412 - The Joker & Kamala Harris

This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash. Saving and investing can feel impossible, but with Stash, it's a reality.
It's easy. Stash is an interesting investing app.
It's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster. They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals.
Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award-winning expert-managed portfolio that picks stocks for you. Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just $3 per month.
Don't let your savings sit around. Make it work harder for you.
Go to getstash.com slash T-I-M to see how you can receive $25 towards your first stock purchase and to view your important disclosures. That's get.stash.com slash Tim.
That's get.stash.com slash Tim. Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients, and not a guarantee.
Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments, LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. Investing involves risk, offers subject to terms and conditions.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. A little disappointed at the people in the Apple Store in the World Trade Center who refused and kind of very disrespectfully refused to allow me to jump the line with a cracked phone screen after I told them that my phone was damaged in October 7th.
And I had requested to not wait behind a line of confused Asian people because again, my phone was damaged in October 7th, trying to save the people there. So, and well, well, it doesn't matter why I waited a year to get it fixed.
It doesn't matter, but I'm getting it fixed. And my phone was damaged in October 7th.
When I was saving people in Israel with a governor, Tim Walsh. And we were there at the Nova Music Festival.

I mean, when I was on set at Joker, it's rare that you know how bad something's going to be.

And I would talk with the other actors and we'd go,

we don't get it.

Because you'd sit there and then every now and then you would

see Joaquin Phoenix,

who's one of the greatest actors of our time,

um,

singing or doing like jazz hands.

And you'd go,

I,

I,

man,

I don't know how this is gonna,

I don't know how this is going to play.

And,

but you go,

don't question the guy.

He's a legend, the filmmaker, whatever that means anymore. Whatever anything means, by the way, no offense to anyone.
I love everyone. And I'm grateful.
That's the thing about me. I'm grateful.
A lot of people aren't grateful in this business, but I'm grateful. I'm grateful.
You watched This Is Your Country. We were in the top 10 for two days.
Hey, watch it again. Get us back in that.

Thank you. But I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend three months sitting in a trailer in makeup while my face broke out and I had, you know, probably irreversible damage to my skin. I'm grateful to have sat in a trailer for three months and been a small part of probably the worst film ever made.
Arguably the worst film ever on a screen. Where people are walking out of this film.
I saw it in Laguna Beach. I was in California with COVID.
And I went to go see it. And that's how you should see it.
If you can see it with COVID. And I was watching it and people were walking out of the theater, uh, confused, befuddled, angry.
Why, why did you do this? The reason the first one was so good is that it captured kind of the nihilism and anger rising in the culture. Whether it was or wasn't a ripoff of Taxi Driver is not important at this point.
It doesn't matter. Okay.
And I'm not taking cheap shots here. People think I am.
I'm not. I'm actually talking about life.
What was good about the first one is that it captured a sentiment that was coursing through the culture. Okay? This one is such a mess.
Such a joyless slug. Whatever else they called it.
You know? I mean, I don't even want to go through, I don't even want to read the reviews. I posted them on my Instagram.
The most common word being associated with this film is disaster. Lady Gaga is not a good actress, and I say it as she's a colleague of mine, and I'm going to say it.
I'm sorry. My fans expect me to be honest now.
I'm going to be honest now. And this may damage me in the business.

I might not be in the second to worst film.

I was in the worst film ever made.

So the CIA may call me and go,

don't you want to be in the second worst film ever made?

We got a great idea.

Todd Phillips is making October 7th the musical.

You want to do a line in that?

That makes more sense. At least there was music at October 7th.
There's more of a link. You see how that works, buddy? You also overpaid for your home.
Here's the point. Doesn't matter.
I'm grateful. The thing about me is I've always been grateful.
I'm a grateful person. And this is what people don't understand.

But they see me out and they see me beaming and they go, you seem like you're full of gratitude.

And I say, well, I am actually.

I am.

I am.

It was a blessing to be in this movie.

Lady Gaga has no business being on a movie screen, by the way.

It's all Chapel Rhone now.

None of it's Gaga.

She's the new gay trans icon.

So what?

She endorsed Trump.

I'm kidding.

She didn't, but she refused to endorse Kamala because she thought she was going to make

like a nuanced point about politics.

Hey, baby cakes, that's what I do.

Get on stage and dress like a frog and sing.

Going to make a nuanced point about politics? You're 12. The hell do you know? You were serving, didn't she work at Wendy's? And now she's a musician? Your fans want Mamala.
Serve them what they want, which is Mamala. Baby, you're in the hive.
Oh, you don't, you're trying to find a

nuanced take on the

Middle East?

I'm a pink pony girl

and I'm voting for Trump.

Oh, baby.

I'd respect that.

Ha-da-da.

Every single day.

Venezuelans stealing phones and things are getting gray.

But Gaga's irrelevant.

The woman is irrelevant.

And I think she's very talented in the music end of the thing.

That's her game.

She's irrelevant now

Okay

Star is born, we get it When was that? Long time ago Yeah, at least 10 years, yeah I'm on the deep end I ruined a movie Everyone loses money Six years ago, 2018 Whatever, six years an eternity now. So they got her in this, ruining it.
They got Joaquin who's doing, you know, he's a brilliant actor, but he's, you know, they got him trying to be Fred Astaire. It's a big mistake.
And on set, I would turn to my friend Jimmy, who was one of the guards, and I'd go, what is happening? And he'd go, this is not going to be good. And we'd have great lunches every day because it's a $300 million budget.
The lunches were, I mean, we all went into this thinking this was going to be great because we got there, we showed up. We'd never, I'd never done a film like this.
I did Thanksgiving. You know, they lobbed off my head.
Great.

Now, we got to this. I'm on the Universal lot.
Even though it's a Warner Brothers movie, they've rented

a bunch of lots on the Universal lot. They've

recreated the Arkham Asylum.

I am sitting there.

We have a lot of different

prison guards. We're all talking to each

other.

We are having lunches.

We have a pasta bar. We have lobster we have fish tuna salmon being grilled and served to us for the first few days the lunches went downhill as the thing continued they got cheaper the craft service table was amazing okay we're looking at Joaquin Gaga's not there we're We're looking at Joaquin.
We're going, we're in it. We're in Joker 2.
This is legendary. Okay? The worst thing anyone has ever seen.
I mean, ever, ever, ever. Every time it looked like something may kind of be good happen, they would start with that shit.
Like, you know, for once in my life, I have someone who needs me, someone who needs me. And they're doing the dance.
And I'm like, God, what is this? It was heinous, to use a word I use way too much. And we knew it.
I had a nice little scene. It was quick.
In fact, I missed my scene. I was talking.
I was texting on the phone about how bad this movie is. There

you go. Show the people.
I was texting on the phone about how atrocious the film is. I missed

my scene. I didn't even see it.
And I just walked out and looked at the beach. It was that bad.

And, um, but it's changed my life in many ways you know being in the worst film ever made being in the death of a popular what it franchise technically it's the biggest hollywood bomb of the year that's not nothing that's not nothing timmy boy is in the biggest hollywood bomb of the year let's be honest that is not nothing. Timmy Boy is in the biggest Hollywood bomb of the year.
Let's be honest. That is not nothing.
A lot of people fail quietly. This is a massive, big budget, blowout failure.
And I am involved. And I'm proud of that.
Here's how bad this film is. I cannot show this to anyone ever.
I can never say I was in a movie and then show it to, so that's how bad it is. If I said I was in a movie and I showed this to someone years from now, they would go, are you pranking me when I put this on? And you heard Lady Gaga be like, I'm the Joker.

There's always a Joker in the pack.

There's always a Joker.

It's like, what the fuck is going on?

Who did this?

Who's this?

Who's the studio?

Wasn't it Universal?

I don't know.

No, it was not.

Oh, it's Warner Brothers because it's a comic book movie. DC Comics.
I'm kidding. It's a good movie.
I'm actually joking. I'm doing a bit right now.
Warner Bros. I'm doing a bit.
That's how good I am as a comedian. It's good.
If you need a movie to have a plot, you're a loser. Truly.
If you need a film to have a plot, you're a fucking loser. And if you don't like musicals, you hate gay people and you hate women.
And you hate trans people and you probably hate black people because they're very musical. And you hate, you are in the KKK.

You don't like this, Mr. KKK?

There's always a joker in the pack.

I don't understand how this happened, but I'll tell you it's one word, hubris.

Hubris.

I had a lot of suggestions on that set and nobody listened to me because I was an unimportant nobody. But you know what? Sometimes you listen to the nobody.
I said immediately, fire Lady Gaga. Fire her.
Fire her right now. You're paying her a lot of money, and what I'm seeing ain't working.
Get her out of here. Get her out of here.
I said that at the pasta truck a lot of times. Get her out of here, I would say.
Get her out of here. The red sauce.
Get her out of here. She's not working.
Get her out. Cut her mic.
I would yell. They wouldn't hear me.
I'd say it. I'd say, cut her mic.
What do I care? What am I going to, you know? What do I care What am I gonna you know What do I care this whole thing is fake This whole thing is fake This whole business I'm in Is a pretend business Do you understand that anyone listening out there In your minivan with your kids Going to fucking I don't know know, what is it, the thing that people go to, the escape room? I don't know. What do you go to with the kids? Rock climbing? Not with kids, right? What's the thing where you jump in the foam pit? Like Chuck E.
Cheese or Dave & Buster's? Whatever it is. Whatever the hell you're doing out there, I'll tell you this.
The business I'm in is fake. It's not real.
$300 million in this horse shit that's on the screen i just a month of my life do you know that when my agents called me to put me in this they told me it was going to be a big deal for me oh it's going to be a big deal it's going to open up doors for you it's going to open up doors the only door it opened up is the door to the laguna beach movie theater when everybody walked the fuck out that's the door it opened up and people i was I was hiding. I don't get recognized all the time, but every now and then somebody will recognize me.
I was hiding like Diddy in that theater trying to get out. Somebody went, Tim Dillon, you were in that.
You were good. And I went, it was terrible.
They went, it was terrible. And I just ran to my car.
Not ran, quickly walked. The point is, this is going to be a big deal for you.
You're in Joker, too. Everyone gets on the call.
When you have an agency, you have seven or eight people that will call you when something good happens. And none of them have names.
None of them should have names. They're all Joshes and Jonas and Jacobs.
And none of them are actually a person. It's just, you know, the gremlin when you get them wet and they all just, they all become, and they're all on the phone.
People you don't even know are on the phone. They're like, hello.
They're like, we have Josh and Jacob and Jonah and Justin and Josh and Josh and Josh and Justin and Jacob and Jonah and Jocelyn and Janet. And you go, okay, hi, hi.
And you're always desperate when they call. You're like, hi, is everything okay? Is everything okay? And they're like, we have such good news.
They're like, hi, where's, hi, hi, hi, Tim. I don't know if we've ever spoken, but I just want to call and say that we're really excited to bring you this news.
You're going to be in Joker 2. And then everyone's like, oh, my God, it's such a big deal.
It's going to be big. And then you're like, I'm in Joker 2.
I'm in Joker. Wow.
Wow.

Wow.

Fast forward two years later.

Worst thing ever been made.

Worst film ever made.

And by the way, I'm not being hyperbolic.

That's literally a discussion right now, is whether this is the worst.

Imagine had I had that insight on the call with all these people, had I said, but wait a minute, is there a possibility this could be the worst movie ever made?

It earned the worst cinema score of all time

for a comic book studio movie.

Can you imagine that?

Can you imagine the real call?

Hey, Tim, what's up?

It's Jacob, Josh, Justin, and Jonah.

We are super excited to tell you that you're about to be in the worst film ever made. It's fucking amazing.
First of all, you're going to go to the Universal lot at 6.30, 6.45 in the morning every day. Okay, they're going to put you in some weird, ill-fitting prison guard suit that somehow makes you look fatter.
And then you're to sit there for two months and do nothing you'll work for two hours of those two months there will be scenes where you're just sitting and they'll walk Joaquin by and there's going to be a lot of smoke and cameras and everything like that and you won't be invited to the premiere you're not going to have anything to do with it you know you'll have one scene where you're not giving lines you'll'll be yelled at a lot. I don't mind being yelled at.
It didn't matter. I was probably fucking it up.
And I, the scene at the end was good and funny. But at the end of this, Tim, two years from now, you are going to be part of, get ready for this, the worst film ever made, the biggest bomb ever, the worst movie ever made.
And I would have said, thank you. And by the way, you're so desperate in the business all the time.
You go, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Even if they had said it just like that, even if they had said it, even if they had said you're going to be in the worst film ever made, I would have went, thank you guys for believing in me and working to make this happen.
I really, guys, thank you so much. It's going to be the worst.
Yeah, people walk out. Yeah, I'm so in.

I'm still in. Thank you.
And I appreciate it. Because maybe it'll be the third worst, right? They're like, yeah, it could be the third worst.
I'm like, that'll be good. Well, you know, the Menendez brothers, by the way, are, what's going on with them? They're trying to get out and go to a dinner party at Whitney Cummings' house? Yeah, Kim Kardashian.
The Menendez brothers, which, by the way, the Ryan Murphy stuff, I get it, but I don't know. Now I'm just going to light fire to the whole business, by the way, for the next three months.
I'm going to get it to a point where, like, I'm going to have my manager who's going to call me and go, Hey, so we actually called Ryan Murphy's people to talk to you, and they just sent us a clip back of you shitting on everything. I did love Dahmer, and I like American Horror Story.
I don't know if I love this Menendez thing. The real Menendez brothers are mad because this one has them fucking, and supposedly they didn't fuck.
So they're all pissed, right? They're all angry. Artistic liberties with the...

Sure.

Well, Ryan Murphy's trying to make it hot.

He wants to make it hot.

Can we watch Kamala on 60 Minutes?

Because she makes me happy.

Yes.

I really...

Here's the thing.

She'll probably lose, but she makes me happy.

I like seeing her.

It's the joy you have when your

best friend who doesn't

have their homework gets called on.

It's, look at that

Faye. I don't, can you go back

to her face please in the beginning?

I don't want to lose

that face because it is the face

your friend

confides in you.

They did nothing.

They go, bro, I did not, I didn't open the book. Because this was me in school, like I didn't open the book.
And then they'd call me and they'd be like, Mr. Dillon, what do you think? And I'd go, I'm trying to create an opportunity economy.
I'd say shit kind of like her. She still won't study, like she's running for president.
She still won't really even, which is what I like about it. If she was, like, really trying, I'd find it disturbing.
The fact that she's kind of half-assing it on the biggest stage. There is no bigger stage, by the way.
There's no larger stage. She couldn't care less.
She's kind of half-assing it on the largest stage, and it makes... I want to hang out with her.
I want to have drinks with her. I think she'd be a fun person.
Because a few years from now, she's going to be somebody fun in California who's like, you're going to see her in the Palisades, and you'd be like, she's going to be like, remember when I was trying to make me president? And we're all going to laugh about it. That's what it should be like.
And I feel like, sadly,

that's because there's so much hot under the collar anger at her, which I understand people are angry and she's, you know, but we can't forget that this is essentially just a person who had no

idea any of this was going to happen. I mean, she's a careerist for sure.
She did put herself in these

Thank you. can't forget that this is essentially just a person who had no idea any of this was going to happen.
I mean, she's a careerist for sure. She did put herself in these positions, but even she is shocked at this.
Even she is shocked at this. She is no idea, never thought that it was going to happen the way that it happened as quickly as it did.
and she refuses to study. She will not open the book.
My parents used to go, not my parents, my grandparents, let's be honest, my parents didn't care, but my grandparents would go, my grandmother would go, are you going to open the book? I haven't seen you open the book. The test is on Monday.
I have not seen you open the book. Okay? That is this energy.
Let's hear her. Kamala Harris.
My plan is about saying that when you invest in small businesses, you invest in the middle class. That's correct.
And you strengthen America's economy. Small businesses are part of the backbone of America's economy.
But pardon me, Madam Vice President. By the way, let's just stop for a minute.
This small business thing is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. This, none of them care about anyone with a small business.
First of all, there's like four, where are these small business? I wish there were more of them. And I hope the ones that are there thrive.
So don't come at me and say, what do you not care? I always care. I hate how corporate everything is, but like, what is the small businesses now are like, you know, Diddy had one and you threw him in jail, but that's what's left.
The small business is like math. It's, it's trafficking people, all the people running the people through the smuggling in the Venezuelans.

That's a small bit. Like there,

you know,

you don't get to choose which small businesses you like and which ones you

don't like,

because there's a lot of small businesses in this country that are just not,

not that marketable,

but they're there.

A lot of small businesses that she might not love. You might not love, but that's a small business.
I used to buy drugs from my friend's mother when I was a child. Small business.
You know? This idea that there's like tons of thriving. It's like the same people talking about small towns.
And I've talked about this before, but like these small towns,

ooh, these small little suburbs,

they're so quaint and cute.

And everybody thinks of these Gilmore Girls suburbs.

Go to them, go to them.

How cute are they?

Go to the quaint small towns

everyone's talking about, by the way.

Are they nice?

Are the small towns,

there's like seven or eight small towns in America

that are cute and quaint and nice. And a house is $18 million, by the way.
Okay? The rest of them, there are roving bands of children ready to kill you. There are people living in abandoned malls in these small towns.
That must be where all these small businesses are that she's talking about. I'm all for small business, by the way,

and I think we should have a lot more small businesses.

But we have a lot of problems here in this country

that need to be solved before the people of the small business will tell you that.

We have a lot of problems.

A lot of things are not going well.

We're going to give the tax credit to the small business.

You know, these small towns, these quaint little towns, people are ice skating.

It's not.

It's a movie from 1998.

Go to the town.

Go to the town.

Okay?

It is not what you think it is.

Drive through any of these small towns that are so quaint and cute.

Oh, it's America.

Oh, it's a fourth of July

parade is oh is it is that what it is is that what it is because I don't see that I see a fucking shifty-eyed pedophile running by the school I see a gang of migrants get ready to steal someone's phone, I see a bunch of young 14-year-old kids, you know,

who are trying to film, you know, I don't know, a death.

So, where are these quaint, cute...

It's like a couple goes on a date in one of these towns.

Both of them get raped.

So what are we talking about with the...

Again, let's see her again. No one's opened the book.
Nobody's opened the book. Madam Vice President, the question was, how are you going to pay for...
And here's what's great. Here's what's great.
And this is the other reason I like her. She doesn't care what the question is.
It doesn't... She doesn't care what the question is at all.
It doesn't matter because she's not going to be the president. She has to tell him that.
She has to tell these people that before she has to go, shh, come here, come here. I know I'm just, I want to let you know, I'm not actually going to be the president.
They told me that. That's what she has to do with all these interviews before they start.
No, she's got to tell, she's got to go, listen, listen, I've, no, no, no. They told me I'm not really going to be the president.
So don't go too hard on me and don't get worried or nervous if I don't know one of the answers because I'm not going to do this for a living. That's, that's, no, no, no.
I'll show up to like the 9-11 memorial and I'll go to like some, I don't know. I don't know what will, I don't even know what they even do anymore.
Cause Biden's refused to leave the white house, which I kind of like, by the way, I kind of liked that. He's holed up in there and not doing some garbage.
They don't even want these people around, by the way, all of these bakeries in like Pittsburgh, all these candidates are trying to stop into, nobody wants it anymore.

These pancake shops, Tim Walz got a pancake somewhere and everybody's on Facebook Live, Facebook going, I'm not going, I'm done.

I'm done with this establishment.

I'm done with this shit.

I'm not eating that slop anymore.

You serve Tim Walz.

It's gotten so divisive that people can't even get fat without having a problem in this country. I'm not getting, I'm not killing myself there anymore.
You had Tim Walsh. Like, so they don't even want him.
They don't want him. If I owned a company, a business, a small business, I don't want them.
Let me sell my fucking muffin bowl pudding pops or whatever. Let me sell it.
Let me sell my Asian dessert where the cone is shaped like a fish. Whatever happened to that? I wanted that.
Three years ago, you can't even find it anymore. Don't look it up.
I don't really need it. The point is, it was something.
It was Ube that... My point is this.
You, you, you... There's data.
Nobody wants that. I wouldn't want them.
I gotta have J.D. Vance.
I'm trying to... I got...
Let me serve my tater tot buffalo nachos, please. My ranch tots.
Let me serve my buffalo ranch

tots to the people

that are buying them with government vouchers

and not get

weighed into this nonsense.

All these people are doing,

these are the small businesses, by the way,

are trying to serve deep

fried New Balance sneakers to

people and they're being

interrupted by the politicians coming in and trying to do the abortion or something. We're just trying to have pancakes.
Stop doing a late term. They're doing a late term in the diner.
I'm trying to have an omelet. Stop doing late term.
Todd Phillips is sitting there. He goes, okay, so this is what they want, apparently? That's this idiot? That's what they want? More of Mamala! Well, one of the things is I'm going to make sure that the richest among us who can afford it pay their fair share in taxes.
Stop it. Now you're talking to me, you vixen.
No, what is, this guy is so unamused with her i love this guy he's like what is this keep going right that teachers and nurses and firefighters are paying a higher tax rate than billionaires and the biggest corporations but and i plan on making that fair but we're dealing with the real world here. But the real world includes...

How are you going to get this through Congress?

You know, when you talk quietly with a lot of folks in Congress,

they know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's called blackmail.

It's called blackmail.

They're all pedophiles, and we have tapes of them having sex with children.

Next question.

It's called blackmail.

It's blackmail.

What do you think Diddy's been doing?

What do you think Epstein's been doing?

What do you think all these people have been doing?

It's blackmail.

They're all on drugs.

Thank you. question.
It's called blackmail. It's blackmail.
We have, what do you think Diddy's been doing? What do you think Epstein's been doing? What do you think all these people have been doing? It's blackmail. They're all on drugs.
They're all cheating on their wife. We have tapes of these people.
So when I come to them with a plan, that's not even a plan and just balloons national debt to hand out money to, you know, fucking real estate developers so they can build condos with floating bathtubs in Tribeca and all this other horse shit and build new vineyards and crap and we call it the economic new economy opportunity investment horizon America program and no one knows what the hell it is but we just stuff all of our friends pockets filled with money if anyone stops that we're going to show them a tape of them having sex with a passed out 16 year old at last year's Halloween party. Any other questions? I'm not really going to be the president.
Let's finish up with her. Know exactly what I'm talking about.
Their constituents are those firefighters and teachers and nurses. The Glock question is great, too.
Do you have that one? Yes. Yeah.
Here you go. Recently surprised people when you said that you are a gun owner and then if someone came into your house...
That was not the first time I've talked about it. That's not the first time I've talked about it.
So what kind of gun do you own and when and why did you get it? I have a Glock. And I've had it for quite some time.
This is like, by the way, this is like when John Kerry went, who amongst us doesn't like NASCAR? And they're like, you probably don't like NASCAR. He's like, who amongst us does not like this? When he got like a Philly cheese ticket, he asked for like Swiss cheese.
It just, when she said, I have a Glock. I have a Glock.
I have a Glock. Look, Bill, my background is in law enforcement.
And, um, so there you go. Have you ever fired it? Yes.
Of course I have. At a shooting range.
Yes, of course I have. This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash.
Saving and investing can feel impossible, but with Stash, it's a reality. It's easy.
Stash isn't just an investing app. It's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster.
They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals. Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award-winning expert managed portfolio that picks stocks for you.
Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just $3 per month. Don't let your savings sit around, make it work harder for you.
Go to getstash.com slash TIM to see how you can receive $25 towards your first stock purchase and to view your important disclosures. That's get.stash.com slash TIM.
That's get.stash.com slash TIM. Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients and not a guarantee investment advisory services offered by Stash Invest llc an sec registered investment advisor investing involves risk offers subject to terms and conditions bluetooth this podcast is brought to you in part by stash saving and investing can feel impossible but with stash it's a reality it's easy stash is interested in investing app it's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster.
They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals. Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award-winning expert managed portfolio that picks stocks for you.
Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just $3 per month. Don't let your savings sit around.
Make it work harder for you. Go to getstash.com slash TIM to see how you can receive $25 towards your first stock purchase and review your important disclosures.
That's get.stash.com slash TIM. That's get.stash.com slash TIM.
Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients, and not a guarantee. Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments, LLC, an SEC-registered investment advisor.
Investing involves risk, offers subject to terms and conditions. Vermont town preemptively shuts down road to keep influencers from taking fall pictures.
This is so important right now. By the way, I was just downtown at the 9-11 memorial and just the behavior down there is unreal because you have people that can we just please honor the gravity of the event a little bit? I understand you want to take a photo with your boyfriend.
He ran for a couple of days from Santa Fe.

I know it's exciting.

But just keep it down a little bit.

People go up to Vermont because of the foliage.

Stunning.

One of our friends lives in Vermont

who shot the woman on the movie.

So there's that.

You go there for that reason.

And then also for the foliage.

This is if you've killed someone accidentally

or the foliage, manslaughter or foliage.

Locals say the influencer era

has brought a different kind of tourist to the area,

one that does not mind blocking traffic

or getting into residents' driveways

to get that perfect shot.

But you know what, Vermont?

Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal.

I know that you don't like this.

I understand that.

I understand that these people are soulless

and they're ruining your town.

But guess what?

This is what it is.

You know, I know it's bothering you.

But by the way,

do you know where people aren't taking photos? Gary, Indiana. You know, like I know that you don't like influencers and you find it to be soulless and you don't like the way that they jam up the road or whatever your whatever your white Vermont problem is.
Your non-problem.

But it's a few months out of the year

and it probably pumps money into the local fucking economy.

What else do you got going on up there?

I know it's annoying people pulling you a driveway.

I don't know. Shoot them.

Shoot them. If it's annoying people pulling you a driveway.
I don't know. Shoot him.
Shoot him.

If it's a problem.

I was on a plane the other day.

This woman, flight attendant.

This is a real story.

We're on a plane.

We get a deal.

We're on a jet.

We got a really good deal.

By the way, I hope everyone's okay with Milton in Florida.

Okay?

And, you know. By the way, they had to say during, listen to this.
They had to tell people in Florida that during Milton, which again, we're taping us what day? Tuesday. Should we put it out today or should we wait? Let's wait.
It's let's wait because every time we put it out early, it fucks us right yeah well so i'm i hope milton has not fucked anyone but preparing for milton one of the fema guys or some florida guy i don't know who it is i don't care they come out and go this the eating at the shelter will not be sit down it's on my story if you go to my instagram story, they literally say there's not going to be sit-down food at the shelter will not be sit down. It's on my story.
If you go to my Instagram story,

they literally say,

there's not going to be sit down food at the shelter.

This is a category four hurricane.

They have to say, they go, listen,

they go, there's going to be shelters.

They will withstand the wind,

but there's not going to be sit down eating.

It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, is this it? Go back.
Yeah. Okay, not this guy.
Play this. Don't leave.
Go to the shelter. It's fine.
It's fine. The people in Florida are going, listen, you don't have to leave.
You go right to the shelter and it's actually going to be fun. It's going to be kind of a fun community.
Yeah. That's right.
Then there'll be shelters in Applebee's and Steak and Shake and Chili's and Outback. A lot of different shelters.
If you get to a shelter, there will be food and water there. Sounds good.
There will not be sit-down eating. What? There will be shelf-stable meals.
Wait. There will be more of the type of material.
No. I want sit down eating.
What? Wait.

No.

I want sit down.

No, we want sit down eating.

He has to come out and tell the people of Florida.

He has to go, listen, I want to let you know it's a shelter.

I know you're walking in expecting bread service

and then an appetizer, an entree, dessert.

I get it.

I know what you want.

I know what you want.

Thank you. you walking in expecting bread service and then an appetizer or an entree dessert.
I get it. I know what you want.
I know what you want. We're not doing that.
It's not sit down eating. Can you imagine people walking into a table for three, please? Yeah.
Table for three. Our house was just destroyed.
It's not going to be sit down eating. It's not like we're not going to throw out a garlic bread to you people.
It's going to be like, you know, here's a protein bar. Go sit in a corner.
Try not to die. It's not going to be sit down eating.
It's not Thanksgiving. It's a natural disaster.
Hey, it's a natural disaster. I know that you think everything fucking has to be about food.
We're not going to sit down. It's not going to be the feast of the seven fishes.
It's a category four hurricane. Sorry.
Can you imagine that guy in the shelter? It might be me. You would just not sit down? I'd be pissed.
So there's no sit down food here. I stand like some water rat in the corner and nibble on something.
Can't we sit down? There's no waiters? There's no waiter. Where's a maitre d'? When's this supposed to hit this Milton? Wednesday night to Thursday morning.
I hope everyone's okay in Milton and evacuate. My friends down there, a few of them are, A and B zones are evacuated and they're in the C zone.
They're going to the C zone. I don't know if that's enough, but not everyone can leave.
Here's the problem. Not everyone can leave.
They've run out of fuel. The Tampa Bay Bucs are out.
The people that needed to get out are out. Okay? But then there's others.

But the people that needed to, you know, the teams are out.

The people that, you know, people that need to get out are out.

Let's call us bait a spade.

Our web guy's in Tampa.

Our what?

The web guy's in Tampa.

Oh, is our web guy in Tampa who fucks up everything all the time?

I hope he's found floating.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding, web guy.

Is he a fan?

Yes.

Good.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I'm kidding.

Joker's a good movie.

It's a good film, Joker.

I'm the Joker.

You imagine?

These fucking, these incel kids, they come in. They're like, give me some more I'm the Joker I'm the Joker They need this type of entertainment These fucking guys And you take it from them And you replace it with fucking like A cabaret It's you know I the Joker.
Don't you like the Joker? Our friend Diddy, friend of the show. So we're on this plane.
I got to get back to this. We're on this jet.
We got a really good deal on it. Needed to go somewhere.
The woman comes over and said, I worked with P. Diddy.
And she tells us that he, this is the jet.

Now I did a joke. I said, this is Diddy's jet.

It was not Diddy's jet, but he has the same jet.

It's a black G55.

Diddy, she tells me that she was cleaning out his jet one day.

There was a suitcase.

Okay.

She lifts it up.

It starts dripping.

I'm not kidding.

Thank you. His jet one day, there was a suitcase.
Okay? She lifts it up. It starts dripping.
I'm not kidding. Listen to this.
This is hot off the presses, by the way. And it was a little unprofessional for her to dime on him like this.
Truly. It's not right.
You charter a plane you expect. You know what I mean? A little integrity.
You know, if you can't trust your jet charter people, who can you trust? That's why I book with Titan Aviation. Titan Aviation, cold dirt.

So this woman goes, she goes, I picked up this guy's suitcase.

Diddy's one of his bags.

It's dripping with, she opens it up and it's just lube and poppers.

And I forget, she said something else. one of his bags.
It's dripping with she opens it up and it's

just lube and poppers

and I forget she said something else.

I don't think it was dildos but it was

baby oil. It was all baby oil and

poppers and dirty

towels and that

was the suitcase

and I said to her I go he was the Black Epstein.

She goes absolutely.

She was like he was always nice to me. You know, they always try to get ahead of it.
He was always nice to me. I go, well, let's let him out then.
But she said that he was as creepy and she was on a few of the flights. And again, this was told to me and I, in confidence and I'm repeating it here for money.
And I, she was like, don't say anything. I'm like, listen, honey, there is no chance that I would say anything about this.
I said, you would, I am a vault. You tell me anything? I said, it will not leave my, she's like, you promise? I go, absolutely.
Scout's honor. She said once she was on a plane and he went into the back of the plane and like shut the door.
And she was just like, okay. And with a few people and she just went into the front.
She chartered him a few times and she said it was sketch. Sketch.
Sketch. You know, What are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

It's just so funny when she's like,

she's like, yeah, I flew Tim Dillon.

He complained about the charcuterie platter

and said, for what I'm paying,

did you get this at Ralph's?

You know, it's going to be a lot,

but she's only got nice things to say about him.

She's like, Diddy was lovely.

Tim Dillon's a piece of shit.

He said the charcuterie platter was bought at a grocery store.

I go, but it was.

But it was.

But it was.

Actors portraying Menendez brothers say men who killed their parents are inspiring.

This is why actors should never be allowed to speak.

Actors at their core are incredibly stupid ghosts. They don't exist.
They should not be, you should not entertain them like they exist. They should only be seen as the role that they're playing.
I have had lunch with actors. I have spoken to them.
There is nothing there. There is very rarely is there something there.
I had one of them tell me being an authentic person makes me a worse actor. I said, I agree.
There is pointless to engage with on a human level as any archetype of person ever. And this is why you never allow them to speak.
And by the way,

they used to, they would just shut up.

This is when

like the old system kind of worked when they were

publicists and managed it. Everybody would go, shut up,

shut up.

When Chapel Rhone would go make

a point, he's like, well, actually, what about

the Palestine?

Sing, sing the thing.

Hot to go. H-O-T-T

not P-A-L-S-E-T

I'm sorry. about the Palestine.
He goes, shh, sing. Sing the thing.
Hot to go. H-O-T-T.
Not P-A-L-S-E-T. No.
H-O-T-T. But now, they don't listen.
The inmates are running the asylum, so her agent manager and everybody, they just wake up every day going, what is this bitch doing? And she's on Instagram Live trying to make a nuanced point about the Middle East.

Play these tards.

We went to this gymnasium where we sat around with 30 or so incarcerated individuals who all shared their stories.

And it was very emotional and inspiring.

And actually something really interesting.

They all said that they came from dysfunctional families, which I found to be really interesting and devastating. This is how dumb they are.
This is how dumb they are. How, of course they did.
Of course they came from dysfunctional families. Of course.
We found that really interesting and devastating. So interesting and devastating.
Yeah, I got to meet both of them and just tell them I believe them and I support them and I did everything I could to portray them authentically. Did your impression of them change in any way after meeting them and having these conversations? In fact, it made my beliefs about them stronger.
They're so kind. They're such amazing people.
They've done so much good in prison. They just graduated from UC Irvine.
They are doing this green space project. As I said, Eric teaches meditation and speech classes.
They're very involved. And they're really wonderful people.
They are. What'd they do to their parents? Shot them to death in their bed? In the living room.
And this is because supposedly they were being molested by the parents? Yes.

Interesting. Do we believe that?

It's kind of, they have, they might have told a cousin way back when, but then

it was all sort of dredged up after the

murders. Like, there was no record of it before.

Is the Ryan Murphy thing worth watching?

Yeah, it's pretty good. Okay.
It gets better?

Yes. I only watched it

for a few minutes. I was too busy watching

There's Always a Joker in the back. They're very inspiring.
They're inspiring people and I love them. And they shot their parents in the face but they're inspiring.
They graduated from UC Irvine so who cares? Can you imagine that? Can you imagine that? I shot my parents. However, have you heard of UC Irvine? It's not even a good school.
It's not even like a school that matters. If their parents were molesting them, I don't feel bad that they shot their parents.
Obviously. But I don't know if their parents were molesting them.
I don't know. I lack the information.
So, I can't really get out there and start, you know. Regardless if the dad was, they shot the mom, too.
Right. Don't shoot the mom, but maybe she knew about it.
I don't have the info. All I'll say is I'm creating an opportunity economy.
That's what I say now. When someone asks me something and I have no idea, I go, I'm like, people are like, what's going to go on with Israel and Iran? I go, I'm creating an opportunity economy.
I don't know. This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash.
Saving and investing can feel impossible, but with Stash, it's a reality. It's easy.
Stash isn't just an investing app. It's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster.
They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals. Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award-winning expert-managed portfolio that picks stocks for you.
Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just $3 per month. Don't let your savings sit around.
Make it work harder for you. Go to getstash.com slash TIM to see how you can receive $25 towards your first stock purchase and to view your important disclosures.
That's get.stash.com slash TIM. That's get.stash.com slash TIM.
Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients and not a guarantee investment advisory services offered by Stash Investmentsc an sec registered investment advisor investing involves risk offers subject to terms and conditions cost this podcast is brought to you in part by stash saving and investing can feel impossible but with stash it's a reality it's easy stash is interested in investing app it's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster. They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals.
Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award winning expert managed portfolio that picks stocks for you. Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just $3 per month.
Don't let your savings sit around, make it work harder for you. Go to get stash.com slash T I M to see how you can receive $25 towards your first stock purchase and to view your important disclosures.
That's get.stash.com slash Tim. That's get.stash.com slash Tim paid non-client endorsement.
Not representative of all clients and not a guarantee. Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments LLC.
An SEC registered investment advisor. Investing involves risk.
Offer subject to terms and conditions. 29 from your cell.
This is a paid advertisement. Barry Weiss asked me to go open up this thing she's doing.
She's doing this Matt Taibbi, Brett Stevens debate with a few other people at symphony space Wednesday night. And she wants me to do 10 or 12 minutes of standup or something in front of this.
The audiences always suck, but I usually do it. I did one in LA that was actually kind of fun.
I do like Barry. So I am going to go.
And I told her I would do it for free because she asked me on October 7th.

She's like, I can't afford you.

And it's like, that's true. But I will do it for free.

And the audiences usually suck.

But it will be fun.

You know, it'll be a fun thing to, you know.

And all these people mad about the FEMA money, that they're not getting the FEMA money.

Listen, all the money that you give to our government, you're not getting any of it back.

You're not getting any of it back.

Get the GoFundMes ready.

Get the GoFundMes ready right now.

For context about all the FEMA stuff,

I saw Alejandro Mayorkas this afternoon at Sid Mashburn,

which is the second time I've seen him there on a Saturday afternoon in about a month.

So if I say the guy isn't working around the clock, what is this? He's buying like outfits? He's buying like half-sips. Well, he's got to look good.
He's the head of FEMA, right? He's got to look good. He's trying to look good at FEMA.
In the middle of the hurricane? Yeah, you want to look good in the middle of the hurricane. You're not saving anybody.
Who do you want to hear you're going to die from? Some guy who looks like shit or that guy? You know? Who do you want to hear we are no longer responding to emergency calls from? Some guy who looks like a slob or this guy in a nice tailored golf shirt and khakis going. He's getting ready for the hurricane.
He's buying clothes for the hurricane. By the way, all of this is show business.
This is all just show business. So he's just getting his costume ready.
He's in wardrobe right now. He's getting ready to go.
He's getting ready to go. This is when he's having his moments.
Like Fauci with the pandemic, he's having his moment. So anybody who's criticizing him, he waits for this.
He goes, let me go get some new clothes, some new golf shirts, some new khakis. I want to come out strong.
He's got the new balances going. He'll have his little walkie-talkie.
You know, they'll dress him up nice. And they'll put him out because this is show business.
And he's the one that they're, he is who they have chosen to tell you that it's not going to work. It's not happening.
It's not going to, you got to figure it out. My grandmother lost her house during Hurricane Sandy and it took two years to rebuild.
It is terrible and horrible and I hope that, I hope this thing does not make landfall as a five. I hope that it makes landfall as something far less than that.
Maybe a two. Obviously it would be great if it just went away, but that doesn't seem to be what's happening.
What is the latest news on... It doesn't really matter.
This will come out Saturday.

Doesn't really matter.

Florida's gone.

This comes out.

Florida's completely gone.

Florida's done.

It'll seem very heartless.

I did watch this documentary about October 7th,

and not good.

It's very...

You know, it is tragic.

Obviously, it's not great what's going on in Gaza.

Nothing's great.

You know? it is tragic. Obviously, it's not great what's going on in Gaza.
Nothing's great, you know? Nothing's good. The one I saw was called The Killing Roads, but there are many of them.
Yeah, it was depressing. It was depressing.
Yeah, I mean, it's a tough... tough listen this is all of this stuff what's going on right now these ancient blood feuds that are manifesting in death all around us and the threat of more escalated war all of these things are incredibly negative and I I am, this is, I'm so good at this.

This is the art of the non-statement.

It's so good.

Listen to what I'm doing here.

Many of you can do this too.

It's not hard.

It's not hard.

Listen to what I'm doing here.

It's very important.

This is the art of the non-statement.

I'm saying nothing beautifully.

Listen, listen closely.

So much of what's happening right now, this is, I'm telling you, this is beautiful. Even as I say it, I go, God, I'm good.
Listen to me closely. Key in.
Key in. Ready? Because you're going to say that.
You're going to bump it. It's going to be holiday soon, Thanksgiving, Christmas.
You're going to have to use this. Ready? So much of what's happening right now, the hatred, the violence, the paranoia, is feeding off each other.
And it's just becoming bigger and bigger and harder to contain. And it's not rational.
It's actually not rational. It's not rational.
It's illogical. The deep-seated hatred and fear, it's fear-based.
it's not rational it's illogical the deep seated hatred and fear it's fear based it's fear and you can even see the people like is it working when you look at them as you're talking look at them and go is this working you can feel it out a little it's fear based irrational behavior. Yes? Yeah? But it's true.
It's ancient. And it's a tale as old as...
That's a good one. That's a good one if you can bring that one out.
It's a tale as old as time. Even if you just do...
Get the lyrics up from Beauty and the Beast. If you do it slow, if the Middle East comes up,

if you do the lyrics of Beauty and the Beast very slow,

the song, you might be able to get away with it.

Ready?

Ready?

I mean, somebody comes in.

Ask me a question, October 7th. The anniversary of October 7th.
Wow. It's a tale as old as time, and it's true as it can be.
I mean, they're barely even friends, and then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change, a little small, to say the least, because they're both a little scared.
Neither one prepared. Beauty and the Beast.
It's just the same. It's always a surprise, but it's also ever as before.
It's ever just as sure as the sun will rise. Tale as old as time.
Tune as old as song. It's bittersweet and strange.
Finding you can change? How about someone learning they were wrong? It's as certain as the sun rising in the east. Tale as old as time.
Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Beast.
That's as good as you can get, right? In terms of just, right? I mean, you can't get better than that. If you memorize the lyrics to Beauty and the Beast, if this comes up and you were at a holiday, just do it.
It's as good as you can get. It's not, you're not going to get better than that as a way to get out.
And here's the thing, leave out Beauty and the Beast because at the end of the stanza, that will you away That will give you away And people will look at you strangely But if you leave out Beauty and the Beast And just kind of hit those themes Someone later on might ask you They might go Was that the thing you said about October 7th Was that the lyrics to Beauty and the Beast And you go no it wasn't And just actually look a little miffed Like look a little pissed off Go no it actually wasn't It's actually my thoughts and feelings about the Beast, and you go, no, it wasn't. And just actually look a little miffed, like look a little pissed off, go, no, it actually wasn't.
It's actually my thoughts and feelings about the Middle East conflict. And just, again, dead-eyed look at them.
And they go, it's kind of sounded, you know? Or you could do this. How about this, ready? You're going to like this? I'm telling you, because these are all the, you know, they all work, which is why maybe Disney knew this was going to happen.
Disney knew this was going to happen. And they, that's why they put so many Disney songs.
So many Disney songs are now perfectly suited to just talk about the Israeli situation because many people do not have the finer points of the argument down. I do, Kamala does, but most people don't.
So what you're going to have to do basically is try to figure out, I was trying to get this up on my phone so that it would be somewhat shocking, but of course there's no internet connection, this dump of a fucking building we pay too much for. Are you having internet issues? No, it's on the mobile devices.
It's sometimes an issue. I know.
It's like crazy. It's like nothing works and And then you can't complain about anything because then like people look at you, like you've done something wrong when you say, Hey, you know, the thing we pay for, uh, none of it's happening.
Can, can it happen? How about that? Would that be okay? If, if perhaps the thing we pay for could work? And they go, yeah, no, you know, we don't think so. They go, we have to, someone's not in today who handles that.
All right, get up a whole new world from Aladdin because it also works, by the way. A whole new world from Aladdin.
That's what I was thinking, yeah. Yeah, it also works.
I'm telling you. Just get it up.
Say something about Iran. Iran, what a country.
Well, listen. Here's the thing about the Middle East.
I could show you. I could show you the world.
Shining, shimmering, splendid. I mean, tell me, when did you last let your heart decide?

This is a harder one to sell.

I could take you wonder by wonder

on a magic carpet ride.

It's a bit racist.

Stick with the Beauty and the Beast.

This one doesn't work as well as I thought.

Stick with Beauty and the Beast if it comes up.

But it is so important.

It's so important to just be ready, ready, watch.

Throw it at me, I go.

I'm like, boom, boom, boom. Jedi mind reader, boom.
Or, by the way, there's also the two-word one is great. Ready? Say something.
I'm great at two-word ones, too. Just bring it up.
Be like, Israel, Iran, Middle East, Gaza. Out of control.
Out of control. That's a good one.
Out of control. Not cool.
Not cool. That's my dad's.
I don't want to take his. His is not cool.
My father's is not cool. My stepmother said once, she goes, her daughter's named, I don't want to say her name, but she goes, Blank's choir teacher is a dark web pedophile.
My father goes, not good. And he just kept eating meatballs.
Not good. He's not good or not cool.
He's like, not good. He said that about the Middle East recently.
He goes, at my grandmother's funeral, they were talking about the Middle East. He goes, not good.
Not good. And then he'll say nothing.
He goes, nothing good. Not good.
Because what are you going to do? What are you going to do? You're a Long Island boomer. You're 70.
Like, what is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to do? Start talking about the Balfour Declaration? Like, let him say not good. You know what I mean? Like, well, what is he supposed to do? I'm getting a little tired, by the way, that like, everything, by the way, it's like, everything has become like, you're supposed to have some dumb, ill-informed spit take opinion on everything.
And it's supposed to be imbued with passion. And you have to really...
I just...

I'm over it.

I'm over it.

I'm over that economy of nonsense.

You know?

I'm not into it anymore.

These are fucking real problems.

You know?

And I, for one, am trying to create an opportunity economy.

I'm trying to lower taxes on a middle class. That's what I say.
I'll just say what she says. I kind of like it.
If it comes up, people go, can you believe? I go, I'm trying to lower taxes on the middle class because that small businesses are the backbone of our economy. It doesn't matter what happened.
You can just say that. You gave me chlamydia.
Small businesses are the backbone of our economy. I have AIDS.
Small businesses are the backbone of our economy. I'm trying to create an opportunity economy.
Dad hit me again. He's trying to create an opportunity economy.
We all are in this house. Keep your mouth shut.
This is Your Country on Netflix. Please watch it.
It's very, very funny. We tried to create or recreate a trash 90s daytime talk show, which we did.
I love all the people that are like, it's fake. Do you realize if it was fake, what it would have been? Like if these people were scripted, what I would have done, I would have been like my father and mother met on October set.
Like, do you realize what I would have done and how much better it would have been? You know? My father is Hamas. He invaded the festival and my mother was dancing and they fell in love.
Like, it would have been... Oh, the January 6th affair.
Oh, yeah. It would have been...
We tried to find people. My husband said he was cheating on me.
Oh, no. sorry.
My husband said he was at January 6th, but he was just cheating on me. That was one of Ray Combs because we had these perfect things where we're like, can we find something near that? But then we were just like, crypto, you found them.
Fatty Boom Batty found. Scummy kids arguing about bullshit.
But our dream ones were, my sugar daddy's gonna cut off

my Ozan epic

and I'm afraid of what I'll eat.

My husband said he was

at January 6th,

but he was actually

just cheating on me.

These were the dream ones.

And if there's more of these

happening,

then maybe we could

go out and find those.

Watch this, please.

It's very enjoyable.

timdilloncomedy.com

Live

Dates.

If you care about the more Orlando of the good people of Orlando,

I'll see you.

Pickering Casino in Ontario.

Rivers, Des Plaines, Illinois.

November 2nd.

We've added a second show.

The good people of Chicago never let me down.

A lot of them are great fans of comedy.

It's my favorite place to do comedy in Chicago.

Des Plaines is not that far away. Or it is.
I don't know if it is or not. It doesn't matter.
You have a car. Miami, Austin.
Comedy Mothership sold. That maybe we'll add there.
Oxnard, Leaveny Live. Who's going to cancel that? Probably me.
I'm kidding. Buy tickets or don't.
We'll just quietly remove it. I'm kidding.
It'sard it's a dump Omaha Nebraska good luck everyone thank you so much go see Joker 2 it is truly one of the great you know phenomenal films of our time I am I am grateful to have been a part of something that is as widely reviled as this film. Consensus is difficult in this world in which, think about this.
Think about what a blessing consensus is. Think about what a blessing that is.
We never get it. We almost never get it.
It's actually one of the only cultural currencies we have left. For everyone to agree, it's so rare.
This movie is so equally revised. The people who say nice things about it are just immediately ratioed, and then they just go jump off their buildings, right? Like Lena Morgana, the woman that Lady Gaga had to sacrifice and kill to have a career.
I'm kidding. I'm just having fun.
Folks, if I can't have fun, who can? But the point is this. We did that on Letterman's podcast.
It was on Annie's podcast. But what I'm saying is that consensus is so rare and so valuable in our society.
The fact that everybody is lining up on one side of the issue and on one side of the issue, that's why you can't have a politician walking to a diner now. Because the minute that Tim Walz puts a french fry in his mouth, it's pandemonium.
It's a hellscape. Everybody is mad at you and you're just trying to sling chili.
This is beautiful. This movie brought us all back together.
No matter who you're voting for, Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, whatever, whoever, Jill Stein, no matter who you're voting for, know this. No matter which side of Barry Weiss's free press debates you're on, we all agree that the movie Joker 2 is the biggest piece of shit any of us have ever seen.
It is the biggest waste of time, money, and talent in a long time. It is an unmitigated failure, a disaster, a zero.
The bottom of the earth opened and swallowed this up. It should end everyone's career that's in it, including mine.
It is as bad as you get. But what's beautiful about it is we all fucking agree what a piece of shit this is.
And that, my friends, is the only thing we've got left. Something we can hate together.
We can hate it together.

We can hate it

together. The old,

the young, the gay,

the straight, the black, the white,

the migrant, the citizen.

Everyone can agree

that Joker 2

is the biggest piece of shit

anyone has

ever seen.

Good night!