404 - Tim Walz The Funnel Cake Dad

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. Thank you for tuning in again.
I was at the Variety Young Hollywood Power Impact Summit last night. Hollywood young power players honoring the young Hollywood impact list of power.
I don't know what it was. One of my really good buddies was getting honored there.
And it was at the proper hotel in Santa Monica. I don't ever go to these things.
And there was a couple of people there that noticed me, that came over to me. They're like, wow, you're here.
And I'm not really invited to these things. It's like TikTokers and, you know, usually.
I could get invited, like, if I wanted to. I could get invited, but it's not.
I'm being honored at the Young Power Summit at Mor-a-Lago next week, the Young Power Impact Awards.

But I was there and look, Addison Rae was there.

My co-star in Thanksgiving with the Madonna top.

I saw her.

I was there and Sabrina Carpenter, who's this massive pop star, which I don't know. I don't, I'm aware of her name, but I didn't know about too much about the music.
But I know that every time I'm in an Uber, I ask someone, who is this? And it's always her, invariably. It's Sabrina Carpenter.
And his song's always kind of like, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. It's very kind of relaxed and, you know.
And she looks like she was 3D printed to be a pop star. I mean, she's beautiful.
And she's honored she gets the first award. And again, I'm unaware of what these awards signify.
Apparently just, if she didn't know things were going well with 30 million Instagram followers, they're reminding her. The people at Variety are reminding Sabrina Carpenter that things are going well.
And she gets up and she goes, hi. She's like, hi.
She's like, um, thank you to every, like everyone. And like, she thanks her, you know, whatever.
And then she's like, thank my team for working hard. And then she goes, and thank me for working hard.
And then she goes, everybody follow your dreams. And then gets off the stage.
This was being hosted by Matt Friend, the Impressionist, who I used to hate, but I don't hate him anymore. I gave him a hug.
We had like a misunderstanding and we didn't like each other. But, you know, as I get older,

I can only hate a few people at a time. I used to be able to hate so many people and I'm disappointed by now that I don't have it in me.
I don't have the energy. It's like, you know, people say about Trump, they're like, he's getting older.
He's all kind of, he's off message. He doesn't have, you know, he's not doing as many rallies as he used to.
It's like, give him a break. I mean, the guy is, he's been, I mean, how old is Trump? 74? No, I think he's older than, I think he might be.
76? Probably. 78.
78. Give this guy a break.
He's out there. He's doing it.
I mean, love him or hate him at 78. I'm 39 and my ability to hate people

in large quantities is not there anymore. I used to take time out of my day to hate people.
I would

make it a point to sit somewhere at a bar and eat lunch and hate someone for 45 minutes and think about what a terrible person that is and and and imagine scenarios of horrible things happening to them i can't do it anymore i just can't do it i'm weak i'm weak so i saw matt friend who i had a misunderstanding. The impressionist Matt Friend, who's an old comedian as well.
I'm not saying that in a negative way. I'm not trying to start a feud again.
And we didn't have a feud. It was just, we didn't like each other, but he was a nice kid.
He hosted it. He had a rough set.
It was rough. There's no way to win in that room, but he lost.
And it was because, again, it's not his fault, kind of.

Maybe a little bit of it was, but it was just rough there.

It's TikTokers and aspiring TikTokers.

So imagine that.

Imagine that group of people.

People that haven't quite yet found their footing on the tiktok app people who are trying that out you know what tiktok is with the dance they do that people that are trying to figure that out and there's some young actors there everybody's very attractive it's la it's on a rooftop and he's up there and it's just it he's going down hard. It's rough.

It's tough.

Sabrina Carpenter goes, who hired him?

I was standing in the back.

But it's not his fault really

because I mean, who would want that gig?

I mean, if I had that gig,

it would have been bad in a more entertaining way,

but it would have not been good.

But I've seen, see is the thing that comedians do, they want these people to like them. You will lose.
Great comedians, they take these gigs, they host these award shows and stuff because they want these people to like them. And the only one I've ever seen, two of them, Chris Rock, Letterman, they both killed, but Ricky Gervais, because he didn't give a fuck and he was just totally free.
But it's hard because these people, for the most part, do not need any comedy. They're 21, they're hot, they're millionaires.
There is not any comedy that these people need. There is not one moment in their life that is not fantastic.
Every moment of every day is fantastic. Maybe they get a little sad occasionally from time to time thinking about a past relationship or an aunt they like who died in a car accident.
But it's so short-lived, none of them need comedy. So there's all these hot young people standing on a roof.
Some of them are millionaires. A lot of them aren't.
A lot of them are not, but they think they are. So it doesn't matter.
They think they are because they're standing next to millionaires. So even though they have no business and no money, they're near people that do.
They also don't need, and then you're up there, and Matt's an unreal talent in terms of impressions. He can do anyone, right? But he's up there, and he's trying to entertain these people, and they're just not okay we don't have to please um but they're just it's it's it's tough i felt for him because uh i have been in similar situations not they would never can you imagine that variety young hollywoodamoha.
They would never, never, never have me host something like this. It's not at all something that I would ever be.
But I've hosted corporate events before, and I've been in situations where it's not good. This is like James Charles is there.
And it's that crowd. It's the like YouTube crowd.
And then like young actors. And their representatives.
And like a lot of like LA kind of plastic people. And then you're trying to make them laugh.
And my friend Marcelo is a really funny comedian. Got honored and it was nice.
He brought his parents and his father were talking about Maduro because they're Hispanic. And I don't know how I feel about Maduro.
Everyone keeps, you know, I don't know. Maybe he lost, but he seems to want the job.
There's something about him.

I know he's a dictator,

but there's something about him that I find charming.

I like the ring.

I find him a little charming.

And I'm just saying that,

and I know that people will get angry with me

for whatever reason.

But I'm saying that there's something. Shouldn't we find the good in people? That's the question, really.
Yes, it's a coup and he's refusing to leave and the military is killing everyone. I get it.
I get it. I've read the news.
But shouldn't we find the good? What about a message of positivity? That's what all the TikTokers

are always putting out there into the world.

That's what all these social media people

are always putting out there into the world.

A message of positivity.

And this, these, Marcello's family,

they were talking to me and they're right,

you know, behind the scenes,

I think the US is kind of cool with them.

Publicly, they're like, this is an outrage.

But I think behind the scenes,

I think they're like texting Maduro, like whatever. You know what I mean? They don't care.
They're just like stability, oil, whatever, money. Like I think outwardly they're like, you're a thief.
But behind the scenes, they're like, hey, we've worked with worse. We'll work with you.
It's fine.

And he's not leaving, right? He's got the military. Correct.
This is the country of Venezuela, if you aren't aware, people out there that are listening to this show. But I imagine they are aware because everyone who listens to this show is a fucking genius.
Speaking of politics, we have a new entrance into the race for the White House. And I'm not talking about Doug Emhoff.
I'm sorry, Kamala Harris. I was going to say Connelly's arise.
Kamala Harris's husband who they lock up in a house in Brentwood and he struggles to get reservations at LA restaurants and calls the White House probably to try to get him in. This is my guess.
I don't know. But Doug Emhoff is this, you know, this kind of, you know, nothing guy who is married and will spend the next four years if she wins going, I'm the president's husband.
And then like, you know, hostess will go, yeah, okay, man, relax. We don't have anything.
I told you that. I mean, look at this guy, Doug Emhoff.
He's a lawyer. Can you, kind of, perhaps? I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about funnel cake dad. Funnel cake dad, the king of the Great Lakes.
Tim Walsh, the Minnesota folksy funnel cake dad who's here to finally get everybody from America out on the lake for a nice day of grilling and fucking communism. No, Tim Walsh is, and I am, by the way, I'm going to disclose all my biases.
I hate Minnesota. I hate lakes.
I don't like fresh water because the brain-eating amoeba, but other things. I don't like the Great Lakes culture.
I don't like how frozen and cold it gets. I don't like how radical they are, even though they're boring.
They're incredibly boring people that sit at diner counters, but when you talk to them, they're radical psychopaths. And I've always found that dichotomy disturbing.
Tim Walsh, they wanted Kamala to pick Josh Shapiro, and she didn't because he's a big Jew, and they couldn't have it. We know, and he also did cover up a murder, one of his donors.
It doesn't matter. I don't care.
I don't care. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. They all do it.
They all do it. They all do it.
If Ivanka had killed someone, Trump would have covered it up too, probably, right? I mean, this is what people do. What are you getting? Someone kills someone, you're not going to help them.
That's the measure of a man is if your friend kills someone or your donor kills someone, will you prosecute it? Or will you prosecute it as Josh Shapiro? That's the measure of a man. So Shapiro is a big Jew, which I have no problem with, but the Democratic rank and file hates.
They don't like them. And the Democratic Party is a collection of interest groups that all kind of hate each other.
So they're trying to win Michigan, and if they have this big, you know, Josh Shapiro comes out, he's a Zionist, and he's like, Israel, Israel.

What happens?

You know, the people in Michigan start getting angry.

They put the shawarma down, and they start going nuts.

So Kamala Harris has a real problem trying to balance the Muslims and the Jews, okay?

So Josh Shapiro, everybody in Hollywood, get a picture of Josh Shapiro. Josh Shapiro looks like a 3D printed a Jew.
Which again, I have no problem with, but he is a very sharp, put together, like his brother's a big showrunner in Hollywood. This is the guy.
He's the real deal.

He's not like me being gay or Candace Owens being black.

This guy's legitimately Jewish.

Like Zionist, real deal, out in front.

What's good for Israel is good for us,

and you better like it.

Bibi Netanyahu needs another trillion?

Put it on a truck.

Like Jay Shapiro is out there in front, and Kam has got it. She's got to twerk around the issue of this.
It's a big issue for the Democrats, the Israel, the Palestine, the Gaza, which no one's talking about anymore, but it is terrible and getting worse and all of those things. And I mean, you know, I, I, I don't talk about it every episode, but we talked about it a lot.
We talked about it constantly. And what's happening over there is a humanitarian crisis and disaster.
And Israel doesn't seem to have any plans for post-war Gaza. The war's still going on.
There's famines. There's all these things, right? Now, the Democratic Party's been taking a lot of heat from the young people on this issue.
Young people do not want to back Israel at all costs. So you can't have Josh Shapiro out there talking about the importance of the, you know, unending commitment to Israel.
So what do you got to do? Who do you find? You get Tim Walls. Tim Walls is a Great Lakes.
Isn't it the Great Lakes, Minnesota? Or am I wrong? Am I right? Yeah. Land of 10,000 lakes.
I mean, scum of the earth up there. Land of 10,000 lakes.
Can you imagine living somewhere with 10,000 lakes? So this frozen, abominable snowman, Tim Walsh, and I would respect him if he said, we burn down Minneapolis, and if we lose, we'll burn down America.

I would respect that.

If he went out and said, you're damn right we had riots, and they're not, January 6th is going to look like a kid's birthday party compared to what we'll do. We will burn it all down.
So they get funnel cake dad. funnel cake dad is the folksy history teacher with no money that the democratic party thinks this guy should be the president because he's completely broke he's like a character of jed bartlett from the west wing he lives in um uh the land of 10 000 lakes and the democratic party kind of likes him because he's kind of keeping it together up there, you know, because the people in that area are prone to riot as they did.
You know, he called in the National Guard, but he waited a day. He let everybody get it out of their system before he called in the National Guard.
All of these, a lot of these riots were, uh, you know, things that he and his wife expressed some level. They kind of enjoyed these things.
Get up, my friend Gwen Walsh, my new friend. Gwen Walsh.
Now, let's remember, take us back. When was this? This was 2020? Yeah, right after Floyd.
Right after George Floyd tragically lost his life, you have riots in Minnesota. Riots all over the place.
All over the place. And of course, funnel cake dad is, he doesn't know what to do.
Of course, he would like to go sit down the rioters and give them a talk. You know, this is the kind of guy he is, right? He'd like to sit down.
He imagines that he walks into the middle of a riot while people are burning everything down. And he goes, there's a better way.
And then he does some folksy crap and everybody goes, funnel cake. That is right.
We could burn everything down, but instead we should get involved in the electoral process or whatever. So funnel cake.
Dad has these, he imagines that's going to happen for a day. And then the next day calls in the national guard.
Now his wife, who's of course, mentally unwell. Um, uh, and, and by the way, they have no money.
I found this out, which makes me, I don't know. I'm supposedly they have like nothing.
They own like nothing. They have no stocks, bonds, whatever.
Like they have nothing. They don't have any money.
They've never tried to make any money. That's certainly interesting.
So that's not their vice. What are they doing? But so let's take a look at Gwen Walls talking about how much she enjoyed these riots.
I would say those first days, you know, when there were riots, I could smell the burning tires. And, um, that was, that was a very real thing.
And I kept the windows open for as long as I could, because I felt like that was such a touchstone of what was, what was happening. See, this is what is interesting about these people.
They're deeply sick this is all the great lakes people there's something i know a lot of these minnesota people i know because a lot of them do stand-up comedy and they're all very pale and they're very sick and they they move into cities all across america to do usually very bland and uninteresting stand-up comedy and they're very sick and, and they're pale, and there's something wrong with them, most of them, all of them. And when you hear something like that, she goes, we left the windows open to breathe in the smell of the tires.
It was so real. These people, and listen, not that J.D.
Vance is out there killing it,

but he is slightly doing better

with these press conferences.

I mean, Walsh got out of the National Guard

before they sent him to Iraq.

Also, J.D. Vance went to Iraq as a military reporter.

Stop this competition about who is more has stolen value.

Nobody in this race has been in the military.

Not Trump, not Kamala.

Nobody that will ever lead this country

has anything to do with the military let's cut it out right now we expect our people to shirk

their service we expect that in fact if they don't we're like why didn't you get out of it we expect

it so let's cut it out jd vance was there i didn't see combat he's there like writing articles and

then tim waltz right before they send the national guard to iraq decides he's gonna drop out

I don't know. let's cut it out jd vance was there i didn't see combat these are like writing articles and then tim waltz right before they send the national guard to iraq decides he's going to drop out and run for congress so he can be funnel cake dad and tell everybody how important it is uh you know to uh play soccer with the somalis or whatever he's telling people to do in the field uh now if you see those somalis you get out of soccer play soccer with them.
They're just like us. And maybe they are.
They might be. Some of them might not be.
I don't know. But Gwen Walsh, this psychopath, who's very, very strange as a human being, because that's an odd recollection of an event, that you wanted to smell the burning rubber of a civil breakdown.
It's a societal breakdown and you wanted to smell it. Now, whether that's true or not, I don't know, but she's chosen that as her memory of the event.
Now, she doesn't say anything about, now, obviously, I've only watched a few minutes of this, but I will continue this, because I don't want to say what she did or didn't say until we, but so far, she said, I don't know what she, you know, this was her most, this was her most memorable thing about that time was that she was sitting there with the windows open so she could smell the burning rubber of the tires. They like this.
Their lives are so boring. They like these riots and stuff.
They get off on this up there. You know what I mean? How many times can you roll into the diner and order pancakes before you just like smelling burning tires.
And this is what worries me about them.

I would have been a little more comfortable with Josh Shapiro covering up murders and getting Hollywood back on track.

But we have funnel cake dad and his crazy wife and everyone's going at,

at Tim Walz because he had a DWI.

DUI. DUI driving under the influence, which I don't care about.
You know, I've driven under the influence a lot. I found that it didn't really obstruct my driving.
I think the whole DWI thing, to be honest, is overblown. Governor Tim Walz has said in past campaigns that he wasn't actually drunk when he was pulled over for driving under the influence in 95.
But a court transcript tells a different story.

A strong odor of alcoholic beverage was detected admitting from Mr.

Walsh's breath and person.

This is the type of thing, listen.

A guy like this who has, he's not driven by money.

I don't know what else he's driven by.

We don't know if he's driven by pussy. We don't think he is.
He's going to throw back a few. There's nothing wrong with that.
He's in the land of 10,000 lakes. He looks cool as fuck there.
He kind of looks cool there in his mugshot. He's probably an insufferable guy.
But you, you know, but so is Vance probably.

If you had to sit down for a dinner

with either him or J.D. Vance,

Trump would be a lot of fun.

Kamala would be fun

because she'd be drunk and giggling

and, you know,

it would be like having dinner

with your friend's mom.

Waltz and Vance, dinner is a nightmare.

Dinner is a nightmare with Waltz or Vance. They lecture you.
They sit there and tell you what needs to happen and how important they are. They allude to themselves in the third person, you know, probably.
And then I said, Tim, you got to leave the National Guard and be a fucking senator.

Now, you got to remember, Minnesota is the land of Ilhan Omar, right? It's the land of all of these, you know, it's a very, so he's a very left guy. He's a very progressive guy.
And Kamala likes him because she feels like he's going to establish her bona fides with funnel cake dads and uh you know burning tire moms all across the country these are the progressive people funnel cake dad and uh burning tire mom and yeah i just don't love that region governing the country but i don't love the advanced region either of the people what I mean, put their breakfast cereal in a pipe and smoke it. I don't think they're great to have either.
You know, Kamala's from Brentwood and Trump is in Palm Beach in New York. And I think if it's, you know, if we're just going to go by regions, I find this lake region disturbing.
I do. And it comes down to that.
It comes down to, I kept the windows open so I could smell the burning tires. It just felt so important for me to do.
It felt like such a moment. And I, by the way,

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We're going to get back to this, but I'm so stunned by how many people are watching the Olympics. It's depressing me.
It's depressing me because I've been nothing but negative about the Olympics because I feel that they are pointless and they've, they've passed their prime and I don't like them. Um, and so many people are watching and I've had to come to grips with this.
I've had to accept the reality that people are actually, I don't believe it. I don't believe this, but apparently people are watching.
People are getting sick in the,am in the Seine, in the river in Paris, and a few people were hospitalized. It's funny with climate change now how it's going to be tough to do the Olympics anywhere because everything's so filthy that people are just going to be hospitalized from jumping in a river now.
It's going to be fun when they have it in LA in four years and it's just burning. It's burning down.
And like, you know, you have a black smoke from the fires, like, you know, rising up. So you can barely see the guy pole vaulting because he's doing it through black smoke from the fire.
I mean, Claire Michelle, Olympic triathlete who fell ill after swimming sane rivers says a virus made her sick. Yeah.
Well, the river's disgusting and the bacteria levels are, you know, nobody should be swimming in that river. Bacteria levels in the long polluted river have been in flux during the games, causing test swims ahead of the triathlon events to be canceled and the men's triathlon to be delayed by a day.
Organized said that the water quality test done by the day of the individual triathlon showed very good levels of fecal bacteria, E. coli, and enderic coli.
So basically, this is another reason we're going to be up. We're going to have to scrap the Olympics because it's just too disgusting.
We're going to be watching Olympic

athletes get hospitalized and die because they're going to be swimming in contaminated rivers. It's another reason we're going to have to move the Olympics completely indoors and probably online.
Just do it online. Part of the reason that all these cities feel dead is because more life now happens on the internet than in real life.

So it's not so... part of the reason that all these cities feel dead is because more life now happens on the internet

than in real life.

So it's not so much that these cities

are uniquely decaying.

It's that all across the country and the world,

most of what drives the national conversation

or even what drives people's specific individual conversations is the internet. Things that they see online, things that they read online, videos they watch online.
So these cities feel like they are decaying. And I think part of it is because any physical location doesn't matter nearly as much as it did 5, 10, 20 years ago.
I just, I was a member of this thing called the San Vicente bungalows in Los Angeles. It's like a, you have to be recommended to get in and all that.
I just canceled my membership because it's just pointless. It's $5,000 for the year.
What you get for that is you get a membership into this little building in West Hollywood where you can go have lunch, you know, Meghan and Harry are members. And you go there and you have a breakfast meeting or a lunch meeting.
You can go for dinner or cocktails or whatever. When you go in with someone who isn't you, who's a non-member, they put a sticker on the camera of their phone because they think that that person is an animal and is just going to start taking out their phone.
And if they see a famous person, they're just going to start taking photos of them. Now, obviously that isn't true, but I mean, look at this.
This is a dump and this is a dump. And my agents got me into this.
They're like, we got you into the San Vicente bungalows. Like I was supposed to go, thank you.
I had the membership for a few months. I said, I'm out.
And you know why? You know why none of this matters anymore? Because everyone is seeing everyone online. If you've got something going on, people know about it.
There's no whisper campaign that originates at the San Vicente bungalows, okay? The Soho house, all these things you people are members of. They're all pointless.
If you enjoy them, keep your memberships. I'm not telling you not.
They're fine. You meet people get laid, you get drunk.
Oh, that guy's got good Coke. I'm not telling you how to live.
I'm saying they are nothing in real life. They mean nothing.
It's dilettantes. It's people that want to be around

creative people who aren't even creative. It's the irony of it all, but all of these things, yeah, right.
Inside the LA club, it's like, oh, it's a woman's lunch with Jamie Lee Curtis. Great.
That's worth five grand a year. I'm out of all of these things because all of these clubs are pointless.

The food is terrible.

The people in them are desperate in a way that is obvious and quite transparent. They're clawing at any signs of life.
Everything is digital now, or it's quickly moving in that direction. So all of these places you go, they're kind of dilapidated and you can remember when they were hot, when they mattered, when it was buzzy, when there was a scene, when it mattered what someone said, who you did coke in the bathroom with at the San Vicente.
But now it's just people go that followers, they have followers. They're in.
You don't have followers. You're out.
They got something going on. We can see it.
They just go to your social pages. What do you got going on? And the new group of Hollywood, Young Impact, Power Player, whatever, whatever is all it's a tally.
It's just a tally of your social media followers. So the agents and the managers that used to matter are just wandering around like a corpses.
The great play, uh, that I saw on, in New York, the ferryman with, uh, the great Irish actress, Fnula Flanagan. Sam Mendes directed it.
It was a Jez Butterworth play, The Ferryman. They had a great line.
I forget what they were quoting, but they have this line, see if you can get this up. And it is people wandering the earth, souls wandering the earth, waiting for The Ferryman.
You know, it's this great quote, and I think it's Greek mythology or something. I don't know.
And it's basically the quote is, ferryman of the dead. Yeah, get that quote.
Is there a quote there? Yeah, hold on. Because this is how I would describe the agents and the managers, all these people that used to have power and used to be able to, you know, basically they are now the souls of the undead wandering the earth, waiting for the ferryman to take them to the underworld.
That's all they are. And again, many of them I like, and it's not meant to be insulting, but they are the undead wandering the earth, waiting for the ferryman to take them to hell.
And I don't say that in a negative way. That's just what these people are because they serve no purpose anymore.
Everything is a tally. It's an algorithm and

it's just numbers. So there is no conversation that has any value outside of just pointing to a phone and going, look, look who I got.
I got this person. There's nothing interesting to be disgust.
Occasionally some brand deal is cooked up over, you know, mocktails or something. But pretty much, it's all...
It will take us a while to find this quote. I'll get it.
I'll get it one day. Maybe we'll add the tier on Patreon for $1,000 if you want to hear the quote that I'm thinking of.
And if you pay a grand, I'll just... We had a lot of fun with Doug Emhoff on Patreon.
He's one of our faves. Pathetic.
But that's why these cities and these social clubs and these events feel hollow. It's because everything's already happened that's needed to happen.
All the things that have been decided have already been decided. Nothing is happening.
It's a simulation. Everyone at the party who's famous knows they're famous and everybody who represents them knows that.
And there is nothing. There's no like, you know who you got to see?

You know who you got to check out?

They just take out a phone and go, check out what he does.

Check out that guy.

Oh, the trampoline guy.

Yeah.

He answers the trivia question on the trampoline before he falls down.

I like that guy.

It's game shows.

It's everything.

It's safe.

Brand safe. The brands will love it.
And that's what makes Tim Walsh interesting is he is a creature from before the time where everything was numbers and algorithms. He is a funnel cake dad who crawls like an abominable snowman out of a cave in Minnesota.
And he brings his folksy charm and radical politics. And he joins a wine drunk Brentwood mom on the quest to lead this decaying nation against the casino magnet.
once president Donald Trump and trump and jd vance a tech zealot an interesting tech zealot but make no mistake we do have shapiro would have been to me more of an interesting candidate because that fight in the Democratic Party,

they need to have between the J's and the M's.

And by J's and M's, I mean Jews and Muslims.

But that fight, and don't get mad at me, that's the problems.

That's the issues.

None of them were talked at the Young Hollywood Powers Summit impact report. None of that came up there.
But you do hear it on the streets with the youth. I think it was funny when Trump said that Tim Walsh was deep in the transgender world.
That was a very funny quote. He's deep in the transgender world.
I don't know. I will say these laws that say that if you do not recognize your child's gender, the judge can use that against you and remove the kid from the home.
That's not warming anyone's heart, by the way. The Democrats need to chill with the culture stuff in the same way that the Republicans need to on the other end nobody wants a national abortion ban in you know if you poll the country the numbers don't support that and I don't think anybody wants parents to be forced to accept their child as another gender by the state.
Nobody wants the state parenting the kids. And if they don't, or if it takes them a while to accept that the state comes in and can take the child away.
This is an insane law. And it is something that, and this other thing with schools, where we've talked about it on the program.
This California Senate approves ban on transgender notification policies in schools. I don't think it's good that teachers and students keep secrets from parents.

I think that leads to a bad place.

You know?

Can you imagine Tim Walsh being like,

listen, I know you want to chop your tits off, and I support that,

but why don't you show them to me one time?

Why don't you show them to me one time before you chop them off?

How great would it come out if Tim Walsh

Thank you. support that but why don't you show them to me one time why don't you show them to me one time before you drop them off how great would it come out if tim waltz he's just a folksy social studies teacher and he just fathered a child with one of his students just a folksy i respect he gets my vote if he comes out he goes we'll burn this country down we'll burn it down we burned it down once and we'll burn it down again.
And if your kid wants to chop their tits off, I'm coming to the house with a cleaver. I'm funnel cake, dad.
He's angry. He's always angry about it.
I'm angry, you bastards. He's pissed off because him and his wife have no fucking money.

I'm mad. J.D.
Vance, he didn't serve in the National Guard. By the way, the National Guard, can we cut that out? The National Guard? I think I'm in the National Guard.
I mean, the National Guard is nothing. if you are not if you are not

in combat getting shot at, I do not want to hear about your military service. You joined the gym.
If you were in the National Guard and you did not see, or if you're J.D. Vance and you went to Iraq, you joined the gym, or even worse, you were a journalist.
I do not want to hear about your military service. If you were not getting shot, I want you, for me to take you seriously, if I ask you about your service, you have to look down because you've lost so many people.
I've had friends that came home from the military and those friends tell me, they go, Tim, and I swear to God, they say this, they go, I did all these tours and I rack. And the only way I can come now is even though I have a wife, I get on a bed and I put an ad on Craigslist and someone comes in and they fuck me with a gun to my head and I put a bag over my head and then they leave and I never see them.
And that's, I can come without even touching my dick because that's how fucked up they are. That's what I want to hear from a candidate who did a bunch of tours in the military.
I don't want, if you are not that level of fucked up, I don't believe you served. I don't believe you served.
I had someone tell me that once ago. I just take an ad out on Craigslist.
I get on all fours on the bed. The guy comes in, fucks me in the ass.
I have a bag over my head. He puts a gun to my head.
Why are you laughing? This is what somebody said to me once at a lunch at Hillstone. And I, and I went, Oh, and he goes, and then that person leaves and I don't know who it was and I don't know and I never see them again and then I get tested for AIDS.
If you are not, this is what I believe because when you are in war, things happen. It unlocks things.
I would do great in war. Great, I would do.
I just can't be in the physicality of it because I think it's like, it seems tiring and stuff, but I would be great at just the kind of decision-making, you know, just like they go, we got to kill, we got to burn that village. I go, burn it, baby.
I would be able to give the soldier speeches to keep them on message, you know? People that are losing heart, soldiers that are losing heart, they've killed too many kids, and they need somebody to come in and boost the morale. You bring in Timmy.
Timmy tells you what to do. I know you're all killing kids and it gets depressing, but we got a bigger message.
Fentanyl is closer than you think.

Yep, literal record scratch for a record scratch moment.

Maybe you're having a good night out

because fentanyl is only in so-called hard drugs, right?

Actually, fentanyl has been found in party drugs

like cocaine and ecstasy.

And even the tiniest amount can be deadly.

Get all the facts at FactsFightFentanyl.org. Sponsored by the California Department of Public Health.
Naloxone reverses an opioid overdose, even if you mispronounce it. For the record, it's naloxone.
Nuh, like is naloxone addictive? Nuh-uh. Lox, like naloxone keeps humans safe, like locks keep bikes safe.
And own own like naloxone can save lives in our very own communities. So let's head down to the pharmacy and pick up some over-the-counter naloxone.
And if you forget the name, ask for the nasal spray that reverses overdoses. They'll know what you mean.
Get informed at factsfightfentanyl.org, sponsored by the California Department of Public Health. Fentanyl is closer than you think.
Yep, literal record scratch for a record scratch moment. Maybe you're having a good night out because fentanyl is only in so-called hard drugs, right? Actually, fentanyl has been found in party drugs like cocaine and ecstasy.
And even the tiniest amount can be deadly. Get all the facts at FactsFightFentanyl.org.
Sponsored by the California Department of Public Health. Play Lindsey Graham talking about the Ukraine war, about the lithium ion and all that.
All the mineral deposits that the Ukraine is sitting on. Play Lindsey Graham.
One of our dumbest senators saying the quiet part out loud. we don't care about the Ukrainian people.
We never have. It is a wealthy country, and we do not want Russia and China getting those mineral deposits.
And of course, we have Lindsey Graham saying that out loud. We could have avoided this bloodshed.
We could have figured out some compromise. In every war There is a compromise and it is usually a land deal.
Someone gets something, someone else gets something. No one's thrilled about it.
But Lindsey Graham starts talking about the Ukraine war and he starts talking about what a wealthy country the Ukraine is and how it would be crazy for us to abandon the Ukraine so that Russia could share those mineral deposits and all the other things with China. Here's Lindsey Graham.
They're sitting on 10 to 12 trillion dollars of critical minerals in Ukraine. They could be the richest country in all of Europe.
I don't want to give that money and those assets to Putin to share with China. If we help Ukraine now, they can become the best business partner we ever dreamed of.
That $10 to $12 trillion of critical mineral assets could be used by Ukraine and the West, not given to Putin and China. This is a very big deal, how Ukraine ends.
Let's help them win a war we can't afford to lose. Let's find a solution to this war.
But they're sitting on a gold mine to give Putin 10 or 12 trillion dollars of critical minerals that he will share with China is ridiculous.

Well, as Lindsey Graham confirming there, it is about the people,

the great people of the Ukraine.

That's who it's about.

So it's always been about Lindsey Graham, Senator Lindsey Graham,

confirming my worst suspicions that the United States was there to help the Ukrainian people.

Amazing.

Two years into this, by the way, Lindsey Graham comes out and goes, well, they're rich. That's why we're there.
Because a casual observer might say, well, there's like civil wars all over the world. There's horrible humanitarian crises all over the world.
Some of them we are funding at the very moment. And we seem only interested in this one.
We seem to have a micro focus on this one conflict. We seem pretty hell bent on supporting the Ukraine against Russia at all costs, no matter what.
And we don't want any peace deal made. And we don't want any resolution.
And I wonder why. When we are very content to let people get slaughtered in every corner of the world, a lot of them with our weapons.
And then Lindsey Graham comes out two years in and goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're rich. That's why we're doing it.
They're rich. They have money.
And either Russia and China get the money or we get the money. Who do you want to get the money? I like it because Lindsey Graham, you got to realize he's an old reptile and he's been in the game long enough where the scales show and his eyes do the lizard thing.
Like it's almost time to dish the skin suit and go back to the center of the earth. So he's just, he's in his fuck it mode.
Lindsey Graham's in his Boomer Cruise fuck it mode. He is just saying, there's people in Washington going, Lindsey, what are you doing, you closeted freak.
But he is out there basically saying, Hey, Hey, it's about the money. What are you stupid? And then everybody's like, Lindsay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's about human rights. It's about lesbian basketball players.
It's about, uh, trans athletes. It's about, uh, Russia is not nice.
It's about, come on, we're going to do all those other things. Lindsay, it's not about any of that.
It's not about the money. It's about the Ukrainian people.
It's about Russia is not nice. It's about, come on, we're gonna do all those other things.
Lindsay, it's not about any of that. Shh, it's not about any of that.
It's not about the money. It's about the Ukrainian people.
It's about self-determination. Come on, shut up, shut up.
But then Lindsay comes out and he goes, fuck it, I'm an old reptile. I don't have the fucking time.
I'm about to drop this skin suit off at the cleaners for the last time and go right to the center of the earth where I'll reign forever in the pits of fire.

I'm going to speak my mind.

I'm going to say what I want to say.

And he says it like in a sassy gay Southern way.

Well, they got all that money.

And why, well, why shouldn't we have that money?

You remind me of Todd Chrisley, that, remember that guy?

Him and his wife went to jail for embezzlement.

They were neighbors with the Kardashians.

Lindsey Graham talks like that guy.

Well, they got all that money in Ukraine why wouldn't I have that money are you stupid or something we need that money he can't share with Russia and China I love pussy and I love money my name is Lindsey Graham and tell you right now, they got all that fucking money over there. They could be one of the richest people ever.
And they could be our best friend. You ever had a rich best friend? You ever go to the mall with your rich best friend and sometimes they buy jeans and they buy you a pair too.
And you just want to suck that friend's cock, but you can't because you love pussy and your wife. But instead of that, you get all this money.
I just want all this money. I'm about to take this skin suit off, go live in a, in a pits of fire.
And before I do that, I'm going to say what I feel. I'm going to say what I feel.
I'm going to say it. I'm it i'm not gonna lie no more this has been about money i don't know what what we don't care about the ukraine i don't give a shit ain't nobody give a shit about the ukraine but they rich they got a big old house and we go swim in a pool so we gotta pretend to pretend to care about them, but we don't.

By the way, the Ukrainians, I know one Ukrainian comedian who lives in Texas. Now that kid I had on my show now lives in Texas.
The mothership. They're all fine.
They're all at the mothership. That's Lindsey Graham, by the way, just out there.
He's such an interesting guy, you know? It's just Disneyland reporting fewer operating profit in Q3, citing inflation and demands for park as moderate. People are not going to Disney World as much.
I'm very proud of my country, even though many of them are watching the Olympics. I'm very proud of my country that they are starting to see how disgusting Disney World is, how repulsive it is.

It is terrible to bring your children to.

And this is not because they have gay day or whatever

that some of you QAnon lunatics.

It's because it is banal.

It is boring.

Disney movies have sucked now for many, many years.

They're no longer interesting.

They don't have villains.

The reason the Disney movies suck now is they don't have villains. They don't have Maleficent.
They don't have Ursula. They don't teach anybody anything about the world.
They don't teach children about the world anymore. They are strange and they're odd and they are not worth anybody's time.
And Disney World is old and it's getting decrepit. And many of the people that are visiting Disney World are mentally unstable adults.
And now because we have destigmatized that and we have allowed mentally unstable adults to fill the parks, most of your Disney World trip will be having to explain to your children why they are waiting on a line with mostly morbidly obese adults to go on the ride. Why are all the people on the ride big and fat, mommy?

Because that's who comes here now.

Morbidly obese adults on multiple medications.

That's who attends the park.

Why is it such a long wait?

Well, because adults come here now and it's okay.

Disney is, and I'm not even shitting on my gals, my plus size park hoppers. We love you.
We love you ladies. But most people are realizing that Disney world is just not worth it.
You take your kids once. Let's play John Hinckley speaking about peace and harmony.
The great John Hinckley who shot president Reagan, very sad, of course. Um, this is John Hinckley speaking about peace and harm.
I really want to get him. I'm

trying to get him and his band to play for this Netflix show, but I don't believe they're going

to clear it through legal. I wanted the John Hinckley Jr.
band to play for this Netflix talk

show thing. And I thought it would be funny to say, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for John

Hinckley Jr. And the audience is clapping.
Nobody. But let's listen to John Hinckley Jr.
here. Hello, everybody.
Hope you're doing great. I know there's a lot of violence and turmoil in the world now.
Too much. Our country is really in a bad place right now.
But we need to try and be peaceful correct try and get along with each other that is

correct let's have some harmony in our in our lives please yes and try and reject violence in all its forms correct i'm trying to live a peaceful life myself now i mean i know i'm i know i'm known for an act of violence but that is correct i live a peaceful life now and i try I want to project that image of being a peaceful person.

Yes.

I try as hard as I can but we need to try and get along and just love each other. I mean, that's the main thing is just to try and love each other.
Preach! Preach, John Hinkley Jr. Love yourself.
Preach! And let's try and live in harmony. Gospel.
Facts. And let's get.
And let's give peace a chance. As John Lennon said, let's give peace a chance.
Facts. Next time he hosts Variety's Power Impact Summit of Young Hollywood.
Many of you guys weren't born when this guy made his bones shooting President Reagan multiple times. But bygones.
Like many of you at this party, we've all done things we're not proud of. Please bring up hinckley jr and his band see that's what i would do you get john hinckley up there but by the way like oj simpson you know their acts are not ideal but you know quite frankly at the end of their life i feel like after you've killed someone you attain like or try to kill someone you attain this crazy level of wisdom oj at the end was like so lucid.
It was amazing. So killing someone or attempted murder, they become like some type of, you know, this camo hat that Kamala and Walsh are selling is disgusting.
It is disgusting. Let's look at that.
They think you're so stupid, by the way. And I'm not saying that every politician doesn't, but I'm saying specifically this hat.
Man, they think you're, I'm a liberal hunter. I'll burn it down.
I'll burn it down again. Funnel cake, dad.
So funny. Now, do we have some of his old students talking about what it's like to have studied under the tutelage of funnel cake dad, abominable snowman, lake creature from the lake? And I don't like how this is,

a lot of my lake friends,

one of them in particular,

a comedian named John Kennedy,

they're really texting me

and they're all like,

oh, they're full of their lake pride.

And I don't like it.

The lake people must be kept down.

We are an ocean country.

The strength of the waves

as they crash on the shore,

not the fucking lake. Oh, we don't have the videos of them? No, this was the only person had done a Politico article.
I had only had him for a year and it was actually his last year before running for Congress. And the thing I would always hear about Walsh was that he's not really a homework guy.
So as long as you could reasonably show up, participate in discussions, you just have thoughts that you could articulate. He wasn't really a lecturer.
He valued the thoughts and experiences of kids. He was known for treating kids quite a bit like adults in that way.
On Fridays, we would focus on current events. He would have this rotating group of students do a little bit of their own research and bring in about two or three minutes of context.
And then he would open the door and the rest of the class would be an active discussion. I remember him grading us quite a bit on our ability to look something up, give us a bit of context about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So they said, did you remember any of the debates? He goes, it was one that stood out. Now that I look back on it in 20 years, we were reading about France's attempts to come up with social policies around Muslim women covering themselves in certain public places and whether or not we believe that to be a Western ideal or an example of this demand for democracy gone a little bit too far, that that's maybe not as respectful

as we want it to be

of cultural differences and identity.

I was doing a lot of listing that day.

Walsh did a really good job

of making kids feel the cognitive dissonance

of what it's like to grow up

in the most powerful country in the world,

but also these things

that you would never consider

as a white middle-class kid

in Southern Minnesota.

He's a good teacher.

So what?

So what?

Funnel Cake Dad was a good teacher.

I have no problem believing that.

I have no problem believing that.

But I just, I'm not sold on him yet.

I'm not sold on this man. I have a lot of problems with the lake people.
I think there's a deep insecurity to lakes. I, you know, there's something about oceans that toughen someone up and lakes that make them soft.
That's what it is. Come at me, I don't care.
It's true. I'm saying that...
Well, if oceans make people tough and not soft, well, you live by an ocean, you're fat. Yeah, I know that.
But whales are fat and very tough, actually. So that's not a, I'm not saying that lake people, and Walsh himself is a little snowman.
I like his gaits, the way he stands and his cadence. He's kind of a fun like action figure person.
Like Tim Walsh, like the way he just kind of like presents. I do like the way he presents.
He's like an angry grandpa. But should he be, you know, I don't know.
Should he be given all this power? Let's play something he said. Let's play something he's talking about.
Well, I grew up with in the heartland. JD studied at Yale.
Had his career funded by Silicon Valley billionaires my family didn't they don't even know where yale is my family riots that's what people do in real america they burn cars they burn houses that's what they do they don't go to school jd vance went to y. We burn things down.
That's the only way my wife can come is if she smells rubber from tires being burned in the middle of the street because it breaks up our boring lake life of fucking going to diners and having snowball fights. This guy grew up in that, what's that famous Christmas movie with the boot lamp? Why am I blanking on this? Christmas story? Yeah.
He grew up in the Christmas story. Kamala Harris grew up in a bottle of wine, which I like her because here's the thing about Kamala Harris.
She's a wino ho, and she's just kind of out there getting drunk and hopping on dicks. And, you know, as ways to live, it's certainly not the worst.
And and trump is just he's got to find his footing again because he's all over the place and he's erratic and uh he's he's he needs to like in 2016 he was very he was like it's build the wall it's immigration it's this it's that a singular focus he was pounding them on one thing one thing now it's a lot of different he's got to find the messaging. Their side doesn't care about the message.
It doesn't matter. Their message is, we're not Trump.
That's the only salient message that they've put out. This guy's barking and yelling and screaming.
He doesn't know what he's saying. He's talking about the real America and folksy down home.
We mash our potatoes with a fork. You know, he's just an actor they brought in.
She is a complete, you know, hollow human being that is just full of ideas from, you know, billionaires. She has no opinions other than that it might be fun to be this president thing.
That's her campaign. She's just having a ball because she's where she never thought she'd be, the presidency.
He's screaming and yelling about oatmeal. We use milk in our oatmeal, not water, whatever his fucking...
And they're just going to say like, you know, we need to help the middle clit of them are gonna help the middle class the democrats and the republican this is not this idea that any one of them are gonna go start helping the middle class like that like they all roll their sleeves up on day one and go all right so the middle class how do we help i mean it's not it's this is not their first order of business no matter who wins by the way. But Trump's got to find the message that, and I think the message should be, and I don't know, but I think the message should be that this will be country by committee, not a president.
This will be led by people in the shadows who are not elected and not accountable. you don't even have to use this term deep state you say anything you want but it is you know quite obvious that a woman who has not spoken for four years it has very few opinions that we know of that seems to have the opinion of any interviewer who asks her a question and her whatever opinion she have are not mainstream opinions, but I don't even think she has them.

I think they're just things she cooks up she wants to be liked.

And then she brings on funnel cake, Dad, to make people feel good about things.

But I think the reality of the situation is it will be country by committee.

It is not going to be a president.

And that's why they removed Joe Biden.

That's why they put in her.

And I think that is kind of the message is that, you know, love me or hate me, I will be the president. And whatever you may think of her, she's not going to be the president.
The person who she worked for wasn't the president. We don't know who the president is.
In fact, the country probably doesn't need a president. But the people that are pulling the strings and making the decisions are moving us very quickly into a position with Russia we shouldn't be in.
There's going to be a, probably a pretty big war in the Middle East. Wealth inequality has done nothing but been exacerbated.
Big tech and Wall Street still runs the show. And I mean, you've got Hollywood on the Kamala side and then some of these libertarian tech bros on Trump's side.
The libertarian tech bros kind of want to use Trump because they have agendas as well. And they want to just suck up a bunch of government money and federal grants so that they can go on their fucking live forever quest.
And, you know, they think they're building a new God, which is AI. These people are terrifying and should be watched.
They want to go on their, you know, let's merge humans and machines quest with some government money, some fun grants. And that's why a lot of them love Trump.
And then she's got big Hollywood on her side because they have traditionally been Democrats and they know that she is going to be an incredibly powerful ally to have for mergers and things that they want to do. Okay, so it's all agendas at the top and at the bottom, it's fucking funnel cake dad with a fun debate about burkas in France and then we're all going and we're all going to have a blue plate special.
Oh, we're going to eat some meatloaf and talk about burkas. And his wife sits there and she's talking about the burning tires.
And that's the way they talk to you. The way that they talk behind closed doors to their big donors and to the people that matter is much differently than the way that they talk to you.
What you are seeing is stagecraft, acting. It's Hollywood for ugly people, as many, many, many others have said before me.
A great quote. This is a completely staged, manufactured thing.
These people are not necessarily, the most authentic of them, love them or hate them, is Trump. That doesn't mean that everything he wants to do is great or that he doesn't have negatives about him as a human being.
But when he's mad, you can tell because he's ineffective when he gets up there on the stump and he's angry, he's like ineffective and he's all over the place, but there's an authenticity to him that people connect with, but it isn't, you know, it isn't working as well this time, and I think it's his energy levels and his focus. And now we're just, he's agreed to three debates.
We got him and her for three hours now, three debates with these two? I mean, God, that's going to be a lot. So if I was at the Young Power Summit Impact Hollywood, this is the old Hollywood Power Summit.
These are the most famous people in the world. Kamala Harris, Donald Trump, J.D.
Vance, Deadeye J.D., and Funnel Cake Dad. These are the most famous people in the world.
And

much like a lot of the people that were at the Young Power Broker Influencer Impact Awards

Ceremony, these people aren't famous for much of a reason. Some of it is an accident of history.

Some of it is earned. Some of it is a sociopathic tenacity.
The Kamala Harris ambition, the clawing, the scraping, the scratching, stepping on the necks of anyone, backstabbing, all of that stuff, you know. And these are the most famous people in the world for the next few months.
And then some of them will fade into obscurity.

That's the thing about the presidency.

You know, and that's the thing about politics in general.

You're hot and then you're not.

It is a very quick ascent to a level of fame

that most people will never experience.

And then you have to deal with it,

see if it unravels you before you are then put back in general population

with a shitty little book deal and some third raid podcast appearances.

And this could be one of them.

But as the intellectual genius,

Sabrina Carpenter said,

and I address this to funnel cake dad and his his wife, Burnt Rubbers, Burnt Rubber Gwen, as the brilliant Sabrina Carpenter said last night to a room full of vacant-eyed TikTokers, follow your dreams. Fentanyl is closer than you think.

Yep, literal record scratch for a record scratch moment.

Maybe you're having a good night out because fentanyl is only in so-called hard drugs, right?

Actually, fentanyl has been found in party drugs

like cocaine and ecstasy.

And even the tiniest amount can be deadly.

Get all the facts at FactsFightFentanyl.org.

Sponsored by the California Department of Public Health. Naloxone reverses an opioid overdose, even if you mispronounce it.
For the record, it's naloxone. Nuh, like is naloxone addictive? Nuh-uh.
Lox, like naloxone keeps humans safe like locks keep bikes safe, and own, like naloxone can save lives in our very own communities. So let's head down to the pharmacy and pick up some over-the-counter naloxone.

And if you forget the name, ask for the nasal spray that reverses overdoses. They'll know what

you mean. Get informed at factsfightfentanyl.org, sponsored by the California Department of Public

Health. Fentanyl is closer than you think.

Yep, literal record scratch for a record scratch moment.

Maybe you're having a good night out because fentanyl is only in so-called hard drugs, right?

Actually, fentanyl has been found in party drugs

like cocaine and ecstasy.

And even the tiniest amount can be deadly.

Get all the facts at FactsFightFentanyl.org.

Sponsored by the California Department of Public Health.