405 - Matthew Perry & A Hamptons Tragedy

1h 4m
Tim examines hanging out with Israel, price gouging, Subway in crisis, putting children in jail, Matthew Perry’s fake friends and why you should never weep in the Hamptons.



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Runtime: 1h 4m

Transcript

Speaker 3 Are your AI agents helping users or just creating more work?

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Speaker 21 That's pendo.io/slash podcast.

Speaker 4 Israeli official says Iran war is inevitable and U.S.

Speaker 4 should attack now.

Speaker 4 That's what I love about Israel. I liked it as a friend, they're always getting us into something.
I like it.

Speaker 4 The summer got a little boring since, you know, they almost shot the president in broad daylight. They, who knows who they is.

Speaker 4 I'm just saying it was, you know, we're kind of in the doldrums, the dog days of summer, as they say.

Speaker 4 And of course, our good friend Israel says, listen, this war with Iran, which no one knew anything about a few months ago, is an inevitability. It's just going to happen.
And the U.S.

Speaker 4 should attack now. Just get it over with.
Rip the band-aid off. Go in there and do what you need to do.
Let's not get nuts with the diplomacy. Let's not waste anybody's time.

Speaker 4 Israel is like, people's patience has been really strained by this

Speaker 4 Gaza war, which has gone on now for almost a year, right?

Speaker 4 And they go, people are really getting sick of this. Nobody knows what the objective anymore is in Gaza.
I don't think anyone knows.

Speaker 4 I don't think anyone knows what the objective is anymore. I don't think the objective is clear now.

Speaker 4 I don't know if it, you know, at one time it was to defend yourself, to root out Hamas, and people understood that.

Speaker 4 But now...

Speaker 4 I don't know that anyone knows that, you know, there's a clear objective or a clear plan for what's going on. So I think Benjamin Netanyahu, to his credit, has figured out the only way

Speaker 4 to

Speaker 4 really keep people's eyes on the ball is to keep the party going. I mean, we got to keep the party going.

Speaker 4 And the way to keep the party going is to just get the United States to just start launching cruise missiles into Iran, apparently. It is inevitable.

Speaker 4 Along with a surge of combat aircraft and warships, President Biden dispatched three of his top Mideast advisors, CIA Director Bill Burns, to the region

Speaker 4 this week to try to delay Iranian and Hezbollah military reaction against Israel.

Speaker 4 Because remember, Israel went in and they killed Ismail Hania, who is the Hamas political bureau chief who was in Iran, I believe, to attend the new swearing in. of the president of Iran.

Speaker 4 Remember the old president, Iran, died in the helicopter crash that perhaps, I mean, Israel's good at this. Perhaps the Mossad had something to do with.
Perhaps it was just weather. I don't know.

Speaker 4 Helicopters are all held together by that god nut. It's that one bolt.
And if it goes, it's over. So these things do happen.

Speaker 4 I am terrified when I get in a helicopter and I, I've only done it a few times and I take off on the West Side Highway and we go out to Meadow Lane in Southampton. It is a very

Speaker 4 scary thing. So I'm not saying that someone in the Mossad right now is just noting that.
They're writing that down, by the way. They're going,

Speaker 4 they go Westside Highway, you know, Hudson Yards to Southampton.

Speaker 4 But all I'm saying is this,

Speaker 4 you know, Iran, you know, Israel is kind of provoking Iran, right? They're doing things.

Speaker 4 If you remember that fake attack where Iran launched a bunch of missiles, it wasn't a fake attack, but it was thwarted by U.S. and U.S.
allies, including Middle East allies like Jordan.

Speaker 4 They helped shoot down these missiles. They didn't affect Israel, but Israel is now like, we got to go and we got to, you know, get the U.S.
Everybody's got to get wild.

Speaker 4 And I think the Trump administration would do a good job. I mean,

Speaker 4 the campaign, not the administration, the campaign. They'd do a good job to differentiate themselves from the Democrat war

Speaker 4 all-the-time policy, which seems to be the policy of the Democratic Party right now, where it's just like, just find a reason for the war, whether it is true or not, whether it's about Britney Griner or the treatment of gay people in Russia or whatever they, whatever they're hatching, trans athletes being able to compete in the Olympic, whatever,

Speaker 4 you know, domestic narrative they're kind of shoehorn of foreign conflict into.

Speaker 4 I mean, you know, that seems to be the policy. But Trump's also out there going like, we're going to bomb Iran.
We're going to straighten it out.

Speaker 4 And I think

Speaker 4 there's not enough space between those two policies for most people

Speaker 4 because the mainstream Republicans just want to go to war.

Speaker 4 And the Democrats just want to go to war. There doesn't seem to be a huge difference.

Speaker 4 There's not a lot of daylight between those two policies of war in the Ukraine, war in the Middle East, because that's what the Democrats are offering.

Speaker 4 You're offering war in the Ukraine and now Miley Cyrus,

Speaker 4 party in Iran, party in the USA, party in the Middle East, get into it with Iran, larger regional conflict.

Speaker 4 And then the Republican Party is kind of offering.

Speaker 4 That too, but with more values, I guess, with like better Christian values or something. I don't know.
There should be, we should delineate and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 Donald Trump should go, I'm going to de-escalate. I'm not going to bomb anyone.
I'm going to scale down. We're not going to have troops all over the place waiting to get into wars.

Speaker 4 I hope that's the case.

Speaker 4 I mean, Israel is the friend sometimes on the block you go out with and they're like, let's just throw some M80s. Let's have a little fun, you know, because they kind of have a bad home life.

Speaker 4 That's the, that's what Israel is. It's the friend with like a bad home life.
And they're just like, you know, my mom and dad fight. Shit sucks.
Let's go smoke a cigarette behind the shed.

Speaker 4 And America's the rich kid. And America's like, yeah, why not? I like Israel.
Israel has my values, you know?

Speaker 4 And I was like, yeah, but Israel's living, it's like sometimes you need a girlfriend to explain it to you, which would be, I don't know, France maybe? They would go, you know, I get it.

Speaker 4 You like Israel, but Israel's living situation is like really fucked up. Like his mom and dad don't even speak.
Like there's literally cops at the house three times a week.

Speaker 4 You go, yeah, but I like Israel. We go out, we get into bar fights, you know, we throw M80s in the lake.
We watch it blow up. Shit's fun, you know?

Speaker 4 And then one day Israel comes to you and is like, we just got to go fight these kids from this other high school. And you go, I don't even know why we're doing this.

Speaker 4 Like, and you go, listen, man, here's the reality. Me and you are bros.
And you go, yeah, dude, I totally get it. But my girlfriend has made a good point.
Like, you are in a fucked up situation.

Speaker 4 By the way, there are friends in your life. And a lot of times it is hilarious that it does happen in the summer.
Because the summer, there's no structure. There's no school.
There's nothing.

Speaker 4 Everybody's just floating around. People's lives unravel a lot of times in these two months that we're in.

Speaker 4 And you do notice with some friends, and you will as you grow up, younger people listen to this show, maybe not a lot of them. You know, we have a fair amount of people in their, in their 20s.

Speaker 4 Maybe we don't have a ton of people in their late teens, but we probably have some.

Speaker 4 You will notice some of your friends are out of control and seem to always attract problems. And there's nothing you can really do about it, even if they share your values.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying Israel is completely at fault for their problems. There are a lot of people that have gone into that.

Speaker 4 You know, a lot of people have made that sausage over there in the Middle East, and it hasn't turned out great.

Speaker 4 But what you have to do at a certain point is go, hey, man, I'm not going to go fight those kids from that high school with you. It seems crazy.
I don't even really like.

Speaker 4 Well, those kids are going to build a nuke. Yeah, you know, sure.

Speaker 4 But can't we just kill a few scientists like you guys have been doing forever? Like, why do we have to have a hot war in the middle of fucking August with Iran?

Speaker 4 But, you know, this is what's going on. And, you know, the United States, there is, there needs to be daylight between the two policies of the two main candidates on this shit.
And there isn't.

Speaker 4 Because the Republicans so badly want to be the rah-rah tough guy party that it's very hard for them instinctively to go no no no no no no no

Speaker 4 we actually are going to be the pussies

Speaker 4 we're going to be the pussies here and i don't mean in in actuality, but in the way that they talk.

Speaker 4 Because the Democrats are presenting as like the jock, fuck you. Fuck Putin.

Speaker 4 Ukraine made it six miles into Russia. You know what that means? Russia's falling.
Ukraine captured a town. And I'm not saying it's not impressive or didn't shock Russia.
I was on the phone.

Speaker 4 With a lot of Kremlin officials this morning who paid for my Rolls-Royce and bought my houses. And they were saying it was shocking.

Speaker 4 And many many of them were kind of surprised, to be honest, on our telegram chat. We have a very funny telegram chat with Lukashenko, who's the minister, and me.

Speaker 4 And Putin doesn't come in all the time, but when he comes in, he genuinely is hilarious. But the Ukraine has captured the Russian town.

Speaker 4 The fall of Sudza, Sudza, Sudsa, about six miles from the border will be Ukraine's first capture of a Russian town since its troops crossed into Russian territory 10 days ago.

Speaker 4 Now, listen, this is impressive. The Ukraine has taken the war into Russia.
They've crossed the border. They captured some Russian PLWs.

Speaker 4 Of course, the Western press

Speaker 4 is gleeful. And this means that Biden is now considering sending long-range weapons again, which he was against.
Now he's thinking about it again.

Speaker 4 So here's what I want everyone to think about. If Ukraine is losing, they need more weapons and more money.
If Ukraine seems to be

Speaker 4 breaking even, they need more weapons and they need more money. If Ukraine is winning, well, then they'll really need more weapons and need more money.

Speaker 4 There is no thing, there is no outcome where Ukraine does not need more weapons and more money.

Speaker 4 So it's just there's a permanent column in the Defense Department's budget that is allocated towards the Ukraine no matter what what, until there's a regime change in Russia, which is the whole goal of the entire thing.

Speaker 4 Now, I don't know what Russia is going to do to defend itself or escalate the war. I hope it doesn't involve the killing of more people.
I think it's horrible that anyone gets killed anywhere.

Speaker 4 You know, that's the way I feel. And Boeing and Raytheon and General Dinat, we all hate killing.

Speaker 4 I'm just saying the Republican Party needs to go, no, no, no, no, no. We're actually going to scale it back.

Speaker 4 and you can't hang out with israel this weekend because we're going to the lake we're going to the lake with my parents and no we're not inviting israel because the last time we invited israel to the lake israel did all kinds of crazy shit remember that they were smoking on the raft and then the raft fucking burned and then we all fucking thought we were gonna fucking drown in the middle of the lake because Israel got drunk.

Speaker 4 Okay?

Speaker 4 And I'm not saying Israel doesn't deserve.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying that Israel doesn't deserve. Like it should be able to go and protect itself and its borders, and it should be able to enact a price from Hamas for what they did.
1,000%.

Speaker 4 That's the way the world works. Hamas perpetrated an attack.
Israel absolutely has the right to defend itself. But where are we now? What are we? 10 months, 11 months? Or where is this?

Speaker 4 Eight months, nine months? October? 10. 10 months.

Speaker 4 45 plus thousand people killed, a massive humanitarian crisis, a famine, all kinds of, you know,

Speaker 4 and it just, there's, there's nothing going on. And then everybody goes, well, well, how about we get into it with Iran? And what, we, what, what?

Speaker 4 We don't, we don't need to be involved right now in like

Speaker 4 all of the wars.

Speaker 4 So we've got 40,000 40,000 killed in Gaza 6,000 to 20,000 missing I wonder where they are where are the missing where are the 6,000 to 20,000 missing maybe they fled some of them how many of them are thriving

Speaker 4 about 93,000 wounded about 10,000 detained and about 2 million displaced so this is a humanitarian crisis and make no mistake the United States is going to probably have to participate in the rebuilding, reconstruction, security.

Speaker 4 And again,

Speaker 4 Trump wins tomorrow, in my estimation, if he comes out and goes, we are not going to participate

Speaker 4 in security in post-war Gaza. We're not going to have United States troops stationed in the Middle East as cannon fodder.
It's not going to happen. We'll provide money.

Speaker 4 We'll provide strategic assistance. We will not be on the ground there for what's to come.
That will be in Arab, Arab countries will do it. Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan, we'll help organize it.

Speaker 4 We may even help fund it. But what we're not going to be doing is have U.S.
troops there. We're not bombing Iran.
We're not going into Iran. We're not having a war with Iran.

Speaker 4 It's not going to happen unless they threaten vital United States interests. If they don't do that, we're not.
We want to prevent them from developing a nuke.

Speaker 4 There's other ways to do that besides a war. Okay? I don't think Iran wants a war with Israel.
And I don't know that we need to be in a war with anybody over there. It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 4 But again,

Speaker 4 there's just no daylight. There's two people going, we're going to war with Iran.
And one of them goes, and the food's going to be cheaper. And Kamala goes, we put price controls on the food.

Speaker 4 So you go, okay, so we're all going to war with Iran, but let me just, you know.

Speaker 4 She's now promising to, well, she doesn't know how to do it because she doesn't know what price controls are, but someone told her that it was a good idea to put price controls on food

Speaker 4 and it's going to help control costs.

Speaker 4 This is Kamala Harris's first policy proposal.

Speaker 4 She hasn't really come out and...

Speaker 4 So now she's going to take on price gouging from these major food companies. The food will still be poison, but it will be more accessible and cheaper.

Speaker 4 Now, usually price controls historically haven't worked.

Speaker 4 You could look at Venezuela and places like that.

Speaker 4 There's a lot of rationing that happens. Companies go out of business.
Products become harder to get. They become less available.

Speaker 4 That doesn't mean, though, that there can't be more regulation of the food industry that would help bring prices down.

Speaker 4 And that doesn't mean that there aren't other ways to fight inflation. Can we get up Kamala Harris talking about this? Yeah.
She's finally getting specific about certain things she wants to do.

Speaker 4 And then we're going to talk about Subway, by the way, because

Speaker 4 Subway, the most popular restaurant in America, if you look at real estate holdings, meaning they have more.

Speaker 4 I mean, is Subway bigger than McDonald's? Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 Subway has more restaurants than McDonald's and Subway now is in crisis. And I don't know what that means.

Speaker 4 I don't know if it means people are doing less human trafficking because Subway is largely for human traffickers because all the rest stops have Subway.

Speaker 4 So if you're carrying a bunch of people you're trafficking down the Pennsylvania turnpike, you got to pull in and get everybody sandwiches at Subway and then hand them out to all the human trafficking victims.

Speaker 4 You do. That's what happens, by the way.
It's not even a joke. There's literally like seven emaciated women in the back of a van and they're all shaking and freezing.

Speaker 4 And they just got out of some crate in Baltimore, like the wire. And now they're in the back of a van and you're driving them to DC.

Speaker 4 Someone with a gun is watching them, and then you have to go, who got the Italian BMT?

Speaker 4 Who has turkey? Who Who has the chicken bacon ranch? Who has the tuna? You know, and then one of them, one of the shaking human trafficking victims goes, I hear the tuna is not even really tuna.

Speaker 4 And you go, you shut up.

Speaker 4 Here's Kamala Harris on food prices. Because we here all know,

Speaker 4 when our middle class is strong,

Speaker 4 America is strong.

Speaker 22 Yes, it is true that by many indicators, our economy is the strongest in the world.

Speaker 22 But while inflation is down and wages are up, prices are still too high. On day one, I will take on price gouging and bring down costs.

Speaker 4 We will ban look at the guy behind her with the sunglasses.

Speaker 4 How great is that?

Speaker 22 Surprise late charges that banks and other companies use to pad their profits.

Speaker 22 We will take on corporate landlords and cap unfair rent increases.

Speaker 22 And we will take on big pharma to cap prescription drug costs.

Speaker 4 By the way, so this is the lie that Democrats always do.

Speaker 4 When she goes, we're going to take on corporate landlords, what she means is we're going to take corporate landlords to lunch and we're going to ask them what's wrong and how we can get to evict the people quicker.

Speaker 4 No one's taking on corporate landlords, by the way. That's the most hilarious.
We're going to take on corporate landlords.

Speaker 4 It's like you're going to take on, you're going to take corporate landlords on a trip. You're going to take them to a conference.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, Kamala Howard is finally starting to unveil some proposals to keep the cost of food low. But more importantly to me and more importantly to you,

Speaker 4 here's the thing about Subway, and let's talk briefly about Subway.

Speaker 4 Subway is not

Speaker 4 anyone's favorite fast food.

Speaker 4 There's not one person you've asked, and you go, when you get a little naughty and you're driving home late at night and you're feeling frisky and you're drunk or you're, what is your guilty pleasure?

Speaker 4 What's the food you can't say? No, is it Chick-fil-A? Is it McDonald's? Is it Taco Bell? Not one motherfucker ever says Subway.

Speaker 4 Subway is not a food that people enjoy. It is a food that must be endured.
It must be suffered through. It must be endured.
Get that up. That's what it looks like when you get it.

Speaker 4 It is a rest stop food that you must endure. Moving day.
Subway is moving day food. You have an eight-hour day.
Your apartment's on the other side of town. Your friend is there with a van.

Speaker 4 You're going to Subway to just get a fucking turkey sandwich to fuel yourself up for eight hours of hell moving out of one apartment. That's what it looks like.

Speaker 4 It is a utilitarian food that must be endured and suffered through. It is primarily eaten by government employees, people that are moving, and human traffickers.

Speaker 4 It is not for people with choices or people that have minutes to think. If you have minutes to think, you don't really eat at Subway.

Speaker 4 Subway is just in and out.

Speaker 4 However, because America has become a gig economy, it has become a hellscape of people who are stressed out, who are, you know, it's just a country that's littered with broken homes, divorced dads traversing through the night.

Speaker 4 You know, people that are single, people that are lonely, people that have shit jobs, people that work late, people that are Ubering and lifting and doing all these things, people that are postmating and door dashing.

Speaker 4 They are the people who are grabbing these economic, heinous sandwiches on their way from point A to point B.

Speaker 4 But finally, people are smartening up and they are turning their back on Subway. Sorry, Patrick Mahomes.
I know they dumped you a lot of money to get people to eat Subway and shame on you.

Speaker 4 Shame on you for doing it.

Speaker 4 How much more money do these people need, by the way? Is Patrick Mahomes broke?

Speaker 4 I mean, this idea, by the way,

Speaker 4 there is a special place in hell for elite athletes who promote the most disgusting food on earth and pretend that they eat it so that fat, obese children can go, well, Patrick Mahomes eats a 12-inch meatball sub.

Speaker 4 I should too.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Vox, why do all the best athletes do Subway commercials? Because they get paid.

Speaker 4 Subway is smart. They get athletes who are elite athletes who are at the top of their game and they say, do a commercial for us so that people think that you eat this yoga mat bread,

Speaker 4 plastic bread that Subway churns out.

Speaker 4 Subway holds emergency meeting with franchisees as sales plummet. Subway denied that it was an emergency, but we know it is.
Conference will be heavy on promotional offers and coupon ideas.

Speaker 4 Store owners say they're barely breaking even with an $11 sandwich. Subway is no longer profitable.

Speaker 4 The costs of poison have risen. They've gone up.

Speaker 4 And people are now going, you know what?

Speaker 4 I can't do it.

Speaker 4 Now they're trying different coupons, but they go, our gross sales are not even at 20, 12 levels.

Speaker 4 Well, remember when Subway launched, it was launched as like a healthy alternative and people thought it was healthy because it was fresh and it was Subway Eat Fresh. That's the logo of Subway.

Speaker 4 And their spokesman ended up being a pedophile.

Speaker 4 Subways lasted a lot longer than anyone thought it would.

Speaker 4 The idea that Americans have believed for 15 years.

Speaker 4 If we're talking about 2012 levels, but really even longer than that, but let's say 2012 was Subway's heyday.

Speaker 4 And I don't know that it was, but let's just use that as a marker.

Speaker 4 The fact that Americans have believed for roughly 15 years that a sandwich, that a roadside sandwich shop was healthy is an amazing marketing. Subway did amazing marketing.

Speaker 4 But every, every, eventually, every scam is uncovered. People start going, well, I don't know.
Maybe let's not eat that sandwich in that strip mall. We could do something else.

Speaker 4 And by the way, as Americans get smarter, if that's possible to the extent that it is, and we hope that it is,

Speaker 4 a lot of these things are going to go out of business. Subway's not the only one.

Speaker 4 By the way, and as the drugs like Ozepic and other things like that flood the market and people lose weight and people make better choices and, you know, not even necessarily those drugs, but as people become more aware of what's, if you want to have a sandwich, you can make yourself a sandwich.

Speaker 4 This lie that no one has time and this is the lie that i grew up with this fast food by the way is that no one had time to cook

Speaker 4 no one had time to cook in my house people had time to lay on a couch for four hours and watch uh television but no one had time to cook My mother had time to drive around the neighborhood taking antiques people had thrown out, putting them in her van and driving it back to the house.

Speaker 4 My father had time to practice with his band, God help us, in the studio he created that should have been a playroom. Okay, so you had a bunch of junkies come over and they used to jam out, jam sesh.

Speaker 4 They had time for that. Nobody had time to cook actual food.

Speaker 4 And that was how

Speaker 4 fast food is marketed to boomers. It played on their ego.
It's why it worked so well. They were like, you don't have time to cook a meal.
for your family.

Speaker 4 You are busy being the hardest working, most honest person on earth. You can't, you don't have any time.

Speaker 4 You dropped your kid off at karate,

Speaker 4 and now you have to go home and drink a bottle of wine by yourself. How do you have time to make any food?

Speaker 4 So the reason the fast food exploded in the 90s is because the sales pitch was that you couldn't possibly have any time to cook food for your family. There's just too much going on.

Speaker 4 That's really what it was.

Speaker 4 And that's that's why it became that one of the big boomer legacies is not only the adoption of fast food, but the adoption of like

Speaker 4 the fast casual concept that grew out of fast food.

Speaker 4 Pre, you know, these meals that you would buy and then heat up microwavable food.

Speaker 4 My grandparents, who all lived to their late 80s, early 90s, ate none of this, wouldn't allow it near their homes, thought it was disgusting.

Speaker 4 Me and all of my friends grew up in houses where our parents constantly fed us fast food and then constantly bought processed food. And it was marketed, you know, who has time?

Speaker 4 Who has time to make, I mean, every commercial I grew up with was literally somebody being like, who has time to make a whole Thanksgiving dinner for your family?

Speaker 4 Just buy this powder that you add water to that becomes a turkey or whatever it was.

Speaker 4 So Subway was basically marketed as like, this is the healthy alternative

Speaker 4 to McDonald's and Burger King. It's 12 inches of bread with plastic in it, the same plastic they use to make yoga mats, okay?

Speaker 4 We bake it all day. Subway restaurants smell disgusting.
It's disgusting, by the way. They smell like a landfill.
while that bread is baking. It does not smell like a bakery.

Speaker 4 You ever walk into a bakery, you smell sourdough bread or rye bread? That is not what you smell at Subway, okay? It's the smell of hell while bread is baking

Speaker 4 in a Subway. Can we play an old Subway commercial? R.I.P.
this Subway, by the way, because I do believe, much like Airbnb, which I called, that Subway will be ending in our lifetime.

Speaker 23 Don't you love the heat lamps? Keeps food hot for hours and hours. Who's in the mood for something made fresh?

Speaker 4 Subway makes every sandwich right before your eyes. That's right.

Speaker 23 Now for just $7.99, get two fresh-made regular foot-long Subway sandwiches. That's two for $7.99.
Delicious meats and toppings on fresh baked gourmet bread.

Speaker 4 It was also,

Speaker 4 let me say something else about Subway. It was also a place where you could torture the employees.
You got to watch them make your food. You go,

Speaker 4 pickles. You got to feel like you had power for five minutes because your boss was shitting on you at the medical billing facility.
But for five minutes, you could say, onions, more onion.

Speaker 4 And you could like yell at

Speaker 4 the person. and the person was all flustered and they put the, you know, it's a horrible experience.
Standing in a subway line and watching somebody with bags on their hands put a hand.

Speaker 4 And again, this will all age so poorly. It'll age just like lean cuisines age.

Speaker 4 Remember lean cuisine where you would pull off the top of something and then put it in the microwave and then it would come out and it would look like a scab, like the cheese would be.

Speaker 4 And speaking of this, by the way, I had some of that David Dobrik pizza. He should be in jail.

Speaker 4 That Dobrik's pizza on sunset, no offense to him, but it is the most

Speaker 4 grotesque thing I've ever had. The Dobrik pizza thing, pizza is sitting there and you walk in and my friend and his wife like it and they go,

Speaker 4 it's 90% done. And then they send it through this little, you know, these ovens.
where you, you know,

Speaker 4 Subway has them. Quiznos had them, where they toast something on like a conveyor belt and then it falls down.
Dobrik pizza goes, yes, 90% done.

Speaker 4 And then the pizza goes through this conveyor belt oven and then it comes out and the cheese is like a scab sitting on top of the pizza. And it's absolutely heinous.

Speaker 4 Yeah, there it is. There it is.
And it's all these middle Americans. They line up for it and they're like, I know him from the YouTubes.

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Speaker 4 11-year-old migrant boy arrested in a different kind of subway, the one in New York City. Get the photo up of them cuffing the child.
I find it hilarious and I like it.

Speaker 4 We want the kids in jail. Do a close-up on this.
We want the kids in jail. I'm going to say it again.

Speaker 4 That's right. I want you to take a good look at this and leave that on screen.
This is the future I want. I want children going.

Speaker 4 to jail

Speaker 4 when they do bad things. I am sick of hearing about that they need more programs or whatever.
This is a little Venezuelan migrant, 11-year-old, who's on the sub.

Speaker 4 I mean, what's wrong? Why isn't he writing a Hamilton type musical?

Speaker 4 That's what I'm told all these people do when they get here. They write musicals and they're nice.
That's what I'm told. They come in and they write musicals.

Speaker 4 So apparently, this young migrant criminal child took a break break from writing his version of rent

Speaker 4 and he's now on the subway

Speaker 4 and they were going around punching people in the head and stealing phones.

Speaker 4 Well, is that nice?

Speaker 4 So this 11-year-old,

Speaker 4 I don't know who he's punching. I mean, the kid's, he looks like a baby.

Speaker 4 He was essentially provoking it, recalled a Manhattan-based IT professional who requested anonymity. Now, you know why? No one can be honest about this.

Speaker 4 By the way,

Speaker 4 my car stole out in Harlem once.

Speaker 4 And this black tow truck driver came up to me. He's an awesome guy.
He goes, hey, man, he goes, watch out for the Venezuelan gangster stealing everyone's phones. And then he drove away.

Speaker 4 And then he's like, Trump 2024. It's literally what he said.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 I'm just saying we have a young 11. Tell what is going on here.
Do you know what happened in the subway?

Speaker 4 Because I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 4 if you think

Speaker 4 you will not be attacked by an 11-year-old Venezuelan, you're wrong. You're wrong.
You're absolutely wrong.

Speaker 4 Tell us what happened, please.

Speaker 25 Yeah, so basically him and the 17-year-old boy were going around attacking strap hangers, right? People just taking the subway. And so

Speaker 25 he would hit them. And then I think the 17-year-old would grab the phone, and they were kind of oscillating.

Speaker 4 This 11-year-old is hitting them.

Speaker 4 He's punching them.

Speaker 25 It said he was the primary aggressor.

Speaker 4 This 11-year-old is the primary aggressor. Make this bigger again.
This is the primary aggressor.

Speaker 25 So he's got three guys on him.

Speaker 4 He's got three cops on him.

Speaker 4 I don't understand why this is happening. I was told and promised that everyone who came to America was here to write a Broadway musical.

Speaker 4 That's what I was told.

Speaker 4 I was told that people that come to the country are here to write musicals because they can't be gay in their country. That's why everyone's coming here to be a trans composer.

Speaker 4 And yet, there's violence? Why is there violence on the subway?

Speaker 4 Trump should say, that kid will be executed day one. Day one, Trump goes we will execute the 11 year old in New York who's punching people

Speaker 4 now obviously we're we're being facetious here we're kidding we feel bad for this kid many of you aren't smart enough that we are we are also thinking we're getting a little nuts with the Venezuelans I think we are we're getting a little wild there's too many I'm telling you right now

Speaker 4 I'm hearing from people that live in the hood there's too many Venezuelans.

Speaker 4 Now, when someone in the hood goes, we're going a little crazy with the Venezuelans, perhaps, you know, this isn't someone in Greenwich, Connecticut saying it.

Speaker 4 These are people in the hood going, the Venezuelans are getting a little nuts with the phones. I don't know why the Venezuelans love the phones so much, but they're taking the phones.

Speaker 4 That's what's going on. So

Speaker 4 this little guy, who I don't believe should be executed, but I do think a short jail sentence is not the worst.

Speaker 4 This little guy who again, now also, New Yorkers are, I guess, such pussies now that they won't just beat a child. Beat him up.
But you can't beat up a Venezuelan 11-year-old.

Speaker 4 God forbid any of the press sees you kicking a Venezuelan 11-year-old in his head. But that's exactly what he needs.
That's exactly what he needs. But you know,

Speaker 4 police have linked roughly 10 robberies that have taken place inside or along the southern end. of the green space, which I don't know what that is, the green space.
59th Street. Oh, 59th Street.

Speaker 4 Okay. Oh, yeah, it's Central Park.

Speaker 4 So there's 12 migrant boys or young men men and they're robbing now you can't this is the problem this is the problem you can't speak about this and you can't if you're a person on if you're a strap hanger

Speaker 4 and you're taking the subway and this 11 year old migrant does anything to you you can't really do anything back because he's an 11 year old you should be able to attack him

Speaker 4 you have to teach him a lesson if his parents won't

Speaker 4 I'm just saying

Speaker 4 this is the funniest photo I've seen in a very long time.

Speaker 4 It is. But where is that kid when he's like 17 or 18?

Speaker 4 Is he better? Has he learned the error of his ways?

Speaker 4 Are some of the people coming to this country going to be mean? Boy, I hope not.

Speaker 4 Again, all we're told is that everyone who's coming here loves America and loves everything. And I don't know.
Maybe that's true. Maybe it's true.

Speaker 4 Is everyone who came to Sweden loves Sweden? Is that why Sweden's now the most dangerous country in Europe? Because everyone who came there loves it so much? Is that what happened?

Speaker 4 Everyone loves Sweden so much. All these Turkish gangsters that came to, they love, all the North African people, they love Sweden.
They love it, love it, love it.

Speaker 4 God, to be a Swede, to be a Swede, they said. They grew up.
They go, God, I just want to be, I want to. wear wooden shoes to do whatever the fuck they do.
I go, that's what I want to do.

Speaker 4 I'm just saying, none of this is about anything other than I'm just curious.

Speaker 4 I wonder why. I don't know.

Speaker 4 Now, maybe if we have 11-year-olds

Speaker 4 going around the subway going nuts, maybe Maduro knows better what to do with these people. I don't know.
Does Maduro know better?

Speaker 4 Police officials go up. Police officials also

Speaker 4 said the 11-year-old was caught on surveillance camera using credit cards that were stolen during a series of robberies in Central Park.

Speaker 4 At this point in time, we're ready to call it. This is a migrant robbery pattern, NYPD chief of patrol, John Chell, told reporters.

Speaker 4 A senior law enforcement official said police believe the violent Venezuelan gang, I don't even know how to say it, I'm not going to try, is behind the migrant robbery crew and investigate. Well,

Speaker 4 I don't know. I don't think that's true.

Speaker 4 What if Kamala comes out and goes, we're getting the Venezuelans out?

Speaker 4 What if she steals Trump's whole thing? She's on the verge of stealing his whole thing, by the way. We're going to have border security.
We're going to have this. We're going to have that.

Speaker 4 If Kamala goes, and I want to send a message to the 11-year-old who was caught robbing people on the United States subway, if you think we don't execute country in this, we don't execute children in this country, you got another thing coming.

Speaker 4 Because on day one,

Speaker 4 on day one, I will kill you personally. You got to remember, Kamala's a Fed.
She has Fed energy. Big Mama Fed.
Now, if Big Mama Fed,

Speaker 4 well, she's never going to do this, of course, but if Big Mama Fed executes the 11-year-old criminal, if she says, I know it's hard to watch.

Speaker 4 I know it's hard to watch.

Speaker 4 I know many of you will be disturbed by this, but I have chosen to execute this 11-year-old publicly.

Speaker 4 If she does that, I'm telling you right now, and I know people are going to disagree with me, and that's fine. If she executes this 11-year-old publicly, she will win the respect.

Speaker 4 The Republican Party will cease to exist.

Speaker 4 If she says, that's it.

Speaker 4 I'm going to execute this child on live television and Jimmy Fallon's there and everyone's there. Everyone's got to be there.
Every person,

Speaker 4 all of Hollywood has to get behind her. Everybody.

Speaker 4 And then she's got to.

Speaker 4 I don't know. Matthew Perry, everyone, why are they, why are they bothering the doctors who tried to help Matthew Perry feel good?

Speaker 4 Can anyone tell me that?

Speaker 25 They made too much money off of it.

Speaker 4 So Matthew Perry, by the way, overdosed ketamine and died in his hot tub, which, by the way, is a a fine way to die in the Pacific Palisades. What else is going on? That's a fine way to die.

Speaker 4 That's how you're supposed to die when the show you were on ends 20. How long did he live after friends? 20 years? Yeah, about.
Yeah, that's all you live. When the fame drain,

Speaker 4 when fame depletes, you've got about 20 years left before you end up inevitably in a hot tub

Speaker 4 dying. But they have, there's a lot of ketamine dealers and doctors.
You know, doctors are not drug dealers.

Speaker 4 Over a two-month period in the fall of 2023, they distributed approximately 20 vials of ketamine to Perry in exchange for $55,000 in cash.

Speaker 4 Placentia, Placentia mocked Perry in a text message in 2023, writing, I wonder how much this moron will pay.

Speaker 4 On one occasion, Placentia injected Perry with illegal ketamine and watched the actor freeze up and his blood pressure spike.

Speaker 4 Despite that, he left additional vials of ketamine for defendant Iwamasa to administer to Mr. Perry.
Iwamasa has no medical training. Now, who got arrested? Let's get them up.

Speaker 4 One of them is named the Ketamine Queen. Yeah.

Speaker 25 So Iwamasa is the live-in assistant and the Placentia is the doctor.

Speaker 4 I just want to do well enough in this business where I have people that live in my house and inject me with ketamine.

Speaker 25 Here's the ketamine queen. Jasveen Sangha.

Speaker 4 Jasveen Sangha. The ketamine queen, well, I like her outfit.
What's her deal?

Speaker 4 She just likes the K?

Speaker 4 Jasveen Sanga 41 earned herself the notorious nickname, Ketamine Queen, for allegedly selling ketamine and meth out of her North Hollywood stash house, going back to as early as June 14th, 2019.

Speaker 4 Sangha continued to peddle the dangerous drugs until she was busted on March 19th for selling meth in a prior unrelated case. She's been out on $100,000 bond since March.

Speaker 4 The drug queen used her North Hollywood home to store, package, and distribute narcotics, including providing ketamine to co-conspirator Eric Fleming so that conspirator Fleming could sell it to victim MP.

Speaker 4 Referring to Matthew Perry.

Speaker 4 Interesting.

Speaker 4 So now look at all that.

Speaker 4 Big time.

Speaker 4 Big time.

Speaker 4 The Fed seized a slew of ketamine and meth during Sanga's arrest.

Speaker 4 She's going to go down. So Fleming, 54, Iwamasa, 59, Chavez, 54.
I've all taken plea deal. Sanga is also charging a new indictment

Speaker 4 for her role in August. You'd think if someone was doing that much volume business, they wouldn't live in North Hollywood.

Speaker 4 August 19th, ketamine. Wait, hold on.
Go up.

Speaker 4 Sanga is also charging the new indictment for her role in the August 2019 ketamine overdose death of Cody McLowry, an Alaskan Alaska native living in California who was a member of the LGBTQ community, according to his obituary.

Speaker 4 Again, okay.

Speaker 4 All right, good.

Speaker 4 Good.

Speaker 4 In Perry's death, I mean, I'm not good that he was a,

Speaker 4 I'm just saying good, like, thank God we know that, because I wouldn't have been mad otherwise about that, to be honest. I wouldn't have cared that she had.
given drugs to someone who died.

Speaker 4 In Perry's death, Sanga allegedly provided Fleming with 50 vials of the drug in two.

Speaker 4 So Matthew Perry, now remember, and I know people that go get this ketamine therapy, and we've talked about it on the show.

Speaker 4 All of these doctors and people, they just prescribe these drugs so that aging celebrities can deal, because you got to remember, fame is a drug. Fame is a drug.

Speaker 4 Some people never have to detox from fame. Fame tends to eat you alive from the inside out.
It's a very unnatural state of being. You're kind of suspended in midair.
You don't really feel gravity.

Speaker 4 The people around you are weird. A lot of them are fake.
A lot of them are using you. And those are the funnest people, by the way.

Speaker 4 You will never have more fun than with fake friends that are using you because they are always on,

Speaker 4 you know, they're always on the clock. They're always working to make you feel happy and good.
Laugh at all your jokes, tell you what a genius you are, whatever. These fake friends.

Speaker 4 are the staple of many famous people's existence. They have a lot of hangers on and people they pay for and whatever.
And those people actually are a lot of friends, a lot of fun.

Speaker 4 Your real friends aren't always that fun because they're real friends. They don't want anything from you.
Now,

Speaker 4 many of the circle of friends you have also might be providing you drugs or alcohol or whatever it is,

Speaker 4 making your life not only more fun, but more unstable, more chaotic. And eventually it will bring it to an end.
If you're around the wrong people, that will spell the end of your life.

Speaker 4 And which is unfortunate. I'm sure Matthew Perry, I don't know much about him.
I know that it's like they tried to cancel him after he died.

Speaker 4 They were like, he was, I don't know, he was, he was not a nice guy or something. I remember that was one of the post-mortem

Speaker 4 cancellations. I know they were trying to go at him for that.

Speaker 4 But.

Speaker 4 This is the thing you got to watch out for. So when you're detoxing from fame, what happens is a lot of times you need another drug.

Speaker 4 You need some other drug to take the place of fame because you've not existed in reality for a long time. For a long time, Matthew Perry probably didn't exist in reality.

Speaker 4 So once the fame started to, you know, then he goes, well, wait a minute. I don't want to go.
I don't want to live on Earth. I've never lived on Earth.
I have no plans to live on Earth.

Speaker 4 Sunrise, sunset,

Speaker 4 not for me. I need to still be

Speaker 4 on drugs. And if it's not going to be fame, it's got to be something else.
It was ketamine. Placentia Placentia and Chavez allegedly charged Perry $2,000 for a vial of ketamine.

Speaker 4 That would have cost Chavez about $12.

Speaker 4 Why doesn't Kamala cap that? Why doesn't Kamala come out and go, I'm going to stop the price gouging with ketamine?

Speaker 4 Because that's the real problem we have in this country is people that cannot afford ketamine.

Speaker 4 Which people say is, by the way, they lie about all this stuff. They go, it's for the troops.
You know, this is how it all starts. They go, it's for the troops.

Speaker 4 It's for people with PTSD from war. And no, it's not.
No, it's not. That might be one small sliver of the people you're.
It is for people that want to be on drugs.

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Speaker 4 Perfect Life on Instagram ends in tragedy in the Hamptons. Father took his own life in Southampton while family was on the Amafi Coast.
Family is very ostentatious on Instagram,

Speaker 4 and his death is starting conversation about stunting online and the Hamptons' pressure to show off.

Speaker 4 Candace and Brandon Miller showed the public a world of glittering parties and vacations. The money to sustain it did not exist.
I'm going to say it again. This is a good way to live.

Speaker 4 This is a great way to live. Of the ways you can spend your time on this earth,

Speaker 4 conning to get somewhere, enjoying the hell out of it, and then when it ends, killing yourself is is not that bad. It's not that bad.

Speaker 4 I mean, there's a lot of kids in Ukraine being thrown into a meat grinder right now who would have loved just one week of this guy's life. And he did the right thing at the end.

Speaker 4 And the right thing, and I got to say on a live, because, you know, it's the kids. This is a show watched by children.

Speaker 4 And we know YouTube's protecting the children, right?

Speaker 4 You know?

Speaker 4 Every YouTuber, by the way, is it's coming out that they're all messaging children inappropriately. However, me saying a word is the problem.
Here's the point.

Speaker 4 This man who unalive, I mean, by the way, stunning.

Speaker 4 Look at that fucking event.

Speaker 4 Look at the colors.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when you live like this and you can't do it anymore, you unalive yourself. It is the normal course of events.
Stop shaming people.

Speaker 4 Stop shaming people,

Speaker 4 fake rich people who then have to be regular people who choose to unalive themselves, stop shaming them. Normalize it.
Ben Banson Beyond, CEO, jumps out of his building because he's under indictment.

Speaker 4 Normalize it. Normalize the rich checking out when it's time to not be rich.
You have no, look at that event. You have no idea what it's like to go from that back to the friendlies or something.

Speaker 4 Normalize people checking out.

Speaker 4 Oh, but he had a family. He doesn't care.
Listen. you think he wants to be broke with them

Speaker 4 he checked out at the right time now this gentleman named uh Brandon Miller

Speaker 4 and people in the Hamptons listening to this show they're gonna find this very callous and I'm saying this I don't care I don't care that he's dead

Speaker 4 the game is to keep the scam going. The Hamptons is about keeping the scam going.
If you are unable to the scam going, then unalive yourself.

Speaker 4 There are people in the Hamptons who are in Epstein's black book, who've been prosecuted multiple times for stock fraud. And you know where they are? They're on their porch because they don't give up.

Speaker 4 They don't give up.

Speaker 4 There are people at Kamala fundraisers right now talking about the importance of climate change who literally were throwing 14 year old girls into a volcano with Jeffrey Epstein eight years ago.

Speaker 4 And you know why they're still around? Because they don't give up. If you don't have it for the life, don't be in the life.

Speaker 4 What happened to this guy again, please?

Speaker 25 He took himself off the board.

Speaker 4 That Mr. Miller's death occurred in the Hamptons during the height of the social season was almost certainly has added to the intrigue.
Says Neil J.

Speaker 4 Young, a historian who is writing a book about the Hamptons. Here, the only thing is fascinating, his opulent is wealth, is its sudden disintegration.

Speaker 4 This place is predicated for a certain set on showing off. It's the homes one has, the things one does out here, from the restaurants to the workouts to the parties.

Speaker 4 It's a place where one can get overextended really quickly, where house of cards can suddenly collapse. Yeah, but here's the thing.
Here's the thing.

Speaker 4 The American economy is a house of cards. Most of our companies are house of cards.
The stock market's a house of cards. The game is to keep the house of cards going.
That's the whole game. What

Speaker 4 Mr. Miller is not some type of anomaly in the Hamptons, a guy who's overextended and overreach.
He's not an anomaly. The vast majority of people there,

Speaker 4 you know, are

Speaker 4 living beyond their means.

Speaker 4 Not all of them,

Speaker 4 but many of them,

Speaker 4 their companies are not worth as much as they say. Their ideas are not as valuable as they say.

Speaker 4 Their value as people is not nearly as great as what they say. They are all replaceable.
The game is to pretend like you're not.

Speaker 4 Brandon Miller developed the commercial and real estate projects in Tribeca, Harlem, in the meatpacking district. He appeared to be a successful businessman in a city filled with them.

Speaker 4 Yet by last fall, he was under so much pressure that when he attended a business meeting in a Midtown High-Rise, according to three people familiar with what happened, Mr.

Speaker 4 Miller sat at a conference table and began to weep. Cock.

Speaker 4 He was in a financial freefall that confidants are now struggling to piece together. You have to keep the scam going for Christ.
You cannot give up.

Speaker 4 And if you are to give up, you just have to unalive yourself. No one wants to see any of these fucks weep.
Weeping in the Hamptons? No, thank you. No, thank you.

Speaker 4 There is not to be any weeping in the Hamptons or Greenwich, Connecticut, or Newport Beach. There's no weeping.
weeping. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 4 Keep the scam going or do what the CEO of Bed Bath and Beyond did. I have a condo a few blocks away.
One day he decided to chuck himself out of the window

Speaker 4 and end up on the street. And you know what everyone did? No one cared.
They stepped over his body and they went to Bubby's for their shit pancakes. But the point is,

Speaker 4 everyone's in a scam over there. Brandon Miller was unique in the Hamptons.
He was in a scam. Can you believe it? Someone in the Hamptons was in a scam and it but it went bust.
He's weak. He was weak.

Speaker 4 He was weak.

Speaker 4 He didn't make the right alliances. He didn't make the right friends.
He didn't blackmail the right people. He didn't get involved with the right intelligence agencies.

Speaker 4 He didn't shake the right hands. He didn't fucking,

Speaker 4 I don't know, swing with the right couples. He didn't go and grovel.
He didn't do the right things. He didn't fucking go and become an asset of China for do something.

Speaker 4 You've got a family. Go and defect to China.

Speaker 4 But instead,

Speaker 4 he did what the only other option is, to take yourself out. It's fine.

Speaker 4 It's fine. Listen, he doesn't want to be broke and he didn't have the wherewithal.
He didn't have the tenacity. He didn't have the raw native intelligence to keep it going.

Speaker 4 Good book, by the way, called The Privileges by Jonathan D. He's probably one of these writers that, if you knew who I was, would hate me.
I don't know. Who cares?

Speaker 4 But the point is, probably there's a lot of people, I say there's a good thing. They go, who's saying that?

Speaker 4 But maybe not. I don't know what this person does, and I don't care.

Speaker 4 I just know that this is a good book called The Privileges about this young couple from outside of Philly that becomes the New York City finance people.

Speaker 4 It's pretty accurate, too, and it's about a guy who's kind of running a scam, but just has to, you got to keep doing it until it's real, you know?

Speaker 4 And it's a really, yeah, it's a really, really good book. Jonathan Franzen said it was a seductive novel.
It's good. You should read it.

Speaker 4 But I get it. I mean, it's just funny the way that the press writes about all this stuff.
Again, like all of the, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 Like, like, Mr., like, can you believe there was a dishonest person in the Hamptons living beyond their means?

Speaker 4 He expressed his love for his wife and his children, borrowing he wrote that he believed he was doing what was best for them. The suicide note.

Speaker 4 The note mentioned two life insurance policies totaling about 15 million. Now, by the way,

Speaker 4 I don't know if they'll get that, all of that, because of suicide a lot of times, or sorry, unaliving,

Speaker 4 because of the unaliving. I don't know if they'll get it.
In a graveside ceremony attended by family and a small circle of friends, he was laid to rest next to his father. It's a good life.

Speaker 4 It's a fine life. It's a fine life.

Speaker 4 It's a fine life. You know, what's that? So it's a fine, fine life.
Can we play that? Small world? No. No, it's a fine life.
It's from Oliver Twist.

Speaker 4 Get it up and we dedicate it to the Miller who unalived himself in the Hamptons. Get up, it's a fine life.
It's a great thing, and I hope we can play it. Maybe we can't.
It's a fine life.

Speaker 4 Why can't we play anything?

Speaker 4 They'll take the.

Speaker 4 Can you get up the lyrics and I'll sing it and dedicate it to this man who unalived himself in the Hamptons with his family?

Speaker 4 Fuck, I don't even know the thing.

Speaker 4 Small pleasures, small pleasures. Who would deny us those? Gin toddies, large measures, no skimping if you please.
I rough it. I love it.
Life is a game of chance.

Speaker 4 I never tire of it, leading this merry dance. If you don't mind having to go without things, it's a fine life.
Though ain't no jolly old pressure at it's a fine life. See, that's...

Speaker 4 That's what they should have played at his funeral. Just celebrate the man.
Celebrate the attempt.

Speaker 4 I'm sick of like

Speaker 4 trying to teach people lessons with this crap. Every time this happens,

Speaker 4 the press comes in to teach the wrong lesson.

Speaker 4 This man forgot what really mattered in life. Look at them.
They don't want to be broke, these two.

Speaker 4 They were halfway there. They just didn't figure it out.

Speaker 4 You know?

Speaker 4 It's the wrong letter. The press comes in and they're like,

Speaker 4 this guy, Mr. Miller, he was such an anomaly in New York.
He was a guy whose business was built on bullshit and he was living beyond his means. What a new, it's, I am shocked.

Speaker 4 And this is supposed to teach people to, what, not care about money or something? Do you think the people in the Hamptons reading this go, you know what?

Speaker 4 Honey, this affects me. I'm reading this about this guy that we met at that party.

Speaker 4 How did he do it, by the way? How did he get out?

Speaker 4 Garage car. Garage in the car.
Oh, yeah, this guy who asphyxiated himself in his garage. Remember, we met him at that art party.
Well, anyway, I read his story. It's so tragic.

Speaker 4 I don't want this house anymore.

Speaker 4 I don't want this big house anymore because that guy we met three times killed himself. Who gives a fuck? No one cares.
Play the game or don't, pussy. I'm sick of this shit.

Speaker 4 This is not the attitude that built America. Con artists giving up.

Speaker 4 Con artists giving up is not the attitude that built America.

Speaker 4 Liars who keep lying is

Speaker 4 you keep lying. You don't get honest at the end.

Speaker 4 How weak is that?

Speaker 4 Go to South America. Get in a drug kick.
Call the ketamine queen and go, let's fucking...

Speaker 4 Perry's not the only one that needs some juice.

Speaker 4 He should be trying to hook Jennifer Aniston on ketamine.

Speaker 4 You don't want to go back to living in fucking Seaford or some hellhole?

Speaker 4 I don't like con artists giving up. That's right, David Doperk.
They tried to cancel David Doperk. What did he do?

Speaker 4 He goes, I'm going to sell shit pizza to fat middle Americans next to the Saddle Ranch. Because he didn't give up.

Speaker 4 They tried to cancel him because he, you know, threw his friend off a crane or something. But he didn't die.
He didn't die. He said, I'm going to sell shit pizza.

Speaker 4 Now he sells shit pizza that's disgusting and it kills people. He's doing more damage with that pizza than he ever did with the crane.
My point is this. You don't give up.

Speaker 4 Look at this little guy. That's the spirit of America.
You know what? I've gone the other way on this. Let all the Venezuelans in.
Let them all in and steal the phones.

Speaker 4 If an 11-year-old steals your phone on the fucking subway, you deserve to have your phone taken.

Speaker 4 That little guy can be trained to be either an assassin for this country or some type of a corporate criminal. I'm sick of con artists giving up and trying to get like weeping in a fucking boardroom.

Speaker 4 you fucking faggot weeping in a boardroom and i don't mean that in a gay way i mean it in a like i have a wife and i'm crying in a boardroom way my point is this

Speaker 4 the country is built on the on the look at kamala it's why she's cruising kind of towards a victory because

Speaker 4 she understands that the lie Must be verbose. The lie must be enduring.
The lie must be forever.

Speaker 4 The lie cannot, you cannot dip your toe into the pool of dishonor. You must commit.

Speaker 4 This woman's a prosecutor who's go, who's threw people in jail her entire life, and she's out there talking about how democratic she's going to make everything.

Speaker 4 Because the lie cannot end. It does not end weeping in a boardroom.
Mr. Miller.

Speaker 4 His wife's moving to Miami. That's what everybody does when their husband kills himself.
She'll be on the beach.

Speaker 4 By the way, if she hears this, she'll agree with me. She'll go, yeah, I thought my husband was a man.
I thought he'd figure it out. But instead, he starts crying in a fucking boardroom.

Speaker 4 She knew what was going on. She's a criminal, too.
She's a criminal, too.

Speaker 4 They're all criminals.

Speaker 4 This guy's a criminal.

Speaker 4 He goes, Oh, I copy that's that. I don't care if any money anymore.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we know.

Speaker 4 It's all fake.

Speaker 4 It's all fake. The house is the empty fake.
And my wife

Speaker 4 goes, oh, God, I don't have any money anymore.

Speaker 4 I don't have any money anymore. Call the Academy and Queen and kill someone else.

Speaker 4 Because of bad financial choices, I'll beat the Omaha Funny Bone.

Speaker 4 They don't have really theaters. I'm not on a theater tour.
I've done two theater tours all around the world. So now I get to play shitrooms for animals.

Speaker 4 Omaha, side-splitters. Buy tickets in West Hampton Beach, please.
Don't embarrass me. It's my home fucking town.
Don't get mad at me just because I did that whole third thing for 30 minutes.

Speaker 4 West Hampton Beach, Omaha, Side Splitters, Ontario Improv. I said it was Orange County.
I know it's not Orange County. I'm lying to you.
It's called Lying, Dummy.

Speaker 4 It's actually not Orange County. I know what Orange County is.

Speaker 4 What do you think?

Speaker 4 Comedy on State and Madison. That's great.
It's a bunch of serial killers and libs.

Speaker 4 Does Plains, Illinois? We've added a second show. The only, if I could really, the only place I'd ever perform would be Chicago.

Speaker 4 The people of Illinois have never abandoned me.

Speaker 4 And then the Miami Improv, where my opening act will be Candace Miller, who will go out and talk about her husband.

Speaker 4 I don't have any money.

Speaker 4 It's a sad.

Speaker 4 Get the 11-year-old Venezuelan gang member to come on the program, please, if you can.

Speaker 4 If he speaks English, I'm fine with it.

Speaker 4 If you can rob me in English, just rob me in English. It's America.
Speak English.

Speaker 4 Rob me in English.

Speaker 4 And don't give up. This kid's tougher than that Hamptons guy because it makes you soft.

Speaker 4 The Hamptons makes you soft. All that guy was doing is stealing phones, really.

Speaker 4 That's all anyone's ever really doing is stealing phones.

Speaker 4 You just have to figure out a way to do it. You know, you just got to do it on a higher level or something.

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 4 I hope this has been clarifying for people.

Speaker 4 We appreciate you

Speaker 4 being with us. And it's,

Speaker 4 we bring it back, we'll bring it back town at the end.

Speaker 4 You know, RIP Subway.

Speaker 4 And listen, I was just kidding. If Israel wants us to attack Iran,

Speaker 4 you only get so many friends.

Speaker 4 You only get so many friends in life.

Speaker 4 So if Israel is like, hey, man, this war with Iran's inevitable, just do it.

Speaker 4 They're that friend. They go, just do it.

Speaker 4 And sometimes you just got to do it. And I respect it.

Speaker 4 I respect it.

Speaker 4 I'm totally with it. I'm totally with the Iranian war.
If they say so,

Speaker 4 that's your buddy. It's your buddy Israel.

Speaker 4 I don't think they're a good influence on you. No, like we have the same values.
Listen to me. Israel like lives, they have like a crazy home life.

Speaker 4 And just everything they say, like just remember that. Yeah, Yeah, but like we like the same things.
I understand that, but like there's no peace in their house. So like, you know, whatever.

Speaker 4 Listen, America's just that rich kid up the block. It's just a dumb rich kid.
It's a dumb rich kid up the block who wants friends. You know?

Speaker 4 You know?

Speaker 4 I don't know. And R.I.P.
Mr. Miller, what's his name? Yeah, Brandon Miller.
R.I.P. Brandon Miller.
I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I never speak ill of the dead.
I never speak ill of the dead.

Speaker 4 And if there's reincarnation, I hope you go to another planet and you scam again. And then this time you don't cuck out at the end.
No one wants weeping in the Hamptons, pussy. Goodbye.

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