Tizzle Wizzle Show

It's the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast.

I'm rolling.

I'm recording mine analog onto tape, so it's a reel-to-reel.

That's why I said it's a real thing.

So it's real, so you're technically really rolling.

Yeah, I'm rolling.

You're old school rolling.

You're also really rosy, and you're rosy reel.

Damn.

I hope you were rolling for that.

And by rolling, I mean on ecstasy.

Oh, yeah.

Really Rosie was always rolling on Molly.

Otherwise, she's a great big deal.

Yeah, that's too hot.

Let me turn my mic.

my headphones down.

I'm glad we waited till we were rolling to figure that out, Seth.

Unbelievable.

You guys hear me all right?

How do I sound to you guys?

You sound fine.

You know what else was so hot, Seth?

What's that?

Basic Instinct.

Oh, my God.

Basic Instinct.

Do you remember?

The original.

That white outfit.

Remember, right?

Oh, the white outfit.

Can I actually say a real thing about Basic Instinct?

If you go onto what I assume would be the DVD Blu-ray extra features that are now on iTunes, if you buy it, there is a thing that was cut together by the home video department as like a bonus feature along with all the behind the scenes.

And it's a string out,

meaning like an edited thing of all the clips of the TV version.

So it just shows you like a moment where it's like Michael Douglas saying, you know, like, did I fuck her?

Yeah, you know I fucked her.

But that doesn't matter, whatever the line is.

And then it goes to black for a second.

And then it comes back up, same exact scene.

And now he's going, did I frick with her?

Yeah, of course I fricked it with her.

And as we all know from watching, you you know, I think we've talked about like Mickey Ficky on Do the Right Thing and all the funniness of clean versions.

I've never in my life seen it as a DVD extra feature, just cutting to the funniest times.

It seems like it's a comedy.

It's so

random.

It's a thing to do to the cast.

Like, yeah, we're going to show this how you got like cut up.

It's also voice doubles, you know, back in the day, they didn't get Michael Douglas.

Boy,

they might have just been scraping the barrel for extras.

Clearly, and they're like, what else we got?

we're like well we got those funny ones we did for when it airs on tv let's just show those putting all the uh horniness aside from uh basic instinct i will tell you that when i saw it in the theaters when it ended i had a real like this is one of the greatest thrillers ever made yeah you're not wrong like genuinely gasped at the end

the ice pick and like went home and told my parents like it's groundbreaking well you probably hadn't seen a lot of sexy R-rated thrillers.

Yeah.

But Basic Instinct holds up.

When's the last time have you seen it?

I have not seen it in so long.

May I recommend a viewing of Basic Instinct?

Great.

But you would recommend I see it on network television, right?

With the frickins in there?

No,

I think you watch it the real way and then you enjoy the real.

Keith, scale of one to 10.

How much Atmos?

I mean, we're at a 95.

A 95 out of 10?

Oh, I went out of 100.

A 9.5.

9.5.

What's an Atmos?

What's Atmos?

Like pumping smoke into the scenes.

Atmosphere.

Visible atmosphere.

That any movie still to this day uses, but uses much more delicately than in the 90s.

Also, they didn't have computer color correction where you can kind of crush it away if you want to get rid of some afterwards.

Yeah.

What's the most Atmos you think ever in a movie?

Is it like Cobra Stallone?

Yeah, it might be those that era, like Running Man, you know, like he's out in that city and they've built all those sets and they don't want you to see past like 40 feet where there's no set left.

Yeah, yeah.

So they're really so.

Every interrogation's over an open steam grate.

Well, it doesn't read bully of smoke, Seth.

That's what's

steam.

That's what I mean.

It's like it feels like just like street heat.

But it makes things look like a movie.

You'll you notice the first time you put it into a music video shot or a movie shot that you're like, oh, that's the difference between an episode of Brooklyn 9-9 and an episode of

Game of Thrones.

Wow.

Perfect one-to-one comparison.

That's great.

Also, less dragons.

But beyond that, same

show.

We tried to ape basic instinct for Naked Gun for how it looks, among other things.

You had a lot of Atmos and Naked Gun.

Yeah.

God, I thought I was throwing out just like a random ref, and now it turned into the whole preamble.

I should clarify for anybody who's wondering, Yorm is running late because it's Mari's birthday, and he just sent me a text that he's hold on, let me see this.

Hanging lights.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Norm.

Seth, no, man.

Seth, that's not it.

But I'm winking at you.

They can't see that.

Hey, well, maybe

should we get our New York Times stuff out of the way?

Well, Norm's not here.

If you want everybody to turn it off after three minutes, go ahead.

Yeah, because they now know what they came for.

Oh, but you're not saying they turn it off because we start.

You mean they turn it off when we finish it.

That's all they've been waiting for.

Correct.

They wait.

It's tease it, being like, hey, everybody, stay tuned.

Stay tuned.

Later on, Seth and Andy will reveal if they quibbied.

So stay tuned.

You should be throwing it.

Anytime we go to commercial doing ads, you should be talking.

Oh, yeah.

It's like teasing who the presenters are going to be on in a word show.

Oh, man.

Can you believe it?

They're going to present.

Yeah.

Then just do Seth.

Then hold Andy for the last act.

I'm just going to read some random comments then.

Yeah.

Hit us in our titus.

It hit us in our titus.

Somebody wrote it's pronounced shy, Ranny, which I liked after everything.

We played Krianna.

Yeah.

After we did all that.

We posted Tapper's artwork, and the first comment underneath it was total cube job.

And I had forgotten.

I was like, what's a cube job?

And a cube job is when you draw somebody and they look like Mark Cuban.

Yeah, you get Mark Cuban.

I forgot already.

And then a bunch of people said, I couldn't believe that anybody could draw Andy to look like Mark Cuban.

And a bunch of people were like, yeah, no, he did.

I mean, decidedly.

Yeah.

So everybody everybody was on Team Cube Job.

Tapper has reached out.

He's open to any notes.

I mean, he'll hear this.

I think your main note would be just make it look like you and Namar Cuban, right?

Yeah, that's pretty much the note.

Yeah.

It's a really strong drawing.

Use your face.

This, again, I hate for Jake to get his criticism via the pod, but someone said, I can't believe Seth in a crazy wig looks the most like himself.

Like the three of you were farther away from

more tapper carnage.

Oh, it's full tapper carnage.

You know what, Tapper?

Thanks for just being creative and doing anything, you know?

Now I'm backing off it.

I just, I don't like to see a pylon.

But you know what I do like to see a pylon when I'm running for the end zone.

Keeve doesn't get that because he's a fucking dork, but me and Seth get it.

That's cool.

Costillas.

You dive right into that, sucker.

What was the name of the actor in Hung that Shyrowni looked like?

Oh, that's a Google real quick.

Yeah, just Google it because there was a great comment and I feel like I should have written his name down.

charlie sexton yeah that's it yeah somebody said love to imagine charlie sexton listening to the pod and then just hearing his name drop right while he's making a hot dish of mac and cheese

there's a photo of him he looks like a well-adjusted adult man he does not look like his character he's doing good yeah we're not piloted there's no way for me to imagine anyone listening to this not making mac and cheese and so that's i'm with whoever wrote that quado right now is like whoa whoa whoa guys don't get too far away from me Hey, Guado.

Quado, what you cooking?

You using that extra butter?

Whole milk, Quado.

Hey, there was a question as you were talking about you singing the Rihanna lines in Shirani in the demo.

Did you guys save any of the demos?

Is that an existing track where we could listen to it?

It's got to be somewhere.

We definitely have some of our demos around, but we were not thinking about the legacy of them at all.

So like something like that one that was done on an SNL writer's computer randomly in that office might probably be gone.

And not to say something when Yorm can't defend himself, but it was Yorm's computer.

Right.

So, when he left that office, he probably didn't think, like, I'll back this up to a hard drive and take it home and label it.

Yeah.

Right.

Cause he's a massive flake.

He did say he was just at a restaurant like five minutes ago and got a Kuwait army.

So we ought to remember to ask him about that when he shows up.

Queen Bee is when you get everything.

Someone suggested when you are super mad that you didn't get everything.

And you know what they think the slang should be for you, Andy?

What?

A frisbee.

Fuck.

That's the lowest version of queen.

You started that and I was like, there's no way I'm going to like this.

And then I couldn't have been more wrong.

A lot of people were disappointed that we talked at length about

the Peabody Award and then completely missed that.

Literally the next thing was Yarma talking about his body pee because he literally transitioned right from the pea body to urinating people were mad we didn't catch that they were like ah that was right there for you guys you have to go pea body more like body pee yeah i mean he didn't say like check out my body pee you guys

by everybody two people but it was there for him to have done it that's true there was a segue waiting to happen he should have done it they're mad at yorm like all of us they're a little bit mad at yarn yeah yeah um i'm piling on him now because he's not here yeah he can't do anything oh um there was something I wanted to say about Shirani that I forgot to.

That you're attracted to.

Yeah.

This beat costs a lot of money, right?

Yeah.

That's, I really like that because we now, if you listen to the podcast, know that people buy beats and some beats are like more expensive than other beats.

Yeah.

I don't think I knew that as somebody who like enjoyed music, that like, you know.

like hip-hop artists would buy beats.

Yes.

And if you get a beat from someone who's really well established, it costs a lot more.

Yes.

And what I liked is that you guys just wrote it the way you knew it to be true.

It was that really good comedy writing advice, which is like, don't talk down to your audience.

Like just.

I felt like the audience got that line too.

I did too.

But I'm wondering if

maybe I was just the person who knew, knew that the least.

If Kanye on his own recorded himself doing the Chironni part, but full-throated, didn't, you know, do you think that would be like one of his first steps back into acceptance well does it on his own time i mean the the first step would be figuring out what the fuck shirani's saying right but then like what if he just kind of cracks that or what if he writes what if he goes out and writes a great kanye version andy samberg

because we still don't have your seth my old compatriot i love you oh can we just watch i i didn't i meant to watch it and then i was i couldn't download on my phone how about a quick share screen you did nick cage on weekend update Update.

I saw the rundown just a second before we got on here, and I had no recollection of that.

So have you not done a Get in the Cage at this point?

No.

This is the first.

So you tried a solo.

And it got cut.

This will be fascinating.

You did Cage.

It got cut.

And then obviously, this is a good reminder, again, to the creative process that first drafts maybe don't work.

Also, it's a real, I think, pat on the back to you for knowing there was something there and sticking with it and figuring out get in the cage.

I mean, I'm curious to see it.

I, my theory is we thought it went great and you guys still cut it.

And then I was, me and Klein were like, the only way we're going to fucking get on update is to have celebrity guests that Seth and Baze can't say no to once they're there.

Yeah, we fucking love.

Baze especially fucking loves celebs.

Yeah, he's like, oh my God.

He's always checking outside shows of red carpets.

He's, that's the thing.

You would like, oh, he got his own Getty Image account.

He'd just be like, oh my God, look at this.

He's like, I don't want all that text on the screen.

I'll pay the fee.

The United Nations just named Oscar-winning actor Nicholas Cage, Goodwill Ambassador on Drugs and Crime, for his contributions and humanitarian work.

Here now to talk about his new responsibilities, Nicholas Cage.

Thank you.

Thank you, Seth.

It's great to be here.

You know, I've always considered myself a bit of a global ambassador.

It's nice to finally make it official.

So what exactly are we doing with this new position?

I'm gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.

No, no, no, oh no.

They'll never see us coming, Seth.

Quickly, look under your desk.

There should be an engraved panel with a Masonic seal.

Push this shard against the engraving, you unlock the latch.

The real Declaration will be inside, and that will lead us to the treasure.

Nick Cage, that movie's like three years old.

I don't have time to explain this to you!

Every second that you hesitate, people will die!

Do you trust me?

Look, stop!

You need to calm down, Nicholas Cage.

Let me just say, I'm really enjoying that you and I are acting together right now.

It's just me and you in an action movie, basically.

It's basically an action movie.

And again,

Alex Bays, we were joking about Bayes being sort of a fan of celebs.

Bays is a great joke writer.

And Bayes said the closest thing I ever came to a catchphrase is, I'm going to stop you right there.

Is he the one who got you the doormat for your audience?

He got me a doormat that says, I'm going to stop you right there.

He said that works two ways because it also stops people from knocking on your door.

Which you also like.

Yeah.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm sorry, Seth.

Taking the shard away.

Take it.

You'll need it later.

I sometimes get overexcited.

I go very deep into my characters and sometimes they spring up.

Let's suck you in.

Yes.

Let's get back to this very serious UN matter.

Yes.

So what do you think being an ambassador will mean on a day-to-day basis?

What will you actually do?

I'm going to steal the Statue of Liberty.

No!

What?

I know where it is, Seth.

It's buried under the White House.

The other one is a decoy built by James Madison to hide the treasure he stole from the Jefferson Memorial.

Oh, that's wrong.

Here, take this dagger.

No, but be careful.

It's a relic from the tomb of Abraham Lincoln's dog.

Put that dagger away, Nick, Cage.

I don't have time to argue with you, Seth.

If you want to stay alive, come with me now.

It's your choice, Senator.

No, stop, stop, Nicholas Cage.

You are not in one of your movies, please.

Oh, Seth.

Take this dagger away.

Take the dagger.

it could come in handy Seth

you're gonna have to forgive me again I'm really enjoying call you senator that my favorite thing of all that is senator also the fact that the music does not cut out hard but rather just has like a low slow fade oh yeah you gotta love dress rehearsal that's probably a moment where lauren turned to bays and fucking sighed and it was dead so you're gonna fix the fucking music like that i'm just guessing i was never under the bleachers i'm a very impassioned man and of course i'm a little bit crazy.

Okay.

Now, despite my best instincts, I will ask you one more time.

What are you going to do as a UN ambassador?

I'm going to eat the President of the United States.

No, Nick Cage.

Switch business with me, Seth.

No, take your dagger and your shirt and get out of here.

Okay.

All right.

Here's the thing.

It definitely could have erred.

It's great that it didn't err because get in the cage is better than that.

Sure.

And like in another life, we do that and it's really fun.

And you and I always talk about like, remember that one time you played Nicolas Cage?

You think this would have hurt the chances to move on to Get in the Cage?

Well, it's also a different Nicholas Cage.

This is a kind of smiley Nicholas Cage.

And then the Get in the Cage Nicholas Cage, I think, is more fun than this one, even though this one was a lot of fun.

Yeah, it's still finding itself.

This was much more national treasure-based.

It's all national treasure.

Yes.

And then you became, I don't know, it was way more multi-layered once you started getting into the case.

It became more unhinged.

I mean, there's no way to know.

There's no way to know.

There's no way to know.

But it was very enjoyable.

And I will say, I'm having a great time.

You can tell in my eyes that I'm enjoying every second of it.

Are you kidding me?

You're riffing.

You're going off cards.

I'm going off cards.

I'm taking the dagger before you offer it.

Feeling all silly and loose

just because you knew you were going to cut it, probably.

Yeah.

I was like, this is the last time I'm ever going to do this.

Got to make the most of it.

By the way, you really burned me because basically you're like okay you don't want to do it with me then i'll get jake gyllenhall

and you can sit off to the side and you don't have to be in the two shot anymore

i mean what was on update that week not to like

drill down on this

i mean i think we've got a garth and cat if i'm if memory serves you were up against some heavy hitters okay but what else though oh that you know i will say where you probably got burned is like, I bet it was the other one was political.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Because it's like, I don't know if you remember, but it's kind of the newsy part of the show.

Or at least from the news that week, even if it's just topical.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm looking at the rundown from that week.

It looks like it was Bill and Bobby doing Snooky.

Oh, yeah.

From Jersey Shore.

So that's pretty political.

And they were kind of national.

They had gone national at that point.

Snooky.

Hey, guys, Jorm here.

I just wanted to interrupt real quick.

I know we're talking about Tizzle Wizzle and I love, love that short.

But real quick, I just wanted to mention Rag and Bone.

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Isn't that right, Zadie?

Yes.

They've got stretch where you need it, structure where it matters, and they move with you so comfortably that you might forget that you're wearing denim.

You know, when I first tried on these jeans, I could not believe how comfortable they were right out of the box.

Isn't that right, Zadie?

Yes.

They felt like jeans I had already worn in, but with a way better quality.

Like when you first saw me in those jeans, what did you think?

It looked pretty good.

Yeah, exactly.

And if Zadie thinks that, you know, like, because her standards are very high.

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Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyer's podcast comes from Airbnb.

I wish I roped Liz into this because it's her parents.

When her parents come to town, you know, we have a guest room, but it's quite small for two people to stay in.

And then they're in your kitchen and stuff like that.

And they're lovely.

But, you know, it's nice to have a little extra space so she has taken it upon herself to find them their own space on airbnb nearby and they love it because they borrow one of our cars or rent a car and they live over there and they can watch their tv as loud as they want and they can do what they want but then when they come over to us they're cheery-eyed and bright because they aren't invading our space and feeling bad about it they

refreshed from parents uh to be able to

yeah no sorry i was here the whole time uh that's what you want from parents or parents-in-law, for them to be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, so you can just hand them your kids and be like, There you go.

Get gone.

Well, I love staying in welcoming homes that I book on Airbnb, but it's got me thinking my home could do the same for someone else.

You've been to my house, Yorm.

What would you pay for my house?

$1,000?

I'm not good with pricing.

Sold!

Come over here and give me $1,000 and I'll go somewhere else.

I already put love into all the details of my home.

Why not help someone feel comfortable and taken care of while they're traveling when I'm away from home?

Think about it, Yorm.

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All right, back to the show.

You did Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas Animals.

Yeah.

We tried to bring it back.

That's the one where it was last in the rundown and we ran out of time on the episode.

But I didn't know that when we started.

And as the sketch was going, Chris Kelly, floor manager, Chris Kelly, uh, was counting me down.

Like, we're going to cut the feed.

Yeah.

And I had more cards, and they just started like ditching cards.

It has an abrupt ending.

Yeah.

With that said, I'm glad you weren't rushing off the top.

Yeah.

Because it plays great.

And, you know, ultimately, like, we'll break a little news here.

The endings of SNL sketches are often not not the best part.

Another Fuego take.

I have no memory of it other than when it ended being like, oh, shit, I probably won't do that again because it didn't go the right amount of good.

That's a good sentence.

I actually,

I think maybe because you didn't do it again, I incorrectly thought that and I fucking loved watching it.

Oh, okay.

Well, great.

Bust it out.

Let's see it.

Yeah, let's bust it out.

And Keeve, you were dancing in the background in the monologue of this episode, right?

Yeah.

what was he?

I was just doing that, though.

It wasn't musical.

Why?

I can't remember why.

Which is like, oh, where's Waldo?

Yeah, I was just in the background, like, kind of vibing out.

Hello, Mighty.

Hello, my darling.

All right, Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas animals.

Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas animals.

Hey, I'm Mark Wahlberg.

You guys know what me.

What's up, little fluff?

Right?

Let's go talk to some Christmas animals.

I was thrown by the rush.

Hey, sheep.

How's it going?

I like your fur.

So you're with the first Christmas, right?

Let me ask you something.

Did you guys know it's going to be a big thing?

Okay.

Well, it's great to meet you.

Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

Now I'm going to talk to a partridge.

Hey, partridge, how's it hanging?

Where's your pear tree?

Oh,

there it is.

So you were in that song, The 12 Days of Christmas.

I was in the happening.

Did you see that movie?

Okay.

Talk to you later, Partridge.

Now I'm going to talk to a snowman.

Hey, snowman.

It's nice to see you.

How'd you get in here with all these animals?

You're not an animal.

You're a man.

I like your stick hands.

I have real hands, but we can still hang out.

Just let me know, okay?

Say hi to your mother for me.

Now I'm going to talk to Rudolph.

Hey, Rudolph.

Long time no see.

I've been thinking about making an entourage movie.

Do you like that idea?

Hey, Rudolph, next time you talk to Santa, tell him I want an Amazon Kindle, okay?

You hear me, Rudolph?

An Amazon Kindle.

Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

This has been Mark Lord.

Jesus.

It's still very enjoyable.

It's very enjoyable.

I can tell I'm rushing.

The impression is great.

I do feel like...

I forgot you did it again after Mark came and did it with you.

Yeah.

It was

that was the last time pretty much.

I think the reindeer also, there's a moment where even watching it, I'm like, is that what is that?

Is that an actual reindeer?

Or did they like super glue some antlers on a fucking?

It's a reindeer.

It is a full reindeer.

I mean, as soon as I enter that frame, I know for a fact I've never been mauled by a reindeer, but I immediately was like, oh, God, I hope I don't get mauled.

It's a very small reindeer.

Those horns are big and scary.

The horn, big old horns.

Yeah.

With apologies to Spodioti Dopelisius.

Oh.

That thing had some big horns.

Because it's got a huge horn section, Seth.

Fuck.

It goes like...

Talk on that radio.

It's really good stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How confident were you when you made that joke that Keeve would be there to catch you?

1 million percent.

That's fantastic.

It's a very good song.

I calculated this actually this morning, Seth, because me and Keith were texting.

We've known each other 31 years.

That's unbelievable.

It depressed me rather than make me feel special.

Yeah, it didn't cheer him up.

It made him feel worse.

This was a Christmas show.

Well, for me, it's been an honor, Keeve.

Wait, guess what?

Guess what?

Billy Hater texted me today.

I know what he texted you because he texted me the same thing that today was the 20-year anniversary of our first show, Keeve.

Also, yeah, October 1st would have been the Steve Carell show.

Yep.

20 years ago, and he sent me the picture of you two just chilling.

Wow.

And

it's nuts.

That's huge.

And we look exactly the same and feel great.

They feel the exact same greatness.

I then sent him, because I was watching this episode to get ready for a thing right when he sent it.

And so I was like, I can't believe that guy grew up to be this guy.

And then just

then I just sent him a clip of Fields of Production has a real nasty dildo algae.

Ah, damn it.

So close, guys.

We got to figure out these gifts.

So buckle down, Carol.

Hold my car.

Maybe we're making this too complicated.

I say we just ask ourselves what we would want for Christmas, and that's what we should get people.

So dildo's in.

Dildo's in.

Jerry Carl.

This is Jerry and Carl, which again, you forgot Mark Wahlberg talked to Christmas animals.

I did not.

I forgot that Jerry and Carl somehow have been on the show three times.

I definitely didn't know that.

Is this the third or the second?

This is the third.

And it is mind-boggling to me that this kept finding its way back into the show.

And that there was a line about someone having a dildo allergy.

Well, dude, I'm going to play from the start.

You cannot believe how quickly dildo finds its way into the sketch.

This was second to last in the rundown just before Mark Wahlberg.

So, by the way, this is why Andy had to rush through Wahlberg.

That's right.

Forte's hair is so funny.

Just a little tiny.

And it also was, I think they explained in the second Jerry and Carl why his hair looked like this.

And then they just kept it this way and never explained it in the sketch.

Troy, Jerry, so sorry I'm late, but it's been a grizzly bear of a day.

You know what I always say?

The going gets tough, the tough go fishing.

Oh, Jerry, you and your inimitable sense of humor.

Gentlemen, I appreciate the lively japery.

But in the next five minutes, we gotta figure out what gifts we're gonna get the office for Christmas.

So we gotta buckle down.

Carol, hold my calls.

Christmas presents.

Christmas presents.

Christmas presents.

How much are dildos these days?

25 bucks last I checked, and that was two hours ago.

The Christmas show.

It's the Christmas show.

Oh, god damn it.

Remind me.

In the previous Jerry and Carl sketches, they were into dildos.

That was the main thing?

Or no?

No.

No.

That's just.

These were like the third one's about dildos for the staff.

Yeah, it's a staff party for dildos.

Two hours ago, though, is what gets you.

They could have changed.

Yeah, $25 last I checked, which was two hours ago.

Hold on, let me.

There's also a crazy joke at the end where they vote.

The reason they kick at dildos is somebody in the office is allergic to dildos,

but they vote at the end.

Okay, all those in favor of firing Ted Fields?

Dildo.

All those opposed?

Human penis.

Okay, well,

the dildos have it.

It's the most.

Dildo is odd.

human penis is neck.

It's the most forte writing joke.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

it's essentially a John Bovey.

Yeah, essentially.

Yeah, they essentially Bovey it.

Tizzle Whizzle.

By the way, we're coming off back-to-back criterions.

I don't think we've ever had three criterions in a row.

And we're not going to.

I don't think we ever will.

We might.

We might, but it'll be hard to do.

There's a moment around

Three Way and Jack Sparrow, maybe.

Maybe in there.

Maybe.

You're presuming presuming the three-way is criterion.

Well, it just, it's grand for you.

What do you think about, do you remember, do you remember anything about Tizzle Whizzle and the jump-off?

No, and that, and I don't, not that we should count on Yorm to know, but that's why I was hoping he was going to jump on by the time of it in case he does.

I know he kind of likes kids' stuff, so I was hoping he would remember.

I will say

the jammy shuffle, I believe, is the song.

Sounds very much like something that I came up with.

I could be wrong, but I kind of feel like this one maybe started with some kernel of a thing of mine, but it could be Yorm.

I don't know.

There is,

there are elements of this I really like, but in my memory of it, there were like two things I had forgotten that I thought were really great.

And at the same time, not quite for me.

I think this is

undeniably influenced by Wonder Shows and a little as well, probably, right?

Just because it's a perverse take on children's programming.

Yeah.

A skewed take, a demented take on children's programming you could almost say we see things a little differently keeve we don't do things exactly the way that others might hold on one second guys i'll be right back well keeve since seth stepped away what's your take on the nick cage update situation do you think seth and baez fucked us i think that that easily could have aired because you watch things um

transform or what do you want to call like grow up you watch you watch characters change over multiple sketches on the air all the time where you're like oh the first way's world they hadn't quite figured out everything yet.

By the third one, it's like the Wayne's World we know.

Like, so you could easily have had that in a cage, and it could have gone a B.

And then you still next time would have gone get in the cage and it would have been an A, and it would be no difference.

Agreed.

That's my guess.

Agreed.

And I just hope that my friend Rob Klein, who I rode with, is listening so he feels equally vindicated as me right now.

But it's also, you know, it worked out fine, so it doesn't matter.

Andy, you're not looking at the rundown, right?

No, but I can't.

I can't.

Don't.

Okay.

There are two special guests that were on the episode.

Okay.

One was on 30 Rock.

Okay.

And the other was in the Hangover.

What's your guess?

This is the Christmas show, December 19th, 2009.

Tina and Zach?

Mike Tyson and Jack McGuire.

You're an idiot.

So I basically got it.

I did not expect to see special guests Mike Tyson.

Seth, do you remember what Mike Tyson did on this episode?

What up with that?

Oh,

he was the guest sitting there that they never get to.

I'm just guessing.

I'm just thinking, like, what would Mike Tyson?

Oh, and I think Mike Tyson got up and dressed and danced like a crazy person at the end.

On What Up With That.

Did some What Up With That dancing?

Yeah.

All right.

So let's watch Tizzle Whizzle, guys.

My recollection of Tizzle Whizzle is that it was really, really good.

So let's see how that holds up.

Mine is just that it is fully realized.

So then you can judge the content as, you know, it's up there to be judged.

Yeah.

But for the amount we just like got a soundstage and figured it out on the fly and kind of made it happen.

I was like, hey, it's a whole idea.

That's what I'm doing.

I remember it ending and being like, we did our job this week.

Yeah.

Everybody's very good in it.

And there's a moment when the lights go off.

I really like it.

It's really good filmmaking.

Here we go, ready.

Hey, everyone.

Welcome back to the Tizzle Whizzle Show.

Our special guest today is James Franco.

Hey, Tizzle Wizzles.

I love James.

It's also a little bit of like

colour tubbies and bananas and pajamas.

And what's the other one where it was like...

Yo, Gabba Gabba kind of too.

Yo, Gabba Gabba.

But it's also like the one where it was those Australian men.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was it?

That one?

The Fuck Nuts.

Yeah, the Fuck Nuts.

It's a little like that.

Yep.

What are you wearing?

I'm wearing pajamas.

Same with us.

Only around here we call them Jammies.

Let's dance.

The jammy shuffle.

the jammy shuffle!

Everyone put on your jammies now!

Comfy, cozy, snuggly warm!

Come on, everybody, don't have a cow!

Pink ones, blue ones, even stripes!

Jammy party!

Dance all night!

Jammies!

Knives, knives, all types of knives!

Everybody pick out your favorite knives!

Short ones, long ones, one with spikes!

Three more seconds to choose your knife!

Pills, pills, all types of pills!

Everyone must take at least one pill.

Goblet, swallow of them, eat them down.

Don't spit them out because we'll know.

Yay!

The pills take hold of your mind and flesh.

You're brave and strong, you don't fear death.

Jesus!

Steal yourself, it's time for war.

Your glowing stick is how we keep score.

Hop to the left and raise your knife.

It's a fight to the death, now kill the lights.

Now turn on the lights, one player remains.

All held the king of the disappisting.

We've had our fun, but goodbye for now.

We'll be back when you're going to.

What is the jail?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Short and sweet.

Short and sweet.

Perfectly excellent.

My favorite phrase.

Don't have a cow callback.

My favorite part.

The glow sticks, like just solving the problem of how we will not actually watch the violence.

Well, it's a children's show.

It's a children's show.

Yeah, that would be inappropriate, Seth.

The wiggles Kev, came through.

Yeah, it's kind of like the wiggles.

I directed it.

I wrote it.

And I starred in all the parts.

You did get a pretty big laugh in the beginning just for the cutaway of your face looking kind of just too guysy, awkward.

It is like Andy had a real ability to be a believable kid, even as a grown man.

This was an audience that cheered on the logo.

So we were in our sweet spot with this one, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And again, you're right.

You did your job.

Perfectly executed in fun times.

Yeah.

And it's 100% criterion.

Seth agrees.

This guy.

Just this look got a pretty good.

But I don't know where this lands because it's not criterion, but it's not exactly Kim's videos or is it?

I think it's Kim's video.

All right, Kim's video then.

I was wrong.

Yeah.

Go fuck myself.

But that's more than you thought it was going to be, Seth, last week.

You were like, I don't even know what this is.

And then Kim's video is high price.

I watched it today.

It's way better than I thought it would be.

Do you think Nick Cage got cut because it also had a dagger?

Oh, yeah.

That was probably what you told me.

You wrote two dagger sketches.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, you can't have two daggers.

He's like, by the way, while you were gone, Seth, while you were gone, Akiva fucking trashed you for cutting Nick Cage.

It was crazy.

I was defending you, too.

I was like, hey, hey, he had a job to do.

Never.

He had to get politics in.

I'm sure there were like six jokes that got like mild reaction, but they were necessary because the show was saying so.

Never leave the pod.

You leave the pod, you get trashed.

Hey, hey, sorry for the interruption.

Yorm here again.

Man, I've loved what everyone's talking about so far.

It's been great, but I just wanted to mention Quince.

Cozy season has arrived with Quince, and nothing sets the tone like a bedding refresh.

Now that cozy season is here, right, Sadie?

Yeah,

it's the perfect time for a bedding refresh.

Quince sheets and duvets are super soft, breathable, and elevated enough to make every night feel a little bit more special.

Sadie, do you like a very comfortable bed?

Yep, it's comfortable and cozy than yeah.

Right.

And if Sadie says that, you know, we're cooking with gas.

Switching to Quince sheets has honestly made all of our bedrooms feel upgraded.

Don't you think?

Pretty much.

The duvet is a perfect mix of cozy and breathable.

Zadie is not one to be hyperbolic here, guys.

I just don't wake up feeling overheated anymore because that breathability is something else.

Make your bed the coziest place in the house this fall with Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash island for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Now available in Canada, too.

That's q-u-in-ce-e.com/slash/island.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash island.

Take it from me, Yorm and Zady.

Yorm here once more.

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Isn't that right, Zadie?

Yeah, if you say so.

And I do say so.

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Okay, back to the show.

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There's a clip going around, and this

we'll feel like it's forced, but it's true.

There's a clip going around of, because this guy says from that new Kanye documentary that's out, of Che

talking to Kanye.

Yeah, I saw it.

I saw it.

And that, I want to say a couple things.

One, it's fascinating to watch Che talk to Kanye and defend the show.

And two, that is absolutely the same spot in the hallway that Bayes would have told you your stuff was cut.

No, I was like, why does this, why is this giving me like PTSD?

That would have been where you would have heard.

We're not doing gauge.

Hey, sorry, buddy.

And then he was like,

maybe some A-listers.

And then he was like, why are you giving him like a deep, gravelly voice?

I don't either.

Hey, sorry, pal.

We had to cat it.

Seth wants to do like seven jokes about that.

That's a better bass than the one.

I don't know why I play bass like

a growling.

He's tall.

I'm just.

No, he's got some heft.

Yeah, he's not baby Herman.

He's got heft.

Where was it?

Where are you saying that is?

Eighth floor or ninth floor?

It's on nine, right out that hallway, right, like the between Higgins' door and the back door to Lauren's office.

Yeah, yeah.

That's basically exactly where the story that we told about the Walking Phoenix Yorma Cameron Diaz moment that I told.

That's right in that, where it kind of widens out for a second, where you can have a little chat there.

Again, I guess, like at this point, one might say Yorm's not coming.

I think that's fair.

And by the way, knowing him, he'll show up like as we're saying bye.

Yeah.

We can also ask him next week about the Tizza Whizzle show.

He honestly might remember more than us, but I do think this was a three-hander, as they say, that it didn't come from one of us specifically.

He was very involved, and especially in the song, a lot of yarm signatures in there.

Yeah, that's definitely a beat he made.

Yep.

It did not cost a lot of money.

Nice.

This set didn't cost a lot of money.

Nice, guys.

Keevie sounded just like her.

Oh, thank you.

There is something to that, like, because you built two sets you didn't use the last time, they were like, you got a white psych.

Well, it wasn't our fault, man.

We definitely wanted to keep it simple.

Um, wait, were we gonna talk about stuff from the other shows?

Well, I wanted to talk about Underground, Underground Music Festival, which is one of my favorite things.

And basically, a three-hander, it's Sadakis and Naseem, who didn't do a ton of stuff together and are so good.

DJ Super Soaker, and I think she's Little Blaster.

Mike O'Brien wrote it, and it's based on

the Juggalos, right?

And I want to make sure it's the first one.

Because the first one was called the Kickspit Music Festival.

I remember that we spent like an hour trying to come up with what the name of this music festival was, and I think we ended up on Kickspit.

And then literally the next one, it's like, let's just call it the Underground, Underground Festival, which is such a better name.

But three-hander, Sudeikis, Naseem, and also Yorma as the voice, because Yorma is perfect as a guy who's doing the VO for a music festival like this.

Should we watch it first?

Yeah, let's watch it.

Underground records brings you its 10th annual Kick Spit Underground Rock Festival.

What up, y'all?

I'm DJ Super Soak.

And I'm Lil Blaster.

And we're bringing you amazing happenings for the Super Dope 10th annual Kick Spit Underground Rock Festival.

You are fans, your ears will bleed.

We've got Rat Balls, Slit, Third Earth Sex, DJ Dewsgrown, Mrs.

Potato Jack, and more.

This most underground festival ever.

No water bottles, no protection from the sun, and absolutely no portajo.

We didn't sell out and get you a bunch of portagons, yo.

You want bathrooms?

Oh, we've got bathrooms.

They're called your pets.

Ha ha!

Underground enough for you.

Aw, yeah.

And don't forget the mud-eating contest.

Try to dethrone last year's mud-eating champ, ass Dan.

Everywhere you look, mad crunk's gonna be popping off.

We got loose alligators up in this.

Chop on some stick meat.

Come have sex with the iron sheet.

And did we mention bands?

Now, I want to say this is one of the most fun kind of sketches to have at the rewrite table.

Yeah.

Because all it is, it's a perfect structure to just throw on dumb ideas.

Come have sex with the iron sheet.

And it's just Mike O'Brien.

This is his brainchild, and a lot of them come from him.

And then he would also sit at the rewrite table and he would just write stuff down.

And we wouldn't know what he was keeping or what he was losing.

But it was pure joy for an hour, even just yelling at names of these bands.

Always spraying the crowd with cat pants.

Haha, hell yeah.

So many fun events, and you know you gotta get in the worst He-Man impression contest.

Just look out for last year's champ, Ass Dad.

For sure.

And if that wasn't enough for you, ninjas, we got a mad list of special guests, yo.

Like Mark Furman from the OJ tribe, the Mac guy, Justin Long, the Snapple Leader, Turtle from Andy Rod.

Miss Screw Magazine, 1997.

And NBA All-Star Dirk Kowinski shoots a Phoebe gun at you in an open field.

You wanna get sick as hell?

Helicopters gonna spray your ass with viruses, yo.

Viruses.

And there's more, like a full screening of Facts of Life Season 3.

Plus, we got a bunch of ventriloquists walking around on stilts.

And their dummies got tiny stilts, yo.

And you know when your mom's running all around this bitch.

And here's the best part: Everybody gets pitchforks.

Everybody's gonna be running around mad crazy with pitchforks, yo.

Literally, everyone is given a pitchfork.

Plus, don't miss a very special memorial service for ass dad.

So get your tickets now, ninjas, for the 10th annual Kick Spit Underground Rock Festival.

And get ready to be truly underground.

Kick Spit Underground Rock Festival.

See you, Ninja Bear.

Fun.

Super fun.

Yeah.

Kept getting better.

Kept getting crazier.

That was very crazy to start.

And like only one X as crazy as it got, which was like 20X.

They invited us to do stuff with Ask Dan like twice before saying he had actually passed away.

Yeah.

So I asked Mike O'Brien to send me a voice note last week, mid-pod.

I thought we were going to get to it.

And I said, hey, leave me a voice note about how you chose Yorman to do the VO.

And he's like, when do you need it?

I was like, now.

And so he sent this.

Hey, I don't remember why Jose and I first asked Jorm to do those VOs, but he was so great at them.

And I'll just say briefly that after he left, we had someone else filling in for that part for the table read only.

And after you'd gotten used to Jorm doing it,

it was a bit rougher.

Folks, it'd be like if you went to Star Wars and some regular guy was doing Darth Vader's voice instead of James Earl Jones.

Thanks for the platform, guys.

I appreciate it.

Thanks for the platform.

So anyway.

But wait, did they not go ask Joram then when they did him once Jorm left?

Because there's nothing Jorm likes more than getting and doing VO.

No, he did it for the shows.

Oh, just not at the thing.

He did it for the show, but not at the table.

Now, anyway, we aired.

Obviously, we're talking to you.

I'm talking to you guys after the Shirani episodes come up.

Michael Bryan listened to it, realized his voice note wasn't in.

Texted me.

I'm so glad you didn't use it.

I felt like I rushed it and it wasn't great.

Yeah.

And he said, should I do a second one?

I was like, sure, but I I feel like we're still going to play the first one.

And he goes, I think that's right.

I want the audience to know what my rushed version was.

Yeah.

And then he sent his second one.

A reboot.

I just want to say before you play this, if he doesn't thank us for the platform, I'm going to be furious.

I hated that bit.

I think if you're even going to do the Vader thing, you got to go all the way through to where you're like acting out lines from Star Wars and then you're just like so far off track.

Let's just start it here.

You know, it's funny.

Joe and I were just kind of banging our heads against the wall, trying to think of who to get to do the VO.

We were like, it's got to be someone with a little gravel, you know?

And then we both looked at each other, all of a sudden, said at the same time, got to get Yorma.

That was it?

That was it.

So he turned on his like press junket liar voice.

He did it, Junket.

He imagined that he had an like an underground festival poster behind him and he's doing the behind the scenes.

Yeah.

Didn't thank us for the platform either.

No, he did he did give more credit or he did give accurate credit to Joast, which I forgot.

I knew it was a Michael Bryant, right?

I forgot he did it with Joast, too.

Sorry, Joast.

I'm not sorry.

Yeah, he's got enough great stuff.

He doesn't need this.

Joast is going to be fine.

That piece of shit.

Sorry, I don't.

People asked if you would ever do a segment on my show called Job Drinking with Andy Sandberg.

So it wouldn't be a daydream.

It would just be you and I chugging job.

God.

That would be fun.

I mean, it would be different.

Interesting to see if over the course of two hours, if you had 16 espresso shots, what you'd be like.

Oh, no.

The best part would be us having to stop every seven minutes to go to the bathroom.

Is that more dangerous than overdrinking at a certain point?

I don't know.

I would think that's worse.

Well, you have to think that.

Yorm is not here, but I texted, I looked at the YouTube comments this morning and texted one to you, Seth, to say to Yorm, did you see my text?

Oh, yeah.

Somebody sent it.

Remember, Yorm said somebody just wrote in a postcard that said penis and the person wanted us to know that it was pelvis.

Yeah.

I'm going to show this so that Andy can see it because once you see it spelled out, you see, are you seeing it right now?

Yeah.

You see how that could look like it because the V goes up and down and the L.

And if you connected the, if you were writing it with your hand, you connected an L to the V, that could be an N pretty easy.

Yeah.

But it is really funny that this person says, I wrote pelvis on the postcard, pelvis.

But I could see the confusion.

It seems true to me.

It makes way more sense.

Yeah.

It's still weird to write a whole postcard and just write the word pelvis.

It's still a little weird.

Yorm told the story about for the second time about how he peed in a jar while he was on a Zoom with Daniel Radcliffe.

Yeah.

And somebody did comment:

Do you think Jorm broke his pelvis because he kept dropping names on it?

It's a very handy comment.

You're really, you're teaching these people.

You're teaching them how to burn Yorm, how to rip, how to interact with us.

Well, he has an affliction.

Name dropperitis.

All right, guys,

it was a quieter week.

Yeah.

Well, this hour in the night, I'm not jobved at all.

I'll be honest.

I'm not jobed at all.

I haven't been jobved for hours.

And you know what?

Not to be all

Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption, but I missed my friend.

Have we come to depend on his

pain-killered out wild ways?

Yeah.

Yours are crazy.

Your went full ladies, man.

Isn't it maybe I just missed my friend?

Maybe I just missed my friend.

Some podcasts seemed to draw out like a blade.

Do you think Jorm wrote Yorm was here in the rafters at the hospital?

Or he wrote it at the top of the ladder right before he

wrote Brooks was here and then fell off the ladder.

That's so fucked up.

You guys heard it here first.

Seth and Keith making fun of Brooks.

Oh, hell, guys.

I made it.

Wait, this is great because we're at the end.

And Kevin, our producer Kevin just pointed out, we teased the New York Times games, but we didn't get to it.

So we did live by it.

So everyone had to stick with it.

They've been on pins and needles, afraid if they hit the 30-second forward, they'll skip right past it.

And by the way, some people said, don't say what words you missed because they are doing the Be on archive.

We cannot agree to that.

And I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Also, I didn't even know there was a B archive.

I know.

Oh, boy.

You don't need to know that.

Well, he's hit them every day.

He'd have to go way back to get to have the app and there's no archive.

Where are they getting it from?

I don't know.

Maybe they mail it to them.

Tell me

what you,

what'd you miss?

Oh, you didn't miss anything, but what did you need hints for?

I needed two hints today.

One, I'm glad I used the hint.

It was cidification.

Okay.

And then another, I was like, god damn it, it was Fontina.

Gotcha.

Should have got.

I missed Finito.

Oh, that's a rookie mistake.

Well, I mean, it's very similar to Fontina.

No, yours is way worse.

No, Fontina is a word you see on the menu.

Finito is a word you literally never see.

I say Finito every single time I leave the bathroom.

Seth's laughing.

You can't see him, but he's laughing really hard, actually.

Yeah.

I was wondering how you were going to argue you used it.

Threw myself under the bus just to prove my point.

Do you say it to yourself?

Oh, gosh.

loudly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, before

the flush, that's interesting, yeah, yeah, with great flourish.

Gotcha.

Um, all right, well, if we just if we just wait a second, then we'll have a funny ending because Jon will join in,

Andy.

As soon as you see him, just say later, Arnold.

Okay, perfect.

So let's do.

Uh, love you guys, love you guys, love you, buddies.

Hey, hey, guys, how's it going?

Later, Arnold.

Oh, fuck.

Are you safe

Later, Quads.