Laser Cats!

This is going to be a little off the tracks because Andy is having a cup of coffee and he is wildly affected by caffeine.

Yeah, I'm on so much job.

You've always called it Jav.

What we've called it is crawdad.

Yep, we've been sipping that crawdad.

That crawdad.

Oh my God.

Remember, this is SNL related.

Okay.

Remember when they opened a blue bottle in the basement of 30 Rock?

Yeah.

Changed my fucking life.

Blue Bottle is really good.

Also, the Blue Bottle app.

Shout out to Blue Bottle, our sponsor, guys.

Hopefully.

No, that's not the case oh well

you don't know

that was real smooth though it was really good it's like oh must have missed that email

hey guys this is episode eight of the sethmeiers and lonely island podcast oh you guys bad news i'd said another sip

Little drummer boy drumming on his drum.

Rum tum tittle lum tum.

Oh my god.

How many coffees would you guys have on a Tuesday night SNL?

Two.

Tuesday night, yeah.

But lattes, so we're talking spress.

Yeah.

Yeah, but those would be like big old lattes, right?

Would they be like a four-shotter kind of thing?

Well, it depends.

Are we going blue bottle?

Are we going Duncan?

That was me.

I did a lot of Duncan.

Two giant Duncan's and maybe three sugar-free Red Bulls.

Do you guys remember I drank so many Red Bulls that Red Bull gave me my own little fridge in my office?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We drank Red Bull and vodka.

I did do that.

That was not a work thing.

Guys, this episode is about laser cats.

And obviously, I know a lot about coffee as well.

Yeah, of course.

But it's about laser cats.

And before we get into laser cats, which is, I mean, I guess the longest recurring one a year, right?

Seven total?

Yeah, it's the only one we did every year.

We were there.

I do want to get to laser cats, but since cats are a pet, can we, Andy,

just clear the air about the fact that we have been friends for a very long time?

I've got a dog, Frisbee, who's now 11 years old, and you have been a real shitheel about my dog publicly

for years.

Did Frisbee die?

No, Frisbee didn't die.

Well, then what's the conversation?

Yeah, what's the issue?

Will you confirm for our listeners that you did this very cruel thing?

I sent out a Christmas card to all my friends.

Yes, I did it.

Frisbee was in the Christmas card.

You scratched off Frisbee's face like a serial killer.

Yeah.

Sent it back to us.

Yeah.

That's a good bet.

I've never heard that before.

Well, don't send me that shit.

The idea was you were so disgusted to see Frisbee that you had to scratch your face out and send the card back to us.

Wait, Frisbee's a girl?

See, this is what I'm talking about.

You haven't even put in the bare minimum.

Yes, Frisbee's a girl.

Do you feel worse now?

I feel worse, but not nearly as bad as you should feel for naming a female dog Frisbee, which is clearly some Dorphy dude's name.

Who named Frisbee?

Excuse me, Frisbee is completely gender neutral.

Who named the dog?

I did.

It's clearly a doofy dude.

That's a doofy dude name.

If you were writing an 80s comedy about doofy dudes, you'd be like, yeah, there's my bro, Frisbee.

That's fair.

But you got to say, it matches Frisbee's look.

It's a good name for the dog.

But only because of how ugly.

Is Frisbee ugly?

Samberg thinks she, let's make it clear.

Okay, first off, disclaimer, I'm on job.

Okay, so everyone needs to know that right now.

And before you judge me, and by the way, I'm a dog lover.

I'm not, but I really don't like Frisbee, and I like most dogs fine.

Frisbee's a little strange-looking as a dog.

Nothing personal said.

It's like no one will tell you you got a weird-looking kid, you know?

For the type of dog Frisbee is, isn't Frisbee completely average-looking?

I would say she's cute, actually, for the type of dog.

Yeah.

I think Frisbee is a beautiful dog, and I think Frisbee is gorgeous.

We're not talking about her spirit, though, like the the way she looks.

Her spirit is actually fairly ugly.

She's got cute little sad eyes.

Frisbee's not a good dog.

Let me make that clear.

I did a photo shoot with the magazine.

I want to say it was Vogue.

And you brought Frisbee.

You brought Frisbee, and it was me and Frisbee at a beautiful restaurant table dining together.

Did you guys hook up?

No.

It's worse than that.

Because just in case, they brought another Italian greyhound, like a trained one, and that's the one in the picture, because Frisbee's dumb as a rock and couldn't even sit still and look at the camera right oh wow so people a lot of times will say that picture of you and your dog is so beautiful i love it i just keep it to myself that it's not frisbee

again like lest ye judge i'm on job do any of you currently have pets yes what do you have joram i have a cat named cleo yeah okay and then willie the original laser cat is the face of the cat that is coming up over the nuclear explosion but we can get to that we can get to that when we get to talking about this kevin what is this photo of me sharing a milkshake with Frisbee?

You're also wrapped in toilet paper.

Is that where the doink fell off photo is from?

Yeah.

We did a very beloved bit where Andy played a recently disturbed mummy.

There was an article about some mummies had been disturbed and Shoemaker came to my office and said, you know, if we were still working at SNL, we'd write an update feature where Andy was a recently disturbed mummy.

And I said, well, we should just write it and see if he'll do it.

It was during the pandemic, so it was on Zoom.

With the classic line, my doink fell fell off.

When you're a mummy who gets disturbed, you know, at that point, depending on how long you've been interred, the doink is just hanging on by a thread.

A little BTS.

You guys sent me a full costume, and then instead I just wrapped myself in toilet paper.

You didn't know that until I logged on.

And that was a fun moment for me.

Now, that is actually a good segue because that's some real lo-fi, low-budget comedy, which is what we're dealing with with laser cats.

And let me just say, you know, here we are nearing the end of your first season.

Totally new look.

Laser Cats is very unique to anything you've done so far.

And it was originally written as a sketch.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, it was a sketch.

A bad sketch.

A badly written sketch.

So bad.

I had forgotten how bad.

And then for the listener, we were sent it this morning to reread.

Did you remember that we had done it, Andy?

I did not remember that.

I did not remember either.

I remembered you pitching it and then us being like, we should try and do it live, but I didn't remember we had actually written it and how fucking weird and bad it is.

It's terrible and it's so short.

At least we sort of knew it was bad because we clearly held back from writing seven pages of it.

Do you want to really quickly explain, Akiva, what the premise of the live version of the sketch was?

I just want to say, first of all, there's eight pages of it.

Is it eight pages?

It looked like it was like nothing.

It didn't break down by pages on the text.

Oh, no, this is where it comes out.

Your arm can't count.

That's way worse.

Your arm can't be a page of is like garbage.

Your arm can't read or count.

That's true.

I was hoping to avoid scandal on this PCAST, but now it's come out.

Yorm can't count.

I mean, remember how short it was?

It was somewhere between like one and a hundred pages.

Oh, this mud's got me flying, Keith.

That cup of mud really got this guy wild.

That cup of mud is going right through you.

He's going to have to go to the bathroom.

Sucks giving up now.

The premise of the live sketch version was that in the future, a nuclear war has happened and cats can now shoot lasers out of their mouths.

It was written for the Natalie Portman Show, apparently.

It was Andy and Natalie as a couple who have decided to start a business.

catching laser cats and repackaging them and selling them as cats that can shoot lasers out of their mouths.

And everyone can just grab one off the street.

So there's no point to the business at all.

And then the business is failing, of course.

All of the employees hate them and think it's a bad idea.

And then there's a robbery attempt that happens, right?

This is basically what it was.

And they're trying to steal the stock options because everyone's being paid in stock options and not cash.

And then Seth's character goes and has a threesome with the robbers, I guess.

Foresome?

Foresome.

Fiend.

When you explain it, it makes perfect sense.

It does explain better than it reads.

And it flew by, apparently.

I will say there's one element here that you guys think there's maybe something to, which is cats who can shoot lasers.

And I'm assuming that is now your jumping off point for doing this as a digital short.

Yes.

And to be fair, though.

Yorma owned a cat and he would hold it and pretend it was a gun.

A laser gun.

That's the whole thing, right?

Yes.

My cat Willie, I would hold the cat with my hand before the front legs and I would cock it and pretend to shoot my wife with lasers.

And

I'm just excited.

I'm still married, guys.

Yeah.

You're being gentle with the cat.

Yeah, you were being gentle.

Yeah, it was more the wife part of that, that you wouldn't think that anyone would want to stay with that guy.

That's true.

Or hit the jackpot.

Yeah.

Yeah, just running around going pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Now, there's going to be seven laser cats, and I am going to look at it with fresh eyes like I looked at this first one earlier today.

I also am just going to be fully honest, I was not an instant convert to laser cats.

No, nor should you have been.

Wait, wait, wait.

To double down on that.

Were you ever, though?

I don't know.

Yeah, now we're getting down to it.

I got to say, like when people come to me and ask, not that they often do, I should stress.

But if people would ask, what's your favorite digital short?

I think I'd get way down the list before we started bumping into Laser Cats.

Now, there are moments in Laser Cats, I think, as it goes later that I enjoy.

But this first one, you hate it.

There's like two or three things I really liked.

Okay, starting with the positive.

That sounds about right.

But you know what I'll say?

For a pre-tape, that's not bad.

That's not bad.

Watching it again, it doesn't feel like the audience is fully on board.

Would you say that's accurate?

That was just because it was our first year, and I think that they were just warming up to us.

I think later on, they would have been totally on board.

Yeah.

I think the lo-fi is a bit abrasive, and it's purposely so, but that can be a little hard to latch onto.

Yeah, I will say it's one of my favorites for that reason.

I like that it has a distinct contrast from the rest of the HD show, and that it's basically like knucklehead 12-year-olds running around 30 rock being obnoxious and like driving a jazzy scooter souped up to look like a spaceship.

It's just, it feels very inappropriate in good ways to me.

The key, obviously, framing device of it that is one of the things that I do like a great deal is it always begins with Bill and Andy trying to pitch this idea to Lorne.

Do you guys remember whose idea it was to put that on it?

It was definitely not mine because that's a good idea.

No, it was Akiva's.

Okay.

I remember it vividly and me and Jorm were like, no, but it's funny because it sucks.

Yes.

And Kiva's like, I remember the exact words, basically.

You were like, the exact words, basically.

Jesus, this job's got me off my rock.

You're doing great and admit.

I was like, forget how to talk much.

Anyways, Keith was like, it's just stupid and silly, but you need the audience to understand that you know that it sucks and you're doing it on purpose.

And so he pitched the Lauren stuff and we were like, oh yeah, that's smart.

That was me doing Yurim.

That's what he said.

Lauren, thank you so much for taking the time out to talk.

You will not be sorry.

I'm sure, what's up?

Bill and I stayed up all night brainstorming and what we discovered is that there are two things that everyone loves.

Cats and lasers.

That's right.

Cats and lasers.

So we went out and shot a short film all on our own that's full of both.

Cats and lasers and I got to tell you, it came out great.

And

I think it would be perfect for the show.

I don't know.

It doesn't sound good.

Putting Lauren in a sketch can sometimes be a bit of a devil's bargain.

Elaborate.

Because you can get a really good Lauren take, which this one is full of.

I think each one of Lauren's reads here is really good.

You might need multiple takes to get it.

Depending on the day.

Depending on the day.

But I will say we put him in his comfort zone.

Yes.

Behind his desk.

Behind his desk, disliking our pitch.

Yeah, he didn't really have to act much.

Draw from life experience.

You actually wrote a far more, I don't know, straightforward Lauren than actually exists.

Lauren would never say, well, it sounds bad.

True.

You know, it was aggressive as opposed to passive aggressive.

So it was like a real fictional multiverse Lauren that would tell you it sucked to your face.

Right.

Here's something I just remembered: which was that on the MTV Movie Awards the year before, they had come to us like they do sometimes with something that'll never happen.

Collateral was coming out.

So they said, Hey, Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx want to do something on the show.

And we even were like, That'll never happen.

But what we wanted to do was something just like this, like a Channel 101, super lo-fi, them like two 12-year-olds recreating the famous movies of the year, like with cardboard sets.

And there was something about it where we thought, like, if the two biggest movie stars in the world are doing it, it's going to be so charming because you know they had a choice to do it at high production values and chose to do it like two little kids.

The pitch didn't get anywhere, but I do remember when we were trying to do this, I remember thinking, oh, we can kind of use that aesthetic where you know we're on SNL, you know we could have production value, and we're choosing to do something that any kid could do.

Keith, Keith, is the term Sweded correct?

Like when people say that it's been like Michelle Gondrified kind of thing?

Have you guys heard that term?

That is what they called it in that movie.

Is it just in that movie?

Is that term from that movie?

Be kind rewinded.

I think so.

Or it's where I learned it.

Gotcha.

But I don't know why it's called that.

I don't either.

Does it have to do with Swedish people?

I don't know if somebody could look that up.

That'd be great.

Kevin?

So the other thing is, of course, the premise is that you guys went out and shot it yourself and you are bringing it into Lauren's office and you're showing it to him.

old school vcr which i'm pretty sure is what probably existed in lauren's office at the time it was not hard to find not hard to find in the vcr and then we get into laser cats and i should say another thing in general i don't like it but there are things i like right so you hate it the costumes are outstanding okay great great great and i really like andy's helmet with the lightning bolts on it classic is really dumb iconic in the end they were kind of iconic i mean this had to be a halloween costume for years yeah you do something enough against people's will it becomes iconic, I guess.

I mean, yeah.

Was this you guys running the point on costumes or was the SNL costume department helping out?

I think we asked for pretty much what it ended up being, and they gave us options and we picked from those.

But they always are incredible and give you insanely good choices really fast.

Yes, but I do remember that the first version, like this one, was shot by us, right?

Keith?

Like, we didn't have a camera person on this one.

I think we always shot them ourselves, didn't we?

All the first ones, right?

Like, at a certain point, it switched over, but I don't know.

Yeah, but I think laser cats, we always shot ourselves on little cameras.

But the other thing about laser cats was that the crew was much, much smaller on this one.

Cause I remember like when we were doing like the fourth one, looking around and being like, why are there 30 people here for something that could be done with two?

Did we name him Nitro and then find the weight belt that said Nitro?

No.

We must have had the weight belt and then it was named after the weight belt.

Yeah, and then we named him Nitro.

No, that can't be.

That's good ranting.

Yeah, Admiral Spaceship and Nitro are pretty good names.

That can't be.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Yeah.

Come on.

Like, we didn't put it on there.

I think you did because we don't hear Nitro's name until later in the piece.

I bet you called him something else in that first scene because you hear Admiral Spaceship, but you don't hear Nitro.

I bet there was a different name.

Does it say in the script that we wrote out?

Do we even have the script?

Because those scripts wouldn't go into the table read, so they're probably not in the SNL database.

Yeah.

It would be on one of our computers.

You got to get those computers.

Is it clear that we edited all of the digital shorts, though?

Like, did people sort of understand that after the writing and shooting of these things, then Akiva and I and Andy would all just go and sit there forever?

Is that something we need to take credit for?

That's why the effects are so good.

Kevin pulled info on Sweded films.

They are amateur recreations of famous films using limited resources and technology inspired by the 2008 comedy Be Kind, Rewind.

Now, I just want to point out that Laser Cats is 2006.

We also didn't start Sweding them until, I mean, we were taking ideas from movies, obviously, but like in terms of like a Sweded film, we did those a little later, like when we were doing the James Cameron ones, right?

Yes, this does not have any iconic recreations.

Yeah, we weren't making Indiana Jones or something.

First big laugh, earned laugh for my money, is cocking the cat.

Taking a live cat and cocking it and hearing the gun cock.

And the meow.

And the meow.

Super funny.

Maybe that's what saved my marriage.

Maybe my wife saw that and was like, oh, I guess he's onto something.

Oh, geez, I'm getting a transmission from base.

Hello, a princess has been kidnapped.

Robotron.

Jorm, you show up a few times as a guy who's getting shot by lasers.

And Liz Kokowski as well.

She's in the opening credits.

Oh, look at that.

The nice, like, sort of pressure release of this sketch is, of course, we get to go back to you guys with Lauren.

So, what do you think?

Get out.

Okay, sounds good.

Awesome.

And again, Lauren gives a great performance in this first Laser Cats.

Then I had a real traumatic flashback because it cuts to you guys chowing down popcorn.

And Lauren Michaels has a giant basket of the best popcorn I've ever eaten in his office at all times.

I think popcorn machine popped, right?

Yes.

It's not in bags.

Someone is popping this popcorn.

And here's the thing: I stress ate popcorn for 12 and a half years.

I would sit in Lauren's office in the worst mood and just idly eat handfuls and handfuls of delicious popcorn.

And the amount I floss less post leaving that show is incredible.

I think my gums used to bleed because I'm just flossing popcorn kernels out of them 24-7.

Keeve, check your phone.

Okay, checking.

I had it on Do Not Disturb because I'm a professional.

Everybody, just wait one second.

Some sort of side bit's occurring.

Oh, it's Andy's Wordle score.

So he did Wordle while we were talking about that.

Yeah, I just wanted everyone to know that.

He got in four, guys.

It's a very average score.

Four.

Not good, not bad.

By the way, I also got, he didn't tell me to check my phone, but he also got queen bee on the spelling bee, which he texted me right before this started.

Oh, yay.

I can't believe you didn't lead with that.

Over 50 words.

No slouch.

Anyways, I did wordle because Seth was telling his popcorn thing.

Should we move on?

Yeah, let's move on.

I got another big laugh out of you guys signaling each other.

Andy, you sort of did that military thing of pointing at your eyes and then gesturing and then builded another one.

And you very subtly just say, I don't.

What is that?

Now I feel like we're letting people into the world of laser cats a little.

The audience is now starting to pick up.

Also in that shitty old NBC cafeteria, which is long gone, but it's kind of crazy.

When you see the cafeteria in this sketch, that is fully where SNL and famous A-list movie stars would have to eat their lunch on a Saturday.

We shot in there a lot of times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We shot everywhere in that building, basically.

Then we get a Lindsay Lohan cameo.

She's the host, doesn't have a ton to do in this.

I'm assuming she was super busy and you have a small window to use her in.

That sounds right.

Princess, you're being saved by us.

Now that we've rescued you, who would you say you like better between the two of us?

I want to say nitro.

Say nitro.

Now say that you want to have sex with all of us.

So you had sex with both of us.

What?

Just no, sit, that's enough.

I had sex with both you guys.

We wouldn't write that now, but it's okay.

They're like 13 year olds and it's like they're fantasy.

Very much.

Everything about it is above board.

They're 13 year old dudes asking a cute girl who is absolutely not going for it and tells them to get out of there.

It does seem like it ends, and you guys know you're going to do more.

Really?

Well, Andy dies.

Yeah.

There's nothing in the body of the Laser Cats film that is a joke other than the fact that Bill calls him Kimo Sabi.

Bill says, damn these Lasercats, and Andy says, no, damn us.

That's just good writing.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that is just good writing.

And then there's an obvious 80-yard no, right?

That's like super underplayed, like their parents were awake in the room next door.

That's actually one of my favorite parts of it.

It's when you do a fake yell as a kid where you go really quiet to make it sound far away you stay with me you stay with

i should know one of the other fun details of laser cats is there's a lot of found people in the background yeah yeah you guys have not cleared the hallways no and it's real oh yeah no those are all people trying to get to work and is the first one where we intentionally had a mirror in the shot and you can see tons of people in the mirror oh no is that the first one that simon rich is the cameraman no no no no this one has ken word walks out of the control room and stops oh god i got it yeah it truly was just us there was not a single crew member with us it was just us running around the halls yeah yeah yeah

good times nice mix of real cats and stuffed cats that was a real eye-opener because we were able to get an animal wrangler and it turns out you can't wrangle cats they're unwrangleable keeve just said there was no crew.

So

oh, right.

I forgot.

There was, of course, the proper PETA-approved Wranglers.

Yeah.

A lot of those Wranglers show up with the news that the animal that they have brought is not actually technically able to be wrangled.

Yes.

There's a lot of like, yeah, we can do that.

They have a lot of bad news about the thing you want that animal to do and what it can actually do.

Right.

Yeah.

There's a lot of like, can they go from here to here?

Ah, we can try.

I guess that's my question.

When this ends, do you think, oh, that was great.

We should do one again?

That was not my thought.

No.

Okay.

But I did like how different it felt from anything else, not just like you were saying at the top of this, how it felt different from what was on the show, but how different it felt from anything that had kind of ever been on the show.

So I remember being okay with the fact that it played lukewarm at the audience because I thought, yeah, but we did something experimental.

And then do you hear good things over the course of the summer, say?

Is Lasercat something that I would imagine, especially from your friends in LA, that's kind of lined up with what they knew you for, sort of lo-fi, things like that.

Was everybody, oh my God, that's so awesome that you did your thing on us now.

There's a certain type of Comic-Con style person that really gets what we were going for, I think, and liked it.

I don't know if they were our friends.

One thing that does get routinely confused about laser cats is that whenever you see references to it, people somehow think that the lasers are coming out of the cat's eyes, which is just bogus, you know?

It's a real bugaboo for your arm.

Yeah.

Because it's a solitary laser bolt from their mouth.

Yeah, it's a gun.

and the science supports it yeah the preamble states they shoot it out of their mouths like very clearly the heat mechanism is originating from somewhere in their gut yeah and it comes through their throat and out their mouth when you make it come out their eyes it makes no sense

when it was over did you get the sense that bill thought oh this was so much fun we should do more of these yes i actually do yeah this was up bill's alley i mean i think the playing with sort of action movie cinematropes is right up bill's alley yes yeah we were also all fans of I may be wrong on this one, of when this came out, but Garth Marengui's Dark Place was a big hit for all of us.

Yeah.

I feel like I saw that after we made this because people said, have you seen that?

Yes.

I think that is right.

And then I was like, holy shit, I love this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's great.

Yeah.

It's a perfect show.

Garth Merengue's Dark Place is a BBC show about a horror writer who has written more books than he's read.

And he has made a 1980s drama sci-fi show that got shelved.

And he says that it's been brought out because of the glut of creativity.

This is the worst.

A terrible, once again, just a terrible intro for this show.

Yeah, just cut that all out.

We'll just ignore it.

It's like a tales from the crypt.

Check out Garth Marengi's Dark Places.

It's very good.

It's six episodes.

And by the way, you can watch all six in the time it's going to take Yarma to explain the premise.

Here's the thing: it's about a hospital.

Oh, man.

Still still going to Indian burial.

Just remembering all the details.

Look, it's a dense premise sometimes you just give up when the premise is too dense you go all right just cut his mic okay

we did always have the fantasy i remember we would talk about it that our last laser cats was going to be like a two hundred thousand dollar jj abrams directed straight up like as if it had been upgraded and had been given the full studio movie treatment i still like this idea we wanted to do it as a feature what you're talking about keith yeah but i'm even just saying we always talk about that the last short could be like a three-minute minute version where it's widescreen and beautifully shot and feels like you're watching the epic like blockbuster version of it do you guys think that lauren low-key loved being in this oh man i would never even i think by the end yeah yeah i think lauren was very good in it agree this one he's very good no notes i like that through line of lauren through the years being in sketches as lauren

and it makes me happy and i think it makes him happy too especially as you guys became more popular.

He probably was psyched to have been in on the ground floor.

I don't think he would have wanted in the fourth season of The Lonely Island to like get word to you guys that he wanted to be in a short, like in a weird way.

The fact that he said yes to Lasercats in your first year, like paid off very kindly to him.

And I think it's really fun for Lauren because he also gets to play a version of himself that is high status and iroly.

And those are moves he's very good at.

Yeah, he's in his comfort zone and he comes off great i want to say a couple things about the show these are the final days of sethmeyers trying to grind it out on camera as a cast member we're almost the end of the season oh no i get to shake it off i get to go through a very long stressful summer where i'm wondering if i'm going to get the nod to replace tina oh right then i get to live a wonderful life of being a we get update anchor tina at this point has announced she's leaving because 30 rock has picked up and she's going to run that full-time right yeah we know there's going to be that whole process of figuring out takes over but i do have an update feature.

I play a weatherman who will not admit global warming is a problem.

I just think it's end of days.

Stormy, how can you continue to ignore that global warming is a factor here?

What?

Here?

Come on, there could be a number of explanations for this kind of weather.

Like what?

Well, my best guess is that it's the end of days.

Do you suggest we cut back on fossil fuels?

End of days, Tina, not middle of days.

Let's take a look at the five-day forecast.

Okay.

Sunday, tornado canes.

Monday, snow, rain, and fire.

Tuesday and Wednesday, sun goes black.

And Thursday, it explodes.

I went back and looked at it.

And the thing that made me laugh really hard, because I think this just speaks to how dumb it is to be a professional comedy writer and perform comedy sketches for a living.

Sure.

But I have the amended air copy so I can see the changes we made between dress and air.

At dress, I played a weatherman named Barry Shurzworth.

And between dress and air, we changed it to Stormy Windbreaker.

And I just like the idea that we were sitting there.

Somebody thought that would be a difference maker.

Yeah, like if it's Stormy Windbreaker, they're going to be on your side.

I do think it's better.

I mean, Stormy Windbreaker, you know what it is?

Is I think on Tuesday, if you write Stormy Windbreaker, it seems hacky, but now it's between dress and air, and you're like, fucking do it.

I don't fucking care.

It's triage.

It's like so desperate.

goose it

it's like triage cute yeah

oh my god like it's just so funny how like the judgy part of you just dies between dress and air oh yeah you're like anything anything to not die

what was that name we all said sucked on tuesday

go through the garbage can

The last line was me saying to my dear friends, Amy and Tina, who I love very much.

My last line was, repent, bitches, repent.

Oh, yeah, wow, which I think is a lovely thing to be able to yell to your friends.

But I will say that tornado canes, he was talking about tornadoes and hurricanes were mating and creating tornado canes.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

And they were like the sharks in deep blue sea.

They were getting smarter.

Yeah.

Not only do the tornado canes cause expected devastations such as blackouts and structural damage, but they also commit more human crimes like breaking and entering and identity theft.

Identity theft?

The tornado cane will use strong winds to separate you from your wallet and then runs up big charges at Circuit City or strip clubs.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure a Tornado Cane is banging my girlfriend.

Stormy Tornado Cane's not banging your girlfriend.

Well, someone is because she's way too happy.

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And you said it played well.

My memory is it played well.

The reason I say it played hot and not to keep hammering home what this year was like for me as a cast member.

Few things did.

So if I can see a sketch I was in and my memory of it it isn't it eating shit, I'm pretty sure it played hot.

It's so interesting, Seth.

Like I had no idea that is how you viewed it at that time.

Like as far as we were concerned, we were just like, Seth's older than us, so he's good.

You know what I mean?

Like he knows how the show works.

He gets stuff in.

He gets laughs.

Yeah, we looked up to you so much.

I didn't say that.

Okay, fine.

Well, I looked up to you very much and you always seemed so calm and collected.

I felt like I was having like panic attacks all the time.

And even like hearing you were upset that something got cut is surprising to me.

It was very much a me versus Tina too making the argument.

And there was sort of an unwritten rule, which is don't fight for your piece.

Totally unwritten.

But between dress and air, Tina and I at this point, she's still head writer.

I'm writing supervisor.

And we both were very good at sticking to that rule.

Neither of us were known for fighting for our pieces.

And yet it was the last sketch of the night and we were both kind of putting our toe on the line.

I think there was a little bit of dirty pool by both of us.

I don't look back at that one fondly.

How would you do that with Lauren?

I think it would be some version of, I think that Tina would say, I just think for Lindsay, Ann Margaret's a great look.

It's totally different than anything she's done in the show, which is totally true and fair, right?

Her argument is better than mine.

And I would say, I don't know, school announcement has a lot of cast.

Right.

Played really well last time.

And then Tina might say, Yeah, is it that much different than last time?

And then I'd go eat a bucket of popcorn and floss.

Yeah.

Man, you landed that plane, baby.

Woo!

Well, I had to do something that let you keep in.

Now they have to keep in my earlier popcorn story.

Smart.

That's true.

During which I aced Wordle in four.

So fucking shitty.

I should know then school announcement was cut on air, which meant that because two of his kids were fighting, Lorne put them both in the show, knowing full well that one would get pulled.

Now, the other thing about getting cut on air that makes it even worse is is you got to go get in the costume.

Oh, yeah, that's brutal.

Cut a dress, you're mad at the time, but at least you're not dorking out in a full wardrobe and wig for a sketch that's not going to happen.

Did you ever get caught, Andy, in an outfit of a sketch that didn't air or

during good nights?

Yes, it's so humiliating.

Everyone's like, Where was that from?

Why are you dressed like an alien in like full ball cap?

And you're like, You got cut,

it got cut, and I didn't have time to change.

I don't want to hug the host like this, like a fucking loser.

Are you not allowed to skip it?

I don't know this.

Cast has to be on stage, right?

I never skipped good nights.

I never skipped good nights.

But is that a rule?

Like, is that an unwritten rule?

That's not.

I think you could get away with it.

Nobody would notice.

Yeah.

But I felt there was something so important and ritualistic about being there for good nights, even if I was in a terrible mood.

I thought it was really special.

I agree, but I will say, I think I have memories.

And again, this is not a sharp memory, but I feel like in the history of the show during our time there, people would be mad about whatever happened to their show that night and would skip good nights like out of spite.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Well, what you just described sounds like the worst humiliation possible, especially if you wrote it and were proud of it and then you're sitting there in the costume.

Yeah.

So yeah, I would think that somebody must have skipped out.

I will say in our era, Andy, I think most of the people would, when they hugged you during good nights, laugh in a good way about the fact.

And like point you towards the camera and try and get you on camera in it

well yeah hey look at this fucking full pirate

the thing that would maybe bring me the most shame is if you had to like sit sort of with your eyes peeled back what's the famous movie clockwork orangework orange yeah clockwork orange if i had to clockwork orange all the good nights where i just sort of awkwardly was going to hug the host and then someone else was hugging them and then they were having a conversation and you just kind of get caught standing and waiting while credits are something that you should be allowed to see on your deathbed like right before you die yeah there were a lot of hosts during our time that really just wanted to give wig a hug yeah where they was like she's the best i'm gonna hug her and steal her asses like okay i'm gonna get out of the way of this hug yeah and then you just like hug bill again

of course he'll hug you

We talked about school announcements, which was a sketch I read for Dane Cook that aired.

Yes.

I was very happy with it.

I tried it a second time.

Got cut.

I really remember between Dress and Air, came down to either that School Announcements or Lost Movie was the sketch that aired instead where Lindsay Lohan played Anne Margaret and Fred played Liberace.

And it was a bye-bye birdie movie that did terribly with critics.

And again, I remember being super mad my sketch got cut.

I am now very happy to admit that the right call was made.

And it was just about how they had no chemistries actors.

And it was a lot of Daryl.

Oh, Libby, we're finally alone.

I wish my brother George was here.

You know, Libby, I'm a little chilly right now.

Maybe you could loan me your cape.

I'd love to, but I can't.

This cape has over 15,000 diamonds in the collar alone.

I've got an idea.

How about if you just keep me warm?

No, thank you.

This is my favorite line.

It's a movie, but Fred as Liberace keeps talking to the camera.

And Daryl, who is playing Robert Osborne, who Sudekis would later play, has one of my favorite lines.

Their absolute lack of chemistry was reinforced by Liberace's insistence of looking directly into the camera.

Was this the first time that Fred played Liberace?

That's a good question.

I feel like it might have been.

He starts doing it all the time in Vincent Price, but I don't know if he did it in the first Vincent Price.

And we learned later that he worked at Radio City during Liberace's crazy run of shows, right?

Fred was an usher at Radio City.

And again, we should probably have Fred on to tell this story.

But my memory was the first night Fred was there, Liberace told this story about there's a couple here tonight.

And when they were young lovers, they came and saw me in Las Vegas.

And that night he proposed to her and they've been married for 40 years and they're here tonight.

And a spotlight flashed into the audience and the place went crazy.

And then he played a song.

And then Fred said the next night he told the exact same story and the spotlight was in the exact same place.

Like nobody even like looked to see who was on.

It's just a perfect story to tell that made everybody feel like it was special.

Oh my God.

Wait, was it the same couple every night that were plants?

I don't think there was even a couple there.

I think it was just like he just gestured

so great.

Everyone just looks around and no one's actually the subject.

Yeah.

That is showbiz.

To learn a wonderful showbiz lesson from an old pro like that who was shamelessly doing a thing you might incorrectly judge as being insincere.

It wasn't.

It was showmanship and it made everybody feel good.

And I just love that Fred saw it.

I like to think that Fred, I'm very happy at all the experiences Fred had because I feel like it like really speaks to his wide range of talents.

So, two things cut on air, guys.

You want to hear them?

Yes.

Yes.

Because it's a real double burn.

Cut on air, the aforementioned school announcements.

Yeah.

Written by Seth Meyers.

And the other one that was cut on air we've mentioned before, not this time.

Old Lobster Claw and Handlebar got the rollout.

I was going to say it, man.

It was Lobster Lobster Claw.

That one might pop up a lot coming up.

Yeah, this might be the long tale of Lobster Claw and Handlebar.

God, in retrospect, you must have been so mad.

And I was just sitting there looking up to you, just wide-eyed.

So, you know, again, we keep saying them.

Shoemaker was the one guy who knew how crazy I was going all the time.

And then I think everybody else, I tried to present a pretty good face.

I mean, I did still love working there, even when I was going crazy.

SNL is like that because I remember one time, my first season, I had some weird interaction with Polar and like I said something as a joke and then for the next like three hours spun out thinking I had offended her.

I don't remember what it was.

And then like found her later that afternoon and was like, hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I was just joking around.

She was like, what?

And I was like, I just feel like I offended you.

And she was like, Samburg, I don't know what you're fucking talking about, buddy.

And I was like, oh, and she's like, it's fine.

Don't worry about it.

And she was like, just a little word of advice.

No one's thinking about anyone but themselves here.

That's like a great advice.

I was like, oh, okay.

And that wasn't her saying, you got to be selfish.

It was like, nobody is as tuned into your thing.

Yeah.

And it's just head down, desperately trying not to get fired.

Yeah.

You can be sloppy.

You can be messy.

You can take big swings and miss.

And that thing when you eat shit at the table and you, in your head, everyone is behind their office doors saying, oh my God.

But nobody has time to worry about you.

No, unless your sketch gets picked and theirs doesn't.

Right.

Then they're going to sit in their office with a little something to sip and talk about why yours is dog shit.

That is true.

I'm almost out of that era.

I'm very excited.

We're about to get to a much happier Seth Myers when we get into the next season.

And look, you're half the name of the podcast.

That's true.

I mean, I've done pretty well for a guy who couldn't fucking see the light of air with the one digital short he wrote.

Guess what, dudes?

I'm half the podcast.

Guess what, motherfuckers are coming for update

from update feature to Inker.

Oi, oi, oi.

Well, that's Laser Cats.

That was the first of many Laser Cats.

Next week, we're going to double up with a couple, and then we've got your big season finale.

Can't wait.

We're going to do testicles

with Tom Hanks.

Oh, that's so not going to have a lot to say about that.

Okay, this is very interesting.

Or maybe we will.

I think sadly, we'll have more to say about that.

I have a lot to say.

This is great.

I'm glad.

Because my memory of testicles is like the noise you just made.

All right, so we got testicles with Tom Hanks, no less.

Remember when you asked us, were there some you wish hadn't aired?

Yeah, that's one of them.

Oh, interesting.

So that's where you guys are at.

Oh, for sure.

Still embarrassed.

Then Peyote.

Right.

The second one we ever shot.

Aired finally.

Yeah.

And then Andy Walking, which is good time.

That's the season finale.

Well, look at this.

We've done it again.

Love you guys.

Love you too.

Love you, buddy.