bag?

Take it easy, man.

You know what?

I'm not going to take it easy, and here's why.

I'm not a loser.

You don't know me.

And I will say, we mounted it.

It went to dress.

And it's like almost impossible to like stage what you think first base at a major league baseball stadium looks like.

They tried their best, but it's just like mind's eye, it's a funnier idea than actually seeing it.

Yes.

But then Schur and I did it one night at UCB.

There was like a sketch night.

And we actually did it where Schur and I did it.

And I'm happy to say it crushed.

Should that be a pre-tape in hindsight?

It could have been a D, yeah.

It could have been a decent pre-tape, but it was lovely.

Also, Schur and Jake Tapper, CNN's Jake Tapper, and Mike Scher, our friend, have asked if they can be the final arbiters of what makes Criterion Collection.

Why do they think they're the ones who decides?

I don't know, but they wrote me a text and said, like, we listen to the pod and we feel like we should decide what makes Criterion.

You know what?

I'm not going to agree to that.

Yeah.

But I will say I'm very curious to know what they think and we can hold it up against ours.

Well, you know what?

I think maybe it's a bonus episode where it's just me and those two dudes and we just go through and get their take.

I love that.

You know, I would love to just tune in and listen to that.

Yeah.

We're going to open it up to the listeners too, right?

Yeah.

By the way, any two famous people who want to pair up, you're welcome to join us for a bonus episode.

Any duos.

There can be infinite criteria collection choices being made as long as you and one other famous person.

And then obviously we should have like a listener vote one.

Yeah, yeah, we're going to do a lot of criterion.

But real quick, the three of us, Daiquiri Girl is not a criterion.

No.

Okay, great.

What if the listeners all gang up to review bomb us and make Daiquiri Girl a winner?

Just don't do that.

Do you have a voice note from Jorm, Keith?

Oh, yeah, I do.

All right, let's hear that.

Okay, this is a note from Yorm on Daiquiri Girl, which I remember watching in Los Angeles.

As I remember it, I called you guys that week to ask about the short.

I remember hearing about

that Brian bailed on you and that you had made something, but you didn't want to tell me what it was because it should be a surprise.

And boy, was it when I was watching it while shooting Land of the Lust.

Some cool highlights for me.

Editing wipes.

Were those in Final Cut?

Are those built into Final Cut?

Because they're so shitty.

I assume they are, but like, that's deep cut horribleness for Final Cut 7, I assume, Keith.

Webcliff Empire.

Is that beat from Webcliff?

No, no, no.

You maybe want to explain those cool CDs that we used for a thousand years, Keith?

Love the clip art of the Daiquiris.

Love that it was kind of shy, Ronnie precursor.

Oh, he called it too.

Yeah, yeah.

Same wig that we used for.

Did I, bud?

How did you end up at Kevin's house?

I'm sure you guys have addressed that one already.

And then lastly, I was just saying, like, it feels like in watching that, that Brian Dangermouth Burton still owes us a favor.

And I think we should figure out how to cash in on that.

Okay.

Love you guys.

Please stop doing these so late because I can do them.

It's 10 hours ahead from LA.

And that seems reasonable that you could do them in the afternoon.

And I wouldn't be asleep while you guys do these podcasts.

Love you guys, bye.

I mean, it's very fair that Jorm wants to be awake for the podcast.

But again, most of his feedback is, I remember watching this on TV.

It's useful to get that perspective.

That's most people's perspective, to be fair.

Yeah.

Also, I'll say it on Seth's behalf.

Yorm's window from Finland is when Seth is making his network television show that's on every night.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks for having me back.

Yeah.

You know, he did say that Brian owes you a favor.

So if Brian and Ceelo also want to do a Criterion episode with me.

Oh, yeah, because they're two famous people.

Yeah, two FAMOs.

Two Famous.

A couple other things for this show I just want to go through.

I don't know if it happened more than two times or three times, but James Anderson.

I feel like we don't talk enough about James Anderson on the show.

Agreed.

There's never enough.

One of the greatest comedy writers and one of the most unique voices I've ever been lucky enough to be in a room with.

He wrote a sketch with our buddy John Solomon and Paula Pell called The Cougar's Den, which was Amy Wig and Casey Wilson, and they were cougars.

And this is just,

this is a line I never forgot, which is Wigg said they were talking about their younger boyfriends.

You are one hot cougar friend.

Then later I gave him a blowjoy on my wicker fan chair.

Blow joy.

Joy?

Well, it's certainly not a job.

And then, and I'm going to do this for another sketch later in the show.

But one of my favorite things about asking Kevin to pull the sketches is I can see the crossouts.

One of the things about the sketches between dress and air is you have your dress sketch and then you have to make changes and you literally write them in.

Yeah.

And then you bring it to the script department and they rewrite them in.

using their handwriting, which is a little bit neater, but still just handwriting because there's no time to type in a new script.

So when you see the script, also there's great value to the director and the cameraman.

Like they want to see the messy changes because they want to know when they have to do a different thing.

But it's so joyful to go back and see choices that were made.

For example, Cameron Diaz did a cameo in this episode as a cougar.

And in the draft that went to dress, she was the author of a book called Bagging a Younger Man.

And between Dress and Air, James switched it from bagging a younger man to bagging the younger men's.

So much better.

Logical.

So many good details.

Also, here's another line.

So Cameron Diaz's book about how to meet younger men when you're a cougar is go to a bar super late at night.

Like go like right at the end of the night.

And Wake says, I met my current boyfriend at 1.50 a.m.

in a Bennigan's.

I drove him to his dorm and we've been together ever since.

That's basically the great American novel in two lines.

And yeah, fantastic.

Anyway, i'm gonna make an effort to talk more about james anderson because uh it will not let you down he deserves it yeah we love james one of the greats uh oh i know jorm's not here but can you one of you guys give me a seth's corner real quick

i wrote a sketch where ashton kutcher couldn't get into a nightclub and the bouncer who was keenan made him stand with fred who was a guy named oliver and then it was just a parade of our cast being bigger losers who all got in right away.

Keenan's name is first, so Keenan must have had this idea.

Can I ask a question?

So Kutcher as himself in the sketch?

Well, we don't find out until later in the sketch that he's Kutcher.

Got it.

But he looks like Kutcher.

And then I was very happy.

And again, I wrote this sketch.

I had no memory of it other than what the set looked like.

You were in it, Andy.

Do you remember what you entered the nightclub as?

You know, I don't.

You were in a trench coat where you were clearly a kid on another guy's shoulder, but we never showed the other guy.

So it was like the fun of you were obviously on like a stunt guy's shoulders.

I always love that.

You know that about me.

Excuse me, good man.

I am a visiting businessman in my late 20s, and I was wondering if this was an establishment that served alcohol.

Well, yes, sir.

Enjoy your evening.

Thank you, fellow adult.

Suds came up and said, I'm with six.

And Keenan said, ladies.

He's like, no, dude, super old ones.

I work at a nursing home.

So, at this moment in time, a lot of clubs happening.

Yeah, a lot of clubs happening.

Both in probably Ashton's life, but certainly in our own, as we've mentioned, certainly in our own.

So, there's a lot of like rip from the headlines kind of thing.

Like, we're like, Man, can you imagine if Kutcher didn't get into the club?

And then, every time he goes and stands with Fred, Fred keeps telling him, like, Fred said one time they didn't let me into a McDonald's.

They made me go through the drive-through on foot.

But the thing that that made me happy, there's two things that made me happy.

And again, I wrote it and I have no memory of it.

At one point, Kutcher gets super mad and says to Keenan, dude.

Dude, hey, I got a name.

All right.

I'm sorry.

What's your name?

Dode.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's right.

Also, Ashton at one point says, all right, I don't want to do this.

I'm Ashton Kutcher.

At which point, Fred goes, The Guardian?

And I had to, of course, Google it.

And The Guardian is a 2006 movie where he plays like a Coast Guard.

Got it.

Wow.

I definitely had forgotten.

Based on our reaction, we had all forgotten.

Even at the time, I think the joke was that Fred knew him from his least popular thing.

Yes, of course.

Was there a reaction in the audience?

No idea.

I feel like I like to read the script and appreciate my writing without remembering how stuff played.

Without sullying it with public opinion.

The payoff was from The Guardian.

Ashton goes, no, from that 70s show.

And Kitty goes, oh, I love the black guy in that.

And Ash goes, there wasn't a black guy in that.

And Kitty goes, now you're getting it.

Maybe now he's getting it, which is even a little bit better.

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All right.

We're out of Seth's corner.

Now we're back in Andy's corner.

Hmm.

Do you remember what else is in this show?

No.

Jack Johnson talk show.

Oh, first one?

First one.

I remember that going well.

Went great.

So much fun.

By the way, JJ Casuals does get a shout out at the end of this sketch as the sponsor.

It's the Mellow Show with Jack Johnson.

You play Jack Johnson.

Bill plays Dave Matthews.

Ashton plays John Mayer.

Great.

Interesting.

There's a very bold move in the Mellow Show, which you.

Right away, because you feel like this is going to be an upbeat, maybe fun.

They're not the most edgy sketch.

Returning viewers, this is you.

Say returning viewers may notice the absence of my good friend Shasta, the golden retriever with a handkerchief.

Sadly, Shasta was taken away this week.

Seems that things got so casual around here that I forgot to feed him.

And then a runner throughout the sketch is your pets keep dying.

Audiences love that.

But here's what really made me happy.

And again, I promised another one of these.

This is the difference between dress and air.

So at dress, you say sadly Shasta was taken away this week.

Things got so casual around here, I forgot to feed him.

And that made him noticeably angry.

So much so that he chewed through the front gate and took off running down the highway after a sausage truck, say-Levie.

A little bit long.

This is what you change it to address.

Things got so cash around here that I forgot to feed him, and then you just sang, gross negligence.

Yeah, that's decidedly better.

Decidedly, decidedly better.

And a very fun sketch.

I mean, Bill, who can't sing a lick, does a very good Dave Matthews.

Yes.

So any new jams?

Sure.

This one's called Snickerdoodle Snickerdoodle Cookies.

I got a Snicker Doodle cookie.

Wow.

And then later would do a very good job mayor.

Like it just speaks to Bill's skills as an impressionist are such that he can get past his lack of music.

He always talks about that he can do an impression of someone singing but can't sing as himself.

Yeah, which is an odd thing, but is true for him.

And it's very good.

Is that the one where we had the foot five where the two fake feet high five each other?

Or was that the next one?

That's yeah, that's later.

Foot five was maybe my favorite thing of all those.

All those two, probably.

I think having that sketch in, and I don't even remember if I worked on it or not or whatever, but it still makes it easier to even more feel like you don't need the short.

You know, like, yeah, the more we're talking about it, it's a good job.

You're just like, oh, well, you already have something in.

You don't need another thing.

Yeah.

So then your parakeet dies.

And then later on in the sketch, you say to the other guests, you remember my iguana sonny.

You may remember him.

He always wore a mini Gore-Tex vest.

So at dress, this is the line.

Bill, did he die too?

No, he got arrested for selling nitrous balloons to kids at fish concerts.

This is what it changed to at air.

Did he die too?

He sure did.

Got to give the people what they want.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stand by both those upgrades.

Yeah, good upgrades.

What a memorable week.

All right.

I think we know the first Gnarl Sparkly song.

What was the second Gnarl Sparkly song?

Oh, I think it was that.

Oh, actually, I take it back.

They did not do Crazy.

Oh.

Oh, you know what?

I'm having this vague memory of they were going to be on for Crazy in the first album, but it was the end of the summer, and they stick to their guns so hard that they had vowed that they were done with crazy and they were moving on to the next thing and snl always likes to have the song of the summer right kind of come on as the season premiere of the fall and because they refused to do crazy they didn't get booked and then this was for the second album

is that true yeah that seems right so second album two songs Run and Who's Gonna Save My Soul?

Oh, Who's Going to Save My Soul?

Very good, Marlow Sparkly song.

Yeah.

I'm just gonna say it so that we can play a clip of it.

This was a moment in history.

Chris and Wig, who had numerous great update characters over the years.

This was the first Judy Grimes.

And I will just say on a pure execution level, as far as how fast she had to talk and how fast the cue cards were going, I think it was one of the more impressive things I sat next to and watched.

Remind us who Judy Grimes was.

I remember the name, but Judy Grimes is just kidding, just kidding.

Like incredible verbal dexterity that is unrivaled to this day.

Yes, it was more of like a physical feat.

I'm not nervous, just kidding.

I've just never been on TV before.

Just kidding.

I have them on TV all the time.

Just kidding.

I'm only on in the morning.

Just kidding.

That's my first time.

Just kidding.

I was on Ellen once, just kidding.

I was sitting in the audience.

Just kidding.

I was standing because I ran out of chairs.

Just kidding.

I had a chair and I brought it with me today.

Just kidding.

This is a different chair.

Just kidding.

I'll show you, but they told me not to stand up.

Just kidding.

They said I could do whatever I want.

Just kidding.

Anything was implied.

Just kidding.

My tongue hurts so much from talking.

Just kidding.

It hurts because I ate hot cheese.

Just kidding.

It was hot soup.

Just kidding.

Hot cheese soup.

It was very expensive.

Just kidding.

It was was cheap.

And I don't have a tongue.

I'm just kidding.

I do, but it's not mine.

I borrowed it, so I can come here today.

Just kidding.

My mom drove me here, just kidding.

She's missing.

Just kidding.

She's dead.

Just kidding.

She's alive.

But I don't want to see her.

Just kidding.

I do, but I can't.

She's invisible.

Just kidding.

She's not.

Just kidding.

She's sitting right next to me.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Like they were like fire.

I did also, by the way, I wrote to Kevin.

Was this the first Judy Grimes?

And he wrote back, no, just kidding, it was.

Pretty killer.

Touche.

Touche.

Kevin, anything else you wanted to add?

Are you still listening?

I mean, this is your, this is, this is really your episode.

Oh, wow.

I mean, well, I just remember having to like call the doorman at the apartment and like making sure the right one was on to like sneak a lot of the gear upstairs.

Like we had to really get into a back entrance of the building and trying to play off like we weren't actually using it to shoot something on broadcast television.

And I just, I do, like I said, remember the panic the next day of this isn't going to air right.

I mean, we did our best.

We did did what they were, you know, trying to do.

It's not our fault they didn't show up.

Kev, can I ask you something?

Follow up?

Yeah.

You grease any palms?

You slap a 20 in the super's hand?

Yeah.

I didn't.

Didn't grease any palms.

Okay, so then this leads me to something I've been thinking about and discussing with some other folks recently.

Have you ever greased any palms?

Anyone?

Seth, Keeve?

I don't think I have.

I've over-tipped for the purpose of next time being treated better, but I've never in the moment greased a palm for a table.

Exactly.

I don't think I've ever greased a palm, and I think a lot of people grease palms.

Yeah, I've never greased a palm.

I feel like I'd be bad at it.

It's like, you know.

You can get me over there?

Yeah.

You want to go over there?

Hey, maybe Benjamin Franklin would change your mind.

I think the people who are good at it know how to kind of agree on a number before the bill goes into the hand all greasy style.

I don't think they're just like, in a movie, it's always like someone goes, maybe this will change your mind like you just did, Andy.

And then the guy's like, nope.

And then you're shelling out money, which is a really bad way to negotiate.

I think in real life, people go like, what's it really going to cost me?

I got three guys with me.

You know, they kind of get it aside.

And the guy goes, 40 bucks ahead.

And he goes, all right.

And then the palm gets greased.

I think that's how it really happens.

Based on what?

Like, you're just totally speaking out of school right now and you sound like a lunatic.

I have an exact example.

We only know it from movies.

Like, we've never seen anybody do it in real life.

I've never seen a paul.

But again, I will say, like, I realize there's a value to it.

I mean, I've always been a very good tipper, but I think I've understood later in life, like, oh, you know, the matrix.

I've seen you both tip very well, but that's also just in case they're going to go on gawker.com after and talk shit.

Oh, yeah, I don't do it out of generosity.

No, no, it's you're protecting yourself.

Anyway, I just, maybe it's something I'm like, maybe all of us should, like, grease a palm and then report back.

We should grease a poem and, like, let's just make an agreement to grease poems the next time we're together.

Okay, yeah.

But, like, only one of us should be the greaser each time.

Oh, I'd love to watch one of you go try to grease a palm.

It would be fun to watch.

But don't be like shitty while someone's trying to grease their first palm.

Don't be like snickering.

It's hard enough.

Don't be like, is he greasing your palm?

Like while you're doing it, like, dude, shut up.

I'm greasing a palm.

Try to grease here.

And do you think it's weird afterwards to ask the person how the greasing went?

Like, hey, was that a good palm grease?

I'd love feedback for my next grease.

It's so embarrassing because you know, if they're at a Maitre Dique or a doorman at somewhere that's fancy enough to get greased, then you know they know everything about it.

They see every kind of greasing coming in.

They see the $100 bill.

They see the $10 bill.

They see the person that's like nervous and, you know, they know it all.

And then you're coming in there trying to compete as a total virgin to it.

You have no clue what you're doing.

I do feel like they would like a coquettish vibe where I'm like, I never do this.

Right.

We should go to Vegas, guys.

I want to say, because we're talking about Kevin, you know, one of the great things about Anne Golden Era is you continue to work with people you knew from and golden era.

And it's one of the lovely things is that Kevin, who works on this podcast, is also a producer on late night.

You know, you meet good people, you keep good people around.

Damn straight.

Very lucky to have him.

Also, Andy, you fully got mentioned in a closer look tonight.

Did I?

You did.

You're going to tell me what was said or am I going to have to tune in?

I was talking about how Elon Musk doesn't want to hear other people's ideas.

And I was like, yeah, man, guy's got $300 billion.

If I had $1 billion, all this show would be is me sitting with Andy, making him do his Nick Cage.

I loved you.

Yeah, just that would be my show.

If I had that kind of money, it fucking wouldn't do a show for you.

Do a show for me.

Yeah, that's right.

Again, this was delightful to talk about Daker Grove, which I think in the end landed on its feet more than I thought.

I'm very happy that you guys don't feel rage about it.

No.

Because some of those are coming up.

We'll see.

There are some ragers coming.

And this, I mean, I kind of thought this was maybe the first of those.

And there are many.

The stakes were just so low.

And I feel as if we did all that we could.

So no shame.

No shame.

Yeah.

All right.

Speaking of grease palms, by the way, I remember instead of getting a location fee for using my apartment, somehow they thought a Creighton Barrel gift card for $500 would be the equivalent of cash.

And so somehow our accounting department said, oh, here's $500 a Creighton barrel instead of money for a location fee.

I don't know what the rationale was for that.

I think maybe because it was just so bad, they just maybe had a gift card lying around.

I mean, I would guess they saw the video and saw the apartment and they were like, let's not roll the dice on him misusing this money.

It's clear what is needed in this person's life.

It's implying that you can't be trusted with cash.

That's why they asked you if you had weed at your apartment.

They were worried you were spending.

Based on this couch, can we assume most of your money is going to weed?

The open closet door was just a laundry basket.

Several shots of that was just, yeah, I was like, oh my God, this is going to be seen on TV.

I will say to anybody who watches it and thinks, hey, man, that's my apartment now.

Every one of us was the happiest in our lives when we lived in an apartment like that.

Oh, yeah.

So free.

All great memories.

Yeah.

No one's complaining.

Enjoy it.

Enjoy it.

You're in a new apartment now?

Or what is Suck Pay?

How are those dudes?

They good?

You still live with those dudes?

Yeah, man.

Everybody's doing great.

Everybody's doing grease a lot of the palms.

All right.

Next week, we're going to pre-grease the palms because

everyone is getting access to Club Best Look in the World.

Oh, man.

Don't just save it.

Save all your groaning for Best Look in the World.

I look forward to watching it again.

I do, too.

Yeah.

Maybe it'll surprise us.

I love you both.

Love you, buddy.

I love Yorma.

You know what?

I know he's going to hear it, and I love him.

So I'm going to say it.

I love you, Yorm.

Yeah, Yorm, despite everything, we love you.

Don't say it like that.

No, don't.

That's not the way to phrase it.

It's not his fault.

You know, he's just directing a movie.

But also, now we'll know if he listened.

It's good to throw a little grenade in here.

Yeah, he is.

Otherwise, we won't even know.

He'll just be like, hey, great job on the episode.

But he might not listen.

All right.

I love you guys.

Love you bye.

See you next week.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.