411 - Florida Hurricanes & Rich Nothings

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Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show. I have an inflamed taste bud, a few of them on the tip of my tongue, and that is unfortunate.
And I am healing them with cold beverages and food.

Speaker 2 Of course, I have a coffee here, which is not helping.

Speaker 2 Other people go through things that are far worse than I have gone through, and I know that. I'm aware of that.
That doesn't mean what I'm feeling is illegitimate or invalid.

Speaker 2 I want to thank you to the poll bearer at my grandmother's funeral who sent this email.

Speaker 2 Not sure if you will read this, but I work part-time for the funeral home that helped out with your family member yesterday. I'm assuming it was your grandmother or great aunt.
It was my wife.

Speaker 2 I was the younger bald guy who was at the church with you guys. No one remembers you.

Speaker 2 Well, you were, you're all bald guys

Speaker 2 at the funeral. It's not, I'm not trying to be offensive.
Anyway, I knew it would be be in bad taste to say hello to you during the funeral. In fact, it would not have.

Speaker 2 It actually would have been great. And

Speaker 2 take this, and just in case you see Andrew Schultz at a funeral

Speaker 2 sometime, say hello to us.

Speaker 2 Had you come up to me and said,

Speaker 2 I'm a huge fan or big fan quietly, It would have been nice. It would have been very nice because it was a very painful time for my family.

Speaker 2 Had you said it loudly in front of several members of the family, it would have been even better. Had you said, you've changed my life, sir.

Speaker 2 And I would have said thank you. And I, of course, would have had to say it's inappropriate right now, but I wouldn't have meant it.

Speaker 2 Excited for the new show. What show is that? This is your country premiering on Netflix Tuesday, October 1st.

Speaker 2 I want to be number number one or two. Love Island might get us, though, or not Love Island.

Speaker 2 What is it? The other one. The other one.
The other. Love is Blind.

Speaker 2 They're releasing on the same day we are. God damn it, Love is Blind.

Speaker 2 It's a big show. Love is Blind.
But

Speaker 2 our show will be on Netflix Monday night, Tuesday morning, depending on where you live, October 1st. We are going to do a live watch party at the Hollywood Improv.
We're selling tickets to that.

Speaker 2 The link is probably up

Speaker 2 at the time of this release, Tuesday night, if you want to see that. We're going to do a little stand-up,

Speaker 2 a couple of special guests, and then we're going to do a live watch party for the new show, which we are very, very excited about.

Speaker 2 And we hope you are.

Speaker 2 too. I want to extend my, yes, give them, make sure they see the art.

Speaker 2 I want to extend my condolences to everybody on the west coast of Florida.

Speaker 2 They are great comedy fans. I've been down there many times.
I love that area.

Speaker 2 And they're really going through it right now because of Hurricane Helene.

Speaker 2 Look at the scenes out of Florida. I mean, it is, it is, Florida's like California.
When the weather gets bad, it's apocalyptic, and there's nothing you can really do

Speaker 2 except sit in your house and

Speaker 2 watch it get destroyed. I mean, look at that.

Speaker 2 Look at that. All those people heading to side-splitters in Tampa to go see me perform.

Speaker 2 All

Speaker 2 those people heading to see me call Megan Markle a cunt at side splitters in Tampa.

Speaker 2 I hope everybody's okay. It is apocalyptic weather

Speaker 2 in Florida. That's the thing.
That's the trade-off.

Speaker 2 If you want to live in paradise, it might. Here we go.
Here it is. There we go.

Speaker 2 Here's Florida. Here it is.

Speaker 2 Here it is.

Speaker 2 There we go.

Speaker 2 It's fun. The thing about the west coast of Florida, it's very tropical.
It's like you're living in an island paradise.

Speaker 2 It's hard to live there if you want to do anything or have anything to do. It's difficult.
It's not conducive to that.

Speaker 2 It's about drinking and kind of boating and waiting to be killed by a storm. That is what the west coast of Florida is.
The east coast of Florida has appropriated the energy of New York.

Speaker 2 So you have Miami and Palm Beach and Boca, and it's very, the people are industrious and everybody's trying to make make something happen and they're kind of trying to wheeling and dealing and you know and

Speaker 2 it's kind of it's kind of has a similarity to New York

Speaker 2 the west coast of Florida is just kind of like

Speaker 2 right it's dogs swimming and it's like you know people

Speaker 2 just what is that a hurricane dog what the hell's that boat rescued well who's being rescued the dog The dog is being rescued? And his owner, and his owner. Oh, interesting.
Well, that's nice.

Speaker 2 Get off the boat.

Speaker 2 This is the thing with Florida.

Speaker 2 People do not want,

Speaker 2 they have this weird thing when there's going to be a hurricane down there. They're like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 And they stay, and then many of them have to get rescued on a boat.

Speaker 2 It's a category for hurricane. You know it's coming.

Speaker 2 And by the way, this whole thing, oh, somebody just flew through the eye of a hurricane in a private jet number one they're flying above it so it doesn't matter they're at 48 000 feet it's not a big deal all you fucking pussies on fucking axe are like oh it's so it's so tough it's not a hurricane hunter they're not flying through the eye of the storm you retards they're flying at 48 000 feet okay

Speaker 2 above the weather

Speaker 2 That's the point of flight if you're all confused. I can't believe somebody flew through a hurricane.
They're flying above it. It's above it.

Speaker 2 It's above it.

Speaker 2 But it is difficult. Now, the thing is, after a hurricane, because by the way, we had Hurricane Sandy in Long Island.
And Long Island is,

Speaker 2 these are the worst people in the world. And,

Speaker 2 you know, unfortunately,

Speaker 2 many of their homes were destroyed,

Speaker 2 including members of my own family and friends. And then

Speaker 2 they then spent years rebuilding these homes and making them somehow more grotesque. And they raised a lot of them up.
And

Speaker 2 everything that they couldn't accomplish in their lives,

Speaker 2 they used Hurricane Sandy as an excuse. It's actually a great excuse.
A natural disaster is great.

Speaker 2 And there's years from now, someone will be sitting in a bar in Tampa talking about Hurricane Helene, ruining their chance at being, I don't know, orthodontist or whatever the hell they are trying to do.

Speaker 2 But none of it will have any, it will not be true. It will be a lie.
It will be a lie, but it will be a good lie. And the only difference

Speaker 2 really between a bad lie and a good lie is that a bad lie, everyone knows you're lying either way,

Speaker 2 but the bad lies, it's immediate and it's immediately disprovable.

Speaker 2 A good lie, people just have to kind of sit with it for a minute and they can't really, they kind of know,

Speaker 2 you kind of know you're lying, but what are they going to really do about it? That's what a good lie. A good lie is like, what are they going to do? And when you say,

Speaker 2 I had it all, it was all happening except Hurricane Helene.

Speaker 2 You know, somebody's going to have to sit at a bar in Tampa and go, wow,

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry about that. That sounds terrible.
The whole house was flooded. Black mold, he'll say, black mold.
My grandmother died. Black mold.

Speaker 2 She goes, oh, really? Only like six people died. My grandmother was one of them.
Her house was full of water and she drowned with her cat.

Speaker 2 So, of course, I went and rebuilt the house in her honor and I couldn't finish school and I ended up on drugs, you know, or whatever, because this is what

Speaker 2 this is what a category four storm allows you to do. It allows you to then say, here's why my life is a mess.

Speaker 2 Here's why I'm a complete mess. I've accomplished nothing.
I am

Speaker 2 a thief. I'm a petty thief.
Well, yeah, of course I'm doing a petty theft because of Hurricane Helene.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen your parents gasping for their last breaths in their living room as it's flooded? That's why I do petty theft. That's why I steal things from HM

Speaker 2 because of Hurricane Helene. That's why I steal stuff from HM.
But this is what they'll do. It's Florida.
This is the point. This is the get out of jail-free card or get into jail-free.

Speaker 2 Let's be honest. Florida will use that.
They will use it as they should

Speaker 2 because older people in Florida make a hell of a,

Speaker 2 they make a lot of sense. I'm 39.
As you get older, I'm about 10 years away. 50

Speaker 2 makes a little bit of sense

Speaker 2 if you've checked out.

Speaker 2 60 and 70, anything from 65 on makes a lot of sense in Florida.

Speaker 2 Young people in Florida are disturbing. There's something wrong with young people in Florida, especially the west coast of Florida.
Their eyes are a little little close together.

Speaker 2 There's something off. I'm just saying it's true.
Many of them were very fat and now they're very thin and now they're very fat again. They oscillate.
And I don't mean like 20 pounds.

Speaker 2 I mean, oh, and then thin and then big like a puffer fish.

Speaker 2 Something is wrong with young people in that part of the world. You're not supposed to be 22 living in a retirement community on the west coast of Florida.

Speaker 2 Florida young people exist for one reason and for one reason only, and that is to die. That is every young person in Florida is supposed to die tragically and quickly.

Speaker 2 It's supposed to be a terrible thing.

Speaker 2 And when they discuss you, they say that, they go, terrible story, terrible thing happened.

Speaker 2 Well, they were kids, they were kids at the high school. And they got on the pickup truck.
And there was one of them that was kind of, yeah, and they were pulling him in a shopping cart.

Speaker 2 Well, here's what happened to him. It's always a nightmare.
It's always like, it's always something you didn't even know could happen to someone.

Speaker 2 You don't even know. And he was skinned alive and he was still running as a skeleton before.
I mean, it's always like a final destination horror movie. What happens to young people in Florida?

Speaker 2 And the rest, yeah, there's no escape and bizarre causes of death in Florida. The Sunshine State is the lightning strike capital and the shark bite capital.

Speaker 2 We have hurricanes, tornadoes, sinkholes, rabid raccoons. I mean, the whole thing's a nightmare.
And also, here's what they're forgetting.

Speaker 2 By the way, I love the like Orlando Sentinel trying to like make it all seem natural. What about the meth?

Speaker 2 I went and I looked at a condo in Miami the other day. It was by this bridge.

Speaker 2 This bridge, I forget the name. It's on Alton Road.
This is the bridge, and I said it when I went to look at the condo. I said, is this the bridge where the guy on bass salts ate the other guy's face?

Speaker 2 And the realtor had to say it was.

Speaker 2 It was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right. This is the bridge.
There it is. What is that? The Biscayne Bridge? What is it?

Speaker 2 Well, anyway, one guy ate another guy's face on Bass Salts.

Speaker 2 And...

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was a zombie. He was eating another guy.

Speaker 2 What I mean to say is that we wish everyone in Florida

Speaker 2 well, and we hope that they recover from this.

Speaker 2 Yet, this is the thing. I mean, you got to take the good with the bad with Florida.
I mean, Florida is the end.

Speaker 2 It is the place you go to leave this physical universe.

Speaker 2 And it's a portal. Watched in horror, Florida man arrested after a diver was fatally entangled in boat propeller.
This is the type of stuff that happens. We're not trying to make light of it, but

Speaker 2 this is, it's tough down there. That's why you got to get in and get out if you're smart.

Speaker 2 If you're smart in Florida, you get in and you get out. Now, I love Florida.
I could live in Florida. I could be that guy.
I could descend.

Speaker 2 I could do it. I could live in the Florida Keys.
I could do all of that stuff.

Speaker 2 But the reason that I can't is because I know that I will just end up like being, I don't know, strangled to death by a python at a Wawa. It won't even be dignified.
It won't even be cool.

Speaker 2 It'll be like the worst of all worlds.

Speaker 2 A family claims that a Florida doctor removed the wrong organ during an operation. This is recent.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So you got to take the good with the bad down there is all I'm saying. But if you.

Speaker 2 Like Ram Emmanuel said, never let a good crisis go to waste. Never let a good hurricane go to waste.

Speaker 2 You are now absolved. Like when you go to church and the priest absolves you, you are absolved.
Quit your job.

Speaker 2 Get a bunch of government benefits and take some time to find yourself. And we know how that works in Florida.
That works real well.

Speaker 2 What is going on in this presidential election? I mean, we're all tied up, basically. It looks like Trump has the advantage in Pennsylvania, which would deliver him the election.

Speaker 2 The vice presidential debate is the night that my show comes out on Netflix, Tim Waltz versus J.D. Vance.
No one cares. It's not going to hurt us.

Speaker 2 We're worried about, no one's watching that, number one.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 even if they do,

Speaker 2 they'll still watch my thing. We're worried about Love is Blind.
Love is Blind is coming and they're coming in hard. They're coming in hard now.

Speaker 2 It's so I'm not worried about J.D. Vance and Tim Waltz.
I was at a dinner party at Whitney Cummings' house the other night.

Speaker 2 And And I want to give

Speaker 2 I want to give credit to Eric Weinstein there, who's being very interesting guy.

Speaker 2 Me and Eric, of course, have had our history, but I was sitting with him because, you know, everyone at Whitney's parties is mentally unwell, usually. And I don't say that

Speaker 2 for a fact. These are sick people.

Speaker 2 You know, Sia was there, lovely Sia, who's dressed like a nun and

Speaker 2 screaming and Burt Kreischer and myself and obviously Andrew Huberman, who's great, not, you know, but every everybody's, yeah, see, right.

Speaker 2 She's very talented. Right.
There you go. And we're sitting there, and I was sitting at the end of the table with Eric Weinstein.

Speaker 2 And he was just, I think he's nailing certain things about our time in a way that other people aren't.

Speaker 2 So someone clip that and send it to him, by the way, because everyone clips everything else I say that isn't nice. You clip something nice.

Speaker 2 And the food, again, somehow not good, Whitney, whom I love. Not good.
I mean, I don't know why. I don't know what's going on over there.
It just isn't. It just, they don't know what they're doing.

Speaker 2 And this is a lot of people at California. It just isn't great.
No offense to anyone. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry. Not great and not seasonally appropriate either.

Speaker 2 And if you're going to have a nice dinner party, nobody wants to serve themselves buffet style. Bring it to us.
Bring it to us. You got money.

Speaker 2 We do, what? What was it? What was the food? You just had like

Speaker 2 a roast, like a prime rib type thing.

Speaker 2 No. And potatoes, it kind of sucked.
No. You don't do this.

Speaker 2 But we were discussing this election and Eric was saying that people believe there is no future. And I thought that was true.

Speaker 2 I think there are a lot of people that there is a certain nihilism that is now the predominant note in in our culture and it's emanating from this place of hopelessness where people don't feel like anything good is coming and my show for the last few years all i've tried to do is tell people how good things are and how good they're going to get so it's weird that people aren't embracing that but

Speaker 2 what i will tell you is that

Speaker 2 the vice presidential debate between Tim Wallace and J.D. Vance

Speaker 2 will probably be incredibly boring.

Speaker 2 I can't say that for a fact.

Speaker 2 Vance is not an exciting speaker. Tim Wallace will be fun because he might make stuff up because he likes to make stuff up.

Speaker 2 Remember when they picked him and everybody thought he was going to win the election because all people wanted to do was have their father walk them around the fair and get them funnel cakes and hot dogs on a stick?

Speaker 2 Remember that dumb move when she could have picked Josh Shapiro,

Speaker 2 the big

Speaker 2 Jew governor of Pennsylvania, and they did not pick him because they were scared.

Speaker 2 They were scared that Josh Shapiro

Speaker 2 was going to get up there and start doing Jew stuff.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what they were afraid of. And they were like, don't start.
And here they are. They're signing missiles.
Zelinsky and Josh Shapiro are signing missiles.

Speaker 2 By the way, it is

Speaker 2 It is funny. You know, people are really offended by the signing of the missiles.

Speaker 2 Not so much the dropping of them.

Speaker 2 everyone's like can you believe they're signing i'm like i don't really care i mean yeah is it in bad taste sure but you have no idea what they're gonna do with these missiles if you think this is bad you have no idea what's coming next

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 but we we we we have now um the president of the ukraine campaigning in america

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 And everybody is gleeful at the prospect of more war. Everybody's excited about it.
Everybody is energized by it.

Speaker 2 Of course,

Speaker 2 you know, Josh Shapiro

Speaker 2 probably would have been a better pick than Tim Waltz because,

Speaker 2 you know, he might have been able to deliver Pennsylvania, but he might not have. I don't know.
He's pretty popular there.

Speaker 2 But I'll tell you this.

Speaker 2 It is creepy. that the president of the Ukraine is in the United States

Speaker 2 with governors and meeting with,

Speaker 2 he met with Biden.

Speaker 2 But it's odd to me that they're there. Meanwhile, it is a bloodbath in the Ukraine.
Young men are being killed.

Speaker 2 The war has gone on now for years. There is no peace in sight.

Speaker 2 And the president of the Ukraine is giddy and gleeful

Speaker 2 signing missiles in the United of America with our governor of Pennsylvania. Is that odd? To anyone? Does that strike anyone as odd? Does it feel like anyone's trying to end a war?

Speaker 2 Does it look like anyone's trying to end a war? Is everyone there is smiling like he just delivered a newborn baby?

Speaker 2 Does anyone feel

Speaker 2 like anyone is committed to any type of diplomacy to end this war? Does anyone want less blood and less carnage? It's a question.

Speaker 2 Does anyone who runs the government currently in any position of power

Speaker 2 can tone down the bloodlust for several minutes? Or is that not

Speaker 2 casualties

Speaker 2 462,000 to 728,000 killed or wounded?

Speaker 2 And that's as of July 5th, 2024.

Speaker 2 Casualties of the Russia-Ukraine war. We have the president, we have the governor of Pennsylvania, who should be, by the way,

Speaker 2 figuring out why everybody on a certain street in Philadelphia can't stand up.

Speaker 2 The governor of Pennsylvania's job, you would remember, would be to try to fight some of the

Speaker 2 decay of his own

Speaker 2 city.

Speaker 2 But instead of that, they're signing missiles

Speaker 2 and rejoicing in the idea of a prolonged conflict in the Ukraine.

Speaker 2 So, this, show a few of those photos again because that's interesting. So, that is, what is that, Sixth Street in Philly? What is it?

Speaker 2 What is that street in Philly that they all doesn't start with an M, right? What is it? Market Street? I believe. I don't know.
I forget.

Speaker 2 Oh, Kensington in the United States. Kensington.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So you have this. You have people here.
Play this. Play this, by the way.
This is on an American. This is an American city.
This is Philadelphia. The governor of Philadelphia, okay,

Speaker 2 Josh Shapiro,

Speaker 2 while this is happening, is

Speaker 2 autographing missiles with the president of the Ukraine.

Speaker 2 I just find it strange.

Speaker 2 And I think that's why Trump wins.

Speaker 2 I think it's why Trump wins. People go, well, why did he win? Well, just to give you a micro example of why I think he's going to win,

Speaker 2 the governor of Pennsylvania is more concerned

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 the political situation in the Ukraine than he is with people

Speaker 2 with this.

Speaker 2 This is in his own city, and

Speaker 2 this doesn't bother him nearly as much as Vladimir Putin.

Speaker 2 We don't talk about this. We all talk about Vladimir Putin.
We talk about China and Russia. And we talk about Hezbollah, Hamas, everybody.
come on in.

Speaker 2 We got a big tent.

Speaker 2 Everybody needs money around the world to fight war. Everyone needs to have a war.

Speaker 2 And yet, in American cities, and this is not the only one, by the way, this is all over the country.

Speaker 2 This happens. You have people

Speaker 2 like that woman in the blue

Speaker 2 or man. I don't know.
Hard to tell from this angle. But

Speaker 2 is that woman or man

Speaker 2 in good shape? Because that's like America, that person. Can you close up on that person? This is like America right now.
That's the United States right now.

Speaker 2 Except like parts of it are nice. So like if you look, she'd have like Gucci shoes on and like a Rolex.
That's the perfect example of what America is.

Speaker 2 She'd have a Rollie and she'd have some Gucci loafs, couple of Gucci loafers on,

Speaker 2 and, you know, maybe a nice pendant.

Speaker 2 But the governor of Pennsylvania is out there, but he still would have been a better

Speaker 2 pick probably than Funnel Cake Dad because Funnel Cake Dad is a pathological liar. I don't know.
J.D. Vance is also boring.
He's a little bit of a zealot. They may get him on the Roe v.
Wade thing.

Speaker 2 That is the Democrats' strongest issue right now

Speaker 2 is that the right wing of the Republican Party

Speaker 2 socially is out of step with most Americans who don't want a national abortion ban and don't want to be, and that doesn't mean, by the way, that

Speaker 2 the far left of the Democratic Party is also way out of step. Most Americans are just trying to get the water out of their house.
They don't have the time.

Speaker 2 Most Americans are not zealots. They aren't.

Speaker 2 This is not what they go in for. People always, I'm not a Christian fundamentalist at all in any respect.

Speaker 2 And the reason I don't worry about it too much, I mean, everyone always worries about the rise of Christian fundamental. A lot of my friends are liberals.

Speaker 2 We go out in New York City and places like that, and they go, aren't you worried about the rise of Christian fundamental? And I'm like, that would take such a sustained and prolonged effort.

Speaker 2 And the American people just aren't really

Speaker 2 zealots. That's not where they live.
They don't live in that place of like wanting to impose

Speaker 2 their worldview on other people. And that's why I think what, you know, during,

Speaker 2 you know, the whole,

Speaker 2 you know, kerfuffle about the trans rights thing,

Speaker 2 it wasn't so much about respecting trans people, which we, you know, do. I think everyone, you know, most people do, or they might, they might not.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of people that hate people, but you're allowed to hate people from the quiet, you know, quietly in your own home. That's, that powers this whole country.
It powers our economy.

Speaker 2 People hating each other quietly in their own homes. But what the trans thing was about was imposing a belief system on somebody else,

Speaker 2 which I have no interest in doing.

Speaker 2 And it takes a lot of work and effort. And that's why I'm not worried about like America becoming a theocracy.
It's just the American people don't really have

Speaker 2 They don't, that takes so much effort to impose

Speaker 2 your will on other people.

Speaker 2 And usually when that tries to happen, whether it's the trans thing or when it's like radical right-wing, I mean, how many states have

Speaker 2 now put abortion in their constitution, even red states, okay?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 it always backfires. When you moralize to people too much, it always backfires.
It has to make sense.

Speaker 2 Five-year-olds getting gender reassignment surgery doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 It's not a religious issue.

Speaker 2 It just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 A national abortion ban doesn't make sense. And the American people,

Speaker 2 I don't think, really want either one.

Speaker 2 So it's going to be interesting to see how J.D. Vance handles that.
And it'll be interesting to see if Tim Walls

Speaker 2 has some type of

Speaker 2 fun story that didn't happen.

Speaker 2 I would be interested to see that.

Speaker 2 The unalive pod has been used for the first time.

Speaker 2 The unalive pod, something that we've been following for a while.

Speaker 2 We've said on the show, and I've been very clear about this,

Speaker 2 listen to me now. Listen here.
Listen. Hello.
Or me and now.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 I'm back. I was killed in a car.

Speaker 2 Don't start. You're going to stop it.
I know what you're going to start doing now, and I don't like it. I don't like it.
I don't like it. I've been listening to the Candace Owen show.

Speaker 2 Hey, I know where this is going.

Speaker 2 That's our Princess Diana Bear, who is deeply anti-Semitic.

Speaker 2 But maybe for good reason, because she was killed in a... All right.
Anyway, here is where we are. The people that run this

Speaker 2 simulation that we're in called Life are no longer trying to make anything better. They're just going to allow you to kill yourself.
This is something that we've talked about.

Speaker 2 I predicted this on the show. They are no longer invested in making the quality of your lives better.
And I'm not trying to be dark here. And I know I end up being dark, but I'm not trying to be.

Speaker 2 The people that run the show are just going to make it easier for you to exit.

Speaker 2 They're not trying to make anything better. There's going to be suicide pods and suicide pills, suicide potions.
There's going to be a shampoo that'll knock you out in the shower and dissolve you.

Speaker 2 They are going to come up with so many different ways for you to kill your, it's going to be actually impressive. There's going to be an industry now

Speaker 2 because it'll start with people and I'm all for this by the way that are in pain and suffering and have a degenerative disease and don't want to live anymore. And I'm all for it.

Speaker 2 I believe it's a humane way if you want to go that way. But it's going to end up being depressed people, people that, you know what? I owe too much money, right? That's one of them.

Speaker 2 That's happening in Canada. People are going, you owe too much money.
They come in. They go, I owe all this money.
I don't want to live.

Speaker 2 And then Justin Trudeau comes in and blackface and shoots you in the head. This is where we're heading.
We're heading to this. We're heading to this sooner than you think.

Speaker 2 If you want to die, press this button.

Speaker 2 After entering the Sarco suicide pod on Monday, the machine allegedly asked the 64-year-old woman who has not been publicly named to press the button that would euthanize her. Well, of course it did.

Speaker 2 The machine's doing its job.

Speaker 2 if you want to die press this button a 64 year old american woman used a sarco assisted suicide pot on monday in switzerland is that her no this is a demonstrator how fun with that it's a demonstrator saying we don't want it uh no this is she was like pimping it out saying this is how it you know open the door hop in and press the button

Speaker 2 i love the suicide model here

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 make that bigger. This is the suicide model.
She's like, are you like me? Have you had enough? They're going to have commercials. They will have commercials soon.

Speaker 2 How are you thinking of taking your next journey? Come to the Sarco pod. Our end-of-life pods are clean.
They'll say things that don't even mean anything. They'll be like, it is,

Speaker 2 you know, it's a beautiful, safe, and completely natural way to die. Come, come on your next journey.
Why do we know why this 64-year-old woman wanted to do it?

Speaker 2 She had a terminal illness that was not curable, I believe. Like it wasn't like dead or bankruptcy or anything like that.
Okay, well, that, hey, by the way, that stuff is a different story.

Speaker 2 It will not end there.

Speaker 2 It already isn't. In Canada,

Speaker 2 look, go to the Canada. I want you to look at conditions.
that are being improved for end-of-life stuff. And one of them is depression.
I'm not not even kidding.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. So you got to be at least 18 years old, have a serious illness, disease, or disability that is incurable and irreversible.
Here's the thing though, dude. I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 2 there are articles coming out. Experience intolerable physical or mental suffering that cannot be relieved.
So I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 2 And why are you depressed? Well, I owe a bunch of money. Well, all right, get in the pod.
Get in the pod.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, that's where we're going in civilization and society is getting a pod. This is not for people that have neurodegenerative things.
We all kind of agree with that.

Speaker 2 This is going to be to kill depressed people who owe money.

Speaker 2 Mark my words, mark my words, etch them into stone.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you. And then you're going to get,

Speaker 2 you're going to be able to do this because you owe student loans. They're gonna let I'm they're I'm telling you right now, you're gonna let everyone ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tim Dolo.

Speaker 2 I'm telling they're gonna let you kill yourself because you owe student loans. They will let you climb into that pod.
They will let you climb into that pod.

Speaker 2 You will not have no opinion they do not like about the Ukraine. You go right to the pod.
Pod

Speaker 2 don't like all your money going to

Speaker 2 make exploding wafflines to send all over Lebanon? Pod for you.

Speaker 2 And it's going to be presented like everything's presented in this country is a great, like, isn't it, aren't, aren't you lucky?

Speaker 2 Some people don't even get to control how they die. They will, before the next Florida hurricane, they'll go, anybody who wants to make it easier and just climb in the pod now,

Speaker 2 we have the pods. Florian Willett, the co-president of Assisted Suicide Group, Exit International.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 folks,

Speaker 2 Exit International. I'm the CEO of Exit International.

Speaker 2 Get out of here.

Speaker 2 So here,

Speaker 2 the last resort. Wait, hold on.
Exit International Swiss affiliate called The Last Resort.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine this?

Speaker 2 Who was the only witness, go back, who's the only witness to the woman's death, which he described as peaceful, fast, and dignified? This is going to be a booming industry in the next 10 to 20 years.

Speaker 2 They're going to include climate issues in this. I'm telling you.

Speaker 2 They are going to make it so easy for you to kill yourself. I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 2 it will be easier to kill yourself than to order room. Oh, unalive, unalive.
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Speaker 2 It will be so easy for you to unalive yourself. It'll be much easier than ordering room service at a hotel, which is like very hard now.

Speaker 2 So I'm just saying it's coming. It's coming.
And

Speaker 2 this is the director of the Exit International. This is what he looks like.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 I'm sure that some of these people

Speaker 2 have

Speaker 2 some type of good intentions where they go, somebody has a neurodegenerative, terrible disease,

Speaker 2 late-stage cancer, whatever it is, they're in pain.

Speaker 2 That is not

Speaker 2 where this ends, though. I have no issue with those people.
exiting in a humane way, and neither will anyone else. But will there be enough business?

Speaker 2 This is a business now. It's a business.
Exit International, Swiss affiliate, the last resort. I mean, there's going to be competitive.
There's going to be, don't you want to die in our pod?

Speaker 2 There's going to be marketing meetings and sales. I mean, this is a regular business here.
This is, this is Chibani yogurt versus Fahey versus Siggies, the Icelandic skier. I know a lot about yogurt.

Speaker 2 This is a business. Now, it is a business.

Speaker 2 By the way, I was supposed to have an interview with Brooklyn, Brooklyn.com or whatever to write this is by the way thank you publicists thanks thanks everybody so Brooklyn I don't know what they put me on here Hasidic.org or whatever who's ever interviewing me about my show I missed it, but I'll call them back.

Speaker 2 Sorry, they're texting me and calling me. I'm in a hurricane.
I'm volunteering in Hurricane Helene. I'm taking trans people out of their homes in Hurricane Helene and bringing them to the pot.

Speaker 2 What I mean about this is this is is a business, and this will not end.

Speaker 2 There is no plans to stop the death in this country. By the way, there are no plans to stop the death here.

Speaker 2 We're only going to turn the death up quicker, faster, smarter, stronger. It's going to come from all.

Speaker 2 We are...

Speaker 2 We got the governor of the Philly cheesesteak state signing missiles that are going to be dropped in Russia, and we're going to get nuked

Speaker 2 because this guy's

Speaker 2 we will not

Speaker 2 at all

Speaker 2 have any type of

Speaker 2 like life-affirming stuff here. Everything in this culture has become about death, by the way.

Speaker 2 Getting out.

Speaker 2 Letting you out.

Speaker 2 Israel is now in Lebanon. We've got a multi-front war.
They're going to leave Gaza. They're in Lebanon.
Now we have Hezbollah. We have Iran.
We have Israel. We have

Speaker 2 us.

Speaker 2 There is Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 2 We have a real problem over there. We have China in the South China Sea.
We have Russia. We have the Ukraine.
We have

Speaker 2 all of the

Speaker 2 indications that we are on the verge of a world war.

Speaker 2 By the way, and not one that cannot be stopped.

Speaker 2 This is not like something that is inevitable at all.

Speaker 2 At all.

Speaker 2 This is not an inevitability. They are presenting it as such.

Speaker 2 That is why they have all the generals go on CNN and they go, well, a war with China is inevitable within five years. And you go, why is it inevitable? What would make it inevitable?

Speaker 2 War with China is the destruction of the entire planet.

Speaker 2 Does China want that?

Speaker 2 Why is it inevitable? Why is a two-year war in the Russia and the Ukraine over two northern regions inevitable. Why is this inevitable? Why are 748,000 people killed or maimed inevitable?

Speaker 2 And why are we signing missiles and dancing around and we're giddy and we're excited about it and we're happy about it and we love it?

Speaker 2 It's a little sick, a little diseased. And then the new innovation is the suicide pods.

Speaker 2 If, you know, if you're uncomfortable with the level of bloodlust and carnage, perhaps maybe you'd feel more comfortable in the pod.

Speaker 2 That's the two routes to where we're going to go here. It's which death would you like? Do you want

Speaker 2 a carnage or would you like it in a pod?

Speaker 2 Because nobody seems to be turning it around. Nobody seems to be.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about something happy for a little bit. The rise of Resort Corps as the most elite status symbol.

Speaker 2 This is a new thing, and

Speaker 2 I pay attention to vacations. Who's that? Is that Chalamay again?

Speaker 2 First class jerk. They're trying to get Chalamet to do my animated show.
I go, he's never going to do it. They go, well, we think he's a fan of your podcast.
I go, he's never going to do it.

Speaker 2 He's not going to do it. It's on Netflix, but he won't do it.
He's not going to do it. They're like, what about Robert Pattinson? I go, can you get real?

Speaker 2 What about Rob Reich, the economist?

Speaker 2 Get somebody who can actually do here.

Speaker 2 Can we aim for something real here?

Speaker 2 What about Sia?

Speaker 2 Get her. Come here, honey.
Sit in front of the mic.

Speaker 2 New fashion trend called Resort Corps.

Speaker 2 Here's what's happened over the last 10 years to the rich. And I'm going to explain this to you.
And then I'll probably get out of here and call people from Brooklyn.org and apologize.

Speaker 2 Rich people, and there's several varieties of them, but let's just, for the sake of argument and for the sake of time, call them rich.

Speaker 2 Okay, I know that there's many layers.

Speaker 2 They have all

Speaker 2 become kind of insipid, banal,

Speaker 2 vapid normies.

Speaker 2 They believe in nothing. They are here only to suck the last bit of their family's trust fund.
And please, I'm hearing people, thank you. And what they're doing is they are here to enjoy what is left

Speaker 2 of their life. They do not believe in anything.
They have no value system outside of their own wants and needs.

Speaker 2 The philanthropy they do is primarily fake. It is fashion.
It's style. It's whatever.

Speaker 2 All these people do now is go on vacation.

Speaker 2 This is all wealthy people do is jet around the globe. That's all they do.
Now, yeah, well, yes, they've always done that, but I mean, that's all they do. They do nothing else.

Speaker 2 They have fake companies that aren't real in different locales. They go from one place to the next place.

Speaker 2 They are not building anything. They are living off the largesse that has been built generations ago.

Speaker 2 They do not have any hope and aspirations for the future of this country or the future of themselves or their families. They care only about

Speaker 2 going on vacation. You would think they'd be bored with that already.
You would think the elites of this country and this world would be bored going on vacation, but that's all they do.

Speaker 2 And now they want to be famous. Now these fucks want to be famous.
Every now and then you can meet a comedian and they're like, oh yeah, his grandfather was J.P.

Speaker 2 Morgan and he's on a stage doing bits about his dick. What's going on here? Is it happening in China? Is President Xi's granddaughter on the stage with a flute? This is a problem,

Speaker 2 okay? This is an issue. We got like Cornelius Vanderbilt's grandchildren up there with a ukulele.

Speaker 2 It is so, it's true.

Speaker 2 The rich have given up.

Speaker 2 Seeing the poor give up, my family is middle class, you know, they eat, they scream, they yell at, you know, they muddle through,

Speaker 2 and then you know, some of them give up. I mean, you know, it just is what it is.

Speaker 2 Some of the poor give up, but now we're seeing the rich give up. The people that built the thing are out.

Speaker 2 And I don't mean built it in the sense that, like, you know, my tankies in the comments, and God love you, tankies, they're going to be like, what do you mean they built it? I'm not.

Speaker 2 I'm being, can you just enough with you for a minute, please?

Speaker 2 What I'm saying is, like, seeing these people

Speaker 2 completely

Speaker 2 confine themselves to instagram i mean it's like a it's like an instagram travelogue with these people all the time they're just doing it they build and they have no interest in anything outside of traveling it's crazy i was in italy well well there's actually well like come up there's actually there's a little barn and in the little bar and and you go you people at one point controlled the world you controlled the world.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say who,

Speaker 2 but I was with some incredibly,

Speaker 2 I could get in trouble all the time with my mouth.

Speaker 2 These people, and these are some of the, these were some of the most powerful people in the world.

Speaker 2 They're talking about like the surf club in that montauk, going, we use the surf club like a corner bar, and the surf club's like this hard bar to get into a montawk.

Speaker 2 You people used to run the goddamn world.

Speaker 2 You fuck. What the fuck?

Speaker 2 The surf club.

Speaker 2 I'm going to defect to somewhere, by the way. I'll fucking defect.
I want to go to China very soon. I'm going to China very soon.

Speaker 2 What if I take Alex Jones to China and me and him become citizens of China? Would that bother my agent or not? Can you handle me then

Speaker 2 if I take Alex Jones to become a citizen of China?

Speaker 2 Netflix.

Speaker 2 If you can't handle me and my Alex Jones becomes a citizen citizen of China, then you don't deserve me at my 90s talk show. Let's listen to this resort core.

Speaker 2 But this is, by the way, that is what is happening out there. It is,

Speaker 2 this is another story here that's not, it's the story behind the story, okay? You think, oh, it's about wearing a hoodie with the Marion on it. No, it's a collapse of human civilization.
Continue.

Speaker 4 Fashion trend has been called resort core. Travelers are rocking hotel-branded merchandise, particularly from luxury hospitality stays.

Speaker 4 It's like carrying a tote from the four seasons or wearing a cap from Hotel DuCap.

Speaker 2 Load the guns! Load the guns!

Speaker 4 It really is hard to ignore the growing popularity. Consider items like this $218 Beverly Hills Hotel nylon tote.

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 4 Items from the collaboration between Sporty and Rich and Les Bristol Paris. Even the $770 silk pajamas from the Peninsula London.

Speaker 4 Loud luxury or quiet luxury, each of these items make travelers feel a part of the club. More than that, there's a lot of signaling going on here.
Merch is a status symbol for many.

Speaker 4 There's an element of flex. You might see travelers carrying around $5,000 handbags.

Speaker 2 They used to run the world!

Speaker 2 They used to make trains and planes and automobile. They used to, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, it's crazy.
Oh, I'm carrying a tote from the river. What?

Speaker 2 It's just, it's troubling, although I do like a lot of the Beverly Hills Hotel merch, and I did get my godson, one of the bears.

Speaker 2 It's just interesting to watch all of this happen

Speaker 2 because they've given, I get it. They go, they go, there's nothing for them to do anymore.
They go, I don't want to sign missiles with Josh Shapiro

Speaker 2 because that's what we're doing now. That's what we're doing in this country

Speaker 2 is war. And that's not exciting to anybody.
The only people that want to do anything in this country are the tech people that are trying to make the suicide pod more efficient.

Speaker 2 So that becomes our major issue. Hold on.
It's my friend from Florida.

Speaker 2 How are you? Give us an update from Florida.

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 5 everything is

Speaker 5 my favorite restaurant was flooded. There was a lot, a lot more flooding than they anticipated.
A lot. Both my neighbors got into their house.
For the grace of God,

Speaker 5 we didn't get anything in the house. It just came up to the middle of the driveway near the pool deck, but it receded.

Speaker 5 People are just like, what the fuck? The storm surge was pretty, it was pretty

Speaker 5 relevant and extreme, more than people expected all right i gotta go i'm recording my podcast but watch out for looters

Speaker 2 well yeah okay bye

Speaker 2 well florida you gotta have a little looter fun if you can't do a looter bed in florida

Speaker 2 but i'll tell you this it is um

Speaker 2 That's why I'm excited about the show coming out on Netflix. We need to go back to showcasing what this country truly is at its core.
And it's not a political country.

Speaker 2 It's not a country about political conventions. It's not a country about political ideologies.
It's a country about

Speaker 2 people trying to figure out their own goddamn hustle. They're trying to figure out their own lives and they're trying to figure out how to live.

Speaker 2 And it's not easy. Even these rich folks who've abandoned any concept of civic virtue, who care nothing about anything, you know, their lives are so boring.

Speaker 2 They're just walking around in a hotel merch. They go to these clubs every night.
They get fucked up. I mean, it's like.

Speaker 2 And the only people who care

Speaker 2 are these government bureaucrat, faceless merchants of death. They're the only people that seem to get up in the morning with a purpose.

Speaker 2 The only people on this planet that seem to get up in the morning with a purpose are these gray suit, black-eyed government merchants of death who want war everywhere.

Speaker 2 They want the financial sector to continue to dominate every

Speaker 2 thing. They want the tech sector to continue to dominate.
They have no care or concern for education, for infrastructure, for trade, for people that are sick, that don't have

Speaker 2 the resources to send their children to a good school. They don't give a shit about any of that.
The only thing that these people care about

Speaker 2 is getting you excited about a war somewhere you've never been.

Speaker 2 That's all they're excited about.

Speaker 2 They're the only people that get up in the morning with a purpose, and their purpose is to get you really jazzed and really pumped up like a new bakery opened in town.

Speaker 2 Except it's a war in a place you've never been. It requires all of your money and then eventually will require your children as well.

Speaker 2 That's what they're trying to get you jazzed up about. That's what they're trying to get you pumped up about.
You're not going to believe it. We've got something new.
Finland, perhaps? Ooh.

Speaker 2 They like it.

Speaker 2 They pitch wars like the way they pitch ideas in a writer's room. And they're like, well, kind of like this Ukraine.

Speaker 2 Russia's going to go in. We feel like they'll go in.
They'll definitely go in. Yeah, we'll just say we're putting it in NATO.

Speaker 2 you know we'll go over there send the vice president over there yeah i mean russia's that's their red line they're not gonna They're not going to permit that. So they'll go in there.
Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 2 So we're going to help overthrow the Yanukovych government. We'll talk about putting the Ukraine in NATO.
Russia will invade. We'll bleed Russia dry over two years.

Speaker 2 We'll get all the Europeans together.

Speaker 2 Well, that starts to go away. We get the Hezbollah thing.
Well, that's always going to pop up. They're always good for a couple of hundred billion.

Speaker 2 Then they're getting the South China Sea ready. Well, you got Hezbollah.
And you are broke.

Speaker 2 Your kids are tattooing themselves, as Eric Weinstein said the other other night brilliantly,

Speaker 2 and mangling themselves because they don't believe in the future.

Speaker 2 And you're sitting there and there is no plan at all to do anything for you except perhaps make your suicide pod less expensive. That is the only thing they're going to do for you at the end.

Speaker 2 They're going to say, hey, there it is. That's where you're going.
That's where you're going. That's where you're going.
If you don't get on with the program, that's where you're going.

Speaker 2 If you don't start signing missiles at the Redding market in Philly or Pittsburgh, wherever it is, you're going into the pod.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 what does that even mean? Zelensky and Shapiro Unite for Ukraine. No one even knows what that means anymore.

Speaker 2 You're not getting Crimea, all these things. And I'm telling you right now, it's the calm before the storm.
You can feel it. There's a calmness.
There's people don't care.

Speaker 2 Nobody knows what time it is. Again, I'm quoting Weinstein, again, my dinner party friend at Crazy Whitney's, but he's right.

Speaker 2 And I'm not saying, by the way, that Hezbollah shouldn't

Speaker 2 face consequences for whatever the hell they do. What I'm saying is that this has become an insane, endless march towards a conflict that seems

Speaker 2 unwinnable and that it will just explode in a regional war and it could then end up being a world war, which I think we all want to avoid. Don't we?

Speaker 2 You're not defending, when you say you don't want

Speaker 2 a war that's exploding, people go, well, then, oh, what do you think? It's you now, you wouldn't like to live with Hezbollah. I don't live with Hezbollah.

Speaker 2 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 It's like when you're talking about immigration and they go, well, what about citizens who commit crimes? You go, well, you can't deport them.

Speaker 2 Everyone would want to deport a lot of people that are citizens here.

Speaker 2 Please play some of Ellen DeGeneres' new special. It's the greatest thing that's ever been done.
It's the greatest thing that's ever been done. The coffee's going everywhere.

Speaker 2 I will not leave until I see Ellen DeGeneres' new special.

Speaker 2 And it was recorded in Gaza.

Speaker 2 Those are bombs from Gaza.

Speaker 6 Let me catch up on what's been going on with me.

Speaker 2 What's been going on with you?

Speaker 6 I decided to take up gardening. I got chickens.
Let me see what else I can tell you about that. It's been going on.

Speaker 6 Oh, yeah. I got kicked out of show business.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, the be kind girl wasn't kind. That was the headline.
Here's the problem. I'm a comedian who got a talk show, and I ended the show every day by saying, be kind to one another.

Speaker 6 Had I ended my show by saying, go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 2 Ellen, by the way, and here's what you got to respect about ellen and i and i do uh actually is that ellen is

Speaker 2 you know not only from hell she's of hell and that is different that is different you can be from hell and yet you have not let it seep into you

Speaker 2 and you have not let it become you ellen is of hell i know people that know her and i i'm not talking out of school i'm she's i respect things she's done in her career, but Ellen is of hell.

Speaker 2 She's the fire and brimstone. It has become her.

Speaker 2 And what I like about this is she's coming back. Look at the people in the audience, by the way.
It's all,

Speaker 2 I mean, can we be honest? Does that blonde woman not seem a little bit like an Ellen,

Speaker 2 like an Ellen demon? Like Ellen became just different demons? And that's one of,

Speaker 2 is, are any of these people real?

Speaker 2 Because Ellen is a demon. And let me tell you what demons can do.
I think Ellen has projected many versions of herself into the crowd to laugh at her special. Is that not true? Yes or yes.

Speaker 2 So that woman here is just a demonic projection. One of the things that lives inside Ellen

Speaker 2 when her agent called her and said,

Speaker 2 So we're going to put tickets on sale for this, and Ellen goes, no, no, no, no, no, don't worry about it. I can project many of my demonic entities into the audience.
We'll be full. We'll be full.

Speaker 2 10 tapings, doesn't matter. Let's finish this trailer.

Speaker 6 Pleasantly surprised to find out I'm kind of estate portfolio.

Speaker 6 We're too self-conscious, which is why you rarely see a woman playing air guitar.

Speaker 6 I didn't go into this business for money, it was about healing my childhood wounds. I thought, if I could make people happy, then they'll like me.
And if they like me, I'll feel good about myself.

Speaker 6 And all I can say about that is thank God for the money.

Speaker 2 Netflix presents Satan.

Speaker 2 Netflix presents Satan.

Speaker 2 Confident devil. Devils aren't confident.
It's not who we are. Everyone's like, you're the devil.
I'm like, thanks.

Speaker 2 She's a demon from another realm.

Speaker 2 Netflix presents Satan.

Speaker 2 A lot of people always said to me my whole life, you're red, you have a pitchfork, you're the devil. And I'm like, okay, it's fun for Halloween, but not the other 364.

Speaker 2 So what if I feed off negative energy and then transmit that frequency to reptilians who live in the center of the earth? It's not my problem. I didn't ask for this.
Just the way it worked out.

Speaker 2 I drink blood. Makes me young.
So what? Everyone wants to be and I can get you that. I mean, look at the people that, by the way, the lay, does any of the laughter, and I'd be very honest,

Speaker 2 I don't think I'm saying anything negative, but do these people not, does that woman not appear like a demon? It's kind of demonic, right? Some of this,

Speaker 2 it feels, it's like the double chocolate chocolate cook, like that's an incantation. That's an incantation.
The Costco family is an incantation. They're occultists.

Speaker 2 And when he's going, check him back, double boom, boom, boom, That's an incantation. They're bringing you to hell.

Speaker 2 TimDillonComedy.com for tickets for the live shows. If you would like to come,

Speaker 2 you can see us at the Ontario Improv.

Speaker 2 Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin, one of the greatest clubs in the world,

Speaker 2 the Pickering, Ohio, November 1st.

Speaker 2 Fun casino there. Come, have fun.

Speaker 2 Rivers Casino in Displains, Illinois. We've added a second show because of popular demand at 9.30 p.m.
You can see us in Miami, November 7th through the 9th.

Speaker 2 And then Oxnard, we moved the dates because of the premiere of this show. We'll be there in December.
Oxnard, dump, but

Speaker 2 I'll probably stay in Santa Barbara and spend all the money on a hotel and be in the, it's fun to do a gig and then be in the, what's the bad one, the red or the black?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? When you're losing money. Oh, in the red, yeah.
The red, right. That's what I mean.
It's good to be in the red.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 you can see us on Patreon.

Speaker 2 Watch our show. This is your country.
It's October 1st, streaming on Netflix. We're very excited about it.
We really appreciate all of you guys.

Speaker 2 You're the best. You're amazing.
We love you.

Speaker 2 And unlike Ellen DeGeneres, who has hundreds of millions of dollars, I did get into the business for money. Good night.