449 - Waiting For War & Negotiations Under Fire

1h 2m
Tim discusses waiting for war with Iran and what the “negotiations” between them and Israel might look like. He also watches Tulsi Gabbard’s warning to the nation, questions why people in charge can’t seem to do anything, shares his thoughts on healthcare for illegal migrants, and tries to understand the political assassination of Melissa Hortman. 



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ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show um we had a big episode planned because we were we thought i thought we were going to be in the war

and i if you remember when i did that episode about the la fires i did it at a studio in las vegas sirius xm studio at the win

and they have a big background a big screen that you can put an image up on

and

i was there and i we had an image of missiles and it was going to look really cool and then trump's like oh we're going to take two weeks to get into the war and it's like i'm as anti-war as the next guy but like i had a graphic designer work on something like we were ready to do this whole welcome to the war episode of the tim dylan show like we're in it now

And we were just committing to it.

You know, we were in.

And

I get it.

Holding off.

I understand diplomacy I actually recommended it however I think it's just we're sending mixed signals specifically to content creators

we're sending mixed signals to the people I mean forget our troops you know they're I mean they're important in a way

but

really

The mixed signals are being put out to the content creator community.

Podcasters, comedians,

stand-up sketch improv, whatever,

influencers, large and small of all sorts, all kinds, all over the world right now are trying to figure out where we're going.

What are we doing?

And I thought we were in, and I had a studio booked, and I had an entire thing planned, and now we're out.

But

I guess we're only out for two weeks, and I don't think we're really out

because people I'm talking to have said like

that

they're in the military and they expect that they're being deployed.

They're moving big aircraft carriers over there that wouldn't be moved if they did not think that there was going to be a

major war.

And I don't just mean the Nimitz.

I mean actual ones moving out of the South China Sea.

going to the Middle East because war with Iran seems to be

inevitable.

It seems to be an inevitability.

Now, I don't know if that's true.

The only thing I know is I got into podcasting to be Israel's biggest defender in podcasting.

That's why I started a podcast.

That's all I know.

And me and Ted Cruz are the same in that.

But other than that, I don't know much else.

I know that Israel recently came out and said, we got to get rid of the Ayatollah Khomeini.

Khomeini.

The Ayatollah must go.

So it's a very odd picture, right?

Because you have like Trump going like, diplomacy, we're going to make a deal.

And then you have Israel going, we're going to kill

everyone.

And so Trump literally said, he said a few weeks ago, he's like, the people that I was negotiating with are dead.

They didn't die of COVID.

They're gone.

So it's got to be difficult.

Imagine you're on a car lot

and you see a sweet little Kia for you and the lady, and it's safe enough and well within your price range and you're talking to this guy on the lot and his head explodes because he gets hit with a mortar and then you're like well okay and then you're ducking and covering

behind another Kia

and this guy's bleeding out dead

and then you run into the Kia dealership to try to get some

clarification on the price or the terms and also to say, hey, that guy's dead.

And then half the dealership's on fire because of a missile strike.

I imagine negotiation in that environment is probably tough.

Get up that my favorite

news article.

Iran

refuses to accept ceasefire while under Israeli attack.

It was from Reuters.

This is the most amazing article.

Yeah, Iran rejects ceasefire negotiations while under Israeli attack.

What's wrong with them?

So we're beyond parody.

I just want everyone to realize that at this point.

We're actually beyond parody.

It's no longer satirical.

I don't know how to do a comedy show if this is a headline in Reuters.

I don't know how to be funny about that headline.

What could I say that would be better than that?

Iran rejects ceasefire negotiations while under Israeli attack.

And people I know, influencers, are putting it out and going, see, see how unreasonable they're being.

It's like, well, you're in a war.

I mean,

you're attacking them.

Israel has supremacy over their airspace.

They're doing well, I believe, but I believe Israel's weapons will run out eventually and that they will need to be restocked by yours truly, the United States.

And again, this is all about the Iranian nuclear capability,

which I, I, and many others,

again, there's not smoking gun evidence that Iran is a day away from having a nuke or a month away from having a nuke.

Iran is in enriching uranium as per Vice President Vance.

And of course, enriched uranium is used, you know, when you enrich it past a certain point, it's used for, you know, weaponized purposes.

That being said, this isn't exactly a new thing that Iran's like trying to get a nuke, right?

We've been told this for a very long time.

And I'm not saying they're not.

I'm not an omniscient, godlike presence.

We were told Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

We're told that there's Iranian sleeper cells all over the USA.

Maybe there are.

We're told that Iran has tried to assassinate the president of the United States on multiple occasions.

Now, all of this is basically that you have to take people's word for it.

Very little of it is like,

well, here is the smoking gun evidence that we have.

A lot of it is like, hey,

and by the way, I have no problem thinking Iran would want the president dead if they could wave a wand and make it happen, or if Iran would like to establish a caliphate, Iran pops a lot of shit, death to America, death to Israel, the great Satan, the little Satan, the whole thing.

We know that.

But actively, I don't feel that Iran is close

to attacking Manhattan.

That's not

just going off pure vibes, as I must occasionally.

Going off pure vibes.

I don't believe that Iran

is going to invade the United States

or fire a missile at the United States of America and sign its death warrant.

Iran probably wants the bomb so that people can not do what they're doing now.

This is a guess.

Now, Saudi Arabia, who's kind of in league with us in Israel, God bless.

Hope everyone's happy.

But Saudi Arabia is like, they want to, they're doing some Hitler shit in the Middle East.

You don't get it.

Like what Iran's doing.

They want to build this entire,

because, you know, Saudi, Iran,

butting heads.

They don't like each other.

Iran is Shia.

Saudis are, I believe, Sunnis.

Maybe some of them are Shia.

I don't know.

But there's religious conflict between those two places.

Iran is Israel's biggest

obstacle in establishing what Israel wants, this kind of greater Israel idea of having little parts of Syria, Lebanon, and whatnot.

So, and I mean, listen, again, it needs not be stated that I don't have any love loss for Iran.

I don't care about Iran at all.

I don't think about Iran.

Well, how lucky you are not to think about Iran.

You lucky?

Yes.

I don't think about it.

It doesn't keep me up at night.

It doesn't paralyze me with fear.

And it does not terrorize me.

Now,

I'd like people not to die.

I'd like the world economy to be okay.

If there is a regime change, hopefully this one works.

Hopefully this one's quick.

Hopefully this one's in and out.

Light touch.

Because the others haven't been that great.

Can we just be honest about that?

The other regime changes.

The Taliban's back.

Who the fuck knows what's going on in Iraq?

Syria is being run by ISIS.

Libya's a failed state.

You've got 90 million people in Iran.

It's not so easy to just wave a magic wand and go, by the way, you're all pro-Western and pro-Israel.

Now, I know a lot of people are saying, they're going, Well, these Iranians actually don't like the regime.

And I bet that's true because the regime sucks.

The Iranian regime sucks.

They have these virtue police.

They throw acid on women or hit them with a stick or put them in jail.

In Beverly Hills, they had that photo of that chick who she walked out without the hijab and they went nuts.

And everybody was having the, you know, a couple of months ago, they had some like...

Things in Beverly Hills, some like protests, and I was all about it.

I mean, I don't stop, or I drive by my Rolls-Royce.

They don't want me there.

What am I going to do?

But Iranian Jews in Beverly Hills were gathering gathering to protest a treatment of that woman.

And I agreed.

I'd do the fist as I drove by.

And I agree with them on that thing about that woman and whatever happened.

Not good.

Let her out.

I think she might be out.

Or stop burning her.

Whatever they're doing, I'm for it.

Against it.

Against, I'm for them being against it.

Listen to what I'm saying.

I'm not in any way.

To put that, you know, I don't want to throw acid on that woman.

I don't even know that woman.

so yes

when the jews in beverly hills were going nuts and these are the aladdin jews the the sephardic ones the brown ones the ones i like because they have the bright colors

i was with them and i'm still with them

but i don't know if everyone in iran is going to be into it that's what i'm saying I just don't think they're going to be into it if I had to guess.

Now, maybe I was wrong.

Now,

I was wrong.

I'm willing to admit I'm wrong.

There's a crowd of people here that seem very excited

about

U.S.

arrival into this war.

This is a crowd of people that is incredibly excited about the United States and Israel and this upcoming war.

They are jazzed about it.

They're into it.

Let's look at some of the

fun

people

that we are now going to own soon if we invade their country.

Trump, you are threatening my leader, this woman says.

Don't you know my nation believes death is sweeter than honey?

What do you have, Israel?

He says you have nothing.

You are occupiers, unreligious.

You're killing people, killing women.

You kill everyone.

You're terrorists.

Yes, well, it seems to be

the excitement is palpable for a Western-style

Iranian

regime.

This seemed, and there's 90 million people.

So obviously there are varied opinions.

There's the younger, more progressive people.

There's whatever the hell we just saw.

There's a spectrum of people, and it will be fun weeding out

who feels what way, because there's only 90 million of them.

So the fun of this whole thing will be

who

feels which way

and we'll get to do that over a period of years

with explosions and weaponry and will, you know, it's kind of a door-to-door.

And then some of the people who might have liked that, think of how people in our country,

have you ever had a friend that did this, went from far to the left, far to the right, far to the left?

I've had those friends.

Isn't it interesting?

Extremism is always its own justification.

So people that go really far off the deep end can swing back the other way.

You know, a big whore becomes religious and then is a whore again.

Well, what does that mean?

Extremism can breed extremism and then a pendulum will swing from one way to the next.

Some very progressive people end up being very right-wing.

It's in every area of life.

It's not only politics.

Okay.

Look at addicts that go from using drugs every single day

to being sober.

And then who knows, you know, God forbid they end up back on drugs.

We don't know what's going to happen.

So it's very possible that some of these younger progressive, we love American Israel types decide at some point

that actually they were wrong after they've seen enough of their friends and family die that actually they become deeply religious and hate us.

You know what I mean?

Like, we don't know which way it's going to go.

You never know when you have a country of 90 million people that's been under the grips of this Ayatollah, who's a nut,

but he's, you know, and they have an iron fist on that country.

And then we let it up.

We don't know what's going to happen.

Now, it would be lovely if it all worked out.

It would be lovely if it all worked out.

It would be really nice if it all worked out.

If you went to Iran, which, by the way, is like the surface of Mars.

Steve Bannon said that, and he was right.

It's a completely foreign landscape in the sense of like,

you know, it's a different world.

It's a different culture.

But maybe it would be nice if there were baristas and coffee shops and people, you know, and I'm sure there are.

And people are going to be, you ignorant pig.

There actually are those things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

I don't care.

I don't even want to talk about it.

I don't want to be involved.

I'm just saying, like,

if it was Western and American and everybody was chill and you could walk outside without the hijab

without getting that acid on you, because I didn't want that.

I like that protest they did because it wasn't burning the cars.

It was just kind of chanting and they had her a pretty woman and they had her picture.

And I was with them because it didn't affect me.

I was going to...

La Scala, it didn't affect me.

I was able to go right by.

That's what a good protest is in a luxury neighborhood that i can see as i go to lunch and then think about it that's what a good protest i see it and i go huh that is interesting and then i discuss it at lunch not the burning of the tires or the waymos or you know blowing up door dashers or whatever these people are doing got to rein it in

Now, all I'm saying about Iran here is that the people are a mixed bag.

Can we agree?

Can we agree that they're a mixed bag over there?

And some of them may like us and some of them may not this is larry flick owner of the floor store labor day is the last sale of the summer but this one is our biggest sale of the year now through september 2nd get up to 50 off store-wide on carpet hardwood laminate waterproof flooring and much more plus two years interest-free financing and we pay your sales tax the floor stores labor day sale don't let the sun set on this one go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from santa rosa to san jose The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.

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Now, Israel's come out and said we have to kill the leader.

Now, this is a good negotiation tactic.

This is what I've always found.

When you are negotiating, the most important thing you can do in a negotiation is kill the person you're negotiating with.

This gives you advantage.

To show you are serious about a negotiation, the most important thing you do is violently attack the person you're negotiating with, killing them, thus giving you any and all advantages for the further negotiation.

So smart for Israel and

it makes us seem very legitimate, doesn't it?

When we go, we're going to negotiate.

And then Israel goes, well, actually, we're going to kill

this guy.

And it's like, are we partners in this?

What are we doing here?

What are we doing?

Are we, are us and Israel, like, this is like being in a bar and like the wingman has like, is fucking the girl now.

Like, the wingman is like fully,

you're like, bro, what is this?

Like, it's gone from like, dude, wingman, walk into a bar to like the wingman is lighting the bar on fire and it's not helping anyone.

So

Israel, get this guy up here that this guy says that the supreme leader of Iran must go, the Ayatollah.

Khomeini,

and this is,

they're just saying this in the middle of these negotiations.

Now, by the way, does anyone believe these negotiations are happening?

And if they are happening,

what?

Like,

how are we negotiating?

How is anyone negotiating here?

Can we get a video on this?

Or did this guy just say this in print?

This is the defense minister.

of Israel going like, we need to,

okay,

let's watch Netanyahu do it let's let's see it from Netanyahu saying we got to get rid of this guy because it would be good

our friends over at Global News let's see what Netanyahu is saying give it a little volume we had the peace talks we gave it a chance we've uh you know clenched our teeth we did everything we could to enable President Trump to negotiate the desired result and that would have been preferable for us and I think for everyone.

But we saw in the course of the negotiations, while they were negotiating with the united states right you attacked the supreme leader of iran uh ayatollah khaminai tweeted almost every day death to israel the talks were merely a facade

but that's his catchphrase listen they're confusing a catchphrase with a policy this is the problem

death to israel is his catchphrase

i mean Have you ever seen Larry the Cable Die?

Get her done.

Get her done.

Larry the Cable guy.

A catchphrase is a thing that doesn't necessarily suggest a policy.

Death to Israel is the Ayatollah's catchphrase.

He, that's his, he's, it's his like comfort little, you know, what do they call it when someone's autistic?

Stimming?

Vocal stim.

What?

That's his stimming.

Don't stigmatize mental health.

He's writing death to Israel, but he's, what is it?

A stim.

Stimming.

Defense minister Israel Katz issued his strongest, by by the way, I mean, hilarious name.

Defense Minister Israel Katz issued

his strongest threat yet to assassinate the Ayatollah, saying Turan Supreme Leader cannot continue to exist.

What if in the middle of a negotiation at Kia,

you just looked at the guy and went, you cannot continue to exist?

The guy would go, this seems odd.

I thought we were trying to find like common ground on the price of this sportage.

But I'll tell you this.

I'm all for peace.

I'm hoping and I want human rights.

I thought about this today.

I said human rights and peace.

That's my position.

Your move, everyone else.

And what's good about that position I have there, human rights and peace, is that no matter which way this goes, we won't get either.

So

there will be no peace, and then the human rights probably is not going to happen.

Now, what's going on in Gaza?

Are they?

Because here's what I would love.

Perhaps we're not paying attention to Gaza.

We're all thinking about Iran, and maybe Gaza is getting like better.

Is that happening?

Like, are the people that are starving in Gaza now?

Is it better?

Do they have food?

Or is it

what is happening over there?

Now,

Israel tanks kill 59 people in Gaza crowd trying to get food.

Well,

not ideal.

Not ideal.

And this is from that Hamas rag, Reuters.

This is what I thought RFK was going to do.

was roll the tanks out and stop people from getting food.

Israel military kills 23 Palestinians near aid site in Gaza.

Witnesses and medic say, what is the argument for killing the people trying to get food?

Right?

I mean, doesn't that, does that, I mean,

I guess you say Hamas is under the hospital or they got a tunnel, you know, whatever the case.

You know, there's certain, the IDF said troops fired warning shots after people gathered nearby.

And Israeli aircraft then struck several suspects who the IDF said continued walking towards troops.

Well, I just don't know if the best way here to do this is, is there another group that could come in besides the IDF to give them the food?

I think the trust is gone.

I really believe that.

Like, if I was in Gaza and I saw everyone I know burned alive, and then the IDF showed up with a, you know, I don't know, a

fucking pop-tart,

I would think it was a bomb

i would go i don't know if that's a pop-tart that might be a bomb so what you need to do is let international aid people in but i don't think they're letting those people in they're not really letting journalists in

i hope everything uh

i hope everything

I hope I hope everything let's let's talk to let's listen to Trump here because

Tulsi Gabbard, our friend Tulsi Gabbard,

aloha, Tulsi, is now apparently on the ice, on the outs

with Trump, although there's reports that that's not true, but then people are saying it's true.

This seems like it might be true.

Let's watch Donald Trump here.

And I think within a matter of weeks or certainly within a matter of months, they're going to be able to have a nuclear weapon.

We can't let that happen.

I was very much opposed to Iraq.

I said it loud and clear, but I was a civilian, but I guess I got a lot of publicity.

But I was very much opposed to the Iraq war.

And I actually did say, don't go in, don't go in, don't go in.

But I said, if you're going to go in, keep the oil.

But they didn't do that.

What intelligence do you have that Iran is building a nuclear weapon?

Your intelligence community has said they have no evidence that they are at this point.

Well, then, my intelligence community is wrong.

Who in the intelligence community said that?

Your director of national intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard.

She's wrong.

Mr.

President, President John, he is in any way helping.

I do think

an Iran

conflict,

if it is prolonged,

if it is in any way a

destabilizing force, which how could it not be, right?

It will cause a semi-permanent rift in his coalition of his fans.

I think a lot of his fans want

an America-first foreign policy that's not, maybe not quite isolationism, but certainly not

being engaged in the world militarily in the way that an Iran conflict could potentially be.

I mean, it might be quick, fast, in and out.

You know, you talk to people and they're like, the thing is, they just need to get that area that Iran's enriching this thing, this Fordham area, whatever they call that.

I keep thinking of Fordham, the college, and the Bronx.

I'm like, I think that's more dangerous.

But

this area is deep underground.

It's like 30 meters underground or something.

So in order to get it, we need those bunker busting bombs.

And Israel doesn't have them and they don't have the planes to fly them.

But there's Israeli special forces probably on the ground right now.

And I think our people are telling them this is how you can maybe get in and blow the whole thing up if you can get in that area.

But we know that area is probably very tightly guarded.

So what you're going to need is some of these bunker-busting bombs.

Iran built its most critical nuclear enrichment facility, Fordo,

deep inside a mountain to shield it from attacks.

But the United States is a bomb that experts think could probably reach the subterranean site.

President Trump is considering a plan to use it.

Only the U.S.

military has a 30,000-pound GBU-57 or massive ordnance penetrator that may be able to destroy Fordo.

And it is the only armed force with aircraft that can carry out such a mission with it.

So

this is what they want.

Now, but they also want the Ayatollah gone.

They want the regime gone.

They're encouraging people to rise up in the streets.

People are talking to the Shah's son.

Get up the Shah's son.

Pavlavi

son.

Because people are talking to him, going like some of the expats are talking to him.

Here we are.

Meet the lesser-known son of Iran's last Shah, calling for a regime change.

So this guy becomes like our Ahmed Chalabi.

If you're old enough to remember Iraq, there was this guy, Ahmed Chalabi, and he went and said, we're greeted as liberators.

The regime is going to fall immediately.

It's all going to be okay.

Now, in these things, the regime falls quickly, and then it gets fun.

Because now you just have the population.

So maybe it works, maybe it doesn't.

Reza Pavlavi, the exiled son of the last Shah of Iran, Mohammad Reza Shah, was until recently a figure with little to no say in Iranian affairs.

He now makes regular appearances on TV and is calling for a regime change in Iran.

He said, quote, the Islamic Republic has come to an end and is collapsing, adding, the future is bright.

And together we will turn the page of history.

And by the way, if this all works, how lovely?

How lovely to have a progressive Western

people in there.

And by the way, but we've said this about all of those places.

Like, wouldn't it be nice to not have a theocracy?

But

see if you could get him.

Where does he live?

He probably lives here, right?

In Los Angeles.

I bet he lives here, but I could be wrong.

Where does he live?

London?

I'm wondering.

I'm wondering where that guy lives because

Los Angeles has the largest population of Iranians outside of Iran, Persians.

Oh, he lives in Bethesda, Maryland.

Oh, okay.

So he's, it's right, CIA.

Thank you.

He's right.

But he's involved with the government, of course.

You don't live in Bethesda, Maryland, if you're not involved.

And there's nothing wrong with it.

God bless him.

God love him.

But that's where he lives.

I mean, he's not, you know.

But because his people are here.

The Iranians are not in Bethesda.

His people are

in Beverly Hills.

They're in Bel Air.

They're in Westwood.

That's where

they are.

That's why they call this place Taranjalis.

Have you ever heard that term, Tarangelis?

Yeah.

That's because of all of the Persians.

So emotions are running high here.

A lot of chatter in the restaurants, chitter chatter.

And that's why I stayed.

I was going to go back to New York, but I wanted to hear some of the jitter chatter from the Persians.

What's going on?

What do we think is going to happen?

Who knows?

Let's see.

This is kind of blurry, but it's okay.

We might get an idea of it.

The future is bright, and together we will pass through this sharp turn in history.

In these difficult days, my heart is with all the unarmed citizens who have been harmed and have become victims of Khomeini's war-mongering and delusions for years I have strived to prevent our homeland from being consumed by the fire of war

is that his crib

that might be something

is that him

oh I don't know what that I don't know who that was

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And what is this, Tulsi?

Is she warning the world about nuclear war again?

Yeah, it's a statement she put out recently.

Let's see, hear what she has to say.

She's on the outs, though, I think.

but let's see.

I recently visited Hiroshima in Japan and stood at the epicenter of a city that remains scarred by the unimaginable horror caused by a single nuclear bomb dropped in 1945, 80 years ago.

Yet this one bomb that caused so much destruction in Hiroshima was tiny compared to today's nuclear bombs.

Because as we stand here today, closer to the brink of nuclear annihilation than ever before,

political elite and warmongers are carelessly fomenting fear and tensions between nuclear powers

perhaps it's because they are confident that they will have access to nuclear shelters for themselves and for their families that regular people will yeah I mean I like her but what is this like you know like it what

it's like you're in the thing now this is what these people have to stop doing I understand that you're going against the deep state.

Get her out of here.

And this is some free advice.

I know that she watches sometimes.

So I'm with you, sister friend.

Aloha.

But you're in the thing now.

You got to start calling people out, naming names.

Stop this

fucking, let's stop playing FTSE with the bullshit here.

Who's trying to get us into the thing?

Name, name.

Everyone up there is tongue-tied.

They got Cash Patel on Rogan going like, hummana, hummana, hummana, hummana.

What is the thing here?

Like,

do these people people have names?

Can you not say them?

Do these people exist?

You're in it now.

You're in it.

If people are trying to start a nuclear war,

arrest them.

Tell us who they are.

I know it's more complicated than this, but here's the deal.

You can't have the benefit of the doubt anymore if you're in the thing.

I know.

You go, that's a permanent government.

They operate in the shadows.

I know, but I cannot hear these ominous warnings from people in the fucking government.

Figure it out.

Stop these people, these dark forces, these powerful factions.

Stop them.

It's literally what you're elected to do.

It's literally what you're elected to do.

And our president,

baby cakes, is about to go into Iran with Israel.

And hopefully that works.

But like,

who are these dark for four?

Like, can we get, shine some light on this?

Because I'm just a little tired of like all of these people that got elected and they just can't say anything.

They just can't speak and can't utter anything.

And they're all probably terrified.

Maybe they'll get killed, but that's your job.

If you're going to get whacked for saying the truth, you better say the truth and get whacked.

That's what you got elected to do.

You didn't get elected to write a book.

or to go out clubbing or whatever the hell you're all doing.

You didn't get elected to go on Don Jr.'s podcast.

You got elected to tell us what the fuck was going on.

So you either don't know what's going on and that's okay, then shut up.

Or if you know what's going on and you, for whatever reason, cannot tell everybody,

then shut up as well.

Come to us with something.

You need to have something.

And it's starting to feel

really shady.

And it's starting to feel like,

you know, the more and more I think about everything, and the more and more like

you sit back and you

take all the facts in,

and there's millions of things you don't know and won't know and will die never knowing.

But the things that you do know,

you have to sit back and a picture begins to emerge in your head

of

this kind of theater that's happening.

It's like a show,

kind of theatrical, but it doesn't feel real.

And it feels like the people in there,

for whatever reason, are either unwilling,

useful idiots who are being used by other people.

or they're complicit in participating in whatever this is.

I don't know.

I'm not saying that about Tulsi.

I like Tulsi, but I'm saying, like, when Bongino and Cash and all these people are out that are supposedly, you know, they have the keys to the kingdom and yet they don't.

And

what are we all supposed to do here?

What are people supposed to do?

Just go on vibes and like red hats are fun or

I'm happy that somebody with a some some chick with a dick isn't beating the girl in the swimming race.

Okay, I'm I'm happy about that, but then you come out and say there's forces pushing for nuclear, what?

Name them.

What are we doing?

This is what you people were kind of elected to do, no?

I mean, so I'm like,

if Tucker Carlson's working harder than the people that are in the White House to bring peace, if Tucker is doing the unofficial job of outing people that are calling for war and doing all this stuff, whether you agree with Tucker or not, at the end of the day, he wasn't elected to do that.

The people in office were elected to do it.

So, if they're not going to do it, or if they can't do it, or if they're waiting to do it, whatever, I don't know.

Again, I'm an outsider, you know, but don't come out and deliver ominous messages like the world is closer to annihilation than it's ever been.

People are stoking fear.

Stop them.

Stop them.

I mean, there was an election in America because people didn't want that.

People didn't want to go in that direction.

That was a big reason the election happened.

It's the craziest thing ever.

We're close to annihilation because there's people that are stoking fears and pushing nuclear power to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, stop that.

You were elected to stop that.

Or tell us who they are and go, this fucker is saying this.

And we don't like this person now.

Do I sound insane?

I mean, you're listening, you're there.

Do I sound crazy?

No.

I just don't understand.

All these ominous messages from inside the castle.

Tell us what's a flash us a hand signal.

What's going on?

Are you all captive?

What the hell's going on?

I mean,

throw us a signal here.

We're on the verge of war with Iran.

What the fuck is happening?

You people were elected to clean this shit up.

I don't understand.

The Ukraine and Russia are still blowing the shit out of each other.

China's about to swallow Taiwan.

I mean,

somebody,

I don't understand any of it.

And I like Tulsi Gabbard a lot.

I think she's a, I don't know her, but I've always gotten a good vibe and feeling from her.

My mother spent time in Hawaii.

I've never really spent time.

I don't love fat Asians.

I just don't like that.

But

it confuses me.

It messes with my, my

senses of what is and isn't, you know, real and what's AI and what's not.

But I'd like to go.

What I'm saying here is pretty simple and it goes for everyone that's working in that administration.

If you have nothing to say, don't say anything.

These interviews they're all doing where they all come out and they're like, they're speaking in a code or

they're like, well, if I knew, then you'd know.

And if I had it, then you'd have it.

And we're close to nuclear annihilation.

And guys,

all of this stuff, whatever it is, maybe you're all hostages.

You don't know anything.

I don't know.

I don't care.

Just stop.

This is Ted Cruz and Tucker.

Play this clip.

I think it is a funny clip.

So I've never taken money from the Israel lobby.

Have you?

Taken money from the Israel lobby?

AIPAC.

So AIPAC raises a lot of money for me, but it's actually a misnomer because the people who raise money are individuals.

So it's not the PAC itself, but they're individual members who believe in the American-Israeli friendship and relationship.

It's a PAC of foreign lobby?

No, it's an American lobby.

AIPAC stands for the America-Israeli Political Action Committee.

What does it lobby for?

So, to be honest, not a whole lot effectively.

Listen,

I came into Congress 13 years ago with the stated intention of being the leading defender of Israel in the United States Senate.

I've worked every day to do that.

AIPAC, a lot of times,

APAC, I wish, were much more effective.

Like their fucking emotions.

All right, all right.

We got it.

We got it.

Again, I'm not one of these people where it's like the Jews control the weather because we see all of that now coming out on social media.

There's been a rapid, you know, rise

in anti-Semitism.

And I'm not one of these people, but it is obviously fair game to criticize APAC's influence in America or Israel's influence.

Here's a big problem in America right now.

We have people in this country that are too racist, too homophobic, too anti-Semitic.

And then we have people that are not racist, not homophobic, and not anti-Semitic enough.

And I'm constantly on this seesaw oscillating.

And the difficulties are, they just pile up.

But

if you want to prevent political extremism which is my goal i don't want to live in a country of psychopaths that are frothing at the mouth that are trying to kill everybody all the time

you you have to not allow

these spaces for

you know

all of this like

craziness to originate from And these spaces are

these like ill-defined relationships that certain groups have with the way our government functions, be they AIPAC or whoever, or the Chinese Communist Party in Silicon Valley or with Elon, or any of that stuff, right?

There are all these relate and Qatar, I mean, the free press wrote a whole thing about Qatar.

I found it to be a little amusing that the whole country is being run by Qatar, a bit hilarious.

But

the plane and all that stuff and building hotels in the Middle East, that also seems very shady.

So when you don't have a full understanding of what these relationships are between these entities and political leaders in our country,

everyone's going to assume the worst.

And they're not necessarily wrong to assume the worst because it seems like a very corrupt landscape out there where people are influencing things.

And we're all just realizing that everybody hates democracy.

Everyone on the far left, on the far right, all of these people are doing all that they can all the time to subvert democracy.

When you have riots in the streets and people burning cars and using violence and things like that,

and I'm not pro-ICERAID.

I'm saying that is a tactic that is supposed to intimidate people and it's a tactic that's supposed to be the workaround for democracy.

If you're going to come into a country with deep pockets and hand out money to every representative, that's a workaround

around democracy, around what people voted for and what they wanted.

So

I know we have a close relationship with Israel.

That's great.

I don't have any issue with having an ally and having a close relationship, but if Britain was doing what Israel did in Gaza for the last two years, I would call into question that relationship and I'd say, does it make sense for the United States to fund that behavior?

Is this a good use of our money or time?

Does this make any sense?

Is this going to be good when we open the doors up to immigrants from the Middle East whose families we've paid to have killed?

And then they come in here and perhaps justifiably want to commit acts of terrorism.

Does that make any sense to anyone?

Or do we hope they've all forgiven us by the time we're settling, resettling them here?

Perhaps they will have forgiven us.

Maybe the food on the plane was good and they forgiven us.

I don't know.

But this is how we do it.

We blow everybody up and then open the doors and say, come on here and go live in the hotel.

And hopefully everybody's happy and we bygones.

We all forgot about that, right?

That whole thing, we forgot about that.

We're all good now.

Have you seen the M ⁇ M store?

We're all good.

Seems like an insane way to run a country.

Seems like a complete, seems completely insane.

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What's going on with this woman in Minnesota who got shot?

I don't, I've read this.

I don't, I don't get it.

I'm unhappy about it.

I don't want anybody getting shot.

Have I been clear about that?

I don't like it.

And I don't even, I'm not even in love with Minnesota.

Now,

this guy dressed as a police officer.

Get a news story up about this just so that people can understand the context here, because this is a very disturbing story.

This poor woman is killed because she voted.

And then get her up too, because she said she voted with with the Republicans on a bill in Minnesota that would prevent aid to illegal immigrants, I believe.

Let's get her up talking about that

because that will, that's supposedly the motive for this.

And it's unfortunate.

Here she is.

I don't know.

What's her name?

Melissa Hortman.

Melissa Hortman, everyone.

I know that people will be hurt by that vote, and I'm

we worked very hard to try to get a budget deal

that wouldn't include that provision.

DFL Speaker Emerita Melissa Hortman emotional following the House's adjournment from a special session Monday.

Hortman was the lone DFL lawmaker to cast a vote to cut Minnesota care access for undocumented immigrants.

It's a move she made with a heavy heart.

I did what leaders do.

I've stepped up and I got the job done for the people of Minnesota.

Minnesota.

The bill was deeply unpopular with members of the DFL caucus.

Members have repeatedly expressed frustration that the bill was part of a compromise, one that would ensure the necessary GOP votes to pass the rest of the state budget.

We are tremendously disappointed and gut-wrenched at this decision, at this compromise that compromises our communities that are most vulnerable.

Bortman knows she let down her own caucus members with the vote.

They're right to be mad at me.

I think some of them are pretty angry.

I think that their job was to make folks who voted for that bill feel like crap, and I think that they succeeded.

Over in the Senate, a similar situation unfolded.

Senate Majority Leader Erin Murphy forced to vote for a bill she too disagreed with to uphold the integrity of their compromise.

This one hurt.

This one is a wound because of its reason.

My colleagues across the aisle set this as their number one priority.

Asked whether the move would drive a wedge between her and the.

I mean, all right, all right.

You know, so let's just for a minute here.

I don't know the bill.

What I do find interesting about what animates people right now is that

it's so clear to me, and it's obvious that

when you have an

issue like this

that is contentious and people are angry on both sides, there's a lot of people that feel, as I do, that illegal immigrants are given preferential treatment over citizens when it comes to things like housing, food vouchers, getting cell phones, getting money.

This is all absolutely true.

In cities like New York, people are housed and it's compassionate.

But it also comes at the expense of the American taxpayer to give preferential treatment to people that are not here legally, that may be here, you know, coming from another, fleeing a bad situation, or maybe just it's economic migration that they come in here.

And you want to give people care and you want to help people, but you also don't want to prioritize

that over America.

You know, the deal with taxes was always you'll pay more taxes so that

citizens who live in your country can have better lives or can have access to more opportunities.

That includes immigrants that came here legally and some of them that came here illegally who are now legal.

I think if you open that door and say that

the primary recipient of taxpayer benefits or not the primary recipient per se by the numbers, but the ones that we're talking about are only undocumented illegal immigrants.

That's the main concern.

I think a lot of people, myself included, are going to question that.

I don't think that makes a ton of sense.

Where is the energy for American citizens that are struggling?

Where is the Democratic Party's energy for American citizens?

In

the people who do not have health care, the people who do not, that cannot retire, that cannot send their kids to school, that cannot afford a house.

Where is the energy for that?

There doesn't seem to be as much energy for that.

These NGO protest groups aren't in the streets for that.

They only seem to be in the streets for the rights of people who are in the country illegally.

Now, whatever you think about that issue, whatever your passion level is on that issue, it is curious that none of these groups have any passion for domestic issues outside of

funding for illegal immigrants.

A lot of these Soros-funded NGOs,

they just had a big wedding in the Hamptons, Huma Abaddon and the Soros kid, which, by the way, where's the invite?

Would have gone.

Literally would have gone.

A lot of these NGOs are in the streets for that reason.

They're in the streets

over,

you know,

police brutality.

But again, it's always, you know,

kind of a very like,

none of it's a coherent ideology.

And I know that's not what protests are supposed to be.

I get it, but it is weird.

I'm like, where is that level of passion for American workers?

And I guess it doesn't exist because everything's been racialized to the point where

it doesn't really matter.

These are also states like Minnesota that were going to ration care based on race.

They were going during COVID.

I've never, you know, this is like,

this is like white guilt to a level now of beyond self-parity.

It's somewhat ridiculous.

We're going to start rationing care based on race.

That was something that people in Minnesota considered.

There's something wrong with those people up there.

They don't get enough sun.

They hate themselves on a level that it's unimaginable.

They just like, you know, white self-hatred.

I get it.

Whatever.

And there's a, you know, a tradition of radicalism up there and everything like that.

Great, great.

I just think if the Democratic Party wants to win another election, they have to at least pretend to care about

people that are legally in the country in addition to, I'm not saying don't care about illegal immigrants, but reserve a fraction of the passion, a little bit, for people that have lived here legally.

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So now this guy goes and shoots this woman?

Yeah.

because she

well, they don't know if the motive.

We don't know what the motive is.

Yeah, there's no clear motive yet.

We don't know.

There's no clear motive, but apparently.

Now what is this?

This is a news story about him.

It just opens up with...

All right, let's watch this.

Excited.

I want to dance.

A stunning video of the accused assassin dancing.

57-year-old Lance Belter is preaching at a church in the Congo.

A rousing sermon that couldn't be farther removed from the hatred police say fueled his shocking murder spree.

This video has also surfaced of Belter claiming to work with law enforcement with a specialty in removing bodies from crime scenes.

We're working with a lot of police officers and death investigators at the location where a deceit is found.

Could be a crime scene or just a natural death.

Belter is charged with the murder of State Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark, and the attempted murder of State Senator John Hoffman and his wife Yvette.

We're learning chilling new details of these shootings.

The attempt to assassinate the Hoffmans was caught on home security video.

A federal prosecutor said that video was the stuff of nightmares.

He said the suspect pretended to be a cop and banged on the door, shining a flashlight on them.

The senator opened the front door and quickly realized this was no cop.

When Senator Hoffman attempted to push Belter out and stop him from entering his home, Belter shot him repeatedly.

Belter then shot Ms.

Hoffman repeatedly.

Belter fled the scene and the Hoffmans daughter called 911.

Their 28-year-old daughter's life was saved by her heroic mom, who shielded her with her body.

An hour later, cops almost captured Belter as he was about to murder the Hortmans.

When Belter saw the officers get out of the car, he drew his weapon.

and began firing.

He rushed into the house through the front door and when he entered, he murdered Representative Hortman and her husband, Mark.

The shooter is still in the house, they believe, barricaded with the firearm.

Before escaping, he shot and wounded the Hortman's dog, Gilbert, who had to be euthanized.

Gilbert.

Police say this image shows Belter dressed as a police officer and wearing a hyper-realistic latex Halloween mask.

Here's what the mask looks like in the light of day when we tried it on.

Why are you doing it?

Cops recovered weapons.

Inside edition.

Inside.

Stop that for a minute.

Inside edition.

What are we doing?

Show that again.

Inside edition, why are we doing this?

I mean, inside edition,

I expect more.

I actually don't.

Get the roommate up.

Get his roommate who's like, that guy was a Trump supporter.

Again, just to put all this together, I don't know anything about it.

Neither do you.

Let's see what this guy has to say.

Talk about his politics a little bit.

I know that you had some discussions on some of the graphics.

Well, everyone's calling him a Democrat, and he's not a Democrat.

He would be offended if people called him a Democrat.

But he

because of this Ford thing he was on for Governor Walls, he wasn't to serve, he was just serving the community.

But

he,

you know, he was

you can't I can't believe a political issue would cause him to do such

did he ever bring up the senator or the representative who were targeted like I was saying no he never talked about that I didn't know

any politicians he mentioned

Nancy Carlson didn't like Jim Walls

Tim Waltz didn't like Jim Biden

Tim Walls

him?

Well, I mean,

nothing fruit.

I mean, it's just normal.

Oh, I don't like that Tim Wall did this.

I don't like it that he did that.

Did you mention the protest that it worked?

He might have snapped.

We don't know.

You know, all these guys have weird links to like some fucking defense group or some shitties in the Congo doing.

It's just weird.

It's a weird life.

to be in the Congo in a church screaming and yelling in Africa.

But I don't know.

I'm withholding judgment.

I'm not going to say that everything is

an op or whatever.

I don't know what it is.

I'm hoping that

he's killed, right?

They killed him?

No, I think they took him into custody.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah, they found him in a manhunt.

He's in custody.

Right.

I remember that.

So I don't know.

Is his manifesto out?

I don't think.

Let me check.

I don't think so.

That was a big thing they were talking about.

Yeah, I want that manifesto.

Pretty soon in this country, going to go into a bookstore, it'll all be manifestos.

There'll be nothing left.

People don't have consistent politics, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything that he was a Trump supporter and then he just shot this chick.

Like, who knows?

I don't know.

I don't think they're going to release his manifesto.

You know, they don't release these things.

And this is

a very important

thing, obviously, to figure out why this guy did this and what his motive was.

So,

yeah, I don't think they have a manifesto.

No, they're not going to have a manifesto.

Can I just proffer a guess?

And actually,

I actually

think

that there's a very good chance he was working for Iran.

They probably have cells in Minnesota, and he was most likely in one of them.

That's just a general gut feeling I have.

I'm not going to show people the evidence or how I've worked it out.

I'm not going to show the work, as they would say in school, show the work, show the work.

Did you cheat?

No, show how you got the answer.

I don't feel the pressure to do that.

I think it makes sense, most likely, that he was with Iran.

And

hey,

if you're going to kill our representatives for Iran, then you're out, buddy.

And it's just one of those things.

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If you want to go there, TimDylanComedy.com.

We're going going to, it might not be up yet, but let's see if it is.

It'll be up.

It'll be up sooner rather than later.

Is it up now?

Let's see.

Yes.

Okay.

Columbus, Ohio, Oklahoma City, Phoenix,

Fort Lauderdale, Schaumburg, Illinois, which is Chicago essentially, San Jose.

And there'll be some other ones, but those are some

places you can see me this fall trying to put together some fun new material.

And,

you know, we're very excited about the war with Iran.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

I hope I figure out when it is because I am pissed.

Did that guy from that studio get back to you?

Was he pissed?

No, he was cool about it.

Good.

Good.

But what are you going to do here?

You know, when we get into it, not if when, let's be serious.

The diploma.

It's the funniest thing in the world.

We're being diplomatic.

You've got like a light on your head.

You'll get a red light on your head.

It's like, now,

it's a good faith negotiation where we spend it trying to kill you, but it's good faith.

It's about the nuclear program, but you got to die.

It's about the nuclear program, but you've got to get your head blown off.

And then Tulsi Gabbers like, well, there's all these forces.

It's like, yeah, they're on the news.

We know they are.

it's like there's a lot of forces that are they're just they're ratcheting up tensions all over the globe yo who's doing that

trump does not have a clear opinion on this he's all over the place the the messaging of the administration's but all over the place they were probably caught off guard by this i i can't say for sure but that would have been my guess

you know and then i think trump felt like he was getting manhandled a little bit by netanyahu and then i think he said let me chill out i'm gonna take a few weeks i'm not gonna get involved right away And if he does get involved, I think he wants a clear kill shot immediately.

Like, Trump wants to go in quick, shocking awe, and then out.

Now, will that work?

Who knows?

Probably not.

Never has, really.

But hey,

what are you going to do?

Like, at the end of the day, it's like, you're just living, living in America.

And you just got to get into it, folks.

Get into it.

Get that.

I kind of got war fever a little bit as I was driving to Vegas.

I was kind of like, let's do it.

living in them i was like why not

we're doing it i love that um

that song producer mill had a great bit about that on oh and a about that it's just such an american song um

we hope everyone stays safe we hope uh cooler heads prevail it doesn't seem like they will um

but i wish i wish you all the best in all of your negotiations

In all of the negotiating and the negotiations that are the main thing.

I wish wish everyone the best in their totally in good faith negotiations that aren't a ruse while we lure in battleships to further attack Iran.

All the best.

99.

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Wow, that sounds amazing.

Can I have a bite?

I'm sorry, but no.

But you can't split the banana split.

Not even a little.

Not even a crumb.

What if?

No.

Please?

Mine.

When it's too legit to split, that's cravenience.

Get a three-pack for 99 cents with our app, AMPM.

Too much good stuff.

Plus tax where applicable prices of participation may vary in terms of conditions apply.

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Visit Carrington.edu/slash SCI for information on program outcomes.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, what's eating?

The new banana split cookie from AMPM, all freshly baked with real butter with banana chocolate and strawberry flavor.

That sounds amazing.

Can I have a bite?

I'm sorry, but no.

But you can't split the banana split.

Not even a little?

Not even a crumb.

What if...

No.

Please?

Mine.

When it's too legit to split, that's cravenience.

Get a three-pack for 99 cents with our app.

AMPM.

Too much good stuff.

Plus tax where applicable.

Prices and participation may vary in terms of conditions apply.

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From August 22nd to September 1st, score up to 60% off motorcycle gear from your favorite brands.

RPM members get 50% off tire mount and balance with any new tire purchase.

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Fast Lane Financing lets you ride now and pay later with 0% interest for three months.

And here's the big one: August 29th through September 1st only.

Buy any helmet $319 or more and get a free Cardo Spirit Bluetooth.

Supplies are limited.

Don't wait.

Cycle gear.

Get there.

Start here.

Oh, what you eating?

The new banana split cookie from AM PM, all freshly baked with real butter with banana chocolate and strawberry flavor.

Oh, that sounds amazing.

Can I have a bite?

I'm sorry, but no.

But you can't split the banana split.

Not even a little.

Not even a crumb.

What if?

No.

Please?

Mine.

When it's too legit to split, that's cravenience.

Get a three-pack for 99 cents with our app, AMPM.

Too much good stuff.

Plus, tax where applicable.

Prices and participation may vary in terms of conditions apply.