Fork of July with Ben Soffer: Wednesday, July 17th, 2024

Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday, a gorgeous hump day here at Toast HQ.

If things are looking a little different, a little hairier, a little more masculine, a little more binary, that's because today, Jax is not here.

Today, Jax had a million mom things to do, and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to have the man behind Fork of July, a very popular topic here at the Toast, have him come on.

And, you know, explain himself.

So, Ben Soffer, welcome to the toast.

Thank you you very much.

And I want to say I am committed to giving you the best episode of the week.

Best episode.

The energy's high.

He's such a brown noser with a hidden agenda.

The energy's flowing.

I'm here.

I'm here to serve you.

He is a sneaky brown noser with a hidden agenda, even though it's not so hidden because you're being like kind of a teacher's pet right now.

Like you want to be the favorite co-host, but I like it.

I like the energy.

Keep it up.

No, no, no.

I mean,

I don't need to want to be the favorite co-host.

I'm the favorite co-host.

Like, it is what it is.

Is Ben Soffer the favorite co-host?

Sound off in the comments.

And if not, who is your favorite co-host?

You do have some competition.

Who?

They love Olivia.

Oh, they love Olivia.

I'm sorry.

Who doesn't love Olivia?

They love Olivia.

Fuck.

It's fine.

I'll give it to Olivia.

Okay, but they love.

Well, are we talking about like one-time co-hosts or people who frequent like that?

No, by the way, I was going to say, like, Olivia is really not fair.

Like, a one-hit wonder.

Come on.

She's on a one-hit wonder, but she doesn't come on as frequently as you do.

People that have done a minimum 15 episodes.

It's pretty much like you and Taylor Strecker.

Great.

Who?

I don't know.

Sign off in the comments.

Ben versus Taylor Strecker.

Who are you taking in a fight?

Yeah.

I'm so excited that you're here.

Me too.

You have been a topic of discussion here at the Toast because.

Oh, I've heard.

Yeah.

So let's just dive right into it.

For those who might just be tuning in, you have decided you've really taken a turn in your Instagram content over the last year and you're really focusing a lot more on your food content, your cooking content.

We love it.

And you made a sort of

pledge this July to put out one video a day in a series you're calling Fork of July.

Yes.

Now let's talk about the name first and how bad it is.

Yes.

See, it's this type of negativity that makes me question, is Fork of July good?

I don't know if you guys saw my rogue Instagram stories last week, but I was like, should I change the name Fork of July?

Should I not?

Let me know.

And people are like, why?

Why would you change it?

Why would you change it?

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

And I said, I would change it because my wife and a Miss Shannon Ford said both simultaneously, the name is Weenie.

It's not weenie.

It's just confusing.

Like the first week week of July, it was like, oh, so cute.

And then it's July 8th, and we're doing Fork of July.

Fork of July, the fork of July, just for July.

And then in August, if I'm not dead, we'll do something else.

So you have taken on this series.

Are you regretting?

Like, you made this pledge.

You were going to do one video a day, and it's obviously a lot more work than you had anticipated.

Are you regretting making that pledge?

Not at all.

Okay.

I absolutely love it.

It's so fun.

People seem to love it.

People seem to love it.

It's so fun for you.

You know what?

I'm so freaking happy talking about this.

These no good,

like,

oh my God, calm down.

Also, like, these no-good women.

Cook for them every day.

Every single dinner in this house.

Every single dinner for the last, what day is it?

Wednesday.

Every, no, like what?

What like

every single day for the last 16, I think it's actually 17.

17 days I've cooked dinner.

I've cooked dinner for you.

I've cooked dinner for the sisters.

I've cooked dinner for their children.

It's funny that.

And

yet I am dragged through the mud.

And I'm sick of it.

So let's say this.

Let's say this.

I hear you.

You acting like Fork of July has created this bounty of food in the house and we're all so lucky.

You go outside, you cook one thing for yourself.

You come in with like the last bite.

Salmon burgers.

Okay, salmon burgers.

Ready?

There were four.

There's 10 people in this house.

Thanks.

Great.

I also made four regular burgers for dinner.

Thanks.

Oh, is that?

Oh, is that not enough?

No.

So I didn't cook enough for you.

No, that's like, you just act like we should be so grateful for Fork of July because it's created.

We should.

Because it's created this like bounty, this buffet every night.

It's not true.

And he literally eats like the ones that are good.

Oh, yeah.

He gave us a big vat of the Mexican street corn pasta.

Nobody wanted that.

No, no.

We wanted the tuna tartare.

Here's the thing.

And you got the tuna tartare.

Here's the thing.

We got a tiny little portion.

Here's the tuna tartare.

Here's the thing.

And if you want to check out more, you can go to my Instagram boy with no job.

That said, Margo said it best on one of my posts.

She said, I'll do Fork of July anytime you ask.

Anybody with a reasonable palate would be absolutely overjoyed.

Now you have an unreasonable palate.

What about Jackie?

Jackie hates Fork of July, too.

Jackie hates Fork of July.

Everyone in the house hates Fork of July.

We just have to say.

No, Jackie hates Fork of July for ulterior reasons.

I'm not sure why.

Because you take all the good cooking utensils and bring them outside.

I know.

I do.

Every morning I come outside to walk the dogs, and there are literally different kitchen utensils.

Yesterday, I found in the lawn a cheese grater.

I take

a big cheese grater

in the lawn, in the grass.

She doesn't use the cheese grater.

So sorry about that.

All she does is cook.

She has never once said to me personally that she would prefer for me not to use the butcher's block.

You know, know, I think I've spent $20,000 this summer on food and cooking appliances.

I'll go and buy a different cutting board.

It's so not a problem.

This passive-aggressive nature of me and her looking at each other in the kitchen, her not caring, us smiling about sourdough, and then her coming on the podcast and shitting on me doesn't make sense.

That is Jackson's toxic, Jackie's toxic trait.

Like every time I go into the kitchen, you two are just sort of doing this dance where like you're sharing utensils and you know, being sweet and being kind.

And then she does come on here and, you know, kind of drag you to filth she doesn't say it to your face yeah so she could be honest with me yeah i'll talk to her otherwise i'm gonna start the uh he-man jackie haters club the he-man jackies haters club yeah why he-man isn't that from uh little rascals he-man woman haters club oh

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wow niche reference pretty good right pretty good um glide

and slide is it slide or glide I don't know.

I think it's slide.

Slide, lobs.

Do you guys talk about that?

Talk about what?

Slide and soda method?

Ben did the soda method with us last week, and there is a portion in the leg series where you have to literally do that move from heavyweights, but you're just like gliding with your inner thighs.

No.

Okay.

And Ben's in the back of the class.

Ben's in the back of the class being like, slide.

It was so funny.

Do you like the soda method?

Tell everyone.

I talk.

I absolutely love the soda method.

Before I get into that.

You guys know I watch movies 200 years later.

Yeah.

I can't remember a line from any movie, any movie, for whatever reason.

Heavyweights.

I remember every line.

That's why it's the only movie I quote.

Because I can't remember anything else.

It's a movie about your life.

So deep.

It's so deep.

It's so deep.

And it's so personal to you.

I get it.

I love it so much.

I love it too.

I love it so much.

And we do watch it like every couple of years.

It's on Disney Plus for anyone who might be interested.

So, so good.

Let me say this.

Let me say this.

And then I'll go to the soda method.

Oh, yeah, you go, you go.

The soda method is sick.

Ben in a soda method class is seriously like top tier comedy because it really is.

It's for everyone, but it's really girl.

It's it's girl focus.

It's girls.

It's strengthening.

It's sculpting.

It's not like crazy cardio or boot camp or weightlifting.

It's sculpting.

It's small movements, you know, little things that like burn the shit out of your arms.

But if you're looking at me, it doesn't look like much.

And Ben's body doesn't work like that.

Ben has, um, I don't even know what the word is.

You have like a different type of bone where like your bones don't bend.

They don't bend.

You're, you might be the least flexible human being on the planet.

Awful.

Awful.

So, so not flexible.

And so when we're doing this,

that's what you hear during Sodom.

Ben's giving birth in the back.

No, and we're doing like hip, hip exercises.

Flexors, hip flexors.

My hip, my hip is dislocated.

The first time we did Sodo Method, Ben was like complaining to Hillary, the founder of Sodo Method, like about his aches and pains.

And she like recommended this

masseuse, who like specializes in like

sports medicine.

And like, she's nothing so much a masseuse, but like a stretcher, right?

I only did it once.

And now I'm thinking about it, I complain a lot to Hillary.

I went up to Hillary in the last class.

I'm like, you know, my elbow.

She's not a doctor.

Something has been causing my elbow to make my hand start to fall asleep in the middle of the night.

I wake up, my hand is asleep.

And she just said passively, she's like, you know, I'll look into that for you.

And I'm thinking to myself, why did I give her this problem?

Whenever we go to a workout class, Ben at the very end is like complaining to the instructor about all his sort of ailments and aches.

But why did I get it?

And you're kind of like a nightmare client.

Nightmare.

You know, you have a pimple on your chin.

Where?

Please let me get it.

No, leave it alone.

Leave it alone.

Ah!

Wait, come back.

You didn't even fucking get it, did you?

No, I didn't.

You didn't even fucking get it.

Is there anything worse than that?

Is there anything worse than that?

It wasn't.

When your partner tries to pop your pimple.

Partner.

What are we, lesbians?

No, I was just thinking.

I guess that's true.

Wife?

What if it was a husband?

Spouse.

Spouse.

Spouse is a better word.

What if your domestic life partner?

You say spouse?

That's what it is?

What if it's a boyfriend or girlfriend?

That's why I said partner.

Significant other.

Significant other.

That is the far less fruity term.

Your fruity.

Your pillow fell on the floor, and it's an important part of the decor here.

If you could just pick it up, I know it's like your first time in toast studios without ruining everything.

Okay, oh, we could also talk about that.

Let's also talk about that because you were a big fixture on the podcast last week when Jackie and I sat down to record.

And thankfully, before recording an hour-long podcast, we realized that one of the microphones was muted, and we would never do that.

And the last person in the studio was you and your big, stupid, dumb, fucking podcast.

It seems to me as though the toast, and I'm just putting this together, that the toast has needed a scapegoat for some time.

And that scapegoat is me.

Any problems, any fodder, it's me.

Any issues.

If that's what you need to tell yourself to get through the day and like just not really sort of internalize the fact that you are the problem, then I support that.

Why would I press mute?

Ben,

Jackie and I did an episode.

We closed everything.

You came in here a couple of hours later to do your podcast with Josh.

You touched everything.

I didn't because I said.

And then we come back the next morning and one of the microphones is muted.

Touch nothing.

But you only use one microphone and we use two.

It was obviously you.

Touch nothing.

The dead thing.

And we literally

and we literally have the text chain to prove it where I said, do I need to lower the and I told you no.

And you correct.

And you still did it.

So not only did you ruin my podcast studio, but you also disobeyed me.

Nope, didn't do it.

Are you having fun?

So every day on this podcast, we come in here and we talk about, I don't know if you know like some of the toast lore, but this is Swirly Summer.

Do you know that?

Of course.

And

every day we come on here and we say, you know, Swirly Summer, we look at it at a glance, how it's going, how it's been going, how it will go, future plans, things of that nature.

Can you do me a favor and give us your take on Swirly Summer thus far at a glance?

Are you having fun?

Are you sick of me?

Are you sick of people in the family?

Is there anybody you're like kind of beefing with?

I'm having a great time.

It seems as though me and Jackie are beefing.

Yeah.

But to be honest with you, I don't even know it.

No, she's very, very kind of two-faced.

I'm just going to say she's toxic.

She's getting

toxic.

That's funny because she in the podcast said yesterday, she actually has no place in her life for toxic relationships.

Like she, that's not something she does.

Yeah, she just cuts, like, she just doesn't talk to you.

So you think you're being cut out out of Jackie's life?

I'm not sure what it is.

Wow.

But the fact that she's...

I think maybe for the Patreon, we need to have some sort of sit-down, like some group therapy.

No, I'd just like to know.

Like, she airs, she seems to air some grievances.

I'm a topic of conversation.

Quite frequently.

Right.

Yeah.

And in person, I'm not that same topic of conversation.

When I see her, she's like, oh, let's cook.

Yeah.

Or like, oh, let's do this.

The thing about it.

But then she comes here and she's like, fuck him.

And I hate his cooking.

The thing about Jax is that she is a lover, not a fighter.

Yeah.

And it's as simple and as complicated as that.

No, but she seems to be a quiet fighter.

She's a quiet fighter.

Quiet fighter behind your back.

Some people are quiet quitting.

Jackie's quiet fighting.

Understood.

Besides that, swirly, swirly summer.

It's fantastic out here in the Hamptons.

Farmers markets, Citarella.

Ooh, I need like some kind of gold card at Citarella.

That is the number one copy.

And for those who don't know, it's like a chain of Hamptons grocery stores.

There's one in like Bridge.

There's one in

there in the city, too.

Oh, yes.

It's just like an

Spail grocery store.

It's founded here.

Like the first one ever, I think, was in the Hamptons.

It's It's great produce.

It's the most expensive grocery store.

You think Erewhon, like you've never,

you've never experienced price gouging like this than you, like Citerella.

And so Ben goes every day for 4th of July.

There's price gouging.

Erewhon's definitely more expensive.

You think?

Yeah, Citerella is really not that bad.

No, no, we literally bought flowers for Shabbat dinner and it was $500.

Well, I wouldn't buy flowers at a grocery store.

Like,

that's where you'll get gouged.

I'd buy salmon, and the salmon is $29.99 a pound.

I'd buy salmon.

Let me know if that's expensive.

You're such a nerd.

I'm really not sure.

Well, you couldn't be joining us at a better time.

Okay.

We've got stories.

Great.

We've got deer toasters.

Excellent.

And we've got some deer toaster submissions about marriage, about semaglutide, a drug we're both extremely familiar with.

So I actually think Jackie's loss is our game because we need you here.

I'm here.

And ready, willing, and able.

That's my next question for you.

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All right, Ben, thank you so much.

Are you ready for the past five stories?

I am.

Okay, a developing story.

Right when we wrapped yesterday, we had done a whole, literally literally the entire episode yesterday.

All we could talk about was that national anthem.

I'm sure you saw it.

I did.

And do they know that we were in person for what was previously the worst national anthem?

Give me your hand.

That was Trumped.

Give me your hand.

We are so funny.

I literally, like, I went, I did mental gymnastics on the podcast yesterday to bring up the fact that I was in attendance.

We were.

We were.

Thank you.

You were there.

I'm so glad you brought that up because it's one of my favorite facts about myself.

We were there.

NBA All-Star Game.

Mm-hmm.

Los Angeles.

The killers were the halftime performance.

Like, are you kidding?

By the way, that was a really crazy weekend for us.

We'll get into the story in one second.

But so much happened to us that weekend.

I was kicked out.

Ben was kicked out of the NFL, the NBA All-Star Game for being like a loser.

No, this was my dream.

Honestly, I have a gripe, but I have a bone to pick with TNT.

So Ben got a brand partnership with NBA on TNT, which like, that would be like me getting a brand partnership with Chanel.

At that point,

at that point, it was like...

It meant everything to you.

It meant everything to me.

And we just got like these crazy passes that took us on the court.

We got to go watch the Charles Barkley and that crew of Penny Shadows.

NBA and TNT live taping.

And then they had a live performance of the killers.

It was one of the best brand deals, flew us first class.

Like it was one of the best brand deals we ever did.

And it was like

years ago.

All I did, I was excited.

I was excited.

I was over sharing.

I was over sharing.

I took a picture of my credential.

I didn't know.

And they literally, there was no warning.

It was like deactivated.

It was like, no good.

You're done.

See you later.

They deactivated.

Apparently, if you have like really good backstage credentials, and that's how I learned that fact about every now when I get like a backstage pass, I never, if I'm taking a picture, I take it off.

Who knew?

I had no idea that you're not allowed to share.

And literally the second the picture went up, Ben's thing was deactivated because then somebody could just print it and go backstage and kill someone.

I guess.

No, it makes total sense, but oh my God, the NBA and TNT people, like the social media managers who were like charged with our care were like, are you fucking kidding?

And they had to work so hard to get another one.

They never worked with us again.

No, by the way, worked so hard to get another one.

They put us in the 300 section.

Yeah, no, we got punished.

We got punished.

We were literally in the rafters.

Yeah, we got got in the court and then we got punished.

So right here, you can have these loser seats.

And we're like, thanks.

So we left.

But no, we did hear Fergie's national anthem.

And we heard Fergie's national anthem.

And that was at the time.

Really, really bad.

But now this one is really, really, really, really bad.

And she released a statement long, uh, short, shortly after we recorded yesterday's episode, kind of explaining, we had said, like, we, we'll forgive her, but we need to know what happened, you know?

And she basically admitted what I had, not to make everything about me.

I did say she sounded drunk.

And she released a statement saying, I'm not going to bullshit y'all.

I was drunk last night.

I'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help that I need.

That was not me last night.

I apologize to the MLB, all the fans, and this country that I love so much for that rendition.

I'll let y'all know how rehab is.

I hear it's super fun.

So that's crazy.

I don't even, I like there's so much more that I need to know.

No, first of all, who is this woman?

So, she, you've probably heard, I play her music, she's a country girl.

This is a big opportunity for her.

She's not a big name.

Um, and the fact that she's squandering her.

There's one song that I might know, but you'll be breaking more more hearts than mine.

Oh, I like that song.

Yeah.

But by the way, those are not the same people.

I know.

In the music, like in the song, that song.

Yep.

It could be Casey Musgraves.

Right.

I know that song, and I'm always thinking to myself, is that Casey Musgrave?

Yeah, she's got this very sweet, but it's not.

Very high-pitched voice.

Yeah.

That clearly doesn't translate in real life.

I don't care if you're drunk.

No, by the way, as somebody who often does drunk karaoke, like it really relaxes like your vocal cords.

Like being drunk is a valid excuse for the voice sounding so bad.

You can sound so bad when you're drunk.

You can also sound really good.

I'm just saying, I've heard you at drunk karaoke before.

You've never sounded like that.

Not only was that,

it hit two.

But by the way, Ben, I am not an alcoholic, so I'm not drinking as much as Ingrid was.

So the idea, her thought is that, or what she's saying is that she was blackout drunk.

Yep.

Checking herself into an institution.

Yep.

Doesn't remember anything.

I would guess.

Imagine that pit waking up.

That's terrible.

Yeah.

That's terrible.

Like, yesterday I was mad.

Like, I'm like, this is disgraceful.

I love country music.

I love this country.

And I thought she was disgraceful.

This morning, when I think about like the morning, the hangover she had and then like being told by whoever or even just checking her phone, I feel so much sympathy for this girl.

Like, seriously, I hope she gets the help that she needs.

Like, I'm no longer angry.

That, the pit that she must have.

Oh my God.

Like, seriously.

If that were me, like, I don't know if I could ever show my face again.

So bad.

So it's just a reminder.

Talent, don't do it.

Don't use.

Don't use.

Don't use.

Don't drink.

Don't do drugs.

Before

drink.

Oh, before performance.

Yeah, yeah.

And then, because then that's the thing is like a lot of people like

whether you're like a comedian or a singer, a lot of people get into the habit of like doing a shot before the show.

And then it's like you rely on it so much.

And then you need two and then you need three.

And it's a very slippery slope.

One thing that I will, one credit that I will give to Jackie.

Oh.

The second show on this tour, you were like, let's do the shot.

The third show.

The third show.

The third show.

You walked into the dressing room and there was a bottle of tequila and I was like, should we do a shot?

Like that would be like fun.

She was like, no.

And Jackie's like, no.

No.

She was right.

And I was actually encouraging him.

I'm like, yeah, do a shot.

Feel loose.

Whatever.

Because you're a bad influence.

Who knows what could have happened in six months?

It could have been a

slippery, slippery.

The girl, swirly tour.

Seriously, it could be the end of me.

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You got to be so careful with these things.

You do.

You do.

You do.

Well,

I really am wishing her the best.

I don't know her, but I'm wishing her the best.

And I said this.

Isn't it weird wishing somebody the best that you don't know?

No, I'm just wishing her the best.

Okay,

I don't know, but I wish her the best.

My favorite thing about this whole story was like the players that they were panning to and like seriously, the

control that they exerted in not like even breaking a smile.

And that's a funny thing.

When you go back and watch the Fergie one, obviously her vocals are the most interesting part.

But then they panned to a couple of people, and Draymond Green is the one who ends up like laughing, being like, What the fuck is going on?

It's such a natural human response.

And I think they're all afraid to show anything other than like a stoic face because you don't want to be disrespectful to the country, you know, all those who have served.

But seriously, those guys, nobody broke a smile, heroic.

And we can't share names, but like we're friends with baseball players.

No, I said on the podcast yesterday that Petalonzo was there and like, oh my God.

I said that he was there and he's a hero because he didn't laugh.

He didn't laugh.

And he's like a mensch.

He's a mensch.

A mensch.

Yes.

But you should be free to laugh when something's funny.

I agree.

In this free country.

I agree.

Right?

I agree.

That we're singing about.

It's free country that we're singing about.

Yeah.

This next story like actually means the world to me.

It's actually incredibly un-American to have to not laugh at something that's funny.

You tell them, Pop.

Because those same people that we are respecting, our great military, while the national anthem is being sung, are out there fighting, protecting our right to laugh at something when we think it's funny.

That is so true.

Right?

Freedom to laugh.

Laugh.

Freedom of laughter.

Freedom of laughter.

That's beautiful.

Right?

For sure.

I thought so.

Now, I'm sure you'll have nothing to add to the commentary on this story, but I absolutely need to talk about this.

My girl, Christina Hall, is getting divorced.

So this is her third husband.

She was, her name is Christina El Musa originally.

Then she was something else.

El Musa?

Yeah, Tarek El Musa.

You know, from, remember Flipper Flop?

You ever watched that show with me?

Yes.

So you know the couples.

Yes.

Do you know the history?

I don't want to say something.

Okay, I'll tell you.

I think I do.

He took a gun and went into the woods.

Yes, I was going to say abusive.

Well,

that's not the right word, but you're not like wrong in the path you're going down.

There were never any allegations of abuse.

He had this like kind of breakdown where he took a gun and like ran into the woods behind his house and like the helicopters had to come find him because he was like a danger to himself and others.

And then like they just got divorced and moved on with their life and never told us why the fuck he took a gun to the woods.

Do we now?

He recently, this was years ago, and he recently, in his book, his book is coming out.

He said that he just took the gun because they live in an area with a lot of wildlife and he just did it to protect himself in case like an animal came against him.

So it's like, you're going to go into the house of an animal and kill the animal because you're in their house because you're fighting with their, with your wife.

So weird.

So whatever.

they've been divorced for a while she has been remarried like i think now two times after i just wonder what last name she goes back to because elmusa was her like first famous name but we didn't that's not her born name that's her husband's name but it is the same name as her kids whatever this is just furthering my theory that she will be evelyn hugo you know that book the seven husbands of evelyn hugo no it's the seven husbands of christina hall like i think for her marriage is just like this sort of social construct and it's not like super serious and i think she's going on she'll probably get married again because she's a hopeless romantic.

I think it'll be her fourth marriage.

She should keep Hall.

Hall is a strong name.

It is, by the way, but do you keep the last name of someone you're married to, but you never had kids with?

I don't know.

I think you just keep.

How many times has Christina Hall been married?

I think you just keep the one that sounds the best.

Yeah, this is okay.

She has three marriages.

Joshua Hall.

Oh, yes.

And then she got married to Aunt Anstead, who was like this like random TV hosts, whatever.

And they like got married.

This was the first time anybody ever heard of him.

And then he literally ended up dating Renee Zellweger.

Okay.

And now Christina Hall.

I mean, and now Josh Hall.

So she's probably going to get married again.

She's getting really close to the seven husbands of Christina Hall, as predicted.

Hall.

You think she's going to stay Hall?

I think she's worse off her.

I think she's going to go back to.

Should we accept her?

Yes.

But I do think she's going to go back to El Musa.

Okay.

Even though Tarek has gotten remarried.

So his wife is Heather Ray El Musa.

That's weird.

Right?

I don't think you can go back to something when he has a new wife.

Okay, but like you have kids together.

It doesn't matter.

You don't think?

No, it's gone.

Speaking of, like, you know, what's her maiden name?

You certainly, you sooner go back to that, right?

She like hasn't gone by her maiden name, like, as for as long as she's been famous.

That means it must be like very normal.

You know, yeah, hold on.

Christina Hall, maiden name.

I love that.

Like Montgomery.

What is it?

McNally?

I'll tell you.

Oh my god, it's so funny.

On her Wikipedia, Christina Hall, nay, hack, formerly El Musa, and Anstead.

I think Hack.

Hack?

H-A-A-C-K.

That's not a great one.

Damn.

Oh my God, her birthday is July 9th.

Christina Hack.

Wait, her birthday is July 9th, you guys.

My birthday is July 10th.

That's why I feel this like weird pull to always keep up with her because she's almost my birthday buddy.

You know how I feel about birthday buddies.

Yes.

Oh my God, everything makes sense.

Happy birthday, Christina Hall.

It was just your birthday and mine.

By the way, we were talking about last night things that maybe you and my mom have in common.

This birthday buddy, like weird.

Is your mom really into birthdays?

My mom's just voodoo.

But your mom's not into horoscopes.

Well, because we were talking at dinner too much.

Ben naturally voodoo.

Ben and I went to dinner with a couple of couples, yeah.

And we were all talking about like the trope that, you know, boys marry their mothers and girls marry their fathers.

And we were like, you know, talking about whether we thought the people at the table had done that.

And I don't think that you married.

Me neither.

Yeah, and I actually don't think I married my dad.

I don't think so.

Like, I know you never met him, but you were quite different.

Okay.

Love Love him.

Okay.

Love him, though.

Love you.

I have no way to line on it.

I don't know.

I don't.

I don't know.

And I think he seemed like a legend.

I think that your mom and I share like a couple of qualities.

Like, she's very snarky and like can be really, really funny.

But I think like our

OG personality traits don't overlap that much.

I don't think so either.

But

both A plus women.

Both, I agree, A plus women.

So our next story is really interesting because I sat down to pick the stories and I said, Ben, is there anything going on in pop culture?

Yes.

That you want to talk about?

And he said, why, yes, Claudia, there is.

And this is a story I hadn't heard about and is so weird and random.

I don't even know why you care.

And picked by me because this is a story.

This is a classic me story.

So what?

I like weird, weird, weird celebrity drama.

Well, it's not drama.

It's drama.

Whoopi Goldberg reveals that she scattered her mom's ashes on a Disneyland ride.

So the View co-host revealed that after her mother, Emma Harris, his death in 2010, she decided to honor her by spreading her ashes on her mom's favorite Disneyland ride.

It's a small world.

No one should do this, Whoopee said on late night, July 11th, as she began the the tale.

Don't do it.

She said that her mother was a huge fan of Disneyland, especially the ride, It's a Small World.

And she said, When I was a kid, the World's Fair was in New York, and it was the introduction of It's a Small World.

As for how she pulled off her covert ash spreading mission, according to Whoopi, while on a trip to Disneyland following her mother's passing, she rode It's a Small World and would periodically scoop some of her up, fake a giant sneeze that would spread her mom's ashes across the ride.

Whoopi then would quickly play off the sneeze, joking, saying, My God, this cold is getting worse and worse.

Vile.

That is like really gross.

First of all, and this is no disrespect to anybody that has the ashes of a loved one.

Ashes, if you're going to do it, belong in a place where nobody else can inhale them.

Yeah, like nobody else can get them on their skin.

The ocean is a great place for it.

A forest.

A four-year-old shouldn't have Whoopi Goldberg's mother's ashes in their hair.

You know what?

I am going to agree with you there.

Or in their ice cream.

It's really,

that's really or on their hot dog.

And I feel like this is something she said to herself like you know enough time has passed i can tell the story and nobody will think no no no no no time is enough and have you ever like been in contact with ashes no because it's not have you been in contact with ashes yes really who's ashes in judaism you're not allowed yeah it goes against like our laws you have to be buried so you don't get cremated it's not a jewish thing so i've never like you know anybody i've known But when I was like 14 and I was in camp,

I went into my counselor's cubby.

She asked me to get something for her, and I got it.

And there was this Ziploc bag of dirt.

And I come out and I'm like, what is this?

And she was like, oh, it's my grandma.

Wow.

And I actually, I was really young.

I think I started crying.

I like felt bad for her that, like, I don't know.

It was just weird.

It's also just kind of weird to bring your ashes to camp.

By the way, lie.

Like, why is she?

I hate when people do this.

Yeah, no, it is.

I hope you know what?

She could have easily just said it.

Oh, it's dirt.

She could have.

Now she needs to make it your 14-year-old problem.

Dirt/slash sand.

If you've ever seen it, it kind of looks like crushed up Oreo.

It's like gray.

But why did she feel the need to tell he was her grandma?

You know, we were close and I loved her.

Okay.

And so that was something she shared with me.

Okay.

Okay.

But you have never seen ashes?

I've seen them like in movies.

That's not real.

I'm trying to think.

No.

Well, they had asked us when we put our dearly beloved

Romeo down,

Romeo, Theo down, if we wanted to have him cremated and then like spread his ashes.

And Jackie very graciously offered to have a ceremony at her backyard because Theo loved it so much.

But But it just goes against like our, even though I asked the rabbi, he was like, You can get Theo cremated if you want, it doesn't like go against any sort of rule, but it just doesn't feel Theo was a big Jew.

It doesn't feel right, yes, yes.

And Theo was a part of a group burial, yes, he was.

It was important to us, and then just saying, just saying, my mom had a dream

that he was with another dog,

named like Billy.

Billy, and I think that that was the dog that he was group buried with.

Ben's mom has like a third eye, she's very into like clairvoyant and she definitely has some people are like connected she definitely has like that third eye chakra some of the stuff she says like i don't like 100 feel but she was definitely really connected to theo like her and theo were super super close they were and so i think her dream definitely meant something right it did a thousand percent it did i'm telling you i haven't heard from billy in a minute a thousand percent i haven't heard from billy because theo's at peace theo's at peace just like whoopee's mother yes to bring it back oh to bring it back okay so let's say you know god forbid go forbid Chasbushalam, you pass away.

Yes.

Like, seriously, my worst nightmare, please never, never leave me.

And let's say, hypothetically, in this situation, we're cremating you.

Where would you like to be cremated?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ashes spread.

I was going to say, where would I want to be cremated?

Honestly,

at Madison Square Garden.

Oh, that would be interesting, but no, but no.

Where are we dropping me?

Where do I love?

Israel.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Even though, like...

Put me in the yam, which in Hebrew means seed.

Yeah.

Well, I've been thinking, like, I'm such a water sign.

You know how much I love the ocean.

And, like, there's some.

So I would say maybe put half of me in an ocean where you and I have had like great memories, maybe, like, Turks and Caicos or Aruba.

By the way, any ocean we've ever seen, we've had great memories.

We love the ocean.

We love the ocean.

And then maybe put the other half of me, like, in the mountains, where, you know, I have such fond memories of our family trips.

Yes.

Okay.

That's sweet.

That's sweet.

But don't cremate me.

All is that to say.

Yeah, I was going to say, like, the cremation process is just so like.

This is definitely like a weird conversation.

Yeah.

Okay.

So should we move on?

No, because for me, and I don't think everybody has this association, like I think of the Holocaust, right?

I do.

Okay, you were saying, where do you want to be cremated?

I'm like, anywhere but Auschwitz.

No, literally.

Like, that's just what I think.

No, I'd like to be cremated not against my will.

Yeah, totally.

No.

Yeah, not against my will.

Not against my will.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And preferably dead first.

For sure.

Yeah.

That would make it better.

Our next story, speaking of Jews.

Ooh.

Jews or Jews?

Jews with a W.

Drake, our fellow brother in Christ.

No, what our fellow

what do you say a tribe a fellow tribe member brother in Moses our fellow tribe member is going through some really hard times you know his his house is like really famous everyone's really well known as big Toronto house it has flooded you just saying I saw this I have an opinion okay well his house flooded and he shared videos on social media of the flood and you think a flood you think a couple of waters you know no it was literally brown duty water like inches of brown duty water in his house.

He shared footage of the scene inside his massive estate.

There's brown liquid flowing through what appears to to be his walk-in closet area.

He got a member of his house staff trying to keep the door closed to protect some of his wardrobe while he's walking through the watery mess with a broom, which definitely seems useless at this stage of flooding.

It's really gross.

He made a joke saying that this better be

espresso martini because it literally looks like coffee.

It's really brown.

Large sections of Toronto are underwater right now on the heels of three huge storms that have left citizens stranded and without power.

Drake, by all accounts, does still have power despite the intense flooding and nothing about this looks pleasant.

Toronto got almost four inches of rain on Tuesday, breaking a more than 80-year-old record.

So obviously, like, people are going through way worse things than like his walking closet being flooded and like his enormous mansion.

And if he's having a problem, he can get on his 737 plane and fly somewhere like with better weather.

But this is disgusting.

Two thoughts.

First is whoever constructed his trillion-dollar home, because this is truly an estate.

You don't make it floodproof.

I think when you're building a house in Toronto, like you think about other things, not

living.

You think of everything when you have an unlimited unlimited budget to think of everything that's all i'm saying

you think of everything every pizza glass

windows every exactly it turns into a bunker you press a button all of a sudden you're in some like yeah you think of everything yep second

he obviously has the best insurance in the world so what am i looking at something that's going to be completely repaired by next week again money is no object insurance is there i don't really know what like what this is i just think like or is it a paper trail for insurance i think think that Drake was just like sharing, you know, what's going on in his life.

I don't think like he was looking for like a critical analysis of his Instagram story.

You know, I understood.

Is it like, actually, we shared, remember when we had a flood?

Oh my God.

We shared the flood on Instagram.

He probably thought it was funny.

We had a turlet that would not stop overflowing.

Like seriously, we would be out of the house and no one would be peeing or pooping and it would just like start rising.

And the difference between us and Drake is like Drake is so rich.

Like his floors are sick.

Like at the time, our floors were like these like wooden parquet floors that were just like bubbling.

The bubble, If you know the bubble.

If you've ever had a flood on like hardwood floors, you know it's seriously just one of the worst things on the planet.

Woof.

Woof.

Woof.

Why do you say it like that?

Woof.

No, like woof.

I know.

I like woof.

Woof.

Woof.

No.

Woof.

Woof.

What are you going to make me for lunch?

Ben, we also have a.

See?

See?

We also had a live show tonight.

We also cook every meal.

Yesterday, it wasn't even a 4th of July.

Hey, Ben, can you make me chili and hard-boiled eggs?

Which, by the way, fucking nasty.

Yeah, sure.

Of course I will.

Of course I will.

Because i am a living chef you are you're kind of like wishbone kitchen in that sense who by the way my friend yeah not like my cyberfloor what do you think she thinks about fork of july i think she loves it i don't know about that she'll have to let us know um wait oh we also have a live show tonight in the hamptons our first of two this week

ben has been at every live show thus far tell us your thoughts sell some tickets i've been at every show ever of yours yeah you have every show ever of yours whether it's the toast tour whether it's you as the solo comedian that you are.

Yep.

Every show.

What I will say is every show has been different.

Every show has been hilarious.

There is a general theme, but there's also so much improv.

And the show is really so fun, so funny, so you.

Thank you.

And you know, sometimes I make an appearance.

Just one time and it won't be happening again.

So

sometimes I could be there.

So if you're looking for me,

that's where you can find me.

They're looking for me.

That's where you can find me.

Our fifth and final story is a little bit more sports news, but it's also Taylor Shift adjacent.

So of course we're going to talk about it, but also we have our resident sports experts.

So I wanted to see your thoughts.

Andy Reid is talking about Taylor Swift and Kelsey and Travis Kelsey.

Again, oh, speaking of Ben and I sat down to watch Receiver.

I don't, was I the only one who thought Travis Kelsey was being filmed?

Like, I thought he was one of the subjects.

I also just like have no interest.

Sorry.

Okay, I care.

Like, I love George Kittle and Debo.

Oh, by the way, I do too.

I just like, I'm not, like, it's just, we watch it for like a second.

I'm just like over these programs where they follow an athlete.

I'm not.

I'm not.

Why?

It happened already.

We've seen it.

It's so interesting to see what it was like behind the scenes, behind the the man.

Again, again, and again and again and again.

Think of something creative.

So the Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reed is sharing his thoughts on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey's relationship.

While speaking on the debut episode of the Athletic Scoop City podcast, Reed was asked about the amount of attention tight end Kelsey has been receiving since he and Taylor Swift went public with their relationship.

This is what he said.

I think it's great for him.

He can handle it.

As a matter of fact, I think he probably loves it to a point.

I think that's a great escape for him, he said, while talking about Travis Kelsey's fame.

I say that about Taylor too.

I mean, she comes to to the game she can kind of escape having to be the show when he goes to her concerts she's the star the nfl coach joked that taylor swift could put travis to work while he goes to her eras tour show telling him that he could be her water boy i love how much he like loves and really respects taylor swift i think maybe some like coaches would be like he's distracted she's distracting travis you know no andy reads the best yeah he's the man andy reads the best first of all if you're over 300 pounds i love you agree i love you i love you agree like I definitely have like a football coach body.

No, also just like a thing for fat people.

I love fat people.

Me too.

I love them.

Me too.

And like, I remember, he won the Super Bowl, and they're like, where are you going?

And most people are like, either Disney World or they say like somewhere like some like fancy restaurant, whatever.

He's like, no, I'm like going to get a cheeseburger or whatever.

He's just like an all-American, big,

beautiful man.

And he's like, working an amazing team.

Yes.

Great at his job.

And he loves Taylor Swift.

I actually, I love what he said.

It's true.

Yeah.

It's fun.

It's an escape for each of them when they enter into each other's lives.

And you want your partner to be happy.

Yeah.

I'm not your partner.

You want your players to be happy.

Like you, happy life, happy wife, happy field.

Totally.

If you had to play on an NFL team, which team would it be?

Like given the current landscape.

49ers.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

But then you have to live.

Bang bang.

Then you have to live in San Francisco.

Just took a little.

It's eight games.

By the way, this is the thing.

I never understood this.

It's eight games.

Why would you ever eight?

Yeah.

Oh, eight home games.

The entire season is 16.

Why are you basing your entire life around eight games?

It's actually 18 with the two preseason games.

Yeah, this is actually

17 also.

Yeah, well, now they got rid of one preseason.

Oh, wow.

Oh, you know a lot.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, they've been championing that movement, being like the preseason games are a waste of everybody's time.

Yeah.

We don't even have that many games.

Let's get one more regular season game and one less preseason game.

And I think this season, it finally went through.

This is going to be the first season with 18 games.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

I mean, that makes sense.

Have you guys spoken on this podcast about how insane taxes are as it relates to games?

You get taxed in every single state where you play a game?

The players do?

Yes.

So when the players file their 1099s,

they pay, they get, wait, what?

When

Pete Alonso goes and plays the Toronto Blue Jays, he gets taxed in Toronto.

But you get paid per game?

Yes.

Per game.

Did you get a salary?

No, you get paid per game.

They take your salary and divide it per game.

Yep.

100% sure this is true.

Well, that's kind of like not to make everything about us.

One of the best parts of being like friends with an pro athlete, like when we were with Kyle or when we go out to dinner with Pete and Haley, I'm always like, I have a million questions about the logistics, mostly about like the flights.

And like the seniority of like who gets what seats.

And so like, that's really where I feel like I abuse my platform and my privilege of being friends with athletes.

Is the tax thing not interesting?

I thought it was interesting.

Like, not at all.

Yeah, I like saw your face.

You're like, what the hell are you talking about?

Why are you talking about this?

No, like, I thought you were going to share something interesting, but that's my mistake for thinking that you would ever say something interesting.

I thought it was interesting.

I feel like people are going to be like listening, being like, wow, that was a fifth story.

I'm going to cry.

The show's over.

It's not.

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All right, Ben, are you ready to help out some swirlies in need with Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment?

Happy Shaving.

Yes.

So, yes, I am.

Our weekly advice segment we do every Wednesday, it's called Dear Toasters.

If you ever want to write in to get advice from me, from Jax, potentially Ben, email us, deartoasters at gmail.com or head over to our website, the toastpodcast.com.

All your submissions will remain anonymous.

You can write in about anything and everything.

And if you've written in and we've read your submission on Air and you have an update for us, we would love to hear from you as well.

So send us an update too.

Are you ready, Ben?

Ready?

Hey, Jackson Turn, longtime listener here needing some advice.

I was recently at a music festival for four days camping with my husband and some of his friends.

One of his friends, who's a husband, and his wife I'm close with, joined us while his wife stayed at home to take care of their four-month-old.

This friend decided to take his ring off at the music festival and not wear it.

He mentioned to my husband, quote, it's not like I do anything anyways.

But then he disappeared for three hours.

It made me so uncomfortable because I know his wife and I know that she was at home taking care of their four-month-old.

Do I tell his wife about his messy behavior or stay out of it?

Oof.

First of all, that is fucked up.

Well, I mean, there are like so many layers to this.

Like casually leaving your four-month-old to go to a music festival with your friends without your wife.

Weird.

That's kind of crazy.

Especially with your wife's friends.

I think they're all like couple friends because like the husbands are friends, the wives are friends.

Yeah, so obviously that husband should have taken the year year off

and then they can go back together as a couple next year and ask a family friend to watch the kid if they need to go to this music festival that badly but you yeah i totally agree that's the first layer that's weird weird so this guy's obviously not like a stand-up devoted father and husband anyone who takes their ring off is weird weird and nobody takes their ring off with the intention of doing nothing because that's counterintuitive yeah it's it's strange it's extremely strange you want people to think that you're single i think like if you are a girl and you take your ring off the only reason i could could think of that is- Because then you don't want to get robbed.

Well, that, or a reason that I can think of that's like non-nefarious is like, you just want people to buy you drinks, you know?

Yeah, but which isn't, it's, you know, it's promiscuous behavior, but it's not by any means cheating.

No, but in that, in that, okay, that's not what I thought you were going to say.

Okay.

Because the removal of the ring for a man to buy you drinks is the same idea that a guy would be removing his ring

for people to think that he's single.

But why, but to what end?

The girl, like, it's a transaction.

You want to to get a drink.

What does the guy want to get?

A hand job?

No, not necessarily.

Yes.

I think that they're both equally strange.

No, I don't think it's like that crazy to take your ring off to get a free drink.

Honestly, like, okay.

Tough times in this economy, like, we can't be paying for our own drinks.

Sorry.

Okay.

I think that they're both weird.

Okay.

But back to this issue at hand.

Yes.

Does she tell the girl?

But what I thought you were going to say is that removing your diamond ring when you're in the middle of the desert, clearly taking mushrooms on like some like crazy bender.

To save the

ring is very normal the guy's ring i don't know costs anywhere from 250 to a thousand dollars it can be replaced yeah just saying and by the way why don't we have diamond rings because you're not a girl no but like we can get something cool here like i have this diamond pinky ring that i just got

ring concierge put this on put on your pinky doesn't fit um how small are your fingers i'm so skinny i've been trying to tell you this for years nobody listened it doesn't even go put it back on oh it's oh this is your pinky ring of course your pinky ring isn't gonna fit on my pinky so you're saying i'm not skinny no you're skinny, but like.

Let's give this girl actual advice.

Please, should she tell the friend?

Like, yeah, I'm sorry.

Even though, like, a woman who's, you know, four months postpartum, does she need more to worry about?

I don't think you tell her.

But then, like, if she finds out, it's like everybody knew this and like was talking about it behind her back.

They were talking about it on the toast.

I don't know.

I have a pit.

No, I don't think that you tell her because you don't know anything happened.

You don't know anything happened.

Jackie always errs on the side of like not telling.

Like, you know, you don't want to start stuff.

It's not your place.

Even when it's like family, she always, I think, I feel like she leans in the direction of telling people not to say it.

So I'm totally with Jackie.

Like, I just, you can't give potentially like marriage-ending information when you don't have all of the information.

That's true.

You really need like

a portfolio of files.

Okay, he was gone for three hours.

Maybe again, he was on mushrooms.

He fell asleep.

Yeah.

Or he was dehydrated and he was at the medical tent.

Yeah, the medical tent.

Maybe he was at the medical tent.

Yeah, and I'm just saying, if you visited a medical tent, it's no shame.

Have you?

I have.

You have?

I have.

I was going to say, because visiting a medical tent is weird, like an illusory.

What the hell have you done?

No, by the way, the medical tent is it's very like camp.

Like, if you went to camp and you go to like the nurse's office, just like to get like a splint because you wanted your friends to think that you were cool.

Yeah.

Because you had a splint, which, by the way, you need a splint.

I do need a splint for a reminder for the splint.

Okay, I feel like you're just skirting around the question.

Why did you?

I think I was just dehydrated.

And like, I was so hot.

It was like 105 degrees.

So I went there, got some fluids.

That is so you.

Sat in front of a fan while like Diplo was on or whatever.

What festival?

EDC.

So you.

New York.

Yeah.

We have a lot of marriage submissions.

At least 15 years ago.

We have a lot of marriage submissions, so I feel like it's perfect that you're here today.

Here's another one.

I just want everybody to know my right hand is now asleep.

Oh my God.

We don't care.

No, it's unbelievable.

We literally don't care about your ailments.

Like go to a doctor.

What do I do?

What do I do?

You haven't done anything.

Go to a fucking doctor.

I don't care.

I've self-diagnosed myself with Ulnar nerve entrapment.

Ulnar nerve.

The outside nerve on my...

By the way, way, look at this.

It's you guys, you don't understand.

All I do is hear about this stupid

elbow.

Like, we don't care.

Ready?

Sleep.

Yeah.

Hey, Swirlies, S-O-S.

My husband and I have been married almost five years.

By the time my husband was 31, he was almost entirely bald.

So I asked him to get a hair transplant because I really did not love the balding look and it was getting worse fast.

We got in a few fights about it, but ultimately he flew to Turkey to get a hair transplant.

Apparently, it was a traumatic experience for him.

He was never seen again.

Apparently, it was a traumatic experience for him.

And now, almost a year later, I literally cannot stand how it looks.

I feel bad because I made him do it and he didn't want to do it and now I'm like who is this man with a weird hairline?

I don't know what to do or if I should say something help.

First of all, I'm sure you've spoken about it on the toast.

I know we've spoken about it on Good Guys.

If you need a hair transplant and you're not looking for the United States, I've heard Turkey is fantastic.

If you're looking for teeth, nose, or hair work, head over to Turkey.

They say Turkey is amazing.

It's like the best healthcare in the world and it is really reasonably priced.

Like the most expensive part of it is the flight.

Yes.

And these places will pay for it.

Yeah.

Some of these like plastic surgeons in Turkey, they're so like big and they want, they want foreign customers.

They pay for your flight.

They'll fly you there.

Put you in a town.

Put you in a hotel.

Like a gorgeous one.

Yeah, maybe.

Okay, continue.

Gorgeous.

Continue.

Okay.

What was I saying?

I'm not sure.

What were they saying?

We're talking about the hair transplant.

You said if you need a hair transplant, go to Turkey.

Yeah.

But also, like, just do it in the United States.

Like, just spend that.

Okay, you just said the opposite.

I'm just saying, like, if you need to leave the United States, you go to Turkey, but you can also do some programs.

There's great doctors here.

Are they not great doctors here?

I think that some procedures are easy to do.

Like, I think a nose job, like a classic nose job, is like anyone could do it.

I think hair transplant, maybe it's because I've seen really bad ones.

Like, I think you need to go to the best of the best.

The best of the best.

Now, I want to say something about this submission because I love everyone who writes in and I support every single one of them.

But I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't tell you that you were the toxic one.

You forced your husband to get a procedure he didn't want to get.

And you didn't just like, you know, love him for him, which is like, okay, I actually feel that.

Like, sometimes, you know, you have to tell your partner that like they look stupid in their outfit, you know, bozo energy.

Which Which you did.

But you forced, you forced this man to do like something drastic against his will.

And now you're like, actually, I don't like it.

You're giving toxic.

And I'm going to, my, my diagnosis for this particular deer toaster submission is that you are the problem and you need to look inward.

And I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that, but it had to be said.

Agreed.

Let's talk about what you said.

Agreed wholeheartedly.

When we were going to Surf Lodge on Saturday.

Oh my God.

Okay.

I told everyone.

Let me just set the story.

We go to Surf Lodge on Saturday.

I organized everything.

I organized the reservation.

I organized the car.

I told everyone.

I organized the reservation.

No, you didn't.

I did.

I literally organized the reservation.

You literally did not.

I did.

I said 4:10.

I had scheduled the car to pick us up at 4.10.

Ben gets in the car at 4.23.

Oh, that's not what it is.

I know, but continue.

Why were you late?

Because at 4:10, I was ready.

Again, this is like a beach club.

It's like not a bunch of people.

It's a beach club.

It's on the water.

It's 90 degrees outside.

And it's daytime.

And it's the middle of the summer in the Hamptons.

And for whatever reason, not for whatever reason, Claudia got me this great product, product, like fishing shirt.

It looks like a Luke Holmes Columbia fishing tee, but it's Prada.

It's really sweet.

I really wanted to wear it.

And the only thing that it looked good with was black jeans.

Oh, the shirt is black.

Yeah.

She was wearing a black shirt and black pants.

I said, get the fuck back upstairs.

You look like an idiot.

She did.

And like, I was like personally offended by that.

No, and you were like, why?

Why?

You were so confused.

That's my least favorite thing.

Ben comes and he'll be like, do you not, do you like this outfit?

And I'll say, no.

He says, why?

Don't ask me.

I just, it's not.

I want to know why.

Because I don't.

I want to know why.

And then I changed.

And like, honestly, it was the outfit of the day.

You looked amazing.

And then, by the way, can you imagine having been in that humid ass club?

Awful.

Awful.

So what you, the words you're looking for are.

No, in that, in that situation, you were right.

Absolutely.

Great.

And

you're wrong.

Like, seriously.

So wrong.

You cannot say anything.

You will look fucking crazy.

Yeah.

It's pretty fucked up.

It's pretty fucked up.

Our third and final deer toasters is something that's so personal to me and to you because it's about semaglutide and it's about marriage.

Hey, girlies, I've started my semaglutide weight loss.

For anyone who doesn't know, that's Ozempic.

I started my semaglutide weight loss journey.

Thanks, Turdy, for helping me take the leap.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm an inspiration.

I've already started losing some weight.

And my husband keeps saying things to me like, you're going to lose all this weight and leave me.

And you're going to be so skinny and want someone else.

I would brush it off, but now it's really starting to fucking annoy me.

I'm literally losing weight in preparation to get pregnant again.

So why on earth would I leave him?

What can I do or say to make him stop saying this stupid shit?

Thanks so much.

First of all, this sounds like a low self-esteem.

Yeah.

Fat man.

Yeah.

So get it, by the way, go on Ozempic with her.

Start shooting him up.

Start losing weight.

Start losing weight as well.

No, and he's insecure.

And also, like, as a, like, I'm still fat, but like, I was significantly fatter.

Like, you, you need, you need to understand that people don't view you, especially your wife, the way that you view yourself.

Like, she married you because she thinks you're hot and she loves you.

And like, for you to, like, bring this, like, toxic negative energy that the only reason why your wife married you fatty is because she's fat is fucked up.

Like, no, she married you because she loves you.

And if she loses weight, she's still gonna love you, even though you're so fucking fat, fat ass.

Get an injection.

Let me ask you a question because I lost a significant amount of weight before you.

Yeah.

And then I think I inspired you to start too.

But so I was like looking slim and trim while you were still big and fat.

How'd that make you feel?

On any type of way?

On my life.

On my life, it took me so long to notice.

Oh, wow.

I see you the same.

We talk about this all the time.

We look at pictures from two years ago and we're like, who the fuck are those people?

Yeah.

Who are those people?

When you love someone so much, actually love them, you really don't see it.

You don't see it.

No, everybody's like, Ben looks so great.

I'm like, he literally looks the same and he doesn't even like look like he's lost any weight.

And I recently saw a picture and I was like, oh my God.

And I see it now.

It's pretty.

But I agree with you.

It took me so long.

It takes so long.

It's very different from just like a casual friend where you go six months, you don't see them.

It's not only that, and I think that's a misconception about Ozempic is that people think it's like gastric bypass where like, seriously, in a month, you look like a different human being.

No, Ozempic is one to two pounds a week.

It's a very healthy, normal, stable weight loss.

People are like to me, you got gastric, you lost so much weight.

Literally, it took me a whole year to lose the weight in a very healthy, one, two pounds a week.

That's why you don't notice it because it happens in a really healthy, slow pace.

Yeah.

But I think if you do something more drastic, like a surgery, you'll notice it.

Yeah.

So moral of the story is stop making jokes to your wife.

Otherwise, she is going to leave you.

Yeah.

No, your response.

Big fat fatty.

Your response should be, okay, Ben, say this to me.

Be like, you're going to lose so much weight.

You're going to leave me.

You're going to lose so much weight.

You're going to leave me.

Oh, don't give me ideas.

Yeah.

No, by the way, that is what you would say.

No, literally.

And then you would shut up.

Yeah.

Throw it back in his face.

Be like, is that what you want me to do?

Because you're talking like somebody wants me to leave their fat fucking ass.

Yeah, totally.

I love that.

Me too.

Thank you to everybody who wrote in and was really transparent and vulnerable with us.

Deertoasters at gmail.com is a submission for that.

Ben, I wish we could do this every day, but I'm so glad for the sake of our marriage that we don't.

And Jackie will be back in the studio tomorrow.

She just was really busy with like mom stuff and I didn't want to delay the episode because we have to head out to our live show for tonight.

So if we're going to see you tonight at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center, can't wait.

If we're going to see you tomorrow night at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center, can't wait.

Ben, if you want to keep up with Ben and his torturous series, follow him on Instagram at BoyWithNojob.

If you enjoyed what you heard here, Ben hosts a podcast with Josh Peck, yes, of Drake and Josh fame.

Two episodes a week.

It's called the Good Guys Podcast.

It's part of our Toast News Network.

You can listen to it wherever you get your podcasts.

And is there anything else you want to plug, or that's it?

My TikTok honestly is blowing up.

So maybe just like follow me on TikTok.

I'm about to reach 40,000 followers.

So yeah, that's pretty good, right?

Pretty good.

I love you so much.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast and London Morning Show, where we deal with the best five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and my podcast weebs.

I guess I'll please visit my mouth as well.

I be able to

stunning and about how wickedly talented we are.

Love ya.

Bye.

Bye.