‘Meet the Parents’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

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Kyle Brandt is on there a bunch.

Usually we do action movies from the 80s and 90s, but we like to mix it up.

You're a man of many interests, Kyle Brandt.

We're doing a comedy from 2000.

That's iconic.

Meet the Parents is next.

I milked a cat once.

Greg is spending the weekend with his girlfriend's parents.

I had no idea you could milk a cat.

Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.

I have nipples, Greg.

Could you milk me?

What could possibly go wrong?

Jake is strictly a house cat.

You can't let him outside.

From the director of Austin Powers.

You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a...

Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller.

Meet the Parents.

Ready PG-13 at Theatre's Party, October 6th.

All right, Kyle Bran is here.

Meet the Parents came out 24 years ago.

It made a lot of money.

It spawned two sequels that also made a lot of money.

And it struck me, I'm older than you, but we watch the same TV shows.

Yep.

And there is a Three's Company kind of generation of comedy that this movie is kind of the last

son of.

I don't feel like there's grandsons of the Threes Company, which is basically like scenario.

Things go wrong.

Misunderstandings.

Things go sideways.

Things get worse.

Everything unravels.

And then at the end, we kind of piece it together.

And Three's Company would do this over and over again in a 23-minute episode.

And this is just what they did.

And it spawned a lot of imitators.

And it makes me nostalgic for those shows because they don't do that anymore, really, right?

I don't think so.

I don't watch sitcoms really, but you'd get in some wacky screwball scenario and there was always resolution in like 22 minutes of airtime.

And also with Three's Company, you just, you're swapping in Fokker for Ritter.

There would always be like lots of fun sex play too.

And like you know like they would hear something that sounded really dirty but jack would just be saying like uh hey help me fit this in here and he's like trying to talk about like getting a couch in a room or something and this has a lot of sex in it too Right.

Jack would be like, no, no, just move backwards and then I'll put it in.

And Mr.

Roper would, his eyes would be bulging out of his head and then they'd open up and they'd be like, Ralph Furley would run in and try to try to help out.

I was a little kid for those, but I still remember I was kind of watching something naughty and it was simple.

It was like part of this complete breakfast.

There's a problem.

There's fun characters and there's an immediate resolution.

And

I think we have some of that.

Meet the parents.

I'm very excited to do this pod bill.

I just I paid a quick visit to the microphone fairy and I am ready to go.

There's definitely some there's some definitely some jack tripper with Greg Fokker, right?

Where it's just you're rooting for him, but he keeps screwing things up for himself.

And you don't even know by the time we're an hour into the movie, you're like, I don't even know why I'm rooting for this guy.

He's a complete mess.

He's a screw up.

She probably shouldn't marry him.

And everybody should just move on.

And you're rooting for them to work out in.

Bill, was Tripper?

I'm trying to, was Tripper a smoker?

I feel like everyone was in the 80s.

And smoking plays a big part in this movie.

And I can see Tripper like burning through a camel light outside the house or something like that.

That feels on brand.

He definitely hung out with Larry, who I think was wearing a smoking jacket and a smoker.

So

this was also the other old school theme about this was there's like a Jewish Anglo-Saxon Protestant kind of

meeting of the worlds, right?

And they lean into it.

They do it really subversively and smartly, but it's hanging over there.

This is an old school.

My daughter's not going to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend, kind of just like family out of the 50s.

And like even this scene when he asks them to say grace, and it's just religion is a part of this in a way that I feel like it would be more stumbly in 2024 than it was back then.

Well, also, I mean, I don't want to speak for the Burns family, but I'm pretty sure they're Republicans.

And

I got a pretty good feeling how Jack votes.

I could be wrong, but to tear from the headlines, I feel like there's some of that going on too.

Yeah, no question.

There's some great everyday fodder here.

Yeah.

That this taps into.

And one of the, and we're going to make Craig jump on a bunch of times because he just went through this with meeting the in-laws, asking for permission.

You and I are, you know, years and years removed for that.

But some of this stuff, like,

what if my last name sucks?

Yeah.

Like, this guy's last name is Fokker.

What do you do?

Do you change it?

Do you keep it?

Do you ask your future wife to take your terrible last name?

Like, this is just an everyday conundrum, right?

Would you, would you change the name Fokker?

I think for TV, you'd have to, right?

You couldn't be Kyle Fokker.

I don't know.

There's some, there's some cojones in just owning it.

Who gives you owning Fokker?

I think especially if my name was Fokker in the wake of this movie, it might actually work ironically for me.

But no, I didn't have that problem.

Like your name is just like right on the screws, Simmons.

My name is fine.

I didn't have that problem.

But listen, I know people and I've worked with people who have changed their names professionally who had names that they didn't think that hit the palette right.

I think it's more common than people know, even in sports.

Craig, do you like your name?

No, I've thought about, I haven't really thought about changing my name, but I do not like my last name.

As you know, Bill, very difficult to pronounce.

Yeah.

Well, did you, your wife kept, i mean your wife had a great name has a great name liz kelly i should have taken her name craig kelly sounds like a quarterback i was i debated doing that for a second was there any conversation craig that had ever come up no i and i i don't mind that she wants to keep her name i completely get it i feel like that's that's more common these days i i like craig's name but i've i've also learned how to say it over the last five years now it's like rulebeck it's i like that bill faked a little bit of foreplay where we talked about my name for a second before obviously one of the things i was like i know where this is going yeah yeah

um

craig just come on the Zoom for a second because I have more questions and you've looked through some of these.

So meeting the in-laws,

what if my in-laws don't like me?

Right.

So I met my wife's parents in 1999.

It was 25 years ago.

I literally don't even remember what happened.

I do remember my college girlfriend where they're very like Irish family.

You know, there was a huge generational difference and it was hard to connect with them.

But Craig, walk us through your experience meeting the in-laws.

What was it like?

What happened?

Well, for those who don't know, I met my wife, my now-wife Liz, at the ringer.

Yeah, it's our favorite ringer marriage.

It's a ringer success story.

Sure.

Six years ago, we met, and I met her parents a year after that, 2019 at some point.

We went to dinner.

And honestly, a little bit like

Greg here, her parents are both lawyers, retired lawyers.

And is the modern male nurse a 25-year-old podcaster?

Because there was a little bit of like, so what do you do?

And I was like,

I'm a podcaster.

Oh, you host them?

Well, I really produce them.

What does that mean?

So, you know, yeah, but sometimes they bring me on at the end to ask my take about Under Siege.

So you can go fast forward to that.

Sometimes I come in hot for 120 seconds.

It went generally okay, though, because luckily she worked in the same business as I did.

So that like that leveled the playing field a little bit.

But one of the best interactions I had with her family and like introducing myself to her family is she has three other siblings, two brothers and a sister.

I'm really close with the brothers now and the sister, but brothers and I are very tight.

The first day I met her youngest brother, who's who's 23 now, so he's seven years younger than me, he claims that the first thing I said to him is, what's up, bro?

And I dapped him up.

I have never said bro earnestly in my life.

Yeah, that's a, I don't see you saying that.

I don't do it.

And to this day, it's been a massive fight that he initially was like, I don't like this guy's vibe because he said, what's up, bro, to me?

Wow.

And I will refute that to the day I die.

I never said that.

Craig, there's a legendary story that the first time Aaron Rodgers met Brett Favre, he said, what's up, Gramps?

And he denies it.

But Jeff Perlman in his book says that that's what happened.

And Rodgers just says, that's not true.

It's not true.

But you can never kind of erase the myth of that if you make the bad first impression.

And that doesn't sound like Aaron Rodgers at all, like just being a dick for no reason.

Kyle, what do you remember from meeting the in-laws?

It's such a great question.

And I feel like this movie has so many of the trappings.

There's a couple of things that go on here that I remember from my experience.

And the first one is when Greg gets out of the car and they go up to the Burns house, it is that miscommunication on the handshake hug with Blythe Danner.

Right.

Yeah, you don't know what you don't know how to greet.

No, and I remember my wife, we did the thing where we traveled.

Brooke and I, my wife traveled to Chicago to meet my mom in Chicago.

And the whole ride there to the house, my wife is really concerned about, should I hug her or shake her hands?

And I'm like, listen to me.

My mom is going to go for the hug.

This is the familiar thing.

Hug her, hug her, hug her.

And sure enough, my mom meets us on the curb at O'Hare.

Brooke goes for the hug, and my mom stuck her fucking hand out.

And Brooke still won't forgive me for it.

And it was a Fokker, Blythe, Danner, completely.

We messed it up.

I don't know what my mom was thinking.

I told her, like, this was the one.

She went for the handshake.

Oh, my God.

I remember I went to see my wife with her parents in upstate New York.

Okay.

And it was for the holidays.

And it was the first time.

So I got to meet a bunch of the family,

including nephew Kyle.

Oh.

And nephew Kyle was like, I don't know, maybe eight or nine.

And he got in trouble at one point.

And we were walking around and he was sitting on the stairs and his dad was kind of yelling at him.

And his dad was like, you're going to stay on these stairs until you have an answer for what you did.

And Kyle, Kyle was sitting on the stairs and he goes, but what if I don't have an answer?

And my wife and I thought this was the funniest thing.

And it became this running joke of like, but I don't have an answer.

We would do this for years and years.

And then he became my podcast producer eventually.

So I remember more meeting meeting Kyle than meeting her parents.

It was a big

answers now for you.

Yeah, still no.

It's a bummer that I watched this movie when I don't know when I watched this movie for the first time.

I was definitely young,

12, 14, 16.

I don't know.

It hits 30 times harder after you have met somebody and gotten married.

It has aged like wine.

It's absolutely beautiful.

The second you know this movie is going to work, it's right when what Kyle's talking about, right when they meet each other, they walk in, Ben Stiller's wife goes, Oh, Greg hates cats.

The worst.

Right.

It's an undermining.

Like when somebody goes to their own parents' house, I feel like you kind of revert back to your former self.

Like the, the, like, I am a couple with my partner thing kind of goes out the window subconsciously and you become like a child again.

Yeah.

And I lived with my in-laws for months and months during the pandemic.

Oh my God, you did.

Yeah.

And that like push and pull of like, Craig, no, I thought you said you were really hungry.

And I'm like, no, no, I'm fine.

I don't need to eat now.

You know, that feeling, they captured perfectly.

There's another trapping bill that I really related to, and it's that when you go to your future in-laws or in-laws' house, that bringing of the gift, like that was really important to me when I first met my in-laws or Brooke met ours.

And it's like, I did, I did what Fokker did, which is like, I don't want to just bring like a bottle of wine.

That's boring.

I want to really sink their battleship with something really cool.

And there's a lot of pressure on it.

And it usually doesn't go over well.

And it didn't with mine either.

I just, it just, they don't really care that much.

Just bring the wine, I think is the lesson.

You could do this.

We do this for hours.

You could tell me.

There's two other things with the the father-in-law.

Like the father-in-law could be super intimidating, but then the whole, do you ask the father-in-law for permission

before you propose, which is a really old school, antiquated thing.

And I think

my wife's dad didn't care.

I would fucking care.

Like whoever proposes to my daughter,

better make a stop by to an old Simbo over here, but and get my permission first.

What's really the downside?

Like it's kind of a win-win.

Like it's a great look if you do it.

Even if it were to go terribly and they were to say no, I feel like that becomes then an issue with your partner and her father then.

But like, yes.

Yeah.

The way I went about it was I didn't necessarily ask for like permission, but I, my, the way I thought about it was like getting their blessing.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's what it, that's what it really is.

Like, hey, heads up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to be proposing.

Just wanted to let you guys know.

But it's basically a blessing.

I did it.

I got the blessing.

I also did it several times on Days of Our Lives and was told no a few times in character.

So I have a lot of stuff back.

Oh, yeah.

You're, you're all over the gamut.

Well, then it has the, another everyday fodder thing.

The, what if my girlfriend's previous boyfriend just brought way more to the table than I did?

And I'm just in the shadow and her family loved this guy.

And so that it taps into that.

It taps into the what if people look down on me because of my job, which Craig mentioned.

When I met my wife's parents, I was writing an internet column and I was bartending.

And

I was writing an internet column during a time when people were going,

oh,

so

do you get paid for that?

Like it was like one of those.

It was 1999.

So you

said, do you get paid by the column?

Is it a job?

And you just had to, no, no, the internet, it's going to be a thing.

Like, I'm in early.

And you had to like explain it.

Yeah, it's tough.

And then the other one is getting caught in an early lie during.

during the interaction and then deciding whether to just cut bait on the lie or you just have to like kind of hold on to it to the bitter end, which he does in this.

But I think one of the reasons this movie is so successful and made so much money is everybody's been in this situation who's gotten married, right?

There's not one person who's like, I can't identify with some piece of this.

I also think the first hour is like genuinely hilariously funny.

It is.

It is.

It tails off in the second half, which we'll talk about.

But so Craig, you dove into this in your teens and then it's evolved over the years, which I think is kind of going to be the legacy of this movie.

I feel like 25 years from now, it'll still be completely watchable.

Yeah, it's a bummer that I think of most people my age probably saw this movie before they got married and have not revisited it since.

And I think it's, it should be a requirement that you re-watch this after getting married.

But the funny thing is, none of us have are Meet the Fockers people.

I don't think I've even seen it.

I've never seen either of the sequels.

I'm not interested in them.

I saw it.

I think I remember it being fine.

It's funny.

It's the same group.

I mean, Jay Roach directed it.

The two writers wrote the script.

They got De Niro and everybody back.

And it made like over half a billion dollars.

It made more money.

It feels like, Craig, it feels like the hangover sequels to me.

Like, they're probably fine, but I just, I'm out on them.

I don't give a shit.

I want to watch the first one only.

I don't care.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, Craig, we'll bring you back later.

I have another spot for you.

Um, Ben Stiller.

This is right there in his, it's really starting to happen.

Oh, yeah.

There's something about Mary was two years before, Meet the Parents 2000.

Zoolanders coming the next year.

He has that whole long came Polly, Starskin Hutch, Anchorman, dodgeball.

And he's just, for 12 years he's probably in the most successful comedies of anybody would you wait where do you stand on stiller just big picture because i wrote down the michael jordan of emasculated comedy actors that's really what he was the best at there there's there's nobody who does it better um i struggled a lot i know we're going to get to apex mountain i thought a lot about it because so the deal is 98 there's something about mary is this landmark movie and he blows up for me like i had seen the ben stiller show a little bit before then but something about mary was me

Cameron Diaz wins that movie.

Like the takeaway from that movie is, holy shit, Cameron Diaz is going to be a superstar.

Two years later then, now he, now when he hits Meet the Parents, it's now he has two massive, huge financial movies.

And then Zoolander's coming.

And we didn't, I mean, like years later, he's going to do the whole Night at the Museum thing, which the kids love.

So

I think the question is, like, I was thinking about it, is like, is this my favorite Stiller performance?

I can't think of one that I like better.

I know he does funny character work and he's like really good in dodgeball and stuff like that, but just him playing Ben Stiller, I don't think he's better.

Yeah, it's this or there's something about Mary, right?

Yeah, it's just those two.

And I just think he, him working with De Niro, I like just a little bit more than him working with Cameron Diaz.

He would also, when this thing blew up, Bill, like he would get a couple of times he would host the VMAs when the VMAs really mattered or the video music awards or the MTV awards.

And one of my favorite things he's ever done was he did Mission Improbable where he played Tom Cruise's stunt double as Tom Cruise.

And it's laugh out loud funny.

It's unbelievable.

He had a really nice

rise in the 90s, right?

He was on SNL for a split second, and they should have kept him and they fucked it up.

Did the Ben Stiller show.

Just kind of scrapped around, had this little comedy group, directed reality bites, and everybody liked him.

And I think everybody was rooting for him.

He was still in Mayor's Kid.

They Stiller started to have this second,

his dad started to have the second run on Seinfeld.

So then he was directing Cable Guy, and it just was like, oh, I like this guy.

This guy's going to be something I never expected what happened to happen where he became basically like the first call.

Um, it was now we have great casting what ifs for this.

He was not the first call of this movie, but by the time we get to the mid-2000s, he's the first call for any movie like this.

No, he's running it because then you're, you're getting in Tropic Thunder and he's running that whole thing.

If anybody wants a really fun watch, there's a crazy video of Ben Stiller auditioning for Marty McFly on YouTube, and it's really weird.

And he looks out of place, and he's obviously very young, didn't get the part, but like, I remember him starting to show up in places.

Like, when he shows up, and even in Happy Gilmore, just in a few scenes, it's like an all-time Deion Waiters.

It's fantastic as the like handmade quality shit we're talking about.

He steals those scenes, and you're like, I like that dude.

And then even in the cable guy, which is just Jim Carrey chewing up scenery, and he directs, he plays the twins and he has real funny moments, just tiny ones and that before he became the first name.

You were written for him when he showed up.

Yeah, he's almost like three people, right?

Because he's like the guy and meet the parents, but then he's like this really fun character actor that would just pop into these comedies and be insane.

And then there's this third part because he made a movie that I really liked in 98 called Your Friends and Neighbors with Jason Patrick and Aaron Eckhart.

And he's really good in that movie.

And that movie is actually, I think, a really good movie.

It has one of the most insane five-minute scenes of any movie in the 90s.

But he always kind of vacillated between those three worlds.

And he always felt like there was somebody like Jim Carrey or Will Farrell was like, these guys are born comedians.

They're just meant to, you know, entertain a large group no matter where they are.

I never totally felt that way with Ben Stower.

It almost seemed like he was like an analytical

comedian where he's like, I know what's funny.

I'm going to be able to play this.

But he was always kind of levitating above it.

Does that make sense?

I think he's very intelligent.

And I think you can tell that when you listen to him.

I know a lot of you guys, you guys have talked a lot on the rewatchables about Mike Myers, how he's never just Mike Myers.

He was like one time and it was Sawyer Married and Axe Murderer.

Stiller wasn't that because he'll do the crazy Mike Myers character like in heavyweights or when he plays white, when he plays White Goodman and when he's in the dodge ball, but then he's okay just showing up and being like, I'm Ben Stiller.

And along came Polly, all these, I'm just There's no makeup, there's no accent, and there's no wig.

So I think it really worked for him because he could do both.

Like he's, you know, he's an anchorman.

He shows up for five seconds with a wig and a whip and it works.

He's not Ben Stiller, but in this, he is.

And I think he's at his best.

And I think he could have been in So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Like that was definitely a Ben Stiller part, which also made me wonder if Mike Myers could have been in Meet the Parents, which I think they offered him and he

wasn't interested.

Oh, no shit.

I didn't know that.

I screwed up.

I was thinking of Stiller doing beat poetry and So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Woman.

Whoa, man.

he could totally do it.

He wouldn't have nailed the smoking, I'll tell you that.

Uh, Robert De Niro,

who

gave one of the funniest performances of the entire 80s in Midnight Run, and then did not do a comedy again for 10 years and was just dramas.

And then finally did Analyze This with Billy Crystal, which did well.

And then was like, yeah, I'm going to branch out a little bit.

I've done it all.

After heat, I've peaked.

I've made the greatest movie of all time time that spawned the, that's going to eventually spawn the Rewatchables podcast.

So he's in Analyze This, Rocking Bull Winkle, and then does this part, which he was a tiny bit young for.

And I think they aged him out.

I think it's a really important De Niro part.

Like,

I don't, I mean, we could do this now or later, but if you're going Mount Rushmore or De Niro parts,

it might be one of the four for me.

It's, he is so good in this movie.

I actually think he's the best part of the movie.

I think he's better than Stiller.

He's fantastic.

Every single little cutaway where he's just kind of shrugging or like raising his eyebrows is fantastic.

But like, you know, if you start to say it's one of, it's one of De Niro's favorite parts, like, you know, the film nerds will come with you with Travis Bickle and the Gear Hunter and all that shit.

I totally get it.

I'm just saying favorite for me.

I'm not saying his best.

Yeah, for me, I think it might be on the map.

I think Midnight Run, this movie,

Heat

and Goodfellas, I think are my four favorite De Niros.

All right, so this is good.

So for me, I got a different list.

I mean, I just have to put Goodfellas, even though he's not the lead.

I have this.

I definitely have Kate Fear.

I fucking love Max Katie.

Like, Kate Fear is huge for me.

And then I would probably have, I'd probably have Midnight Run as well.

He's just so good at it.

That's my, because I don't, like, I don't have taxi driver in my top four favorite.

I know he's great in Mean Streets.

It's like, that's not necessarily my thing.

Godfather 2 would be the toughest cut for me.

Some of De Niro Stefa's the dad, some of his quirks that I think were pretty cool.

Cease smoking is a sign of weakness.

Judgmental about rental cars.

Yeah.

Has to bless a proposal.

Believes in carrying on an airplane at all times.

He thinks Puff the Bag Dragon is basically stairway to heaven.

He thinks geniuses pick green.

I've never heard that before.

He thinks dogs are emotionally shallow animals.

He does not want you to sleep in the same bed with his daughter in your house.

And he has a family circle of trust.

I'm down with most of those.

I puffed the magic dragon.

Maybe he loses me in that.

Are you down with having your deceased mother's ashes and toasting them before dinner every night?

Yeah, that's pretty weird.

That's pretty hard.

It's a lot.

But it's a great setup when that cork goes blasting.

Yeah.

That's unbelievable.

This movie was written by Jim Hertzfeld and John Hamburg and directed by Jay Roach.

There's a whole backstory that I never knew about how this was originally an indie movie made by somebody named Greg Gliana in 1992 during the height of like, I can make a movie for $30,000.

And it was called Meet the Parents.

But I guess it was different a lot of ways, but it was like this, you know, made it for no money.

Universal bought the rights.

They tried to shop it around with all these directors, and I can't wait to talk about a couple of them and eventually got this movie made eight years later what's interesting is

they basically set the other movie on fire it doesn't exist

and i guess it was part of his contract it's part of his contract where i guess he didn't realize when he they bought the rights from him that they were also buying the other movie and they could just do whatever they wanted with it so every once in a while he'll put it up on youtube and then they'll take it down

and he's just kind of like my movie is completely different than this movie why can't it exist and he's still giving interviews about it in 2024, but it's just like gone.

It shows up occasionally and it goes away.

It's like the McRib of movies.

He'll put it on YouTube and then Universal is like, that's coming down.

Like, they made a billion dollars from the three movies.

Like, put the fucking thing on YouTube.

It'd be fun to watch.

So

that was a bummer.

So, Randy Newman's A Fool in Love was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Song.

I don't know if you have any Randy Newman takes, but I don't know if anyone's ever out-kicked their coverage more than Randy Newman.

Go on.

Go on.

What do you mean?

I mean, multiple Oscars.

He's played at the end of every Lakers and Dodgers game.

It's just like, you would think this guy was fucking Paul Simon.

It bothers me.

Pretty much the voice of Pixar with you got a friend in me.

All the songs sound the same.

Like, could you have been Randy Newman if you learned how to play the guitar for 20 minutes?

Probably so.

They make him out like he's John Williams, who is like an actual wizard genius, but he just sings about, we love it

my cup of tea man like if we had gone to randy newman for the rewatchables theme he just would have been like rewatchables is a podcast

they're talking movies i'm having with them nathan yeah

romo and collinsworth we love it

All right, so we've shit on taxi driver and also Randy Newman.

We're off, we're on fire.

Let's go.

No shots fired at Randy Newman, but I've never understood understood it.

It's just like he's just phenomenally successful.

Like John Williams is a whole other animal.

I get John Williams.

Anyway, $55 million budget for this movie.

It made $330.

It beat Remember the Titans opening weekend.

You must have made a choice that weekend.

Oh, yeah.

And I wasn't going to Denzel.

No, no, no.

We went to meet the, everyone was going to meet the parents.

You couldn't miss it.

Oh, interesting.

I think I might have done both.

I didn't have a lot going on.

Sneak into the second one for free.

Seventh biggest movie of 2000.

So

it made less movie than Meet the Fockers, which made $522.7 million.

And then Little Fockers, which I don't even remember coming out, made $310.7 million in 2010.

That was a money grab.

It reminds me of the Look Who's Talking movie, where then it was like, look who's talking to, and then look who's talking now, where they're having animals talk.

The Fockers are eventually having babies.

And I just, again, the hangover thing, I wasn't interested.

I was fine with my first one.

I've never seen them.

I was talking to Schraeger the other day at work, and I was like, have you seen the like this Fockers sequels?

He's like, Yeah, they're good.

They're really good.

I'm like, I'm out on those.

I'm not going to watch them.

He likes them.

Somebody does.

Well, Schrager's a huge Streisand guy.

He's like, Streisand?

Meet the Fockers?

I'm in.

It's possible.

I don't know.

Los Angeles.

This movie also did $200 million in video sales just in 2001.

Sure.

Back in the era when you could release a a movie and then make 50 of what you made on the movie and in video sales roger ebert

three stars

he was not a huge fan of the austin powers movies but um he thought meet the parents is funnier because it never tries too hard

which i think is fair

It goes pretty hard in the second act a few times.

But the first half, like you said, it's just simple conversations and funny little social nuances, and it's great.

Today's most rewatchable scene is brought to you by the Home Depot, one of my favorite places.

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We get our tree right after Thanksgiving.

But I have to tell you, Bill, last year at Home Depot, we bought an eight-foot Santa Claus that goes in front of our house and we're like celebrities in the neighborhood because everyone's like, where'd you get that Santa Claus?

Where'd you get that Santa Claus?

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Well, they have a tree you can put together in a few clicks like the Grand Duchess.

They have that eight-foot towering sand with the poseable arms and a flame effect lantern.

They have an eight and a half foot towering reindeer with illuminated flashing bells.

The Home Depot for a real blockbuster holiday season.

Okay, rewatchable scenes.

So

I kind of like the aborted marriage proposal with the kids.

Okay.

Go on.

I'm just, I'm just shouting.

I like when the kids, the letters are wrong and he's like pushing them around and then he aborts.

It's just solid.

I just wanted to flag it.

Meeting Pam's parents is the first like true rewatchable scene.

That's where we get geniuses picked green.

We get some rental car shaming.

We get the kiddie litter revelation.

We get, he can't lift the seat, Greg.

He lacks the strength and the opposable thumbs.

We get the, it's okay if you hate cats, Greg.

That's incredible.

How did you teach the cat to use the toilet?

Well, that was easy, Greg.

I just designed a litter box to put inside the toilet, and then once he got used to it, I took it away.

Oh, that's yeah, it makes sense.

But I don't think he likes it very much.

I mean, every chance he gets, he tries to dick, squat, and bury.

I had to move all my potted plants off the floor.

Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up.

Hmm.

He can't lift the seat, Greg.

He lacks the strength in the opposable thumbs.

Ah, right.

Opposable.

Didn't think about that.

The male nursing reaction.

There's so much going on.

It's just an elite five minutes.

It's De Niro setting the table for how the movie is going to go.

And he goes, It's okay if you hate cats, Greg.

There are things that I hate.

And Greg's like, oh, no, I don't hate.

Really?

Like what?

And you're like, ah, shit.

It's tense as hell already.

I hate that moment.

It makes me uncomfortable, but it's so well acted.

Yeah.

The car ride with De Niro and Stiller.

Let's go.

The Puff the Mag Dragon scene.

Some people

think that

to puff the magic dragon means they're really

to

smoke

marijuana cigarette.

Puffs just the name of the boy's magical dragon.

Right.

Are you a pothead Farka?

No, no.

What?

No, no, no, no, no, Jack.

No, I'm not.

I pass on grass all the time.

I mean, not at all.

Dogs versus cats combo, which I want to dive into later.

Puff the Magic Dragon.

Are you a pothead fucker?

If we're going to nitpick, like,

even in 2000, pretty weird to just drive in a car listening to Puff the Magic Dragon.

Like, was he a serial killer?

What's going on there?

It's very weird, and it appears that he pops in a cassette tape when he does it.

It's speaking of serial killers, that scene reminds me a lot of the scene in Something About Mary, the seven-minute ab scene with Harlan Williams, where he's sitting there, and it's just Stiller riding in a car with a weird guy, just making strange reactions to the guy saying strange stuff.

And when he goes, Well, you know, you know, the whole drug thing.

And then Chuck, no, I don't.

Why don't you tell me?

And it's that's that scene is one of the five best in the movie by far.

Are you a pothead fucker?

No, no, Jack.

No.

The dinner scene, which is going to be my choice for most rewatchable, which includes Greg saying Grace.

And we thank you, oh sweet, sweet lord of hosts,

for the

smorgasbord you have so aptly lain at our table this day and each day

by day.

Just completely mangling it.

The urn with the remains of Jack's mother revelation.

The poem, My Mother by Jack Burns.

You gave me life.

You gave me milk.

You gave me courage.

Your name was Angela.

The angel from heaven.

But you were also an angel of God.

And he needed you, too.

Selfishly, I tried to keep you here while the cancer ate away your organs.

like an unstoppable rebel force.

But I couldn't save you, and I shall see your face

nevermore you gave me life you gave me milk

selfishly i tried to keep you here as the cancer ate away your organs like an unstoppable rebel force and then we get the uh

i have nipples greg could you milk me unbelievable probably best line in the movie i i i had no idea you could milk a cat oh yeah you can milk anything with nipples

I have nipples, Greg.

Could you milk me?

Okay, could we change the subject, perhaps?

We have the you were engaged revelation, and then the court from the champagne hitting the air and breaking it.

And Jigsie, no!

This is just a perfect comedy scene.

It's perfect.

It's fantastic, and it has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and each keeps out doing itself.

I have a question for you about Jack Burns' poem.

Which do you think is a better poem?

This is a would you rather?

Jack Burns' poem,

or read Rothschild's poem in the hot tub, which goes, I love you, you love me, going down the sugar tree.

We'll go down the sugar tree and see lots of bees.

Plain, plain, but they won't sting because you love me.

That's it.

And Dirk goes, Holy shit, man, you fucking wrote that?

It's who you got?

Which is a better, which is a better poem.

I think I like my mother by Jack Burns.

It's moving for sure.

It's moving.

That she's an angel from heaven.

That she gave him life and milk.

The delivery of it.

Yeah.

What about you?

What do you have?

The bees don't sting him because they love you.

I mean, that's very, very moving.

And it's right as Eddie changes his name to Dirk.

Yeah, that is a great scene.

Let's call it even.

Next scene, borrowing clothes from your brother, from the brother.

Just a fun monkey wrench.

We're just in like Greg Brady's attic for two minutes and there's there's a little kim poster and ben stiller's trying to act cool and he's like the least cool person on the planet just solid scene that scene the clothes thing is so big here because this from the second stiller shows up to the house all right so he doesn't have his bag he can't smoke which is going to make him uncomfortable he uh has to say grace and the clothes thing is immediately putting him uncomfortable like the outfit that they put Ben Stiller in for the dinner with the most uncomfortable looking turtleneck sweater of all time and a flannel over it.

You're just uncomfortable and itchy watching it.

And then he turns into stoner clothes and he just looks like an asshole.

I love the clothing devices here.

You left out that made him sleep in the basement and the toilet didn't work.

Who does that?

Very strange.

Hey, don't use the toilet.

It doesn't, there's a bathroom in there, but the toilet doesn't work.

Don't flush it.

Oh, cool.

Thank you.

Yeah, what is he going to take a dump?

Like, what is he supposed to do then?

In the lift.

He's upstairs.

Yeah, maybe Jinxie will teach him how to do it.

Next thing I have is Luke Wilson bragging about himself and all the stuff he's doing right

into the volleyball scene and the spike, which includes moments like, yeah, I was really lucky I was able to salvage this wood from an old Siemens chapel in Nantucket.

It's just like genius writing about to make this guy as douchey as possible.

It took about 70 hours, which isn't bad considering I carved it all by hand from one piece of wood.

And then he says how he starts talking about Pam.

And by the way, she just had the nicest things to say about you.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

Gosh.

Yeah, we had some good times together.

She is a tomcat.

She was a tomcat.

I think I'm out if somebody says that about my future wife.

I'm out.

It's ludicrous.

But I think, in my opinion, it is the most entertaining seven-minute stretch of the whole movie when they show up at Kevin's house and Owen Wilson just runs out of the bullpen throwing 300 miles an hour.

And every, I mean, the whole QA with Greg about, are you a homeowner, Greg?

Uh, you know, what kind of, what kind of work are you in?

I'm in healthcare.

Oh, so you know, I don't have to tell you a lot of mentions to be made right now.

And then De Niro will just come in.

Greg's a male nurse.

Oh, De Niro, De Niro is so happy.

He loves, he loves Luke Wilson so much.

Greg's Jewish.

And he has a signature handshake.

And they met at La Crosse Camp.

Yeah, La Crosse Camp was a great sneaking.

Good.

Oh, it's awesome.

And then it ends with volleyball.

It's It's sports and food and booze and weed jokes.

It's unbelievable.

Nice shot, Iceman.

We get the favorite sneaky line is our guy James Rebhorn saying, well, Florence Nightingale over here played a little defense.

And she's like, under his breath.

It's so good.

Hey, I missed one shot.

It was a big shot.

It's fucking awesome.

The volleyball scene is, and his girlfriend is high-fiving with Owen Wilson, and they're all like hugging.

And then meanwhile, Jack is still annihilating him for being a pothead.

So if I went up, there was no other game.

Well, it has to be pretty high.

Well, I bet you would, Panama Red.

It's just every line absolutely kills.

And the spike itself, you might be right.

This might be the best seven minutes.

I think I'm changing my mind.

I think this is better.

It's so good.

Yeah, you might be right.

Luke Wilson's.

He's throwing 109.

Greg burns everything down.

Really fun, fun visually, but it leads to De Niro just screaming at him.

You tried to milk him, did you, you sick son of a bitch, just out of nowhere.

Greg gets caught, which I would not put as a most rewatchable scene, but it's a really solid, necessary, everything has just completely fallen apart scene.

Yeah.

Which we have in all of these comedies.

There's always that moment like Dumb and Dumber has it when all of a sudden they have the fight and they go in different directions and

there's sad music and you just know it's going bad.

Second lie detector scene and then the hidden camera ending.

So we're going with,

we're going with Luke Wilson's house.

I think that's the right call.

I think it is too.

In so many other movies, even just the Puff the Magic Dragon scene is the funniest scene, but it's like fourth here.

It's the barbecue at Kevin's with the Hopa and all that.

I think

right

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We're going to take a break.

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Come back from the break.

Craig reminded us that we were calling Owen Wilson Luke Wilson during that entire segment.

My apologies to both Wilsons.

I think I might have called them Russell Wilson and Carney Wilson a few times, too.

Sorry, boys.

That's our bad.

Mookie Wilson.

We just got all the Wilsons, but I'm usually good with my Owen Wilson-Luke Wilson separation.

But I was so excited to do the pod.

I just screwed it up.

I was too.

Owen Wilson also gives us one of his signature wows when he's talking about the Hopa.

It's great.

Owen Wilson.

Owen Wilson.

We got it.

You know what, Kyle Brant?

Yeah.

Even Mahomes throws a pick sometimes.

Yeah, sometimes the greats make mistakes.

Yeah.

That's true.

Even the greats make mistakes.

That's true.

All right.

What's the most 2000 thing about this movie?

I got to say, I could give you eight choices, but it's really looking down on a male nurse feels so 24 years ago.

It's this like giant, giant plot point.

I feel like now if they did this, the Association of Male Nurses would be protesting the movie and it would turn into a whole social media campaign.

And back then, it was just like, we're just going to shit on male nurses for literally 100 minutes.

One after another.

And

now it's like, now they're, they're, they're first responders and they're like some of the most important people in the world and the men that should do that profession.

see bill don't ever let anybody tell you you don't have a heart because i was just going to be like yeah the most 2000 thing is denny's corn poster and you're out here sticking up for male nurses i think that's a totally different take and they do 50 jokes about male nurses in this can you imagine being a male nurse in 2000 or 2001 after this movie it's just you're just fought to everybody it sucks By the way, you said I stuck up for them.

I laughed at all of the jokes.

So I just want to put that there.

I think the runner-up for this was the little kim poster yeah i mean that was very 2000 denny's room in general was 2000 he's got the beasties little kim yes it's a lot going on there what's age the best

the premise of losing your luggage in a movie i think is undefeated i don't i don't i can't think of a single movie where it didn't work as a plot device It just

works for you.

Whoever we're rooting for is on the defense and playing catch up from the moment it happens.

Yeah.

And it's immediately relatable too.

You know how many jokes they milk out of him losing his luggage?

It's the reason he's wearing the bikini swimsuit still.

It's the reason that he gets the dildo sent to him when they send the wrong luggage back.

Plus, you get to do pre-2001 TSA jokes and like those always hit.

It's, it's like a horn of plenty of comedy when you lose the luggage.

I have to correct you on something.

It wasn't a dildo.

It was a $24.99 strap-on dildo.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess a dildo and a strap-on is different, right?

Because

the strap-on dildo felt a little more sinister.

More with Sage the best.

The eye point, I'm looking at you

doing this with the fingers.

I've always enjoyed that.

What else do you have?

I have a bunch of stuff.

I laugh every time they say fucker still, especially some of them.

Like one of them, one of them rebhorn goes like, the animal doesn't even have opposable thumbs, fucker.

And every time it hits to me, the volleyball game, they're just fuckering him.

It's such a dumb thing.

Like it sounds like fucker.

and they changed one letter.

But I laugh when they yell at him, call him fucker every time.

That's a great one.

Stuff Bear Nanny cameras have aged the best because I think these exist now.

It seemed kind of state of the art in 2000.

Now I feel like, I mean, this is like one of the fears of staying in an Airbnb.

There could be a camera literally anywhere in the Airbnb.

Yeah.

And everyone has one on their doorbell now.

But when Jack breaks out the teddy bear, it was like science fiction.

You couldn't believe it.

And then, of course, Greg points it at Blythe Danner's crotch.

And that's a funny site.

Him saying, little Kim, she's fat.

P-H-A-T.

Yeah.

That made me laugh.

The expression fat with a PHAT makes me think of like Carson Daly and TRL.

Like, oh, yeah.

Introducing like Lou Bega or something.

Like, oh, he's totally, it's fat new track.

That was cool for a minute.

De Niro's babysitting monitoring, monitor business in general, I think was a pretty good idea.

Definitely.

Just, I like when they have ideas in movies where you're like, oh, that could be a business.

Terry Polo looks great in this movie.

I'm just going to shout out to her.

She looks great.

She's fantastic.

Fancy.

Great job by her.

So all the home movies at the beginning of the movie were actual home movies of her taken by her then husband.

And the reason they did it was because, and I can't wait to talk about this specific theme later because I have a spot for it.

But

in the test screenings, she tested, her character tested so poorly that they were just trying to figure out ways to make her more likable in the movie.

And that was one of the reasons they put those home movies in there to make it seem like somebody you'd want to fall in love with, which I think was smart.

Oh, plus, they have the wildly talented Randy Newman singing over them.

So it just really pulls on the heartstrings, right?

We know that.

Anytime you go to Rand Man, we love him.

Randy dialed it up.

So, you know, a lot of people know her from this movie.

I know her from the Travolta Vince Vaughan movie.

Domestic Disturbance.

Domestic Disturbance, one of my absolute favorite, favorite, favorite bad from hell movies, which I, you might get a text from me at some point.

Hey, do you guys want to do you want to do domestic disturbance?

Um, I've, I'm not kidding.

I've watched it at least eight times.

I just love it.

I evil Vince Vaughan and uh, John Travolta, like right as it's starting to flip, yeah, when he's like,

I'll do it for 5 million.

They're like, done.

I was like, all right, I guess I'm making domestic disturbance.

Bill, do you think Travolta's hair might be faking that?

Do you think he might be wearing a hair piece in that?

Yeah, we might have to do that one.

Craig, when we get a text from Bill that says, guys, we're doing domestic disturbance, like Bill's gonna be drunk off his ass, but let's make it happen.

I'm ready, I'm ready to do it.

It's a great one.

Um,

so

there's a what's age the best hair of like, should Greg

should this have even worked out for Greg?

I think one of the reasons this movie is so re-watchable is you're watching him and he makes so many bad decisions

that part of the rewatchability of it is like, ah, like, don't flush the fucking broken toilet.

They told you not to do that.

He does it.

Causes septic take overflow.

Don't let Jinx outside.

He's domesticated and lets him outside.

Don't smoke around my dad's house.

He's like, fuck it.

I'll have a cigarette on the roof and then I'll throw it into a bunch of leaves.

Don't, he goes to the

pet place and brings back a stray cat.

spray paints the tail and thinks crazy jack who's taught this cat all the tricks was going to notice like he's such an idiot in this movie that it makes it actually fun to rewatch.

I would think the apex of his terrible decisions is while you're wearing the stoner brothers' clothes on the roof trying to get the cat, do you really need to light up a cig?

Like, couldn't you just get back in the house?

I'm not a smoker.

Maybe it's easy for me to cast stones, but he probably shouldn't have lit the sig.

I would think not.

Yeah, if you're doing that, you're smoking two packs a day.

Like you're smoking as you're eating dinner.

You're like one of those smokers.

You're having between 40 and 50 cigarettes a day.

That's how badly you need a cigarette.

You're going to be on your in-laws roof wearing your brother-in-law's sweatshirt, you know, with foliage outside.

You're just going to fucking light up.

There's no way.

Well, also, he's hammering that Nicorette gum the whole time, too.

So I think like he's a fiend for it, which is a little weird because he's a nurse.

But I was watching an interview that they did.

And one of the things Stiller said was, not a smoker at all in life, felt totally uncomfortable smoking.

And something that you'd love, he's like, I was looking at Bob and Bob's like the greatest movie smoker ever.

And so like, I felt so insecure because me just puffing the cigarette was making me sick to my stomach.

And I'm with the greatest smoker in movie history.

He felt totally insecure about it.

So that's amazing because I had coming up later for the Ruffalo Hannah Rubinik Partridge over Acting Word, the three seconds where Ben Stower tries to smoke.

This is an obsession of Chris Ryan and my friend.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

I listened to it.

When people incorrectly smoke in movies and you can just tell they have no idea to do it.

So he tried to do the De Niro.

He brought it up and then he switched and he switched his thumb and finger and did the jimmy conway but he didn't hail the cigarette so he did it everything looked right but he just had the cigarette the cigarette smoke just in his mouth and he blew it out and it was like oh you're not a smoker um and he i think he's like a health guy so i think it was really alien to him so i i'm sorry i'm such like a prude i have never smoked a cigarette in my life is it really difficult to learn how to smoke and like get good at it i don't i don't i don't know i there's a rhythm to it that you would only have if you've just smoked a ton of cigarettes, I think.

Yeah.

And that's why De Niro, like we covered in the Goodfellas podcast, like his smoking in Goodfellas is the apex.

Like if you ever want to know how to smoke a cigarette, which apparently Ben Stiller studied, the Goodfellas De Niro is what to study.

He's perfect.

Do you have any other WhatsApps the best?

No, I got some other ones in the other categories that are better.

The Fortune 3 Clap Award, which you created for us for most giftable moment.

I think it's what I sent you this morning to Nero's face during that one moment when Greg's saying grace and he does like the triple take.

Yes.

I'll put it on the Rewatchables Twitter feed so people can see it.

It's a very usable gif when someone tweets something stupid.

I mean, it would have been really easy this week, but like if, you know, Russell Wilson is going to start for the Steelers, they're benching Justin Fields.

And then the person just tweets to Nero being like, huh?

Like any sort of questionable decision, even if it works out, it is really good.

I'd go with that or the finger point to the eyes and go like that.

But I like yours a little bit better because it's more usable online.

The Jaguars have decided to see what they have with Mac Jones.

Immediate De Niro Face.

Gerard Mayo says his team is soft.

De Niro face.

Great Shack Order Award.

I couldn't really find one for this one.

I do like when the wedding burns down, that whole, the watching the whole, the, the, the cord like going around setting the lacquered altar on fire that's pretty good i guess i'm at the end of that sequence uh greg's almost uh western movie like return with the fake mr jinx when he holds it out and like for instance it's slow-mo and it's almost a fisheye and it's his hero shot that's my favorite shot it cracks me up den of thieves benny hana award for um scene stealing location i don't know

That restaurant where they go and get fucked up and the live band with the payphones and the martinis is a cool spot, but this isn't a location type movie.

Nah, I don't think we have one.

Kid Cuddy Pursuit of Happiness Word for Best Needle Drop.

We do have one.

Puff the Magic Dragon.

Just coming in out of nowhere.

She heard that song in a while.

I was hoping that when they would go to Denny's room, we would actually get to hear some corn, like they would play as ball tongue or something, but that would be too much to license.

The puff the magic dragon as they're talking about smoking a marijuana cigarette.

That's the best.

You're right.

Big Kahuna Burger Award for best use of food and drinks.

So there's two.

Go on.

She, when the first day when he's hanging out, the in-laws, Blythe Danner, De Niro's wife in this movie.

Yeah.

She serves, it looks like Pigs in the Blanket, but she calls them papoosas.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She calls it the red-hot papoosas, but I'd never heard that.

And I even googled papoosas.

I don't even know what that is.

I think it's a family joke.

They're trying to make them.

They're just so cute and so family-oriented that they've made them for 30 years.

I don't know what they are either.

But those were Pigs in the Blanket, which, as you know, David Stern's favorite cocktail app.

Right.

No, for real.

Every NBA party.

Oh, yeah.

Every NBA party, they had to have pigs in the blanket.

And I was at a party once.

I think it was All-Star Weekend where they didn't have them.

And Stern was like chewing out somebody.

He's like, I've told you, there's always got to be pigs in the blanket.

That was his thing.

It's like so unsophisticated.

I love pigs in the blanket.

I know.

I mean, they're good.

You like dipping them.

Okay.

So I'd go with that or the pot roast.

I don't know.

You pick.

Serve me up one of those nice, tall Tom Collins.

I'll take it.

I'm not going to win.

Not Tom Collins.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

You're right.

Tom Collins should win this.

Yeah.

And I'm already nervous there.

It's a gin cocktail with lemon juice, simple sugar.

And like, it just, I would be pounding those Tom Collins, especially if you can't smoke and you're nervous as hell.

Like, I'd be slamming them.

The Brandy Booth Award for Best Performance by a Pet.

We normally don't have multiple candidates for this because I thought Jinxie was great, but fake Jinxie.

really brought it to another level.

Fake Jinxie brought down the china, the wedding dress.

I don't know.

I think it it might be fake Jinxy.

And convinced Jack Burns, at least initially, that it was real Jinxy.

So Fake Jinxy, whatever the hell the thing's name is, with the spray-painted tail.

And I got some questions later about how that went down.

But yes, Fake Jinxy gets a great nominee.

All right.

It's time.

The Butchy's Girlfriend Award for week link of the film.

Yeah.

Pam is an atrocious girlfriend.

I just, I have a whole list.

I don't, do you want to start?

And I can just go through my list after.

Like, I just can't believe what a shitty girlfriend she is in this movie, which might be the point because it's a comedy, but it's kind of unbelievable.

It's a terrible character.

It's a terrible girlfriend.

My wife won't watch this movie because she hates Pam so much.

She says she's the villain of this movie.

It starts really, really early, which she doesn't tell Greg about the not smoking.

She just says, don't tell him we live together.

As the front door is opening, the second the dag, dad, is hugging a cat and showing love to the cat, she hits him with, Greg hates cats, idiotic.

The whole thing with Kevin, the ex-boyfriend, is ludicrous.

And she says, oh, it was whatever.

It was a stupid sexual thing.

You fucking leave when that gets said.

It's so inappropriate.

She never comes to Greg's defense.

I think she's a, I have her as what's aged worst.

I got, like, I have all kinds of Pam takes.

Almost ruins the movie, really.

It really does.

Doesn't tell Greg what her dad did.

Yep.

Never admitted she was engaged.

Didn't push to stay in the same room with Greg.

Like, hey, it's my boyfriend.

I'm 29 years old, dad.

We're staying in the same room.

Didn't wake him up first thing in the morning.

So he looked like a schmuck.

I hate that one.

You look like such a piece of shit sleeping in all day.

Wake him up.

Didn't say, hey, we're going to my old boyfriend's house.

And by the way, he's loaded.

No heads up on that.

Didn't I tell you?

Didn't I tell you?

No, you didn't tell me.

You think I was?

You didn't fucking tell me.

By the way, he's got pictures of the two of them all over the place.

Right after he said, ah, it was more of a physical thing.

Oh, awesome.

Here's one puts Greg in her robe.

Like, talk about emasculating.

Like, go up and get clothes from Denny's room.

The worst.

Like, just go up there and grab like a sweatshirt.

You're going to put him in like your flower robe.

Um, makes Greg go up and get the clothes himself from the brother who he hasn't met yet.

He's going to go up there.

Hey, I'm Greg.

I need some clothes.

Like, go up there and get him some fucking clothes.

You're this sister.

And then

ditched him immediately.

Like, hour 10, hour 20 mark of the movie, like some things went wrong.

Did she stand by him?

No.

And then she kind of leaves a half-hearted answer machine message, save the day.

I thought Pam was reprehensible.

We're leaving meat on the bone, too.

She's on the same volleyball team as the old boyfriend in the pool, practically dry humping him, high-fiving him the whole time.

Yeah, why are you doing that?

They're having a romantic dance at the party, and she goes, Oh, look at Kevin.

He's so lonely.

Should I ask him to dance?

What the fuck are you?

What is this relationship?

No.

She's the worst and you know what the problem is the reason it's the real weak link of the movie is that the heart doesn't deliver for me in this movie they're trying really hard to make it a romantic comedy with randy newman all that yeah i'm not rooting for greg and pam at the end when they get back together i'm actually pissed because she sucks so much it doesn't work in the second half because that romantic part it's shallow for me i'm like greg get the out of there while you still can You know, Randy Newman had another song actually that they didn't use for the movie.

It was called Pam is a Raging bitch.

She really sucks as a girlfriend.

She's gonna fake a pregnancy to get the ring and you know it.

We love it.

I'll tell you another thing she did.

And you'll appreciate this probably the most of anybody that I could say this to.

She no-sells some of his content.

When she's with the parents.

Yes.

Talk about this.

Yes.

I hate that.

Like, let's say, for instance, either of us had experience being on a studio show where you're setting up material and making, making a joke.

Sure.

And you kind of need some help from the other people on the desk, right?

To sell the point.

You have a little punchline, you hit something, and you need somebody to be like, oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

Buying.

They're laughing.

He's doing stuff when he's meeting them at the dinner and she's fucking no-selling him left and right.

And the only thing she does to try to sell him is like, so Greg, how's your job?

So great.

What?

You're his girlfriend.

You've just spent nine hours with him.

Why are you saying it that way?

She sucks.

Phil, this is so good.

This, the no-sell is worse to me than if she had gone back to having sex with Kevin right in front of him.

The no-sell is so personal and so violating.

Here's the setup.

Greg had just crossed the threshold to get in the house.

He's really nervous around Jack.

They tell the story about Jinxie can't flush the toilet.

Greg says, you know, plus then you got another guy around who will put the toilet seat down.

That's not a bad joke.

That's a perfectly fine icebreaking joke.

And she does nothing.

And if you've ever been on live TV and you decided to take a shot, maybe put yourself out there a little bit and someone does nothing, you never forget it.

Trust me.

We'll leave it at that.

What's age the worst?

Yeah.

We mentioned bedstillers smoking.

I mean, this goes to the Pam discussion again.

Why did she let Greg and why didn't she just stay in Kevin?

She explains it.

later in the movie as I was never in love with Kevin.

I'm in love with you.

And it's like, really?

You haven't shown one sign that you're in love with him other than you got a little frisky with him in the bedroom there for five seconds.

But what, like, it seems like you just should have been with this douchebag.

Well, you, you were going skydiving, scuba diving, riding horses with this really rich guy with blonde hair.

And now you just, you're in love with the chain-smoking nurse who like doesn't have any balls.

It's a little bit strange.

You're right.

I don't know why.

I don't know why he's with her.

I guess he's with her because she's hot, but I'm not sure exactly what's in it for her.

Well, I mean, it begs the question, what was wrong with owen wilson like premature ejaculator

i'm trying to think like like weird sex hang-ups or all right maybe too rough like like it feels like it had to have been something he talks about how she was a tomcat maybe couldn't handle it i don't know my take on pam is that i think pam is great at sex like great okay because obviously Kevin's character, the tomcat, that's a hell of a description.

She's constantly looking for it from Greg.

right and also like why else is really greg with her like she's really obnoxious non-supportive and cold i think it is it is fantastic with her and god bless her for it

and greg's you know male nurse he's he's used to he's a giving lover that's true he's used to the body he's he's comfortable with that i also have another take on on band bill it's kind of an interesting one relating to terry polo i think she is the character is terrible i think she does a really nice job in this i think she's beautiful i think she's got huge star potential it didn't really work out.

Like, she didn't become Sandra or Julia.

She didn't even really become Ashley Judd.

She also got caught up in that 2000s, like maxim hot 100 list, number 33, Terry Polo, which was never great.

She also decided in around 04 to pose nude for Playboy.

Really weird move.

I didn't, like at a time when Playboy just wasn't cool anymore.

No.

But fully nude and not like some controversial thing when they found old pictures of her.

She went, I saw a clip of her on Ellen being like, yeah, it was really freeing and I loved it.

That's fine.

But like, I thought she had big potential.

Like I would have had Terry Polo stock coming out of this.

Like this one could be a massive leading lady.

And I don't know.

The Playboy thing was surprising to me.

Yeah, if she was going to do the naked thing, she should have just done like some sort of like erotic thriller or something.

Like done a movie that like is self-serving, like that actually helps your career.

In 2005, for anybody to think a Playboy spread would help their career, that's like nuts.

No, 1985, it would help.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe she did it for money or something.

Who knows?

But like, I was surprised to see that.

What's age to worse?

Getting in early on wireless IPOs?

Things just skyrocketed.

Things are rocket ship.

Looking down on marijuana use.

Yeah.

Now you walk through New York City and you're just walking through a haze of marijuana at 7.15 in the morning trying to get some coffee.

Back in 2000,

it's accusatory.

yeah Yeah.

and it was this whole thing about like ben's gonna tell about denny that denny's you know puffing the magic dragon as if like yeah denny was like a pedophile or something like no it's just it's just weed like it's every kid does it it's okay saying bomb in an airplane all right the whole airplane part

yelling at a flight attendant you and i were texting did you did you watch this then the re-watch did you watch it on a plane i actually did and they kept all the bomb stuff in there yeah i was surprised oh i thought they would take that out he's screaming bomb on the plane and maybe they did and then they put it back yeah no it was in there i was surprised because i was doing the research i watched it twice i was doing the research the first time i watched it and it was saying how it got taken out on airplanes but on my airplane it was

it was on there um yeah the whole i mean just all of the pre-911 anytime there's an airplane scene it's always hilarious like people just waltzing in last minute buying a ticket just coming in trying to check giant suitcases like yeah the security

you know back of the line.

It's not like that now.

They got submachine guns and stuff.

Any other what saved the worst for you?

You know, there's a really interesting moment in technology here.

This is the rare movie that has scenes that are built around cell phones and also built around payphones.

That we're right at the

vortex.

I like this.

It's right there.

In the first scene, when the kids are doing the proposal, Pam gets a call on her cell phone.

But at the party scene, both Jack and Fokker are at pay phones dueling.

So it was like two ships passing in the night.

It's a rare movie that has both.

Yeah, that would have been good for what was the most 2000s thing about this movie.

Yeah.

Jack calling in to check his messages and having a passcode on it.

That's something we used to do.

I think the last time anyone used a payphone was in 2009 when House and I were in Portland on my book tour.

And House ate so much food at the seafood restaurant that he went to go to the bathroom and just ended up

standing in the phone booth and then sitting in it just to like regroup.

And we found him in a phone booth.

And I think that was the last time anyone's used a phone booth.

Have you seen a phone booth in the last 10 years?

I haven't.

He might have killed it.

I saw the movie Phone Booth in the theater.

Oh yeah, maybe that killed Phone Booth.

It was either that or house.

Kiefer Sutland had a gun on house the whole time after the seafood.

Craig, what's Craig?

What's your generation's relationship with phone booths?

If I go to London, there's people taking photos in one for Instagram.

Yeah, Craig, have you ever put a quarter in one and made a call?

No, I have never put a quarter in a phone booth and made a call.

I actually, one time as a kid, used a payphone inside of a basketball gym as a joke in front of my eight-year-old friends to call 911 thinking it wouldn't work.

And it actually did work when police came.

Yeah, so I learned that the hard way.

And on that note, we're going to take a break.

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all right coming back was there a better title for this movie i'm going to say no meet the parents really strong right on the nose can you dig it a word for most memorable quote i have nipples greg could you milk me pretty tough to top right i think that's i mean the one that makes me laugh the most is she was a tom cat but in terms of the script it is no, you can milk anything with nipples.

I have nipples, Greg.

Can you milk me?

Is the best line in the movie?

The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford.

Hottest take a word.

I have one.

Do you have one for this?

I do.

Yeah.

Um,

Meet the Parents is a horror movie.

It is just get out, but the boyfriend's a white guy.

Uh, Greg is basically tortured the whole time.

There's a secret layer in there.

Uh, Blythe Danner is like this kind of witch, and the girlfriend is terrible and goes to burn him in the end.

There's the idiot brother.

They've put, I feel like Owen Wilson is like under some kind of spell, and that's why he's so weird and still.

He's like Lake Stanfield's character.

Yeah, I do.

And I think that like there's only missing a scene where Gregan goes and finds all the pictures of all the other boyfriends who have been by and who have been put on the lie detector.

I think they were all given the Tom Collins.

They were all given the same talk.

And it's just

get out with a white boyfriend.

This is a horror movie with Randy Newman music and it's just hiding right there in plain sight.

Great take.

I mean, you could even take that take another level and say Jordan Peale came up with Get Out because he was watching Meet the Parents and was like, What if

I think he stole Get Out from Meet the Parents and he just tweaked a few things, but it's pretty much the same deal.

It's a great take.

So mine is,

I'm a dog guy, as you know.

Oh, here we go.

Dogs only.

I've never had a cat.

Don't like cats.

I think De Niro's defense in this movie of cats over dogs is the best argument I've ever heard for cats over dogs.

He basically says, dogs are emotionally shallow animals that are very easy to break.

Yep.

Cats make you work for their affection.

They don't sell out the way dogs do.

I'm like, you know what?

Those are some great points.

Dogs are emotionally shallow animals.

He was like, you yell at a dog, they put their tail between their legs.

You can break a dog.

You can't break a cat.

I'm like, ah, solid points.

They put their tail between their legs to cover their genitals

and it's so perfect and uh when greg's like you know it's like he's happy to see you and he goes you need that kind of reassurance do you and he goes on this great monologue bill i also am a dog owner never owned a cat and every time he says that I'm a little bit like, holy shit, that brings up some interesting points.

You know what?

Yeah.

It reminds me when I was young and the first time I saw Reservoir Dogs and Mr.

Pink is going on about no tipping.

I was like, yeah, he's kind of making a point there.

And then you grow up and see, oh no, that's not cool.

But as a kid, I'm like, you know, there were some shots fired for sure.

I still like dogs, but Jack Burns, like, he's going for it.

And I hear what you're saying.

Well, you get a cat because of listening.

No, never.

Some good casting widifs for this.

So Steven Soderberg brought this to Universal 95 and tried to get it made when it was as the remake after they had the rights.

Right.

Um, and dropped out to do Out of Sight.

So that's one.

Spielberg wanted to direct and produce produce with Jim Carrey as Fokker

and maybe Al Pacino as the dad.

I was having coffee with Fokker a half an hour ago.

That fell through.

Pam's got a great ass.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, shit.

Pacino.

Yeah, I guess.

Sure.

It's De Niro Pacino.

That's just fucked me up.

I didn't know that was a thing.

So then Jim Carrey stayed and was going to do it and actually contributed to

some of the thinking behind some of the scenes in the movie.

But then he left and the filmmakers tried to get Mike Myers and he turned it down.

Maybe.

Unclear.

Research was conflicting on this because Jay Roach directed him in Powers.

And then Jay Roach cast Stiller

as soon as they were for sure that Carrie was out.

But it was supposed to be a Carrie movie, which is a great fork in the road.

I don't think it works as well, right?

Different movie.

It's a lot more hijinks.

I can see him up on the roof and the fire and the cat, and he's doing his physical comedy thing.

Stiller's better doing awkward humor.

He's the Michael Jordan of Awkward Humor.

And Jim Carrey would have been a funny movie.

They made the right choice.

I think he's way, way better with Stiller and this sitting at that dinner table doing that prayer.

Supposedly the script with Carrie was way more physical stuff, way more on that.

Like a scripturist.

It's like he comes to the table singing day by day, but he's talking with his ass cheeks while he's like, I don't need that.

I want the awkward.

That's interesting.

The Spielberg thing is crazy, too.

My version of it, where it's a horror phone, hell or I want like

the Fincher version of it.

And the basement is like girl with the dragon tattoo, and it's super dark and scary.

And the Spielberg version would probably have adultery between the parents because he always goes there.

But I think we landed on the right guy.

Yeah, I think we did too.

So here's another one.

Naomi Watts was initially cast as Pam,

and then they backed out of it and gave it to Terry Polo.

And she said in an interview that the producers told her they didn't think she was sexy enough, which is bonkers.

Tough beat.

Yeah, because

Naomi Watts is really good looking.

Like, I'm surprised that was the reason.

So who knows what happened there?

The backup choice of De Niro said no to Jack Burns,

Christopher Watkin.

Well, interesting.

It's basically Wedding Crashers, right?

We got it in Wedding Crashers, so we know what it is.

Are you a pothead fucker?

The dog's covered his genitals.

You know who they should have cast as, not as, not as Jack, who they should have cast as Pam.

It's fucking sitting right there and they couldn't have gotten her.

But Gwyneth is Pam.

Gwyneth.

Oh, well, I thought of that too.

Yeah, her mom is

you're going to play De Niro's daughter.

And it's a quick, she would have been great.

I had that as a casting couch thing where if Gwyneth was Pam

and then Terry Polo was the sister getting married, is this just a better movie?

Let me add, Let me add another one.

To build up on Kevin and how rich he is and how perfect he is, what if Brad Pitt is Kevin and he's doing this old Siemens chuckle in Nantucket?

Like, Colin Wilson is amazing.

But I also think it's really funny if Kevin is

inappropriately good looking too.

So that would have worked as well.

But now we're just dreamcasting.

Yeah.

Well, speaking of dreamcasting, De Niro turned down any given Sunday to do Meet the Parents.

Yeah.

He's hugging the coach are all around us.

I don't know how he would have done that.

And then

this isn't a casting widget, but Phyllis George is James Rebhorn's wife.

Phyllis George from Irv Crossbrent Musburger NFL Today married brief Celtics owner John White Brown, who almost destroyed the Celtics and caused Brett Rabach to leave and whose daughter is now a CNN,

Pamela Brown.

Yeah, if you watched any CNN on election night, and I don't know if you did or not, but she was everywhere.

She's very talented, talented, very good.

And then Phyllis George just showing up.

I don't think a lot of people know who Phyllis George is if you're young enough, but she was iconic, like landmark broadcasters.

It's trendy.

Who's Phyllis George now?

Shit, it's hard.

I mean, listen, at those studio desks, like there's, there's not a lot.

Because the thing is, it was a studio show.

that was being watched by like 35 million people every Sunday because we only had four channels.

So

she's way more famous than, I think, any talking head sports person now.

Yeah.

I mean, you turn on Amazon on Thursday night and then Carissa Thompson is at the desk.

Right.

She's like

Carissa times 10.

Yeah.

And because it was like three channels and it was massive.

Like she's, she's a total legend.

Speaking of legends, Best That Guy Award.

So Rebhorn's already won this a couple of times.

I just want to point out.

As you know, we keep track of actors who have been in Rewatchables movies, and De Niro has added to his total.

Rebhorn from 1992 to 2000 has now been in seven rewatchable movies.

Basic Instinct, My Cousin Vinny, Son of a Woman, Independence Day, The Game, Talented Mr.

Ripley, and Meet the Parents.

I think that's the best that guy run anyone's had.

All movies that matter.

I have it written down right here, Bill.

It says, what's your favorite Rebhorn?

Like, what do you got?

What's your, what's your, I know mine.

What's yours?

Great question.

For me, it's talented Mr.

Ripley.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay.

What do you have?

The game, the way he sets up.

And then later, when he gets kidnapped and he's at the zoo with his family, he's awesome in that movie.

It's an important part, too.

He's kind of James Rebhorn in every movie, but this tapped into comedy James Rebhorn, which I appreciated.

You got to crash the net up there, fucker.

Rebhorn's really good.

You know, speaking of the rewatchable standings,

since we did meet the parents,

De Niro pulling into a tie with Pacino at 13.

Oh, this is great.

This is that.

Drew's still leading with 15.

Pacino and De Niro.

This is how it should be.

Both tied at 13 and Denzel's at 11.

And then Hanks, Damon, and Stallone at 10.

Is there a glaring De Niro that hasn't been done?

Like, I know you guys, you've done, even ones that maybe aren't that mainstream.

You've done Ronin a couple of years ago.

Like, I wonder what's sticking out there.

You'd have to not analyze this if you care.

I mean, it's a big, successful movie.

I've done analyzed this.

Yeah, there's one.

Well, we haven't done Raging Bull, but I don't even know if Raging Bull is re-watchable, even though it's one of the great movies, but it's not a movie.

You'd be like, I'm going to sit down and crank out some Raging Bull.

Yeah, we've kind of gone through most of the De Niro catalog.

You're not going to do the fan pod where he stalks Wesley Snipes or whatever the fuck that is.

It's not a good movie.

So Van wants to do the fan.

He does.

Van loves the fan.

Yeah.

He thinks

the fan's great.

And Chris Ryan would never turn down Tony Scott.

So I don't know if the fan is...

maybe that'll come into play juan primo getting killed in the shower look man i respect it go get it i'll listen i listen to even movies i haven't seen sometimes that's how big a fan i am well we appreciate it thank you the question is does rebhorn win this because we also have tom mccarthy who played scott pendleton in season five of the wire the reporter and then became a really good director

And it's crazy that he had this old acting side because he became,

I think, one of the better directors we've had the last 10 years he plays doctor who's the guy dr uh i'm blanking the the guy who's getting married dr bob's like oh dr.

bob yeah or you could call me bob md yeah um

but super douchey but i so it's either him or rebhorn but i i feel like rebhorn's earned it and here's why like to you and i'm sure it's his cr and fantasy he's james rebhorn people don't know james rebhorn's name i think generally in the public they nike him and they recognize him i I don't think he's James Rebhorn to the public.

May he rest in peace.

I think it's Jimmy Rebhorn.

Deion Waiter's award is obviously going to go to Owen Wilson.

But I want to make a case for drugstore counter guy.

Judith Friedlander.

Yeah.

Or Bitchy Flight Attendant.

Yeah.

Flight Attendant's good.

It's listen, we can make a case.

My question for you on Deion Waders is with all these shows that you've done and all these episodes, because I think this is an all-time Dion.

It's like one of the greatest ever.

Do you have a favorite, like number one, all-time Deion in any of the shows that you've done?

There's too many.

Yeah, I can't.

Let me throw some out.

Yeah, too many to count.

I can't think of a better ever Dion than for me, my personal favorite is Drexel in True Romance.

Like just unbelievably captivating, tiny screen time.

And then

Floyd was a better Dion in that movie.

There's three.

Floyd, Walking, Drexel.

Yeah.

All of those guys are unbelievable.

And then, of course, I know you guys did this recently, given the screen time and given the impact, multiple Migs and all-time Deion Waders.

He might be the GOAT.

Migs was a great one.

I think Boogey Knights had one of the all-time classics was Floyd Gandali,

who just came in for the one scene.

Yeah, Philip Phillips.

He liked the simple things.

You know, Philip Adams.

Butter in his ass, Loy Pops in his mouth.

I like people on film fucking.

Okay.

I just, that's a me.

We've had a lot of them.

I would like to go through all the movies and just see the entire list of DN waiters.

Craig was always talking about, do we do a bracket?

Craig, should we do that?

100% we should.

We do the March Madness bracket with all the DN waiters?

Yeah, we should pick our top 64 internally and then put it out there for a vote.

Because Superbad, who won in Superbad?

That was another good one.

Well, Bill, you have one of the categories.

Coach Finstock won for Teen Wolf.

Fantastic.

Coach Finstock was out of his mind.

Really, really.

That's a great Deion Waiters.

Super bad is probably Joe Letruglia.

I don't know.

We'll have to go through.

Recasting Couch Director City.

So I feel like we could do better with the younger brother.

And I was thinking.

Young Seth Rogan is sitting right there.

I don't know if he's in the Apatow universe yet.

Maybe he's a struggling actor, comedian.

He would have been the right age.

You could have totally seen him in the attic as a stoner.

It would have been fun to have young Seth Rogan in a movie 24 years later.

And I just felt like that was a good one.

It would have been great.

And I'm meeting you 50% of the way there.

When this movie came out, this guy was playing all these roles.

I went Seth Green.

I love him.

Yeah, Seth Green would have been great too.

He's right there.

Yeah, that's good.

Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary.

I don't know if you have any thoughts.

I was thinking

this movie cries out for Romo.

Okay.

The urn just broke, Jim.

I think Jigsie might take a dump of grandma's ashes.

She's going to do it, Jim.

Romo's been good this year.

I must want to take him out of the category.

But no, you can't take him out.

I will zag though, and I'm going to go.

I'm going to go Scott Hanson breaking down this movie.

We go to the Burns house where Gaylord Fokker is in for 48 hours of commercial-free torture for his psychotic father, asshole fiancé.

Wow.

That is great.

Scott Hansen.

Yeah, but Scottie is going to close the red zone, breaking it down.

The witching hour, where relationships become marriages or divorces.

That's exactly right.

He put his nuts in a vice for pleasure for 48 hours.

Scott, you're the man.

I kind of just want to do Ryan Rucco every week for this, too.

Go on.

Jixie on the ashes.

You bet.

Half-ass internet research.

De Niro came up with the idea for the polygraph test scene.

This is a bummer.

So the sister was played by Nicole DeHuff,

who tragically died at age 30 in 2005.

She had pneumonia.

They thought it was bronchitis and something bad happened and she died.

The girl who gets hit by the volleyball?

She died.

Yeah.

She sucks.

sucks i don't know if that's why she wasn't in the sequel but um because she died after that but uh yeah

so there you go

um jinx the cat was played by two five-year-old himalayan cats named bailey and misha

um

most of the scenes are done by misha so jim carrey came up with the idea for the focker surname that was his contribution yeah okay De Niro loved Mr.

Jinx and would play with the cat between scenes and kind of shoehorned him into a couple more scenes.

I like that when De Niro likes anything, it just seems funny to me because he just seems like the most boring guy who ever lived.

Like you forwarded that COVID to tell them about the COVID thing.

So I'm looking around YouTube just for intertwining interviews of this.

And in 2020, Hoda Kotbi got the cast together for one of those meetups that we would do during the pandemic.

And it's, it's Terry Polo and Blythe Danner and De Niro, Jay Roach, and sure enough, the Ben Stiller.

And it's like, I don't know if De Niro was under contractual obligation to be there, but Hoda's all smiles.

And she's like, Bob, the scene that I love is when you read the poem at dinner.

It's so funny.

What do you remember about that scene?

And he'd be like,

I don't really remember it.

Oh, okay.

And then they like Stiller would try to jump in and like rescue it and be like, well, what I remember, like De Niro contributed nothing.

And even Jay Roach was like, Bob, I remember you really liked Mr.

Jinx.

You liked the cat, remember?

And he's like,

I don't remember the cat.

He is like, probably the worst late night guest of all time.

Yeah.

De Niro.

Rough.

Way worse than Harrison Ford.

Way worse.

It's funny because people would always give Belichick shit

about his press conference and stuff.

To me, real life De Niro is a way worse hang than press conference Belichick.

Like I have him as like a minus 300 in the finals against press conference Belichick.

Yeah, because at least Belichick is trying to withhold tactical information from the press.

Bob, we're like, hey, did you like the cat on the set of the movie, Bob?

Just fucking lie and say you like the cat.

I don't really remember the cat.

Like, what a dick.

He's such a labyrinth because he hit this stage and it was right after this movie where he's just doing five movies a year and grabbing paychecks left and right.

Like, like he was like completely broke, but he wasn't.

And one of the reasons we know he's not broke, other than that he like basically helped build up Tribeca and owns like a shitload of stuff there.

But he's one of the founders of Nobu.

Like he was the big investor.

He started Nobu, which I think is the most successful restaurant empire that we have.

Crazy, fancy, expensive sushi restaurant.

Yeah, I think he owns like 25%, one-third of that.

I have no idea why he just makes, I don't understand anything about De Niro.

And I love the guy and he's one of my favorite actors, but I think off screen, he's super weird.

Well, I think part of the press for this movie is

I don't think he's like super proud of this stuff.

I just think he's still in the middle of the day.

I still don't know this stuff, right?

Yeah.

Like, I know I did analyze that, but, and I have to contractually do these appearances but i still am doing mean streets and taxi driver and i don't think he embraces it and it's like fine i guess he's really funny in the movie i don't really give a shit how he is on the junk it you know well it's another funny thing about the research for this is he kind of stayed away from ben stiller

because he wanted the characters to be uneasy with each other.

So they didn't really hang out a lot in the set.

So then you get in the interviews, it's like, Ben, what was it like to work with Robert Tadiro?

He's like, oh, you know, total pro.

Yes.

But it's clear, like, it's not like crazy fun to be in a movie set with Robert De Niro.

No, Stiller says in that reunion special, he's like, look, he was my favorite actor growing up.

He was my idol.

I loved him.

And like, and this is in a Zoom with De Niro.

He's like, Bob wasn't that nice.

And I'm just going to say it now 20 years later.

And like, he knows it.

And I know it.

And then De Niro kind of smiles.

But like, I don't know if he's doing the method thing or if he's just kind of a dick and like doesn't want to interact with the other people or somewhere in between.

But then the other part is Corsese loves him and he's like, I want De Niro in all my movies.

So he

this feels like the Belichick thing.

It's how like Belichick has like the seven people that really like him.

Right.

And it's, I mean, do you think Belichick and Brady like each other?

I'd like, what would they talk about after like if they were at dinner, would they run out of stuff to talk about in 20 minutes?

Yeah, I think they would.

So I think Marty and Bobby are like tighter than Tommy and Billy.

It's just complicated relationships.

Because the other weird thing is De Niro was in that whole like cocaine late 70s, 80s, early 80s, like in a lot of the John Belushi stuff.

He would hang out with John Belushi and Robin Williams.

And I was always like, can you imagine De Niro hanging out with John Belushi and Robin Williams, like two of the most volatile comic forces we've had in the last 50 years?

And like, there's De Niro with them just like smoking cigs and

like laughing at their jokes.

I just wish there was a videotape.

Yeah, you Robin, you're very funny.

You're a very funny person.

So the MPAA would not allow them to use the name Fokker unless filmmakers could find an actual person who had the name Fokker, which they did.

And there's people who thought it was like had to have an X rating because it was too close to Fucker.

The movie inspired a cat toilet training product called Litter Quitter, which sold well, apparently.

Oh, you mentioned Terry Polo, like a weird 2000.

She also had that, there's this whole like, she filed for bankruptcy in 2014 thing with her, too.

And she did all those sequels and everything?

Yeah.

Who knows?

All right.

One more break and then we're going to do Apex Mountain.

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All right, ripping through this, Apex Mountain, Ben Stiller, we litigated already.

It's somewhere between here and Zoolander, I think.

We're in like Apex Mountain range.

You can see the top of the mountain.

Yeah.

De Niro, no.

Nicorette Gum in a movie?

I think it has to be.

It's a huge part of it.

They name it by the brand name.

In-law movies.

So older people would make the case for the in-laws with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk, which I think is considered a true 70s comedy classic.

My dad, my dad's best friend, Roy Roy Anderson, it's his favorite movie.

And forever and ever, he'd be like, Did you see the in-laws it?

You see the in-laws it.

And I find it's super funny.

It's great.

Oh, so I think it's probably those two in the finals, but it's old.

It's a movie out of the 70s.

Terry Polo, I'm going to say yes.

Yeah, definitely.

How about septic tank disasters in a movie?

Can you think of a bigger one?

I can think of clogged toilets, like dumb and dumber, and like a lot of shit humor, but not quite like this one.

Did you have any septic tank experience in your childhood or life

i didn't i told a story on the radio once that i was house hunting trying to find a place to live in hermosa beach when i was about 28 years old and i went to an open house and i had to use the bathroom because it had a bender the night before and i clogged the toilet and i had to i i didn't know what to do and i it was like an open house and the owner was walking around so i just left

I just left and never came back to the house.

And I don't know what happened.

I told that story on the radio years ago and people still ask me about it.

I'm giving the sped up version now, but I didn't know.

I couldn't go up to the owner and be like, hey, do you have a plunger?

Like, I just couldn't.

So I left and I don't know what happened, what happened to the house or the owner.

Sorry.

That's a plumbing story.

That's not a septic tank story.

Yeah, I enjoyed it just as much, though.

It's septic adjacent.

You clogged an open house

for most of them.

Amazing.

That's right.

Why, have you?

Do you have a septic tank story?

I do, actually.

What do you got?

The lady who lived next to us when my mom remarried in Connecticut had a septic tank that occasionally would overflow and have issues.

And we had this dog,

B,

who used to,

the goal in his life was if the septic tank in this place overflowed or had some sort of spillage or anything, he was getting over there and rolling around in it.

And then he would just show up back home, like, sorry, guys, did it again.

And we just have these pictures of him just covered in septic tank.

It's disgusting, by the way, when those things overflow.

And so B would come back covered in shit and you would yell at B and its tail would go between its legs to cover its genitals and just break it.

Because he's an emotionally shallow animal.

Yeah, that's what happened.

They sell out.

Little Kim Posters, definitely Apex Mountain.

How about smoking meal nurses?

It has to be.

It has to be.

I don't know.

I don't know any.

The Mounty Strap-on Dildo for $24.99, 100%.

Yeah.

Do they move product because of that?

Like,

Bill, you usually Google crazy stuff for this show.

I made a point of not Googling Mountain Stretch button though though.

Kitty litter in a movie?

It's way up there.

I mean, it has the whole shitting on the ashes scene.

Yeah, there's a movie where a cat shits, and I can't think of it.

But yeah, I mean, it's not even litter.

It's actually like a burned-up old grandmother.

So, yeah,

that's up there.

Do you think this was the peak for Atlantic American Airlines?

Do you ever fly Atlantic American?

What's their lounge?

Yeah, they have a good lounge.

A lot of points.

I think subtle lacrosse camp jokes, 100% the best that's ever been done in this movie.

And then lie detectors.

Yeah, what's like, there must be some 80s movies where they use them like earnestly, like to figure it out.

But this is, this is, this is what you think of.

It's the, it's the poster.

The lie detector is the poster of the movie, and it made 300 million bucks or something.

Basic Instinct has some pretty good lie detector stuff.

And there's the debate about can you beat one and like she can

essential part of the plot.

That was the only second.

It's got to be Apex Mountain for cats in movies, right?

Oh, Apex Mountain for cats, period.

Great performance by the cats.

Good cats.

Also,

the central storyline.

Yeah, great defense of cats over dogs.

Probably the best ever done.

Other than Mallory Rubin just babbling on about how great cats are.

This is way better than that.

The low point for cats in a movie would be the movie Cats, actually.

I think so.

So we're off on that too.

Sorry, Taylor Swift.

She was in it.

Or I would say the low point for cats is the last season, The Sopranos, when

the cat staring at the painting of Christopher and Polly's getting freaked out.

And I think he finally.

The cat, they're the fucking devil tone.

He gets totally weirded out.

Also, Great Cat in Pet Cemetery, a movie that scared the shit out of me as a a kid.

Spooky and movie once was last week, but great cat in Pet Cemetery.

Cats creep me out.

I think they're creepy.

Cruise or Hanks?

For the Ben Stower part.

I'm going to make the case for Hanks, but I think Cruz is a more fun movie.

Okay.

You guys got into this during the Halloween pod where Craig was like running in like a referee.

It has to be the lead role, right?

This movie has two leads.

It can't be a second character.

All right, make the case.

It's more of a Hanks part.

I think he was really good at these kind of parts in the 80s he did this a bunch of times in different ways and bachelor party he's basically got that's an in-laws movie which features one of the funniest scenes ever when he's playing tennis but um i think he would have played had trouble playing it as like an emasculated one um cruise trying to do this would have been way funnier cruise trying to be funny with scenes with denier but i think it's hanks It would be weird if it was Cruz because there's dialogue about Maverick and Iceman.

Oh, right.

It's like crossing the beams.

Yeah.

So he's playing volleyball again.

And you know that he's not doing volleyball again.

So it's got to be Hanks.

Put one in the Hanks score ledger.

Racehorse, rock band, wrestler, fantasy team name.

Probably something Fokker-related.

I got for a horse.

I got Bolivian Wormwood, which is the floor is in Kevin's kitchen.

I think it works nicely in here.

The Bolivian Wormwood is my horse.

The Siemens Chapel?

Yeah.

And then tuck it.

Picking knits.

Well,

Pam's sister got engaged and then married in two weeks.

Who does this?

I don't literally don't know one person who's ever done this.

Especially in an old-fashioned family where the father's an asshole and has all these tests you have to pass.

That doesn't make sense.

Yeah, we're getting married two weeks from today.

Greg was going to get engaged without ever meeting Pam's parents.

Who does that?

They've been together 10 months and they've never met and they're extremely hands-on parents.

Doesn't make sense either.

I had that as well.

And they're living in New York City and the family's in oyster bay isn't that like an hour and a half no they're in chicago they live in chicago they what's oyster bay oyster bay i think it's on long island oh yeah you're right they live in chicago i that up keep that in craig so people can know keep it in craig um

So little kids would just never be able to keep a marriage proposal secret before, during, or after.

And even after, they'd be like, what happened?

He was supposed to propose.

One of those eight-year-olds would have fucked it up.

And they did fuck it up.

They can't even spell marry me Pam.

They're fucking up.

You know why?

Because Pam's probably a terrible teacher.

Like, she's a terrible girlfriend.

Right.

Greg becomes the second usher after knowing everyone for two minutes.

Stupid.

And they don't like him.

It's like, hey, will you be the second usher?

Guy, male nurse, we don't like.

They ask him that 10 seconds after Rebhorn's like, You didn't want to go for the MD?

Like,

the dynamic is really weird.

Fucker.

What?

I have two more.

Do you have anything?

yeah um

okay so greg's bag didn't show up it got lost you wake up the next morning or the second you get home and you drive to target and you buy some sweatpants and some underwear and some socks it's ludicrous that he's borrowing the entire family's clothes he even is going into denny's underpants you are not borrowing another guy's underpants it's that would not happen you go and buy the clothes you buy the socks it's a great point he's up at 7 30 in the morning going to the nearest apartment store that's that's not realistic even back then when you you didn't have Amazon, there's all kinds of stores.

You just need basic sweatpants for a little while.

It doesn't make sense.

And you can't say that he didn't have the money because later in the movie, he spends like $1,000 to change his flight.

So he definitely has enough money to go to freaking

pallet of Nicorette.

I think that stuff's pretty expensive.

Like

he wants the expensive bottle of champagne.

Like he can buy some Russell athletic sweats to get it through.

Terrible job by him.

Why don't they have a sign on the toilet in the den?

Don't flush it.

Just put a fucking sign on there.

Just remind people.

How about this?

How about fixing the toilet?

You're retired, Robert De Niro,

Jack Burns.

And all the boyfriends that have come through for Pam, Jack has the same test.

It's the toilet test.

And he sees if they can listen.

Oh, yeah.

And he's watching them on video.

Like, it's all get out.

It's all video.

It's all secret cameras.

That's a great thing.

I think he lays a trap for the boyfriends, and Greg failed it.

I think they're not.

You're right, because if he could.

If he could create stuffed animal cameras,

he could probably fix a toilet.

Definitely.

would be my guess yes um dying jinxy's tail is so stupid it just has to be mentioned as a nitpick craig did you have any nitpicks well i actually other than the other than the spray paint one of my is like a semi-hot take was i actually i i think every single move craig fokker makes in this movie is defensible is defensible can you come on the zoom for this so we can see you as you make this terrible thing out craig um

look

Other than the cat spray, which is where I draw the line, you can't do that.

Funnily enough, Liz's family has a cat named Jinx uh that i don't have a great relationship with i'm not a big cat guy and i might be half allergic but look the champagne pop into the urn accident nice call to get the champagne the flower gift at the beginning really thoughtful gift honestly like amazing gift if you think he is an actual florist it's a great point the volleyball spike that's what they wanted him to do it was bad timing and he it was an accident I thought it was a great athletic play.

Flushing the toilet at four in the morning, you forget.

It was your first night.

It's four in the morning.

You're delirious.

It's instinct.

You flush the toilet.

Big deal.

Letting the cat out as it's clawing at your leg.

You're not a cat guy into the backyard.

Maybe you think it's a side yard.

He's safe in there.

And then even smoking the cigarette on the roof.

He's having the worst weekend of his life.

And he was up there looking for the cat anyway.

He found the cigarettes.

He thought he'd stop for a smoke.

I defend everything he did until he sprayed the cat's tail.

You know,

the volleyball spike, we probably should dive into here for a second.

Why weren't her hands up?

What is she just like, her her hands are just in the water?

They were mad at Falker for not going up there to defend the spike on the other side.

Same thing.

Just takes it.

And why was there so much blood from a volleyball spike?

Because it insinuates a broken nose, but it was then you look at it eyes.

So where was the blood coming from?

Like that sounds like stitches in the emergency room.

It was an absolute gusher.

And it also makes me think if it was Hanks, then we'd have another Hanks volleyball scene, and that would be kind of funny.

Oh, yeah.

So we're all trying it together.

That's funny.

If you want to get into volleyball logistics, Rebhorn seems like a good six foot, at least.

Stiller's tiny.

Why is Stiller at the front?

Why is he at the net?

You're right.

Oh, that's a great point.

Yeah, Stiller should have been in the back.

Yeah, he's a Liberal.

The best shot of that whole scene.

Maybe my great shot, Gordo, is after Fokker spikes it, they go to a shot of him, and he's so fucking happy.

He has the shit-eating grin on his face.

Coming out, he finally made the play.

And then she's just gushing blood.

And Blythe Danner jumps into the pool in her clothes.

that's a really underrated moment.

It is.

Great call.

Craig, stay on for the rest of this.

Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all blackcaster, untouchable.

They made two sequels.

Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Treo, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, J.T.

Walsh, Nell, Byron Mayo, Harling Mays,

Evil Laughing Ramon Raymond?

This list is getting long.

Long legs or Philip Baker Hall?

I did Philip Baker Hall already as Jack.

So what do you think?

Well, I was thinking Philip Baker Hall as Floyd Gandali, as the dog, as the rebhorn character, you could talk me into pretty fast.

Oh, all right.

I was thinking of him as Jack.

Jack is like, look, oh, as the dad.

Yeah, I like Tom Collins, and I like butter up my ass, and have a seat in the Jerusalem tulip.

I like people on film fucking.

It's that easy.

You're right.

I think you should go for the jack roll.

Greg, I want you to meet some of my friends at the future stars of this business.

This is the talent.

Just one Oscar who gets it.

I think it's De Niro.

Yep.

Right?

Well, it should be, I know Fantasy talks about this sometimes.

Like, it should be an Oscar for best comedy, and they should win it for 2000 for the best comedy.

The movie is awesome, and it should win for best comedy of the year.

This is why the Oscars suck.

Yeah.

We've been saying this, I think, since Grantland.

Like, best horror film, best comedy.

Best action film.

You can even give them as Oscars the day before and make the Oscars smaller.

But they should, the whole point is to commemorate the year in movies so that people can look back and be like, oh, 2000.

That's when I just saw

Ryan Renov at this take where he was saying just this week.

He's like, it is such a shame that Eddie Murphy does not have an Academy Award for the Nutty Professor.

That is one of the greatest performances in any role ever.

Right.

And they just don't have it because it's a Zaney comedy and they shouldn't.

Yeah.

All right.

Probably unanswerable questions.

Did De Niro's stuff that he did in this movie lead to the creation of Simply Safe?

Home protection, cameras.

Yeah, probably.

It's that and the, what is the nocturnal activity movies?

That's those are bad.

Is that paranormal?

Yes.

Paranormal activity, yeah.

Do you think that Jack, having fought in Vietnam and is a CIA guy, don't you think he would have smoked cigarettes?

I'm surprised he didn't.

That's a great point.

He's seen that shit, hasn't he?

He's smoking cigarettes in Vietnam for sure.

They need to have him look down on cigarettes, though but you're right hey daenerys should smoke in every movie that would just be i would have that in the contract who would name their kid gay lord fokker

it's got to be a junior or second or third or something right

and i think they address it in the in the sequel but i can't remember why and then jack jokes that the parents must be hippies or something to name their kid that which they kind of are is dustin hoffman's name gay lord in the movie in the sequel

senior i should check um

did this movie destroy the future of male nursing let's talk it out.

Maybe it came back like 10 years later.

Yeah, I mean, like, we need as many nurses as possible.

I just keep going to my, you know, what I think about sometimes, Bill.

I think about people right now who are just normal, nice women going through their lives, not bothering anybody, and their name is Karen.

And now they're looked at as some sort of racist, elitist asshole.

They never hurt anybody.

I have an aunt Karen.

She's a wonderful woman.

And now it's like, ha ha, Karen.

I didn't do anything.

Some guy who was a nurse in 2000 is just helping people or helping the elderly.

Taking strays.

yeah taking in strays like putting catheters and old guys

now you're like haha male nurse it sucks it's unfortunate i don't like it

any other unanswerables from you guys i got one um so they stopped the uh the lie detector scene like kind of in the middle of the scene and it's just getting good like he's asking greg like have you ever watched pornographic movies right and i'm like i want to know What else did he ask him?

What does he have?

Like, does he gonna, is this 2000?

Is he like, did you vote for Bob Dole in the last election?

Do you like the Patriots sixth round draft pick, the quarterback from Michigan?

Like, I want to know what he gets into.

What is what are your policies?

Have you had sex with more than 10 women?

They could have thrown that in.

Above or below, 10 women.

Like, what other drugs have you?

I want to get into that stuff.

And it made me think of like what I would ask if I was Jack and then my daughter's boyfriend was there.

You got to get into that sum of stuff.

One unanswerable question that I had is this movie has such a lovely, like, late 90s, early 2000s aesthetic.

It looks great.

the clothes the the way the home looks i don't know why they didn't make this a holiday movie they should have made this a christmas movie because it would have been replayed for years and years and years

you have a tree you have a christmas scene and it gets played 10 000 more times every year so the fix would be instead of the sister getting married in two weeks she's engaged and they're going to celebrate it over christmas And Greg's going there for Christmas anyway, and he's got the gift and the flowers.

Yeah, you're right.

This movie doesn't have a season.

The reunion Zoom that I keep referring to, the question was asked, would you guys come back for a fourth movie?

And, you know, Stiller and De Niro are like, yeah, maybe.

And Terry Paulo was like, yes, I would.

It would be like a Fokker family Christmas.

Like that would be the special that they would do.

That's the name of the movie, probably.

Terry Paul's like, I'm in.

I'm blind in.

Yeah.

Anything.

Just to, I think it's called a Merry Focking Christmas.

And like, you bring them back.

And it's, but then it's like, you know, then the Fokkers do Hanukkah too.

So there's something for everybody.

That's a great idea, Craig.

FYI, meet the grandparents is sitting there for Netflix.

Like, it just fucking crush.

I mean, there's no way like 80 million people aren't watching that.

Yeah.

Maybe it's Meet the Fockers crossed with the Menendez brothers because they, you know, the Menendez brothers did so well for them.

They figured out how to work the Menendez.

Meet the Mendez.

Meet the Fockers shoot Jack with a shotgun and kill him.

Yeah.

And then go see the battle.

Meet the Menendez's.

I think that would work.

Imagine what they do to Jinx.

Yeah.

Best double feature choice, Meet the Fockers.

Andy and Red Zoatinea Award would happen the next day.

Meet the

Fockers.

What piece of memorability would you want from this movie?

I could offer you Jinxy's collar.

I could offer you the burned-down lacquered altar.

I could offer you the antique polygraph machine, the suitcase.

Anything?

I'm so boring and domesticated at this point.

I want that fucking tulip in the pot.

I want that plant.

I want to have that thing.

And I like the living.

I think Greg says, yeah, they say if you just water it steadily for six months, it'll bloom.

Six months of watering.

I want that thing.

I want it.

I'll take the urn.

Can I have that?

Can I put it back together?

Oh, the glued back together urn.

That's a good one.

Coach Finn Stock Award, Best Life Lesson.

Don't lie to your in-laws and don't marry Pam.

No.

And then who won the movie?

Robert De Niro.

I think we all agree on that one.

Yeah, I was tempted to give it to Owen Wilson for stealing it, but De Niro is so good in it.

I think he's better than Stiller even.

He's perfect.

I'll give it to Stiller.

Let's get it to De Niro.

All right, Craig, even though you've been on three different times, give us your big picture take.

I just think this is one of like the tightest comedy scripts ever.

And I didn't, I didn't, I think when I saw it when I was younger, you don't really realize how good it is.

Watching it again, I am like, man, there is no fluff.

This movie is so expertly crafted.

And I also think, I don't think this movie ages poorly in really any way.

It's pretty remarkable that this movie is just jokes for like 100 minutes.

And it's like, sure, the male nurse thing, there's like one slight Jewish barb.

But in general, this movie is like pretty politically correct.

There's nothing wrong with it, and it is still incredibly funny, which I think is just another sign of really, really good writing.

That I mean, you could show this movie now.

It's not, it doesn't even feel that dated.

All of the issues that are going on in that movie could happen today.

Technology doesn't really change that much of it.

I agree.

So I just think it's like airtight.

A timeless comedy and it obeyed the Craig rule of...

What's it under 100 minutes?

What is it?

Like 97?

Nowadays, I'm under two hours.

It's fine.

But back in the day,

under an an hour 45 is what okay gets me gets me it's exciting

i was thinking of craig when i saw that movie what's that movie called with demi moore substance where she is the plastic surgery substance i don't know yeah not seeing and i saw started the movie and i'm like i wonder how long this is it's like two minutes two hours 24 minutes like god you're gonna be kidding me really this is two hours and 24 minutes for a plastic surgery horror movie i'm going to wicked this weekend for a screening it's two hours and 40 minutes wicked 240 what are we doing that's like the godfather

what are we doing

it's like i know you got to squeeze in all the songs but it's part one it's wicked part one i think that's longer than the broadway show rebel ridge which i really liked was like two 215.

wow it's crazy how is that movie not 94 minutes it's like it's like cut and dry easy ply i liked rebel ridge but man I don't think Naked Gun is 87 minutes, man.

That's all you need.

Shit.

Yeah, Craig.

It forced you to write better, I think, think, when you had limitations like that.

Talk about it.

The happiest Craig is when we have a rewatchables movie that's 100 minutes or less.

Well, it's like we just did like body double.

It's like an hour 48.

It's, it's, it's lovely.

Kyle Brandt, great to see you as always.

One of these days, we're going to do one of these in person because you have to pop out from LA from time to time.

We're going to do it.

And Bill, I love to pass on these anecdotes.

A few months back, I was at something called the Sports Emmy Awards, this big fancy award show in Midtown Manhattan and New York City, and everybody's there.

It's black tie.

And I'm presenting, presenting with Nate Burleson and I.

We're out in the crowd.

It's one of those people where like you're in the aisle with the microphones.

And as we're in commercial, I feel somebody tap me on the elbow.

And I turn and it's like a very, very successful executive in sports media.

And he goes, I got to tell you, man, I really, really love your work.

And I go, oh, thank you.

That is so cool.

And he goes, especially.

Especially the Roadhouse episode was really like.

He was just like,

just rewatch.

Wow.

Unbelievable.

And I get that all the time.

It is always about the rewatchable switch.

I'll take, but I'm like, guys, I do do other things that put food on the table, but love the fans.

A lot of rewatchable.

They're like, thank you for dedicating your life to Steven Seagal.

Thank you so much.

Well, we almost did Seagal for this episode, but we put it, we backburnered it.

We did a hard pivot to everybody listening, and it was a good one, but we'll get back to it.

We had something locked and loaded.

There will be justice served, shall we say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's coming.

All right.

This was produced by Craig Horobeck.

You can watch Kyle Bran on Good Morning Football, and you're still doing the CBS hits a bunch of CBS hits for the NFL today, yes.

But most importantly, I appear on the Rewatchables podcast with Bill Simmons and Craig Horobeck.

You guys know where to find me.

All right, so how to our guys, Shregs.

Good to see you.

Have a great weekend.

This episode is brought to you by Warner Brothers Pictures.

One battle after another is coming to theater September 26th.

Don't miss legendary writer, director, and producer.

My guy, Paul Thomas Anderson, teaming up with Leo DiCaprio for the first time ever.

Pretty exciting.

They almost teamed together in Boogie Nets, actually, alongside award-winning actors like Sean Penn, Tiana Taylor, and Benicio Del Toro in this hilarious action-packed adventure following Bob Ferguson, an ex-revolutionary, on a mission to find his missing daughter and overcome the consequences of his past.

One battle after another.

Only in theater September 26th.

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Rated R, under 17, not admitted without parent.