388 - Mike Recine & Lizzo Be Quitting

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Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show. Mike Racine is with us.
He has a really hilarious new special on the Out for Smokes YouTube channel, his podcast, Out for Smokes 2.

Speaker 2 Go and subscribe to that and listen to it. It's very funny.
He does it with two really funny guys, Scott Chaplin and Sean. I always forget his last name.
McCarthy. McCarthy, I like him a lot.

Speaker 2 Is he back on Twitter? Yeah. Remember when they got rid of him? Yeah.
But he's back. He's back.
He's a great follow. Yeah, yeah.
He's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Richie Torres was tweeting about him, the United States Congressperson.

Speaker 2 Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who's that again? He's, I think he represents the Bronx. Okay.
Yeah. He, and he represents Israel.
Very, but he goes very hard for Israel.

Speaker 2 He's one of these guys.

Speaker 2 Richie, well, Torres, you would make sense. Torres.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because his family for many generations, the Torres family.
Yeah, yeah. From Israel.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so he was, he was getting into it with Sean McCarthy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sean tweeted something about the hostages. Sure.
And then when they did the release, and then Richie Torres goes, wow, look at this. An account that hates me is fantasizing about raping a teenager

Speaker 2 about Sean.

Speaker 2 There was nothing. Can we say that? I know it's the first 10 minutes.
It's fine. I mean,

Speaker 2 we've kind of given up on the idea of.

Speaker 2 yeah some of them get the green dollar some of them get the other dollar yeah yeah yeah they hide some of them yeah yeah yeah some of them don't yeah float to the top of the algorithm i was trying to look at my youtube monetization the other night i couldn't find how much money i was being paid well it's clicking through the whole yeah it's arbitrary in the sense that like there's episodes that you'd figure wouldn't get the money but they do and then there's ones where you go ahead and say anything yeah yeah yeah and then those don't yeah they like it being arbitrary because that's where the fear is sure Because if you knew what you could and couldn't do,

Speaker 2 there's no fun in that

Speaker 2 for them. They want you to just kind of be afraid.
They probably like having that power to take somebody's channel away. It's why a dictator just will do random raids.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's like,

Speaker 2 I don't want you to know why we knocked down your door and dragged you out. Yeah, you're like, I've never seen a guy get eaten by sharks before.

Speaker 2 You got to keep it fun. What does that look like? Yeah, you got to keep it fun.
Yeah, you got to keep it fun. You just drag people out every now and then.
That's really what it is.

Speaker 2 YouTube just opening the door. Yeah.
Your family's all there, and they drag you out in front of everybody and question you in the middle of the night. That's what it is.

Speaker 2 And then you go, I don't, I don't know. And people act like they wouldn't do that if they didn't have the power.
That's correct. The Chapo guys would be doing it.
Everybody would do that.

Speaker 2 If they could. All of those people would do it.
Yeah. Absolutely.
It's hard when you get that kind of, because the tech people have more power than anyone's ever had. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they know what you're searching for.

Speaker 2 They know your thoughts, your dreams, your fears, what keeps you up at night. They have all of that info.
They use that against you.

Speaker 2 They can market everything to you in real time. You talk about something.
The next day, you get an ad for it.

Speaker 2 They know. One day they just go, what if we barbecued Tim Dylan? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 someone somewhere I'm sure has brought up, like, why don't we just shut him off? They just shut it off.

Speaker 2 And then someone else is like, well,

Speaker 2 my kids like him. You know, it's like.
My 13-year-old daughter listens to him. She loves him.
You know, she's a cutter and really likes him.

Speaker 2 And what she's watched him and Rogan and Alex Jones. That Sandy Hook doc really doesn't do Alex Jones any favors, huh?

Speaker 2 It is tough when you watch that Sandy Hook doc. You're like, that was clear.

Speaker 2 Wasn't he making like a million dollars a day to say that Sandy Hook was fake? I know. I mean, who wouldn't? Yeah, it is impressive monetarily.
Yeah. But it is.
How did he even figure that out?

Speaker 2 If I say Sandy Hook was fake,

Speaker 2 and people piss on those kids' graves, I'll make a million dollars a day. They showed on the documentary every time he said it.
Yeah. He made like a bunch of money.

Speaker 2 Like, no, like every time they have like the analytics. So it's like every time he would say like,

Speaker 2 Sandy Hook is fake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People would buy his iodine supplement or something. Right.
They'd buy like the colloidal silver. Right, right, right.
So the supplement is...

Speaker 2 But it takes work to settle that up. I mean, that's, I mean, that's business, baby.
Yeah. It's just all we have is the Patreon on our show.

Speaker 2 All we have is talking shit and we get the Patreon and then every now and then YouTube blesses us and we have some ads. Yeah.
But we don't we don't have that type of tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, my headphones broke, so I needed to buy a new pair of headphones. But I said to my wife, I said, I'm going to buy you a new, I'll take yours and I'll buy you a new pair of headphones.

Speaker 2 And I said, you can pick them up today at Best Buy. It felt so good to buy my wife, yeah, but a hundred dollar pair of headphones.
That's right.

Speaker 2 What if I was making a million dollars a day because I said Sandy Oak was fake?

Speaker 2 Listen, I'm not sure. She'd be so happy, you know,

Speaker 2 and she deserves it. Yeah, my sailboat's fucked up.
How about this?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You get a new boat. You get the new boat.
I'll take your boat. You'll take the old one.
Yeah, I mean, I was just watching it and it is tough because obviously the family went through a lot.

Speaker 2 It's unimaginable grief that they're going through.

Speaker 2 If my kid got killed and someone pissed on his grave,

Speaker 2 I would work it out with Alex Jones over the phone. I'd say, give me 200 grand and we'll call it even.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 We'll adopt somebody.

Speaker 2 There was probably one family member who said, listen, why don't you just give me money directly? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Were they doing that though? Were they pissing on the graves? People were. Yeah.
Oh, my God. Which is like, okay, if the shooting's fake, then what? And it's not even a grave.
It's not a grave.

Speaker 2 No, it's, it's the... Oh, it's not good.
Yeah. But here's the thing.
He's always been lovely to me. Sure.
Yeah. This is not.
Anna and Dasha like him. He's been lovely.

Speaker 2 It's very tough because he's like a very warm and caring man

Speaker 2 to me. But I understand that this was a not good thing.
Yeah. I'm not like that guy who thinks this was good.
Well, you got to make a few enemies.

Speaker 2 There's going to be a few people that aren't in love with you. Yeah.
You know, I mean, that wasn't.

Speaker 2 But he says like he's like, well, I was drinking and I was kind of out of it. Yeah.
And I was delusional and stuff. But they were very good at making that money, though.
Sure.

Speaker 2 They, somebody was running the, somebody was running the

Speaker 2 board. Yeah.
Somebody knew what was going on. Well, you're not making money off YouTube.
So how do you gonna, I mean, you got to pay your bills. You got to feed your family.
It's a great point.

Speaker 2 You know? It's a great point. What do you do? Sell t-shirts?

Speaker 2 What's the best merch for you? For me,

Speaker 2 probably the hoodie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good margins on that. The hoodie.
You know? Yeah. I mean, they're decent.
We don't do a ton of merch. We do some.

Speaker 2 Good enough. Yeah, yeah.
But we're not like, it's not like. You're not like Ian Fidance.
Does he do a lot of merch? He's got like 30 different t-shirts, I think. Oh, yeah.
No, we just had like a few.

Speaker 2 They sold well. Yeah.
But I'm not a fashion designer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've never been a fan of like, I don't know, like doing a shirt a week or something. Yeah, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Where it's like you say something and then you're like. I did that.
I thought I picked a cool little design for our show. And then people were like, you guys don't know your audience at all.

Speaker 2 This fucking sucks. Right.
But because we don't know how to design things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I put out something. The fake business was great.
Everyone loved that with the Enron logo.

Speaker 2 But then we put out stuff and people were like, I thought this would be a lot better. I'm like, why? Yeah.
Why would you think that? Yeah. What is that based on? Yeah.
My other line of clothing?

Speaker 2 What am I a seven-year-old in Vietnam on fiverr?

Speaker 2 What do you guys want me to do?

Speaker 2 Do you believe this Lizzo thing where she's out for good? No, I don't think so. I don't know much about it.
She's quitting because she says, I've had enough of people.

Speaker 2 She goes, I'm getting tired of putting up with being dragged by everyone in my life and on the internet. And look at all these celebrities that are like, oh, oh, just stay strong, girl.

Speaker 2 Bravo Andy is like, stay so I can put you in a reality show and you can kill yourself. Yeah.
Andy Cohen puts people in reality shows where they, there's multiple people who've just committed suicide.

Speaker 2 He would treat her like Dumbo. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 She'd open it. He'd open a Bravo Clubhouse.
He'd open a big wood crate and he's like, and here comes Lizzo.

Speaker 2 But that's, you're right.

Speaker 2 He just wants to have her on a show. He just wants she'll be the real housewives of Atlanta.
They could replace three of them with her. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the whole season would just be two housewives and then Lizzo

Speaker 2 fighting both of them. Yeah.
Just grabbing both of them by their throats. Yeah.
This doesn't make any sense. It would be more, it would be more written if she was actually...

Speaker 2 That's just a tension. She goes, I'm constantly up against lies being told about me for clout and views, being the butt of the joke every single time because of how I look.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 My character being picked apart by people who don't know me and disrespecting my name, but that's just any type of level of anything. Yeah.
That's any level of fame. That's all of that.
Of course.

Speaker 2 That's anything. Don't read it.

Speaker 2 I switched my twitter notifications where you have to follow me to say to for me to see your your reply right it's like so much better yeah i barely go on anymore yeah yeah i barely go on i was on for years and then you just get bored sure you get bored i'll go on sometimes and i'll go on for like a couple months and then i come off yeah i'll tweet for a little while then i come off it's just yeah

Speaker 2 As you get older, it feels less, I don't know. Well, it's more fun now because it looks like Anthony Coomy is moderating it with the stuff that you.
oh, that's that is hilarious.

Speaker 2 He's the new, he's the new mod on X. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, it's wild now, right? It's crazy.
It's just everybody, it's free for all. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't know.
It just feels, I feel like you look at it and you get a real dark view of humanity and then you go outside and you're like, this isn't that bad. No.

Speaker 2 So that's the problem with all these social media sites. Yeah.
It's the Bill Hicks joke about CNN where he goes.

Speaker 2 You look at it and you're like war, death, disease, famine, eight. And then you go out and it's just you hear birds.
Yeah. So it's kind of like,

Speaker 2 I don't know. But I feel, you know, listen, Lizzo, if I contribute in any way to her quitting, I apologize.
I don't know what to do. Sorry.
I do want to see the Bravo show with the starring Williams.

Speaker 2 She's quit. Yeah, she's quitting for good.
I don't think so. Yeah, you're not quitting for good.
You're coming back. She'll have a podcast in two months.
She should get hot and go alt-right.

Speaker 2 I've said it many times. That's the next phase.

Speaker 2 I mean, hot's a relative term, term but drop drop the lbs

Speaker 2 start talking about the border you're in

Speaker 2 yeah those people are loyal huge yeah she goes out at the rnc and she goes i used to be a fat

Speaker 2 and now i the only thing i think about every day is the border

Speaker 2 I used to eat all day. It's like I stopped letting in calories.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because it's addiction. I know it well.
You get get addicted to anything, addicted to sugar, addicted to food.

Speaker 2 She needs to get addicted to America's border security. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's all that can really happen here. Do you think about that stuff at all? Do you think about like the migrant crisis and the border? I have no idea.
Sometimes.

Speaker 2 Sometimes, but if it's in front of me. Yeah, yeah.
Like if I read an article about it or if I'm talking about it,

Speaker 2 I'll think about it, but it doesn't like keep me up at night. I have no idea who's a migrant and who's, I don't know, I don't care.
It's not, they're not delivering to me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I think they got to figure it out. They got to solve it.
Yeah. But that's my surmise that they got to figure it out.

Speaker 2 They got to, they got to do something to make the, to secure the border and let people in, but figure out who they are first.

Speaker 2 There's ways to do it. It's just chaos down there now.
It just looks bad. It's like if you had a store and then everything looked crazy.
Yeah. It should look bad.

Speaker 2 Like down there, it's, there's like TikToks telling people, like, here's the hole you got to go through. Yeah.
And then all these people are like going through a hole. Right.

Speaker 2 And you go, this seems to show the TikTok border hole. And you, you go, well, this, there's got to be a better way than this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm not an expert, but there's got to be a better way than like,

Speaker 2 you know, there's got to be a better way than just,

Speaker 2 you know, figuring out

Speaker 2 everything

Speaker 2 after the fact. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I guess the people that live in these bordered cities,

Speaker 2 like the cities that live right on the border, it sucks. It sucks.
It's tough. yeah yeah

Speaker 2 because they're in the like the line of fire yeah yeah so i mean i guess they gotta just figure out how to do it but i don't know see this is the famous is this the famous hole yeah is a global destination

Speaker 4 littered with travel documents from around the world

Speaker 4 with the help of a translator we learned a little about the chinese migrants coming through they're coming through from mexico

Speaker 2 We talked to one guy who was Chinese. Yeah.

Speaker 4 We also met a banker and small business owners.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they look, by the way,

Speaker 2 are these people migrants? They look great. Yeah.
Like, this is kind of hilarious. Like, they do look really...
If those are migrants, they look better than most people I know.

Speaker 2 You're specifically the TikTok hole.

Speaker 4 We wondered how all of these migrants knew about this particular

Speaker 2 way into California.

Speaker 4 The answer was in their hands.

Speaker 2 You dumb white fish.

Speaker 4 We were struck by just how orderly and routine it all seemed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're Chinese.

Speaker 2 They're doing a good job. They're clearly doing a good job.

Speaker 2 Why are you shocked about this? How much property do you have? Not a bunch of Irish drunks.

Speaker 2 Taking selfies.

Speaker 2 All right, all right. We got it.
We got it. Yeah, yeah.
Well, they got to figure it out then. They're making a little.

Speaker 2 The Chinese should, there should be a different way to do it so that people don't aren't going through a whole lot. But is TikTok the only social media app that they're learning that on?

Speaker 2 They could probably learn it on reels. Yeah.
Everything on TikTok then goes somewhere else to the reel or YouTube short. Just makes me roll my eyes a little bit where they go.

Speaker 2 They're learning how to come into the country on TikTok.

Speaker 2 They're already trying to ban TikTok. Everyone learns everything on TikTok.

Speaker 2 Fun fact, there was no drug use in America before TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's where everybody learns how to die. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We talked to this Indian Uyghur comedian who makes his money from TikTok.

Speaker 2 Most of his revenue is from the city of Peterly Fashion. Most of his revenue is from people watching him say, how did you guys meet? At a comedy show.

Speaker 2 What do you think about the,

Speaker 2 there's a new article in the Woolster Journal where people are actually, and I think this is good, they're going back to like get real jobs. Uh-huh.
It says Gen Z is becoming the tool belt generation.

Speaker 2 Like they're actually doing real jobs. Yeah, that's good.
That's probably good. Because in art, when we grew up, people were like.

Speaker 2 Don't be a scumbag electrician. Yeah, you know.
Those guys make great money. We were like, everybody was like, go after your dreams.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're like, go after your dreams and, and then, like, go to college because the only way people will know you're not a dirtbag. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because it was that attitude when we were growing up. Like,

Speaker 2 yeah, those guys with tool belts, they're all dirtbags who didn't finish college. Yeah.
Because they're scum. Yeah.
It was like an attitude.

Speaker 2 Like it was never said, but it was always kind of implied that everybody that worked with their hands was like an illiterate adult. Yeah.
And that everybody who went to college was like.

Speaker 2 a favored genius. And now we know that that's all bullshit.
That's all bullshit. Yeah.
Yeah. yeah so a lot of people are like

Speaker 2 going back to be carpenters or plumbers yeah i think about my kid and like what kind of life i want for him and where what direction i want to push him in you know and so so part of me is like yeah if he goes into the trades he'll he'll make decent money but he'll probably be a little racist yeah and then if but if he goes to college hopefully he goes for something that's like lucrative and not some like horse shit There's a lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 No one told us.

Speaker 2 But then I'm like, literally everybody said to us, like they were like, just go to college. It doesn't even matter what your major is.
Yeah. No one even told us.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I went for, I went for acting. Yeah.
They were like, as long as you go. I just went to a community college and dropped out.
But they were like, as long as you

Speaker 2 get a degree. As long as you get a degree, then you're safe.
It was the biggest lie. I know.
And it was just another way for boomers to go, yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go, get out of here. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's all boomers ever wanted their kids to do is get out of their face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just get out of here. Just get out of there.
Right. Just leave us alone.
We just want to drink on a cruise.

Speaker 2 Just get out of here.

Speaker 2 Just go away for four years. How about eight?

Speaker 2 Go to grad school. Yeah.
Your dad bought a new pizza oven. He wants to play with.

Speaker 2 Your dad's been making us these great pizzas. Why don't you think about grad school? You get, get out of here for 12 years.
Yeah. Get out of here for 12 years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm happy that people seem to be like getting over this lie that like you should.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's like a big lie that you should just go to college and like for four years just kind of fuck around just kind of fuck around and like every other week decide if you're trans

Speaker 2 or something and then come come in and out of that right or then just go or just get really drunk and commit a bunch of like

Speaker 2 soft core rape yeah

Speaker 2 you gotta figure out which hormone you want to take you gotta take something figure out which

Speaker 2 online guru you want to shepherd you through the experience

Speaker 2 do you ever watch this woman i really like this lady find on my instagram you ever watch this woman who's kind of like a wiccan chef?

Speaker 2 No, you would kind of like this because we had a food podcast called Stude many years ago. Yeah, that by the way, if anyone listened to, we would both be scrubbed from like every,

Speaker 2 I guess, people still tell me that it's hilarious. Yeah, it's the best.
Yeah, yeah, but it's it's crazy. It's just so funny.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you go to the people I follow, if you're like, what is this bitch? The copper pot,

Speaker 2 find it. She's a like a, she looks like a witch,

Speaker 2 but she makes food on Instagram. And

Speaker 2 no i don't know the the the she's a just figure it out she's uh some type of witch chef

Speaker 2 i don't know the the she's like a weird like when you watch her she's like a

Speaker 2 medieval not medieval i don't know it's it's a way a way to say it does she cook from like historical yeah she makes really unhealthy things but it's really uh

Speaker 2 it's she's really like cupcakes with gummy worms on them

Speaker 2 no she doesn't what the fuck is this she's like uh she's like she makes like uh she makes like skeleton cookies yeah she makes like a group she'll make like a grilled cheese

Speaker 2 she'll make like a grilled cheese or something it's uh

Speaker 2 it's called the uh

Speaker 2 the copper spoon go to the copper spoon

Speaker 2 The underscore copper spoon 21

Speaker 2 She's a digital creator. I think you'll like her a lot.
Is she like a trad wife? No, I don't know what she. She's like a witch trad wife, kind of.
Okay. There is a list.
So go here. Go down.

Speaker 2 Go down.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I had sex with her in 2013.

Speaker 5 Hello, traveler. Welcome to the Copper Spoon.
Today is a very special day because today is the very beginning of Home Chef Throwdown.

Speaker 5 It's going to be an eight-week long competition between me and 10 other chefs, all in order to raise money for an amazing organization called Lasagna Love. Let's get into it.

Speaker 5 Week one, the kindness challenge.

Speaker 2 Yard sauce. We all know love is kindness.
Yeah, because that's the whole thing. They have to use it because, like, Ragu is sponsoring.
Yeah. Global nonprofit.

Speaker 2 Go to one of her other things, her other recipes, where she makes,

Speaker 2 yeah, she's like, hello, traveler. Hello, traveler.

Speaker 5 Welcome to the copper spoon.

Speaker 5 Hello, my little spoonies. Let's make some portobello mushroom burgers.
This recipe is super, super simple.

Speaker 5 I am not vegan, and I don't claim to be the best at imitating meat, but I will say that I think these mushroom burgers are absolutely delicious. So in a bowl, I just put some mushroom soy.

Speaker 2 She's like good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, AI could never do this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But she's like good.

Speaker 2 She has like

Speaker 2 the cups of the bowl. She's my grandmother had.
Yeah. She's like, and also I'm a witch.
She's also like, I'm a Wiccan. I'm a witch.
But she's interesting.

Speaker 2 It's interesting the way, like, she couldn't just... what's brilliant about this channel is no one, if she's a regular cook, who cares? Yeah, right.
But because she's like, hi, you've stumbled into

Speaker 2 the witch's room. You know what I mean? But I like it.
I dig it. I get it.
This is the job. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is what they didn't realize when they were telling us to go to college. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, no. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You should, you should kind of be a Wiccan. Right.
You got to be like, hey, my wife and I are furries. Let me show you how to make an easy salmon bowl.

Speaker 2 Easy weeknight salmon bowl.

Speaker 2 And you would think she'd make like healthy things. She doesn't.
She's like, welcome, traveler. Today we'll make a patty melt.
I'm like, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 That's great.

Speaker 2 That sounds great. Like, go to that thing.
She's making it the first. Go up, go up.
Yeah, that. Watch this.
Hello, Traveler. Look at this.

Speaker 5 It's great to see you today.

Speaker 2 How are you doing?

Speaker 5 This, I just got done making a spicy meatball sandwich. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, great.

Speaker 2 I think you'll do just horny it's just hilarious it's like the music from lord of the rings yeah yeah yeah she's like i have made a veal parmesan we're making some hobbit sized mozzarella sticks

Speaker 2 you'll need a lot of little hobbits in your life you'll need a lot of sustenance on the journey to moor dorse mommy i don't want to dress up like a hobbit

Speaker 2 Shut up. I want to see my friends.
Mommy explained to you. This is how mommy makes her money to buy her toys.

Speaker 2 If you like our toys, mommy makes her money like this. So you have to dress up like a hobbit and you have to get the bread from the oven and then walk it over to mommy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's.

Speaker 2 I mean, what are your other options these days? Not much. They're saying van life sucks.
Not as glamorous as Instagram makes it seem. Apparently.
Sure.

Speaker 2 There are people that have been convinced that the van life is a glamorous thing. Which I don't who they were.
I knew a comic who looks fun. It looks like it's a fun weekend.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I knew a comedian that

Speaker 2 lived in a van. He hosted.
Did you Jake Silverman? No, I don't. Well, maybe.

Speaker 2 Is he a Portland guy? He hosted for me at American Comedy Company a couple of years ago. He was a nice guy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he lived in a van. Yeah.
And I went to go see it. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 it was, you know,

Speaker 2 it was a van. It's a van.
Yeah. It's tough.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's tough. Yeah.
It's just not great. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But apparently no showers, no sleep. Van life isn't as cool as Instagram makes it seem.

Speaker 2 It's all from the Wall Street Journal. All these articles are from the Wall Street Journal.
The Wall Street Journal has been like taken over over the last few months.

Speaker 2 And like literally every article they've run has been like,

Speaker 2 Americans don't want kitchens. Yeah.
Nobody wants a dining room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nobody needs a kitchen. Americans are skipping breakfast.
Yeah, right. Exactly.
All of that stuff. They're like,

Speaker 2 they're skipping dinner. You don't need a dining room.
They're just trying to move you into everyone lives in a storage facility. Yeah.
That's the same story.

Speaker 2 Like Americans would kind of prefer to live in storage facilities. It's like a 10-year project.
Yeah. The community that many Americans find in homeless shelters is better than neighborhoods.

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, okay. They just ran one.

Speaker 2 The Wall Street Journal just did one where it's like,

Speaker 2 nobody wants to retire. What was what I talked about on the last show? It was a Wall Street Journal article.
They were like, it was like,

Speaker 2 do you remember what it was? You ever see that Simpsons where sideshow Bob gets a storage unit? He's like, I have a question. And the guy's like, you want to live in the box?

Speaker 2 It's like, costs you two bucks a day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but there was a guy that made a TikTok about living in a storage unit. He was like, I live in a storage unit.
It's great. I have a lot of space.
I get to do my sprints in the hallway.

Speaker 2 I get to work out. Yeah.
And I'm sure they kicked him out because he put it on TikTok. Of course.
Which is like. Oh, the sociopath.
Right.

Speaker 2 They're like, you were, they're like, it was a female sociopath and they're like, and she wrote a book where she's just basically like hey we're out here we're sociopaths

Speaker 2 and you know i'm now telling you that yeah i don't know who that's for like i questioned that on the show i'm like i don't understand who's like what this does to people like why this

Speaker 2 but it's always like so van life to me never seemed like it would be an amazing thing for long times long periods of times yeah well i would see so many of these videos maybe two or three years ago and she you know the girl would be like yeah my dad's putting in the floors and the plumbing.

Speaker 2 But then it's like, okay, but what do you do? What's your job? It's always a fun desert landscape where the van is parked. Yeah, yeah.
They never show you. Never Bushwick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they never show you like just like it's parked in like a, the, the, like, parking lot of a checkers. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, and then the employee at the checkers has to knock on the door and go, hey, we just don't. Yeah, yeah.
We have to call. Like, I don't want to call the cops on you.
Yeah, yeah. But I have to.

Speaker 2 Like, we were told that, like, we have to call or will be fired if we don't call the police on you but it's never that it's always like oh i just they're gonna take away my van right yeah right

Speaker 2 like if if you get busted i i i we a lot of us live here yeah but they're always like by these beautiful desert landscapes they're like oh you just stumbled upon a beautiful landscape in the desert caleb smith parks his home in brooklyn new york

Speaker 2 Yeah, this guy Jake Silverberg has a joke. He's like, yeah, I lived in a van and I had sex with a few girls in the van.

Speaker 2 He's like, and you don't really think about, you don't really think of women as losers yeah

Speaker 2 but you are if you have sex with me in a van i wonder if he was the guy maybe he was a guy i don't know he's like tall kind of curly hair yeah i think maybe it was yeah i don't remember he was a good guy now he's a good guy yeah you know this is this is not a um

Speaker 2 this is not a great way to live i guess this is what they're saying which i never thought it was i never thought it was what do they do for work they get like

Speaker 2 odd jobs or they they do do Fiverr or something? Like what do they

Speaker 2 postmates, DoorDash, maybe things like where they're on the go. They can use the car for work.
Some of them do like as comedy. I don't know.
Yeah, yeah. It's a tough thing to travel around.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it almost seems like

Speaker 2 some of the people that I talked to that did it were very into the idea of being free and not having any roots and not

Speaker 2 because I think you can get a roommate and just be broke in New York like a lot of people were. Yeah.
You know, a lot of people are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But if you like this, you can do it. Well, it seemed like people were doing it because it was like the cost of living so expensive.
So maybe I'll live in a van. Right.
Maybe it'll help.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't really.

Speaker 2 It also, like this article says this woman, her transmission died and they

Speaker 2 needed five grand. Yeah.
to fix it. Right.
Also, vans aren't as good as they were. My mother had a Fort Acona line van with the bed in the back.
You could live in that. Yeah.
I was like, amazing.

Speaker 2 Do they even still make the Fort Acona line? That was a legit van you could live in. Yeah, we had the Dodge Caravan with the wood paneling.
Yeah, those vans.

Speaker 2 You like my mother threatened all the time. She's like, I'll just go sleep in the van.

Speaker 2 Like when her and my dad would get in a fight, she'd be like, I'll just go live in the van. Yeah.
He goes, Fine, go live in the van. He goes, it's nicer than this shithole.
The house we lived in.

Speaker 2 He goes, the van's nicer than this dump. Yeah, yeah.
I would just be sitting there. Yeah.
Eating a cheeseburger quietly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Go to like a Fort Acona line van, like 1998

Speaker 2 Forta Conneline.

Speaker 2 These were the vans. Yeah.
So hit an image on that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 These are the vans, you know, get the interior. Get an interior.
Because the sprinter van is too much. The vans that you can stand up in.
That's a lot. It's a lot.
It's a lot.

Speaker 2 But I mean, so this is like the van that,

Speaker 2 yeah, the Conneline van, they had a bed in the back.

Speaker 2 You could live in the Forta Conneline van.

Speaker 2 But again, it's probably not

Speaker 2 not not a great idea yeah

Speaker 2 this doesn't look good for Americans

Speaker 2 this isn't this isn't great yeah that this is in the Wall Street Journal it just shows you where everything is now where the Wall Street Journal is writing an article they're like hey you know that plan everyone had to live in the van yeah that's not as fun yeah yeah yeah that's not as fun as maybe it's uh

Speaker 2 A shed. A shed.
Now you're a parent. Yeah.
What do you think about hitting the kids?

Speaker 2 You know, I don't do it. I haven't done it yet.
You know, I'm hoping I never snap. Santa Luis Gomez is a friend of ours.

Speaker 2 He's very anti-violence towards the children, but pro-violence to other people all the time.

Speaker 2 Right. Which is interesting.
Like the lady that works at Wendy's. Right.
Anyone, you know? Yeah. Which I like about him.
I like nuance. Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 But there's a video here of, I guess, a grandpa defends hitting a child in Walmart who is mouthing off. I saw that.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if this this is a I don't know how it mustn't have got to leave unless they were all pulled up here. Oh, can we find it on the dark web?

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 just go to the just go to the fucking dark web and find this guy beating his granddaughter. We need to watch something here.

Speaker 2 I got to go to Belfast and entertain these animals.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've seen this. Is it the guy with the red tie? Boy, I hope it is.

Speaker 5 Granddaughter across the face.

Speaker 6 I smacked my granddaughter across the goddamn face because she was swearing in public and mouthing off to her grandmother.

Speaker 2 He looks like he has a filter on.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know.
I gotta be honest with you.

Speaker 2 I kind of like him.

Speaker 2 What did he say? She was swearing?

Speaker 5 Smacked his granddaughter across the face.

Speaker 6 I smacked my granddaughter across the goddamn face because she was swearing in public and mouthing off to her grandmother.

Speaker 2 Well, listen, no matter what you're doing, that is the correct reaction when someone takes their little camera and starts filming you. And just go directly and say exactly what you did.

Speaker 2 You go, I was buying child pornography to get it off the streets.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right. Post it.
Put it on TikTok, motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 you can't be embarrassed or anything. You have to just proudly, no matter what.

Speaker 2 When they do the pedophile sting, when they go, oh actually no i'm doing a sting on you right because you're pretending to be a 14 year old boy you're the one doing the crime right not me i'm the person who's arresting you i have the tick tock channel you're the pedophile you're the pedophile

Speaker 2 by the way that's the future of america yeah it's just guys with phones in wars going you're actually the pedophile yeah You're the pedophile. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no matter what's going on, if you hit your wife, you got to just very confidently be like, I hit my wife because that's the way our relationship works. Yeah, don't get involved.

Speaker 2 I bet you're single. Yeah, she's taming me over the black eye.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you're a single person.
Actually, we're a lesbian couple.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're lesbians. We like to hit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lesbians do like to hit.
Do they? Well, statistics.

Speaker 2 I mean, again,

Speaker 2 I don't make the statistics. I don't put the numbers in the columns.
Sure.

Speaker 2 But the people that do find that some of them

Speaker 2 are

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Speaker 2 Do you like Boston Market?

Speaker 2 It's fine. It's closing.
It's a lot of it's looking.

Speaker 2 I feel like this has been happening for like three years. I know, but it's really

Speaker 2 dire now. When I was a kid, when Boston Market opened, it was a big deal.
Well, it was a huge deal because this was like a way to get health food. Yeah, yeah.
Like macaroni and cheese, cream spinach.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Stuffing.

Speaker 2 You get stuffing at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday.
It's health food. Boston Market was.
You'd eat and burgering too much.

Speaker 2 Anytime you wanted, you could have a Thanksgiving dinner. This is the premise of Boston Market is that anytime, day or night that you wanted to, you could sit down with your family for like $7

Speaker 2 and have a Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah.
And Boston Market had some good grub. My friend Rob worked there.
And

Speaker 2 my parents would take me there after dance class. I tell a famous story about it where I would sneak three sides.
See how you get two sides?

Speaker 2 I would tell them to put cinnamon apples on the ham. I would get ham.
I'd get macaroni and cheese. And then I would get either whatever, like cream spinach.
That's why you're a millionaire.

Speaker 2 And I'd put the cinnamon apples on the ham. Yeah.
And I would say that to them. And then once they wouldn't, they didn't do it.
They put it in the side. And I just started screaming.

Speaker 2 I was in like my dance costume. I was this little fat kid that danced on me.
And I started screaming, put it on the ham. And I was crying.

Speaker 2 Put it on the ham. Put it on the ham.
And then the African guy started to chant. Who did not

Speaker 2 And then this woman, this manager walked over. She's like, a white lady with glasses.
She's like, what's going on? I'm like, I want the apples on the ham. I'm like, it's not one of my sides.

Speaker 2 It goes on the ham.

Speaker 2 And she's like, okay. And they did it for me.
But I remember it's just, it was such a great.

Speaker 2 That's what America's all about. That's what it is.
Yeah. That's what it is.
Yeah. Because they got their hands in your pocket.
Everybody's got their hands in your pocket.

Speaker 2 Well, who are we ripping off here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Who even owns this thing?

Speaker 2 What fucking vertical nightmare

Speaker 2 hedge fund, private equity company owns Boston Market? Yeah. Someone that's shutting it down.
Engaged brand. Oh, yeah.
This guy, it's owned by Rohan Group, owned by Jig Nash J

Speaker 2 band.

Speaker 2 He took it over. I was reading the article.
He took it over and he was like, I'm going to make it very good for everybody. And then just started shutting it down.
Yeah. God bless him.

Speaker 2 I love an Indian scammer.

Speaker 2 Like there was this guy, Sant Chatwall, who owned this, owned these hotels, the Chatwall Hotels. And they opened a restaurant

Speaker 2 called Romera. This was years ago in like 2011.
It was neurogastronomy. Yeah.
It was food that was supposed to make your brain chemicals reactive. It was such a scam and it tasted terribly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And it lasted for like a few months.
Yeah. It was a great scam.
Yeah. Well, that's like those guys that work at the call center.
They're probably all like middle class. Which guys?

Speaker 2 In India. Yeah.
You know? right, the ones in Bangalore, yeah, yeah, they probably have good lives, probably good lives, yeah, yeah, and we all feel bad for them.

Speaker 2 Well, our call centers here are terrible. That documentary, the telemarketers,

Speaker 2 those guys that were raising money for the police. Do you ever see that on HBO? Oh, no,

Speaker 2 okay, they just called people up, and the people were donating to the police. Police, play that trailer from HBO.

Speaker 2 These guys who like

Speaker 2 were like telemarketing and they were all on like heroin, and they were calling up people and being like, Hey,

Speaker 2 here, this is great. Watch this.

Speaker 2 Great documentary. Hey, what's up? Where are we going into? Oh, we're going into Civic Development Group.
And what we do is we call up people and chisel them out of money.

Speaker 2 Money on my motherfucking mind. Patrick and I both work at this telemarketing place.
At least this 14-year-old kid. Making calls on behalf of charities.
It's like a big ass cookout.

Speaker 2 Get

Speaker 2 money at my motherfucking bound. I didn't think I was doing anything bad at all.
Now Lisa, these families, they do need your support.

Speaker 2 The business model is defrauding the most vulnerable in this country. It was a big-time scam.

Speaker 2 This is capitalism. Get money.

Speaker 2 We need to show the world what this place really does.

Speaker 2 The media and the government haven't been able to stop them, so now it's up to us.

Speaker 2 We got it taken down from the inside.

Speaker 2 Monthly no money. Yeah, so this was like, they had this, they had these like

Speaker 2 telemarketing call centers where they would call people up and be like, hey, would you donate to the police? And like a very small fraction of the money went to the police.

Speaker 2 And most of it went to just the owners of the company.

Speaker 2 They didn't even pay these people really well, just like the owners of the company. Really? They would just call old people.
They'd be like, do you

Speaker 2 do you like the police? They'd be like, well, I do.

Speaker 2 You know, one of them was shot. And they go, oh, no.
And then they go,

Speaker 2 let's do a donation. Okay.
It helps the families. And it was all bullshit.
And it was just.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know.
Deb took Benjamin to an Easter egg hunt this weekend and it was like mobbed. And she was like, yeah, the rules said that you were only allowed to pick like three eggs per kid.

Speaker 2 And some kids had like 12 eggs in their basket. And I said, what did you learn, Benjamin? It's a dirty world.
It's a dirty game.

Speaker 2 Where was this hunt? In Brooklyn Heights. Interesting.
Where all the poor people are. You're right.

Speaker 2 These millionaires. Yeah.
And no, but it's nice. It's beautiful.
Over here is nice. Yeah.
Yeah. And what do they do with

Speaker 2 the eggs? They just hide them and then the kids. I guess they hide them and the kids find them.
And it's supposed to be three eggs per kid. He didn't get any eggs, my kid.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's unfortunate. Yeah.
Because these older kids are stealing eggs. Probably.
That's not nice, huh? Yeah. But I said, you know, what'd you learn? Are they...

Speaker 2 We got to get our hands a little dirty. Well, let me ask you a question.
Do you think there are people that are participating in that Easter egg hunt that are not Christian? Probably, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's Brooklyn. Well, it shouldn't be allowed.
Yeah. Because it's...
Right? Yeah. Right? Yeah.
Am I wrong? I went with a whistle.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 if you saw a kid that looked Jewish in the hunt, would it be wrong to go, hey,

Speaker 2 this kid looks Jewish and this is an Easter hunt?

Speaker 2 I guess technically it wouldn't be wrong, maybe morally.

Speaker 2 But yeah. I don't know.
It just feels like it is a Christian holiday. Even though the Easter egg isn't part of the Bible, it does feel like.
But I like the Jewish people celebrate our holidays.

Speaker 2 Like, I like that they enjoy themselves on Christmas and stuff.

Speaker 2 Well, they go to the movies. Yeah, some of that.
Yeah, well, I like that they go to the movies.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know.
Oh, yeah, it's good. No, no, there's nothing wrong with that.
I'm just saying if Christian children are losing eggs. Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 To atheists, it should be more of a priority. Jews or whoever, Muslims, I don't care who's ever in that hunt.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hindus, yeah it should be a Christian should have been more organized it should have been a Christian hunt right right right yeah in in Brooklyn yeah sorry I just have a I'm like can we separate the white Christian children from the other ones

Speaker 2 who are you are you one of the organizers of the hunt no I bought this at dick sporting goods yeah by the way it seems to me that there are some orthodox jewish children grabbing easter eggs this is very confusing we do not want this yeah

Speaker 2 This is an interesting story here.

Speaker 2 Well, first of all, what is this Baltimore Bridge? What happened with that?

Speaker 2 I guess a boat hit it. It's not good.
They lost power. The boat lost power.
So the boat couldn't turn. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Well.

Speaker 2 But there was nobody on it except a few construction workers. They did like an emergency shutdown.
Did anybody die? Like six, I think six construction workers. God.
It's a bummer.

Speaker 2 Nobody was on the actual bridge. No cars, no.

Speaker 2 And it was lucky because there were cars going over it. Yeah.
Like right a few seconds before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That fucking sucks. Now they're shutting down the porch.

Speaker 2 The comedy club?

Speaker 2 Well, no, I think that whole port or something. Something's got it.
They're doing something that's going to disrupt the flow of like all the stuff that gets shipped in and out of there. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 A lot of crab. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know what's going.
But

Speaker 2 there's bigger problems than just the bridge going down. Yeah.
There's other issues. Well, it was probably an inside job to rename it, you know? That's probably exactly what was.
DEI.

Speaker 2 People immediately were saying it was an inside job. There's nothing now that will happen where as it's happening, people

Speaker 2 like as it's falling, like inside job. Yeah, yeah.
There are TikToks of it as it's happening, going inside jobs. Yeah, yeah.
Like, let's wait for a little.

Speaker 2 They're going to rename it the Omar from the Wire bridge. I remember after 9-11,

Speaker 2 the mcnalty bridge yeah after 9-11 we waited like i think an appropriate amount of time it was like a year and then like loose change came out that documentary and then everybody was like oh something's weird but that was after a while

Speaker 2 it wasn't like

Speaker 2 i don't know

Speaker 2 yeah i guess it's just like i don't know everybody's bored and

Speaker 2 i don't know that's there's probably some currency in that right to make up conspiracy theories. That's a people.

Speaker 2 For sure. But maybe some, because some of them are right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The problem is some of them are right.

Speaker 2 That's the problem with conspiracy theories. And you don't know which ones are which until too late.
Yeah. Alex Jones, perfect example.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's like anything. It's like, if you said, oh, there's an island of politicians having sex with kids, people go, you're crazy.
Crazy. But then that's right.

Speaker 2 And if you said, oh, there's a labyrinth of secret underground torture prisons where the America is kidnapping people they think are in al-Qaeda and torturing them, you go, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 But then that comes out as true. You say Obama killed Bernie Mac.
Right. And then

Speaker 2 people go, you're crazy. But then they find out it's true.
Yeah. I'm a big Obama chef truther.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's no way that guy just died. I don't want to believe that.
Yeah. I want to believe they got him because he's hot and he was having sex with Obama.
And that's what I want to believe.

Speaker 2 It's a better story.

Speaker 2 And it might be true. Well, we did an episode about this on our show, but a lot of people who have like worked for powerful people have died.

Speaker 2 They just died because they overhear something they shouldn't, sure. Because like they wake up one night, they go to the

Speaker 2 kitchen. They're like, let me grab some of that turkey.
I'll make a sandwich. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then you see Bill and Hillary Clinton eating a baby

Speaker 2 in the living room.

Speaker 2 And then they kind of just look at you and smile and wave. And then you know, you're like, well, my days are numbered.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Now I'm done.
The Clintons had a chef that Hillary Clinton like ate his lamb chops at a restaurant. She was like, I want you to come work at the White House.

Speaker 2 And then he went hiking one day and drowned in like six inches of water.

Speaker 2 It's unfortunate. Yeah.
You just got to say no. By the way, any political family wants you to do anything, you say no.
If someone goes, I want you to walk the dog, you go, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Such an honor to cook for you, Mrs. Clinton.
No, I have a condition where

Speaker 2 I get really horny when I'm around dogs. I get angry.
I get insanely horny. I have sex with dogs.
I have sex with dogs. It's part of my therapy to not do this.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's something about, there's something about when you work for like these political dynasties. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, Marvin Bush, Bush's brother, had a nanny, and she like went out to her car one day, and the car like ran her over

Speaker 2 and killed her. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate.
But eventually, because he, you know, sometimes I just... Because when he would answer the phone, he would go, hello, 9-11, brothers.

Speaker 2 We did 9-11.

Speaker 2 He could have knocked her up. Like, there's all these weird things.
Like, people get killed for reasons we wouldn't even think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 yeah you know what i mean right like like everyone who's met the clintons is dead

Speaker 2 people that shook their hand at a book signing in 1997 yeah were found like you know they were killed by like fireworks falling on them yeah you know people die people that know the bushes there's people that know the bushes that got you know i know that got shellacked you gotta be careful the obama chef yeah

Speaker 2 did you did you watch that patrick bet david podcast episode with anthony Wiener? Sebast. I love when he starts like naming people on the Clinton kill list.

Speaker 2 What does he say? You're ding-a-ling?

Speaker 2 You're dang-a-ling. You took your ding-a-ling out.
Little boys are learning how to suck each other's ding-a-lings.

Speaker 2 Wait, what does he name? Who does he name on the Clinton kill? Can you get that? He just starts naming people. On the Clinton killers? Yeah, yeah.
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Weiner's like, where did you get this info? He's like, I got it from part of the storm, stillinthestorm.org.

Speaker 2 it is true it's maybe the clen killers is all made up i don't know yeah but i don't think it is yeah there's got to be enough people yeah i i don't yeah i don't know it's it's weird well i guess

Speaker 2 who knows but it's also like everyone that kind of knows david spade is has died right right right so that's also like a thing yeah you know

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah it's like you could maybe do that with a few different people right

Speaker 2 i don't know if i you don't think i can make a list of other people who are 70-something years old and say this person died. How come they haven't done that with Bush? Hold on to that.

Speaker 2 How come they haven't done that with Bush? He's in the same situation. I have no freaking idea why they haven't come to them.

Speaker 2 Hold on to say, but so are you saying, so you agree with what I'm saying? How come they haven't done that with Reagan?

Speaker 2 This is like the best possible thing. What point are you making about these men and women? How is it so many people close to them died? How is it so many people close to them? Everybody died.

Speaker 2 How is it? Are you suggesting? Okay. I'm asking the question.
You're asking a bizarre question. Exactly.
Give people

Speaker 2 off.

Speaker 7 Folks, Anthony Weiner had.

Speaker 2 But this was so funny because he starts the interview. He goes, So you are a very weird guy.

Speaker 2 I was on the show, and I liked him. I like Patrick with David a lot.
But one of their questions was, what if we all caught a pedophile in Starbucks?

Speaker 2 They're like, you see a pedophile. Like one of the guys asked a question.
They're like, you see a pedophile looking at child porn in Starbucks. I'm like,

Speaker 2 what do you do? So I had a joke. I go, like, I'm I'm like, I get him to green light a show on NBC.
It's some fun joke. But then the other guy's like, answering it seriously.

Speaker 2 Like, well, I don't want to hit him because then I go to jail. So I tell him.

Speaker 2 So this pedophile, you see, he leaves Starbucks. I tell him, I get in the car.
I follow the pedophile.

Speaker 2 It was an interesting.

Speaker 2 Can you get that? I don't know if it's hard to. find that section of the show, but it was just a very funny.

Speaker 2 What do you do? You see a pedophile of stuff. It's the craziest.
I'm like, wait, what? So I'm like on the line of Starbucks, and then there's a pedophile

Speaker 2 in front of me that is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe this is it. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he has

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 This is good.

Speaker 2 I like to give the Democratic kids back to this guy. You're acting like a...

Speaker 2 I'm not assuming that he's gay, but do you think America's ready for a gay president like this? What do you mean? We probably are ready to go. Yeah,

Speaker 2 catching pedophiles and the goals that's the most american go to the middle go to the middle of it

Speaker 2 one in five americans report okay yeah on the internet 60s is looking at girl pictures six years old eight years old ten years old what do you do i record him watching that and then i confront his ass i'm stepping to his what do you do is it just mind your own business do we go back to i asked him to green light a show for me on nbc

Speaker 2 all right. There you go.
But it's just like that. Was one of the

Speaker 2 interesting questions. It's one of those questions you don't imagine you'll get.
Yeah, but we all have to answer it

Speaker 2 in our mind. It should be a question they ask you on a job interview.
Yeah, they go, Okay, you sound great, like everything seems like you'd be a good fit here.

Speaker 2 But let me ask you another question: You're at Starbucks. Is a guy watching videos of children having sex in front of you? Yeah, what do you do? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I step to his ass.

Speaker 2 I go to the car, I get my nunchucks.

Speaker 2 I say to him, I challenge him for the honor.

Speaker 2 I fight a pedophile. Yeah, well, if he bites you, you become a pedophile.
I don't want to become a pedophile because I get bitten.

Speaker 2 Detroit teacher of the month fired over rap, side hustle, records music video with students.

Speaker 2 The rap name is Drippin' Honey. Why would they fire anyone who's working in a Detroit school? They should just be kept.

Speaker 2 No one, by the way, if you're willing to work in a Detroit public school, you should not be fired. Even if you're dating one of your students, right?

Speaker 2 If you're willing to do that, you should just be kept. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Teacher of the month. Can we watch some of the rap?

Speaker 2 I want to see. If it's not good, then

Speaker 2 maybe that's why. It's probably good.

Speaker 2 This is great. This is good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 These are all her students in the video.

Speaker 2 On another level, but they really can't believe. Carrying these bitches cause I'm TTG.
It's F-O-E. I should call this bitch just like me.
Give money, that's a TIP.

Speaker 2 I'm running up like, yeah, we go see. Bitch, I really got motion.
I put a nigga on, bitch's chest. I checked this, watching every move, bitch.
I'm the queen at the crib, watch the carriage, bitch.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Motown, baby, going crazy like the 80s. Motown, baby, going crazy like the 80s.
Yeah, all right. So what? Yeah, the kids were the ones that edited it.
Yeah, what's the problem?

Speaker 2 That's what she gets.

Speaker 2 I don't know why she was. What? Do they have any? Why was she fired? A parent complained that she was rapping.
That she was moonlighting her social media was inappropriate. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What else are these kids going to do after school? This seems relatively wholesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, it does. I mean, it's like.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I covered it, and I've covered this case, this case at Arizona, where there's a bunch of rich white kids randomly attacking people in the streets, and they killed one of them,

Speaker 2 you know, attacking other kids. They all look like that, right? I mean, not the top right.
He was just the guy who was killed. But like, you know, so they're not.
So, you know what I mean? Is it like,

Speaker 2 are we, do we, you know what I mean? It's like we're firing into. Why don't we fire those teachers?

Speaker 2 Why don't we fire the white teachers that let these kids playing football games after they killed another kid

Speaker 2 clip that just so when i'm called racist next week

Speaker 2 put that in the column of things you can just send to people very quickly when i'm called racist next week because i imitate leslie jones

Speaker 2 or something that was such a good take you're right who do these people think they are they're like smoothie salesmen but it is true it's like you can't cover up a murder if you own an orange theory gym that's not the way america works yeah yeah

Speaker 2 You can cover it up, but you got to be like, literally, this is how little our parents cared about.

Speaker 2 Like, my friend Mike's mother, who I loved, she used to sit there like a house dress, smoking a cigarette.

Speaker 2 And she's like, you know, boys, when you leave this house, if you get in any trouble, a fight, a DWI, or somebody gets you a drug, she goes, you can make any phone call you want, but don't call this house because me and your father will be doing nothing for you.

Speaker 2 You will rot in jail. And she just smoked a cigarette.
She goes, we take the phone off at 11 p.m. She goes, so if you get in any trouble, you will rot in jail.

Speaker 2 She would say every time we went out, she'd go, you'll rot in jail. You go, all right.
But these kids, parents tried to cover it up.

Speaker 2 Your kid comes in, commits a murder. You don't, you don't cover it up.
Yeah. You say you can't commit murders.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But this is, they tried to blame it on a kid with another similar sounding name.

Speaker 2 Because one kid's name's, I swear to God, one kid's name's Talon.

Speaker 2 And the other kid's name's Talon, but one spells it T-A-L-A-N. and the other one spells it T-A-L-Y-N.
Yeah. So they're like, we're going to blame it on the kid that has the Y-N.
I hate poor people.

Speaker 2 You know, I agreed. Yeah.
Middle class are disgusting. But the kid with the Y-N is poor.
But he might have done it too. We don't really know.
No one knows. I don't know.
I like to think sometimes that

Speaker 2 I should be a parent, but I don't know. I've been thinking about that.

Speaker 2 Is there a thing where you can occasionally be a parent? Like, is there a program where you can kind of be a parent?

Speaker 2 It seems very, it's very, because I was talking with Annie Letterman, a friend of ours,

Speaker 2 staying with me. Yeah.
We're talking about it. And I'm like, she should have a kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know? But she's like, but it's such a thing. I go, yeah, I know.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 She'd be fun, like the mom you see, like, once a month. Yeah.
Once every, yeah. Yeah, she's not, she'll be a fun mom.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she would, yeah. You know, she'd just be a kind of a mom.
She dropped the kid off. She'd be in like a fake leopard fur coat.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, she'd like a big old Cadillac. Yeah.
An old one. You can hang out with my kid, but it's kind of, it's kind of tedious.

Speaker 2 The thing is, it's hard because I have a godson who's Chinese and he's fun, but then you go, oh.

Speaker 2 You have to, you know, you really do have to care for them for a long time, forever and ever. We went to the park yesterday.

Speaker 2 It was very nice, but we like stopped in front of the water and he just wanted to throw rocks in the water. Right.
I was like, okay, this is fun. I'm giving him rocks.
I'm throwing rocks.

Speaker 2 But I was like, I feel myself getting dumber having this this experience. It's not very intellectually stimulating.
Well, I mean, he's still young. It's not like coming here talking about pedophiles.

Speaker 2 I mean, this is

Speaker 2 doing adult stuff. Yeah, this is adult stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I step to his ass.

Speaker 2 I sweep the legs.

Speaker 2 I step to that man's ass.

Speaker 2 You see Berkeley professor fired for telling students to get out of California if they want to find a girlfriend. Okay.
I don't know why.

Speaker 2 Why is that such a controversial?

Speaker 2 I think Berkeley should be a.

Speaker 2 I used to think that Berkeley was like, you know,

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 They seem a little sensitive about stuff.

Speaker 2 But this, I don't know, this seems very sensitive.

Speaker 2 You'll be shocked by the stark differences in behavior of women in places where women are plentiful versus their behavior within artillery distance of San Jose and San Francisco.

Speaker 2 Andrew Tate was hired by Berkeley. Look at this guy.

Speaker 2 I like, he's kind of a foppish Andrew Tate. I like that.
Berkeley's Andrew Tate. Why fire him, though?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, I understand he's expressing an unpopular opinion.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing about teachers. When I grew up, no one listened to them.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Like no one like people would say shit we didn't agree with all the time. That's the point.
They would just say weird shit and we'd go, all right, that doesn't seem yeah.

Speaker 2 Like one of our teachers was like, you just choose to be gay. That's the way it is.
And everyone kind of laughed at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was like a weird guy.

Speaker 2 We were like, all right, he's just an older, weird guy. He's like, you make a choice.
He goes, you choose everything in life.

Speaker 2 He's like, everything, everything you do is a choice. To be gay, that's a choice.
And everyone laughed.

Speaker 2 Because you know what that teacher, when you were late for class that one time? I forgot. She was like, if you're going to get a job, like you're not, you can't walk in late to your job.

Speaker 2 And you were like, well, I'm going to have a real job, not like a teacher. No, I said, I'm going to have a real job.
I'm not going to be like an English teacher.

Speaker 2 So I said, I'd be more motivated to show up to that. And then I was sent to the dean.
I was always sent to the principal

Speaker 2 because I would mouth off to these nothings.

Speaker 2 My father hated them too. That's, that's why if I wasn't a comic, I would have been a failure because my father had no respect for thought, but should have.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like should have, but didn't care at all.

Speaker 2 When the teachers would go, your son talks in class and he watches TV. He watches Arsenia Hall.
And that comes on at like 11 p.m. My father would go, well, he sneaks downstairs to watch.

Speaker 2 We don't, I'm asleep. Yeah.
And then one teacher goes,

Speaker 2 he likes this woman, Amanda. Is that his sister? And my father goes, no, she's a character on Milrose Place.
They're like, is that appropriate for him to watch? My father's like, I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, he said in the, in the like parent-teacher conference, my mother said, they go, is Milrose Place appropriate for like a third grader to watch? My father goes, I don't know.

Speaker 2 it's on tv yeah what do you want me to do yeah he's gonna see it he's gonna see it yeah what's scary for me is all the youtube shorts my kid loves watching youtube shorts oh really yeah he's gonna get you one day on the short yeah he's like daddy you

Speaker 2 daddy daddy he's gonna see

Speaker 2 3.3k yeah you're gonna be like benjamin your curfew was uh 11 p.m it's 12 45 and then he goes you were insufficiently supportive of israel and then you go

Speaker 2 you just have nothing to say you're like all right yeah yeah we all make choices yeah you're right I guess so yeah I bet on the wrong horse just just try to get in by one next time

Speaker 2 people should watch your special right now it's a hilarious special it's on YouTube at the Out for Smokes YouTube channel thanks subscribe to

Speaker 2 where can people find your dates you have a website if people go to your Instagram yeah micro scenecomedy.com I'll be in Chicago I don't know when this comes out but this Wednesday April 3rd I don't know but

Speaker 2 this week. We'll put this one out this week, and then we'll put out.
We got Jessica Kier Simon. I'm in Europe right now.
Nice. Supposedly.
I'm going to Europe next month. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's how I feel. I'm kind of.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I want to go to Minneapolis for one night.

Speaker 2 I want to go jerk off at a hotel room and fly home the next week. Yeah, I just, it's such an undertaking to go to Europe.
Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 To be like, they've just, they're like, great, another fat American

Speaker 2 walking through our streets yeah yeah yeah you know yeah who has like you know some level of a tiny teeny bit of notoriety yeah you're not gonna improve a certain corner of the internet yeah yeah yeah it's it's fun to do but it's just i don't know i don't feel i'm not in a europe mood

Speaker 2 you need to be in a europe mood like that basic white girl kind of like right because what's over there's my time yeah what's over there that you can't do here

Speaker 2 what do they have that i don't know that we don't have food that's not poison Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's better for you.
It's nice. Walk around new areas.

Speaker 2 But if this comes, why are you putting up the dates? It's over ready if this comes out. Oh, let's put on Mike's dates.
Okay. Chicago, New York, Amsterdam, Berlin.
Wow.

Speaker 2 You are going over. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Charlotte. Go see Mike.
He's one of the best.

Speaker 2 Find our old podcast, dude. Yeah.
Make it big. I'm happy.
I'm happy with the special. I'm getting good.

Speaker 2 The best text I got was from Dan St. Germain, and he was like, he goes, the special's great, man.
I would put you above even me as a stand-up right now. Oh, wow.
Well,

Speaker 2 why don't we calm down? And then he hears phone privileges are over.

Speaker 2 A guard comes and takes it from him. Phone privileges are done.

Speaker 2 He's also, his special's out, too. His go-watch Dan St.
Germain special is really funny. Dan's great.
He's also one of the funniest people. We hope to get him on.

Speaker 2 It's just funny that everything's like a direct competition with him. It shouldn't be.
No. It shouldn't be.

Speaker 2 There's enough. We're all just going to thrive on

Speaker 2 our own timeline.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of fun to be had by all. Yeah.
You're going to get very sick someday. I'm going to absorb some of your.
I'll absorb some. You'll absorb some of my fans.
I think I'll die suddenly.

Speaker 2 You think? I hope. Yeah.
That's the hope. Isn't it the hope for all of us? I guess, yeah.
The hope you just, one day you're just not there. Like you're just driving and it's like that.

Speaker 2 I hope I kill a bunch of people.

Speaker 2 I also die yeah yeah but it's like a very kind of like it's like oh you know it's like when you go how did he die they go oh well he's kind of it's a road rage incident

Speaker 2 he plowed down a bunch of people yeah but yeah then you get some of the fans you know some of the people that came over after the the road rage like a bunch of people are dead but you're also dead so yeah of course it's like whatever I don't know.

Speaker 2 People, it's so weird now.

Speaker 2 You're checking the views on your

Speaker 2 video.

Speaker 2 did you hear that the kid who went to fight for israel died it's like he was like an american kid and he goes i'm just gonna go fight for israel and yeah it's like people just yeah and but he believed in something so that's nice that he believed in

Speaker 2 that much that he just said i'm just gonna give my life because i believe yeah we don't believe in anything like that It would be very hard outside of your family, your friends, your own physical safety.

Speaker 2 Like imagine like the countries at war and like I, like Chris DeStefano and me are on the phone like trying to justify going to fight china in the taiwan strait yeah like i i just no one's up for that yeah no one's up for that no no one's doing that yeah yeah

Speaker 2 it's a bummer that anybody that anybody does yeah it's just i just none of our friends would be like we're doing it yeah i'll step to his ass yeah yeah yeah that's when you need that guy the guy who steps

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 tell him china's a whole country of pedophiles we got a big pedophile. They're trying to take over Taiwan so they can produce trial points.
Well, I'll step to his ass.

Speaker 2 I'll be right there.

Speaker 2 Out for Smokespod, MicroScene Special. Go support him.
Thank you, folks. Goodbye.